ANY WOMAN,ANYWHERE find that one, quality woman.
Either way, it is ESSENTIAL to be
By Kevin Bates
TP.BZ Special edited by epic2sk8
How To Make This Book Transform Your Success WithWomen
Tons of work has gone into creating and marketing what you are
about to read. This book was developed to be the most effective
tool on the planet to teach you the ability to approach any woman,
anywhere, and in many cases have your next meeting with her set
up by the end of the conversation.Some of you might be thinking,
Oh, I ALREADY know how to do that.Really?
If you do it means you already have as a DAILY HABIT starting
conversations with women, suggesting dates, and having a good
percentage of them say yes. When I say daily habit, I mean that
you probably already do this on average a couple of times each day
simply as part of your regular life.Its a natural element of who you
are.
IF this is you, do yourself a favor and read my bonus ebooklets on
attraction and getting physical before you come back and read this
book.For guys who are ALREADY getting a fair amount of dates, the
ebooklets have information thats more pertinent to your current
skill level. They outline critical steps in building attraction and
taking things physical.But the VAST MAJORITY OF YOU are in the
right place.So here are two pieces of advice on how to get the most
out of this book:
Piece of Advice #1: Dont think you already know this stuff.Some of
you will read a little bit of the book, skim a few sections and think
"oh, I've heard this before.Wrong.Because part of what separates
this book from others is that it provides you with SPECIFIC DAILY
HABITS that'll really make a significant difference in your success
with women.Knowing something, and doing it CONSISTENTLY
ENOUGH TO GET RESULTS, are two different things.
There was a famous college basketball coach who was famous for
drilling the fundamentals over and over again. His players
would complain, "Teach us something neeeewwwww!But he
wouldnt budge.And because of his focus on the fundamentals
he became one of the most successful and respected collegiate
basketball coaches in history.Dont worry, you WILL learn lots of
cool new strategies inside. You will also learn precisely what the
fundamentals are to approaching women successfully. Because
until youve mastered the fundamentals, youre wasting your
time if you are looking for new information.
Piece of Advice #2: Take Action.You may have already heard the
statistic:Four out of five people who read this or any other book on
personal development will not take even one new action after all
the reading they do. And most wont even get past the first
chapter.Talk about a complete waste of timeDo not let this
happen to you.Why do most guys read and read and read about
success with women, but take very little or no action?
Because reading is more COMFORTABLE than trying out new
behaviors with women in the real world.Thats the bottom line.
And heres the kicker: its true.But the part that these guys are
missing is that after you do the uncomfortable thing and start a
conversation with a woman youre attracted to, suggest a date, or
do any of the other hundreds of things with women that can be
uncomfortable, you are usually REWARDED with more confidence.
And get this
Many times youll get this great boost of confidence EVEN IF the
new behavior youre trying doesnt work out.I cant tell you how
many guys report the INTENSE RUSH OF CONFIDENCE of finally
being able to express their interest in attractive women,
REGARDLESS of whether or not they get a number on their first
attempt.Reading a book, even the best book in the world, will
NEVER give you this great FEELING.But TAKING ACTION does.
If youre the typical type of guy who reads far more than he acts,
heres a bit of advice:Limit yourself to only reading one or two
chapters a day. Then go out and apply at least one new idea that
youve learned. If you dont do this, youre probably reading and
thinking too much, and taking too little action.For you to get value
from the experience of reading this book, you must be trying out
NEW BEHAVIORS.Thats the bottom line. So make a commitment
now to do some new things out of your comfort zone.
Youll thank me later.
CHAPTER 1:Everything Is About To Change For You
The Objective Of This Book, For Players And Non-Players Alike
Lets skip all the B.S. and get right to it.This book was developed to
be the most effective tool on the planet to teach you to approach
any woman, anywhere, connect with her in a mature way, and in
many cases walk away with her number in just a few
minutes.Because everything, EVERYTHING about your success with
women is dependent on you MEETING them without this skill,
you're dead in the water.And it doesnt matter whether your goal is
to become a player and date lots of women simultaneously, or to
able to approach, at will, women you are attracted to and arrange
to see them again.Because regardless of your goals, if youre not
MEETING the women who interest you, then you are nowhere.It
doesn't matter how good looking you are. It doesn't matter how
great of a guy you are. It doesnt matter how funny you are.
It doesnt matter how much money you have.And it doesnt matter
how great of a kisser or lover you are.If youre getting tripped up
right here, at the starting line, you will not have the success with
women you are capable of. Period.And let me share something
with you:I conducted a study of one thousand single men and
found that more than 80% of them ask out fewer than three
women per week. And more than60% of them approach NO
WOMEN AT ALL.
If you doubt these numbers, just look around. Go to your local
restaurant, shopping mall, or coffee shop and look at how many
guys notice attractive women. Now compare this number to how
many of these guys actually go up and start conversations with
them. Youll find very, very few guys do this. And even fewer have
the skills to do it SUCCESSFULLY.What this means is:
The majority of men do not have THE MOST IMPORTANT SKILL
when it comes to being successful with women, and that is:
MEETING them without an introduction, starting a conversation,
and letting them know you a e interestered in a way that gives you
a good chance of walking away with a number or a date.
What Exactly Are We Talking About
Broken down, the ability to approach a woman and walk away with
a phone number is actually three separate skills:
SKILL 1:The ability to get yourself to walk up to a woman and say
something. (OPENING)
SKILL 2:The ability to suggest another meeting or ask for her
number. ( THE CLOSE ATTEMPT)
SKILL 3:The ability to have a woman actually say yes to your
attempt to close. (CLOSING SUCCESSFULLY)
Skills 1 & 2 arent about technique. Theyre about learning to
overcome your natural hesitation to a) start a conversation with a
woman and b) ask for her number before one of you leaves.
Skill 3 is different. Its not so much about overcoming fear. It IS
about technique. Its about developing the skill of closing
effectively.By putting into practice the ideas youre about to learn,
youll be taking more action and having more success with women
than youve ever had before and using strategies that 90% of
guys out there simply dont know about.Oh, and by the way, the
fact that youll be taking ANY action at all will give you an
advantage over 90% of guys out there, regardless of how good
looking, rich, or powerful they may be.
Theres Nothing Wrong With You For Not Approaching Women
Your natural hesitation to approach women you're interested in
is not a psychological problem. Its an educational one.Lots of
guys feel that theres something wrong with them since they either
cant start conversations with women theyre attracted to, or
if they do start conversations they dont have the nerve to ask
the women out, or if they do ask the women out, they say no.
But theres nothing wrong with these guys at all.
Because the issue is not psychological. Its simply about learning a
couple of skills that most guys havent developed yet.And the great
news is that these skills can be learned. Thats why this ebook is
here.Learning to approach women is like learning a new sport. At
the beginning youre probably going to suck. But do you get down
on yourself for being bad at the beginning?Hopefully not. Hopefully
you realize that EVERYBODY sucks at a sport they havent learned
yet. Its NATURAL to suck at the beginning.
With practice and the right coaching, you will develop your skills
day by day. Pretty soon you wont suck any more. Pretty soon,
your level of skill will surprise you.Theres nothing different
between you and guys who can successfully approach women,
except a set of skills that at some point have to be learned.
Of course, a few guys are blessed with really good looks. And yes,
some guys have the life of the party personality. And some
cocky guys have a natural confidence that some women are
attracted to.But weve all seen attractive women with guys who
werent so attractive, and who dont have amazing personalities.
How did these guys get them?Part of the answer is they were in
action. They were being proactive about their situation. And
being proactive starts with approaching women in an effective way.
Thats what youre about to learn.
Homework Assignment #1: Start Noticing Attractive Women
Ive said before this book is about taking action. Heres your first
homework assignment, and its really easy:Start to notice how
many attractive women you see each day. As you go about your
daily business, count in your head each one you see. At the end
of each day for the next 2 days, make a mental note of it or write
the number down on a piece of paper (ideally one you keep on your
bed so you remember to do it before you go to sleep).
I want you to start noticing how many opportunities there are to
approach attractive women.Because the first step in utilizing these
opportunities is realizing just how many there are. Thats the
reason for this assignment.Most guys who complain they dont see
many attractive women in their area are surprised by how many
they see once they put out the effort to actually look.So do it.
CHAPTER 2:Fear and Excuses: Two Obstacles To Your Success
The ability to approach any woman you might see, connect with
her, and in many cases leave with her phone number, is a
POWERFUL skill to have.Once you master this skill, ANY and EVERY
woman that comes into your field of vision is a potential date.
Every day, wherever you are, you might see women you wouldnt
mind dating. Having the skill to approach them can TRANSFORM
your dating life. It can fill your dating calendar.This is without even
going to bars or clubs.And having this skill FEELS GREAT!
Imagine seeing a woman in some random place: you feel some
nervousness but approach her anyway. She soon begins to smile,
and after a short conversation you walk away with her
numberwhile other guys watching the interaction WISH they were
you.This just feels REALLY good. You walk a bit taller for the rest
of the day. Although very few guys do this, most who have full
dating calendars DO. And you can be one of them.
A Typical Situation
As I said before, next time youre at a busy normal place, NOT a
pick-up place like a bar, look for a beautiful woman. Notice how
many other guys also notice her. Probably quite a few.Now
compare this to how many guys actually go up to her and
start a conversation.Very few guys will approach a random
attractive woman. Some will; but many, MANY more wont.
Granted, some of the guys who dont approach are in relationships
already.But in the U.S. alone there are 40 million single males
above the age of 18. So in any situation with a random attractive
woman, theres likely to be a bunch of males who ARE single.
My studies indicate that fewer than 20% of single males feel they
can approach a random attractive woman theyre interested in and
ask for her number.The other 80% just look, or gawk. By the
way, the Oxford Dictionary definesgawking as staring stupidly.
I have to agree.And if theyre not staring stupidly, then theyre
having friendly conversations with them.
Now, on the surface, this doesnt make sense. Shouldnt it be
NATURAL for single heterosexual males to express interest in
attractive females?Well, thats simply not the case. Go out in the
real word and observe the behavior of most guys.
Why Most Guys DONT Approach Women
So whats going on here?Two things primarily: fear and
shame.When YOU, the single guy reading this page right now,
decide not to approach a cute woman you see, youre probably
allowing fear or shame to make this decision for you.And regaining
your mastery over these two powerful emotions can transform your
success with women.I want you to STOP being one of those guys
that only GAWK at beautiful women as they walk by.
I want you to START being one of those few guys that TALK to
beautiful women, connect with them, and walk away with some of
their numbers.You might be thinking, Yeah, right. Easier said than
done.And youre right. It isnt easy. But it IS simple. The hardest
part isnt what you say; its overcoming your fear or shame and
deciding to take action, ANY ACTION, at all.This is part of why
focusing on learning the latest pick-up lines is a waste of time.
Because its not so much what you say, but that you have the
confidence to walk up to a woman and say ANYTHING AT ALL,
thats the challenge for most of you.
Let's Look At Your Unique Situation
Take a moment to think about your situation for a second. Try to
remember the last 10 attractive women youve seen. They could
have been wherever: at your local restaurant, at the gas station,
book store, etc.Its okay if you cant remember every last one. Just
give an estimate:Out of the last 10 attractive women youve seen,
about how many have you spoken with?Don't read on until you
have a number in your head.If you havent approached at least 5 of
the last 10 attractive women youve seen, a challenge for you is
approaching (walking up to) more women.I know, I knowsome of
you arent looking to become players. Some guys want the skills to
just meet that one great woman.If thats you, fine. Just realize
that the odds are very low that youll be able to successfully start a
conversation and suggest a date with that one amazing woman if
you havent been practicing starting conversations and suggesting
dates with other women.
Its like never practicing a sport, and then thinking when game time
comes that all of a sudden youll have the skills.And if you are one
of the few guys that already speaks to lots of women, here's a
question for you:Out of the last 10 attractive women youve spoken
to, how many did you ask for their number or suggest getting
together again?Think about it.
If your answer is less than 5, you have room to improve with this
skill as well.And that's okay. 90% of all men do.
Practice Is One Key To Your Success
It's a well known fact that confidence is one of the traits
that women find universally attractive.There's many different
ways to develop your confidence. One of the surest ways is to
develop skill in the area where you lack confidence.And how do you
build skill?You PRACTICE.Practice leads to skill.Skill leads to
confidence. Confidence leads to women. Got it?All of this depends
on your willingness to practice approaching women. And you want
to know the secret of taking the action to practice?Making a habit
of not listening to your EXCUSES for not approaching.So first, lets
identify what your specific excuses are. That way when they come
up, youll recognize them as just what they are: excuses. And you
wont be tricked into listening to them any longer.
Which Are YOUR Excuses?
I want you to remember a time when you were considering going
up to an attractive woman you saw somewhere. If you cant
remember a time, then imagine a place in the next 24 hours where
you might see an attractive woman. Could be at a restaurant, mall,
at workwherever.Now, you can REALLY GO to a place where
its likely youll see an attractive woman, WHILE YOURE DOING
THIS EXERCISE. Itll make it that much more powerful. You
wont have to imagine seeing an attractive woman, because youll
actually be seeing one. But if you cant go to such a place right
now, no problem; just use your imagination.
So remember, or imagine, seeing that attractive woman, in that
place. Now imagine you are deciding whether or not to go up to
her and say something and eventually ask for her number.Im
serious. Here you are. There she is. And now you are deciding
whether to go up to and talk with this complete stranger, who is
very attractive.Now, imagine what it would feel like to really be
considering doing this.How would you feel in your body?
Might your heart be beating a bit faster? Maybe you could actually
feel it in your chest.Might your breath become a bit more difficult?
Might your hands get a bit sweaty?Could there be more tension in
your body?HERES THE IMPORTANT QUESTION: What THOUGHTS
would most likely be going through your head at this instant?
In other words, what would your brain be telling you at this instant
when you are seriously considering going up to that attractive
woman youve never met before?
WRITE DOWN these thoughts now. Dont look at the next page
until you have. Okay. What you wrote down are the excuses (or
rationalizations) your brain uses, and will use again, to keep you
from approaching women. In a moment were going to look at the
specific excuses you probably have and see if they really make
sense. But before we do that its important for you to
know WHY youre rationalizing in the first place.
Let me explain.
Why Are Your Excuses There?
Part of the brains function is to keep you safe. To keep you alive
so you can pass on your genes. And that has always been a
primary function of the emotion of FEAR.It's a survival mechanism.
For example, its a good thing that we fear jumping off a cliff,
otherwise we might do it just for fun, but then wed be dead and
our genes would not be passed on.Its a good thing we fear wild
lions, otherwise we just might go up and try to pet one. Again,
wed be dead and our genes would be dead, too.Its a good thing
we fear a lot of other things that are a threat to our physical safety.
Now, women are not a threat to our PHYSICAL safety. But they for
many men, they are a threat to our EMOTIONAL safety.Why?
Well, consider this:
One possible outcome to approaching a woman is feeling the
feeling of rejection. Rejection sucks. In many cases it hurts just as
bad as a physical injury.Another possible outcome is feeling the
feeling of embarrassment. Again, feeling embarrassed sucks and
hurts like a real physical wound.One more possible outcome of
approaching a woman is feeling like you've done something bad.
While the other two outcomes I just mentioned are fear-based,
this last one is shame-based. You feel ashamed if you approach a
woman and perhaps she reacts by feeling uncomfortable. Or you
feel ashamed if you say something to the woman when you
approach her that violates your own moral guidelines.This feeling
of shame or guilt can be a powerful feeling. So powerful, in fact,
that just the POSSIBILITY of it happening can be enough to prevent
you from taking action.Same goes for the feelings of rejection or
embarrassment. These are powerful emotions that most men,
including yourself, would do quite a lot to avoid. Even if this means
missing opportunities to meet phenomenal women.
In many men's minds, it's just not worth the risk.

Our brain then supplies us with EXCUSES that justify our risk-
avoiding behavior, which in this case is approaching women.But
these excuses are NOT clear thinking. They are just rationalizations
our brain gives us to convince us not to do the thing we fear, to
prevent us from the possibility of feeling rejected, embarrassed, or
ashamed.And if you listen to these excuses, rather than acting in
spite of them, they will keep you from approaching the women you
deserve to be dating.
How to Transcend Your Unique Excuses
To get past your excuses, it will really help to look at them to see if
they make sense. If they dont make sense, then you shouldnt
listen to them, right?These excuses are your rationalizations for not
taking action, but are they really so rational?Do they really make
sense?Lets see
By the way: Dont try reading the next section straight through.
