Speaking Skills

Your voice can reveal as much about your personal history as your appearance.
The sound of a voice and the content of speech can provide clues to an individual's emotional
state and a dialect can indicate their geographic roots. The voice is unique to the person to
whom it belongs. For instance, if self-esteem is low, it may be reflected by hesitancy in the
voice, a shy person may have a quiet voice, but someone who is confident in themselves will be
more likely to have command of their voice and clarity of speech.

Aspects of Effective Speaking

Effective speaking has nothing to do with the outdated concept of 'elocution' where everyone
was encouraged to speak in the same 'correct' manner. Rather, effective speaking concerns
being able to speak in a public context with confidence and clarity, whilst at the same time
reflecting on your own personality.

Accents
Regional and ethnic accents are positive; they are part of individual personality.
Gradually, over the years, through the migration of people and exposure to the media, accents
are being broken down and neutralized. In some ways this is a shame because accents can add
a dimension and distinctiveness to voice and emphasize individuality.
It is important to get used to the sound of your own voice. Most people are more relaxed in a
private situation, particularly at home, where there are no pressures to conform to any other
social rules and expectations. This is not the case in public situations when there are all sorts of
influences exerted upon the way people speak.
Often people dont like the sound of their own recorded voice - in the same way
that some people don't like photographs of themselves - they can feel
embarrassed.
Most of us are not used to hearing our own voices and these feelings are totally normal. Get
past the initial, Do I really sound like that? stage and develop a better understanding of your
voice.
When relaxed you will feel more confident, therefore by listening to your voice at home you
will have an idea of how you sound to other people. Although you cannot hear your voice in
the same way that others hear you, you can develop an awareness of its impact on others.
Understanding the physical nature of your voice will give you more control over the way that
you use it.

Individuals are all used to using language in an informal way in their everyday lives, but as soon
as a hint of formality is suggested, they can become self-conscious and seize up. This becomes
especially obvious when speaking in front of strangers in a public setting.
The more you get used to the sound of your voice functioning in a slightly more formal way, the
easier it is when doing it 'for real'. In conversational mode, individuals tend to speak in short
phrases, a few at a time. Reading aloud helps you to become used to the more fluent sound of
your voice.

The Effect of Breath on Voice and Speech

The voice is responsive to emotions and sometimes gets 'blocked', which can prevent or hinder
the expression of a range of feelings. However, it is possible to use physical exercise to help
produce a more flexible voice, in the same way that people who use vocal sounds professionally
take lessons, to ensure that their voices are kept in a versatile condition and ready to vocalise a
range of sounds.
When under stress an individual's breathing pattern will change. When your muscles are tense
you cannot use your lungs to their full capacity, when a person is frightened or nervous, a
common symptom is tension in the neck and shoulders. This occurs because, when under
pressure, over-breathing tends to occur. Plenty of air is inhaled, but with fast breathing there is
not enough time to exhale and relax.
Good breathing is essential for two reasons:

1. By using full lung capacity the breath will support the voice and the voice will
become richer, fuller and stronger. This will benefit individuals who have a small
voice and who worry that they cannot be heard when speaking to a group of people.
Volume is controlled in the abdomen not in the throat, so breathing to full strength
will allow for greater control of the voice.

2. Breathing deeply and rhythmically has a calming and therapeutic effect as it

releases tension and promotes relaxation. Individuals who are relaxed are more
balanced, receptive and confident. It is no coincidence that several religions use
rhythmic breathing techniques such as meditation, yoga and silent contemplation,
and vocal release in the form of chants, mantras or hymn singing as aids to their
devotions. By easing physical tension, mental stress decreases and the mind is
effectively freed to follow creative pursuits.

Vocal Production
The following three core elements of vocal production need to be understood for
anyone wishing to become an effective speaker:

Volume - to be heard.

Clarity - to be understood.

Variety - to add interest.

Volume
This is not a question of treating the voice like the volume control on the TV remote. Some people
have naturally soft voices and physically cannot bellow. Additionally, if the voice is raised too much,
tonal quality is lost. Instead of raising the voice it should be 'projected out'. Support the voice with
lots of breath - the further you want to project the voice out, the more breath you need.
When talking to a group or meeting, it is important to never aim your talk to the front row or just to
the people nearest you, but to consciously project what you have to say to those furthest away. By
developing a strong voice, as opposed to a loud voice, you will be seen as someone positive.

