1

00:01:33,309 --> 00:01:37,302

Have you ever confused
a dream with life?
2
00:01:39,589 --> 00:01:43,218
Or stolen something
when you have the cash?
3
00:01:47,069 --> 00:01:49,139
Have you ever been blue?
4
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:55,298
Or thought your train moving
while sitting still?
5
00:01:57,389 --> 00:01:59,698
Maybe I was just crazy.
6
00:02:01,509 --> 00:02:03,898
Maybe it was the '60s.
7
00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,979
Or maybe I was just a girl...
8
00:02:08,469 --> 00:02:09,788
...interrupted.
9
00:02:10,149 --> 00:02:12,060
Put her in restraints.
Withdraw blood.
10
00:02:12,269 --> 00:02:13,065
Hold on.
11
00:02:13,269 --> 00:02:15,737
Give her five milligrams
of Valium, IV.
12
00:02:17,029 --> 00:02:18,940
Turn her head so she doesn't aspirate.
13
00:02:19,309 --> 00:02:20,185
There you go.
14
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,260
Aspirin fragments

and vodka, I think.

15
00:02:23,549 --> 00:02:26,302
Don't tell me what you think.
Take it to the lab.
16
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:30,465
You should check my hand.
There's no bones in it.
17
00:02:30,669 --> 00:02:31,579
A wrist banger.
18
00:02:32,589 --> 00:02:36,468
- Is that why you did this?
- And other things.
19
00:02:37,109 --> 00:02:39,020
Her parents are on the way.
20
00:02:39,749 --> 00:02:41,785
Sometimes it's hard...
21
00:02:42,389 --> 00:02:44,459
...for me to stay in one...
22
00:02:44,909 --> 00:02:46,262
...place.
23
00:02:46,469 --> 00:02:48,744
Susanna...
24
00:02:48,949 --> 00:02:51,383
...if you had no bones
in your hand...
25
00:02:52,549 --> 00:02:54,505
...how did you pick up the aspirin?
26
00:03:04,509 --> 00:03:06,898
What is my mother doing?
27
00:03:07,189 --> 00:03:09,100
Would you answer my question, please?
28
00:03:09,909 --> 00:03:14,699

How did you pick up the aspirin

if you had no bones in your hand?
29
00:03:15,869 --> 00:03:18,019
By then, they'd come back.
30
00:03:21,189 --> 00:03:22,417
I see.
31
00:03:23,589 --> 00:03:26,103
No, you don't.
32
00:03:26,389 --> 00:03:27,504
Well...
33
00:03:29,229 --> 00:03:30,742
...indulge me, then.
34
00:03:31,869 --> 00:03:33,507
Explain it to me.
35
00:03:36,069 --> 00:03:37,502
Explain what?
36
00:03:37,789 --> 00:03:42,704
Explain to a doctor that the laws
of physics can be suspended?
37
00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:45,901
That what goes up
may not come down?
38
00:03:50,869 --> 00:03:52,302
Explain...
39
00:03:52,549 --> 00:03:54,824
...that time...
40
00:03:55,029 --> 00:03:58,101
...can move backwards and forwards...
41
00:03:58,309 --> 00:04:01,221
...and now to then and back again...
42
00:04:01,789 --> 00:04:03,666
...and you can't control it?

43
00:04:04,389 --> 00:04:06,061
Why can't you control it?
44
00:04:09,309 --> 00:04:10,219
What?
45
00:04:10,669 --> 00:04:12,466
Why can't you control time?
46
00:04:31,389 --> 00:04:35,507
Where were you?
Everyone is here. Come on.
47
00:04:38,989 --> 00:04:42,026
- Mary, you remember Susanna.
- Yes, I do.
48
00:04:45,709 --> 00:04:46,937
You're wearing this?
49
00:04:47,189 --> 00:04:50,420
I didn't know it was so early.
I would've changed.
50
00:04:50,669 --> 00:04:53,137
Everybody, look who's here.
51
00:04:53,829 --> 00:04:55,865
- Happy birthday, Dad.
- Thanks, sweetie.
52
00:04:56,909 --> 00:04:58,786
I'm sorry, I want to say hi to her.
53
00:04:58,989 --> 00:05:03,904
Sweetie, would you hold this for me?
I just want to say hi to Susanna.
54
00:05:04,389 --> 00:05:05,902
Excuse me. Susanna!
55
00:05:07,149 --> 00:05:09,185
- Susanna!
- Professor Gilcrest's wife.
56

00:05:09,429 --> 00:05:11,499

Barbara Gilcrest.
You remember me?
57
00:05:11,709 --> 00:05:13,939
Bonnie's mom. I'm Bonnie's mom.
58
00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:16,339
Your skin is so beautiful.
59
00:05:16,629 --> 00:05:18,426
Wasn't Bonnie in your lit. class?
60
00:05:19,309 --> 00:05:21,106
Yeah. How is she doing?
61
00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:23,705
She just got accepted to Radcliffe.
62
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,428
What a conundrum.
63
00:05:25,669 --> 00:05:27,102
I'm a Wellesley girl, myself.
64
00:05:27,309 --> 00:05:30,745
But I think young women should
make up their own mind, don't you?
65
00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:36,707
Are you stoned?
66
00:05:40,109 --> 00:05:41,701
Do you smoke pot?
67
00:05:44,189 --> 00:05:45,907
Take LSD?
68
00:05:49,269 --> 00:05:50,668
No drugs?
69
00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,500
How do you feel right now?
70
00:06:01,989 --> 00:06:03,308
I...

71
00:06:04,749 --> 00:06:06,501
...don't know.
72
00:06:07,109 --> 00:06:09,100
I don't know what I'm feeling.
73
00:06:12,389 --> 00:06:14,300
You need a rest.
74
00:06:15,389 --> 00:06:17,425
Well, I'll go home, take a nap.
75
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:21,582
No. You need to go somewhere
where you can get a genuine rest.
76
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:24,107
And you're very lucky.
77
00:06:24,349 --> 00:06:26,658
The best place
for someone like you...
78
00:06:26,949 --> 00:06:29,543
...is less than
a half an hour from here.
79
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:31,700
You don't mean Claymoore?
80
00:06:33,789 --> 00:06:35,620
Four days ago...
81
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:39,219
...you chased a bottle of aspirin
with a bottle of vodka.
82
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,100
I had a headache.
83
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,579
Your father is a friend of mine.
84
00:06:51,109 --> 00:06:54,146
He's a colleague.

He asked me to see you...

85
00:06:54,349 --> 00:06:57,102
...even though I don't do this anymore.
86
00:06:57,789 --> 00:07:01,304
You're hurting everyone around you.
87
00:07:02,749 --> 00:07:07,504
Now, Claymoore is a topnotch place.
88
00:07:08,189 --> 00:07:10,339
A lot of people go there.
89
00:07:10,589 --> 00:07:11,658
Even writers.
90
00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:13,262
Like you.
91
00:07:16,749 --> 00:07:18,102
Great.
92
00:07:31,389 --> 00:07:34,665
Yes, I'd like a cab
at 1240 Milford, please.
93
00:07:36,109 --> 00:07:37,827
My mother's here.
94
00:07:38,029 --> 00:07:41,305
It'll be less emotional
if we do it this way.
95
00:07:41,509 --> 00:07:44,103
Your parents and I talked about it.
96
00:08:20,189 --> 00:08:22,657
Now make sure, no stops.
97
00:09:17,309 --> 00:09:19,300
Susanna, you there?
98
00:09:24,989 --> 00:09:26,741
I want to see you again.

99
00:09:26,949 --> 00:09:29,099
It was a one-time thing, okay?
100
00:09:29,349 --> 00:09:30,941
Just come to my office tonight.
101
00:09:31,149 --> 00:09:32,582
We're opening the presents!
102
00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,939
Tell them you're going to a friend's.
103
00:09:35,149 --> 00:09:36,628
Who should I tell first?
104
00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:39,588
My parents, the department chairman,
or your wife?
105
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:40,625
No.
106
00:09:47,189 --> 00:09:48,702
What did you do?
107
00:09:50,069 --> 00:09:51,707
What did you do?
108
00:09:53,589 --> 00:09:55,102
Excuse me?
109
00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,067
Well, you look normal.
110
00:10:01,709 --> 00:10:03,301
I'm sad.
111
00:10:04,589 --> 00:10:06,500
Well, everyone's sad.
112
00:10:07,989 --> 00:10:09,786
I see things.
113
00:10:10,269 --> 00:10:12,021
You mean, like tripping?

114
00:10:14,549 --> 00:10:15,743
Kind of.
115
00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:19,343
Then they should put
John Lennon away, huh?
116
00:10:21,389 --> 00:10:23,505
I'm not John Lennon.
117
00:11:07,949 --> 00:11:09,905
Don't get too comfortable.
118
00:11:19,669 --> 00:11:20,863
Shouldn't my parents...?
119
00:11:21,069 --> 00:11:22,821
You have to sign them, Miss Kaysen.
120
00:11:23,069 --> 00:11:25,742
You're over 18.
This is your decision.
121
00:11:37,509 --> 00:11:39,181
I didn't try to kill myself.
122
00:11:41,589 --> 00:11:45,548
That's the kind of thing you talk
about in therapy, honey. Not here.
123
00:11:50,789 --> 00:11:52,222
Miss Kaysen?
124
00:11:53,149 --> 00:11:55,902
You have the distinction
of being the only senior...
125
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,946
...not going on to college.
126
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,820
May I ask what you plan to do?
127
00:12:05,989 --> 00:12:08,344
I plan to write.

128
00:12:10,269 --> 00:12:11,941
Well, what do you plan to do?
129
00:12:13,389 --> 00:12:18,019
Look, I'm not gonna burn my bra or
drop acid or go march on Washington...
130
00:12:18,229 --> 00:12:21,187
...I just don't want to end up
like my mother.
131
00:12:21,709 --> 00:12:23,825
Women today have
more choices than that.
132
00:12:25,069 --> 00:12:26,422
No, they don't.
133
00:12:26,949 --> 00:12:28,302
And here.
134
00:12:30,309 --> 00:12:32,698
You forgot one, dear. Here.
135
00:12:36,069 --> 00:12:40,824
Speaking for Dr. Wick and myself,
welcome to Claymoore, Susanna.
136
00:12:44,349 --> 00:12:47,386
This is the women's ward,
also known as South Bell.
137
00:12:47,629 --> 00:12:51,304
This is where you'll be staying,
and this is where I work.
138
00:12:51,909 --> 00:12:54,377
All right, this is the second floor.
139
00:12:54,589 --> 00:12:58,298
I need you to stay close to me
because it's easy to get lost here.
140
00:13:03,589 --> 00:13:05,500
This is our ward.

141
00:13:07,949 --> 00:13:11,464
All right, let's start with this room.
142
00:13:13,469 --> 00:13:15,699
This is the art room.
143
00:13:17,269 --> 00:13:18,338
Polly.
144
00:13:18,869 --> 00:13:19,984
What are you doing here?
145
00:13:20,909 --> 00:13:23,377
I feel very musical today.
146
00:13:23,629 --> 00:13:26,302
- Can I just, for just a second?
- Not today, honey.
147
00:13:43,869 --> 00:13:47,305
Margie, Polly was in
the art room by herself.
148
00:13:47,509 --> 00:13:49,101
I'm sorry, Val.
149
00:13:52,589 --> 00:13:54,102
The living room.
150
00:13:54,869 --> 00:13:56,700
Everyone hates it.
151
00:14:06,389 --> 00:14:08,459
And these are the phones.
152
00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:11,701
To make a call, pick up
the handle, tell the nurse...
153
00:14:11,909 --> 00:14:13,547
...she'll connect you.
154
00:14:13,789 --> 00:14:17,225
This is the nurses' station,
which is self-explanatory...

155
00:14:17,469 --> 00:14:20,506
...and this is the TV room,
where everyone hangs out.
156
00:14:20,709 --> 00:14:22,665
I want my fucking clothes!
157
00:14:22,909 --> 00:14:26,504
Then you'll have to
eat something, won't you?
158
00:14:27,989 --> 00:14:29,104
The check-in board.
159
00:14:29,349 --> 00:14:31,943
You check in here to take
a walk on the grounds.
160
00:14:32,149 --> 00:14:33,787
Oh, lordy, pick a bale of hay
161
00:14:34,029 --> 00:14:36,907
Gotta jump down, spin around
Pick a bale of cotton
162
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:39,304
Jump down, spin around
Pick a bale of hay
163
00:14:40,469 --> 00:14:42,107
She thinks that bothers me.
164
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,988
You're an "R," which means
"restricted to the ward."
165
00:14:45,229 --> 00:14:47,663
But soon you'll
move up to two-to-ones...
166
00:14:47,869 --> 00:14:50,019
...which is two nurses
to every patient.
167
00:14:50,269 --> 00:14:53,306
I won't be here that long.
I'm just here for a rest.

