Documente Academic
Documente Profesional
Documente Cultură
JuLY/August 2010
MOVING
TOWARD
FORGIVENESS
IN MARRIAGE
LIFE AS
AN ARMY WIFE
JOURNEYING
THE ROAD OF
AN INFERTILITY
DIAGNOSIS AS A
SINGLE WOMAN
SPOTLIGHT ON
AUTHOR
CHRISTA
ALLAN
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Welcome to Exemplify Magazine.
Well, Summer is in full swing. This past weekend I managed to eat ice
pops, make lemonade, laugh until I cried with {part of} my family, declare
a bathing suit my new favorite and watch a massive fireworks display.
Celebrating freedom here in America always leaves me thinking
about forgiveness.
I’ve found true freedom and forgiveness are a package deal.
What good is freedom with strings attached? And what good is a for-
giveness that isn’t true?
This issue is all about these two things: finding true freedom in
real forgiveness.
I pray the Exemplify team encourages you to get into God’s word
this month on this very topic. Psalm 119: 45 is a favorite verse of mine:
“I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.”
Let’s seek today the precepts of the One who forgives us for
freedom’s sake.
In King Jesus,
Kristen Schiffman
www.inspiredheartsmedia.com
Cover image: microsoft
Meet the Magazine Team
Kristen Schiffman
Founder & Ministry Director
A New Yorker living in Texas, Kristen is just trying to make sense of sweet tea and A/C
units. Together with her best friend & husband, Eric, she enjoys sketching out new ideas
over Starbuck’s.
Andrea Mitchell
Family Columnist
Andrea Mitchell is a coffee drinking, Jesus-loving wife and stay-at-home mom of three
in constant search of just the right mug for her brew. You can find her at her blog, Un-
derGraceOverCoffee.com where she shares the love she has found in Jesus, along
with the caffeine-laden randomness that makes up the majority of her day. Grab your
cup and come on over!
Christy McGraw
Director of Social Networking/Single Channel Editor/Columnist
Christy is on a journey to becoming a woman after God’s own heart. She delights in
books, photography, her family and her friends. Christy has a heart for young women
and single women. She also loves emails! thesinglejourney@gmail.com
Christine Johnston
Director of Communications/Titus 2 Columnist
Christine is a self professed “knitster” who loves watching a scarf come to life. She is the mother of
four children, three of whom are full grown and one still making her way through high school. She
is married to her high school sweetheart and loves going on lunch dates with him during the week.
Christine’s steady and sure faith in Christ, her value of justice and her compassion for that which
Christ has compassion on daily shape her Titus 2 calling.
Tara Guy
Director of Ministry Support/
Fiction & Apologetics Column/ Web Editor
Tara Guy is a born-and-bred Southern girl who loves sweet tea, Jesus, and football -
and not necessarily in that order. Visit her at Musings of a Future Pastor’s Wife, where
she blogs about her day-to-day life as the wife of a seminary student/youth pastor and
mom to a precious toddler girl, and the daily truths the Lord teaches her.
Joanne Sher
Magazine Editor
Joanne Sher is a mother of two, wife of one, and, most importantly, daughter of
the King. She was raised in the Jewish faith, coming to a saving knowledge of
Jesus in her early 30’s. Her passion is for writing and encouraging, and editing
actually helps her relax. She is in various stages of progress on two novel-length
manuscripts: one about God’s provision during her husband’s serious health is-
sues, and another Biblical fiction set during the time of 1 and 2 Samuel. She also
loves to share her insights at her blog, www.joannesher.com, where she shares
the “Open Book” of her life following Christ.
the team
Karen Lowe
Feature Editor
A native of Kentucky, Karen is a country girl at heart. She currently
resides in northwestern Illinois where she divides her time between being a
wife, homemaker, homeschooler, mother, writer, and Bible study teacher. She
loves a good cup of coffee and very rarely turns down chocolate. Karen has a pas-
sion to write Bible studies and teach women God’s Word. She
began Truth and Grace Ministries to encourage women to grow in God’s truth
and grace. You can find her writing at her blog, Living Life, where she shares God’s
Word, devotionals, and various other posts about life
as she strives to live in God’s truth and grace.
Judith Roberts
Interview Columnist
Judith Roberts has been married to her college sweetheart for four years, and both
she and her husband are active in their church. She is a college instructor pursuing
her doctorate and hopes to mirror Jesus in her every-
day life.
Kara Cox
Devotional Columnist
Kara is a single, thirtysomething follower of Christ who loves to laugh and makes
others laugh in the process. She is devoted to all things Autumn and thinks that
pumpkins, fallen leaves and fall TV premieres are a highlight of life. She would also
like you to know she is the most extroverted introvert you will ever meet.
Wendy Miller
How-To Columnist
Wendy Miller is a butcher (of words as she edits her novels), a baker (of birthday cakes
and treats for her beloved family members and friends), and a candlestick maker (not
quite, but she enjoys crafts of all kinds). She appreciates the outdoors, writing and
laughing with loved ones. Wendy’s mission statement is to a live a passionate life filled
with compassion, grateful to be called daughter of the Most High God. Visit Wendy at http://thoughtsthatmove.
blogspot.com/ or http://wendypainemiller.wordpress.com/.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Christa Allan
Writer’s Help Columnist
Christa Allan lives in Abita Springs, Louisiana and teaches high school English. Walking
on Broken Glass, Christa’s debut novel, released in February by Abingdon Press. She’s
written for Chicken Soup for the Coffee Lover’s Soul, Chicken Soup for the Divorced Soul,
The Ultimate Teacher, and Cup of Comfort for Parents of Children with Special Needs. A
member of American Christian Fiction Writers, Christa is also a contributor to Afictionado,
their online magazine. She is the mother of five and the proud Grammy of three. Christa
and her husband Ken spend time with their three neurotic cats, play golf, and dodge hur-
ricanes. She blogs at www.christaallan.com.
the team
Alison Hunt
Columnist
Alison is a twenty-something single woman living in the now and hoping for
the future. Based in North Florida, she an administrative assistant by day, and
dreamer by night (literally). She can also be found reading under trees, Zumba-
ing, spending time with family, and catching up with friends over coffee. Visit her
blog at http://alisonlhunt.blogspot.com.
Brooke McGlothlin
Columnist
Lover of God and the man I’ve dreamed of since the 3rd grade...mommy of two little boys born just
23 months apart...CEO of the McGlothlin Home for Boys (my house)...passionate about life issues
and finding Jesus in the everyday. Director of Clinical Services for a local Crisis Pregnancy Center
with a BS in Psychology and MA in Counseling.
Deborah Boutwell
Book Reviews
Married for 23 years, 2 children (21 & 15 years of age), working outside the home
in a Christian publishing house, serving in a small Southern Baptist church in vari-
ous keys roles, hobbies include reading, writing, needle & thread handwork.
Iris Nelson
Photographer
Born and raised in Germany, Iris now resides with her husband Mark and Chihuahua Corky,
in Arizona. Their grown son Daniel works as a software consultant in Arizona, living close by.
Although the move from Germany to the US was not easy, God’s hand was evident. In Arizona,
God called Iris back into His flock. Iris enjoys encouraging women by sharing His Word through
the devotional team-blog ‘Laced with Grace’ (www.lacedwithgrace.com), which she ‘birthed’
with a friend from California in 2006.
Iris has always had a love for photography, but after her son Daniel moved out photography
became more than just a hobby. Iris’ dreams are to self-publish a photography book with Bible
passages; and becoming a full-time photographer—leaving corporate America behind. You can find more of Iris’
photography at www.inelsonportraits.com.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Lori MacMath
Moving Toward Holiness Columnist
Having grown up in the church, Lori knows that her ‘true spiritual journey’ began with an experi-
ence with infertility and surrendering to the Lord, allowing HIM to break her and remake her.
The smile she wears tells that she is so happy to be on the journey that she is on now. A journey
that includes homeschooling 3 wonderful children! Lori is the co~owner of Internet Cafe Devo-
tions, an online daily devotional site for women. Praising HIM every step of the way, she encour-
ages you to enjoy the journey with her at her personal website, All You Have to Give, where she
can be found daily, enjoying each and every season to its fullest!
Holly Smith
In The Kitchen Columnist
My name is Holly Smith from Monument, CO. I am the wife of Chris and mother of Noah, Kylie,
Tabor and Sydney. I am a stay at home mom, who very much loves her job as a mom. On the
side, I design web pages and marketing pieces. It is a great way to pour out creativity! God
has gifted me with a love of all things creative--from painting and wall-papering to scrapbooking
and design-work. Also I write a couple of blogs, which you can read online if you want. One
is a cooking blog called What Would Martha Cook? It’s about Martha in the Bible not the other
Martha. The other is a devotional writing blog called Crown Laid Down. I began blogging in
February 2007.
Chrystie Cole
Closet Issues Columnist
Chrystie lives with her husband and stepson in the beautiful upstate of South Carolina.
She is a woman who was once lost, broken, desperate and hopeless. Yet because of
a gracious and loving God, she was given a brand new life. She has personally experi-
enced the power of His transforming and redeeming love. As a result, she is passionate
about sharing His love with others and ministering to broken and hurting people.
Tracy Knowlton
Women in the Word Columnist
Tracy Knowlton is a Texan by birth, curious by nature and crazy about her husband of
three years. She reads scripture and loves on her dogs, simultaneously. Tracy looks for
Jesus in the ordinary, adds in scripture and waits to see what happens. Loving the Lord
is her privilege and writing about Him on her blog, JesusWomanWords.com, is her joy.
Consider yourself invited.
Jenifer Jernigan
Faith Applied Columnist
Jenifer makes her home in North Carolina with her husband of ten years, three children,
and English black lab, Bella. On a typical day, if there is such a thing, you will find her
sipping a cup of coffee, home schooling her children, and digging into the Word. A former
pit-dweller who has been saved by God’s amazing grace, Jenifer has a burning passion
to share with women of all ages His unconditional love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness.
Moving Toward
Forgiveness in
Marriage
I wrestled with God over these things Here is what I know: One day, I am
initially because I wanted the gratifica- going to die and when I do, I am go-
tion of my husband coming to me. But ing to come face to face with God. In
God persisted gently, as He so often that moment, He will hold me account-
does, and eventually I approached able for the life I lived and will reward
my husband, humbly asking his for- me according to my deeds (Jeremiah
giveness. As a result, I experienced 17:10 NIV). Do I honestly want to be
sweet reconciliation with my husband face to face with God and have to ac-
and true joy knowing God was well count for my willful disobedience and
pleased. selfish, unforgiving heart? Or would
I rather face Him knowing I loved my
husband well and honored Him with
my marriage?
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Want to be featured?
Journeying the
Road of an
Infertility
Diagnosis
as a Single
Woman
>>>
He knew immediately what was wrong and I had the I heard him.
most unpleasant ultrasound of my life but there they
were. Cysts. Covering both of my ovaries. It was Truthfully. It did not register. The river of denial
bad. We told him of my past experience and he told was my new home.
us that he thought I had something called PCOS.
Life was so busy that I was able to completely fo-
In the next month we would walk the road to that cus on other things and never thought of that prog-
final diagnosis. More than likely there is a history of nosis. I told one person that year: the counselor
the disease in my family and I had had it for many at my college. It was said in passing but because
years and it went undiagnosed: even when I had my of other life issues it was soon forgotten. I wanted
first surgery in 2000. it that way.
Meanwhile I spent a lot of my time in bed in extreme For 6 years I have lived on that river.
pain. I did work at my internship but it was defi-
nitely the hardest summer of my life. As the summer I told a few people but never gave details. To give
progressed things did not improve. My left ovary in details made it real. I shared with people but never
particular was a mess. We talked of options and really believed it.
because of my last year of college he decided sur-
gery was the only option. I put it off. Finally he told Last year it started hitting home. Within weeks I
me if I wanted to go back to school I would have to found out my best friend was pregnant. Then my
have the surgery. Two weeks before I was due back sister in law was pregnant.
at college I had the surgery. He warned me for the
worst but I just thought it would be like the first sur- It came flooding back. The truth.
gery.
For months I tried to deny it.
The worst was what happened. My left ovary was
so filled with cysts it took them a while to clean it and Earlier this year I started seeing a new counselor.
once they did it was so scarred it was useless. So For other things of course. One day the truth came
the decision was made to take the ovary. My right out.
ovary was not as bad but still extremely scarred. He
left the right ovary intact for health purposes. After Once it did I had to start dealing with it. With that
the surgery I remember him telling me he did have came all sorts of emotions and feelings. The big-
to take my left ovary but I still had my right. To be gest one being that this is why I was not married.
honest all I remember of that day was that before the One of the purposes of marriage is to have chil-
surgery the doctor had taken time to say a prayer dren. I could not do that. So why would God send
over me. me my prince? I felt I did not deserve a husband.
I was useless. Who would want to marry someone
I went back for my post op appointment and he told who could not have children? Those thoughts have
me the news and I heard it this time. He had tak- been the primary ones in the last few months. My
en my left ovary and my right ovary was severely heart has been broken in so many ways. I wonder
scarred. And then he said it. now if dreams I have had will come true. Should I
just hang them up or hang on to them?
Christy, the likelihood is you will never be able
to have children. Two verses have become the ones I repeat to my-
self and try to remember on a daily basis.
He understood I was young. 24. He understood I
was single. He had to tell me the truth. I would likely
not be able to have children.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves
those who are crushed in spirit. Don’t let this define you, Christy.
Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
You are who I made you to be.
He heals the heartbroken and bandages You will walk this journey and you will be okay.
their wounds. Several hours later I was holding a precious little
Psalm 147:3 (MSG) boy and looking into a gorgeous face and that
peace surrounded me again and I knew, even
My heart is in a strange place. It is so fragile right though this journey is not over, I am going to be
now I feel it could shatter at times. At the same okay. I AM going to be okay. He will make it so.
time many wonderful things are happening. Amaz- As I rocked that sweet boy back and forth my friend
ing things. Joyful things. looked at me and said, “Isn’t he so peaceful?” And
she tells me that’s what his name means. Noah.
While my heart is in that strange place He has Peace. Rest.
been so near. So constant. He has allowed me to
experience amazing things. He gives us gifts, my sisters.
I know He is healing my heart. His timing for this is For me, it was a moment holding a sweet baby
no mistake. He has used amazing things to start named Noah - whose name means peace and ex-
the healing process. One in particular that has me periencing a peace that only He can give.
up at 7 a.m. on a Saturday morning writing this.
That He would speak to me in the middle of what
could have been a painful day with my heart was
Earlier this year I started seeing a new counselor. no coincidence.
For other things of course. One day the truth came
out. His timing? Interesting.
You see the day before I spent the day at the hos- And beautiful.
pital with my best friend. It was time for her sweet
boy to make his entrance in to this world. As I sat I am still in a very vulnerable place, but this chapter
with her and her husband all day I worried I would of my life He is writing will be one of healing and
be overcome with the pain of my heart. It was but trust. Ultimately it will be a chapter of His Good-
a fleeting thought. Not once did I think of me or my ness.
circumstance. I focused on the two of them and
the pending arrival of their son. Circumstances If you are single and struggling with an infertility di-
lead to a c-section and as they prepped her I sat agnosis please know that you are not alone. Know
in the waiting room after calling family and friends that it is not a punishment and that God does not
and prayed. For this precious boy to be healthy. love you any less. He still has the most amazing
For my friend and her husband. plans for you. It is a journey we wish we did not
have to take; yet for some of us it is a journey we
As I prayed a sweet peace surrounded me and I will take. Know that someone understands the
felt His warmth. A still small voice spoke to my pain and is praying for you. My single sisters that
heart. are facing this journey… I may not know you..but I
love you. More importantly, so does He.
You are good.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
The Challenge to Lavish Forgiveness on Others
Written by Kara Cox
Like so many things in our natural selves, I can I guess I hadn’t considered what it’s like when the
take my love of right and wrong a little too far. tables are turned. How quick am I to forget that
In my fervency for justice, I often sorely lack in every single offense I have committed has been
mercy. If I’m being honest with myself I know completely stricken from my record because of
that my own human thought process some- Jesus. Every lie I’ve told; every mean thing I’ve
times finds these two God given ideals to be ever said, every prideful or lustful thought. Ev-
mutually exclusive. Let the person who has ery single sin that has so grieved the heart of
committed wrong off the hook? Are you crazy? God has been completely and freely forgiven me
My heart’s teeter totter of merciful forgiveness because of Jesus. And here’s the wildest, most
and just ruling often sits a bit heavy on the side scandalous part of the deal; Jesus offered this
of law and order. So if you have done me (or forgiveness to me before I committed one act of
anyone else) wrong, you need to pay: it’s only sin. My heavenly father substituted his perfect,
fair. righteous, unblemished lamb for me on a cross
to pay for these sins. He, not I, has every right
I’ve only recently realized how much I struggle to ask for penance. He, not I, could stand in the
with issues of forgiveness. It’s only been since place of demanding justice and repayment be-
I took a long, hard look at some of my closest fore offering forgiveness. Instead, “God made
relationships that I realized how hard it is for him who had no sin, to be sin for us, so that in
me to let someone off the hook when they hurt him we might become the righteousness of God.”
or insult me. I’ve had loved ones beg me for (2 Corinthians 5:21 NIV).
forgiveness, and though I knew what the word
of God had to say about forgiveness, there This sacred truth humbles me and challenges
was a stronger pulling in my heart demanding me to be different in my dealings with others. In
for penance to be made. It was as if my heart light of the sweet, extravagant forgiveness of my
was saying, “But you haven’t paid me back in heavenly father, how can I not freely, lavishly ex-
full for the wrongs you’ve done me. I can’t for- tol forgiveness towards people who wrong me?
give you yet. You’re not getting off that easy.” Their offensive blows cannot even touch the
Anybody else struggle with those thoughts? weight of the offenses I have hurled on a merciful
After all, it seems almost unfair to so quickly savior who so quickly forgave me of them all. So
disregard the offense in order to dole out in- it is Jesus inside of me that causes justice and
stant forgiveness for every injurious action. mercy find a smooth balance in my heart, and it’s
That’s what my (man-made) sense of justice my heart’s cry to be more like him, especially in
has taught me. forgiving others as He has forgiven me.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
221mag.com
I like clothes.
I play sports.
I have fun with my friends.
I totally text.
I rock out with my iPod.
I flip my camera.
I type faster than my Mom.
More than anything,
I love my Jesus.
I Exemplify.
I am Team 2:21.
I grew up with an emotionally, verbally, and physically abu-
sive father. Forgiveness was hard for me to extend. My
How Can
lack of forgiveness not only affected me personally, but it
also affected some of my relationships with others. For a
number of years I brought fear, bitterness, unforgiveness,
and shame into my marriage and my relationship with oth-
I Ever
ers. I resented God for allowing the abuse to continue;
I resented my mother for not leaving my father sooner;
I resented my siblings and other family members for not
protecting me. I even thought I deserved what I received,
Forgive because maybe what my father had told me over the years
(that I was worthless) just might be true. I needed healing
and that healing would require me to forgive.
Michele lives in a farming community in Pennsylvania with her husband of 36 years who is a principal of a Chris-
tian school. They have a grown daughter, son-in-law and teenage grandson. Through the years the Lord has
called them to various ministries living in Pennsylvania, Texas, New York and Arizona. In addition, Michele has
been involved in all aspects of the church ministry: Pastor’s Wife, Child Evangelism, Regional Women’s Ministry,
Wellness Ministry, Speaker, Counselor and Writer. Michele has experienced various life challenges. Since 1985
Michele has been living with multiple chronic illnesses. Michele has an encouraging and informative blog, http://
www.beelieveyoucan.net where she claims Psalm 18:29: “In Your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can
scale any wall”.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Written by Lori Macmath
Freedom in Forgiveness
Every single month I have a date with my online Clearly they are concerned about how this now pow-
bank account. The numbers and I have a sit down erful Joseph will react, and rightly so. Joseph is in a
for as long as it takes. It’s clearly not my favorite time position of power and could wreak havoc on their lives.
of the month, but it’s one of the “necessaries” in my How does Joseph respond?
life.
“So they sent Joseph a message, “Before his death,
I reconcile with the bank. your father gave this command: Tell Joseph; “Forgive
your brothers’ sin – all that wrongdoing. They did treat
Reconcile, as in the 14th century transitive verb you very badly.’ Will you do it? Will you forgive the sins
meaning to restore harmony; settle or resolve. (Mer- of the servants of your father’s God?” When Joseph
riam Webster Dictionary) received their message, he wept. Then the brothers
went in person to him, threw themselves on the ground
I spend a significant amount of time with my “invis- before him and said, “We’ll be your slaves.”
ible online banker,” balancing my accounts: for an
unbalanced account, as we all know, yields disas- Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid. Do I act for God?
trous results. Trust me. Don’t you see, you planned evil against me but God
used those same plans for my good, as you see all
There is nothing quite like the feeling when those around you right now – life for many people. Easy now,
last numbers are entered in and the grand totals you have nothing to fear; I’ll take care of you and your
match! It’s freedom! That is until next month, when I children.” Genesis 50: 16 – 21 (The Message, empha-
do it all over again. sis added)
Reconciliation achieved, but not without action. If Forgiveness in our lives moves us toward reconcilia-
only forgiveness and reconciliation in our human tion with others, while at the same time it helps us to
existence could be so cut and dry. Reconciling understand the grace that we have been forgiven in.
numbers with the bank is one thing; reconciling with Forgiveness is never a passive activity. That should
those who have hurt us requires even more prayer- not surprise us as nothing in our “Moving Toward Holi-
ful attention than an unbalanced account. ness” journey has been or will be passive.
Forgiveness, (to give up resentment of or claim Forgiveness is one of the cornerstones in this jour-
to requital) and reconciliation can dance a beauti- ney. Forgiveness requires that we engage and feel
ful dance together, but it is never easy. It’s often a the ways in which we have wounded those around us;
journey that is painful and difficult, but the reward it’s in our understanding and acknowledging the pain
of extending grace to others is where the dance of we have inflicted that we come to a place where we
forgiveness becomes beautiful. can truly ask to be forgiven, and in turn forgive others.
Joseph could have never forgiven his brothers unless
Joseph knew that all too well. he understood how he’d been forgiven by the Father.
We read in Genesis how Joseph has been wronged “To accept forgiveness is to embrace the scar of the in-
by his brothers. So much so that his brothers are a jury. If we do not feel the hurt, we cannot measure the
bit concerned about how he is going to react. forgiveness. When we are forgiven, we must engage
the pain we have caused in order to understand the
“What if Joseph is carrying a grudge and decides to magnitude of the grace we have been given. Yesh-
pay us back for all the wrong we did to him?” Gen- ua recognized this weight in the woman who washed
esis 50:15 (The Message) His feet with her tears. As excruciating as it might be,
we cannot truly receive forgiveness until we have em-
braced the depth of the injury we caused. To ask for
forgiveness is to ask to be included in the injury, sor-
row and trauma.” Skip Moen, Scar Tissue, February
17, 2010
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Asking to be included in the “injury, sorrow and trauma”
is a painful venture, but it’s necessary for a life reconciled
with others and God. Many of us would rather embrace the
road to forgiveness the way my children used to. When one
would wrong the other one and was told to seek forgiveness
they would offer up a casual, “I’m sorry” and hope to be on
their way. The invitation is
extended, an
Not so fast.
invitation to
While it’s a much more comfortable alternative, it’s simply explore forgiveness
not going to lead us to a place of forgiveness or freedom,
let alone move us along our walk toward holiness. The free- in your life this
dom will elude us until reconciliation, honest reconciliation, month.
takes root.
