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A Very Potter Musical

Act 1 Part 1

(Curtain opens; Harry is sitting on a trunk at center stage.)

HARRY: Underneath these stairs
I hear the sneers and feel glares of
my cousin, my uncle and my aunt.

Can't believe how cruel they are

and it stings my lighting scar
to know that they'll never ever give me what I want.

I know I don't deserve these

stupid rules made by the Dursleys
here on Privet drive.

Can't take all of these muggles,

but despite all of my struggles,
I'm still alive.

Im sick of summer and this waiting around.

Man, its September, and I'm skipping this town
Hey Its no mystery, there's nothing here for me now

I gotta get back to Hogwarts,

I gotta get back to school.
Gotta get myself to Hogwarts,
where everybody knows I'm cool.

Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts,

to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts.
Its all that I love, and it's all that I need.
HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, I think I'm going back---

I'll see my friends, gonna laugh 'til we cry

take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky
NO WAY this year anyone's gonna die, and it's gonna be totally awesome

I'll cast some spells, with a flick of my wand

defeat the dark arts, yeah bring it on!
And do it all with my best friend Ron, 'cuz together we're totally awesome
(RON enters)

RON: Yeah, and it's gonna be totally awesome!

RON: Did somebody say Ron Weasley? (Greets Harry) Sorry it took me so
long to get here I had to get some floo powder. Come on we gotta get going,
get your trunk lets go!
HARRY: Where are we going?
RON: To Diagon Alley of course!
HARRY: Cool!
RON: Come on!
RON and HARRY: Floo powder power! Floo powder power! Floo powder
power! Floo powder power!
RON: It's been so long, but we're going back
don't go for work, don't go there for class

HARRY: As long as were together

RON: -- Gonna kick some ass

HARRY and RON: ... and its gonna be totally awesome!

This year we'll take everybody by storm,
stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm

HERMIONE: but let's not forget that we need to perform well in class
if we want to pass our OWLS!

RON: Hermione why do you have to be such a buzz kill?!

HERMIONE: Because guys, schools not all about having fun, we need to
study hard if we want to begood witches and wizards!

HERMIONE: I may be frumpy, but I'm super smart

check out my grades, they're "A's" for a start
what I lack in looks well I make up in heart,
and well guys, yeah, that's totally awesome

this year I plan to study a lot...

RON: That would be cool if you were actually hot

HARRY: Hey Ron, come on, we're the only friends that she's got!
RON: And that's cool...
HERMIONE: ... And that's totally awesome
HARRY, RON, HERMIONE: Yeah it's so cool, and it's totally awesome!
We're sick of summer and this waiting around
it's like we're sitting in the lost and found
don't take no sorcery
for anyone to see how...

We gotta get back to Hogwarts

we gotta get back to school
we gotta get back to Hogwarts
where everything is magic-cooooool

EVERYONE: Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts

to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts
it's all that I love, and it's all that I need at

HARRY, RON, HERMIONE: --- I think we're going back...

Act 1 Part 2
(Ginny enters)
HARRY: Whos this?
RON: This is my stupid little dumb sister, Ginny, shes a freshmen. Ginny this
is Harry Potter.(Ginny and Harry shake hands)
GINNY: You're Harry Potter; youre the boy who lived!
HARRY: Yeah and youre Ginny.
GINNY: Its Ginebra.
HARRY: Cool, Ginnys fine.
RON: Stupid sister! (Claps in ear) Dont crowd the famous friend!
(Oriental music plays)
HERMIONE: Do you guys hear music or something?
HARRY: Music, what are you talking about?
RON: Yeah someones coming. Whoa!

(Cho Chang posy enters, in a line, Lavender Brown in front, Cho Chang in

GINNY: Whos that?

HARRY: That's Cho Chang.
RON: That's the girl Harrys totally been in love with since freshmen year.
HERMIONE: Yeah but he wont say anything to her.
RON: You never tell a girl you like her, it makes you look like an idiot.

(Ginny walks to lavender brown and taps on shoulder)

GINNY: Konnichiwa Cho Chang, it is good to meet you, I am Ginny Weasley.

LAVENDER: Bitch, I aint Cho Chang!
RON: That's Lavender brown! (Claps) Racist sister!
Cho: Its alright (to audience) I'm Cho Chang yall.
HARRY: She is totally perfect!
RON: Yeah too bad shes dating Cedric Digory huh?
HARRY: What? Who the hell is Cedric Digory?
(Cedric enters, pushes harry and Ron aside)
CEDRIC: Oh, Cho Chang
I am so in love with Cho Chang
from Bangkok to Ding Dang
I sing my love aloud for Cho Chang

(Chos posy and Cedric exit right)

HARRY: I hate that guy!

(Starts to exit left; Malfoy enters right and crosses to center)

MALFOY: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?

HARRY: What do you want Draco?
MALFOY: So Potter, (circles group) back for another year at Hogwarts are
you? Maybe
this year youll wise up and hangout with a higher caliber of wizards.
HARRY: Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. (GINNY
tries to join, Ron shovesher away) And I wouldn't trade them for anything.
MALFOY: Have it your way.... WAIT! Dont tell me, Red hair, hand me down
clothes, and a stupid complexion, you must be a Weasley!
RON: Lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, but shes my pain in the
MALFOY: Well isnt this cute, its like a little loser family! (Harrys group exits)
Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. (To audience) luckily next year Ill be
transferred to Pigfarts!

MALFOY: This year you bet Im gonna get outta here

the reign of Malfoy is drawing near
Ill have the greatest wizard career, (Crabbe and Goyle enter, join Malfoy)
and it s gonna be totally awesome!

Look out world, for the dawn of the day

when everyone will do whatever I say
and that Potter wont be in my way, and then
Ill be the one who is totally awesome!

GOYLE: Yeah youll be the one who is totally awesome.

(All enter)
HERMIONE: Come on guys! Were gonna miss the train!

ALL: Who knows how fast this years gonna go?

Hand me a glass, let the butter beer flow

HARRY: Maybe at last, Ill talk to Cho,

Act 1 Part 3
ALBUS: Welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts, and a very special
welcome to my favoritestudent, Harry Potter. (Ron cheers obnoxiously). He
killed Voldemort when he was just a baby. Andanother very special welcome
to our newest member to Gryffindor, Ms. GINNY Weasley!GINNY: A
rent we supposed to be sorted by the sorting hat?

ALBUS: Basically Ive been

putting anyone who looks like a good guy in Gryffindor, and any who
look like a bad guy in Slytherin, and the other two can go where ever the
hell they want I don't really care.CEDRIC: Hufflepuffs are particularly good
finders.ALBUS: What the hell is a H
ufflepuff? ..... Anyway, its time now for me to introduce my very good
friend, our own potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape.RON: Ah man, Prof.
Snape I thought they fired that guy.
Hes just
EVIL!HARRY: Come on Ron he's really not that bad.(Snape enters
upstage)SNAPE: Harry Potter, Detention! For talking out of turn. Now before
we begin, I will give you all your very, very first pop quiz. Can anyone
tell me what a port-key is? Yes Ms. Granger.HERMIONE: (fast) A port key is
an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or oneswho
touch it to anywhere in the globe decided by the one who created the
enchantment.SNAPE: Very good! Now can anyone tell me what
foreshadowing is? Yes Ms. Granger.HERMIONE: (fast) Foreshadowing is
a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentionedearly in the
story in order to return later in a more significant way.SNAPE: Perfect!RON:
What is a port-key again I missed that one.HERMIONE: Oh! A port key is an
enchanted object that when touched will transport the one anywhere inthe
globeSNAPE: Now remember a port-key can be something seemingl
y harmless likea football or,
a dolphin.LAVENDER: Professor, Can like a person be a port-key?SNAPE: No!
absurd. A person can however be a horcrux.

HARRY: What's a horcrux?SNAPE: I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll
find out soon enough.HERMIONE: So what is the point of this quiz?SNAPE: No
point in particular, just important information that
should know. (to Audience)especially you. Now moving right along, there are
four houses and they are Gryffindor! Ravenclaw!Hufflepuff!CEDRIC: Find!
SNAPE: What? ... And Slytherin! Now traditionally, points are given for good
behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Traditionally at the end of the year
the house with the most points would win the housecup. However this year
were doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new
professor of theDark Arts, Professor Quirrel.
(Harrys scar starts to
sting; Quarrel enters upstage left and shuffles center)QUIRREL: The house
cup, a time honored tradition, for centuries the 4 houses of Hogwarts
havecompeted for the honor and glory of having the title of house
champion, but where does this competitioncome from, and what are the
roots of the tradition?HERMIONE: (fast). The house cup competition began
with the first generation of Hogwarts students.QUIRREL: It was a rhetorical
question.ALBUS: Granger, quit interrupting, 20 points from Gryffindor!HARRY
and RON: Thanks Hermione.QUIRREL: Anyway, one champion from each of
the 4 houses would complete a series of dangerous tasksto win eternal
glory.HERMIONE: Kind of like a tri-wizard tournament!QUIRREL: Yes, sort of
like the tri-wizard tournament, except not. There are four houses, how can it
-wizard tournament with four teams?HERMIONE: But professor if I remember
correctly, the house cup tournament was disbanded after onesemester
when one of its students was killed.ALBUS: Hermione Granger shut your
ungodly, lopsided mouth and quit interrupting, 20 more points.You know, for
the cleverest witch of your age you really can be a dumbass sometimes! ...
(pleased) 10 points to Dumbledore.QUIRREL: Yes well it will be very
dangerous, (Voldemort sneezes)ALBUS: Did your turban just sneeze?