Only read the sections that pertain to the specific excuses that
come up for you. Otherwise your head will explode from
information overload.
Excuse #1: I wouldnt know what to say to her. I might say
something stupid. So I cant approach her.A little later Ill be
covering in detail a super simple, super classy process for
approaching attractive women anywhere, at any time.Its classy.
Its simple. Practice it, and youll get dates.So from here on out,
you WILL know what to say. Exactly.Scratch this excuse off your
list.
Excuse #2: I dont want her to think Im a slimeball, or a pervert;
I dont want to make her uncomfortable.Guys, stop thinking that
women are these poor fragile little things that have never had a
man express interest in them in their entire life.They'll survive one
little conversation with you, believe me.And although you can't
control how other people feel, you'll find that most women, when
you approach in a classy, mature way, will either feel neutral or
actually happy that you spoke with them.
You'll be surprised how many will actually thank you for
approaching them, and even tell you you made their day.It all
depends on you having class, and approaching in a mature way.
More on that later.For now, repeat after me:
I am a good guyand there is nothing shamefulabout
approaching attractive womenwith class and respect.
Got it?Now get over it.
If after learning the approach I teach you're still feeling ashamed,
an easy way to get around this is to give a sincere compliment and
then leave. Just give a free compliment. Theres nothing slimy
or perverted about it, as long as you dont comment on her butt
or breasts.And you cant get rejected, so it reduces your fear as
well. Try it. Just be an assertive gentleman, and give a sincere
compliment to an attractive woman. No strings attached.
I call this the "Hit And Run." You'll learn more about this later.
Excuse #3: Shes busy. I dont want to interrupt herQuestion:
If you were having lunch or shopping at a grocery store or doing
whatever, how offended would you be if a woman you didnt know
came up to you and said you were a really handsome guy?Would
you be offended that she took up 10 seconds of your time?Or would
you be feeling pretty great that a random woman would come up to
you and say that?
Believe me, almost no woman will be offended or put off that you
approached her. And as you continue the conversation, if you get a
super strong sense that she doesnt want to talk, fine. Let her go.
No problem.Interrupting women, which I know is may be a stretch
for you, will open the possibility for TONS of dates. Not
interrupting women REALLY LIMITS your dating potential.Its a no-
brainer.You might be telling yourself right now, I understand the
idea, but its hard to do!Dont worry. This book is all about
making this process much, much easier for you.
Excuse #4: Its okay if I dont approach now. Im sure Ill see her
again.This is flat-out procrastination.
The truth is simple: 99% of the time you will NEVER see her again.
Thats the reality. This is just another excuse. Dont listen to it.
Excuse #5: Im too busy to approach her.
Too busy? Really? Too busy to potentially meet an amazing
woman and have all those experiences with her youd LOVE to
have?Listen guys, if the woman is taken your conversation will last
a whole 30 seconds. Thats all.If shes NOT taken, youll STILL often
be out of the conversation in less than two minutes. Sometimes
youll have her number, sometimes you wont. And isnt the
possibility of an amazing woman worth a couple of minutes of your
time?Now some of you are saying, Theres no way I can walk up to
a woman, and have a good chance of walking away with her
number in just a couple of minutes, the very first time I meet her.
Oh really? I do it over and over and over again. So do my clients.
Thats what this book is all about.
Basically, the excuse that youre too busy to talk to that beautiful
woman in front of you, on your way to work, on your way to have
lunch, or in the middle of your dinner; its always just an excuse.
Its designed to make you feel okay about avoiding the discomfort
of approaching a woman.But avoiding this discomfort guarantees
missing out on the juicy experiences you can have as a human
male.
Start to realize that your PRIORITY is always to meet women.
Always. Its not your food. Its not your favorite TV show. Its not
whatever else youre doing. Its always to meet women. Get clear
on this.If you dont have the time to approach beautiful women, put
this book down. Ill refund your money. And I suggest you take
the refund and invest more in your porno collection.Because if you
dont have a minute or two to meet an attractive woman, youre
going to need that collection, bro.
Excuse #6: Only extroverts or guys who are naturally good with
women can approach females they dont know. Im just not that
kind of guy.Rubbish. Any guy, with any personality type, can learn
the skills of approaching women wherever they find them.
I should know. If you had looked at me before I learned the skills,
you wouldve said that I didnt have the personality type. I wasnt,
and am not, a big extrovert. Im not a big talker. Im not the life of
the party.And you know what? Lots of guys who are really
extroverted can talk a great game, but when it comes to crossing
the line and suggesting a date, they often stop short.You dont
have to change your personality. You do need to learn some skills
and attitudes.
Excuse #7: Shes too hot for me. Shes out of my league.
Physically Im not enough for her. She wont like me. Shed say
no. Shell turn me down, and Ill feel like a loser. Id rather not
risk it.Since this is such a biggie with so many guys, Ive listed
below several specific attitudes to handle this excuse.
Attitude #1: Good Looks Are Just A Start
Realize that although having good looks is a start, it should be only
one of several things youre looking for in the women you date. To
qualify for your time, women should have more than just good
looks going for them.Let me explain why:
Imagine you're on a date with a beautiful womanonly she is
SUPER boring. Or SUPER negative. Or she has body odor. Or all
she talks about is her ex-boyfriend. Or she just keeps talking and
talking about stuff you couldnt care less about.Get my point? Even
though she's hot, you probably wouldn't want to see her again.
So the truth is you ARE looking for more than just good looks.
Okay, so what exactly are you looking for, in addition to a pretty
face and body? Get out a piece of paper right now, or jump on your
computer, and think about the top 3-5 qualities you want or need
in a woman.If your list looks like this:1) butt 2) breasts 3) lips
4) legs then youre NOT quite getting the point. Looks can be ONE
thing on your list, but the others should be personality
characteristics, like humor, intelligence, loyalty, fun, etc.
Take a couple of minutes and think about what you really, really
need. What are the MOST important things to you in a woman?
Not the things that would be nice to have, but really the things she
MUST have for you to enjoy hanging out with her.Go ahead and
make your list right now.Dont read on until youve chosen the top
3-5 qualities you must have.
Okay. Now, theres a few of you who are thinking, Man, right
now, I just want to get laid! I dont care about personality! Thats
fine. But once you get laid by a couple of women who you really
dont like, I bet youre going to raise your standards.You may have
had those dates where were just putting up with a woman because
she was attractive and you hoped you were going to get sex. But
after you had the sex, how much were you looking forward to being
with her again? Unless the sex was absolutely A+, you probably
didnt want to see her again. It was probably a one-time thing.
(Okay, okaymaybe a two- or a three-time thing.)If thats what
youre looking for, lots and lots of one-timers, fine. Some guys
are, many guys arent.
Remember all the things that can really bug you EVEN IF a woman
is very attractive. Maybe her personality sucks, and shes really
boring or negative. Or maybe mentally you two dont connect.
Maybe she has no sense of humor, and doesnt laugh at your jokes.
Or shes not good in bed. Or shes an energy drain. Or shes fake.
Or she talks too much. Or her breath stinks. Or something else
stinks! Orwhatever.In other words, there are a gazillion reasons
why YOU would be rejecting a woman, even if she was smoking
hot.
But instead of realizing this truth, you create a fantasy in your head
about how great she must be, based on her looks alone. And
sometimes you make such a big deal about her (based on her
looks) that you dont approach. Then you wish you had.Guys,
listen, its easy to fall into this trap. Especially if youre not
currently dating a lot. The solution is to notice when youre making
a huge deal about a particular woman based on her looks, and
remind yourself that although looks are a start, you want more
than looks.When I was starting out there were many times when
Id get REALLY nervous about approaching an attractive woman.
If I got her number Id be REALLY excited. But OFTEN after the
first date Id realize I wasnt really into her. I didnt want to see
her again.And Id think to myself, All that nervousness and stress
and everything was a complete waste of my timeSo the next
time you see a hottie, remember: youre looking for more than
looks alone.
Attitude #2: Realize Your Strengths
Next, I want you to connect with the reasons why you DESERVE
to date great women. Why many attractive women would be
LUCKY to have you.Get out a piece of paper.Start writing down all
the positive qualities you have as a man.If you were a coaching
client, I would either give this to you as homework, or Id sit on the
phone with you while you got it done.Maybe youre kind and
considerate.Maybe you have a sense of humor.
Maybe you have certain body parts that are attractive (yes, you
can even include THAT body part, if you like). Maybe youre
athletic. Maybe youre smart.Maybe youre a hard worker. Maybe
you have great values. Maybe you really care for people.
Start writing now, and write for two minutes.
And dont worry if you have trouble making your list. Many guys
do. It doesnt mean you arent a kick-ass individual, it just means
you may not have thought about this question much before. Many
guys havent.And, you guessed it, dont read on until your two
minutes is up.Write.
Heres a list of positive qualities you can use to add to your list if
you want to and if you really do have them:Adventurous, a thinker,
affectionate, animated, athletic, a great cook, a great kisser,
steady, happy, conscientious, romantic, devoted, loyal, ethical,
even- tempered, fun-loving, genuine, good-natured, kind, kooky,
mischievous, optimistic, positive, responsible, safe, sweet, smart,
wild, witty
Now, pick your top 3-5 positive qualities. Dont be perfect. Just
pick 3-5.Now, commit these to memory.For example, you might
be: intelligent, funny, a sweetheart, emotionally available, and a
great lover.So the next time you see an attractive women and you
think shes out of your league, remind yourself of these positive
qualities. Itll make it just a little bit easier to start a conversation
with her.This works better for some guys than others. But if it
works for you, use it.
Attitude #3: Some hotties you think are out of your league are
looking for a good guy just like yourself.If you listen to the
rationalization that Shes out of my league, you assume that
100% of the most attractive women wont like you. This simply is
not true. A certain percentage WILL like you. No-one knows what
that number is. But if you dont approach any of them, you know
what percentage youll go out with?Zero.
And as you begin to approach more women, youll be pleasantly
surprised by women who you normally would think are out of
your league giving you their number and dating you. Then youll
begin to see the value of approaching even the very hottest
women. And how silly it is to think that any woman is too hot for
you.When you dont approach a woman because you think shes
out of your league, what youve just done is PUT her out of your
league. When in reality, she could be both attractive AND
interested in a good guy like yourself.
Attitude #4: If shes beautiful, approaching her is easier because
she may already be taken.Most guys are scared of rejection.
But the fact is many attractive women are ALREADY in
relationships.And this can be a good thing!
A woman cant reject you if shes already taken. She cant say,
Im available, but Im not interested. Shell most likely say, Im or sexual direction? You just remained a friend or acquaintance,
sorry, but I already have a boyfriend.No problem. Her having a
boyfriend or husband doesnt reflect on YOU at all. These
approaches will be VERY easy. They will be a quick, in-
and-out conversations.But you will STILL need to find out if shes
taken. If you just assume and dont approach, I GUARANTEE you
that you are missing opportunities to date attractive women.
Summary
So remember, excuses are fueled by fear and shame. Theyre what
our brains use to convince us NOT to approach women. For some
screwed-up reason, our brains put approach attractive woman in
the same category as get eaten by hungry lion or "jump off cliff."
Kind of silly, isnt it?
The solution to all of the excuses we just discussed is this:
When you catch your brain giving you an excuse NOT to approach,
stop thinking, and go approach. Immediately.Youll get past your
excuses by first knowing WHEN theyre going on, and then taking
action IN SPITE of them.You wont get eaten, I promise.
Homework Assignment #2: Start Easy Interactions With Women
As I said before, confidence is a trait this is universally attractive to
women.One critical part of building confidence is to take small
steps out of your comfort zone. You take a very small step, then
another, and then another. Pretty soon, you are comfortable and
confident doing things that before you would have never
attempted.
So, the first homework assignment had you noticing how many
attractive women are in your area. You have to admit, that was a
REALLY easy assignment, because there was no risk.Now were
going to add the smallest possible amount of social risk to the
task. We're going to push you just a little out of your comfort
zone so that you comfortably build your confidence.Youre going to
simply make eye contact, smile, and say hi to three women a day
for the next two days.Thats it. You dont have to ask them out.
You dont have to have a conversation. Just make eye contact,
smile, and say hi.Simple.
This is the easiest way to begin to get you comfortable starting
conversations with women, and to build your confidence.
Oh, and if this seems too easy for you, increase your daily goal to 5
or 10 or 20 women a day. Whatever you would consider a stretch.
Dont even think about skipping this assignment. Its an important
one. It gets you into action.
CHAPTER 3:The One-Minute Approach
Step 1: Open
So now, imagine:Youre at the local shopping mall. And walking
your way is a very attractive woman.Although you hear the excuses
in your head why NOT to approach, now youre smart and decide
NOT to listen to them.Youve decided to approach her, and now
youre walking up to her.But what in the hell are you going to say
to her?Youre going to have to say something to start the
conversation, let her know youre interested in being more than a
friend, and make it pretty easy for her to give you her number.
This is where The One-Minute Approach comes in.Remember, no
approach will produce a 100% success ratio, since much of your
success will depend on things other than what you say: your
grooming, your confidence, your humor, your clothing, your looks,
her availability, her mood, etc.
Success with women is a numbers game. The more women you
approach, the more numbers youll have. And obviously by
improving your technique youll reduce the number of approaches
youll need to make before achieving the success you want.
Approaching Can Be Simple, Short, And Sweet
One idea most guys dont understand is that in most cases, it
doesnt take much conversation to get a woman to give you her
number. It can be very simple. I think many guys make it more
complex than it has to be, and thats why they rarely or never do it.
As Ive said before, 95% of my own successful approaches last
under two minutes. By the end of the first minute, often even
earlier, a woman has already made up her mind. Either shes
available and curious enough about you to give you her number, or
shes not. You dont need to have a ten-minute conversation thats
profound, funny, and amazing to convince her to give you her
number. A simple one will do just fine.You dont have to show
during this first conversation that youre the most amazing man
this woman has ever met.Nor do you have to be deep and
mysterious.Nor do you have to try to hypnotize her into liking you.
Nor do you have to recite some funny joke.
All you need to do is be sincere, direct, and let her know youre
normal and interested in her. And best of all, this can all be done
in a minute or two.Its not rocket science, guys.And Im about to
show you how.
Stop Being Just A Friend
Remember all those times when you were talking to women you
were interested in, but the conversation never turned in a romantic
even though you wouldve liked something more?Odds are the
women you speak with like this have no clue that youre attracted
to them.The good news is, you NEVER have to miss opportunities
like these again.Because the MOST IMPORTANT principle of not
allowing yourself to get stuck in the friend category is to let her
know youre interested in something more. Im about to show you
precisely how to express this type of interest.
Guys who date attractive women consistently demonstrate
interest in women theyre attracted to. This is a major secret to
their success.And you can do the same.
Theres Usually No Good Time To Approach
Often theres no perfect or even good time to approach. Maybe
there are other people around. Maybe shes working. Maybe shes
with friends.So if youre waiting to approach until the timing is JUST
RIGHT, youre not going to be meeting many women at all.
So youll need to get comfortable with approaching women even
when the timing ISNT great.The easiest thing to do is, as soon as
you see an attractive woman, just start walking toward her.
Deciding to simply move toward her is an easier decision to make
than deciding to ask her out.The law of inertia states that a body in
motion tends to stay in motion. Personally I like to refer to this as
the Law Of Momentum.Because once you take some action, taking
more action becomes easier. So the first step is to just walk
toward her.Next, youll need to Open a conversation. Heres one This is a big part of building confidence. If every time you see a
of my favorite openers:
Step 1: Sincere Compliment
When you see an attractive woman, simply ask yourself, What is it
that I notice Im attracted to in this woman?Because thats exactly
the compliment youre going to give. For example, you might be
attracted to and therefore compliment her eyes, smile, hair, skin,
smell, voice, style, energy, etc.For example, Excuse me, hi, I
just noticed you walking by, and I have to tell you have absolutely
beautiful brown eyes.But use common sense, guys. If what youre
attracted to is her butt or breasts, DONT comment on it. Instead,
find something in the above list you CAN mention to her.
And heres a nugget of wisdom:
If you cant find anything specific to compliment, simply give her a
GENERAL compliment on her beauty or energy. For example,
Excuse me, hi, I just noticed you sitting here, and I have to tell
you are absolutely gorgeous. This is the easiest form of sincere
compliment. Its simple, and its 100% sincere as long as you
really do think shes gorgeous. And if youre willing to approach
her, then odds are, you do.Feel free to use it with EVERY approach
if you like. I used this exact technique for a long time with a lot of
success. It makes things very simple for you.And remember: its
not like there are magical words in these examples. Theyre just
simple, direct, and sincere. Choose whatever words ring true for
you. They may be completely different, and thats okay.
