A Phenomenological Inventory of Psychedelic

Visuals on MDMA

A Personal Essay
by Martin W. Ball, Ph.D.

2017
Kyandara Publishing

Introduction:
Entactogen, Psychedelic, Entheogen, or all of the Above?

Youve probably heard that MDMA is an entactogen, meaning that it gives rise to
feelings of oneness, openness, and empathy and connectedness, and that these are the
dominant properties of the MDMA experience so much so, that some commentators feel
that MDMA should not be classified as a psychedelic. Because of these feeling-related
effects, MDMA has been dubbed the love drug, and has found a place in PTSD therapy,
helping individuals overcome traumatic and emotionally charged experiences.

While its certainly true that MDMA experiences are predominantly characterized by
the feelings one encounters when under its influence, its curious psychedelic and visual
effects have perhaps been overlooked or understated. In my own estimation, while MDMA
can be categorized as an entactogen, this does not, in any way, mean that MDMA does not
also have very interesting, and quite unique, psychedelic and visual effects. In what follows,
I will list a number of visual effects of MDMA that Ive experienced over the course of a year
of personal investigation into the phenomenological properties of this delightful molecule.
This is not meant to argue against the entactogen classification, but merely to point out that
the psychedelic effects of MDMA are profound, significant, and should not be overlooked or
dismissed. My conclusion is that MDMA is most definitely a psychedelic (in the sense of
producing complex and sophisticated visual imagery), and while having some similarities
with other psychedelic compounds, also exhibits some curious and unique features that I

personally have not experienced via other, more classical, psychedelics. In that MDMA also
helps generates feelings and perceptions of unitary being and dissolves the structures of
the ego and sense of separate individuality, it is also entheogenic, giving rise to the
experience of God within.

For this research, Ive engaged in the most direct form of investigation: personal
experience.

My History with MDMA:

My personal interest in MDMA is relatively recent, and the bulk of this investigation
occurred over the past year, beginning in earnest in January of 2016. My first experience
with MDMA in 2008 is recounted in detail in my memoir, Being Infinite, and was a pivotal
event in my own process of personal awakening and liberation. It was my first experience
of the phenomenon that Ive termed The Voice. As The Voice is a unique and complex
phenomenological subject, and largely outside the scope of the current essay, I dont intend
to get into details here, other than to say that my voice changes to match the energy of any
psychedelic I consume, including MDMA. Those who might be interested to learn more are
encouraged to read Being Infinite.

My second experience with MDMA came several years later, taken with my wife,
Jessalynn. She had a difficult time with the energies that arose in the experience, so I spent
most of the duration of the event coaching her through the experience, and the content that

arose became the basis for a later podcast episode that I published on The Entheogenic
Evolution called The Process.

My third MDMA experience came more recently, in the fall of 2015, when I was up in
Vancouver for the annual Spirit Plant Medicine Conference in October. I was staying with a
friend, and when I arrived at her house, she offered me some MDMA to welcome me to
Vancouver. I gladly accepted her offer (we didnt have any other plans for the day), took the
medicine, lied down on the couch, covered with a soft blanket, and closed my eyes. Almost
immediately my voice was affected and I could tell that I was about to go all the way into a
completely immersive experience. It was five hours of pure, exquisite, velvetness. I
thoroughly enjoyed the experience, and decided that I wanted to spend more time
exploring MDMA and its effects.

After returning home from Vancouver, I urged my wife to give MDMA another try,
thinking that she might find it more productive and enjoyable from her one previous
experience. We set ourselves up in the living room with me on the floor and her on the
couch, both lying down in a relaxed, open, symmetrical posture that I refer to as a neutral
position (open symmetry is more conducive to energetically open and unitary experiences
ie, entheogenic experiences than having crossed limbs or asymmetrical positions in
the body). She was nervous, given her one previous experience, and only took a half dose,
while I took a full dose. Eventually, she decided to take the rest, as the experience wasnt
really opening up for her. As before, when it started to come on, she became very agitated
by the energetic expansion, and started tensing up, crying out for help. I was feeling pretty
casual, so I just encouraged her to relax and reassured her in my now-deep and velvety
voice that she was fine. Her tension finally came to a climax, and she broke through as we
were listening to Kyrstyn Pixton. From that point on, she had a great experience. However,
when it was all done, she stated quite clearly that she wasnt interested in continuing with
further MDMA experiences. The come-on was just too challenging for her, despite having
broken through and eventually enjoying what MDMA had to offer.

Thus began my solo investigations. I still had quite a bit of pure MDMA, and decided
that I would go solo upstairs in our bedroom in the evenings and see what MDMA was all
about, starting in January of 2016. Something that I was soon able to confirm is that MDMA
quickly diminishes in its effects as the body builds up an increasing tolerance, so in order to
achieve similar effects, more and more of the compound needs to be used. Where I
originally started with a single standard dose, I quickly moved on to multiple doses in my
solo sessions, starting with a large dose, and then taking two or three more booster doses
throughout the course of the evening, with entactogenic effects becoming less pronounced
with each session, though a similar diminishing was not experienced regarding visual
phenomena. In other words, while MDMA remained consistently psychedelic across
multiple uses, the entactogenic and feeling aspects of MDMA were directly affected by
issues of tolerance.