In order to forgive others, even those who have wounded us We’ll walk the path
deeply, we must understand the “depth of the injury” that we
cause God each time we sin. That is where Joseph stood. of reconciliation
Joseph came to a place where he understood that he did and forgiveness.
not and could not act for God. He chose to forgive, and in
confidence let God handle the rest. Can we say the same?
Do we have the same faith? Joseph moved to a place of It’s likely going
holiness where he understood the depth of the injury that he
caused toward God when he sinned. His example shows to be a challenging
us that the only way we’ll ever move to a place where we hike, but the view
can truly forgive those who have sinned against us is to
extend the same grace to others that God has faithfully ex- from forgiveness is
tended to us. where peace lies.
The road to holiness is littered with potholes that hinder us.
Those potholes of an unforgiving heart will swallow us. Lit- The “Moving Toward
erally. With work, we can come to an honest place where
we recognize how we have grieved God and understand Holiness Forgive-
the grace bestowed upon us. This knowledge will open the ness Journal” can be
door to forgiveness in our own lives with those around us.
Understanding His grace is the beginning of forgiving others found here.
in our own lives.
Forgiving Waters
So you want be like Jesus? Want the power As their Teacher knelt to wash their feet, the
to love like He loves and the power to serve disciples balked at His act of servitude to-
as He served? Want the power to have the wards them. The washing of another’s feet
compassionate heart towards all men like was normally done by the lowliest of ser-
He has? Want the power to walk in the path vants and in their eyes Jesus was NOT the
that He’s laid out before you? Want the pow- lowliest of servants. They probably would
er to speak with boldness and confidence have jumped at the opportunity to wash the
the words God has given you? feet of Jesus had they thought of it first, but
never in their wildest dreams did they imag-
All of this, and so very much more, is ab- ine their Lord to be washing their feet.
solutely available to the child of God and is
granted to Him at the moment of salvation. With a towel girded around His waist and a
The “more” included here, and something basin filled with water, Jesus, one by one,
we often times fail to discover or REFUSE washed the feet of the men who had fol-
to discover is that with God’s power, the in- lowed Him. What I find so fascinating about
dwelling of His Holy Spirit, comes the power this particular act of service is that Christ
to forgive. The power to forgive others the knew where these feet had been and where
wrong they have committed against us and they would lead His disciples in the days to
the power to forgive ourselves. come. All of them had been called out of the
world to follow Him. All of them had walked
Webster’s Dictionary defines forgive in the where He walked over the past few years.
following way, “1 a: to give up resentment All of them had seen Him perform miracle
of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult>, after miracle. All of them had questions. All
b: to grant relief from payment of <forgive of them had fears. All of them had doubts.
a debt>; 2: to cease to feel resentment And all of them would fail Him. One of them
against (an offender): PARDON <forgive would even hand Him over to the chief
one’s enemies>.” priests and Pharisees to be crucified (John
18:1-9). This act of washing each of their
The word forgive is a verb, meaning it is an feet displayed to them Jesus’ humility, His
action word; a word that requires someone servant’s heart, and His willingness to for-
to DO something. give them for all they had done and would
do. He forgave them of past sins and He for-
“Now before the Feast of the Passover, gave them for the sins they would commit
when Jesus knew that His hour had come against Him in the days to come. He forgave
that He should depart from this world to the them…all of them. Even Judas, the one who
Father, having loved His own who were in would betray Him with a kiss, He forgave. In
the world, He loved them to the end. And spite of who they were Jesus forgave them.
supper being ended, the devil having al- Because of God’s power in Him, Christ was
ready put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, able to forgive.
Simon’s son, to betray Him, Jesus, knowing
that the Father had given all things into His If you and I want to be like Jesus, truly be
hands, and that He had come from God and like Him…If our hearts desire is to flesh out
was going to God, rose from supper and laid our faith loving as He loves, serving as He
aside His garments, took a towel and girded served, caring as He cares, being like Jesus
Himself. After that, He poured water into a in our day to day lives…if this is the person
basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, we desire to become, then we are going to
and to wipe them with the towel with which have to forgive as He forgives.
He was girded.” John 13:1-5, NKJV
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He says, “Forgive.”
Jesus said in Matthew 6:14 that “if you An important fact for us to note about for-
forgive men when they sin against you,” giveness is this: Forgives does require
then our “heavenly Father will also forgive something of the giver…it requires a denial
you (us).” Forgiveness doesn’t come with of self and humility of spirit. In washing the
stipulations and it’s not conditional. Jesus disciples’ feet Jesus was the perfect exam-
doesn’t say if you forgive two out of the ple of denying self and humility. He denied
three people who wrong you or those whom His own desires, putting on the robe of ser-
you love then that’s good enough. He says, vant leader and with meekness served.
“if you forgive men.” Men comes from the
Greek word anthrōpos meaning “a human But you have no idea the wrongs commit-
being whether male or female; all human in- ted against me. You have no idea how deep
dividuals” (Thayer’s Greek Definitions). He my pain goes. There’s no way I can forgive
says that we are to forgive EVERYONE. that person. You are exactly right. I have
no idea the wrongs committed against you.
Jesus doesn’t put a limit on the number of And, there is no way you can forgive that
people we are to forgive nor does He put a person. Whatever the wrong done against,
limit on how many sins, wrongs, faults, or it can only be forgiven through the power of
offenses we are to forgive. He says “forgive Christ living in you.
men when they sin against you.”
“His divine power has given us everything
“Then Peter came to him and asked, ‘Lord, we need for life and godliness through our
how often should I forgive someone who knowledge of him who called us by his own
sins against me? Seven times?’ ‘No, not glory and goodness.” 2 Peter 1:3, NIV
seven times,’ Jesus replied, ‘but seventy
times seven!’” Matthew 18:21-22, NLT Everything we need, including the power to
forgive others, has been given to us by the
After calculating the math, I’m sure Peter One who called us into a new life with Him.
was shocked to discover Jesus respond- Because Christ Jesus first granted forgive-
ed with, “forgive him not 7 times, but 490 ness to us, kneeling down washing away
times.” Four hundred and ninety times! Are the grime and dirt of our pasts, present, and
you kidding me? Who is going to keep a run- future, we can forgive others. But, it is go-
ning tally of having forgiven someone 490 ing to require that we deny those feelings of
times!?!?! This was exactly Jesus’ point. No revenge, anger, hatred, and bitterness from
one is going to keep that kind of tally but creeping into our souls. It’s going to require
instead having exercised forgiveness that that we gird ourselves with the towel of for-
many times one would be in the habit of do- giveness, fill our basins with the living water
ing it and wouldn’t think twice about forgiv- of God’s mercy and grace, and humble our-
ing every wrong done to them. selves before our offenders and wash their
feet with the water that will heal our souls
Forgiveness isn’t conditional. It doesn’t and theirs.
come with stipulations. And, there are no
strings attached. In washing His disciple’s “Be kind and compassionate to one another,
feet Jesus demonstrated this very truth to forgiving each other, just as in Christ God
His followers. forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32, NIV
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20 someone?
exemplifyNow
quarter life. whole heart.
Coming Soon!
feature article
Love
&
Forgiveness
Turn To God
She was welcomed into our home with a loving
embrace on the day we first met her. The result There is only One who truly understands our pain and
was betrayal and lies; a hurt so deep grief over- knows our heart in the deepest of ways. There is only
came me. My family left bruised and scarred. I One who surely has the answer. That One is Jesus. His
wanted to take away a pain I had no ability to counsel provides security and peace. He offers words
ease. And when the hurt she caused broke the of advice that lead us to a place of tranquility.
spirit of each of my loved ones, the wound that
was left on my heart turned into a hardened shell. Matthew 11:28-29 says, “Come to me, all you who are
weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my
Whenever we are mistreated it can hurt deeply. yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and
There can be a rawness and openness of pain humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
that digs deep into our hearts. It becomes easy (NIV)
for our minds to replay the incident over and
over again until the bitterness and anger wells There is hope for our weariness when we hurt from the
up and overflows. The hurt can overtake our at- pain that betrayal causes. Turning to God is the only
titudes and affect each person who crosses our way we can begin to heal our scars enough to allow
path. The hurt doesn’t mind lashing out at those forgiveness and love to grow.
closest to us, causing them to bear the brunt of
our misfortune. I know these feelings all too well
An Open Heart to Forgive
for I experienced them one too many times. I al-
lowed them to take over my joy; that is, until I had
God convicted my heart when the betrayal I experi-
enough!
enced superseded all betrayals before. When I realized
that my pain was not aiding my freedom, I searched for
As with any pain that hurt and misfortune can
God’s will. In that search, I was led to Luke 6:37 which
cause, weariness eventually takes over. When
says the following:
this happens, our only solution is what we should
have done to begin with. Turn to God. Allow Him
…Forgive, and you will be forgiven. (NIV)
to open our hearts to forgiveness. Allow some
form of the love we once had for our oppressor
We are called to forgive because our reception of for-
to pour back into our hearts; because in the end,
giveness depends on it.
love and forgiveness are essential for our heal-
ing.
Forgiveness is one of the most difficult choices we
can make. It is so hard because it has to come from Finding Freedom Through Forgiveness
a heart that has been bruised and torn. God knows
how painful forgiveness is. In Matthew 18:22, Je- God’s Word offers us advice that is meant to benefit us
sus told Peter to forgive his persecutor “…seventy when we choose to forgive.
times seven!” (NLT) showing that it is not easy and
revealing that it is not instantaneous. • Accept the hurt and turn to God for healing. Isaiah
53:5 says, “…by His wounds we are healed.” (NIV)
Forgiveness is not an emotion we feel, it is a choice • Believe that God loves you. Romans 5:8 tells us, “But
we make based on faith. It can be as simple as God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while
speaking out loud “I forgive” even though the hurt we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (ESV)
is still fresh. Once we begin to take even the small- • Love God first so you may love others. 1 John 4:20
est of steps in the direction of forgiveness, God reminds us, “…For anyone who does not love his
acknowledges our devotion to His Word and takes brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom
over the pain. he has not seen.” (NIV)
• Pray for the person who wronged you. Matthew 5:44
Love That Overflows says, “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray
for those who persecute you.” (ESV)
One of the most important reasons to forgive is so • Make the choice to forgive. Ephesians 4:32 instructs
that we may love. During the time when resentment us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, for-
invaded me and God began working on my heart, giving each other…” (NIV)
my pastor, Rev. Earl Dunmon, said something in
church that I will never forget. He said, “When we Forgiveness is hard and doesn’t mean that what hap-
love God, loving others, even those who perse- pened to us will ever be forgotten. It won’t justify the pain
cute us, becomes easier.” This revelation hit me so our offender caused us. Even if we never receive a well
deeply because my need for God’s direction had deserved apology, holding on to the anger will cause a
just led me to a verse I struggled with days before. bitterness that can take root in our hearts and grow. How-
ever, there is freedom in forgiveness from hurts we cause
Matthew 5:44 says the following: But I say to you, ourselves when we grasp resentment.
Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute
you. (ESV) Love and Forgiveness
It was easier for me to see my need to forgive than There is love in forgiveness. There is a tie that binds the
it was to see that I must love my offender too. How- two together. Finding love through forgiveness opens the
ever, when my pastor spoke those words from the door to healing and peace. When chains from the bond-
pulpit, I realized that because of my love for God, age of bitterness are broken, our hearts receive a free-
my love for my enemy becomes less of a burden dom the world cannot offer. I now can honestly say that
and more of a gift. even though there is pain when I think of the hurt that per-
son caused me, there is love present when I pray for her;
This gift is love wrapped in a box with a ribbon of a love that I know only God could give. Love is a beautiful
forgiveness. Once we begin to untangle the ribbon result of forgiveness; it’s the greatest outcome of all.
of forgiveness, no matter how slowly, love for our
enemy is the gift that releases hurt, tears, pain, bit- …the greatest of these is love. (I Corinthians 13:13 NIV)
terness and anger. It is also through love that for-
giveness begins an outpouring of peace that will
Rachel W. Clark lives in Georgia with her
replace the bitterness and pain. husband, two dogs, her cat and bird. She
enjoys reading and blogging. Her passion
is cooking. While she enjoys to cook, she
prefers mealtime with her family when her
mom’s food is on the table. Most importantly,
she loves sharing Christ’s love with others
and the power of His mercies.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
10 Questions with Author Christa Allan
Christa also has two other books planned, a CA: I wanted Leah to be real, and real people
prequel and a sequel to Walking on Broken Glass don’t live in isolation. They have families, and
which bring Leah’s story full circle. The prequel, those families usually are not perfect either. Real
A Matter of Trust, deals with Leah’s parents and people have to live in the world, and the world
how one stolen kiss led to a world of decep- is messy business! When we have challenges in
tion – and forgiveness. In the sequel to Walking our lives, there’s always a ripple effect. I think
on Broken Glass, which is Picking up the Pieces, to write a novel where the protagonist is the
Carl, Leah’s husband, deals with his own emo- center of everyone’s universe and all the other
tional turmoil with his parents, his children and characters neatly/nicely become what the pro-
even Leah herself. tagonist needs them to be is not only unrealistic,
but insulting to readers. One of my reviews on
Amazon from a reader named Kim said this, and
[JR: How did you get the idea for this series?
it truly captures Leah: “Leah Thornton’s story is
painful. It is tragic. In a way, it is everyone’s story
CA: People are often surprised when I share that,
though, because we all come to Christ wounded,
through the grace of God, I’ve been a recovering
broken, battered and torn.”
alcoholic for over 20 years. I didn’t drag myself
out of gutters or lounge in bars or abandon my
children. I attended Garden Club meetings, ate JR: How did you mold and shape
dinner at the country club and helped my kids Leah’s character?
with their homework. And drank. And ignored
God. Recovery changed my life and brought CA: I knew where she’d start, and I had an idea
me back to God. If I hadn’t felt so alone, if I had of what I hoped she’d become. So, the promise
known other seemingly “normal” families strug- of who she could be is what drove her character-
gle with some kind of addiction, I might have ization. But people don’t journey to wholeness
sought help sooner. So, the story I wanted to tell without dealing with the fragments in their lives,
was one of hope and healing, of God finding a and those events and how she ultimately viewed
way to reach people in unexpected ways, and of them began to shape the woman she’d become.
realizing that, while our lives may not follow the
script we prepared, God’s grace can still bless us.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
JR: Tell me a little about your family.
Never doubt that God places people in our paths for
CA: My parents are both deceased. My mother died a reason!
at the age of 57; my father when he was 68. I have a
brother who is four years younger than I. Ken, my Between the decision to attend the conference and
husband, is a veterinarian. We’ll be married 19 years the actual conference date, everything that could
in June. I have five children (yes, this marvelous man go awry did. My husband’s job opened up again,
married a single mom of five), two sons and three so I returned to my former job, but he had to work
daughters who range in age from 32 to 25. I have two for two more months before leaving. I came back
precious grandgirls who are 5 and 3. and lived with a friend for two weeks. I didn’t have
an Internet connection, so all of my work had to be
finished at school. And since funds were tight, I at-
JR: How long have you been teaching?
tempted to print my own business cards. The school
web blocker wouldn’t allow me on the site, and then
CA: This is my 22nd year of teaching high school when I finally found a site it wouldn’t block my
English. This year I taught freshmen, but I’ll go back printer died! I left school late and, what should have
to teaching juniors next year. Juniors are my favorite been a five hour drive to meet my daughter who
age group, plus the 11th grade curriculum is Ameri- would eventually drive me to meet Jess, ended up
can Literature, which I love to teach. being almost seven hours because of an accident. My
cell phone died in the process, so I had to make the
JR: How do you hope your family and your students last few miles on a prayer because I’d never been to
remember you? my daughter’s new apartment. Again, looking back,
I believe that the one who doesn’t want us to succeed
CA: As a woman who tried to be a good and faithful is always on the sidelines waiting for us to give in to
servant of God, who lived grateful for all the family despair.
and friends who surrounded her, and who thought
that every day she woke up breathing was a marvel- JR: What keeps you writing now?
ous day!
CA: The excitement of what unfolds when my fin-
JR: How hard was it to write that first book? gers hit the keyboard. I believe that, for now, writing
is how I can best serve God. Most of what I write
CA: Walking on Broken Glass was written over a pe- about are topics that I believe are the big elephants
riod of three years. Hurricane Katrina accounted for in the room we as Christians don’t discuss. Alcohol-
a lapse of two years between starting and finishing it. ism was one of those topics, and I’m so blessed that
Our family, though truly blessed with no home dam- Abingdon Press allowed this novel to reach women
age, was displaced because of my husband losing his and their families. I’ve received so much feedback
job. The business he had worked for ended up mostly from readers who are relieved and thankful for
in the Gulf of Mexico! For two years we lived in a city Leah’s journey.
about three hours away from our home, and look-
ing back, I realized God placed us exactly where we JR: Who is your favorite author and why?
needed to be.
CA: Just one? I’m all over the place in books I read,
It was during those two years that I connected with from Stephenie Meyer to William Faulkner. Gabriel
Jessica Ferguson, an ACFW member and now presi- Garcia Marquez, John Irving, Anne Lamott, Lisa
dent of The Bayou Writers’ Group in Lake Charles. Samson. . .
She and I had actually “met” online through ACFW JR: What is your favorite Scripture?
before I even moved. She encouraged (challenged?)
me when she told me that if I was serious about writ-
CA: [One of] my favorite scriptures: “Against all
ing, I needed to attend a conference.
hope, Abraham in hope believed. . .” Romans 4:18
In Stores Now!
Written by Andrea Mitchell
Simple Ways to
Serve OurFamilies
In the June issue of Exemplify, we took at look at But the thing I am learning lately is that it really all
how setting our priorities can make us humble, by comes down to who I serve.
helping us to see where we need to set ourselves
aside (Philippians 2:3, MSG) in order to make room Am I serving me? Or am I serving God?
for the things God truly wants us to focus on.
When I serve me, I have no time for anyone else.
I have to confess that I really struggle with putting I have no time to listen to my kids tell me about a
myself aside. I rather like making everything all game they played at school in all its glorious detail.
about me – I get a lot more attention that way. But as I have no time to calm their fears, kiss their hurts,
I have been working on my priorities, God has been or just sit and cuddle. When I am serving me I don’t
working on my heart. And He’s helping me to see want anyone to disturb or interrupt me, or ask me
that when I make everything all about me, my family the same question ten times in five minutes because
suffers in the process. they didn’t hear me the first time.
It’s almost impossible to focus all your attention on
yourself and your family. Someone is going to lose But when I am serving God, suddenly those things
out. I’m not saying that we should never pay atten- I am fixated on don’t seem so important. Suddenly I
tion to the things we need as women; that would be have time to listen and enjoy the great detail in my
unhealthy. children’s stories. I have patience to deal with melt-
downs. I can’t wait to sit and read a book with all
three kids (and the dog!) piled on the couch beside
me.
Philippians 2:4 (NIV) admonishes us to “…look not • SET ASIDE TIME EACH DAY TO SPEND WITH
only to (or focus on) our own interests, but also to FAMILY. It doesn’t have to be six hours, but fam-
the interests of others .” The Message says “Forget ily time is imperative if we are going to raise
yourself long enough to lend a helping hand.” children who love one another and strive to live
lives that glorify God. Conversations don’t hap-
Last month we took some time to write down the pen while each of us have our faces in front of a
things we place the most importance on in our screen. They happen when we have our faces
lives, and then prioritized them in order to make our turned toward each other.
homes and our relationships better reflect God’s • EAT TOGETHER AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. I
desires for our lives. have to admit, I need to work on this one more!
Having supper together most nights of the week
For me personally, the areas of most importance opens the doors to communication, allowing you
were my marriage, my family, and my ministry. Re- to see what is really going on in your family’s
member, your priorities may look different, and that lives and how you can help them in areas they
is okay! Also remember that no matter where we are in need.
place our priorities, God should be over every sin- • ASK QUESTIONS. As our children get older,
gle one of them. they are less forthcoming with information. Ask
questions and ask them often! Even if you get a
I hope you were able to do this exercise – if not, grunt in response, your efforts show your child
check out the June issue of Exemplify for details. that you are indeed interested in what is happen-
Did you notice the same thing I did when setting ing in their lives. (This applies to our husbands,
your priorities? I noticed that the things that I need too!)
to place the most importance on in my life are the • LISTEN. It’s not enough to ask questions. We
things that require a great deal of sacrifice from me. need to truly listen to our children’s and hus-
They require me to put myself aside, to forget my- band’s responses.
self long enough to focus on the people around me. • DO SOMETHING THE OTHER MEMBERS OF
YOUR FAMILY LIKE TO DO. My husband loves
The times I find this the most difficult are when I picnics. As soon as the snow melts, he gets the
am busy. And ladies, it’s easy to be busy nowa- itch to go on the first picnic of the season. I, on the
days, isn’t it? Being busy is almost a status sym- other hand, would much rather go to a restaurant
bol in our society – it allows us to feel importance. and have someone else cook for and wait on me.
The problem with being busy is it can easily take But even though picnics mean a lot of work for
up my whole day. I can be busy doing housework me, not to mention bugs and other creepy crawly
(although to be honest, that is rarely a problem for things fighting for my food, I have learned to set
me!), busy writing, busy working from home, busy aside my preference in favor of my husband’s
with friends, busy busy busy. By the end of the day during the summer months. Not only does he ap-
I may have accomplished quite a bit, and yet ac- preciate the effort, but I’ve actually come to look
complished nothing in terms of my family. forward to these fun family excursions – bugs
and creepy crawlies notwithstanding!
If we are going to truly look towards the interests of
others, namely our children and husbands, we are This coming month, as we work on setting our priori-
going to have to be intentional about it. ties, let’s also remember to work on focusing less on
ourselves and more on the interests of our families.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Written by Alison Hunt
Finally I Confessed
In First Person:
When I got back to school in the fall I was tired of
being sad all the time, and was willing to try any-
thing. Fortunately for me a childhood friend invited
me to a campus ministry meeting and God radically
changed my heart that night. Joy was restored to
I sure hope you don’t mind getting my soul as well as a new passion in my relationship
a little of my history in order ex- with God. I was on a quest to rid my life of every-
plain my present. My story of love thing that was not pleasing to Him. In the process
and loss is not unique, and all the I sought advice from friends about my relationship
more reason to tell it to you. with my ex and what I should do about it. What I
heard was I needed to cut him out of my life, and I
When I was 18 there was a man I loved with all of did. As a relatively new believer I hadn’t yet grasped
my heart. He was a pastor’s kid and I was the nice the difference between listening to friends and lis-
girl who used to go to church. We worked together; tening to the Holy Spirit. I am not saying that seek-
we played together; we did everything together. ing the wisdom of friends is wrong. What I am say-
The relationship was never really easy. It was a ing is that it is wrong to seek the wisdom of friends
constant push and pull of wanting love and wanting in the place of seeking the Holy Spirit.
freedom. Somehow we never found the freedom in
love. Hurting each other was easy and the love was I called him and told him that my life had changed
full, but when it came down to it fear dictated the and he was not to call, email, or write me. We
ultimate decision that tore us apart. needed to go our separate ways. I’ll never forget
what he said to me before we hung up that night,
We had one perfect spring/summer, and right be- “Isn’t this change in your life something you want
fore I left for college I broke up with him to have your friends, me, to be a part of?” All I could say in
complete independence of living on my own for the response was “I’m sorry, I’m supposed to do this.”
