Obi-Parent

Module 25

1. Meaning of Obi (Parent) and Parenting

Obi is an Ifa word with the combination of two syllables (O+BI= OBI).
The first syllable O is inflectional which means the act of while the
second is a verb meaning to give birth. In simple terms, Obi means
parent; one who gives birth, nurtures and raises a child, protects, and
guides the child. Obi can be a father or a mother. In Ifa, it can also be a
foster or spiritual parent. Also, somebody who trains another person can
sometimes be referred to as Obi. Obi can also be an adopted parent.

Ifa says that when a person enters a strange land, it is imperative for
that person to have at least one adopted father and/or at least one
adopted mother. Sometimes, these adopted parents may even be
younger than this person. The important thing however is that a stranger
may have eyes but he/she cannot see with the eyes. The parents
adopted by the stranger will be his/her eyes in the strange land.

It is an incontrovertible fact that all Irunmole who visited this world

were never born on earth and they did not die on earth. The implication
of this is that they never had biological parents on earth. However,
there are several Ifa stanzas which show that many of these
Irunmole would adopt parents at one time or the other when they
were on earth. Three examples shall be cited here.

i. Ipa erin lo lo suu bayii

Ipa efon lo lo suu bayii

Ati ipa erin

Ati ipa efon

Won o to ipa ajalu-motaala

Dia fun Ire

Ti yoo se iya Ogun

Ti yoo se iya Osoosi

Ti yoo se iya Ija

Ti yoo se iya Agbonniregun

Awon Odu yi gbirigbiri jana

Awo ile Orunmila

Dia fun Orunmila

Nijo to nlo ree da Ire sile lapaa okun

Oun ilameji Osa

Nile Oloja merindinlogun

Ogun to loun o da Ire wale

Ko lee dare wale

Osoosi to loun o da Ire wale

Ko lee dare wale

Ija to loun o da Ire wale

Ko lee dare wale

Ifa waa da rere de, Ire

Edu da rere bo, Ire

Ewe kan nbe lodo

 Ire ni nje o, ire

Bo ba gun ni lowo

Ire ni nje o, ire

Bo bag un ni lese

Ire ni nje o ire

Bo ba gun abo nikun

Omo nii je o, omo

- Ofun Meji

Translation:

The presence of the elephant is established extensively on the

foot path

The presence of the buffalo is established extensively on the

foot path

The foot prints of both the elephant and the buffalo

Are not as extensive as that of Ajalumotaala

This was Ifas declaration for Ire

Who will act as the mother of Ogun

Who will act as the mother of Osoosi

Who will act as the mother of Ija

And who will also act as the mother of Agbonniregun

Odu yi gbirigbiri jana, the giant pot rolls across the path

The resident Awo of Orunmila

He cast Ifa for Orunmila

When he was going to release Ire, his mother from bondage at
one side of the sea

And at the other side of the lagoon

In the home of the 16 market leaders

He was advised to offer ebo

He complied

Ogun who vowed that he would liberate Ire from bondage

failed to do so

Osoosi who vowed that he would liberate Ire from bondage failed
to do so

Ija who vowed that he would liberate Ire from bondage failed to
do so

Ifa however succeeded in liberating and bringing her back home

Rere, all encompassing goodness

Edu has succeeded in liberating and bringing her back home

Rere, all encompassing goodness

There is an herb by the stream side, Ire

It is called Ire

If it pricks our palm, Ire

It is known for bringing Ire

 If it pricks our feet, Ire

It is known for bringing Ire

If it pricks the womb of a woman, Ire

It is known for bringing pregnancy and childbearing

In the stanza above, we can see that four Irunmole, viz: Ogun,
Osoosi, Ija and Orunmila adopted Ire as their mother. This woman
played the role of mother effectively even when it was obvious that she
was not their biological mother. In turn, these Irunmole vowed to save
her when she was captured and put into bondage. In the end, it was
only Orunmila that was able to rescue her and bring her back home.
Everybody became happy thereafter. Also in Ogunda Aako (Ogunda
Obara), Ifa says:

ii. Ma sure tete

Koo ma baa sure fore

Irin gbere leko n rin

Eni ba rin irin gbere

Ni yoo moye dele

Asure tete ko ni roye kankan je o

Dia fun Orunmila

Baba nsawo lo soja Ejigbomekun

Ebo ni won ni o waa se o

O gbebo, o rubo

Nje Iya Kere o

 Seyin ni iya Awo

Eni ba na Iya Kere

Awo a ja nibe

- Ogunda Obara

Translation:

Dont be in too much of a haste

So as not to miss your opportunities

It is with majesty that the earthworm moves

Those who walk majestically will bring a title home

Those who are in haste will not be awarded any title

These were Ifas declarations for Orunmila

When going on an Ifa mission to Ejigbomekun Market

He was advised to offer ebo

He complied

Behold Iya Kere

You are the (adopted) mother of all Awo

Whoever persecutes Iya Kere

All Awo will fight in retaliation on her behalf

In this Odu Iya Kere was adopted as the mother of all Awo. The
woman played the role of a good mother and that was why all Awo
promised to fight for her and protect her interests at all times and under
any circumstance.
iii. Agbado o yoluwa ko romo leyin eesuu
Dia fun Oosanla Oseeremagbo
Ti yoo bii Lanroye lomo
Ebo ni won ni ko waa se
O gbebo, o rubo
E je Bara o wole
Be o ba i je Bara o wole
Eyin o ri kunmo ti Lanroye gbe lowo
Eni sebo loore o,
Esu o gbe e
A lowo, a bi mo o
Esu o gbe e
A sowo a jeere
Esu o gbe e
Latopa, Latopa Esu gongo
Latopa, Latopa Esu gongo
Ero Ipo, ero Ofa
E waa bani bayo,
E wa wore o

- Osa Meji
Translation:

Agbado cannot become barren for us to find seeds on Eesu grass

This was the Awo who cast Ifa; for Obatala
Who shall have Lanroye (Esu Odara) as his son
He was advised to offer ebo
He complied
Now, let Bara enter the house
If you refuse to allow Bara to enter
 Don't you see the baton carried by 'Lanroye
Anyone who offers good ebo
Esu will support them
He/she shall be blessed with wealth and children
Esu will support them
He/she shall trade and succeed
Esu will support them
Latopa, Latopa, Esu gongo!
Latopa, Latopa Esu gongo!
Travelers to Ipo and Ofa
Come and join us in the midst of happiness
Come and see all the Ire of life

In this Odu, one Irunmole adopted another Irunmole as a parent. In

this stanza Esu (Lanroye) adopts Obatala (Orisanla) as his parent.

