ANALYSIS OF BUSINESS WRITING SKILLS IN

THE 12TH GRADE

As mentioned in the previous chapters, writing is a skill required in most
professions. One has many chances to write in his or her job, and although specific
writing tasks vary from job to job, profession to profession, successful businesses
rely on the effective passage of information and communication, both oral and
written, among its managers, co-workers and customers. To maximize their
companys success, employers often look for and offer bigger salaries to
employees who can demonstrate good writing skills.
A survey of 120 major American corporations (which produced responses
from 62 of them) employing nearly eight million people concludes that in todays
workplace writing is a threshold skill for hiring and promotion among salaried
employees. Survey results indicate that writing is a ticket to professional
opportunity, while poorly written job applications are a figurative kiss of death.
The survey also shows that at least two-thirds of salaried employees in
large US companies have some writing responsibility , and that eighty percent
or more of the companies with the greatest employment-growth potential assess
writing during hiring.
Another business writing survey conducted in 2011 in the UK shows that
94.7% of learning and development professionals report problems with business
writing in their organizations, and two-thirds said that key messages are
regularly lost in their organizations written communications.

Description and Results of the Experimental Work

Writing skills have recently been a hot topic. The experience over the past
years shows that providing training in developing writing skills in school makes a
difference to the standards of writing in the workplace.
Many of our school leavers begin looking for jobs and enter the workplace
immediately after or long before graduating high school. To help them address
some of the most common on-the-job writing situations, the high school curricula
for languages in the Republic of Moldova includes a separate section in which
students are taught the essentials of writing for the world of work. A special section
devoted to the structure and guidelines for writing different types of letters,
requests, complaints and CVs is part of the study in the first language, be it
Romanian, Russian, Ukrainian or Gagauz, as well as in that of the foreign
language, be it English, French, Spanish, Italian or German.
Students in the English class are taught the basic principles of formal and
informal letters. They practice with letters of application, complaint, rsums, and
CVs.
The Experimental Sample
As part of our investigation we decided to study and analyse the writing
skills of the students in the 12 th grade in Mihai Eminescu lyceum from Straseni.
The aim of our experiment was to find out the students attitudes towards writing
and to study their basic skills in writing several types of official documents rather
than look for mistakes and errors in the foreign language.
The experiment was carried out in two English subgroups in the 12 th A and
12th B forms, both in the Humanities and Sciences profiles, as the requirements for
competences on the socio-linguistic level are the same for both categories of
students. We have considered and evaluated the socio-linguistic competences and
written communication skills of 12 and 10 students in each of these two groups
respectively. The students level of proficiency in English was rated as intermediate
to upper-intermediate.

The Initial Stage of the Experiment - Observation

At the initial stage of the investigation we tried to observe the general
attitudes and reactions of the students towards writing as part of their everyday
study in the foreign language. From personal observation and oral interviewing of
the students we have noticed that writing was not their strong point, and that most
of the students were quite reluctant to take part in writing activities. Even the
students with excellent oral communication skills encountered some difficulties
when it came to writing.
If we refer to different types of writing activities we have to mention that
the general trend of preferences was oriented to official style, rather than literary
writing, including narrative stories or different types of essays. The main reason
behind this was the fact that formal letters in the field of business correspondence
require less effort and imagination. Students usually have models that they imitate
or simply fill in the required information in previously downloaded templates.
1st stage of the experiment Teaching Writing for the World of Work
During the first semester, as part of the curriculum, students were taught
the essentials of letter writing. The main focus was laid on teaching them
peculiarities of formal business correspondence. Students were taught how to write
letters of application, complaints and rsums.

Each time the students were

explained how to approach the task: first they analysed the structure of the letter
and identified the type, then they established the tone and the language style
necessary for the given type of letter. As homework students had to write a specific
type of business correspondence communication after previously having examined
the task to make sure what was asked from them. The complete written
assignments were usually handed in for checking in a weeks time.
The three written assignments covered during the first semester in the
academic year 2012-2013 were a rsum accompanied by a job application letter,
and also a letter of complaint.