168
00:14:53,549 --> 00:14:57,303
It's all right. Everybody gets
the same tour free of charge.
169
00:15:03,029 --> 00:15:06,066
Georgina, this is Susanna,
your new roommate.
170
00:15:06,309 --> 00:15:08,106
Oh, great. Hi.
171
00:15:08,669 --> 00:15:11,229
You're lucky.
Georgina's an excellent roommate.
172
00:15:11,949 --> 00:15:13,064
Why, thank you, Valerie.
173
00:15:13,469 --> 00:15:14,902
You're welcome.
174
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:18,349
The cops are bringing Lisa.
She was at the park.
175
00:15:21,189 --> 00:15:24,545
Will you excuse me?
I have business I have to attend to.
176
00:15:24,989 --> 00:15:28,584
Georgina, will you take Susanna
to the dining room in a half-hour?
177
00:15:29,989 --> 00:15:31,661
Yes means yes, Georgina.
178
00:15:32,109 --> 00:15:33,701
I know.
179
00:15:49,589 --> 00:15:50,658
Groovy box.
180
00:15:51,989 --> 00:15:53,308
That.
181

00:15:54,069 --> 00:15:55,900

Yeah, they're French.
182
00:15:56,149 --> 00:15:58,902
The French Resistance
smoked them, I think.
183
00:16:05,789 --> 00:16:07,666
- Read this?
184
00:16:09,189 --> 00:16:12,101
No. I saw the movie
a bunch of times, though.
185
00:16:12,749 --> 00:16:14,740
The movie's based on the first book.
186
00:16:14,949 --> 00:16:18,737
I read that one too, but there were
no ruby slippers in it originally.
187
00:16:18,949 --> 00:16:22,021
They added that.
This takes place afterwards.
188
00:16:22,269 --> 00:16:25,102
Dorothy doesn't really have
such a big part in this one.
189
00:16:28,949 --> 00:16:30,701
Fucking pig.
190
00:16:33,389 --> 00:16:34,708
Get off me!
191
00:16:46,789 --> 00:16:47,619
Thanks, Gretta.
192
00:16:48,829 --> 00:16:50,945
Hey, Dais, let anyone
in your room yet?
193
00:16:54,629 --> 00:16:57,302
Hey, girls! Hey, sexy.
194
00:17:00,909 --> 00:17:02,706
It's good to be home.

195
00:17:05,869 --> 00:17:07,860
- Hey, Torch.
- Hey, Lisa.
196
00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:10,185
- You miss me?
- Not much.
197
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,708
Get her to her room.
Gretta will do the strip search.
198
00:17:15,549 --> 00:17:17,028
Who's that with Georgie-girl?
199
00:17:17,269 --> 00:17:19,339
- Where's Jamie?
- I can't deal with this.
200
00:17:19,589 --> 00:17:21,500
Don't give me a hard time.
201
00:17:22,389 --> 00:17:23,822
Where is she? Where's Jamie?
202
00:17:28,389 --> 00:17:29,788
Who are you?
203
00:17:30,029 --> 00:17:33,499
Her name is Susanna, Lisa.
She smokes French cigarettes.
204
00:17:33,869 --> 00:17:36,986
- Why is all your shit on her bed?
- Open the damn door!
205
00:17:37,229 --> 00:17:38,628
Why? Where's Jamie?
206
00:17:38,869 --> 00:17:41,702
I don't know what
you're talking about!
207
00:17:43,469 --> 00:17:45,300
What the hell are you doing, Lisa?

208
00:17:46,949 --> 00:17:47,938
Back off her.
209
00:17:48,549 --> 00:17:50,744
Back off!
You've been gone for two weeks.
210
00:17:51,069 --> 00:17:53,742
A lot of shit has gone down.
Back off!
211
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,104
How'd she do it?
212
00:17:55,709 --> 00:17:56,903
How'd she do it?
213
00:17:57,749 --> 00:17:59,262
How did she do it, Valerie?
214
00:17:59,509 --> 00:18:01,261
Get the fuck off me!
215
00:18:01,509 --> 00:18:04,899
You weak people. You're all weak
fucking people! You're victims!
216
00:18:05,149 --> 00:18:06,582
You people are fucking sick!
217
00:18:06,829 --> 00:18:09,468
What? No, no.
Val, please. Please!
218
00:18:13,589 --> 00:18:15,307
Get her legs.
219
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:17,425
Get her feet!
220
00:18:17,669 --> 00:18:18,738
- I got her.
- Get off!
221
00:18:21,589 --> 00:18:22,908
Help!

222
00:18:28,589 --> 00:18:30,500
We have got to cut those nails again.
223
00:18:36,269 --> 00:18:40,103
My God! What the hell was that?
224
00:18:40,589 --> 00:18:42,181
That was Lisa.
225
00:18:43,509 --> 00:18:45,545
And Jamie was your roommate?
226
00:18:45,789 --> 00:18:47,586
Jamie was Lisa's best friend.
227
00:18:48,309 --> 00:18:50,425
She was sad because Lisa ran away...
228
00:18:50,669 --> 00:18:52,739
...so she hung herself with
a volleyball net.
229
00:19:02,549 --> 00:19:04,107
Meds!
230
00:19:06,469 --> 00:19:08,266
Cynthia Crowley.
231
00:19:09,669 --> 00:19:11,705
Susanna Kaysen.
232
00:19:13,589 --> 00:19:15,420
Susanna Kaysen.
233
00:19:17,469 --> 00:19:19,983
I am Mrs. McWilley,
and these are for you.
234
00:19:20,189 --> 00:19:22,464
- What are they?
- They'll help you sleep.
235
00:19:23,189 --> 00:19:25,578
- It's 10:30. I'm not gonna...
- For chrissake.

236
00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:28,542
You can discuss it in the morning
with your doctor.
237
00:19:28,789 --> 00:19:31,019
In the meantime,
we'll agree to disagree.
238
00:19:34,589 --> 00:19:36,659
Take them here. Have some water.
239
00:19:39,829 --> 00:19:41,706
Polly Clark.
240
00:19:42,109 --> 00:19:43,906
You can go now.
241
00:19:48,749 --> 00:19:50,023
Teresa McCullian.
242
00:19:55,709 --> 00:19:57,700
Daisy Randone.
243
00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:03,299
Angela Coury.
244
00:20:06,389 --> 00:20:08,505
Jacqueline Lights.
245
00:20:11,069 --> 00:20:12,900
Donna Smith.
246
00:20:50,869 --> 00:20:52,587
Ryan Reed...
247
00:20:53,189 --> 00:20:56,261
...yearbook editor and member
of the honour society.
248
00:20:56,509 --> 00:20:58,579
Heading off to Tulane University.
249
00:20:58,789 --> 00:21:00,302
Congratulations, son.

250
00:21:00,989 --> 00:21:05,904
Andrea Jacobs, president of
the French club and honour society...
251
00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:08,704
...and on her way to Sarah Lawrence.
252
00:21:11,389 --> 00:21:13,061
Susanna Kaysen.
253
00:21:14,389 --> 00:21:17,062
- What is she doing?
- Some kind of a stunt.
254
00:21:26,989 --> 00:21:28,900
Wake up, freak.
255
00:21:31,149 --> 00:21:31,979
Checks.
256
00:21:50,989 --> 00:21:53,105
Why do they do that?
257
00:21:54,389 --> 00:21:56,505
They're just doing checks.
258
00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:59,707
They'll space them out
after you've been here awhile.
259
00:22:04,269 --> 00:22:07,306
That girl, Polly.
260
00:22:08,509 --> 00:22:10,306
How did she get all?
261
00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:13,541
When she was 10...
262
00:22:13,869 --> 00:22:16,941
...her mother told her
she had to give away her puppy...
263
00:22:17,149 --> 00:22:19,868
...because he was giving her a rash.

264
00:22:20,349 --> 00:22:23,182
And so Polly went...
265
00:22:23,989 --> 00:22:26,503
...and found her father's gas can...
266
00:22:27,029 --> 00:22:30,578
...and she poured it all over
where she was getting the rash.
267
00:22:31,589 --> 00:22:33,102
And then...
268
00:22:35,109 --> 00:22:37,020
...she lit a match.
269
00:22:38,709 --> 00:22:40,381
Oh, my God.
270
00:22:45,489 --> 00:22:47,559
Well, what about you?
Why are you here?
271
00:22:48,689 --> 00:22:51,123
Pseudologia fantastica.
272
00:22:52,769 --> 00:22:54,202
What's that?
273
00:22:56,449 --> 00:22:59,009
I'm a pathological liar.
274
00:23:51,569 --> 00:23:53,605
- What are your plans this fall?
- What?
275
00:23:53,809 --> 00:23:55,800
What are your plans this fall?
276
00:23:56,009 --> 00:23:57,488
I don't have any.
277
00:23:57,689 --> 00:24:00,078
I'm gonna be an ethnobotanist.
278

00:24:00,409 --> 00:24:03,048

Full scholarship to M.I.T.
279
00:24:03,289 --> 00:24:05,086
I'm going to join the Krishnas.
280
00:24:05,289 --> 00:24:08,804
Hare Krishna?
That's interesting, actually.
281
00:24:09,249 --> 00:24:11,001
I was kidding.
282
00:24:26,249 --> 00:24:28,001
You're Susanna, right?
283
00:24:29,889 --> 00:24:32,323
I'm Toby.
Andrea Jacobs' brother.
284
00:24:34,009 --> 00:24:36,000
I was at graduation.
285
00:24:41,449 --> 00:24:43,167
You're pretty when you sleep.
286
00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:47,806
Checks. It's 7:00.
287
00:25:01,609 --> 00:25:05,045
I mean, everybody thinks
about it at some point.
288
00:25:06,889 --> 00:25:08,607
How would you do it?
289
00:25:10,769 --> 00:25:12,248
I don't know.
290
00:25:12,969 --> 00:25:16,006
I guess I haven't really
thought about it.
291
00:25:20,689 --> 00:25:23,044
See, once it's
in your head, though...

292
00:25:25,009 --> 00:25:26,442
...you become this...
293
00:25:27,369 --> 00:25:28,882
...strange, new breed.
294
00:25:29,849 --> 00:25:34,365
A life form that loves
to fantasize about its own demise.
295
00:25:34,609 --> 00:25:37,726
Make a stupid remark, kill yourself.
296
00:25:38,009 --> 00:25:42,241
You like the movie, you live.
You miss the train, kill yourself.
297
00:25:43,849 --> 00:25:44,645
What?
298
00:25:45,849 --> 00:25:48,158
Let's not talk about
this anymore, okay?
299
00:25:48,369 --> 00:25:49,802
Why?
300
00:25:53,889 --> 00:25:55,481
Because it's...
301
00:25:56,609 --> 00:25:58,201
...stupid.
302
00:26:05,889 --> 00:26:06,765
What?
303
00:26:11,289 --> 00:26:12,085
What are you doing?
304
00:26:13,289 --> 00:26:17,328
What? Because I don't want to kill
myself? That's not cool to you?
305
00:26:18,409 --> 00:26:20,365
I don't wanna die.
I was just talking.

306
00:26:20,609 --> 00:26:23,487
Look, Susanna, the world
is fucked up, okay?
307
00:26:23,729 --> 00:26:25,765
It's so fucked up that if some...
308
00:26:26,009 --> 00:26:29,001
...draft zombie pulls my
birthday out of a barrel...
309
00:26:29,249 --> 00:26:30,682
...I'm gonna die.
310
00:26:32,009 --> 00:26:33,124
When's your birthday?
311
00:26:35,209 --> 00:26:36,881
December 30th.
312
00:26:39,809 --> 00:26:41,288
I'll pray for you.
313
00:26:43,889 --> 00:26:44,685
Checks.
314
00:27:11,689 --> 00:27:13,407
You asked for this?
315
00:27:23,849 --> 00:27:24,964
Are you gonna watch?
316
00:27:26,289 --> 00:27:30,407
Afraid so. That's why there's
so many fuzzy-legged women here.
317
00:27:35,169 --> 00:27:37,160
Has anybody ever watched you shave?
318
00:27:38,089 --> 00:27:40,887
I got two kids and one bathroom.
What do you think?
319
00:27:42,289 --> 00:27:44,598
I think you should lock the door.

320
00:27:46,369 --> 00:27:49,998
- September 14th.
321
00:27:53,009 --> 00:27:55,398
- Zero-zero-two.
- Bingo.
322
00:27:57,369 --> 00:27:59,644
- Bingo. Bingo.
- December 30th.
323
00:28:00,849 --> 00:28:02,407
Oh, my God.
324
00:28:03,369 --> 00:28:05,007
- Bingo.
- Zero-zero-three.
325
00:28:07,169 --> 00:28:09,444
A guy I know was just drafted.
326
00:28:10,489 --> 00:28:11,558
What's his name?
327
00:28:14,209 --> 00:28:15,005
Toby.
328
00:28:16,969 --> 00:28:18,607
He's dead now.
329
00:28:25,289 --> 00:28:26,244
Get out, Lisa!
330
00:28:26,489 --> 00:28:28,719
I'm not in your room.
I'm right here.
331
00:28:28,969 --> 00:28:31,802
- I was gonna offer you nail polish.
- Get out!
332
00:28:33,569 --> 00:28:36,845
- You're looking better, Lisa.
- Why, thanks, Margie.
333

00:28:37,089 --> 00:28:39,045

- How's the engagement?
- You know.
334
00:28:39,249 --> 00:28:40,602
No, I don't.
I've been away.
335
00:28:41,409 --> 00:28:44,207
Joe wants me to...
Before the wedding.
336
00:28:45,249 --> 00:28:47,809
Fuck his brains out.
Use a rubber.
337
00:28:48,849 --> 00:28:50,407
Gosh, hell, no.
338
00:29:09,569 --> 00:29:11,082
Can I bum one?
339
00:29:12,489 --> 00:29:13,444
Go ahead.
340
00:29:35,489 --> 00:29:38,287
So have you had your
first Melvin yet?
341
00:29:38,609 --> 00:29:39,678
Who's that?
342
00:29:40,169 --> 00:29:42,808
Bald guy with a little pecker
and a fat wife.
343
00:29:43,449 --> 00:29:44,928
Your therapist, sweet pea.
344
00:29:46,809 --> 00:29:47,764
Unless...
345
00:29:48,009 --> 00:29:50,125
...unless they're giving you shocks.
346
00:29:50,369 --> 00:29:52,405
Or, God forbid, letting you out.

