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Are you overscheduled and overstressed? With todays busy schedules, youre not alone.
One
way to pare down your schedule is to get good at saying no to new commitments. Whether you
say "yes" instead of no out of guilt, inner conflict, or a misguided notion that you can "do it all,"
learning to say no to more requests can be one of the biggest favors you can do yourself and
those you love. It helps reduce stress levels and gives you time for whats really important.
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: Very little. And it will free up time for what's important!
Here's How:
1. Just say, Im sorry. I can't do this right now. Use a sympathetic, but firm tone. If
pressured as to why, reply that it doesnt fit with your schedule, and change the subject.
Most reasonable people will accept this as an answer, so if someone keeps pressuring
you, theyre being rude, and its OK to just repeat, Im sorry, but this just doesnt fit
with my schedule," and change the subject, or even walk away if you have to.
2. If youre uncomfortable being so firm, or are dealing with pushy people, its OK to say,
Let me think about it and get back to you. This gives you a chance to review your
schedule, as well as your feelings about saying "yes" to another commitment, do a cost-
benefit analysis, and then get back to them with a yes or no. Most importantly, this tactic
helps you avoid letting yourself be pressured into overscheduling your life and taking on
too much stress.
3. If you would really like to do what theyre requesting, but dont have the time (or are
having trouble accepting that you dont), its fine to say, I cant do this, but I can and
mention a lesser commitment that you can make. This way youll still be partially
involved, but it will be on your own terms.
Tips:
1. Be firm -- not defensive or overly apologetic -- and polite. This gives the signal that you
are sympathetic, but will not easily change your mind if pressured.
2. If you decide to tell the person youll get back to them, be matter-of-fact and not too
promising. If you lead people to believe youll likely say "yes" later, theyll be more
disappointed with a later "no."
3. If asked for an explanation, remember that you really dont owe anyone one. It doesnt
fit with my schedule, is perfectly acceptable.
4. Remember that there are only so many hours in the day. This means that whatever you
choose to take on limits your ability to do other things. So even if you somehow can fit a
new commitment into your schedule, if its not more important than what you would
have to give up to do it (including time for relaxation and self care), you really dont have
the time in your schedule.
5. This article has more strategies for finding time if you're too bu
You cant always control the circumstances that life throws your way, but you can control how well you
take care of yourself. Taking proper care of your body, soul and mind can keep you in optimum shape
for handling stress. The following are some important basic self care strategies that can keep you
functioning well and ready for lifes challenges.
1. Get Enough Sleep
Photo from iStockPhoto.com
Sleep is very important for your emotional and physical wellbeing. Lack of sleep can negatively impact
your ability to handle stress, be productive, and function properly. Unfortunately, busy schedules and
stress can make sleep more elusive. Here are some important ways you can make sleep come more
easily. And if you really arent able to get enough sleep at night, dont underestimate the value of a
power nap!
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2. Maintain Proper Nutrition
Many people arent aware of this, but a poor diet can actually make you more vulnerable to stress!
While hectic schedules can make it harder to get proper nutrition, a poor diet is not inevitable! Here are
some important tips for maintaining a healthy diet when stressed. Follow them, and you may be
surprised by how much stress you can handle!
3. Exercise Regularly
Exercise can be great for you physically and mentally. It provides a stress release and keeps your body
healthy. It also helps your body release endorphins, which increase your feelings of overall wellbeing.
Read more on the positive effects of exercise, and find resources for getting started with an activity that
suits you. (Hint: Pets make great workout buddies!)
4. Maintain Social Support
Social support can keep you healthier and happier, creating a buffer against stress. Friends can pick you
up when youre sad, provide insights when youre confused, and help you have fun when you need to
blow off steam. Learn how to cultivate supportive friendships and expand your social circle so youll
have someone to lean on when stressed. (Dont forget, its important to provide a supportive ear when
your friends need it, too! Find out how to develop effective listening skills.)
5. Find Hobbies
Having some down time is important, and hobbies can provide a nice distraction from stress and help
you stay in the moment, which is also a great way to relieve tension. I recommend drawing and
gardening as great stress relievers, but just about anything you enjoy can work. Here are some other
unconventional stress relievers that can provide some fun and distraction from stress.
6. Pamper Yourself

Taking care of your body on the outsidewith a spa treatment, for example, can work wonders for your
internal state. Dont overlook the importance of pampering yourself on a regular basis, to feel great
about yourself and feel ready to take on the world.
7. Keep Your Mind Sharp
If you maintain the attitude that stress is a challengerather than a threat, you are better able to
handle it. And by keeping your mind sharp, you are more equipped to solve the problems and take on
the challenges that life presents. Fortunately, games like The Stress Relief Memory Game, Affirmations
Hangman and The Inspirational Quote Daily Cryptogram can be fun to play, and also provide you the
tools to manage stress in your life!
8. Have The Right Attitude
Much of what you experience in life can feel more stressful or less so depending of your point of view.
Looking at things from an optimistic frame of mind can not only decrease your stress level, but bring you
more success in life and more. You can become more of an optimist by following these tips. You can
even change ingrained negative thought patterns to more positive ones by using positive affirmations.
(Not sure if youre an optimist or pessimist? Take this quiz.)
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9. Process Your Emotions

Keeping your emotions bottled up usually leads to an emotional explosion later on. Its generally
healthier to listen to your feelings, process them and try to understand them. Consider them
messengers that tell you when something is not right with your world. A great way to process emotions
is the act of journaling. When you write about your feelings, and potential solutions to your problems,
you can reduce stress in your life and even see some health benefits!
10. Maintain a Spiritual Practice
Research shows that a lifestyle including religion or spirituality is generally a healthier lifestyle. Many
people, especially seniors, use prayer as a major stress reliever and strategy for emotional health. You
can use prayer to enhance your spiritual side, or use meditation of you dont feel comfortable with
prayer. Spiritual practice is deeply personal, and whatever your practice, it should nurture your soul.
Top 10 Better Sleep Strategies: Great Ways to End Your Day
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated February 02, 2009
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Tips for Better Sleep
Sleep
Sleep is a valuable and restorative resource thats vital to wellbeing and stress management, but can
sometimes be hard to come by for the busy and stressed. (According to a recent poll on this site, for
example, about half of you are getting 6 hours of sleep or less, and are in dire need of more and better
sleep!) Here are some effective nighttime habits to get into, to help enhance the amount and quality of
sleep you get!
1. Try Light Exercise
Exercise has so many stress management and health benefits, and for many of us, nighttime is when it
best fits our schedules. Light exercise like yoga or walking at night can also help sleep as it releases
tension without overstimulating the body. (Its debatable whether or not exercise right before bed
disrupts sleep; according to sports medicine expert Elizabeth Quinn, it could actually improve sleep).
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2. Listen to Music
Music can soothe your mind and body to the point that its now being used as a therapeutic tool by
some. You can use music to your benefit by playing relaxing tunes before bed, and throughout the
evening to help you wind down and release tension as bedtime approaches. These are some of my
favorite picks.
3. Clean Up
A recent poll on this site found that close to 80% of you live with a level of clutter that can cause
additional stress. Cleaning up at the end of the day can leave you feeling less stressed because youre
doing something to tackle the problem, and the anticipation of waking up to a cleaner house can make
your rest more peaceful.
4. Quiet Games Instead of T.V.
While many people like to zone out in front of the T.V. before bed, playing low-key computer games can
be a refreshing alternative. They can create a nice distraction from the stress of the day and be a great
way of shifting gears, but arent so exciting that they make sleep elusive. These games can also sharpen
your mental abilities and help you learn new skills: The Stress Relief Memory Game and The Stress
Management Word Game. Find other games and fun stuff in the Fun and Games Section.
5. Bubble Bath
Soaking in a tub of bubbles can rinse away tension and leave your body pampered and your mind free.
Its also a great segue to sleep, as any parent of a small child can attest. Read more about the
importance of self care, and find tips on how to create a soothing home spa experience.
6. Massage
Massage is a great stress reliever that also feels good. If you cant trade massages with people you live
with, you can do a self-massage or use massaging tools to relieve tension. Either way, having a massage
before bed can loosen stress in your body, relax you, and make sleep come more easily.
7. Journaling
Journaling has many stress and health benefits, making it a great way to end the day. Writing in a
journal before bed can clear your mind, help you process emotions, solve problems, mentally prepare
for the next day, make plans, and get your thoughts out of your head and on the page, where they can
be picked up the next morning. A gratitude journal can get you in a positive frame of mind for sleep, and
over time helps you change your whole frame of mind to a more positive, less stressed one.
8. Meditation
Meditation has been used by many, many people to relieve stress in the body and mind. Its a great
technique to use before bedtime because it segues so naturally into sleep: it relaxes the body, clears the
mind, and creates inner peace. Be patient with yourself and follow these tips for beginners, and you
should find meditation to be a great stress management tool.
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9. Sex
For those in a committed relationship, sex is known as a great nighttime stress reliever for a reason! Not
only does a healthy sex life enhance your relationship, but it relaxes your body, releases happy
chemicals, and even promotes wellness. And, of course, it welcomes sleep. Unfortunately, excessive
stress can also be a libido dampener. If youre having trouble getting in the mood, here are some
important tips for you.
10. Avoid These:
Some activities can be too stimulating at night and can make it harder to fall asleep, or make your sleep
less restful. For a restorative nights sleep, you should avoid caffeine after 2 p.m., interpersonal conflict
or stressful conversations, or anything else thats overstimulating. (Dealing with finances or even certain
T.V. shows can be overstimulating to some.) Everyones different, so try to pay attention to your internal
states, and respond accordingly
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Snoring & Sleep Related Disorders

Snoring:
About 30 to 40% people snore at sometime or other. People who snore loudly are often ridiculed,
but truly speaking snoring is not a laughing matter. While loud disruptive snoring is a known
social problem that may strain relationships, for many men, women and even children, loud
habitual snoring may signal a potentially life threatening disorder: obstructive sleep apnea, or
OSA.
What is Obstructive Sleep apnea or OSA:
In people who snore sometimes breathing ceases or gets interrupted for few seconds before
regaining the normal pattern. These breathing pauses typically last between 10 to 20 seconds and
are known as apnoec spells and can occur up to hundreds of times a night, jolting you out of your
natural sleep rhythm. Sleep apnea is fairly common. One in five adults has at least mild sleep
apnea and one in 15 adults have at least moderate sleep apnea. OSA also affects 1% to 3% of
children. During sleep, the upper airway can be obstructed by excess tissue, large tonsils and/or a
large tongue. Also contributing to the problem may be the airway muscles, which relax and
collapse during sleep, nasal passages, and the position of the jaw. As a consequence, when you
get up in the morning you feel groggy and no longer feel fresh. Unlike simple snoring,
obstructive sleep apnea is a potentially life-threatening condition that requires medical attention.
The risks of undiagnosed OSA include heart attack, stroke, irregular heartbeat, high blood
pressure, heart disease and decreased libido. In addition, OSA causes daytime drowsiness that
can result in accidents, lost productivity and interpersonal relationship problems. The symptoms
may be mild, moderate or severe.
Sleep apnea signs and symptoms:
It is not possible for the person to notice sleep apnea. He or she should ask the bed partner to
observe his/her sleep habits, or by recording oneself during sleep.
Major signs and symptoms:-
Loud and chronic snoring

Choking, snorting, or gasping during sleep
Long pauses in breathing
Daytime sleepiness, no matter how much time you spend in bed
Other common signs and symptoms:-
Getting up with a dry mouth or sore throat

Morning headaches
Restless or fitful sleep
Insomnia or frequently getting up at night
Going to the toilet frequently at night
Forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating
Signs and symptoms of OSA in children: OSA is also commonly seen in children who are
obese or who have adenoids and tonsillar hypertrophy. Children with sleep apnea may adopt
strange sleeping positions and suffer from bedwetting, excessive perspiration at night, or night
terrors. Children with sleep apnea may also exhibit changes in their daytime behavior, like:
Hyperactivity or inattention
Developmental and growth problems
Decrease in school performance
Irritable, angry, or hostile behavior
Breathing through mouth instead of nose
Is it just snoring or is it sleep apnea?
Not everyone who snores has sleep apnea, and not everyone who has sleep apnea snores. So how
do you differentiate snoring and a more serious case of sleep apnea?
The biggest telltale sign is how you feel during the day. Normal snoring doesnt interfere with
the quality of your sleep as much as sleep apnea does, so you're less likely to suffer from extreme
fatigue and sleepiness during the day.
When should you consult your ENT Specialist?
If you are a habitual snorer and you are having few of those above mentioned signs and
symptoms then you should immediately consult your family physician/ ENT Specialist.
How is the diagnosis of OSA made?
When you visit your ENT specialist, you must go along with your spouse or bed partner, because
he or she is the best witness of your sleep pattern. The Specialist will take detail history and will
carry out thorough examination including cardio-vascular examination. You will be put through
a whole night sleep study or Polysomnography during which your various parameters like
pulse rate, blood pressure, ECG, apnoec spells(spells of breathing interruption), fall of blood
oxygen saturation etc; are recorded and analysed.
Based on the sleep study results it is decided whether one is having OSA or not.
Some non medical remedial measures for reducing snoring:
1. Weight loss as little as 10 pounds may be enough to make a difference.

2. Change of sleeping position Because you tend to snore more when sleeping on your back,
sleeping on your side may be helpful.
3. Avoid alcohol, caffeine and heavy meals especially within two hours of bedtime.
4. Avoid sedatives which can relax your throat muscles and increase the tendency for airway
obstruction related to snoring.
5. Prop your head up Elevate the head of your bed by four to six inches or elevate your body
from the waist up by using a foam wedge. You can also use a special cervical pillow.
How do you treat OSA?
Initially the non medical measures are advised. If still the patient does not get relief the there are
two options:
(a) Non surgical option i.e. use of Continuous Positive Airflow Pressure (CPAP) or Bi-PAP (Bi-
Level) machine while sleeping.
Surgical option:
i. Laser assisted Uvuloplasty
ii. Coblation assisted UPP.
iii. Radio Frequency assisted soft palate reduction
iv. In case of children simple adeno-tonsillectomy or nasal septoplasty
From the ancient philosophers to modern pop culture, the nature and significance of sleep is an almost
inescapable question. Understanding the sleep process as well and why we sleep is a topic of interest for
many, while exploring some of the major problems with sleep is a topic of interest to anyone who has
ever spent a restless night tossing and turning.
Stages of Sleep:
When you think of sleep, you might feel that it is a fairly uniform process. After all, you just fall
asleep and thats that, right? Not exactly. In reality, sleep progresses through a number of
different stages that are marked by distinctive changes in brain activity. Learn more about these
stages of sleep, the characteristics of each unique stage and the pattern that occurs during a
typical night of sleep.
Why We Sleep:
While there are a several different theories to explain why we sleep, scientists are still do not
have a hard and fast answer for exactly why we sleep. One of the major theories suggests sleep is
important for repair and restoration of the mind and body. Learn more about some of these major
theories of sleep in order to further explore this fascinating topic.
Problems with Sleep:
Anyone who has ever experienced a bout of insomnia knows that falling and staying asleep isnt
always so easy. Sleep disorders are a relatively common problem. Severe problems with sleep
have even been linked to major depression and even suicide. Consider some of these common
sleep disorders in order to learn about potential problems and possible causes for these problems
with sleep.
More About Sleep
Stages of Sleep
The invention of the electroencephalograph allowed scientists to study sleep in ways that were
not previously possible. During the 1950s, a gradate student named Eugene Aserinsky used this
tool to discover what is known today as REM sleep. Further studies of human sleep have
demonstrated that sleep progresses through a series of stages in which different brain wave
patterns are displayed.
There are two main types of sleep:
1. Non-Rapid Eye Movement (NREM) Sleep (also known as quiet sleep

2. Rapid Eye Movement (REM) Sleep (also known as active sleep or paradoxical sleep
The Beginnings of Sleep
During the earliest phases of sleep, you are still relatively awake and alert. The brain produces
what are known as beta waves, which are small and fast. As the brain begins to relax and slow
down, slower waves known as alpha waves are produced. During this time when you are not
quite asleep, you may experience strange and extremely vivid sensations known as hypnagogic
hallucinations. Common examples of this phenomenon include feeling like you are falling or
hearing someone call your name.
Another very common event during this period is known as a myoclonic jerk. If you've ever
startled suddenly for seemingly no reason at all, then you have experienced this odd
phenomenon. While it may seem unusual, these myoclonic jerks are actually quite common.
Stage 1
Stage 1 is the beginning of the sleep cycle, and is a relatively light stage of sleep. Stage 1 can be
considered a transition period between wakefulness and sleep. In Stage 1, the brain produces
high amplitude theta waves, which are very slow brain waves. This period of sleep lasts only a
brief time (around 5-10 minutes). If you awaken someone during this stage, they might report
that they weren't really asleep.
Stage 2
Stage 2 is the second stage of sleep and lasts for approximately 20 minutes. The brain begins to
produce bursts of rapid, rhythmic brain wave activity known as sleep spindles. Body
temperature starts to decrease and heart rate begins to slow.
Stage 3
Deep, slow brain waves known as delta waves begin to emerge during stage 3 sleep. Stage 3 is a
transitional period between light sleep and a very deep sleep.
Stage 4
Stage 4 is sometimes referred to as delta sleep because of the slow brain waves known as delta
waves that occur during this time. Stage 4 is a deep sleep that lasts for approximately 30
minutes. Bed-wetting and sleepwalking are most likely to occur at the end of stage 4 sleep.
Stage 5
Most dreaming occurs during the fifth stage of sleep, known as rapid eye movement (REM)
sleep. REM sleep is characterized by eye movement, increased respiration rate and increased
brain activity. REM sleep is also referred to as paradoxical sleep because while the brain and
other body systems become more active, muscles become more relaxed. Dreaming occurs due
because of increased brain activity, but voluntary muscles become paralyzed.
The Sequence of Sleep Stages
It is important to realize, however, that sleep does not progress through these stages in sequence.
Sleep begins in stage 1 and progresses into stages 2, 3 and 4. After stage 4 sleep, stage 3 and then
stage 2 sleep are repeated before entering REM sleep. Once REM sleep is over, the body usually
returns to stage 2 sleep. Sleep cycles through these stages approximately four or five times
throughout the night.
On average, we enter the REM stage approximately 90 minutes after falling asleep. The first
cycle of REM sleep might last only a short amount of time, but each cycle becomes longer. REM
sleep can last up to an hour as sleep progresses.
Dreams can be both fascinating and baffling, which is why they have garnered attention from
philosophers, artists, writers and poets for thousands of years. Only fairly recently in history have
researchers began to scientifically study the dreaming process. While people still disagree about the
exact purpose of dreams and the possible interpretations of dream content, this area remains a topic of
interest for both psychologists, researchers, students and anyone who wonders about the reasons
behind their dreams.
The Characteristics of Dreams
Sleep researcher J. Allan Hobson has identified a number of key characteristics of dreams. While
many of these characteristics may seem familiar, you might not be aware of just how common
these features really are. Are your dreams emotionally charged, disorganized, bizarre and
difficult to remember? Then you are already familiar with just a few of the most features most
commonly found in dreams.
Learn more about the five major characteristics of dreams in this article.
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Theories of Dreams
Have you ever wondered why you dream? This question has fascinated people since the
beginning of recorded history, but today we still don't fully understand the purpose of dreams.
Possible explanations for why we dream include:
To represent unconscious desires and wishes

To interpret random signals from the brain and body during sleep
To consolidate and process information gathered during the day
To work as a form of psychotherapy
Learn more about some of the most prominent theories of dreams.
Dream Meanings and Interpretations
Do you often find yourself wondering exactly why you dreamed what you did, especially after
having a particularly strange dream? Despite the research and interest in dreaming, no one yet
fully understands how to interpret dream meanings. Sigmund Freuds theory of dreams
contributed a great deal to the general interest in dream interpretation. Books and dream
dictionaries have helped ensure that the topic remains popular today.
Learn more about some of the top theories that have emerged to explain the content of our
dreams.
The Anatomy of the Brain
By Kendra Cherry, About.com Guide
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Introduction to the Brain - The Cerebral Cortex

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The human brain is not only one of the most important organs in the human body; it is also the
most complex. In the following tour, you will learn about the basic structures that make up the
brain as well as how the brain works. This is not an in-depth look at all of the research on the
brain (such a resource would fill stacks of books). Instead, the goal of this brain tour is to
familiarize you with major brain structures and their functions.
The cerebral cortex is the part of the brain that functions to make human beings unique.
Distinctly human traits including higher thought, language and human consciousness as well as
the ability to think, reason and imagine all originate in the cerebral cortex.
The cerebral cortex is what we see when we look at the brain. It is the outermost portion that can
be divided into the four lobes of the brain. Each bump on the surface of the brain is known as a
gyrus, while each groove is known as a sulcus.

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The Four Lobes
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The brain can be divided into four sections, known as lobes.
Image by John A Beal, Louisiana State University Health Sciences Center Shreveport
The cerebral cortex can be divided into four sections, which are known as lobes (see image
above). The frontal lobe, parietal lobe, occipital lobe and temporal lobe have been associated
with different functions ranging from reasoning to auditory perception.
The frontal lobe is located at the front of the brain and is associated with reasoning, motor
skills, higher level cognition, and expressive language. At the back of the frontal lobe, near the
central sulcus, lies the motor cortex. This area of the brain receives information from various
lobes of the brain and utilizes this information to carry out body movements. Damage to the
frontal lobe can lead to changes in sexual habits, socialization, and attention as well as increased
risk-taking.
The parietal lobe is located in the middle section of the brain and is associated with processing
tactile sensory information such as pressure, touch, and pain. A portion of the brain known as
the somatosensory cortex is located in this lobe and is essential to the processing of the body's
senses. Damage to the parietal lobe can result in problems with verbal memory, an impaired
ability to control eye gaze and problems with language.
The temporal lobe is located on the bottom section of the brain. This lobe is also the location of
the primary auditory cortex, which is important for interpreting sounds and the language we
hear. The hippocampus is also located in the temporal lobe, which is why this portion of the
brain is also heavily associated with the formation of memories. Damage to the temporal lobe
can lead to problems with memory, speech perception, and language skills.
The occipital lobe is located at the back portion of the brain and is associated with interpreting
visual stimuli and information. The primary visual cortex, which receives and interprets
information from the retinas of the eyes, is located in the occipital lobe. Damage to this lobe can
cause visual problems such as difficulty recognizing objects, an inability to identify colors, and
trouble recognizing words.
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The Brain Stem
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The brain stem is comprised of the hindbrain and midbrain. The hindbrain contains structures
including medulla, the pons and the reticular formation.
The Hindbrain
The hindbrain is the structure that connects the spinal cord to the brain.
The medulla is located directly above the spinal cord and controls many vital autonomic
functions such as heart rate, breathing and blood pressure.
The pons connects the medulla to the cerebellum and helps coordinate movement on each side
of the body.
The reticular formation is a neural network located in the medulla that helps control functions
such as sleep and attentio
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The Midbrain
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The midbrain is the smallest region of the brain that acts as a sort of relay station for auditory
and visual information.
The midbrain controls many important functions such as the visual and auditory systems as well
as eye movement. Portions of the midbrain called the red nucleus and the substantia nigra are
involved in the control of body movement. The darkly pigmented substantia nigra contains a
large number of dopamine-producing neurons are located. The degeneration of neurons in the
substantia nigra is associated with Parkinsons disease.
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The Cerebellum
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Sometimes referred to as the "little brain," the cerebellum lies on top of the pons, behind the
brain stem. The cerebellum is comprised of small lobes and receives information from the
balance system of the inner ear, sensory nerves, and the auditory and visual systems. It is
involved in the coordination of motor movements as well as basic facets of memory and
learning.
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The Thalamus
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The thalamus is located above the brain stem.
Located above the brainstem, the thalamus processes and transmits movement and sensory
information. It is essentially a relay station, taking in sensory information and then passing it on
to the cerebral cortex. The cerebral cortex also sends information to the thalamus, which then
sends this information to other sys
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The Hypothalamus
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The hypothalamus is a grouping of nuclei that lie along the base of the brain near the pituitary
gland. The hypothalamus connects with many other regions of the brain and is responsible for
controlling hunger, thirst, emotions, body temperature regulation, and circadian rhythms.
The hypothalamus also controls the pituitary gland by secreting hormones, which gives the
hypothalamus a great deal of control over many body functions.
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The Limbic System

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The amygdala is one of the major structures found in the limbic system.
The limbic system is comprised of four main structures: the amygdala, the hippocampus,
regions of the limbic cortex and the septal area. These structures form connections between the
limbic system and the hypothalamus, thalamus and cerebral cortex. The hippocampus is
important in memory and learning, while the limbic system itself is central in the control of
emotional responses.
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The Basal Ganglia

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The basal ganglia are a group of large nuclei that partially surround the thalamus. These nuclei
are important in the control of movement. The red nucleus and substantia nigra of the midbrain
have connections with the basal ganglia.
Social Support - How to Create Truly Supportive Friendships

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Updated May 01, 2013
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Research shows that healthy and supportive relationships can reduce stress and improve your overall
health and sense of well-being. However, all relationships are not equally supportive. Building a network
of supportive friends, or even just one supportive relationship, can be vital to your wellbeing. Here are
some key skills that can help you to build relationships with people that are truly supportive and
sustaining.
Meeting People- The more people you have in your life, the more likely you are to have truly
supportive relationships with at least one of them. Its beneficial to be able to regularly add new
people to your circle. Here are some good ways to meet people, and some tips to remember when
making a new friend.
Time Management- Its important to make time to nurture relationships, and to go out and have
fun with friends. You may feel like you just dont have time to spend on this, but time
management and organization techniques can help you find more time in your life to spend on
friendships. These techniques can also help you to show up on time, remember birthdays and
other important events, help friends when theyre in need, and do other things that will
strengthen friendships and make them supportive.
Assertiveness- People often think of assertiveness as standing up for yourself and not letting
people push you around -- basically the alternative to passivity. While this is mostly true,
assertiveness is also the alternative to aggressiveness, a way of handling people where you get
your needs met at the expense of others needs. Developing the skill of assertiveness can really
help you strengthen your relationships, making them mutually supportive, lasting and opening
the lines of communication.
Listening to Your Friends- When weve had a hard day, sometimes being able to talk to a
friend about our feelings is all it takes to turn things around and make stress a feeling of
connection and well-being. Being truly listened to and understood can have profound effects on
us. When dealing with friends, its important to give as well as receive this supportive type of
listening when support is truly needed. Here are some things to remember when friends are
talking about things that stress or upset them:
Ask them about their feelings, and listen.

Reflect back what you hear, so they know you really understand.
Instead of always trying to tie the conversation back to your experiences, focus questions on
them and their feelings.
When theyre talking, are you missing some of what they say because youre waiting for them to
stop talking so you can say what you want to say next? Stop, and really listen to them.
Learn more about how to be a good listener, an important skill to have.
Listening to Your Intuition- Some people give off positive energy that makes us feel good, and
others give off negative energy that drains us. If you pay attention to the signals that your
intuition sends you and act on those signals, youll have a healthier social circle. Here are some
questions to ask yourself:
Does the conversation flow easily, or is it forced?

