9 Values Your Small Group Needs to Adopt

How to experience true biblical community

Pat J. Sikora
Did you know that in the New Testament alone, the phrase "one another"
(allelon) is used almost 100 times? It's the key to unified groups, healthy
churches, and fruitful evangelism. You see, the "one anothers" form the
foundation of how we are to be the body of Christ. When we apply these
commands to our lives and our groups, we have a roadmap for imitating Christ
and growing as the body of Christ. And when we behave this way toward one
another, the world sees something different in our livessomething
countercultural, compelling, and challenging.
In John 17:22-23, Jesus prayed that his disciples "may be one, as we (Jesus
and the Father) are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become
completely one, so that the world may know that you have sent me and have
loved them even as you have loved me." Unity through loving one another
completely is important in itself, but we must never lose sight of its purpose: to
show others the love of God. I can't think of a better way to debunk the myths of
Christian hypocrisy, back-biting, and feuding than to behave in a way that
surprises, appeals to, and attracts the unbelievers in our spheres of influence by
living out the one anothers.
In many ways, the one anothers build on each other. Groups can see how
they're growing as they identify how well they're living out the one anothers and
where they're at in this progression.

Have Concern For One Another

First Corinthians 12:24-25 tells us, "God has blended together the body, giving
greater honor to the lesser member, so that there may be no division in the
body, but the members may have mutual concern for one another" (NET). One
of our first goals as small-group leaders is to see our group members care for
one another. But when we come from different walks of life and life experiences,
caring for one another isn't always natural.
Paul uses the analogy of a physical body to represent how the body of Christ
should work together. We need everyone to work together and see themselves
as part of the body in order to function at our highest capacity. Everyone has an
important role, and we need each other to complete the task God has given us.

But sometimes we consider some members less important. These judgments

can be based on a lot of things, but let's face it: It's easy to categorize and
pigeonhole people. I've done it. And I've usually been wrong. The person I
thought would contribute the most is flaky. The person I expect to be trouble
isn't. As leaders, we need to show equal concern for one another so that the
body, our small group, will function well. We need to demonstrate that each
member, regardless of worldly status, is equally important in God's economy.
Take time to consider your heart toward your group members. How might you
unintentionally be valuing some members over others?
Love One Another
As our groups begin to bond and grow in concern for one another, we develop a
love for one another, which forms the foundation for the rest of the one
anothers. This fulfills Jesus' command in John 13:34-35: "A new command I
give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
Jesus' disciples were familiar with the commands in the Law to love God and
their neighbor (Deuteronomy 6:5, Leviticus 19:18). But here Jesus upped the
ante by telling them to love one another as he loved them. They would soon see
that this was an agape love, a self-sacrificing love that gives life.

SINGLE PAGE
123NEXT
KEYWORDS:
Community; Connecting; Friendship; Relationships; Service; Sharing

PAGE 2 OF 3

We must love our small-group members and encourage them to love one
another in a variety of different ways. As they grow to love one another and
show that love through tangible actions, we can celebrate and encourage more
tangible expressions of love. This love will be inconvenient and costly. It will
involve more than two hours on Thursday evening. But it will be
transformational.

Encourage and Build One Another Up

The logical next step with people we love is to encourage and build them
up. First Thessalonians 5:11 commands, "Therefore encourage one another
and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." The word translated as
"build up" is a construction term for building houses or temples. Just as a
contractor builds from the bottom up, we must begin right where each person is
and help him or her grow into the edifice God intends each of us to be. We do
this by enthusiastically encouraging and calling out God's best in each person
day after day, week after week. Small groups are especially adept at this
because we grow to know one another in authentic ways, and we are able to
call out God's best in one another.

Confess Your Sins to One Another

Much of the evangelical Christian community is repelled by the idea of

confession, but James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other."
Confession isn't easy or comfortable. It flies in the face of our desire to hide and
to appear in control of our lives. To confess means saying the same thing about
our sin that God says about it.
While we don't need to confess our sin to a priest to receive forgiveness, it
helps to confess to another person and be reminded of God's forgiveness. It
makes it more real, and it allows others into our struggles so they can
encourage us. Don't be afraid to be open and vulnerable. Share your sin with
another group member and allow him or her to speak God's forgiveness over
you. We grow when we come out of hiding. As you model this as a leader,
others will feel safe being vulnerable, too.