Clarity
Some people tend to speak through clenched teeth and with little movement of their lips. It is this
inability to open mouths and failure to make speech sounds with precision that is the root cause of
inaudibility. The sound is locked into the mouth and not let out. To have good articulation it is
important to unclench the jaw, open the mouth and give full benefit to each sound you make, paying
particular attention to the ends of words. This will also help your audience as a certain amount of lipreading will be possible.

Variety
To make speech effective and interesting, certain techniques can be applied. However, it is
important not to sound false or as if you are giving a performance. Whilst words convey meaning,
how they are said reflects feelings and emotions. Vocal variety can be achieved by variations in:

Pace: This is the speed at which you talk. If speech is too fast then the listeners will not have time
to assimilate what is being said. Nevertheless, it is a good idea to vary the pace - quickening up at
times and then slowing down this will help to maintain interest.

Volume: By raising or lowering volume occasionally, you can create emphasis. If you drop your
voice to almost a whisper (as long as it is projected) for a sentence or two, it will make your audience
suddenly alert, be careful not to overuse this technique.

Pitch - Inflection - Emphasis: When speaking in public, try to convey the information with as much
vocal energy and enthusiasm as possible. This does not mean your voice has to swoop and dive all
over the place in an uncontrolled manner. Try to make the talk interesting and remember that when
you are nervous or even excited, vocal chords tense and shorten causing the voice to get higher.

Emphasise certain words and phrases within the talk to convey their importance and help to add
variety.

Pause: Pauses are powerful. They can be used for effect to highlight the preceding statement or to
gain attention before an important message. Pauses mean silence for a few seconds. Listeners
interpret meaning during pauses so have the courage to stay silent for up to five seconds dramatic
pauses like this convey authority and confidence.

Listening Skills
In todays high-tech, high-speed, high-stress world, communication is more important then
ever, yet we seem to devote less and less time to really listening to one another. Genuine
listening has become a rare giftthe gift of time. It helps build relationships, solve problems,
ensure understanding, resolve conflicts, and improve accuracy. At work, effective listening
means fewer errors and less wasted time. At home, it helps develop resourceful, self-reliant
kids who can solve their own problems. Listening builds friendships and careers. It saves money
and marriages.

Step 1: Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.

Talking to someone while they scan the room, study a computer screen, or gaze out the
window is like trying to hit a moving target. How much of the persons divided attention you
are actually getting? Fifty percent? Five percent? If the person were your child you might
demand, Look at me when Im talking to you, but thats not the sort of thing we say to a
lover, friend or colleague.
In most Western cultures, eye contact is considered a basic ingredient of effective
communication. When we talk, we look each other in the eye. That doesnt mean that you cant
carry on a conversation from across the room, or from another room, but if the conversation
continues for any length of time, you (or the other person) will get up and move. The desire for
better communication pulls you together.
Do your conversational partners the courtesy of turning to face them. Put aside papers, books,
the phone and other distractions. Look at them, even if they dont look at you. Shyness,
uncertainty, shame, guilt, or other emotions, along with cultural taboos, can inhibit eye contact
in some people under some circumstances. Excuse the other guy, but stay focused yourself.

Step 2: Be attentive, but relaxed.

Now that youve made eye contact, relax. You dont have to stare fixedly at the other
person. You can look away now and then and carry on like a normal person. The
important thing is to be attentive. The dictionary says that to attend another person
means to:

be present

give attention

apply or direct yourself

pay attention

remain ready to serve

Mentally screen out distractions, like background activity and noise. In addition, try not
to focus on the speakers accent or speech mannerisms to the point where they become
distractions. Finally, dont be distracted by your own thoughts, feelings, or biases.

Step 3: Keep an open mind.