347
00:29:52,649 --> 00:29:55,117
Then you'll see the great,
wonderful Dr. Dyke.
348
00:29:55,369 --> 00:29:56,802
She means Dr. Wick.
349
00:29:59,209 --> 00:30:01,359
I've seen his office
but haven't met him.
350
00:30:01,649 --> 00:30:03,685
He's a she.
Dr. Wick's a girl.
351
00:30:04,169 --> 00:30:06,603
That's right, M-G.
Wick's a chick.
352
00:30:07,209 --> 00:30:08,767
Hence the nickname.
353
00:30:10,329 --> 00:30:13,082
Hey, Lil.
When the fuck is my checkup?
354
00:30:13,649 --> 00:30:16,641
It's now, Lisa.
You said you'd be in your room.
355
00:30:16,849 --> 00:30:19,363
Can't sit too long
without popping the hood.
356
00:30:34,769 --> 00:30:35,884
Asshole!
357
00:30:36,129 --> 00:30:39,439
You have Melvin in half an hour.
I'll take you there.
358
00:30:40,649 --> 00:30:41,684
I'm sorry.
359
00:30:41,929 --> 00:30:45,160
- Why are you using the past tense?

360
00:30:45,809 --> 00:30:47,401
What do you mean?
361
00:30:47,649 --> 00:30:49,367
Well, he was...
362
00:30:49,649 --> 00:30:53,722
...only drafted today,
so chances are, he's not dead yet.
363
00:30:54,449 --> 00:30:57,566
He probably has several months...
364
00:30:57,769 --> 00:30:59,760
...before he even reports.
365
00:31:01,369 --> 00:31:05,760
He was just a nice guy, that's all.
And it made me feel bad.
366
00:31:06,009 --> 00:31:07,965
You've been feeling bad in general.
367
00:31:08,649 --> 00:31:11,288
Right?
You've been feeling depressed.
368
00:31:13,129 --> 00:31:16,280
I haven't exactly been
a ball of joy, Melvin.
369
00:31:16,769 --> 00:31:19,363
I understand you tried
to kill yourself last week.
370
00:31:20,169 --> 00:31:22,683
Anything you want to
tell me about that?
371
00:31:23,129 --> 00:31:24,767
I had a headache.
372
00:31:26,129 --> 00:31:30,281
So I assume you took the recommended
aspirin dosage for a headache.

373
00:31:31,209 --> 00:31:32,767
I didn't try to kill myself.
374
00:31:32,969 --> 00:31:34,561
What were you trying to do?
375
00:31:34,809 --> 00:31:37,004
I was trying to make the shit stop.
376
00:31:38,169 --> 00:31:40,444
The time-jumps, the depression...
377
00:31:41,689 --> 00:31:43,725
...the headaches, the thing
with your hand?
378
00:31:45,049 --> 00:31:46,562
All of the above.
379
00:31:48,569 --> 00:31:49,718
I see.
380
00:31:52,009 --> 00:31:54,079
Paul is dead!
381
00:32:02,569 --> 00:32:05,367
What is it?
Are you puzzled about something?
382
00:32:06,649 --> 00:32:08,958
Yeah, I guess I am, Melvin.
383
00:32:09,169 --> 00:32:12,445
I'm puzzled as to why
I have to be in a mental institution.
384
00:32:12,969 --> 00:32:14,561
You put yourself here.
385
00:32:14,809 --> 00:32:16,481
My parents put me here.
386
00:32:19,209 --> 00:32:20,278
No, they didn't.
387

00:32:20,929 --> 00:32:22,965

Everyone here's fucking crazy!
388
00:32:23,689 --> 00:32:25,042
You wanna go home.
389
00:32:28,249 --> 00:32:29,967
Same problem.
390
00:32:30,809 --> 00:32:33,562
M-G, look at me.
391
00:32:33,809 --> 00:32:35,242
Play with me.
392
00:32:36,009 --> 00:32:39,365
Don't be sad. Don't be sad.
393
00:32:48,249 --> 00:32:49,238
Thank you.
394
00:33:22,449 --> 00:33:24,804
- What are these?
- Colace. It's just a laxative.
395
00:33:25,009 --> 00:33:26,965
I don't need them.
396
00:33:27,409 --> 00:33:28,808
Are we going to have a problem?
397
00:33:31,009 --> 00:33:33,000
Are we going to have a problem?
398
00:33:33,289 --> 00:33:35,166
Are we going to have a problem?
399
00:33:35,969 --> 00:33:37,163
May I see?
400
00:33:37,369 --> 00:33:38,484
Thank you.
401
00:33:38,729 --> 00:33:40,367
Surrender.

402
00:33:41,049 --> 00:33:42,721
Are we going to have a problem?
403
00:33:44,929 --> 00:33:46,442
No problem.
404
00:33:46,689 --> 00:33:48,919
Phone call, booth one.
405
00:33:52,009 --> 00:33:54,364
- Hello?
- Hold on.
406
00:33:56,369 --> 00:33:58,280
- Susanna?
- Hi, Mom.
407
00:33:58,489 --> 00:33:59,968
Hi, honey.
Your father's on too.
408
00:34:00,169 --> 00:34:02,922
He's just back from reserves.
He got stuck at Dulles.
409
00:34:03,409 --> 00:34:04,637
How are you, honey?
410
00:34:05,049 --> 00:34:07,609
- I'm fine, Dad.
- You know, sweetheart...
411
00:34:10,409 --> 00:34:13,606
If you can't give me Ex-Lax,
can I please have some Colace?
412
00:34:13,849 --> 00:34:16,124
No. No more laxatives.
413
00:34:17,769 --> 00:34:19,760
I can get her some prune juice.
414
00:34:20,569 --> 00:34:21,968
Prune juice!
415
00:34:22,569 --> 00:34:24,287

This is outrageous!
416
00:34:24,529 --> 00:34:28,158
She was wondering if you'd
made new friends, and I said:
417
00:34:28,649 --> 00:34:31,322
"No, Mom, this isn't Camp Winnetka."
418
00:34:34,769 --> 00:34:36,805
- Daisy?
- Fuck off.
419
00:34:38,129 --> 00:34:40,165
I have something you want.
420
00:34:46,729 --> 00:34:47,957
Come in.
421
00:35:17,849 --> 00:35:19,123
You're all packed up.
422
00:35:19,809 --> 00:35:21,765
Yeah, I'm leaving in a month.
423
00:35:22,009 --> 00:35:23,681
My dad got me an apartment.
424
00:35:23,929 --> 00:35:27,524
- Really? Where?
- It's near the airport.
425
00:35:27,849 --> 00:35:31,808
One bedroom, two baths, eat-in chicken.
He fixed it up real nice for me.
426
00:35:32,049 --> 00:35:33,323
You mean eat-in kitchen.
427
00:35:34,009 --> 00:35:36,204
That's what I said, asshole.
428
00:35:36,569 --> 00:35:38,560
So what do you have that I want?
429
00:35:43,449 --> 00:35:44,598

Put it on the bed.

430
00:35:45,089 --> 00:35:46,238
Put yours on the bed.
431
00:35:46,649 --> 00:35:48,287
Oh, Jesus. Get out!
432
00:35:48,529 --> 00:35:49,803
Get out!
433
00:35:50,049 --> 00:35:52,324
Don't take advantage
just because she's new.
434
00:35:52,569 --> 00:35:53,399
Pony up some Valium.
435
00:35:53,649 --> 00:35:56,561
Get the fuck out,
or I'm calling Valerie! Valerie!
436
00:35:56,809 --> 00:35:58,606
Why don't you call Valerie?
437
00:35:58,809 --> 00:36:02,848
Call Valerie and ask her for some
Colace, like Susie Q's got in her hand.
438
00:36:03,049 --> 00:36:04,721
Why does it stink in here?
439
00:36:05,649 --> 00:36:06,877
I don't take Valium.
440
00:36:07,129 --> 00:36:08,642
I know. That's the point.
441
00:36:08,889 --> 00:36:11,357
They give them to you,
and you don't take them.
442
00:36:11,569 --> 00:36:13,207
Are you gonna eat that?
443
00:36:13,449 --> 00:36:14,768

Checks.
444
00:36:15,089 --> 00:36:16,681
You've got visitors, Daisy.
445
00:36:16,929 --> 00:36:18,681
I want some fucking Colace.
446
00:36:18,929 --> 00:36:21,159
Talk to Melvin tomorrow.
447
00:36:31,769 --> 00:36:35,557
You know what I think?
I think you want to poop, Daisy.
448
00:36:35,769 --> 00:36:37,566
I think it's been days.
449
00:36:38,649 --> 00:36:40,207
Look, it's okay. I don't care.
450
00:36:40,409 --> 00:36:42,365
I do! I do care.
451
00:36:45,969 --> 00:36:49,962
So Daddy buys you a private,
and no one gets in, huh?
452
00:36:51,129 --> 00:36:54,644
You never leave except when Valerie
makes you go to the cafeteria...
453
00:36:54,889 --> 00:36:57,847
...where you never eat.
You're a laxative junkie.
454
00:36:58,849 --> 00:37:03,764
I always thought you were like Janet,
but here you are with this chicken.
455
00:37:04,969 --> 00:37:06,960
So what's with that, huh?
456
00:37:07,329 --> 00:37:10,844
My dad owns a deli, asshole,
with a rotisserie.

457
00:37:11,049 --> 00:37:14,758
I like my dad's chicken. When
I eat something else, I puke.
458
00:37:15,409 --> 00:37:19,482
But why do you eat it here? Why don't
you like to go to the cafeteria?
459
00:37:19,849 --> 00:37:21,601
Which do you like better?
460
00:37:21,849 --> 00:37:23,965
Taking a dump alone
or with Valerie watching?
461
00:37:24,969 --> 00:37:25,958
Alone.
462
00:37:26,609 --> 00:37:29,407
Everyone likes to be alone
when it comes out.
463
00:37:29,649 --> 00:37:31,401
I like to be alone when it goes in.
464
00:37:31,649 --> 00:37:34,527
To me, the cafeteria's
like being with...
465
00:37:34,769 --> 00:37:36,760
...20 girls all at once taking a dump.
466
00:37:37,969 --> 00:37:39,766
That is fucked up, Daisy!
467
00:37:42,169 --> 00:37:43,124
Come on.
468
00:37:46,729 --> 00:37:50,358
All right, assholes.
Fine, here.
469
00:37:56,449 --> 00:37:57,598
Here.
470
00:38:07,089 --> 00:38:08,283

Lisa, don't!
471
00:38:08,529 --> 00:38:09,644
No, please...
472
00:38:09,849 --> 00:38:11,646
Dios-fucking-mio!
473
00:38:16,209 --> 00:38:18,040
That's how Daddy
knows she's eating.
474
00:38:18,249 --> 00:38:22,367
When I get five, Valerie
makes me throw them away.
475
00:38:35,249 --> 00:38:37,046
Scribble, scribble, scribble.
476
00:38:37,409 --> 00:38:38,967
Written anything about me yet?
477
00:38:39,169 --> 00:38:40,807
Don't do that.
478
00:38:52,329 --> 00:38:54,047
Is Daisy really getting out?
479
00:38:58,449 --> 00:39:00,007
She coughed up a big one.
480
00:39:00,689 --> 00:39:04,159
How can...?
I mean, she's insane.
481
00:39:04,609 --> 00:39:06,998
That's what "ther-rape-me"
is all about.
482
00:39:07,209 --> 00:39:11,043
That's why fucking Freud's
picture's on every shrink's wall.
483
00:39:11,249 --> 00:39:16,039
He created an industry. You lie down,
confess your secrets, and you're saved.

484
00:39:17,209 --> 00:39:20,724
The more you confess, the more they
think about setting you free.
485
00:39:20,929 --> 00:39:23,318
But what if you don't have a secret?
486
00:39:25,129 --> 00:39:27,359
Then you're a lifer, like me.
487
00:39:28,249 --> 00:39:30,638
I was changing her diaper...
488
00:39:31,089 --> 00:39:33,319
...and I turned to get the powder...
489
00:39:34,009 --> 00:39:36,967
...and while my back was turned,
she rolled off the bed.
490
00:39:38,849 --> 00:39:41,568
She rolled off the bed
and broke her leg.
491
00:39:43,449 --> 00:39:46,680
The doctor put her in a body cast,
but also strapped her down.
492
00:39:46,929 --> 00:39:49,159
- This has nothing...
- You never told me this.
493
00:39:49,369 --> 00:39:51,405
Carl planned this trip
to Santa Monica.
494
00:39:51,649 --> 00:39:55,847
He had a commitment at RAND.
So we took her with us.
495
00:39:56,609 --> 00:39:59,487
On the back seat, strapped to this
board, 4000 miles.
496
00:39:59,729 --> 00:40:03,039
If you like, Mrs. Kaysen,
we can discuss this...

497
00:40:03,249 --> 00:40:05,843
...further on the way out.
498
00:40:06,089 --> 00:40:08,762
Just how long is my daughter
going to be here?
499
00:40:08,969 --> 00:40:10,721
With all due respect, Mr. Kaysen...
500
00:40:10,969 --> 00:40:15,008
...psychiatry and economics
are different.
501
00:40:15,209 --> 00:40:18,246
The length of Susanna's stay
isn't fixed.
502
00:40:18,449 --> 00:40:21,247
It depends on her response
to treatment.
503
00:40:21,449 --> 00:40:24,282
For what? Depression?
504
00:40:24,529 --> 00:40:29,000
It's almost Christmas. What do we say
to the people who care about her?
505
00:40:29,729 --> 00:40:31,640
See, what's going on here is...
506
00:40:31,849 --> 00:40:36,445
...my parents are having a little
holiday cocktail Christmas party crisis.
507
00:40:36,649 --> 00:40:37,684
What?
508
00:40:39,569 --> 00:40:42,288
What's the "borderline" business
you mentioned?
509
00:40:45,449 --> 00:40:47,724
I don't think that's useful to Susanna.