QUIRREL: What? No.
ALBUS: I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction but
your mouth wasnt moving.
QUIRREL: No that was simply a fart, excuse me. (V. keeps sneezing, H.
scar stings) I must be going.(sneeze) I simply farted once more, excuse
me.ALBUS: A champion from each house will be selected to compete. Now
Snape will you do us the honors please?SNAPE: Yes, headmaster. First from
the Ravenclaw house, Cho Chang!CHO: Oh my
gosh I've won, I cant believe
I won!SNAPE: Next from Hufflepuff: Cedric Digory.CEDRIC: Well I don't
this surprising at all.SNAPE: Next from the Slytherin house: Draco Malfoy.
MALFOY: OH! Ive finally beaten you havent I Potter? What do you think of
that huh? (
Lays acrossPotter) I'm the champion this time! (Falls on floor).ALBUS: Draco
would you sit down, you little twit, Champion

s just a title.SNAPE: A
nd finally from the Gryffindor house: oh my, well isnt this curious
. The only person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge
against is now in a tournament where he may lose his life. NEVEL: I
f its me, Ill just let the Gryffindors know right now I

SNAPE: Sit down, you inarticulate bubble

! Its Harry Potter.
(cheers)ALBUS: Well there they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions. And
I want all of you to start preparing
immediately because the first task is in 2 months and it could be anything.
So lets get to it!
(all exit except for Ron, Hermione, and Harry)
Act1 Part 4
RON: Harry, youve got this thing in the bag.
HARRY: I don't know man, that Cedric Digory is pretty awesome. NOT! He
sucks were totally gonnawin!
HERMOINE: I don't know Harry

MY GOSH Hermione, shut up! Why do you have to rain on everybodys
HERMIONIE: Because Ron, this is dangerous!HARRY: Dangerous? Oh come
on Hermione how dangerous could it be,
especially if its me?
oure not invincible, Harry. Somebody died in the tournament.
HARRY: Uh, I'm the boy that LIVED not died, come on. What's the worst that
could happen?HERMIONE: And I don't know about that Quirrel character. He
bumped into you and your scar started tohurt. And you have to admit there
was something really funky about the back of his head.HARRY: Think about
it. Professor Quirrel is a professor, and who hires professors?
RON and HARRY: Dumbledore
HARRY: Whos the smartest, most awesomest, practical wizard
RON: Beautiful.HARRY:
beautiful wizard in the whole world. Why would he possibly hire somebody
whos trying to
hurt me? A
lright if it means that much to you, Ill jus
t drop out.(Harry & Hermione hug)RON: Wait, WHAT?! The H
ouse cup? Come on think of all the eternal glory youd win!
HARRY: Hey, eternal glory? I already got that. Besides Neville will be a great
champion.(ALBUS enters)HERMIONE: Look there's Dumbledore, now just go
talk to him and tell him that you

re dropping out.HARRY: (to Hermione) Hey listen Dumbledore and I are really
cool, we

re really tight and I don't wanthim to think that I'm being lazy so could you
just tell him? Tell him I wanna focus on school or something?
You got this one
okay? (Touches nose)HERMIONE: Okay(Cross to ALBUS) Dumbledore?ALBUS:
Yes, Ms. Granger?HERMIONE: I need to talk to you about the House cup
tournament. First of all I think it

s an awful idea, but second of all I don't think Harry Potter should compete.

ALBUS: Granger, why you always gotta be such a stick in the mud? Tell me,
why should Harry Potter not compete?HERMIONE: Uh, because he wants to
study.ALBUS: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you. Why coul
dnt H
arry have told me thishimself, he thinks I'm cool, were tight.HERMIONE:
I'm a really bad liar okay, I think its a setup and I even think that Snape
be trying to kill Harry Potter.ALBUS: Severus Snape is one of the kindest,
bravest, gentlest, most beautiful men I have ever met!Severus Snape is
trying to kill Harry Potter just as much as he is trying to kill me!(Snape
enters)SNAPE: Oh why Prof. Dumbledore, I just happen to be in the kitchen
and I decided to make you thisdelicious sandwich. (Snape reveals a cut out
of sandwich with a pipe bomb shown in the middle)ALBUS: Why thank you
Severus, see Granger, how thoughtful!SNAPE: Here you are Prof. bomb-
ape I mean bone appetite.
(SNAPE gives sandw
ich to ALBUS and sets bomb)
HERMIONE: Um, is that sandwich ticking?ALBUS: It looks like its licking,
finger- licking good.HERMIONE: Prof. I don't think you should eat that
sandwich.ALBUS: Why Granger, you should listen to Snape more often you
may even get a sandwich out of him.(HERMIONE takes sandwich and throws
it off to the side out of sight, an Explosion effect goes off)You dog gone
exploded my sandwich!HERMIONE: I'm sorry sir!ALBUS: Hey, even if I did
believe that Harry Potter was in danger, he has to compete. You see that
cup?Well it

s enchanted.
name comes out of the cup must compete or the results would be
bad.HERMIONE: What do you mean bad?ALBUS: Try and imagine your entire
life stopping instantaneously with every molecule in your bodyexploding at
the speed of light.HERMIONE: Total protonic reversal

ell I cant help if I can hear everything you say we
re the only ones in here.HARRY: Please Malfoy please just get out of here
please.MALFOY: Where are we supposed to go?HARRY: Uh
I dont know Pigfarts!
ha, now youre just being cute. I cant GO to Pigfarts
its on MARS. You need a rocket
ship. Do you have a rocket ship, Potter?(Malfoy breaks between Ron and
Harry and starts to (roll) on them.)You know not all of us inherited enough
money to buy out NASA when our parents died.HARRY: Alright that's it this is
the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. Sure you can
make fun of me but when you bring my parents into this its a whole other
MALFOY: Whoa! Not so fast Potter, Crabbe! Goyle!GOYLE: Back off nerd!

HARRY: Whoa! Whoa! I'm scared!MALFOY: Not so tough now, are you Potter?
Maybe you should hang out with someone better than thatlolly-gagging
ginger and his stupid mudblood girlfriend.HERMIONE: Oh that is IT Malfoy,
Jelly legs jinx!GOYLE: Hey no fair my legs are jelly!(Crabbe and Goyle fall on
backs with feet shaking in the air. Hermione grabs Malfoy

s tie and pointswand at his nose)HERMIONE: Take it back Malfoy!MALFOY:

Take what back?HERMIONE: Take back what you said about your stupid
made up space school!RON: Yeah and all that stuff you said about Hermione
being my girlfriend that's not even a little bit true.HERMIONE: A
nd say youre sorry for calling me
a you-know-what.MALFOY: I'm sorry!HERMIONE: A
nd you promise youll never do it again?

MALFOY: I promise!HERMIONE: Alright! Now next time we tell you to leave us
alone you better do it! Come on Harry, Ronlet

s get out of here. Un-jellify!RON: That was like the most BA

thing Ive e
ver seen it, too bad no one was here to see it. It was like anoutbreak of pent-
up aggression like:
(Ron Harry and Hermione exit, Crabbe and Goyle get up)
GOYLE: I cant believe I couldnt figure out the counter curse was just un
-jellify!MALFOY: Am I bleeding?
I thought maybemaybe it was a little wow; I've never been pushed
downlike that by a girl. Maybe I shouldnt call her a mudb
- whatever. Come on let

s go watch Wizards of Waverly Place!(They exit)

Act 1 Part 5
(Quirrell enters)QUIRREL
: Fools! Theyre all fools. They think theyre safe. They think theyre back to
another year of
learning shenanigans at Hogwarts, little do they know the danger that's
lurking right under their noses. Or
should I say on the back of their heads
(Quirrell turns with his back to the audience so that Voldemort is facing the
audience. Quirrell removesthe turban to reveal Voldemort for the 1
time. V. screams then begins coughing.)VOLDEMORT: I can
t breathe in that turban!
QUIRREL: I'm sorry sir, but i
ts a necessary precaution, for if they knew that you lived that when Harry
Potter destroyed you, your soul lived on.VOLDEMORT: Yes, that when my
body was destroyed I was forced to live in the forbidden forest,eating bugs,
and mushrooms, and unicorn blood.QUIRREL: And that's when I found you
and let you attach yourself to my soul.VOLDEMORT: Yes, nobody must know
any of that. Now Quirrel, get me some water!(Quirrel grabs a nearby water
bottle) Now Quirrel, pour it in my mouth.(Quirrel does so with difficulty)I'm
done with the water! We must not have any more foul-ups like tonight in the
Great Hall.

QUIRREL: I'm sorry my lord, you sneezed.VOLDEMORT: I know that! Get me
some Nasonex you swine!(Quirrel gets Voldemort nasal spray then uses it
himself)Wash that turban! It tickles my nose.QUIRREL: Yes, my dark
king.VOLDEMORT: Okay just relax with the dark king okay? I watch you wipe
your butt daily. You can call
me Voldemort, were there. Weve reached that point.
es, mymy Voldemort
VOLDEMORT: Now Quirrel, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if
we wish to kill Potter.Tonight, in the Great Hall, he was so close, I could have
touched him. Revenge is at my fingertipsQuirrel. (Quirrel rinses with
mouthwash) I can taste it, it tastes like
-mint.QUIRREL: That's our Listerine, Voldemort.VOLDEMORT: Y
es, excellent. Well goodnight, Quirrel.
( Voldemort is facing bed, the 2 lean over onto the bed, Voldemort is laying
with his head in the pillow,Quirrel is on top of him.)Okay! Okay! I ca
nt do this! We gotta roll over; I cant sleep on my tummy.
QUIRREL: But I always sleep on my back, I have back troubles.VOLDEMORT:
ou roll over Ill Ill eat your pillow! You will be having a dream you are
eating a
marshmallow but you will wake up and your favorite goose feather pillow
will be missing.QUIRREL: F
ine well compromise, well sleep on our side.
VOLDEMORT: Okay I guess I can do this.QUIRREL: Now goodnight!
VOLDEMORT: Goodnight Quirrel.
Act 1 Part 6
(Scene opens with Harry playing guitar in a chair with a suitcase on the floor
next to him, Hermione isreading on a bench. Neville is on the opposite side
of the stage taking care of a plant also on a bench)HERMIONE: Harry, don't
you think you should be trying to figure out what the first task is gonna be?
You could actually die if you're not ready.
ant you just do it for me? Can
t you just prepare all my stuff for me? I mean what are youdoing right now?
HERMIONE: I'm writing your potions essayHARRY: Oh well do that first cause
that's due tomorrow. But after that can your prepare for the first
task please??
Thank you! You are the best! (touches Hermiones nose)
(Ginny enters right)Hey Ginny come here, I wanna show you
something.GINNY: Hey, Harry Potter!HARRY: Listen I want to play you this
song I've been working on. I want to play it for this girl I reallylike, so I just
want to know what you think, so just for the purposes of now, cause I'm still
working out thelyrics, I'm gonna put your name where hers should be but I
don't think it
s gonna work out, but well try.


re tall and fun and prettyYou

re really, really skinny

Ginny I

m the Mickey to your MinnieYou

re the Tigger to my WinnieGinnyWanna take you to the cityGonna take you

out to dineyGinnyYou

re cuter than a guinnie pig Wanna take you up to Winnipeg

in Canada!Ginny Ginny Ginny Ginny---
This doesnt work with your name at a
ll. How does it make you feel, emotionally? Don't you think itcould make a
girl fall in love with me?GINNY: I think it already has.HARRY: A
wesome! Cause its for Cho Chang!
h yeahshe is beautiful.
HARRY: What are you nuts? Beautiful? More like super-mega-foxy-awesome-
Shes far more
attractive, more appealing, and more interesting than any girl than I know,
in my immediate group of friends.