Compliments: Good or Bad?
Theres been a lot of debate about whether a man should give a
woman a compliment during an approach. One argument against
giving a compliment is that it communicates you are needy.
A similar argument suggests that compliments demonstrate
clear interest, which could make a woman see you as less of a
challenge and thus less attractive.Its funny. When I read about
theories like this I ALMOST get sucked into believing themuntil I
remember that my own approaches with HUNDREDS of women
suggest the exact opposite.I give sincere compliments on EVERY
approach. And I get PLENTY of dates. Nevertheless, you can screw
up compliments by over-doing them. When you first start a
conversation with a new woman, your talk must include something
more than just showering her with compliment after compliment.
And if your compliment is over the top and suggests that she is out
of your league, guess what? Shes going to start thinking she IS
out of your league. For example, you wouldnt want to say,Gee, I
saw you here and I have to tell you you are the most beautiful
woman Ive ever seen. I mean youre even more beautiful than
those actresses in the movies. Wow. Im totally blown away. I
guess youd never want to go out with a guy like me, but, I was
wondering if I could get your number and take you out to dinner
sometime?Do not do this. Unless you absolutely, positively LOVE
rejection.Take a more balanced, mature approach to giving one
REASONABLE compliment, and it will do wonders for your first
approaches with women.
Remember, a sincere compliment on attractiveness communicates
that you notice her as a woman and that you probably are
curious to become more than just friends. This is an important
message to send.AFTER you master this skill, feel free to begin
trying the indirect approach without giving a compliment.
Personally Ive never had a need for it, but if you want to, more
power to you.But I warn you: without commenting directly on her
attractiveness, especially if youre starting out, its very easy to
have just a friendly, even flirty conversation WITHOUT really
letting her know youre interested and WITHOUT suggesting
another meeting.
The Mindset for the Compliment
Heres a critical point that will help you approach many more
women than you do right now.
Your initial mindset, your motivation for giving the compliment, is
to simply to give a sincere compliment to this random woman and
make her feel good, rather than trying to get a date.Read that line
again.But I DO want a date with this woman, you say.
I know, I know. But when you first approach, you need to put that
intention on the back burner. You must sincerely come from a
place of simply wanting to give the compliment and make this
woman smile. And I dont mean acting like it. I mean GENUINELY
having that attitude.Why?
One reason is, it makes it easier for you to approach.There is LESS
FEAR involved in giving an attractive woman a sincere compliment,
than in suggesting a date. Yes, probably you have fear of both
actions, but Id bet you have LESS fear of giving the compliment.
And if youre a guy who feels some shame about asking for a date,
wouldnt you say theres LESS SHAME in simply giving a sincere
compliment, than in asking for a phone number?
Another great thing about having this mindset is that it allows you
to make every interaction with a woman a win no matter what.
woman, you feel and know that you'll be able to make it a win even
if you don't "get a number," it does wonders for your confidence.
And this is important. Because you won't "get a number" from
every woman you speak with. For one reason, some women will
be taken. But youll find even women who are taken really
appreciate a sincere compliment.Some will even remark, That
really made my day. Thanks so much.Many of them will go home
that night and tell their girlfriends, You know what happened to
me today? A complete stranger came up to me and told me I had
beautiful eyes!How could a simple compliment often have such a
powerful effect?Because most woman dont receive very many of
them.Why?
Because most MEN are too scared to approach them.
So even if you dont get a number, you can feel great because
youve just put a big fat smile on an attractive womans face.
Youre a stud. Youve just done what 90% of guys dont have the
balls to do.And by coming from a sincere place, where your
compliment isn't just some line, you make a more powerful impact
on the woman. I call this having Pure Intention.
Repeat after me:Shes probably takenAnd shell like the
compliment anyway.The more nervous you are, the more you
should focus on just making her day, rather than trying to get
anything in return.
Your Compliment Crosses the Friendship Line
Why is the compliment such an important and powerful step?
Because its a simple and honest way to show a woman youre
interested.I call this Crossing The Friendship Line. Because its as
if theres an invisible line guys must cross. And we cross this line
by making our romantic/sexual interest known.Most guys avoid
Crossing The Friendship Line. Because theyre scared. Because
once they express their interest in the woman, they risk
rejection and embarrassment. So they stop right before The Line.
This is the SINGLE BIGGEST MISTAKE GUYS MAKE.
If youre the kind of guy who can talk to women, but never get past
just having friendly conversations, then make this step your
friend. Because a compliment on looks is a big fat clue that youre
not interested in just being a friend.Some of you who havent
complimented tons of women on their looks (yet) may be thinking,
I cant compliment a woman on her looks. Thats too forward. Its
too shallow.Guys, listen, Ive complimented literally hundreds of
women on their looks. And, like I said before, more than 80%
really appreciate a compliment on their physical beauty. As long as
you do it in a classy, mature way, most women love it. Try it for
yourself.
Do Not Look For A Ring
Please dont use a ring on a womans finger as an excuse not to
give her a compliment, especially when youre first learning these
skills. When youre looking if she has a ring, what youre actually
looking for is an excuse not to approach. If shes attractive, you go
up to her and pay the compliment. Dont even look for a ring. This
makes the process of deciding whether or not to approach really,
really simple:If shes attractive, approach and give her a
compliment. Period.Youll find out if shes single soon enough.
Dont even worry about it. Its irrelevant.
YOU Always Initiate Contact
Do not wait until she sees you, or smiles at you, or in some other
way gives you a sign that she may be interested in you. If she
gives you a sign, great; but dont wait for it. Because if you are
always waiting for women to give you a sign before you approach
them, you will approach VERY few women, and you wont have the
success youre looking for. Most guys rarely get such signs.
Be Quick
Whenever you leave the house, you have to be looking for women
to compliment. You must be quick. If youre daydreaming, an
attractive woman will cross your path, but by the time you realize it
youll have missed the opportunity to meet her.Theres a great rule
that I didnt invent. Its called the Three-Second Rule. Basically,
once you see a woman, give yourself just three seconds to start to
go up to her.. This will prevent you from deliberating so much that
you miss opportunities.
Keep Eye Contact
As you give the compliment, look into her eyes. In fact, if you
dont do so already, practice looking into EVERYONES eyes.When
you see a woman you like, look at her and smile, and keep looking
until SHE looks away. Many times this creates mutual chemistry.
Instantly. When this happens, shell often smile in return. Then,
its off to the races!Well deal more with Eye Contact in a later
chapter.
Smile
When you first approach a woman, she doesnt know you.
Youre a stranger. Theres this thing called Stranger-Danger,
where some womens first reaction to meeting a male stranger is to
react to him as if hes dangerous, at least for the first couple of
seconds.Smiling helps reduce this Stranger-Danger. It
communicates that youre safe, not a threat. Now when youre
nervous, its really easy to forget to smile. But if you really get in
touch with what is attracting to you the woman while youre giving
the compliment, youll probably find that a smile just naturally
appears on your face.For example, if you really think she has a
beautiful smile and you stay in touch with that fact while youre
complimenting her on her smile, I bet youll find yourself smiling
naturally as your give your compliment.
Relish her beauty.
Slow Down Your Speech & Pause
When youre nervous, youll probably talk too fast and give your
compliment too quickly. But it can be much more powerful when
you slow it down.So try slowing down your speech when youre
giving the compliment:YouareabsolutelygorgeousThe then move on to something different in the conversation Moving
slower speech and pauses between words adds suspense and
anticipation, and women love this.
Heres another way to add suspense:
I dont know exactly how to say this(dramatic pause with eye
contact)but you have(pause)absolutely gorgeous brown eyes.
One more thing:When youre nervous youll also probably be in a
rush to start filling in the silence right after your compliment.
Instead, give your compliment some time to sink in. It becomes
more powerful this way.
Compliments Test Them
Most of the time, women youd actually want to date will respond
to a sincere compliment positively; with a smile.And most of the
time, the women who DONT respond positively are women you
WOULDNT want to date anyway. Which is great.So when you give
your compliment, one thing youre really doing is TESTING THE
WOMAN to see whether or not she is worthy of a date with YOU.
The kind of secure, friendly woman youre looking for will respond
positively to your authentic compliment. If she doesnt respond
well, shes failed YOUR test.
And thats about her, not you. Its a reflection that SHE is not who
youre looking for, not that YOU didnt say the right thing. And it
never means that you as a person arent enough for her. She
doesnt even know you as a person.The worst it could mean is
that you arent her physical type. Maybe she likes guys who are
taller, or shorter, or fatter, or skinnier. Or maybe she likes three-
headed aliens from the planet Ghzzap. Who knows? Who cares!
The Wrong Kind Of Compliments
In order for your compliment to establish yourself as a SAM
(Sexually Aware Man), you need to compliment women on
something that lets them know you have romantic/physical
interest. That you are a man, noticing her as a woman. So
compliment on appearance, voice, smell, style, or energy.
Personally I like appearance, because it sends the clearest signal
that Im noticing her as a woman.
The following are NOT compliments that Cross The Line:
Thats a great dress. Thats a great purse. Nice car. Nice kids and ever since then it's becoming more and more curly.So I
shoes.
If youre not used to complimenting a woman on her appearance or
something else about her as a woman, you will probably feel
uncomfortable giving the right kind of compliments. But if you
arent giving the right kind of compliments, the compliments
you are giving are compliments FRIENDS would give.
Dont worry, with practice this will become easier and easier
The Right Kind of Compliments:
At the gym: Excuse me, hi. Im right in the middle of my workout,
but I had to come over here and tell you I think you are
absolutelygorgeous.At a restaurant: Im right in the middle of
my lunch, but I had to come over here for a sec and tell you have
the most beautifulbrown eyes.
Direct: Excuse me. You are absolutelybeautiful. This
compliment out of the blue shocks many women in a very pleasant
way.Or: Hi, I just noticed you as I was walking by, and you have
incredible skin.Or: Excuse me, I dont know exactlyhow to say
thisbutyou areabsolutely gorgeous.
You can also turn this last one around and do it in a teasing way.
You say the first part as if youre going to tell her something she
wont like, then you surprise her with the sincere compliment.
This makes the compliment that much more powerful.
Teasing Again: You areKIND OF cute Say it in a way so the
kind of makes the sentence mean, Youre not really that cute,
or Youre just sort of, barely, cute
Teasing With The Compliment
Teasing a woman is a good thing. Teasing her in the right way
shows confidence and humor. Its also interesting because its
different, since most guys dont have the balls to tease women
theyve just met. Confidence, humor, and being interesting are
all attractive.When youre first learning these skills, keep it simple,
direct, and dont worry about teasing. But as you develop your
skills, you can start to experiment.So if you want to tease her with
the compliment, heres what you do: After she accepts the
compliment, you qualify it with, for a (whatever). For example:
You: You are absolutely gorgeous Her: Wow, thank you
You: For a short girl. Anyways
You can qualify the compliment like this in an endless variety of
ways, for example,
You: You are absolutely gorgeous Her: Wow, thank you
You: in a, weird, sort of way. Anyways
When you qualify the compliment, you should have just a bit of a
smirk or smile on your face. That way shell get the hint that you
(probably) are kidding.And after you qualify it, say anyways and
on quickly like this magnifies the humor in the situation.If she asks
you what you mean, you can reply, Long story. Anyways
This is an advanced move. You dont have to do this, but try it out
if you like and see what results you get.By the way, teasing a
woman about her looks works best on really attractive women.
Women who are self-conscious about their looks or insecure wont
get the joke. Whatever you tease a woman on should be
something where shell know that youre just teasing her.
Other Openers
Youve already heard me rant and rave about all the advantages
opening with a compliment has for the average guy.But some guys
are really resistant to opening with a compliment. They want
to have some "normal" conversation first.As Ive said before,
especially for guys first starting out, I usually recommend against
this since after a "normal" conversation begins, you'll feel some
pressure to keep the conversation on a "friendly" level, rather than
expressing your interests as a man.But if for some reason you
really prefer opening with a "normal" conversation, thats fine.
You can actually use this to set the woman up for a truly powerful
compliment. Right in the middle of the small talk, look at her as if
youre just realizing for the first time that shes attractive and say,
Wow, you have absolutely beautiful eyes, or
Wow, you are absolutely gorgeous, or
Wow, youresort of cute. Try it for yourself.
Here are two more ideas for Openers you can use, besides
compliments:
Opener #2: Observe Something
Here you see something in the environment and start the
conversation about that. For example, this morning I was at the
grocery store buying some eggs. The woman behind me was
attractive, and I noticed she had REALLY curly hair.So I looked her
in the eye and said, "You have curly hair," in a tone of voice that
made it funny, like I was pointing out the RIDICULOUSLY obvious.
As it turned out, this woman was friendly. She started talking
about her hair, about how it used to be straighter but then she had
teased her with a question. I said,
"You know what they say about women with curly hair like that?"
And then I pointed a finger to the side of my own head and made a
circular motion: the universal sign for crazy, loco, insane.And so
she started to crack up.Sometimes there's something obvious in
the environment (like this woman's super curly hair) that you can
comment on and start a conversation with.But sometimes there's
not. This brings us to...
OPENER #3: PROPS
Props are any PHYSICAL THING that can help you start a
conversation with a woman.One of the most effective props is a
dog. You walk your dog or a friend's dog anywhere where there
are chicks, and I GUARANTEE you, women will be coming up and
starting conversations with you about your dog.Bam! The
conversation has "opened."So, maybe you don't have a dog. Do
you play guitar?Guitars are great. Take it to a popular park on the
weekend. Play it and I bet women walking by will pause to listen
for a bit. Theyre dying to ask you about your playing, because
THEY ARE GETTING TURNED ON! Women love guitar players.
So when they come by, stop your playing, say "hi," and they'll
begin to talk.Okay, so maybe you don't have a dog, and you don't
play guitar...So, use your imagination!
For example, last weekend I used a NERF FOOTBALL at a daytime
concert. I'd pick out a woman I wanted to meet, make eye contact,
and then just throw the ball to her. All BEFORE SAYING A WORD.
Instantly we were "playing" and she was smiling. Then I'd tease
her about how badly she sucked at throwing a football, or if she
was with a friend, I'd tease her THROUGH HER FRIEND. I'd say to
the friend, "Are you sure you want to hang out with her? It looks
like she has some coordination issues." I'd say it with a bit of a sly
smile so they could get the joke.I met more than ten women that
way in the course of about an HOUR.A camera is also a great prop.
Stop every attractive woman you see and ask them to take your
picture next to something. Although this works best when
traveling, you can play around with it wherever you are.There are
countless other props. Think of one that you'd have fun with.
Homework Assignment #3: The Hit and Run
Last homework assignment had you making eye contact, smiling,
and saying hi.Now were going to add to that the compliments
weve been talking about.The game for the next three attractive
women you see is to think of that sincere compliment you could
give to each. You dont have to actually give the compliment. Just
think it.After these three women, the NEXT attractive woman you
see, youre actually going to give a sincere compliment. Just make
eye contact, smile, and compliment her. Just to one woman.
I call this the HIT AND RUN, because youre going to hit the
woman with the compliment and then run without asking them
out or doing anything else.After you compliment that one woman,
you don't have to do anything else for the rest of the day.
The following day, compliment two women. And the next day,
compliment three women. That's your assignment.
This is such a helpful exercise because simply paying a compliment
and leaving relieves the pressure many guys feel about having to
continue the conversation. So forget about the conversation. See
the woman, pick out something you can compliment, and say for
example: Excuse me, I noticed you walking by and I just had to
come over here and tell you you have incredible brown eyes, or
whatever your sincere compliment may be, and then get the hell
out of there.As I said before, this sort of random compliment
makes most women feel GREAT. Youll feel great, she'll feel great.
It's a win/win.You can review this chapter for other ideas on how to
phrase your compliment. But remember, the actual words you use
are less important than simply being sincere and sharing what you
notice about the woman.
Once you do it a couple of times, youll learn what words work best
for you.
CHAPTER 4: How To Motivate Yourself To Approach
How To Use This Section
How did that last homework assignment go?Were you able to
compliment that first woman? And the next two? And the next
three?If not, STOP.
Make sure youre doing your very best to do the homework
assignment.As I've said before, reading this book is NOT A
SUBSTITUTE FOR TAKING ACTION. But if you've been giving it all
youve got but youre still not able to get yourself do the last
assignment, then this chapter can really help you.
