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PRE-MARITAL QUESTIONS
MAS Youth Detroit Monthly Training
May 2006
Please note the questions listed below have been gathered from various different sources and do not
necessarily reflect the opinions of MAS Youth Detroit. The questions are meant to guide you in your search
process. The list of questions are constantly being revised for the benefit of all, so please refer people
interested in obtaining the questions to MAS Youth Detroit so they are able to benefit from the most recent
version. If you have any questions are comments, please e-mail us at detroit@masyouth.org
Self Reflection
Describe yourself.
Do you really want to get married?
Are you realistic about what being married means and is like? How do you envision life to be after marriage?
Establish what you are and are not looking for in a spouse.
Are you realistic about the responsibilities of marriage?
Are you ready to assume a commitment?
What do you think makes marriage successful?
Are you prepared to engage in a merger with another person and another family?
Are you willing to walk away?
What is your concept of marriage?
What are you expectations of marriage? List three purposes of marriage.
List your personal set of values in life. List the top 10.
What is your purpose in life? What are the goals that you have set for your self and your future family?
How do you plan on accomplishing them?
Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
What are the five most important things in your life and why?
Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse? Do you feel he/she is compatible with you?
What is the role of the husband? What is the role of the wife?
What are the qualities that you absolutely need to have in a spouse, without which you will be miserable?
What are the qualities you would like to have, but if they are not present, you will still be interested?
What will be your family culture? What are the roles of every individual of the family?
What should be the husbands/fathers roles and responsibility? How should he interact with his spouse? His children? His in-laws?
What should be the wifes/mothers roles and responsibility? How should she interact with her spouse? Her children? Her in-laws?
Who are your role models? Why?
Past
Have you been engaged or married before? If so, how has that experience influenced your present feelings about marriage?
Have you been married before? Are you married now?
Over the last five years, how do you feel you have changed for the worse? The better?
What are the last five things you have done in your life that you are most proud of?
Is there anything in your past that I should know about?
What would be the first thing your friends would tell me about you?
What would be the first thing your enemies would tell me about you?
Do any health problems run in your family?
Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition? Do you have any physical or mental health concerns?
Are you taking any medication? If so, what is the medication and for what?
Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
How do you support your own health and nutrition?
Personality
What is one good quality you see in yourself? One bad quality?
What are the top five qualities you desire for your spouse?
On which topics do you feel qualified to give advice?
Which do you think should have the final say in your decisions: Logic or emotion? Why? How do you make decisions for yourself?
Who do you feel is responsible for cleaning the home? Who was responsible in your parents home?
Who do you feel is responsible for decorating the home? Who was responsible in your parents home?
Can you cook? Who do you feel is responsible for cooking? Grocery shopping?
What type of food do you usually eat? What will you not eat? Do you only eat Zabiha (slaughtered by Islamic standards? Do you prefer
restaurant or home-made food?
What about your home makes it Islamic?
Have you always lived with your parents? Have you ever lived alone or with roommates?
How much privacy do you need in your home? Do you need space that is exclusively yours?
Do you have pets? Do you want pets?
Would the person you live with now describe you as neat, tidy, messy on occasion, messy, or dirty?
What sort of bad habits do you have that might affect your spouse? Do you smoke cigarettes?
What are the things that you do in your free time?
Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
What activities do you like to do in your leisure time (hobbies, TV, exercise, etc.)? How often?
How would you say your hobbies reflect you as a person?
Do you enjoy physical fitness? In what ways do you work to maintain your physical fitness?
How would you resolve the situation if your spouse enjoyed or wanted to participate in an activity you did not enjoy (sport, craft, etc.)?
Do you like to travel? Where have you traveled?
How do you spend your vacations? How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
What would be your optimal vacation? What do you like to do when on vacation?
Are you comfortable with your spouse traveling alone for business and/or pleasure? Is there any distance that is too far?
Do you read? What do you read?
Do you watch TV? What do you watch? How many hours do you watch every day/week?
Do you listen to music? What do you listen to? How many hours do you listen to music every day/week?
Friends and Community
Are your friends primarily married or single? How will this affect your married life?
Do you enjoy spending time with your friends or being alone? How would that change after you get married?
What types of gatherings are you most comfortable with? Do you prefer getting together with close friends or entertaining a lot of people
at once?
Who is expected to prepare for hosting guests? What is expected?
Do you have friends of the opposite gender? How do you feel about your spouse having friends or co-workers of the opposite gender?
What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
When you have friends over, do you prefer to have everyone sit together or separate by gender?
Are you comfortable shaking hands with the opposite gender?
Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.) How did you get to know them? Why are they your friends? What do you like most about
them? What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
Describe them, their personalities, and their qualities/traits that you respect.