Listen without judging the other person or mentally criticizing the things she tells you. If
what she says alarms you, go ahead and feel alarmed, but dont say to yourself, Well,
that was a stupid move. As soon as you indulge in judgmental bemusements, youve
compromised your effectiveness as a listener.
Listen without jumping to conclusions. Remember that the speaker is using language to
represent the thoughts and feelings inside her brain. You dont know what those
thoughts and feelings are and the only way youll find out is by listening.
Dont be a sentence-grabber. Occasionally my partner cant slow his mental pace enough
to listen effectively, so he tries to speed up mine by interrupting and finishing my
sentences. This usually lands him way off base, because he is following his own train of
thought and doesnt learn where my thoughts are headed. After a couple of rounds of
this, I usually ask, Do you want to have this conversation by yourself, or do you want to
hear what I have to say? I wouldnt do that with everyone, but it works with him.

Step 4: Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying.
Allow your mind to create a mental model of the information being communicated.
Whether a literal picture, or an arrangement of abstract concepts, your brain will do the
necessary work if you stay focused, with senses fully alert. When listening for long
stretches, concentrate on, and remember, key words and phrases.
When its your turn to listen, dont spend the time planning what to say next. You cant
rehearse and listen at the same time. Think only about what the other person is saying.
Finally, concentrate on what is being said, even if it bores you. If your thoughts start to
wander, immediately force yourself to refocus.

Step 5: Dont interrupt and dont impose your solutions.

Children used to be taught that its rude to interrupt. Im not sure that message is
getting across anymore. Certainly the opposite is being modeled on the majority of talk
shows and reality programs, where loud, aggressive, in-your-face behavior is condoned,
if not encouraged.
Interrupting sends a variety of messages. It says:

Im more important than you are.

What I have to say is more interesting, accurate or relevant.

I dont really care what you think.

I dont have time for your opinion.

This isnt a conversation, its a contest, and Im going to win.

We all think and speak at different rates. If you are a quick thinker and an agile talker,
the burden is onyouto relax your pace for the slower, more thoughtful communicatoror
for the guy who has trouble expressing himself.
When listening to someone talk about a problem, refrain from suggesting solutions.
Most of us dont want your advice anyway. If we do, well ask for it. Most of us prefer to
figure out our own solutions. We need you to listen and help us do that. Somewhere way
down the line, if you are absolutely bursting with a brilliant solution, at least get the
speakers permission. Ask, Would you like to hear my ideas?

Step 6: Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions.

When you dont understand something, of course you should ask the speaker to explain
it to you. But rather than interrupt, wait until the speaker pauses. Then say something
like, Back up a second. I didnt understand what you just said about

Step 7: Ask questions only to ensure understanding.

At lunch, a colleague is excitedly telling you about her trip to Vermont and all the
wonderful things she did and saw. In the course of this chronicle, she mentions that she
spent some time with a mutual friend. You jump in with, Oh, I havent heard from Alice
in ages. How is she? and, just like that, discussion shifts to Alice and her divorce, and
the poor kids, which leads to a comparison of custody laws, and before you know it an
hour is gone and Vermont is a distant memory.
This particular conversational affront happens all the time. Our questions lead people in
directions that have nothing to do with where they thought they were going. Sometimes
we work our way back to the original topic, but very often we dont.
When you notice that your question has led the speaker astray, take responsibility for
getting the conversation back on track by saying something like, It was great to hear
about Alice, but tell me more about your adventure in Vermont.

Step 8: Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.

If you feel sad when the person with whom you are talking expresses sadness, joyful
when she expresses joy, fearful when she describes her fearsand convey those feelings
through your facial expressions and wordsthen your effectiveness as a listener is
assured. Empathy is the heart and soul of good listening.
To experience empathy, you have to put yourself in the other persons place and allow
yourself to feel what it is like to be her at that moment. This is not an easy thing to do. It
takes energy and concentration. But it is a generous and helpful thing to do, and it
facilitates communication like nothing else does.

Step 9: Give the speaker regular feedback.

Show that you understand where the speaker is coming from by reflecting the speakers
feelings. You must be thrilled! What a terrible ordeal for you. I can see that you are
confused. If the speakers feelings are hidden or unclear, then occasionally paraphrase the
content of the message. Or just nod and show your understanding through appropriate facial
expressions and an occasional well-timed hmmm or uh huh.