Over the course of the past year, I have now logged many hours of MDMA
experience. The majority of what is listed in this inventory of visual effects was experienced
during this time period, though Id note that there were very interesting visual effects on
my very first MDMA experience, as recounted in my memoir, Being Infinite.
All of my experiences were with pure MDMA with no additives. It was all secured
from reliable sources and came in the form of pure crystal, which needed to be broken up
and then encapsulated. While doses were within the normal range to begin, as tolerance

built up, larger doses were required. Id estimate that most sessions were between 200 and
400 mg, taken in incremental intervals spanning several hours. Each session would start
with me reclining in bed with relaxed, open symmetry in my body posture, focused directly
ahead (even with eyes closed), listening to music with headphones, and eyes closed, only
getting up to use the restroom, and then when my wife was ready to go to sleep, moving
downstairs to our living room, riding out the rest of the experience and then falling asleep
(which was most often fitful, given the numerous trips Id have to take throughout the night
to go urinate). Since Ive emphasized the crucial importance of non-activity and resting in a
neutral position physically elsewhere, I wont expand on this here, other than to say that
approaching any psychedelic/entheogenic/entactogenic experience in this manner is
fundamental to really allowing the medicine to work to its full potential with minimal
interference from the ego and individuated energy patterns. My suspicion is that since most
people consume MDMA socially, they are largely missing the interesting visual phenomena
that show up when carefully watching and observing with eyes closed and not engaged in
dualistic forms of interaction and behavior.

General Overview of the MDMA Experience:

Like other psychedelic compounds, MDMA comes on in waves of energy. These
waves are most clearly distinct when MDMA is first encountered and there is no tolerance
in the body. The come-on can vary. I found that at times, I wouldnt really feel any effects
for the first 30-50 minutes. At other times, I could feel the first flush of MDMA waves within
5-10 minutes of taking a dose. In general, by the 50-minute mark, MDMA waves start
coming on strong. Each wave is characterized by a rushing onset with increased heart rate
(this effect decreases over time and with tolerance), and might coincide with clammy
hands, chills, body tremors, vibrations, and chattering teeth. The wave reaches a peak that
can feel like a burst of energy, often located in the heart, and then a rush of pleasant aftereffects as the wave washes away. Following each wave is a decrease in excitation, though
without returning to baseline. These waves build up in strength and intensity until the
MDMA reaches its peak, at which point, the experience starts to roll where it is fairly
consistent without the sensation of oncoming waves, eventually trailing off after a period of
several hours.

With the addition of booster doses, there is an initial flush that occurs
immediately after taking more, and lasts for about the first 10-15 minutes. These are very
pleasant, cuddly, and warm, and then around the 30 minute mark, the more typical energy
wave experience begins again with somewhat tense onset, peak, and wash out, gradually
building in intensity until the booster reaches its peak.

Energetically speaking, I find that MDMA is not really all that different from other
psychedelics, other than the fact that MDMA is so distinctly enjoyable and pleasurable. For
me, it feels like love and sex, especially in the absence of any tolerance. Like other
psychedelics, its predominantly an experience of energy, but whereas other psychedelics
can be very challenging energetically, MDMA mostly feels good (though of course, results
vary, as is exhibited by my wifes reactions, who finds MDMA to be largely unpleasant).
Also, from my personal standpoint, I wouldnt necessarily characterize MDMA as more
amenable to relating to the energies and feelings of others than other psychedelics, as I find
I routinely feel into others on psychedelics in general, and here I dont personally find
MDMA to be significantly different. Again, the main difference is that it feels good, but I
wouldnt characterize it as feeling more. Perhaps it is because other psychedelics can be
more consistently visually pronounced that users tend to focus more on the visual content
than the feelings that arise, and therefore the entactogenic quality of psychedelics have
been overlooked by many when compared to the rather pronounced feeling qualities of
MDMA.

A significant difference between MDMA and other psychedelics is that it is not
consistently dominated by visual activity. In my experience, the most interesting visual
phenomena showed up irregularly with MDMA, and some sessions hardly had any visual
activity at all. And when visual phenomena were present, they did not last throughout the
duration of MDMA experience, and therefore were intermittent. As a point of contrast, I
recently experienced a 14-hour session with mescaline via the San Pedro cactus where it
was full-on visual activity for the full duration of the session, with abundant visual activity
with eyes both open and closed.


Every psychedelic has its own unique presentation and energetic quality. All
psychedelics alter and enhance our ability to perceive and experience energy in the forms
of thoughts, emotions, body sensations, and perceptions, such as sound and vision. Because
they interact with our brains and activate different neural receptors, they present
themselves uniquely, though psychedelics that belong to same family, such as tryptamines,
for example, tend to have somewhat similar presentations.

As for the visual uniqueness of MDMA, Ive seen some pretty interesting stuff, and in
general, it is quite different from the kinds of visual effects Ive experienced from
tryptamines, both organic and synthetic, and from other phenethylamines, such as
mescaline.

The following is a collection of all the interesting things Ive seen on MDMA. They
arent presented in any particular order, other than separating closed-eye from open-eye
phenomena. Ive been adding to this list over the past year, and no doubt, future
experiences will have interesting additions, but for now, this is a fairly complete inventory
of visionary curiosities, as well as a few interesting auditory effects.

Closed Eye Visuals:

The bulk of my time experiencing MDMA has been with eyes closed. While, unlike
with many other psychedelics, visuals were not consistently present, and most sessions
varied between blackness and content, I regularly experienced a wide rage of closed-eye
visual phenomena that were often striking in their visual detail and overall resolution.