The Approach Motivators in this chapter are powerful tools to help
you reduce, and take action in spite of, your fear. Youll find that
using them can really go a long way in helping you to motivate
yourself to approach women.Listen, you do NOT need to memorize
ALL of the following Motivators. Dont do that.
Instead, just pick one or two Motivators from the list that you think
would really help you. When you see a woman youre attracted to,
remind yourself of your personal Motivators. If you find they help
you to approach, keep using them. If they dont help, try some of
the other ones from the list.
Motivator #1: Screw It Up, Dont Be Perfect
Some of you might be looking at The One-Minute Approach and be
thinking that it looks a little, well, involved.Guys, listen, you dont
need to do it perfectly. Some of the time I dont. Ill use language
thats not the best, Ill even fumble though my words occasionally.
And you know what? It often makes no difference to your desired
outcome, which is getting her number.So stumble through the
steps. Do them imperfectly. Just make sure you do them!
Doing the steps really, really badly is WAY better than not
approaching because you dont know how to do it perfectly yet.In
fact, I urge you to do the steps really, really badly. Its part of the
learning process.Dont worry about it. Just do it.
Motivator #2: Its Less Painful To Approach Than To Not
It seems to your brain that it is more comfortable NOT to approach
an attractive woman than it is to approach her.It FEELS true.
But is it REALLY true?
Although at the moment of decision it IS more comfortable to
decide NOT to approach a woman, a mere ten seconds later this is
no longer the case.Because ten seconds later, a little part of you
will be wishing youd said something. This little thought may nag at
you for the rest of the day. If every day you miss a couple of
opportunities to meet women youre attracted to, this little nagging
thought can grow into actual regret. Over time, your self-respect
can take a beating.
But if you DO approach, youll be feeling way more confident than if
you hadnt. Youll have the rush of taking the initiative to talk to
an attractive woman. Youll have zero nagging thoughts and zero
regret, because you took the opportunity rather than avoiding it.
Successful men are men of action. Theyre action oriented. And
taking action doesnt just give you comfort. It gives you a RUSH
OF CONFIDENCE.Think about this distinction the next time youre
wiffle-waffling about approaching a woman.Regardless of the
outcome, youll be happy you did. (Okay, maybe only like 95%
of the time).Think of it this way:
For most of you, avoiding the POTENTIAL pain of rejection or
POTENTIAL embarrassment has become more important than
dating the attractive women you deserve.
Read that sentence again. Think about it for a second. Its TRUE.
This is why you probably arent approaching many of the attractive
women you see during your day.Doesnt make sense, does it?
Shouldnt the possibility of getting shot down be LESS important
than finding an amazing woman? Or two?
You may need to change your FOCUS.
One reason you freeze is because you focus on the short-term pain
of the next ten seconds. What do I say? What will she say? Im
going to feel like an idiot!But what if you were, in that moment, to
focus instead on the pain of NOT TAKING ACTION:
Hmmif I DONT approach her, Im going to feel a little bit crappy.
Like I should have said something to her. Like I missed an
opportunity.You can also focus on the PLEASURE of taking action:
Hmmif I DO approach, itll be a bit uncomfortable at first, but
afterwards I bet Ill feel downright good. Even if I dont get her
number, Ill probably walk a little taller for the rest of the day. Ill
have shown more courage than all the rest of the guys who could
only gawk at her.Isnt it easier to just approach her now and do it,
instead of regretting not having done it for the rest of the day? The
rest of the month? Your life?The worst-case scenario is she turns
out to be a bitch and is rude. This happens extremely rarely, and
you dont date bitches anyway.And although reality isnt nearly this
bad, even if it were the case that you had to deal with five
horrendously rude women in order to have a great date with the
sixth woman you approached, wouldnt it STILL be worth it?
So when you see an attractive woman, you really have 2 choices:
1) Feel the fear, and AVOID approaching her, or
2) Feel the fear, and approach her ANYWAY.
Because you WILL feel some fear. Its not like changing your focus
will make the fear go away completely. Itll just make taking action
in spite of it a tad easier.The very first time I ever approached a
random, attractive woman, I used this idea of focus Ive been
talking about. When I was deciding whether or not to approach, I
asked myself a REALLY good question:
How am I going to feel if I DONT take action?
And I thought, If I DONT ask her out, for the rest of the day its
going to be eating me up inside. All I have to do is go back in
there, ask for her number, and the rest of my day will be great, no
matter what. I have to at least try.Did I still feel fear? Absolutely!
But shifting my focus put the fear in perspective, and helped me
take action in spite of it.Approaching women wont always be a gut-
wrenching experience. With practice itll become more and more
comfortable. And with enough practice, youll actually enjoy it.
More on that in a later chapter.
Motivator #3: You Approach, You Win - No Matter What The
Outcome.As soon as you open your mouth and say that very first
word to a woman, you should know in your own mind youve won
and deserve congratulations.Why?
You have just done what 90% of guys on this planet cannot do, and
will never do, in their lifetime. And, you have just taken one more
step to decreasing your fear and having freedom in this very
important area in your life.You are courageous.
So, reward yourself for the action you took, not for the results you
achieved. Whether or not you got a number isnt the point. The
fact that you took action is.You approach, you win. No matter what
the outcome.
Motivator #4: Fear Is Actually A Signal To Approach
Start viewing fear as a signal for you to approach. So you see a
woman youre attracted to, and you start to feel fear or discomfort.
Great! Thats a signal for you to approach her.Because when you
approach in spite of your fear, you will soon learn that,
afterwards, even if you didnt get her number, youll probably be
feeling way more confident than you did before.And youll know
that youve taken one more action to take control of this area of
your life.So feeling fear is not a bad thing. Its a signal for you to
take action. Practice viewing it this way. Make it a rule for
yourself: When I feel fear about approaching a woman, it just
means shes worth approaching.It makes the decision to approach
or not very simple. If you fear, then you approach. Done.
Motivator #5: Its All Just Practice
When I say Its all practice, I really mean it.I dont mean trying to
CONVINCE yourself that its all practice, when you really DONT
believe it, just to make yourself feel better.Im talking about really
getting the idea that its all practice. When you see that woman
you want to approach, youre thinking, Heres an opportunity to
improve my skills rather than I hope she likes me and I get her
number.One way to achieve this state of mind is to practice
flirting with and getting numbers from women youre NOT
attracted to. This way you KNOW that this interaction is all about
practice.Remember, 90% of your approaches are just practice for
the 10% of the time you come across a quality woman who is
single. Have this attitude.
Motivator #6: Many Women Are (Surprisingly) Very Friendly
Sometimes the very woman you think would NEVER in a million
years give you the time of day, will give you her number and date
you.Sometimes all you have to do is open your mouth and say
something to her, and youll have a great experience: a REALLY
HOT woman expressing interest in you.
If youre willing to open your mouth enough, you WILL have this
experience. To a certain extent, its a numbers game.But you must
be willing to take action and risk. You can NEVER anticipate how
well an interaction is going to go. You never know until you
go.Sometimes shed enjoy meeting you just as much as youd
enjoy meeting her. But youll never know until you pull the trigger
and approach. Realize that some of the women you approach will
be total sweethearts, and really appreciate you talking to them.
And those are the ones you want to date anyway, right?
Motivator #7: Theres No SHAME In Being A Man And Approaching
A Woman. Especially for nice guys, we sometimes link shame with
expressing our interest in women were attracted to. This is a
mistake.Both jerks and nice guys tend to be out of balance when it
comes to shame. Jerks feel TOO LITTLE shame, so theyre
inconsiderate. Nice guys tend to feel a tad TOO MUCH shame, and
so they dont take the assertive actions necessary to approach
women and have success with them.Freeing yourself from shame
allows you to relax in interactions, making you more confident.
And women can sense this.When you have little shame, its easier
for you to come from a powerful, masculine place. Since youre not
conflicted about what youre doing, you have clarity and focus. You
are authentic and at one with yourself. This is powerful, and
women can feel it.So, how do you reduce, and eventually get rid of,
shame?The first part is to THINK about it. Does it make sense?
Lets see. If you follow the One-Minute Approach, most likely shes
actually going to enjoy the interaction. It could be the highlight of
her day.Is that shameful?You may be the best thing to walk into
this womans life in a long time.Is that shameful?
You may validate the womans belief that she is beautiful enough
to deserve a mans attention.Is that shameful?Repeat after me out
loud, wherever you are:Im a good guyand theres NOTHING
shamefulabout flirting with and asking out attractive women.
The second part of the antidote to shame is to TAKE ACTION IN
SPITE OF IT. Stretch yourself a bit, and do what you feel shameful
about. This will give you hard evidence that theres nothing to be
ashamed about. Women dont faint. Their heads dont explode.
And neither does yours.Do I recommend groping women you just
met? No. THAT would be something to be ashamed about.
Just follow the One-Minute Approach, and shame doesnt need to
ever come in the picture.As a nice guy, you shouldnt worry
about doing something that really merits shame. Its against your
nature, dude. Relax.
Motivators Help But You Still Must Be Courageous
All of the Motivators presented in this section are designed to make
moving out of your comfort zone easier. I did not say easy; I said
easier.When you get right down to it, you will still have some fear
of approaching women. And I wish I could write down some
magical words that could make the fear completely go away, but I
cant. This is the challenge: to feel fear and approach the women
you want anyway.This is where the rubber hits the road.
Homework Assignment #7: Use A Motivator To Help You Take
Action Review the list of Motivators from this chapter and pick one
or two that really speak to you.
Then get out in the field, and if you begin to hesitate on an
approach, remind yourself of the Motivator. Try the Motivators
you picked with at least three attractive women.If youre still not
taking action, pick a different Motivator and try it with three more
women. Continue trying different Motivators until you find one that
helps give you the nudge you need to take action.
CHAPTER 5: The One-Minute Approach:
Step 2: Small Talk
Continue Past Womens Initial Hesitation
Many of the women you approach will act a little shocked that you
did. They may even start to leave.This is just a natural reaction
many women have. After all, they dont know you yet. Youre a
complete stranger starting a conversation with them.
Dont make the mistake of MIS-interpreting this as rejection.
Because its not. Its just a little natural hesitation that some
women have -- much like the natural hesitation most guys have
about approaching a woman in the first place.The solution is to just
keep your cool and keep talking. Dont bail out. If you act like the
approach is no big deal, itll help the woman relax into the
conversation.One way to appear relaxed and cool is to SMILE. Lots
of guys appear nervous by acting WAY too serious or trying WAY
too hard during an approach. This is a mistake.
Small Talk Builds Trust
Having a simple, short conversation with a woman builds trust.
As I said before, approaching a woman and getting her number
doesnt need to take more than a minute or two. Contrary to
popular belief, you dont need to be a wonderful conversationalist
who can go on and on and on to succeed at this.Small Talk can
include very simple questions about the woman youre talking with,
for example:"How's it going?","What are you up to?",Where are
you from?
Try asking these questions with an upbeat, positive, friendly, light
tone of voice. Dont be overly serious.
The Sensual Hand Shake
During Small Talk youll probably introduce yourself. Youll say My
name is x, whats yours?Here youll have a super cool opportunity
to begin to create some chemistry with this woman you met just
moments before.Heres how:
As she tells you her name, give her your hand to shake. When you
shake her hand, hold on to it until SHE lets go. If youre nervous,
youll probably let go too early. Hang in there, and when she
releases THEN you release.And instead of just letting go, allow her
hand to slide slowly out of your hand, almost as if youre ever-so-
slightly trying to hold on to it. This sensual hand shake turns many
women on. And that, of course, is a good thing!
Sometimes a woman will hold on to your hand for just as long as
youre willing to hold on to HER hand. When this happens, and ten
or twenty seconds go by and youre still holding hands, you wont
believe the physical chemistry this simple move has just helped
create.If youre the type of guy that often gets stuck in the friend
category, this sensual handshake is another tool to move you into
the potential lover category instead.
Now, if you dont normally shake hands like this, I understand itll
be a stretch for you. But just about everything in this book is a bit
of a stretch, right? So practice it with as many women as you can,
as quickly as you can. This is the best way to get past any
discomfort you may have.Every woman you meet or are introduced
to represents an opportunity to practice.
Advanced: Set Up Your Date Suggestion
Small Talk can also include questions that lead in to your date
suggestion.For example, if you have an idea for a date that
involves playing games like bowling, billiards, miniature golf, or
whatever, a dialogue might go something like:
You: Excuse me, I have to tell you you have a beautiful smile. Her:
Thanks.You:My names Kevin. Whats yours? Her: Sara.
You: Well, Sara, can I ask you a question? Her: Sure.
You:Are you competitive? Her:Uh, yea, why?
You:Well, I have an idea for a fun little competition Id like to have
with you. Her:What is it?You:Its a surprise, but youre going to like
it
Teasing
I previously mentioned teasing with compliments. But you can
tease during the Small Talk phase as well. Look for something
about her you can bust her on, like something she said or did, her
clothes, her car, her purse, or whatever.For example, I met one
woman recently while having lunch. I was eating at a table where I
had a good view of the foot traffic outside, and she walked by and
went into a neighboring restaurant.I left my food, entered the other
restaurant, and opened with a sincere compliment. I began my
small talk by introducing myself. When she introduced herself to
me, as it turned out, she had an exotic name. So I asked her what
kind of name it was, and it was Brazilian. Well, Ive surfed in
Brazil, and theres a lot of Brazilians in San Diego where I used to
live, and I love this one type of Brazilian dance, so my question
about her name opened the door to A LOT of Small Talk. Most
conversations wont be as easy as this one, but some of them will.
Then came the teasing:
As I entered her name and number into my cell phone, she said:
Her:Im so sorry, what was your name again?Me: (Pretending to be
VERY angry. This makes the humor obvious)You know what?
Forget it, Im not even going to bother calling you.Her:(Smiling)
I saw an opportunity to bust on her and took it. This sort of
teasing is great for attraction.Compare this to how the Average
Boring Guy would have reacted:Her:Im so sorry, what was your
name again? Average Boring Guy: Its Kevin.Her: Thats right. Im
sorry. Average Boring Guy: No problem.
While theres nothing necessarily WRONG with the Average Guys
response; but it misses an opportunity to build attraction by
showing your confidence and sense of humor through teasing.
Moments later in the same conversation I misspelled her name as I
entered it into my phone. She made a slight face like she was
offended. I immediately jumped all over this and said, Give me a
break! I just met you! A smile spread across her face.
My exaggerated reaction ASSUMED a deep level of rapport/trust
was there, and therefore this CREATED rapport.But compare my
funny reaction to the Average Boring Guy, who under the guise of
being polite and nice would have probably responded, Oh, Im so
sorry. I thought your name was with an i instead of an e. nervous).If youre comfortable with it, lets exchange numbers.
Talk about boring!
Dont have much experience teasing women? Thats not a
problem; it can DEFINITELY be learned. Simply look for
opportunities to tease, and with practice youll begin to see them
everywhere.Teasing, as well as humor in general, can be LEARNED.
I cant tell you how much Ive developed my own sense of humor in
the past couple of years by just practicing teasing and being
sarcastic.Again, for a much more complete account of how to build
attraction using teasing, see the bonus booklet on Building
Attraction.
Short, Simple Conversations Are All You Need
Remember that when you first meet a woman you dont need to
have a long, deep, or funny conversation with her. From when I
say Hi, to when I walk away with a number, takes less than two
minutes, 95% of the time. And were talking HUNDREDS of
numbers.Just sprinkle in a couple of small talk questions or tease
her just a bit, then move on to Step 3 before you end the
conversation.One thing to keep in mind is that Small Talk is the
most optional of all the steps. If youre in a hurry, which can
surprisingly be a real help, you can skip this step entirely and
often still have success.
But remember: even though or perhaps because its the least
important step, Small Talk can be the most dangerous. This is
because Small Talk doesnt carry a risk of rejection; which the
other steps do. So the temptation will be to JUST do Small Talk,
and to NOT give a compliment and NOT suggest exchanging
numbers -- both of which Cross The Friendship Line. The problem,
which far too many guys learn the hard way, is that Small Talk
alone leads NOWHERE.So make sure youre doing the other steps,
too. You can do Small Talk until youre blue in the face, but until
you express interest as a man, and not just as a friend, you get
zero dates.
Homework Assignment #4: Practice Small Talk
Time to step it up a little bit, fellas.Continue giving your
compliments, but now add some small talk, too. You may want to
have one or two questions pre-planned so you dont have to think
on the spot. For example, Where are you from? or What do you
do? or What are you doing here? are all questions you can ask of
any woman, anywhere.
You dont need to suggest exchanging numbers at this point
(although if you want to go ahead). Just have a little small talk.