Do you feel they truly understand, accept and support you?
Do you feel you truly understand, accept and support them?
Do you feel better or worse about yourself when youre with them?
Do you leave them feeling energized or mildly depressed?
Do you include them in your life for positive qualities they have, or just to have more people in
your life?
The answers to these questions, and what you can learn from this quiz will help you begin to
develop your intuition, which will help you strengthen your relationships, or help you with...
Letting Go- Not everyone is an appropriate match. If theres someone in your life who makes
you feel bad about yourself, doesnt share any of your interests or values, or is someone that you
just dont mesh well with, its perfectly acceptable to put that relationship on the back burner, let
it fade altogether, or not develop it in the first place. Even if you were at one time close, people
change and grow in different directions. That doesnt mean theres something wrong with
either of you. But if someone in your life is no longer good for you, its perfectly acceptable to
let them go. (Conversely, if youd like to keep them in your life out of loyalty, albeit in a
periphery role, thats OK, too. However, it would be beneficial to remember not to count on
them for support, if theyre not able to give it to you.) Only you know if the relationship is worth
keeping or not. But it is important to have several people you can count on for support in your
life. (If you're not sure if your relationships are supporting or draining you, the Social
Assessment Quiz can help!)
It takes some work, but cultivating a circle of truly supportive friendships

can make a huge differenceBuild Friendships With Good Listening Skills
Updated January 03, 2012
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Good listening skills are vital to healthy relationships. Whether you're strengtheing a relationship,
resolving a conflict, or offering support in a facing a crisis, good listening skills can be a lifeline to peace.
Learn how to be a truly supportive listener, and you may find yourself surrounded by others who are
able to do the same. Here are some important steps to developing good listening skills:
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: Varies, Depending On The Situation
Here's How:
1. Listen, Listen, Listen. Ask your friend whats wrong, and really listen to the answer. Let them
vent their fears, frustrations and other important feelings, maintaining eye contact and showing
that youre interested in what they have to say. Resist the urge to give advice, and just let them
get it out.
2. Reframe What You Hear. Summarize and repeat back your understanding of what theyre
saying so they know youre hearing them, and focus on the emotions they might be feeling. For
example, if your friend is talking about family problems, you might find yourself saying, It looks
like things are getting pretty hostile. You sound like youre feeling hurt.
3. Ask About Feelings. Ask them to expand on what theyre feeling. Asking about their feelings
provides a good emotional release and might be more helpful than just focusing on the facts of
their situation.
4. Keep The Focus On Them. Rather than delving into a related story of your own, keep the focus
on them until they feel better. You can reference something that happened to you if you bring
the focus back to them quickly. They will appreciate the focused attention, and this will help
them feel genuinely cared for and understood.
5. Help Brainstorm. Rather than giving advice in the beginning, which cuts off further exploration
of feelings and other communication, wait until theyve gotten their feelings out, and then help
them brainstorm solutions. If you help them come up with ideas and look at the pros and cons
of each, theyre likely to come up with a solution they feel good about. Or they might feel better
after just being able to talk and feeling heard.
Tips:
1. Stay Present. Sometimes people feign listening, but theyre really just waiting for their friend to
stop talking so they can say whatever theyve been mentally rehearsing while theyve been
pretending to listen. People can usually sense this, and it doesnt feel good. Also, they tend to
miss whats being said because theyre not focused.
2. Dont Give Advice. Its common to want to immediately give advice and fix your friends
problem. Unless it's specifically requested, dont. While youre trying to help, what would work
for you might not work for your friend; also, advice can feel condescending. Unless they ask
directly for advice, your friend probably just wants to feel heard and understood, and then can
find his or her own solutions.
3. Trust The Process. It might feel a little scary to listen to feelings before diving into solutions, and
hearing your friend talk about upset feelings might even make you feel helpless. But usually
offering a supportive ear and sitting with your friend in an uncomfortable place is the most
helpful thing you can do, and once the feelings are cleared out, the solutions can start coming.
4. Let Things Even Out Over Time. With all this focus on your friends problems, it might be
difficult not to focus equal time on your own. Relax in the knowledge that, when you need a
friend, your friend will likely be a better listener for you. If youre consistently doing all the
giving, you can re-evaluate the dynamics of the relationship. But being a good listener can make
you a stronger, more caring person and bring a more supportive angle to your relationships.
in how you handle stress and life.
Conflict Resolution Skills for Healthy Relationships

The Key To Less Relationship Stress? Effective Conflict Resolution Skills!
Updated September 22, 2011
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With most conflicts, its important to find a resolution. This seems like a statement of the obvious, but
many people suppress their anger or just go along to get along.' They think that by addressing a conflict,
they are creating one, and simply keep quiet when upset. Unfortunately, this isnt a healthy long-term
strategy. For one thing, unresolved conflict can lead to resentment and additional unresolved conflict in
the relationship. Even more important, ongoing conflict can actually have a negative impact on your
health and longevity. (See this piece for more on the detrimental effects of relationship conflict.)
Unfortunately, resolving conflict can be tricky as well. Handled improperly, attempts at conflict
resolution can actually make the conflict worse. For example, researcher John Gottman and his
colleagues studied the way couples fight, and can actually predict which couples will go on to
divorce by observing their conflict resolution skills -- or lack thereof. (Hint: If youre constantly
criticizing your partners character, or shutting down during arguments rather than working
through conflict in a proactive, respectful way, watch out.)
For those who werent born into a family where perfect conflict resolution skills were modeled
on a daily basis (andlets face ithow many of us were?), here are some guidelines to make
conflict resolution more simple and less stressful.
Get In Touch With Your Feelings
An important component of conflict resolution involves only you -- knowing how you feel and why you
feel that way. It may seem youre your feelings should already be obvious to you, but this isnt always
the case. Sometimes we feel angry or resentful, but dont know why. Other times, we feel that the other
person isnt doing what they should, but we arent aware of exactly what we want from them, or if its
even reasonable. Journaling can be an effective way to get in touch with our own feelings, thoughts and
expectations so we are better able to communicate them to the other person. Sometimes this process
brings up some pretty heavy issues, and psychotherapy can be helpful.
Hone Your Listening Skills
When it comes to effective conflict resolution, how effectively we listen is at least as important as how
effectively we express ourselves. Its vital to understand the other persons perspective, rather than just
our own, if we are to come to a resolution. In fact, just helping the other person feel heard and
understood can sometimes go a long way toward the resolution of a conflict. Good listening also helps
for you to be able to bridge the gap between the two of you, understand where the disconnect lies, etc.
Unfortunately, active listening is a skill that not everybody knows, and its common for people to think
theyre listening, while in their heads theyre actually formulating their next response, thinking to
themselves how wrong the other person is, or doing things other than trying to understand the other
persons perspective. Its also common to be so defensive and entrenched in your own perspective that
you literally cant hear the other persons point of view. (If this any of this sounds familiar, you may want
to read this helpful article on listening skills.)
Practice Assertive Communication
Communicating your feelings and needs clearly is also an important aspect of conflict resolution. As you
probably know, saying the wrong thing can be like throwing fuel on a fire, and make a conflict worse.
The important thing to remember is to say whats on your mind in a way that is clear and assertive,
without being aggressive or putting the other person on the defensive. One effective conflict resolution
strategy is to put things in terms of how you feel rather than what you think the other person is doing
wrong, using I feel statements. (See this assertiveness training article for more on this, or take the
Conflict Resolution Quiz to see what your conflict resolution communication style is, and find tips on
being more assertive.)
Seek a Solution
Once you understand the other persons perspective, and they understand yours, its time to find a
resolution to the conflict -- a solution you both can live with. Sometimes a simple and obvious answer
comes up once both parties understand the other persons perspective. In cases where the conflict was
based on a misunderstanding or a lack of insight to the others point of view, a simple apology can work
wonders, and an open discussion can bring people closer together. Other times, there is a little more
work required. In cases where theres a conflict about an issue and both people dont agree, you have a
few options: Sometimes you can agree to disagree, other times you can find a compromise or middle
ground, and in other cases the person who feels more strongly about an issue may get their way, with
the understanding that they will concede the next time. The important thing is to come to a place of
understanding, and try to work things out in a way thats respectful to all involved. (For more
information, see this article on communication skills.)
Know When Its Not Working
Because of the toll that ongoing conflict can exact from a person, sometimes its advisable to put some
distance in the relationship, or cut ties completely. In cases of abuse, for example, simple conflict
resolution techniques can only take you so far, and personal safety needs to take priority. When dealing
with difficult family members, on the other hand, adding a few boundaries and accepting the other
persons limitations in the relationship can bring some peace. In friendships that are unsupportive or
characterized by ongoing conflict, letting go may be a great source of stress relief. Only you can decide if
a relationship can be improved, or should be let go.
The Benefits of Journaling for Stress Management
Updated July 01, 2013
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Journaling--whether you use a pen and paper, a laptop, or even crayons--can be a great way to
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What Is Journaling?:
Journaling is a term coined for the practice of keeping a diary or journal that explores thoughts and
feelings surrounding the events of ones life. Journaling, as a stress management and self-exploration
tool, is not the same as simply recording the happenings in ones life, like keeping a log. To be most
helpful, one must write in detail about feelings and cognitions related to stressful events, as one would
discuss topics in therapy.
What Are The Benefits of Journaling?:
Journaling allows people to clarify their thoughts and feelings, thereby gaining valuable self-knowledge.
Its also a good problem-solving tool; oftentimes, one can hash out a problem and come up with
solutions more easily on paper. Journaling about traumatic events helps one process them by fully
exploring and releasing the emotions involved, and by engaging both hemispheres of the brain in the
process, allowing the experience to become fully integrated in ones mind.
As for the health benefits of journaling, they've been scientifically proven. Research shows the following:
Journaling decreases the symptoms of asthma, arthritis, and other health conditions.
It improves cognitive functioning.
It strengthens the immune system, preventing a host of illnesses.
It counteracts many of the negative effects of stress.
What Are The Drawbacks to Journaling?:
Those with learning disabilities may find it difficult to deal with the act of writing itself. Perfectionists
may be so concerned with the readability of their work, their penmanship, or other periphery factors
that they cant focus on the thoughts and emotions theyre trying to access. Others may get tired hands,
or be reluctant to relive negative experiences. And, journaling only about your negative feelings without
incorporating thoughts or plans may actually cause more stress.
How Does Journaling Compare to Other Stress Management Practices?:
Unlike more physical stress management techniques such as yoga or exercise, journaling is a viable
option for the disabled. And, although some prefer to use a computer, journaling requires only a pen
and paper, so its less expensive than techniques that require the aid of a class, book, teacher or
therapist, like techniques such as biofeedback or yoga. Journaling doesnt release tension from your
body like progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery and other physical and meditative techniques,
however. But its a great practice for overall stress reduction as well as self-knowledge and emotional
healing.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)
Updated August 31, 2013
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Progressive muscle relaxation involves tensing and relaxing all the body's muscles, and can lead
to greater physical and psychological relaxation.
Definition: Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) is a tension-reducing technique that involves the
systematic tension and relaxing of specific muscle groups. Starting with the muscles in the face, the
participant completely tenses all muscles and holds the tension for several seconds (usually to the count
of ten), completely relaxes for the same period of time, then repeats the process with the next set of
muscles (the neck, the shoulders, etc.) until every area of the body has been relaxed. With practice, the
participant learns to completely relax the body within seconds and keep from storing up tension and
stress in the body, a practice known as Deep Muscle Relaxation.
Also Known As: PMR
Deep Muscle Relaxation
Updated December 27, 2005
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Definition: This is a shortcut of Progressive Muscle Relaxation that can be achieved with practice. After
a time, rather than tensing and relaxing each group of muscles, you can begin to quickly relax your body
from head to toe, as if someone were pouring relaxation on your head and it were flowing down and
covering your whole body. In time, Deep Muscle Relaxation can be accomplished in seconds, as opposed
to the several minutes it takes to practice PMR.
Communicate: Improve Your Relationships With Effective
Communication Skills
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Healthy communication skills can strengthen relationships and reduce stress. Here are 10
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Conflict in a relationship is virtually inevitable. In itself, conflict isnt a problem; how its handled,
however, can bring people together or tear them apart. Poor communication skills, disagreements and
misunderstandings can be a source of anger and distance, or a springboard to a stronger relationship
and happier future. Next time youre dealing with conflict, keep these tips on effective communication
skills in mind and you can create a more positive outcome.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: Just a little extra time.
Here's How:
1. Stay Focused: Sometimes its tempting to bring up past seemingly related conflicts when dealing
with current ones. Unfortunately, this often clouds the issue and makes finding mutual
understanding and a solution to the current issue less likely, and makes the whole discussion
more taxing and even confusing. Try not to bring up past hurts or other topics. Stay focused on
the present, your feelings, understanding one another and finding a solution.
Practicing mindfulness meditation can help you to learn to be more present in all
areas of your life.
2. Listen Carefully: People often think theyre listening, but are really thinking about what theyre
going to say next when the other person stops talking. Truly effective communication goes both
ways. While it might be difficult, try really listening to what your partner is saying. Dont
interrupt. Dont get defensive. Just hear them and reflect back what theyre saying so they know
youve heard. Then youll understand them better and theyll be more willing to listen to you.
These techniques can help you to become a more effective listener.
3. Try To See Their Point of View: In a conflict, most of us primarily want to feel heard and
understood. We talk a lot about our point of view to get the other person to see things our way.
Ironically, if we all do this all the time, theres little focus on the other persons point of view,
and nobody feels understood. Try to really see the other side, and then you can better explain
yours. (If you don't 'get it', ask more questions until you do.) Others will more likely be willing to
listen if they feel heard.
These cognitive distortions sometimes make it difficult to see other points of view.
Are any of them familiar?
4. Respond to Criticism with Empathy: When someone comes at you with criticism, its easy to
feel that theyre wrong, and get defensive. While criticism is hard to hear, and often
exaggerated or colored by the other persons emotions, its important to listen for the other
persons pain and respond with empathy for their feelings. Also, look for whats true in what
theyre saying; that can be valuable information for you.
Read more about cultivating empathy and forgiveness.
5. Own Whats Yours: Realize that personal responsibility is a strength, not a weakness. Effective
communication involves admitting when youre wrong. If you both share some responsibility in
a conflict (which is usually the case), look for and admit to whats yours. It diffuses the situation,
sets a good example, and shows maturity. It also often inspires the other person to respond in
kind, leading you both closer to mutual understanding and a solution.
6. Use I Messages: Rather than saying things like, You really messed up here, begin statements
with I, and make them about yourself and your feelings, like, I feel frustrated when this
happens. Its less accusatory, sparks less defensiveness, and helps the other person understand
your point of view rather than feeling attacked.
Learn more about "I messages" and other assertive communication techniques.
7. Look for Compromise Instead of trying to win the argument, look for solutions that meet
everybodys needs. Either through compromise, or a new solution that gives you both what you
want most, this focus is much more effective than one person getting what they want at the
others expense. Healthy communication involves finding a resolution that both sides can be
happy with.
8. Take a Time-Out: Sometimes tempers get heated and its just too difficult to continue a
discussion without it becoming an argument or a fight. If you feel yourself or your partner
starting to get too angry to be constructive, or showing some destructive communication
patterns, its okay to take a break from the discussion until you both cool off. Sometimes good
communication means knowing when to take a break.
9. Dont Give Up: While taking a break from the discussion is sometimes a good idea, always come
back to it. If you both approach the situation with a constructive attitude, mutual respect, and a
willingness to see the others point of view or at least find a solution, you can make progress
toward the goal of a resolution to the conflict. Unless its time to give up on the relationship,
dont give up on communication.
10. Ask For Help If You Need It: If one or both of you has trouble staying respectful during conflict,
or if youve tried resolving conflict with your partner on your own and the situation just doesnt
seem to be improving, you might benefit from a few sessions with a therapist. Couples
counseling or family therapy can provide help with altercations and teach skills to resolve future
conflict. If your partner doesnt want to go, you can still often benefit from going alone.
11. Bonus Tools:
o What is your communication style? Learn more about how you communicate and how
this may affect your relationships and stress levels with the Assertiveness Quiz.
o Are you a perfectionist? Type A? Knowing more about your personality and they way
you manage stress (and finding targeted recommendations for better stress
management) can positively affect your relationships as well. Take other personality
tests.
o Lowering your stress levels can help you to feel more relaxed in general, and this can
help you to be more present, relaxed, and fun-loving in your relationships. These free e-
courses can help you to manage the stress in your life in a more ongoing way.
Tips:
1. Remember that the goal of effective communication skills should be mutual understanding and
finding a solution that pleases both parties, not winning the argument or being right.
2. This doesnt work in every situation, but sometimes (if youre having a conflict in a romantic
relationship) it helps to hold hands or stay physically connected as you talk. This can remind you
that you still care about each other and generally support one another.
3. Keep in mind that its important to remain respectful of the other person, even if you dont like
their actions.
4. Here's a list of common unhealthy ways to handle conflict. Do you do some of these? If so, your
poor communication skills could be causing additional stress in your life.
5. For more communication and stress management resources, sign up for the free weekly
newsletter, or explore these additional stress management resources.
Readers Respond:
How To Be Happy: Step By Step Guide To Being Happy
Updated October 28, 2011
1 of 5
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Introduction: How To Be Happy
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While people have many and varied goals that they pursue, there is an almost universal underlying goal
to virtually all pursuits: the goal to be happy. People who spend a lot of time making money generally do
so because they believe that the money itself will make them happy, or will guard them against things
that will make them unhappy. If the focus isnt on the money, but on the jobs that bring the money,
those jobs are generally thought to make people happy. People strive for that perfect relationship, the
perfect house, the beautiful body, the approval of others, all in an attempt to be happy. Sometimes
these things make us happy; other times, we stress over not having reached our goals, or we reach them
and find that were still not happy. Other times, we focus so intensely on one goal thats thought to
bring happiness that we dont have time for other things in our life that will make us truly happy. This
can all be confusing, and begs the question: how does one reach the goal of being happy?
The following is a step-by-step guide that can help you explore the current state of your life,
assess how truly happy you are, and find a direction to work toward that will likely bring more
happiness. Youll also find resources and tips for reaching your happiness goals and setting new
ones. These pages are the gateway to a life that truly makes you happy.
Previous
1
2
3
4
5
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Look At Your Life: Does Your Lifestyle Make You Happy?

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Strong friendships can promote happiness, but often get overshadowed by other goals.
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Positive Psychology expertsthose who study human happiness and the factors that contribute to it--
have identified several key areas of life that seem to be more related to personal happiness. While its
not an absolute given that dissatisfaction on one or three areas of life will lead to personal unhappiness
or that satisfaction in most areas will automatically lead to bliss, there is a correlation: if youre more
satisfied with these areas of your life, you tend to be more happy in general. So what are the things in
life that are correlated with personal happiness? Some of them are the things that you would expect:
money, friends, health, living conditions; others are things you may not think of in your daily life, such as
your neighborhood, spirituality, community involvement, and sense of meaning in life. (The role that
these things play in your life can also impact your happiness, but theres more on that later.)
For a full list of the areas of life that tend to bring happiness, see this article on finding authentic
happiness; each item of the list is a link to more information and resources on the happiness-
inducing lifestyle feature. Also, for a more personalized view, you can take this Happiness Self
Assessment Test, which will ask you about different areas of your life and provide you with an
assessment of which areas of your life may be bringing you happiness and which may need some
changes. Youll then find resources to learn more and make changes that should bring you more
happiness.
Lifestyle, however, is only part of the happiness equation. Your attitude about life and the things
that happen to you each day can also greatly impact your overall level of happiness and life
satisfaction. Find out more about Cultivating an Attitude for Happiness.
3 of 5
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Look At Your Attitude: Do Your Thoughts Make You Happy?

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Optimism is linked with happy people. iStockPhoto.com
As mentioned in the earlier section, lifestyle features have a significant impact on personal happiness
levels, but a significant piece of the equation is ones attitude toward life. Its probably no secret that
optimists tend to be happier people, but you may not realize that theres more to optimism than
putting on a happy face or looking on the bright side. There are specific traits of optimists, pleasantly
distorted ways of thinking, that bring optimists more success, greater health, increased life satisfaction,
and other goodies on a regular basis. Cultivating the mind of an optimist can not only mean cultivating
happiness, regardless of your circumstance, but it can actually bring more things into your life to be
happy about. (Not sure if youre an optimist or a pessimist? This Optimism Self Test can tell you, and
provide resources; many people have been surprised by their results, so I highly recommend this
enlightening self assessment tool.)
In addition to optimism, happy people tend to have an internal locus of control; simply put, they
tend to believe that they are the masters of their fate, rather than the victims of circumstance.
When you view the stressors of your life as a challenge rather than a threat, you tend to come up
with more effective solutions and feel more exhilarated (rather than drained) as you tackle these
circumstances. (Read this article for more on cultivating an internal locus of control.)
4 of 5
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Set The Right Goals for Happiness

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As previously mentioned, many people pursue goals that they expect will make them happy, but
happiness isnt always the end result. We all know people who have put everything they have into their
careersat the expense of their personal livesonly to wonder why theyre successful and still
unhappy. Its also all too common for people to be surrounded by a beautiful home, expensive cars,
designer clothes (and sometimes mounds of debt) and still have less personal satisfaction with life than
they had without all the stuff. How is one to know which goals will garner personal happiness and
which wont?
Another quick look at the list of factors that promote happiness shows that many things
contribute to personal happiness; finding a balanced lifestyle so that you can include social
support, personal development, physical health and meaningful pursuits in addition to career
success and financial security (features that more often steal the focus) is much more likely to
bring happiness than a lifestyle where only one or two of these facets receives the lions share of
energy and resources, to the exclusion of other important lifestyle factors.
As you set your goals, remember all of the areas of life that are important to you. Map out a
detailed description of how you would like your whole life to look. Use a pie chart to represent
your life, and put the goals for different areas of your life into the different pieces. Or, set goals
and develop healthy habits for a different area of your life each month. For ideas, see this article
onoptimum changes for personal happiness, or this article on healthy habits for a balanced
lifestyle. And dont forget the importance of knowing how to say no to too many activities in
your life!

5 of 5
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Whether setting goals as New Years Resolutions, or as part of a quest for an improved life, many people
sabotage themselves from the beginning by expecting too much and setting themselves up to fail. For
example, many people expect themselves to immediate change their habits out of sheer willpower; any
slip-ups are experienced as failures, and too often contribute to an abandonment of the goal and
feelings of defeat.
If youre trying to make positive changes in your life, its important to set yourself up to succeed:
1. First, set small, attainable goals. Work your way into a new habit with baby steps, and youll
feel more successful every step of the way, and be less likely to give up.
2. Next, reward your progress; for each small goal you reach, allow yourself to feel pride, and
perhaps give yourself a small reward.
3. Dont forget to enlist social support! Tell the supportive people in your life what youre
attempting to acheive, and tell them of your successes. This will give you added strength, and
will make it less appealing to give up (and have to explain yourself to those close to you)!
See this article for more on making positive changes. Or, for a more spiritual approach, see these articles
on understanding the law of attraction and using the law of attraction for positive changes.
How To Make Lasting Changes For New Year's or Any Time Of Year
Any Time Is A Good Time For Healthy Changes
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Each year, many people make resolutions for change, and each year, most of those resolutions
gounresolved. This isnt due to peoples lack of desire for a better life; its just a byproduct of the reality
that change is difficult. Our habits become ingrained and automatic; changing them requires constant
effort until a new habit is formed. This resource can help you to make necessary alterations in your
expectations, attitudes, and methods of change so that you can experience real results that last. The
following ideas can help:
Think in Terms of Goals, Rather Than Resolutions: While most people make resolutions
that theyre determined to keep, a better tactic would be to create goals. "Whats the difference?"
you may ask. With traditional resolutions, people generally approach change with the attitude,
From now on, I will no longer [name a given behavior youd like to change]> The problem
with this is, after one or two slip-ups, people feel like failures and tend to drop the whole effort,
falling easily back into familiar patterns. By setting goals, one instead aims to work toward a
desired behavior. The key difference is that people working toward goals expect that they wont
be perfect at first, and are pleased with any progress they make. Rather than letting perfectionism
work against them, they allow motivation and pride to do their magic. The following ideas can
help you with meeting your New Years Goals:
Remember That Its A Process: Expect to work your way up, rather than maintaining perfection
and feeling let-down if you dont achieve it immediately.
Work Your Way Up: In setting goals for new behavior, aim for once or twice a week, rather than
every day. For example, instead of saying, Ill go to the gym every day, plan for every
Wednesday or, better yet, sign up for a fun exercise class, and you can work your way up to
more often.
Set Yourself Up To Succeed: Set small, attainable goals, and add more steps as you complete
each one. This way, you gradually work your way toward the life you want and the necessary
changes, but you experience much more success along the way, rather than feeling like a
failure if you dont experience ultimate change overnight.
Have A Goal Each Month: If youre like most people, you may have several changes youd
like to make in your life; if so, it may be a good idea to tackle one each month. This way, 1) you
can focus more, as you wont be trying to make several sweeping changes at once; 2) you can re-
commit yourself each month to a new idea, so you keep growing all year, and self-improvement
becomes a way of life; and 3) you can build on each success, so you can first free up time before
you take on a new hobby or get involved in an important cause, for example. Also, habits
generally take 21 days to form. This setup enables you to devote energy to forming new habits
more easily before moving on to the next, so youre not relying solely on will-power.
Reward Your Progress: While many of your resolutions carry their own reward, changing your
habits can be challenging, and its sometimes easier to do so if you have a little extra help.
(Remember how positive reinforcement from a supportive teacher helped you learn, even though
the knowledge itself was its own reward?) Providing extra rewards for yourself can help you to
stay on track and maintain your motivation, even if you sometimes dont feel like making the
effort solely for the sake of the benefit the change itself will create. The following are ways you
can create rewards for yourself:
Team Up: Have a buddy who knows your goals, and encourage each other, even if youre
working on separate goals. This will provide you with someone who can give you a high-five
when you deserve one, and a little encouragement when you need it.
Reward Small Successes: Divide your goal into bite-sized steps and have a reward waiting at the
completion of each.
Align Rewards With Goals: Have rewards that are in line with your achievements (like new
workout clothes for every 5 gym visits, or a beautiful new pen if you stick with your journaling
habit for two weeks).
As for the goals you set, it's important that you choose your goals wisely, or it will be hard to
make them stick. You also want to pick goals that will really help improve your life, so the effort
will have a nice payoff. I suggest these Top 10 Resolutions for Stress Relief or these Top 5
Changes for a Healthy Lifestyle. Good luck!
Top 10 Stress Reliever Hobbies
These Hobbies Make Great Stress Relievers
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With today's stressful lifestyles, it's important to have time that you take to do something just for the
fun of it. While there are many great hobbies to choose from, this is a list of hobbies that are particularly
useful in relieving stress. Learn about the benefits of each, and find resources to get started on a new
great hobby for stress relief this week!
1. Gardening
Gardening can be a great stress reliever for many reasons, including getting you into the sunshine and
fresh air, creating more beautiful surroundings to come home to each day, and more. See this article to
read about the benefits of gardening, and find resources to get started.
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2. Explore Photography
Whether you simply learn to take better pictures of your friends and family, or delve into the world of
creating true art, photography can be a great hobby. As you practice seeing the world through the eye
of a photographer, you may begin to see things differently. The end result? Not only do you have a
diverting hobby and an activity to call your own, but you see the world as a more beautiful place in your
daily life! To get started, see this article on photography for beginners.
3. Scrapbooking
Whether you have a few pictures, or boxes of them, scrapbooking can be a great hobby. It combines
artistry with journaling to create a unique vehicle for displaying your memories and passing them to
future generations. Typically more of a female pastime, scrapbooking offers many social opportunities
(in the form of classes, gatherings, and forums), and a break from what stresses you, to create
something beautiful that others can enjoy as well. Learn more about beginning scrapbooking.
4. Maintain a Saltwater Aquarium
Watching aquarium fish has proven health benefits, including reducing blood pressure and relieving
stress. Maintaining an aquarium of beautiful fish can be considered a useful hobby because it requires
regular (but not overwhelming) attention, has the potential to connect you with other saltwater fish
enthusiasts, and provides you with the opportunity to create something unique: your own mix of fish,
rock and plant life. To get started, see this article on maintaining a saltwater aquarium.
5. Puzzles
Engaging your mind in a puzzle can take your focus off of whats stressing you, and develop your brain
power at the same time. The end result is that you get a nice break, experience some 'flow, and come
back to your problems with a fresher, stronger mind, which can help you to better handle lifes
stressors. Abouts Puzzle Site has some terrific puzzles for all types of puzzlers, whether you have a little
time or a lot!
6. Drawing
You can get in touch with your artistic side and use drawing as a way to process emotions, distract
yourself, and achieve other stress management benefits. The end result will be something beautiful and
personal that you can enjoy or share. Read this for more on how drawing can relieve stress, and for
resources on learning to draw.
7. Painting
Painting carries similar stress management benefits as drawing, but through a different medium. For
more on relieving stress through painting, see this article on painting for beginners.
8. Knitting
Aside from helping you create beautiful gifts for yourself and others, knitting provides you an
opportunity to relieve stress. The repetitive motion can get you into an experience of flow, or can at
least provide an outlet for nervous energy. Click here for resources on learning to knit.
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9. Playing The Piano
Music has many health and stress relief benefits. While listening to music can probably be considered a
hobby, creating music can be an even more powerful stress relieving hobby, as it can absorb your
attention fully and become a vehicle for creative expression as well. Learning to play an instrument such
as the piano can be a stress reliever for you as well as for those around you, as you share your creation.
See this resource for online piano lessons to get started.
10. Writing
Many people have found journaling to be a great stress reliever, and the practice comes with proven
stress management and health benefits as well! Writing, whether in a personal journal, as an amateur
author, or even as a professional, is a hobby that can cathartic and relaxing, and provides something
great to share with others. See this article on ways to find story ideas if youd like to get into writing as a
hobby.
Flow
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Definition: The concept of 'flow' was first studied by Positive Psychology researcher Mihaly
Csikszentmihalyi. Flow refers to a state of total absorption in a given activity, to the point where time
seems to slow or stop, and self-consciousness is greatly diminished. This is a state of being completely
engaged in something to the point of being in a near meditative state. It carries many of the benefits of
meditation and mindfulness, leaving you much less stressed when youre done. You can experience
flow when youre doing creative activities that utilize your special strengths, like writing, drawing, and
even gardening. Certain jobs lend themselves to flow, and these jobs tend to bring greater job
satisfaction.
Flow can be a great vehicle for stress relief. Many people set their lives up to purposely
incorporate more moments of flow--and life coaches recommend that we all do this more often
because of the benefits flow can bring. Read more about great jobs that involve flow and
meaning. Also, see this resource for ways to get more flow in your life.
Also Known As: 'Being In The Zone' or 'Being In The Groove'
Creative Stress Management Activities and Multi-Tasking Stress Stress

Relievers
Unconventional Stress-Relievers
Updated April 29, 2012
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Gardening is one of the creative stress relievers that can bring about relaxation in an enjoyable
way.