(Ron enters)RON: Hey Neville (hits Neville in the back of the head as he
jumps over bench.) (to Ginny) move, move,
move, move
(Ginny scoots over knocking Hermione on the floor, Ron sits next to
Harry)Hey! Harry, what's up? So I was just offstage hanging out with Hagrid,
and I saw these delivery wizards bringing giant cages into
the dungeon.HERMIONE: Giant cages?! I bet whatever is in those cages has
something to do with the first task!Harry, we have to find out what it is.RON:
ell it doesnt matter because its after hours, we cant leave the Gryffindor
house, and well
probably get in trouble if we do, even if we do, shlongbottom over there will
probably tell on us.HERMIONE: Oh Neville wo
t tell. NEVILLE: Oh yes I most certainly will!RON: So what are we gonna do?
HERMIONE: Simple you guys, the cloak.RON: Of course

(they stand up and face the audience)RON, HARRY, HERMIONE: The

cloak.GINNY: Wait, what cloak?RON: Shhhhhhh! (Claps in ear)(Harry begins
to open suitcase, Neville begins to exit)HARRY: I got a present last year ---
oh bye Neville. I got a present last year, my first year at Hogwartsand it was
left to me by my dad, my dad that's dead, (to audience) my
dead. (to Ginny) I
ts my
invisibility cloak!GINNY: Oh wowee Harry Potter! Oh! Oh! Do you know what I
would do if I had an invisibility cloak?HARRY: I would kick wiener dogs.RON: I
would pretend to be a ghost and scare mean people.HERMIONE: I would use
it to avoid ever facing my reflection in the mirror.GINNY: Well actually I was
gonna say I would use it to fake my own death and watch people cry at

HARRY: Ok, well, l
ets get outta her
.(all begin to exit)RON: (stopping Ginny) Whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you
think you're going?GINNY: With you guys?RON: No way! No kid sisters
allowed (claps in ear) besides there's only enough room under this cloak
for 2 people so uh, come on Hermione, come on!(Hermione hands guitar to
Ginny and exits with Ron)
Act 1 Part 7
(Quirrel enters)QUIRREL: (to Voldemort) Master, master the shipment for the
first task of the tournament has justarrived!VOLDEMORT: Yes I know Quirrel;
I hear everything that you hear!(Quirrel takes off turban)QUIRREL: I
is wonderful? We have made sure that Harrys n
ame was drawn from the cup and soonhe will be ours!VOLDEMORT: Y
esits really happening isnt it Quirrell? ...You know, with the plan going so
well, I
think that maybe we should celebrate. What do you say Quirre
l, hows about we go out? I hear its karaoke

night down at the Hogs Head.

QUIRREL: I don't know, I have all these papers to grade, and I've been
giving so much attention to thisrevenge plan that I've gotten a little
behind.VOLDEMORT: Ahh come on Quirre
l, youve been working so hard all year, you
deserve a night off!QUIRREL: B
ut the papers

VOLEMORT: Oh just give them all B

s and be done with it!QUIRREL: Now that's evil! (Grades papers)
-! You know,
I havent had thi
s much fun since Nearly Headless
Nicks death day party of 91.
I havent had this much fun since.well, I cant remember ever having this
much fun!
QUIRREL: You never had fun ever? Doing anything? Maybe that's why you're
so evil.

VOLDEMORT: Yeah, maybe. I definitely thought it was the fact that muggles
and mud bloods make mefeel sick to my stomach, but yeah I guess you
could be right

QUIRREL: What is it Voldemort?VOLDEMORT: O

h its just I neve
r really ever considered there was another reason for me being so evil.
Because normally I just I just kill people who try
o get me to open up you know? Oops. Its just
kinda nice to just talk.QUIRREL: Yeah, you know I have to admit I was kind of
nervous when you first demanded that youattach yourself to my
soul.VOLDEMORT: Yeah, I could sense that.QUIRREL: But like no
w I think its kind of cool, its like having a really close roommate or even
eah like a slave like a death eater.
QUIRREL: No man, it

s like having a friend.VOLDEMORT: I've never had a friend before.QUIRREL:

ell it looks like youve got
one now.
I guess its plain to see
When you look at you and mewere different different as can beVOLDEMORT
and QUIRREL:Well lead em to the slaughter and well murder Harry Potter
Were different
Different Different, different As can be!
(They exit. Ron, Harry, and Hermione enter with
the cloak, H
arry in front, Ron, Hermione)RON: T
his cloak isnt as big as it used to be
.HERMIONE: Now where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?
RON: I think they were being delivered to the auditorium so they should be
at the end of this hallway andto the left.
(They walk in place while the pillars move upstage in order to give the idea
of walking forwards. A sheepin a cage is set on the right side of the
stage.)HARRY: Hey look!HERMIONE: A sheep??HARRY: Oh my gosh, I have to
fight a sheep? I don't know if I can do that morally.(Snape and Albus
enter)SNAPE: And the sheep have all been sent for feeding time,
headmaster.ALBUS: Feeding time? Dragons don't want to be fed they want
to hunt!HARRY: (to group) Did he just say dragons?
SNAPE: (to Albus) Did you just say Did he just say dragons?
ALBUS: I must have, because anyone else hiding in this room would have
know to shut up

Potter!SNAPE: Headmaster,
do you really think its wise to ha
ve children fight dragons?ALBUS: No Snape I don't think it

s wise to do anything anymore, here I am alive and well today, but Icould
very well be killed by you, tomorrow.SNAPE: Why that's absurd!ALBUS: Have
you ever seen my room? I have some pretty kic
kin posters on my wall.
(They exit; Harry takes off cloak and hands it to Ron)HARRY: Man I have to
fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon, I'm just a little kid?
ell maybe it wont be that bad Harry, maybe youll just have
to fight like Mushu from Mulan or Puff the Magic Dragon.HERMIONE: Ron,
this is serious! Harry could die. Alright there's still time, we just need to
figure out a plan.(They exit)
Act 1 Part 9
(Snape is center stage)SNAPE: The Hogwarts champions now must enter the

s tent in preparation of the first task.(exit)

HARRY: (enter with lunch sack) M
an I cant believe I have to skip lunch period for this stupid task.
(Hermione enters)HERMIONE: Okay Harry today is the day you fight the
dragon, now did you read those notes I made for you on dragons?HARRY:
No, but
at least I have my wand
(Searches for wand, Hermione pulls wand out of her cloak)HERMIONE:
Here.HARRY: Hey,
(taps her nose) youre the best.
HERMIONE: Harry, please just don't die today. I don't want to see my best
friend get eaten by a dragon.(They hug, Draco and Cedric enter)Cedric: So
tell me more about this Pigfarts, I FIND it to be very interesting.DRACO: W
ell while youre there you have to wear your spacesuit at all times
, because if you

youll probably die.

But the good news is if you're a good enough student, Rumbleroar lets you
ridearound on his back.CEDRIC: And he's the headmaster lion?DRACO: Who
can talk!CEDRIC: Well hello Harry, how are you feeling today?HARRY: Hey
Cedric, trying to stay positive.CEDRIC: Well good! I'm happy to FIND you in
good spirits. Ms. Granger.HERMIONE: Hello.(Cho is heard offstage then
runs to Cedric)CHO: Sugar pie!CEDRIC: My darling!HARRY: I hate that guy.
(Albus enters)

ALBUS: WOAH, God Granger, I thought you were a Bogart. And what the hell
are you doing in the
champions tent? Ten more points.
HARRY: Thanks Hermione!(Hermione exits)ALBUS: Now are you kids ready to
fight a dragon? Of course not you're just children what the hell am Ithin
king? Now outside this tent there are thousands upon thousands of
screaming fans now theyre either
gonna be cheering for you, or the dragon, but either way they are gonna be
making some kinda noise. Soin order for the selection process to be fair I am
randomly going to select a cardboard cutout size versionof the dragon you
will be facing. Cedric for you, Puff, the magic dragon. Cho, Figment, the
imaginarydragon. Draco, The reluctant dragon. And for you Potter,
the Hungarian Horntail the most terrifying thing
youve ever seen in your whole life! Anyway if there are no more
HARRY: Wait a second!
This is terrifying, and those are the cutest things Ive ever seen.
(Albus picks up Figment)ALBUS: This thing is horrifying! Just use your
imagination. Disapparate.(Albus exits; Ron enters holding a box of Double
stuffed Oreos)RON: O
h my god, this competitions gonna suck! All these dragons are wimp
y, Accio double-stuff.(T
akes a bite of Oreo then glances at Harrys dragon) OH MY GOD, MONSTER!
Is th
at yours?!HARRY: Yeah.
RON: Its awesome, I wanna hold it. Oh my god this thing is terrifying, I hope
the real thing is smaller,
rawr. Ferocious. What are you gonna do?
HARRY: I don't know, I'm not cut out for this kind of stuff
(Hermione enters, followed by Snape)HERMIONE: Ron, you can
t be in here this is the Champions tent

SNAPE: Ms. Granger, what the devil are you doing in the Champions tent?
Ten points from Gryffindor.
RON AND HARRY: Thanks Hermione!RON: Hey, good luck buddy. Bye Snape!
SNAPE: Bye!(Ron and Hermione exit)SNAPE: Cedric Digory, now it is time to
face your dragon.

CEDRIC: Alright fellas, wish me luck.CHO: I believe in you.CEDRIC: That's all I
needed to hear.(Snape and Cedric exit)HARRY: H
ey Malfoy, I tell you what, Ill let you switch dragons with me, Ill give you
the chance toswitch dragons with me, Ill give you that opportunity.
DRACO: Um lemme think about it
(Snape enters)SNAPE: Ms. Cho Chang, your dragon awaits.CHO: W
ell I cant
IMAGINE that this will be very hard.SNAPE: T
hen I IMAGINE it wont be.
(They exit)
HARRY: Tell you what Ill throw in my Teddy G
rahams with the Gushers and you can make little gusher teddy graham
sandwiches.DRACO: Alright thrown in that pack of Doritos
and youve got yourself a deal.
HARRY: Absolutely not.(Snape enters)SNAPE: Draco Malfoy(Draco exits; long
pause onstage)SNAPE: Out you go Potter. (Snape pushes Potter to center
stage)ALBUS: And now Harry P
otter will fight the Hungarian Horntail the most terrifying thing youve ever
seen in your whole life.(Blackout)
Act 1 Part 10
(Snape is seen holding a wreath)

SNAPE: Attention all Hogwarts students, tonight is our annual Yule ball, so
please remember to pick upyour Yule ball wreath and give it to someone
special.(Ginny enters)SNAPE: AHH GINGER!(Snape throws wreath at Ginny
and runs offstage, Ginny drops wreath and exits, Harry enters oppositeside,
picks up wreath. Ron enters)RON: H
ey there good buddy how ya doin?
HARRY: I'm okayRON: Is that a Yule Ball wreath?HARRY: YeahRON: Who ya
gonna ask?HARRY: Well I asked Cho Chang but she turned me down for
Cedric Stupory.RON: O
h my goodness theyre going together? That is so great, I love him so much
there are so
HARRY: No, no, no!RON: I hate him, I hate him so much. Oh my gosh he
pisses me off. Aw man that sucks dude, I don't
know why shed turn you down; you're like the coolest guy in school.
HARRY: I know I don't get it man, I play guitar, I'm Harry P
otter I'm awesome! Ill probably just go
alone.RON: Y
eah Ill probably go
alone too, I mean the only girls who don't have dates already are Ginny
(boththumbs down) and Hermione(both thumbs down farther) and I'm
not going with my stupid sister.HARRY: And I think of Hermione as my sister
so that out.RON: We are in such a puzzle.(Neville enters) NEVILLE: My look
at these strapping young men!RON AND HARRY: Hey NevilleHARRY: Hey
want this Yule Ball wreath. NEVILLE: Well I guess if you're willing to part with
it I will take this wreath!