510
00:40:47,969 --> 00:40:50,085
- I mean, not...
- What "borderline business"?
511
00:40:50,329 --> 00:40:52,126
- The mind...
- Borderline what?
512
00:40:52,369 --> 00:40:54,485
Borderline between what and what?
513
00:40:55,649 --> 00:40:57,560
It's a condition, Susanna.
514
00:40:57,769 --> 00:41:00,203
And it's called
Borderline Personality Disorder.
515
00:41:00,449 --> 00:41:02,485
Oh, God.
516
00:41:03,049 --> 00:41:04,687
It's not uncommon.
517
00:41:05,249 --> 00:41:07,205
Especially among young women.
518
00:41:07,769 --> 00:41:09,760
What causes it?
519
00:41:10,009 --> 00:41:11,647
We're really not sure.
520
00:41:11,849 --> 00:41:14,841
- Is it genetic?
- Oh, Christ!
521
00:41:15,889 --> 00:41:18,198
It is five times more common...
522
00:41:18,529 --> 00:41:21,248
...among those with a borderline...
523
00:41:21,849 --> 00:41:22,838
...parent.

524
00:41:25,049 --> 00:41:29,600
I can't do this. I'm sorry, I can't.
I can't do this.
525
00:41:43,409 --> 00:41:47,368
"Razors pain you; rivers are damp;
acid stains you; drugs cause cramp.
526
00:41:47,609 --> 00:41:49,759
Guns aren't lawful;
nooses give...
527
00:41:49,969 --> 00:41:52,961
...gas smells awful;
you might as well live."
528
00:41:53,249 --> 00:41:54,364
Gin.
529
00:42:05,849 --> 00:42:08,409
- Asshole.
- Fatso.
530
00:42:15,369 --> 00:42:16,358
Call me a cab.
531
00:42:17,049 --> 00:42:18,243
Okay, you're a cab.
532
00:42:23,729 --> 00:42:25,924
Lisa said you got into Daisy's room.
533
00:42:27,249 --> 00:42:29,160
And it was full of chickens.
534
00:42:29,369 --> 00:42:31,564
Susanna, you have a phone call.
535
00:42:35,609 --> 00:42:37,998
So what's your "diag-nonsense"?
536
00:42:38,209 --> 00:42:41,360
- Who is this?
- What'd he say to Mom and Pop?
537
00:42:49,849 --> 00:42:51,805

I have a borderline personality.

538
00:42:52,769 --> 00:42:54,600
Well, that's nothing.
What else?
539
00:42:54,849 --> 00:42:57,682
He didn't say. He thought
it would affect my recovery.
540
00:42:59,009 --> 00:43:00,362
Tongue your meds tonight.
541
00:43:00,609 --> 00:43:03,362
After 1:00 checks,
Gretta always goes for a smoke.
542
00:43:03,569 --> 00:43:07,005
Check the mirrors. If they're
clear, go to Hector's closet.
543
00:43:07,209 --> 00:43:10,281
It's near the art room,
and it will be open.
544
00:43:25,849 --> 00:43:27,168
Torch!
545
00:43:28,449 --> 00:43:29,723
Come on.
546
00:43:48,209 --> 00:43:50,723
This is how Lisa gets out
when she escapes!
547
00:43:54,449 --> 00:43:58,283
We're under administration, so...
No good here.
548
00:43:58,729 --> 00:44:00,799
Good thing this place has
a sliding scale.
549
00:44:01,049 --> 00:44:03,722
We get to mingle with
the lock-picking trash.
550

00:44:28,129 --> 00:44:29,721

Good job!
551
00:44:31,849 --> 00:44:33,407
Susanna, you're up!
552
00:44:33,649 --> 00:44:36,288
No, no, no. I've only done
this once in my life.
553
00:44:36,729 --> 00:44:37,684
- Come on.
- Please.
554
00:44:37,929 --> 00:44:41,126
- We came all the way here.
- Come on!
555
00:44:57,729 --> 00:44:58,957
All right!
556
00:45:30,729 --> 00:45:34,768
They put the tunnels in so the loons
didn't have to go out in the cold.
557
00:45:34,969 --> 00:45:37,005
I must've missed that in the brochure.
558
00:45:41,009 --> 00:45:42,761
Hey, open the door.
559
00:45:55,969 --> 00:45:57,561
What the fuck are you doing?
560
00:46:10,009 --> 00:46:12,569
Dr. Wick's office.
561
00:46:25,969 --> 00:46:28,324
All right. Georgina Tuskin.
562
00:46:40,049 --> 00:46:41,960
Susanna Kaysen.
563
00:46:44,569 --> 00:46:46,161
Polly Clark.
564

00:46:49,049 --> 00:46:51,165

Cynthia Crowley.
565
00:46:51,409 --> 00:46:53,206
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
566
00:46:54,569 --> 00:46:56,161
Janet Webber.
567
00:46:59,009 --> 00:47:00,567
Lisa Rowe.
568
00:47:33,329 --> 00:47:34,842
Fuck you, Melvin.
569
00:47:39,849 --> 00:47:41,077
Wanna see mine?
570
00:47:42,169 --> 00:47:43,761
Let me see yours.
571
00:47:52,769 --> 00:47:55,283
"Lisa Rowe.
572
00:47:55,529 --> 00:47:57,997
Highs and lows increasingly severe.
573
00:47:58,769 --> 00:48:01,203
Controlling relationships with patients.
574
00:48:01,409 --> 00:48:04,367
No appreciable response to meds.
575
00:48:04,569 --> 00:48:08,721
No remission observed."
That was before you ran away.
576
00:48:09,329 --> 00:48:11,047
We're very rare, and mostly men.
577
00:48:11,249 --> 00:48:14,047
Lisa thinks she's hot shit
because she's a sociopath.
578
00:48:14,249 --> 00:48:16,126

- I'm a sociopath.
- No, you're a dyke.
579
00:48:16,449 --> 00:48:19,407
"Borderline Personality Disorder.
580
00:48:19,609 --> 00:48:23,158
An instability of self-image,
relationships and mood.
581
00:48:23,369 --> 00:48:25,007
Uncertainty about goals.
582
00:48:25,249 --> 00:48:28,366
Impulsive in activities
that are self-damaging...
583
00:48:28,569 --> 00:48:30,958
...such as casual sex."
584
00:48:31,409 --> 00:48:32,524
I like that.
585
00:48:32,729 --> 00:48:35,084
"Social contrariness and a generally...
586
00:48:35,329 --> 00:48:38,048
...pessimistic attitude
are often observed."
587
00:48:39,609 --> 00:48:40,758
Well, that's me.
588
00:48:41,609 --> 00:48:42,724
That's everybody.
589
00:48:42,969 --> 00:48:45,403
I mean, what kind of sex isn't casual?
590
00:48:45,849 --> 00:48:48,079
They mean promiscuous.
591
00:48:48,569 --> 00:48:50,287
I'm not promiscuous.
592
00:48:54,769 --> 00:48:56,566

I'm not.
593
00:49:13,249 --> 00:49:14,523
Jesus.
594
00:49:15,169 --> 00:49:16,648
Look at Janet.
595
00:49:17,169 --> 00:49:18,522
No. It's all right.
596
00:49:20,489 --> 00:49:24,448
You know, taking us
for ice creams in a blizzard...
597
00:49:24,729 --> 00:49:27,197
...makes you wonder who
the real whack jobs are.
598
00:49:27,409 --> 00:49:29,081
You know, I think it's
kind of nice.
599
00:49:29,289 --> 00:49:33,487
I mean, I think it's nice to do
something nice on Daisy's last day.
600
00:50:01,009 --> 00:50:02,203
Oh, fuck!
601
00:50:02,449 --> 00:50:03,768
I'll have peppermint stick.
602
00:50:04,009 --> 00:50:05,647
Me too.
Can I have peppermint stick?
603
00:50:05,889 --> 00:50:07,208
Sure.
604
00:50:07,449 --> 00:50:09,565
It's just called peppermint.
605
00:50:09,809 --> 00:50:11,162
Peppermint dick!
606

00:50:12,609 --> 00:50:14,167

Peppermint clit!
607
00:50:17,529 --> 00:50:19,884
Okay. We're just gonna
have four cones.
608
00:50:20,129 --> 00:50:21,403
Four cones.
609
00:50:22,569 --> 00:50:24,446
Susanna, do you want anything?
610
00:50:24,649 --> 00:50:25,684
I'm fine.
611
00:50:31,129 --> 00:50:32,562
Ronny.
612
00:50:32,849 --> 00:50:33,884
Got any hot fudge?
613
00:50:34,529 --> 00:50:35,757
Yes.
614
00:50:36,249 --> 00:50:39,559
Can I have a vanilla sundae
with hot fudge...
615
00:50:39,849 --> 00:50:43,125
...and sprinkles.
Rainbow, not chocolate.
616
00:50:44,569 --> 00:50:46,082
And...
617
00:50:49,809 --> 00:50:52,448
...whipped cream, cherries...
618
00:50:53,369 --> 00:50:55,007
...and...
619
00:50:56,009 --> 00:50:56,805
Nuts?
620
00:51:05,649 --> 00:51:07,526

Let's have a seat, ladies.

621
00:51:09,249 --> 00:51:14,039
Melvin thought that I should
live in a halfway house.
622
00:51:14,969 --> 00:51:18,166
But my father knew
that I deserved my own apartment.
623
00:51:18,649 --> 00:51:20,605
So he got me the prettiest apartment.
624
00:51:20,809 --> 00:51:22,959
It has an eat-in chicken...
625
00:51:23,169 --> 00:51:27,321
...and all this beautiful
wicker furniture, which is fantastic.
626
00:51:27,529 --> 00:51:28,757
Wicker butterflies.
627
00:51:30,049 --> 00:51:31,767
My very favourite part...
628
00:51:31,969 --> 00:51:33,846
...is like in the phone book.
629
00:51:34,049 --> 00:51:36,563
There's a sign
right outside that says:
630
00:51:36,769 --> 00:51:38,566
"If you lived here...
631
00:51:38,889 --> 00:51:39,878
...you'd be home now."
632
00:51:40,449 --> 00:51:41,677
Hello, Susanna.
633
00:51:42,369 --> 00:51:43,484
Do you remember me?
634
00:51:44,369 --> 00:51:47,406

- You must remember me.

- Yes. Mrs. Gilcrest.
635
00:51:48,129 --> 00:51:49,244
Susanna, you okay?
636
00:51:49,729 --> 00:51:51,640
I'm fine.
637
00:51:52,569 --> 00:51:55,163
- Hey, Bonnie. How's Radcliffe?
- Wellesley.
638
00:51:55,649 --> 00:51:57,765
I'm enjoying it.
It's strong in art.
639
00:51:57,969 --> 00:51:59,243
Going to the Sorbonne.
640
00:51:59,449 --> 00:52:02,885
- That's great.
- You know, I know all about you...
641
00:52:03,129 --> 00:52:05,723
...and I hope they put you away forever.
642
00:52:07,049 --> 00:52:08,243
Is this the professor's wife?
643
00:52:08,489 --> 00:52:09,604
What professor?
644
00:52:09,849 --> 00:52:11,282
So you told everybody.
645
00:52:13,129 --> 00:52:14,039
Lady, back off.
646
00:52:14,569 --> 00:52:15,968
- Was I talking to you?
- Let's go.
647
00:52:16,209 --> 00:52:18,882
No, you're spitting on me,
so mellow-fucking-out.

648
00:52:19,129 --> 00:52:20,198
Don't tell me what to do.
649
00:52:20,409 --> 00:52:23,560
Look, she gave your husband
a rim job. Big fucking deal!
650
00:52:23,809 --> 00:52:26,687
He was begging for it,
and I heard it was like a pencil.
651
00:52:26,929 --> 00:52:28,157
How dare you!
652
00:52:28,409 --> 00:52:32,084
Some advice: Don't point your
fucking finger at crazy people!
653
00:52:35,209 --> 00:52:36,403
Let go of me!
654
00:52:37,929 --> 00:52:38,725
Mother?
655
00:52:38,969 --> 00:52:40,925
Get that out of my face, asshole!
656
00:52:43,569 --> 00:52:44,365
Let go!
657
00:52:44,849 --> 00:52:45,645
Now.
658
00:52:47,249 --> 00:52:48,398
Stop it!
659
00:52:49,209 --> 00:52:52,565
"Rank" you!
Come again, Mrs. Professor!
660
00:52:53,049 --> 00:52:55,165
You shared a man with that woman?
661
00:53:01,609 --> 00:53:04,407
- Did you enjoy the fresh air?
- Yeah, thanks.

662
00:53:04,609 --> 00:53:07,840
Good. Because it's the last time
you're leaving the ward.
663
00:53:09,129 --> 00:53:11,563
Is that a dare or a double dare?
664
00:53:14,329 --> 00:53:18,447
Okay, raise your arms. Very good.
We're going to be trees.
665
00:53:18,849 --> 00:53:22,080
Feel the strength in your arms
as the branches.
666
00:53:22,329 --> 00:53:24,889
And reach those branches up to the sky.
667
00:53:25,129 --> 00:53:28,485
Come on, Susanna, reach.
Very good!
668
00:53:28,729 --> 00:53:30,481
Lisa, all right.
669
00:53:30,689 --> 00:53:33,522
Reach your arms, girls.
Reach. Really lift.
670
00:53:33,729 --> 00:53:35,560
Feel the stretch through the hip.
671
00:53:35,769 --> 00:53:38,203
Very good.
Let your arms be branches.
672
00:53:38,409 --> 00:53:40,559
There's strength in those branches.
673
00:53:40,929 --> 00:53:45,639
Reach, reach all the way up
into the sky. Very good.
674
00:53:45,929 --> 00:53:49,683
Let the wind blow the leaves
and let your fingers be the leaves.