The history of Obi can be traced to the early times when Olodumare
wanted to populate the earth with Omo-Eniyan, human beings. To
begin this, Olodumare specifically chose Eniyan (Oduduwa) to go and
establish human generations on earth. On getting to the planet earth,
Oduduwa got married to Ninibinini with whom he was able to fulfill
the mission of Olodumare by generating offspring whom they
nurtured, raised, guided and protected. From Ifa, in Oyeku Logbe,
Oduduwa and Ninibinini were the first parents on earth and it was
from them that other generations sprang up and spread across the
surface of the earth. From this Odu, Ifa says:

Paa lakisa ngbo

Oodun ogede ni o fa ya paara-paara bi aso
Dia fun Olodumare Agotun
Nijo to ngbe Ninibinini bo waye
Ebo ni won ni ko waa se
O gbebo, o rubo
Translation

An old rag is torn at once

A freshly sprouted banana leaf does not tear like cloth

This was the Ifa cast for Olodumare Agotun

When He was bringing Ninibinini to the planet earth

He was advised to offer b

He complied

Since the dawn of life on earth, parenting has always been a serious
issue especially in regards to the act of giving birth and the upbringing
of children with a view to making them become responsible adults in
the society.

In the Od above, Oldmar had concluded plans to create human

beings who would inhabit the planet earth that had already been
prepared by the Irunmole for human habitation. That was when
Oldmar summoned Odduw to His presence and briefed him
that a new race should be established on the planet earth and that
he would be the progenitor of this race. That was why Odduw was
called nyn while all human beings are called m nyn. The Odu
explains further on how the first person, who was a woman, created
by Olodumare became the wife of Oduduwa. Her name was Ninibnini.
The meaning of Ninibnini is ni-b-ni meaning: A being in the likeness
of nyn. Odduw was nyn which means ni-t-mo-yn (He-
whom-I-have-specially-chosen).
When Oldmar created Ninibnini, she was created as a full-
grown matured woman with all the biological endowments
which prepared her ready for pregnancy and childbirth.
Oldmar t h e n gave her to Odduw as a wife.

Parenting, according to some schools of thought, is the process

of promoting the physical, emotional, social, economical, intellectual
and spiritual development of a child from infancy to adulthood.

According to the Scriptures of Ifa, parenting is a major role in our

lifetime. In Ifa, parenting is a lifelong process and a person actually
remains a child until he/she dies, depending on circumstances. A
stranger who goes to an unfamiliar land and chooses his/her adopted
parents becomes the child of such parents even if he/she is older
than the adopted parents. In Ifa, there is much more to raising or
upbringing a child than just the biological relationship, although this is
important as well. It is very easy to become a parent but it is a very
arduous task to be conscious of, and alive to, the responsibilities of
parenthood.

In Ifa, parenting is not something that starts from when a baby

arrives; it begins from the day a man and woman plan to become
husband and wife and start to plan for a successful and fruitful marital
life, which also includes parenting. Parenting tasks, according to If,
start even before the birth of a child and it continues from childbirth
till a child reaches maturity, and more. This goes a long way in
shaping the life of such a child for the better and in transforming
him/her into a culturally and socially acceptable being. Both physical
and spiritual efforts must be employed in this regard.
The physical effort deals mainly with socialization and acculturation of
children so that they develop behavior that will bring progress,
equilibrium, and continuity to the community; while the spiritual effort
deals with seeking the necessary divine guidance from Oldmar and
the Irunmole, including making appropriate b and rituals which also
help to mold the children in specific directions and beliefs. A stanza
of Irete Opere (Irete Otura), gives credence to this thus:

Omo kekere nii jeegun

Agbalagba nii jara eran
Dia fun Iye-Omo
Ti yoo rubo ola sile domo re
Dia fun Baba Omo
Ti yoo rubo ola sile domo re
Iya omo lolola omo o
Iya mi lo ru o
Ti mo fi la bee
Iya omo lolola omo
Baba omo lolola omo
Baba ni lo ru o
Ti mo fi la bee
Baba omo lolola omo

Translation

The child is handed the bone for consumption

The elder eats the fleshy part

This was the message of Ifa to the childs mother

The one who would offer the b of prosperity and

accomplishment for the future of her unborn child
The same message was given to the childs father
 The one who would also offer the b of prosperity and
accomplishment for the future of his unborn child

The mother of a child is the architect of the childs fortune

My mother has offered b (on my behalf)

And I have become prosperous and accomplished

The mother of a child is the architect of a childs fortune

The father of a child is also the architect of a childs fortune

My father has offered b (on my behalf)

And I have became prosperous and accomplished

The father of a child is the architect of a childs fortune

In the above stanza, Ifa says that both parents are actually the
architects of their childs life, future and fortune. What a child becomes
in t h e future is mostly determined by the parents. In the stanza above,
both parents of the child made the necessary ebo and other
preparations before the arrival of their child. They also made sure that
they gave the child all the necessary attention, love and affection,
adequate training and upbringing after the birth of the child. In the end,
the child became successful and accomplished.

On the other hand, if love, affection, care and proper attention are not
given at the appropriate time for a child, this may have serious
consequences for both the child and the parents. In a stanza from
Iwori Meji, Ifa states:

Ogun ja bi iji wolu

Oosa-oko lo nn ihoho woja
Dia fun Yewande
Ti yoo loyun olosa niun
 Won ni ko rubo
O ko, ko ru
Yewande iwo lo o seni
Yewande iwo lo o seniyan
Iwo lo waa loyun
Lo bole lomo

Translation

gn bustles around into the town like a storm

-Oko breezes nakedly into the market

This was the If cast for Yewande

The one who would conceive a potential armed robber

She was advised to offer

She refused to comply

Yewande, you are a wicked mother

Yewande, you are inhuman in your attitude

For you have conceived

And given birth to a thief

In this Odu, Yewande was a woman looking for the fruit of the
womb. She approached the Awo mentioned above for If
consultation. After consultation, she was told that she would bear a
child but was advised to offer b, first, to be able to give birth to
the child; and second, to prevent the child from being a social misfit
and so that when the child grew up, he/she would not become a
criminal in the community.
Yewande refused to offer the full b, claiming that since If had
told her that she would bear a child, she would only offer the ebo for
that and there was no reason why she should offer any other b.
She concluded that the Awo was only trying to extort money from
her by advising her to offer a he-goat and money. She was so
confident that she would be able to train the child in the way she
liked and that the child would have no chance of becoming a social
misfit as the Awo had said.