The written communications of every student in part were checked and

analysed thoroughly according to a special checklist. The following checklist was
developed to give feedback and evaluate students writing skills:
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o

Check and improve the grammar

Check the spelling
Check and improve the punctuation
Avoid using too long sentences
Make sure you use words appropriate to the style of writing
You have used an unprofessional tone
Task has not been fulfilled completely
Key message was lost
The format and layout should be improved
The structure of the document is inappropriate
Avoid using unnecessary or irrelevant information
You need to add some details
The 66 different written works produced by the 22 students involved in the

experiment were checked and analysed according to the above-presented checklist.

Considering the data from all the feedback sheets we have completed when
checking students portfolios of written assignments and making use of the
methods of analysis and synthesis we have generated the following results:
In about one tenth of the written assignments the problem was not keeping
to the point, i.e. the key message was lost. In most of the cases (5 out of 7)
the students forgot to refer to the exact problem they had with their internet
connection in their letters of complaint.

In some of the assignments (about one fifth) the students have used words
and phrases inappropriate for the style recommended for business letters,
while in about ten of them the students sounded unprofessional.

About one third of the total number of students had problems with long
sentences. Long and difficult to understand sentences were used by eight of
the students, mostly in their letters of complaint.

In more than a third of the works (22-23) the students were asked to check
and correct their grammar, spelling and punctuation. The three different
types of mistakes were recurrent in more than two thirds of the

assignments, which means that about seven of the students had problems
with writing mechanics in all of the three presented tasks.
About 10-15 per cent of the students either included irrelevant information
in their rsums and/or letters of application, or, on the contrary,
overlooked some important details. For example, many of them forgot to
include the desired position in their rsums, while others did not indicate
the exact dates and areas when complaining about the internet services.
A very small number of assignments had problems with format and layout
and structure of the tasks. This results from the fact that students had
sample documents which they have used as models.
Judging by the results we got after giving feedback using the above
presented checklist we have completed a chart (fig. 3.1) to illustrate the most
frequent mistakes and errors in the students assignments.
Figure 3.1

Number of students to produce the referred errors

Type of error
(out of 22/%)
Type
Letter of
rsum
Letter of
of assignment
application
complaint
Grammar
7
6
8
Punctuation
7
5
9
Spelling
6
6
8
Long sentences
2
-8
Inappropriate style
5
1
7
Unprofessional tone
2
-7
Key message loss
2
-5
Task incompletion
2
4
4
Deficient format/layout
2
-2
Deficient structure
1
1
2
Irrelevant information
3
2
1
Details missing
-12
10
A sample of a rsum and an application letter which were written by the
testers, in response to a job advertisement for the position of an office assistant
within a local non-profit Youth and Family Recreation Center, are enclosed in the
Appendices 12.1 and 13.1 to illustrate the assignments produced by two students

from 12thA form. The assignments are accompanied by their feedback forms and
attached in Appendix 12.2 and Appendix 13.2 respectively.
The third type of business correspondence written communication under
study within the experiment was the letter of complaint. Our task was to write a
letter to a local cable-TV and internet services provider and complain about the
poor internet signal got in the area during the last weekend in October. Appendices
14.1 and 14.2 exemplify the assignment produced by one of the students and her
feedback form.
The 2nd Stage of the Experiment Writing Survey
As part of the experiment the students had to answer questions in a survey.
The survey was realized at the beginning of December, after the students had got
acquainted with the basic types of business correspondence and realized several
business-related written assignments. The purpose of the survey was to check our
conclusions about students attitudes to writing made by means of observation and
also to check students knowledge of basics of business correspondence.
Appendix 15 illustrates a sample of a survey completed by one of our testers.
The first part of the questionnaire consisted of six personal opinion
multiple-choice questions that were intended to disclose the respondents
preferences as regards writing. The questions run as follows:
1. Do you enjoy writing?
Yes

No

Not quite

2. Would you like a job in which you had to write?

Yes

No

Categorically not

3. Rate your oral communication skills

Very good

Good

Satisfactory

Poor

Very poor

Poor

Very poor

4. Rate your written communication skills

Very good

Good

Satisfactory

5. How difficult is it for you to cooperate with other people when working on oral
projects?

Difficult

Acceptable

Easy

6. How difficult is it for you to cooperate with other people when working on
written projects?
Difficult

Acceptable

Easy

Of the total number of 22 students involved in the experiment a half said

that they enjoyed writing, 4 people did not enjoy it at all, and about a third did not
quite enjoy it.
Q 1: Do you enjoy writing?
The answers were as follows:
No 4 people;
Not quite 7 people;
Yes 11 people;
The diagram below illustrates the answers for the first question in terms of
percentage. (fig. 3.2)
Figure 3.2

Do you enjoy writing?