first time. It didn’t take me long realize the mistake The immediate feeling was relief, but it was quickly
I made. So, I tried to pick up where we left off. It followed by the feeling I had made a really big mis-
worked…for a while. This time it was his turn to take that I didn’t know how to take back.
seek the freedom all of his friends were experienc-
ing as unattached bachelors. I finally realized it was Since I didn’t know how to take it back, I went on
him that I wanted but he could only give me friend- with my life and figured he wouldn’t want to hear
ship. I took it. from me. Why would he, right? I pushed forward
in my relationship with God but was always just a
The break happened right as summer started after little mad that I had to give up “him” for Him. For
my freshman year of college and to say I despaired about four years I lived on the faith and revelation of
would be an understatement. I was at the lowest other people. I learned a lot, but it wasn’t my faith.
point emotionally I had ever been, but I was deter- Somewhere in the fifth year of silence I began to
mined to be the best friend I knew how to be. We find my faith and understand that I needed to make
talked. Every day. Every day I was reminded that amends for the way in which I ended things. I did
the person I loved didn’t want me. If there was one what any insecure girl would do; I emailed him an
thing I regretted it was not actually saying to him, “I apology. Do you know what he did? He forgave me.
love you.” FORGAVE me. No questions asked.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
It was a heady feeling to know God certainly did show me exactly what I had
he harbored no grudge and ins- been carrying for the past 10 years…anger to-
ta-love was in full bloom in my wards Him for “making” me give up the guy,
heart. I began to feel deep love and pain, anger towards my well meaning friends who
incredible loss, selfishness, and regret. Most gave me the advice so many years ago, anger
of all I was feeling the need to ask for forgive- towards myself for not being able to let him go
ness, again. I was caught in an emotional after all of these years, guilt for deeply hurt-
whirlwind. He shouldn’t have forgiven me, but ing him in the process of cutting off, guilt for
he did. And so the cycle began. Every time we waiting so long to apologize to him, guilt for
talked from that point on…whirlwind. at times wanting him more than God, guilt for
simply loving him, guilt because I felt like I had
Five years later… given up my chance for marriage, and guilt
over my insecurity that caused me to keep
“It’s amazing how one thought of an old feel- sparking with him. On top of it all, if that wasn’t
ing can turn into an open flame in seconds… enough, I was feeling guilty that for 10 years I
some memories are more powerful than pres- hid my guilt from God.
ent reality.”
Friends, we all know that God knew just how
I recently tweeted and updated my facebook guilty I was feeling, but He wanted me to tell
status with that statement. I wrote it in a mo- Him directly. To trust Him enough
ment when all of my emotions and thoughts with this deep tender place of
were caught up in the memory of him. The vo- my heart, and I couldn’t. Oh, I prayed
racity by which the emotions took me was so about him over the years, but I held back the
strong it just about folded me in half. Again, deep truth of what was really going on in this
I was feeling deep love and pain, incredible heart of mine.
loss, selfishness, and regret. Most of all I was
feeling the need to ask for forgiveness, again. As I prayed through this, God brought me to
I was caught in the emotional whirlwind and just the scripture I needed {as He always does}:
finally sick of it. “Oh, what joy for those whose disobe-
dience is forgiven, whose sin is put
out of sight. Yes, what joy for those
Many thoughts questions poured out of my
whose record the Lord has cleared
heart and into God’s that night: “God, why do from guilt, whose lives are lived in
I still love him? Why do I always feel the need complete honesty! When I refused
to apologize? Why does his name alone set off to confess my sin, my body wasted
a firestorm deep within? Why can I not let this away, and I groaned all day long.
go? Why can I not match my emotions with the Day and night your hand of disci-
way I treat him? Why? Why do I keep inserting pline was heavy on me. My strength
myself in his life? I’m just so tired of dragging evaporated like water in the sum-
myself over emotional coals. God, I can’t ever mer heat. Finally I confessed all my
move forward to be with another man while sins to you and stopped trying to
hide my guilt. I said to myself, ‘I will
I still feel this way. It wouldn’t be fair. Please
confess my rebellion to the Lord.’
show me how to be unburdened.”
And you forgave me! All my guilt is
gone.” Psalm 32:1-5 NLT
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This is a Psalm of David, and if you know his
story, then you know he had some serious
issues to feel guilty about. If David can walk
in the full forgiveness of God, can I not then
too? I can. You can. It’s easy to repent for the
parts I want to let go, but when it comes to
what I want to control because the future is
uncertain, that’s where the groaning comes
into play. My perspective was se-
riously shifted when David says
“Finally I confess all my sins
to you…” It was then that God
removed the guilt he was feel-
ing. I highly encourage you to read the rest
of Psalm 32. It’s both encouraging and chal-
lenging. I’ll let God speak to you on that one
though. Some things are better left for you to
discover.
Feature Article
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If someone had told me a decade ago that I Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny,
would be the wife of a soldier in the United can fall to the ground without your Father
States Army, I probably would have laughed
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at them. Even after over nine years of shar-
knowing it. And the very hairs on your head
ing our life with the military, I still have a dif- are all numbered. So don’t be afraid: you
ficult time picturing myself as a military wife. are more valuable to him than a whole flock of
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It was not until we were in the middle of our sparrows. (NLT)
third overseas deployment that it finally start-
ed to sink in a bit. Like it or not, planned for or If my God was powerful enough to know ev-
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not, this is our life. I am an Army wife. ery single sparrow that fell to the ground, or
to know the number of hairs on my head, how
My husband and I married very young and much more capable was He to care for me
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divorced after two years of marriage. Four and my family?! Furthermore, Who better to
years later, and by the grace of God, we re- entrust my husband to while he was deployed
married just eight short weeks before he was than to God?!
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given his first set of war orders; a deployment
to Afghanistan. He was not there to hold Though the Army way of life may not have
my hand when our daughter was born. In- been the path I ever would have chosen, it is
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stead, my husband was on the other side of the path the Lord has allowed us to travel. My
the world fighting for her future. He was not heart has ached for my husband during our
there when our youngest son reached all his times of separation; so much so that some-
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first milestones either. Rather he was in the times it just hurt to breathe. Our children have
desert helping rebuild communities so other missed their dad. I have listened as my chil-
children had a future to look toward. dren cried for him at night and felt that impos-
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sibly helpless feeling down deep in my soul.
During our first six years of marriage, my There have been days where nearly every
husband spent over three and a half years waking moment was spent in prayer, begging
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deployed. He missed birthdays, anniversa- God for my husband’s safety and protection.
ries, holidays, Christmases, and first days of Yet through it all, God’s constant presence
school. We have faced injuries and “close and miraculous provisions were a source of
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calls” and life-altering Post Traumatic Stress overwhelming strength and comfort. Best of
Disorder, all in the name of duty. There have all, God has brought my husband home to
been times when I nearly cringed as a total me, safe and sound, every time. There are
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stranger thanked us for our service. Quite no words for my gratitude for that miraculous
honestly, I have resented my husband’s time Providence.
away, no matter how much I supported the
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war or the troops. Two things have become absolutely critical to
surviving this role as a military wife:
One thing, though, has always been abun-
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dantly clear. My Heavenly Father was always • A close and totally dependent relation-
right there with me through it all, even when ship with our Heavenly Father
my husband was a world away. He continued • A strong community of support for me
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to remind me of that daily, whether through and my family.
His Word or through His children. Matthew
10:29-31 was a passage that continually •
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came to mind.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
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We would not have made it through all three
deployments and all the time of separation
without either of those things. There is such
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an absolute dependency on the Lord when
your spouse is in a war zone. Let’s face it
– we wives literally have no control or say in
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what happens to our husbands over there.
The only thing, the best thing, we can do is to
PRAY and rely on God for the rest. In that de- Mandy Roberson is married to her hero
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pendency, God provides an amazing peace and best friend after a miraculous recon-
and strength beyond measure to get through ciliation and is currently learning to em-
the tasks at hand. Sometimes the source of brace the life of an Army wife. She is moth-
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that strength is also the network of support er to three unique and precious blessings
we are blessed to be a part of, whether it be – currently ages 11, 6, and 3. She holds
other military families or the family we find in a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and
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our local church. Counseling and has many years’ work ex-
perience in a variety of fields – all of which
If you are a military family preparing for de- contribute greatly to her writing at Count-
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ployment, cling to a church family for spiritual ing My Pennies and My Blessings and
encouragement, strength, and the community Brokenness into Beauty. Blogging has
it can provide. Our home church truly em- allowed her to find her passion again in
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braced our children and me while my hus- writing and connecting with others. You
band was in Iraq. My brothers and sisters in can follow Mandy @PennyBlessings, @
Christ were able to fill at least a part of the BrokenN2Beauty, and on Facebook.
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huge void I felt while going it alone. It was
as if God spoke to each one of them and told
them of our exact need and they were more
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than willing to accept the task. The love of the
family of God is absolutely priceless.
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If I have learned anything from my time as an
Army wife, it is that we can survive. We can
make it through anything, as long as we have
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the Lord on our side. We are never truly alone.
We are never neglected or forgotten. We are
never out of His reach. God has taken such
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amazing care of us and has met every sin-
gle need we had, sometimes even before we
knew it. Be encouraged because with God,
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all things are possible (see Matthew 19:26) …
even living life as a military wife.
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@exemplify
The Book Nook with Deborah Boutwell
Leanna Ellis has written other books since Lookin’ Back, Texas
was released a couple of years ago, but this is still one of my fa-
vorites. Her characters are true to life, witty, and lovable.
Suzanne, Matt, & Oliver Mullins have the perfect life going for
them in California. Matt’s job as a successful attorney has sup-
plied Suzanne with everything she ever wanted: a stable home,
a loving husband, a normal marriage. The only hiccups in Su-
zanne’s life are her son, Oliver…15 years old and learning to
drive, and her parents back in Texas, Betty Lynne and Archie
Davidson.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
How to
Say Goodbye to the
Mrs. Jones
Lifestyle
Written by Wendy Miller
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
About two months ago, I was sitting at my I’m going to focus on three ways to live
daughter’s award banquet, surveying the like yourself and not dear Mrs. Jones:
crowd, and all of a sudden thoughts started
jabbing at me.
Be a Good Steward of
Look how put together that mom is. She’s Your Money
so classy with her expensive blouse. I need
to go shopping. Check out that mother. Her • Did you know money is one of the topics
makeup is perfectly polished. Maybe I should Jesus addressed most often throughout
invest more money in lipstick. Oh, and look his ministry on earth? God cares how
how sweet that mom is tucking her daugh- we use what He’s provided us with.
ter’s hair behind her ears with a bouquet We’re called to tithe. Dave Ramsey
of flowers awaiting her after the ceremony. has written some amazing books about
Maybe I should… sticking to a budget, financing and de-
creasing debt.
You get the point. I ran through a mental • Have you ever evaluated how much ex-
list of how I could be Mrs. Jones. So as you tra paper shuffles through your hands
read the rest of this article, you’ll understand throughout the month? How many
I know exactly what it feels like to struggle magazines do you order, but then care-
with wanting to look and act like Mrs. Jones. lessly toss aside? Especially when it
After my tirade of deliriously envious and comes to having to flip through page
time-wasting thoughts, God smacked me up- upon page of gorgeous super models,
side the head with this verse: maybe it’s time to cut down spending
on magazines and even newspapers.
“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not con- Cut out the frivolous in your life.
sider his appearance or his height, for I have • Shop wisely. My mom, sisters and I
rejected him. The LORD does not look at the have a running game we play. We like
things man looks at. Man looks at the out- to check in with each other from time
ward appearance, but the LORD looks at the to time to see who has scored the big-
heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV) gest deal. We go for the bargains. We
spin it into some sort of fun contest.
There are so many ways to get caught up with You can do this with friends. Remem-
desiring to live like Mrs. Jones. We can crave ber to spend money only on what’s
her parenting skills, her patience, her suc- needed. By doing this, you’re not pur-
cess or fame, or even her ability to hold her chasing things because Mrs. Jones has
tongue. Most often though, I’m sure you’d them, you’re buying them because you
agree, we are seduced by the outer appear- need them and you’re accomplishing
ance Mrs. Jones portrays. Her stellar green this on a budget.
thumb manicured yard, her tidy, wrinkle and • Enjoy free adventures by heading out
stain-free children, her three hundred dol- to museums and parks. Eat out less.
lar shoes (I actually met a lady at a party There’s a restaurant in our town certain
who made a display of showing off her three people frequent just to be seen there.
hundred dollar shoes. I nearly choked on my That goes beyond wanting to enjoy a
guacamole.) night every so often. If eating out has
more to do with the social scene (and
It’s important to recognize when our mind by this I’m not talking about laughing
shifts from a state of admiration or respect and connecting with friends) you know
for another woman’s lifestyle toward a less you’ve dipped a little too far into Mrs.
innocent jealousy or lust for it. Jones’ mentality.
Care Less about Your Looks
Mrs. Jones walks around trying to get noticed. God hopes we are walking around trying to
get others to notice Him and His glory. This hit me so hard after I got home the night of that
awards banquet. What had come over me? By the time the night ended I had a whole new
wardrobe picked out in my head, I planned to throw down at least one hundred dollars on
cosmetics and I swore I’d do a better job ironing. Like I said, what had come over me? I’m
willing to bet whatever delusion I’d slipped into during that banquet, you’ve also experienced.
If not at a banquet, how about the grocery store? No? A wedding? Still, no? Hmm. I’ve got
it…the swimming pool. I knew it.
We all like to look good, right? I recently heard that Americans spend over 20 million dollars
per year on cosmetics. That’s mind blowing. I’m not suggesting we go around makeup-less.
I might scare you. What I am saying is that maybe we spend too much of our time primp-
ing, too much of our finances purchasing yet another lipstick that will end up in our cosmetic
graveyard and too much of our energy on how we look. I won’t even mention plastic surgery.
Here are some practical ideas how to shut the door on Mrs. Jones’ concept of beauty.
• Spend less on beauty products. If your closet is already bunched full, you probably don’t
need a bag of new items just for a pick me up.
• Next time you want to compliment a friend try to encourage her about something other
than her shirt, her shampoo commercial hair or her fabulous eye liner. Though it never
hurts to do this, dig a little deeper instead. Tell her how much you loved the appetizer she
brought to the picnic. Let her know how meaningful it is that, every time she asks how
you’re doing, you can tell she wants to know. Explain how much respect you have for her
because she’s sticking with her marriage during a rough patch.
• Take less time pampering and primping. What? I know, what I just wrote sounded worse
than nails on a chalkboard. I don’t mean to do that, really. I’m by no means suggesting a
good pampering every so often is off the table. You need to get on that table and get that
massage to rejuvenate. I’m merely saying that you don’t need to keep up with You Know
Who in this area. You don’t need a weekly manicure. Really, I promise, you don’t. You
don’t need to buy hundreds of dollars to get your eyes to light up just so. They are light
enough. Maybe you struggle to feel that way, but God doesn’t. Trust me, every time you
pray or act in a loving way, your eyes are beams of His light and love.
Some things are worth competing over. You know, like who will get the last piece of
chocolate in the house. But who emulates a lifestyle most like Mrs. Jones—not worth
competing over. In order to sift the good kind of competitive attitude from the not so
good, here are a few things to consider:
You don’t need to be Mrs. Jones. There are already far too many of those out there
anyway.
I’ll leave you with the same question Francis Chan has asked, “Has your relationship
with God changed the way you live your life?”
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Some might want to cheapen His forgiveness by
giving you a list of steps you must take to be for-
given–they are all about the rules of faith. To have
faith, you do A, B, and C.
His Hand
Though they were never sorry, they wrote a check
for an account that didn’t even exist.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Wings,
Worries
& Worms
an empty nest
journey
It was a day just like any other day. Linds, I just need to say something – after read-
my youngest, came in from school and we ing back over these paragraphs – I apologize
were visiting about her days adventures that this comes across all white-picket-fence.
when all of a sudden she says, “I have got to Mercy, our family is far from perfect. We
get registered for the SAT.” have had our number of struggles and then
some, many of which will probably make it
That’s the moment I knew raising and watch- into this column. To read more about my or-
ing the kids graduate would never become dinary life you can find me at Ordinary is
‘old hat!’ It just seems – seriously – that as Amazing, my ministry blog.
a mom I’d get use to this. I have raised all
three of my children with the intent of them As your ordinary, everyday mother, I’ve
growing their own wings. I never thought of raised my precious ones by the quote, “Good
it as “wanting them out of the house,” I just parents give their children roots and wings.
wanted them to have the lessons and tools Roots to know where home is, wings to fly
they would need to grow up and succeed. But away and exercise what’s been taught them.”
who ever thought watching them leave the (Joseph Joubert) I trained them to exercise
nest would be so emotional? discipline just as Timothy writes in 1 Timo-
thy 4:12 MSG, “And don’t let anyone put you
It was just weeks after that encounter with down because you’re young. Teach believ-
the lump in my throat that Exemplify signed ers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by
me on as a columnist for Empty-Nesters. love, by faith, by integrity.”
Part of me thinks this is funny. Part of me
thinks this is scary. And the other part of But I never dreamed how hard it would be
me (I guess I have many parts, more to share to actually watch them fly and exercise all
later) thinks this will be therapeutic (or so I that had been taught to them. (I wonder if it
hope) as I journal the journey to becoming is this heart-wrenching for a momma bird as
an empty-nester. she pushes her young from the nest!)
Wings, Worries, and Worms is my journey, My oldest daughter graduated four years ago
but it will be a familiar journey to those of us and left for college. I cried my eyes out. The
who are nearing the empty-nester season of house seemed empty. The family personal-
life. You are probably wondering if what I ity changed. Her chair was empty at supper.
have to say will mean anything to you. Good Then as soon as I got adjusted to her mov-
thinking and pondering on your part. ing out, my son graduated. More tears. More
worries. Less noise.
image credit: Alexy1 | sxc.hu
Thinking I had this under control, I was
shocked when the emotion welled up in me Wings, Worries, and Worms will journal
when my youngest talked about the testing my journey of learning to thrive in this new
required for college. As I’ve tried to prepare season. If you have been an empty nester for
myself for yet another senior year, which will a while, I hope you’ll tune in and help en-
culminate in another emotional graduation, courage those of us who are struggling try-
I’ve been thankful for the ‘worms’ around ing to adjust to a much quieter nest. Howev-
the house. er, if you are like me, fixing to embark upon
something you thought you were ready for
All right, not literal worms! But I am thank- but you find doubts creeping in daily let’s
ful that the kids do return for food, a washing keep in contact online and encourage each
machine, and unconditional love. Leaving other as we adjust.
the nest is hard for the kids as well. It’s nice
to know that they feel loved at home, despite And for those of you who think this season
what has happened in the cruel world. It’s of life will NEVER get here, hopefully you’ll
a blessing that they are comfortable coming learn through my adventures. If it weren’t
home for any reason at all! for wise women speaking into my life early
on, I’d probably really be falling apart. Se-
However, I’ve watched moms go before me. riously, I look forward to the year ahead
Some seem to make it through this season where I’ll cherish the special moments of
and some just seem to have a come-apart! high school and adjust to the thought of my
Knowing I did not want to come apart at the last one using her wings to fly from the nest.
seams, I remember asking a dear friend one
day, “How will I know if I can handle being I am thankful for wings, worries, and worms.
an empty-nester?” Wings are the truths of God that my children
will use to soar beyond my wildest imagina-
Her answer was filled with simple wisdom tions with God’s help. Yes, I will worry along
and has stuck with me over the years, “Alene, the way! (I am a mother.) But knowing that
if your whole life is wrapped up in your chil- those very same worries will drive me ever
dren you will come apart at the seams. How- closer to the foot of the cross brings me com-
ever, if you are well grounded and have in- fort and a sense of anticipation. And there is
terests outside of your children you’ll make no better comfort to this mommy than when
it just fine.” my three chick-a-dee’s return home for un-
conditional nourishment, love, and worms.
I have hung on to those words. While I have What an amazing adventure this will surely
been very involved in each of my children’s be in the months ahead.
lives I’ve remembered to save time for hub-
by, as well as make time for other interests. I hope you’ll join me, as I know you will be
As I enter my last year with a high-schooler, encouragement for my journey, but I sin-
I’m banking on the wisdom in those words. cerely pray I will be encouragement, inspi-
Not only do I want my children to fly, but I ration, and refreshment to you as we make
want to soar in this new season of life. this journey together.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Will write for cupcakes.
The theory that the New Testament has Arias was then excommunicated from the
been changed is argued mostly by atheists Church for his heretical teachings, but was
and biblical critics. However, there are pardoned by the Emperor close to the end
some faiths that also argue the New Testa- of his life (1).
ment is a fabrication in order “contrive” a
religion. While the Council of Nicaea was a critical
turning point in this history of the Church,
We know from our previous sections the and the divinity of Jesus was debated, this
dates of the earliest manuscripts of the was not where His divinity originated. It
New Testament. Critics, regardless of what was also not where the Scriptures were
they believe, can hardly argue with historic changed; rather, a strictest interpretation
discoveries, so they claim it was an event, of the Scriptures were taken in order to ac-
rather than a historical find, that “changed” curately debate Arias and his claims.
the New Testament. They claim the New
Testament was changed at the Council of
Nicaea. exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
But the logic of the critics is brilliant. Christ’s Both Matthew and Mark were eventually mar-
divinity was debated at the Council, and critics tyred. John died of natural causes but was exiled
can twist this into “proving” their point by simply to Patmos at the end of his life. Of the four Gospel
omitting the premise on which His divinity was authors, Luke is the only one that escaped any
debated, and then adding their own premise (that sort of punishment during his lifetime (2).
the Church changed the Scriptures to prove Christ
is God and purport their own agenda). By combin- This same reasoning can be applied to Peter, Paul,
ing a little truth with agenda-laced untruths, crit- and James – influential because of their role with-
ics make a very convincing argument, and those in the early church and also their writings. Pe-
who don’t know or don’t care to know actual his- ter, like John, was a fisherman. Paul, by his own
tory can be susceptible to believing this critique. claims (see Philippians 3:3-7), was a Pharisee, a
Hebrew of Hebrews. Paul gave up his status to
The idea that New Testament Scripture has been follow Christ. James is historically reported to be
changed is being promoted more and more in me- the brother of Jesus. All three men were executed
dia and popular culture. The most recent example for their faith. Peter and James were martyred
of this is the popular book (and subsequent movie) – Peter by crucifixion, and possibly (according to
The Da Vinci Code, where the author claims some early Church father Origen) upside down. Paul
Gospels were included and others excluded to suit was beheaded, a lesser punishment than the oth-
the Church’s purpose. According to the author, er men courtesy of his Roman citizenship.
this occurred at the Council of Nicaea. However,
there is no historical evidence that the canon was So why all these details about the lives of the New
discussed at the Council – even among secular Testament authors? Because an examination of
historians – and that’s one fact the critics cannot their lives shows that they had very little to gain
argue with. and everything to lose if they were purporting a
lie. Sure, perhaps they could have fabricated some
But what about the claim that the Gos- accounts of Jesus to bolster their own popularity,
pel authors purposefully wrote their but once the Church began enduring persecution
and they faced execution, doesn’t reasoning tell us
gospels to promote an agenda and make
they should have recanted?
Christ who they wanted Him to be?
