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"A Beautiful Example5': The Prophet Muhammad
Model forMuslim Husbands1
as a
KECIA ALI
KECIAALI
274
However,
such as how
he performed
ablution
after intercourse.
It may
His
a beautiful model
for emulation
by the believers.
Muslims.
anywife of his thathe wishes (Qur'?n 33: 50-51). In these respectshe is free
from legal constraintsthatgovern the conduct of otherMuslim males, limiting
the permissible number of wives at any given time and emphasizing the
necessity of doing justice between them by equally dividing the time spent
with them.On the other hand, theProphet (peace be on him) is ordered by
theQur'?n to give his wives a choice between remainingwith him or
being
divorced. Further, he is forbidden tomarry additionalwives or exchange his
currentwives fornew ones (Qur'?n 33: 28-9, 52). In these respects,hismarital
"A BEAUTIFUL
EXAMPLE":
AS A MODEL
FOR MUSLIM
HUSBANDS
275
contrast
to traditional
jurisprudence,
surprisingly
little attention
is paid
to the
marital conduct of the Prophet (peace be on him) today.This is true for the
various groups across the political and religious spectrum, from ultra
conservative juristssuch as 'Abd al-*Aziz ibnB?z and otherswho comprise the
officialSaudi Fatw? Council,6 tomoderates and apologistswho author esszys
4
Those of the Prophet's actions that are exceptional can be either permissible to follow or
impermissible to follow. For example, no man aside from the Prophet (peace be on him) is
permitted to have more than fourwives at one time, according to the agreed-upon rule of the
jurists.The words ofQur'an 33: 50 are taken tomean that it is forbidden for others to follow
this particular act of the Prophet, viz. his having more than fourwives at one time.On the
other hand, the Prophet (peace be on him) is forbidden inQuran 33: 52 to takemore wives or
exchange those he has for others. This ruling is not binding on any other man, and is thus
exceptional to the Prophet (peace be on him). However, it is not forbidden for anotherman to
refrainfrom increasinghis number ofwives or to abstain fromdivorcing his currentwives and
marrying others in their place. In this sense,while the ruling is exceptional to the Prophet
(peace be on him), it is permitted and perhaps even laudable forothermen to follow it.
5
Because it is the body offiqh with which I ammost familiar,this essay draws primarilyon the
jurisprudentialliteratureof the formativeperiod. By formativeperiod Imean the timebetween
the firstlegal authorities of theHij?z and the establishmentof the classical schools in the early
4th/10th century, thus approximately 150-300/775-925. It is pertinent to point out that I am
drawing on the substantive
fiqh literature,not the theoreticalgenre of usui alfiqh.
6
On this group, seeKhaled Abou El Fadl, Speaking inGod's Name: Islamic Law,
Authority,and
Women (Oxford:Oneworld Publications, 2001). A group offatw?s
this
council has
compiled by
KECIAAU
276
the Qur'?n.8
One basis for the differencesin approach between these groups has been
their inabilityto see eye-to-eyeon ah?dith that speak ofwomen as inferiorto
women's
men, including several relating tomarriage such as those affirming
duty to obey theirhusbands and linkingwomen's entry into paradise to the
pleasure or displeasure of theirhusbands.9 These sayings attributed to the
Prophet (peace be on him) appear relatively rarely in traditional legal
literature,though they do frequentlyoccur in exegeses of relevantQur'?nic
suggest that such ah?dithmerit intense critical scrutiny.In fact, some assert
that only theQur'?n is legitimateas a source of Islamic knowledge, arguing
that since the statementsembodied in these ah?dith are inconsistentwith
Qur'?nic precepts on women and men's spiritual equality, they cannot be
considered sound and authentic.
Partially
controversies
"A BEAUTIFUL
EXAMPLE":
AS A MODEL
FOR MUSLIM
HUSBANDS
277
(Cambridge: Diwan Press, 1982), 247; M?lik b. Anas [Sahn?n b. Sa'?d al-Tanukh?], al
Mudawwanah al-Kubr? (Beirut:Dar Sadir Publishers, 1323 ah), 2: 269; Muhammad al-Shayb?n?,
Muwatta' al-Im?mM?lik bi Riw?yatMuhammad b. al-Hasan al-Shayb?n? (Beirut: al-Matba'ah al
'flmiyyah,1997), 176;Muhammad al-Shayb?n?,Kit?b al-Hujjah 'al?Ahl al-Mad?nah (Hyderabad:
Lajnat Ihy?' al-Ma'?rif al-Nu'm?niyyah, 1965), 3: 246-53;Muhammad b. Idr?sal-Sh?fi'i,al-Umm
(Beirut:Dar al-Kutub al-'?miyyah, 1993), 5: 283; Ismael b. Yahy? al-Muzan?,Mukhtasar al
Muzani, published as volume 9 of al-Umm, 9: 199.This topic is not addressed in the responsa of
IbnHanbal. Though the juristsagree on the relevance of theProphet's behaviour in this case to
that of other Muslim
interpreted.
12
Ab? Y?suf, Kit?b al-?th?r (Hyderabad: Lajnat Ihy?' al-Ma'?rif al-Nu'm?niyyah, 1355 ah), 146,
#667;Muhammad b. Idr?s al-Sh?fi'?,al-Umm, 5: 278-9. See alsoHarald Motzki on the exchange
recorded in theMusannaf of 'Abd al-Razz?q al-San'?n?, between Ibn Jurayj and 'Ata* on the
issue of Sawdah giving up her share of nights.Motzki draws the reasonable conclusion that
simplyknowing that a particular action or statementwas attributedto theProphet (peace be on
him) did not automaticallymean thathe would in factbe cited as the source of legitimacy for
that action. See Motzki, The OHgins of Islamic Junsprudence:
Meccan Fiqh before theClassical
Schools, trans.Marion H. Katz (Leiden: Brill, 2002), 125-6.
KECIA ALI
278
female
13
Ism?'?l ibnYahy? al-Muzan?,Mukhtasar al-Muzan?, 9: 199;M?lik b. Anas, al-Mudawwanah 2:
269. Formative-periodHanaf? andHanball sources do not discuss this topic.
14
On the fact that the entire corpus of traditional jurisprudenceon marriage and sexual relations
is intricately intertwined with materials on slavery and concubinage, see my doctoral
dissertation,
"Money,
The
Contractual
Nature
of Marriage
in Formative-Period
WA
BEAUTIFUL
EXAMPLE":
THE PROPHET
MUHAMMADAS A MODEL FORMUSLIMHUSBANDS
279
her dower." The hadith itselfdoes not address the second issue,whether it is
possible forotherMuslim men to follow the example of theProphet (peace be
on him). IbnHanbal declares that theymay ? "There isno harm in it"? but
does not explicitlyengage the issueofwhether theProphetic behaviour here is
precedent-setting;rather,he simplyassumes that it is.
The same hadith is found,with a slightlydifferentchain of transmission,
in theMusannaf of IbnAbi Shaybah, roughlya contemporaryof IbnHanbal's.
manumission
her
dower.
In
this case,
however,
the discussion
is
marriage
to his
newly-manumitted
slave woman
required
a dower
apart from
16
Susan A. Spectorsky, ed. and trans.Chapters onMarriage andDivorce: Responses of IhnHanbal
andlbn R?hwayh (Austin:University of Texas Press, 1993), 121. See also p. 142,where the same
opinion is given, but the Prophet (peace be on him) is not mentioned as an exemplar. See also
Spectorsky's introduction,p. 18, fordetails of Safiyyah's capture. Please note that Spectorsky's
transliterationof someArabic names has been altered for the sake of consistency.
17
Abu Bakr 'Abd Allah b. Muhammad b. Abi Shaybah, al-Kit?b al-MusannaffVl-Ahaditk
wa'l
?th?r (Beirut: Dar al-Kutub al-Tlmiyyah, 1995), 7: 289, #36163-36135. This and other
translationsfrom theArabic aremine unless otherwise indicated.
18
See Muhammad ibnHasan al-Shayb?ni,Kitab al-Hujjah, 3: 422-6, where Muhammad al
Shayb?n? adopts a justificationdifferentfrom that attributedtoAbu Han?fah. I could not locate
2gQ
KECIAALI
Sh?fi'? jurists explicitly address the question of why other men are not
permitted to followhis example in thismatter:
may God bemercifultohim, about thehadithof
[Al-Muzan?]:I askedal-Sh?fi'?,
may God's blessings
may God be pleasedwith her, [when]theProphet,
Safiyyah,
and peace be upon him, manumitted
her dower.
the discussion of this issue in theMudawwanah (though a related issue is discussed on 3: 208),
nor is it found in theMuwatta\ Interestingly,it does arise in the significantlylaterBiddyat al
M?lik? juristIbn Rushd, who goes against the dominant view of his
Mujtahid by free-thinking
school by concluding that the actions of the Prophet (peace be on him) are exemplary in this
case: "The principle is that his acts are binding upon us, except when there arises evidence
indicating their being specific to him." Ibn Rushd, The Distinguished Jurist'sPrimer: A
Translation of Bid?yat al-Mujtahid, tr. Imran Ahsan Khan Nyazee, reviewed by Muhammad
Abdul Rauf (Reading,UK: Centre forMuslim Contribution toCivilization ,Garnet Publishing
Limited, 1996), 2: 24.