18

Yes
Not quite
50

No

32

The answers that we got for the second question demonstrate how
unwilling students are to work when it comes to writing as part of their everyday
duties. About 70 per cent of the students said that they would not like a job in
which they had to write. Moreover, more than a half of those who enjoyed writing

(6 out of 11), declared that they would not like to write in their job. Only about a
third of the students said they would like a job that involved writing.
Q 2: Would you like a job in which you had to write?
The answers were as follows:
Yes 6 people
No 16 people;
Categorically not 0
The diagram below illustrates in terms of percentage the attitudes students
have towards jobs that involve writing. (fig. 3.3)
Figure 3.3

Would you like a job in which you had to write?

27.27

No
Yes

72.72

When we asked the tastes to rate their oral and written communication
skills from very good to very poor, only two students were confident about both
written and oral skills, while a student who said that he had very good oral
communication skills, rated his written communication skills as very poor, and
one, rated his speaking and writing skills as satisfactory and very good
respectively.
Q 3: Rate your oral communication skills
A: Very good 3 people

Good 12 people
Satisfactory 6 people
Poor 1 person
Very poor - 0
Q 4: Rate your written communication skills
A: Very good 3 people
Good 10 people
Satisfactory 7 people
Poor 1 person
Very poor 1 person
The double diagram below shows the results for the answers to
questions 3 and 4 in comparison and demonstrates that oral communication skills
are higher even if not too much. (fig. 3.4)
Figure 3.4

Rate your oral and written communication skills

22
20
18
16

Rate your oral

communication skills
Rate your written
communication skills

14
12
10
8
6
4
2
0

Very good

Good

Satisfactory

Poor

Very poor

The next question in the survey was designed to unfold the students ability
to cooperate with their peers on different projects that involve oral and written
communication.
Q 5/6: How difficult is it for you to cooperate on oral/written projects?

A: Difficult 3/5 people

Acceptable 11/11 people
Easy 8/6 people
Judging by the answers given by the students the following results can be
produced (fig. 3.5):
a half of the students, i.e. 50% find both cooperation on written projects and
oral ones similarly acceptable;
about a third of the students (36%) think collaboration on oral projects is
easy while about a fourth of the total number (27%) of the students think
that working on written projects is easy;
only three students (14%) find collaboration on oral projects difficult, while
five of them (23%) think collaboration on written projects is difficult.
Figure 3.5

How difficult is it for you to cooperate with other people?

22
20
18
16

Cooperation on oral projects

Cooperation on written
projects

14
12
10
8
6
4
2
0

Difficult

Acceptable

Easy

We also wanted to ask our students which careers in their opinion imply
doing much, little or no writing work. If we analyse and synthesise their answers
we can produce the following results:

Two thirds of the respondents listed the job of a teacher as one to imply
much writing work, while a half of them listed under this heading the jobs
of secretaries, typists and other office clerks, as well as journalists and
reporters. (fig. 3.6)
Figure 3.6

Jobs that involve doing much writing work

22
20
18
16
14
12
10
8
6
4
2
0

teacher

secretary

office worker

journalist

lawyer

doctor

Figure 3.7

Jobs that involve doing little writing work

22
20
18
16
14
12
10
8
6
4
2
0

doctor

nurse

shop-assistant sales manager

lawyers

waiters

About half of the respondents consider that people involved in healthcare,

such as doctors and nurses do little written work, as well as those involved

in sale, such as shop-assistants and sales-managers. About a quarter

included in this category lawyers. (fig. 3.7)
Driver, builder and tailor were the jobs most often refer to as jobs to imply
no writing work. (fig. 3.8)
Figure 3.8