HARRY: Hey Ron lets go hang out with Hagrid, he can teach us how to dance
and we can get in our dress robes!RON: T
hat can only lead us to disaster and hilarity, lets go! I just don't know about
Hermione because Idon't think anyones asked her because shes just so
butt ugly!
(Ron, Harry exit, Goyle enters)GOYLE: (to Neville) give that plant, nerd!
(Neville runs offstage)Oh Goyle rules!(Draco and Crabbe enter carrying a
cape mount of the Slain Dragon)MALFOY: yes it was Reluctant enough at
first, but
I lured it out of its cage and
Goyle, what are youdoing with that wreath?! What are you going to ask
someone to the Yule Ball?
GOYLE: (drops wreath)No. Dancings for nerds!
CRABBE: And pretty girls!MALFOY: Y
oure right; you know who the last girl Id ever ask to the Yule ball
would be? ThatHermione Granger. Not even if we were the last 2 people on
earth and she looked absolutely stunning inher ball gown so that every time
I looked at her I would get butterflies in my tummy.(Pansi enters)CRABBE:
Dancing is for Pansies.MALFOY: Hey you there what's your name?PANSI:
Pansi.MALFOY: Perfect! You're going to the Yule Ball with me. You see that
dragon? Well it was reluctant
enough at first but I lured
(All Exit, Quirrel enters carrying a bowl with a ladle wrapped in a cloth
napkin)(Quirrel sets down bowl, still holding ladle, takes off turban)QUIRREL:
My lord the Yule ball has finally arrived, and I've brought the key!
VOLEDMORT: (frustrated) Yes I know Quirrel I hear everything you hear!
QUIRREL: I'm sorry.

VOLDEMORT: No I'm sorry,
I shouldnt
have snapped, I'm just nervous that's all. I don't wanna talk about it. Hey
Quirrel, we should make plans.QUIRREL: Evil plans?!VOLDEMORT: Uh, no
casual plans like, we could go rollerblading on a Saturday and see a movie
thatnight.QUIRREL: Yeah it will
be great because well both be able to watch it for a change.
VOLDEMORT: Whatever happens tonight man, it

s been a blast.QUIRREL: Yeah, one crazy year. (V. cheers), hey-

promise well go rollerblading and see that movie.
VOLDEMORT: Oh, man, I promise.(Quirrel wraps his arms around himself as
if to hug V., V. sighs in satisfaction.)Okay, Quirrel
lets go plant that key and split, pun intended!
(Quirrel puts turban back on Snape enters.)SNAPE: Why, professor Quirrel,
what are you doing in the great dance hall just moments before thedance?
QUIRREL: Just decorating or the Yule Ball just some last minute decorations.
Just one final touch. (drops
ladle key into the punch bowl)
SNAPE: A ladle?QUIRREL: A very special ladle, for a very special night, for a
very special punch.SNAPE: And what's so special about this punch?QUIRREL:
ets just say theres
Sierra Mist in it.SNAPE: Sierra Mist?! Is that not the favorite drink of one
Harry Potter?QUIRREL: Is it? I had no idea. Well we better be going-SNAPE:
We?!QUIRREL: I better be going, loud music hurts my ears!
SNAPE: Okay well Ill see you later then.
r maybe you wont!

SNAPE: Or maybe I will!(they exchange a glance then Quirrel exits running
into Albus, and Snape crosses to center.)ALBUS: Hey, Severus!SNAPE: Oh
headmaster!ALBUS: What are you doing in here? Getting some punch are
SNAPE: Oh I wouldn't theres Sierra Mist
in there.ALBUS: Oh only Harry Potter likes that stuff
, Ill stick with my Red Bull, thank you very much.
SNAPE: Well,
Ill see you tomorrow
headmaster.ALBUS: Oh but Severus
arent you going to stay for the dance?
SNAPE: Well I would headmaster, but you see an old friend is coming back
into town tonight. (laughsand exits)
Act 1 Part 11
(Enter Students to soft slow music, Ron enters L. carrying a 6 pack of butter
beer, Harry is sulkingdownstage right)HARRY: Hey, Ron.RON: Hey what's up
dude? Have you seen Hermione anywhere?HARRY: N
o I havent, why?
h nothing, its
just you know, I heard that Hermione is in the girl

s room just crying her eyes out,in a bathroom stall. I

snt that like the saddest thing youve
ever heard? I mean I don't know it wasinevitable that one day Hermione
would realize that no guy would ever like her, because of her
obnoxious personality and her ugly face.MALFOY: Hey you two over here
talking about Granger?HARRY: Malfoy why don't you just get out of here it

s none of your business, why don't you just godance with Pansi over there?
MALFOY: (to Pansi) Hey go get me some punch.PANSI: Okay, u
m I should tell you theres Sierra Mist
in it.MALFOY: Sierra Mist
?! Never mind Ill stay dehydrated! Go powder your nose of something.

PANSI: But I just fixed my make up a little while ago.MALFOY: Trust me you
need more powder. (to Harry) Pain on the eyes right? (Pansi exits) So
noticed Grangers not around here, probably better that way too
.RON: Man, why don't you just give her a break for once okay, Malfoy?
MALFOY: Why defending her Weasley? Have a crush?RON: NO! Why all the
insults Malfoy, covering up a crush?MALFOY: Oh right, right like I could ever
have a crush on that stupid mud-CHO: OH MY GOSH!(Hermione enters
upstage center. Students adlib: She looks so beautiful, bless her heart!)
RON: Here I am face to facewith a situation I never ever thought I

d see strange how a dresscan take a messand make her nothing less
thanbeautiful to me I feel like my eyes have been transfigured something
deep inside has changed they've been open wide, but hold that trigger this
could mean . Danger I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love I could
be falling in love, falling in love, falling in lovewith Hermione
Granger DRACO:WHAT? what the hell is this?YOU expect me to sing about
her?don't care about her it's just a little make up Draco, Wake up I'm
mistaken she--- is the hottest girl I've ever seennow--- because she's like a
girl I've never seendon't know why---- I'd ever be so mean, this could mean

I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love I could be falling in love,
falling in love, falling in loveWith Hermione Granger. MALFOY and RON: I
wanna let her know.... MALFOY: I feel so queasy MALFOY and RON:
But I cant let it show
.... RON:
Shed laugh poor Weasley
RON: Come on Ron DRACO: DracoTOGETHER: You gotta let it go, you gotta
let it goTOGETHER:----------------------------------- MALFOY:WHAT? what the hell is
this? I want to sing about her sing about her I want to make up granger,
wake up
ve been mistaken she--- is the hottest girl I've ever seennow--- because
she's like a girl I've never seendon't know why---- I'd ever be so mean, this
could mean DANGER! RON:here I am face to facewith a situation I never
thought I

d see strange how a dresscan take a messand make her nothing less
thanbeautiful to me I feel like my eyes have been transfigured something
deep inside has changed they've been open wide, but hold that trigger this
could mean . Danger TOGETHER: I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in
love I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in loveWith Hermione
Granger.With Hermione Grander.With Hermione Granger. DANGER!

Act 1 Part 12
h I cant believe it.
HARRY: What?
RAN: I cant believe that she is dancing w
ith every other guy here but me. That is so stupid.HARRY: Why do you care
man?RON: I don't care man and that

s what I'm going to go up and tell her. I'm going to go up to her and say,
Idon't care what you do,
and shes going to feel so

stupid, shes going to feel like such an idiot.

HARRY: Hey, listen Ron, you're acting like a real jerk, and maybe you should
take it easy on the butter beer.RON: No!HERMIONE: Hey, guys.HARRY: Hey,
Hermione, hey you look great.HERMIONE: O
h thanks! You know I used to think looks werent important but now I think t
hey aremore important than anything. I mean I'm just having so much fun
dancing with everyone!RON: Wow, Hermione, when did you become so
shallow?HERMIONE: What is wrong with you Ron!RON: Nothing!
Nothings wrong with me, w
hy don't you just go ask shlongbottom to dance huh?HERMIONE: You know
what maybe I will! (Storms off)RON: I showed her.HARRY: Wait a hot second;
I know what's going on here! Youve got a crush! Alright Ron
, maybe whatyou should do is you should go over there and tell her how you
feel.RON: What no! B
ecause then shed know that I liked her and you always know that you never
tell a girl
you like them because it makes you look like an idiot!
HARRY: I know youll look like an idiot, anytime you tell a girl you like her it
makes you look
that is inevitable, but listen, its something you have to do.
We look like idiots anyway. You just
gottagive it a chance.
(ease way over to Ginny seen sitting on a bench)
Maybe theres something thereyou didnt see before. I mean you just gotta
o and find something special that was there the whole time
you just didnt

have the guts tosay anything.

RON: Wait where are you going? I'm still mad and sad.

HARRY: Hold on,
going to take his own advice, pal. (Cross to Ginny) Hey, Ginny!GINNY: Hey,
Harry.HARRY: Can I sit down?GINNY: Um, yeah, sure.HARRY: S
o, hows Hogwarts?
okay, well actually I was really excited to come here, but now that I'm here I
justdon't think I belong.HARRY: Oh yeah, I totally know what you
mean.GINNY: U
h, no you don't. Youre Harry P
otter HARRY: Yeah I know, but for 11 years I was just this dumb kid who got
the crap kicked out of him andlived under these stairs. All of a sudden it was
body thinks I'm cool all of a sudden, its weird, its kind of isolating
.GINNY: I understand, it

s like when you first got here nobody wanted to get to know you because
thought they already knew you, but eventually youll find some people who
want to
get to know you for the real you.HARRY: You know Ginny, I have found
someone and I've taken them for granted so you know what?Come on. You
want to dance? That's the whole point of the evening.(Harry takes Ginny to
center stage, they dance) Now I've got to warn you, I learned all my best
dance moves from Hagrid, so I'm not that great.
GINNY: I'm sure youll be fine
wow Harry Potter; I don't care what anybody says you're the bestdancer that
ever was.HARRY: Well you see Ginny I have a confession to make. You see
these shoes;
theyre actually magical
enchanted dancing shoes. I'm just messing with you; I'm just awesome at
dancing.(Ron karate chops between Hermione and Neville as if to cut
in)RON: YAH! When you dance with Neville is when you cross the line.
(Shoves butter beer at Neville)Here take this beat it, get outta here.(Neville
exits with butter beer)HERMIONE: Why are you being so mean to me?RON:
I'm not being mean!

