Ego

Deflation at
the
Wrestling
House
Sarah Toman
Introduction
[I am] intrigued how the submissive partner in a lesbian
relationship manipulated and deceived her superior girlfriend
and took her down. Using her arrogance against her.

- Steve Jenson

This is a follow-up paper to Hidden Agenda. Therefore if you

have not read Hidden Agenda then it is advised that you read it
before this one. You can do so (for free) here:
https://www.scribd.com/document/336071540/Complete-Paper-
Hidden-Agenda If you do not read Hidden Agenda then this
paper will not make sense as I do not describe Lauras
Wrestling House defeats in this paper. It is those Wrestling
House defeats that this Ego Deflation paper further
contextualizes.

It is to be assumed that not everyone shares the same reasons

for being interested in black vs white female wrestling. I
personally regard the ego-deflation and the sexual component
to be inextricably linked. Hence, I will outline what I think turns
some of us on... but also be critical of some of the online posts I
see.

1
However, this paper almost entirely equates to a further
contextualization of Laura's defeats at the Wrestling House.
This will mean a strong focus on my first visit to the Wrestling
House. That first visit proved highly useful as it gave me my
later idea concerning my Hidden Agenda. To a lesser extent I
will discuss Laura as she seemed to me (and most who knew
her) when she was younger. And I will discuss my lesbian
relationship with Laura at great length in order to highlight the
crucial psychological health context to all of my Hidden
Agenda. This paper is about deepening the context concerning
why I would encourage Laura to go along to the Wrestling
House. Thus this paper enables the interested reader (who has
read Hidden Agenda) to understand what was going on to a
greater extent than if they had only read the first paper.

Please note that while this is a true story and the events are
real - names have been changed. Moreover, the picture used
on page 6 is not of the people being discussed but is a good
representation of them. I wish to make clear that these name
and picture changes were a necessary condition for this paper
to be written. Without my agreement to those changes there is
no way that this paper (nor my previous paper, Hidden Agenda)
could have been written.

Part 1: Early Teenage Years

2
[I am] so intrigued by your devious desire to bring Laura to
her knees without her knowing your true intentions. She goes
from cocky and untouchable at the beginning to rather
vulnerable and pitiful at the end

- Steve Jenson

Laura eventually took the defeats at the Wrestling House well.

However, she indeed did come across as pitiful while being well
beaten at the Wrestling House. But being humbled can have a
positive psychological effect; a maturing of the personality. It all
depends on how one responds. Later, we shall see with Emily,
that my approach wouldnt work for everyone. Some peoples
excessive ego is simply too entrenched. A possible alternative
to an Ego-Deflation psychological mind-set is to respond with
clinical denial. The former can lead to maturity. The latter
cannot. We will return to this later in the paper when we discuss
my first visit to the Wrestling House. But in this part of the
paper I want to go back in-time to when Laura was (as Steve
Jenson puts it) cocky and untouchable. This will deepen the
context of Hidden Agenda (just as later parts of this paper will
do so).

Being petite my ego seemed ripe for being dissociated earlier

than Lauras. Within a specific context I was rather like her.
Thus I suppose early on I was projecting my shadow onto her.
And then later when getting into my 20s (with my excessive

3
ego well-and-truly dissociated) I could still see Laura as perhaps
holding on to too much excessive ego of her own. I had
overcome such silliness hence I was no longer shadow
projecting onto her. Hence I became more unconscious of
Lauras remaining excessive ego. Perhaps I was overlooking it.
Ignorance is bliss. If part of me knew it was still there, then I
was burying that information deeper into my subconscious than
ever before.

As a teenager, I felt like I could get any guy I wanted. Seeing

those young males act more mature towards me than they did
to their male friends suggested to me that they were aware
that they usually acted immaturely. I took it as a compliment.
But getting treated like a little princess goes too far. This is
because we girls were not as mature as we made out to be. So I
look back with embarrassment at times. Well, we learn from our
mistakes. And no way am I going to do a forensic analysis of my
own teenage psychology here. But I will admit the main point.
Yes I improved socially through experimentation and experience
with boys. But I experienced jealousy when losing out to Laura
when both chasing the same boy. I would deliberately go after
the same one to test myself. And there Laura would win. I
realised that these were the only times that I failed. So this
established jealousy in my mind. I wasnt alone in this. There
was another girl also called Sarah who had exactly the same
issues. And in addition to the two Sarahs there were other
girls who seemed to be envious of Laura.

