Divine Servitor

r Chaitanya Sraswat Mah, Philippines

U.P. Campus, Diliman, Quezon City

Sri Sri Guru Gaurangau jayatah

Bound by affection
My coming to the Math Sri Nrsimha Chaturdasi 1947
His Divine Grace Srila Bhakti Sundar Govinda Dev-Goswami
Maharaj reflects on the events that surrounded his first days at
Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math at the lotus feet of His Divine
Master, Srila Bhakti Raksak Sridhar Dev-Goswami
Maharaj. This talk was given 50 years after the event, here at
the Math.
My birth place was Bamunpara, known in former times as
Brahmanpara, as you have seen when you visited there
recently. I studied at the village school, and later went to school
at Putsuri. Presently my father sold the property at Bamunpara
and bought a new house in Rangpur, so we left this district to
move there. My maternal uncle and his family lived in
Rangpur. They were very wealthy and they invited my mother
and father to settle there. At the time the political tension was
building up to the inevitable division between India and
Pakistan which eventually came in 1947. Then my father died
in Rangpur and my family and I returned to my native
Bamunpara.
The responsibility then came to me to support my family. In order to do so it was necessary for me
to receive training and learn some kind of profession. So I went to train in a small charitable
dispensary cum hospital. If it still exists I do not know. Doctors and nurses were in very short
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supply there there was only one doctor and one nurse in attendance and then myself. At that time
it was unwritten law that if you took training from a doctor for between five and ten years you
would be accepted as a doctor in your own right. So, to this purpose I would go daily to two
separate dispensaries, two kilometres apart from each other. In each place I would open the
dispensary, whereupon someone would come and clean and prepare everything for the days work.
After the doctor came and was attending the patients I would take that opportunity for recreation
and go to play football. This was my regular daily routine. Afterwards, sometimes I would go back
to the hospital and sometimes back to the village of Nadanghat where I would stay at a big
zamindars house. He was a big landlord and consequently also very rich. He and his family liked
me. It is my good fortune that everywhere people liked me. Nadanghat is situated 12 km from
Nabadwip and about 15 km from Bamunpara.
After playing football in the evenings I would relax with my friends and eat some supper, which
often included channa (fried curd) and sak (spinach). Then together we would go back to that big
zamindars house to read. In those days I would read novels, and at night I would often sleep in the
reading room.
Drawn to the sadhus
One day a group of sadhus came from this Math, four or five of them. I first saw them at about 7.30
in the evening. They sang kirttans and then gave a discourse on Srimad-Bhagavatam. I was drawn
to them. One of the sadhus appeared to be especially exalted. He had a very saintly body.
As he was giving a lecture about Srimad-Bhagavatam he reminded me of Srinivas Acharyya
lecturing in the assembly of King Birhambir. Previously I had read much Vaisnava literature, and
was familiar with the story of Raja Birhambir. He was a dacoit chief prior to becoming a disciple of
Srinivas Acharyya. Have you heard of these events? Anyhow, that exalted sadhu appeared to be
exactly like Srinivas Acharyya giving his discourse.
There were so many people there, maybe a hundred listening to his lecture. Sitting amongst them
were three or four zamindars who were known to me, all of them dacoits. Although they were
dacoits, nonetheless they were like grandfathers to me. I would constantly joke with them and tease
them, and sometimes even chastise them very much, and they liked me for it. Somehow they
relished my chastisement.
After hearing the very revolutionary lecture delivered beautifully by this brahmachari I was very
impressed. It was not like the usual lectures given by roaming goswamis and after hearing it, I
was so attracted. So the next day I returned.
I had played mrdanga drums from a very early age, and I was well able to sing songs, so I had
some capacity in this way. When I arrived they were singing Vande guroh sri
charanaravindam and I asked if I could join them and play the mrdanga. They were surprised at
my request as I was just a village boy, but they gave the mrdanga and I played. They were very
impressed.