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You may know about popular stress management techniques. But did you know that there are some
unconventional, productive and creative stress relievers you can work into your day? You may not think
of them formally as stress management techniques, but the following stress relievers can help you feel
more relaxed and enjoy life more, and get other things done, too.
Cleaning
Throw on some music and de-clutter a drawer, a room, or your whole house. Spray and wipe
your windows and watch the nice pattern you create, or let your hands bathe in the sudsy warm
water as you wash dishes. Repetitive movement of dusting can lull you into a near-meditative
state, the vigorous physical activity of washing vacuuming your carpets can release stress from
your body, rewarding you with a cleaner space and more soothing surroundings when youre
done!
Gardening
The physical activity of digging, pulling and planting can be a great stress release, while
sunshine is a great source of vitamin D and inner peace. Planting, fertilizing and tending a garden
of vegetables, flowers or anything else that grows, can be a wonderfully relaxing pastime, with
the reward of delicious organic food, a beautiful bouquet, or a gorgeous yard as well!
Playing With Kids

Do you have enough fun? Playful interaction with kids can change your state of mind. If you
have small children, do you really play with them, or just supervise? Rolling on the ground with
them, kneading play dough, or finger painting a masterpiece can be a great diversion from your
stress, and theyll love it, too. Older kids can be great movie dates, and teens can be good
shopping companions. If you dont have kids, borrow a friends. Being present with them can be
good for you both.
Singing. Loudly.
Belting out one of your favorite tunes, either with CD backup or a cappella, can be a great stress
release. Loud vocalization releases tension from your body, and music can therapeutically take
your mind off your troubles. Singing in the shower became a clich because its a great way to
start the day, immerse yourself in the experience, and let the noise of the water drown out any
flaws in your singing. Singing in the car can also be a great release, perhaps even cutting down
on road rage.
Sex
You probably already know that sex is a great tension reliever, but have you officially thought of
it as a stress-relieving practice? Perhaps you should. The physical benefits of sex are numerous,
and most of them work very well toward relieving stress. Sadly, many people have less sex when
their stress levels are high. Learn how not to fall into this trap!
To hear more about stress and stress management, subscribe to the free weekly newsletter and
visit the Facebook Page About.com Stress. And enjoy your day!
Fun and The Importance of Play: Why Adults Need to Play, Too
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Its important to your stress level and your happiness quotient that you have at least one activity that
you do regularly just for fun. Hobbies and other fun activities provide a fun way to sharpen skills, express
your creativity, or just blow off steam. Also, when you get really engrossed in an activity you enjoy, you
can experience a state of being know as flow, in which your brain is in a near-meditative state, which has
benefits for your for your body, mind and soul.
Hobbies and fun activities can bring added joy and happiness to life, and can be a great way to
relieve stress as well. In fact, many hobbyists have told me that theyd originally started learning
about their area of interest as a coping mechanism for stress, and that their hobbies continue to be
a great source of relaxation and stress relief. Some people are even able to turn their hobbies into
careers at some point, and end up with a lifestyle where their work is their play. The following
resources can help you discover new potential hobbies that can also be great stress relievers.
Youll also find information on how to get started.
Stress Management
Stress Causes
Stress Effects
How To Manage Stress

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Top 10 Stress Relievers: The Best Ways To Feel Better
From Your Guide, Elizabeth Scott

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There are many ways to reduce tension and relax. Here are ten stress relievers proven to be among the
most effective for the amount of work and time involved. Most can be learned in the time it takes to
read this page, and will help you to feel more relaxed almost immediately. However, the stress relief
benefits will increase with regular practice. Try as many as you can--there's something here for
everyone!
1. Breathing Exercises
Deep breathing is an easy stress reliever that has numerous benefits for the body, including oxygenating
the blood, which wakes up the brain, relaxing muscles and quieting the mind. Breathing exercises are
especially helpful because you can do them anywhere, and they work quickly so you can de-stress in a
flash. The Karate Breathing Meditation is a great exercise to start with, and this basic breathing exercise
can be done anywhere!
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2. Meditation
Meditation builds on deep breathing, and takes it a step further. When you meditate, your brain enters
an area of functioning thats similar to sleep, but carries some added benefits you cant achieve as well
in any other state, including the release of certain hormones that promote health. Also, the mental
focus on nothingness keeps your mind from working overtime and increasing your stress level. Here's an
article on different types of meditation to help you get started.
3. Guided Imagery
It takes slightly more time to practice guided imagery, but this is a great way to leave your stress behind
for a while and relax your body. Some find it easier to practice than meditation, as lots of us find it more
doable to focus on something than on nothing. You can play natural sounds in the background as you
practice, to promote a more immersive experience.
4. Visualizations
Building on guided imagery, you can also imagine yourself achieving goals like becoming healthier and
more relaxed, doing well at tasks, and handling conflict in better ways. Also, visualizing yourself doing
well on tasks youre trying to master actually functions like physical practice, so you can improve your
performance through visualizations as well!
5. Self-hypnosis
Self-hypnosis incorporates some of the features of guided imagery and visualizations, with the added
benefit of enabling you to communicate directly youre your subconscious mind to enhance your
abilities, more easily give up bad habits, feel less pain, more effectively develop healthier habits, and
even find answers to questions that may not be clear to your waking mind! It takes some practice and
training, but is well worth it. Learn more about using hypnosis to manage stress in your life.
6. Exercise
Many people exercise to control weight and get in better physical condition to become more healthy or
physically attractive, but exercise and stress management are also closely linked. Exercise provides a
distraction from stressful situations, as well as an outlet for frustrations, and gives you a lift via
endorphins as well. This article can tell you more about the stress management benefits of exercise, and
help you get more active in your daily life.
7. Progressive Muscle Relaxation
By tensing and relaxing all the muscle groups in your body, you can relieve tension and feel much more
relaxed in minutes, with no special training or equipment. Start by tensing all the muscles in your face,
holding a tight grimace ten seconds, then completely relaxing for ten seconds. Repeat this with your
neck, followed by your shoulders, etc. You can do this anywhere, and as you practice, you will find you
can relax more quickly and easily, reducing tension as quickly as it starts!
8. Sex
You probably already know that sex is a great tension reliever, but have you officially thought of it as a
stress-relieving practice? Perhaps you should. The physical benefits of sex are numerous, and most of
them work very well toward relieving stress. Sadly, many people have less sex when their stress levels
are high. Learn how to avoid this trap!
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9. Music
Music therapy has shown numerous health benefits for people with conditions ranging from mild (like
stress) to severe (like cancer). When dealing with stress, the right music can actually lower your blood
pressure, relax your body and calm your mind. Here are some suggestions of different types of music to
listen to, and how to use music in your daily life for effective stress management.
10. Yoga
Yoga is one of the oldest self-improvement practices around, dating back over 5 thousand years! It
combines the practices of several other stress management techniques such as breathing, meditation,
imagery and movement, giving you a lot of benefit for the amount of time and energy required. Learn
more about how to manage stress with yoga.
Sex and Stress - The Links Between Sex and Stress

Sex as a Stress Management Technique

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Sex and stress are linked in several ways. Decreasing stress and increasing the quality of your
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Sex and stress are linked in several ways. Most of us instinctively know this already, and feel it
unmistakably when a particularly stressful week or two zaps us of our sex drive. But while stress can
have a hand in low libido, it can also be a great stress reliever, which is why jokes about uptight bosses
needing a good roll in the hay are always good for at least one knowing chuckle. Have you ever
wondered how much truth there was to the idea that a healthy sex life works nicely as a stress salve?
Heres some research on stress and sex:
Good Sex and Good Mood

In an Arizona State University study on 58 middle-aged women, physical affection or sexual
behavior with a partner significantly predicted lower negative mood and stress, and higher
positive mood the following day. Simply put, researchers found that sex and physical intimacy
led women to feel less stressed and be in a better mood the next day. (These results werent
found when women had orgasms without a partner.)
Good Mood and Good Sex
The same study found that being in a good mood predicted more physical affection and sexual
activity with a partner the next day, showing that the sex-stress management connection works
both ways: sex can lead you to feel less stressed, and being less stressed (or at least in a better
mood) can lead to more sex. Further proof of the importance of effective stress management!
(Read this article for more links to stress and low libido.)
Sex and Blood Pressure
Another study examined participants blood pressure as a measure of their stress responses
during public speaking or challenging math problemssituations that often elicit stress. It was
found that those who had recently had intercourse tended to have either lower baseline blood
pressures, less of a blood pressure rise during stressful events, or both. These findings suggest
that having sex can lead to less of a stress response during challenging situations, which is a
good thing.
Sex and Stress Response
Along those lines, another study looked at womens heart rate and cortisol levels as a measure
of stress response, and found that women exhibited less of a stress response after positive
physical contact with a partner. Emotional support alone didnt have the same effect.
Orgasm and Health
Orgasm itself has many benefits for health and stress relief. About.coms Sexuality Site has more
information on the benefits of orgasm.
Aside from these scientific findings, sex has some obvious stress management components. In addition
to effectively taking your mind off of your worries for a decent period of time, sex provides some of
these other stress management benefits:
Deep Breathing: This deep, relaxed type of breathing relaxes your body, oxygenates your blood
and reduces the stress you feel.
Sense of Touch: Studies show that massage can be a great stress reliever. In fact, we need touch
for our emotional health; studies also show that babies who are not touched enough can fail to
thrive, and touch continues to be important into adulthood.
Social Support: People who have a supportive social outlet tend to manage stress better, live
longer, and enjoy increased overall health. The type of emotional intimacy that sex can help
supply is good for you!
Endorphins: Sexual activity releases endorphins and other feel-good hormones.
Physical Workout: Depending on your level of enthusiasm, you can burn a lot of calories during
sex, and gain the stress management benefits of exercise as well.
Unfortunately, many people find that, when theyre under stress, their sex drive suffers. Read
more about how stress can affect libido, and see this article for tips on how to get into the mood
when stressed.
How Stress Can Lead to Low Libido

The Link Between Stress and Low Libido
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Stress in your life can lead to low libido. You may have already instinctively felt this, but studies prove
that general stressors in your life can impact your sex drive. That means job stress, financial stress, the
stress of being too busy, and especially relationship stress can negatively impact your libido, possibly
causing stress in yet another area of your life.
Stress can affect your libido for several reasons. Here are a few:
Stress Response and Low Libido
When you react to stress, your body goes through a series of changes in order to prepare you to run
away or stay and fight, called your fight or flight response. Part of this response is the release of
hormones such as cortisol and epinephrine (or adrenaline). If your stress response isnt reversed, it can
contribute to a condition known as chronic stress, and can also interfere with the hormones involved in
your sexual response. The result can be low libido.
Solution: If you suspect that life stress is putting a damper on your libido, one of the first
solutions you should consider is stress management. If you reverse your stress response using
effective stress relievers like breathing techniques or meditation, you wont have as much
hormonal upset from chronic stress. You should also consider specific strategies for dealing with
the stress in other areas of your life, so that they arent having an impact on your sex drive.
How To Deal With Financial Stress

Find Job Satisfaction at Your Current Job
Find Stress Relievers That Work Best
Busy Lifestyles and Low Libido
Many of us find ourselves busier than we ever thought possible. Especially for women, juggling multiple
responsibilities of parenting, jobs, and keeping the household afloat can lead to an absolutely packed
schedule. How can lead to low libido? Being constantly busy means having little down time, which can
be an energy drain and a drain on your sex drive. A busy schedule can mean a busy mind and having a
lot on your mind can make it difficult to relax and "get in the mood," especially for women. A busy
schedule can even present difficulties in finding the time for sex, or make it feel like just one more thing
on your mile-long "to-do list." All of these factors can contribute to a lower libido.
Solution: The obvious solution here is to try to be less busy. This can be easier said than done,
however. Busy people, especially busy moms, need to make difficult decisions in cutting
activities out of the schedule and getting better at saying no to some things, so they can say yes
to whats most important.
How to Say No
Priority-Setting for Busy People
Stress Relievers for Busy People
Relationship Stress and Low Libido
Relationship issues are perhaps the biggest issue to look at when dealing with low libido. Studies show
that relationship stress stress due to conflict within the relationship and other factors inside the
relationship can be a stronger factor in low libido than other types of stress. This is true for both men
and women. And because men and women both say that their partners satisfaction impacts their own
libido, a lack of interest in one partner can mean a lack of interest for both partners. Low libido itself can
be part of a conflicted dynamic that can lead to -- you guessed it -- more problems with low libido!
Studies also show that "positive touch" by a partner can have a soothing effect on women and help a
woman feel more resilient toward stress, so losing this stress buffer can be another turn in a downward
spiral of stress and low libido. Because relationship conflict can cause stress, lead to more circumstances
that cause stress, and deprive you of stress-buffering effects as well, relationship difficulties are
important to work through for the sake of your stress life.
Solution: Working through relationship difficulties is important for many reasons, and your sex
drive is a big one. The first step here should be to make sure youre using communication
techniques that are fair and supportive of your relationship (good listening skills, assertivenot
aggressivecommunication, etc.) Try to view problems as challenges you face together rather
than seeing one another as "the enemy." Try to find strategies that support the needs of both
partners. If you have difficulty doing this on your own, seeing a therapist who can help you
develop more effective relationship skills and work through some deeper issues can be an
excellent idea as well. A good sex therapist deals with relationship issues between the couple and
can also help you check hormone levels and other physical factors that could potentially cause or
contribute to problems with your sexual relationship as well.
Fight-Or-Flight Response
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Definition: This is the body's response to perceived threat or danger. During this reaction, certain
hormones like adrenalin and cortisol are released, speeding the heart rate, slowing digestion, shunting
blood flow to major muscle groups, and changing various other autonomic nervous functions, giving the
body a burst of energy and strength. Originally named for its ability to enable us to physically fight or run
away when faced with danger, it's now activated in situations where neither response is appropriate,
like in traffic or during a stressful day at work. When the perceived threat is gone, systems are designed
to return to normal function via the relaxation response, but in our times of chronic stress, this often
doesn't happen enough, causing damage to the body.
Autonomic Nervous Functions
Updated November 15, 2005
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Definition: Autonomic nervous functions are involuntary vital functions regulated by the autonomic
nervous system (ANS), and consist of heart functioning, digestive functioning and glandular functioning.
During the fight-or-flight response, the ANS automatically alters the functioning of these systems in
response to perceived threat, preparing your body to fight or run. Heart rate increases, blood flow is
shunted to the major muscle groups, digestive activity slows, blood pressure rises, and other changes
occur. After the body no longer feels threatened, these functions return to their regular level of
functioning; this change is known as the relaxation response.
The Definition Of Relaxation Response
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Definition: The counterpart to the fight-or-flight response, the relaxation response occurs when the
body is no longer in perceived danger, and the autonomic nervous system functioning returns to
normal. During this response, the body moves from a state of physiological arousal, including increased
heart rate and blood pressure, slowed digestive functioning, decreased blood flow to the extremities,
increased release of hormones like adrenalin and cortisol, and other responses preparing the body to
fight or run, to a state of physiological relaxation, where blood pressure, heart rate, digestive
functioning and hormonal levels return to their normal state. During acute stress, this response occurs
naturally. However, in times of chronic stress, when the body is in a constant state of physiological
arousal over perceived threats that are numerous and not life-threatening, the relaxation response can
be induced through techniques such as meditation, yoga, tai chi, deep breathing exercises, self-hypnosis
and other tension taming and stress-management techniques.
Self-Hypnosis for Stress Management

Heres what you need to get started with self-hypnosis.
Using Hypnotism and Self-Hypnosis to Reduce Stress and Acheive Stress...

Hypnotism can be a valuable tool for the reduction of stress. Learn how it can be used to relax
your body, help you acheive goals and improve your life, from About.com's Stress Management
expert, Elizabeth Scott, M.S.
How To Use Self-Hypnosis For Stress Reduction

Heres a helpful guide to using self-hypnosis for relaxation goal attainment to reduce stress.
Learn in a few easy steps!
Using Self-Hypnosis for Stress Management
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Overview Of Hypnosis:
Hypnosis is perhaps one of the least understood therapeutic tools in use. While most people think of
hypnosis as a way to get somebody to bark like a dog at the snap of your fingers or take off their clothes
when you say the work stupendous, hypnosis can be a valuable tool in helping people overcome fears,
withstand pain, or, yes, even reduce stress in their lives.
Contrary to popular belief, you cannot be hypnotized without your consent or awareness. You can,
however, be hypnotized by a trained professional whom you trust, to more easily achieve goals you set
for yourself. Even better, you can save time and money and learn to hypnotize yourself using your own
voice or even just your thoughts, a practice known as self-hypnosis.
How Does Hypnosis Work?:
Hypnosis can be used for stress management in two ways:
First, you can use hypnosis to get into a deeply relaxed state, fighting tension and triggering your
relaxation response. This will help to prevent health problems due to chronic stress.
Second, hypnosis can also help you achieve various healthy lifestyle changes that can reduce the
amount of stress you encounter in your life. For example, you can hypnotize yourself to stick to an
exercise program, keep your home less cluttered, feel more confident setting boundaries with others,
etc.
In this same vein, you can also effectively use hypnosis to help overcome any negative habits youve
been using to cope with stress, like smoking or compulsive eating.
What's Involved With Hypnosis?:
The process of hypnosis involves entering a trance, or a deeply relaxed, but focused state (like that of
daydreaming or meditation), and making suggestions for your subconscious mind to accept. You can go
to a trained professional for hypnotherapy, and they will talk you through it. Or, you can employ the use
of books, videos, or even short articles to learn whats involved, and achieve effective results at home.
What Are The Benefits Of Hypnosis?:
Hypnosis is an extremely versatile tool that can be used for everything from simple relaxation to pain
management in childbirth. (I can personally attest to this!) Its easy to do, can be quite inexpensive, and
the results are lasting. There are no potential negative side effects, and it can give multiple benefits at
the same time.
What Are the Drawbacks of Hypnosis?:
Hypnosis isnt for everyone. Some people have trouble getting past their initial prejudices about the
practice in general, and some have a more difficult time getting into the trancelike state required for
hypnotic suggestions to become deeply embedded. Others find that they simply cant find the time or
the focus, and have an easier time with other stress-management techniques.
How Do Hypnosis and Self-Hypnosis Compare To Other Stress Reduction

Methods?:
Like meditation, hypnosis does require more focus and practice than techniques like simple exercise or
the use of medications and herbal treatments, and hypnosis also requires some training, or the help of a
trained professional. However, hypnosis may be a preferable option for those with physical limitations
that make exercise like yoga more difficult. There are no potential negative side effects, like with some
medications or herbal remedies. Also, few other techniques can offer such a wide variety of benefits.
With training and practice, virtually anyone can use hypnosis to some degree of success, and
experience the many benefits this technique has to offer.
Learn Self Hypnosis For Stress Reduction
Updated March 12, 2006
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Hypnosis has helped many people reduce stress, quit smoking, manage pain, perform better and
accomplish a myriad of other mental and physical tasks. Many people use hypnotherapists to achieve
the deep state of relaxation and suggestibility required, but its also possible to hypnotize yourself! Try
this powerful stress management tool today. You can learn self hypnosis quickly and practice in a few
easy steps.
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: Five to Thirty Minutes
Here's How:
1. Find a quiet place, free of distractions, and block off some uninterrupted time.
2. Get into a comfortable position. Many people like to recline, but others simply fall asleep if they
get this comfortable, and prefer to sit in a cozy chair or in a cross-legged position. Experiment,
and see what works for you.
3. Decide on a goal for your session, and put it into a positive statement for later use. For example,
if youd like to help yourself become less messy, decide on the positive phrase, Im becoming
organized and efficient (or something similar) rather than the negative statement, Im
becoming less messy. Since the subconscious mind doesnt always register negatives, your
mind might focus on the word messy, reinforcing that idea, rather on the goal of organized.
4. Start breathing deeply, expanding your abdomen on the inhale instead of raising your shoulders.
Imagine that you are breathing in calmness and breathing out all the stress from your day. Feel
the oxygen spread from your chest through your arms and legs and to your fingers and toes.
5. Pick an environment thats relaxing to you, and imagine going further and further into it.
Imagine that you are walking down a long corridor, or deep into the woods, for example, leaving
your current surroundings far behind. You may not get a feeling of Wow, Im in an altered state
now, but if you keep focusing on this visualization, you should get there. Its more like the state
you get into while daydreaming or deep in concentration than what you may be expecting.
6. When you are completely relaxed and feeling far from your regular life, begin repeating the
positive phrase you chose for this session. You may choose to visualize the words, focus on their
sound in your head, or visualize the end result.
Tips:
1. Some people find that soft, mundane background music or sounds help. Others find it
distracting. Experiment, and see what works best for you.
2. If you dont feel any huge changes the first couple of times, keep at it. Self-hypnosis works in
subtle ways. You may be surprised.
3. If you cant think of a positive way to frame your desired result, like if you want to quit
something, for example, use a phrase for something that replaces the undesirable habit.
If you find it hard to relax and focus, you may want to record your voice
directing you into a deep stReduce Stress Quickly With Karate Breathing
Meditation
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This is the recommended 'seiza' position, but any comfortable sitting position will work.
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meditation
breathing exercises
stress relief tips
healthy habits
quick stress relief
Meditation is a powerful stress reliever. Here is a simple and effective form of meditation that can be
useful for beginners, and can be learned easily learned. Whether you use it to prepare for physical battle
or just a taxing day at the office, this quick exercise is a proven tool to help you feel relaxed, alert, and
more ready for anything.
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: 3-10 minutes
Here's How:
1. Sit in a comfortable position. While most martial artists use the seiza (say zah) position, with
legs beneath the buttocks with knees directly in front, many people find this position to be
uncomfortable. If this is the case, you may also sit cross-legged ('anza') or in another position
thats more comfortable for you.
2. Close your eyes, but keep your back straight, shoulders relaxed, head up, your eyes (behind your
lids) focused ahead.
3. Take a deep, cleansing breath, expanding your belly and keeping your shoulders relaxed, and
hold it in for the count of six. Exhale, and repeat twice more. Then breathe normally, and focus
your attention on your breathing. As you breathe, inhale through your nose and exhale through
your mouth, still expanding your belly rathern than moving your shoulders up and down.
4. If your thoughts drift toward the stresses of the day ahead or of the day behind you, gently
refocus on your breathing and remain in the present moment. Feel the air move in, and feel the
air move out. Thats it.
5. Continue this for as little or as long as you like, and you should notice that your body is more
relaxed and your mind is more centered. Enjoy the rest of your day!
Tips:
1. As you breathe, let your abdomen expand and contract, rather than moving your shoulders up
and down. This deeper breathing is more natural and similar to how babies breathe. It gives you
increased lung capacity, whereas the shallow breathing adults usually utilize doesnt allow as
much oxygenation of the blood.
2. Don't breathe too quickly or too slowly; just breathe at a natural rate, but more deeply.
3. If you find your thoughts drifting a lot at first, don't worry that you're doing it 'wrong'. Noticing
that you've drifted and refocusing to your breathing is part of the practice, and something
you're doing 'right'!
4. Try another meditation technique, and find more resources for stress management, and learn to
better manage stress in your daily life.
4. ate of relaxation and repeating the desired suggestions of phrases.
Adrenalin
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triggered stress response can cause wear and tear on your body.
Definition: Also known as epinephrine or adrenaline, adrenalin is a naturally occurring hormone. During
the fight-or-flight response, the adrenal gland releases adrenalin into the blood stream, along with other
hormones like cortisol, signaling the heart to pump harder, increasing blood pressure, opening airways
in the lungs, narrowing blood vessels in the skin and intestine to increase blood flow to major muscle
groups, and performing other functions to enable the body to fight or run when encountering a
perceived threat.
Also Known As: epinephrine
Alternate Spellings: adrenaline
Conflict in Relationships - The Toll of Relationship Conflict

Poorly Handled Conflict Takes a Heavy Toll
Updated November 02, 2009
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Relationship conflict can be a significant source of stress, and is a topic that brings many emails to my
inbox and posts on my forum. Whether the conflict is with a spouse, a difficult relative, or a friend,
relationship conflict, especially ongoing conflict, can cause a level of stress that has a significant negative
impact in several ways. The following are a few of the more significant ways that conflict and
relationship stress can affect you.
Conflict Can Affect Your Health
Relationship conflict can negatively affect your health in several ways. Portland State Universitys
Institute on Aging studied over 650 adults over a two-year period and found that stable negative social
exchanges (in other words, repetitive or prolonged conflict) was significantly associated with lower self-
rated health, greater functional limitations, and a higher number of health conditions. This may be due
to the impact that stress has on immunity (stress can dampen your immune system), as well as other
factors. The important thing to remember is that ongoing conflict really can take a toll on your health.
Family Conflict Is Not Uncommon

If you experience conflict among members of your family, it may comfort you to know that youre not
alone; family conflict may be more common than you think. In fact, according to a poll on this site, over
half of readers get stressed at family gatherings because of difficult relatives. The way I see it is that
there is not a lack of love (or families wouldnt be gathering in the first place), but there is a lack of
comfort in dealing with conflict among family members. Whether its open conflict over the dinner table
or an underlying feeling of discomfort that remains unspoken, family conflict obviously causes a
significant amount of stress with a lot of people.
Conflict Can Be Physically Painful
All those country songs about the pain of a broken heart may be backed up by science. Research on
social exclusion shows that the pain of loneliness and social rejection is processed by the same area of
the brain that processes physical pain. This explains why feeling rejected by a loved one can actually be
physically painful. If you're involved in a relationship that includes significant conflict and repeated
feelings of rejection, you probably already know that you're also experiencing physical pain on a regular
basis.
Unacknowledged Conflict Can Still Hurt You
Relationships in which people never fight arent always as blissful as they seem. In real life, conflict is
inevitable, and resolving it effectively can often be a pathway to greater understanding between two
people, bringing them closer. Relationships in which anger is suppressed and unacknowledged by one or
both partners can actually be unhealthy -- literally. Research found that in couples where one partner
habitually suppressed anger, partners tended to die younger; couples in relationships where both
partners suppressed anger tended to have the worst longevity. (Read this piece on conflict and health
for more on this research.)
Conflict Must Be Resolved In The Right Way

Knowing that unresolved conflict carries such risks can make it tempting
to vent any anger we experience, any way we like, but thats not always
the right approach, either. The way you resolve conflict in your
relationships can make or break them, leaving you with a life of
loneliness, or one rich with social support and love. These conflict
resolution skills can help you handle relationship conflict in a healthy
way so that you get the most out of your relationships, without letting
them drain you. And in cases of more eConflict Resolution Skills for
The Key To Less Relationship Stress? Effective Conflict Resolution Skills!
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With most conflicts, its important to find a resolution. This seems like a statement of the obvious, but
many people suppress their anger or just go along to get along.' They think that by addressing a conflict,
they are creating one, and simply keep quiet when upset. Unfortunately, this isnt a healthy long-term
strategy. For one thing, unresolved conflict can lead to resentment and additional unresolved conflict in
the relationship. Even more important, ongoing conflict can actually have a negative impact on your
health and longevity. (See this piece for more on the detrimental effects of relationship conflict.)
Unfortunately, resolving conflict can be tricky as well. Handled improperly, attempts at conflict
resolution can actually make the conflict worse. For example, researcher John Gottman and his
colleagues studied the way couples fight, and can actually predict which couples will go on to
divorce by observing their conflict resolution skills -- or lack thereof. (Hint: If youre constantly
criticizing your partners character, or shutting down during arguments rather than working
through conflict in a proactive, respectful way, watch out.)
For those who werent born into a family where perfect conflict resolution skills were modeled
on a daily basis (andlets face ithow many of us were?), here are some guidelines to make
conflict resolution more simple and less stressful.
Get In Touch With Your Feelings
An important component of conflict resolution involves only you -- knowing how you feel and why you
feel that way. It may seem youre your feelings should already be obvious to you, but this isnt always
the case. Sometimes we feel angry or resentful, but dont know why. Other times, we feel that the other
person isnt doing what they should, but we arent aware of exactly what we want from them, or if its
even reasonable. Journaling can be an effective way to get in touch with our own feelings, thoughts and
expectations so we are better able to communicate them to the other person. Sometimes this process
brings up some pretty heavy issues, and psychotherapy can be helpful.
Hone Your Listening Skills
When it comes to effective conflict resolution, how effectively we listen is at least as important as how
effectively we express ourselves. Its vital to understand the other persons perspective, rather than just
our own, if we are to come to a resolution. In fact, just helping the other person feel heard and
understood can sometimes go a long way toward the resolution of a conflict. Good listening also helps
for you to be able to bridge the gap between the two of you, understand where the disconnect lies, etc.
Unfortunately, active listening is a skill that not everybody knows, and its common for people to think
theyre listening, while in their heads theyre actually formulating their next response, thinking to
themselves how wrong the other person is, or doing things other than trying to understand the other
persons perspective. Its also common to be so defensive and entrenched in your own perspective that
you literally cant hear the other persons point of view. (If this any of this sounds familiar, you may want
to read this helpful article on listening skills.)
Practice Assertive Communication
Communicating your feelings and needs clearly is also an important aspect of conflict resolution. As you
probably know, saying the wrong thing can be like throwing fuel on a fire, and make a conflict worse.
The important thing to remember is to say whats on your mind in a way that is clear and assertive,
without being aggressive or putting the other person on the defensive. One effective conflict resolution
strategy is to put things in terms of how you feel rather than what you think the other person is doing
wrong, using I feel statements. (See this assertiveness training article for more on this, or take the
Conflict Resolution Quiz to see what your conflict resolution communication style is, and find tips on
being more assertive.)
Seek a Solution
Once you understand the other persons perspective, and they understand yours, its time to find a
resolution to the conflict -- a solution you both can live with. Sometimes a simple and obvious answer
comes up once both parties understand the other persons perspective. In cases where the conflict was
based on a misunderstanding or a lack of insight to the others point of view, a simple apology can work
wonders, and an open discussion can bring people closer together. Other times, there is a little more
work required. In cases where theres a conflict about an issue and both people dont agree, you have a
few options: Sometimes you can agree to disagree, other times you can find a compromise or middle
ground, and in other cases the person who feels more strongly about an issue may get their way, with
the understanding that they will concede the next time. The important thing is to come to a place of
understanding, and try to work things out in a way thats respectful to all involved. (For more
information, see this article on communication skills.)
Know When Its Not Working
Because of the toll that ongoing conflict can exact from a person, sometimes its advisable to put some
distance in the relationship, or cut ties completely. In cases of abuse, for example, simple conflict
resolution techniques can only take you so far, and personal safety needs to take priority. When dealing
with difficult family members, on the other hand, adding a few boundaries and accepting the other
persons limitations in the relationship can bring some peace. In friendships that are unsupportive or
characterized by ongoing conflict, letting go may be a great source of stress relief. Only you can decide if
a relationship can be improved, or should be let go.
xtreme conflict, couples counseling or individual psychotherapy can be helpful.
Why A Little Conflict May Be Good For Your RelationshipAnd Your

Health!
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com GuideJanuary 28, 2008
My Bio
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About Poll
Do You Have Conflicts

With Others Very Often?
Hardly ever. I am
able to maintain
boundaries with
people without
causing hard
feelings, and I try
to respect other
people's needs as
well.
Sometimes I have
disagreements with
people in my life,
but we normally
work things out.
I have conflicts with

lots of people I
encounter, and
sometimes
friendships are lost.
I don't have many

conflicts with
people, but I think
it's because I dont
stand up for myself
and ask for what I
need. I'm afraid of
making people
upset with me, so I
put their needs
Many people think of angry exchanges between husband and wife to be
ahead of my own s
not only stressful, but unhealthy--perhaps the sign of relationship
problems. Interestingly, new research out of the University of Michigan
shows that couples who regularly express their anger actually tend to
Current Results
live longer!
Ernest Harburg and colleagues followed 192 couples over 17 years

and placed the couples into one of four categories: the first contained both partners communicate
their anger; the second and third groups contained one spouse who expressed, while the other
suppressed, anger; and a fourth group in which both the husband and wife would suppress their
anger and brood. Results found that when both spouses suppress their anger at the other when
unfairly attacked, earlier death was twice as likely than in all other types.
"When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict," Harburg said
in press release. "Usually nobody is trained to do this. If they have good parents, they can
imitate, that's fine, but usually the couple is ignorant about the process of resolving conflict. The
key matter is, when the conflict happens, how do you resolve it?
"When you don't, if you bury your anger, and you brood on it and you resent the other person or
the attacker, and you don't try to resolve the problem, then you're in trouble."
The study, which adjusted for age, smoking, weight, blood pressure, bronchial problems,
breathing, and cardiovascular risk, looked only at attacks that were considered undeserved or
unfair by the person being attacked, as the 'victims' tended not to get angry if the attack was
considered fair.
This fits well with research done by John Gottman and others who contend that it's not the level
of conflict that puts relationships at risk for a split--it's how that conflict is handled. It's important
to 'fight fair' and not resort to character attacks, stonewalling and other conflict-resolution 'no-
no's, but it is important to sort through the conflict rather than holding it in. Now we know just
how important!
To reduce the stress in your relationship by effectively handling conflicts and anger, check
out the following resources:
10 Tips
Exercise for Energy: Get More Out Of Your Day
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help for busy people

exercise
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If youre like most of us, you may wish you had more time in the day. While I cant offer you a 25-hour
day, I can offer a strategy for increasing your energy so that you can make the most of the time you do
have -- get regular exercise.
Sound easier said than done? The following tips are designed for stressed and busy people who
want to sneak in activity to rev up their energy and get more out of their waking hours:
If you don't have time to go to a gym once a day, you can save time by bringing workout shoes
to the office and walking during your lunch break. You likely won't get as sweaty as you would if
you were doing more strenuous exercise, and you'll get a good workout without taking much
time out of your schedule.
In that vein, I've found a wonderful tool for working exercise into your day: a pedometer.
Carrying one of these gadgets that measures how many steps you take in a day doesn't
automatically get you extra exercise, but it helps you track your 'daily step count', and keep your
mind on how much you're physically moving, and that alone can be a motivational tool to help
you move more. First, see how much you walk in a day without trying to increase your step
count--then see if you can raise the amount of steps you take by 500 or 1000. Then get creative
and find new ways to work additional steps into your day--and expect your cardi output to
naturally rise.
Find a sport you like, and take a class. If you put it into your schedule, you'll be less likely to skip
the workouts. Plus, officially carving out the time helps you prevent pushing exercise off to the
wayside. (Think of it like an office meeting you can't skip out on.)
Do yoga in the morning. You can sneak in a good workout and score the serenity and other
benefits yoga provides at the same time. Doing yoga before your morning shower can become a
part of your routine that doesnt take up too much additional time -- you can even do it in your
pajamas. (For more on yoga, visit About.com's yoga site.)
Several mini-workouts can be as effective as one big one. If you have a busy schedule, you may
find it much easier to split your workout into smaller chunks. If your work day is long, breaking
up the day with several 10-minute workouts can even wake you up and make you more
productive. About.com's guide to exercise has two great resources for you:
10 Minute Time Saver Cardio Workouts
10 Minute Strength Training Workouts
If youre busy, you may feel you cant afford to spend time exercising. But the truth is, you really cant
afford not to.
Not only will exercise give you more energy to accomplish things and help you relieve stress, it
can improve your overall health in important ways. The important thing to remember about
exercise when youre stressed and busy is to be as efficient with your workouts as possible.
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Perfectionist Traits: Do These Sound Familiar?

