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So here we go, bismillah. Inshallah in the upcoming weeks I will be sending you some
extremely important tips and techniques that will help you find your other half. These are
some of most valuable lessons and experiences that I have gained over the years while
working with Sh.Yaser Birjas and rest of the Practimate team, gaining insight to what
thousands of sisters have said they look for in a potential husband. I will also be
sharing some valuable rules of the game when it comes to dealing with a sister's
parents (especially her father), learning about the crucial art of communicating properly
and yes we will even talk about finances and much more.
I really hope you enjoy and benefit from this mini course and
series. I have a lot more info to share with you but I will take
little steps at a time. I promise if you can master whats coming
at you in the coming weeks it will take your marriage quest to
whole new level in sha Allah.
Oh just one more thing. I have a special bonus offer for those that will encourage their
3 single friends (brothers ofcourse) to sign up for this email course.
https://practimate.com/brothers
1. Fear of Rejection
Many may have a potential spouse in mind, but are paralyzed in their position by fear of
rejection. So instead of focusing on solutions, they keep thinking of problems that they
have or being rejected, potential problems in oneself, in the
potential spouse, deficiency of personality and magnifying their insecurities to find
excuse for themselves not to find a spouse or not to continue with the journey.
So whats the big deal if you get rejected, people have gotten rejected
before and will keep getting rejected.
a) You will never sit there and wonder what if I had actually
proposed what would have happened. Or worse you will see someone
else who wasn't afraid of rejection move forward and run right past
you and actually succeed. Now you wont be left behind and wondering the what if but
you will be moving on because wondering different what if scenarios sucks forever.
b) You will improve your game. You will learn valuable lessons
on everything from how to present yourself to impressive talking
points and so on. So a lot of times in life, its the rejections you
learn most from not the successes on the first tries.
And by getting over the fear of rejection and moving forward you
never know you might just have the sister say Yes to you on the
first attempt. You will never know unless you try. Remember you
fail 100% of the times you don't try!
Trust me its only nerve racking for the first little bit and then
that nervous and scared feeling goes away. Just like public
speaking, the hardest part is the lead up to the speech and the
first 30 seconds but once you get going it becomes easy.
Also the more you prepare and the more experience you go
Through, it becomes easier but in sh Allah you won't go through
that many.
Wasalamu alaikum
Fouzia Usman
Co-Founder of Practimate
Assalamu alaikum Faisal,
Masha Allah we have got so many referrals before even the 2nd e-mail in our course.
Here is the 2nd Biggest Mistake.The following is the advise given by Sh.Yaser Birjas
after interacting with so many singles on this issue.
"Whoever believes in Allah and the final day, let him not
be in seclusion with a woman without the presence of a
close male relative of hers".
" If a man and woman are alone without a mahram in the middle,
the Shaitan will definitely be the third".
This now leads us to the third mistake which is making your wrong
first move by starting your relationship with the opposite gender
via emails, text messaging, facebook, other means of communication,
without the involvement of any mahram in there. You are already
establishing your emotional attachments with them, before you being
ready to go and talk to their families. Brothers I want to tell you
one important thing as I know a lot guys that have done this and are
doing it is that when you engage in this process of communicating/in directly
briefing a sister via chat, facebook, through MSA or anything else
9 times out of 10 she will be the first one to get emotionally attached
and you won't even know it and now all guards are dropped and the door is wide open
to what it can lead to and you will find yourself in a big mess.
1) In a real life situation, a lady came and she said that she is
already communicating with a guy who is in a different country. And
now she has developed a kind of emotional attachment to him, and
she feels interested, and she feels in love with him and she would
like to get married to him. But the problem is that her father does
not know anything about it. Her mother knows and she seems to be
kind of afraid to talk to her father because she knows that her
father might not approve that. What makes things even worse, is
that she plans to take her family to a third country, for the
purpose of meeting this guy over there and then disclose this issue
to her father. How could this happen? How do they expect the father
to accept that kind of proposal? So whether or not you believe that
this sort of communication is Halal or Haram, you still need to
know that making the right first move is very important for you.