To end the conversation you can simply say, Well, it was nice
talking to you. Take care. If you have a better way to end the
interaction, go for it.
CHAPTER 6:The One-Minute Approach: Step 3: Get Her Number
You probably hesitate before asking for an attractive womans
number, or suggesting a future meeting. You may avoid it
outright. Most guys do.But let me be very clear:This is the most
important step of all.Without it, you are 99.99% guaranteed not to
have any sort of future with her. Women will almost NEVER offer
their number or suggest a date.
The more women you ask for numbers, the more numbers and
dates you will get. But until you get comfortable doing it, you will
be tempted to BAIL OUT of the conversation before you cross this
final line.This is very common. Let me share with you a quick
story:An ex-girlfriend of mine recently went to a club. I asked her
how many guys came up and spoke with her. She said five. I
asked her how many asked for her number.You know what she
said?Zero. And this is a very attractive, very exotic looking Italian
hottie.
My hunch is these guys were good at small talk, but when it came
to risking rejection by asking for a phone number, they got scared
and backed down.Dont get me wrong, its not typical for an
attractive woman to be approached by five guys, in a club, and
have none of them ask her out. But it points up how easy it can be
to approach and talk with a woman, only to be tempted to avoid
rejection by not asking for the digits before you leave.If youre
interested in a woman, DO NOT LET HER GO without letting her
know youre interested in getting her number or having a date.
How To Suggest Getting Her Number:
As long as you dont say something super needy like, Gee, youll
probably say no, but I was wondering if theres anyway youd want
to go out with a guy like me? it doesnt matter all that much how
you ask a woman out.Dont worry too much about using the perfect
words. There are no perfect words. Just make sure you do ask.
The secret here is, as long as you come across as halfway normal,
a certain percentage of single women WILL give you their number
after a brief conversation with you.All you have to do is ask.
That being said, the following ideas should help you have a high
percentage of YESs from the get-go.There are many different ways
to ask for a womans number. Pick whichever one would be
EASIEST FOR YOU to follow through with (even when youre
Id love to chat with you a bit more over coffee or drinks. Whats
your number?Sara, I think we should meet this week. Whats
you number?Id love to meet you for coffee and some great
conversation later this week.Id like to talk to you again later this
week.Im curious to find out if youre more than just a pretty
face. My recommendation is a one on one consultation, consisting
of great conversation over a drink. How does that sound? (funny)
Something tells me youre more than just a pretty face.
Lets chat again sometime soon
How spontaneous are you feeling? Meet me at Starbucks in an
hour. (Starting the date immediately)If all these options seem
overwhelming to you, just make up something simple and start
trying it out.
Again, dont worry too much about the words you use. Stumbling
over your words is a zillion times better than doing nothing at all.
Why EXCHANGING Numbers Is A Great Idea.
When you get her number, give her yours, too, if possible. Like
smiling or introducing yourself, this helps build trust. Plus, if you
get busy and dont call her, but she calls you, you already know
that her interest level is probably pretty high. Or maybe shes just
bored!Of course, you should never EXPECT a woman to call you.
Get real, man!
Setting Up The Date On The Spot
Getting a womans number is certainly no guarantee of a date. A
great way to improve the odds of a date actually happening is to
set up the date right there when youre first talking to her.
Suggest something to do and a day and time. Then when she says
yes, exchanging numbers is just a formality so that you two can
contact one another if something comes up.In this case, Step 3
might sound something like:You: Listen, I have an idea. Id like
to take a short walk with you on the beach Saturday afternoon, and
if all goes well well get a smoothie afterwards, my treat. Her:
Okay.You: Great. Heres my number in case you need to
reach me. Whats yours?
I call this the Man With A Plan version of Step 3.
Heres another way it might sound:
You: Did you know you have plans next Friday? Yep, youre
going out with this real cute, intelligent, mysterious guyHer:
(laughing) Okay.You: Let me write down my number for you,
and get yours too.
Just remember that in order to do this, youre going to need to
know your schedule in advance.Another option thats a bit bolder -
- and assuming YOU have the time -- is to create the date right
there and then.. You can say something like:You: How
spontaneous are you? Because I just so happen to have the next
hour flexible. Lets go grab a drink.
CHAPTER 7: Sample Dialogues
After reading all of this you may be thinking this simple approach
doesnt seem too simple.Actually it IS simple. But even the
simplest thing, when its broken down to its smallest parts, may
appear complex.So let me give you some sample dialogues to show
just how simple this can be.Heres what an approach may look like
when the woman is NOT single (whichhappens often):
You: You are absolutelygorgeous. Her: Thanks. (Smiling)
You: My name is Fred. Whats yours? Her: Sara.
You: So what are you up to Sara?
Her: Oh Im just picking up some stuff at the dry cleaners.
You: Oh. Listen, Sara, I'd like to talk to you again. If youre
comfortable with it, lets exchange numbers.
Her: Oh, Im sorry, but I have a boyfriend.
You: Oh, too bad. Well, hes a very lucky guy. I hope he knows
that.
Her: Ill make sure to tell him.
This takes about twenty seconds. You can feel great because
youve probably made the woman feel good by complimenting her,
and also exited the conversation very smoothly. You are a mature,
sexually aware, yet polite guy.Later, in the section on Handling
Objections, youll learn ways of probing more to discover whether
or not women are really happy in their relationships. But for now,
lets just keep it simple.Remember, youll probably need to
approach several women who are taken before you find one who is
single. Its just the nature of the game. And its no big deal.
Heres what a simple dialogue may look like with a woman who IS
single:You: Excuse me, hi, you are absolutelygorgeous.
(smiling) Her: Well thank you very much.You: My name is Bob.
Her: Im Sara.You: Nice to meet you, Sara. Her: (smiling)
You: Sara, what are you up to today? Her: Im just doing some
shopping. You: Cool. What are you getting? Her: Blah blah
blah.You: Great. Well, Im right in the middle of my
workout/lunch/whatever.(Smiling) Id love to talk to you some
more when we both have more time. Her: Sure. You. Great.
Whats your number? Her: 123-4567 You: (Enter the number in
your cell phone). You: It was a pleasure meeting you.
Her: Bye. You: Bye.
This takes about sixty seconds. This is how simple the successful
approaches are. They wont all be successful, but when they are,
its really simple.And remember, most women will enjoy you
approaching them and opening with a sincere compliment. So even
when you DONT get a number, most of the time both of you will
feel good about the interaction.Also remember that some women
will really appreciate you getting to the point and asking for her
number. Women often complain that guys who are obviously
interested in them just talk and talk and talk, without ever getting
to the point and asking them out. So your directness will
sometimes be a relief.Heres another example:
Imagine youre driving in your car, and you see an attractive
woman walking toward a bunch of shops. Saying something from
your car, and having her give you her number, is a tough thing.
Not likely to succeed.So instead you pull into the parking lot of the
shops. You get out of your car, and you walk so your path crosses
hers.Some of you are thinking, Thats a bit extreme, isnt it? Isnt
it obvious what youre doing?My answer is that its NOT extreme.
And its NOT obvious. And if you care whether its obvious or not,
you may still be carrying some excess shame that is preventing you
from taking assertive, yet perfectly acceptable actions that lead to
dates.After you get a couple of women's numbers this way, youll
stop feeling any shame about it.So your paths cross:
You: Excuse me. You are absolutelybeautiful. Her: Thank
you.You: My name is Kevin.Her: My name is Maria (with an
accent). You: Where are you from Maria?
Her: Mexico. You: Oh, I love Mexico. Her: Have you been
there?You: Yep, Ive been to blah, blah, blah. You: Well, Maria,
Id like to meet you later this week for a coffee or a drink.
Her: Pausing. (Youre thinking shes going to say shes not
interested. But dont say a thing. Just wait.) Her: Okay.
You: Great. Whats your number? Her: xxx-xxxx.
You: Great. Maria, it was a pleasure.
Is this rocket science? No.Can some of you guys build way more
rapport than in these examples, for example by making a woman
laugh?You bet!
Just remember that making a woman laugh during an approach is a
bonus. It isnt necessary for the approach to be a success.But
whatever you do, be sure to ask for her number before you leave.
Homework Assignment #5: Practice Asking For Numbers
Next, I want you to choose some very simple words you can use
when you ask a woman for her number.I want you to say them ten
times out loud or until they are totally memorized. Then, the VERY
NEXT attractive woman you see, youre going to approach, and
request her number before the end of the conversation.
Dont worry about whether you get a number or not. Thats not the
point of the exercise. The purpose is simply for you to PRACTICE
asking women for their numbers.If you make the request, if you
ask for her number, EVEN IF SHE SAYS NO, youve succeeded for
the purposes of this exercise.
Congratulations.
Afterwards, if you feel like asking more women for their numbers,
go for it.
CHAPTER 8: Handling Objections
Many women will give you objections to giving you their number or
going on a date. Preparing responses to these objections will really
help.The ABSOLUTELY GREAT thing about objections and rejections
is that they arent nearly as bad as most men think. Most men
have fears that women will laugh in their faces, or snicker to their
friends, or basically make them feel about three inches tall.
This simply doesnt happen. Rude women are usually hard to find,
and the worst that happens is theyll ignore you or look at you
funny. This happens less than10% of the time if you follow the
steps I teach.Objections are normal. Never take it personally when
you hear one. Once you approach enough women and hear enough
objections, youll become desensitized to them. They wont sting
so much. In fact, its likely youll get to the point of being able to
respond to them without missing a beat.
Most guys who are successful with women have had many
dates and other wonderful experiences with women that
wouldnt have happened had they not overcome at least one
objection.Thats one of the secrets: ALWAYS attempt to overcome
at least one objection. Another secret: having a playful and
lighthearted attitude toward objections will make you more skilled
at overcoming them. When YOU have an easygoing attitude
toward objections, it makes it easier for HER to have an easygoing
attitude toward saying yes.Often, your willingness to try to
overcome just one objection can make the difference between
being alone, and having all sorts of fantastic experiences with a
great woman.
Objection #1: I dont give out my number. Give me yours
instead.If you give a woman YOUR number, theres less than a
10% chance that she will ever call (unless youre Brad Pitt).
Even if youre getting a great vibe and you really believe shes
sincere when she tells you shell call, it just doesnt matter. Women
are conditioned not to pursue.
So dont give out your number, unless she gives you hers in
exchange. If you dont have direct experience, and you doubt this,
try giving out your number when you meet women, and see how
many call you back.So, you can say something like:
Its just a cell phone number, silly, and then look at her expecting
for her to give you her number.
I think we both know that a woman is very unlikely to call a man.
So Sara, Im a good guy, and if you ask me to never call you again,
I wont continue to call, I promise. Dont be silly.
You know, I dont give my number out because I know that nine
times out of ten when a man gives a woman his number, she
doesnt call. So for this one time Id like for you to bend your rule,
just for little ole me. I promise I wont call you more than twelve
times a day. Scouts honor.
Listen, lets be honest. I think youre absolutely gorgeous, and
Im interested in seeing you again. I want to know if youre
interested. If you are, great, give me your number and well talk
again, and if not, well thats okay too.
Or, you can set up a date right there on the spot:
Not a problem. Lets skip the phone altogether. Ill meet you
tomorrow evening at 6 p.m. at Starbucks. Heres my number in
case something comes up and you cant make it. Otherwise Ill be
there.Ask for her cell phone number, not her home phone:
Well, if youre worried about safety, just give me you cell phone.
Or ask for her email, not cell phone number:
Well, if youre worried about safety, just give me your email.
Objection #2: I have a boyfriend.
Here is the deal: some women will say theyre taken because
theyre not interested in you and they are trying to be polite. Fair
enough.But some women will say theyre taken because they dont
know you quite well enough yet to give you their number. Others
dont want to admit that they dont have a boyfriend, because they
dont want to appear needy. They think something is wrong with
them if they are single.
Others still are in a relationship, but are dying to get out of it.
So dont simply except the I have a boyfriend objection at face
value. Get more information. You can raise the bar by saying,
That doesnt surprise me, but let me ask you a question: How
would you honestly rate your relationship, on a scale of 1 to 10?
If the woman responds with anything below an 8, you may decide
to ask her out. You can do this by simply IGNORING the fact that
shes taken, and again suggest exchanging numbers. Sometimes,
you ignoring it acts as permission for her to ignore it too. If
youre not used to doing this, itll feel like a stretch, maybe
because you feel some shame about it. Just play with this, and see
what happens in your own experience.My philosophy on breaking
up relationships:Proceed with caution. As I said before, my view is
NOT to split up happy, fulfilled relationships. Two things can
happen: either shell end up leaving you for someone else as
soon as things go bad, much like she left her current boyfriend for
you; or shell eventually dump you and get back with her old
boyfriend.
That being said, sometimes your timing is just right. You meet a
good woman whos in a relationship that shes the process of
separating herself from. She leaves the bad relationship, gets into
a great relationship with you, and everything is great. This
definitely happens -- especially with very attractive women. Since
they are approached by men so often, they are very rarely single.
This makes the timing of getting in with one difficult, unless youre
willing to step in as her last relationship is on the way out.
By the way: usually a woman will not come right out and
say, Im in a relationship, but its not going very well. Instead
shell just say, Im taken. Its up to you to probe to see how
happy she is. Thats where the question, On a scale of 1 to 10,
how totally happy are you with your current relationship? comes in
handy.Some guys automatically assume that if a woman says shes
taken that the man shes with is some sort of super-male that they
could never compete with.This is a mistake.
Remember the exercise from the chapter on Fear and Excuses
where you listed some of your really cool strengths as a guy?
Remember that you REALLY DO havea lot to offer a woman? If
shes in a sub-optimal relationship thats going downhill, she might
well be happier with you.Pursuing women who are in relationships
is a touchy subject for many guys. Im not asking you to adopt my
rules. Think about what Ive said and then decide for yourself how
youre going to handle these situations.
Maybe for you, even pursuing women who are in TERRIBLE
relationships is just not right. Thats fine. Remember, its YOUR
self-respect you could damage if you do something you dont think
is right. Your own self-respect is a powerful force in making you a
naturally attractive man. Plus it's important in it's own right, simply
for your own happiness. So do the thing thats right for YOU.
But personally, Ive been amazed at how many women are in
relationships that theyre not happy with, and are just hanging
with because its comfortable and they dont see anything better.
Asking If Shes Single BEFORE Going For Her Digits
Not to confuse things here fellas, but there are some advantages to
finding out if a woman is single BEFORE asking for her
number. Figuring out early in a conversation if a woman is
single saves you the time and disappointment of talking to her and
getting interested, only to find out that shes taken at the point
when you suggest exchanging numbers. For lots of guys, that
hurts a little bit.Some of you know what Im talking about here.
So to avoid this pain, you may want to Discover If Shes Single
(DISS) early in the conversation.Discovering If Shes Single also
implies that you have romantic interest. Its another bit fat clue
that youre NOT interested in being just a friend.
Im going to mention two ways to find out if a woman is taken.
Assumptive Question
The first is with an assumptive question. This question ASSUMES
that the woman is taken. So if she turns out to be indeed taken,
its not much of a shock to the conversation.Some examples are:
Im surprised your boyfriend lets you out of the house alone. (I
know, its not technically a question, but it works.)
Does your boyfriend tell you you have beautiful eyes? You can
use this if youve already given her a compliment, in this case
youve complimented her eyes. Substitute whatever part of her
appearance you complimented.
Wheres your boyfriend today? You can use this if youve seen
her with a guy before.
Direct Question
Some guys are great at assumptive questions, others arent. If you
just prefer to be direct, use a direct question.One of my favorites
is,Are you madly in love with someone? orNow Im wondering if
youre madly in love with someone or Something tells me youre
not madly in love with anyone, are you?I like these because they
raise the standard. Like I said before, many women out there have
a boyfriend simply to have one; to be in a relationship. So if you
dont raise the bar a little you will miss out on meeting a certain
number of women.
Some women are VERY unhappy with their relationship, and are
waiting for an excuse to leave. If youre really lucky, youll hear
something like, Yes, I have a boyfriend, but its nothing serious.
If you ever hear these words, what she really telling you is, My
boyfriend is a loser. Please ask me out!
