Topics 14 Conflict, Criticism, & Sensitive Subjects

Marie G. McIntyre, Ph.D.
Your Office Coach

www.yourofficecoach.com
Conflict, Criticism, & Sensitive Subjects

How to Talk about Difficult Topics at Work
Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.
CONTACT INFORMATION
Marie G. McIntyre, Ph.D

Your Office Coach
Free coaching tips: www.yourofficecoach.com
Personal coaching: mmcintyre@yourofficecoach.com
LinkedIn & Twitter: @officecoach
Book: Secrets to Winning at Office Politics
1
TOUGH TOPICS
The High Cost of Unresolved Issues
Unmet objectives
Poor results
Damaged working relationships
Bad performance reviews
Stalled careers
Increased stress
Sleepless nights
AGENDA for TODAY
Why Tough Topics Terrify Us
The Importance of Preparation
Managing the Conversation
Road Maps for Different Types of Talks
2
TOUGH TOPICS
Quick Quiz: How do you handle tough topics?
I tend to put off bringing up difficult subjects.
When I something bothers me, I want to talk about it immediately.
I think its important to let other people know exactly how I feel.
If I am angry with someone, they will probably never know it.
I have a lot of opinions about how people should be doing things.
I worry a lot about hurting peoples feelings.
I find that people often react defensively when I bring up issues.
I am usually surprised when I hear that I have offended someone.
I tend to look for indirect ways to express my irritation.
My discussions with certain people often turn into arguments.

TOUGH TOPICS
Why Tough Topics Terrify Us
3
TOUGH TOPICS
TOUGH TOPIC
Any subject
which is likely to produce
a negative emotional reaction.
TOUGH TOPICS
Five Tough Talks at Work
Giving critical feedback to coworkers
Discussing performance problems with employees
Addressing sensitive issues & annoying behaviors
Taking complaints to your boss
Talking with top executives about almost anything
4
TOUGH TOPICS
What we fear in difficult conversations. . .
Not knowing what to say
Defensive reactions & hurt feelings
Losing control of the discussion
Broken relationships
Retaliation
Career damage
Discomfort with using authority
PLANNING
The Importance of Preparation
5
PLANNING
CHOOSE YOUR TIMING

Never tackle a tough topic
when youre angry or upset!
PLANNING
Reducing the Emotion
FEELINGS
FACTS
6
PLANNING
Preparation Questions
The Problem
The Person
The Leverage Equation
PLANNING
Preparation Questions
Is this really my concern?
The What is the business problem?

problem
What happens if this problem is not resolved?
What are my desired outcomes?
How is the other person likely to react?

The How would the other person describe the situation?
person
What can I do to reduce negative reactions?
The
leverage What is the risk/reward balance in this situation?
equation
7
PLANNING
Your power Their power

to affect their career to affect your career
Assessing the Leverage Equation
PLANNING
Manager
Employee
Coworker Coworker

8
PLANNING
The wisdom of learning to let things go
STRATEGIES
Managing the Conversation
9
STRATEGIES
THIS
NOT THIS
Adult Adult
Parent
OR THIS
Child
Child Child
STRATEGIES
If youre having
an argument,
then youve
already lost.
10
STRATEGIES
Mastering Non-Defensive Language
State facts & observations
Describe problems, not personality
Use I-statements & minimize you
Describe their point of view
Avoid blaming
Ask clarifying questions
Focus on the future, not the past

STRATEGIES
Basic Roadmap for Tough Talks

Before
Focus on your goal! Take time to prepare.
Beginning
Explain the business problem
Opening State what you need

Statement
Request a response
Listen (really listen) to their answer
Collaborative Share views & discuss options

Discussion
Agree on next steps
11
STRATEGIES
I think . . .
I noticed . . .
I felt . . .
Take Time to Plan Your Opening Statement !
STRATEGIES
Promoting Collaboration
Explain effects of the problem
Calmly describe feelings
Use reversals or analogies
Identify areas of agreement
Make an effort to see their side
Look for common goals & interests
Expand the options
12
STRATEGIES
Collaboration Strategies
EXPLAIN EFFECTS: When I dont receive information by the 15th, my monthly report
is late, and that makes my bosss report to the CEO late. And then my boss becomes
very unhappy with me.
DESCRIBE FEELINGS: I really felt excluded when you didnt invite me to the
planning meeting.
REVERSALS: If people frequently went to the CEO to get your decisions overturned,
I expect that would make you uncomfortable.
ANALOGIES: Trying to develop a plan without clear goals is like shooting at a target
behind a sheet.
STRATEGIES
Collaboration Strategies
AREAS OF AGREEMENT: We seem to agree that customers are on hold for too
long and that it may be costing us business. We also agree that the problem needs to
be solved quickly.
SEEING THEIR SIDE: I can certainly understand that having to calm down impatient
customers would be very difficult.
COMMON GOALS & INTERESTS: We all want this project to be successful,

because if it isnt, both our departments will look bad.
EXPAND OPTIONS: Instead of debating whether a dress code is a good idea or a

bad idea, lets brainstorm some other ways to solve this problem.
13
STRATEGIES
Basic Roadmap for Tough Talks