4
Teenage boys would show their immaturity on a surface level
for all to see. Whereas in my experience teenage girls
immaturity was more devious, underground, hidden, invisible.
However, if you were one of those girls then you could spot the
signs and it may as well have been splattered all over the walls
in black paint. So yes, I had a lot of growing up to do.

I can only recall one time when Laura went too far concerning
physical violence. That was when she threw a punch at a girl.
That one punch was all it took for Laura to win that fight,
knocking the poor girl to the floor. I really opposed that and do
not even like to think about it. However, no one can be
condemned for something that they did wrong when they were
a teenager. Anyway, this taught me that she can throw! That is
something I have never been able to do! She also once left the
other Sarah with her legs dangling in the air as she lifted her. It
was about something or other involving a boy. And that Sarah
(like myself) was petite and popular. Laura could pin other girls
and was the most popular girl with the boys. So, yes, she was a
winner. My worst memory was her kneeling on my chest in
public when she finally got sick-and-tired of me. Laura, tall and
fit and kneeling on my petite body = crushing me and making
me feel like death is coming. I couldnt breathe. I got physically
saved by someone but the damage to my mind had already
been done. Except that the damage to the mind was temporary
and necessary for the establishment of a more mature mind-
set. I am glad all of that happened for psychological growth
reasons. However, because Laura had only ever experienced
being on-top, she hadnt had to go through that initiation.

5
Hence when (years later) we were together and she cheated on
me I decided that it was time that she went through her own
initiatory crisis and rite of passage phase. It worked!

Part 2: Pre-Laura visits to the Wrestling

House
Was Laura surprised you enjoyed her defeats?

Steve Jenson

Several years later Laura was super-impressed (when in 2016)

she discovered the truth about my devious Hidden Agenda. Of
course, she had to find out. I wanted to be honest with her. I
wanted her to know that I was aware of her cheating. I wanted
her to see that we both had to take our share of individual
responsibility for previous immaturity. I wanted her to grow up.
She thought that my Wrestling House Hidden Agenda designed
to rid her of excess ego was quote genius. Hence, it all
worked. I have no interest in the praise though. I just wanted
the psychosocial health. Job done.

I do not consider it genius. I think it was part brains and part

luck.

It was part luck because I had experienced the Wrestling House

before. Therefore it was only possible for me to come up with
my Hidden Agenda due to my knowledge of the existence of

6
the Wrestling House. Laura had never been there before. Hence
on her first visit she stepped right into the Lions Den. Laura
had always dismissed (without a moments hesitation) the
theory that black girls are stronger than white girls. She
regarded it as pure nonsense and not worthy of discussion. I
also used to think that way. However, I had completely changed
my mind. This conversion occurred during my first visits to the
Wrestling House. Lets term those visits, Pre Laura Visits.

Above: A good representation of Emily being pinned by a stronger black girl.

I first went along to the Wrestling House with a friend called

Emily. This Pre-Laura visit was motivated out of curiosity. I
referred to Emily on Facebook in December 2015. I said that we
went to the Wrestling House together and that she was more
egotistical than me... She did try and take black girls on in the
RL [RL = real life] wrestling and that seriously deflated her ego

7
with guys heads turning towards the fit and cool black girls who
pinned her down.

Emily was (probably still is) excessively ego-orientated.

Worryingly, I consider her even more egotistical than Laura was
pre-Laura visits! So despite not having as much excuse for her
arrogance she still contained excess ego. It needed deflating.
However, there was no hidden agenda here. Pre Laura Visits to
the Wrestling House were motivated out of pure curiosity. Emily
was not/is not as strong as Laura but stronger than me.
Concerning strength she could be described as a typical,
average white girl albeit prettier than average. For those who
like to see a pretty white girl get demolished by a superior
black girl, this would have been heaven for you!

Emilys approach was different to Lauras. Laura would later

approach the fights thinking that she could compete with any
similar sized young woman. Laura considered herself almost
impossible to defeat in a one-sided manner. Emily did not think
of these things much. At first Emily approached it as a bit of fun
but soon changed her mind that it was a-bit of fun. It was
during the process of being annihilated that she changed her
mind. She absolutely hated being on the loser end of one-sided
contests. But no rules were broken by the black girls. She was
not treated differently, there was no excessive violence.
Therefore Emilys dislike of the outcome is only because she
lost in such a one-sided manner. Laura and Emily had different
types of excess ego. But both experienced the same result. The
same result equates to ego-deflation.