Are Too-High Expectations Wrecking Your Inner Peace?
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perfectionism
stress and personality traits
emotional stress
stress relief
If youre wondering whether or not youre a perfectionist, theres a good chance you are one, at least to
a degree. (Take The Perfectionism Quiz if you want to know for sure.) Perfectionists are a lot like high
achievers, but with some key differences. These differences are important, as perfectionists tend to
experience more stress! The following are ten telltale traits of perfectionists. Do any of these sound
familiar?
All-Or-Nothing Thinking:
Perfectionists, like high achievers, tend to set high goals and work hard toward them. However, a high
achiever can be satisfied with doing a great job and achieving excellence (or something close), even if
their very high goals arent completely met. Perfectionists will accept nothing less than, well, perfection.
Almost perfect is seen as failure.
Critical Eye:
Perfectionists are far more critical of themselves and of others than are high achievers. While high
achievers take pride in their accomplishments and tend to be supportive of others, perfectionists tend
to spot tiny mistakes and imperfections in their work and in themselves, as well as in others and their
work. They hone in on these imperfections and have trouble seeing anything else, and theyre more
judgmental and hard on themselves and on others when failure does occur.
Push vs Pull:
High achievers tend to be pulled toward their goals by a desire to achieve them, and are happy with any
steps made in the right direction. Perfectionists, on the other hand, tend to be pushed toward their
goals by a fear of not reaching them, and see anything less than a perfectly met goal as a failure.
Unrealistic Standards:
Unfortunately, a perfectionists goals arent always even reasonable. While high achievers can set their
goals high, perhaps enjoying the fun of going a little further once goals are reached, perfectionists often
set their initial goals out of reach. Because of this, high achievers tend to be not only happier, but more
successful than perfectionists in the pursuit of their goals.
Focus on Results:
High achievers can enjoy the process of chasing a goal as much or more than the actual reaching of the
goal itself. Conversely, perfectionists see the goal and nothing else. Theyre so concerned about meeting
the goal and avoiding the dreaded failure that they cant enjoy the process of growing and striving.
Depressed by Unmet Goals:
Perfectionists are much less happy and easygoing than high achievers. While high achievers are able to
bounce back fairly easily from disappointment, perfectionists tend to beat themselves up much more
and wallow in negative feelings when their high expectations go unmet. This leads to
Diet Tips For The Stressed
Updated June 05, 2011
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Perfectionism
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Diet Trap: Perfectionism
You wouldnt normally think of perfectionism as a threat to your diet, would you? Many people believe
that perfectionists, with their focus on doing everything perfectly, would be the best dieters, but theres
one problem that many dieters face, and perfectionists are especially vulnerable: When theres a diet
slip-up, perfectionists are likely to slide downhill and not recover, since their "perfect record" has been
shot. (How often have you found yourself rationalizing, Oh, why not, Im already off my diet anyway!)
Diet Tip: Think In Terms of Averages
While its easy to rationalize that one good cookie deserves another, you can save yourself from
allowing one moment of weakness to wreck a whole diet by thinking in terms of averages rather than
perfection: after falling short of your diet one day (or meal), you can make up for it with the next by
eating extra-healthy. When you provide yourself with a route to redemption, a diet slip-up can actually
work for you in terms of future motivation! (To see if youre a perfectionist or notor to what extent
take the Perfectionism Quiz, and find tools for healthy change.)
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Introduction
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These Diet Tips Can Help You Stay On Track! iStockPhoto.com
Studies show that calorie restriction can be good for your longevity. Additionally, for those trying to lose
weight (or stay the size they are), calorie restriction has been shown to be more effective in weight loss
than exercise, though both are important. And because a balanced diet rich in certain nutrients can
work to prevent many major illnesses, healthy eating may be the next major focus in health care.
But knowing the importance of maintaining a healthy diet is just part of the equation. Despite
best intentions, many people find themselves falling short of their diet ideals due to various diet
traps, or factors that may sneak in and sabotage a healthy diet. The following diet tips can help
you to combat some of the main diet traps people encounter (most of which are stress related)
and maintain a healthy diet that keeps you feeling great.
(Scroll down for more...)
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Emotional Eating
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Diet Trap: Emotional Eating
Eating for reasons that have more to do with your emotional hunger than your physical needs, a
phenomenon dubbed emotional eating, can wreak havoc on an otherwise healthy diet. Emotional eaters
may eat when bored (as a means of entertainment), when upset (instead of facing difficult emotions), or
when generally dissatisfied with life (to fill a void). All these extra calories add up, especially when the
grazing fare is junk food instead of carrot sticks.
Diet Tip: Deal With Your Emotions
First and this may sound obvious, but often isnt you should get into the habit of always asking
yourself if youre really hungry when youre reaching for food. If you find that your hunger is more
emotional than physical, take a few minutes to explore the feelings behind the pangs. One of the best
ways to do this is on paper, via journaling, which has been shown to be a very effective tool in dealing
with emotions, brainstorming solutions, and enhancing overall health. Once you address the underlying
issues, food wont have the same pull, and you probably wont feel tempted as often.(You can also read
more on the benefits of journaling and journaling techniques.)

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Feelings Of Deprivation
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Diet Trap: Feelings of Deprivation
Sometimes the simple act of going on a diet can intimately acquaint you with one of lifes hard truths:
we often want what we cant have and the more unavailable the object of our desire, the stronger
the desire grows! (Doesnt a bag of chips take on a whole new aura of delectability on the second day of
a low-carb diet?) For some people, even foods that they normally didnt notice too much begin to play
"road-runner" to their "Wile E. Coyote" that is, they become the object of obsession, which can be
like an anvil dropped on the head of a healthy diet.
Diet Tip: Use Substitution
If this sounds familiar, there are a few remedies that can help. First, be sure that you pick a diet you feel
you can stick to. For you, this would probably include many choices and lots of "wiggle room" rather
than a rigid schedule of planned-out meals. Next, have a list of healthy substitutions handy. If you
suddenly really crave soda, go with Perrier, which is a healthy substitution that delivers hydration,
bubbles, and an occasion to use ice and a straw, without the sugar or sugar-substitutes found in cola
(not to mention the caffeine)! For more ideas, see this list of diet substitutes from our Nutrition Site.

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Special Circumstances
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Diet Trap: Special Circumstances
How many times have you been doing great with your diet until something unexpected throws you off
your game? Whether its a positive event (Who can stay on a diet at a time like this? We need to
celebrate!), a social event ( Who can stay on a diet at a party like this? Pass the dip!), or a crisis
(Who can stay on a diet during times like this? A piece of cake will help me feel better.), special
circumstances can throw a wrench into a healthy diet.
Diet Tip: Try Small Portions
Lets face itsome circumstances are more challenging than others, and you dont want your diet to
interfere too much with your life. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you really cant stick
to your diet (or just dont want it badly enough), its best to indulge, but on a small scale. Rather than
taking it as license to throw your diet out the window (see perfectionism), you can probably have
nibbles of a few less healthy foods and maintain the feel of the occasion, but still stick close to your diet
ideals. Giving yourself a little permission now and then can keep you from abandoning your diet
altogether, so its a good trade-off for the long haul.

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Stress-Induced Cravings
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Diet Trap: Stress-Induced Cravings
The stress response can bring physiological changes that can cause cravings for sweet and salty foods.
Also, diets themselves can be stressful, and if youre already exhausted from a stressful day, you may
have less energy to fight against your cravings. Because unhealthy eating can exacerbate your reactivity
to stress, sticking to a healthy diet is most important at just this time.
Diet Tip: Stress Management
Because stress can sabotage a diet (and contribute to weight gain, making for a bigger diet struggle),
stress management can be a very effective secret weapon for your diet. If you reverse your bodys stress
response, youll be more effective in staying with your diet, and youll feel better as you do it. The
following are my most popular and effective stress relief tools:
Feeling Overwhelmed?
Much of the damage of chronic stress occurs because the bodys stress response is triggered
and the body doesnt get back in balance for quite a while. These quick exercises can help your
body get back to equilibrium more quickly so that stress doesnt lead to physical damage.
Stress Relief Personality Tool
The best way to stick with a stress relief practice is to pick one that works well with your
personality and lifestyle so that it takes less work to maintain as a habit. This tool can help you
find stress relievers that should work best for you and your needs.
FREE Stress Management Newsletter
For ongoing information and resources on stress management, nothing beats my free weekly
newsletter!
Eating right is good for your body. It will help you reach and maintain a healthy weight, keep
your heart healthy and give you more energy. Here are my top ten reasons for eating a healthful
balanced diet.
Read More
Learn More
What Are Essential Nutrients?

What Are Antioxidants Good For?
Before You Take Dietary Supplements
Moderation, Baby!
Sunday August 25, 2013
It's really difficult to follow a restrictive fad diet. So why bother? As long as most of the foods you eat
are good for your body, indulging in a treat now and then is just fine. Here's more about the role of
moderation in a healthful diet: Moderation: When Eating Something Bad Is Actually Good.
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Five Fab Foods for Freshman

Wednesday August 21, 2013
That first year in college is just awesome because you're kind of out on your own, and that includes
picking out your meals and snacks. If you're living on campus, you've probably got your meals covered
though a meal plan, but you might want to keep some nice little nibbles in your dorm room for between
meals. But be warned, danger lurks in the form of the dreaded "Freshman Fifteen." Those are the extra
pounds that many freshman gain while at school.
The foods you keep for snacks can help you or hurt you nutritionally, so make smart choices.
Whole foods are better than processed foods, and don't get too attached to the candy and soda
machines in the dorm lobby. If you need to watch your weight, stick with low-calorie snacks,
and unless you're lucky enough to have a dorm fridge, don't keep foods around that can spoil
quickly.
Here are my top five snack foods that you can keep in your dorm:
Nuts and Seeds
Nuts and seeds are full of healthful fats and they can stay at room temperature for quite a long time.
Keep them in covered containers. Best idea is to buy nuts and seeds that are still in their shells, but it's
fine to choose unshelled versions. Raw is a little better than roasted, but either is good. Remember that
nuts and seeds are energy-dense and you don't need more than a handful to keep hunger at bay.
Fresh Fruit
Keep a fruit bowl stocked with apples, pears, oranges, tangerines and grapefruits. Bananas are excellent
too, but keep them away from the apples or they'll ripen too fast and get all mushy. Fresh fruits keep
nicely at room temperature for a few days as long as you don't slice or peel them -- wait to to that right
before you eat them.
Dried Fruit
Raisins, banana chips, fruit leathers, craisins, and the like, are all good for dorm living because they keep
for a long time and they're portable -- great for those mornings when you don't have time for breakfast
but don't want to go to class with an empty stomach. Make your own trail mix with small bags of nuts,
seeds, dried fruit and your favorite high-fiber dry cereal.
Whole Grain Crackers
When you have a snack attack, avoid the greasy chips and nibble on a few baked whole grain crackers
instead. They're higher in fiber and lower in fat than chips. Crackers go nicely with fresh fruits or top
them with a little peanut butter and a drizzle of honey (they're both easy to store in the dorm too).
Protein and Breakfast Bars
Buy individually wrapped breakfast, granola or protein bars instead of candy bars. Read the labels
carefully, though, because some brands are as high in fat and sugar as a candy bar. You want bars that
are higher in fiber, lower in sugar and contain an ample amount of protein.
Dorm foods I'm not too thrilled about include beef jerky, Ramen noodles, and things like mac
and cheese cups, and various cups of pasta. Most of them are too high in sodium and (except for
beef jerky) too high in fat. I guess it's okay to keep a few of them around, but focus on the
healthier foods whenever possible.
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Back to School with Good Nutrition

Monday August 19, 2013
Summer is winding down here in the Northern Hemisphere and it is time to go back to school, or at least
time to prepare to go back to school. Kids (and adults) have an easier time with learning when they eat a
balanced breakfast. That's kind of a no-brainer, actually. Skipping breakfast makes a lot of kids cranky
and sleepy. Hard to sit through math like that. So, make sure your kids (and you) eat some sort of
breakfast every morning. It doesn't have to be a big meal, nor does it have to be high in sugar or fat, like
many traditional breakfast foods.
Breakfast is only part of your kids' day; a good lunch is important too. Schools do their best to
provide healthy foods, but maybe you'd like to pack and send a lunch so you know what goes
into your kids foods. Of course, some kids like that and some don't. If your kids are balking at
the idea of brown-bagging it, maybe a new lunch box is in order. Anyway, here's some stuff to
think about when it comes to kids, school and eating:
Breakfast, Lunch and Learning -- How Foods Impact Kids at School

Pack a Healthy School Lunch for Your Child
Book Review - Roadmap to Healthy Foods in Schools
Speaking of food and learning, maybe you've heard that fish is brain food. Well, maybe it is and maybe it
isn't, but I've got 6 great meals for you that feature fish and seafood: Healthful Seafood Dinner Ideas
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Eating Right for More Energy

Tuesday August 13, 2013
I am so not a morning person by nature. A big cup of coffee or two is pretty much a necessity for me to
function in a world mostly run by people who like to be awake just after the sun rises. I've pretty much
made peace with it... in no small part due to figuring out how to eat right. In fact, I just wrote a new
article: Eat for More Energy.
The key to eating for energy is to eat balanced meals and snacks. Stay away from the junk food.
For me, a big sugary breakfast will put me to sleep in about 45 minutes. Personally, I prefer a
small breakfast and a mid-morning snack. Some people prefer a big breakfast and a smaller
lunch or dinner. I don't really think it matters as long as you keep your meal times consistent, eat
healthy foods and keep your calories under control.
Eating balanced meals may help increase your energy, but what is balanced? Maybe you're a
low-carb person or a low-fat eater? Maybe you prefer typical guidelines of 50% carbohydrates,
30% fat and 20% protein, or maybe something else altogether.
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Its often been said that its better to give than to receive, but did you know that this clich is actually
backed by research? While many of us feel too stressed and busy to worry about helping others with
their burdens, or would like to think about doing good deeds when we have more spare time, energy
and money, altruism is its own reward, and can actually help you relieve stress. Altruistic acts can
improve your quality of life in several ways, and are absolutely worth the effort. Here are some ways
that helping others helps you:
Altruism and Psychological Wellbeing
Studies show that altruism is good for your emotional well-being, and can measurably enhance your
peace of mind. For example, one study found that dialysis patients, transplant patients and family
members who became support volunteers for other patients experienced increased personal growth
and emotional well-being. Another study on patients with multiple sclerosis showed that those who
offered other MS patients peer support actually experienced greater benefits than their supported
peers, including more pronounced improvement on confidence, self-awareness, self-esteem, depression
and daily functioning. Those who offered support generally found that their lives were dramatically
changed for the better.
Altruism and Increased Social Support
Studies also show that what goes around generally does come around. More specifically, when people
make altruistic personal sacrifices, they end up reaping what they sow in the form of favors from others.
These individuals earn the reputation as altruistic people and end up receiving favors from others who
they may not have even directly helped. The favors and social support you earn through altruism,
combined with the good feelings you get from helping others (see above), more than make up for
sacrifices made in the name of altruism.
Keeping Things In Perspective

Many people dont realize the strong impact that their comparisons have on their outlook. However,
your expectations of life and the people you compare yourself to can make a real difference in your level
of life satisfaction. For example, your home may seem shabby to you if youre comparing it to the living
rooms you see in the pages of decorating magazines, or it may seem palatial and opulent compared to
the structures inhabited by people in impoverished countries. Helping others in need, especially those
who are less fortunate than you, can provide you with a sense of perspective on how fortunate you are
to have what you do in life -- be it health, money, or a safe place to sleep, and help you focus less on the
things you feel you lack. Helping others with their problems can also help you gain a more positive
perspective on the things in life that cause you stress.
Building a Better Community
When you do something nice for someone else, often the positive effects go beyond just you and that
other person, influencing your whole community. One of my favorite illustrations of this phenomenon is
in the movie Pay It Forward where one boys good deeds have far-reaching positive consequences.
When you do nice things for others, you often enable them to do nice things for others, and the
phenomenon grows. Your children and your friends may see your good example and behave in more
altruistic ways as well. As Ghandi said, You must be the change you want to see in the world," and you
can contribute to a more positive community.
Altruism and Stress Relief
When you feel stressed and overwhelmed, you may feel like youre least able to give. However, acts of
altruism can be a great form of stress relief. Studies have shown that the act of giving can activate the
area of the brain associated with positive feelings, lifting your spirits, and making you feel better the
more you give. And given that altruism can lead to lasting emotional well-being, a more positive
perspective, a positive effect on others, and better social standing, altruism certainly does the job as a
healthy means for relieving stress and increasing life satisfaction.
Gratitude Journal - How to Maintain a Gratitude Journal for Stress Relief
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Developing an attitude of gratitude toward the people, things and events in your life is a life-affirming
and effective way to strengthen your emotional resilience and reduce stress, among other things.
Maintaining a gratitude journal makes it easy to get in the habit of focusing on the positive in your life,
while also reaping the benefits of journaling. The following are simple steps to maintaining a gratitude
journal -- a useful tool for stress management.
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: A Few Minutes A Day
Here's How:
1. Decide on a Journal
You may want to maintain your journal online, or in paper form. When deciding which route to
take in selecting a journal, think about whether you'd rather type or print, where you'd like to
do the bulk of your writing, and whether privacy is an issue that may affect your decision.
More tips on selecting a journal
2. Decide On A Framework
You can write long, descriptive paragraphs about what you appreciate in your daily life, or your
gratitude journal can consist entirely of lists. You can write about a preset number of items per
entry (10 per day, for example). Or, you can just resolve to write about whatever seems right for
a particular day. The main idea is to get yourself into a place of reflection and gratitude. Do what
works best for you.
3. Commit To A Schedule
An important aspect of the long-term success of your gratitude journal is the frequency with
which you use it. It's usually best to aim for once a day in the beginning, or several times per
week, but allow yourself some wiggle room if things get busy. You want to make a commitment
that will keep you inspired to write, even if you aren't always in the mood, because this exercise
can help change your mood). Just don't allow that to be so rigid that you'll be tempted to give
up the whole plan if you slip up once or twice.
4. Just Keep Writing
Many people find that their whole attitude changes once they've been keeping a gratitude
journal for a while; they tend to notice things throughout the day that they may want to include
in the journal -- things they wouldn't have otherwise noticed. To maintain a more optimistic
attitude, be sure to write regularly. If you find yourself skipping days with increasing frequency,
gently remind yourself why you're maintaining the gratitude journal in the first place, and be
grateful that you are able to get back into the habit of writing again anytime you want. Enjoy!
Tips:
1. Gratitude journals tend to be most effective when you write about three items at the end of
each day. This is regular enough and simple enough to be do-able, and writing at the end of
the day tends to bring the best benefits.
2. Remember that you may want to read over your journal entries in the future. This can be a great
pick-me-up when you're feeling stressed or depressed.
3. Experiment with the types of things you write about. If you find yourself always mentioning the
obvious things ("I'm grateful for my children") every day, challenge yourself to notice the subtle
things ("Today I had caramel ice cream cone, and it was amazing!")
Remember that all gratitude doesn't need to be saved for the journal.
Tell the people in your life how much you appreciate them. From people
in your family to sales clerks and postal employees you encounter in
your day, everyone likes to know that they're appreciated. And tQuick
Tips on Selecting a Journal
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The type of journal you use if a reflection of your personality, and can affect your process. Here are some
journaling options:
Beautiful Books:
Some people do well buying the most beautiful blank book they can find, which inspires them to fill it
with beautiful things, and have a nice keepsake to boot. However, some people find that a beautiful
book puts on too much pressure; they dont write as freely or as deeply because perfectionism takes
over and they become afraid to make mistakes, focusing more on grammar and penmanship than
content, and end up unable to put anything on paper.
Plain Books:
A plain notebook or cheap-looking blank book can give permission to fill its pages with bad drawings,
scrawled rants, and other forms of expression that can be cathartic. Also, a more mundane-looking book
can be left in plain view or taken with you to the office or a coffee shop, and it wont scream Hey, Im a
diary! Read me!
The Computer:
The computer is another great option for recording your thoughts. For one thing, many people find that
they can type faster than they can write. Also, some may find it distracting to worry about penmanship,
and typing at a keyboard ensures that their entries will be easily readable. Theres the added benefit of
never needing to buy or store new journals.
Pens:
Some people really enjoy the act of writing with a pen, and like to see how their handwriting reflects
their moods and internal world. If youre one of these people, you may want to invest in a really nice
pen that writes smoothly and beautifully. Think about if you prefer a fine or medium tip, a ball-point or
other kind of pen. You can even experiment with different colors. Very creative types even like to
include pictures in their journals.
There are many options for creating your journal. Think about whats important to you, and what
will make you most comfortable.
4. heir positive reactions can help put you in a positive mood, too.
Readers Respond: There Are Many Ways To Make Yourself Happy!

Responses: 47
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From the article: Happiness Shortcuts
We all want to be happy. Think about it: aren't most of your goals in life based on an underlying desire
to simply be happy? And, when you're feeling happy, it's very hard to feel stressed. (And, not
surprisingly, roughly the same things that help relieve stress are things that help us stay happy.) But,
while many people are made happy by the same major things--good friends, for example--the specifics
of what makes us happy can be unique. What makes you happy? How do you maintain happiness? Share
Your 'Happy Recipe'
A Happy Recipe
Stay young. Love your life. Keep healthy. Save your money. Motivate yourself. Live well.
Guest gitoya
not sure
Not sure, only half way through and wondering what makes me happy. At the end of a very
hard, stressful, (though stress is self induced) successful day, where you have done something
that you are proud of, or would not have done any other way, then sit down and say well done.
No one will give you more happiness than you. Narcissistic? Probably, but then we are all more
or less, the more we own up to it, the happier we will all be. Self love first and foremost, and no
guilt with this admission, then we will be happy???
Guest Dramortwo
Happiness
Be happy and make your family happy. This life is so short, so spread your smile to anyone!
Guest anamika
Think Positively and Reward Yourself

Just think about your triumphs and successes for a moment. Make it your 5 minutes of profound
satisfaction. Just think how your life has changed positively over the last few years and how you
have achieved your successes through your consistent hard work. On the other hand, if you feel
you didn't have so many positive experiences over the last few years, then just think how things
could have been worse! I just relax and visualize the enormous possibilities that life has in store
for me. I introspect and reward myself as much as possible for my hard work. I also engage in
positive self-talk and constantly recognize the uniqueness inherent in myself. I take a time out,
take a soothing bath, go to a salon for a relaxing massage/facial and then I go for a recreational
trip- leaving behind all my worries.
Guest ASEF KABIR
Happy Recipe
Having a routine, taking photographs, talking with friends, being out in nature, enjoying my
food, just realizing that things are okay and there's always tomorrow--you never know.
Guest VAL
BE HAPPY
It's just being happy. When one's thoughts, words and actions are in harmony happiness springs
from within. Happiness is from an outside source, it is a fleeting experience, not a state of being.
Guest BEKAL
Happiness
Like someone said, I also avoid emotional vampires. I have come to realise that happiness is an
inside job. I also love whiling away time refreshing my mind by reading a lot.
Guest editter mugo
Total happiness
Dancing to "I believe in Miracles," getting baptized was my main happiness. If you start living for
God, get your eyes off of you. And read your Bible. Do for God, do for others, then smile. Smile
all the time.....
Guest Amber Jenkins
Happy is Our Destiny

Everyone has trials throughout thier lives. This is what makes each person so individual and
stronger. Being sad is not an option in my life even though trials come and go, happiness is my
FAITH...faith that Our Lord loves us, will take care of us and has a place for us. My outlook
toward the future with our Heavenly Father someday is my road to Happiness.
Guest tammy
Time Out
Take a cute, boisterous dog for a walk and watch him have a fantastic time. Smile at other dog
owners and let kids pat him on the head. Take him home dog tired, buy the paper, have a snack
and watch him sleep and dream. Oh I do have a family and friends but this just makes me happy
every time.
Guest Kitty
Happhy
If I am unhappy, I think about the song my mum always sang. Qhenever I sing this song myself I
feel very happy.
Guest samuel sieh marks
No Whiners Allowed
I learned the hard way about associating with people with negative attitudes. I go out of my way
to surround myself with positive thinking people. I have heard negative people referred to as
emotional vampires. It's a very accurate term,l iteraly. Negative people will drain your spirit dry.
If I meet someone socially that is a whiner I avoid them like the plague. I don"t waste my time or
energy trying to "fix" them. Life is too short.
Midknight.
Remembering Happiness
When I find myself needing to find happiness...I remember the things I did when I was young.
Like going to the beach, evenings with friends, reading a book, going to the movies...so doing
those things now, makes me as happy as when I was younger....
Guest Mitchell
Think Happy
Whenever I'm stressed out, I close my eyes, think happy thoughts and mentally say to myself,
"I`m okay, life is good, I am good, all is well, no matter what happens things will always turn out
for the best." And, they ALWAYS do !
Guest Bobby
Happy I've Read This

This is a great article. And all of the comments are inspirational and helpful. They make one feel
good. Reading all this reminds me how beautiful and valuable life is, and how many good willing
people there are out there. Thanks everybody.
Guest Mehmur Elguvendir
cts
How To Manage Stress

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Do you need a new life plan? Is your schedule packed, and your to-do list approaching a page or more in
length? This level of busyness is becoming increasingly common. In fact, despite the wide assortment of
time-saving devices now available, people are more busy now than they were decades ago when we
were less efficient with our time.
While many people say that they'd like to be less busy, it's often difficult to form a new life plan,
know exactly how to pare down a schedule and which activities to cut out -- everything is
important, right? Here are some concepts to keep in mind when deciding how to trim down your
schedule.
Life Plan Tip #1-Get In Touch With Your Values
This is a popular exercise that's widely used with life coaches because it's so effective: make a
list of your core values, the top few things that are most important to you. (Many people say
family, health, and things like that.) Then look at all the activities that fill your schedule.
Consider removing any activity that's not in line with a core value.
Life Plan Tip #2-Visualize the Life You Want
Here's another approach involving the law of attraction, which can also be highly effective.
Imagine the life that you want. Imagine it in detail, focusing more on your desires than on how
hard you think it would be to realize them. Get a picture that's both realistic and exciting to you.
Now look at that list of activities again, eliminating things that don't add to that vision, and
adding activities that do. The key here is to maintain the vision of the life you want, and make
decisions based on that.
Life Plan Tip #3-List Your Trade-Offs

When saying, "yes" to new activities, people don't always stop to think about what they are
saying "no" to as a result. Because of the limited number of hours in a day, each activity you
choose to take on will eliminate a different choice. You can pare down your schedule by keeping
this in mind.
With each activity you find yourself doing over the course of a week, ask yourself if there's
something else that you'd rather be doing that would better serve you. Would you get more out of
working out than watching television? Would you rather be spending time with your kids than
doing a favor for that ungrateful acquaintance? Stay conscious about your choices for a week,
and you should find yourself knowing exactly what needs to change. (And once you've decided
to start turning people down, this article on How To Say No can help make it easier.)
Life Plan Tip #4-Consolidate Activities
While multi-tasking isn't as productive as once thought, there are some effective ways to
combine or streamline activities without detracting too much from your goals. For example,
while you can't talk on the phone and write email at the same time without being less articulate at
both tasks, it's easy to save time by talking on the phone while you clean.
The key to successful activity consolidation is to pair a thought-intensive activity with one that's
more physical, or one that you can do on "auto-pilot". It's a good idea to bear in mind which
activities require full attention and which require less mental concentration when finding two to
combine.
Life Plan Tip #5-Take Shortcuts
Is there a way you can cut corners without cutting quality? For example, can you use pre-cooked
ingredients while making dinner, put your sprinklers on a timer, or streamline tasks at work? If
you really make it a point to look for such shortcuts, you'll likely start seeing them everywhere.
Find ideas for shortcuts to stress relief.
Life Plan Tip #6-Use Stress Management Strategies
When we're too stressed, we don't always think clearly; sometimes we feel trapped and
overwhelmed. If your stress response is constantly triggered, you may operate from 'emergency
mode', reacting to demands without really thinking instead of proactively seeking out simplified
solutions. Also, chronic stress can impact your health and emotional wellness, creating even
more problems. While you're working on creating a new life plan, it's important to include stress
management techniques in the mix! You can start with these quick stress relief techniques, and
add in some of these healthy lifestyle habits, too.
Reduce Stress With Increased Assertiveness

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What Is Assertiveness?:
Assertiveness is the ability to express ones feelings and assert ones rights while respecting the feelings
and rights of others. Assertive communication is appropriately direct, open and honest, and clarifies
ones needs to the other person. Assertiveness comes naturally to some, but is a skill that can be
learned. People who have mastered the skill of assertiveness are able to greatly reduce the level of
interpersonal conflict in their lives, thereby reducing a major source of stress.
How Does Assertiveness Compare to Other Behavior?:
Sometimes people confuse aggressiveness with assertiveness, seeing that both types of behavior involve
standing up for ones rights and expressing ones needs. The key difference between the two styles is
that individuals behaving assertively will express themselves in ways that respect the other person. They
assume the best about people, respect themselves, and think win-win and try to compromise.
In contrast, individuals behaving aggressively will tend to employ tactics that are disrespectful,
manipulative, demeaning, or abusive. They make negative assumptions about the motives of others and
think in retaliatory terms, or they dont think of the other persons point of view at all. They win at the
expense of others, and create unnecessary conflict.
Passive individuals dont know how to adequately communicate their feelings and needs to others. They
tend to fear conflict so much that they let their needs go unmet and keep their feelings secret in order
to keep the peace. They let others win while they lose out; the problem with this (which Ill go into in
more detail momentarily) is that everybody involved loses, at least to an extent.
What Does Assertiveness Look Like?:
Here are some common scenarios, with examples of each style of behavior:
Scenario A: Someone cuts in front of you at the supermarket.
An aggressive response would be to assume they did it on purpose and angrily say, Hey,
jackass, no cuts!
A passive response would be to just let the person stay in front of you.
An assertive response would be to assume that they may not have seen you in line, and politely
say, Excuse me, but I was in line.
Scenario B: Your friend, who can be quite verbose, calls to vent about her bad day. Unfortunately, you
have a lot of work to do and dont have time to talk.
An aggressive response would be to become angry that she obviously doesnt respect your time,
cut her off, and sarcastically say, Oh, get over it! I have my own problems!
A passive response would be to let her talk for as long as she needs, and figure that your deadline
can suffer; she needs your help.
An assertive response would be to listen for a minute or two, then compassionately say, Wow, it
sounds like youre having a tough day! Id love to talk to you about it, but I dont have the time right
now. Can we talk later tonight?
Get the idea?
What Are the Benefits of Assertiveness?:
Assertiveness affects many areas of life. Assertive people tend to have fewer conflicts in their dealings
with others, which translates into much less stress in their lives. They get their needs met (which also
means less stressing over unmet needs), and help others get their needs met, too. Having stronger,
more supportive relationships virtually guarantees that, in a bind, they have people they can count on,
which also helps with stress management, and even leads to a healthier body.
Contrasting with this, aggressiveness tends to alienate others and create unnecessary stress. Those on
the receiving end of aggressive behavior tend to feel attacked and often avoid the aggressive individual,
understandably. Over time, people who behave aggressively tend to have a string of failed relationships
and little social support, and they dont always understand that this is related to their own behavior.
Ironically, they often feel like victims, too.
Passive people aim to avoid conflict by avoiding communication about their needs and feelings, but this
behavior damages relationships in the long run. They may feel like victims, but continue to avoid
confrontation, becoming increasingly angry until, when they finally do say something, it comes out
aggressively. The other party doesnt even know theres a problem until the formerly passive individual
virtually explodes! This leads to hard feelings, weaker relationships, and more passivity.
How Does One Become More Assertive?:
The first step in becoming more assertive is to take an honest look at yourself and your
responses, to see where you currently stand. The answers to the following questions will help
clue you in:
Do you have difficulty accepting constructive criticism?