If you dont want to raise the standard like this, thats fine. You
could say, May I ask if you have a boyfriend? or Now Im
wondering if you have a boyfriend, or Something tells me you
dont have a boyfriend. Do you?This last one is nice, as is the last
one earlier in this section, because when you guess right and she
doesnt have a boyfriend, youre going to come across as an
unusually perceptive guy who knows a lot of things about
women. This is mysterious, and mystery is attractive.Heres a
sample dialogue with a woman whos in a relationship, but not
happy:
You: I had to come over here and tell you you have absolutely
gorgeouseyes. Her: Wow. Thanks so much. That really made
my day. (She turns to walk away) You: (Not following her lead
to stop the conversation) My name is John, what's yours?Her:
Im Kristin.You: Nice to meet you Kristin. You: So what are you
up to?Her: Just waiting to meet a friend. You: Kristin can I ask
if you're single? Her: Actually I have a boyfriend.
You: Hmm. Well, I know it's kind of a funny question, but, if you
hade to rate your relationship 1-10, what would you give it, if you
were being totally honest?Her: Hmm, honest, I guess I'd give it
about a 5.You: Hmm. Well sounds like things aren't going to hot.
Her: Yeah, things could be better.You: What, he doesn't treat
you well are what?Her: Well, we'll just been together a long time,
and I think we're growing apart. You: Wow, that's too bad. Listen,
Id love to give you a call sometime and talk to you more. How
does that sound? Her: That would be great.
See how pushing past the boyfriend objection can get you
more accurate information?Again, proceed with caution with
women who are in relationships. Only push enough to see if they
are in the process of leaving their man ALREADY. If they arent, I
recommend against pushing it.
When A Woman IS Happily Taken: Ask Bonus Questions
It shouldnt surprise you that many of the women you speak with
will be happily taken! Be ready for it. You can reply:What
attracted you to him in the beginning? If nothing else, this will
give you some more insight on how to attract women.Do you have
any single friends that are as attractive as you? Attractive women
often have attractive friends. This question opens the possibility
of her setting you up with one of them.You can also say something
complimentary like, Bummer. Why are all the good ones taken?
End like a gentleman
If shes happily in a relationship, end the conversation like a
gentleman. Itll make YOU feel good.Well, your boyfriend has
excellent taste, and it was a pleasure meeting you. Objection #3:
She ignores your date request and changes the subject. Or she
gives you some lame excuse why she cant go.Ignore it and keep
talking. Then ask her out again. Persistence can pay off.
Sometimes when this happens, just like in the previous example,
the woman is saying, I need to trust you more before giving you
my number, so lets keep talking to I can trust you.
For example,
You: Sara, Id think we should meet for coffee and conversation
later this week. Whats your number? Her: Well, Im leaving for
Italy in a week.You: Thats great, have you been there before?
Her: Blah blah blah.You: Cool, so lets meet up for coffee on
Saturday. Whats your number?
See? You just ask again. Playfully ignore her objection.
Women are testing us all the time. Sometimes throwing up an
objection is a test to see if we cave in, or persist.So practice
pushing past at least one objection. You WILL get numbers and
dates and a lot of other wonderful stuff this way, from time to time.
A typical Nice Guy will accept any objection at face value which
can be a big mistake. I cant tell you how many numbers and
dates Ive gotten because I was willing to blow past that first
objection and state again clearly what I wanted. This isnt being
aggressive; its being assertive.You can be assertive and still be a
gentleman. In fact, being an Assertive Gentleman is a great way
to have fun and get dates. Try it.
Handling A Woman Not Being Interested In You, a.k.a. Rejection
Sometimes a woman wont be interested in you simply because
theres something about you physically that they dont like and you
cant change. And although there are certain behaviors you can
exhibit that make you more attractive, sometimes a woman just
has a physical type theyre attracted to, and thats that.
Are you white? Maybe they want a darker skinned guy.
Are you tall? Maybe they like guys closer to their height.
Are you short? Maybe they like guys who can dunk a basketball.
Get my drift? Just like guys, women, women have different
physical types they are attracted to.Does it make the women who
dont fit your type bad people? Nope. It just means they dont
happen to have the particular and unique physical characteristics
youre looking for.Does it mean YOU have any less value because
you dont fit what one particular woman is looking for? Of course
not.Have you ever had an experience of you and a buddy looking at
the same woman, he says, Wow, look at the hottie? And you
look around and say, What are you talking about?
Two guys looking at the same chick. One thinks shes hot, the
other thinks shes not.Apply this same thinking to how women view
you.Two women see you. One is going to think youre just
average. The other is going to think youre really hot. You cant
be every womans type. Approach enough women, and youll find
plenty that are attracted to your type.
And remember, when you approach with confidence and class,
women more so than men will be willing to bend their rules a
little bit as to what their type really is.
Homework Assignment #8: Overcome An Objection
Review the objections in this chapter and how to respond to them,
and attempt to overcome an objection on your next three
approaches.Have fun with it, and dont take overcoming objections
too seriously. Just play with it.After all, ITS ALL PRACTICE.
CHAPTER 9:What Most Guys Dont Know: The Hidden Power Of
Momentum
Momentum is one of the most powerful tools you can use to get
comfortable approaching women, and to approach them
successfully.It is frickin amazing.Ever been on a roll? Maybe you
were playing some game and after making one great move or one
great shot, you just kept making the next one, and the next one,
and the next one. And you performed at an entirely new level.
Like it wasnt even you.Like it was someone else.
And you were so much on a roll, it was like you KNEW you were
going to make the next shot. And you did.Or maybe it was at
work. Where you really nailed some assignment. And then
another one. And another.And your confidence was going through
the roof. It was as if you could not fail. This same concept applies
to successfully approaching (and successfully dating) women.
Thats MOMENTUM.
When you succeed with an approach, your confidence builds. This
natural increase in confidence makes it more likely that your next
approach will also be successful.Now you have momentum.
Success is coming easy to you. Youre confident. Youre flowing.
Youre in the zone.Some of you can relate to what Im talking
about. Some of you cant yet. If this is you, just trust me on this
one and read on.
Momentum With Women
As you practice the habit of approaching women and asking for
their numbers, you create Momentum. By this I mean that as soon
as you begin to step out of that comfort zone that you (and 90% of
all men) have probably been in for quite some time, your
confidence will almost immediately go up.When confidence
increases, fear naturally decreases. And when this happens,
approaching the next woman is that much EASIER.When your
Momentum is low, it takes a 9 of effort on a scale of 1 to 10 to
approach a woman you like. And a lot of times you wont do it,
because its just so much damn effort.
But when you have Momentum, the level of effort it takes to
approach goes down to a 5, or a 3, and eventually even a 1. It
becomes almost effortless to pull the trigger and approach women,
once you have Momentum.Some of you reading this may find it
incomprehensible that something thats so uncomfortable now, you
can actually begin to enjoy, look forward to, and relish. But its a
fact.The trick is to approach frequently in a short period of time.
This is what creates and maintains Momentum.
Keeping the Momentum going requires just a little bit of effort, but
starting it in the first place is the difficult part. Get ready to work
at it in the beginning.
Starting Momentum Is Like Building A Fire: Its A Pain In The Butt
To start to build your Momentum you have to overcome the initial
inertia. This is where the feeling of risk and fear is at its peak.
Its like starting a fire: you have to supply the spark to start the
flame. Providing this spark (i.e. approaching your first woman in a
while) takes courage, and, lets face it, its a pain in the ass. It
feels like work. It takes effort on your part.But its a necessary
step on the path to dating the women you really want. Its that
simple.Again, once you have Momentum, it takes little additional
effort to maintain it.
How To Start Momentum
When Momentum is low and you dont feel like approaching, the
best way to build it is to take action even though you dont FEEL
like it.Easier said than done, I know.
One easy way to do this is to trick yourself by just intending to
go and pay the compliment, and get the hell out of there. This is
the "Hit And Run" homework assignment you did awhile back.
This in itself will put you into action mode, which is what
Momentum is all about.What I recommend is to do three Hit and
Runs each and every day. Itll keep you in the mode of speaking
with women. Even if youre not attracted to the women, if you see
something to sincerely compliment them about, do it. The habit of
doing three Hit and Runs every day like this is extremely effective
in keeping your Momentum in high gear.If you arent
complimenting women now, three compliments a day may seem
like a big jump. No problem. Start with one compliment a day.
Because Momentum is about being in action. Being in action
makes it easier to be in more action. Thats the essence of
Momentum.Momentum is about being a man who is action
oriented,So get into action. Approach that first attractive woman
you see during the day. After approaching the first one,
approaching the second and third will be WAY easier.
And sometimes the first one will give you her number. Then youll
REALLY haveMomentum for the rest of the day!
The Number-One Enemy Of Momentum: You Have a Success, So
You GetLazy
One of the biggest mistakes guys make with Momentum is getting
lazy when they have initial success.This might mean they get a
womans number, then stop approaching other women for
numbers.Or they go on a date with a woman, so they stop
approaching other women for numbers.
Or they get tons of numbers for several weeks, but then they get
really picky about who they approach, and dont approach any
women at all for a week.
What happens to your Momentum in these cases?
It gets killed. So now you have to work much, much harder to get
it up again (no pun intended) to the point where taking action is
again almost effortless. You have to do the work of starting the fire
all over again.So why did you stop taking action?
Because approaching women is still uncomfortable for you, so you
used your initial success as an EXCUSE to stop doing the very
things that made you successful!Obviously, this is a mistake.
So, when you get a really attractive womans number, continue
approaching other women for THEIR numbers. Immediately, that
same day.Instead of using initial success as an excuse to STOP
approaching other women, use it as an excuse to approach MORE
women, and more ATTRACTIVE women.Why?
Because right after you get a cool womans number, you
have very high Momentum. This means at that moment, its
easier for you to approach another attractive woman for HER
number. And because youre naturally confident at this moment,
youre more likely to successfully get her number.So you get
another womans number.And another.And another.
If you do this, all of a sudden youll go from a guy who perhaps
didnt have many or any numbers, to a guy with multiple hot
prospects.All by understanding the power of Momentum, which is
central to my psychology of approaching women.
The same goes when you actually go on a date with an
attractive woman.Continue to fill your pipeline. Continue to
approach women and get their numbers. Never stop approaching
new women just because one date went well.
Do you know how many things can happen to prevent you from
having a second date with a woman, even if the first date went
extremely well?Tons!She could get back together with an old
boyfriend.She could decide she doesnt want to see you again, even
though the first date was great.She could get super busy at work.
She could have some personal drama that is sucking up all her time
and attention.And so forth.
So the ONLY time to stop approaching women and getting their
numbers, is if you and a woman youre dating have had an actual
conversation and agreed to become exclusive.Thats the only time.
Though Id be willing to bet you wont listen to me.And if you dont
listen? Watch your Momentum. It will get killed.
And watch your heart. It will probably get broken. Hopefully youll
only have to make this mistake once to learn from it.The moral of
the story: keep your activity up, even when youre getting so many
numbers your Palm Pilot is crashing, and even when your evenings
are filled with dates for the next two weeks!
Keep approaching to keep your Momentum!
One Tip: Build Momentum Before Noon
Try approaching your first woman of the day before noon.If you
havent yet developed the habit of approaching lots of attractive
women, approaching early in the day will make the rest of your
day kick serious ass! And it makes it very likely that youll
approach more women later that some day, simply because youre
feeling confident.Its a great feeling. Try it out.
Another Tip: Take a Giant Leap
I spoke before about taking baby steps: small steps outside of your
comfort zone, to gradually make approaching women and asking
them out easier.Now Im going to share with you something totally
different: Giant Steps.A giant step is an action WAY outside your
comfort zone.
Lets say that for some reason, asking out a waitress is a big deal
to you. Something about a woman serving you in a restaurant
makes it REALLY difficult for you to ask her out. This used to
describe me. I thought I was being nice by NOT asking her out.
Maybe this describes you too.In which case, asking out a waitress
or a blonde or a Latina or a woman with 38- EEs, whatever youre
attracted to but which makes you uncomfortable would be a
Giant Step. Its WAY out of your comfort zone. But were you,
today, to ask out a waitress youve had your eye on, how much
EASIER do you think it would be afterwards to approach all the
women who ARENT waitresses?
It would be SO much easier than it is for you right now!Get it?
When you do a REALLY uncomfortable approach, it makes all the
other approaches a walk in the park. They will actually FEEL
easier. Your Momentum will be through the roof. Youll be on
fire!This is why Momentum is such a powerful force. Because
when you have it, approaching FEELS completely different. It
becomes EASY!
If youre reading this thinking, Yeah right. Approaching becoming
easy? Sure, listen: many of my clients, have experienced this
over and over and over again.So look for an opportunity to take a
Giant Step. Youll be rewarded.
CHAPTER 10:How Your Attitude Can Make The Difference
One difficulty in writing about communicating with women is that
much of your communication is not in the words you use but in
your voice tone & body language(this includes smiling). And the
ATTITUDE we have, the place were coming from, affects both our
voice and our body language.So you have three choices to improve
this part of your communication:
1) You can focus directly on making changes in your voice and
body language. For example, before approaching a woman you
might tell yourself, This time, Im going to speak a little slower.
Or this time Im not going to be fidgeting with my hands. Or this
time Im going to remember to smile.
2) Or you can focus on making a change in your attitude, which
will naturally affect voice and body language. For example, This
time Im going to have the attitude of sincerely appreciating her
beauty. This may naturally cause you to smile and speak a little
slower.
3) Or you can do both. Have a powerful attitude, AND pay
attention to some of the details of the way youre communicating.
I almost hesitate to talk about these details of communicating with
women. I dont want to overwhelm you.But I have to. Because
some of you are going to go out, try the Approach, and get results
that arent great.Is that possible? Yep.
One reason? Your voice tone and body language will suck.
Now, some guys wont have to worry about these things. Theyll
have them down just fine without even focusing on them. So my
suggestion is to go out, try the Approach, and if youre getting
great results dont bother reading this section.
But if youre NOT getting the results youre looking for (after
doing, say, 10 approaches), read on.
An Example of the Power of Attitude
A while back I was driving at night when I saw an attractive woman
walking alone with headphones. My first reaction was, This is
going to be a dicey approach. Shes walking alone at night; so
theres going to be the stranger danger factor.
But I thought, What the hell, its all just practice anyways, right?
(Remember, this is one of the Approach attitudes.)So I parked my
car, waited for the woman to pass by, and Opened with a sincere
compliment.And somewhat to my surprise, the woman took off her
headphones and began talking to me for quite some time. Even
though it was dark. Even though she was walking alone. Even
though I was some guy who just pulled his car over to talk to her.
I believe a lot of guys would have messed this up.
How? Because their voice inflection and body language would have
sucked. They would have been communicating, Im doing
something wrongIm being fakeI want something from her. In
short, other guys ATTITUDE would have been all wrong.
I had this attitude:I just want to pay the compliment. I am sincere
I really;do think shes very attractive. I have no problem if she
doesnt want to date. Im a kind guy. Theres no shame in doing
this.This attitude came across through my voice and body. Im
sure I had a kind expression on my face. Im sure I was smiling.
Im sure my voice tone was sincere.And this made the difference
between her standing and talking, and running off scared.
I want you guys to succeed. And if I could go out with
you while youre approaching women, Id be able to give you
great feedback on what I notice about your voice, face, and body.
But I cant. So instead, you have to give yourself that same
feedback. After each approach, think about what you were doing
with this part of your communication, and what you could improve
next time.But theres no reason to get overwhelmed with this
communication stuff. ONLY if the Approach isnt working for you,
pick one thing about your communication to work on, and focus on
improving it on your next three approaches.
Dont Let Your Attitude Stop You
Ive just explained how your attitude makes a difference in your
success with approaching women.That being said, I also have to
say this:Approaching, even with the WORST attitude possible, is
WAY BETTER than not approaching at all. Sometimes youll be in
a bad mood and so your attitude is going to suck. But NEVER use
this as just another excuse not to approach.
Guys who approach women regularly have tons of examples of
being in a poor mood, having a bad attitude, but approaching a
woman anyway, expecting her NOT to give him her number
And then getting her number.
You just never know until you go. So, while having a great
attitude can really make a difference, if you cant have that great
attitude, just say do the Approach regardless.Youll be opening a
possibility.
Four Powerful Attitudes
Here are some specific attitudes you can try out with when
communicating with women:1. Light and Playful,2. Authentic and
Direct,3. Really Relaxed,4. Gentlemanly (polite & refined)
Pick one of the dialogues, and read it once being light and playful,
and the next being authentic and direct. Can you feel the
difference?Women really can.
So try different attitudes during your approaches. This way youll
find the attitudes that work best for you, that feel natural. Great.
Use those.I personally like the first two. Sometimes Ill be light
and playful and smiling and easy. One advantage to this approach
is it means youre smiling, which helps defuse some of the
stranger danger some women feel when talking to a man theyve
just met.Men who are nervous tend not to smile. This can scare
women.Other times, I come from an authentic, direct, powerful
place. Both attitudes work well. And of course, there are many
other positive attitudes you might work on. Find one or two that
work for you.