8
Emilys Ego deflation taught me only so much. I would learn
more from Kate. Kate reminded me of Laura. And Kate
experienced the same result as Emily and Laura. Indeed,
without seeing the fit, confident, tall and white Kate get
humiliated I probably wouldnt have come up with my later
Hidden Agenda. Therefore, we shall now discuss Emily and
Kates humiliations.

Emily was hopeless. I mean really hopeless. I could barely

watch. I experienced a turn-on from Lauras destruction
because at least I could grasp why she over-rated herself. But I
was embarrassed as opposed to turned-on by Emilys
performance. What were you thinking Emily? Do you really
think that because you look pretty that it equates to physical
strength and ability to fight? I was on the one-hand
embarrassed and on the other hand, not knowing at this stage
how much the black girls would stick to the rules, unsure that
this was safe. Thankfully, it was physically safe. On that score, I
never witnessed anything that struck me as breaking the
rules neither in Pre Laura Visits nor in the Laura Visits.

What I think really hurt Emily wasnt so-much the physical side
of it but rather the guys being turned on by the black girls
rather than herself. Hearing their name coming from the
spectating guys had a devastating impact on my friends
psyche. The dissociation of the psyche was experienced with
full force as one guy after another shouted out for the black
girls such as Jannine and Claire (who also would later defeat
Laura). Only sarcastic shouts of Come on Emily you can do it
(followed by laughter) were heard from the guys. But Emily was
9
almost immediately (within seconds) unable to stand up
straight. Within seconds she looked exhausted. I can best
describe it as looking as drunk as you could imagine someone
looking. She was nothing other than a rag-doll to these black
girls and was completely outclassed. No longer did she look
pretty. She looked uncool, drunk, unstable, flustered. I was
starting to become intrigued but certainly not turned on.
However, the potential for being turned on was there and I
would be turned on by Kates defeats.

Emilys defeats were so painful to watch that I literally did

(occasionally) look away. I witnessed more than enough though.
As I wrote on Facebook Two of the black girls that demolished
her with absolute ease [were called] Jannine and Claire.
Anyway, I thought it was all a myth until I witnessed the
difference in fighting class for myself. The black girl (Jannine)
wrapped her arms around Emily's waist and (although she
didn't lift her) she swung her round and round until Emily
couldn't stand up due to dizziness. And it was for real. The guys
in the room thought Jannine really fit. I know that this hit Em's
ego. Em may not have been lifted but she had no control
whatsoever. In that competition there were 12 competitors and
those who came 1st, 2nd and 3rd were all black (Jannine came
3rd). My friend Emily came 9th or 10th as 9th and 10th were
tied. The strongest position one of the white girls finished was
4th.... and she got hammered by Jannine. The white girl who
came 4th was also the fittest looking of the white girls and she
got destroyed by Anne (who finished top).

10
As said, Kate reminded me of Laura. She is white, tall and
similar build to my girlfriend. This intrigued me and turned me
on. Therefore I can remember the fight very well. Moreover, I
made notes about Kate on Facebook. Those notes were made
not long after the event.

This was my type of contest. Fit cool white girl vs fit cool black
girl. Both look good to begin with. The black girl looked good to
end with. Anne (the best black girl fighter of all) must have
known that she was taking on yet another white girl who thinks
that she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Well Anne
made toast of that sliced bread. The guys liked both girls to
begin with. My eyes were wide-open for this one. I was starting
to realise another reason for being here. No longer was I merely
curious. Now I was turned on by the ego deflation of the fit, cool
white girl. Kate gave it some banter to begin with. She even
referenced Emily. She said something like Dont expect me to
go down as easily as your friend just downed that Emily. Expect
instead to go down yourself! Anne didnt immediately answer.
She may have smiled. And then she had Kate physically (and I
assume psychologically) back-peddling. Then with Kate hitting
the ground, Anne replied Looks like you go down quite easily
after-all. Kate had not yet experienced humiliation, just a set-
back. So she still talked tough. She said to Anne to Expect
defeat in the end. But Anne would win the banter because she
could match it with actions. Anne was still responding (with
actions) to the first comment of Kates about Dont expect me
to go down as easily as your friend just downed that Emily.
Because she decked Kate again and pinned her again. Now