675
00:53:49,929 --> 00:53:52,284
Good, M-G, very good.
Feel the wind.
676
00:53:52,689 --> 00:53:54,839
Good. Good, Lisa.
677
00:53:55,089 --> 00:53:56,761
Very good.
678
00:53:57,129 --> 00:54:00,246
Just lift up. Lift up.
Very good, girls.
679
00:54:00,489 --> 00:54:02,798
Now feel your feet.
Feel your feet be rooted.
680
00:54:03,009 --> 00:54:05,239
Go down into a plie.
Very good.
681
00:54:05,489 --> 00:54:08,049
Good, girls. Polly, very good.
682
00:54:08,289 --> 00:54:11,759
Now stretch it. The wind's blowing
really hard this way.
683
00:54:12,489 --> 00:54:15,367
That is not fair.
That is not fair!
684
00:54:15,569 --> 00:54:16,797
That is not fair!
685
00:54:18,129 --> 00:54:19,960
Seventy-four is the perfect weight!
686
00:54:23,529 --> 00:54:25,008
Good luck, crazy bitch.
687
00:54:25,209 --> 00:54:28,679
What kind of tree can you be
down there on the floor?

688
00:54:28,889 --> 00:54:31,449
I'm a fucking shrub, all right?
689
00:55:50,089 --> 00:55:53,479
Martin Luther King Jr. was killed
tonight in Memphis, Tennessee.
690
00:55:53,689 --> 00:55:57,477
He was shot as he stood
on the balcony of his hotel room.
691
00:55:57,929 --> 00:55:59,647
Last night, he said this:
692
00:55:59,849 --> 00:56:02,158
I don't know what will happen now.
693
00:56:02,929 --> 00:56:05,318
We've got some difficult days ahead.
694
00:56:06,729 --> 00:56:09,084
But it really doesn't matter
with me now...
695
00:56:09,329 --> 00:56:11,843
...because I've been
to the mountaintop.
696
00:56:23,129 --> 00:56:25,245
Susanna, you have a visitor.
697
00:56:29,729 --> 00:56:30,878
What are you doing here?
698
00:56:35,529 --> 00:56:37,838
I ship out next week.
699
00:56:39,489 --> 00:56:40,638
Here.
700
00:56:57,409 --> 00:56:58,842
Checks.
701
00:56:59,529 --> 00:57:01,042
Sorry.

702
00:57:01,729 --> 00:57:05,358
No. It's okay. We have
10 minutes till they come back.
703
00:57:15,409 --> 00:57:16,603
Hey, Torch.
704
00:57:17,529 --> 00:57:19,440
What you doing?
705
00:57:20,329 --> 00:57:21,444
Nothing.
706
00:57:22,009 --> 00:57:25,240
Well, why don't you go to
your room and do nothing?
707
00:57:35,729 --> 00:57:37,242
Checks.
708
00:57:39,329 --> 00:57:40,648
Checks.
709
00:57:43,929 --> 00:57:45,078
Checks.
710
00:57:48,529 --> 00:57:49,484
Hey, Margie.
711
00:57:49,729 --> 00:57:51,640
- Hey, Lisa.
- What you doing?
712
00:57:51,849 --> 00:57:53,885
- Checks.
- How's Joe?
713
00:57:54,129 --> 00:57:55,847
He's fine.
714
00:57:56,409 --> 00:57:57,922
I have to do my checks.
715
00:57:58,169 --> 00:58:01,206
Taking five minutes for me
would be a dereliction of duty?

716
00:58:02,649 --> 00:58:04,241
What if I had a punctured artery?
717
00:58:04,489 --> 00:58:06,639
You'd go on your rounds,
ignoring my wounds?
718
00:58:06,889 --> 00:58:09,483
- Stop it.
- Stop what? Look at this.
719
00:58:09,929 --> 00:58:10,964
Go ahead. Go ahead.
720
00:58:11,209 --> 00:58:12,403
That's enough!
721
00:58:12,609 --> 00:58:15,123
Take one step
and I'll jam this in my aorta!
722
00:58:15,369 --> 00:58:16,438
Stop it.
723
00:58:16,649 --> 00:58:18,446
Your aorta is in your chest.
724
00:58:20,409 --> 00:58:21,808
Good to know.
725
00:58:22,609 --> 00:58:25,362
- I'll make a note of that.
- Good.
726
00:58:33,849 --> 00:58:36,488
You have grounds privileges.
Why don't you take a walk?
727
00:58:37,129 --> 00:58:39,165
Go get a cup of coffee.
728
00:58:43,209 --> 00:58:44,927
We should get out of here.
729
00:59:00,529 --> 00:59:02,008

The cafeteria's this way.

730
00:59:02,209 --> 00:59:03,642
My wheels are here.
731
00:59:03,889 --> 00:59:05,686
Wait. What are we doing?
732
00:59:08,249 --> 00:59:10,205
We're going to Canada.
733
00:59:16,009 --> 00:59:17,727
You're not crazy.
734
00:59:17,929 --> 00:59:20,284
Okay? You don't need to be here.
735
00:59:21,729 --> 00:59:24,289
I tried to kill myself, Toby.
736
00:59:24,689 --> 00:59:28,682
- You took some aspirin.
- I took a bottle of aspirin.
737
00:59:29,849 --> 00:59:34,127
That buys you a year in this place?
That's bullshit, okay?
738
00:59:34,329 --> 00:59:35,398
They're breaking you.
739
00:59:35,889 --> 00:59:38,722
Come on. All right?
Everything's changing, man.
740
00:59:38,969 --> 00:59:41,119
What do they know
about being normal?
741
00:59:43,849 --> 00:59:45,521
I have friends in here.
742
00:59:46,689 --> 00:59:49,283
Who? Them?
743
00:59:49,689 --> 00:59:51,645

Those girls...
Susanna...
744
00:59:53,129 --> 00:59:56,838
...they're eating grapes
off of the wallpaper.
745
00:59:57,249 --> 00:59:58,682
They're insane.
746
00:59:59,209 --> 01:00:01,643
If they are, I am.
747
01:00:05,689 --> 01:00:07,407
No, baby.
Listen, come with me.
748
01:00:11,929 --> 01:00:13,044
Look...
749
01:00:14,049 --> 01:00:16,279
...my dad gave me five grand.
750
01:00:16,849 --> 01:00:20,683
Okay? We can go up there.
We can build a cabin in the woods.
751
01:00:22,849 --> 01:00:25,124
Look, I know that this sounds crazy...
752
01:00:27,289 --> 01:00:29,041
...but I think I love you.
753
01:00:30,409 --> 01:00:32,684
So come with me. Okay?
754
01:00:34,329 --> 01:00:36,047
Come with me.
755
01:00:44,049 --> 01:00:47,086
You wanna leave, don't you?
756
01:00:47,289 --> 01:00:48,404
Yes.
757
01:00:48,929 --> 01:00:50,840

I wanna leave.
758
01:00:54,089 --> 01:00:55,841
But not with you.
759
01:00:59,529 --> 01:01:01,042
Not with you.
760
01:01:02,689 --> 01:01:04,247
I'm sorry.
761
01:01:06,249 --> 01:01:08,240
Susanna, wait a second.
762
01:01:51,809 --> 01:01:53,640
Why did you do that?
763
01:01:57,129 --> 01:01:59,643
Fix the light bulb at night?
764
01:02:01,649 --> 01:02:03,799
I'm not here in the morning...
765
01:02:04,169 --> 01:02:07,605
...and that's when you like to draw
your pictures and stuff.
766
01:02:07,889 --> 01:02:08,924
So...
767
01:02:19,729 --> 01:02:20,684
John?
768
01:02:27,529 --> 01:02:29,440
Why do you like me?
769
01:02:32,329 --> 01:02:34,365
I just like you.
770
01:02:35,529 --> 01:02:37,121
That's all.
771
01:02:38,249 --> 01:02:40,763
I wish you were getting
better, though.

772
01:02:41,529 --> 01:02:43,042
I would...
773
01:02:44,329 --> 01:02:48,038
I'd take you out to go see
a movie or something.
774
01:02:50,609 --> 01:02:52,247
That'd be nice.
775
01:02:54,209 --> 01:02:55,324
My face!
776
01:02:58,049 --> 01:02:59,368
My face!
777
01:02:59,609 --> 01:03:01,600
I'm okay. I'm okay.
778
01:03:01,849 --> 01:03:03,680
- Let her be. She's fine.
- My face!
779
01:03:03,929 --> 01:03:04,998
My face!
780
01:03:05,289 --> 01:03:07,439
Seclusion.
Take her to Seclusion. Come on.
781
01:03:07,929 --> 01:03:09,442
I got you.
782
01:03:12,289 --> 01:03:13,642
- My face! Why?
- Open it.
783
01:03:14,849 --> 01:03:16,441
My face!
784
01:03:16,649 --> 01:03:18,002
My face!
785
01:03:18,249 --> 01:03:22,447
Quieten down. Quieten down.
You're all right.

786
01:03:24,009 --> 01:03:26,807
I'm ugly! My face!
787
01:03:27,009 --> 01:03:30,206
I'm ugly! Why?
788
01:03:53,329 --> 01:03:55,047
What happened to Polly?
789
01:03:57,409 --> 01:04:00,287
What needs to happen?
No one's ever gonna kiss her.
790
01:04:02,729 --> 01:04:05,243
They're building a new
Disneyland in Florida.
791
01:04:05,769 --> 01:04:08,966
If I could have any job,
I'd be a professional Cinderella.
792
01:04:09,689 --> 01:04:11,281
You could be Snow White.
793
01:04:11,529 --> 01:04:13,884
Polly could be Minnie Mouse and then...
794
01:04:14,089 --> 01:04:15,966
...she'd be hugged, kissed
and loved...
795
01:04:16,169 --> 01:04:19,445
...and no one would know
what's inside that giant head.
796
01:04:20,809 --> 01:04:22,640
Give me your keys.
797
01:04:47,689 --> 01:04:49,645
Hey, Polly.
798
01:04:50,849 --> 01:04:51,804
It's Susanna.
799
01:04:52,009 --> 01:04:53,522

Just play something.

800
01:04:53,929 --> 01:04:57,046
If talking did shit,
we'd be out of here by now.
801
01:05:17,129 --> 01:05:21,281
When you're alone
And life is making you lonely
802
01:05:21,489 --> 01:05:24,526
You can always go
803
01:05:24,729 --> 01:05:26,481
Downtown
804
01:05:34,489 --> 01:05:38,323
When you've got worries
All the noise and the hurry
805
01:05:38,529 --> 01:05:41,999
Seems to help, I know
806
01:05:48,609 --> 01:05:50,327
Downtown
807
01:05:51,729 --> 01:05:54,289
Just listen to the music
808
01:05:54,489 --> 01:05:57,049
In the traffic in the city
809
01:05:57,489 --> 01:06:01,767
Linger on the sidewalks
Where the neon lights are pretty
810
01:06:03,329 --> 01:06:05,001
How can you lose?
811
01:06:06,289 --> 01:06:09,087
The lights are much brighter there
812
01:06:09,329 --> 01:06:14,005
You can forget all your troubles
Forget all your cares and go downtown
813

01:06:14,249 --> 01:06:15,841

Back to your room, please.
814
01:06:16,049 --> 01:06:19,803
Things will be great when you're
Downtown
815
01:06:20,009 --> 01:06:22,159
McWilley is gonna wake up.
816
01:06:22,409 --> 01:06:23,728
Give me the guitar.
817
01:06:25,849 --> 01:06:27,328
You're gonna get me fired.
818
01:06:27,569 --> 01:06:30,959
You'll be dancing with him
Before the night is over
819
01:06:31,169 --> 01:06:33,000
- Give me the guitar.
- Happy again
820
01:06:34,609 --> 01:06:36,088
No. No.
821
01:06:36,449 --> 01:06:38,519
It's okay. It's okay.
Come here.
822
01:06:38,769 --> 01:06:40,964
You'll get me fired.
You know that?
823
01:06:52,049 --> 01:06:54,688
Downtown
824
01:06:56,009 --> 01:06:58,398
Everything's great...
825
01:06:58,889 --> 01:07:03,007
...when you're downtown
826
01:07:28,209 --> 01:07:29,688
I'm writing you up.

827
01:07:29,929 --> 01:07:32,238
I am sick of this bullshit.
828
01:07:37,129 --> 01:07:38,847
Is she here?
829
01:07:39,329 --> 01:07:41,206
You can go in now.
830
01:07:47,409 --> 01:07:50,685
- What did she do?
- They drugged Nurse McWilley.
831
01:07:56,729 --> 01:07:59,084
- Good morning, Susanna.
- Good morning.
832
01:07:59,289 --> 01:08:00,324
How are you?
833
01:08:02,209 --> 01:08:04,245
I'm fine, I guess.
834
01:08:05,729 --> 01:08:07,242
Sit down.
835
01:08:16,409 --> 01:08:17,808
You look tired.
836
01:08:19,929 --> 01:08:24,684
Polly freaked out last night and we
stayed up singing to her, Lisa and I.
837
01:08:26,409 --> 01:08:29,048
Have you become friends with Lisa?
838
01:08:31,009 --> 01:08:32,567
Why? Is that bad?
839
01:08:32,809 --> 01:08:35,448
- Does it feel bad?
- No.
840
01:08:36,129 --> 01:08:39,201
Before you came here, did you
have many girlfriends?