HERMIONE: Yes you ARE! You know everyday everyone is trying to put me
down, and the one day I
actually feel like a person youre trying
to RUIN IT!!RON: (backing off) Holy crap.HERMIONE: What is wrong with you
Ron?MALFOY: Weasley! (Rolls to Ron) the lady said no.HERMIONE: Not you
too! You know what, I am so sick of both of you! I hate you both! (slaps
Dracoand Ron and exits)MALFOY: What did you say to her??RON: Nothing!
MALFOY and RON (ad lib overlapping): I'm bleeding! Oh, look at this! look
what she did to me!HARRY: Ginny, I feel kind of dizzy.GINNY: Well then
maybe we should stop spinning.
We have stopped spinning
Wait no, no no no no!
I cant do this, you're Ginny Weasley,
you're my best friends little sister, you're R
on Weasleys sister, I cant I'm sorry Ginny I cant do this.
(Ginny exits crying)Hey, Cho, dance with me, I'm Harry Potter, let's go.
(takes Cho)CEDRIC: Uh, excuse me; I believe I was dancing with the
lady.HARRY: Yeah, I know, and I'm cutting in, so

CEDRIC: Well I FIND that to be very rude.HARRY: Alright Cedric why don't we
FIND out what the lady has to say about itCHO: B
oys, theres no need to fight over little
me! But by the way Cedric said that you cheated onthe Dragons test.
HARRY: Cheated?! Are you kidding me that thing was trying to eat me! I was
in its mouth!CEDRIC: Exactly,
what went on in there, Id like to FIND out.
lright, that is it Digory we are dueling! Lets go!
CHO: Oh gosh, all this excitement is making me thirsty.

h Cho Ill get you something to drink I
ll get you some punch!CEDRIC: N
o Ill get th
e punch.HARRY: No I will get the punch!CEDRIC: Fine, have the punch!
(punches Harry, harry falls on floor)HARRY: C
edric Digory, Im gonna kill you!
(Harry grabs ladle and tries to hit Cedric, scene change)
Act 1 Part 13
(Cedric and Harry fall on floor)CEDRIC: Where are we?HARRY: I don't know
Cedric someone punched me in the face and my sense of direction got a
littlegoofed up.CEDRIC: Well it seems clear to me now that that punch ladle
was a port key, and now thanks to you,
weve both been transport
ed to some mystery location.HARRY: Brilliant Cedric, well you're a Hufflepuff
why don't you FIND a way out of this place.CEDRIC: Harry, I think I FOUND
something; it appears to be a headstone. We must be in some sort
of graveyard. Tom Riddle, Mary Riddle, Thoms Riddle. Riddle me this,
eh Potter?HARRY: Cedric, you are so annoying, okay. You're just like this guy
that's around all the time, when Idon't need a guy around. You're this spare
guy all the time, this spare dude, you're such a spare!!VOLDEMORT: Kill the
spare!QUIRREL: Avada Cadavra!!CEDRIC: So many regrets, I'm dead.HARRY:
oh my wizard god!QUIRREL: Not so fast! Petrificus Totalus!HARRY: Professor
Quirrel you just killed Cedric!QUIRRELL: Not I Potter, but perhaps you would
like to see who did;
hes dying to see you. (Removes
turban)VOLDEMORT: Harry P
otter, The Boy Who Lived, its good to see you again!

SNAPE: The Cauldron is ready my Lord!(Quirrell goes behind cauldron as if to
go into it, Snape drops in a cut out bone, then he takes a dagger and cuts
off his hand into the cauldron. Snape groans in agony, as another death
eater takes the dagger
from Snape and uses it to cut Harrys hand)
SNAPE: Detention Potter!( Quirrel jumps out of the cauldron only wear a
white business shirt, black tie and slacks, Voldemort is nolonger attached to
him.)QUIRREL: (grabbing back of head) It worked!(Voldemort stands on a
stool set behind the cauldron, the tunic once holding Quirrell and V. together
isnow a cape. Voldemort is wearing no shirt, the cape, pants and tap shoes.
He takes a step forward withgreat anticipation)
Act 1 Part 14
BELLATRIX: My Dark Lord (bows to Voldemort)VOLDEMORT: Bellatrix
Lestrange!BELLATRIX: Oh my liege, tell me it

s going to be like the old days, where we did nothing but tortureand murder!
VOLDEMORT: Ah the old days are back, baby!
BELLATRIX: I cant tell you what it was like without you.
ell I'm never going again, because Ive conquered death, and my first
pleasure will be
to kill Harry Potter! The next, to take over the Ministry of Magic, and rule the
world for all time!!BELLATRIX: And you will my Lord, but not yet, for now we
must stick to the plan, we b
lame Potters
murder on Quirrel, so that your return may remain a secret.QUIRREL: I'm
sorry, what was that?BELLATRIX: You shall refer to him as my Lord, my Liege
or my Dark Lord only!...VOLDEMORT: Oh no
, Bellatrix, its cool. Quirrels cool. Over the last year hes proven himself to
be a
very good fr

(pause) a very good servant to the will of the Dark Lord.QUIRREL: O
h I see so!
BELLATRIX: Silence slave! Crucio!(Quirrel falls to floor screaming Voldemort
grabs Bellatrix arm down, Bellatrix laughs)

hats the matter, he is your pawn,
and you are his queen. It is an honor to serve the Dark Lord!!VOLDEMORT:
(cross to Quirrel who is still on the floor) Are you alright?QUIRREL: Did you
really know that the whole time
youd blame Potters murder on me?

VOLDEMORT: Yesyes, I knew, but things have changed over the last
year, I feel
... How do Iexplai
n this? Its like that movie Shes All That!
Remember we watched it together. Remember how atthe end, Freddy Prince
Jr. turns out to be good.QUIRREL: N
o, I didnt see the end because you were watching it, on the back of my
head, sucking my
ell I wish there was another way, but Ive got to take over the world!
ell there it is. Let me tell you now its going to be pretty hard to make that
date from Azkaban.BELLATRIX: Death eaters, take him away. (To Voldemort)
d now you have what youve waited for,
for so long.VOLDEMORT: What?BELLATRIX: Your chance to kill Harry Potter!
es Kill Potter!!! Ha
whoa whered he go?
oure not killing me today, Vo
ldemort!(Harry grabs ladle Voldemort and Bellatrix exit while spinning, and
the cast from the dance comes back on stage as harry rolls Cedric to the
center, Dumbledore is now standing over the two)GINNY: Oh my Rowling,
what happened, Harry Potter?ALBUS: Harry, what the hell are you doing
over here, you're missing the raffle!(Snape enters)SNAPE: What happened in
the graveyard?HARRY: It
s Voldemort! HES BACK!
Act2 part 1
(Everyone goes over to bench and sits Harry and Ron enter)

HARRY: This totally sucks man.RON: (Giant Hersey

s bar) This


horrible!HARRY: This is horrible

Harry Potter vs Voldemort

the fight of the century.R
ON: Its not that

s Hermione
I cant get her out of my head
Every time I look at her

I get these pains in my chest and
I just know its her fault
!HARRY: (looking at newspaper) Hey man,

I know what you mean -
Its like when youre trying to save
the world and the whole world is against youRON: NO NO NO NO NO!
This isnt about
you. Why does every conversation we have always turn intoPotter
talk HARRY: It

s not Potter talk.RON: No.

Im miserable (points to Hersheys
bar) and all you can do is talk about your self

Youre like
the most self absorbed guy I know

If you were miserable, Id be there for you but NO

you wont even

listen to me. I hope you and Voldemort live happily ever after because
Im never going to be happy
again.(As Ron leaves Hermione enters)HERMIONE: Were you just talking to
Ron?HARRY: Yeah, I was trying to tell him about Voldemort.HERMIONE: Well,
did he say anything about me?HARRY: Uh, well, yeahHERMIONE: Was it an
apology for how he treated me at the ball?HARRY: Yeah, I heard about that

listen (looking at paper) I was wondering if you heard a littlesomething

Voldemort is back, Cedric Digory is dead, Professor Quirrell is crazy, and now
I haveto save the world. Did you hear that?HERMIONE: Actually, I did hear
that. I
ve heard that about a thousand times but never has it bee
n told tome with so much SAS! Drop the attitude Harry. You

re acting like Garfield on a Monday. (crosses her arms) This is just like the
dragon. I stressed out.
I told you what to do and you didnt do it and you were
fine.HARRY: Hermione, come on

Youre the friend thats supposed to tell me to go to the library and try
and figure this stuff out.HERMIONE: Well you know what
Harry, I dont do that anymore.
(Hermione storms off and joins others. Draco enters stage left and leans on

DRACO: Read it and weep Potter

I heard Voldemort is back. (lays on de
sk) And hes trying to kill you.
HARRY: Malfoy

I dont see why youre so happy about this
If Voldemort is back, which he is, thenwe may as well kiss Hogwarts

you may as well kiss the planet goodbye!DRACO: Kiss the planet goodbye?
Having second thoughts about Pigfarts, are you?HARRY:
Malfoy, youre the last person I want to talk to right now OK?
DRACO: You know what? As
soon as youre out of the way

Ill be the coolest kid in school.

HERMIONE: Malfoy, that will never happen, everyone hates you!DRACO: Ok,
right, this coming from Hermione Stranger!PANSI:
Shes cooler than you
.LAVENDER: Yeah, even Moaning Myrtle is cooler than you.SNAPE: Draco, I
need to see you in my office
Snape raises his hook) NOW!(Everyone except Harry: leaves. Harry sits
down and looks at the paper again. Ginny

stage left

eatingDoritos)HARRY: Hey Ginny
whats up?
GINNY: (chewing) Um Harry we danced at the Yule ball. And I thought we
were going to be together forever,
but were not
.HARRY: (still reading paper) Yeah that pretty much sums it up.GINNY:
Whats going on?
HARRY: Ginny,
dont you get

it? Everyone whos near to me

is in danger if Voldemort is back, and heis. S
o we cant be together or youd be i
n mortal peril

just like the S
piderman movie, havent you seen
it? MJ and Peter Parker
cant be together
.GINNY: But the whole point of Spiderman 2 is so that MJ and Peter are
together.HARRY: Yeah, but the point of Spiderman 3 is that life sucks and
everything falls apart. Ginny
what Imtrying to say is that I dont want my l
ife to be like Spiderman 3

ated that movie! Im sorry thats just
my way o
f saying we cant be together. Im sorry
GinnyGINNY: (crying)
Im such an idiot
. (Ginny leaves)
Potter HARRY: Who are you?
DUMBLEDORE: (pulls off beard)
Its me
Dumbledore ---
Hey listen, Harry Ive got some veryimportant things Ive got to tell you.
HARRY: About Voldemort?DUMBLEDORE:
Yes, its abso
lutely crucial for you to know. B
ut I cant get into it right now. I need
you to meet me in my inner office at 10:00 and I need you to come by
yourself. Bring your invisibilitycloak and
dont go blabbing about this to anyone
. From now on, the only people you can trust are me andSeverus
SnapeHARRY: Listen Dumbled
ore, I know you dont want to hear this, but Im not so sur
e about Snape

Im pretty sure hes working for Voldemort.