11
Kate was beginning to get the message and saying a lot less.
Anne was now the one doing the talking. Stop going down so
easily. The guys of course loved this, as did I. Being Bi, I have
much empathy with them although most of them can be
ridiculously crude. I can state how this match ended by
extracting from what I wrote on Facebook. (see italics below).
Its perfectly how I remember it. I could not forget it. In the
last minute of it, Anne had the white girl (Kate) pinned down
and actually let her up to give her a chance. Anne then put
Kate in a head lock that she would have never got out of if her
life depended on it and then she just decked Kate so strongly
that I can still hear the crash sound now. She couldn't carry on
due to being injured. Took her ages to get up. We are talking
minutes not seconds. What is so cool about that finish is that
Anne deliberately won the match in a very specific way i.e., a
way that involved her opponent going down more spectacularly
than Emily had done so. It was deliberate punishment for
arrogance. It was Annes cool response to Kates initial
cockiness. I was mightily impressed. Kate was completely
destroyed. She lost big-time. Anne won big-time in an ultra-cool
way that sent out a message. Anne didnt even bother to say
out loud that you went down as easily as and more
spectacularly than Emily. She didnt have to verbally say it. She
had said it with actions. And Kate wasnt talking anymore. She
was just trying and failing to walk. Infact she was trying and
failing to stand up.

Emily is relevant to this story. I would not have gone to the

Wrestling House on my own. Hence, that immediately explains

12
her relevance. However, Emilys defeats did not turn me on.
True, it deflated her ego. But I just wanted to look away. This
means that for me, I have to be able to sense why it is that the
white girl is excessively egotistical. There has to be something
to it. If I do not understand why they would over-rate
themselves in the first place then it takes away the sexual
component for me. Hence, it was others, especially Kate, that
were instrumental for me. Her defeats turned me on. I could
understand why Kate would over-rate herself. So I experienced
Kate as requiring ego-deflation and ego-deflation is what she
received. And this triggered a thought in my mind. If Kate
cannot compete vs these black girls, surely Laura cant. And
there was more evidence that made me more confident that
Laura would probably lose. I also witnessed the pattern of black
girls winning and white girls losing. In the Pre-Laura Visits to the
Wrestling House, there were 12 competitors and those who
came 1st, 2nd and 3rd were all black (Anne came top, Jannine
came 3rd. Another black girl came 2nd, I cannot remember
anything about her as I do not think I witnessed her fighting).
My friend Emily came 9th or 10th as 9th and 10th were tied.
Kate, the strongest white girl, came 4th. I know that these
positions are correct because I noted them on Facebook not
long after the event.

Part 3: Laura and Sarah

[You are] kind of in awe of her body [] I know you must still
have feelings for her.

- Steve Jenson

13
This part of the paper feels to me to be a necessary diversion
from the wrestling in order to further contextualise my Hidden
Agenda and the Wrestling House. Because I am not all about
wrestling. I have a relationship with Laura that is intimate and
romantic. To ignore this part of my life would be to mislead the
reader. It would take the heart out of my relationship. So
although, I empathise with the reader on the wrestling I need
to be whole; I need to provide a complete picture. And that
means that this part of the paper is essential. And moreover,
this information is very relevant to the Laura visits to the
Wrestling House because I ultimately wanted her to lose her
arrogance so that we could rekindle our relationship. I was hell-
bent on vanquishing all of the neurosis that was preventing me
from tasting the bliss of Laura at her best.

Recall that in Hidden Agenda I said that Laura had cheated on

me. Well I could never confront Laura and hope to win. She
would win every time. So I had to use my brain and use other
peoples confrontational abilities against her. The goal wasnt
so-much to see her lose at wrestling. Dont get me wrong,
seeing her lose was very satisfying psychologically and
sexually. However, the end goal was definitely to bring us closer
together. I wanted the continuation of close intimacy and I
would damned well do almost anything to attain that goal.
Because things had gone sour. And I was psychologically
neurotic concerning that fact. What really annoyed me is that
she hadnt confessed to a greater level of cheating on me
despite the fact that she was annoyed at me for having slightly

14
betrayed her. Mine was a moment of madness hers was more
than a moment of madness. My Hidden Agenda may be
interpreted by some as devious revenge. However, it is
different to most acts of revenge in the sense that it was a
revenge that I hoped that Laura would understand. And indeed,
she did understand it. As said, she termed it genius. Therefore
this was psychologically healthy revenge for both the person
carrying it out and the recipient of it.

Over the years I had come to realise that Laura was attracted
and influenced by my mind, my psychology and that she was
therefore able to be pushed in the right direction by the most
intelligent side of my mind. What for me is maturity was to
Laura something impressive. When I write this I am not being
arrogant. I may appeal to X but not to Y. What Laura observed
was general change in me from the jealous teenager that I once
was to the mature woman I am now. It wasnt that I am
relatively well-read that appealed to her. It was the real life,
undeniable change in personality. She realised that I wasnt just
trying to look smart. She realised that a healthier, more at
peace with the world transition can be achieved. However, as
with most people, she would view that as Sarahs success.
Sarah is Sarah. Laura is Laura. So I couldnt simply tell her to
imitate me. She would interpret that as control. She would say
something like Sarah, you appeal to me. But I do not want to
be you. Yet, while Laura was not influenced by my words
she was influenced by my real life application of those words.
Laura progressed from a view that people cannot change, to a
muddled indecisiveness, to a knowing that people can change.

15
I expressed and talked to Laura about all of the nonsense of our
teenage years. (See part 1 of this paper). I referred to it as
over-rated nonsense that only results in agitation and anxiety,
stress, jealousy, and excess ego all of which equates to
neurosis that needs to be overcome. Laura was intrigued but
not very verbally expressive about it all. She was impressed by
me but did not view herself as in need of any reform. But she
did originally say that people naturally look outwards hence this
(at first) prevented her from really fully embracing the change
as the outwards comment was used as an excuse for all the
screw-ups that people (including herself) ever make. I
interpreted Lauras psychology as mixed. Shes amazing but
also infuriating. Her status quo psychology meant that all that
is amazing about her will remain amazing forever, but all of her
neurosis and errors (what she called reality, deal with it) will
indeed be reality forever because change is impossible. This
view offended my own understanding of human psychology.
What do people think about maturity? Going from immature to
mature equates to psychological change. It is a development
from not taking individual responsibility to taking individual
responsibility. Hence, I didnt believe Laura that she considered
change to be impossible. I considered what she said as a way of
saying that she wasnt going to change because she did not
want to change. My view on control and change is that it is the
outer world that people cannot control and change. But it is
entirely possible, normal, desirable and healthy to change ones
inner world. How one responds inside to the outer world is
essential for health.

16
Laura was with me and therefore seemed to accept that I had
changed. Hence, that was evidence for her real belief that
people can and do change. And (as said) she was attracted to
me because of that fact. And I was attracted to her because I
understood that there was a movement in her mind towards a
more mature Laura. Imagine combining all that is strong,
beautiful and sexy about Laura without having to also live with
the arrogance and linked betrayal. That was what I wanted.
However, I exaggerated the speed and momentum of her
progress in that direction. My view was over-optimistic.

I was also attracted to Laura physically. She could wear

anything and look good. She looked amazing in tight fitting
jeans. Sublime. I used to hate her for that. Then I grew to love
her for it. I have often said to Laura that she should buy jeans
that look as if they have been painted onto her. Meanwhile (and
alternatively) in a cosy and warm house she can look amazing
by wearing not very much. She can show off her body by not
wearing very much at all. She can also show off her body by not
wearing anything at all. And I loved it, and I still love it. I love
when she embraces me. I love those moments when, she would
very slowly move close to me and then our lips would touch
and I could feel her breath on my face.

In Hidden Agenda I expressed my most delightful memory of all

(quoted in italics here) I can vividly recall a passionate night in my mind...
Laura removing her jeans and the rest of her clothes. We stood facing one-another.

Her hands and arms slithered around my body and she held me tightly, our bodies

17
merging together. I froze in her embrace, as she stepped into the tub with me. She

pressed her forehead against mine and I breathed in her sweet intoxicating and

familiar smell. Refusing me a taste of her lips, she gently brushed her hand across

my sensitive breasts. Minutes ago I wanted a drink. Now I did not. Laura would be

my drink for the moment. All of my nerves stood on end. Her hand trailed down my

stomach, making me sigh with its torturous slow pace until it reached its final

destination between my legs. My intense arousal caused me to nearly climax at her

first touch. A rasping moan escaped from my throat as I melted into her arms. Our

lips met softly at first, and she teased me with her tongue. Then, she unleashed

herself on me, and her physical strength surprised me yet again. To me, there was

nothing sexier than a strong beautiful woman. Finally, we made love.

