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Adrianne Martinez-Nava
Professor Beadle
English 115
4 October 2016
Growing up by the Rules
Everyone deals with the pressures from society to behave a certain way. When we think
about gender, we think about male versus female. We feel the need to either conform to the
masculine or feminine gender role. We do not realize that these rules are nothing more than
society trying to tell us what to do and how to act. These gender roles that are forced upon us our
not based on our biology; They are based on stereotypes and false ideologies. Growing up is
when all of this is ingrained into our heads and most of it is done by our parents. Parents are the
biggest enforcers of gender roles onto their children. Since birth, parents force socially
constructed gender stereotypes upon their children. In Composing Gender, articles by Aaron
Devor, Emily Kane, Judith Lorber, Claire Renzetti and Daniel Curran all argue how through
interaction, toys and clothing, parents enforce gender roles upon their children. These rules
created by society keep people from expressing themselves how they truly want to and naturally
would if they did not feel the pressure or judgment that is constantly surrounding them.
Gender is a social construction, not our biology. Society has made us believe that
masculinity and femininity is in our biology. We are taught that men are born to be strong while
women are supposed delicate. For human beings there is no essential femaleness or maleness,
femininity or masculinity, womanhood or manhood, but once gender is ascribed, the social order
constructs and holds individuals to strongly gendered norms and expectations. (Lorber 25) The
words sex and gender are not interchangeable. Sex is assigned to us when we are born, based

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on the genitalia we are born with. The way we want to behave or express ourselves is not based
on our sex, but we are taught that it should be. Lorber understands that the only thing telling us
how to act besides ourselves is society. We should not believe what they try to tell us about boys
being boys or girls being girls. How we feel on the inside should not have to be hidden due to
societys roles and stereotypes. In Becoming Members of Society: The Social Meanings of
Gender, Devor says, As we move through our lives, society demands different gender
performances from us and rewards, tolerated, or punishes us differently for conformity to, or
digression from, social norms. (Devor 35) We are pressured by society not to stray from the
gender norms. People who choose not to conform to the gender roles often get shunned for it.
Parents are the enforcers of societys gender norms. Parents teach their children since the
day they are born that males must be masculine and females must be feminine. Parents do not
usually react well to gender nonconformity. After giving various examples of parents reactions
to their children straying from gender roles, Emily W. Kane states in her article, Notable
throughout these comments is the sense that parents are carefully balancing an openness to some
crossing of gender boundaries but only within limits (Kane 94) She explains how although
some parents can be a bit more lenient about it, there are boundaries. Parents fear the judgment
that their children will receive from society if they stray from the gender norms. Parents want
what is best for their children and they know that we are living in a society where being different
doesnt normally end well. Society tries so hard to keep everyone as uniform as possible and
anyone who is an outlier will be left in the dust. As part of our culture, standing out from the
crowd is not usually encouraged. Our parents do not want us to be different or have special
attention that could be negative on us so this is why they want to keep us within these norms and
roles that we so often feel like we dont belong in.

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Society has made it simple for us to fall into the male and female gender roles. When
babies are born they are immediately gendered. Lorber says, Most parents create a gendered
world for their newborn by naming, birth announcements, and dress. (Lorber 25) There are
names that are exclusively for boys and likewise for girls. Pink balloons for a baby girl and blue
balloons for a boy are waiting in hospital rooms as soon as they are being born. Even toys teach
children how to behave. Toys for boys tend to encourage exploration, manipulation, invention,
construction and aggression. In contrast girls toys typically rate high on manipulability, but also
creativity, nurturance, and attractiveness. (Renzetti and Curran 82) Toys are a subliminal way to
teach children how to act according to their gender. Renzetti and Curran know that when parents
are giving their children these toys, they are forcing certain roles on them. They are not letting
them find what they want to do naturally but by force. Teaching little girls to play with baby
dolls and kitchen sets shows them that women are primary caretakers and are the ones who are
supposed to cook. Toys feed the gender stereotypes we face everyday. We are not allowing our
children to act and play freely, but we are keeping them in these boxes that say what a boy can
do and what a girl can. Additionally, clothing is another big way we are forced to conform. Small
details such as colors of clothing makes it either masculine or feminine There is nothing in a
females biology that makes them want to only wear pink. Color should have nothing to do with
being a male or female.
Growing up in our society is not always easy. In my personal experience I never felt
much pressure by my parents to behave a certain way. There was never a time where I felt like I
couldnt do something or act some way because of my gender. I played baseball since a young
age and even though I was one of just a few other girls who played on various teams, I never felt
out of place or like I did not belong there. I know of many parents who put their boys on sports

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teams and girls in dance classes. Sports are stereotypically for boys because they are more
competitive and at times aggressive. Girls are put in dance classes to be perceived as more
graceful and beautiful. However, one way my parents did not necessarily conform to societys
gender norms is by naming me. Adrian is normally a boys name and I have received strange
looks or questions when I say my name out loud to people. Although the spelling of my name,
Adrianne, makes it look more feminine it has the same pronunciation as the traditionally male
name, Adrian. Something as simple as a name can really make some people very uncomfortable.
People can become uncomfortable by something that seems different. Since names are almost
always gendered, me having a name that is more masculine seems weird and unusual and causes
people to have strange reactions.
As members of our society, we try our best to fit in and not cause any disruptions. There
are rules that we follow when we are growing up that we are subconsciously afraid to stray from.
We always feel the need to conform and even if we know that we should not have to, we find
ourselves too afraid to step out of the box and be different. Gender roles are enforced not only by
society but heavily by our parents. Children, specifically, are targeted to learn how to act
according to their genders. No matter how hard we try to be unique, society always tries to keep
us all the same as much as possible.

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Works Cited
Devor, Aaron Becoming Members of Society: The Social Meanings of Gender. Composing
Gender. 2014. Pp 35-43
Kane, Emily. No Way My Boys Are Going to Be Like That: Parents Responses to Childrens
Gender Nonconformity. Composing Gender. 2014. Pp 91-97
Lorber, Judith. Night to His Day: The Social Construction of Gender Composing Gender
2014. Pp 19-30
Renzetti, Claire, Curran, Daniel. From Women, Men, and Society. Composing Gender
2014. pp 76-84

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