Super High Definition Rendering of Fully Realistic Scenes: My very first MDMA
experience came with a very interesting visual experience a few hours after the effects of
the MDMA had seemed to wear off. The MDMA session started in mid-afternoon, and when
I was attempting to go to sleep later that night, I found myself observing fully rendered and
extremely realistic scenes that quickly jumped from one to another with no apparent order.
These were all with eyes closed. It started with what looked like light reflecting on water,
which then quickly moved into a fully realized scene of a stream or creek with late
afternoon or early morning light filtering through trees and reflecting off the surface of the
water, with rippled reflections of the trees on the surface and clearly visible stones and
rocks beneath the water on the creek bed. From here, the scenes cycled through numerous
different iterations, all fully rendered, and fully realistic with no overt psychedelic
qualities to what was seen. I saw cars on the street; people playing ball at a ball field; an old
couple walking along side a stream; the interior of someones house and the art on their
walls. The detail was perfect, and the impression was as clear and realistic as if I were
actually standing in these places and seeing the events in ordinary circumstances. I found
the clarity and exactness startling, and completely unlike anything Id ever seen on other
psychedelics. The parade of scenes ended with once again looking at light reflecting on
water, which was the image of a cloudy sky. It all came to a conclusion when I could see a
large grey dragon swooping down out of the sky above me (from my perspective as looking
into the surface of the water) with wings and talons outstretched. After that, everything
went black, and I was able to fall asleep. Similar experiences of fully rendered and
strikingly realistic scenes has been fairly common in my experiences with MDMA, and this
initial experience proved to be far from exceptional.


Rolling Over a Close-up of Hair (?), with Distinct and Continuous Hum: With my third
MDMA experience in Vancouver, I experienced a consistent visual phenomenon that lasted
for the duration of the experience. As the waves began to build up (there were four buildup waves, in total, each one logarithmically larger than the one preceding it), I began to
hear a very distinct humming sound that coincided with what looked like a close-up of hair
that was presented as a continually rolling landscape, and never reaching the horizon. The
experience was very 3D in nature, almost like the perspective of a flea where each hair
follicle could be seen in close detail and the individual hairs left enough room for me to
move through the forest without ever been blocked. All the while I felt like I was in a
universe made out of pure velvet soft, comfortable, and pleasantly tactile. I had been
suffering from some severe lower back pain, and to my amazement, the back pain was
completely absent, and in its place, I felt wonderfully great. This visual sensation of rolling
hair lasted for several hours and essentially never changed, all the while with this distinct
hum going along with it. Eventually, it all just faded away and I opened my eyes and started
socializing. In all, it was probably 5 hours of this, and extremely pleasant and enjoyable.

Naked Women and Sexy Body Parts: As I already stated above, MDMA predominately
feels erotic for me, and this feeling has often come along with vivid and highly realistic
visions of naked women and visual close-ups of erogenous body parts. Interestingly, most
often in these experiences, I dont see any faces just glistening, glowing, flushed bodies
and close-ups, though when faces are seen, the womens gazes are intense and penetrating
and come with an aura of power and confidence. A curious aspect is that the bodies clearly
belong to different ethnicities, and no particular ethnicity or skin color predominates. They
also often present as being engaged in sexual activity with me, from my perspective. In
other words, the experience is highly realistic of my actual sexual experiences, though no
such visions were replications of actual experiences Ive had with any real people. (In case
anyone is wondering, my wife and I are monogamous)

Close-Up Portraits: On several occasions, Ive experienced close-ups of peoples faces.
Generally, it starts with complete blackness, and then its like a spot light suddenly turns
on, and in the light is a person. Oddly, these are all extreme close-ups, as though my
perspective is only a few inches from the person. Contrary to real life, if I were actually
looking at someone from such a close perspective, my middle-aged eyes would be out of
focus and all detail would be lost. In contrast, in these MDMA portraits, I can see every
pore, every hair, every wrinkle, and minute details on the peoples faces. Faces have been
both male and female, aged from children to elders, various races and ethnicities, different
hairstyles and eye color a vast panoply of humanity. Each one is seen in turn with the spot
light coming on, me inspecting the persons face, then the light goes off, back to black, and
when the light returns, theres a new person there. My impression has also been that the
people are all unclothed (as though theyre posing for sketch artists in a studio), though my
careful attention to their faces and limited reach of the spotlight makes such a
determination unclear. Such visions, unlike those listed above, do not coincide with any
feelings of sexuality or sexual excitement just detached, though interested, observation.

Swipe Left: Unlike some of the visual effects which have been fairly consistent or shown up
on various occasions, one night I had a very curious swipe left phenomenon show up. I
dont have any particular personal associations with swiping left or swiping right, so its
important not to read too much into the phenomenon (ie, like using dating apps, or
something). It was, however, clearly related to using a touch-screen. As Ive already
mentioned, its fairly common for me to see fully rendered scenes on MDMA, but this one
night, an extra element was introduced that was something of a reversal of a fairly common
phenomenon. Ive found that many scenes and visions start in 2D, and then quickly move
into 3D, as Ill explain in more detail below. In this experience, it went in reverse, where
initially, Im immersed in a 3D scene that then unexpectedly flattens out into 2D, appears as
a touch-screen, and I can clearly see my hand move up, swipe the scene on the screen
(which now appears as a rectangle floating in space I front of me) to the left, to be replaced
by the next scene (which is totally unrelated to what was just there no narrative
continuity at all). My perspective then merges into the rectangle 2D screen and Im back in
a completely different 3D environment until the next swipe left event occurs.

Geometry, Solid Shapes, and Tessellations: Ive found that MDMA has a very distinct
way of presenting geometry and shapes to the inner eye that is largely very different from
other psychedelics. Whereas tryptamines most often present to me as fractal geometry,
MDMA tends more towards basic, solid, geometric shapes. On many occasions, the visuals
start with black that then transitions into a solid color, most often white, grey, or red, that
appears as a flat surface. Then, waves of energy ripple across the surface of the flat plane,
causing solid 3D geometric shapes to turn over in the waves wake, creating tessellating
patterns of distinct geometries. So, what appears at first as a solid surface turns into
undulating waves of pyramids, cubes, or geodesic polygons, with color variations and
shading clearly showing the 3D structures of the geometry as they rise up and fall or turn
over in place. At times, these tessellating environments have turned into what appears
more like a landscape that my perspective is moving over, often becoming more organic
in appearance with protruding tendrils of different structures, though each environment is
characterized by predominate structure formations in other words, if its triangles and
pyramids, those are the only shapes present with one environment, gradually falling away
to be replaced by other tessellating structures as my perspective moves across the
landscape.