Pray for One Another

James 5:16 continues, "pray for each other so that you may be healed.". We
talk a lot about prayer in our groups, but how often do we seriously pray for the
needs of others, either during the meeting or after? We must be willing to
appeal to our loving Father on behalf of one another on a regular basis,
presenting specific requests, and persistently praying until we see an answer.
When we do, our groups will see incredible growth and healing. Don't rush
through your group prayer time. Encourage real sharing and earnest prayer by
modeling it yourself and thanking people who open up. Continue that prayerful
mindset throughout the week, making a point to pray for each of your group
members.

Forgive One Another

Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving
each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." What a model of unity in the
body of Christ! The reality is that if your group stays together for long, someone
will hurt or offend someone else. How you handle the conflict will set the tone
for openness and accountability for the rest of your time together. When you
observe conflict in the group, encourage rapid forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't
excuse the harm, and you may still need to address the actions that caused the
hurt. But rapid forgiveness is important to transfer the debt to God and take the
first steps toward a restored relationship.

PAGE 3 OF 3

Bear One Another's Burdens

Galatians 6:2 says, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill
the law of Christ." I see this one another acted out in small groups all the time.
We love to help one another, and it's a beautiful picture of community when we
do. Our small groups should jump to help when serious needs arise like illness,
death, job loss, emotional loss, and financial setbacks.

But then Galatians 6:5 says, "each one should carry their own load." Why do
these verses seem to contradict one another? The word translated "burdens" in
the first verse is baros, which means a heavy, crushing burden or weight
pressing one down. It's a weight that makes an excessive demand on one's
resources, whether material or spiritual. The word for "load" in verse five
is phortion, which is simply something to be borne without reference to weight. It
was often used in reference to cargo carried by a ship, a pack carried by a
soldier, or a child in the wombbasically, a person's everyday assignment from
God. The key is knowing the difference. We don't want to enable by hovering,
doing more than is needed. But we also don't want to leave someone to carry a
burden alone. We help most when we encourage group members in their
everyday burdens and jump in to help when there is a crushing burden.

Submit to One Another

Submission is not a popular concept. Many of us cringe at the thought.

But Ephesians 5:21 commands us to "submit to one another out of reverence
for Christ." The Greek word for submission is a military term meaning "to line up
under" or "to draw up in order of battle."

If we are to be good soldiers of Christ, we must be willing to come under

authority, even the authority of a peer. Submission is the opposite of self-
assertion or an autocratic, independent spirit. It requires humility. Submission is
not a punishment of some persons and the elevation of others, but rather, is
designed to maintain order and dignity among all mankind. And this dignity is
based on the fact that we are all created in the image of God. Therefore, we
must submit to one another.

Our small groups are a great place to grapple with this concept. We must learn
to submit to one another in humility, honoring the good ideas, contributions, and
needs of every member. As leaders, we can submit to the needs and wishes of
our members, modeling this behavior for them. This might include what to study,
how fast to study, when to meet, and when to add new members.

Serve One Another

As we learn to submit, we will develop a willingness, even a desire, to serve one

another. Galatians 5:13 says, "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do
not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in
love." This was an incredibly countercultural command in Paul's day.

What does service look like? Consider Jesus, who took the form of a servant
and washed the filthy feet of his disciples (John 13:1-17). We must graciously
serve one another in equally humble ways. I'm always impressed by how small-
group members serve one another. I've seen people go out of their way to serve
another with childcare, moving, meals, home care, and financial needs. The
ways we can serve one another are endless.

Think about your group. How well are group members modeling the one
anothers? They're a great gauge for the health of your group. Developing the
one anothers builds both unity and depth. And living out the one anothers
serves as a great witness for the countercultural lives that God calls us to.

Pat J. Sikora is an editorial advisor for SmallGroups.com and author of That

the World May Know: A Study on Unity in the Body of Christ.