Do you find yourself saying yes to requests that you should really say no to, just to avoid
disappointing people?
Do you have trouble voicing a difference of opinion with others?
Do people tend to feel alienated by your communication style when you do disagree with them?
Do you feel attacked when someone has an opinion different from your own?
If you answered yes to several of these, you may benefit from learning assertiveness skills.
Knowing where you stand on the assertiveness spectrum, and knowing where you want to be,
you can read more on assertiveness training, develop a win-win mentality, and begin becoming
more assertive today!
Aggressiveness in Communication: How To Deal With Relationship

Aggression
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Definition: We've all dealt with aggressiveness in our relationships at one point or another, regardless of
whether that aggression is physical. Aggressiveness is a mode of communication and behavior where
one expresses their feelings, needs and rights without regard or respect for the needs, rights and
feelings of others. Emotional or physical force is often used so that the rights of others are not even
allowed to surface. Others feel victimized and relationships suffer. In that way, relationship aggression is
bad for the aggressors as well as the recipients of the aggression.
The toll that relationship conflict takes in terms of stress can affect us in many ways. It can
impact our stress levels, and it can also affect our health and happiness. (See this article on the
toll of conflict to know more about the negative impact aggression can take.
Aggressive individuals tend to cause others stress and experience increased levels of stress
themselves, as their relationships tend to be conflicted and their personal goals not as often
achieved. In contrast, assertiveness involves expressing one's own needs and rights while
respecting the needs and rights of others and maintaining the dignity of both parties. This results
in healthier relationships and increased life satisfaction.
Learning about communication techniques can be helpful ih a couple of ways. Assertive

communication techniques can enable us to draw boundaries with others so we have a line of
defense against any aggressiveness they display. These healthy communication techniques can
also help us to avoid being accidentally aggressive with others, which can also help to avoid
conflict. Both of these positive effects make it well worth the effort to learn about assertive
communication techniques.
What do you know about your habitual communication style? Are you prone to aggressiveness,
assertiveness, or passivity? Take the Communication Style Assessment to find out more about
how you speak to others.
Do you handle conflict effectively? Learn more about healthy communication techniques you
can use with the many people in your life.
Social Support and Social Stress

Learn about the strong positive and negative effects of relationships, and find out how to keep your
social life healthier and lower in stress.
Types of Social Support

Not all types of social support are the same. While social support in general is a valuable stress
relief tool, different types of social support serve different functions, and it actually is possible to
get too much of certain types of support, whereas people are starving for other types of social
support. Learn more about types of social...
How to Help a Friend

Knowing how to help a friend in need can be tricky when you're not sure what the 'right thing to
do' is. The following tips on how to help a friend provide guidelines on effective strategies for
several different types of relationships.
Types of Social Support
How Do Different Types of Social Support Work?
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The Value of All Types of Social Support
Every time you reach for the phone when youve had a bad day, accept help when youre overwhelmed,
or even search online to get information from someone on how to handle a stressor, youre
demonstrating that you know what research has repeatedly shown: that different types of social
support can really help with stress! However, all types of social support dont affect us the samea long
talk with an empathic friend feels different from a talk with someone who has plenty of advice to offer,
and those types of social support feel different from the type of support a coach or therapist might
offer. Is there a best type of social support? And how do the different types of social support affect us?
Four Types of Social Support While there are a myriad of ways people can support one another,
much research has been done on the effects of four distinct types of social support:
Emotional Support: This type of support often involves physical comfort such as hugs or pats on
the back, as well as listening and empathizing. With emotional support, a friend or spouse might
give you a big hug and listen to your problems, letting you know that theyve felt the same way,
too.
Esteem Support: This type of social support is shown in expressions of confidence or
encouragement. Someone offering esteem support might point out the strengths youre
forgetting you have, or just let you know that they believe in you. Life coaches and many
therapists offer this type of support to let their clients know that they believe in them; this often
leads to clients believing in themselves more.
Informational Support: Those offering informational support do so in the form of advice-giving,
or in gathering and sharing information.
Tangible Support: Tangible support includes taking on responsibilities for someone else so they
can deal with a problem or in other ways taking an active stance to help someone manage a
problem theyre experiencing. Someone who offers you tangible support may bring you dinner
when youre sick, help you brainstorm solutions (rather than telling you what you should do, as
with informational support), or in other ways help you actively deal with the issue at hand.
Which Types of Social Support Work?
All of these types of social support work, but not with everybody, and not in the same ways. Different
people have preferences for a certain type or a combination or a few types of social support. Its
important to note, however, that the wrong type of support can actually have a detrimental effect, so it
helps to know what type of social support is needed in each situation.
Heres some of what the research has found:
You really can have too much support! One study, which involved 103 husbands and wives who
completed surveys five times over their first five years of marriage, looked at how support was
provided and measured marital satisfaction. It found that too much informational support
(usually in the form of unsolicited advice) can actually be worse than no support at all. (I found it
reassuring, however, that you cant give too much esteem support; no amount of esteem
support is too much, as long as its genuine.)
Too little support is more common than too much. The same study found that about two-thirds
of men and at least 80% of women found themselves receiving too little support, whereas just
one-third of men and women said that they were receiving more support than they wanted.
Another study, which examined 235 newlyweds, found that both partners are happier if the
husband gets the types of social support he needs most. For women, it was enough that the
husband was just trying to offer support, even if he didnt always offer the right kind.
The important thing to remember is that there are different types of social support, and that you may
need to ask for the specific type you need, especially in marriage. "The idea that simply being more
supportive is better for your marriage is a myth," says Erika Lawrence, associate professor of psychology
in the UI College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, and lead researcher in these studies. "Often husbands and
wives think, 'If my partner really knows me and loves me, he or she will know I'm upset and will know
how to help me.' However, that's not the best way to approach your marriage. Your partner shouldn't
have to be a mind reader. Couples will be happier if they learn how to say, 'This is how I'm feeling, and
this is how you can help me.'"
Dont assume that you know what type of support your spouse, friends or relatives crave; its
always best to check-in with people to see if the support youre offering is hitting the mark. If
not, its important to open up a discussion to see what types of social support are needed here.
And be aware of what types of support feel the best for you, so you can communicate this to your
loved ones as well. Its not fair to expect people to read your mind when it comes to social
supportand its not effective either. Just ask for what you need.
Social Support - How to Create Truly Supportive Friendships
Make the Most of Your Social Circle
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Research shows that healthy and supportive relationships can reduce stress and improve your overall
health and sense of well-being. However, all relationships are not equally supportive. Building a network
of supportive friends, or even just one supportive relationship, can be vital to your wellbeing. Here are
some key skills that can help you to build relationships with people that are truly supportive and
sustaining.
Meeting People- The more people you have in your life, the more likely you are to have truly
supportive relationships with at least one of them. Its beneficial to be able to regularly add new
people to your circle. Here are some good ways to meet people, and some tips to remember when
making a new friend.
Time Management- Its important to make time to nurture relationships, and to go out and have
fun with friends. You may feel like you just dont have time to spend on this, but time
management and organization techniques can help you find more time in your life to spend on
friendships. These techniques can also help you to show up on time, remember birthdays and
other important events, help friends when theyre in need, and do other things that will
strengthen friendships and make them supportive.
Assertiveness- People often think of assertiveness as standing up for yourself and not letting
people push you around -- basically the alternative to passivity. While this is mostly true,
assertiveness is also the alternative to aggressiveness, a way of handling people where you get
your needs met at the expense of others needs. Developing the skill of assertiveness can really
help you strengthen your relationships, making them mutually supportive, lasting and opening
the lines of communication.
Listening to Your Friends- When weve had a hard day, sometimes being able to talk to a
friend about our feelings is all it takes to turn things around and make stress a feeling of
connection and well-being. Being truly listened to and understood can have profound effects on
us. When dealing with friends, its important to give as well as receive this supportive type of
listening when support is truly needed. Here are some things to remember when friends are
talking about things that stress or upset them:
Ask them about their feelings, and listen.

Reflect back what you hear, so they know you really understand.
Instead of always trying to tie the conversation back to your experiences, focus questions on
them and their feelings.
When theyre talking, are you missing some of what they say because youre waiting for them to
stop talking so you can say what you want to say next? Stop, and really listen to them.
Learn more about how to be a good listener, an important skill to have.
Listening to Your Intuition- Some people give off positive energy that makes us feel good, and
others give off negative energy that drains us. If you pay attention to the signals that your
intuition sends you and act on those signals, youll have a healthier social circle. Here are some
questions to ask yourself:
Does the conversation flow easily, or is it forced?

Do you feel they truly understand, accept and support you?
Do you feel you truly understand, accept and support them?
Do you feel better or worse about yourself when youre with them?
Do you leave them feeling energized or mildly depressed?
Do you include them in your life for positive qualities they have, or just to have more people in
your life?
The answers to these questions, and what you can learn from this quiz will help you begin to
develop your intuition, which will help you strengthen your relationships, or help you with...
Letting Go- Not everyone is an appropriate match. If theres someone in your life who makes
you feel bad about yourself, doesnt share any of your interests or values, or is someone that you
just dont mesh well with, its perfectly acceptable to put that relationship on the back burner, let
it fade altogether, or not develop it in the first place. Even if you were at one time close, people
change and grow in different directions. That doesnt mean theres something wrong with
either of you. But if someone in your life is no longer good for you, its perfectly acceptable to
let them go. (Conversely, if youd like to keep them in your life out of loyalty, albeit in a
periphery role, thats OK, too. However, it would be beneficial to remember not to count on
them for support, if theyre not able to give it to you.) Only you know if the relationship is worth
keeping or not. But it is important to have several people you can count on for support in your
life. (If you're not sure if your relationships are supporting or draining you, the Social
Assessment Quiz can help!)
It takes some work, but cultivating a circle of truly supportive friendships can make a huge
difference in how you handle stress and life.
Social Support: The Hows and Whys of Cultivating a Circle of Friends

Many Hands Make Light Stress: Getting Adequate Social Support
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Why It Pays To Have A Group:
Studies on social support show that having one or two close and supportive friends is at least as
valuable to emotional health as having a large group of friendly acquaintances or more shallow
friendships. However, having social support from several supportive friends would be the best of
both worlds. You probably already know if you're more comfortable with one good friend or
many, but there are some good reasons to have at least a few different friends to fall back on:
If you have only one person supporting you through difficult times, you may wear that person
out, or feel unsupported if that person is unavailable. Its better for everyone if you have at least
a few people to depend on.
You draw different benefits from different types of people. Having an outgoing friend to party
with, a knowledgeable friend to gain information and insights from, and an empathic friend to
be a good listener during tough times, for example, provides a better blend of social support
than any one of these people alone could give.
Your friends can bring out different qualities in one another that benefit all of you. For example,
your outgoing friend could bring your shy empathic friend out of her shell, and the three of you
could go out and party together. Plus, your friends can introduce you to more friends, giving you
a greater pool of pre-screened potential friends.
Studies show that a sense of belonging is extremely important for emotional health and well-
being; those who have social support but don't feel a sense of belonging are much more likely to
suffer from depression, for example.
How to Meet New People:
If youre not still in school or working for a large company with a built-in social structure and
constant opportunities to meet new people, its still easy to build new friendships. Here are a few
ways to meet new people:
Join a Gym. If youre not comfortable striking up a conversation with the person on the next
stairmaster, most gyms offer yoga, aerobics or even martial arts classes, which provide a more
intimate setting and opportunities to meet people, perhaps finding a workout buddy.
Get Involved in a Hobby. If you enjoy making things with your hands, perhaps you can enroll in
a community art class. If you like writing, a writers workshop will provide a great opportunity to
improve your writing skills and get to know other writers at the same time. Joining a class
geared toward your interests ensures youll improve yourself, and youll meet people with
whom you already have something in common!
Volunteer! Getting involved with a charity you believe in will give you a sense of doing
something positive to help the world, which has a great way of relieving stress in itself, and
youll meet others with similarly big hearts and great passion for helping.
Get a Pet Not only will you derive physical and emotional benefits from being a pet owner, you
can meet others at dog parks or pet stores. There are even park days for passionate rabbit
owners! Let your best friend help you connect with other (human) friends.
Have a Party If you invite all of your current friends and encourage each to bring a friend, youll
have a pool of new people to meet. Plus, you may inspire your friends to throw their own
parties, where youll meet even more new people.
Smile! This one may sound simple, but if you give off an approachable vibe, you may find that
youre striking up conversations with new people wherever you go. Not all these conversations
need to lead to a new friendship, but some might, and just one warm exchange with someone
new can brighten up your day (and theirs)!
Family Conflict, Family Gatherings and Other Sources of Family Stress

Here's what you need to better handle various family situations that can cause stress.
Family Connection and Happiness
Family relationships provide a certain link to your past and future that you can't get elsewhere.
Whether you have a close or conflicted relationship with family, it can help to have better
communication and undetstand the dynamics you all play, so you can reap the benefits of close
family relationships if at all possible. Learn more about family relationships and happiness here.
Tis The Season to Feel...Golly! Understanding and Managing The Seemingly...

Do you find that, rather than feeling jolly and care-free, the holiday season leaves you feeling
stressed and overwhelmed? Find out why this phenomenon has become all too common, and
learn how you can eliminate the stress and enjoy the holidays as they were meant to be enjoyed!
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A connection to family provides a certain type of social support that you cant get from other people.
Provided they arent severely emotionally toxic, we can generally depend on our families in times of
crisis for emotional and practical support, and sometimes even financial support when were
desperately in need. Our families carry our history with them, and they generally share our future as
well. Who better than siblings, parents, and other close relatives can reminisce with us about our
childhoods, or remember pieces of ourselves weve forgotten? This connection to fond memories,
support in times of need, and near-unconditional love is a unique way that family brings us happiness as
well as relief from stress. Unfortunately, with the complexity of these relationships, they're not always
easy. If you would like to feel more connected to your family, the following resources can help for a
variety of family structures:
Become Adept at Dealing With Difficult People: Dealing with difficult people is never easy. But
while it may be better for your stress level and even improve your health to eliminate strained
relationships from your life, it's not always a simple undertaking when the difficult people are
relatives, co-workers, or people you otherwise must have in your life. What to do? These tips on
dealing with difficult people can help keep conflict at bay and reduce your stress level.
How To Improve Your Relationships With Healthy Communication: Social support is a great
stress reliever, but relationships can also be a major source of stress. As conflict is virutally
inevitable in any relationship, here are ten important tips on managing conflict in a respectful
way that yields positive results, rather than damaging your connection and causing additional
stress.
Do You Like Who You Are When You're With Your Family of Origin? When people get together
with their families of origin, they often regress to the behavior patterns they had when they
were younger, as thats how were usually most experienced in dealing with parents and
siblings. It can be stressful to feel pulled toward old patterns, however, especially if youve
grown beyond these old roles and they no longer reflect who you are. If this describes your
situation, here are a few things to try:
How To Handle The Stress of Adult Sibling Rivalry: "Mom always did like you best!" Sound
familiar? If you feel strained in your relationship with your family because your parents favor
another sibling, or another siblings family, you may be surprised to find that youre not alone.
Learn how to handle sibling rivalry as an adult, and enjoy your family gatherings much more
from now on. Here's how.
Sleep Benefits: Power Napping for Increased Productivity, Stress Relief &
Health
The Benefits of Sleep and The Power Nap
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Why A Power Nap? Facts on Sleep:

While small children typically take naps in the afternoon, our culture generally frowns upon mid-day
sleep; however, even in those who get enough sleep (but particularly in those who dont), many people
experience a natural increase in drowsiness in the afternoon, about 8 hours after waking. And research
shows that you can make yourself more alert reduce stress and improve cognitive functioning with a
nap. Mid-day sleep, or a power nap, means more patience, less stress, better reaction time, increased
learning, more efficiency and better health. Heres what you need to know about the benefits of sleep
and how a power nap can help you!
How Much Sleep Do You Need? The body needs 7-8 hours of sleep per day; 6 hours or less
triples your risk of a car accident. (Interestingly, too much sleep--more than 9 hours--can
actuallybe harmful for your health; recent studies show that those who sleep more than 9 hours
per day dont live as long as their 8-hour-sleep counterparts!)
The Effects of Missed Sleep: Sleep is cumulative; if you lose sleep one day, you feel it the next.
If you miss adequate sleep several days in a row, you build up a sleep deficit, which impairs the
following:
Reaction time
Judgment
Vision
Information processing
Short-term memory
Performance
Motivation
Vigilance
Patience
Fatigued people also experience more moodiness, aggressive behaviors, burnout and more stress.
The Benefit of a Power Nap: Studies show that 20 minutes of sleep in the afternoon provides
more rest than 20 minutes more sleep in the morning (though the last two hours of morning sleep
have special benefits of their own). The body seems to be designed for this, as most peoples
bodies naturally become more tired in the afternoon, about 8 hours after we wake up.
How Long Should I Sleep? When you sleep you pass through different stages of sleep, known
together as a sleep cycle. These stages include light sleep, deep sleep (which is believed to be the
stage in which the body repairs itself), and rapid-eye movement sleep, or REM sleep (during
which the mind is repaired).
Many experts advise to keep the nap between 15 and 30 minutes, as sleeping longer gets you into
deeper stages of sleep, from which its more difficult to awaken. Also, longer naps can make it
more difficult to fall asleep at night, especially if your sleep deficit is relatively small. However,
research has shown that a 1-hour nap has many more restorative effects than a 30-minute nap,
including a much greater improvement in cognitive functioning. The key to taking a longer nap
is to get a sense of how long your sleep cycles are, and try to awaken at the end of a sleep cycle.
(Its actually more the interruption of the sleep cycle that makes you groggy, rather than the
deeper states of sleep.)
As there are pros and cons to each length of sleep, you may want to let your schedule decide: if
you only have 15 minutes to spare, take them! But if you could work in an hour nap, you may do
well to complete a whole sleep cycle, even if it means less sleep at night. If you only have 5
minutes to spare, just close your eyes; even a brief rest has the benefit of reducing stress and
helping you relax a little, which can give you more energy to complete the tasks of your day.
Tips For a More Effective Nap If you want to obtain more sleep, and the health benefits that go
with getting enough sleep, here are some tips for more effective napping and sleep at night:
Avoid caffeine after 3pm. Its a stimulant that can disrupt your sleep and stay in your system
longer than you think; its half-life is four to six hours!
If you dont want to nap a long time, set an alarm.
If you dont have time for a power nap, or dont feel comfortable napping during the day, try
meditation; it gives your body a rest and produces slower brain waves similar to sleep.
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Stress and Burnout: Burnout Symptoms and Causes
The Origins of Burnout
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Those who are experiencing high amounts of stress in their lifestyle need to always be aware of the idea
of burnout potentially looming in the future. While the term burnout is often thrown around in
discussions of stress, do you really know what it means, and how its caused?
The term burnout is a relatively new term, first coined in 1974 by Herbert Freudenberger, in
his book, Burnout: The High Cost of High Achievement. He originally defined burnout as,
the extinction of motivation or incentive, especially where one's devotion to a cause or
relationship fails to produce the desired results.
While burnout isnt a recognized clinical psychiatric or psychological disorder, there are some
similar features between burnout and diagnosable conditions such as depression, anxiety
disorders or mood disorders. However, burnout is much more common; for example, its
estimated that 25%-60% of practicing physicians experience burnout! Its also less severe, more
temporary in duration, and clearly caused by situational stressors rather than a biologically
mandated chemical imbalance. (Its kind of like depressions non-clinical, less intense cousin
that just comes for a visit and leaves when you reduce the stress in your life.) Classic symptoms
include the following:
Depleted Physical Energy: Prolonged stress can be physically draining, causing you to feel tired
much of the time, or no longer have the energy you once did. Getting out of bed to face another
day of the same gets more difficult.
Emotional Exhaustion: You feel impatient, moody, inexplicably sad, or just get frustrated more
easily than you normally would. You feel like you cant deal with life as easily than you once
could.
Lowered Immunity to Illness: When stress levels are high for a prolonged amount of time, your
immune system does suffer. People who are suffering from burnout usually get the message
from their body that something needs to change, and that message comes in the form of
increases susceptibility to colds, the flu, and other minor illnesses (and sometimes some not-so-
minor ones).
Less Investment in Interpersonal Relationships: Withdrawing somewhat from interpersonal
relationships is another possible sign of burnout. You may feel like you have less to give, or less
interest in having fun, or just less patience with people. But for whatever reason, people
experiencing burnout can usually see the effects in their relationships.
Increasingly Pessimistic Outlook: When experiencing burnout, its harder to get excited about
life, harder to expect the best, harder to let things roll off your back, and harder to look on the
bright side in general. Because optimism is a great buffer for stress, those suffering from
burnout find it harder to pull out of their rut than they normally would.
Increased Absenteeism and Inefficiency at Work: When experiencing job burnout, it gets more
difficult just to get out of bed and face more of whats been overwhelming you in the first place.
This may be an unconscious defense against burnout, but those experiencing it tend to be less
effective overall and stay home from work more often. (This could also be due to increased
illness resulting from lowered immunity, as discussed above.) This is part of why it makes sense
for workers to take some time off before theyre feeling burned-out, and why it makes sense for
employers to refrain from running their workers into the ground; they might not get back up so
quickly!
What Causes Burnout?

Burnout has many causes. They fall into the main categories relating to
job structure, lifestyle features, and individual Tools and Tips for Living
A Low-Stress, Healthy Lifestyle
These healthy habits will take you down the road of low-stress living. They may take a little practice to
develop, but will be well worth it in the long run in terms of health, relationships and life satisfaction.
21. Diet and Suppliments (12)

22. Happiness and Positivity (16)
23. Life Coach Tips For Stress Relief (9)
24. Manage Time & Organize (31)
25. Positive Attitude (35)
21. Programs and Practices (26)

22. Quality Sleep (7)
23. Resolutions and Changes (16)
24. Setting Boundaries (7)
25. Stress and Spirituality (8)
The Low-Stress Healthy Lifestyle Quiz

Take the Healthy Lifestyle Quiz, examine ten important areas of your life, and see if you're
getting enough sleep, stressing too much at work, getting adequate exercise, and more. You'll
find tips for every area of your life that are tailored to your situation so you can live a more
healthy lifestyle today!
Practice 5-Minute Meditation

Meditation carries wonderful stress relief and health benefits, but some people who want to try
meditation are scared off by the time commitment that regular meditation requires. Surprisingly,
even 5 minutes of meditation carries some benefits, so learning quick meditation strategies is
well worth it! Learn 5-minute meditation tips now.
Healthy Lifestyle Habits for Stress Relief

Healthy lifestyle habits can be an excellent way to relieve stress. Not only do those living a
balanced, healthy lifestyle tend to experience less stress, but the healthy habits that they maintain
often lead to lowered reactivity toward stress and a less-intense stress response! Try these
healthy lifestyle habits that can lead to greater...
Stress Relief - 5-Minute Stress Relief Strategies

Stress relief can come in many shapes and forms. The following stress relief strategies can be
used to bring relief from stress in 5 minutes or less, reducing your stress response and helping
you to more effectively manage the stressful situations you face.
Ongoing Tools for Stress Reduction

Effective stress reduction requires some ongoing effort. Simple stress reduction steps, over time,
add up to great rewards. The following stress reduction options are easy, convenient, supportive
and FREE! Try them now.
Exercise To Reduce Stress

Physical exercise is a wonderfully effective route to stress reduction--it can bring both short-term
stress relief and long-term resilience to stress. However, maintaining a regular exercise regime
can be challenging. These tips can help you to make exercise a part of your life, even
(especially!) if you are busy or overwhelmed.
How To Simplify Your Life

If youre looking for ideas on how to simplify life, youre not aloneits a commonly searched
topic! Here are some of the main ways you can cut down on the stress of a life thats packed to
the hilt while still maintaining the activities that are important to you.
The Cost of Clutter

Clutter: most of us have it in our homes and offices, and most of us would prefer to have it gone.
But how is it affecting us? This article explores the different ways that clutter subtly but
persistently robs us of time, energy and serenity, explores the question of how much clutter is
acceptable, and gives solutions for reducing clutter and...
Tips for Busy People

It seems in recent years being busy has become the rule rather than the exception. If you feel
busy and stressed, and don't have a lot of time to work stress relief into your busy schedule, you
may end up feeling tired and lethargic or overwhelmed and plagued by chronic stress. Clearly,
stress relief is important even for busy people. The...
Secrets To Finding Personal Control Over Stress

Stress relief involves more than just changing lifestyle factors. Differences in people's reactions
to stress and stressful events can translate into differences in feelings of personal happiness and
life satisfaction, and even improved health for those who feel less stressed by the events of their
lives. What causes one person to experience a sense of stress and frustration when another person
may feel calm or energized? Find stress relief in the answers to these questions
Waking Up Stressed? How to Cure a Stress Hangover

Have you ever woken up in the morning and immediately felt the weight of the stress left over
from the day before? Here are some simple and effective strategies for shrugging off first-thing-
in-the-morning stress and making each day the best it can be.
Quiz: Are You A Perfectionist?

Do you sometimes wonder if your desire for excellence crosses the line into perfectionism? This
fifteen-question quiz can help you to better understand yourself, see the distinction between
perfectionism and high achievement, and find out where your tendencies lie.
Finding Time For Yourself: How and Why You Should Find Time For Yourself
Many of us spend so much time doing what we feel we must do, that we dont have enough time
for what we would love to do. The feeling of not having enough freedom to pursue quality time
with our families, revitalizing solitary activities, or other things that would nurture us can leave
us feeling stressed and unhappy. This article can help you find time for yourself so you can enjoy
life more.
Top Five Lifestyle Changes for Optimum Stress Management

You can experience a happier, more peaceful, and less stressful life! Learn about the five most
effective lifestyle features that reduce stress in your life, and help you better manage existing
tension and stress.
Free E-Course: Life a Low-Stress Lifestyle!