19
Ism?'?l
al-Muzan?,
Mukhtasar
al-Muzan?,
9: 177.
20
This marriage, and both contemporary and traditional treatmentsof it, forms the subject of
an article-lengthstudy currentlyinprogress.
21
For Ibn Hanbal, see Spectorsky, ed. and trans.Chapters onMarriage and Divorce, 97 for
discussion of the relevance of the example of 'A'ishah'; see also 93, 143, and 146 for statements
about the validity of the father'smarrying off a minor virgin as well as 62-63 for a slightly
differentperspective,which stressesthe desirabilityof consultingher, thoughwithout rejecting
"A BEAUTIFUL
EXAMPLE":
AS A MODEL
FOR MUSLIM
HUSBANDS
281
the validity of a marriage concluded by the fatherwithout obtaining consent. For al-Sh?fi'?'s
views, see his alUmm, 5: 28-9 and Ikhtil?fallr?qiyyin, alUmm, 7: 238.
22
Spectorsky, ed. and trans.Chapters onMarriage andDivorce, 97.
23
Al-Sh?fi'?, alUmm, 5: 28-9. There are other reports that suggest that '?'ishah was several
years older than this at her marriage. See Asma Barlas, BelievingWomen in Islam: Unreading
marriage. See Al-Sh?fi'?, alUmm, Kit?b Ikhtil?fal'Ir?qiyy?ny7: 238.While agreeing that a minor
virginmarried by her fatherhas no right to opt out of themarriage at puberty, other jurists
consider that '?'ishah had attained puberty before her marriage to the Prophet (peace be on
him) was consummated. This accounts for the centralityof the age nine in the acceptability of
female claims to have attainedmajority inHanaf? and (the dominant view of) Hanbali fiqh,
where themature virgin cannot be married offwithout consent even by her father.
KECIA ALI
282
him) and that governing other marriages, while in the former case, the
relevance of the conduct of theProphet (peace be on him) to that of other
men is simply assumed. In contrast,al-Sh?fi'Fsapproach to the twomarriages
varies significantly.In the case of Safiyyah,the action of theProphet (peace be
on him) is exceptional and other believers are not permitted to emulate him,
while in the case of '?'ishah, he is an exemplar, settingprecedent for other
men's
Muslim
behaviour.
For
example,
theMuwatta'
this marriage
in
a different
Prophetic
his minor daughter's
example
to demonstrate
marriage
without
them.28
26
In fact, the "Book ofMarriage" in theMuwatta* makes reference to only two eventswhich
involve the Prophet's marital life. In the first,a woman offersherself to the Prophet (peace be
on him), but rather thanmarry her himself,he marries her off to one of his Companions. The
only account directly relating to one of his actualmarriages is that discussing the number of
wedding nights he spentwith Umm Salam?. The Prophet's own spousal conduct does not
appear
at all in theMuwatt?
's "Book
of Divorce".
(One
account
records
an interaction
between
him andUmm Salam? before shewas hiswife; it refersto hermourning ofAb? Salam?).
27
M?lik b. Anas, al-Muwatta' li'l-Im?mM?lik b. Anas, bi Riw?yat Yahy? b. Yahy? b. Kath?r al
Layth?al-Andalusl (Beirut:D?r al-Fikr, 1989), 331.
28
M?lik b. Anas Al-Mudawwanah, 2: 157. For a number of contrary reportswhich describe how
the Prophet (peace be on him) did consult his daughters, see Ibn Abi Shaybah, al-Musannaf,
4: 136 and 'Abd al-Razz?q al-San'?ni, al-Musannaf (Beirut:D?r
6: 115, # 10327/2842.