In sha Allah in the next email I will reveal the remaining two mistakes in is list.
Wasalamu aliakum
Fouzia Usman
Co-Founder of Practimate
Assalamu alaikum Faisal,
When you think of your future spouse, what is the most Important quality you will be
looking for?
For most Muslims, they always look for someone who is more religious than they
are. Why? Because they want them to help them get into Al-Jannah Inshallah, which is
something very normal and so beautiful.
But in reality, if everyone is looking for someone who is higher than they are in terms
of religion and spirituality, this individual will also be looking to someone who is higher
than you.
So if you are already looking for someone who is more religious than you are, at a
higher level of spirituality, what do you expect this person to be looking for?
They will definitely be looking for someone who is higher than they are. And that
person will look to someone who is higher, and higher, and higher. Eventually, they will
never meet anywhere.
You have to compromise. And you have to be realistic with your choices. So if you
are looking for someone who is at that level of spirituality and religion, you need to be at
that same level as well.
Because you need to realize, are you attractive to the person you want to attract
yourself? Meaning, would you marry you?
That person are they gonna be attracted to you as much as you are attracted to
them?
Which leads to the next issue of brothers being so picky especially when it comes to
external features such as beauty, certain body shapes and so on.
Remember that a lot of times her character will exemplify her beauty, it will make it
stronger and more attractive.
Also always remember that a sister that has the looks but no character nor religion
will turn ugly as your relationship of marriage continues.
So try to be balanced in your search and if you see a sister that you are attracted to
but she is not drop dead gorgeous and her religion is good, go for it and you won't be
disappointed in sh Allah.
4. Final mistake is failing to communicate with your parents about your marriage
1) Not knowing how to communicate completely with your parents. You don't know
how to talk to them about marriage
2) Delegating everything to your parents because you don't even know how to
handle the subject of marriage.
" On one occasion, a young man came and complained that his parents are not
cooperating with him and they are not really listening to what he says about his
marriage.
So he wanted to have some sort of endorsement to let him just go through, without
the approval of his parents.
And what kind of talking that goes around with him and his parents.
c) Know the trigger points of your mom and dad. Each of them
have different hot buttons and soft buttons. So learn and master
them."
Wasalamu aliakum
Fouzia Usman
Co-Founder of Practimate
Assalamu alaikum Faisal,
Regarding what sisters are looking for in a potential husband, Sh.Yaser shares his
experience below:
1. Parents
For girls, parents want them to finish their education first in
order to secure their marital life in the future. One of the
reasons they want this is so that their daughter will always have
something to fall back on in case something happens with her
marriage. Pay close attention to this issue and if you can
understand the way her parents think and use that to your advantage
you can pretty much get any parent to say yes to you or at least
strongly consider you. In sh Allah we will talk about this more in a
later e-mail and an upcoming course.
2. Immaturity
Many of these young sisters don't think that the brothers are
mature enough for marriage. Which means, they might not consider
you in a million years. Now this is a huge issue. Brothers need to
man up! Sisters don't like guys who sit there and waste their time
playing video games all day. I know plenty of brothers who waste
so much time in playing these types of games, or just goofing off
all the time that I don't blame sisters for this thought.
Get serious about life and your future. Don't waste the valuable
time you have right now, use it to get ahead of the rest right now.
Trust me small little moves you make right now will make a world
of difference when you are sitting across the couch from a potential
wifes father.
That means that women naturally are not attracted to wussy men. If
a woman expects herself to become your second mom, she is not gonna
be attracted to you. And if she expects herself to live with her
girlfriend, then she is not gonna be attracted to you either. In
this society, men are forced to believe, that they have to be so
kind, so open in their emotions and so on, so they become too soft
with women, now obviously showing emotions is not all an all a bad
thing but being a wussy is what we are talking about here. Now
women might feel safe to be with a man like that, but not
necessarily attracted to them. In the west women tend to befriend
these types of men but never consider them for a relationship
especially marriage. So here are some characteristics sisters
find attractive:
Allah Subhan'ataala says in the Quran which means "Men are protectors or
maintainers of women" . And what does that mean? A woman wants to
be with a man who will protect her and maintain her, not just to be
with her. Men expect their wives to be obedient to them and they
want them to give them that role of Kiwama and they always quote
Hadith-e-nabi (Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam), "If I would command anyone to prostrate to
anybody else besides Allah Subhan'ataala, it would be women to prostrate for their
husbands." Now what kind of a husband, what kind of a man, and what kind of a
woman would Allah Subhan'ataala even allow her to
prostrate to a man like that? Unless you assume that role of a
husband, that role of a man according to the Hadith-e-Nabi (Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam)
and the Quran.