Not long after, she conceived and gave birth to a baby boy. She became
so happy that she could bear a child in her life. As the child grew
up, Yewande eventually lost control of him and could not give the
necessary training and guidance that the child needed. Consequently,
he grew up to become wayward and had no respect for anyone. He
also began to steal things from his neighbors, and gradually, he became
an armed robber.

Everybody in the community knew this child as Yewandes son and all
blames and castigations were directed at Yewande for not bringing up
her son properly in a civil and socially acceptable manner.

In the end, Yewande blamed herself for her actions and was full of
regrets and sadness for the rest of her life. Had she known, she cried,
she would have heeded the advice of the Babalwo which years ago had
been given to her.

Parenting is also mentioned in a stanza from Eji Ogbe, where Olomo in

spite of her poverty, did all the things necessary to bring up her
children properly and adequately. In the end, she was happy at the turn
of events. Olomos two siblings, Olowo and Oloro, never bothered to
have children since they were already blessed with money, wealth and
prosperity. According to them, with money and wealth, children were
not necessary. In the end, all their material possessions in life were
inherited by the children of Olomo since they had no children to survive
them and carry on their legacies. The stanza states thus:
 Otootooto, Awo Olowo
Dia fun Olowo
Oroorooro, Awo Oloro
Dia fun Oloro
Ka jepa tan, ka gbonwo e sile popoopo, Awo Olomo
Dia fun Olomo
Nijo ti won ntorun bo wale aye
Won ni ki won rubo ki ipa won ma le pare
Olomo nikan lo nbe leyin to rubo
Olowo ku, owo re segbe
Oloro ku, oro re bu danu
Ero Ipo, ero Ofa
Eyin o mo pe ipa Olomo nikan ni kii run

Translation

Otootooto, the Awo of the rich

Cast Ifa for the rich
Oroorooro, the Awo of the wealthy
Cast Ifa for the wealthy
Ka jepa tan ka gbonwo e sile popoopo, the Awo of Olomo
(The one with many children)
Cast Ifa for The one with many children
When they were coming from heaven to earth
They were advised to offer ebo so that their legacies would
not perish on earth
Olomo was the only one who complied
When the rich died, his riches perished (with time)
When the influential died, his influence was forgotten
(with time)
Travelers to Ipo and Ofa
Dont you know that the legacy of Olomo will never perish?
2. Styles of Parenting

There are different types of upbringing methods adopted by parents in

raising their children all with the view of becoming socially productive
members of the communities in which they live. Some styles are
considered to be very rigid, authoritarian and imposing while some are
considered very flexible, permissive, uninvolving or even neglectful.
Although each of these styles has its own merits and demerits, some
aspects of each one is considered to be more ideal than the other.
However, there are situations that may warrant the combination of
some of these styles, depending on the prevailing circumstances. In
this wise, parents should be able to determine at what point a particular
method is needed for the proper upbringing of their children. Let us now
examine the styles vis-- vis Ifas overview.

i. Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parents are noted for being very demanding, strict,

punishment givers, and they do not allow for many choices or freedom
for their children to express their opinions. They also do not leave any
room for questioning of their authority; they set very high standards,
and demand that their standards be met. Authoritarian parenting styles
generally lead to children who are obedient and proficient, but who
rank lower in happiness, social competence and self-esteem.

These parents value more submission, obedience and tradition. They

always want to have their way at all times, while discouraging any
independence, discretion and individuality on the part of their wards.
This type of parenting does not allow a child to develop much self
confidence, curiosity, inquisitiveness or creativity. Such a child may end
up being afraid to take decisions on his/her own and may always be
afraid of the parents because of the fear of making a mistake which may
lead to being scolded or flogged.
In the end, one or two things can happen: the children either can
become totally docile and dependent on the parents and/or constituted
authorities; or they can become very rebellious and disobedient to the
parents and/or the constituted authorities. Some of them can even carry
out their fear of the parents/authorities by running away from such
parents/authorities while some can carry out their disobedience by being
confrontational against parents/authorities.

If advises against being too harsh or high-handed in the disciplining of

children. In as much as Ifa is not against the discipline of ones child, it
must not be meted out in a way that may lead to psychopathology
(disease of the mind) in the child.

Sometimes, a parent may scold or castigate his/her child for a wrong

doing. This is perfectly acceptable in Ifa. But if he/she becomes too
harsh by condemning and castigating the child in every action or
mistake committed by the child, such a child may become emotionally
disturbed and may believe that he/she is not loved by the parent
because nothing good can ever come out of him/her. The resultant
effect on such children is not desirable.

Apart from psychological impairment caused on the child, the parent may
even suffer total neglect and abandonment at their old age when the
support and care of the child is needed. In Otura Rete (Otura Irete),
If says:

Orun dedeede lapaa bawoniyi

Dia fun Olukori

Tii se yeye Agbe

Tii se yeye Aluko

Tii se yeye Odidere

Tii se yeye Akuko

Tii somo ikeyin won lenjelenje

 Won ni ko rubo

O ko, ko ru

Nje Agbe wale o moko

Iyewa o ja

Iyewa o ba wa ja

Aluko wale o moko

Iyewa o ja

Iyewa o ba wa ja

Odidere wale o moko

Iyewa o ja

Iyewa o ba wa ja

Agbe lo digbo ko-ko-ko

Aluko lo dodan fee

Odidere lo dIwo

Gbogbo isowo ope

Eni gbebo nibe ko waa sebo o

Translation

Impending doom is approaching the side of this vicinity

This was Ifas message for Olukori

The mother of Agbe (the Blue Touraco)

The mother of Aluko (the Maroon Touraco)

 The mother of Odidere (the Parrot)

And the mother of Akuko (the Rooster)

Who was the last child in the family

She was advised to offer b

She refused to comply

Agbe, please come back home

Aluko, please come back home

Odidre, please come back home

Our mother is no longer angry

Our mother is not quarrelling, please return home

Agbe said, Im headed for the deep forest

Aluko said, Im headed for the plain

Odidere said, Im headed to Iwo Land

Let those warned heed Ifas warning

In this Odu, Olkor was the mother of Agbe, Aluko, Odidere, and Akuko.
This woman was too harsh in meting out discipline to her children and
could see no reason why she should spare the children whenever they
erred, despite them being minors. Every little mistake was always visited
with severe punishment. One day, she went out and before she came
back, the children had mistakenly broke her palm oil earthen pot.
Realizing what they had done and the kind of punishment that their
mother would visit on them, they all decided to flee, with the exception
of Akuko who chose to hide himself somewhere in order to watch his
mothers reaction toward the broken earthen pot whenever she
returned before making his own decision.

