Color wheel theory of love
lovers taking an agapic stance to relationships risk suffering
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_wheel_theory_of_love
The color wheel theory of love is an idea created by
Canadian psychologist John Alan Lee that describes six
styles of love, using several of the Greek words for love.
First introduced in his book Colours of Love: An
Exploration of the Ways of Loving (1973), Lee defines
three primary, three secondary and nine tertiary love styles,
describing them in terms of the traditional color wheel. The
three primary types are Eros, Ludus and Storge, the three
secondary types are mania, pragma and agape.
Primary types
Eros derived from the Greek term meaning erotic or
passionate. Lee describes Eros as a passionate physical and
emotional love of wanting to satisfy, create sexual
contentment, security and aesthetic enjoyment for each
other, it also includes creating sexual security for the other
by striving to forsake options of sharing one's intimate and
sexual self with outsiders, It is a highly sensual, intense,
passionate style of love. Erotic lovers choose their lovers
by intuition or "chemistry." They are more likely to say
they fell in love at first sight than those of other love styles.
Ludus means in Latin "game" is used by those who see
love as a desiring to want to have fun with each other, to do
activities indoor and outdoor, tease, indulge, and play
harmless pranks on each other. The acquisition of love and
attention itself may be part of the game.
Ludic lovers want to have as much fun as possible. When
they are not seeking a stable relationship, they rarely or
never become overly involved with one partner and often
can have more than one partner at a time. They dont reveal
their true thoughts and feelings to their partner, especially if
they think they can gain some kind of advantage over their
partner. The expectation may also be that the partner is also
similarly minded. If a relationship materializes it would be
about having fun, playing pranks on each other and
indulging in activities together. Ludic lovers choose their
partners by playing the field, and quickly recover from
break-ups, as they immediately look for replacements.
Storge grows slowly out of friendship and is based more on
similar interests and a commitment to one another rather
than on passion.
Storge is familial love. There is a love between siblings,
spouses, cousins, parents and children. Storge necessitates
certain familial loyalties, responsibilities, duties and
entitlements. The dwelling is to be sanctuary for its
members and all members of a family are to pull through
together in difficult times.
Secondary types of love
Mania coming from the term manic usually flows out of a
desire to hold one's partner in high esteem and wanting to
love and be loved in this way seeing specialness in the
interaction. This type of love leads a partner into a type of
madness and obsessiveness. It is represented by the color
purple, as it is a mix between Ludus and Eros.
Manic lovers speak of their partners in possessives and
superlatives, and feel they "need" their partners. Love is a
means of rescue, or a reinforcement of value. Manic lovers
value finding a partner through chance without prior
knowledge of financial, educational, or personality
dispositions. Insufficient expression of the love of mania by
one's partner can cause one to perceive the partner as aloof,
materialistic and detached. In excess, mania becomes
obsession or Codependency and could come about as being
very possessive and jealous
Agape, the purest form of love, derives its definition of
love from being altruistic towards one's partner and feeling
love in the acts of doing so. The person is willing to endure
difficulty that arises from the partner's circumstance. It is
based on an unbreakable commitment and an
unconditional, selfless love, that is all giving. It is an
undying love that is full of compassion and selflessness.
Agape love is often referenced with religious meaning and
is signified by the color orange.
Agapic lovers view their partners as blessings and wish to
take care of them. The agapic lover gets more pleasure
from giving in a relationship than from receiving. They will
remain faithful to their partners to avoid causing them pain
and often wait patiently for their partners after a break-up.
Agape requires one to be forgiving, patient, understanding,
loyal, and willing to make sacrifices for their partner.
Agapic love believes itself to be unconditional, though
from inattention to their own needs.The advantage of
agapic love is its generosity. A disadvantage is that it can
induce feelings of guilt or incompetence in a partner. There
is the potential to be taken advantage of. In its deviant
form, agape can become Martyrdom. Martyrdom for
principle may be acceptable; martyrdom to maintain a
relationship is considered psychologically unhealthy
Lee defines Pragma as the most practical type of love, not
necessarily derived out of true romantic love. Rather,
pragma is a convenient type of love.
Pragmatic lovers have a notion of being of service which
they perceive to be rational and realistic. While they may
be sincere about being useful themselves it also translates
to also having expectations in a partner and of the
relationship. They tend to select and reject partners
accordingly based on what they perceive desirable,
compatible traits. Pragmatic lovers want to find value in
their partners, and ultimately want to work with their
partner to reach a common goal.The practicality and
realism of pragmatic love often aides longevity of the
relationship, as long as common goals and values remain
shared for the duration. Excessive thinking along these
lines causes a relationship to be seen for its utility or as a
trade or exchange. The attitude can become disdainful and
toxic if one sees the other as a burden. Emphasis switches
to earning, affordability, child care or home service.
Tertiary types of love
Lee defines nine types of tertiary types of love that are
combinations of the previous six types of love. Each
combination includes one primary and one secondary.
Maniac eros
Maniac ludus
Maniac storge
Agapic eros
Agapic ludus
Agapic storge
Pragmatic eros
Pragmatic ludus
Pragmatic storge