Before
Focus on your goal! Take time to prepare.
Beginning
Explain the business problem
Opening State what you need

Statement
Request a response
Listen (really listen) to their answer
Collaborative Share views & discuss options

Discussion
Agree on next steps
STRATEGIES
Questions at the End
Did you accomplish your goal?
Are you satisfied with the discussion outcome?
Is everyone clear on the agreement?
Are there any hard feelings?
14
ROAD MAPS
Road Maps for Different Types of Talks
ROAD MAPS
Tough Talk Roadmaps
Coworkers
Bosses
Employees
15
ROAD MAPS
Coworker Coworker
Manager
Employee
ROAD MAPS
Giving Feedback to Coworkers
16
Roadmap: Coworker Feedback
Defensive
Reduce
emotion
Make your Questioning

Explore
Wait for
request their point
response
Refusal
of view
Resolved
Engage in Test for Escalate

problem- or
agreement Let it go
solving
Resolved
ROAD MAPS
Taking Problems to the Boss
17
Roadmap: Complaint to the Boss
Reduce
Defensive emotion
Present the Questioning

business Wait for Explore their
problem response Refusal point of view
(issue, outcome,
& action)
Resolved
Come back later
or
Let it go
Engage in
Test for Refusal
problem-
agreement
solving
Resolved
ROAD MAPS
Employee Performance Discussions
18
Roadmap: Employee Performance
Reduce
Defensive emotion
Describe Ask for
performance Questioning
input Explore
problem & their point
explain need of view
for change Resolved
Engage in Agree on Arrange for Take

stronger
problem- action follow-up action
solving steps
Resolved
TOUGH TOPICS
Some other challenging conversations . . .
Making amends & apologizing
Asking for a raise
Responding to a bad review
Talking with top executives
19
TOUGH TOPICS
How to Work with Executives
Acknowledge their power.
But dont be a wimp!
Never tell them they cant do anything.
Dont expect detailed instructions.
Just make it happen. And be sure the details are perfect.
Prepare for limited time and interruptions.
Lose your ego. They have enough for both of you.
Dont take any abuse personally.
Keep your self-confidence and sense of humor!

CONTACT INFORMATION
Marie G. McIntyre, Ph.D

Your Office Coach
Free coaching tips: www.yourofficecoach.com
Personal coaching: mmcintyre@yourofficecoach.com
LinkedIn & Twitter: @officecoach
Book: Secrets to Winning at Office Politics
20

Topics 14 Conflict, Criticism, &amp; Sensitive Subjects

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Marie G. McIntyre, Ph.D.

Your Office Coach

Conflict, Criticism, & Sensitive Subjects

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

Marie G. McIntyre, Ph.D

Free coaching tips: www.yourofficecoach.com

Personal coaching: mmcintyre@yourofficecoach.com

LinkedIn & Twitter: @officecoach

Book: Secrets to Winning at Office Politics

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

The High Cost of Unresolved Issues

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

AGENDA for TODAY

Why Tough Topics Terrify Us

The Importance of Preparation

Managing the Conversation

Road Maps for Different Types of Talks

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

Quick Quiz: How do you handle tough topics?

I tend to put off bringing up difficult subjects.

When I something bothers me, I want to talk about it immediately.

If I am angry with someone, they will probably never know it.

I have a lot of opinions about how people should be doing things.

I worry a lot about hurting peoples feelings.

I find that people often react defensively when I bring up issues.

I am usually surprised when I hear that I have offended someone.

I tend to look for indirect ways to express my irritation.

My discussions with certain people often turn into arguments.

Why Tough Topics Terrify Us

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

Five Tough Talks at Work

Giving critical feedback to coworkers

Discussing performance problems with employees

Addressing sensitive issues & annoying behaviors

Taking complaints to your boss

Talking with top executives about almost anything

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

What we fear in difficult conversations. . .

Not knowing what to say

Defensive reactions & hurt feelings

Losing control of the discussion

Discomfort with using authority

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

The Importance of Preparation

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

CHOOSE YOUR TIMING

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

Reducing the Emotion

The Leverage Equation

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

Is this really my concern?

The What is the business problem?

What are my desired outcomes?

How is the other person likely to react?

Your power Their power

Assessing the Leverage Equation

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

The Leverage Equation

The wisdom of learning to let things go

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

Managing the Conversation

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

Copyright Marie G. McIntyre, All rights reserved.

Topics 14 Conflict, Criticism, & Sensitive Subjects

Topics 14 Conflict, Criticism, & Sensitive Subjects