Kollar 1

Alex Kollar

10 February 2017

494 COMM

Vocational Principles Essay

My Perfectly Imperfect Wheaton Experience

In Spring of 2014, I remember receiving my acceptance letter from Wheaton and

being absolutely overjoyed. Out of all of the schools I applied to, Wheaton had the best

credentials and the highest applicant requirements. Even though I had solid

recommendation letters and had been highly involved in high school, the deferred letter I

received in November had, in my mind, confirmed my fears that I didnt measure up to

Wheatons standards. But there I was, in March, holding the blue Welcome packet,

running into my driveway, crying tears of joy. Its funny looking back on that moment

two years later, remembering how I thought going to Wheaton would solve everything.

After visiting the campus and interacting with some of the students here, I figured that

my spiritual life as well as my professional and academic life would somehow take care

of themselves in this overtly, Christian environment. Simply being in this environment,

my spiritual life would become the strongest it has ever been, and with a Wheaton

College degree I would be able to go anywhere and be ready for anything. At least, thats

what I kept telling myself.

Looking back on it, these desires and expectations stemmed from a deep

insecurity about my choice of college. Besides a few larger Florida state universities, the

only other schools I applied to were primarily art schools. I had always been a creative
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person; my Wheaton application essays even focused on my love for sequential art and

how art is a central part of my spiritual life. For the longest time, I was sure I would

attend an art school. Yet, after visiting Wheaton, I felt called down a different path

instead. Even though I was sure Wheaton was Gods plan for me, there was always a

voice of doubt deep within me: the big, what if, question that all new college students

face. This voice of doubt still continues to haunt me to this day. Although I have worked

hard, overcome academic and emotional challenges, although I have laughed, and cried,

and accomplished amazing things here at Wheaton, the what if question has never gone

away. I dont for a second regret my time here, but my experience has been nothing like I

had originally imagined it would be.

The first class that I took at Wheaton was COMM 201 with Dr. Theon Hill. There,

I was introduced to a study called rhetoric. I remember my high school teachers briefly

mentioning rhetoric in an English class here or there, but I never knew how dynamic this

concept was or how important it was to understanding communication. In the semesters

following, I would be introduced to many more communication techniques and theories,

but for freshman Alex, rhetoric was groundbreaking. That same semester, I was also

enrolled in a rhetorical writing class. Although I had already fulfilled my writing

requirement at a local college back home, the importance of writing college-level, quality

papers was deeply instilled in me from my well educated mother, so I registered. One

might think that the title, rhetorical writing, would cause me to instantly connect the

course to the discussions taking place in my communication course, but it took a while

for freshman Alex to connect the dots. Once the connection was made however, I began
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to realize rhetoric and communication transcended formal speeches and papers to how we

communicate and interact with each other every day.

In that rhetorical writing class, our final project was a narrative paper and

presentation. We were asked to write a personal narrative about an experience or specific

event of change in our life, and provide a set of visuals to assist in telling that story to the

class. I wrote about my grandmothers Alzheimers and how the diagnosis continues to

affect my family. It was an emotional piece, and reading today, as she continues to

decline, touches me in ways I couldnt begin to articulate. The paper specifically talks

about a game that my grandmother and I would play together; we called it the earring

game. It was a kind of matching game where we would use her beautiful collection of

earrings. After writing the paper, I used my digital drawing tablet to illustrate a number of

comic-like panels that reflected certain passages in my essay. As I drew each panel, I felt

myself reconnecting with the person I had written about in my application essays. At that

point in the year, I found myself so buys that I didnt have much time to draw so being

able to incorporate a passion that I love so dearly into my school work felt so right to me.

In sharing my narrative with the class and seeing the reaction of my professor and my

peers to my work, I knew that there was something powerful in what I had created.

Referring to my use of illustrations to tell my narrative, my professor, Dr. Beitler, told

me, I think you have something here. Though not profound, this statement solidified

the foundation that would shape the rest of my Wheaton education: the study of visual

rhetoric.
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In her article, Branded: The Sister Arts of Rhetoric and Design, a piece I would

read about a year and a half later, Dr. Susanna Kelly Engbers claims, rhetoric and design

may be understood and embraced enthusiastically as sister arts, and are by their very

natures interdisciplinary (157). I realize now that this explains why visual rhetoric

clicked so easily in my mind. Curious, and fueled with this newfound direction in my

academic life, I signed up for media production in the spring semester. After meeting Dr.

Park and attending one or two class sessions, I knew I had once again found something

special. Never did I ever imagine that picking up a camera and learning editing software

could feel as natural as holding a pencil or lifting a paintbrush. With the minimal camera

skills I gained through the class, guidance from my professor, and the support of my

friends, I created my first collection of short videos. As my interest in videography grew,

my professor mentioned the BestSemester program in Los Angeles. At the time, it was

only a distant dream, an off-handed comment about a future that I had no clue if I wanted

to pursue. Even so, God had planted a seed.

When I went back home to Florida that summer, I was introduced to a man from

my church working in production. He invited me to try my hand as a production assistant

on a job his company had been contracted for. The next thing I knew, I was on the set of a

national commercial for Cobra Puma Golf featuring Rickie Fowler and Greg Norman for

the PGA World Tour. As my first PA job, it wasnt a bad gig. That summer, I continued

interning with the production company, learning the ins and outs of production. I worked

alongside professionals, gaining hands-on experience in PAing, grip work, editing, and

networking. From these experiences, my eyes were opened to the complexities of

production; I cant watch a movie anymore without analyzing or theorizing how a shot
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was set up, what kind of equipment the grips might have used, or how many panic attacks

the PAs had while on set. I knew I found something in production work. The energy,

stress, and excitement that comes from working on a set crew was unlike anything I had

experienced in a job environment. This was something I knew I wanted to pursue.