Example of Triangular Tessellation

Geometrically more complex Tessellation with Squares and Triangles

Enclosed Geometric Environments: At times, distinct from the visions of flying or moving
over a rolling, tessellating landscape that is positioned below me, is the experience of being
inside an environment made of repeating geometric structures. One such experience was
particularly interesting. I was inside an enormously large structure/enclosed space that
was made of solid geometric shapes with subtle gradients of color with yellow, orange, and
red. Im looking out into the space and can see that it appears to rise up infinitely I cannot
see the top. Then, much to my surprise, a collection of identical geometric shapes zoom
down from the top of the space and come to a stop directly in front of me, spread out along
a plane, and proceed to spin in place around their vertical axis, somewhat like a performer
spinning plates on poles or fingers, though the shapes are floating in space and not being
held up by anything. All the shapes are identical, flat, and white in color. Then, one by one,
each one zooms off in a different direction, with them all eventually going away. As soon as
theyre all gone, a new collection of different identical geometric shapes fall down and take
their place, and the same thing proceeds just as with the previous collection in that they
start to spin and then individually fly away. This happens several times before the scene
changes to something else entirely.

Fine line Kaleidoscopes/Mandalas of Shapes and Solid Colors: Moving kaleidoscopes
with radial symmetry are a common feature of psychedelic visuals (and a common theme
of visionary art). These too can be seen with MDMA, though the aesthetic is quite distinct.
With tryptamines, kaleidoscopes tend to exhibit moving fractal geometry with great detail,
segmentation, and vivid color spectrums and gradients. MDMA kaleidoscopes are different

in that they tend to be comprised of solid geometric shapes and fine lines of solid color.
Most often, Ive seen these superimposed on a black background, looking much like a
drawing made of color pencils on black paper. Large geometric shapes such as triangles,
circles, and polygons can easily be identified in the kaleidoscopes. Gold, red, and white
seem to be common colors. There is also often a subtle hint of 3D in these formations in
that the thinly beveled edges of shapes can clearly be seen, though the image is mostly flat,
or 2D, in appearance. However, with a shift in perspective, such as looking at the
kaleidoscope from the side rather than head-on, the entire structure then appears more as
a 3D or spherical arrangement, rather than a single uniform plane of 2D structure.

3D Sex Scene: During one particularly erotically charged session, I found myself in a
visionary scene of making love with my wife in our bed. The scene starts with us making
love from my perspective. Then, suddenly my perspectives shifts to outside of what I now
perceive as my body. I can see my wife and myself entwined with each other on our bed,
which is clearly visible. My outside perspective then recedes, and I can see that our bed is
located in the center of a mandala/kaleidoscope, along the lines of whats mentioned above.
Im looking at the scene top-down and head-on. Next, my perspective moves more towards
the side, and I can see that our bed is not placed in the center of a circular geometric image
with radial symmetry, but rather in the center of a complex and expanding sphere of radial
geometry. The individual components of the structure start spinning in place and it gets
larger and larger with the image of us in the bed in the center getting smaller and smaller,
with the whole thing eventually taking on cosmic dimensions.


Hillary and Trump: So, this one was a little weird, and definitely unexpected. Im lying in
bed, eyes closed, listening to music, just like other sessions, and Im going through this very
profound experience of dualistic expressions of the self. Presented to my inner vision are
countless multitudes of people, all individually, so each person gets a turn standing in front
of my disembodied perspective, and I find myself receiving each person with unconditional
love and acceptance. As soon as each person receives that unconditional love, the next
person takes his or her place. This goes on for a long time. I do not personally recognize any
of the people who appear before me. As with other situations, they are people of different
genders, ages, and ethnicities, with no particular category of people standing out as being
predominant. But look whos here, next in line! Its Hillary Clinton! OK. Thats cool. I can
love Hillary Clinton. Im not a big fan or anything, but as an embodiment of God and an
expression of the universal self, I have no difficulty extending unconditional love to Hillary.
Then, after Hillary, its none other than the orange egomaniacal buffoon of Donald Trump
standing there in front of me in an ill-fitting suit with that smug infantile look on his face
(you know the one). Well, theres nothing for me to do other than extend unconditional
love to the Donald, just like everyone else. Perhaps fittingly, Donald is the end of the line for
this particular visionary experience, and after him, it shifts to something else. Ill note that
this took place several months before the election.

Yeah. This guy . . .

JFK Assassination: Sometime after the account given above, I had another presidential
experience. It was late in my session and Jessalynn had just come upstairs to trade places
with me, go to bed, and send me downstairs to the living room to finish off the nights
adventure. When she arrived, she found me in the bathroom in the dark sitting there with
my eyes closed. When she asked me what was going on, I surprised both of us, stating that I
was watching JFK be assassinated. Until I said that, I hadnt quite realized that I was
sitting there looking out at the motorcade from a perspective on the infamous grassy knoll
as weve all seen from film footage of the event, and Im watching as JFK gets his brains
blown out and everyone starts to run around and freak out. The resolution was much
better than any film Ive seen of the event.