In the next email in sha Allah I will provide information about three kinds of men and
how women are attracted to men beyond money.
Wasalamu aliakum
Fouzia Usman
Co-Founder of Practimate
Assalamu alaikum Faisal,
The third category is the jerk man. And this is the person who
thinks he demands his authority. And so He becomes abusive and
rough. He doesn't earn it but he tries to demand it in an abusive
way.
In hadith-e-Nabi (Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam) he said "If a man comes to you and you
are pleased with their religion and Ikhlaq or manners, then you
should marry him." So from this we learn that money is only 20% of
the game. 80% is something else. And that's character and ikhlaq
and mannerism. So what kind of man are you?
Now before you go on thinking money does not matter, it does. The
Alpha Man has it together when it comes to finances as well. Now
we are not talking about being wealthy but we are talking about
having a job or business that is producing an income that he is
taking care of himself and not relying on his parents to pay for
his needs. If a guy can take care of himself financially he will
figure out how to take care of his wife.
Now after reading these you might say ok I fall into the first two
categories. I have bits and pieces of both, what do I do? I say
the first thing you should work on is getting your priorities in
order. If you can get focused on that it will help you become more
responsible, more decisive and show a mature you.
Just a tip here: Please make sure your priorities are not all focused on
worldly matters and only about your self. You need to do some hard
thinking on how you can become an Alpha Man.
Wasalamu alaikum
Fouzia Usman
Co-Founder of Practimate
SubhanaAllah, there are many hadith that relate wealth of information to us about this topic. But
there are very few structured educational programs that convey the knowledge about this topic
from both religious and practical perspective.
This program "Like a Garment" by Dr.Yasir Qadhi is one of the program that I would highly
recommend each and every one of you to take whether you are a single or a married person.
If you ask any married person who took this course, this is what they would say.
"I wish I had access to this kind of a program before I got married".
I took this program two years ago and thats exactly what i said after the course. Its never too late
even for married couples. Alhamdulilah, for programs like these.
This is what some of the previous members have said about the program:
" Wow, masha'Allah, this is a great course that really needs to be viewed by everyone. Love
all of this real talk."
" FINALLY! Someone offers such an overlooked topic in our Muslim Community in a halal
and Islamic way that makes learning comfortable for us sisters. Jazakallah khayr so much
for the calls and Q/A session. May Allah reward you immensely. Sh Yasir Qadhi is a great
teacher"
If you enroll using the above link, you have a surprise gift from Practimate. in sha Allah.
"Ibn Hazm in the context of defining the meaning of love, and the
ruling on love, he said, "Love is neither disapproved by religion,
nor prohibited by law, because the hearts are in the hand of Allah
Subhan'ataala." And if they are in the hand of Allah, how will Allah Subhan'ataala hold
us accountable for something we cannot control?
Ibn Al Qayyum wrote in his book 'The garden of the lovers' , on the
subject of love that it doesn't happen by choice or by force. And in many,
many occasions, people fall in love from the first sight, which
means they get attracted to something they cannot control. So it
happens sometimes naturally.
Also many times attraction happens over time and its not always
about looks. I know many brothers who if you asked them today
after being married for some years what attracted them most about
their wives, you will get many different answers before they
mention looks. Now again we're not saying go marry someone you
are not attracted to and your attraction will develop over time but
what we are saying is that looks are important and play and
important role in your decision but you don't have to fall in love
at first sight, if you do great but don't let it blind you and if
you don't then its not an immediate negative sign.