At that time I held the position of a professional singer, but thats another story. My father was a
very famous professional singer of Vaisnava songs, kirttans, etc. He was very famous in that
district and other districts also, and through him I inherited many songs. He died when I was
fourteen years old. Not everybody knew that my father, being a professional singer leading a
large sankirttan group, had to be paid in order to maintain it. He would ask 200-250 Rs, which was
quite a lot at that time.
My uncles sadness
One day I saw my uncle sitting on the veranda crying. He was
very strong and a stick fighter. Indeed he was a famous stick
fighter, so it was very unusual for him to be in such a state.
After seeing this I asked my uncle why he was crying. He then
told me a call had just come for my father to sing at a particular
function, but the caller did not know that my father had already
passed away. That had touched my uncles heart and caused his
sadness.
My Uncle said that the person would call back but he had no
one to sing in my fathers place. I told my uncle that there was
a solution and he could take the call. He seemed surprised.
Who will sing these songs? he asked me. I told him, I can
sing them. My uncle had never heard me sing before and he
asked me how I had come to know these songs, because at that
time I was too young to hear the songs about the Madhura-Rasa
pastimes of Sri Sri Radha-Krishna. My father would not permit
me to sing such kirttans because my father thought me, at such a young age, to be unqualified. I
was not even allowed to listen to songs of such a high type. Nonetheless, I was very much attracted.
So, whenever my father would go to sing, I would follow him and hide in a nearby rice paddy field
where I was able to hear him sing these songs. Sometimes it would take him a whole month to fulfil
all the invitations in a particular village.
I was very much addicted to the songs of Radha-Krishna, and at that time my memory was very
fresh and I was able to memorise every song he sang. Also, every day my father would give lessons
to some students, while I pretended to read a little distance away. Instead of reading I would listen
to him teaching. In this way I became qualified.
I explained this to my uncle. Although he was very surprised he called me to his house to sing a
heavy song. I sang it fully, and he cried again and embraced me. He now knew that he would be
able to take the phone call and tell them, Yes, my brother is not here, but my brothers son will
fulfil your appointment.
It was so far away from here about 30 km. In this way my first assignment as a professional
singer began. After that I travelled to so many villages and sang so many songs. In this way also I
was able to gain more experience and knowledge.