No, these men lived and died for their beliefs
One must examine the Gospel authors and use because their beliefs were the truth. What did
deductive reasoning to see if this is a plausible the Gospel writers have to gain by lying? Would
argument. 1, is the author influential enough to James, a family member of Jesus and one who
need a reason to lie; and 2, would the author have would have grown up with Him and known Him
anything to gain by lying? Matthew (a.k.a. Levi) well, have died if the accounts of Jesus were not
was a tax-collector, a man detested within society. true? Would Peter and Paul endured prison sen-
Mark (a.k.a. John Mark) was a close friend of Pe- tences and execution for a lie? They would not,
ter, and only a teenager during the time of Jesus’ and their lives are a testament to the commitment
ministry. Luke was Paul’s physician, and as a and conviction of their beliefs, which, through
physician, possibly the only one with any clout in their writings, would ultimately become our be-
society. John was a fisherman. These men were liefs, too.
not scribes, religious leaders, or politicians. They
were, for lack of a better word, common.
Then what about the Old Testament?
However, the fact that they were common could Because if the Bible has been changed,
be a potential reason for them to lie. So one must and it wasn’t the New Testament that
also look at what they gained from their beliefs was changed, then it had to be the Old,
and subsequent writings. right?
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Jews, as you probably know, are the original fa-
thers of our faith. They walked with Moses in the Coming up next month, we begin our own “Council
desert. They lived under Saul, David, and Solo- of Nicaea” as we study the divinity of Jesus. Who
mon. They were persecuted, exiled, and reconciled did Jesus claim to be? Rather than study what oth-
to God as a nation. They faced a huge decision ers have said about Him, we’re going straight to our
about 2000 years ago: is this man from Galilee re- Lord’s words and see exactly what Jesus believed
ally our intended Savior? Those that said yes to about Himself. It’s an exciting study of our Savior,
the question were the founders of our faith. Those and I hope and pray it will draw you closer to Him
who said no continued the race of God’s people still as you revel in the beauty of His character and na-
searching for a Savior. ture. for lack of a better word, common.
The nation of Israel is eagerly awaiting their Sav- I’d like to leave you with a few ques-
ior. Each day they spend time in synagogues and tions to ponder:
prayer in homes to study Scripture and await God’s
promised Messiah. Unfortunately, they do not see 1. Which translation of the Bible do you
Jesus as anything more than a great prophet, cer- read? Do you agree or disagree with reading
tainly not the Messiah. Here is how they are the more than one translation and why?
biggest defender of our Old Testament.
The Jewish Bible, called the Tanakh, is the exact 2. Has this study affected your faith in any
same work as our Old Testament. We use the same way? Do you feel stronger knowing the facts
ancient manuscripts to get our Old Testament as of the Bible, or do you feel the same?
they use for the Tanakh. Therefore we can deduce
that there is no way our Old Testament has been 3. What is the biggest challenge you find to
changed, because the Jews would not allow their sharing your faith with another person? What
Tanakh to be changed to prove that Jesus is the are you most and least comfortable with?
Messiah. They are still waiting on their Messi-
ah, and they are claiming the same prophecies we 4. Do you feel God leading you to minister to
claim for Jesus. for lack of a better word, common. a particular person or people group? How are
you going/will you go about pursuing this?
Some argue that since the Masoretic Text was
compiled over 1,000 years after the life of Christ, 5. Has the knowledge you have gained from
it’s entirely possible it was changed over those this study made you more or less comfortable
years to point to Jesus. However, this argument with sharing your faith with others?
falls flat with a simple observation of the fact that
the Tanakh is also derived from the Masoretic 6. Is there anything you feel is holding you
Text, and, again, the Jews would not allow their back from boldly proclaiming your faith to
holy Scriptures to be changed to make Jesus the others?
Messiah.
7. What other areas of Christian beliefs and
All of our books in the Old Testament are in the doctrine do you feel is important to study in
Tanakh, including those brimming over with Je- order to be more prepared to share your faith?
sus prophecies, such as Isaiah. Plain and simple,
the Bible has not been changed. Too many reli- Lord God, we thank you for providing such incred-
gions are at stake. God’s Word is the same today ible resources to allow us a glimpse into the past. You
certainly do not owe us anything and we accept Your
as it was yesterday and 2,000-3,000 years ago.
Word with no questions, but we are deeply grateful for
the remnants You have left us to prove Your glory to an
Footnotes: unbelieving world. Please continue to strengthen our
1. Some information taken from Christian Apologetics Re- hearts and minds and our walks so that we may con-
source Ministry (www.carm.org) stantly be prepared to share our amazing hope in You
2. Strobel, Lee. The Case for Christ. Pg. 22-23. with anyone who will listen. Thank you for giving us
the awesome calling of serving as a light for You. In
Jesus Name, Amen.
Written by Tara Guy
Second Chance
My life is over. Ending. Cursed me for my fruitless womb. Berated
me and stripped any pride of femininity from
I’ve been caught. me. I was worthless. A waste of a wife. A
waste of a life.
The chill of the morning air seeps through my
thin linen shift, and I find myself longing for He took to staying away from the house. I
a warm robe, left carelessly behind in a swift know he visited other women. I know the
exodus of discovery. pressure he was under. I know he needed
a child, if for nothing more than to boost his
Remembering the robe brings his face to own image among his fellow man.
mind. How he just watched as they took me
away.
I couldn’t fathom why Amon had given up on
How moments before I was ensconced in me. Sure, we’d spent five years waiting for
his arms, not feeling, knowing, or breath- a child. But I was nowhere near being out of
ing anything but him – only to have him sit my fruitful years.
there and watch, cold and unfeeling, as they
dragged me away in my shame. At first I cried and screamed and beat my
fists against the walls and his chest, till a
Our shame. It takes two. It always takes well-aimed slap silenced my wailing and
two. stilled my arms.
And yet I sit here, shivering in the chill – I discovered I couldn’t allow myself to care
hands bound, rags stuffed in my mouth, feet anymore. To care, to hope – that only
chained – and I am alone. brought more pain.
My captor lounges in a chair, whittling a So I closed Amon off. And in doing so, I
gnarled stick with a small knife drawn from closed myself off.
his belt. He looks up at me and smiles. “A
pity. You are a beautiful thing.” Until he came into the picture.
I try to retort but the gag silences my voice, Adonikam. Beautiful, kind, strong Adonikam.
so I am left to only glare at him.
I first met him at the market. He stood un-
He chuckles and looks out across the hills in der the shaded stall, selling the fruits of his
the direction of the Mount of Olives. “Don’t labor in the soil. Unlike the other vendors,
worry,” he said, returning to his knife and he didn’t screech and accost. He sat back,
wood. “It will all be over soon.” surveying the crowds with his dark eyes, and
treating each customer as though they were
As the sun creeps into the sky, temple work- his only care in the world.
ers bring up stark-white stones and stack
them in the outer courtyard. I picked up some grapes, inhaling their heady
scent. The fruit was firm beneath my fingers.
*** He reached across the wooden crates and
It was foolish of me. I knew it from the be- plucked a plump orb from the stem. “Try
ginning. one,” he said softly. “They are the best
grapes you’ve ever tried.”
I was lonely. Hurt. My husband Amon, for
all his promises in the beginning, had all but
abandoned me.
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I took the fruit from him and slipped it into Pressing too deep, perhaps, but I was in no
my mouth. My cheeks stung as the sweet state of mind to fight his questions off. For
juice burst forth from the soft pulp and taut the first time since my betrothal, I was en-
skin. I caught myself wanting more. “That joying the positive attention of a young, vir-
is the best grape I’ve ever tasted.” ile man. Our talks grew longer, our laughter
louder and deeper. I would help him pack
I spent all my market money on grapes that away his wares at the end of the day. Some-
day. I worried what my husband would say, times our shoulders would brush during the
wanting to know why I had been wasteful. work, and I would find myself surprised by
But he never came home that evening. the bumps rising on my arms.
I sat on our steps, a pile of sweet grapes in I spent every penny to my name at his mar-
my lap, watching the sunset and trying to ket stand. Amon was rarely ever home, and
fight off the image of the gentle vendor that I had no trouble sustaining on fruits, veg-
popped into my mind with each bite. etables, and dreams.
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My mouth aches from the rags they have “This woman,” the temple leader announces
jammed into my throat and between my loudly, loud enough for all the people in the
teeth. My tongue feels like the thick fleece temple court to hear, “was caught in act of
shorn from a sheep’s back. My eyes dart ner- adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us
vously around, surveying the courtyard, try- to stone her. Now what do You say?”
ing to look anywhere but at the pile of stones At his words, my heart freezes within my
stacked so neatly at the edge of the gate. chest. All around me I hear gasps and whis-
A small crowd has gathered in a corner by pered chatter, and my cheeks burn with
the seating benches – stragglers, no doubt, shame.
leftover from the feasts. Some sit, others
squat, some stand, and some even kneel. All This is it. My death approaches, and I am
seem to be listening to one man seated on powerless to do anything to stop it.
one of the stone benches.
***
“This way,” the temple leader snaps, and the
guard jerks me in the direction of the crowd. The door swung open and Adonikam’s face lit
They march me over to the crowd. I catch up. “You came!” He stepped aside. “Come
snippets of the teaching – something on the in, come in. I have so much to show you!”
proper way to pray. I feel a stab of guilt for I stepped over the threshold, my niggling
interrupting such a serene party. Especially conscience protesting softly in the back of
under such sordid circumstances. my mind.
A handful of other temple leaders join our Adonikam had long since stopped charging
group – priests, Pharisees, and teachers of me for fruits and vegetables. Every day I
the Law. So this is what a trial is like. would go to the market, help him set up his
cart, and help customers all day. Each eve-
“Master.” The temple leader who called me ning I went home with a sack full of produce
from the chamber steps forward. There is and a heart heavy with infatuation.
no respect in the name; rather, it drips of
sarcasm and disdain. This haughty man rec- He grasped my hand, so familiar and com-
ognizes no master, and he mocks the teacher fortable now, and led me out behind his
openly. one-room home. He gestured proudly to
the ebony soil with the vibrant green shoots
The teacher stops preaching and looks up, a sprouting up from the earth. “This just might
sheen of irritation in His eyes. Heads swivel be my best harvest yet.” He beamed.
around to us as His listeners turn to discover
the interruption. I smiled and winced, feeling my cheek sting.
He turned my face to see a purple bruise
The temple leader grabs a handful of my hair blossoming under my eye. “Amon decided
and yanks me forward until I stand right be- to come home last night, and I didn’t have
fore the seated teacher. Tears of pain and dinner ready.” I shrugged my shoulders, de-
humiliation sting my eyes. I close them feated.
tightly, unable to stand the many pairs of cu-
rious eyes surveying me.
Adonikam cupped my face. “He is a devil.” The teacher gets to His feet, and I real-
He leaned in and gently pressed his lips to ize who He is. He is well-known, for He is
my bruised cheek. He stood so close, and a healer and a miracle worker. Some even
I inhaled his beautiful scent of earth and declare Him as God.
sweat. My arms involuntarily went around
his waist. His fingers slipped from my face His name is Jesus, and His eyes search me as
into my hair, and the back of my neck tickled though he knows my innermost thoughts.
as he loosened the pins and drew his fingers
through my curls. Fury rises within me at the temple leaders.
Why did they have to bring me here? Why
His eyes met mine, and I saw my ache and make me stand in front of this pious, conse-
longing echoed in his own. He lowered his crated man? Just to further humiliate me?
mouth and kissed me. Hungrily, passionate- Why not take me out and execute me and
ly, like a starving man set before a sumptu- be done with it?
ous feast.