The Light and Playful Attitude
Since it works well for lots of guys, heres a little more information
on the Light and Playful attitude.
When youre playful, youre having fun with the process of
approaching and flirting. And when youre enjoying the process like
this, you become even more attractive. Youre smiling. Youre
spontaneous. Youre playing.If youre kind of a playful guy anyway,
try bringing that part of you to your next approach. And the next
time youre in that playful mood, maybe from hanging out with
your buddies, listening to certain songs, etc., test out if its easier
for you to approach women when youre in that mood.I bet youll
find that it is.When youre playful and enjoying yourself, you are
more attractive, its easier for you to start conversations, and its
even easier for women to start conversations with YOU!
Its almost like when youre playful you can do almost anything to
anybody, and itll work out. Things just flow. Things are easy
and light.Youre viewing the approach as a game, not as some
serious event. Youre having fun with it.
And youre smiling. This can be a huge plus. Check out this
example:I was driving my car one morning and I saw a hottie
walking on the sidewalk. So although my silly brain said, "If I pull
over, she might think Im stalking her or something," I pulled my
car over anyway and waited in the next driveway.
When she walked past, from my car I said "Excuse me...Excuse
me" but she didn't turn around. So my silly brain said "She's
definitely scared of me. I'm some strange guy talking to her from
my car."But I was smart, and I kept being assertive, because my
attitude was, "Hey, I'm being playful, I'm doing nothing wrong."
So I pulled out of the driveway and pulled my car along side the
sidewalk where she was walking. I rolled down my window and
with a big fat smile I said,
Me: Excuse me, I saw you walking back there. You are
absolutely beautiful. Her: Thanks.Me: My name's Kevin. (Step
2: Introduce)Her: My name's Megan, but I gotta go, I'm going to
be late for work in two minutes.Me: No problem, I gotta run.
Listen, can I get your number and call you sometime? (Step 3: Go
For Her Number)Her: Sure.Me: Great. (Getting out my cell
phone). What is it? Her: xxx-xxxx.Me: Great. Is this a number
you'll actually answer? Her: Yep.Me: Great. I'll talk to you
later. Her: Bye.
Im sure there were at least ten single guys that morning who saw
her walking and wished they could get to know her...but Im the
one who did, thanks to a smile and a really simple dialogue,
coupled with the right attitude.
Of course, you dont have to always be quite so assertive to get
numbers. I included this example to show you whats possible, if
youre willing to put aside your assumptions about what will work
and what wont.The lesson here is, when you smile and have a
light, playful attitude, you can get away with being extremely
assertive. This leads to getting lots of numbers you wouldnt
normally get.The reason this approach was successful wasnt
because Im great looking (because Im not). It wasnt because I
hypnotized her or have some super special psychological powers
(because I dont). And it wasnt because shes desperate
(she was about a 9).
One reason I was successful because I came across as normal and
sincere. Many women are approached by guys who DONT come
across as normal or sincere.
Guys who try to act really cool. Or who have no class and make
sexual innuendoes too early.Of course, not every approach goes
like this. But what if you had you to approach four women to get
one approach to go this well? What would that be worth to you?
And remember, using The One-Minute Approach, youll feel good
about 90% of the approaches -- even when you DONT get a
number.
The Authentic and Direct Attitude
Another attitude or state that works well for some guys is being
authentic and direct.Where the playful attitude is light, the
authentic and direct attitude is powerful. Youre coming from a
place of really relishing her beauty. And being 100% direct about
your intentions.What happens naturally with this attitude is lots of
eye contact. Also, you may be doing very little small talk.
A dialogue might go like this:
You: You are absolutelygorgeous. Her: Thanks.
You: Are you madly in love with someone? Her: Uh, well, no
You: Great, I suggest we meet for coffee later this week. Hows
tomorrow evening at 6:00?
Its like: bam! No beating around the bush. You know exactly
what you want, and you go after it.You may be thinking, No way.
That would never work. The truth is some guys work this very
well, others dont. You have to find out for yourself.Remember, the
secret isnt in the words. Its in your attitude, the place youre
coming from.Simplicity like this can be very powerful.
The Really Relaxed Attitude
Ever see the movie Office Space?
Theres a scene where the main character, who is in a hypnotic
trance that makes him absolutely relaxed and not caring about
anything, asks out the character played by Jennifer Aniston.
After introducing himself he says something to the effect of, Im
going to get a table at x restaurant, and if you can make it over
great, and if not, thats great too.Hes less focused on her beauty,
and more just being very cool and relaxed. Hes non-attached.
And importantly, he REALLY IS relaxed and cool; hes not just
ACTING that way.And some women will really respond to this.
When youre really relaxed, youll probably notice a change in your
body tension. You'll probably notice theres a difference between
when you catch yourself walking around cool, and when you're
walking around just being you. Its a subtle shift on the outside,
but a huge shift on the inside as far as you attitude and the way
you hold yourself.Try it. Notice how much difference you feel.
Youll probably be much more relaxed. And its not just relaxing
your MUSCLES, its relaxing your ATTITUDE. Relax your attitude,
and your body follows.
The Gentlemanly Attitude
Here you will be very polite and refined in your communication.
When you first approach you may say something like excuse me
or I dont mean to intrude. If you're curious if a woman is single,
you may phrase it like "May I ask if youre single?Here your
attitude is, I am a VERY classy guy. And very classy guys can
get be assertive with women because were just so damned polite
and refined. We can get away with things that less-polite guys
cant.And this is true. Great manners can make it easier for
women to respond positively to your approach, even when youre
being quite assertive.
CHAPTER 11:Powerful Practices For Approaching Success
How To Use This Chapter
This chapter lists the fundamental practices for overcoming your
fear of approaching women; kind of a birds-eye view of the whole
process. It gives you an important structure for reducing your fear,
and successfully implementing The One-Minute Approach.
Practice #1: Set Daily or Weekly Goals
Get specific about how many women youll talk to each day or
week, and what steps youre going to practice during your
approaches. As Ive said before, at first your focus should be on
your ACTIVITY, not on the RESULTS of your activity. For example,
To compliment one woman a day for the next seven days, NOT
To get five numbers this week.
Having a specific goal gives you something concrete to focus on.
This really helps with taking action. Without a specific goal, you can
lose motivation, and not push yourself. The more vague your goal
is, the greater the likelihood that youll take little or no action. But
with a specific goal, its likely youll take MUCH more action.
Compare the goal, I want to approach more women, with For the
next seven days, Ill compliment one woman a day.
Hit Your Goal Before Lunch
This is the same idea as building your momentum before noon.
When you reach your goal before lunch, you can relax and feel like
a stud for the rest of the day. Youll probably be feeling so great
that you will actually WANT to approach some more of the women
you may see that day.
Practice #2: Keep An Approach Log
Probably THE most powerful tool in overcoming your fear of
approaching women, and building your confidence, is keeping an
Approach Log of exactly how much action youre taking. Without
knowing this, its REALLY easy to slip back into your comfort zone
and not talk to any attractive women. A whole week can go by in
which youve spoken to hardly any ladies.But keeping track keeps
you honest with yourself. You will know the days when youre
taking action, and the days when youre not. And this
honesty and RESPECT FOR REALITY is a key to keeping you
motivated. Because you will see very clearly when youre taking
the action necessary for success, and when youre not.
They say, What gets measured gets done. You know why they
say that? BECAUSE ITS TRUE!!!! The very act of measuring your
actions puts them in the front of your mind and makes it WAY more
likely youll be taking action every day.
But the greatest thing about keeping a Log is, youll be able to
track why you got dates in some cases, and why you didnt in
others.When you keep track of your numbers, it becomes very
clear where your roadblocks are. Youre either not seeing many,
not approaching many, or not asking many ladies for their
numbers.Its really simple.
An Approach Log is a notebook, or even just a sheet of paper. Put
it on your bed so you have to move it to get into your bed to go to
sleep. This REMINDS you to write in it each night. Or if you
prefer you can put the same info into a spreadsheet in your
computer.WARNING: Some guys dont want to do the Approach
Log. I think it is one of the most powerful tools in this whole book.
If you really think it isnt for you, then just do the Approach Log
Entry #2: Keep Track Of Your Actions. Itll take less than thirty
seconds a day, and its described in detail below.
In your Approach Log, I recommend doing only 4 things:
Approach Log Entry #1: Write down your DAILY/WEEKLY GOAL
For example:This week Ill compliment two women each day who
are at least 5s.Approach Log Entry #2: Keep track of YOUR
ACTIONSYou should include:
The # of attractive women you saw during the day (for
example, 5)
The # of women you spoke with (for example, 4)
The # of women you asked out (for example, 3)
The # of women who gave you their numbers (for example, 1)
Focus first on improvement in ACTIVITY, not improvement in
RESULTS. So, if you were complimenting or asking out zero
women in a typical week before you started this program, and now
youre asking out two women per week, EVEN IF THEY SAY NO, this
is a huge improvement in activity! Congratulate yourself!
The results will come, and there almost always is lag time
between when youre doing the right things (ACTIVITY) and when
you begin to see RESULTS. Hang in there.
Approach Log Entry #3: Write down what you are LEARNING
Remember what I said about focusing on learning, and not so
much on the outcome?Here is where you reflect on your
approaches, or lack of approaches. What worked? What didnt?
What made the difference to you taking action? Write down
ANYTHING you learned.If you dont think about what youre
learning, youre bound to have to re-learn the same things over
and over again.And thats a waste of time.
Approach Log Entry #4: Keep track of your BIGGEST WINS
This is CRITICAL to building your confidence and maintaining your
motivation over the long haul.When you have a big win, write it
down.Maybe you felt less nervous during an approach than you
ever did before.Or maybe you overcame your fear and approached
a really attractive woman, while a bunch of other guys could only
watch. I LOVE THIS ONE.Or perhaps you approached and got the
number of a woman you really like.Or maybe you went on a date
with an attractive woman. Or kissed her, or whatever.
Write it down. Because those wins and feelings can be easy to
forget, if the next girl you meet doesnt respond as positively.
I want you to work on the belief that you are capable of
approaching, and going out with, the women you really want.
Keeping track of your wins and improvements helps build this
belief by pounding into your memory the successes along the way.
Practice #3: Practice TONS
One summer when I was in high school, I attended a camp to
improve my baseball skills.The coach there said to me, If you
want to make the team, practice fielding ground balls 1,000 times
before tryouts.And I said, ButHe cut me off. I said practice
fielding ground balls 1,000 times before tryouts.And again I
started to say, ButHe wouldnt let me finish. Practice fielding
ground balls 1,000 times before tryouts.My coach was trying to
make the point that, to get good at something, you have to
practice A LOT. No amount of talking or analyzing is going to take
the place of actually getting out there and doing it.
And with enough practice, ANYBODY can develop ANY sort of skill.
You MUST practice approaching so that in situations where you are
nervous (and there will be a lot of them), the steps will
automatically come out of your mouth.Practicing them enough so
they become automatic is a very realistic goal. There are only a
few steps. They are not complex. But you still MUST practice
them. If you dont practice, you wont be able to remember even
these several simple steps.
When you first start out,I recommend practicing at home by
yourself at least five times every morning.Try practicing with this
simple dialogue. Read it aloud first, then memorize each of the
steps:Excuse me, you have absolutely beautiful eyes My name is
Kevin, whats yours?
So what are you doing here, anyways?
Great, I have to go, but Id love to meet you for coffee this week.
Other words may work better for you. Just make sure youre
including each of the steps.If you like, you can close your eyes and
imagine going through this simple dialogue with women each
morning. This will help you believe that you can actually do it.
In fact, why dont you close your eyes right now, and try it a couple
of times.This isnt rocket science, guys. But even so, if you dont
practice the steps over and over and over, you wont be able to
execute them when youre talking to a woman.
You must do the practice to get the skills.
My estimate is that if you turn on what I call your Romance Radar
and look for women whenever you leave your house, youll
have between one and three opportunities to talk to women
youre attracted to, EVERY DAY.Seize those opportunities. Practice
TONS.
Practice #4: Practice Consistently To Get Confident
You must practice CONSISTENTLY to make progress.
Its like working out. If you go to the gym once every two weeks,
you will make no progress over time. Maybe youll maintain your
current level of fitness, but therell be no improvement.And youll
say, Going to the gym doesnt work. But its only because you youll find what RATIOS are true for you: how many approaches
werentCONSISTENT enough.
The same goes for approaching attractive women. If you approach
one woman a week, your skills will probably not improve each
week. Youll be just as unskilled on Week 1 as you are at Week
10. And when your skills arent improving, your confidence doesnt
improve either. Youll be just as nervous in Week 10 as you were
before you started.And you might think, Approaching attractive
women like this doesnt work.
And youd be right. Approaching only one attractive woman a week
wont do much for most guys.But lets consider what happens when
practice is consistent:Lets say youre going to the gym three times
a week. Now your muscles build; they dont have time to shrink
back to their normal size between workouts. Now youre making
PROGRESS. The weight that felt so heavy three weeks ago now
feels much lighter.And youll say, Going to the gym really works!
Again: its the same with approaching attractive women.
Approaching an average of one to three women a day, which is
seven to twenty-one per week (this is very doable, Ill show you
how), your skills are improving with every week. The words are
flowing much more easily. Youre getting used to the whole
process. And so your confidence builds up, naturally.And as your
natural confidence goes up, you think, Wow, approaching
attractive women this way really works!
Two very different results. And the difference is consistency.
Practice #5: Cross The Line Often
As youll remember, Crossing The Line means expressing interest
and risking rejection. And this is absolutely ESSENTIAL to getting
dates.When you DONT Cross The Line with a woman youre
interested in, what youre doing is retreating to your comfort zone.
You retreat like this because outside of your comfort zone -- on
the other side of the Line -- is the potential pain of rejection or
embarrassment.You might be thinking, I rarely approach women.
I guess Ive been living in my comfort zone a lot. Is there
something wrong with me?Listen: theres nothing WRONG with
you for having stayed in your comfort zone much of the time. It
doesnt make you a wimp. Its something that 90% of men do.
Its just that if you LIVE in your comfort zone, 100% of the time,
you arent going to have the success with women you want and
deserve. You also wont have the sense of confidence that really
makes you feel alive -- like a MAN -- at least where women are
concerned.So as youre reading this, if youre realizing that youve
been in your comfort zone around women more than is good for
you, now is the time to choose to make a shift. Dont get down on
yourself; just start following the advice in this book, and you can
develop the skills you want.And again, being able to approach
women isnt an ironclad requirement for to you to be a good man
or a confident one. Perhaps you stretch out of your comfort zone
in other areas of your life.
But if youre reading this page now, my hunch is that for you, like
zillions of other guys, when you arent getting what you
deserve in the woman department, something is missing from
your life. So developing these skills can be powerful for you.
rossing the Line is YOUR responsibility. She wont cross it for you.
Youre the man. Its your role. If you want her number, YOU must
take action.Have you ever been approached by a woman for a
date? Its happened to me once once in 31 years. Dont count
on it.Sometimes youll get lucky and a woman will give you clues
that shes interested. Maybe she holds eye contact too long. Or
asks you lots of questions. But this is very rare.
Dont be dependent on clues from her. Youre the man. Be
proactive and start a conversation with her whether shes giving
you clues or not.The more often you Cross the Line, the more
comfortable crossing it becomes. And when you come across that
real hottie, Crossing The Line with her will just be a natural
extension of a habit youve already developed.
Practice #6: Reward Yourself Only When You Reach Your Goals
If youre having a challenge motivating yourself to approach
women, try this one: Think of something you like to do. Maybe its
watching your favorite TV show, like Survivor on Thursday
evenings. Maybe its playing sports with your buddies. Maybe its
visiting your favorite site on the internet, you know, that special
one you pay to use late at night?
Whatever it is, tie it to your goal. If you reach your goal, you get
it. If you dont reach your goal, you dont get it.This will increase
your motivation to overcome the discomfort of talking to and
asking out those hotties you see.
Practice #7: Do The Math
Once you reach the point of asking most of the women you
approach for their numbers, if you like you can Do The Math. By
this, I mean make a very CONSERVATIVE estimate of how much
action you must take in order to get the number of dates you want.
When you keep track of your activity in your Approach Log,
get you how many phone numbers which in turn yield how many
dates. Approach the appropriate number of women, and you
should get the number of dates youre looking for.