This free, ten-week e-course includes weekly lessons on the link between stress and health, plus
information on stress management techniques, social support, exercise, optimism, and other
facets of low-stress living that have also been recommended by the Mayo Clinic. Start any time,
learn at your own pace, and begin to live a low-stress lifestyle!
Self Care Strategies for Overall Stress Reduction

You cant always control the circumstances that life throws your way, but you can control how
well you take care of yourself. Taking proper care of your body, soul and mind can keep you in
optimum shape for handling stress. The following are some important basic self care strategies
that can keep you functioning well and ready for lifes...
Stress Relief Game Plan: Reduce Lifestyle Stress

Stress relief techniques can quickly help you reduce the tension you feel from your stressful
days. However, another important piece of an effective stress management game plan is to
eliminate some of the stress in your lifestyle so that you experience less stress that you need
relief from The following resources can help you simplify your life and develop strategies from
preventing excessive stress before it even becomes a problem!
Healthy Habits for Low Stress Living

A very important step in a stress management game plan is to maintain healthy habits that will
keep your stress levels low and enable you to handle stress that does come into your life, so that
stress management is a part of your lifestyle and not just an activity to help you handle
excessively high stress levels when they become just too much. The following are healthy habits
that can enhance your lifestyle.
How To Choose A Stress Management Habit You Can Stick With

Sometimes maintaining a new healthy habit is harder than it seems. Fortunately, there are a few
tricks that can make it easier to maintain a new healthy habit. The easiest way to stick with a new
habit is to choose wisely. If you want to make it easy to stay with a healthy habit, it must be
something you enjoy, and something that fits well with who you are. Here are some things to
consider.
Stress Relievers for Busy People

Many people experience excessive stress in their lives. Many of these people also find
themselves too busy for stress management programs--or so they think. Here are some stress
relievers for busy people who have difficulty building new habits into an already packed routine.
They take very little time or effort, and yield measurable results...
Music and Stress Relief: How To Use Music In Your Daily Life
Music brings great health and stress relief benefits. It's a great stress relief tool because you can
use music in your daily life and achieve many stress relief benefits on your own. One of the great
benefits of music as a stress reliever is that it can be used while you conduct your regular
activities so that it really doesnt take time away from your busy schedule. This article provides
several ways you can use music to enhance your regular activities and relieve stress.
Too Busy for a Vacation? Try These Stress Relievers for Busy People
Too busy to take a vacation? Try some regular stress relief activities and you'll still get some of
the benefits of a vacation: relaxation, increased productivity, better health and more. Check out
these creative stress relievers for busy people who don't have time for vacations, from About's
Stress Manageent site.
Mini-Vacations and Relaxation Activities

Vacations carry important benefits for stress management, productivity and health.
Unfortunately, many people dont take vacations because of time or money constraints. Luckily,
there are ways you can enjoy many of the benefits a vacation would bring, but without spending
as much time or money as you would on a formal vacation. So, for those with limited time and
budgets, I have these creative mini-vacation strategies:
Benefits and Different Types of Meditation
The benefits of meditation are well-documented and numerous. And fortunately, there are many
different types of meditation, so there's something for everyone. This article discusses the basics
of various meditation techniques and discusses the benefits that these types of meditation can
carry for stress relief and personal growth.
Overcoming Perfectionism: How To Develop a Healthier Outlook

Perfectionism can rob you of your peace of mind, enjoyment of life, and self esteem. Though its
a process that may take a little time, overcoming perfectionism can greatly decrease the level of
stress you feel on a daily basis. Here are some important steps you can take to maintain a
healthier attitude by overcoming perfectionism.
Low-Stress Lifestyle: 6 Great Ways to Start Your Day

How you spend your morning can put a flavor on the rest of your day. From yoga to yogurt,
these healthy habits can reduce stress, improve health, and give you a great start!
Great Ways to End Your Day

Sleep is vital for productivity, health, stress management and overall wellbeing. However, those
of us who need better sleep the most--the busy and the stressed--tend to get less of it than they
need! Here are some healthy habits to get into, to promote better sleep and keep you healthy and
happy.
Have A Truly Relaxing Staycation

A staycation, a vacation you do at home, can be a wonderful alternative to a long, expensive,
painstakingly planned tripthe time and money you can save are significant. However, if you
dont take certain precautions, your staycation can be little more than a stressful extension of
everything you need a break from! The following staycation strategies can assure that your
staycation is truly a relaxing romp rather than a wasted week.
Recommendations on How to Live a Low-Stress Lifestyle: Stop Stress Before It...

Many people seek help with stress when it becomes overwhelming, but we don't always make
changes until we're burned out or sick. Daily stresses can add up to chronic stress, which can
lead to anxiety, depression and health problems. Learn how positive thinking, relaxation
techniques, a healthy diet, a supportive network of friends and more can...
Self Care: The Importance of Self Care for Stress Management

With our busy lives, we sometimes forget to prioritize self care. However, taking care of yourself
and pampering yourself on a regular basis is an important for stress management, your physical
health and your emotional wellbeing. Learn more about why self care is important, and find
some easy self care strategies.
Staying Fit When Stressed: Tools and Tips For Staying Fit When Stressed
When we're stressed, factors like cortisol, unhealthy diet, and lack of exercise can contribute to
weight gain. Staying fit when stressed is easier than it seems, though. You can combat weight
gain with some simple suggestions provided here. With a few adjustments, staying fit when
stressed can be a piece of cake--er, I mean a healthy salad!
Stress Management and Pets: How Owning a Dog or Cat Can Reduce Stress
You may have heard that pets can reduce stress, and that cats reduce stress as well as dogs do.
Did you know that having a dog or cat can significantly reduce the amount of stress you feel in
your body, lower your blood pressure, increase the exercise you get, reduce loneliness and
depression, and offer other health benefits? Learn more about...
Cortisol and Stress: How to Stay Healthy

Cortisol is known as 'the stress hormone' because stress activates cortisol secretion. While it is
important in proper body functioning, too much cortisol in your bloodstream can lead to serious
health consequences. Learn more about cortisol, the effects of cortisol, and how to stay healthy
in the face of stress.
Spring Stress Relief

There are many ways to relieve stress, and some of them lend themselves more easily to certain
times of year. Spring brings some especially effective opportunities for stress relief. The
following are 8 especially fun and effective spring stress relief strategies.
The Positive Psychology Approach to Stress Relief

The positive psychology approach to a better life involves three main ingredients--three main
paths to happiness and fulfillment. Learn more about the positive psychology approach to
happiness and stress relief.
personality characteristics. For more on the causes of burnout, read the following articles:
Stress Relief - 5-Minute Stress Relief Strategies

Stressed? Find Stress Relief in 5 Minutes or Less
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Stress comes from many areas of life, and stress relief comes in many forms. While some people like
using one favorite tool for stress relief, many experts feel that the most efficient approach to stress
relief is one that attacks stress from several different directions, utilizing an overall 'plan of attack' for
stress relief.
An important first step in this stress relief plan is to have one or two quick stress relief strategies
that can help you relax your physiology or de-stress your mind, to reverse your body's stress
response so that you can think clearly and avoid the negative effects of chronic stress.
The following are some quick and effective stress relief strategies that can help you do just that:
these stress relief activities, once mastered, should enable you to de-stress in under 5 minutes so
that you can move on to the next steps in your stress relief strategy or immediately face the
stressors at hand.
Here are several strategies to try:
Breathing Exercises
Stress relief breathing is one of the most popular ways of calming down quickly for good reason:
breathing exercises can be done by anyone, at any time, with little training, and at no expense!
Breathing exercises can also be combined with other stress relief techniques (such as guided imagery or
meditation) for added benefits and ease of use. Learn more about breathing exercises and learn a quick
stress relief breathing technique.
PMR
Progressive Muscle Relaxation, or PMR, is a technique you can learn that, with practice, enables you to
completely relax all of the muscles in your body quickly, thereby releasing tension from stress. Like each
of the techniques that are mentioned in this article, PMR helps you to reverse your body's stress
response quickly. It can also be done at virtually any time or place, once you've learned the technique
and practiced it. (It's especially useful for when you're trying to get to sleep.) Learn more about how to
practice PMR.
Mini-Meditation
Meditation is gaining status as a stress management mainstay because it brings so many wonderful
benefits, including (after consistent practice) resilience against future stressors! Many people shy away
from learning meditation because they think they don't have the ability to learn the technique or the
time to practice regularly. Actually, meditation can be very simple to learn, and even 5 minutes of
meditation can make a difference. Learn more about the benefits of meditation, and how to practice 5-
minute meditation.
Aromatherapy
As far as ease of use goes, aromatherapy is about as easy as they come! Studies show that certain types
of aromatherapy can be effective for stress relief, and once you have the aromatherapy going, it's
passive stress relief--you don't have to do anything except go about your regular activities as you
normally would! (Combining techniques can provided added stress relief, but isn't necessary.) Learn
more about the research on aromatherapy and find ways to use aromatherapy for stress relief.
Quick Burst of Exercise

Exercise is an excellent stress relief technique because it's great for your whole body and brings physical
benefits other than those experienced because of a reversed stress response. Exercise can provide
distraction, endorphins and an outlet for frustration. Unfortunately, it's not always practical as a 'quick'
stress reliever, as the full benefits of exercise are often not achieved until sustained exercise has
occurred, and that can leave you sweaty; therefore, you may not use it in a class or at the office, or
when you're meeting with clients and under stress. However, in situations where it can work, even a
quick burst of exercise (like a quick run up several flights of stairs, or several sets of push-ups) can be
useful for stress relief. (Always check with your doctor before starting any exercise program, of course.)
Learn more about the benefits of exercise and how to use exercise for stress relief.
Have a Good Laugh
Maintaining a sense of humor can relieve stress in several ways. First, there are specific benefits that
you get from laughter that can help you relieve stress and even stay healthier in your life. Also, laughter
connects people, and social support is good for stress relief. More, it's hard to stay stressed when you're
laughing. And maintaining a sense of humor reminds us that our stressors may not be as menacing as
they seem, and probably have solutions, too. For these reasons, laughing in the face of stress can help
you feel better in a matter of minutes. Learn more about the benefits of laughter and how to maintain a
sense of humor in the face of stress.
Reduce Tension with Progressive Muscle Relaxation
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relaxation techniques
physical stress relief
healthy habits
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) is a great technique for reducing overall body tension. As you
practice tensing and relaxing all the muscle groups in your body, you can move to a shortened
procedure, Deep Muscle Relaxation where you rapidly relax your whole body. As you reduce the tension
you carry in your body, your whole being will feel less stress and you will enjoy increased physical and
emotional health. Heres how to get started:
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: 5 Minutes
Here's How:
1. After finding a quiet place and several free minutes to practice progressive muscle relaxation, sit
or lie down and make yourself comfortable.
2. Begin by tensing all the muscles in your face. Make a tight grimace, close your eyes as tightly as
possible, clench your teeth, even move your ears up if you can. Hold this for the count of eight
as you inhale.
3. Now exhale and relax completely. Let your face go completely lax, as though you were sleeping.
Feel the tension seep from your facial muscles, and enjoy the feeling.
4. Next, completely tense your neck and shoulders, again inhaling and counting to eight. Then
exhale and relax.
5. Continue down your body, repeating the procedure with the following muscle groups:
o chest
o abdomen
o entire right arm
o right forearm and hand (making a fist)
o right hand
o entire left arm
o left forearm and hand (again, making a fist)
o left hand
o buttocks
o entire right leg
o lower right leg and foot
o right foot
o entire left leg
o lower left leg and foot
o left foot
6. for the shortened version, which includes just four main muscle groups:
o face
o neck, shoulders and arms
o abdomen and chest
o buttocks, legs and feet
Quickly focusing on each group one after the other, with practice you can relax your body like
liquid relaxation poured on your head and it flowed down and completely covered you. You
can use progressive muscle relaxation to quickly de-stress any time.
What You Need
A comfortable place.
Some privacy.
A few minutes.
Anger, Stress and Your Health

Chronic anger can take a toll on your happiness, relationships, and health. These resources can help you
to better understand the role that stress and anger plays in your overall health, and can find strategies
to help you to better manage anger.
Do's and 'Don't's of Anger Management

Dealing with anger is something we all do. Well-managed anger can be a catalyst for positive
change, while poorly handled anger can cause relationship and health problems, and stress in
one's life. Here are some simple and effective strategies for dealing with anger.
Anger Problems - Effects of Poorly Managed Anger

Anger problems can affect your health, your happiness and your life. Learn more about the
research behind anger and what type of anger problems people experience as a result of poorly
managed anger. You'll also find effective anger management resources.
Do's and Don't's of Dealing With Anger
Dealing With Anger in a Healthy Way Is Crucial
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We all experience anger. Managed in healthy ways, anger can be a positive thing -- a red flag that
somethings wrong, a catalyst for change, a good self-motivator. Handled poorly, anger can cause health
and relationship problems. (See this article for more on the negative effects of anger.) For many,
especially those who didnt have positive role models for anger management while growing up, dealing
with anger can be confusing; its hard to know what to do with such a powerful and potentially
destructive emotion. Examining your anger and using other anger management techniques can
positively impact your health, relationships and overall happiness. It's simple to do. Here are some
proven anger management strategies.
Understand Your Anger
Dealing with anger is much easier when you know what youre really angry about. Sometimes people
may feel generally irritable because of stress, sleep deprivation, and other factors; more often, theres a
more specific reason for the anger. Either way, you can become more aware of whats behind your
anger if you keep an anger journal (a record of what makes you angry throughout the day) for a few
weeks, then talk it over with a good friend, or even see a therapist to uncover underlying sources of
anger, if you find yourself stumped. Once you are more aware of your sources of anger, you can take
steps to deal with it.
Express YourselfConstructively
Research shows that writing about anger and expressing it constructively can help reduce negative
mood and even pain, particularly if the writing leads to meaning-making, or speculation into the causes
of the anger. This research, as well as other research on the benefits of journaling, supports the
effectiveness of writing down your feelings and working through them on paper. The written expression
of anger allows you to actively do something with your anger rather than just letting it make you feel
bad.
Take Action
Your anger is telling you something. The first part of dealing with anger, as discussed, is examining it and
listening to what its telling you about your life. The next part involves taking action. Knowing why
youre upset can go a long way, but eliminating your anger triggers and fixing problems that make you
angry are equally important. You may not be able to eliminate everything in your life that causes you
anger and frustration, but cutting out what you can should go a long way.
Dont Obsess
Ruminating on your anger isnt actually helpful. Studies show that, among other things, those who have
a tendency to ruminate over situations that have made them angry in their past tend to experience
higher blood pressure as a result, putting them at greater risk for organ damage and associated health
problems. Trying to solve a problem is a good idea, but stewing in your anger is not.
Dont Over-talk It
Discussing your anger is a tricky thing. Talking about your anger with a trusted friend can be an effective
strategy for dealing with anger -- to a point. It can help you better understand your feelings, brainstorm
problem-solving strategies, and strengthen your relationship. However, theres also evidence that
repeatedly discussing topics that make you angry with your friends can actually make you both feel
worse, and increase stress hormones in your blood. If youre dealing with anger by talking to friends
about it, its best to talk about a situation only once, exploring solutions as well as your feelings. Most of
us --especially the women -- have been involved in conversations that are basically complaint sessions or
downward spirals of negative emotion; its best to change the subject to a happier topic before it gets
that far. If you find yourself wanting to talk a lot about what is making you angry, it might be a good idea
to schedule a few sessions with a therapist, who may have some effective ideas on dealing with anger.
Anger Problems: Effects of Poorly Managed Anger
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Like poorly managed stress, anger that isnt handled in a healthy way can be not only uncomfortable,
but even damaging to ones health and personal life. Consider the following research on anger:
One study from the University of Washington School of Nursing studied anger problems in
husbands and wives. Researchers cited previous evidence that anger problems and depressive
symptoms have been linked to all major causes of death, but found that wives specifically found
a greater association between anger and symptoms of depression, while men tended to instead
experience an association between anger and health problems.
According to a study from Ohio State University, those who had less control over their anger
tended to heal more slowly from wounds. Researchers gave blisters to 98 participants and found
that, after 8 days, those who had less control over their anger also tended to be slower healers. In
addition, those participants also tended to have more cortisol (a stress hormone) in their system
during the blistering procedure, suggesting that they may be more stressed by difficult situations
as well.
Another study from Harvard School of Public Health studied hostility in men and found that
those with higher rates of hostility not only had poorer pulmonary functioning (breathing
problems), but experienced higher rates of decline as they aged.
Research with children and adolescents shows that anger management is important for the
younger set as well. Findings showed that youth who cope inappropriately with their anger are at
greater risk for problem-ridden interpersonal relationships. Their health is also at risk; those who
cope poorly with anger tend to have more negative outcomes when it comes to both mental and
general health. This highlights the fact that anger management is an important skill to learn early.
These are just a few of the many studies linking anger to physical and emotional health
problems, from the obvious to the unexpected. Because poorly managed anger presents such a
significant problem in so many areas of life, its important to take steps toward learning and
using healthy anger management techniques in daily life, along with stress management
techniques. The following articles can help with both.
Stress and Emotional Eating: What Causes Emotional Eating?

When You Know the Causes of Emotional Eating, You Can More Easily Prevent
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While new research on nutrition seems to come out every day, and low carb diet books top the
bestseller lists, many people continue to struggle with maintaining a healthy diet and staying fit. This is
because, even if we know what were supposed to be eating, there are additional factors that influence
how much and what type of food we consume. One of these factors is stress, which is linked to
increased emotional eating.
Emotional eating has many causes. The following are some of the main reasons - besides hunger
- that stressed people eat:
Cortisol Cravings: Stress can bring on increased levels of cortisol, known as "the stress
hormone." Cortisol has a beneficial function in the body, but excessive levels of cortisol brought
on by chronic stress can cause a slew of problems in the body. Among other things, high levels
of cortisol can create cravings for salty and sweet foods. In previous centuries, this enabled
people to bulk up on foods that would sustain them during times when food is scarce; however,
in modern times and industrialized nations, when food is rarely scarce, this previously adaptive
mechanism causes excess weight gain.
Social Eating: Often people who are under stress will seek out social support, which is a great
way to relieve stress. Unfortunately for dieters, when people get together especially women
we tend to go out for a nice meal. Crying on your friends shoulder over a couple of hot fudge
sundaes, going out for a night on the town and a plate full of fried appetizers, sharing a bowl of
chips with the guys as you watch a game, or discussing the gory details of a nightmare date over
cheesecake with your roommates (didnt this occur in every episode of The Golden Girls?) are all
social forms of emotional eating. It can make you feel better in the short term, but you may
regret later.
Nervous Energy: When stressed or anxious, many people become "orally fidgety." Sometimes
this leads to nail biting or teeth grinding, and often it leads to eating when not hungry. Many
people, out of nervousness or boredom, just munch on chips or drink soda to give their mouths
something to do.
Childhood Habits: Many of us have comforting childhood memories that revolve around food.
Whether your parents used to reward you with sweets, fix your boo-boos with an ice cream
cone, or make your favorite meal (or take you out to one) to celebrate your successes, youd
probably be in the vast minority if you didnt develop some emotionally-based attachments to
food while growing up. When in times of stress, few things can be as powerfully comforting or
rewarding as your favorite food. Because many people dont develop more effective coping
strategies, this type of emotional eating is very common: people eat to celebrate, eat to feel
better, eat to deal with the stress of being overweight.
Stuffing Emotions: Another emotional reason that many people eat is to quiet uncomfortable
emotions. People who are uncomfortable with confrontation may deal with frustrations in their
marriage with a piece of cake, for example, rather than with open communication. Food can
take the focus off of anger, resentment, fear, anxiety, and a host of other emotions wed
sometimes rather not feel, and is often used for this purpose.
While there are many reasons for emotional eating, and its a prevalent fixture in our society, its
not necessarily good for us, as anyone whos watching their weight will tell you. If youre an
emotional eater, its important for you to be aware of this, keep an eye on your triggers, and
develop some effective stress management techniques and coping skills so that your body stays
healthy and you choose your diet, rather than feeling out of control.
The following article has some specific and effective techniques for dealing with stress and
cutting down on emotional eating, or you can take the Stress and Weight Gain Test to see
what role stress plays with your weight, and to find targeted help. You can also scroll down for
more resources.
Stress and Emotional Eating: How To Stop Emotional Eating

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As anyone whos watching their weight will tell you, hunger is just one of many reasons that people eat.
Those with a tendency toward emotional eating are especially vulnerable to making poor diet choices for
reasons outlined in this article. If youre an emotional eater, you may find yourself eating to deal with
uncomfortable emotions, using food as a reward when youre happy, and craving sweets or unhealthy
snacks when stressed. (Dont worry; youre not alone!) The following ideas can help you to cut down
emotional eating and develop healthier eating habitseven when stressed!
Find Relaxation Techniques: When youre under stress, your body is likely producing higher
levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that tends to make people crave sweet and salty foodthe
stuff thats generally not good for us. If youre experiencing stress on a regular basis and arent
finding ways to relax your body relatively quickly, cortisol could be creating these cravings, as
well as contributing to other health problems. The following stress relievers for busy people can
help, or you can find stress relievers that fit with your specific situation with the Stress Reliever
Personality Tool.
Cope In Healthy Ways: Many people use food to deal with uncomfortable emotions like anger,
frustration, fear, and other feelings. While we need food for survival, there are healthier ways to
cope with emotions:
o Talk To A Friend. Social support can go a long way toward helping you process your
feelings, gain support if needed, and move on. (Just dont meet your friend at The
Cheesecake Factory!)
o Try Journaling. Processing ones feelings in a journal has been found to have many
health benefits beyond mere stress management. When you feel like reaching for
unhealthy food, reach for a pen instead.
o Exercise. Getting your body moving is a great way to blow off steam and get your
endorphins going, and is a much healthier option than overeating.
Face Your Problems: If youre using food to muffle your feelings in a difficult relationship, try
assertiveness instead. If food is your only treat at a job you hate, try techniques for finding
satisfaction at your job, or get a different one. Cut down on the stress in your life and you wont
need food to help you cope.
Try Healthy Alternatives: If these techniques dont completely eliminate your emotional eating
urges, go ahead and indulgebut use healthier fare. Drink Perrier instead of soda; munch on
veggies or healthy snacks instead of chips; savor one small piece of dark chocolate instead of
binging on a whole chocolate muffin from the coffee shop (itll help you live longer!). All of these
things can be good for you, so youll still come out ahead without feeling completely deprived.
Social Support: The Hows and Whys of Cultivating a Circle of Friends
Many Hands Make Light Stress: Getting Adequate Social Support
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Why It Pays To Have A Group:
Studies on social support show that having one or two close and supportive friends is at least as
valuable to emotional health as having a large group of friendly acquaintances or more shallow
friendships. However, having social support from several supportive friends would be the best of
both worlds. You probably already know if you're more comfortable with one good friend or
many, but there are some good reasons to have at least a few different friends to fall back on:
If you have only one person supporting you through difficult times, you may wear that person
out, or feel unsupported if that person is unavailable. Its better for everyone if you have at least
a few people to depend on.
You draw different benefits from different types of people. Having an outgoing friend to party
with, a knowledgeable friend to gain information and insights from, and an empathic friend to
be a good listener during tough times, for example, provides a better blend of social support
than any one of these people alone could give.
Your friends can bring out different qualities in one another that benefit all of you. For example,
your outgoing friend could bring your shy empathic friend out of her shell, and the three of you
could go out and party together. Plus, your friends can introduce you to more friends, giving you
a greater pool of pre-screened potential friends.
Studies show that a sense of belonging is extremely important for emotional health and well-
being; those who have social support but don't feel a sense of belonging are much more likely to
suffer from depression, for example.
How to Meet New People:
If youre not still in school or working for a large company with a built-in social structure and
constant opportunities to meet new people, its still easy to build new friendships. Here are a few
ways to meet new people:
Join a Gym. If youre not comfortable striking up a conversation with the person on the next
stairmaster, most gyms offer yoga, aerobics or even martial arts classes, which provide a more
intimate setting and opportunities to meet people, perhaps finding a workout buddy.
Get Involved in a Hobby. If you enjoy making things with your hands, perhaps you can enroll in
a community art class. If you like writing, a writers workshop will provide a great opportunity to
improve your writing skills and get to know other writers at the same time. Joining a class
geared toward your interests ensures youll improve yourself, and youll meet people with
whom you already have something in common!
Volunteer! Getting involved with a charity you believe in will give you a sense of doing
something positive to help the world, which has a great way of relieving stress in itself, and
youll meet others with similarly big hearts and great passion for helping.
Get a Pet Not only will you derive physical and emotional benefits from being a pet owner, you
can meet others at dog parks or pet stores. There are even park days for passionate rabbit
owners! Let your best friend help you connect with other (human) friends.
Have a Party If you invite all of your current friends and encourage each to bring a friend, youll
have a pool of new people to meet. Plus, you may inspire your friends to throw their own
parties, where youll meet even more new people.
Smile! This one may sound simple, but if you give off an approachable vibe, you may find that
youre striking up conversations with new people wherever you go. Not all these conversations
need to lead to a new friendship, but some might, and just one warm exchange with someone
new can brighten up your day (and theirs)!
Ongoing Tools for Stress Reduction

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This site offers a wealth of information and resources on stress reduction. In order to help you feel
supported (and avoid feeling overwhelmed) in your stress reduction efforts, Ive compiled several
different options to help you tailor your experience to your needs. This allows you to receive a little or a
lot of information in convenient chunks, keeping you motivated so that stress reduction becomes a
regular, simple part of your life. Try a few or all of the following options, and youll find it easier to
maintain a less stressed lifestyle.
Inbox Options
There are several convenient and free ways of staying connected to the site. These options will enable
you to keep stress management in mind on a regular basis, which makes it easier to make stress
reduction an automatic part of your life. The following options come straight to your inbox:
Weekly Newsletter
The About.com Stress Management Weekly Newsletter comes twice a week and is packed with
the latest research on stress, as well as quizzes, polls and practical tips on stress relief. Its one of
our most popular features, and allows you to stay up-to-date on all things stress-related.
E Courses
The free Stress Management E Courses are an excellent way to get a more in-depth focus on a
particular stress-related topic. Youll receive information, homework assignments (dont worry;
theyre easy), self-assessment tools and links to discussions related to the e course topics. This
format allows you to go a little deeper and work on a topic in baby steps, making it part of your
lifestyle.
Daily Tips
Get a new Stress Relief Daily Tip delivered to your inbox each morning -- a great way to start
the day. Each tip is designed to be brief enough to be read quickly, and linked to more in-depth
information if you have a little more time during the day -- a simple and effective way to keep
stress management part of your daily life.
Feedback Options
If youre interested making your opinion part of the site, several fun options can allow you to make your
voice heard:
Vote In Polls
We have Fun Stress Polls on all topics related to stress -- everything from How Clean Is Your
House? to Are You A Perfectionist? to How Might Stress Be Affecting Your Health? Sharing
your opinion in the polls is fun; finding out what others have to say can be even more fun.
Comments
I blog regularly about all topics related to stress. (You can find my blogs on the Stress
Management Homepage.) Each blog offers a comments section that invites reader responses. I
usually join the conversation when people comment, and comments also lend themselves to
exchanges of ideas between readers. While my blogs arent usually controversial in nature, they
do offer the opportunity for you to share your experiences and thoughts in a more supportive
manner. If you have your own website, youre invited to include the url in your signature.
Forum
If you have your own topic youd like to explore with others, the Stress Management Forum is
the way to go. You can ask a question, share your experiences, or just meet new friends. I visit
every few days, and often post questions for people to discuss. I also work to keep it spam-free
and friendly, so its a great place to visit.
Email Me With Questions / Ideas
Have a great idea for an article that you would love to see on my site? You can email me with
your idea, and Ill put it on my list of topics to cover. I try to write about issues that would be
most helpful to people. When someone takes the time to write asking about a certain topic, that
tells me that people are really passionate about it and want to know more.
On Your Computer
You can use computer options to stay connected to the site and get the most up-to-date information on
stress reduction:
RSS Feeds
Signing up for the Stress Management RSS Feed is a very simple way to get all of the latest
information from this site sent directly to your monitor, with links back to all new articles. You
can choose to receive the latest headlines (updated daily), see the most popular articles, or
both.
o Sign Up for the Stress Management RSS Feed (Scroll Down)
o What Is an RSS Feed?
o More About RSS Feeds
Bookmark
If you find an article you like, just select add bookmark on your browser so its easy to visit
again.
Follow Me On Twitter
Get daily stress tips, some of which you can't get anywhere else, with Twitter. Here's how.
Make Stress Management Your Homepage
I generally add a new blog or feature to the site each day. Make About.coms Stress
Management home page (http://stress.about.com) your startup screen, and you can see whats
new on the site as the changes occur. This is a great way to stay up-to-date, and keep stress
management in the forefront of your awareness -- a great way to start your day.
Choose Your Browser:
o Internet Explorer or Netscape
o Firefox
o Safari
Learn About Yourself
This site is dedicated to helping you overcome the negative effects of stress through fun and informative
articles as well as other means. The following are some other options that can provide insight into your
own personality and lifestyle to help you address the stress in a way thats tailored to your specific
situation:
Tests
The stress tests on this site are geared toward helping you discover more about yourself, learn
about specific topics related to stress, and find targeted information to help you make changes
that will bring less stress to your life. And theyre fun to take, too.
Polls
As I mentioned above, voting in the polls is a fun tool for self-reflection, and lets you know what
other people are thinking and experiencing, both of which can be educational.
Courses
The Stress Management E Courses offer structured lessons, worksheets, homework, quizzes,
polls and links to share your views with others, all of which enable you to better explore your
experience and make healthy, lasting changes in your life.
With all the options available for ongoing stress reduction support, you should be able to find the
perfect combination for your needs. I look forward to 'seeing' more of you. Enjoy!
Cope With Stress and Become More Resilient
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Emotional resilience is partially inborn, but it can (and should) be learned and developed. If youd like to
be able to handle lifes challenges (both major and minor) with greater ease, to grow from adversity,
and to turn potentially negative events into positive ones, the following steps can help you to become
more resilient to stress.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: Ongoing
Here's How:
1. Develop The Right Attitude

Resilient people tend to view lifes difficulties as challenges and respond accordingly with action,
rather than with fear, self-pity, blame or a "victim mentality." While life can be very challenging,
an important step in becoming more resilient is to develop positive self-talk and to remind
yourself that you are strong and can grow stronger and more wise as you handle lifes
challenges.
2. Become Aware
Part of resilience is emotional awareness; its important to understand what youre feeling and
why. Sometimes people feel overwhelmed with their emotions, and this frightens and
immobilizes them. Knowing why you feel upset can provide valuable information about what
needs to change in your life. Its also important to do research on how to meet the challenges
you face. Maintaining a journal can help you explore your inner world and come up with a plan
of action.
3. Develop An Internal Locus of Control
Resilient people believe that theyre in control of their lives, and its true: while we cant control
our circumstances, we can control how we respond to those circumstances, and that makes a
big difference in our attitudes and in the course our lives take. Fortunately, you can develop an
internal locus of control.
4. Cultivate Optimism
Being an optimist is more than looking on the bright side (though that helps). Its a way of
viewing the world where you maximize your strengths and accomplishments, and minimize your
weaknesses and setbacks. Developing a more optimistic world view can help you become more
resilient.
Become an Optimist
5. Rally Social Support