Bitterness grows out of my anger, and I find
My last shred of conscience cried out, vio- myself thinking about Adonikam, hating
lated, even as I melted into him. “No,” I him. Where is he? Why is he not standing
rasped, pushing myself away even though I here beside me, bound and gagged, endur-
wanted nothing more than to be possessed ing the scorn and shame? Why is it only
by him again. “We can’t. I’m married. We’ll me?
get caught.” I swallowed, trying to erase the
memory of his eyes, the taste of his kiss. My eyes shift back to the stones, and a chill
“They’ll kill us.” breaks out down my arms. They are so
perfectly round and smooth. So clean, only
He grinned, the same fabulous, lopsided grin to be stained with blood and flesh.
that always swept me away from reality and
morality. “Look around you. We are miles And then it hits me. Now I am no scholar,
from the nearest person. Who is going to but words of the Law come back to me as
catch us?” He came to me, kissing me again I stare at the towering pile of stones. The
as his fingers raked through my hair. “Be- Law only requires virgins to be stoned, not
sides, I don’t care,” he said huskily. “I love married women. Married women only had
you, and I don’t care. But you needn’t wor- to be put to death – and their lover with
ry. I’m good at keeping secrets.” He kissed them. So why the pretension with the
me again, as though to drive his point home. stones? And why not drag Adonikam with
“No one is ever going to know.” me?
Seduced by his logic and his love, I relented In their effort to so piously uphold the Law,
and turned myself over into his arms, not the leaders seem to be disregarding quite a
even stopping to think that, as providence few points of it.
would have it, someone knew already.
***
This was not our first time, though it was the
I struggle against my gag, wanting to ask
most passionate, as we have grown more
about the exact wording of the Law, but no
and more comfortable with each other and
noise escapes my lips. I look back to Jesus,
less and less concerned about discovery. We
my eyes pleading and begging for His inter-
lay together on his floor under a thick woven
vention. Surely a man of His position knows
blanket, the stars twinkling outside his open
the Law and will help me.
window.
Jesus studies the temple leader carefully for
I had stopped coming home in the evenings
a minute. The man smirks back, one eye-
too. I could not remember the last time I’d
brow cocked in confident arrogance. It is
seen my husband. I would steal away to
clear from his tone the temple leader did not
Adonikam’s every chance I got.
ask to gain further knowledge. He asked
with the smugness of one defiantly needing
“What are you thinking about?” he asked,
to prove they are correct.
kissing my bare shoulder.
At this, Jesus breaks his gaze and stoops to
I rolled over to face him. “How perfect this
crouch on the ground. He begins to write in
is. How much I love you.” I tweaked his
the dust. My captor holds tightly to me, so
nose with my fingers. “How I’ve never been
I cannot lean over to read His words. I feel
happier.”
relief flooding my bones. He must be writ-
ing out the Law, so they realize what they
Outside a twig snapped nearby, the sound
are doing. The Pharisees all lean around Him,
carrying in through the open window. Adoni-
reading the tracings of His finger. I wish I
kam sat up, brow furrowed. “Did you hear
could see the words, but as if reading my
that?”
mind, my captor jerks me back slightly.
I laughed. “It was probably an animal. Lie
But somehow… I know. I know He’s going
back down!” I grasped at his bare back and
to do what’s right. Funny how much relief I
pulled him down, to me. Hungry, I covered
find, even though I know I will still be con-
his face with my kisses.
demned to death.
We gave in again to our passion. So con-
It is just nice to have someone on my side.
sumed were we with each other neither one
Jesus stops writing and stands quickly. A
of us heard the rustling out the window.
large crowd has gathered around us, every
But we heard when the front door was bro-
person coming into the Temple courts want-
ken down.
ing to know what is going on.
I cried out as five men burst into the room,
Then He begins to speak.
swords drawn and lamps swinging. “You!”
the shorter one in the front snapped, point-
***
ing a finger directly at me.
I laid beside him in the dark, spent from
One of the men came forward, grabbed
passion and satiated with love. He stroked
Adonikam by the shoulders and tossed him
my hair softly and whispered to me, words
to the floor, leaving me exposed and morti-
my heart ached for. Like some sort of drug,
fied. I grasped for a blanket to cover my-
I took my fill and was left always wanting
self, my pulse racing. “You harlot!” the short
more.
man spat. “Get her something to wear!” he
barked.
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I grabbed blindly for the linen under-
dress that had been cast aside. Yanking it I watch as a few elderly men nod to each
over my head, I cried out in pain as I was other and separate from the crowd, head-
dragged roughly to my feet. The short man ing out of the Temple courtyard. More fol-
stepped over and looked me in the eyes. low, most of them aged, though a handful
“You’re coming with us. Say goodbye to of young men go out as well. Slowly more
your lover.” He spun on his heel. and more people trickle away, until the only
people left are a man with his face covered
“NO!” I cried out, turning for Adonikam. I by a head wrap and the group of Pharisees.
reached out, trying to grab some part of I stare at the man in the head wrap, sens-
him, wanting him to stop them as they ing something familiar about him. His
moved towards the door. “Please! Don’t let fists make balls at his sides, his knuckles
them take me!” as white as the abandoned stone pile. He
stares back at me for a very long time, and
But when I looked in his eyes, I saw noth- I suddenly feel conscious again of my thin
ing. No fire, no love, no longing, no fear. wrap. He shakes his head sadly, shoulders
He sat and watched as they carried me shaking, and departs from the Temple court.
away, a blanket puddled around his lap – The Pharisees alone remain. One stud-
the last fleeting reminder of a fool’s infatua- ies Jesus critically, his brow furrowed in
tion. thought. Sighing heavily, he turns and
walks out of the Temple courts. One other
*** grabs his sleeve to stop him, but he shakes
the man off and keeps walking. Slowly, re-
A hush settles over the crowd. They all signed, they one by one leave the courts.
wait eagerly to hear what He is going to The silence is deafening. I cannot look Je-
say. The Pharisees stand clumped together, sus in the eyes. I have no idea what exact-
watching Him with beady, suspicious eyes. ly just happened, and I am almost scared to
“If any of you is without sin, let him be move forward.
the first to throw a stone at her.” He looks
around for a moment, then crouches again, Gently, He reaches over and pulls the strips
and continues writing in the dirt. of rags from my mouth. Saliva flushes over
my tongue and I work my cheeks, trying to
What?!?!? My brain races. What in the world is restore moisture to my mouth.
He doing? He’s giving them permission to stone me?
But what about the Law?!? “Woman,” He says, gently but firmly, “where
are they? Has no one condemned you?”
The crowd begins to mutter again. The I look around at the empty courtyard.
tight-knit group of Pharisees and Law teach- Shaking my head in awe, I rasp, “No one,
ers turn into themselves, whispering vio- sir.”
lently. The crowd, which moments ago had
seemed to swell with judgment, now ebbs “Then neither do I condemn you,” He de-
like the vanishing tide. clares, His voice radiating with authority.
“Go now, and leave your life of sin.”
I nod, and, clutching my thin wrap closer
around my body, hurry out of the courtyard
and down the steps.
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I’ve been given a second chance.
***
Because of Him. He who came not to abolish
I still can’t believe I’m walking, thinking, the Law, but to fulfill it.
breathing. I cannot believe I am more than
just a pile of bones beneath the crushing He orchestrated my pardon. My second chance.
weight of stones.
I remember His words clearly – they will be
As I make my way through the streets, head- etched in my brain forever. “Then neither
ing to a familiar place, thankful I know the do I condemn you either. Go now and leave
steps and don’t have to focus on them. My your life of sin.”
mind whirs in a blur as I try to piece together
what has just happened to me. I stagger to my feet, tears pouring down my
face. I know what I have to do.
By all accounts, I should be dead. And yet,
He stepped in and saved me.
***
I should be elated. I should be overjoyed.
But something still isn’t setting right in the The door to my home is open, and I enter
back of my mind. cautiously. I wonder, has Amon completely
abandoned our home, our life?
At first I had wanted Him to quote the Law.
To set the hypocritical leaders in their place. No less than I have done.
Even if it still meant death for me, I wanted
them humiliated. I hear noises in the corner and turn. Amon
sits slumped against the wall, his hair mussed,
But He didn’t. And in His odd discourse, I a clay cup of wine in his hand and several
wanted justification. I wanted Him to explain empty wineskins on the floor. A cloth lies
that what I had done wasn’t really that aw- discarded near his feet. I study the cloth,
ful, that the Law had loopholes for women feeling a strange sense of recognition. Then
emotionally and physically abused by their my eyes move to Amon.I stand before him,
unfaithful husbands. ashamed I am still wearing the very robe I
wore as I left my lover. Amon’s swollen red
But He didn’t do that either. eyes study me. I cannot tell if they are red
from drink or from tears.
He didn’t stone me. But He didn’t justify my
actions either. A heaviness settles over me, and I realize
that in his brutality Amon could finish what
The punishment still stands. He just pardoned Jesus prevented the Pharisees from starting.
me. My voice catches in my throat.
The magnitude of the morning’s events hits A voice speaks to me, sweetly, to my very
me like a tidal wave, and I sink to my knees spirit. “From those who have been given much, much
in the street. will be required.”
I have received the pardon. Now I must ask for
His own unfaithfulness with other women,
the forgiveness.
trying to make a child to restore him to
masculine dignity. How long he knew of my
“Amon,” I whisper, my voice cracking with
affair with Adonikam. How he knew I sat
emotion. “Amon, I have something I need
with him day by day at the market. How he
to confess to you.” I lowered my eyes in
writhed in jealousy over my defection. How
shame and held out my palms. “I have
he alerted the authorities and religious lead-
sinned greatly against you and against
ers to my sin, to have me and lover put to
God. I have been unfaithful to you, Amon,
death and so end his misery.
both in heart and in body. I have resented
you, held grudges against you, and gave to
“And today–” His voice breaks as a a vio-
another man what should have only been
lent sob overtakes him. “Today, I went to
yours. I did all this because I believed the
the Temple. I helped carry in the stones. I
horrible lie that I deserved something bet-
picked out which one I was going to throw.
ter than you. I have no excuse for my de-
I wanted you punished for what you did.
spicable behavior.” I swallowed thickly, my
My rage against you consumed me. And
throat throbbing in pain. “I can only ask
then I heard Him speak.” He shakes some
that you forgive me.”
tears off his face and slicks back his sweat-
dampened hair. “And I realized as I stood
I kept my eyes down, waiting for his explo-
there, ready to kill you, I deserved the
sion. Waiting for his retribution. Waiting
same thing. I stood for a long time, trying
for… anything.
to reason why I deserved to stand and you
deserved to be punished. No reason came.
Instead, I hear a soft sobbing. I raise my
So I left. And I realized I’m just as con-
eyes to see Amon cupping his face, fat tears
demned as you are.” He lifts his hands to
seeping between his thick fingers.
His face again as the sobs renew.
And suddenly I know why I recognize the
I grasp his wrists, hope blossoming in my
cloth on the floor. Because it was tied around his
chest. “No, Amon, no, you’re not!” Words
head in the Temple courtyard.
begin to spill out of me. I tell him of my
final conversation with Jesus, how He par-
“Amon?” I venture, dropping to my knees in
doned me. Gave me a second chance.
front of him.
“Amon, do we deserve death for the sins
we’ve committed? Yes, a million times
He lunges forward, not to strike, but to em-
over!”
brace, and sobs against my shoulder. “I
forgive you,” he chokes, his nose dribbling
He raises his eyes to mine, and I see the
against my shoulder. “Oh, God, I forgive
flickering flame of hope in their depths.
you. Now I must ask you to forgive me.”
“But Jesus, for whatever reason, chose to-
He sits back against the wall and spills his
day to show us there’s something greater
secrets. How he hated me because I didn’t
than punishment.” I clutch my hand to my
produce a child, how the men who worked
heart, thumping wildly beneath my breast.
with him in the stone quarry harassed him
“He’s shown us grace.”
mercilessly.
Amon smiles for the first time, and I see
glimpses of the young man I fell in love with
and married. “Grace,” he repeats. He shifts
to his knees, facing me and clutching my
hands. “I’ve sinned greatly against you, too
– and God. Do you forgive me?” His eyes
seek reassurance.
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