When Olukori came back, she saw what the children had done and
inquired from her neighbors on their whereabouts. They told her that
the children had all fled for fear of being beaten mercilessly by her.
Consequently, she became worried and regretted that her high
handedness had caused the children to flee. She wept and searched
everywhere for them. When Akuko saw their mothers reaction, he
called on his elder brothers, Agbe, Aluko and Odidere to come back
home, stating that their mother was not angry with them after all.

Unfortunately, Agbe replied by saying that he was no longer coming

back and that he was already on his way to the deep forest. Aluko
replied that he was headed for the plains and not coming back either.
Odidere replied that he had decided to go to the land of w and
would not return.

That was how Olukori, because of her harshness and high-

handedness, lost three of her children, remaining only Akuko who
decided to stay back. This stanza emphasizes the need for parents
not to be too authoritarian in the parenting of their children.

ii. Permissive Parenting

Permissive parents give too much freedom to their children, set no

limits or boundaries, and provide no real guidelines in order for the
child to follow socially accepted norms. They do not employ
sanctions for any wrong doing, and more often than not, these
parents are not actively involved in t h e parenting and socialization
of their children. They also often times spend very little time with
their children, often giving excuses of being too stressed, having to
do work, or taking care of other additional responsibilities in the
community. Some of these parents want their children to like them at
all costs; and in the process, they over-indulge their children and
they do whatever the child requests them to do. They o f t e n allow
their children to face difficult situations in which they have little or
no experience or skill to handle on their own and to contend with the
consequences.

Children of permissive parents are very curious, inquisitive,

discretionary and independent-minded. They may however have less
self-control, become aggressive and irresponsible, and have low self-
esteem.

In a stanza of Obara Inaki (Obara-Oyeku), Ifa also recognizes the

fact that even though homecare and love are important to the life of a
child, parents, but particularly the mother (in this stanza) should not
over-pamper or indulge the every whim of their child. This act is not in
the best interest of the child. Such a child, in the end, can become
useless and a source of sadness not only to the parents but also to the
society at large. In a stanza in this Odu, If says:

Iya omo lelesu leyin omo

Dia fun Obo
Ti yoo bii Lagido lomo
Ebo ni won ni ko wa se
O koti ogboin sebo
Iworo nsope
Eni gbebo nibe ko sebo

Translation

The mother of the child is responsible for the undoing of

the childs fortune

This was Ifas message for Ob (the Monkey)

 The one who gave birth to Lgd (Ape)

She was advised to offer bo

She refused to comply

All adherents of the holy palm tree

Whenever you are advised to offer b please comply

In the above stanza, Ob (the monkey) went for If consultation on

the future of her child. The Awo advised her to offer b for the child
in order for the child to become a source of joy to her. She was also
advised to give proper training/socialization to the child. She refused to
offer the b and thought that the Awo was merely looking for what to
eat by asking her to come and offer b for the future of her yet unborn
baby.

When she finally gave birth, she over-pampered and spoiled her child,
indulging his every whim. She allowed the child to control her and
dictate what he wanted to her. The child was ordering her around
and she was following all of her childs directives. She was worried
about offending her child because she did not want her child to hate or
despise her in anyway. Her thought process was that scolding the child
would reduce the love that the child had for her. That was what she did
not want to happen under any circumstance.

Consequently, this child grew up to become a miscreant and a

nuisance to the family and the community. He was always fighting and
tearing up peoples dresses. It got to the stage where no one, including
his own mother, could control him anymore. She began feeling really
sad for all the actions committed by her child. She then regretted her
refusal to offer the b as advised by the Awo.
Ifa says in general that it is simply not advisable for parents to allow
their children to be having their way all the time. Having such an
attitude as a parent, according to Ifa, will only lead to regret and
undesirable consequences for the child, the parent, or for both of them.

Ogbe barabara laa geti

Sonso ori e loogun

Sonso ori e legboogi

Ogun ti o nii je

E ma gbiye le

Dia fun Olomo

To ni oun yoo ka eru baba oun

Ebo ni won ni ko waa se

O koti ogboyin sebo

A se bi a ba ka eru

Inu eru a baje

Ogbe Obara

Translation

Plentifully do we pound Eti

Only the tip of its head is of medicinal value
Only the tip of its head is useful as an herb
Any preparation that is not going to be effective
Do not rely on it
These were Ifas messages for Olomo
When planning to count his fathers slaves for the purpose
of identifying them
He was advised to offer ebo
He refused to comply
 Behold, if we count and identify the slaves
The slaves will be overwhelmed with grief

In the stanza above, the child, Olomo was pressuring his wealthy
father to let him enumerate his slaves for him for the purpose of
identifying all of them. The father, k n o w i n g the implication of this
exercise on the child, refused to yield to the childs demand. The father
then told his son that counting slaves would only make them feel very
sad so it was best not to count them.

The child however kept on pressuring his father to carry out this
exercise for him. The father who also did not want to offend his child
could not help but to yield to the childs constant pressuring. He finally
asked the child to follow him to the farm where the slaves lived. On
getting there, the father pointed to a woman slave who was breaking
palm nuts. He then told his son the following that slave t h a t y o u
are looking at is your biological mother who was pregnant at the time
that I procured her several years ago. When you were born, your
mother and I spoke and we agreed that I would pick you up from her
and raise you as my own so that you could receive the best possible
care and attention that a child needs.

Hearing this awful revelation, the child felt terribly sad and could not
believe his ears that his biological mother was actually a slave and that
his father really was not his father. The father then asked him to
proceed with the exercise, but the child refused and said that he could
not proceed any further. He then pleaded with the father to let them go
back into the palace so he could be alone to think about what he had
just discovered. The boy was overwhelmed with sadness. He then
thought and said to himself, truly, when slaves are enumerated, they
will be overwhelmed with grief.

