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 Weight
World
of the
Theres hardly a working mom out there who doesnt feel stressed, but were not the only
ones. The heat is on our kids, too. We know that academic anxiety and peer pressure
take their toll, but recent research reveals other surprising causes of kid stress these
days. The upside: Theres a lot you can do to help your child go from harried to happy.

The pressure peaks on Sundays. the ciulla family of
new york city brace themselves for the week ahead. i call it
Sunday afternoon anxietyand we all feel it, says Phebe
neely ciulla, whos a senior manager at Deloitte, mom of
7-year-old maria and 2-year-old carlo and stepmom of
14-year-old michael and 9-year-old katie. the strain is
particularly hard on maria. her parents are divorced.
She lives in tight quarters with her mom, her stepdad, two
step-siblings who come and go and a half-brother. Shes in
second grade at a school that has high expectations on her
performance, and, frankly, so do i, admits Phebe. i travel a
lot for work, and so does my husband, so consistency and
a predictable routine are hard to maintain. when marias
really stressed, she has bad dreams and acts up. if im catching
a plane the next day, shell sometimes say, i wish you were
staying here, and shell cling to me, reluctant to let go when
we hug goodbye. its gut-wrenching.
we live in a pressure-cooker world, and our kids suffer
some degree of stress because of it. but do we know how
much? at least 20 percent of children say they worry a lot
about things in their lives, according to the recent Stress in
america Survey by the american Psychological association
(aPa). but only 8 percent of parents report that their kids
experience a great deal of stress.
im trying to do well in school, and im working two jobs
to save money for college and to pay for my car, says 16-year-
old gunnar bankoski of Dunkirk, ny. i have so much to do
and so many people needing me that i often feel like im
spreading myself too thin.
in addition to the tensions of their own lives, children
absorb their parents stress more than moms and dads
realize. most parents say their own stress levels arent healthy,
with a third describing their stress as extreme (8 to 10 on
a 10-point scale), the aPa study shows. working moms

By L au r a F Ly n n M c Ca rT h y P h oTo i L Lu sT r aT i o n s By a n n C u T T i n g

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seem especially vulnerable.
in a recent online survey of
nearly 600 working par-
ents, 88 percent said they
suffered at least one
stress-related health
problem. its not hard to
understand why parents
are stressed out. in the
wake of the great reces-
sion, three quarters of
parents surveyed by the
aPa say they worry about
money and half worry
about losing their jobs.
but there seems to be
a sort of denial when it
comes to our kids. a full
69 percent of parents say
their stress has little or no
impact on their children,
yet 91 percent of kids say
they know when their par-
ents are stressed because
they yell, argue or com-
plain more. and, depend-
ing on age, between a third
and half of older kids say
their parents stress makes
them feel sad and worried.
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Kid Stress
Escalation
Stress builds as children
get older. as kids move
from elementary school
through middle school, and
then high school, things
get harder in every way
academically, socially and
athletically, says Jeanine
Swenson, mD, a pediatri-
cian, marriage and family
therapist and mother of
three teens in milwaukee.
were now seeing a pro-
fessionalism of childhood
where the emphasis is on
gaining skills and being a
star rather than on having
fun and doing something
you enjoy. theres this
push from a very early age
to get your kids in there,
this idea that its this big
competition, a big race.
its kind of like being little
adults. and the strain is
affecting kids health:
about a third of children in
the aPa survey experience
kids
eye
view
What helps me is
using study hall to
work, not to fool
around. I write
everything down,
check things off as
I do them, then
start over the next
day. It makes
things kind of flow
and takes away
that nervous
belly-drop feeling.
Brandon Berry, 10,
Wickliffe, OH
sleep problems, headaches
and upset stomachs.
theres also new evi-
dence linking childhood
obesity to stress. nearly a
third of americas children
are now overweight or
obese, up from about 5
percent in the early 1980s.
the aPa survey reveals
that overweight kids are
significantly more likely
to worry about things
than normal-weight kids.
and theyre prone to ter to say, mom, im really
self-soothing by eating or
napping, while their nor-
mal-weight peers are more
likely to work out stress
with healthier options like
exercise. its little wonder feardrug use, eating dis-
that nearly half of over-
weight kids say they
experience headaches and
sleep and eating problems.
at just 8 years old, tions. Look for these signs
maya hill of Forest Park,
iL, feels the stresses not
only of schoolwork but also
of being overweight, says
mom Sandra hill, who
works for a chicago finan-
cial consulting firm. if
people tease her about her
weight, ive told her to say headaches, stomachaches,
something like i dont like fatigue or chest pain
you saying that. it hurts
my feelings. a lot of times
it works. Sometimes not. way of dressing, new habits
even without perfor-
mance anxiety or weight
issues, preadolescence and
adolescence can be innately
stressful. its a naive
assumption that children
dont experience stress,
says ken ginsburg, mD,
adolescent medicine spe-
cialist at the childrens
hospital of Philadelphia
and author of Building
Resilience in Children and
Teens. we assume theyre
happy and carefree because
all they have to do is play,
but children and adoles-
cents have to figure out the
answer to lifes most funda-
mental question: who am
i? no matter how you
paint it, thats stressful.
Signs of Trouble
although kid stress is
widespread, it isnt always
easy to recognize, espe-
cially as children get older.
a little kid whos overtired
and stressed may whine or
throw a temper tantrum.
but older kids may with-
draw, talk less and become
irritable, changes that can
easily be identified as nor-
mal adolescence. Parents
need to be vigilant. Dont
wait for your son or daugh-
stressed, because thats
probably never going to
happen, says Dr. gins-
burg. nearly every
behavior that parents
orders, bullying, even sex
is driven by stress, because
kids reach for easy, quick
fixes to manage their emo-
that your son or daughter
is overwhelmed by stress:
Increased irritability
or anger
Withdrawalnot talking,
spending more time alone
Physical ailments like
Behavior changes like a
new group of friends, a new
Slipping school and
activity performance
1/11/12 4:27 PM
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