Jobs that involve no writing

22
20
18
16
14
12
10
8
6
4
2
0

driver

builder

tailor

actor

mechanic

As we can see from the above presented diagrams, in our respondents

opinions, people involved in transportation and construction are not expected to
write in their jobs. If we compare these results with the results of the American
survey cited earlier in this chapter, we should mention that they coincide only in
one direction, that of transportation. According to the survey, with the exception
of mining and transportation, large majorities of salaried employees in all
industries (including construction and manufacturing) are expected to write.
The results of the first part of the questionnaire confirms the judgments we
formed at the beginning of the investigation, namely that the students are not very
eager to get involved in writing, even if sometimes they rate they writing skills as g
The second part of the survey was intended to check students awareness of
principles and rules of business correspondence. As we realized the survey towards
the end of the semester, after having studied different types of letters, our intension
was to see how well the participants in the experiment remember some important

things connected with the basic types of written communications in the world of
work and run as follows:
10. Which form of writing is appropriate for writing in the world of work?
Formal

Informal

Both

11. Which of the following is rated as business correspondence? (Tick all that
are possible)
Memoranda
Letters of application
Rsum
Faxes
E-mails

12. What are the parts of a business letter? List them in order.
13. What information should you include in your rsum?
14. Which is an appropriate way to begin a formal letter? (Tick all that are
possible)
Dear Sir or Madam
Dear Mr Smith
Dear Manager
Dear Customer
Dear Adam Smith
15. Which is an appropriate way to begin a formal letter? (Tick all that are
possible)
Yours Dave,
Yours truthfully,
Yours faithfully,
Love,
Sincerely yours,
16. Which are the most appropriate writing fonts for writing in the professional
world?
a. Times New Roman
b. Microsoft Sans Serif
c. Arial
d. Bookman Old Style
e. Segoe Script
Analysing the answers produced by the questionnaire respondents we have
synthesized the following results:
Only 20% of the respondents remembered that both, formal and informal
registers are appropriate for business communication in written form. The
majority of the students, about 16 out of 22, said that formal register is the
one to be used in writing for the professional world. This might have
occurred because students do not regard electronic mail and memos, which
as internal forms of business correspondence may be also written in informal
language, as types of correspondence appropriate for the business world.
Fig. 3.9

Which register is appropriate for business correspondence?

4.5

22.7

both
formal
informal

72.7

Most of the students had also problems with identifying types of business
correspondence. Even if they have been introduced to the most important
types of written correspondence in the world of work, including letters,
memos, emails, and faxes, only about 20% (4people) of the respondents
ticked all these items on their surveys. About 35% (8) did not identify faxes as
type of business correspondence, while about 15% (3) did not tick the memos.
One third of the students had problems with recognizing two, or even three of
the suggested options as forms of correspondence at the workplace.
The diagram below shows how many of the respondents ticked the referred
to type of written documents as a form of business correspondence.
Fig. 3.10

22
20
18
16
14
12
10
8
6
4
2
0
letters

memos

faxes

emails

resumes

Students produced quite satisfactory results when they were asked to

remember and list in order the parts of business letters. A third of the students
listed correctly all the six parts of a business letter, while another third listed
correctly all the parts, except for the inside address. About 15% of the
respondents listed all the parts in random order, two of them listed only three
main parts: namely, the greeting, the body, and the closing, and only two
students produced completely wrong answers.
Fig. 3.11

List in order the parts of a business letter

10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
0

all parts listed in order

Linear (all parts listed in
order)
all parts listed at random
all parts except one listed in
order
parts listed partially
no answer at all

