Personality Development - To Influence People (CDI)

CAREER DEVELOPMENT INSTITUTE
Confidence, Fluency and Personality!

How to Influence People
Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to
the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way -
that is not within everybody's power and is not easy
Aristotle
Have you ever felt that you could have performed a lot better after you had a conversation
with someone?
Did you wonder why you didnt handle it better?
Have you ever said Yes to someones request when what you really wanted to say was
No?
You deal with people professionally and personally every day. Any new skill that improves
your communication with your colleagues, bosses, clients and your family can have
profound effects on your self-esteem, personality and subsequently your productivity.
We all know how miscommunication can lead to inefficiencies and cost us dearly.
Influencing is a skill that we simply learn as we grow up by copying others around us or

based on our experience in life. However, this can be limiting as we may never come across
certain techniques and fail to understand that there could be an easier way to influence
others. Fortunately, a systematic training such as this course can significantly help
individuals to become better at this skill.
The ability to influence others is an incredibly important skill. Business environments can
benefit from the existence of people who are well versed in the art of influence since they
can handle situations better, are more emotionally skilled and can mitigate conflicts or
difficult situations quickly.
How does knowing how to influence others help you in life?
Sell your ideas or products to others more naturally

Lead others more effectively
Teach or train others more easily
Become more productive as a results of better communication with others
FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

Website www.cdi.co.in , www. cdilucknow.blogspot.com
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Persuade others to follow you
Change peoples opinion to match your desired state; change a No to a Yes
Example
Lets consider an example. Suppose a supervisor wants to get a member of his staff to come
to work on time. The first attempt may go like this:
Supervisor: Jane, I want you to be on time when you come to the office!
Jane agrees, makes an effort to be on time next time, though after a couple of weeks falls
back to her original habit. The supervisor calls her again and says,
Supervisor: Jane, this is not acceptable. We had a chat about this and you agreed to sort it
out. If you are late again, I have no choice to reduce your salary or you need to find yourself
another job!
Jane is completely taken back by this. She simply didnt think her behavior was so serious or
that it deserved such a harsh reaction.
Although she is put off by it, she starts to think that maybe she is not in the right job after
all. Perhaps it is time to move on and show this unforgiving supervisor that this is not the
right way to handle people.
As you can see, this story did not have a happy ending. A mishandling by her supervisor
(along with other inefficient communication skills he might have had) led Jane to decide
that this company was not worth working for.
This situation could have been completely reversed if Janes supervisor was aware of
many other influence techniques he could have used in this scenario.
In this example, he used Logic and then went straight to Force which is a last resort
influence technique to be used only when all other techniques have failed.
He could have employed many other techniques in between these to achieve his objective
of correcting Janes behavior while keeping her happy and motivated. It turns out that it is
actually easy to use these range of techniques and we only need to train ourselves to be

constantly aware of them and do not let emotions to take over our decision making
process.
This course systematically teaches the delegates about these techniques and prepares
them to face real-world situations armed with these influence skills.
To become better at influencing, delegates need to learn and practice the skills over and
over again until the skills become second nature.
This course contains theoretical content along with many exercises designed to help the
delegates to achieve this and understand that there are many ways to influence others.
In this course, a variety of psychological techniques are presented and discussed. It includes
a range of role plays and group discussions that will help delegates to learn how to change
opinions avoid conflicts through positive influence and simply be in control.
In this course delegates will learn:
Strategy
What is the best strategy for long term influence on someone else?
What is the importance of goals and how does this affect your influencing strategy?
What does it mean to be diplomatic and how does it help you to influence others?
Influence Techniques
How to gain commitment without using power, position or status?

Use a variety of diplomatic techniques when talking to deliver your messages softer
and more positively?
How to influence others without resorting to force or authority as soon as you
receive some resistance?
How to use 9 powerful influence techniques suitable for a range of situations to
positively influence others?
Influence Principles
How to take advantage of empathy and listening skills to gain the trust of others and
take steps to build a long term relationship?
What are the 6 universal influence principles and how to use them?
Interacting with Others
How to increase your presence and make it easier to influence people?