In this Odu, Ifa states that parents should not be too permissive to
their children or yield to pressure given by them to do what they wish.
The implication of such actions can harm them. Parents must realize
that children are sometimes not ready to hear/know certain things.
 Module 26

Styles of Parenting Continued

iii. Neglectful Parenting

Neglectful parenting is a type of upbringing style in which the parents

do not pay adequate attention to the general socialization of their
children. In this style, the parents may provide food and shelter but do
little or nothing in other areas of the childrens development (mentally,
socially and spiritually). What the children do daily, the type of friends
the children associate with and even their activities in school are not the
priority of such parents, until something tragic or unexpected happens.
Some of the parents excuses include: the pursuance of wealth,
seeking a good career/profession, seeking social recognition, pursuing
higher education, politics, etc. Some parents because of poverty need to
work excessively to just survive which is important but this can also
affect children negatively. In most cases, the parents go out very
early in the morning before the children wake up and come back late
at night when the children are asleep.

This parenting style ranks the lowest across all life domains. The
children will tend to lack self-control, c a n have low self-esteem, may
end up feeling like parents themselves or feeling abandoned, and may
end up being less competent than their peers in school. Such children
may frequently feeling neglected, and often times may feel resentment
toward their parents.

If also warns both parents, but especially mothers in this stanza,

never to pursue wealth at the expense of taking proper care of their
children. In k Gbm (k-Ogb), If says:
 Ika laye n gbe
Aye o gbolooto mo
Dia fun won ni Isese Agere
Nibi ti won n sare owo
To ju tomo lo
Ebo ni won ni ki won waa se o
Eyin ara Isese Agere
Ase owo le mo
E o momo o

Translation

The world supports the wicked

The world no longer supports the truthful

This was Ifs message for the inhabitants of Isese Agere

Where they were pursuing wealth

At the expense of proper child upbringing

They were advised to offer b

Citizens of Isese Agere

So you place your value on wealth

More than childcare

In this stanza, it is clear that If does not support the situation where
parents will be pursuing money without having enough time to properly
take care of their children. This is also emphasized in wr Wow
Iwori-Ose, where If says:
 Iwori wowo wowo
Iwori wokun wokun
Iwori wokun tan o too wode
Dia fun Owo
A bu fomo
Awon mejeeji jo njija agba lOtu Ife
Ebo ni won ni ki won waa se
E jija agba ka woran o
Omo legbon o
Owo laburo
E jija agba ka woran o

Translation

wr who looks for money

wr who looks for okun beads

wr, who looks for okun beads

Before looking for Ide (brass ornaments)

These were Ifs messages to Owo (Money)

The same was also declared to Omo (Child)

When fighting for supremacy in Ile Ife

They were advised to offer b

Let us witness your fight for supremacy

The Child is the elder

And Money is the younger one

Let us witness your fight for supremacy

It is clear from this Od that If considers ones child to be more
important than money. Consequently, parents should not be
pursuing money or material gain at the expense of their children.

If also says that parents must not love one child more than the other.
Even if a parent does have more feelings or admires one child more than
another, these feelings should never be displayed flagrantly to the child
or his/her siblings. If explains further that all the children must be given
equal opportunities to learn and participate in things. Parents should also
not disclose useful information to only one child and hide it from the
others. Ifa emphasizes that if this is not done, both the parents and the
children can live to regret such attitudes and this could even lead to
hatred among the children. In a stanza in knrn jngbul
(knrn wnrn), If says:

Erin lo nigbo, erin lo nigbo

Efon lo lodan, efon lo lodan

Ohun to se erin to nigbo

Ti ko je ko lee nigbo mo

Ohun to se efon to lodan

Ti ko je lee lodan mo

Nnaa lo se Agbonrin Girodo

Ni ko je ko nibudo

Dia fun Oosanla Oseeremagbo

Ti n rebi

To mu Oju omo re lowo

To fi Eyin omo re sile

Ebo ni won ni ko waa se

 Translation

Erin, the Elephant is the owner of the forest

fon, the Buffalo is the owner of the savannah

What made the elephant, which once owned the forest

Lose possession of the forest

What made the Buffalo, which once owned the savannah

Lose possession of the savannah

It was the same thing that happened to Agbonrin Girodo

(the Robust Deer)

That rendered it homeless without a permanent place of abode

These were the messages of Ifa to Oosanla Oseeremagbo

When going to take his child Oju along on a journey

But leaving behind his other child Eyin

He was advised to offer b

btl had two children. He showed everything he knew and possessed

to yn but failed to draw Oju close to himself. Consequent upon this, Oj
was ignorant of all the things that his father was doing and even all the
things that his father loved or hated. He also did not know for certain
what really belonged to his father. That was the way the situation was for
a very long time. btl saw nothing wrong with this situation at all. His
belief was that if Oju wished to learn anything at all, all he needed to do
was to contact yn, his blood brother and he would be briefed
accordingly.

One day, btl planned to go on a long journey. He decided to take

Oj along with him, just for a change. On their way, btl got a divine
message that he must appear in the presence of Oldmar in order to
go and prepare for another divine assignment. He was told that he must
leave immediately. btl was told that he needed to prepare for
years in order to succeed in this mission. He knew that there was no time
to waste. He told Oju to return home. He assured Oju that everything he
needed to learn had been taught yn. Oj was told that he would lack
nothing since yn would teach him all he needed to know and take care
of all his needs. With these assurances, Oj returned home, full of hope
and expectations.

On getting home, he went straight to yns house. When he got there,

he immediately noticed that something was amiss. Everyone he met in
the house was wearing a sorrowful look on his/her face. When they
saw him, they all burst into tears, weeping uncontrollably. In the end,
they explained to him that yn, his only brother, was attacked by a
wild animal that morning and was torn to pieces. They informed him
that the animal had dragged his corpse away for consumption! Oj
found it difficult to believe that he was hearing them correctly. Maybe
this disaster had happened to someone else and not his brother. Maybe,
just maybe, there was a mistake somehow, somewhere. Maybe he was
just having a bad dream and someone would soon wake him up from
this nightmare. Maybe
In the end, he came to accept the cold fact that he was on his own, in
the deep sea of life, rudderless, and without a compass. He went to
the elders in his community to assist him. To his chagrin, they were
instigating others to appropriate his fathers properties. Whenever he
complained, they would ask him to show them the evidence that it really
belonged to his father. Of course, he was unable to provide any
evidence. That was how everything which hitherto was his fathers
belongings was taken over by those who were once his fathers
subordinates. He cried and cried.