841
01:08:39,809 --> 01:08:41,242
Not really.
842
01:08:43,209 --> 01:08:46,997
Would you say that before you came here,
your friends consisted mainly...
843
01:08:47,209 --> 01:08:48,608
...of boys, of men?
844
01:08:50,089 --> 01:08:52,444
Does it say in there
that I'm promiscuous?
845
01:08:53,129 --> 01:08:55,040
Why do you choose that word?
846
01:08:55,249 --> 01:08:58,685
How many guys would I have to sleep
with to be considered promiscuous?
847
01:08:58,889 --> 01:09:00,959
Textbook promiscuous?
848
01:09:01,529 --> 01:09:02,882
What do you think?
849
01:09:03,129 --> 01:09:06,326
Ten. Eight. Five.
850
01:09:07,089 --> 01:09:10,559
How many girls would a guy have to sleep
with to be considered promiscuous?
851
01:09:10,769 --> 01:09:12,646
Ten? 20? 109?
852
01:09:12,849 --> 01:09:14,760
Someone who's compulsively
promiscuous...
853
01:09:15,009 --> 01:09:18,206
...might engage in a sex act
with a guest in their room...
854

01:09:18,409 --> 01:09:23,324

...and then engage in another sex act
during the same day with an orderly.
855
01:09:27,489 --> 01:09:32,119
Am I in trouble for kissing an orderly
or giving my boyfriend a blowjob?
856
01:09:34,129 --> 01:09:35,926
Melvin says...
857
01:09:36,129 --> 01:09:40,327
...you have some very interesting
theories about your illness.
858
01:09:40,529 --> 01:09:44,442
You believe there is
a mystical undertow in life.
859
01:09:44,649 --> 01:09:47,800
"Quicksands of shadows."
860
01:09:48,009 --> 01:09:52,002
Another one of my theories is that you
people don't know what you're doing.
861
01:09:52,249 --> 01:09:55,082
You acknowledge a problem
coping with this quicksand.
862
01:09:55,329 --> 01:09:59,117
I have a problem coping with this
hospital. I wanna leave.
863
01:10:01,049 --> 01:10:02,118
I can't do that.
864
01:10:02,329 --> 01:10:04,889
I signed myself in,
I can sign myself out.
865
01:10:05,129 --> 01:10:08,485
You signed yourself into our care.
We decide when you leave.
866
01:10:08,809 --> 01:10:10,561
You're not ready for it, Susanna.

867
01:10:11,049 --> 01:10:13,688
Your progress has plateaued.
868
01:10:15,409 --> 01:10:17,320
Does that disappoint you?
869
01:10:17,809 --> 01:10:19,481
I'm ambivalent.
870
01:10:20,129 --> 01:10:22,279
In fact, that's my new favourite word.
871
01:10:22,489 --> 01:10:24,923
Do you know what that means,
ambivalence?
872
01:10:25,449 --> 01:10:26,564
I don't care.
873
01:10:26,809 --> 01:10:28,720
If it's your favourite word,
I would've...
874
01:10:28,929 --> 01:10:31,397
It means "I don't care."
That's what it means.
875
01:10:31,649 --> 01:10:34,083
On the contrary, Susanna.
876
01:10:34,329 --> 01:10:39,039
Ambivalence suggests strong
feelings in opposition.
877
01:10:39,289 --> 01:10:42,201
The prefix, as in ambidextrous...
878
01:10:42,409 --> 01:10:43,922
...means "both."
879
01:10:44,689 --> 01:10:47,965
The rest of it, in Latin,
means "vigour."
880
01:10:48,569 --> 01:10:51,322
The word suggests that you are torn...

881
01:10:52,009 --> 01:10:54,364
...between two opposing courses
of action.
882
01:10:57,929 --> 01:10:59,999
Will I stay or will I go?
883
01:11:00,329 --> 01:11:03,560
Am I sane or am I crazy?
884
01:11:03,889 --> 01:11:05,527
Those aren't courses of action.
885
01:11:06,289 --> 01:11:09,759
They can be, dear, for some.
886
01:11:10,009 --> 01:11:11,965
Well, then, it's the wrong word.
887
01:11:12,329 --> 01:11:13,444
No.
888
01:11:14,129 --> 01:11:15,767
I think it's perfect.
889
01:11:29,129 --> 01:11:31,802
"What world is this?
890
01:11:32,289 --> 01:11:33,768
What kingdom?
891
01:11:35,009 --> 01:11:38,001
What shores of what worlds?"
892
01:11:38,289 --> 01:11:43,044
It's a very big question
you're faced with, Susanna.
893
01:11:43,689 --> 01:11:46,328
The choice of your life.
894
01:11:47,489 --> 01:11:50,640
How much will you indulge
in your flaws?

895
01:11:51,849 --> 01:11:54,682
What are your flaws?
Are they flaws?
896
01:11:55,449 --> 01:12:00,364
If you embrace them, will you commit
yourself to hospital for life?
897
01:12:01,689 --> 01:12:05,238
Big questions, big decisions.
898
01:12:06,529 --> 01:12:10,442
Not surprising you profess
carelessness about them.
899
01:12:17,129 --> 01:12:18,642
Is that it?
900
01:12:20,489 --> 01:12:22,047
For now.
901
01:12:30,689 --> 01:12:32,839
This way, Susanna.
902
01:12:46,529 --> 01:12:48,918
John was moved to the men's ward.
903
01:12:50,409 --> 01:12:53,845
And Lisa never came back
from Dr. Wick's office.
904
01:13:20,729 --> 01:13:22,924
We live in a time of doubt.
905
01:13:24,089 --> 01:13:27,240
The institutions we once trusted
no longer seem reliable.
906
01:13:31,729 --> 01:13:34,960
Daisy sent us a postcard
all about her new apartment.
907
01:13:35,529 --> 01:13:37,645
She got a pussycat.
908
01:13:38,489 --> 01:13:40,445

Where's Lisa?
909
01:13:41,449 --> 01:13:43,440
You know where she is.
910
01:13:44,729 --> 01:13:47,084
They just put her in another ward.
911
01:13:58,089 --> 01:14:00,649
I think you need to get up.
912
01:14:01,049 --> 01:14:04,678
I'm just gonna rest for a while,
just a little while.
913
01:14:12,489 --> 01:14:13,365
What are you doing?
914
01:14:16,489 --> 01:14:17,683
Fuck!
915
01:14:20,329 --> 01:14:21,842
Sorry, too cold?
916
01:14:22,089 --> 01:14:25,764
What the fuck are you doing?
Get me the fuck out of this tub!
917
01:14:26,209 --> 01:14:27,324
Get yourself out.
918
01:14:28,009 --> 01:14:29,601
Where's Lisa?
919
01:14:30,649 --> 01:14:32,241
Where the fuck is Lisa?
920
01:14:32,849 --> 01:14:34,646
Can't hack it without her?
921
01:14:34,889 --> 01:14:38,928
You banish her for singing to Polly.
We were trying to help her!
922
01:14:39,569 --> 01:14:44,199
We were trying to help her! This place

is a fucking fascist torture chamber!

923
01:14:44,409 --> 01:14:45,558
No.
924
01:14:45,809 --> 01:14:49,484
I worked in state hospitals.
This place is a five-star hotel.
925
01:14:51,529 --> 01:14:53,201
Oh, lordy, pick a bale of cotton
926
01:14:54,169 --> 01:14:58,685
You know, I can take a lot of crazy
shit from a lot of crazy people...
927
01:14:58,889 --> 01:14:59,958
...but you?
928
01:15:00,329 --> 01:15:01,967
You are not crazy.
929
01:15:02,209 --> 01:15:03,881
Then what's wrong with me?
930
01:15:04,129 --> 01:15:06,927
What the fuck's going on
inside my head?
931
01:15:07,129 --> 01:15:09,643
Tell me Dr. Val, what's
your diag-nonsense?
932
01:15:09,849 --> 01:15:13,728
You are a lazy, self-indulgent
little girl...
933
01:15:13,969 --> 01:15:16,688
...who is driving herself crazy.
934
01:15:19,529 --> 01:15:23,283
Is that your medical opinion? Huh?
935
01:15:23,489 --> 01:15:26,879
Is that what you've learned in your
studies at night school...

936
01:15:27,089 --> 01:15:29,239
...for Negro welfare mothers?
937
01:15:30,009 --> 01:15:33,922
I mean, Melvin doesn't have a clue.
Wick is a psycho. And you...
938
01:15:34,169 --> 01:15:35,522
...pretend you're a doctor.
939
01:15:35,729 --> 01:15:39,881
You sign charts and dole out meds, but
you's ain't no doctor, Miss Valerie.
940
01:15:40,089 --> 01:15:43,047
You's ain't nothing
but a black nursemaid.
941
01:15:46,009 --> 01:15:48,239
And you're just throwing it away.
942
01:16:13,409 --> 01:16:15,445
You still wanna go to Florida?
943
01:16:17,929 --> 01:16:20,682
Lisa, we need money, don't we?
944
01:16:20,929 --> 01:16:23,602
- You've tongued your meds?
- Yeah, but I only have...
945
01:16:23,809 --> 01:16:26,039
They gave me shocks again.
946
01:16:26,449 --> 01:16:28,167
Jamie, I have to get out of here.
947
01:16:30,729 --> 01:16:32,447
I'm Susanna.
948
01:16:33,529 --> 01:16:35,679
I'm Susanna.
949
01:16:53,849 --> 01:16:55,646
What are we doing?

950
01:16:58,409 --> 01:17:00,047
What is it?
951
01:17:01,329 --> 01:17:04,765
"Dear sir, please give
Daisy Randone assistance...
952
01:17:04,969 --> 01:17:08,439
...installing a telephone
at 23 Vicar Street."
953
01:17:08,649 --> 01:17:10,287
I thought we were going to Florida!
954
01:17:10,529 --> 01:17:13,441
We just need a place to crash
till we get plane tickets.
955
01:17:15,529 --> 01:17:16,848
Come on.
956
01:17:27,729 --> 01:17:29,447
Nice coat.
957
01:18:31,209 --> 01:18:32,437
What?
958
01:18:33,649 --> 01:18:35,958
You don't want me, Tony.
959
01:18:36,209 --> 01:18:38,086
Yes, I do, baby.
960
01:18:38,329 --> 01:18:40,889
No, you don't.
I'm a crazy girl.
961
01:18:41,129 --> 01:18:43,359
You're crazy, so we can't
have one night?
962
01:18:43,609 --> 01:18:46,601
I am a crazy girl. Seriously.
963
01:18:47,929 --> 01:18:50,648
- You've been in a hospital?

- Yes.
964
01:18:56,489 --> 01:18:58,081
Do you see purple people?
965
01:18:59,729 --> 01:19:01,959
My friend, he saw purple people.
966
01:19:02,449 --> 01:19:05,441
And so the state came
and took him away.
967
01:19:06,529 --> 01:19:08,247
He didn't like that.
968
01:19:08,449 --> 01:19:10,485
Some time went by...
969
01:19:10,929 --> 01:19:13,682
...and he told them he didn't see
purple people no more.
970
01:19:13,889 --> 01:19:15,242
He got better.
971
01:19:16,009 --> 01:19:18,762
No. He still sees them.
972
01:19:21,529 --> 01:19:22,325
We gotta split.
973
01:19:22,569 --> 01:19:24,127
Somebody stop her!
974
01:19:24,369 --> 01:19:26,678
She took my fucking wallet!
975
01:19:36,929 --> 01:19:38,840
Identify yourself.
976
01:19:39,489 --> 01:19:41,639
It's Susanna and...
977
01:19:41,849 --> 01:19:44,647
It's Susanna. Daisy?

978
01:19:50,929 --> 01:19:52,044
You got Valium?
979
01:20:07,729 --> 01:20:08,844
Cool pad.
980
01:20:10,969 --> 01:20:12,448
Peace, man, peace.
981
01:20:12,889 --> 01:20:14,925
I'm sorry for being a bitch.
I was a drag.
982
01:20:15,129 --> 01:20:16,642
That's for you.
983
01:20:25,489 --> 01:20:27,047
That's Ruby.
984
01:20:27,809 --> 01:20:29,640
My dad bought her for me.
985
01:20:31,729 --> 01:20:34,084
This is a Castro Convertible.
986
01:20:34,889 --> 01:20:36,561
- It pulls out.
- Cool.
987
01:20:37,289 --> 01:20:38,688
- Where's your bathroom?
- Right there.
988
01:20:42,729 --> 01:20:44,003
You don't have a tub.
989
01:20:44,209 --> 01:20:46,086
No, I don't.
990
01:20:47,049 --> 01:20:48,721
- What about upstairs?
- Nope.
991
01:20:51,329 --> 01:20:54,082
So, what, did you two
escape or what?

992
01:20:54,329 --> 01:20:56,843
Actually, we're going to Florida.
993
01:20:57,089 --> 01:20:59,887
All you have is mustard
and your chickens.
994
01:21:00,449 --> 01:21:03,725
So what are you girls going
to do in Florida?
995
01:21:05,049 --> 01:21:08,041
I'm gonna be Cinderella at
Walt Disney's new theme park.
996
01:21:08,689 --> 01:21:10,680
Susanna's gonna be Snow White.
997
01:21:11,129 --> 01:21:13,324
You can come if you want.
998
01:21:13,889 --> 01:21:16,642
You can be the cocker spaniel
that eats spaghetti.
999
01:21:18,489 --> 01:21:19,763
I wanna make pancakes.
1000
01:21:20,129 --> 01:21:21,847
I'm tired.
I wanna go to bed.
1001
01:21:22,089 --> 01:21:24,284
I want to make pancakes
in the morning.
1002
01:21:24,489 --> 01:21:26,002
There's a market on the corner.
1003
01:21:26,449 --> 01:21:28,440
Pans are under the sink.
1004
01:21:28,649 --> 01:21:30,560
Silver's in that drawer.
1005

01:21:33,849 --> 01:21:35,362

Do you have any money?
1006
01:21:36,689 --> 01:21:39,647
Do you have some sort
of a safety net down there?
1007
01:21:41,129 --> 01:21:43,802
People you know down there in Florida?
1008
01:21:44,409 --> 01:21:45,842
Relatives?
1009
01:21:46,729 --> 01:21:49,402
Friends? Anything?
1010
01:21:59,929 --> 01:22:02,045
This is for your pancakes.
1011
01:22:03,609 --> 01:22:06,043
Don't make a lot of noise
in the morning.
1012
01:22:07,009 --> 01:22:09,045
I like to sleep late.
1013
01:22:09,729 --> 01:22:11,845
I'll come down when I'm ready.
1014
01:22:40,009 --> 01:22:41,488
Give me the Valium.
1015
01:22:42,609 --> 01:22:44,520
We don't need your daddy's money.
1016
01:22:45,009 --> 01:22:46,840
Then leave it there.
1017
01:22:47,289 --> 01:22:49,849
Just give me the fucking Valium.
1018
01:22:55,489 --> 01:22:56,638
What's this?
1019
01:22:56,889 --> 01:22:58,004
- What's this?