While we ultimately face our own challenges, a supportive friend or group of friends can help
lighten the load. Those with strong networks of social support tend to stay healthier and happier
throughout life, and tend to cope well with stress. Conversely, those with little support may find
themselves more vulnerable, and those with conflicted and unsupportive relationships tend to
fare even worse.
Developing a Supportive Network of Friends
6. Maintain Your Sense of Humor

If youre able to laugh at lifes frustrations, you can have increased immunity, if you will, to
stress and adversity. Those with a sense of humor about life tend to experience life as less
stressful, are able to bond with others during difficult times, and experience the numerous
benefits of laughter. If you can take a step back from difficult situations long enough to maintain
your sense of humor, you will be more resilient, too.
Maintaining a Sense of Humor
7. Exercise
Yes, you read right. Exercise has been correlated with stronger levels of resilience. This may be
due to the effects of endorphins on one's mood, or the physical health benefits to those who
exercise, or both. Regardless, adding a regular exercise habit to your lifestyle can benefit you in
more ways than one.
The Benefits of Exercise
8. Get In Touch With Your Spiritual Side

Studies have shown that those who are more spiritual tend to be more resilient as well. This
doesn't mean that you can't be resilient if you are atheist or agnostic. But if you are open to it,
reconnecting or strengthening your connection to your spiritual side can provide you with
strength.
Spirituality and Stress Relief
9. Dont Give Up
While many people know of coping strategies that can help with stress, as with diets and
exercise programs, the most successful individuals are those who maintain the effort for the
long term. Dont give up on your situation; dont stop working toward getting through it. Trust
the process.
Tips:
1. Be patient with yourself, and just do your best.
Sources:
Bonanno GA, Galea S, Bucciarelli A, Vlahov D. What Predicts Psychological Resilience after Disaster? The Role of Demographics,
Resources, and Life Stress. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. October 2007.
Southwick SM, Vythilingam M, Charney DS. The Psychobiology of Depression and Resilience to Stress. Annual Review of Clinical
Psychology. 2005.
Exploring Your CoreSelf

Who Are You?
From Bob Gottfried Ph.D.
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be God
Adapted excerpt from Shortcut to Spirituality: Mastering the Art of Inner Peace
When I ask people the question "Who are you?" I'm usually greeted with silence. People are not sure; in
fact, some have never even stopped to think about it. Can you imagine living all your life without
knowing who you really are?
Once people recover from the initial surprise of the question they respond with all kinds of definitions,
most of which are based on their character or abilities. "I am Anna, I am a teacher, I am a mother, I am
good-natured, I am artistic, I am a driven individual, I like helping others," and so on.
Would you agree that who you are is a collection of your experiences, memories, thoughts, feelings and
beliefs? Most people tend to agree with that.
Let's examine this deeper. Are we our experiences and memories or are these only events that we have
encountered no more? Are we our thoughts?
If you answered yes, then let me ask you this: Can we change a thought? Of course we can. So who then
is changing the thought? Is there someone "bigger" than the thoughts who can change them if he or she
wishes to? The thought cannot change itself, the same way a book cannot turn its own pages, or a car
start its own engine. So who inside can do it? You may say: "I do. I can change my thought." So in that
case you are not your thoughts, are you?
Are you your feelings?
As with thoughts, you can say that you have feelings but not that you are them. And what about beliefs?
Are you your belief system? Many assume that they are, but we need to use the same rationale: we can
change or update a belief or an attitude. It may be hard to do, but it can be done. You may have beliefs
and attitudes but you are not them, wouldn't you agree?
In that case who is this person who is having thoughts, memories, feelings and beliefs? You may say it is
the PERSONALITY. Many psychologists would agree with that, but who was there before you developed
a personality? Who is the entity who has the personality?
You may answer again, "I do." In that case, who are you? We are back to square one, but at least we
know, at this point, who we are not. We are not, at least not totally, our thoughts, feelings, or
personalities.
The word person comes from the Latin word persona which means a mask. Indeed, people wear all kinds
of masks that enable them to play all kinds of dramas. But even if you wear a thousand different masks,
there is a face behind the mask. I call it CoreSelf.
We present many selves including the self that we would like others to think we are, the self we actually
think we are, the self we are afraid we are, and then, of course, the core essence that we really are.
When you take off the masks, you find the true face of who you are.
In his famous statement, Descartes declared, "I think, therefore, I am." From a spiritual perspective, the
more appropriate statement would be, I think, therefore I THINK I am. Who we think we are is nothing
but a bunch of thoughts! Who we really are is beyond thought.
Try this awareness exercise for a moment: take a few deep breaths in, suspend all thoughts, perceptions
and feelings? Who remains after you pushed away everything?
Our CoreSelf is indeed the spiritual essence that we are really made of. Below our egos and excessive
mental processing it lays waiting for us to discover it. When we learn to recognize it and deepen our
awareness of it, good things happen, automatically, without the need for goals or use of will power. We
are then in sync with who we truly are. Therefore, to be more of who we are, we have to reduce our
pre-occupation with thoughts and feelings and become more aware of our surrounding, without
criticizing, judging, blaming and complaining.
To live life more fully, a life that is purposeful, we first need to know who we are and make choices
based on this inner wisdom. Then, we can begin to experience a strong sense of freedom, joy and inner
peace and we can heal our life. Healing is a process that happens naturally when we are connected to
our spirituality. This takes place when we are in alignment with who are. Take a deep breath in, exhale
slowly, suspend all mental processing for a while. Who are you?
"Surely, we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human
experience."
--Pierre Teilhard De Chardin
About this Contributor: Bob Gottfried Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and a Neuro-cognitive specialist
practicing in Toronto, Canada. He is the clinical director of Advanced Wellness Programs and Advanced
Cognitive Enhancement (ACE) clinics, and a consultant for the Canadian Centre for Integrative Medicine
and Global Health Management. He is the originator of an innovative therapy called Core Integration
Therapy (CIT), and developer of advanced programs for enhancing memory and concentration. (Shortcut
to Spirituality: Mastering the Art of Inner Peace - ISBN: 0973418907)
Visualize Red
Grounding Tip
By Phylameana lila Desy, About.com Guide
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healing lessons
visualization
root chakra
grounding tips
Red is the color associated with the root chakra. Visualizing is an easy tool to help ground yourself.
Imagining the color red and maintaining your focus on it during meditation will assist you in staying
connected to the earth's grounding energies. Sometimes it is easier to visualize objects rather than
colors, so imagine a big juicy apple, or focus your eye on the fleshy insides of a watermelon. You could
take this step even further by visualizing the planting of watermelon seeds and the seedlings rooting
themselves deeply into the soil.
Declutter for Health

Decluttering Tips and Letting Go Lessons
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Quick tips for decluttering and lessons for "letting go."
Does Clutter Define Your Way of Life?
Do you ever feel overwhelmed or trapped by the clutter in your life? Living amongst disorder or being
surrounded by "things" that eat up your space can have an ill-effect on your health. Take this quiz to find
out if your messy habits are harming you.
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Letting Go Affirmations
Letting go affirmations will help shift your vision and set you onto a path toward a happier life and
personal empowerment. Choose an affirmation that fits you, write it down on a sticky, plaster it onto
your bathroom mirror or computer. Recite it at least once daily! Good luck "letting go" and freeing your
inner being.
Spring Cleaning Your Chakras
Chakra blockages are often mirrored by the state of disarray in the various rooms in your home. A messy
or disorganized kitchen could reflect a heart chakra imbalance. A cluttered den or home office may
indicate mental confusion or lack of focus. A dusty or unorganized master bedroom can affect your love
relationship negatively. Grimy window panes may mimic clouded third eye perceptions. An overstuffed
attic or dirty rain gutters may be mirroring a blocked crown chakra.
Learning to Let Go
Are you ready to loosen your grib on the things that no longer serve you. This five week Letting Go
ecourse offers tools and suggestions for freeing your life of things that are polluting your human energy
field and crowding your physical surroundings. Whether you are clearing out a closet of useless
materials, or freeing yourself of emotional baggage... Good Riddance! Lessons include: Clearing Away
Clutter, Forgiveness, Full Moon Release, Breaking Through Road Blocks, and Dealing With Past Regrets
and Control Issues.
15 Minute Rule
Assigning yourself a certain amount of time to stay on task each day, such as an hour, or even as little as
15 minutes will help you stay on top of organizing your living space. A reader who shared this helpful
declutter tip applies her 15 Minute Rule each day to keep her home in order. Gail says "The trouble with
doing the work all in a day is that you will not be able to assign that same amount of energy to this same
space for perhaps another year. In 15 minutes a day, everyone can achieve, everyone can feel terrific
knowing that they are being consistent and that their goal is achievable."
Set your timer and stay on task!
What About Those Paper Clutter Piles?
We all have those pesky paper piles of newspapers, magazines, and mail. Paper can multiply so fast it is
important to keep them organized right away or you will end up wasting time resorting papers that need
only be handled once.
Managing Your Bills

Handling Your Mail
Organizing Your Magazines
Using Stickies as Bookmarks
Mental Clutter
Do you periodically clear your mind of any obsessive thoughts that are overwhelming you? You will likely
be bogged down with a serious case of brain drain unless you routinely take the initiative and
consciously clear your mind of non-productive thoughts. Lingering thoughts that are hanging around
creating a depressive atmosphere creates mental anguish.
Learn the 3 Causes of Mental Clutter
How to Simplify Your Life
Follow these how-to steps to help simplify your life. I wrote this step-by-step instruction for sorting
through and getting rid of your clutter after I cleared out junk from my life. If you are ready to face
issues and want to move through them, release them, and be able travel along life's path a little freer
afterwards, nothing will do it faster than cleaning out a closet! The more we hold onto "useless
possessions" the less satisfied we often become. Don't let your STUFF define you.
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Organizing Your Closets
Are your closets bulging from being over-stuffed with items? Keeping your clutter tucked away
behind closed doors will only work for so long. Eventually, you'll be needing more storage space
or be prepared to get rid of stuff. How many winter coats do you need really? Somethings we do
need to hold onto. Having them organized in the tidiest manner possible will help you not feel
squeezed by having your stored items in plain sight. A reader, Linda, suggests draperies drawn in
front of a bookcase to hide her collection of books she can't bear to part with.
Curtain Camoulflage
Recycling Seasonal Clothing
In With the New - Out with the Old
Retire Your Tired Clothes
Annual Organization of Your Food Pantry
I have put together this six step tutorial for doing an annual inventory and re-organization of your
pantry. The month of January, right after ringing in the new year, is a good time for doing this. Keeping
your kitchen stocked with the freshest foods will assure the family meals you prepare are the healthiest
possible.
How to Avoid Overstocking Your Food Pantry
Full Moon Release Ritual
Full Moon is an opportune time of the month for purging rituals to take place. The light the full moon
offers illuminates those things that are interfering with our spiritual advancements. Once we have
become enlightened to ways that are blocking us, the easier to let go. The full moon ritual is for
releasing or purging the things in our lives that no longer serve us such as addictions to food, drugs, or
sex, relinquishing suffering involved in hurtful relationships, discharging physical and emotional pains,
etc.
Readers Respond:
Creating a Sacred Space

A place for peace and introspection
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meditation
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Sacred Space can be as small as the breath taken in during prayer, as large as a cathedral or as
expansive as an ocean view.
Unless you already have a special peaceful place set up in your home I suggest you challenge yourself to
create a "sacred space" somewhere within your living area. Perhaps you are fortunate enough to have
an extra room you can use to retreat to when you need some time to yourself. When it is time for a child
to leave the nest consider converting the newly evacuated bedroom into a sacred space rather than
making it into a guest room that is only used occasionally. Do not feel as if you must wait until you have
a spare room to create this space. Consider opening up any corner and building an altar there, or empty
a closet of its clutter and toss a couple of pillows upon the floor for use in quiet prayer or meditation.
After Choosing Your Space
Once you have chosen the space, clear the entire room where your sacred space will exist (even if only a
corner is being used). A fresh coat of paint on the walls might be nice. Incorporate household rules as to
who is and who is not allowed into this space. Is this to be your space alone or can other family
members use it when you aren't using it? Select pleasing visuals, kinesthetics, sounds, and scents for
your Sacred Space surroundings.
Filling Your Space with Personal Items
I like to fill my Sacred Space with personal items I have been gifted from loving friends and family
members. Clay hand impressions my sons made in kindergarten are hanging on the wall, my
grandmother's china doll is sitting in the corner, a river clam shell given to me from my friend Bill who
lives beside the Mississippi is filled with rice to feed the Crow Spirit on the window sill. Smaller items
have found their way into a ceramic star bowl kept just for such treasures. It is filled with a handful of
seashells, a dime (promised prosperity) I found shining up at me from the grasses under my feet at a
roadside park where I had stopped to meditate, a chunk of amethyst, a purie marble (Crystal Ball) from
Eirene, a broken arrowhead, and more goodies.
Sacred Space Rituals

Once your space is in place you will likely want to honor it by doing some
type of ritual, be it Wiccan, Native American, casting a gypsy spell, giving
a prayer of gratitude, or blessing it in whatever way best aligns with
your belief system. You will soon find yourself drawn to this sacred
space more and more as you seek the solace and restfulness it provides.
You begin to wonder how you ever lived without this Sacred Space that
offCrystal Altars
How to Create a Crystal Altar
From Linda Foltyn
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Crystal Therapy: Healing with Crystals | A to Z Gemstones | Crystal Attraction | Choosing the Right Stones | Cleansing Your Crystals | Popular Gemstones | Crystal
Altars
Creating your own Crystal Altar is easy and inexpensive. What is a crystal altar? It is a special
place where you keep your collection of crystals for meditation and/or for an energy center in
your home or apartment. It doesn't require much room, and can be set up in a few minutes.
It can have crystals and stones, along with other items of nature, such as feathers, shells, wood,
water, candles and even a prayer card. The point is you can use just about anything you choose.
The important thing to remember is that each of these items should be special to you. I often put
feathers on my altar that cross my path. You can use a shelf or dresser top as long as it is a place
that will not be disturbed or that can not cause a fire when burning candles.
Once you have assembled your altar, the intention is to bring light and energy to you and your
surrounding area. You can program your stones and crystals for specific use or just use them for
decoration and let them do what they do naturally, which is to dissolve and balance energy.
Meditating by your Altar Can Help Bring You Peace
Here is something I personally like to do. If I have a friend or family member that is having a particular
problem with their health or relationships, I draw a circle on a piece of paper. In that circle I put the
persons name, along with positive words that can help them with their particular problem. For example,
if someone is having health problems, I put their name inside the circle, and then put the words:
healthy, happy, peaceful, love, light, and resolution. Now I put that piece of paper on the altar along
with some tumbled stones that I think might help with the situation. A piece of rose quartz can always
help by bringing in love and self-love. If you are familiar with the colors of the chakras you might try a
colored stone that relates to that part of the body they are having trouble with.
ers much healing, comfort and warmth.
Clear Out the Clutter in Your Life
Make Room For Good Things To Enter Your Life

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letting go
declutter
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Have you ever counted the "junk drawers" in your house? I have a dresser drawer in the laundry room
full of odd socks, three drawers in a desk in the my kitchen full of odds and ends, and an old buffet
cabinet in the basement with two drawers full of stuff that could only be categorized as JUNK. Aside
from junk drawers how many of you have attics and garages full of stuff?
For the past couple of weeks I have been making a deliberate and time consuming effort to tackle the
many stacks of paper that have been accumulating in our household. My first step was to clear out an
old file cabinet I had stored in the basement and drag it upstairs where I could put it to work for me. I
soon discovered that this cabinet is where I had stashed my children's grade school photos, crayon
drawings, and the many handicrafts their wee hands created. Well, needless to say I got distracted from
my plan to get organized as I sat down and carefully handled each cherished piece that first afternoon.
But the next morning I had arranged three boxes side by side with my children's name on the lids and
had everything organized efficiently. Sometimes you find things you cannot let go of. At least I got them
sorted out before I might have forgotten whose stuff was whose.
By afternoon I drove out to Staples and purchased one of those handy home/office paper shredders, a
box of file folders, and an expandable folder to organize all our warranty booklets scattered about the
house. Every appliance from our refrigerator to a battery operated lint remover (that never worked the
way it was advertised on TV) came with an operating manual that I've tossed in one of my better-hold-
onto-this-for-awhile paper stacks.
My husband couldn't believe how excited I was about buying a paper shredder.
I guess I was feeling a bit "giddy" just thinking about freeing myself of old stuff. I had several old bank
statements, canceled checks, and aged tax forms that went directly into that "paper eating machine"...it
felt really great watching that stuff get torn into bits. About an hour afterwards irrational words (Oh my
God why ever did I get rid of that stuff? What ever were you thinking you idiot.) crept through my head.
I even joking told someone that I might hold onto the shredded paper for a while. Afterall, scotch tape
would put everything back together, right? Well, this morning the recycle truck picked up the shredded
paper... no turning back on this now. But that's okay...after my initial panic I'm feeling pretty good about
the whole thing.
If you have ever made any effort to sort through your things and get rid of items that don't serve any
purpose in your life anymore, you may or may not have realized it...but you have opened up space
around you to be filled with "new" and "better" things to make their way into your life. It has to do with
Universal Law, not unlike the ebb and flow of financial abundance. I have found it to be true that the
more we hold onto "useless items" the less satisfied we become.
I have a friend who hated her home for many years. She liked the idea of having nice things but couldn't
bring herself to surround herself with the the home furnishings that she desired in a house she hated.
She had the notion that if she couldn't have her dream home then she wouldn't fill the one she had with
niceties. This was making her a very unhappy person. I tried to explain to her that although her house
was not "her dream house" that by not fulfilling her own needs by surrounding herself with personal
comforts that she was not being true or gentle with herself. Besides, it is my motto that your home is
what you make of it. She eventually resolved herself to the fact that she might never find the perfect
home and had new carpet laid down through-out her house, two months later her dream house came
on the market. I believe she would have been rewarded with her dreamhome sooner if she had just
gotten the message that she was deserving of the nicer things all along. The new carpet helped her fetch
a nice price for her old place too!
What Does Clearing Away Clutter Have To Do With Healing

Are you wondering what clearing the clutter from our homes have to do
with healing? Often I have found that when we clean up our
surroundings we clear our mental and emotional bodies as well. I realize
I'm rambling a bit in this article....and that's okay.....I'm still in the middle
of sorting out my stuff. Parenting issues regarding my children's
upbringing with my sometimes less that adequate mothering skills came
to surface this week. Money issues also came up for me...how could they
not? I was sorting out child support orders, IRS forms, bank statements,
etc. All these things reminded me of my survival years. I manifested a
painful headache along with a stiff neck and tension around my
shoulders these past few days. Pain is a signifier of dis-ease in our
lives.....and boy do I ever feel it. If you are ready to face issues and want
to move through them, release them, and be able travel along life's path
a little freer afterwards...nAnswers to Your Smudging Questions
About Smudge Sticks
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smudging
smudge sticks
native americans
rituals and ceremonies
purification
Using a smudging tool is part of many Native American traditions. The burning of herbs for emotional,
psychic, and spiritual purification is also common practice among many religious, healing, and spiritual
groups. The ritual of smudging can be defined as "spiritual house cleaning." In theory, the smoke
attaches itself to negative energy and as the smoke clears it takes the negative energy with it, releasing
it into another space where it will be regenerated into positive energy.
Common Herbs Used in Smudge Sticks
Sage / White Sage

Cedar / Pine
Lavender
Sweet Grass
Mugwort
Copal
Who is Smudging?
Religious Groups
Native Americans
Healers
You Can Too!!!
Purposes of Smudging
Ceremony / Ritual
Cleansing / Purification
Clearing / Freeing / Releasing
What To Smudge
Yourself
Crystals
Personal Objects
Home / Office / Healing Space
When To Smudge Yourself
When your spirits are low

After being around someone who is sick or depressed
During meditation
When in prayer
How To Smudge Yourself
Put the smudge stick to flame using a match or candle light. Blow on or wave the flame with your hand
to put out the fire. Allow the smudge stick to smolder, freeing the smoke to circle in the air. Fan the
swirls of smoke around your body's aura from head to toe.
othing will do it faster than cleaning out a closet!
Flower Essence Therapy
Nature Remedies
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What are Flower Essences?
Flower essences are the blossoms of plants prepared from a sun infusion in a bowl of water, then
further diluted, potentized, and then preserved with brandy. These preparations embody the distinct
imprint, or energetic pattern of each flower species. In holistic healing flower essence therapy is
categorized under vibrational medicine. Vibrational medicine incorporates the use of chi energies within
living organisms such as plants, gemstones and crystals, water, sunlight, and even the foods we eat.
Flower Essence Therapy Origins
The founder of flower essence therapy was an English surgeon named Dr. Edward Bach. Dr Bach was a
pioneer in understanding the connection of our emotional bodies to our physical health. The 38 original
flower remedies, known as Bach Healing Herbs were used to treat the underlying emotional causes of
diseases.
Ill health (physical imbalances and dis-eases) results when we are in imbalance or when we lose our
awareness, are disassociated from others, or disconnected from our life purpose. The living forces of
nature collected from the blooms of our flowering plants, prepared, and placed in liquid stock. and
dosage bottles are used in healing our physical, etheric, astral, and spiritual bodies.
A to Z Flower Essences
Buy Flower Essence Tinctures -
How To Process Flower Essences
Index of flower essence remedies categorized by issue/imbalance.
How Flower Essences Are Applied
Flower essences enjoy a reputation of being highly effective and very safe to use. Flower essences, or
flower drops as I like to call them, can be taken directly from the stock bottle. A few drops are typically
applied under the tongue. Alternately, three to four drops of stock essences are mixed into a liter of
purified water that is sipped throughout the day.
Specialized combinations of essences are commonly prepared in one ounce dosage bottles. A
dosage bottle will normally last ten to fourteen days.
The medical community is not convinced that there is enough evidence to support the
effectiveness of flower essences. This is fair, admittedly, vibrational energy is very difficult to
measure by scientific means. Yet, in the holistic community, flower essences are favored by
practitioners to address emotional and spiritual imbalances. People suffering from clinical
depression or other mental health issues should contact a licensed mental health professional for
treatment.
Intuitively Selecting Flower Essences

Selecting essences can in itself be a process of inner growth and awareness. Through quiet reflection,
meditation, self observation, and consulting and conversation with others, it is possible to become
aware of issues in our lives that demand our attention. These may be related to any area of our lives,
our work, our relationships, or our personal selves. I tend to see the flowers visually with my third eye,
yet when I cross reference my visuals in my flower essence resource books. I am always amazed at how
accurate intuitive-chosen flowers are. Kinesiology testing is another way that people can use to select
the appropriate essences for themselves.
Reiki Practitioner Channels Flower Essence for Clients
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Test Your Knowledge of Flower Essences and Flower Essence Therapy
Helpful Tips:
Standard dosage for flower essences is four to ten drops under the tongue four times per day.
Potency is increased not by taking more drops at one time, but by increasing the frequency.
You can benefit greatly by consulting an experienced flower essence practitioner.
Although people occasionally notice immediate shifts when taking flower essences, others may
experience difficulty perceiving any changes due to the gradual effects flower essences normally take.
Taking flower drops over time will build a stronger and stabilizing influence in our relationships, in our
attitudes, in our stresses, and in our overall state of well-being. Flower essences are not cure-alls. Flower
essences are intended to be our helpers in aligning our life energy toward healthy growth and
development.
An appropriate flower essence to keep near your computer for frequent use is yarrow. Yarrow essence
helps relieve feelings of vulnerability and protects us from absorbing environmental influences
(especially rampant within office atmospheres). When environmental and social forces threaten to
overwhelm us...yarrow helps!
Manifesting Abundance
Understanding the Law of Attraction
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You likely know someone who is a great at manifesting. You may even have felt somewhat
jealous of that person because it appears they have everything, seemingly getting these things
with little effort as if they were born under a lucky star. Well, it may be that they very well were
born with the knowledge of manifesting already intact. I say this because I believe once we learn
something in another life (Yes, I believe in past lives, parallel existences) it is not lost, and that
we can choose to bring those talents with us as we move into a new life experience.
Attracting Abundance is Knowledge
As any other skill people have, manifesting is no different from playing the piano or flipping pancakes in
the air. How good you are at it depends on how efficient you have become at performing it. And,
although some of us are better at certain skills that doesn't mean the rest of us, with practice, can't
improve or even surpass the talent expressed by another. Those people who are efficient in attracting
have trained their minds to focus on their desires. They have learned it so well that they often times
don't even realize how they do it. Abundance comes to them naturally. They wouldn't blink an eye if
someone suggested they don't deserve something, it isn't part of their reality.
Grasping a better understanding of how the "Law of Attraction" works is the first step in bringing
abundance into your life.
Law of Attraction
We create our own reality. We attract those things in our life (money, relationships, employment) that
we focus on. I wish I could tell you that it is as simple as stating an affirmation, but no affirmation is
going to work if your thoughts or feelings are negating the positive.
When we focus on "having less" then we create that experience for ourselves. When we focus on "I hate
my job" then we will never notice the aspects of our employment that might be satisfying. Basically, just
wanting something isn't going to bring that to us when we continue to obsess on the not having of that
something. All we will experience is "not having" and will be ultimately blocking our true desires.
Better to focus on a particular object or scenario rather than on winnings or cash.
Another mistake that we make is that we tend to think of abundance in terms of how much money we
have in our bank accounts. I personally think focusing on winning the lottery is a fruitless event.
Focusing on winning the lottery is kind of like focusing on "not having." I say this because of some
discussions I've had with those who have held this desire, They have shared what they would do with
the winnings if they won. Yet, some of the things they say they would do with the money they could
actually already be doing with their current incomes on a smaller scale, but they don't. Why not?
Because they cling to what they perceive as their "meager savings" with the attitude that they don't
have enough out of fear. Here is an example of this:
A man's mother owns a car that is need of repair. The son says "If I won the lottery I would buy my
mother a new car." But actually, the son has the means to take her car to the mechanics and pay out
$400 needed in repairs to assure that his mom has a dependable car to drive back and forth to the
market. When asked why he doesn't then just go ahead and have her current car repaired, he answers,
"Well gee, I only have $800 in the bank, and doing that would knock out half my savings. What happens
if my car needs repairs next week or my daughter gets sick and needs to see a doctor?"
So you see, the person's true focus is on "not enough" rather than being focused on winning the lottery.
When we are focused on "not enough" it won't ever matter how much money we have, it will never be
enough. Suggesting that he pay for his mother's car repairs brought his fears out into the open. It would
be nice if the fellow could trust that by helping his mother and paying for the repairs he would not put
himself at financial risk. But for the time being, while he feels he must hold onto that fear reality, I
would suggest this man focus on visualizing his mother driving safely to and from the market in comfort
and without experiencing any mechanical breakdowns. This would be a positive image/thought to get
that picture to become a reality. Another suggestion would be to introduce the Law of Attraction to his
mother so she can start attracting a new car for herself among other things she might desire.
1998 Phylameana lila Dsy
Sign up for Law of Attraction eCourse
How Good Are You at Attracting Positives Into Your Life?
The Law of Attraction works regardless if you are working at it or not. The problem is that we can
unknowingly be attracting things that we don't want. In order to attract the things you do want is to
focus on the positives and to "feel good." Taking the Law of Attraction Quiz should give you a fair
indication of whether your thoughts and feelings are working for you or against you.
take the quiz now
POLL: How Would You Rate Your Manifesting Power?

1) Excellent
2) Very Good
3) Pretty Good
4) Okay I Guess
5) Poor
6) No Matter - Abundance Isn't That Important to Me
(Click a link to vote in the poll or view current poll results here
What is the Law of Attraction?
Like Attracts Like
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The Law of Attraction is one of the better known universal laws. The theory behind the Law of
Attraction is that we create our own realities. We attract things we want and we also attract
things we don't want. We attract the people in our lives, the stuff in our homes, and the money in
our bank accounts through our thoughts and feelings.
When our beliefs are limited, we attract limited wealth and compromise our well-being. When
we believe anything is possible, the sky's the limit. In fact, you can break through that glass roof
on the sky with your miraculous positive thoughts. When we focus on the "lack of" we are
creating a less-than reality. But, if focus on being abundant and happy we will enjoy a luxurious
and glorious reality.
Understanding the Cosmic Law of Attraction

Breaking the Habit of Attracting Negatives
About The Secret
The Law of Attraction is not a new phenomenon, the theory behind its teachings has been around for
ages. The release of the movie The Secret in 2006, based on Rhonda Byrne's book with the same name,
created a media blitz that brought the teachings of the Law of Attraction to new heights. Many Law of
Attraction teachers who were featured in the movie hit the talk show circuits promoting the movie and
the law itself. Oprah, The Larry King Show, and Ellen were some of the talk shows that invited teachers
who starred in the movie as their guests.
Book: The Secret

More Law of Attraction Books
Attracting What You Want in Three Steps
Although the theory behind the Law of Attraction is very simple, putting it into practice on a conscious
level takes work. Negative and limiting belief systems are buried deep inside us. Changing or ridding
yourself of ideas and old habits that defeat you at every turn can be done. Are you up to the challenge?
The creative process as portrayed in the extended version of the movie The Secret involves three steps
to attracting all your desires.
1. Ask - You must know what you want. I mean, really know what you want. The universe can't
deliver without first knowing what it is that you want to have manifested into your life.
2. Believe - You need to truly believe that what you are asking for will become yours. Doubts need
to be pushed away. The idea that failure is a possibility will mess up the delivery.
3. Receive - It is important that you become an active player in reaching your goals. When
opportunity comes your way you must not hesitate. Grab the brass ring when it appears
Count Your Blessings
By Phylameana lila Desy, About.com GuideAugust 7, 2006
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Dr. John F. DeMartini, international speaker, author and business consultant, sent me a free copy of his
inspirational book Count Your Blessings: The Healing Power of Gratitude and Love to offer as a give-a-
way to my readers. I have read the book myself and think you will find it quite remarkable. I also
featured it in my Book of the Week section.
I decided that a good way to accept your entries for the give-a-way is through blessings comments in
this blog post. If you would like to have your name included in the drawing (one comment per person
please) for a chance to win the book all you need to do is click on the "comment link" below and share
something you count as a blessing in your life. Be sure to include your email address so that if you are
the winner that I will be able to contact you. Don't worry, your email address will be kept confidential,
emails aren't published for public viewing. I will contine to accept "Count Your Blessings Entries" until
Sept 1st.
Good Luck and Bless You!
Law of Attraction: Plugging into the Positive
By Phylameana lila Desy, About.com GuideJanuary 1, 2007
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Affirmative Project: Day 1
Happy New Year!!!
What is the Affirmative Project?

