Alexander Kozlov

Professor Batty
English 28
1 June 2017

In the original draft that I turned in on March 15,2017, my biggest problem was the

structuring of the essay,not to say that everything else was perfect but it was obvious that I

didnt outline my ideas beforehand. When you read my first draft it seemed like a free for all

when you received major ideas or points. In the original draft, I had an introduction that was a

page and a half with unnecessary details to the integral point. Whats even worst is that I really

didnt have a clear thesis in that original draft.

This was by far the hardest essay to revise, due to the poor structuring of the paper and

poorly structured thesis. I spent more time on this paper then any other papers Ive done in this

class. Which is fitting since this was my first essay in this class. Needless to say, this paper is

probably the one I am the least proud of. Although the supporting details were interesting, the

complete lack of a strong thesis coupled with the lack of structure made this a sub par essay.

If I could change anything about the finished product, it would be to rewrite the entire

paper with an entirely different thesis, but sharing the same details. I would probably have the

story be me overcoming my fear of death in a workplace surrounded by patients living through

the mistakes of their youth, rather than winning over a coworker to keep a job.