My first association
After having seen and heard the sadhus singing, I was naturally attracted and joined with them.
They were very pleased with me. They told some Hari-katha and asked me why I was playing
football. Instead you should come with us and we will talk with you. Until this time I had not
mixed with sadhus, but I felt strongly their affection and became very attached to them. In this way
I stopped playing football and instead began mixing with these devotees. This was the beginning of
my association with sadhus.
They began to teach me that this body is nothing, the mind is nothing, this world is nothing, your
father is nothing, mother is nothing all is nothing, only Krishna is reality, and everything else is
material and temporary. One day you will die, and you must be prepared for this moment. When
you take birth, death must follow. After death what will you do? You do not know when death will
come or where you will go. In the next life your father and mother may be a dog and a bitch you
do not know who will become your next father and mother. They preached like that.
As a young boy I was very simple hearted, so I believed everything the sadhus told me. They had
such a big influence on me. I jokingly asked them if they would take me with them. They said,
Yes, we will take you, but will you go with us? And I answered, Yes!
Having already promised the sadhu, Yes, I shall go with you, I tried to avoid so they would not
take me. But they were eager to take me. They immediately accepted what I told them.
After my sudden, Yes, and agreeing to go with them I became very disturbed. I had not lied in
my life. Sometimes I think that my only good quality was that I never lied. Whatever promise I
made I must keep, and I had made a promise in front of the sadhus.
Coming from a Vaisnava family and having read many Vaisnava books, I was well aware of the
story of Nityananda Prabhu. His father, on the strength of a promise, had given his son to
Madhavendra Puri. I knew this story but still I tried to find some way to avoid the promise I had
made to the sadhus. I considered that if the sadhus would tell me it was not necessary to go with
them, then I would get relief. But they did not say No, it is not necessary to come with us. Instead
the sadhus were always washing my brain. Everyday I would come to the sadhus and they would
brainwash me more. I would return to the dispensary, then the hospital and cry thinking, Oh, how
will I leave everything here? But I promised the sadhu so I must go with them. How can I avoid
it?
I considered in many ways, but again when coming to the sadhus I received more strength in the
other direction: Yes, I must go! But each time on returning to the hospital I would try to think
how to manage this burden. I had many commitments.
Plan for relief
Anyhow, finally I decided on a plan which would give me one last chance to avoid going with
the sadhus. I considered that if I modified my promise and tell the sadhus, Yes, I shall go with you
if you take me today, but not later, then they would not be able to take me because the next day
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they were holding a big festival in that village. In this way I would be relieved of any commitment.
I was expecting they would reply, Tomorrow we shall take you. I would then say, No, tomorrow
I cannot go, today I must go. This was my plan.
In this way I was very simple and approached the sadhus with my statement. When I told them,
their response was quite unexpected. They were very happy with my words and said, Very good.
This very night we will take you! So that night they stole me.
Stolen for Krishna
It was 2 oclock in the morning and our journey began by having to cross the river at Nadanghat. At
that time of night there was no boat to cross the river, so, being taken by the sadhu, Jayadwaita
Brahmachari, I had to swim the river with him. He was a disciple of Prabhupada Srila Bhakti
Siddhanta Saraswati Thakur and he lived with Srila Guru Maharaj. Srila Guru Maharaj had sent
him and the other sadhus to preach there in Nadanghat.
After some hours of walking we arrived on the outskirts of Nabadwip town and stopped. I asked
that sadhu, Jayadwaita Prabhu, Where is your ashram? and he showed me a simple building. At
that time here was only a small, three roomed building. I was a little disappointed.
From my childhood I had read the Mahabharat and Ramayan and the descriptions of Vaisisthas
ashram, Visvamitras ashram and many others. I knew these descriptions, but this ashram did not
appear like those. Here was just a building, and I was a little disappointed. The brahmachari
explained, It is a small building, but a big, big sadhu is living within that building. Seeing the
building I did not get hearty happy feelings. But already I had come out from my village and I
could not go back. I had committed myself, so I must stay.
At that time Srila Guru Maharaj was walking on the veranda chanting upon his beads. Then
Jayadwaita Brahmachari Prabhu showed me: He is our Guru. Come! Then I went up to the
veranda and Jayadwaita Prabhu gave full dandavat pranams and told me to offer
full dandavats also. Then Srila Guru Maharaj asked, Where did you find this boy?
Jayadwaita Prabhu gave a little description, and finally said, In this way this boy has joined your
ashram today. Srila Maharaj said, Ah, this is a nice, intelligent boy. He thought, If I can
prepare him, this boy can be a good weapon for our Society.
He asked me, Can you stay in ashram life? I was surprised and thought, Why is
this sadhu asking me, Can you stay? I have come to stay so it is already final, then why is
this sadhu asking me, Can you stay or not? At that time I had no idea, but I replied, Yes, I can
stay.
First fasting
That was on Nrsimha Chaturdasi, a day of complete fasting. I had never fasted before. Ever since
formally receiving the traditional Brahmin thread I had followed Ekadasi and never took grains on
that day, but I had never fasted. Instead we would eat alu-dham (plain potato subji), and take some
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milk preparations on Ekadasi days. In this way we followed Ekadasi with very nice preparations
which had a different taste. But here I was being told, It is Nrsimha Chaturdasi, you will not be
given anything at all to eat.
At that time I knew nothing about Nrsimha Chaturdasi and having walked since the middle of the
night I was very hungry, so I asked Jayadwaita Prabhu, Oh Prabhu, I am very hungry. To which
he replied, Today is a day of full fasting.
I asked, I cannot eat anything? He told me that I could eat some fruit. But where could I get
some?
I pointed out a papaya tree nearby. Jayadwaita Prabhu then said to me, Yes, you can take one
papaya. But you must give half to the Deity and the remainder you can eat yourself.
That evening after Nrsimha-puja they gave me so much alu-dam, and the next day there was a very
nice festival and much Prasadam. Especially the paramanna (sweet-rice) was really tasty.
After two days the rest of the preaching party returned from Nadanghat, and it seemed I had already
many friends here by now.
Srila Guru Maharaj had seen me, and it was my good fortune that he was very much attracted to
me. He was searching for some boy who in the future could be like a guru. He had a formula. The
particular boy would need to be a Brahmin, intelligent, etc. with that potential to be like a guru. At
that time Srila Guru Maharaj was searching for someone to groom to continue his disciplic
succession. When he saw me he tested me. He called Srila Krishna das Babaji Maharaj and other of
his friends, and asked them to also test me.
They each gave Srila Guru Maharaj a very good report about me. Amongst those was Srila Guru
Maharajs sister, Rama Didi, who is still residing here at the Math [this was spoken in 1998 - Ed.].
She remembers everything. Rama Didi said to Guru Maharaj, Yes, I think this boy is very good.
Srila Guru Maharaj also asked her, Rama Didi, you see this boy; will he be good or bad in the
future? Rama Didi said, The future, I cannot say, but now he is looking good.
In the beginning I was a little bit suspicious as to whether I had done wrong or right. I was a young
boy and already I had made the step to leave home and join the Math, but that was done really by
emotion, not devotion. At first I was very unhappy, but later when I got the mercy of Srila Guru
Maharaj, I became very happy.
Anyhow, after about one month, we went with Srila Guru Maharaj to Midnapore District.
Midnapore is where Sripad Jajavar Maharajs Math is. At that time Srila Guru Maharaj came close
to declaring that if he can train this boy, he will become his successor. Then some friction came
from our Maths brahmacharis, even with that brahmachari who read Bhagavatam to me and who
previously liked me very much and took me with him many times. Hearing Srila Guru Maharajs
expression everyone became very envious and my fighting life started from that day.