WHAT? Thats stupid

Youre stupid!
HARRY: No, no
Im positive
that night at the graveyard, some death eater cuts off his hand and
Snapeshows up without a hand!DUMBLEDORE: Whatever Potter, Snape told
me he lost his hand in a totally unrelated incident.HARRY: Dumbledore

why do you trust Snape so much?DUMBLEDORE: Because I love him.HARRY:

I dont want to hear anymore
about it

Theres no way Se
verus Snape is,was, or ever will be a servant of Voldemort.
Act 2 Scene 2
SNAPE: All hail Voldemort!DEATH EATER 1: Severus Snape? What are you
doing here?DEATH EATER 2: Got tired of being on Dumbledore
s lap?
SNAPE: HMMMM?DEATH EATER 1: I ought to jelly leg jinx you right now
Dont be goofy with me

Im here to see Voldemort.

How do we know this isnt some practical joke by the Order of the Phoenix?
DEATH EATER 1: I heard you had your Dark mark surgically removed.
SNAPE: Well if you two know so much about me you should write a book

Snape, the Double Agent
thats right, Ive alwa
ys been a servant of Voldemort.
Ive simply been working un
dercover, finding outvaluable information like the roster of the Order of the
Phoenix, and finding out exactly what a trueHufflepuff is anyway, I would
like to see my Master.DEATH EATER 1: Of course, Right away SeverusSNAPE:

Ill be in the drawing room, painting a picture of the stupid looks on your
(Voldemort leaning on chair appears asleep and Bellatrix talking as Death
eaters enter)BELLATRIX:
Then after sneaking into the Dept of Mysteries, well enchant the
DEATH EATER 1: Excuse meBELLATRIX: WHOA, WHOA (pointing wand) Whoa.
Excuse me I was in the middle of plotting.Where was I? The statues will
occupy the guards while you and I sneak into the Ministers office, whereyou
will be one curse away from complete control of the entire Wizarding
world! How does that soundMy Lord?VOLDEMORT: Oh, YEAH! Gringotts
thats great.. polyjuice potionalways works! Very classy
(Bellatrix looks dejected)VOLDEMORT:
Im sorry
what are we talking about?BELLATRIX: Did you hear anything of my evil
planVOLDEMORT: well, the details are a little fuzzy but you did have a very
evil toneBELLATRIX:
Hes all yours!
(exits)VOLDEMORT: Bellatrix come back,
dont be like that Now 2 people are mad at me!
What?DEATH EATER 2: Sir, Severus Snape is at the door and wants to see
youVOLDEMORT: See him in.(Snape makes a grand entrance)SNAPE: Is that
a new body My Lord? You look absolutely ravishing!VOLDEMORT: Severus,
for such a super secret spy
youre a terrible liar! Im a wreck
You better have some good news.SNAPE:
My Lord, you know how for years weve been trying to get the death e
aters into Hogwarts(Snape hooks Voldemort with hand
) Weve been trying to get Death Eaters into Hogwarts
and I think
Ive finally discovered a way to do it!

VOLDEMORT: Well by all means Snape, tell me!SNAPE: I c
Why not?SNAPE: I made an unbreakable vow not to let any death eaters
in.VOLDEMORT: Unbreakable vows

I HATE thoseSNAPE: I know but I had to do it to convince Dumbledore I was
reliable.VOLDEMORT: Yes Snape I understand

well what do you propose we do now?SNAPE: Well, I
cant tell you but I brought along someone who can
.(Draco enters room)DRACO: All hail Lord Voldemort(Voldemort laughs)
VOLDEMORT: Lucius Malloys boy.
Are you serious?!DRACO: Malfoy, MALFOYVOLDEMORT:
(Laughing) Help from a child, youve got to be kidding me Dont make me
laugh Im
If this homemade dark mark wont convince you then PLEASE hear me out
VOLDEMORT: (continuing to laugh) Ok -_ OK OK How do you propose you get
my Death Eatersinto your little school? And do
nt suggest a giant
slide or a trampoline, be
cause weve already tried those.
DRACO: The vents

Your death eaters shall enter through the ventilation system of
HogwartsVOLDEMORT: DUH! The vents. How do we find these vents?DRACO:
Ill tell you how to ge
t to the vents but first (Draco drops to the ground beside the desk ----
thenstanding) We discuss the subject of paymentVOLDEMORT: A Catch

Theres always a catch. Is there nothing in this world so cruel and

as the soul of a child? What do you want Malloy?DRACO: I want a galaxy
traversing rocket ship with enough fuel to get me to Mars!
VOLDEMORT: What do you want with a rocket ship? What business do you
have on Mars?

Lets just say (music starts) Pigfarts Pigfarts Here I come, P
igfarts Pigfarts YUM YUM YUMSNAPE:
With all respect my Lord, theres one tiny flaw in that flawless plan. Albus
AHHH youre right Snape Normally, Id say

Ill kill him, but I havent been feeling

so evil lately(Draco pats Voldemort on shoulder and then quickly pulls his
hand away)VOLDEMORT:
So heres how its going to break now M
alloy. I need your guarantee that you lead my
death eaters into Hogwarts. While simultaneously well be attacking the
ministry of magic. Now I need
you to promise by the end of the siege of Hogwarts that Dumbledore will be
dead.DRACO: We shall shake on it

an unbreakable vow (both spit in hands and shake)VOLDEMORT: By the end
of tomorrow night Albus Dumbledore will be dead?DRACO:
Yes and Ill have
my rocket ship.VOLDEMORT: When the technology is available.DRACO: (still
shaking Voldemort
s hand
quickly says) And you have to be my slave for a whole daystarting now!
(Voldemort jerks away and yells)VOLDEMORT: You little Jerk!!!! (pointing at
Draco) You got me

You GOT ME!! Oh that is soembarrassing (Draco and Snape are clapping and
laughing) Oh
, thats the 2

time that thats happened!Thats why I hate unbreakable curses!

Oh theres several things Im going to have you do

Youre going
to clean my room and layout my knickers and tape Wizards of Waverly Place
for me.VOLDEMORT: I hate chores!DRACO:
Ill be busy with a murder!

Act 2 Scene 3
(Harry and Hermione enter)HERMIONE: Any idea why Dumbledore wanted to
meet us so late at night?HARRY:
Hes got some information to give us about Voldemort Did you bring the
invisibility Cloak?
RON: Alright Harry
this better be good, because I dont have a snack and Im missing Wizards
of Waverly Place for this Ok? So what are we going to do thats

so dangOh my gosh (as band member

gives Ron twizzlers) I love Redvines you want oneHARRY: I love them (Harry
eats a redvine)

Im leaving
NOOOOO youre not
when I said I needed your help

I meant both of you

you guys have toget over these bad feelings before somebody gets hurt
(Harry knocks on door)DUMBLEDORE: Hey Harry

Dang it

I told you to come by yourself

why did you have to bring thefatties?HARRY: These are my best friends and
if this information is as important as you say it is

they have aright to knowDUMBLEDORE:
Well, Ive been wrong before
get in here Hot Legs (as everyone follows him) I wastalking to Weasley!
(Exit, re-enter) Sorry the place is such a sty! (Framed photo of Zac
Efron)RON: Oh my gosh
Thats a boss
Zefron poster!DUMBLEDORE:
Every interview Ive ever seen with him
he seems like such a charismatichumanitarianHARRY: You think you like him,

I like him the most Harry Potter loves Zac Efron better thananyone else on
the planet! Anyway tha
ts not what were here to talk about. Were here to talk about
e not here to talk about Zac Efron cause everybody knows I like him the
Were he
re to talk about the dark Lord. In order to defeat this guy
youre going
to have to know aboutHorcruxes.HERMIONE, RON and HARRY: (all at same
Whats a horcrux?
DUMBLEDORE: A Horcrux is one of the most terrifying pieces of magic that
a wizard can create. Ithappens when a wizard takes a piece of his soul and
puts it into something else.HARRY: Why would someone want to do that?
DUMBLEDORE: Harry if you have a Horcrux you can never truly die! Your
body can be dead but your
soul can move on. He didnt just have just one horcrux, he had 6
. Ive already killed the first
5for you but you guys have to find the last one and destroy it with this.(Ron
throws candy down

all three are examining the sword)HERMIONE: The sword of Gryffindor!
Godric Gryffindor was one of the 4 founders of Hogwarts. If anything can
destroy a horcrux, that thing is it.RON: This thing is so
dang awesome! Every wizard should have a sword like this

not these stupiddrumsticks! Forget about it --- (Ron starts practice sword
fighting)HARRY: Alright so we know what a horcrux is, but how do we fin
d them? Wheres the last one?

To find them we need to use this which looks like a piece of BLING but its
really a
horcrux seeking medallion (Ron takes the necklace
and starts swinging it around like he didwhen sword fighting)HERMIONE: So
if he has this medallion, then why are Ron and I even here?RON: Yeah Vo
ldemort isnt any of our business.
DUMBLEDORE: (agitated) Hermione Grainger

at are you thinking? Dont you know that if one of
you has a problem then all of you has a problem --- what would Zac Efron
say at a time like this (Sings )
Were all in this together!!
(Pause for music) Anyway, you gotta find the horcruxes and destroy them
thats all there is to it.
(Noise offstage) Oh, it must be the death eaters coming to kill me

kids put your beards on!HERMIONE:
We dont have beards
HARRY: We brought the invisibility cloak DUMBLEDORE: Oh alright

put the invisibility cloak on.(Ron, Harry and Hermione all get under
the invisibility cloak Death eaters enter)DEATH EATER 1: Hey are you
ee Ive got this beard on
.DEATH EATER 2: Alright everybody spread out and look for
Dumbledore(Death eater
s look all around)
Hes got to be here somewhere
DUMBLEDORE: Be careful with the Zac Efron poster
its an antique!
DEATH EATER 1: Why do you care so much about Zefron?
DUMBLEDORE: I just appreciate his charm! And his hair HARRY: Yeah, but
everybody knows I like him best(Death eaters look around room)DEATH
EATER 1: Who said that?DEATH EATER 3: I wish I could say that it was me

because I feel I love Zac Efron the most! But it wasdefinitely a voice from
within this roomDEATH EATER 2: Was it an invisible man?