"A BEAUTIFUL
more
EXAMPLE":
relevant
as a source of doctrine
AS A MODEL
FOR MUSLIM
than a statement
283
HUSBANDS
a minor
daughter's
without
marriage
her
consent,30
current
online
question-and-answer
"Neither
column
provides
the guardian
nor anyone
this response
from
choice of marriage
a female to marry
29
M?lik b. Anas, al-Muwatta\ 331; Idem, al-Mudawwanah, 2: 158; al-Shafi'? al-Umm, 5: 28;
Muhammad al-Shayban?Kit?b al-Hujjah, 3:140-1. This hadith is not cited in its entirety in Ibn
Hanbal's responsa, though it is alluded to on several occasions. See Spectorsky, ed. and trans.
Chapters onMarriage andDivorce, 63-4, 97-8,143.
30
Hanafi jurists,as well as themajority ofHanbal?s, have always upheld the rightof a mature
(b?ligh)virgin to give or withhold consent tomarriage, even when her father is her marriage
guardian.However, theM?likls and Sh?fi'?s, as well as a minority ofHanbal?s including Ibn
Qud?mah, have upheld the father's right of compulsion (ijb?r) in marriage so long as she
remains a virgin, regardless of her age. See Kecia Ali, "The Mamie Marriage Contract: A
Doctrinal Framework," in Frank Vogel and Asifa Quraishi, eds. The IslamicMarriage Contract,
forthcoming.
31
"The Right to Choose: Ask the Imam (Sa'dullah Khan)", fromwww.beUefnet.com, printed
1/30/03. "The consent of both theman and thewoman is an essential element ofmarriage,"
according to Raga' El-Nimr, "Women in Islamic Law," in Feminism and Islam: Legal and
LiteraryPerspectives,ed.Mai Yamani (New York: New York University Press, 1996), 96.
KECIA ALI
284
these instances,
as with
other examples
too numerous
greater freedom
forwomen
to
denigrate
be on him)
is not new. A
consideration
of al-Ghaz?l?'s
treatment
of
"A BEAUTIFUL
EXAMPLE":
AS A MODEL
FOR MUSLIM
HUSBANDS
285
reasons
to suspect
the authenticity
of some
of
the most
frequently
cited
of numerous
statements
derogatory
toward
women
has
been
juristssuch as Ibn al-Jawzi and Ibn Taymiyyah are exceptional in this regard,
ah?d?th
that are demeaning towomen.
frequentlyciting
35
Daniel Brown, Rethinking Tradition inModern Islamic Thought (Cambridge: Cambridge
University Press, 1996) approaches some of these issues. For one modernist and innovative
approach to this topic, see Fazlur Rahman, IslamicMethodology inHistory (Karachi: Central
Instituteof IslamicResearch, 1965) and "Sunnah andHad?th," IsUmic Studies,vol. 1,no. 2, 1962,
1-36.
36
Abou El Fadl notes that a[M]any of the traditionsdemeaning towomen are reported, in one
version or another, by Abu Hurayrah who has been a rather controversial figure in early
KECIAALI
286
terms, a "conscientious
pause"
legal
determinations.37
moral
husband's
and
Asma
Barlas
characterizes
the hadith
related by Ab? Hurayrah, and the question of its reliability,see Fatima Mernissi, The Veil and
theMale Elite: A Feminist InterpretationofWomen's Rights in Islam, trans.Mary Jo Lakeland
?
(ReadingMA: Addison
Wesley Publishing Company, 1991), 62-81. See also Barias, Believing
Women in Islam, 49.
37
Abou El Fadl, Speaking inGod's Name, 220 and passim.
38
Ibid., 210-14,231-2, 282-3, and passim.
39
Amina Wadud, Qur'an and Woman (Kuala Lumpur: Penerbit Fajar Bhakti Snd, 1992). Even
Wadud, however, cannot entirely resist an appeal to the Prophet's sunnah; she closes her final
chapterwith "Surely, as the Prophet says, 'The best of you is he who is best to his family'".
Wadud, Qur'an and Woman, 91.
40
Asghar Ali Engineer, inWhat Men Owe toWomen: Men's Voices from World Religions, ed.
JohnC. Raines andDaniel MacGuire (Albany: StateUniversity ofNew York Press, 2001).
41
Barias, BelievingWomen, 3.
"ABEAUTIFULEXAMPLE":
THE PROPHETMUHAMMAD
AS A MODEL FORMUSLIMHUSBANDS
287
wish
to reform. The
attempt
to minimize
suggests an
rather than
cursory of ways.