The other thing is that we view women in this society to be independent, intimidating,
over-educated, and most men don't want to associate
themselves with this kind of women. But at the end of the day, even
these women that you read about to be so independent, they want to still feel soft,
vulnerable, being protected and maintained by a man who can really be a man.
Now it doesn't mean that you over-react to these feelings of women, and
start demanding this through power and through control. Because at
the end of the day all what they need is a man in their life, not a
control freak.
Take the example of Rasool Allah (Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam). One day the Prophet
(Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam), he came with guests to his house, to the house of Ayesha
(Radi allahu 'anhu) and he asked if she had anything to offer the guests. She had
nothing ready, but she said that she would prepare something. And as she was
preparing that meal, the Prophet (Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam) sent some servants to go
and look in the other households. One of the servants came back with a dish that came
from a different house. Now Ayesha (Radi allahu 'anhu), she felt so jealous.
How could the guests be in her house and fed food that came from a different
household, prepared by another wife? So, she came in as the servant was coming in
and she struck the arms of the servant, and she broke the dish and spilled the food all
over the place. Now in our time, if this would happen in your house, that would probably
be the end of the relationship between you and your wife. Specifically, disgracing you in
front of your own guests, but the Prophet (Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam), he just came
there, and he requested another dish, and he starts putting the food into that dish
smiling to his guests and saying "what shall I do, she is very jealous." And then he
asked for another dish to be sent back to that household. As you can see from this
example, the Prophet (Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam) handled the situation as a man. He
was calm, but in control at the same time. And that's what women are
attracted to."
Wasalamu alaikum
Fouzia Usman
Co-Founder of Practimate
Assalamu alaikum Faisal,
Dealing with father-in-law and getting his approval is one of the key component in the
marriage process and it needs to be dealt with extra care as many times it might either
break or make the process. Read below where Sh.Yaser shares his own personal
story:
In the next email I will share the five important keys which would influence the sister and
her parents in making the decision in sha Allah.
Until then...
Wasalamu alaikum
Fouzia Usman
Co-Founder of Practimate
Assalamu alaikum Faisal,
Here are the five keys that will influence the sister and her parents in making the
decision favor to you in sha Allah:
1.Money
2.Your goals
3.Your personality
4.Your credibility
5.Your independence
1.Money
2.Your goals
3.Your personality
4.Your credibility
5.Your independence
1. Money
2. Goals
Education. How far are you gonna be going with your education and
how much would that affect the quality of your family life?
And religious goals. They want to know. How much are you prepared
and ready in order to bring a healthy family and healthy children,
in terms of their religion, ikhlaq, and character
3. Personality
We will continue the remaining two in the next e-mail in sha Allah..
I hope you are really benefitting from this email course so far. Please share the khair by
recommending your single friends to sign up for this email course as well. Here is the
link
Wasalamu alaikum
Fouzia Usman
Co-Founder of Practimate
Assalamu alaikum Faisal,
4. Credibility
The people at the masjid, do they know you or not? Can they attest
for you. Parents would like to feel confident and comfortable that
the person who is proposing to their daughter is not only religious
enough to know his religious duties towards his wife and towards
his family but the people in the masjid and his community can vouch
and verify that he has good credibilty.
5. Independence
Your Independence. You need to show them that you are in need of
getting married but not necessarily that you are desperate to get
married. You need to show that your life goes on with or without
marriage and that your goals and life focus will not be hindered in
anyway. For some reason our nature is we love to have what we
cannot get. So if a family says no to you, you need to show some
sort of independence and confidence, that doesn't mean that you
have to just walk out and that's it, its over. You can still get
back again, but not showing any kind of unconfident or desperate
position. The independence that you need to show is that you really
depend on Allah Subhana-wa-Tallah on all things and all affairs.
Specifically they ask the subject of rizq, after taking all the
means and the measures to secure that rizq.
In sha Allah I will conclude this series in the next email and as promised I will also give
you access to the bonus ebook.
Wasalamu alaikum
Fouzia Usman
Co-Founder of Practimate