Lets say, in your experience, if you approach two women, one of
them will be single. And for every two single women you approach,
you get one number.And for every two numbers you get, you get
one date.Then its simple: approach eight women, four will be
single, youll get two numbers and have one date. So if you
approach about two women a day, youll have about two dates with
new women a week.Not bad. A lot of guys tell me they would DIE
to have two dates with new women every week. But theyre
unwilling to take the action to get there.How about you?
If youre NOT taking this amount of action, then youll know exactly
WHY youre not getting the number of dates youre looking for.
Whats a realistic ratio? What should I expect?
That really depends on who youre talking to, and how youre
communicating. In fact its impossible for me to make an estimate
of whatll be true for you, because there are so many differences
between one guys situation and anothers from their skill levels,
to their types, to their geographical locations.
Now, if I was reading this book, Id be thinking, Well, hell, why
cant Kevin share what HIS ratios are, just to give me a rough
estimate of what to expect?
In my case, you should know that I approach what I consider to be
the ABSOLUTE HOTTEST women I see. They are all thin and
attractive. My ideal is a really hot Latina. Think J-Lo, but without
the butt. These women are 8s, 9s, and 10s in my book.
What I find is MANY of these women are taken. Sure, some of
them are just saying that, but I believe many of them are. These
are the cream of the crop: the women every guy wants.
Heres a rough estimate of what my ratios are currently:
Out of three hotties I approach, one will be single, or admit she is
(30%). Out of five who are single, I will get four numbers (80%).
Out of four numbers, I will go on two dates (50%).This breaks
down to a 12% approach-to-date ratio. Put another way, for
every eight approaches I make, I get on average one date. If I
approach two women a day, I will generally have two dates with
new hot women each and every week.
Now, if youre approaching somewhat less attractive women,
lets say 6s, I imagine 2 out of 4 will be single, not 1 out of 3.
This would tend to increase the approach-to-date ratio
dramatically, in this case to 20% -- meaning youd be getting one
date out of every five approaches.I hope this helps you get an idea
of how much action you need to take to start dating as much as
youd like.
If you know its a bumpy road, you can smooth it out.The
importance of sharing these ratios with you is that it gives you an
idea of the amount of activity, and rejection, youll need to
experience if youre going to date as often as you like. So when
the first woman you approach isnt interested, or when the first
woman whose number you get doesnt return your call, you mustnt
take it personally. Its just part of the numbers game. You have to
get used to it.Its like when youre riding in the back of a pick-up
truck. Ever hit an unexpected bump while riding in one? It hurts!
But if you know the bump is coming, you brace yourself, and it
doesnt hurt as much.Same thing with dating: expect the bumps.
Expect that you wont be getting dates with every woman who
gives you her number.And once, with the help of your Approach
Log, you develop a personal track record and know that, say, one
out of every three women you approach will give you her number,
then when two women DONT give you their numbers, odds are the
next woman you approach WILL give you her number.
And if you know that one out of every three numbers you get will
lead to a date, then when two women wont return your calls, you
wont bitch so much. Because you KNOW that those are the two
out of three that you WONT go out with, and the next number you
get most likely WILL lead to a date.I call this Being Due. Its like
in baseball: when a good hitter has a slump and hasnt got a hit in
a long time, they say hes due. Meaning, hes due to have
success soon. Hes very likely to have success now, because he
hasnt had success in a while, and baseball, like approaching
women, is a game of averages and numbers.
Knowing this can really sustain your Momentum.
When Youre First Starting Out:
For many guys who dont' know better, when an approach with
ONE woman doesnt go well, their confidence takes a hit. Or ONE
woman wont return their call. If this is you, I'd tell you: Get over
it, now go approach three more.
When you take ENOUGH ACTION, success becomes INEVITABLE.
And by following the steps I teach, success will come more quickly
than you think. Now, when my approach-to-date ratio is one out of
eight, does that mean that seven out of eight times I FEEL BAD
about the approach? NO WAY! I feel great about almost all of my
approaches: I often make the womans day, and I know that Im
showing more balls than 90% of guys on the planet.
And its NOT that Im tricking myself into feeling good, like using
positive thinking or something. Its just a natural feeling I get.
My clients get it too. Theres something about expressing your
interest as a man, especially if youve been keeping it bottled up
inside you for a long time, which just feels really good.
So I dont feel rejected seven times out of eight. Trust me. But
if you do feel that way, go back and re-read the section on the
mindset of Step 1: Sincere Compliment.
Practice #8: Have a Buddy or Two
Having a friend who wants to develop his approach skills on the
buddy system is a great idea.Buddies can help each other in two
ways:
Accountability
First, a buddy can keep you honest about hitting your daily or
weekly approach goals. This increases your motivation, because it
adds external accountability to your goals. So share your daily or
weekly goals with your buddy. Believe me, this can boost your
motivation to another level, and lead you to take more action than
you normally would. And remember, the results of taking more
action are:
getting numbers you wouldnt have got,
going out with women you wouldnt have gone out with,
hooking up with women you wouldnt have hooked up, and
having relationships with women you wouldnt have had
relationships with.
And these are all very, very good things.
Model Approaching Skills
Another way buddies can help each other is by modeling their
approaching skills. Copying or modeling what guys who are
successful at approaching women do, is perhaps the most direct
route to learning these skills. If you pay close attention, often
youll find yourself doing similar things WITHOUT EVEN THINKING
ABOUT IT.Sometimes the skills and confidence just seep into your
body.So, do you know any guys who are great at getting dates
from women they just met? If you do, contact them today and
suggest hanging out with them.
If you dont know any guys like that, no problem. The concepts in
this book explain most of what these guys doing differently from
you. However, modeling guys who already have mastered these
skills will move you along in your journey EVEN FASTER THAN
READING THIS BOOK WILL BY ITSELF.
Having a buddy or two aint necessary, but it sure is nice.
Something to consider.
My Buddy Experience
The way I first got over my fear of approaching attractive women
was by watching my friend, Michael. Seeing him do it blew my
mind! He would approach every attractive woman we would come
across: waitresses, other people at restaurants, women on the
streets, in carseverywhere.
Id never seen any guy do this. And he was getting dates from
these women hed never met before. And although hes not bad
looking, hes not a Brad Pitt look- alike either (sorry Michael!)
Since my own personality and style are a bit different from
Michaels, I copied specific aspects of his behavior I needed to, and
ignored the other aspects that simply wouldnt fit for me.And I
DIDNT say to myself, Oh, I could never do that. Im not like
Michael. Im not that persistent. And Im not such a smooth
talker.
Even though those things may have been true! You see, I didnt
need to copy ALL of what Michael did, just small elements of it, in
order to have MUCH MORE success.And you know what? I got to
the point of consistently getting three women's numbers a day.
And thats without changing my daily routine: I didnt visit places
specifically to meet women. Yet, I had so much success that even
Michael was impressed!So find a buddy with some skills, if you can.
The skills may rub off.Show off for your buddies.
Many guys find it easier to take action, despite their fear, if their
friends are there to show off in front of. So go for it. Show off for
your friends, or challenge each other to approach attractive
women.But dont pick buddies that will support you in NOT talking
to women. You know, the kind of wholl go with you to a bar, but
keep talking to you about random stuff, instead of talking to
women.Dump these buddies immediately (at least for the purposes
of developing your skills), and find some who will support you and
push you to approach.And don't just show off for buddies. Show
off for any guys who are around. I love approaching women in
situations where lots of other guys can see exactly what I'm doing.
No matter what, it's a win. If I get her number, great. But even if
I don't, when I sit down, there are always several guys who
watched me approach and wished they had the balls to do what I
did. I frickin' love that.
Practice #9: Don't Look Like A Slob
I was watching a video of a white guy picking up a really hot
Latina.The cameraman asked the Latina, Would you ever go out
with this guy?She took ONE quick glance at the guy, and said, No
way. I mean, she made her decision in about ONE SECOND.
Why? He wasnt a super ugly guy.It was because his clothing and
grooming sucked. He had a baseball cap on backwards, a long
goatee, long unkempt hair, baggy pants and a t-shirt.
If youre average looking and your grooming and clothing suck,
attractive women will cross you off their list IMMEDIATELY.
Many guys don't have issues with this, but for the 20% who do,
you have to make some changes. If not, you're dead in the water.
There's just too much of a wall up.For a more detailed account of
how to dress, see my e-booklet, How To CreateIrresistible
Chemistry, From The First Date On.
But for now, a simple thing you can do is just NOT dress like a
SLOB when you leave the house. If you learn only one thing from
this book, its that you never know when youre going to meet a
hottie. They might be ANYWHERE. So just dont dress like a slob,
EVER.This means no sweats and no torn or dirty t-shirts. Even on
the weekends.It takes sixty seconds to go in your closet and find
an okay shirt. Just do it every time you leave the house. Itll
increase your confidence, and with it the likelihood of your getting
numbers.
If your hair is all funky, put on a damn hat. And put on some
deodorant while youre at it.Youll be surprised what sixty seconds
in your closet and bathroom can do for your appearance. Chicks
will love it. And itll help with your confidence, too.
Practice #10: Practice Holding Eye Contact and Smiling
This is a simple practice you can play with anytime, anywhere. And
the results are powerful.The next time you leave the house,
practice making eye contact with women and holding it until THEY
break it, not you. And smile, too.Its amazing how much sexual
tension this can create, even though no words are spoken. It can
instantly trigger attraction. Theres something instinctual that gets
triggered within us when a member of the opposite sex holds eye
contact for too long. It can be a direct path to getting turned on
physically.And you have opportunities to practice it ALL THE
TIME, with virtually every woman you see.
Youll find when you hold eye contact and smile, some women will
smile right back. Practicing eye contact and smiling can be difficult
for many guys. Usually because they have some shame about
Crossing The Line with women.
You can get over it by practicing it over and over again. Hold eye
contact just a little longer than normal. Smile at women a little
more than you generally do. Then stretch yourself more and more.
This, again, is the concept of Baby Steps.
Remember, it is NOT necessary to make eye contact with a
woman before approaching her. You should take the initiative,
regardless of whether youve made eye contact or not.
If you only approach when you make eye contact, youll be missing
out on about a gazillion women each week.Okay, maybe thats a
slight exaggeration. A billion?
CHAPTER 12:If You Are Still Stuck Like A Car In First Gear
If You Are Still Stuck
Before you read this section, make sure you are trying 100% to
take action on what youve been reading.If you still are struggling
with The One-Minute Approach, read this section. If on the other
hand you are making major progress, you can skip right over this
entire chapter.As I said before: for years I would see attractive
women but could NEVER bring myself to initiate conversations
with them AND let them know I was interested. But now when
people see me approach women, they call me a natural.
This is a HUGE shift.
And if I can do it, ANY GUY can do it. Its just a matter of
practicing the methods in this book.But remember
You Dont HAVE TO Learn These Skills
Let me say something to you here that might sound kind of
strange:You do not HAVE TO learn the approaching skills I teach in
this book.Many guys get so wrapped up in having more success
with women that they attach their self-esteem too strongly to their
success (or lack of).And this aint a good thing.
The message here is NOT that you SHOULD approach attractive
women, or NEED TO. Or that men who do NOT approach attractive
women have less value then men who do. Whether you have these
skills or not does not change your value as a man.
Its fine if you cant or dont approach attractive women. Most men
fall into this category, and many are very happy and have
somehow found great relationships.What I AM suggesting is that
developing these skills may make your path toward higher quality
women, and perhaps more of them, a lot shorter and quite a bit
more fun. It may even inspire you to raise your standards
of what the relationship(s) you deserve looks like.It may.
So I dont want your self-esteem tied up to your ability to approach
women. Yes, these are fun and useful skills to have. But your
value as a man and as a person does not depend on
them.Understand?
Process For Getting Unstuck
If you are still stuck, maybe understanding what I did to get
unstuck would help you in YOUR situation.Why reinvent the wheel,
right?First I got clear on how important my overall goal with
women was. For me, it was having an amazing girlfriend, and then
a phenomenal wife. A wife that I would feel truly LUCKY to have.
Maybe you have different goals. Maybe you want to hook up
much more often than you do currently. Maybe you want to date
several women at the same time. Maybe you want a girlfriend, but
no wife. It doesnt matter; the same principles apply.Clarify what
your ultimate objective is.
It became clear that in order to reach my goal (have a great
girlfriend and eventually an amazing wife), I would have to be
dating WAY more women than I was. I would need to date a lot of
women who didnt meet my needs to get to the one who did. I
understood that this process was in part a numbers game.
Next I got clear on WHERE I could meet these women, and what I
would have to say to let them know I was interested.I then went
out and practiced approaching women. This was the hard part.
But what I discovered was that although it was a nerve-wracking
experience BEFORE I approached a woman, after 95% of the
approaches I felt like a million bucks! Even if I didnt get her
number! That was the beauty of my approach and the mindset
that went with it.
I continued to stretch myself and practice again and again. And
each time I practiced, I got a little more confident. And as I got
more confident, I got more numbers. And I had more fun.
Its Time For You To Get Real
As I said earlier, my first step towards my own success was getting
clear on how important success with women was to me. If youre
stuck, you might benefit from doing this as well.Is having the
success with women you want just a little important to you?Is it
REALLY important to you? I dont know. We are all different.
Theres no right amount of importance that women should play
in a guys life. Every guy is unique.
This exercise will clarify for you how important it is to YOU.
1) Your current success/failure
First write down a sentence or two, and then say aloud, what your
current level of success or failure is with women.For example:
Currently Im not dating as often as I like. My last date was many
weeks ago. , I havent dated or had sex in ten months., Im
dissatisfied with the quality of women Im dating.
DONT CONTINUE UNTIL YOUVE DONE STEP 1. TAKE YOUR TIME!
2) Your desired success
Now write down, and then say aloud, what youd like your success
with women to be.Try to be realistic. Going from no dates in ten
months to ten dates a week with 9s and 10s is probably not
realistic. Focus on something you think will stretch you, but is
achievable.For example:I want to be able to have conversations
with half of the attractive women I see wherever I go.,I want to
regularly go on one date a week, with a woman Im attracted to.,
I want to be consistently dating three women at the same time.,
I want to have a girlfriend Im happy with.,At this point, getting
any woman to go on a date with me would be a success.
DONT CONTINUE UNTIL YOUVE DONE STEP 2.
3) What you will MISS OUT ON if your skills dont improve
Now write down then say aloud what your life will be like months
from now, if you still dont have the success youre looking for.For
example,Months from now, if I still dont have the success with
women I want, Im going to be even more bummed than I am now.
I feel like part of my life isnt where I want it to be.,Months from
now, Im going to have even less of a belief that its even possible
for me to have the success with women I want.,Months from now,
it wont be so bad. Im okay not having any more success with
women than I am right now.,Months from now, Im not going to
have any money, because if I dont improve my skills with women,
all of it will be going to online porn sites! Ill be broke!
The point here is to really project yourself in the future, and figure
out where youll be if things continue the way they are. Because
unless you start taking different actions, most likely, things WILL
remain the same as they are for you right now.
Think about where you are heading.
4) What success with women can be like for you
Now write down and say aloud what your life will be like months
from now if you DO get the success with women youre looking for.
For example: Ill feel great being able to talk to women in a
romantic way.,Ill feel totally confident.,Ill feel more like a
man.,This area wont be sucking so much attention from the
other areas of my life.,Ill feel on fire!,Itll feel amazing to have
a great girlfriend.
DONT CONTINUE UNTIL YOUVE DONE THIS STEP. DONT RUSH
IT.
Your special homework assignment:
The next time you begin to hesitate before approaching a woman
you find attractive, remind yourself of these real consequences if
you dont get this part of your life handled. And realize that the
woman youre checking out could be an opportunity for you to
make MAJOR progress toward what you want when it comes to
women...
if you only starting talking to her.
Go for it.
Conclusion
So youve read this book now for the FIRST time. Good.
The question is:Are you taking action?
Because guys, let me tell you, if you are not TAKING ACTION on
what youve read you are COMPLETELY wasting your time.
So this is what I want you to do, if you havent done it already:
Go back through this book, mark the sections you think might
really help your situation. Re-read these sections and KEEP RE-
READING UNTIL YOURE TAKING ACTION.You should be coming
back to this book again and again until your new behaviors have
become automatic habits.Thats when youll know youve gotten all
the value you can out of this book.Need I remind you that
Until you are DOING it on a consistent basis, you dont KNOW it!
Remember Wooden, the famous basketball coach who drilled the
fundamentals to his players over and over and over again, while
they all complained and begged him to Teach Us Something New!
Of course, that basketball coach ended up being the most
successful coach in history.