One day, Oj sat quietly in his fathers room, thinking about his condition.
He was totally convinced that if yn had been alive, all the injustice
meted out to him would never have happened. On the other hand, if his
father had shown him all the things that he had shown yn, his brother,
he certainly would have been able to defend himself. He was still thinking
about this until he finally slept off.

In his sleep, he had a dream. In this dream, he saw a big cat walking
majestically to and fro. Suddenly, the cat dropped dead. Two people
came and skinned the cat. The skin was spread in the sun to dry. He then
saw a tiny mouse. The mouse moved close to where the cats skin was
being dried in the sun. The mouse began to nibble at the skin of the cat
with relish!

He also saw a big leopard parading restlessly in the four corners of the
forest. All the animals in the vicinity were watching with awe and respect
from a distance. And just as in the case of the cat, the leopard dropped
dead. The same people who skinned the cat came and skinned the
leopard. They also spread the skin in the sun to dry. Soon after this, he
saw a dog which walked in and quietly slept on the leopards skin.
After this, Oj woke up and understood his predicament fully. He made his
cry the cry of shouting and made his Iyere the Iyere of lamentation, saying:

Eyin o si mo o
Ekute ile fawo idi ese je
Aja m ama n fawo ekun te sun o

Translation

yn is no more

kt il, The Mouse is eating the cats skin

Aj, The dog is sleeping on a leopards skin

iv. Authoritative Parenting

This style is considered the most realistic in the sense that there are
high expectations of the child's behavior; while at the same time, it
allows the child to talk about those expectations.

Authoritative parents employ explanations, discussions, and reasoning;

they balance their parenting style by using punishment and rewards
appropriately. Punishment does not necessarily have to be harsh or
physical at all times. Instead, it can be given by way of deprivation of an
opportunity or gifts. Moreover, punishment is used only when ample
evidence of willful wrongdoing is established.

When children correct their behaviors, they are appropriately rewarded.

Rewards include praise, a pat on the shoulder, a smile or a nod,
recommendations to higher positions of responsibilities, promotions,
vacation, etc. Parental rules and family norms imposed on the child
are expressed in clear terms.

The authoritative parent teaches the child about the causes and effects
of any action, decision-making and self-sufficiency. They also raise
children who are successful, articulate, contented with themselves,
liberal and unbiased with others. This results in these children being
adored and respected by their peers and it allows the children to become
generally well-groomed adults.
In j nk (gnd Mj), If states that ones children are ones
beauty. If children are adequately and appropriately trained, guided and
protected, the parent will be happy in the end and the children will be
successful and be able to assist and care for such parents during old
age when they become physically, mentally, economically, etc. limited.
In this Od, If says:

Oko bagi seyin wa boloko

Dia fun Onirese ile
A bu fun tOko
Ebo omo ni won ni ki won wa se
Onirese oko nikan ni nbe leyin ti nsebo
Nje Onirese ire de
Oko irese, ire de
Onirese omo lewa
Oko irese omo lewa eni
Eni laye omo lewa
Oko irese omo lewa eni o

Translation

The stone hits a tree and returns to hit the thrower

This was the message of If to Onrs il
The same was also declared to Onrs oko
They were advised to offer b for them to be blessed with
children
Only Onrs oko complied with the advice
Now Onrs, here comes all the good things of life
k rs, here comes ire
Onrs, children are beauty
k rs, children are ones beauty
Owners of the world, children are beauty
k rs, children are ones beauty
In this Od, If states that children make one feel proud. A well trained
child is an asset to the parents. If tells us the story of Onrs il and
Onrs oko. They both went for If consultation and they were both
advised to offer b so as to be blessed with children. Onrs ile felt
that with riches, there was no need to offer such b since riches would
replace children.

Onrs oko on the other hand complied with the advice of the
Babalawo. He toiled and suffered to train all his children. In the end,
the children grew up and took care of him during his old age. He died a
very happy and contented man.

In the case of Onrs il, he had no child to support him during his old
age. He died a lonely, sad and dejected man.

In one word, parents should endeavour to keep their children under

their own care as much as possible and should avoid engaging in
behaviors or activities where their children could end up in Foster Homes.
If children are not well taken care of by their parents, when the children
become older, they may end up placing the parents in an Old Folks Home
or neglecting them. This is simply a law of natural justice. In a stanza
of tr Orire (tr-Ogb), If says:

Kugukugu ori Ade niifori jo Eegun

Kugukugu ori Eegun nii fori jo Ade
Ifa ti m oba mo oo sin
Ki n gbogboogbo
Ope bi mi o ba mo oo sin
Ki n totooto
Ki n la bi Akala Alakuta
Akala Alakuta lo gbogboogbo
Lo totooto
Lo lalaala
O fi gbogidi oje sowo
Gbogidi oje jejeeje
O ku bi abere okinni ide
Ewure ti e ri
 Won kii wole
Ki won o jede
Aguntan won kii wole
Ki won o jate ileke
Kerekerekere lara Ireke ngbe
Ara Iwere won kii gun gogoogo
Onko egi yo gbodogi kanle
Dia fun won ni Igbeyin Aiku
Eyi ti yoo gbogboogbo
Eyi ti yoo totooto
Eyi ti yoo lalaala
Eyi ti yoo rereere
Eyi ti yoo biibiibi
Eyi ti yoo so omo re ni Omolaso
Jingindin-ringin o, omo laso
Bi n o lowo
Ma jokoo, ma fomo bora
Jingindin-ringin o, omo laso

Translation

The shape of the decoration on the head of a masquerade is like

that of a crown

The shape of the decoration of a crown is like that of a costume

Ifa, if I know how to worship you

Please let me live long

Ope, If I do not know how to worship you

Please let me last long

Let me live as old as Akala Alakuta

Akala Alakuta is he who lived to be so old

That he adorned his wrists with lead bracelets

The lead bracelets gradually dissolved until they looked like brass
needles
Goats, no matter how old they may be

Will never eat brass ornaments

Ewes, no matter how old they may be

Will never eat a bead tray

The Ireke people are short in stature

The citizens of Iwere land are generally never tall people

While those from Onko Egi land are tall and imposing

These were the declarations of Ifa to the citizens of Igbehin-Aiku,

Those who shall live very long

Those who shall grow very feeble

Those who shall become very wealthy

Those who shall attain the height of honour

Those who shall give birth to several children

And name their children mla (Ones child is ones coverlet)

Jingindinringin o

Our children are our coverlet

Even if I have no money

I will sit majestically and use my children as a coverlet

Jingindinringin o

Children are our coverlet

3. Types of Parents

i. Biological Parents

Biological parent refers to a parent who is biologically related to a child.