Naturally I do not wrestle. But I certainly can imagine my

inability in certain scenarios. Laura has proven her obvious
physical strength over me time-and-time again including in
moments of passion. If I move to hold her close it doesnt really
work, but she will naturally respond by holding me close and I
can always feel her superior strength. And if she wanted to toy
with me, she could easily squeeze me into her and deliberately
ensure that I was unable to wriggle out of it.

I loved and love so much about Laura. Laura holding me close,

her near yet so far psychology, her physical strength, her
sexuality, her beautiful face and body, her ability to touch me
in all of the right places, her ability to make me feel bliss, my
eyes wanting to devour her whole body, her gentle kisses, the
way she could make me forget about everything else in the
world, the way she made me feel like the centre of the

18
universe, every touch I felt of her hands and lips, her ability to
make me feel a shiver of sensation that would make me gasp,
the vision and reality of her in the shower close to me,
watching her sleep next to me at night all of this made me
desire so much to do anything to make our relationship right.
I did not want to be a control freak. That would only make me
neurotic and end the relationship. But I could see that there
was still too much ego in Laura. And when I realised she had
been cheating on me, that was when I realised that I was even
more right than I thought I was concerning her excess ego.

I recall once thinking about psychology and realising that if I

could detach from all of my passion for Laura and
simultaneously be healthy - then people could detach from
anything and therefore change is easy in comparison. This is
maturity. This is adulthood. This is health. The view that people
cannot change ensures that those people who are neurotic are
life-long neurotics. That is psychological imprisonment. A life
sentence. And life means life.

The point of this part of the paper is to establish the

psychological health related context concerning the Wrestling
House. This is immensely important. Its a crazy plan on the
surface but if it would work then theres nothing crazy about it
at all. Related to this is that that when I discovered Laura had
cheated on me I ruled out confrontation with her. Laura would
win a confrontation against me every-time. So I ruled in the big
gamble. My gamble was to let those with the ability to confront

19
Laura do the confronting. I had to bring her down a peg or 10. It
sounds crazy. But she had been doing whatever she liked and
getting away with it for her whole life. She didnt seem to
understand that there are things she cannot do. She didnt
seem to understand that there are consequences for her
actions. She seemed to think that if she did wrong well, ok, so
what is anyone going to do about it? Her attitude was that
there was no point punishing herself because that wouldnt
help her out would it? She was still living in a different world to
the rest of us. She wasnt a scum-bag. I wouldnt be attracted
to someone with no qualities. And I think I have outlined her
qualities! But she was too egotistical, arrogant, difficult to fully
trust, unable to sufficiently change. Yet she was attracted to
my mind and yet it was the changed Sarah she was attracted
to not the unreformed Sarah. I reflected like mad on what I
was doing? I pondered long and hard about whether I was being
an invisible control freak? I had to answer my own question and
answer it with decisiveness. I told myself that I wasnt being a
control freak. I told myself that if this goes wrong then the
relationship is over. In other words I will not confront Laura if
she freaks out over my Hidden Agenda. I will let her go. That
would be tough, a monumentally difficult pill to swallow. The
rapture and bliss that she could make me feel would be over
forever. But I had to be firm in my mind that I would let her go if
it came to that. With that thought process established I was
ready to put my Hidden Agenda into action. (See my first
paper: Hidden Agenda:

20
https://www.scribd.com/document/336071540/Complete-Paper-
Hidden-Agenda)

Part 4: The Necessity of Genuine

Contests and the Necessity of
Excessive Ego being Dissociated

It's not just the strength and skill of these blacks girls that
makes them superior. It's their determination to defeat and
humiliate white girls too I think. Far more determined than
white girls. Showing them that white girls are not the pinnacle
of femininity

Steve Jenson.

Laura went from untouchable, cocky at the start to

vulnerable, pitiful at the end. (Jenson). That is right. That is
the path from excessive ego to ego-deflation. But then it is
crucial to reflect, be humble, mature and get over all of this
nonsense. Laura did that. (For the record I am a lot less sure
that Emily did that). And it is all nonsense from the perspective
of those who have little or no excess ego. That is because they
have grown and matured and are at a more evolved stage of
psychological development. But from the perspective of those
with excess ego any type of initiation is psychologically painful.