 One problem that was unfolded during the experiment was the fact that
despite having completed the task of the rsum as an assignment during the
experiment, a great number of the students were not able to say what
information they should introduce in it. The fact that only half of the students
listed five out of six things to be included in the rsum, and about one third
produced incomplete answers, and none of the students mentioned the
position desired or objective as part of the rsum generates a conclusion. In
order to complete the assignments they were set during the semester, the
students used the models provided by the teacher without having realized and
remembered the structure and layout of the rsum. Thus, having no
autonomy in completing a rsum on their own, they could not remember and
reproduce its parts.
Most of the students in our survey have no major problems with the ways of
opening and closing letters. They are quite familiar with greeting formulas for
business letters, while some problems appeared with reference to closings. All
the 22 respondents know that opening a letter using a persons first and last
names, e.g. Dear Adam Smith is incorrect, while only a small part of them
identified the greeting Dear Customer (about 18%) as an appropriate way
to open a business letter. More than two thirds of the students ticked both
Dear Sir/Madam and Dear Manager (16 out of 22) as appropriate greetings
for letters in the world of work.
Almost all of the students, i.e. 19 out of 22 identified the closing
Sincerely yours, as an appropriate closing for a business letter, while only
two of them correctly identified the closing Yours, Dave. This was difficult
for students to do because, as answers for question 10 have already shown us,
they are unaware of the fact that informal style is suitable for business
correspondence in the case of memos and e-mails, which are also types of
written communication in the world of work.

The experimental work conducted in the 12th grade is viewed in our

opinion as a successful one, even if the results are a bit discouraging. It has been a
good proof to demonstrate that school has still a lot to do as regards training our
students to get better communication skills. The overall results show that most of
the students who are to leave school in five-month time have not developed
enough their business writing skills. They might be able to write good essays and
take down well-structured notes, but they are not ready to enter the world of work,
at least not a job in which they will have to write.

Appendix 15

Written Skills Survey conducted in the 12th form

7. Do you enjoy writing?
Yes
No
Not quite
8. Would you like a job in which you had to write?
Yes
No
Categorically not
9. Rate your oral communication skills
Very good
Good
Satisfactory
Poor
Very poor
10. Rate your written communication skills
Very good
Good
Satisfactory
Poor
Very poor
11. How difficult is it for you to cooperate with other people when working on oral
projects?
Difficult
Acceptable
Easy
12. How difficult is it for you to cooperate with other people when working on written
projects?
Difficult
Acceptable
Easy
13. Which careers imply doing much writing? List at least two.
14. Which careers imply doing little writing? List at least two.
15. Which careers imply doing no writing? List at least two.
16. Which form of writing is appropriate for writing in the world of work?
Formal
Informal
Both
17. Which of the following is rated as business correspondence? (Tick all that are
possible)
Memoranda
Faxes
Letters of application
E-mails
Rsum
18. What are the parts of a business letter? List them in order.
19. What information should you include in your rsum?
20. Which is an appropriate way to begin a formal letter? (Tick all that are possible)
21. Dear Sir or Madam,
24. Dear Customer
22. Dear Editor in chief,
25. Dear Kate McDonald
23. Dear Management
26. Which is an appropriate way to begin a formal letter? (Tick all that are possible)
27.
Yours Dave
30. Love,
28.
Yours truthfully
31. Sincerely yours
29.
Yours faithfully
32. Which are the most appropriate writing fonts for writing in the professional world?
33. (Tick all that are possible)
34.
Times New Roman
36.
Arial
35.
Microsoft Sans
37. Bookman Old Style
Serif
38. Segoe Script

39.Appendix 12 .1
40.Sample Rsum
41.

Name:

Violeta Zelinscaia

Address:

71, 31 august str. (improper abbreviation)

Straseni, Republic of Moldova

Telephone:

(0237) 29-272

Email:

zelinscaiavioleta@amail.com

Date of Birth:

April 18, 1994

Nationality:

Russian (unnecessary information)

(desired position not included)

Employment history:
June - Octomber 2012

Waiter

(name of employee missing)

Duties and responsabilities:
serving customers
(incomplete)
Education and qualifications:
September 20002012

Student
Mihai Eminescu High School (wrong word),

Straseni

42.
43.
44.
45.
46.
47.
48.
49.
50.
51.
52.
53.
54.
55.
56.
57.
58.
59.
60.
61.
62.
63.
64.
65.
66.
67.
68.
69.
70.
71.
72.
73.

74.
20072009
(incomplete dates)

Music Student
Arts School, Straseni

75.