In this case, both the father and the mother contributed their genes to
the making of a new child. This child in turn inherits half of each of
his/her parents genes. In biological parenthood, both male and female
copulate in order to produce a new born baby. This is the most simple
and natural way of having children. In fn-Nara (fn-Ogb), If
says:

Ele ganngan
Babalawo Ito lo dia fun Ito
Won ni ko rubo si laiku araa re
Ele ganngan
Babalawo Ito lo dia fun Ito
Won ni ko rubo si laiku araa re
Ele ganngan
Babalawo Ato lo dia fun Ato
Won ni ko rubo si laiku araa re
Ato nikan ni nbe leyin ti nsebo
Atunu laa tuto
Atonu laa tito
Ato nikan lo gbebo nibe lo ndomo o

Translation

Ele ganngan, the strong cutlass (alias of a Babalawo)

This was the Awo who cast If for It (the Saliva)

Saliva was advised to offer ebo so that he would not perish

without first reproducing
 Ele ganngan, the strong cutlass

He also cast Ifa for Ito (the urine)

Urine was also advised to offer b so that he would not perish

without first reproducing

Ele ganngan, the strong cutlass

He cast Ifa for Ato (the Sperm)

Ato was also advised to offer ebo so that he would not perish
without first reproducing

Only the Sperm complied

Spit saliva is a waste

Urinated urine is useless

Only the Sperm, who offered ebo was able to reproduce and
become a new baby

In this Od above, Ifa tells the story of Ito (the saliva), Ito (the urine),
and Ato (the sperm) which were all members of the male human body.
They are all water-like substances which are produced by the body and
their names are homonymous. Out of these substances, only Ato (the
sperm) is capable of fertilizing a womans egg and produce a new born
baby in order to perpetuate the human race.

In a stanza of d Mj, If states how a mans reproductive organ

cannot alone procreate by itself without fusing with the female
reproductive organ. The two must copulate for a new being to be
created. However, due to several factors, this natural way of copulation
is being manipulated nowadays so that people can have children without
copulation. Whether these new ways are approved by Ifa or not will not
be discussed here. What will be discussed is that Ifa recognizes the fact
that those who produce the egg and the sperm are the biological parents
of a child. The stanza states thus:
 Odu yi gbirigbiri jana
Dia fun won nidii kunrin
A bu fun won nidii binrin
Igba ti won nsunkun awon o romo bi
Ebo ni won ni ki won waa se
Won gbegbo, won rubo
Igba idi ti je okan
A o romo bi
Igba idi di meji
La to nbimo o

Translation

A giant pot that came rolling down and landed on the road

This was the Awo who cast If for Idikunrin (the male
reproductive organ)

The same was also cast for Idibinrin (the female

reproductive organ)

When they were lamenting their inability to bear children

They were advised to offer b

They complied

When the reproductive organ was single (without a partner)

There was no offspring

But when the two different organs copulated

We became blessed with offspring

Ifa also emphasizes that it is the responsibility of biological parents to
give proper and adequate care and attention to their children. Parents
are enjoined by Ifa to be alive to their responsibilities. These
responsibilities must not be abdicated to other people except in
circumstances of serious infirmity, insanity, when there is the need to
work to maintain the family, death or when such a person is
unavoidably distant from the child. In Ogbe-Oturupon, Ifa says:

Ogbe tunmo pon

Ogbe sunmo si
Agbapon omo ni o lere
Bomo ba n ke
Iya omo laa gbe e fu;n
Komo o le ba a sinmi
Komo o le ba a dake
Kionikaluku o fomu bomo tire lenu o
Dia fun Ile
A bu fu;n Orun
Won n sunkun awon o rOmo bi
Ebo ni won ni ko waase

Translation

Ogbe, please strap your baby well on your back

Ogbe, please adjust your baby properly
There is no reward in strapping other peoples babies on
ones back
When a baby is crying
One needs to give the baby to its mother
For the baby to stay quiet
For the baby to stop crying
Let all mothers put their breasts into their babies mouths
This was Ifas message for Ile, Mother Earth
And for Orun, Heaven
When weeping in lamentation for their inability to beget their
 own babies
They were advised to offer ebo

ii. Non Biological Parents

This is a type of parentage that is not biologically related to the

child. In this case, both parents are not necessarily related by
blood to the child. This is a situation whereby a child is put under
the care and guidance of another person who is not a biological
parent. There are several reasons why this type of parenting is
also considered important. Some of the reasons will be explained
below. Non biological parent includes the following:

a. Foster Parent

This is a person who acts as the parent and guardian for a child
in place of the child's biological parents with a view to raising
him/her but without necessarily adopting the child. There are
several reasons for a person to decide to adopt or take custody of
a child. Foster parenthood is like placing a child in the temporary
care of a family other than its own as a result of problems or
challenges that are taking place within the biological family. These
challenges can include but are not limited to: long distance between
a parent and a child, insanity, work related issues, or death on the
part of the biological parent, or serious infirmity of the parent.

