The Struggle from Dominance to Freedom

By Sam Lanesmith
For Mr. Kemp

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 ENG 3UI
July 9, 2010

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By Sam Lanesmith
For Mr. Kemp
ENG 3UI
July 9, 2010

The Struggle From Dominance To Freedom

Since the beginning of recorded history, there has been gender discrimination.

Men are stronger than women, and as a result have dominated socially. In our modern

society, with all of our striving for equality, this gender discrimination still exists. This

issue is presented by Mayda Del Valle in her poem, To All the Boys I’ve Ever Loved

Before. In it she explores the idea that men have established an unfair role for women,

but that this realization itself will help develop more independent and respected women.

In the beginning of the poem she makes it quite clear on how men expect women

to care for them. She states, “You have been weaned from the breast of a woman for

years / yet you come to us” (Valle, line 4-5). And she further defines it when she says

that too long have women “become accustomed to waiting for [their] empty beds / to be

weighed down with the bodies of men heavy with the scent and the hands of other

women” (9-10). These lines show how men have treated women to force them to suit

the men’s purposes. They expect women to be there for them even if they aren’t faithful,

even if they won’t be there for the women.

Not only do men expect women to be there for them, they expect women to

essentially be sex slaves for the men. Del Valle says we “wear scarlet letters on our

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chest, become adulteresses” (18), meaning that since men have expected it from

women, the women have lowered their standards and are “willing to act less like

goddesses” (22) and “willing to sleep with the enemy” (23). It is a no win situation for the

woman as she is “waiting for what she gives away to be returned” (33). This is

something that the man will never do because he has already set up a dynamic with the

woman where he can take whatever he wants from her without giving anything in return.

Unless there is change, the men will always be able to walk all over the women without

any regard to their well being.

However, even though these roles for the man and woman have been

established, change can still happen through the realization of what is wrong. Mayda

knows this, and in part two of her poem she has started to hold the man accountable

saying, “but the truth cannot be hidden / what’s clouded in darkness will always come to

the light” (44-45). She has seen the truth about her role, not as someone to pamper the

man, not as someone to be there for the sex, but rather as someone who deserves a

man who can care for her and really love her. She also realizes that it was better to have

“loved and lost / than to never have loved at all” (59-60). She isn’t condemning the man

for being a boy, insecure and needy, but at the same time she sees that it isn’t healthy

for her to be involved in such a destructive relationship.

The last step in her liberation from the dead-end relationship is to take a leap of

faith and leave the man. This is enormous for her because it sums up the truth of what

she has come to believe about herself. It means that she can live “full of knowledge that

she is priceless and worth nothing but honesty” (66). She is no longer a slave to the

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man in her life. She is now free to wait for the man “that can give me the truth of how

much he can really love me” (74). She has finally freed herself from ages of male

dominated relationships, and is now content to simply be herself, not rushing into a

relationship that won’t work.

The journey that the reader is taken on in Mayda Del Valle’s poem, All the Boys

I’ve Ever Loved Before, is one of pain, desolation, struggle, and the search for truth that

leads ultimately to freedom. She allows the reader to look into her heart and to gain her

understanding on the issue of male domination in relationships. She shows the reader

how utterly hurtful an unhealthy relationship can be, but she also gives hope to other

women by encouraging them to strive for independence. She shows that even though

men have been able to dictate what a woman can and cannot do. There is also freedom

for women from these situations. She shows that the woman can have the audacity to

respect herself and that there can be equality between the man and woman in a

relationship.

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Work Cited:
Valle, Mayda Del. "To All the Boys I've Ever Loved Before." 7 July
2010. Poem.