From Midnapore we presently went to Puri with Srila Guru Maharaj for the Ratha Yatra
programme. We had fifteen days in hand and Srila Guru Maharaj sent us to a district called Ganjam
for preaching.
After that preaching programme, a particular brahmachari did not want to take me on to Puri for
Ratha Yatra. Srila Guru Maharaj was very angry. He sent a telegram to him to bring me
immediately. Actually, we only arrived on the Ratha Yatra day and Srila Guru Maharaj chastised
that brahmachari: He is a new boy and has not seen Ratha Yatra before. Why did you not want to
give him a chance to see the Ratha Yatra? In this way he heavily chastised him.
At that time the rule of the Math was such that a new man must stay at the Math for a minimum of
six months before being considered for initiation. But Srila Guru Maharaj broke that rule and gave
me initiation on that Ratha Yatra day. He called for me, then told me, Now I shall initiate you.
There came some objection from the other side not directly, but indirectly but Srila Guru
Maharaj did not care. He gave me first initiation on that occasion in Puri Dham. Srila Guru Maharaj
told me, When you will chant, chant attentively and not to think about checking about the time.
Active days in the Math
The whole day I would be working. I was very restless by nature, and always felt that I must
always be doing something. Without work I could not stay anywhere. So, the whole day I would
work. I felt that I always needed to be doing something.
Here at the Math, if there was nothing to do, I would climb up the long bamboo flagpole. I would
go up the flagpole, then come down, then again go up. I would do this in the afternoons while the
others rested or slept. I would not rest at that time. On other occasions I would climb a big mango
tree.
During the first year that I joined there were so many mangoes, and I would eagerly climb the trees
and eat them while sitting on the branches. Everyone complained about me, but I had no fear, that
is I was a village boy fearless. And still I am fearless. I always feel that Lord Shiva is with me,
giving me protection.
As a youth I went into the forests where there were tigers, bears and many other dangerous animals,
but I would pass through those forests happily. When I was living in the villages I always felt that I
had Lord Shivas protection like that.
Still now I always feel the protection of Lord Shiva; that he is always looking after his own son. I
was born by a boon from Lord Shiva, and because of this special opportunity I am a fearless
person. Such is the beginning of my life history.
Srila Guru Maharajs personal servitor
Srila Guru Maharaj took me and gave me his own personal seva. I did all the personal seva of Guru
Maharaj, and he constantly taught me many things. After about six months, a little less maybe, Srila
Guru Maharaj arranged for me to study Sanskrit with a pandit who was living in the town of
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Nabadwip, and I would go there every day. Then suddenly one day I saw my uncle on the road. He
recognised me. Even though at that time I was a brahmachari in saffron cloth, he immediately
recognised me. Oh, here you are, we have been searching for you in many places but could not
find you, and here you are in Nabadwip. I said, Yes, yes, I am here. I am living in the Math.
Please come to the Math. Please, please come! I am there. But he asked me, Where is your
Math? and I told the truth.
That was my mistake. If I had told a lie then they could not have traced me, but I told the truth: I
am living in Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math.
The next day at about 10.30 a.m. they came, twelve giants and my uncle, accompanied by some
pandits also. They were staying in Nabadwip at that time. When they came I was putting up a fence
in front of the Math, and they took hold of me and tried to take me away by force saying, Oh, here
is our boy. They were trying to take me and I was shouting loudly, Oh, they are taking me! They
are taking me! Thankfully at that time one big goala (milkman caste) was there who had much
respect for Srila Guru Maharaj and used to serve him also. His name was Ashwini Ghosh. I
appealed to him, Ashwini, they are taking me from here! And Ashwini came and tackled them:
Why are you taking this boy?
They responded, This is our boy, why can we not take him? Then Ashwini replied, If this is the
truth, you must first go to Maharaj and tell him, then take your boy. They noted that the goala was
very strong and quite probably a dacoit. Many of the goalas here at that time were dacoits.
Especially in this area there were many famous dacoit families, and everyone knew it. So my uncle
and his friends could not apply force but had to go to Guru Maharaj and talk with him.
Srila Guru Maharaj said, If you can defeat me then you can take your boy, but if you cannot defeat
me then you must leave your boy. All right?
There were perhaps three Vedanta pandits, and they were each thinking themselves to be
great pandits. They thought: Yes, it will be no problem, and agreed. They returned the next day,
and were easily defeated by Srila Guru Maharaj. They again tried for two more days but each time
they were defeated. So they could not take me and had to give this news to my mother. Then my
mother came here, and in this way many things happened.
This boy will be my successor
At that time at the Math four or five of the brahmacharis were very powerful. Three of them were
particularly qualified and expected that one of them would be chosen to be the Acharya of this
Math after Guru Maharaj. But when Srila Guru Maharaj declared that This boy will be my
successor, they all began to fight with me.
At that time we had a branch in Calcutta at Srila Bhaktivedanta Swami Maharajs house. Srila
Swami Maharaj had given two rooms to Guru Maharaj for preaching. He was the only one who was
able to inspire Srila Guru Maharaj to leave Nabadwip and come to Calcutta. Arrangements were
also made there with two pandits for me to study grammar, the Kavya, Vedanta, etc. Every day

Swami Maharaj would also directly teach me many things. Actually Srila Guru Maharaj was my
teacher, and his learning was beyond compare.
That year we stayed there for three months, then Vrindavan for three months and somewhere else
for another three months, thus always travelling to different places. All the time my main teacher
was Srila Guru Maharaj, and wherever we went Srila Guru Maharaj would always engage a further
teacher for me. In Vrindavan my teacher was Visvambar Babaji Maharaj. He was a good, a very
good, babaji. I cannot believe how good he was. Twenty years later I happened to be in Mathura
and heard that he was still alive, so I went to see him. That Babaji Maharaj after seeing me gave
full dandavats to me. What more can I say? I was so surprised and astonished when I saw that
great, great babaji.
Everyone respected him as a highly qualified pandit babaji. I had given brahmachari dandavats to
him through courtesy, but he gave full dandavats to me in return, to which I was surprised and said
to him, Babaji, I am your student, you are my master. Why have you done this? I feel it an offence
to take such respect from you. Babaji Maharaj replied, Je, Baba! Seeing you I am feeling that it is
Mahaprabhu in front of me and I paid dandavats to Mahaprabhu. You may be my student, but
seeing you brought such remembrance to me of Mahaprabhu that I could offer nothing less. It was
not to make offence to you.
I have seen how humble and tolerant all the people are in Vraja-Dham. They tolerate so much, but
this babaji had an exceptionally renounced mentality. Even though he was a sahajiya babaji my
feeling was to give him dandavats. At that moment the customary etiquette had been temporarily
lifted.
Anyhow, we are followers of Srila Saraswati Thakura. That babajis path was a little different, no
doubt, but I did not know how qualified he was, so I must pay dandavats to him. In this way I gave
respect to that babaji, but I was very much surprised to see his behaviour. He was my teacher and
he recognised me as his boy student from twenty years before.
Bound by affection
As time went by Srila Guru Maharaj gave more and more affection to me. Actually I was bound by
his affection, not at first by Krishna consciousness. It was only his affection and attention to me
that gave me the super-opportunity to stay in this line of Krishna consciousness.
Previously I knew so many things about Krishna, Mahaprabhu, Nityananda Prabhu and Panchatattva because I was born in a Brahmin Vaisnava family where such discussions were always taking
place. I had some good background, but that was not the cause of my staying at the Math. The
cause was the affection of my Guru Maharaj. After entering into the Krishna conscious
environment it was Srila Guru Maharaj who gave me inspiration, and since then it has always
grown, not decreased.
I also received much help, too, from his Godbrothers. They were very nice and they always gave
me some substantial food of the Krishna conception. Through that I have the opportunity not to
criticise or abuse anyone. Today I see so much criticism and abuse of others, but Srila Guru
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Maharaj always praised other Vaisnavas and never criticised. For our protection and guidance he
would sometimes give some information about them, but in a very honourable way. So the chance
for me to make offence to the Vaisnavas was very much reduced.
I received so much help from his Godbrothers and Godsisters, and from time to time Srila Bhakti
Siddhanta Saraswati Thakurs sister would also come to meet Srila Guru Maharaj, and she would
also give her blessings.
It was very helpful for me that the merciful glance of so many gentleman and lady Vaisnavas came
to me from the very beginning of my life under the lotus feet of Srila Guru Maharaj here at Sri
Chaitanya Saraswat Math.

Transcribed and prepared by Mahananda das BR, Nabadwip

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