BOOK REVIEWS 327
issues about where to obtain ones education, the accrediting
of professional helping bodies, retirement, exercises, and
vitality issues related to helping.
The discussion on vitality issues, in many ways, reminded
me of chapter 13 of Corey and Corey (1998), in which the
authors extensively discuss ways helpers might be able to nur-
ture themselves in an effort to regain their vitality and vigor.
Nevertheless, what seems uniquely different in the Srebalus
and Brown book is that the authors provide ideas about devel-
oping a healthy lifestyle and then move to an area not as
heavily explored in helping, namely, spirituality.
Although the discussion on spirituality, on one hand, is not
a complete expository of elements of spirituality as Stump
(1993) in Reasoned Faith would have it, on the other hand it
does not extol or diminish beliefs of any kind. Readers, there-
fore, need to be cautioned about the danger of Srebalus and
Browns book supposing a counseling religion (or speaking
of replacing spirituality with religion) or inadvertently clam-
oring for a pantheistic conception of spirituality (which may
be of a bit of a stretch here). In my mind, the book at this junc-
ture seems to address the possibility that there are those cli-
ents for whom the concept of spirituality requires establish-
ing an intimate relationship with this higher power (p. 297).
The chapter ends with quizzes and suggested learning
activities.
I find the book quite interesting and would like to recom-
mend it to both first-year graduate and undergraduate stu-
dents in any helping profession.
REFERENCES
American Psychiatric Association. (1994). Diagnostic and statistical man-
ual of mental disorders (4th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.
Corey, S. M., & Corey, G. (1998). Becoming a helper (3rd ed.). Pacific Grove,
CA: Brooks/Cole.
Hackney, H. (2000). Practice issues for the beginning counselor. Boston:
Allyn & Bacon.
Kottler, J. A. (2000). Nuts and bolts of helping. Boston: Allyn & Bacon.
Stump, E. (1993). Reasoned faith. New York: Cornell University Press.
Yalom, I. D. (1985). The theory and practice of group psychotherapy (3rd
ed.). New York: Basic Books.
Gabe Keri is a counselor educator at Indiana/Purdue University
Fort Wayne, a past president of the Indiana Counselor Educators &
Supervisors, the editor of the Journal of Radical Pedagogy, an edito-
rial board member of The Family Journal, an American Association
of College Teacher Educators reviewer, an editorial board member,
American Association of Educational Research, a Lifetime Execu-
tive Board Member of the National Social Science Association and
an editorial board member, a quest reviewer of Adult Education
Quarterly, and an ad hoc reviewer of Counseling Psychology Quar-
terly: International Journal of Psychology.
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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999).
John M. Gottman and Nan Silver, New York: Three Rivers
Press, $12.95. Reviewed by Linda Pounds.
Failed marriages are predictable. Such is the belief of John
Gottman and Nan Silver, authors of the best-selling book, The
Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Gottman and
Silver say happily married couples arent smarter, richer or
more psychologically astute from others (p. 3) but keep their
negative feelings from overwhelming the positive ones.
After years of marital research, Gottman and Silver assert
that they are able to predict the outcome of a marriage (with a
91% accuracy rate) by noting the presence or absence of cer-
tain behaviors. I can make the prediction after listening to a
couple interact in the LoveLab for as little as five minutes (p.
2). Couples who present with the following four behaviors
will, the authors believe, have unsuccessful marriages: criti-
cism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling.
Criticism is different from complaining, according to
Gottman and Silver. A complaint is bringing a difference of
opinion or need to a spouse for discussion, whereas a criti-
cism involves making that complaint demeaning. I wish you
would take out the trash like we agreed versus you are so
lazy, you never do anything around here.
Contempt in relationships can be seen through sarcasm,
cynicism, hostile humor, mockery, eye-rolling, or name-call-
ing. Gottman and Silver view contempt as a way to convey
disgust, and when feelings of disgust are present, chances of
reconciliation decrease. Being defensive harms relationships
in two ways: The ability to listen and respond to a spouse who
is attacking suffers while the attacker gains momentum. The
authors describe the stonewalling partner as the partner who
does not give any casual feedback that would indicate he or
she is listening. Stonewallers act as if they couldnt care
less, (p. 233) they say. The hurtful and nonproductive system
of spouses initiating conversations with criticism and con-
tempt, which then lead to defensiveness and stonewalling, is
common for many couples.
Rather than focus entirely on predicting the demise of mar-
riages, the authors gratefully shift their focus to happy mar-
riages and seven characteristics that make them successful.
The idea of friendship being a foundation for a healthy mar-
riage is reiterated throughout the book, and there are numer-
ous exercises in the book to assist couples in becoming more
connected with one another.
I believe couples searching for ways to change destructive
patterns will find this book a useful tool. The reminder to
focus on positive feelings, which form the foundation of a
relationship, and to examine our own behaviors within rela-
tionships suggests personal responsibility. The authors
encourage us to spend time with partners. This book is a call
to act with honor and respect within relationships.