How to give feedback and expect to get results?
How to influence others positively or negatively using the three primary influence
dimensions?
How to boost others and motivate them?
How to make people feel better if they are depressed or are down?
How to say No to people on your level, below you or even above you?
How to praise others to encourage them strongly in the direction of your choice?
Getting What You Want
How to phrase a request?

How to ask others for what you want?
How to use emotions to get the attention of others and use this to deliver your
message for maximum effect?
Becoming a Person of Influence has very little to do with the strength of your sales,
negotiation or persuasive abilities. In fact, in some circumstances its not so much what you
do, but rather what you refrain from saying or doing that has the greatest impact on your
social interactions with others.
And it is this seemingly insignificant difference that helps you establish deep levels of
rapport with the people in your life; strengthening your character and enhancing your
ability to gently influence others to your way of thinking.
This IQ Matrix Mind Map will specifically focus on the development of effective
communication, listening and rapport creation habits that will enable you to become an
extraordinarily influential force in other peoples lives.
The 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map delves into fundamental rapport building
strategies that will help you gain deep admiration and respect from the people in
your life.

The 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the habits of effective
listening. It identifies the basic principles of listening and the barriers that usually
prevent open and unbiased communication.
The 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map discusses the fundamental principles of
vocal control and the communication strategies you must incorporate into your
interactions with others that will help you become a person of influence.
1. Rapport Strengthening Strategies
Our ability to develop deep levels of rapport with others, may very well be the most
essential and critical social survival skill we may ever learn to master. Not only does it help
to build trust, honor and respect, it also enables us to delve into the minds of those we
interact with and peer through into their deepest thoughts, emotions and feelings that
make up the building blocks of their personality.
As you read through each of these points, ask yourself how you can immediately apply this
knowledge into your daily interactions with others.
1. Admit to Personal Mistakes
People secretly despise those who will not admit to their own personal mistakes.
Many people believe that admitting ones mistakes will label them as being incompetent
and unworthy of their role or status.
This couldnt be further from the truth. Mistakes are actually the seeds of evolution and
change, without which we wouldnt grow and learn from our life experience. In fact, the
entire history of our human species has been built upon the foundation of mistakes,
without which civilization would not be possible.
When it comes to mistakes, its all about perspective, how you look at the situation, and
how you explain the lessons you have learned to others. The bottom line is, other people
dont want to be around those who are simply incapable of admitting when they are wrong.
They have very little respect for these types of people. And where there is no respect, there
is simply no room for influence.

2. Ignore Peoples Minor Social Mishaps
We have already clarified that we are not perfect. This therefore would suggest that
nobody else is perfect either.
For this very reason we must be tolerant and understanding of peoples weaknesses and
social mishaps. The absolutely worst thing that anyone can do to destroy a certain level of
trust and rapport with another person, is to tell them that they are wrong or that they
made a mistake in front of others.
People are never going to do the right thing every time. For this reason, we must give them
leeway, forgive their minor social mishaps, and even be there to protect them from
possible social embarrassment by providing them with a quick escape route from the
situation with their dignity intact.
3. Utilize Peoples Names
From the youngest age we are conditioned to respond to our names swiftly and
consistently. Our name is very much like a magnet that draws our attention and creates
anticipation for the words the follow.
All of us have been psychologically conditioned to the sound of our name since the moment
we came into this world. In most instances our name brings us great pleasure because it
acknowledges our uniqueness and sense of self. And it is this craving for appreciation that
we long for on a daily basis. We must therefore never deny others the sound of their Name
presented to them with a pleasant smile and tone of voice. It is after all the sweetest sound
of all, and will help you build deep levels of rapport with other people.
As a word of warning, remember that moderation is the key, and too much of a good thing
will harm you in the end.
4. Smile Sincerely & Often
When new born baby comes into this world, a smile is nothing more than an automatic
response that brings great pleasure and satisfaction into their lives. However, as we grow
older and wiser, we begin to recognize that when our parents smile it means that they
approve of us, that they care and appreciate who we are and what we do. We read these