Guy Instructing Kids with Golden Sacred Geometry Disc: The scene opens up with the
image of a bearded man with a large pirate-like hat sitting in front of a campfire. Hes
sitting on a stump, and all around the fire is a collection of children, probably around
kindergarten age. Theyre all watching the man, who is holding out before him an ornate an
intricate disc made of gold. Etched into the gold are different geometric shapes, and there
are circles placed evenly about the large disc that can be rotated either along the central
axis or about the circumference of the circles. In changing and rotating these sub-discs
within the larger disc, hes able to create these different geometric structures that distinctly
resemble what is often referred to as sacred geometry (personally, Im not fond of the
term). Though the overall disc is flat, the circular parts that hes changing clearly have more
than two faces, as hes able to move them numerous times and different configurations
keep showing up, giving the whole thing a magical and multi-dimensional feel. When I
look closer, I can see that the sub-discs within it have even smaller discs within them in a
very fractal-like fashion, and they all can change in multiple ways via rotating or spinning.
At one point, he hits on the right configuration and the whole thing starts spinning in
place, along with its component parts also spinning along their own axis, and the entire
thing begins to glow in a brilliant golden light, much to the amazement and wonder of the
children. The glow outshines the light from the fire they are sitting around, eventually
swallowing the scene in golden radiance. The whole thing has a feeling of being vitally
important, and its clearly a crucial educational event for the children who are witnessing
this.

Geometric Cartoon Land with Playing Characters: One night I found myself in what I can
only describe as geometric cartoon land. Everything in this land was made out of 3D
geometric shapes, from the landscape to the plants, animals, and beings that inhabited it. It
was a pastoral scene with multiple geometrically embodied characters cavorting about and
dancing and playing in a field with rolling hills, flowers, trees, and woodland creatures.
They were made out of spheres, pyramids, cones, cylinders, and polygons/geodesic
spheres, with each creature/being comprised of multiple different kinds of shapes. For
whatever reason, in this experience I was not able to look directly at anyone or anything in
the vision, and had to rely on peripheral vision to take in the scene. Every time I tried to get
a better and distinct look at anything, it would blur, while everything at the edges was crisp
and distinct. In all, it looked like everyone was having a grand time, and it appeared to be
some kind of celebration or party.

The Solandarian Game, Part II, Scene Exploration: During the time that I was
conducting this research, I finished and released my latest novel, The Solandarian Game. I
left the end of the novel with a cliffhanger without a clear idea of where I might take the
story in a sequel. One night, without specifically intending to, I got to visually explore plot
possibilities with characters from the story in new situations that were related to what I
had written in the novel, but not dependent on it, and reaching into unexpected
environments and situations. Im not going to provide any spoilers here, other than to say
that I got some very interesting material to work with if and when I continue the story, and
it was very personally satisfying to see characters Id created in text in ultra-high definition
3D form presented before me visually. Im convinced, more than ever, that the story would
make a great movie.

Perfect Mandelbrot Sets: Something that had been missing from my MDMA visual
experiences were classical fractal formations. As Ive mentioned in many instances already,
solid geometric shapes and tessellations are apparently very common in MDMA visuals, but
the more standard impression of highly complex fractal structures that are often associated

with psychedelic visuals were, for the most part, absent. However, I can now confirm that
fractals do show up with MDMA visuals in that I very distinctly saw, in a recent session,
perfectly formed Mandelbrot sets. They looked pretty much exactly like colorized
Mandelbrots as you would see with fractal generating software, and unlike most MDMA
visuals, were very colorful with a wide spectrum of colors. Eventually, the Mandelbrots
dissolved into rainbow colored sparkles and firework-like imagery and explosions. Hooray!

A Classic Mandelbrot Set


Hooray! Rainbow Starbursts! J

Auditory Effects:

The Eargasm: OK, so this isnt a visual experience, but it was so profoundly unique that I
dont want to pass up an opportunity to share it, and it perhaps makse a nice transition
between the closed-eye visuals of the above and the open-eye visuals listed below. All of
these MDMA sessions have been accompanied by listening to music on headphones as Im
lying there watching all this crazy stuff take place. Many of the visuals shift and change with
the music, though the content of the visuals has not seemed to me to be directly
determined by the music or lyrics (there hasnt been any correlation between lyrical
subjects and visionary content, for example). In general, Ive found that these have been,
unquestionably, the best music listening experiences of my life. Music on MDMA sounds
better than any other time, and its no wonder that MDMA is a popular club and festival
drug. To take advantage of this fact, I would intentionally devote some time in each session
to listen to the music that Jessalynn and I make together as Fractal Love Jam. In one
session, which was early on in this research, I was listening to us, and our song Bright Eyes
Becoming came on. Its a song that I wrote for our son, Jaden, and is very emotionally
laden for both Jessalynn and myself. What unfolded was totally unlike anything Ive ever
experienced before, or since, on MDMA or anything else. Very much to my surprise, as the
song began, I was overcome with sensations of sexual pleasure that was focused in my ears

(not normally an erogenous zone for me in any way). With the earbud headphones in my
ears, it felt to me like my ears were vaginas, and I was being sexually penetrated by the
music in a radically pleasurable way. Then, when Jessalynns voice came on after the
instrumental opening of the song, it was like her voice was a sensuous, loving tongue on my
ear clits. Over the course of the song, I proceeded to have an ecstatic eargasm. Really, thats
the only way I can describe it. I had a complete and overwhelming climax of pure love and
infinite pleasure. If my ears had been physically capable of gushing sexual fluids, Im sure
they would have. It was the most intense and wildly ecstatically pleasurable music listening
experience Ive ever had. I had no idea that such a thing was even possible. Anyone whod
like to hear the song can listen here: https://fractallovejam.bandcamp.com/track/brighteyes-becoming (but dont expect similar results!)

Open-Eye Visuals:

Overall, I spent most of my time in these MDMA sessions with eyes closed, feeling
and watching what was taking place in the inner eye. However, I had to open my eyes when
I needed to get up to go to the bathroom (and to occasionally confirm through sight that the
physical world was still out there), and when I would transition from the bed to the living
room, so there was plenty of time for me to get a look at what was going on out there, and
there were many surprises.

Unreadable Text: At times, Jessalynn and I would send text messages back and forth
during these sessions. In general, I found that text was largely unreadable at the visual level
in that the letters were so busy constantly shifting and changing, it was impossible for me
to tell what any particular letter was. Somehow, amazingly, I was always able to read her
text messages, but it wasnt because my eyes could recognize the letters or the words
they were far too jumbled and actively transforming for me to do so. I think I was just
guessing what she was typing based on apparent word shape and length, and somehow I
was able to text her back coherently, even though in looking at the touch-screen, I could not
tell one letter from another and had to rely on memory for which button represented what
letter.

Letters, Words, Sentences, and the Letter Ball: Something that Ive never seen on any
other psychedelic compound is English letters, words, and sentences, yet these are

precisely what Ive seen on numerous occasions with MDMA, and certainly never a 3
dimensional ball floating in space made out of letters. Despite the fact that I cant properly
read or identify written text on a touch-screen while on MDMA, there have been several
occasions where Ive seen text with eyes open, and though I cant specifically recall what
was written, it was clearly English, and often in the form of complete sentences. Ive only
seen this with eyes open never closed. Mostly, such letters, words, and sentences have
been confined to the surface of things, like when my sight gets caught by a blank wall that is
suddenly covered with imagery and geometric shapes. Much to my surprise, when I looked
at these superimposed images, I found that there were clearly written words and distinct
letters in there. Ive also seen instances of scrolling text, like text scrolling across the
bottom of the TV news, or via closed captioning, that were complete sentences. And one
time, as I got up from the bed to use the restroom, I discovered that in the middle of the
room was a large ball made up of a jumble of differently sized letters in a variety of fonts
and typefaces. I walked around it to go to the bathroom, and it was still there when I
returned to the bed to lie back down, just floating in the middle of the room, a big 3
dimensional collection of letters (no complete words were visible). Another time, also
while looking at walls, it was like the walls were separating and showing me that different
facets of the structures of reality had instructions written on them for how everything was
to be put together to hold reality together as a coherent system, such as insert dimension
A into slot X in dimension B for structural integrity, or something like that.

MDMA Bugs: On several occasions Ive seen fully rendered MDMA bugs. Theyre big, but
not scary or threatening in any way. Some are moth-like or akin to dragonflies. Others are
more like spiders or crabs. Theyre generally around the size of dinner plates. Like many
open-eye MDMA visuals, they tend to be translucent in look. I havent seen any of the
winged ones flying around. Theyve always been sitting somewhere, casually flexing their
wings. The big crab/spider ones crawl around and scuttle about. Theyve always appeared
to me to just be doing their thing, so nothing to worry about. Like many open-eye visuals,
they appear when I relax my sight and just absently gaze. They then come into focus, and I
can watch them move about. If I shift my sight, they disappear.

2D to 3D, and Game of Thrones with the TV off: As Ive mentioned a few times already,
a common theme of MDMA visuals is a shift from 2D to 3D, and sometimes back again.
Theres often the sensation of changing focus from surface to depth, with simultaneous
awareness of both background and foreground, and the depth between them. One of the
most dramatic manifestations of this phenomenon came one night after Jessalynn sent me
down to the living room. I came into the room and sat on the couch in front of the TV. When
I looked at the TV, I noticed that there was a very distinct image on it, despite the fact that
the TV was off. I looked carefully, and could see a 2D image that was reminiscent of Game
of Thrones. There was a rugged landscape, and two opposing armies in full battle gear.
Interested, I decide to watch. Over the next hour, or possibly more, I watched an MDMA
version of Game of Thrones where all the visual activity was confined to the TV screen.
Each new scene started out flat and 2D, but once the action got started, it turned into a 3D
experience. There were knights, horses, castles, sea armadas, battles, storms, and all kinds
of dramatic action.

Labyrinthine Structures: A common motif of open-eye visuals on flat surfaces with

uniform colors is labyrinthine structures and block formations. These tend to be
translucent in appearance and are seen by subtle shadings of black along outer edges,
which, like other visual content, can at first look flat and 2D and then takes on a fuller 3D,
though still relatively flat, appearance via beveling. The overall effect is strikingly similar to
the art created by Keith Haring, particularly his black and white images. At times, there are
even very similar cartoon-like characters moving about these labyrinths, but rather than
moving through the labyrinth, they simply push the structures out of the way, leaving a
blank trail in their wake. At other times, text and words may appear within the structures
of the labyrinth.

Keith Haring with his Art

Moving Tattoos: Ive never been able to get a good look at them, since they disappear
when I try looking directly at them, but from my peripheral vision Ive seen moving black
tattoo like imagery on my arms. For example, if Im looking directly ahead and holding
my arms out in front of me, there are very distinct black structures, similar to what Ive
seen on the walls, on my arms and hands, and theyre moving about and slowly changing.
But if I look directly at my arms, all I see are my arms (and I dont have any real tattoos).