- Let go.
1020
01:22:58,249 --> 01:23:01,082
- Trying out your new silver?
- Get the fuck off me.
1021
01:23:01,769 --> 01:23:02,997
Less appealing for Daddy.
1022
01:23:04,329 --> 01:23:06,206
Look at your own arm, asshole.
1023
01:23:06,449 --> 01:23:08,405
I'm sick, Daisy. We know that.
1024
01:23:08,649 --> 01:23:12,437
But here you are in so-called
recovery, cut up like a ham.
1025
01:23:12,649 --> 01:23:14,526
Just stop it, okay?
1026
01:23:15,769 --> 01:23:18,283
Help me understand.
1027
01:23:19,049 --> 01:23:22,280
I thought you didn't do Valium.
Tell me how this works.
1028
01:23:23,369 --> 01:23:26,759
Tell me that you don't drag that blade
across your skin...
1029
01:23:26,969 --> 01:23:30,484
...and pray for the courage
to press down.
1030
01:23:31,969 --> 01:23:35,882
Tell me how your daddy
helps you cope with that.
1031
01:23:36,289 --> 01:23:38,086
Illuminate me.
1032
01:23:40,569 --> 01:23:42,685
My father loves me.

1033
01:23:45,129 --> 01:23:46,323
I bet.
1034
01:23:46,569 --> 01:23:49,402
With every inch of his manhood.
1035
01:23:49,649 --> 01:23:51,480
Oh, God.
1036
01:23:55,569 --> 01:23:57,480
I'm going to sleep now.
1037
01:24:06,449 --> 01:24:08,041
Please be gone in the morning.
1038
01:24:11,289 --> 01:24:13,120
You're just jealous, Lisa...
1039
01:24:14,449 --> 01:24:16,280
...because I got better.
1040
01:24:17,249 --> 01:24:19,080
Because I was released.
1041
01:24:20,129 --> 01:24:22,484
Because I have a chance.
1042
01:24:23,929 --> 01:24:25,521
And a life.
1043
01:24:27,369 --> 01:24:29,883
They didn't release you
because you're better.
1044
01:24:30,289 --> 01:24:31,881
They just gave up.
1045
01:24:33,049 --> 01:24:34,801
You call this a life?
1046
01:24:35,049 --> 01:24:39,486
Taking Daddy's money? Buying your
dollies and your knickknacks?
1047
01:24:39,689 --> 01:24:43,443

Eating his fucking chicken?

Fattening up like a prize heifer?
1048
01:24:44,369 --> 01:24:46,405
You changed the scenery,
but not the situation...
1049
01:24:46,609 --> 01:24:48,884
...and the warden makes house calls.
1050
01:24:49,089 --> 01:24:51,159
And everybody knows.
1051
01:24:51,649 --> 01:24:54,482
Everybody knows that he fucks you.
1052
01:24:55,889 --> 01:24:57,208
What they don't know...
1053
01:24:58,569 --> 01:24:59,922
...is that you like it.
1054
01:25:01,889 --> 01:25:04,357
- You like it.
- Shut the fuck up!
1055
01:25:04,569 --> 01:25:06,844
Man, it's cool. It's okay.
1056
01:25:07,049 --> 01:25:08,277
It's fucking fine!
1057
01:25:08,529 --> 01:25:11,965
A man is a dick is a man
is a dick is a chicken...
1058
01:25:12,169 --> 01:25:13,488
...is a dad...
1059
01:25:13,689 --> 01:25:17,238
...a Valium, a speculum, whatever.
1060
01:25:17,529 --> 01:25:19,087
Whatever.
1061
01:25:20,289 --> 01:25:21,961

You like being Mrs. Randone.

1062
01:25:23,769 --> 01:25:25,680
Probably all you've ever known.
1063
01:25:28,969 --> 01:25:31,085
Have fun in Florida.
1064
01:27:18,529 --> 01:27:20,087
Has she come down yet?
1065
01:27:20,809 --> 01:27:21,798
No.
1066
01:27:23,289 --> 01:27:26,247
But she's been playing
that shit all morning!
1067
01:27:27,929 --> 01:27:31,604
Why does my heart go on beating?
1068
01:27:34,289 --> 01:27:38,168
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
1069
01:27:41,049 --> 01:27:43,609
Don't they know
1070
01:27:43,849 --> 01:27:47,125
It's the end of the world
1071
01:27:47,369 --> 01:27:50,441
It ended when you said
1072
01:27:51,569 --> 01:27:54,527
Goodbye
1073
01:28:42,169 --> 01:28:43,488
Daisy?
1074
01:29:02,169 --> 01:29:04,080
Oh, my God!
1075
01:29:15,529 --> 01:29:17,281
What an idiot.
1076

01:29:25,729 --> 01:29:29,438

- Yes, I need an ambulance.
- Make it a hearse.
1077
01:29:30,769 --> 01:29:34,603
Daisy Randone. She killed herself.
1078
01:29:36,729 --> 01:29:41,359
23 Vicar Street.
Yes. Please hurry!
1079
01:29:52,369 --> 01:29:55,361
You pressed her buttons.
Now you're taking her money.
1080
01:29:56,929 --> 01:29:59,568
I didn't press shit.
She was waiting for an excuse.
1081
01:29:59,769 --> 01:30:01,168
Pack up.
We have to go.
1082
01:30:01,409 --> 01:30:03,559
All right?
We have to go!
1083
01:30:03,769 --> 01:30:05,487
Now we have money.
1084
01:30:09,049 --> 01:30:11,085
Don't be stupid.
1085
01:30:14,489 --> 01:30:17,083
All right, fine.
Be stupid.
1086
01:32:24,329 --> 01:32:27,878
We should send someone
for a litter box.
1087
01:32:56,729 --> 01:32:58,481
Can I pet the kitty?
1088
01:33:01,129 --> 01:33:02,687
Be careful.
1089

01:33:06,169 --> 01:33:09,002

- Hello, puddy-cat.
- Kitty!
1090
01:33:09,849 --> 01:33:11,885
You are so cute.
1091
01:33:23,529 --> 01:33:25,247
Checks.
1092
01:33:26,929 --> 01:33:28,681
Where's Georgina?
1093
01:33:29,529 --> 01:33:31,724
She's staying with Polly tonight.
1094
01:33:32,449 --> 01:33:34,644
They're playing with your cat.
1095
01:33:38,409 --> 01:33:40,365
Did they find Lisa?
1096
01:33:41,689 --> 01:33:42,678
No.
1097
01:34:00,649 --> 01:34:03,243
I couldn't stand up to her.
1098
01:34:07,329 --> 01:34:10,639
A decent person would
have done something.
1099
01:34:12,929 --> 01:34:14,647
Shut her up.
1100
01:34:18,529 --> 01:34:20,520
Gone upstairs.
1101
01:34:21,209 --> 01:34:23,040
Talked to Daisy.
1102
01:34:25,729 --> 01:34:28,038
Melvin said you went upstairs.
1103
01:34:30,249 --> 01:34:31,841
Too late.

1104
01:34:34,209 --> 01:34:36,439
What would you have said to her?
1105
01:34:38,089 --> 01:34:39,841
I don't know.
1106
01:34:41,529 --> 01:34:43,440
That I was sorry.
1107
01:34:48,729 --> 01:34:51,562
That I'll never know what
it was like to be her.
1108
01:34:55,729 --> 01:34:59,438
But I know what it's like
to wanna die.
1109
01:35:03,409 --> 01:35:05,843
How it hurts to smile.
1110
01:35:07,729 --> 01:35:11,039
How you try to fit in,
but you can't.
1111
01:35:12,529 --> 01:35:15,680
How you hurt yourself
on the outside...
1112
01:35:15,889 --> 01:35:19,040
...to try to kill the thing
on the inside.
1113
01:35:21,209 --> 01:35:25,839
Susanna, it's all well and good
to tell me all this.
1114
01:35:26,809 --> 01:35:30,245
But you've got to tell
some of this to your doctors.
1115
01:35:36,329 --> 01:35:38,206
How am I supposed to recover...
1116
01:35:38,409 --> 01:35:41,162
...when I don't even
understand my disease?

1117
01:35:42,129 --> 01:35:44,404
But you do understand it.
1118
01:35:44,689 --> 01:35:48,079
You spoke very clearly
about it a second ago.
1119
01:35:48,889 --> 01:35:51,926
But I think what you've got
to do is put it down.
1120
01:35:52,169 --> 01:35:54,444
Put it away.
Put it in your notebook.
1121
01:35:54,649 --> 01:35:56,560
But get it out of yourself.
1122
01:35:57,249 --> 01:36:01,037
Away, so you can't
curl up with it anymore.
1123
01:36:07,689 --> 01:36:10,044
Lisa thinks it's a gift.
1124
01:36:12,729 --> 01:36:15,448
That it lets you see the truth.
1125
01:36:18,529 --> 01:36:20,918
Lisa's been here for eight years.
1126
01:36:29,129 --> 01:36:31,245
I'm so sorry.
1127
01:36:31,689 --> 01:36:34,647
- I was a pig.
- It's all right. Listen.
1128
01:36:37,129 --> 01:36:39,518
Do not drop anchor here.
1129
01:36:40,729 --> 01:36:41,639
Understand?
1130
01:36:54,529 --> 01:36:56,838

When you don't want to feel...

1131
01:36:57,729 --> 01:37:00,448
...death can seem like a dream.
1132
01:37:01,409 --> 01:37:04,048
But seeing death...
1133
01:37:04,649 --> 01:37:06,560
...really seeing it...
1134
01:37:06,929 --> 01:37:10,842
...makes dreaming about it
fucking ridiculous.
1135
01:37:11,689 --> 01:37:15,443
Maybe there's a moment,
growing up...
1136
01:37:15,649 --> 01:37:17,640
...when something peels back.
1137
01:37:18,049 --> 01:37:22,247
Maybe we look for secrets because
we can't believe our minds.
1138
01:37:22,449 --> 01:37:26,237
Though I missed Lisa,
life was easier without her.
1139
01:37:26,449 --> 01:37:28,679
A thought is a hard thing
to control.
1140
01:37:30,609 --> 01:37:32,759
All I know is that
I began to feel again.
1141
01:37:32,969 --> 01:37:34,118
Crazy? Sane?
1142
01:37:34,329 --> 01:37:38,800
Whatever I was, I knew there was
only one way back to the world...
1143
01:37:39,009 --> 01:37:41,398
...and that was to use the place...

1144
01:37:41,649 --> 01:37:43,048
...to talk.
1145
01:37:43,729 --> 01:37:47,483
So I saw the great and wonderful
Dr. Wick three times a week...
1146
01:37:47,689 --> 01:37:50,567
...and I let her hear
every thought in my head.
1147
01:37:54,329 --> 01:37:57,958
Do you think maybe I have ESP
or something, that I'm gifted?
1148
01:37:58,929 --> 01:38:00,362
Perhaps.
1149
01:38:12,129 --> 01:38:14,882
You think I can be home
by Thanksgiving?
1150
01:38:18,649 --> 01:38:21,243
Nothing's happened
in weeks, you know.
1151
01:38:22,009 --> 01:38:24,523
The point is control.
1152
01:38:24,769 --> 01:38:28,728
Yeah, and here I am,
in control, off meds...
1153
01:38:28,969 --> 01:38:32,041
...no headaches, sleeping sound.
1154
01:38:40,129 --> 01:38:42,324
Oh, will you help me?
Can you help me?
1155
01:38:42,529 --> 01:38:44,360
You don't need to be helped
any longer.
1156
01:38:44,569 --> 01:38:46,764
You've always had the power

to go back to Kansas.
1157
01:38:47,609 --> 01:38:48,485
I have?
1158
01:38:48,689 --> 01:38:50,202
Then why didn't you tell her before?
1159
01:38:50,409 --> 01:38:52,639
Because she wouldn't have
believed me.
1160
01:38:52,889 --> 01:38:54,288
She had to learn it for herself.
1161
01:38:54,489 --> 01:38:56,480
What have you learned, Dorothy?
1162
01:39:01,009 --> 01:39:02,567
I think that it...
1163
01:39:02,769 --> 01:39:06,603
...that it wasn't enough just to want
to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em...
1164
01:39:08,209 --> 01:39:11,326
...and if I ever go looking
for my heart's desire again...
1165
01:39:11,529 --> 01:39:14,601
...I won't look any further
than my own back yard.
1166
01:39:14,889 --> 01:39:17,198
Because if it isn't there...
1167
01:39:17,409 --> 01:39:20,560
...I never really lost it
to begin with.
1168
01:39:21,489 --> 01:39:23,844
- Is that right?
- That's all it is.
1169
01:39:44,329 --> 01:39:45,842
Thanks, Joe.

1170
01:40:45,009 --> 01:40:49,480
Go away. Go away!
1171
01:40:55,009 --> 01:40:56,442
It's me.
1172
01:41:10,929 --> 01:41:13,238
It's been a while...
1173
01:41:14,489 --> 01:41:17,242
...and I just wanted to say hey.
1174
01:41:21,009 --> 01:41:22,647
You okay?
1175
01:41:23,889 --> 01:41:25,641
Fabulous.
1176
01:41:28,529 --> 01:41:31,202
You're gonna be late.
Gretta's waiting for you.
1177
01:41:35,409 --> 01:41:38,640
I gotta go. Dr. Wick.
1178
01:41:40,929 --> 01:41:42,840
They still fucking with you?
1179
01:41:46,329 --> 01:41:47,557
They're...
1180
01:41:49,689 --> 01:41:52,249
Actually, they're letting me out.
1181
01:41:55,929 --> 01:41:57,647
Oh, that's great.
1182
01:42:00,729 --> 01:42:02,447
You better go.
1183
01:42:19,049 --> 01:42:22,485
Well, my dad got me a job,
a part-time job...
1184
01:42:22,689 --> 01:42:24,884

...at a bookstore in Harvard Square.