Armed with a camera and tripod, I spent the last two years at Wheaton marketing

myself as a freelance videographer and photographer. I began networking with a few

organizations and artists on campus to create personal, academic, and commercial pieces.

From those works I created a portfolio that I used to launch on my own website,

showcasing every aspect of my creative interests and talents. Through my connections I

made in Florida, I also met and began working with a Key Grip from Product

Productions, a company based in Chicago. Ive worked on a few jobs with his crew as a

grip, continuing to orient myself to professional production work.

Even though Wheaton is nothing remotely close to a film school, this whole new

world of production was opened up all because of an obscure media production class I

took freshmen year. It felt like a direct intervention from God, and finding this new

narrative-driven media right after my discovery of visual rhetoric seemed completely

perfect. Even after encountering this newfound art form, there were still times that I

struggled greatly adapting what I had learned to the Wheaton environment.

I remember being on the phone with my mom (it must have been during a

midterms or finals week) and saying, Mom, I dont think this was the right place for me.

I just want to create but Im being pulled in so many directions. How can I focus on

becoming an artist who creates meaningful and passionate work while I constantly have
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to hand in philosophy papers and math assignments? These were the questions that

plagued my mind from day one of my Wheaton journey. Even though I truly did find

merit in the conversations we had in my BITH classes about the importance and

versatility of a Christian liberal arts education, it never abated the frustrating reality that I

would find myself having to write a mathematic report in the place of editing together

stellar footage for a project or working on set for a commercial or music video.

Even when I did find time to pursue my passions, videography, body art, flow

arts, photography, or actual production work, I found myself having to defend them.

Though my friends and family have always been quite supportive of my passions, I

realized more and more that I was in a place, academically, that didnt focus on catering

to the full value of video production. As I continued my journey through Wheaton,

drifting from gen ed to gen ed, longing for the relief of an art class, I found myself

resenting the core values of the school.

In an article entitled, Words the Most Like Things: Iconicity and the Rhetorical

Text, authors Leff and Sachs state, We are reaching the point where the manner of

expression, the generation and use of symbols, has become the substance of our study

[the] basic modes of articulating a worldview (253). This passage led me to question

why I wasnt focusing my time into studying visual communication all the time. Yes, I

know Spanish is a beautiful language, but Id still rather be out in the production work

force than conjugating verbs in a classroom.

Even so, through my BITH classes Ive come to appreciate the orthodox of

Scripture, and my art and communication classes challenged me, as a creator, to further

engage those concepts. God even used classes such and math, foreign language, and
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science to teach me patience and challenge me to cultivate a strong work ethic. But in

reality, my Wheaton experience has been shaped by my constant struggling against Gods

plan. Though it may seem like I completely resent this school for not cultivating practical

production skills, I never actually expected Wheaton to do so. I could never regret

coming to this school. To regret coming to Wheaton would mean turning my back on the

amazing friendships Ive cultivated, the hard lessons Ive learned, and the difficult

challenges Ive overcome.

I would like to say that Wheaton's liberal arts program has completely equipped

me for my field of interest. I want to say that I am completely well rounded and can find

the relevance of theology in every aspect of life. I want to say that I can hold an insightful

conversation about the study of environmental science, seamlessly connecting it to

missionary work, also bringing social justice into the discussion, all the while, speaking

in fluent Spanish, like a proper liberal arts student. If that were the kind of person

Wheaton meant to turn me into, unfortunately, I wouldn't pass the test. I can say,

however, that the terrified, insecure freshmen sitting in BITH 111 seminar has indeed in

ways both intellectually and emotionally grown.

In his lifeboat game illustration, Miller would claim that Jesus would want me

to take every opportunity to fail in the lifeboat game, not for the sake of failing, but

because there wasnt anything to win in the first place (120), meaning, this life isnt

about who I am or what I can bring to the table, but rather, what Christ can accomplish

through me. So it doesnt really matter that I may not be the perfect, liberal arts,

Renaissance woman.
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As I prepare to move on to the next stage in my life, to a place where I can truly

dive into the world of media production, I will not go unprepared. My Wheaton

experience has taught me more about life than I ever thought it would: what it means to

be a good friend, a sister in Christ, a roommate, and a servant of the Kingdom. In our

reading, C.S Lewis comments, I believe our cause to be, as human causes go, very

righteous, and I therefore believe it to be duty to participate in this war (47), for me

translates into a charge to engage with fields, including the world of production, to spread

the Truth and light of Christ. That is what I am prepared to do, that is the banner I am

prepared to wave.
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Works Cited

Engbers, Susanna Kelly. Branded: The Sister Arts of Rhetoric and Design, Art, Design

& Communication in Higher Education, vol. 12, no. 2, 2013, pp. 149-158.

Leff, Micheal and Andrew Sachs. Words the Most Like Things: Iconicity and the

Rhetorical Text. Western Journal of Speech Communication, vol. 54, 1990, pp.

252-273.

Lewis, C.S. The Weight of Glory and Other Addresses, The Macmillan Company, New

York, 1949, pp. 42-55.

Miller, Donald. Searching for God Knows What, Nelson, 2004.