Dancing Tree People in the Living Room: One night, after moving down to the living
room, I was lying on the floor next to the fireplace just zoning out and winding down when,
much to my surprise, I noticed that there were several different species of tree people
spinning and dancing around my living room. They were each about 3 feet tall, and were
probably five different species in all, in that they all looked very different from each other
(and overall were similar in appearance to the trees in my neighborhood after their leaves
have fallen off). They pretty much looked like flat trees without any leaves, but were

slightly different shades of brown and grey, and had different fractal-branch structures for
limbs. They appeared to be in a garden with some kind of fountain in the center, and
decorative features about the outer ring of the garden, with large, organic, plant-like
structures and flowers about them. They were moving about in a clock-wise circle around
their fountain and clearly dancing. I eventually got tired of watching them and closed my
eyes, but when I opened my eyes a little later, they were still there, dancing away, doing
their thing. Ill note that on that night there was a rather severe windstorm and I could hear
the trees outside creaking and groaning in the wind.


Droplets and Water Ripples: My final entry comes from just the other night. Some
movement caught my eye, and I turned to look at the floor just to my right. As I looked,
something quite surprising came into focus: droplets of water causing expanding ripples of
small waves on the surface of calm water that appeared to be about a foot above the floor. I
could distinctly see each drop fall into the water, and the overlapping ripples interacting
with each other from the expanding circles emanating from where the drop hit the surface.
The overall effect was quite peaceful and soothing. It should be noted that the local weather
had been snowing, freezing, raining, and melting at the time of this experience.

Reflections:

Ill wrap up this essay with a few comments reflecting on some of the significant
phenomenological themes of MDMA visions as Ive encountered them. Ill start by
mentioning that since initiating this investigation, Ive spoken with many people who are
fans and users of MDMA, some of whom have many years of experience with this
fascinating molecule, and not one person that Ive ever spoken to about these visual
phenomena has claimed to have seen anything even remotely like what Ive described here.
This could be due to the fact that I was taking rather large doses that were well beyond
what most would normally consume in a session (though the fact that I had extraordinary
visuals upon my very first MDMA experience, which was within a normal dose range
counteracts this hypothesis). It could also be due to my methodology of taking it by myself,
in a dark room, comfortably reclining with eyes closed and with my body in a neutral
position, and watching for what would unfold and manifest, as opposed to taking MDMA
and socializing, interacting with others, going out to a show, or visiting a club and dancing.
Just based on anecdotal responses by others, my experiences were unusual and
exceptional. With that said, some people Ive spoken to have mentioned that theyve heard
of similar kinds of experiences by others, though they had not had such experiences
themselves. I havent researched this issue beyond my own experiences, so Ive made no

attempt to compare my experiences to what may be elsewhere reported in the literature or

on the internet.

Open-Eye Hallucinations: For me personally, the most interesting phenomena have been
the open-eye full hallucinations, such as the dancing tree people, MDMA bugs, the word
ball, and the droplets and water ripples. I have a great deal of experience with a wide
variety of psychedelic substances, and while open-eye visuals are common and fairly par
for the course, these full hallucinations are unlike anything Ive ever experienced on any
other psychedelic. In most instances, I find that whatever is taking place visually with open
eyes tends to be directly related to whatever I see before me (or the visuals completely
overwhelm any impression I have of the visible/physical world, such as with 5-MeO-DMT
where the world dissolves away into pure white light, even with eyes wide open). There is
generally some relationship between the psychedelic overlay of imagery, patterns, colors,
etc. and the objects and environments that surround me. Only with these MDMA experience
have I ever seen, with eyes open, things that clearly were not actually there. There are no
trees in my living room, or anything suggestive of trees, for example. There are no large
dinner-plate-sized bugs crawling around my house. In all of these experiences, I was struck
by the clarity and detail of the visions, and the fact that I could look away for a time and
then look back and see the same imagery and activity as when I last looked. It was all very
real looking. In general, in my psychedelic experiences, Ive found that the most
interesting visual action is going on behind closed eyes. These were surprising exceptions.
Here, easily distinguished beings and environments were clearly visible with eyes open,
presented as an overlay on top of normal reality, which was also clearly visible, as well,
and the overlay fit into the physical space in terms of proportion and perspective.

The Realism of Closed-Eye Visuals: Another phenomenon that Ive only experienced with
MDMA is these fully-rendered, completely un-trippy and un-psychedelic visions
presented to the inner eye. Ive seen plenty of crazy and far-out stuff behind my closed eyes
on a wide variety of different psychedelics. Its all been decidedly psychedelic creatures
with too many limbs and eyes that are continuously morphing and transforming, endless
fractal faces, multi-dimensional environments, sophisticated technology and computer
circuitry, cosmic spaces, unbelievable architecture, fantastical works of art, and much
more. However, unique to my MDMA experiences are these completely realistic scenes that
have no indication that they are the product of a psychedelic compound: people playing
ball out in a field, cars on a busy street, a beautiful forest stream with sunlight filtering
through the trees, close-ups of peoples faces, etc. I cant overstate how radically, and
surprisingly, realistic all this was. It was more like having very vivid dreams than
psychedelic visions.

Surface to Depth and 2D to 3D Perspective Shifts: Many of the accounts given in the
above mention this phenomenon of imagery beginning on the surface, or presented in 2D,
which then quickly shifts into a full 3D image or environment, with a shift in focus from
surface to depth. This too has largely been unique to my MDMA experiences and visions. I
would describe most of my visions on other psychedelics as being inherently multidimensional, often with numerous interpenetrating planes with clear depth-of-field. This
transformation from flat imagery to depth imagery is so common with MDMA visions that I

experienced it in a variety of contexts and situations, both with eyes open and with eyes
closed. At times, the shift is accomplished through a change of focus, such as with the
visions of looking at water, and then suddenly becoming aware that I could also see into the
depths of the water, and also see what was above the water by focusing on what was
reflected in it. At other times, its accomplished through a change in perspective, such as
looking at a mandala head-on, where it appears flat, to then seeing it more from the side,
and becoming aware that its actually a three dimensional structure that only looked 2D
from my original perspective. Then there was also the swipe left phenomenon where
scenes were first presented as existing on a flat screen, which I was then able to enter
into as a full 3D environment and even walk around and interact with the objects in the
environment, such as walking through someones house and looking at the different pieces
of art on their walls. And of course the Game of Thrones session with the TV off, where
each new scene started as seeming to be flat on the TV screen, and then quickly
transforming into a more 3D format with a sense of depth.