I do not think black girls as superior in a racist sense. (See

footnote at the end of this essay). Rather there is merely a
cultural slant towards physical activity that is akin to a cultural

21
slant towards soccer. In some nations soccer is highly popular
and in other nations it is less so. Hence, those with a cultural
slant towards soccer will have historically performed better in
major tournaments. Similarly I think this explains the (on
average) superiority of black girls over white girls in these
wrestling contests. However, there is a psychocultural slant
that includes a specific subset of girls/young women who could
do with some vanquishing of excess ego. There are more than
enough of these types to make this a fair enough topic to
discuss. Of course, there is more than one way to get rid of
excessive ego. As a teenager I realised that I couldnt win vs
Laura when it came to getting a boyfriend. That put me in my
place, socialised me, made me less ego-orientated, more
balanced. The way I learned my lesson is certainly more
common than the way that Laura learned her lesson. But the
end result is exactly the same.

So there is no cruelty in my attitude. My hidden agenda wasnt

psychologically cruel. Or it may have been cruel to be kind. Nor
was Laura at excessive physical risk. There is no cruelty in
anyone else who shares my perspective on this. We like a
genuine contest (not Emily-style non-contests). And we are only
turned-on by a specific type of winner/loser battle. So fake
matches are boring non-contests. They are irrelevant. The same
applies to professional contests whereby both fighters have
mature respect for one-another. They are competing in such-a-
way that there is nothing whatsoever to be psychologically
learned. They do not require educating. There is no substantial
ego-deflation. No initiation. No re-organising of their mind

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required, no increased maturity required. Hence, who could be
turned on by that?

I have mixed feelings concerning Facebook black vs white

female wrestling groups. There are some entertaining sites.
But I do not like those pics of for example, a 182 pound
muscular black girl stood next to a tiny 98 pound white girl with
the question placed above the picture Who would win?
Lauras defeats were fair contests in the sense that many
people may have thought Laura would do ok. If we are to take
the 182 pound vs 98 pound pictures seriously we would have to
literally expect the tiny person to die. So I am dismissive of
those comments and pictures as a waste of time. Laura, on the
other hand, is 5 foot 8 inches and 132 pounds. And she
competed against similar height and weight black girls. The
contests were fought with rules being obeyed (as were all of
the Wrestling House fights) and therefore there was no
subsequent visits to hospital. Suffering did occur but not too
much except to the ego.

Conclusion
Laura's body, her pride and joy, so much work and care put
into that body, and then that precious body used and abused
for the pleasure of a superior black girl. And, of course, used
and abused, for your pleasure. You were like a voyeur .

Steve Jenson.

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The reader will certainly understand that there was a
psychological health context to the Wrestling House idea. The
psychological context to it was hidden from Laura and therefore
it was deceptive but healthy. Yes, I found the Wrestling House at
times to be a turn-on. Im bi. But it had longer lasting
psychologically healthy implications. I tend to think
psychologically so I think of it all within a psychological context.
It is an initiation process. A rite of passage par excellence.

Laura is psychologically similar to me now. The personality

differences that remain are healthy individual differences. As
for those of you interested in the physical side of all of this, well
those differences wont change in a hurry and thats a good
thing. Laura is 5 foot 8 inches and 132 pounds whereas I am 5
foot 4 inches and 113 pounds. I am pretty but her legs make
mine look like twigs in comparison. Hmmmm she better not
show off too much about that though. Otherwise I will move
towards her as if to kiss her gently on the lips. She will feel my
breath on her face and I will stand on tip-toes and whisper in
her ear Anne, Claire, Jannine.

Footnote
1. None of what I have said in this paper (or in Hidden Agenda) amounts to any kind
of racist slander against white females. I am a white female. Nor more obviously is
it racist against black females. Rather what I write should be read as
developmental psychology and perhaps aimed at a specific type of cocky white
girl experiencing a mental block that prevents her from fully maturing. A careful
reading of my two papers will clearly demonstrate that (1) I do not desire any
substantial physical harm to be inflicted on the fore-mentioned type of girl. (2) I
ultimately respect and expect maturity. Hence I expect these excessive egotistical
mind-states to be grown out of. (3) Therefore in conclusion, I do not desire most

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white girls to even ever be seen in these wrestling situations. And of those that do
turn me on, I do not wish any substantial harm to be inflicted on them. (this is
true, even when I am turned on to the maximum!) I hope that they are not only
free of any lasting physical suffering, but also go onto develop out of their
excessive ego psychology and become consistently psychologically healthy as
well.
But concerning those arrogant, cocky-minded, ego-inflated types well who
wouldnt (within limits) get at least a buzz out of seeing them brought to their
knees?

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