DEATH EATER 3: Could the predator be in the room?DEATH EATER 1: Begin
INVISIBLE MAN search (the death eaters spread arms out and start
feelingaround)DUMBLEDORE: (Removes beard)
Its me its
Dumbledore!DEATH EATER 1: Dumbledore
whered you come from?
DUMBLEDORE: The man with the beard turned me in.DEATH EATER 2:
Now weve g
ot you right where we want you!DUMBLEDORE:
Yes but what I dont understand is how?
DEATH EATER 3: WE had the help of a man on the inside

someone you trusted

someone you mayhave even loved,DUMBLEDORE: Aberforth my brother??
(Draco enters room)DRACO: NO! It was me!DUMBLEDORE: Malfoy

you little jerk!
DRACO: Thats right Dumbledo
I betrayed everyone! And now Im going to kill you
Oh, no youre not
Draco if you were going to kill me you would have already done
itDRACO: No, not necessarily true! No I just wanted to offer you one more
game of Connect 4 before I oftyou!DUMBLEDORE:
You know Draco, there are other options. Its time you looked inside yourself
figure out what you really want.DRACO: I want Hermione Grainger (really
fast) and a rocket ship!DUMBLEDORE:
Then why didnt you just take the girl out for a happy meal or take her to
space camp?
Come on! Murder leads to despair and desperation.
I know youre going to do the right thing
(Snape enters)SNAPE: What the devil is going on here?DEATH EATER 1:
Weve got
Dumbledore cornedSNAPE: Well, what are you waiting for? Kill him

do it Draco

ll, I dont think I can
SNAPE: COWARD 10 points from Gryffindor!DUMBLEDORE:
I dont understand

I gave you my lettermans ja

cketSNAPE: It never fit. (Points wand at Du in menacing way)DUMBLEDORE:
Why didnt you tell me
I could have shrunk it with magic Severus
please dont kill
meSNAPE: Avada cadavra!(Death eaters and Snape celebrate; Lights go out,
then come up after death eaters exit)HARRY: I hate him I hate him
Im going to kill him
Its not your fault Harry
.HARRY: It is my fault
Everybodys dying because of me
Cedric now Dumbledore
I cant do it
anymore.RON: Come on
lets go to the
No dont you get it? I have to do this by myself

I did it once as a baby I cant have you guysnear me Youre at risk

We dont care about the risk
ou dont understand. You have to get away from me
You cant mean that
.HARRY: I do

Just leave me alone (Harry runs off, blackout)
Act 2 Scene 5
(Harry is setting stage center and Ginny enters from stage left)GINNY:
Harry?HARRY: Ginny what are you doing here

you have to get out of here
GINNY: I cant theres no
where to go

the Death Eaters are all over the castleHARRY: Yeah and
theyre looking for me
if they find me and youre with me youre going to be in
GINNY: What are you going to do?HARRY:
I dont know
Im not cut out for this kind of thing
.GINNY: No you have to do something

youre Harry Potter.

Youre the boy who lived.
you dont get it. None of you guys get

Im just a 12 yr old kid.

Im sorry

alone and
its hopeless
Ive been alone
surrounded by darkness
and Ive seen how heartless
the world can be
And Ive seen you crying

you felt like its hopeless

Ill always do my best to make you see
That Harry, youre not alonecause youre here with me
and nothings ever gonna bring us downcause nothing can keep me from
lovin you
and you know its trueit dont matter whatll come to be
our love is all we need to make it through
Now I know it aint easy
(HARRY: No it aint easy) But it aint hard trying (HARRY: its so hard trying)
every time I see you smiling and I feel you so close to metell meGINNY &
HARRY:That baby
not alonecause
here with meand nothings ever gonna bring us downcause nothing can keep
me from lovin youand you know
come to beour love is all we need to make it through HARRY:

Now I still have trouble I trip and stumbletrying to make sense of things
sometimes I look for reasons
but I dont need em
all I need is to look in your eyesand I realize
RON: Hey Harry!HARRY: You guys came back.
Baby youre not alonecause youre here with me
and nothings ever gonna bring us downcause nothing can keep me from
lovin you
and you know its trueit dont matter whatll come
to beour love is all we need to make it through
Im so glad you guys came back
Now that we got that 4 part harmony out of the way, why dont we go look
for that
Yeah, lets do it
.RON: Well, it could be anywhere. If I had a horcrux, I would blast it into
space with a monkey who knewnothing about horcruxes.HERMIONE: Or it
could be hidden somewhere around the mundane British countryside. Our
searchcould entail months of breaking into Gringotts and drinking boatloads
of polyjuice potion.HARRY:
Well, the medallion says thats dumb so were not going to do that. It does
say its in one
convenient place, get this, Hogwarts!RON:
Well, thats awesome!
Even better it says its in
s office, so lets go. Wa
it a second, how did you gethere?
Theres Death e
aters all over Hogwarts.GINNY: TA DA!!!!!!(Draco enters)HARRY: MALFOY!

(Ginny standing by Malfoy

all others on other side pointing wands at Malfoy)GINNY: No No

hes really nice now!

DRACO: I just wanted to say

that was a really nice song you sang! Maybe if you do a reprise I couldhave
a go at it! As Ginny
said, Im really nice now and I just feel awful about what happened. But
you argue that this was my fault?RON and HARRY: Yes

absolutely yes!DRACO: Yes

well, that would be a safe argument. But let me ask you one question. Do
you think Im
happy about this?RON:
Oh my God Malfoy, just because youre upset doesnt mean youre off the
HARRY: Malfoy, do you want to kick your own ass or should we do it for you?
Well, I guess if youre giving me the option, I guess Ill kick my own
, thank you. But first, Ishould teach you how to get into Dumbledore
s office. Its ironically the same way the Death Eaters got
in.HERMIONE: Alright

why dont you boys head off to

s office.
Ginny and I will take theinvisibility cloak and we will see if we can contact
the Order of the Phoenix,
we really havent seen them
the whole play.(Draco is trying to pat Ron and Harry on back)HARRY:
Thats a good idea. Dont touch people. Ok, lets go.
RON: Hey Hermione--- come here a second, come downstage. Hey listen,
um, uh, Snap, alright.
been acting like a real jerk lately, I think you know that.
And Im sorry. Its just seeing you da
nce witheveryone at the Yule ball kinda made me jealous

yeah I was jealous!HERMIONE: You were jealous?RON:
Thats the 3

time Ive said

I was jealous.HERMIONE:
Ron, we dont really have to talk about this right now.
(They get closer but stop and Ron sprays breath spray in
Its blueberry
HERMIONE I can tell(Then as they start to get close enough to kiss

Ron jerks back and
says Oh, its Ungodly
;Ron thengives Hermione
gum and then says Take 2 as he puts the gum in her m
outh)RON: You chew it. (Ron takes a sniff) Awesome! (
They kiss) Lets go kill Voldemort!

Act 2 Scene 6
(Ron Harry and Draco go into Dumbled
ores office and Ron is wielding the sword
Draco picks up the photo of Zefron.)DRACO: Do you both see the Zefron
poster?RON: Yeah Malfoy, we know about it.(
Draco touches Zachs head
)HARRY: Listen Draco
its not that big a deal
could you just help us look for the horcrux please?RON: Is this thing of
pencils a horcrux(Harry points necklace at it)HARRY: No(Draco and Ron
continue to pull various objects out and
say is this a horcrux

and HARRY:
says no
)RON: UUUUUGHHHHH This could take forever

there are so many things in this room. The only thingof real value

is that Zefron poster.HARRY: Wait a second
! You dont think
.(They all look at the poster HARRY: Holds poster up and
Voldemorts face appears through the openingwhere Zacs face was
. They all scream and run away and then point Sword, wand etc at
raco is hanging on to Rons leg)

kill it

kill it
its the last horcrux!
DRACO: No, its Zefron!RON:
But its so charismatic!!!
Im not your enemy!
Potter is the enemy!RON: Harry is my friend.VOLDEMORT: You gotta get your
head in the game Weasley! (Ron is shaking his head trying not
tolisten) He will betray you

he will take that which you want the most!HARRY:
Hey Ron dont listen to him

hes lying
.VOLDEMORT: I know your faults I know what you truly desire (Hermione
shows up in picture frame)

ng as Harrys around

youll always be second best! But if Harry were gone

thenwe could be together forever!RON:
But Harrys my friend
But dont you want me Ron, dont ya?
Dont ya want me Ron
RON: Yes!HERMIONE: Then you know what you gotta do!RON: Yes

I must kill Harry (Ron starts to move like a robot (or in a trance) heading
toward Harry onthe floor)HARRY: No Ron

its a trick

dont listen to her! Stop it

Listen Hermione is one of my best friends,I would never do anything to hurt
you or her! (Ron has sword raised high and ready to strike)HERMIONE: LIES

They are all LIESHARRY:
Ron its not true

youre my best friend! (drums building

Ron turns and hits the poster

Hermione drops it and runs away; Ron continues hitting
poster)HARRY: Do it again!(Ron drops to ground exhausted, reaches up on
desk and get donuts and starts eating them, Draco picksup poster)DRACO:
Put some tape on this

its fine!HARRY: Ron, you had me going there for a minute buddyRON: Oh,
yeah sorry about that pal.
Its just everything she was saying and I couldnt
. I would never doanything to hurt you! I love you manHARRY: I love you too
man. (They hug and Draco tries to get in on the hug

Ron pushes Draco away)DRACO: Listen Chaps, as fun as this was, I thought
destroying the horcrux was going to be a lot harder.RON & HARRY: YeahRON:
When you think about it

Horcruxes are just kinda stupid!(Bellatrix and several Death eaters have
Ginny and Hermione by the hair and are running into the roomwith her! All
swords and wands are out)
DRACO: Ginny, how did you get captured? You were invisibleHERMIONE:
Sorry!BELLATRIX: Do it Potter and they die!HARRY:
Looks like weve got our backs up again
st the wall with nowhere to go. Put your swords downand wands.BELLATRIX:
Ah, look at little bitty Harry Potter, giving orders to his little bitty baby
Im not a baby Im 12
.(Snape enters)SNAPE: What the devil is going on here? Whoa

dj vue.BELLATRIX: We have Potter and his friends at last.RON:
Dumbledore trusted you.HARRY:
Youre a big fat traitor Snape!
a traitor am I? Potter, youre exactly right because Im about to
betray someone! Rightnow! (Snape cuts left hand off the closest Death
Eater)(Mass yelling; other Death eater drops to ground

Hermione and Ginny run to Ron and HARRY:)SNAPE: Bat bogey hex (pointed
at last death eater, who then runs around flapping his wings)BELLATRIX:
Serpents sorcia! (curse someone drops a snake by Snape who picks it
up and yells)BELLATRIX: (pointing at Harry
, etc) Dont even think about it unless you want a snake
too!(Molly Weasley enters stage left)BELLATRIX: Who the hell are you?
Im Molly Weasley and those a
re my kids! Avada cadavr
WITCH!(Bellatrix falls down dead)RON: (Ron and Ginny run to their mom and
hug her) Holy crap! You killed her

I thought you were justgoing to make her tuck in her shirt or do the dishes!
(After a big hug

Molly bops them on the back of the head and they both moan)MOLLY:
Desperate times call for desperate measures

even the unforgiveable can be forgiven.