It is important to note that being a foster parent should never

replace having ones own children especially when there is the full
capability of being a biological parent yourself. The foster parent
is neither helping the biological parent nor the child if he/she is
simply taking custody of such a child for money, for the fun of it, or
to replace having ones own children.
 Being a foster parent should be a temporary position until the
parents or blood relatives are able to take care of the biological
children. It is advisable for all people who have the full capability of
procreation to make sure he/she has his/her own biological
children. The only exception to this rule is if the person is suffering
from sterility or infirmity. In a stanza of Ogbe Oturupon, Ifa says:

Ogbe tunmopon
Ogbe sunmo si
Agbapon omo ni o lere
Bomo ba n ke
Iya omo laa gbe e fun
Komo o le ba a sinmi
Komo o le ba a dake
Ki onikaluku o fomu bomo tire lenu o
Diafun Omogbe
Ti o romo pon
To si n pon omo olomo
Ebo ni won ni ko waa se
O: gbebo, o; rubo
Ko pe, ko jinna
Ewaa ba ni ni wowo omo
Wowo omo laa ba ni lese ope
Nje agbapon o lere
Ka bi teni lo to

Translation

Ogbe, please strap your baby well on your back

Ogbe, please adjust your baby properly
There is no reward in strapping other peoples babies on
ones back
When a baby is crying
One needs to give the baby to its mother
For the baby to stay quiet
For the baby to stop crying
 Let all mothers put their breasts into their babies mouths
This was Ifa;s message for Omogbe
Who had no baby of her own to strap on her back
And who would be strapping other peoples children
She was advised to offer ebo
She complied
Before long, not too far
Join us in the midst of many children
In the midst of many children do we find all devotees of Ifa;
Behold, strapping other womens babies on ones back is not
beneficial to one
What is right is for one to have ones own children

b. Surrogate Parent

By simple definition, a surrogate is a woman who carries a baby for

another person or couple. Surrogacy assists infertile couples in having a
child and is an alternative to adoption. There is traditional surrogacy
and gestational surrogacy.

Traditional surrogacy refers to the process where the surrogate woman

uses her own eggs and is artificially inseminated with another man's
sperm (not of her own husband or partner). The surrogate carries and
delivers the baby, and then gives the baby to the intended parents. The
surrogate is not considered the baby's mother although she is biologically
the mother.

Gestational surrogacy refers to the process where a woman is

impregnated through in vitro fertilization using another woman's eggs and
another man's sperm. The surrogate carries and delivers the baby, and
then gives the baby to the intended parents (usually the egg and sperm
donors). Gestational surrogacy is usually favored over traditional
surrogacy because the surrogate is not biologically related to the baby.
There are also surrogate fathers who play a father figure role in the
childs development. A surrogate father is a person who provides male
role modeling and parental guidance to a child, as distinct from the
biological father. The word "surrogate" means to take the place of, and
in that respect a surrogate father is a father figure, and is also
responsible for the basic necessities and material obligations to the child
notwithstanding.

One of the main risks of surrogacy is that couples choosing surrogacy

run the risk that the surrogate may want to keep the baby once it is
born. There is always an emotional attachment on the part of the
surrogate mother to the baby. This is simply a natural process that
occurs. As a result, she may not want to relinquish the baby. This risk is
reduced when couples choose a gestational surrogate instead of a
traditional surrogate, because the gestational surrogate will notbe
biologically related to the child. Still, many courts have ruled that a
gestational surrogate is entitled to legal and physical custody to a child
born via surrogacy, even if the child is not biologically related to the
surrogate. Because of this risk, many couples choose a surrogate who
is related to them (such as a sister, aunt or niece) or is a close friend in
order to lessen the risk that the surrogate will want to keep the baby once
it is born.

If a gestational surrogate attempts to keep a baby, in the following

Odu, Ifa advises such a surrogate mother to relinquish such a child
because there is no biological connection with such a child. The
donors of the egg and sperm are the rightful parents of the child.

In a stanza of Ogbe Ofun, Ifa says:

Bee ni Liki
Bee ni Gbanja
Dia fun Ahun
Ti yoo lu mu u tire lokan-ankan
Bee ni Liki
Bee ni Gbanja
Dia fun Alakan
Bee ni Liki
Bee ni Gbanja
 Dia fun Onigbidogi
Ti yoo hu imu u tire laarin gangangan
Bee ni Liki
Bee ni Gbanja
Dia fun Ogbe
Ti yoo gbomo Ofun bo
Ebo ni won ni ko waa se o
Oun waa sese gbebo nibe, o sebo
Nje Ogbe o o foun foloun
Ba o ba foun foloun
Aworo o ni tan nle
Ogbe o o foun foloun

Translation

As it is in Liki land
So is it in Gbanja town
This was Ifas message for Ahun, the land Tortoise
Who would pierce the center of his nose
As it is in Liki land
So is it in Gbanja town
This was Ifas message for Alakan, the Crab
Who would pierce his nose in a secret place
As it is in Liki land
So is it in Gbanja town
This was Ifas message for the one infected with yaws
Who would pierce his nose in the middle of a his face
As it is in Liki land
So is it in Gbanja town
This was Ifas message for Ogbe
When going to be the foster parent of Ofuns child
He was advised to offer ebo
 He later complied with the advice of the Awo
Ogbe, why cant you return another persons belongings to the owner?
If we do not return another persons belongings to the rightful owner
Trouble will never end
Ogbe, please return another persons belongings to the owner

When a woman agrees to act as a surrogate mother it means that

she has entered into a covenant with another person or persons. This
covenant must be respected. In Ifa, whenever there is any agreement
between two parties such an agreement is binding in both parties.
Anyone who reneges on such an agreement is considered to be an oath
breaker. Oath breakers according to Ifa shall never know peace. This is
the reason why it is advisable for anyone who plans to be a surrogate
parent to think and investigate properly before entering into such an
agreement with anyone. In Ogunda Bede (Ogunda Ogbe), Ifa says:

Kukute o mira jigi

Dia fun Lankosin
Omo Ajagun gbade bori wale
Ebo ni won ni ko waa se
Nje ibi a baa foro si o
E ma ma je ko ye
Awo ni Kukute o mira jigi

Translation

A tree stump does not shake sideways

This was Ifas message for Lankosin
He who wages war and wins a crown back home
He was advised to offer ebo
Now, when we have an agreement on any issue
Please do not renege it
Kukute o mira jigi is a proficient Awo
c. Spiritual Parent

This type of parent irrespective of age gives spiritual guidance, care

and protection to a child or his/her followers. In this wise, a spiritual
parent can also be referred to as godfather or godmother.

There is no need to lay too much emphasis on this aspect. It is

however important to note that all those who train one in either the
Religious/Philosophical or Ritualistic aspect of Ifa are considered ones
Baba Ifa or ones Iya Ifa/Iyanifa. There is no Odu in Ifa that does not
have examples of Spiritual parenthood. Students are advised to find as
many examples of this type of parenthood as possible.