Spinning: As readers may have noticed, a theme that has come up in a number of different
visionary phenomena listed here is that of spinning objects. This, too, is something that Ive
only experienced on MDMA. My suspicion is that it is related to the full 3D rendering of
many visionary objects, particularly geometric shapes, which makes visual rotation and
spinning easily recognizable and discernable. Though why they spin . . . ?

Overall Geometry and Colors: As a general feature, MDMA visions are far less fractal in
nature than other psychedelics Ive experienced. Solid shapes tend to dominate, rather than
complex fractal structures that feature segmentation and gradients of color. Tryptamine
visions, and the phenethylamine visions of mescaline, tend to be highly complex with
minute repeating details (fractals), whereas MDMA is much more uniform and solid in
appearance. While geometry is common to virtually all psychedelic visions, the
presentation of MDMA is clearly unique. Also, in most cases, the MDMA visions are far less
colorful, and not anywhere near as busy as tryptamines, for example. They have the
appearance of being clean and sharp with easily identifiable shapes and formations.
Uniform colors are also very common, where the entire visual field is dominated by a single
color that may move and transform, revealing more fundamental geometric structures via
subtle shading, such as with white and shades of gray.

Final Thoughts:

In my view, all psychedelic visions and experiences are reflections of the self both
the individuated and universal expressions of the self and this is what makes them
entheogens: they are tools that help us to directly perceive and experience the unitary
nature of being and recognize that everything and everyone is God. Even if otherness is
perceived and experienced, it is still all the self, as experienced through the dualistic divide
of self and other, ego and not self. The real trick of psychedelic experiences (and everyday
experiences, as well) is to learn how to see yourself the real you that is unitary and
universal in it all. Reality itself is a complex, interactive mirror, and psychedelics are just
enhancements and amplifications of this truth. When we get right down to it, theres no one
else here. All of reality is one universal being and intelligence interacting with itself in the
guise of self and other. This is accomplished through geometric and fractal formations of
energy, which allow for reality to take place in both the inner and outer landscapes of our
perception. Our true nature is simply energy, and via psychedelics, were able to more
directly, and imaginatively, see and experience the fundamental structures of energy that
make reality possible as an ongoing and consequential experience. One universal
consciousness is performing and acting through all us apparent individuated nodes of
experience and expression, but all of it is the universal self. In the end, and the beginning,
and everything in between, theres really only one, despite appearances.

So psychedelic experiences and visions, MDMA-generated or otherwise, all are
experiences of the self. At times in the above, Ive made brief notes about the context in
which these visions were seen, or what was occurring internally in terms of mental and

emotional state on my part as the individual having the experience. In many cases, its not
terribly difficult to see how the visionary phenomenon was a reflection of myself as an
individual in a particular context. In others, it can be a bit more challenging, but when we
understand that the universal intelligence is inherently creative, playful, expressive, and
exploratory, we can again recognize the visions as the expression of the self.

The value of MDMA, or any other psychedelic, for therapeutic purposes, is that they
allow for energetic realignment between different aspects of the self that are normally
divided along the lines of self and other. Despite claims that MDMA, as an entactogen, helps
one relate to others via empathy and sympathy, in the ultimate analysis, this isnt entirely
correct, for everyone and everything is, in truth, one universal self. There simply are no
others, though there are other versions of the one universal self. Via attachment to
illusory identity, we create all kinds of energetic problems for ourselves, and might even
create an image of ourselves as a victim, or someone in need of healing, or as someone
who is unworthy of love and compassion. The healing power of MDMA is in its capacity to
help individuals move beyond these illusory egoic constructs and enter into more realistic
energetic formations of the endless manifestations of the universal self this is more whole,
balanced, and centered. The greatest healing comes from overcoming the attachment to
the illusion of separate, isolated self.

MDMA, as an energetic tool, is quite good. It tends to be less challenging than other
psychedelics, largely because it is characterized as feeling good. It is still an energetic
expression, however, and as such has the capacity to help buried and unresolved energetic
issues rise to the surface and release, allowing new pathways of expression and
relationship to form. It is not, in my estimation, fundamentally different from other
psychedelics in this capacity. It does, however, as Ive outlined in this essay, have some
rather unique features in terms of its visual presentation, that are often quite different from
how other psychedelic compounds function. While the visual aspects may be less
pronounced, and less consistent, than with other psychedelics, theyre certainly there,
beyond any doubt, and they provide a novel form of access of the universal mind and
energy that is ourselves and the reality we find ourselves in.

About the Author:

Martin W. Ball, Ph.D. is an independent entheogenic researcher, author (both fiction and
non-fiction), nondual guide and teacher, visionary artist, musician, professor of religious
studies, host of The Entheogenic Evolution podcast, co-founder and organizer of the annual
Exploring Psychedelics conference in Ashland, Oregon, husband, father, and an individuated
human embodiment of the ONE UNIVERSAL BEING. More of his work can be found at
www.martinball.net

A Note About the Art:
My artwork that Ive included here is meant to be suggestive of some of the features of
MDMA visuals, though the fit is ultimately more accurate for more traditional psychedelic
visuals such as with tryptamines. More of my original visionary art can be viewed at
www.fractalimagination.com