328 THE FAMILY JOURNAL: COUNSELING AND THERAPY FOR COUPLES AND FAMILIES / July 2003
Linda Pounds is a licensed marriage and family therapist with the
Colorado State Employee Assistance Program, Denver, Colorado.
Gay and Lesbian Parenting (2001). Deborah Glazer and
Jack Drescher (Eds.), New York: Haworth Press, 150 pages,
$49.95 (hardbound), $19.95 (softbound). Reviewed by Judith
S. Harrow.
This book should have had a subtitle, something like Gay
and Lesbian Parenting: A Counselors Guide. There is very
little here that would be useful to gay and lesbian parents
themselves, although the cover design would certainly invite
them to read the book. However, counselors and therapists
working with gay parents will find here an excellent explora-
tion of the issues they are likely to face in this work.
The book is an anthology and was simultaneously
copublished as an issue of the Journal of Gay and Lesbian
Psychotherapy (Vol. 4, Nos. 3/4, 2001). Although many of the
articles have a psychoanalytical orientation, they will still be
of use to counselors working from other theoretical stand-
points. The jargon is not at all impenetrable, and the issues
presented are very real.
Subjects covered include the medical, psychological, and
legal aspects of both artificial insemination (for lesbians) and
adoption. There is also an intriguing article about the issues
facing a pregnant lesbian therapist.
Peculiarly, the articles about lesbians are based more in
theory and research, whereas the two concluding articles
about gay men are more experiential and heartfelt. I would
have enjoyed the book more if both theoretical and experien-
tial pieces were included about both gay moms and dads.
Nonetheless, I would recommend this book to any coun-
selor or therapist who has gay or lesbian parents as clients.
The book is brief, accessible, thorough, compassionate, and
useful.
Judy S. Harrow received her masters degree in counseling in 1979
and is now retired from the New York State Department of Labor. She
is currently president-elect of the New Jersey Association for Spiri-
tual, Ethical, and Religious Values in Counseling.
The Therapists Notebook for Families: Solution-Oriented
Exercises for Working With Parents, Children, and Adoles-
cents (2002). Bob Bertolino and Gary Schultheis,
Binghamton, NY: Haworth Clinical Practice Press, 266
pages, $39.95. Reviewed by Conni Sharp and James Clement.
Bertolino and Schultheis have designed a book that is
well-organized and functional and provides useful ideas and
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exercises that may be utilized by diverse audiences. In their
introduction, the authors address the realities of counseling in
the 21st century, with the demands of the diverse galaxy of
funding sources (Health Maintenance Organizations
[HMOs], third-party payers, etc.) for effectiveness, account-
ability, and cost containment. Based on their research, a solu-
tion-oriented approach to the therapeutic process provides
the structure and content that will effectively meet the funda-
mental needs of the clients, counselor, and fiscal accountabil-
ity. They offer a number of research-supported premises for
the selection of Solution-Oriented Therapy as the core philos-
ophy of the book. Among the benefits of Solution-Oriented
Therapy are the positivistic approaches represented by con-
cepts of a search for competencies/abilities . . . focus is on
promoting health/well-being . . . belief is people have good
intentions/cooperative . . . focus is on creating small changes
that lead to bigger ones . . . therapy is collaborativeboth the
therapist and clients have expertise . . . focus is on the present
and future . . . therapists validate felt experience . . . therapists
are change-oriented . . . emphasis is on action and process
descriptions (pp. 2-3). However, they maintain that any of
the 75 exercises can by utilized eclectically by practitioners
with diverse theoretical orientations.
The notebook will be a reference to the experienced thera-
pist serving as a refresher and salient idea source, whereas the
novice practitioner will find a wealth of well-organized exer-
cises designed to facilitate effective cognitive counseling.
The counseling student will be able to visualize a family
counseling experience from inception to termination. The
notebook is organized in six sequential sections that mirror
the authors stages of change: (a) precontemplaton, (b) con-
templation, (c) preparation, (d) action, (e) maintenance, and
(f) termination. Part I: Getting Clear on the Change You
Want is representative of the organization of each compo-
nent of the manual. The initial exercises are designed to estab-
lish cooperative goals. Individual elements can stand alone or
be used as a building block for the exercises to follow. The
format of each individual practice commences with a Thera-
pists Overview, which encompasses sections entitled The
Purpose of the Exercise and Suggestions for Use, followed
by the activity itself. The first three exercises in Part I are
designed to be therapist-controlled and therapist-adminis-
tered. They are designed to establish a framework for specific
client-counselor collaborative goals, transitioning into
behavior a modification skill practice. In the first introductory
session with the family, the exercise Utilizing Collaboration
Keys provides broad questions like Who do you think
should attend therapy sessions? that lead into specifics que-
ries of What ideas do you have about how we should meet?
The second exercise deals with the clients expectations for
both the therapeutic process and what they think will be
accomplished. The third exercise The Language of Change: