"Young Goodman Brown" and me

Nathaniel Hawthorne's "Young Goodman Brown" evoked

strong negative emotions from me. Finding a basis for my
reactions in my post experiences with my father, I dislike the
harsh depiction of "religious" people, and I identify with the
character Goodman Brown, but by story's end reject that
identification.
As I read "Young Goodman Brown," I reacted against this
attitude.
I believe my emotional reaction to the story and to the harsh
Puritan God derives from my relationship with my father. My
father and I love each other, and we are friends. But during my
youth, my father disciplined my sister and me more than my
mother did, and I came to see Dad as "justice" while Mom was
"mercy."
Because I struggle against conceptualizing a judgmental
God, I react against anything that reinforces this view. "Young
Goodman Brown" presents a frightening picture of an
individual who fears that at any moment upon his church in
judgment.
God seems at best indifferent in this story. Satan has the
power and the fun: he breaks into "irrepressible mirth" during
his conversation with Goodman Brown. In fact, Satan educates
Goodman Brown who protests as the devil reveals these
hypocrisies to him.
But in the end Satan educates Goodman Browns too well.
Disillusioned at the prevalence of Satan's power, Brown
despairs and rejects his race. Hawthorne conveys the same
hopeless conclusion to the reader: sin prevails on earth, and a
disinterested God remains detached. Goodman Brown becomes
pessimistic and escapes damnation, but lives the rest of his life
in gloom.
Like Brown himself and most people, I hesitate between
pessimism and optimism, realism and idealism, despair and joy.
In my more desperate moments I would end "Young Goodman
Brown" as Hawthorne did; but beauty and truth do exist.
My dislike of the ending relates to my identification with
Goodman Brown's faith. I also relate to his misuse of reason.
Goodman Brown is having already elevated reason- above his
faith, Satan had easy prey.
Like Brown himself, I often reason myself into despair.
Again, this tendency relates to my relationship with my father. I
began attributing my problems to my emotions. As I look bad
at those problems, I see now that I usually reasoned myself into
a mental comer first then responded with emotion.
Although I can identify with Goodman Brown's faith and
reason during the story, my identification ends before the final
paragraph. Brown faces reality and becomes a stern, sad and
desperate man. I understand his reaction, but I could never be
independent enough to reject humanity and withdraw from
society.
"Young Goodman Brown" portrays no middle ground. The
title character goes from naive optimism to absolute despair.
Because my perceptions of my father have influenced my
image of God, I feel uncomfortable and even angry as I read of
Goodman Brown's desperate response to the hypocrisy. But
still relating to my father's influence, I identify with Goodman
Brown's immature faith and exalted reason.