1185
01:42:26,009 --> 01:42:28,762
And I got an apartment
with a phone so I can...
1186
01:42:28,969 --> 01:42:30,118
Stay in touch.
1187
01:42:31,809 --> 01:42:35,358
And I'll be seeing Sonia
twice a week.
1188
01:42:35,609 --> 01:42:39,284
Is that your long-term plan?
To work in retail?
1189
01:42:42,929 --> 01:42:45,204
My plan? No.
1190
01:42:45,729 --> 01:42:47,640
Then what do you plan to do?
1191
01:42:50,529 --> 01:42:52,008
I plan to write.
1192
01:42:59,489 --> 01:43:01,127
Polly Clark.
1193
01:43:02,129 --> 01:43:04,040
Cynthia Crowley.
1194
01:43:07,329 --> 01:43:09,399
Susanna Kaysen.
1195
01:43:11,649 --> 01:43:14,288
- I don't think I need...
- Sleeping pills, darling.
1196
01:43:14,489 --> 01:43:17,799
You want to be rested for tomorrow.
Last night's a long one.
1197
01:43:18,129 --> 01:43:20,484
Good girl. Katie Cooper.
1198

01:43:22,849 --> 01:43:24,248

Rosemary Jones.
1199
01:43:26,689 --> 01:43:28,839
Teresa McCullian.
1200
01:44:50,289 --> 01:44:51,642
Ruby?
1201
01:45:30,929 --> 01:45:34,160
"If I spread my fingers out,
my hand looked more human.
1202
01:45:34,409 --> 01:45:35,842
So I did that.
1203
01:45:36,089 --> 01:45:39,968
But it wasn't tiring holding my
fingers apart, so I let them relax...
1204
01:45:40,209 --> 01:45:42,006
...and then, I turned my hand over.
1205
01:45:42,409 --> 01:45:44,001
The back wasn't much better.
1206
01:45:44,249 --> 01:45:46,444
My veins bulged."
1207
01:45:50,729 --> 01:45:53,243
Shut up, I'm reading.
Shut up!
1208
01:45:55,329 --> 01:45:59,038
"I can honestly say that my memory
has been transformed...
1209
01:46:00,049 --> 01:46:02,802
By Freud's definition,
I've achieved mental health.
1210
01:46:03,249 --> 01:46:05,638
And my discharge sheet
reads, 'recovered.'
1211
01:46:06,449 --> 01:46:07,848
Recovered."

1212
01:46:10,609 --> 01:46:12,440
Don't do this!
1213
01:46:13,249 --> 01:46:14,648
"Whatever it was..."
1214
01:46:20,289 --> 01:46:23,122
"Had I stopped arguing
with my personality?
1215
01:46:24,569 --> 01:46:25,718
Recovered."
1216
01:46:27,529 --> 01:46:31,124
We were reading your book.
We're having a little read-aloud...
1217
01:46:31,329 --> 01:46:34,048
...celebrate the wisdom you're
taking into the world.
1218
01:46:34,249 --> 01:46:36,524
Try to learn something,
grow as people.
1219
01:46:37,849 --> 01:46:40,682
When you were a baby,
they strapped you to a board.
1220
01:46:41,289 --> 01:46:43,359
You think Georgina doesn't
wanna leave...
1221
01:46:43,609 --> 01:46:45,088
...and I'm criminally insane.
1222
01:46:45,409 --> 01:46:47,718
What are you guys doing here?
1223
01:46:47,969 --> 01:46:51,848
"Lisa's eyes, once so magnetic,
now just look empty."
1224
01:46:53,889 --> 01:46:55,766
That is mine.

1225
01:46:56,289 --> 01:46:58,041
That is mine.
1226
01:46:59,889 --> 01:47:02,528
"Georgina lies only to people
who keep her here.
1227
01:47:02,729 --> 01:47:05,197
Sometimes I think she wants
to live in Oz forever."
1228
01:47:05,449 --> 01:47:08,725
- How perceptive.
- You better erase that thing.
1229
01:47:09,249 --> 01:47:13,401
My father is the head of the CIA,
and he could have you dead in minutes!
1230
01:47:13,609 --> 01:47:15,201
"In this world, looks are everything.
1231
01:47:15,409 --> 01:47:19,197
Sometimes I think Polly's sweetness
and purity aren't genuine at all...
1232
01:47:19,409 --> 01:47:22,401
...but a desperate attempt to make it
easier for us to look at her."
1233
01:47:22,929 --> 01:47:25,887
So nice of you to pass judgment on us
now that you're cured.
1234
01:47:26,409 --> 01:47:28,400
What the fuck are you doing, Lisa?
1235
01:47:29,049 --> 01:47:31,199
I'm playing the villain,
like you want.
1236
01:47:31,449 --> 01:47:33,804
- I give you everything you want.
- No, you don't.
1237
01:47:35,449 --> 01:47:36,768
You wanted your file?

I got it!
1238
01:47:36,969 --> 01:47:40,359
You wanted out, I got you out!
You needed money, I found you some!
1239
01:47:40,609 --> 01:47:43,521
I told you the truth!
I didn't write it in a book!
1240
01:47:43,729 --> 01:47:45,720
I told you to your face!
1241
01:47:45,969 --> 01:47:49,962
I told Daisy what everybody knew and
wouldn't say, and she killed herself.
1242
01:47:50,169 --> 01:47:51,761
I played the fucking villain.
1243
01:47:52,009 --> 01:47:53,044
Just like you wanted.
1244
01:47:53,289 --> 01:47:54,722
Why would I want that?
1245
01:47:56,249 --> 01:47:58,479
Because it makes you
the good guy, sweet pea.
1246
01:47:58,689 --> 01:48:02,682
You come back here, all sweetness
and light and sad and contrite...
1247
01:48:02,889 --> 01:48:07,519
...and everybody wrings their hands,
congratulating you on your bravery.
1248
01:48:07,969 --> 01:48:12,247
Meanwhile, I'm blowing guys at the
bus station for money!
1249
01:48:12,849 --> 01:48:14,282
Stop it, Lisa. She's too...
1250
01:48:14,529 --> 01:48:15,723
Shut up, Polly!

1251
01:48:17,969 --> 01:48:19,118
Where are you going?
1252
01:48:19,929 --> 01:48:21,362
I'm talking to you!
1253
01:48:25,809 --> 01:48:28,642
Where are you going?
I'm talking to you!
1254
01:48:32,929 --> 01:48:34,442
You don't like me anymore?
1255
01:48:34,689 --> 01:48:36,520
No, I don't!
1256
01:48:37,889 --> 01:48:39,641
Because you're free?
1257
01:48:39,929 --> 01:48:41,442
You think you're free?
1258
01:48:42,209 --> 01:48:43,437
I'm free!
1259
01:48:43,929 --> 01:48:46,489
You don't know what freedom is!
1260
01:48:47,249 --> 01:48:48,602
I'm free!
1261
01:48:49,089 --> 01:48:51,478
I can breathe! And you...
1262
01:48:51,729 --> 01:48:54,721
...you'll go choke on your
average fucking mediocre life!
1263
01:49:06,929 --> 01:49:08,760
There are too many buttons
in the world.
1264
01:49:09,009 --> 01:49:11,045
Too many buttons,
and they're just...

1265
01:49:12,809 --> 01:49:15,118
There's way too many,
begging to be pressed.
1266
01:49:15,409 --> 01:49:17,206
They're just begging to be pressed!
1267
01:49:17,409 --> 01:49:19,877
You know, they're just
begging to be pressed.
1268
01:49:20,609 --> 01:49:22,486
And it makes me wonder.
1269
01:49:22,929 --> 01:49:26,478
It makes me fucking wonder.
Why doesn't anybody ever press mine?
1270
01:49:26,729 --> 01:49:28,048
Why am I so neglected?
1271
01:49:28,289 --> 01:49:31,326
Why doesn't anybody reach in
and rip out the truth...
1272
01:49:31,529 --> 01:49:33,804
...and tell me
that I'm a fucking whore...
1273
01:49:34,129 --> 01:49:36,165
...and that my parents
wish I were dead?
1274
01:49:36,649 --> 01:49:39,288
Because you're dead already, Lisa!
1275
01:49:45,849 --> 01:49:48,158
No one cares if you die, Lisa...
1276
01:49:49,529 --> 01:49:52,043
...because you're dead already.
1277
01:49:52,729 --> 01:49:56,438
Your heart is cold!
1278

01:49:58,609 --> 01:50:00,804

That's why you keep
coming back here.
1279
01:50:02,529 --> 01:50:04,440
You're not free.
1280
01:50:05,209 --> 01:50:08,519
You need this place.
You need it to feel alive.
1281
01:50:09,049 --> 01:50:10,004
It's pathetic.
1282
01:50:50,089 --> 01:50:52,842
I've wasted a year of my life.
1283
01:50:58,129 --> 01:51:01,246
And maybe everyone
out there is a liar.
1284
01:51:04,409 --> 01:51:07,446
And maybe the whole world...
1285
01:51:07,689 --> 01:51:11,045
...is stupid and ignorant.
1286
01:51:13,729 --> 01:51:16,038
But I'd rather be in it.
1287
01:51:17,889 --> 01:51:21,564
I'd rather be fucking in it...
1288
01:51:21,809 --> 01:51:24,243
...than down here with you.
1289
01:51:42,129 --> 01:51:44,563
Don't. Don't.
1290
01:51:45,929 --> 01:51:47,248
Don't.
1291
01:51:57,609 --> 01:51:59,088
Oh, God.
1292
01:52:42,249 --> 01:52:43,238

Did you get it?

1293
01:52:46,529 --> 01:52:49,521
I had to trade with a transvestite
in the men's ward.
1294
01:52:52,489 --> 01:52:53,842
Thanks.
1295
01:53:50,449 --> 01:53:52,246
I'm not really dead.
1296
01:53:58,529 --> 01:54:00,008
I know.
1297
01:54:04,329 --> 01:54:06,718
I'm gonna miss you, Susie Q.
1298
01:54:09,129 --> 01:54:12,360
No, you're not.
You're gonna get out of here...
1299
01:54:12,569 --> 01:54:14,844
...and you're gonna come and see me.
1300
01:54:37,089 --> 01:54:38,841
Hey, Georgina.
1301
01:54:39,089 --> 01:54:41,842
You know all that stuff
I write in my journal...
1302
01:54:42,089 --> 01:54:44,080
...I don't know what I'm saying.
1303
01:54:44,929 --> 01:54:47,887
They're just thoughts.
1304
01:54:48,529 --> 01:54:50,440
Maybe I'm the liar.
1305
01:54:52,209 --> 01:54:53,847
Maybe not.
1306
01:55:02,089 --> 01:55:03,442
See you.

1307
01:55:13,929 --> 01:55:18,286
You think if I left Ruby here
you'd take care of her for me?
1308
01:55:18,729 --> 01:55:22,039
Let me play with her
when I come for my therapy?
1309
01:55:32,609 --> 01:55:33,928
Bye, Ruby.
1310
01:55:54,649 --> 01:55:56,844
Remember me when you shave your legs.
1311
01:56:26,049 --> 01:56:28,119
Declared healthy...
1312
01:56:28,329 --> 01:56:31,162
...and sent back into the world.
1313
01:56:31,489 --> 01:56:33,878
My final diagnosis:
1314
01:56:34,249 --> 01:56:36,638
A recovered borderline.
1315
01:56:37,689 --> 01:56:40,328
What that means, I still don't know.
1316
01:56:41,529 --> 01:56:43,440
Was I ever crazy?
1317
01:56:43,689 --> 01:56:46,157
- Maybe.
1318
01:56:46,929 --> 01:56:49,284
Or maybe life is.
1319
01:56:50,889 --> 01:56:52,561
I remember you.
1320
01:56:54,849 --> 01:56:56,248
Where are you going?
1321

01:56:57,209 --> 01:56:59,404

17 Burlingame.
1322
01:56:59,609 --> 01:57:00,803
All right.
1323
01:57:02,049 --> 01:57:04,768
Crazy isn't being broken...
1324
01:57:05,049 --> 01:57:08,121
...or swallowing a dark secret.
1325
01:57:08,609 --> 01:57:10,600
It's you or me...
1326
01:57:10,849 --> 01:57:12,840
...amplified.
1327
01:57:13,449 --> 01:57:15,963
If you ever told a lie...
1328
01:57:16,209 --> 01:57:18,040
...and enjoyed it.
1329
01:57:19,489 --> 01:57:23,607
If you ever wished you
could be a child forever.
1330
01:57:24,889 --> 01:57:27,039
They were not perfect...
1331
01:57:27,489 --> 01:57:29,684
...but they were my friends.
1332
01:57:31,009 --> 01:57:33,159
And by the '70s...
1333
01:57:33,369 --> 01:57:35,166
...most of them were out...
1334
01:57:35,409 --> 01:57:37,320
...living lives.
1335
01:57:38,049 --> 01:57:40,040
Some I've seen...

1336
01:57:41,209 --> 01:57:43,643
...some, never again.
1337
01:57:44,929 --> 01:57:48,239
But there isn't a day my heart
doesn't find them.
901
01:57:51,900 --> 01:58:00,600
<font face="Monotype Corsiva" color=#D900D9"> anoXmous </ font>
<font face="Monotype Corsiva" color=#D900D9"> @ http://thepiratebay.sx/user/Zen_
Bud </font>