Magick, Chaos, and the Meaning of Life Oh MY!

When people inquire as to my religious views I usually say I am Pagan. If they ask
further questions (and seem to have some knowledge on the subject) I may tell
them I am a Heathen or Asatruer. Usually that is enough for them to understand
where I am coming from and I can stop talking about it.

If I WANT to talk about it. I will tell them I am a Chaote which I define as a believer
in Chaos Magick from a religious point of view. If they have any idea what that
means I am often met with a smirk or a sideways glance. They think that
automatically means that I prefer my religion silly and/or bizarre. There certainly are
times I embrace the bizarre and humorous in my religious life but that is only one
aspect of Chaos Magickal thought.

For me, being a Chaote, means only in believing in one enduring concept. One
overriding principle above all others. One ultimate truth. That there is no truth. That
there is no assured idea. That nothing can or will endure forever. Chaos. Other
people may call this The Great Mystery, Kia, Capricia, or any number of other
things. It is this principle. That the universe doesnt love you. Doesnt care if you
offer it devotional prayers, smelly herbs, or fatted calves. Doesnt care if you
succeed indeed wouldnt even notice if you did succeed. All of your work, all of my
work, all of our great advancements as a species will eventually fade away.
Unitarian Universalist minister Gordon McKeeman once said, a half dozen simple
questions will bring us to the end of our understanding of the universe. We dont
know all that much. Not even about our own bodies, the planet we live on, and
certainly not the entirety of the universe. Every time we think were close we realize
there is so much more we dont know or understand. Likely, there is so much more
than we will ever know and understand. Every answer brings only a multitude of
new questions and this, THIS, is the nature of a cosmos whose only driving force is
unthinking, uncaring, and ever changing. Indeed, its continued existence is
dependent upon that knife edge dance between stability and disaster. Even
evolution, this idea we hold as so ordered and sensible. is driven by randomness
and chance. Just like a jack-pot table. This is Chaos. Let Chaos Rule.

So why bother? Many people who believe as I do, in fact, do not bother. They just
accept this and move on. Focusing on nothing and living their lives the best they
know how. I believe differently. From my own perspective it is precisely the ability to
create the illusion of order in a distinctly unordered world, that is proof of the
magical dimension of the human experience. We create order where there is none
so that we may have some degree of control of our lives. Consider if you will, my
definition of magick, which I have adapted here from Aleister Crowley, causing
change to occur in the world/cosmos in conformity with ones will. For Crowley and
Thelemites the Will (capital w) was and is different that the idea of willpower or
ones desire to drive to do a thing but in my definition we are talking non-capital
w. For me, magick is literally causing change because we will it to be so.

Sounds far fetched, right? How can I make change in the universe because I have a
desire and drive for it to be so? But you do. Every single day. It is your will that
perceives time as linear and allows you to be at that meeting on time. It is your will
which sees order, like kingdoms of animals, neatly defined roles of species, religious
experience in concert with your beliefs, where there is no such order. Your will that
allows you to ignore the biorhythms of our ancestors and work through the night.
Your will that believes, against all odds, in the goodness of people and hope for a
better future. You make manifest your will every day you live and interact with the
world. Your very life, your continued existence, is predicated upon your ability to
make manifest your desire upon the world you live in.
Perhaps it is deeper than this as well. Perhaps the combined wills of humans has
indeed brought change upon this plane of existence. Consider, paper money only
has value because we all agree it does. If too many of us disagree it collapses and is
worth even less than the material it is printed upon. Our desire, or need, to order
our days into time frames so that we may move through the world with sense of
purpose may be similar. Humans, before we were even homo-sapiens perhaps, have
dedicated a portion of our will to this idea. Often without conscious thought. What
kind of power does this have? What kind of psychic residue does that leave behind?
Perhaps none. Perhaps it is just a conscious choice on my part and the part of others
to suspect that prolonged and semi-intentional manifestation of desire will have
profound effect that can be understood and used. I have used time as an example
but other intentional manifestations may be religious thought, the upholding of
heroes and ancestors, and the structure of the very cosmos in which we live.

Some of us think of this residue, this cosmic influence of thousands and thousands
of years and thousands and thousands of human minds as the Deep Mind. Some
may call it the Collective Unconscious, the background or any number of related
concepts.

Let me pause here moment. I am well aware that all of this speculation is only my
own attempts to bring order into an unordered universe. Whether or not the Deep
Mind exists outside the realms of my own brain doesnt really matter. I suspect it
does, mostly based on my own experience, but freely admit that it may be nothing
more than a smoke screen. Back to it
This Deep Mind is a whirling, amalgam of human interaction with the world we live
in. It is the psychic residue of millions of humans, all humans in fact, attempting to
make order of the unordered universe. Ironically, the Deep Mind is not, itself,
ordered. It is more a kin to the chaotic nature of the universe itself. Perhaps even a
reflection of it, like the sky in in a mountain lake. Like Chaos (capital c) it is of
unlimited creative potential. Unlike Chaos (capital c) the Deep Mind (or at least
portions of it) does care about you, is willing to work for your success, and can be
accessed by every human being.

Perhaps cultivating the Deep Mind is the entire point of human existence. The very
meaning of life itself. Again, certainly I am attempting to create order where none
exists but, ironically, what if that is exactly why I am here? Right here. Right now. To
place a concept within the Deep Mind that human life exists to transform the
chaotic universe in which we live into a wellspring of power and experience that we
may then use to sustain us. By living magickal lives we cultivate all human life.
Powerful shit, man.

Is human experience, then, the filter used to allow Chaos who by its very nature
isnt accessible to become accessible? Are our lives the equilibrium of the
pendulum swing? Balancing the creative potential of the very universe while
simultaneously living, as beings of the universe, as Chaotic beings ourselves? The
truth is, I dont fucking know. Neither do you though. That is why its fun to think
about such things.

How then do we access the Deep Mind? This is very nature of religion, spirituality,
and magick. My definitions of these three related but separate practices are based
on how exactly they access the Deep Mind. Before I get to those definitions let me
first talk about the human mind. I am the least qualified person ever to speak about
the human mind. I have no degree in psychology, I am not a counselor, and I do not
claim to be an authority on anything. However, I do have thoughts. So bear with
me. I conceive the human mind as separated into three active regions that overlap
and have less than clear boundaries. They are the conscious mind, how we
experience the world, the imagining mind, how we perceive of things the conscious
mind cannot, and the unconscious mind, that which is usually hidden from our
conscious thought and imaginations. The Deep Mind is behind all of these. To access
the Deep Mind, to bring it into our consciousness where it can be utilized, we must
move to the unconscious. We cannot delve straight into unconsciousness (well we
can, and do, when we sleep or are rendered unconscious directly but that would
hardly be beneficial for our purposes). Instead we utilize the imagining mind to
safely access the unconscious mind and hopefully, bring forth that which we need
from the Deep Mind to use for our own purposes. We do this through prayer,
meditation, ritual, sex, and many other ways. Sometimes we do so with intent,
knowing that is our goal, and other times it is a manifestation of what we are doing.

This explanation of the three minds may be confusing to you but lets look at
religion, spirituality, and magick in more detail. Perhaps that can clear things up a
bit.
Religion, then, is using belief as a tool to access the Deep Mind. Dont be offended
now by my use of the word tool. If you earnestly believe in a religion, from
Christianity to the fluffiest of Fluffy Bunny WIcca, I say more power to you. Just dont
use it to harm children or create laws restricting the rights of others and we cool,
bro, we cool. For a Chaote like myself I acknowledge that this belief is a tool. My
primary religious practice is with the pre-Christian Germanic pantheon and culture.
Norse. Vikings, rawr!! Over many years of practice this religious experience has
become important to me. When I do ritual I consciously drive out all this extra-think,
all this intruding mind and cowardly heart as I call it. I attempt to dwell as purely
as I can on the religious belief that the beings I am sacrificing to and calling on for
blessing in my life are real, manifest in my ritual space, and have the ability to form
a relationship with me. When I offer to a being, God, Goddess or other, I imagine
them there in the space. I imagine them receiving the blessing. If I do my work
correctly (which, for me, means understanding how the ancients practiced and
fitting that into my modern life) and if I am able to simultaneously achieve a semi-
trance state while doing so (and I am pretty good at it) I can feel the power of the
Deep Mind via religious experience in my rituals. Do the Gods themselves exist
within the Deep Mind? I dont know. Perhaps they are beings entirely separate but
willing to work with humans. Perhaps it is all a form of psychosis. What matters is
that by delving through the imagining mind, into the unconscious, I am able to
access the Deep Mind and make manifest changes in my world and my life. When I
ask them for blessing I can feel the power moving through my veins. When I ask
them for guidance I can read the runes or colors as exactly how they are meant to
be read. At that very moment, that very instance of sacrifice I believe as strongly as
I am able. That belief is the tool to achieving success in my religious life.

My friend is a devout Catholic and recovering drug addict. He tells me that when he
receives the Eucharist on any given Sunday he literally feels Gods love coursing
through his body in the way drugs used to. His true and earnest belief in his
religion, his imagining mind as to what the bread and wine are meant to represent,
his unconscious desires and needs, allow him to touch into the Deep Mind. The part
of the Deep Mind that is of the tradition of his religion, the millions who have and do
take part in the same ritual, the need he has for the Christian Gods love in his life.
He then is able to use that creative potential to continue living a clean life, help
others in need, and even broaden his friendship with a crazy Chaote pagan.
I am spiritual but not religious is a phrase bandied about quite often. I think this
phrase is a rejection of organized religion less than my own definition that involves
belief. For me, spirituality is the spontaneous or unplanned experience of the Deep
Mind. For some people walking into the woods is more than beautiful and calming it
is an experience of wholeness, unity, and empowerment. The leave feeling
recharged and more alive. Others experience the same thing while visiting a
cathedral, seeing someone they find particularly beautiful, sexual contact with
someone they love and many more. When I first began thinking of this idea I held
back for a moment. Where is the imagining mind? I asked myself. It is there, if less
detailed than in other experiences. When we have a spiritual experience we often
feel called to enter, look, or do something. We imagine that there is something
more, something deeper that just thing we are seeing or touching. It is subtle but it
is there. Perhaps these are experience where our unconscious mind is calling to us
to experience something. If so we still need to process it the same way. Conscious
experience, deepened by the imagining, to touch the unconscious, which allows us
access to the Deep Mind.

Magick is another way we utilize the Deep Mind. Magick (I prefer the Crowley
spelling to differentiate from stage magic and Harry Potter) is using symbols, words,
and deeds to intentionally access the deep mind. There are probably hundreds of
forms of magick in the world. Some that many people wouldnt consider magick at
all. Carrying a lucky coin, for instance. A symbol consciously chosen, imagined to
have certain powers, to affect unconscious choices, which hopefully accesses the
Deep Mind to keep bad shit from happening to us. My own magick is done through
charms, sigils, and talismans. Despite the modern term for jewelry, Charms are
spoken forms of magick, also called incantations. The words spoken, coupled again
with a trance state, is intended to reflect through the unconscious to the Deep Mind
to bring about manifest change. Sigils can be created many ways but the most
successful, in my opinion, are forms that do not have the appearance of the change
you are working for. The idea of sigils is that it tricks the mind into unconscious
recognition. Talismans are tools, pendants, rings etc. that we attempt to focus the
Deep Mind upon to continually bring change into our world. The lucky coin above, is
a prime example. It would take too much time and there are people who can teach
you much better than I to go into every detail of these forms of magick and as I
have stated there are many, many other forms. I do want to touch on the idea of
servitors however. This is the creation or calling of a spiritual being or form
attached to the charm, sigil, or talisman to do the work you are creating in the
world. I prefer not to use created beings per se. For Valentines Day, this year, I
called on the power of love using a charm and shaped a servitor in the form of a
spear and cast it out into the world. I have known people to use dragons, brownies,
or various other spiritual beings or animal forms but have had less luck with these
forms of servitor.

As I near the end of this essay I wanted to speak about other times we access the
Deep Mind. Usually this is also spontaneous and unintended but almost always
attached to belief. I do not feel as these are normally religious or spiritual
experience but some people they certainly are. For instance, have you ever noticed
that it is almost always people who believe in ghosts who experience them? I am
not dismissing their experience. I believe in ghosts, and I have experienced them.
No one can give you a true answer as to what ghostly spirits are. Maybe reflections
of dead humans, maybe an itching of Deep Mind in a certain spot or time. What I
expect is that my belief allows a conduit for the deep mind to manifest itself. Since I
imagine that experiencing a ghost is possible I am able to experience it. I would
never call these experiences religious or spiritual in that they do not shape my
world view or provide me with the ability to manifest change in the world but they
certainly are real experiences. Similarly people experience xenobiological
visitations, aliens, and what have you are almost always people who have some
degree of belief in those experiences taking place. I suspect that these types of
experiences are the Deep Mind influencing itself on the unconscious, which takes
the shape of the imagining mind, and we then experience it. A reversal of the
religious, spiritual, and magickal experiences I listed above.

These thoughts are simply my own. They are formed from years of pagan, ritual,
and magickal study however. I should point out I have never been specifically
trained in magickal tradition. I have dipped my toes into a few but never taken the
plunge. As a good Chaote I would remind you to use salt liberally. Decide, study, an
experience for yourself. I took an oath an New Years to share my religious and
magickal life more expressly. This is part of a journey for me. thank you for joining
me.

May the Blessings be yours,

This night and forever more,
Done and Done,
And let Chaos Rule.