How much time do you spend with your friends and how close do you feel to them?
Are the people you surround yourself with most like you or different than you? Are you like your friends? Do you want to be?
Who of your friends has had the biggest influence on you? How?
What ethnicity/nationality/religion are your closest friends? Which of your friends do you see will have the most frequent interaction with
and/or biggest influence on your family?
How do you celebrate Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha? What holidays and events do you envision spending with your family? Would this
change when married? When you have children?
Do you celebrate birthdays and/or anniversaries? Do you celebrate any other religious or non-religious holidays (ie Christmas, Easter,
Halloween, etc.)? How important are these to you?
Family
Where does your family live? How long have your parents lived in this country?
Are your parents practicing Muslims? Are they cultural?
How do your parents differentiate between their culture and Islam?
What culture are your parents? What defines their culture (ie food, clothing, holidays, language, family structure, etc.)?
Are all your parents closest friends from the same culture?
What language do you speak with your family at home?
Is your family comfortable with you marrying someone who is not from the same background as you?
What do you like about your family? What do you dislike about your family?
Are you close to your parents and siblings? Are you comfortable with my parents and siblings?
Describe the quality, depth, and extent your relationship with each member of your family.
Do your siblings have a good relationship with one another and with you?
Have you ever or would you ever break off relations with a family member? Would your parents? Why?
Do your parents have a good relationship with one another? Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
What type of things do your parents argue about? How do they resolve these conflicts? What do they do when they get angry?
What have you learned from your parents relationship that has helped you determine what kind of marriage you want?
What was their parents marriage like? What about family life?
What are the dynamics of the family relationships? Why?
How involved do you feel your parents should be in your marriage?
Describe your mother and father. In what ways are you like each of them? In what ways are you different?
What are parents expectation of the role of the wife/mother?
What is the mothers role in the family? What about the fathers role?
What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
Is it part of your values to live close to your parents?
Would you consider having your parents move in with you once they reached old age? Your spouses parents?
How do you feel about friends, relatives, or people in need living in your home for an extended period of time (ie months or years)?
What is your relationship like with your mother? Father? Whose advice will you accept first, your spouses or your mothers/ fathers?
Do you obey your mother/father? When have you disobeyed your parents?
Do you find it very difficult to say no to your mother or father when they want you to do something you would prefer not to?
What qualities do your parents expect in your future spouse?
Does or did your family keep secrets? Are there any you are still holding from your childhood that would affect your marriage?
Do you believe the wife should change her last name to the husbands? What last name will your children have?
Who are important members of your family that are not part of your nuclear family (consists of community members and extended
family members which may serve roles of a family member or someone you are so close to that you consider them as your family).
Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have
with them?
What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
Are your parents happy with this marriage?
Are you going to stay with your spouse in your or her/his parent's house?
Children
Are you currently exposed to or around children? How often?
Do you want children? If so, how many? If not, how come?
Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
Do you believe in using birth control?
Do you believe in abortion?
What would you do if you or I could not have children? Would you consider adoption?
What would you do if your child was born with a disability?
What aspects of child rearing are the mothers responsibilities? What aspects are the fathers?
Do you think one or both partners should take time from their careers to raise the children?
What is the best method(s) of raising children? How were you raised?
What types of disciplinary tactics would you use with your children (spanking, time-outs, etc.)? How were you disciplined?
Would you discipline your son differently from your daughter? Are you comfortable with raising boys differently than girls?
Do you feel that your parents raised you differently than your siblings?
How often do you communicate with your parents? How often do you envision visiting your parents and siblings? Would this change
when you have children?
What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
What do you think is the most important quality to teach your children when raising them in a non-Muslim environment?
Do you watch TV, movies, or listen to music? Will you teach your children the same?
Do you intend on having your children attend Islamic school, home school, public school, or private school?
Do you intend on teaching your children any other languages? How important is that to you?
What culture do you want your child to adopt?
If you have a daughter, will you want her to wear hijab? If so, at what age?
Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maid?
Do you have children now? What is your relationship with your children now? What is your relationship with their other parent?
What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
What decisions have been made regarding to financial and custodial provisions of a child or children who were born to either of you,
prior to this marriage? (Where will they live, who will pay for their necessities, who will make the decision for them?)
Questions for Friends and Family
Observe, talk and meet with their friends. Ask them or have someone ask them about the person you are considering and remind them
that they are accountable to Allah (SWT) and must describe truthfully to the best of their knowledge.
How long have you known him/her?
I assume you want the best for him/her? Do you think he/she is ready to get married? Why or why not.
What type of person do you think would be compatible with him/her?