Three Letters and Six Etiquettes

Traditional Chinese weddings remain popular to this

day, particularly for couples that live in more
traditional areas, far from Chinas booming industrial
centers. Stemming from rituals that were developed
from 400 B.C., the way in which traditional marriages
take shape has changed little in the almost two-anda-half millennia since then. The notion of Three
Letters and Six Etiquettes is an important part of the
culture and protocol of Chinese marriage, and while
variations on these practices can be found right
across the country the basic principles remain rigidly
adhered to in the more traditional of marriages.
Three Letters
musical instruments used in traditional Chinese
wedding ceremony In order to establish a traditional
marriage, there are three famous letters that must
be supplied. These documents are treated as formal
markers of the marriage that is about to take place.
Without these letters, the marriage will not adhere to
the traditions and customs laid out over thousands of
years of history, and so its important to understand
what each letter does and what information it
contains for the smoothest, most traditionally
customary path to marriage.
The three letters come at different stages of the
marriage process, and run as follows.
Betrothal Letter
The first letter of the three in traditional Chinese
wedding customs is the Betrothal Letter, which is an
essential marker of the engagement between the
two parties. It is a formal, technical document which
establishes that the couple intend to marry, and sets
out the vows and undertakings of both parties to the
marriage.
Gift Letter
The second letter that is produced following on from
the Betrothal Letter is the Gift Letter. This letter
outlines the specific type and nature of gifts that the
couple are requesting for their wedding day once the
marriage has been officially accepted. This is
designed to be sent to the families of each party in
order to direct the tradition of buying gifts and make
sure the gifts bought for the day are appropriate.
Wedding Letter
Once the two previous letters have been produced,
the Wedding Letter will be drafted. This is the formal
letter that is presented to the brides parents on the
day of the wedding, and marks the official welcome
of the bride by the groom into his family circle. The
Wedding Letter marks the completion of the letters
phase of the wedding custom.
Six Etiquettes
In addition to the three letters, there are six
etiquettes, or processes, that the bride and groom
and their families must go through in order to
establish the traditional Chinese marriage.
Proposal

In traditional Chinese culture, marriage is negotiated

by the parents of the bride and groom. Initially, the
approach will be made by the grooms parents or a
matchmaker, who will ask the brides parents directly
about the possibility of arranging a marriage
between the bride and groom. At this stage, the
parents can refuse the marriage, in which case the
process will come to a halt, or they will accept the
marriage with no objections. This is always the first
step in the process.
Birthday Conciliation
Once the marriage has passed the proposal stage, an
astrologer will usually be called in to match up the
birthdays of the bride and groom astrologically. This
is designed to see if there is any conflict between the
birthdates of the bride and groom. At this stage, the
marriage can and will go no further if the birthdays
clash with the stars, or if there is some other
astrological reason that points towards disruption
and disharmony in the relationship. Assuming the
birthdates are compatible, the marriage will progress
through to its next phase.
Betrothal Gifts
If the marriage is allowed to pass the birthdates
conciliation, the next phase is where betrothal gifts
are presents and exchanged. Where a matchmaker is
involved, he will exchange gifts between the grooms
family and the brides family, along with the
betrothal letter to the brides family as a formal
register of the intention to marry. At this point, the
brides family can still refuse the marriage and halt
the process, and there is no guarantee that the
marriage will get beyond this stage of the process.
Wedding Gifts
When the betrothal gifts and the betrothal letter
have been accepted on the brides side, the next
step is to send on wedding gifts. Unlike Western
marriage custom, the wedding gifts exchanged in
Chinese custom are of a specified type and style of
gift, and there are many sub-customs that govern
how these are exchanged and which specific gift will
be most appropriate. Gifts generally may be tea,
fruits (such as oranges or red dates), money or
coconuts, for example. These are sent out again by
the grooms family to the brides family in
recognition of the forthcoming wedding.
Choosing The Date
Such is the Chinese belief in astrology and fortune
that even the date of the wedding is subject to
astrological approval. Like the birthday conciliation
process, the date of the wedding must be compatible
for the couples, and is chosen for its ability to give
good fortune rather than any more practical basis.
The Ceremony
When the three letters and six etiquettes process is
all but completed, the final step of the wedding
ceremony itself takes place. There are countless
customs governing how the ceremony takes place
and how it should look from the clothes worn by the
bride and groom through to the running order of the
day. Traditions include musical accompaniment for
the bridegroom towards the brides home, which
signals to the public that a wedding is about to take

place and celebrates with joyous melody the

forthcoming marriage.
These traditional customs are not essential for
contemporary Chinese marriage, but they are still
faithfully upheld, in simplified ways, across the

country as an important tradition and a nod to

Chinas long, illustrious history. Culturally extremely
significant, the Three Letters and Six Etiquettes of
marriage chart out the way countless millions of
weddings have taken place in the country since their
development from around 400 B.C.