KECIA AU
288
Yet because
theTabaq?t of Ibn Sa'd and theIhy?*Vl?m al-Din of al-Ghaz?l?.46
of the lack of a consistent approach, some have levelled charges of
inconsistencyagainst the contemporary authorswho unquestioningly accept
reportsconducive to greaterrightsforwomen in the conduct of theProphet
(peace be on him) while critiquing the reliability of Prophetic statements
drawn from the same, or similar,sourcematerials. Thus, it is deemed selective
to cite sources on his gentleness to his wives fromal-Ghaz?li, but ignore the
statement the same text attributes the Prophet (peace be on him) that a
husband's rightsover hiswife are so extensivethat "Were he coveredwith pus
from the tip of his head to the soles of his feet,andwere she to lickhim, she
would not compensate him enough."47Clearly, theProphet (peace be on him)
never expected such an attitudefromhiswives, and the two typesof accounts
are in tension as towhat type ofmarried life theProphet (peace be on him)
advocated.
In lightof such disagreementon how to read the sources, how can the
differentparties in thisdebate have fruitful
dialogue today? Iwould argue that
we Muslims should focus our attentionon those elements of legal, exegetic,
and historical sources in our traditionthatdescribe the conduct of theProphet
(peace be on him) himself in his own marital relationships.These sources are
quite clear thathe was gentle and kindwith hiswives, rather thanharsh; that
he helped themwith household chores; and so forth.Since there is agreement
on these facts,why not make this the startingpoint for a more thorough
engagementwith his sunnah}
m
A PATH FORWARD
Most of the contemporarydisagreementover the relative statusandweight of
Qur'?n, hadith, and sunnah relates to the authenticityof certain sayings
applicable towomen: those that liken them to donkeys and dogs, or describe
them as "crooked" (froma bent rib), "a trial" (formale Muslims), or as the
majority of the inhabitantsofHell. Those that "command" obedience of a
wife to her husband, and suggest that women's entry into paradise is
dependent
on their husbands'
Muslims, male
pleasure
and female. On
are repugnant
to many
contemporary
46
See L. Zolondek, ed. and trans.Book XX ofAl-Ghaz?lVs Ihy?*Vl?m ai-Din (Leiden: EJ Brill,
1963), 24, 26, 40, 56, including selections from the Tabaq?t of Ibn Sa'd. For discussion of the
conduct of the Prophet (peace be on him) from the Ihy?'s "Book on theEtiquette ofMarriage",
see Farah,Marriage and Sexuality in Islam, 94-6.
47
Ibid., 121.
"A BEAUTIFUL
EXAMPLE":
AS A MODEL
FOR MUSLIM
HUSBANDS
289
that they
cannot
possibly
be
so. Nonetheless,
these
statements ?
? are
whatever one decides about theirauthenticity
marginal to the sunnahof
the Prophet (peace be on him), particularly ifwe understand his sunnah as,
above all,manifested in his own personal conduct.Despite the disagreement
about the ah?d?th just discussed, there is significant,generally unremarked
common ground amongMuslims fromwidely divergent perspectives as to
what the Prophet (peace be on him) himself actually did in his relationships
with hiswives.
One possible way out of the present impasse is to choose to set aside, at
least for the timebeing, those elementsof declarativeah?d?ththat aremired in
controversy and to draw instead from those elements, also found in the
tradition, that shed lighton the characterof the Prophet (peace be on him)
himself in his marital conduct. These elements, though found in the
traditionalsources,were generallynot viewed as exemplary forothermen, but
ratherwere reserved to praise theProphet (peace be on him) as an exceptional
human being. Since these reports are accepted byMuslims from a variety of
perspectives, they can be the centrepieceof a new approach to the sunnah of
KECIAALI
290
uncertainty
or discomfort
today among
twenty-first
century
sufficient
to prompt
serious
reassessment
of
to whether
did not
or not
attempts
to consider whether
and when
his conduct
can have
legal weight for otherMuslim husbands. Though the early jurists largely
agreed on what the Prophet (peace be on him) himself did under particular
48
Barlas notes the respectfultreatmentaccorded by theProphet (peace be on him) to his wives,
but suggests that "it is not usually these egalitarian aspects of the Prophet's Sunnah thatmany
Muslim
men
want
to emulate
today."
See, Barias,
Believing
Women,
124.
"A BEAUTIFUL
EXAMPLE":
circumstances,
not
they did
always
AS A MODEL
FOR MUSLIM
HUSBANDS
291
as to whether
on numerous
issues. Yet
nonetheless
they
were
able
to engage
in