76.Appendix 12 .2
77.
78.Checklist to evaluate students business writing skills

79.
80.

Evaluated
Assignment: Rsum

81.

St

83.

udent: Zelinskaia Violeta

82. Location: M. Eminescu Lyceum, Straseni
Evaluator: Botnari Elena
84.
85.

86. Check and improve the grammar

87.
Check the spelling
o Check and improve the punctuation
o Avoid using too long sentences
88.
Make sure you use words appropriate to the style of
writing
o You have used an unprofessional tone
o Task has not been fulfilled completely
o Key message was lost
o The format and layout should be improved
o The structure of the document is inappropriate
89.
Avoid using unnecessary or irrelevant information
90.
91.

You need to add some details

92.Appendix 13 .1
93.
94.Sample Job Application Letter

95.

Appendix
13.2
Vasile Alecsandri, 3

96.

97.Checklist to evaluate students

writing
skills
Straseni,business
Republic
of Moldova

98.
0237 248-53

99.

November 12, 2012

Evaluate

d Assignment: Letter of Apllication

100.
Human Relation Department

Studen
t: Cunev Ecaterina

101.
Location: M. Eminescu Lyceum, Straseni
Straseni,
102.Moldova
Evaluato
r: Botnari Elena
Straseni Youth & Family Recreation Center

103.

Vacancy for Assistant at Youth

& Family Recreation Center
104.

Check and improve the grammar

106.
Check the spelling
Dear
Manager,
105.

o Check and improve the punctuation

o Avoid using too long sentences
I recently
fromuse
a colleague
that youre (inappropriate
o Makelearned
sure you
words appropriate
to the stylefor
ofbusiness

letter) looking for an office assistant at the Youth & Family Recreation
Center
from Straseni. Im interested in this position, because Im an active
writing
volunteer
and also
because
I have some experience
of working as a
o You have
used
an unprofessional
tone
secretary.

o Task has not been fulfilled completely

o Key message was lost
o The format and layout should be improved
I understand that you need an assistant fluent both in Romanian and
o TheAs
structure
ofinthe
is inappropriate
Russian.
mentioned
mydocument
rsum, I speak
and write them fluently. In
o You Ineed
add
some details
addition,
have to
good
communication
skills in English and French. I am a
highly-skilled computer user and an experienced driver. Also, I feel I am
107.
Avoid using unnecessary or irrelevant information

suited for the job due to my previous part-time work experience in suchlike positions: I have worked as a secretary in an estate agents and as a
receptionist of a hotel. (already included in the attached rsum)

Id like to have the chance to work for a local non-profit organization such
as your own, where I could share the experience I gained while involved in
various volunteering and extra-curricular activities.

108. Appendix 14.1

109.

110. Sample Complaint Letter

111. Appendix 14.2

112.
113. Checklist to evaluate students business writing skills
Certan Marcela
114.

6 Podgorenilor str.

115.

118.

Evaluate

d Assignment:
Letter of
Apllication
Straseni,
MD-1405
116. Student: Certan Marcela
117.
Location: M. Eminescu
October Lyceum,
23, 2012 Straseni
Evaluato
r: Botnari Elena

(position/title of the recipient missing)

119.
TV-Com Connect SRL

121.

120.

Check and improve the grammar

Check the spelling

10, Stefan cel Mare str.

122.
MD-1405
o Srtaseni,
Check and
improve the punctuation
o Avoid using too long sentences
o Make sure you use words appropriate to the style of
(Subject line missing)

writing
123.
You have used an unprofessional tone
Sunday
20, we
hadfulfilled
a very bad
signal of internet on our PC.
o On
Task
has not
been
completely
had
poor connection
o We
Key
message
was lost since early in the morning and in the
evening it lost completely.
124.
The format and layout should be improved
o The structure of the document is inappropriate
125.
You need
add the
some
details
In the afternoon
we to
called
office,
but nobody answered to

explainthe
problem.
126.
Avoid
using unnecessary or irrelevant information
As I know your operators work all the time and must be there
to127.
answer our questions. (unprofessional tone)
I was unable to make an important conversation I have
planned with a possible employer and Im afraid I couldnt talk
to him again.