David Tian, Ph.D.

, presents

The Charisma Code: Aura Dating Academy

Philosophical Exploration
 What Youre Going To Learn

Royal Charisma as the secret to being in Flow all the

time
Ancient and medieval Asian secrets to living the good
life so that YOU can get what you want in life NOW
The Flow Paradox
The Solution to the Flow Paradox
 Conquer Life Like An Emperor
Oracle bone inscriptions (dragon bones) ~3,500 years ago
Royal Charisma (de ): Enabled the King to get the blessings of the
deities and spirits necessary to gain and maintain rule
Guodian Bamboo scripts ~2,500 years ago
Ruler with Royal Charisma has power to attract and retain best
ministers and loyal subjects
Royal Charisma exerts a powerful attraction to influence others so as to
rule without resorting to force
De became special charismathe natural attraction one experiences
in the presence of great individuals
 What You DO Matters
Rituals (Li ): Explicit, complicated set of ceremonies and
social practices,
Included everything from formal, high religious ceremonies
to the conduct of government to ones personal deportment
and behaviour
Almost everything a ruler did contributed to the character of
his de, so almost everything he did took on great significance
Just as, almost everything you do contributes to your thought
life and who you become
 The Paradox of Charisma
Charisma can only be acquired if one is not consciously trying to acquire
it (Nivison on oracle bone inscriptions)
Trying to be good to win a selfish benefit will only backfire
The King can get the benefit of de only if he doesnt actually want it
Bamboo scripts: If you try to be filial, this is not true filiality; if you try to
be obedient, this is not true obedience. You cannot try, but you also cannot
not try; trying is wrong, but not trying is also wrong.
Ruling through rewards and punishmentsirrelevant what subjects
feel or the ideals they hold
Ruling through valueswhat subjects feel and believe is crucial
 Personal Self-Cultivation
Shift from concern over Rulers beliefs and behaviour to ones
personal beliefs and behaviour
Ancient Chinese philosophers began to apply this teaching not
only to Kings but also to themselves and the elite class
More than intellectual mastery of texts or rituals, it was to
practice and apply these lessons in every aspect of life
Ultimate goal was to develop certain traits of character
Similarly, ultimate goal isnt to learn lines or even get girls,
but to develop a certain character
 How to Have Royal Charisma
Emphasised the need for prolonged and extensive study and
practicebut always with the aim of creating a certain character
Ritual (li ) was used to develop Royal Charisma (de)
Practicing li
Shapes your character the more you practice them
Expresses and further refines your Royal Charisma
Influences those who observe the performance or practice of li
The goal of li wasnt just to persuade or influence others; the goal was
to instil certain sensibilities, attitudes, dispositions in the practitioner
The Paradox of Charisma Revisited

Can develop Royal Charisma through external practices

and studyand then applying them in real life
BUT, Royal Charisma cannot successfully be cultivated
solely with the aim of acquiring it
The pursuit must ultimately be an expression of who one
is (a follower of the Dao)
 How to be a Dating Ninja
External practices of charisma
Body language, tonality, eye contact
Persuasion techniques, strategies
Scripted lines, routines, stories, etc.
Psychological principles
With the ultimate goal of shaping your character and personality
In fact, almost everything you repeatedly take into your mind will shape your who you
become
Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action; reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a
character; sow a character reap a destiny.
True natural = Possesses Royal Charisma without trying
 Paradox of Dating Mastery
While these external practices and study can (and are the
only way to) make you naturally attractive to women
As long as your goal is still to attract women, ultimate
success will continue to elude you
The practices must ultimately be an expression of who
you are and who you want to become
Do it for a goal greater than getting girls
How to get there?
 Gradual vs Sudden Improvement
Early Buddhist philosophy (and Neo-Confucian
philosophy)
Gradual Long-term practice of meditation, study, and
reflection will lead one step-by-step, incrementally to
enlightenment
Sudden We have the Buddha-nature within us. We just
need to find it, and we will be enlightened immediately.
In dating, is it incremental growth or a sudden
realisation?
 Two Sages Face Off
Zhu Xi (1130-1200 CE) and Wang Yangming (1472-1529 CE)
Zhu Xi:
Anyone who works long enough at interpreting the classical texts, with
dedicated effort and sincerity would arrive at an understandingan
understanding that would transform the individual
To fully understand the lessons of the texts, one had to become a certain
kind of person
This understanding comes only after extensive study, broad application,
and careful reflection
For Zhu, self-cultivation was a protracted process of refining the self to find
that deep intuition within
 Wang Yangmings Approach
Wang Yangming:
Innate, fully formed, perfect mental-emotional faculty of excellence, buried beneath
our bad thoughts
Metaphors of the sun shining behind clouds and a clear, bright mirror hidden
beneath dust (Buddhist influences)
Challenge is to identify this innate faculty, engage it, and preserve it
We are to maintain constant inner scrutiny of our thoughts so that we can eradicate
and be vigilant against the intrusion of the clouds and dust of bad thoughts
In socialising, when you are in Flow, your innately perfect mental faculty takes over and
you are at your best
To maintain this consistently, need to be highly self-aware, especially of when
limiting beliefs are obscuring the Flow mind like clouds and dust.
The Unity of Knowledge and Action
Wang Yangming: Real Knowledge is both cognitive and affective
Need to feel the corresponding emotion
Not enough to just know what to do or even to do the thing; need to feel the
appropriate emotion
Need to cultivate certain affective states
How?
In the actual events of my everyday life
Monitor and correct my thoughts, feelings, and behaviour in daily life
When interacting with family, friends, colleagues, etc.,
Even, or especially, when alone
Only then do we discover our sticking points
 Zhuangzi
Zhuangzi (~4th century BCE)
Anti-establishment, anti-rationalism, and against the evils of social programming
Two phases to self-development, occurring simultaneously
Negative phase: Wipe clean the slate of socialisation
Through fasting of the mind and sitting and forgetting
Positive phase: Spontaneously according with the Dao
Sustained course of training (knack passages) leading to a sudden state of perfect
application and insight
Echoed later by Wang Yangming
In social arts, the negative phase of wiping out ones limiting beliefs and the positive
phase of gaining experience reaching and maintaining Flow
 The Solution to the Flow Paradox
Flow paradox: State of unselfconscious excellence. But if you self-consciously try to attain it, you
are self-conscious and hence not unselfconscious
Try not to try
Buddhist version
Indirect Method (aka, Side Effect or By Product Method)
Aim for some other goal that will bring you to Flow along the way (as a side-effect or by-
product)
Lose yourself in the process or journey
In dating, this could be
Aim for and lose yourself in
Having FUN. Getting to know others. Learning new things from other people. Fitness.
Fashion. Arts. Making money (helping more people get more of what they want). Etc.
The Charisma Code: Beyond Good and Evil

Wang Yangmings Four Sentence Teaching

The perfect mind is without good or evil
In the Flow state of morality, one just does, says, and feels the
good thing without self-conscious deliberation and without
having to try, and hence one just naturally does what is right
and good
In the Flow state of dating, one just does, says, and feels the
appropriate thing without self-conscious deliberation and
without having to try, and hence one is just naturally attractive
 Further Readings

Edward Slingerland, Trying Not To Try

Philip J. Ivanhoe, Confucian Moral Self-Cultivation
(actually, anything by Ivanhoe)
Mark Siderits, Buddhism as Philosophy