GINNY: What are you doing here?MOLLY: I came here with the order of the
Phoenix, Lupin, Tonks, Mad-eye Moody, Sirius Black andyour brother
Fred.RON: Oh, great! Where are they?MOLLY:
Theyre a
ll dead. Anyway, I just came here to save your lives, go back to what you
were doing
(she fixes Rons collar,
opens door and blows them a kiss ) DISSAPARATE!
Act 2 Scene 7
(Snape is on ground with snake, Ron and Ginny are stunned, Harry rushes
to Snape on ground)HARRY: Snape, Snape

Expelliamus!(Ron runs over and stomps on snake and says

Ron, thats a coral snake and
everyone knows that a coral snake is very poisonousSNAPE:
Its too late for me now
Before I go, I need to tell you, there is another Horcrux (Snape is in
Harrys arms and Draco and Ginn
y are on the ground beside them)HERMIONE: How can that be? All 6 have
been destroyed!SNAPE: No, NO

Theres a seventh
Gee I really hope it
s not an Ashley Tisdale poster,
I couldnt deal with that!
SNAPE: The Medallion!HARRY:
But it doesnt say anything
. (holding it up)SNAPE: Then give it to Granger.HERMIONE:
It says theres one right here, but I dont understand
.SNAPE: Harry, the night Voldemort killed your parents, he tried to destroy
you but instead his body wasdestroyed. When that happened, a part of his
soul was blasted away and attached itself

to you.Voldemort can never truly die until all the horcruxes have been
destroyed.HERMIONE: Bu
t if Harrys a horcrux, then does Harry have to be destroyed?

Theres got to be another

way.SNAPE: No Potter,
Ill show you what you have to do. Watch

carefully. (Snape drops dead andeveryone is stunned)DRACO: He

didnt even do anything

ts because hes dead.
(Voldemort enters stage left and taps the stage with wand)VOLDEMORT:
People of Hogwarts, My Death Eaters have taken over the castle and your
headmaster Dumbledore
is dead. Youve all fought valiantly and Im willing to offer you p
ositions in my new worldorder (aside) as my slaves. (To everyone) Give up
now and be forgiven. Now, Harry Potter I speak directly to you. If you do not
wish for those closest to you to suffer and die on your behalf, you will come
face me yourself. Ill
be waiting for you in the Forbidden Forest for one hour. Voldemort out
Witches!(Stage left lights out)HERMIONE: Well, ok,
guys don
t worry, we still have an hour, and we just need to come up with a
Theres no plan
Hermione, I know what I have to do

I have to die.GINNY: No no NO NO!
Theres got to be another way!
HARRY: No no just forget about it.
Theres only one thing to do (
picking up invisibility cloak) I have todie! I love you all

except you Draco
I cant freaking stand you!(Dracos head goes down, dejectedly)
Goodbye!RON and HERMIONE: Harry!(lights go out; music starts; piano
building to crescendo; Death Eaters and Voldemort are onstage)DEATH
Hes not coming my Lord!
VOLDEMORT: It seems that way, Well Death Eaters, it
seems were g
oing back to seize the castle. Thisis what Potter has chosen.
Its funny, I expected him to come. It seems I was mistaken.
(HARRY: throws off invisibility cloak and walks onstage)HARRY:
You werent!
Harry Potter the boy
who lived! (Points wand) Crucio! (Harry

convulsing on ground)
Youre not even going to fight back? (V

growls) Youre weak j

ust like your parents. Prepare to jointhem
TO DIE! Avada cadavra (HARRY: lies still)DEATH EATERS: Yeah!
Youve done it my lo
rd, Potter is dead! No one will ever question your powersagain.VOLDEMORT:
YES!DEATH EATER 2: Does this please you my lord? (Voldemort walks around
Harrys body)
Yeah, (pause) yeah, its great!
I just thought it might make me less empty inside. Well(as he walks over to
Death eaters) we go back to Hogwarts to tell them what has become of their

Act 2 Scene 8
(Dumbledore on bench, Harry on ground)DUMBLEDORE: Hey Harry.HARRY:

where am I? I thought I was dead.DUMBLEDORE:

Lets just say you are somewhere between our world and theirs
.HARRY: What? Did I survive?DUMBLEDORE: It wo
uldnt be the first time Potter.
Take a seat.HARRY: AlrightDUMBLEDORE: Harry, have you ever heard of a
love shield?HARRY: Uh, no but it sounds kinda fruity.DUMBLEDORE: A love
shield is anything but fruity
when somebody loves you so much that if theywere willing to give their life
for you. Then their love becomes a shield around your body to protect
youfrom any dark magic.HARRY: So, is that what happened to me? I have a
love shield?DUMBLEDORE: Harry i
ts time for you to learn all the things you should have known 7 years ago,
which would have helped you along the way. (Dumbledore shows Harry the
pad of paper with these itemson it) The love shield protected you the first
time. Voldemort accidently turned you into the 7
horcrux,one that not even he knew about. And when Voldemort tried killing
you this time, he was actuallyunknowingly killing the piece of himself that
was inside you.
And, Ive known the whole time!
HARRY: You knew this whole time, you jerk!DUMBLEDORE: Hey
they dont call me the greatest wiza
rd who ever lived for nothing! (Dumbledorestanding) Harry
its time for you to get your little but
t back there and fight him as a mortal man! Exceptthis time, he will be a
mortal man too!HARRY:
I get what youre saying
I know what I have to do. (walking away

turns back) Hey before I
goSo youre clairvoyant now,
you can see the past, the present and the future?DUMBLEDORE: Yes I
can.HARRY: Can you explain that weird ending to Lost?DUMBLEDORE: Harry,
there are some questions that even I cannot answer.HARRY: Thanks man!

DUMBLEDORE: No problem. Hey, get outta here! 3
door on your left.RUMBLEROAR: Are you ready to leave Dumbledore
(crawling into room)?DUMBLEDORE: Sure am!RUMBLEROAR:
And youre sure you dont want to let Harry Potter know that youre really
still alive?
DUMBLEDORE: Oh, no. Pigfarts has been a closely guarded secret for
thousands of years

it surewould be a shame to let the cat out of the bag! No pun intended.
(Dumbledore climbs on his back) Areyou ready to go?RUMBLEROAR: I sure
am. To Pigfarts! RUMBLEROAR!!!!(Blackout; Voldemort is center stage with
his wand and taps floor again)VOLDEMORT: Peopl
e of Hogwarts, its me!
Harry Potter is dead

he was killed while running awaytrying to save his life while you laid down
your lives for him! Continue to resist and be slaughtered!Come out of the
castle, kneel before me and you may be spared.(Every one sitting on bench
and floor; Ron is standing in center)RON: You guys

barricade the door

take the bench

do it right now. (They start taking bench over todoor)You (Cho Chang)
see if Nevilles dead.
You guys (pointing to several of them) go get snacks! Oh,
shoot, we cant we just barricaded the door! Well theres only one thing left
to do were going to fight
.DRACO: (on floor with legs extended in front of him) Oh, come on!
Im t
ired. (throws himself on floor)
Cant we just be death eaters?
RON: No, (walking over to Draco)
No we cant just be death eaters! OK? (Kicks at Dracos leg, D
racostarts getting up)
Were going to fight and were g
oing to fight so hard
that were going to win.
(Harry enters)
Act2 Scene 9
(Everyone still on stage

lights up; banging on door, everyone runs to middle)HARRY:
Dont worry,
no one can get in.RON:
Yeah, well be fine
.(Voldemort comes in and everyone shrieks)VOLDEMORT: Avada
cadavra! (He sees Potter and is shocked) WHAT!? Potter how many times do
Ihave to kill you boy? (Pointing wand at Harry)

HARRY: (pointing his wand at V) Clearly more than once
but its all over Voldemort, you cant kil
l methis time. Nobody help me,
Ive got to do this myself!
He doesnt mean that,

its not how he operates. So boy,

who are you going to use as ahuman shield this time?(Ron heard about
human shield and moves out, then back into group)HARRY: Nobody
! Cause this time its just you and me
I destroyed all the horcruxesVOLDEMORT: Even my Zefron poster?HARRY:
ESPECIALLY the Zefron poster VOLDEMORT: AAAHHHH, Curse you Potter, y
oull die for that!
you cant kill me

and you cant kill any of these people

VOLDEMORT: What the heck are you on about?HARRY:
You dont learn from
your mistakes do you Voldemort? I was prepared to die for these
But you didnt!
HARRY: Yes, but I meant to! And thats what did it. Ive
given them magical sanctuary.
You cant hurt
these people or me ever again!VOLDEMORT: So what! Who cares about
children, its you I want dead. Potter, whats to stop you
from dying when I strike?HARRY: Just one thing: t
hink about all the people youve hurt Voldemort, all the people you killed!
to think about all the lives youve destroyed! Theres got to be
one thing, one person, that you missVOLDEMORT: (with dreamy look

then becomes harsh again; points wand at piano

no more music) NO
THERE ISNT!!!! Curses on you Potter, I dont care about anybody!
I know and thats what makes you such a piece of
crap. You see at Hogwarts, we all stick
together, we love one another, were friends! My loves protected these
guys and their love is all I need
to be protected from you.VOLDEMORT:
Lets put th
at theory to the test, Potter! Avada cadavraHARRY: Expelliamus! (Voldemort
Well, chocolate frogs! Harry Potter did it, yall!!
(Everyone excited jumping up and down, 2 people drag Voldemort
off! Harry and Ginny kiss, Ron runsup to them)

RON: NO NO whoa whoa, hey

listen, I just want to let you guys know (Ginny is fixing her hair and
skirt) that . Im totally cool with it
make out (Ron goes over to Hermione and they pretend to getready to
French kiss

but Ron just pushes Hermio
nes head away)
HERMIONE: Guys I guess that rounds up all the loose ends, except for the
house cup tournament! Neville (running in with a newspaper) Guys, look, I
found this!
s will

It says in the
event of my death

wins the house cup! (Everyone except Draco starts cheering) It also
saysHogwarts goes to Harry Potter! (Everyone cheering)HARRY: Well, I guess
all the professors are dead so butter beers on me!!! (They all start following
himout!)(Stage right

Dementor and Quirrel)DEMENTOR:
Youre free
to go. (gives him some clothes) Well, did you hear the news? Voldemort
isdead!! Yeah, well, good luck getting off this island. (Dementor
leaves)QUIRREL: Dead? (Melodramatic on ground crying; White robed figure
enters stage right, takes off hood)VOLDEMORT: Hey you! (Quirrel gets
up)QUIRREL: Voldemort is it really you?VOLDEMORT:
Whats left of me.
QUIRREL: But I just heard that youVOLDEMORT: were destroyed? (pause )
Yeah, b
ut theres this part of me thats still here
. There

s a part
of me that cant be destroyed because its right
in (walks across stage) here. (points to Quirre
ls heart)
QUIRREL: In my heart? So you came back VOLDEMORT: I came home!
(Quirrel starts biting his fist!)QUIRREL:
And you dont want to kill Harry Potter anymore?
VOLDEMORT: NO! No. (Softer) Because I learned something when I
got my body back Quirrel. Lifeis really messy and
it just doesnt turn out the way you think it will
You think killing people will make
people like you but it doesnt
it just makes people dead! Maybe with Quirrel, things will be ok.QUIRREL: Is
ok good?VOLDEMORT: Quirrel, Ok is wonderful! (Slow motion runs to each
Not Alone Reprise. Finale