signals with keen eyes, and we smile in return, giving back the same love and appreciation
we received.
As adults, we continue to seek the same appreciation we received from our parents long
ago. When others give us a sincere smile, it makes us feel good, comfortable and secure
within their presence. And it is these factors that help build deep levels of rapport between
you and the people gifted with your smiles.
5. See the Other Persons Point of View
It is so very easy to become lost in our own thoughts and perspectives that often we simply
fail to see things from the other persons point of view. Our opinion is after all only one side
of the coin. We have not gone through the other persons thoughts, emotions, experiences
and the like, and therefore find it difficult to see another perspective that is separated from
our own.
Even though seeing another persons point of view may seem difficult at first, it is not
impossible. It just requires a simple shift in perspective and some clever questioning that
will enable you to unlock another persons thoughts, emotions and outlook on the
situation. You dont necessarily have to agree with the other person; all that is required is
that you show that you understand them with a respectful open mind. This will
consequently reveal to them that you share a set of common beliefs and values, which will
enable you to develop deep levels of rapport.
6. Arouse Peoples Eager Wants
Everyone wants something whether they admit it or not. Your objective is to identify
these wants and arouse the persons desire to bring these wants to fruition.
Moreover, show another person how you can help them get what they want with less
hassle and as little inconvenience as possible. In this way you will develop energy of
intrigue, curiosity and will have greater influence over the other persons decisions and
actions.
7. Fulfill Peoples Lacking Needs
There is a clear distinction between what people Want and what they Need. Every person
has certain and specific needs that they seek to satisfy on a daily basis. The fulfillment of
these needs is critical to their continued functioning as a productive human being. Your
goal is to first identify a persons lacking needs, after which you must determine how to
go about helping this person fulfill these needs in a way that fits their personal model of
the world and is consistent with their psychological makeup.
8. Accept People without Condition
People want to belong; they seek the approval of others, and want to be liked despite their
shortcomings or weaknesses.
They also want others to accept them for who they are without conditions. And so, it is
these types of people who accept them without strings attached, that gain their
deepest trust, loyalty and support, and become the rocks that influence their daily
thoughts, habits, behaviors and actions.
9. Become Genuinely Interested in People
There is no denying that the most interesting subject that keeps a person fascinated and
intrigued all day long, has got their name written all over it.
And it is this topic, more than any other subject that will win this person over to your way
of thinking.
For this very reason, it is critical that you become genuinely interested in other people. Ask
them questions about what they like, where theyve been, what they do, about who they
love, etc. Most people can talk about themselves all day long without ever getting tired.
And when everything is said and done, they will tell you how wonderful and fascinating you
have been.
When you become genuinely interested in another person they will naturally grow in
appreciation and admiration for you. And this will only help you to become a greater
influential force in their lives.
10.Give People Honest & Sincere Appreciation
Whenever possible give others honest and sincere appreciation for their time, energy, help,
thoughtfulness, and company. This will show people that you genuinely care about them,

and it will thusly enable you to develop deeper levels of rapport and influence over their
lives.
11.Acknowledge Peoples Ideas & Accomplishments
Whenever possible acknowledge peoples accomplishments, abilities, desires, potential and

ideas.
We all do things to one degree or another because we seek to be acknowledged for our
skills and abilities by others.
This acknowledgment breeds confidence and high levels of self-esteem, which enables us to
sour to higher grounds and achieve that which was previously out of reach.
When you get into the habit of consistently and openly acknowledging others for their
achievements and ideas, you will awaken a deep sense of confidence in people that they
will reflect back onto you, thusly building deeper levels of rapport and respect.
12.Make People Feel Important, Respected & Admired
We all seek to feel significant, important and in some ways unique and superior when
compared with others.
These feelings of admiration propel us forward to ever greater heights. And it is those
people who trigger these powerful feelings within us, who receive our deepest respects and
admiration in return.
What NOT to Do
1. Dont Make Promises You Cant Keep
There is nothing that will break the rapport you created with another person faster than
the simple act of not keeping the promises you make.
When we make a promise to another person, they immediately create a set of expectations
in their mind, upon which rests our integrity and goodwill. At the very moment when the
promise is made, an invisible bond is created between the two of you.

This bond is however only as strong as your word. So if for one reason or another you do
not stand true to your word, than this will consequently cut the ties that bind you, and
break any rapport you created or influence you had over this persons emotional decisions
and actions.
The general rule is to simply not make any promises that you cant keep. This even applies
to small and seemingly insignificant things such as telling another person that you will call
them in the morning. If morning passes and you have not called them, than this sends a
message of doubt, and you automatically lose the power of influence.
On the other hand, how about telling a person that you will call them at 10 am tomorrow
morning. The next morning comes around, and like clockwork, they receive a call from you
at 10 am. What kind of message does this send to the other person? Have a really good
think about it because the answer may profoundly transform your life and how you relate
to others.
2. Dont Flatter People
Most people are not naive for very long. They will read you like a book the moment you try
and flatter your way into their heart. This will naturally lead to trust issues that will
immediately rip the bonds of rapport you have worked so hard to create.
People always compare themselves with others, seeking to continuously distinguish

themselves in some way, shape or form. This is all well and good, up until the moment you
do the comparing for them and begin playing favorites.
3. Dont Play a Victim to Gain Sympathy
People generally dont appreciate the company of those who purposefully do things in
order to gain sympathy from others. These people are very often despised and looked
down upon certainly a very ineffective means of building high levels of rapport. Yes, it
may work initially to some extent, however in the long-run it is like a time bomb, just
waiting to go off without a moments notice.
4. Dont be a Know it All
When you come across in conversation as a Know it All, people will see you as being an
Egotistical Brainiac who makes them feel worthless and insignificant.
It is important to allow people to shine, to show their true colors, skills, knowledge and
talents, and not to steal this spotlight away from them. When you come across as a
Knowing it All, there is simply no room for anyone else in the picture, and you
consequently lose all hope of building deep levels of rapport with others.
5. Dont Argue Unnecessarily
Some people argue because they have a deep conviction of what is right and wrong. Other
people argue because they simple enjoy the emotional rush that the spirit of argument
brings forth into every cell of their body.
Some people would call this rudeness, while others would beg to differ and see it as a
healthy sign of assertiveness.
There is no denying that being assertive is an important skill that is an essential part of a
healthy personality.
However, there are many situations where it really doesnt matter whether we are seen as
being right or wrong.
During such times, it is important to think about the long-term goals of your relationship
with this other person, and the potential consequences that may ensue if an argument
threatens its stability.

The Fundamentals of Effective Listening
1. Listening through Questioning
Effective listeners follow the 70/30 rule. They listen for 70% of the time, and talk for only
30% of the time. They also cultivate the habit of asking effective questions that enable
them to dig deeper into the meaning and motives behind the words that the other person
speaks.
Below is a list of typical questions that will enable you to better clarify what the other
person is saying. The key is to memorize these questions and continuously cycle through
them in your mind as the other person talks.
What is this person trying to tell me?
How do I feel about this?
How do they expect me to react?
Why are they telling me this?
What are their motivations?
The Principles of Effective Listening?
Effective listening doesnt simply involve hearing the words that are being expressed. It is a
far more refined skill that requires patience and discipline to cultivate and master.
I. Body Language
A persons body language will usually reveal a plethora of information about the thoughts
and emotions that are hiding behind the words they speak.
This can unlock unexpected insights, motivations and motives that will enable you to derive
deeper levels of meaning into their message. Particularly pay attention to their body
language in between the words they speak (during pauses). This may help reveal hints
about their thought process and enable you to better understand their Needs and Wants.

II. Patterns of Speech
It is said, that its not so much the words we speak, but rather how we express ourselves,
from which the meaning of our message is derived. For this very reason you must attend to
the following key variables:
Silences between the words

Word Emphasis & Spacing
Voice Level & Intensity
Each one of these variables will provide you with a World of new insights about the other
person that would normally be hidden from conscious view.
What to Do
1. Subdue Your Inner Voice
Our inner voice could very well be the greatest hindrance to our understanding of another
persons message. The reason for this is 3-fold; we formulate an answer, reach a
conclusion, or begin to judge the words that another person is speaking before they are
finished getting their message across.
This impedes our understanding of the message and damages the rapport we have worked
so hard to create.
2. Create Mental Pictures of Information
Our memory is most efficient when it is thinking in pictures. And this is most evident when
we are completely absorbed in a conversation with another person.
During these moments, we are able to recall a conversation effortlessly because the entire
time our brain was formulating a series of pictures creating a memorable storyboard that
was easy to remember.
Conversely, when we are bored, our brain tends to drift and fall asleep.
Spectacular wonderful pictures about other aspects of our life are envisioned, and as a
result very little is remembered about the conversation.

The solution is to progressively turn another persons words into associating pictures in
your mind. In this way you will be better able to remember and recall the intricacies and
details of their message.
Put Information into Perspective
As you listen to the content of another persons message, it is important to put this
information into perspective accordingly, otherwise you may miss the underlying meaning
of the message, which could cause confusion and create misunderstandings.
As a consequence, this may very well break the rapport you have created with the other
person and damage your long-term relationship.
The solution is to take into account some key variables that can impact and influence the
message that the other person is trying to get across to you.
1. Social Context
A social setting can influence and impact the message that the Speaker is trying to get
across to you. In some instances certain social settings may prevent them from speaking
freely, while other social settings allow them to open up and say whats on their mind.
An Effective Listener takes these possibilities into account and interprets the Speakers
message accordingly.
2. Speakers Cultural Background
A Speakers cultural background and associating beliefs may influence the content,
intentions and motivations behind their message.
An Effective Listener fully understands that the same message relayed from a different
cultural perspective, can differ in meaning quite significantly.
They therefore take this into account when interpreting the content and intentions of the
Speakers words.



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CAREER DEVELOPMENT INSTITUTE

Confidence, Fluency and Personality!

Did you wonder why you didnt handle it better?

Influencing is a skill that we simply learn as we grow up by copying others around us or

How does knowing how to influence others help you in life?

Sell your ideas or products to others more naturally

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

In this course delegates will learn:

How to gain commitment without using power, position or status?

Interacting with Others

How to increase your presence and make it easier to influence people?

Getting What You Want

How to phrase a request?

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

1. Rapport Strengthening Strategies

1. Admit to Personal Mistakes

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

3. Utilize Peoples Names

4. Smile Sincerely & Often

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

5. See the Other Persons Point of View

6. Arouse Peoples Eager Wants

7. Fulfill Peoples Lacking Needs

8. Accept People without Condition

9. Become Genuinely Interested in People

10.Give People Honest & Sincere Appreciation

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

11.Acknowledge Peoples Ideas & Accomplishments

Whenever possible acknowledge peoples accomplishments, abilities, desires, potential and

12.Make People Feel Important, Respected & Admired

1. Dont Make Promises You Cant Keep

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

2. Dont Flatter People

People always compare themselves with others, seeking to continuously distinguish

3. Dont Play a Victim to Gain Sympathy

4. Dont be a Know it All

5. Dont Argue Unnecessarily

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

What is this person trying to tell me?

How do I feel about this?

How do they expect me to react?

Why are they telling me this?

What are their motivations?

The Principles of Effective Listening?

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

Silences between the words

1. Subdue Your Inner Voice

2. Create Mental Pictures of Information

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

Put Information into Perspective

2. Speakers Cultural Background

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT 0522-2442879

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