The Affirmative Project is my personal 31 day "intention" to give my 2007 New Year's Resolution a kick-
start.
What is my New Year's Resolution?

To live in a more affirmative light.
Say What?
Let me explain. Living more affirmative means that I will try to look at life in the most positive ways.
Basically, I want to focus on being happy and making the best of all cirmcumstance. Negativity and
criticism will be unwelcome.
Applying the "Law of Attraction"

I will employ the Law of Attraction to draw positives my way. The thing is, the Law of Attraction works
regardless if I consciously apply it or not. The trick is to attract positives NOT NEGATIVES!
We attract all things according to our actions, thoughts, and attitudes. Like attracts like. If I am grumpy
or feeling unsatisfied, I will attract people and situations into my life with similar attitudes. If I hate my
job, then every chore becomes a burden. But, if I focus on the positives, life can be cake topped with lots
of frosting. Sweet!
Plugging Into the Positive

Have you heard of or seen the DVD called The Secret? I have watched it a couple of times. This DVD,
filmed in Australia, impressed me enough that I purchased some extra copies of it to give as holidays
gifts. The Secret is not really a movie. It is more of an inspirational or motivational production, a
collaboration of several spiritual teachers sharing their experiences in creating positive realities. My son-
in-law, who was less than impressed with The Secret, actually referred to it as "one long infomercial."
Hey! So we disagree.
Anyway, several of the spiritual teachers featured in The Secret were guests on Larry King Live recently. I
caught both shows in his two-part series Beyond Positive Thinking which aired in November 2006. Best-
selling author and advocate of positive thinking, Bob Proctor, suggested on the show that for the Law of
Attraction to really sink in and change your way of thinking would be to watch The Secret every day for
30 days. So, my DVD player is now set up so that I can watch The Secret each day during my Affirmative
Project. I will be plugged into the positive!
So begins Day 1... please post some postive comments to encourage me.
Ten Ways to Grow Your Spirit
Tips on Spiritual Growth
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1. Embrace Your Talents
Recognize and further develop your intelligence and special gifts. Our talents are signifiers that lead us
toward our unique paths. Follow your passion and you will soon discover where you fit in this world.
When we squelch innate yearnings we lose our way.
About the Roles We Play

Self Empowerment
2. Tie Up Loose Ends
Unresolved issues eat away at us emotionally and mentally. Tackle troubling things that need dealt with
and put them to rest. In the meanwhile, learn not to allow future problems to be ignored. Our wounds
fester when they are not attended to in a timely manner. Realize that buried problems always surface
eventually. Dealing with difficulties as they arise rather than hiding from them is the best route.
Forgiveness
Healing Our Emotional and Mental Bodies
3. Be Responsible in Your Relationships
Turn away from the "blame game" when it comes to addressing problems in your relationships. Be
honest about the things that you have said or done that harmed the relationship. Own up to your own
failures. Focus on changing your defeating patterns rather than expecting changes from the other
person.
As You Change Your Relationships Will Change

Spiritual Relationships: Partnering Through Change
4. Love Sometimes Means Saying Goodbye
Not all relationships are meant to last forever. We sometimes out grow our partners, or our partner
goes off in a direction which makes us struggle to stay in step with. Sometimes, the most responsible
thing you can do is to offer love and compassion to the person as you release the relationship.
At a Crossroads: Right or Wrong Decisions

Cutting Cords to Toxic Relationships
5. Let Go of Useless Attachments
If a thing no longer serves a purpose in your life, it is clutter. Clutter can be a physical thing or a belief
that blocks your path. Holding on to things that don't feed you will instead eat up your energy. Free your
space and expand your energy by getting rid of unwanted gifts, broken or useless items, self-defeating
mental images, etc.
Full Moon Release Ritual

De-clutter Your Environment
6. Confront Your Inner Demons
Everyone makes mistakes or regrets past decisions. Exposing our frailties and recognizing that we are
not perfect frees us from feeling stupid or "less than." Bring light to those things that you are not proud
of and realize that through these experiences you have learned great lessons, and have likely become a
better person for them. Keeping negative actions hidden can overshadow our spirits with shame or
depression. We all deserve to live with joy regardless of our imperfections.
How To Live Your Life Without Regrets

Healing Through Liberation from Regret and Denial
7. Accept Change - Go with the Flow
There is a fine line between caution and fear. We are meant to travel along a spiritual pathway. We are
not meant to remain stunted in one place for very long. Yes, change can be scary. But, change is a path
of learning, so why not follow it? When we resist change we can actually create chaos. Do you want to
undertake a lesson down a path which you've chosen, or have lessons thrown at you down a path that
was forced upon you?
When a Door Closes a Window Opens
Healing from Within - The Paradigm Shift
8. Accept Delays
There are times when we need to be still. Impatience or frustration will not help any situation. Desired
changes sometime take time to unfold. You may feel like you are ready to jump into a new arena... but
wait. The situation or person that you are wanting to meet may not be ready for you just yet. It's okay to
sit at the bus stop for a few more minutes, the bus will arrive eventually. What's the hurry?
Are You in a Creative Void?

Ways to Calm an Anxious Spirit
9. Love and Honor Yourself
Are you taking good care of yourself? Your physical body is the vehicle that has been loaned to you to
live out your life in and to assist growing your spirit with. Pamper your body, tend to your illnesses,
exercise and give it the proper nutrients.
Steps to a Healthier and Happier You

Tips for a Healthy and Balanced Physical Body
10. Dealing with Death and Illness
Physical life is a gift that comes with a variety of experiences. Suffering and illness are bundled in with
that package of experiences. Although our bodies have expiration dates, our spirits don't expire.
Choosing to look at illness and death in positive ways rather than negatively will help to give your life
here on the planet deeper meaning.
Getting Quality Sleep When Stressed

Is Stress Affecting Your Sleep Patterns?
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Sleep is an important resource that keeps you healthy, mentally sharp, and able to cope with stress
more effectively, among other things. Unfortunately, stressed and busy people tend to get less sleep
than they need. According to a poll on this site, roughly 50% of readers like you are missing enough
sleep to triple their risk of a car accident. Learn some of the reasons why stress and sleep deprivation
seem to go together, and important techniques for getting the sleep you need.
Why You're Missing Out on Sleep

The following are all common factors that contribute to lack of sleep:
Overthinking
Many people take their work home with them, either physically or metaphorically. And it makes
sense: with todays demanding workloads, its often difficult to come home from a day of
troubleshooting and automatically stop thinking about all the, well, trouble. Stay-at-home parents
and students can experience this as well.
If you find yourself still trying to solve problems at the end of the day, and the thoughts wont
seem to leave your mind, this can make sleep come much more difficult. It can even disrupt your
sleep in the middle of the night, as you transition between sleep stages.
Caffeine
People under stress tend to consume significant amounts of caffeine to get a boost that gets them
going in the morning or helps them make it through the day. Caffeine can actually exacerbate
stress levels and significantly affect the amount and quality of sleep you get.
Cortisol
This stress hormone is one of the key players responsible for the fight or flight response -- that
jolt of energy you get when you feel stressed or threatened that enables you to respond.
Unfortunately, chronic stress can lead to excessive levels of cortisol, and this can disrupt healthy
sleep patterns.
Overscheduling
A hectic, busy life can rob you of time you can actually dedicate to sleep. If you find yourself
pushing your bed time back further and further to get things done, or getting up earlier and
earlier in the name of productivity, you may feel tired a lot of the time but not realize the toll
lack of sleep is taking.
If you're wondering if you may be overscheduled, this quiz can give you a better idea of whether
or not you are and what areas of your life need a change.
Anxiety
Like overthinking, anxiety can make sleep difficult and wake you up at night. Anxiety keeps
your mind busy as you imagine threatening scenarios and worry about what may happen next.
You may become preoccupied with finding solutions. That racing of your mind can rob you of
sleep by keeping your cortisol levels high, making sleep harder to achieve.
Get the Sleep You Need
Try these tips if you find yourself regularly short on sleep:
Healthy nighttime habits can go a long way toward helping you consistently get more high-
quality sleep.
One great way to purge your body of stress so your mind can relax is to learn progressive muscle
relaxation and deep muscle relaxation techniques. Meditation is also a valuable tool to relax
your body and quiet your mind -- it can easily transition you into sleep.
A favorite way for many people to relax before bed--one you may have already thought of--is
sexual activity. It can give you a dose of relaxing hormones and provide several other stress
management benefits. Unfortunately, many people find that stress zaps their sex drive. Here are
some tips on getting in the mood when stressed.
Dont underestimate the value of the power nap. Napping can increase your productivity and
give you a valuable dose of sleep when you need it. Learn more about effective power napping
techniques.
Sleep Benefits: Power Napping for Increased Productivity, Stress Relief &
Health
The Benefits of Sleep and The Power Nap
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Why A Power Nap? Facts on Sleep:

While small children typically take naps in the afternoon, our culture generally frowns upon mid-day
sleep; however, even in those who get enough sleep (but particularly in those who dont), many people
experience a natural increase in drowsiness in the afternoon, about 8 hours after waking. And research
shows that you can make yourself more alert reduce stress and improve cognitive functioning with a
nap. Mid-day sleep, or a power nap, means more patience, less stress, better reaction time, increased
learning, more efficiency and better health. Heres what you need to know about the benefits of sleep
and how a power nap can help you!
How Much Sleep Do You Need? The body needs 7-8 hours of sleep per day; 6 hours or less
triples your risk of a car accident. (Interestingly, too much sleep--more than 9 hours--can
actuallybe harmful for your health; recent studies show that those who sleep more than 9 hours
per day dont live as long as their 8-hour-sleep counterparts!)
The Effects of Missed Sleep: Sleep is cumulative; if you lose sleep one day, you feel it the next.
If you miss adequate sleep several days in a row, you build up a sleep deficit, which impairs the
following:
Reaction time
Judgment
Vision
Information processing
Short-term memory
Performance
Motivation
Vigilance
Patience
Fatigued people also experience more moodiness, aggressive behaviors, burnout and more stress.
The Benefit of a Power Nap: Studies show that 20 minutes of sleep in the afternoon provides
more rest than 20 minutes more sleep in the morning (though the last two hours of morning sleep
have special benefits of their own). The body seems to be designed for this, as most peoples
bodies naturally become more tired in the afternoon, about 8 hours after we wake up.
How Long Should I Sleep? When you sleep you pass through different stages of sleep, known
together as a sleep cycle. These stages include light sleep, deep sleep (which is believed to be the
stage in which the body repairs itself), and rapid-eye movement sleep, or REM sleep (during
which the mind is repaired).
Many experts advise to keep the nap between 15 and 30 minutes, as sleeping longer gets you into
deeper stages of sleep, from which its more difficult to awaken. Also, longer naps can make it
more difficult to fall asleep at night, especially if your sleep deficit is relatively small. However,
research has shown that a 1-hour nap has many more restorative effects than a 30-minute nap,
including a much greater improvement in cognitive functioning. The key to taking a longer nap
is to get a sense of how long your sleep cycles are, and try to awaken at the end of a sleep cycle.
(Its actually more the interruption of the sleep cycle that makes you groggy, rather than the
deeper states of sleep.)
As there are pros and cons to each length of sleep, you may want to let your schedule decide: if
you only have 15 minutes to spare, take them! But if you could work in an hour nap, you may do
well to complete a whole sleep cycle, even if it means less sleep at night. If you only have 5
minutes to spare, just close your eyes; even a brief rest has the benefit of reducing stress and
helping you relax a little, which can give you more energy to complete the tasks of your day.
Tips For a More Effective Nap If you want to obtain more sleep, and the health benefits that go
with getting enough sleep, here are some tips for more effective napping and sleep at night:
Avoid caffeine after 3pm. Its a stimulant that can disrupt your sleep and stay in your system
longer than you think; its half-life is four to six hours!
If you dont want to nap a long time, set an alarm.
If you dont have time for a power nap, or dont feel comfortable napping during the day, try
meditation; it gives your body a rest and produces slower brain waves similar to sleep.
Tips to help you stay positive while jobhunting
You've followed every bit of career advice but still no luck with your job hunt? The answer
could be positive thinking
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Positive thinking is essential to job-search success. Photograph: Alamy
Unemployment continues to rise and times may get tougher still for jobseekers. There is plenty
of good advice around: most people have picked up tips on how to write a good CV and how to
network, and they're throwing everything they've got at their job search. Despite this, many
people still do not see results. So what can you do? What's the missing ingredient that might get
you ahead of the game?
The answer may lie in you. Any good salesperson will tell you that people buy from people they
like. Similarly, employers give jobs to people they like. Of course, you have to have the skills
and experience as well, but when two or more candidates rank equally, the job is more likely to
go to the person who formed the best relationship with the potential employer.
To make a good impression, you need to be positive and engaging, which can be hard when
you're weighed down by the burden of unemployment. Being positive is a vital pre-condition for
your job search: if you feel negative or unenthusiastic, it could come across when you meet
people, and they won't buy you.
We all need different stimuli to help boost morale. For some, a few days break from the grind of
job searching will do the trick. Others will find that a good workout in the gym, or regular sport,
helps to re-energise and motivate them. Some people will find their positivity through spiritual
means, or with the help of friends or colleagues. Or maybe a professional or career coach will
help to keep you motivated and on track.
To help stay positive, remember your achievements. You should have a bank of achievements
that you keep for your CV anyway, so that every time you apply for a job you can include those
which are most relevant. These demonstrate what you do when you are performing at your best
and could come from any area of your life: work, family or social. Reviewing this list can help
you recall the mood of success.
Another technique to keep you motivated is to listen to your favourite music just before you
make an important call, go into a meeting or interview, or even while you are writing a job
application. We all know how important music can be for our mood: use it to your advantage
while applying for jobs.
But remember, it doesn't matter how positive you are, there will always be times when things go
wrong. Motivation won't solve everything. It's important to understand that the current job
market is fiercely competitive and, in many cases, a bit of a lottery. If you get turned down, it
may be disappointing but it's not always because there is something wrong with you it's just
that someone else got lucky.
If you really do feel knocked back by a rejection, however, take a deep breath, get up and do
something else to take your mind off it. You can't always force an emotion to go away; you have
to wait for your mood to lighten. Go back to your achievements, focus on what you do well and
remind yourself that you are good. If you need to, find a shoulder to cry on it can help.
Staying positive is not always easy; in fact, it's the hardest job search technique of all. It can feel
artificial and pointless and trying to stay positive and failing can even make you feel worse.
But it's critical that you don't get bogged down by jobseeking and that employers can see your
motivation.
Harry Freedman is a career coach and founder of the Career Advice Centre. He is the author of
How To Get a Job In A Recession.
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Thursday September 5, 2013
It's rare to find poetry in a press release.
But I pulled the above phrase, which is so evocative and rich, describing as it does, not our
bodies but a moment during fetal development before sex assignment; I mean just think about it:
What does that edge look like? What happens when you peer over it? Who is teetering there?
Are they worried about falling off, are they waiting to jump, or are they happy living on the
edge? This is clearly the stuff of poetry and humanity) from a Case Western Reserve University
press release a few days ago.
The release describes a study conducted by Michael Weiss and his colleagues at the School of
Medicine, who have for several years been exploring in the most micro way imaginable what it
is that makes us think about bodies as being either one sex or another, only male or only female.
A bit of background is required:
Despite rich and varied histories that demonstrate it isn't so, most societies function on the
premise that all humans are easily classifiable as male or female, and that we can identify who is
who by looking at genitals, hormones, and chromosomes. Usually human experience (one of the
things we call "culture") is juxtaposed with science in this regard. The science, we're told is more
cut and dry. Only it isn't. Medicine and science has for some time documented that humans are
not easily categorizable into one of two sexes. If you look carefully at the research, sexual
diversity, on the level of genital appearance, hormones and chromosomes, is present and
predictable in humans. To use the language of normativity, the fact that some of us don't fit into
one of two boxes is as normal as the fact that some of us do.
As Prof. Weiss explains in the poetic release, developmental biology has stuck with the two
category model based on the understanding that human bodies develop in a consistent or reliable
way because "evolution favors reliability. Robust switches ensure that our genetic programs give
rise to a consistent body plan to ensure that babies have one heart, two arms, ten fingers, and so
forth."
The switches Weiss is referring to are a way that researchers like him conceptualize gene
expression and sexual development. Essentially, it is thought, that all fetuses begin with "female
tissues." At some point in fetal development a "switch" turns on and as a result the fetus begins
to develop "male tissues." Eventually testes develop, which produce testosterone, which in turn
informs the development of male genitalia.
You may have heard someone say that we all start off female. That's what they were referring to.
So the theory is that in order to have bodies that can reliably survive and reproduce, we have
evolved "robust switches." In other words, our fetal development is more or less sturdy and
fixed, not a lot of diversity.
But we know that there is more diversity than society advertises. Thinking only of chromosomal
sex, there are far more than two options. Instead of the popular XY "male" and XX "female"
options we hear so much about, some of us have cells with XXX, XXY, XXYY, XYY, XO
chromosomes, and the list continues. These "other" options are usually referred to as
chromosomal abnormalities. Of course they aren't "other" or abnormal, they are chromosomes in
bodies, they are us.
For simplicity sake I'm not going to get deeper into gender here, but it's hard not to point out that
there are many more of us whose bodies have XY chromosomes and who are women, whose
bodies have XX chromosomes and are men, whose bodies have one combination or another but
identify somewhere in between or completely outside of the popular models that we're offered by
society. You can read this glossary entry for more about the difference between sex and gender.
Back to genes and sex and switches.
In an effort to understand all this confusion between fixity and diversity, Weiss has been looking
for many years at a particular switch, the SRY gene "master switch," that sets into motion the
process of fetal tissue changing in a way that is described as male sex development.
In this paper he and his colleagues decided to look at the SRY genes that are shared by a father
and his daughter. In this case the daughter has XY "male" chromosomes, but the SRY genes
didn't trigger the switch in the predictable way so instead she developed internal female genitalia
(ovaries, fallopian tubes, and uterus).
The researchers assumed that something significant must happen to make the SRY switch
function in this unexpected way (in their language they expected that a "severe insult to the Y-
encoded switch" was necessary and would be in the neighborhood of a factor of 100 or more).
What they found was the threshold at which the SRY functions in this unexpected way was only
a factor of two. From the release:
"Therefore, human males actually develop near the edge of sexual ambiguity. This means that, unlike
the robust genetic programs which develop other essential processes like heart function, the SRY gene
master switch is particularly vulnerable to change. It only takes a slight deviation from the normal
process to dramatically alter fetal sexual development.
Given the importance of sexual reproduction to the survival of a species, why do human SRY
genes function so close to the boundary of infertility? The idea of an unreliable master switch
might appear paradoxical, but a growing body of research suggests that it might be an
evolutionary necessity.
Weiss hypothesizes that, rather than predictability, diversity in sex development and expression
is itself an evolutionary advantage:
"We have this tenuous switch on the Y chromosome, and we anticipate that its gift to humanity is
variability in the pathway of male development from its earliest stages. The essential idea is that our
evolution has favored a broad range of social competencies. In prehistory, this range would have given a
survival advantage to communities enriched by a diversity of gender styles."
Weiss is focusing on a very narrow part of our bodies, one group of genes on one chromosome.
And to be honest I only have the most rudimentary understanding of the technology that allows
them to do this work, and the science that describes the work they are doing. But with that
caveat, it's hard for me not to want to think about the implications of this research not only on a
chromosomal level but on a social one.
The incorrect notion that bodies should fit into one of two clear categories and those bodies are
clearly and visibly different in ways that are fixed and consistent across time makes living in our
bodies difficult and even intolerable for many of us. It also continues to contribute to the practice
of performing unnecessary and harmful surgeries on infants in order to make their bodies fall in
line with social expectations that have nothing to do with health or with the beauty of our bodies.
It's hard for me not to yet out a little "damn right" yell when I read a Professor of Biochemistry
and Medicine writing that all our bodies, especially those that insist on undecidable sex
characteristics, are a "gift to humanity" (even if I'm unsure whose giving that gift and who is
receiving it).
In some ways this research is only confirming what those of us paying particular attention to sex
and gender already know is true. And given medicine's lackluster track record at dealing
respectfully with bodies that don't fit its normative expectations, maybe I shouldn't get so
excited. But I guess I'm happy any time it feels like someone is getting to speak some truth. It's a
little bit of poetry.
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences: Inherited human sex reversal due to impaired
nucleocytoplasmic trafficking of SRY defines a male transcriptional threshold
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2013 World Sexual Health Day
Monday September 2, 2013
In 2010 the World Association for Sexual Health

(formerly known as the World Association of
Sexology or WAS) established September 4th as
World Sexual Health Day. Each year they choose
a theme and invite their member organizations to
participate by creating local events meant to get
people talking and thinking about sexual health.
This years theme is sexual rights, and their
slogan is "To achieve sexual health, picture
yourself owning your sexual rights."
More than 35 countries have participated (you

can find out where events are happening and see
photos of previous events on their official Facebook page.
But I think if you do anything to celebrate World Sexual Health Day it should be...well, first it
should be having some sex. Any sex, as long as it's something you enjoy that makes you feel
good. Next, if you're going to do anything, I would say you should take some time during the day
and have a conversation with someone about what sexual health means to you and what sexual
rights you think we have.
These terms are used a lot without much interrogation, and despite all good intentions, if we
want change to come, it has to mean something to us. Talking about sexual rights is great, but
when there's no feasible way for you to access them, I'm not sure how much it helps. What does
it really mean to say we have a right to sexual expression? What are the limits? And how is
sexual expression different from other forms of expression?
We might ask the same questions about sexual health. WAS uses the World Health
Organizations working definition of sexual health, which is that:
Sexual health is a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is
not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and
respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable
and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence.
This is a very open definition, but in practice it isn't the one that many sex educators use. They
prefer to define sexual health narrowly along particular outcomes (usually related to pregnancy,
STIs, number of partners, often kind of sex you're having).
But can sexual health include making bad sexual decisions? What's the relationship between
sexual health and fitness? If you're unhealthy by the health standards in your community, does
that mean you can't achieve sexual health either?
These are a few of the questions I'll ask people I meet on the 4th. If I don't travel far from my
apartment then it may result in some uncomfortable elevator rides (my building has a very slow
elevator), but I want to do my part.
Rights Related: Next They'll Be Coming for You: Denying Sexual Rights at the UN ; The Rights
and Privileges of Masturbation ; Is Sex a Right?
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Leave Off the Last S for Sex

Thursday August 29, 2013
If you lived in New York in the late 80s or early 90s you might remember the radio and TV ads
from Dial-a-Mattress, a company that offered low prices on brand name mattresses delivered
right to your door. Their toll free number was 1-800-Mattres, and they became famous for their
slogan "leave off the last S for savings."
I'm not sure what it says about my brain, but those ads were the first thing that came to mind
when someone sent me a link to a consumer review article which rates mattress types based on
their suitability for different kinds of sex.
The review, which is based on responses from 447 mattress owners whose reviews were
compiled by the website Sleep Like the Dead, offers average letter grades (from A to F) for five
types of mattresses (air, memory foam, water, latex, and innerspring) across eight sexual
variables.
The variables include sound (memory foam scores high for discrete sex whereas air mattresses
are apparently not the stealthy choice) durability (latex does well here, innersprings not so much)
variability of sex positions (interestingly only latex rates above a C, and it's a B minus, speaking
perhaps to the limits of having sex in a bed in the first place), as well as bounciness, overall
comfort, and suitability.
One variable that stands out is described as "allows faster climax" and is described as the extent
to which a mattress provides traction, allowing for "more efficiency of movement."
When I first came across the review I thought for a moment it might be a spoof, but the
information was presented so clearly and matter-of-factly that I quickly realized it wasn't, and
then felt some gratitude to the editor of the site for including sexuality as one of many aspects of
a mattress worthy of review.
I emailed the editor, Nick Robinson, and asked a few questions about this particular report
(which is just one of many on his site). I started by asking about whether or not the data came
from a separate survey about sex and mattresses. He explained that none of the data comes from
surveys done on the site. Instead, their methodology includes culling and compiling reviews
from multiple sources.
He told me that while people would bring up sex now and then in reviews, its a topic that was
much more difficult to collect data on, a fact he attributes to peoples general discomfort talking
about sex in public. Nonetheless he eventually gathered enough data that he felt comfortable
presenting some preliminary findings.
What struck me, looking at the rating grid was that only one type of mattress received an A
rating and only in one category. I also noticed that more ratings/mattresses received a C or lower
than received a B or higher. It gives one pause. Are mattresses not a particularly good place for
sex? And if not, what sort of surface offers more of an A plus experience?
To my first question Robinson reminded me that the grades are averaged. To my second he
reported that "despite the potential downsides to mattresses, the collected owner experience data
does not indicate that there are better alternatives to mattresses.
Read the full report: Mattress Types and Sex Suitability: Ratings and Comparisons.
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Speaking Up About Hookup Culture

Wednesday August 28, 2013
There are so many ways that social and cultural silence and shame around sex impacts our lives.
I feel its weight in every conversation I have with someone who is struggling with an aspect of
their bodies, gender, or sexuality. But I see it too in the public conversations we have about sex,
and in so much of the nonsense and misinformation the news and entertainment media gets away
with presenting to us as sexual fact.
Every few years there's a new reason to panic about sex. The panic is usually directed toward the
idea that young people are changing everything, and without our (apparently) strong moral and
ethical codes, society will crumble. Eventually, after half a dozen books, a couple of hundred full
page news stories, and three or four rounds on the morning talk shows, someone (usually an
academic) starts to ask about the basis of these panics. And then everyone runs one story about
how the panic turned out to be for naught.
One of the reasons this cycle continues is because of silence around sex. When confronted with a
story about teenage rainbow parties or college campus orgies, we may be shocked and titillated,
but we tend to want to move on. Having a detailed conversation about what these claims
represent, what our experiences were when we were younger, and what we know about what's
actually happening in young people's sex lives today, is too difficult for most of us because
honest and direct conversations about sex are covered in shame and suspicion. So we stay silent
and let the media parade in front of us a line up of book-selling experts to tell us what's really
going on.
The latest panic has been about so-called hookup culture on college campuses. I've always found
this one puzzling since I spend a lot of time with sex educators who work on college and
university campuses and for the most part they tell me that what they see in their work and in
health research doesn't match up to the titillating fear mongering around hookup culture.
But the media presses on with the story. The New York Times offered up the most recent
salacious spread in a July article that ran in the fashion section all about how women can play the
hookup game as well as men can.
I get the feeling that any time an editor at the New York Times wants to run a story about sex
that they know will catch readers attentions despite being light on substance, they put it in the
fashion section as a way of hedging their bets (like when you put a question mark at the end of a
title if you know the thing you are asserting is untrue or unprovable: Is Love on Campus Dead?).
Thankfully University of Portland sociology professor Martin Monto's curiousity proved

stronger than societal silence, and he decided to have a look at the many claims made about
hookup culture by comparing them to nationally representative data from college age students.
The research used data from the General Social Survey, which began in 1972 and has surveyed a
nationally representative sample of U.S. households in three waves, allowing researchers to track
answers to particular questions over a forty year period. For this paper the authors compared data
from 1988 and 2010.
They looked at responses from people aged 18 to 25 who had graduated from high school and
had completed at least one year of college. The questions they looked at included those that
asked respondents about:
number of sexual partners since turning 18
number of sexual partners during the past year
frequency of sex during the past year
whether their sexual partner(s) were a spouse or regular sexual partner, a friend, an
acquaintance, a casual date or pick-up, or someone not fitting any of these categories
They also wanted to consider attitudes toward what might be thought of as casual sex or
hookups, so they compared responses to questions about individuals attitudes toward premarital
sex, extramarital sex, teen sex, and sex between adults of the same sex.
What they found won't sell many newspapers, but it's still worth reporting.
There wasn't any significant difference in number of partners or frequency of sex among people
who are in the supposed hookup culture. In fact respondents in the older cohort were more likely
to report having sex weekly or more often. Those in the more recent group were more likely to
describe one of their sexual partners as a "casual date/pickup or a friend" (with 44% of more
recent respondents saying they had sex with a casual date vs. 34% of respondents in the older
cohort). The only significant difference in sexual attitudes was in terms of attitudes toward same
sex couples.
This sort of quantitative research comes with many of its own problems, and alone we shouldn't
think of it as some sort of complete response or answer to all the claims of hookup culture gone
wild. But the divide between how fear mongering professionals and media outlets talk about kids
these days and how they talk about themselves (you know, to those of us who listen) is stark, and
it's nice to have some data to at least complicate the picture.
For me the most insidious lie in the hookup culture narrative isn't about quantity of sex or sex
partners or the kind of sex or anything behavioral at all. It's the notion that sex doesn't mean
anything. Sometimes the hookup culture hucksters make this explicit and sometimes it's implied,
but embedded in the narrative is the idea that hookup sex is sex without love or commitment and
that therefore it isn't meaningful. The opening paragraphs of the recent Times piece is a perfect
example of this.
This is a lie I can't tolerate. I've never spoken with anyone who had any kind of sex with
someone that carried absolutely no meaning. They may start by calling it meaningless, but once
you ask a few questions, and give them a chance to tell a sexual story that doesn't have to fit
inside societies narrow frame, some meaning always emerges. I consider it the best part of my
job to help people find that meaning, and it's always there
Mindfulness Meditation for Panic Disorder

How Meditation Can Help with Panic Symptoms
By Katharina Star, Ph.D., About.com Guide

Reviewed by a board-certified health professional. See About.com's Medical Review Board.
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People with anxiety disorders are often prone to frequent worrying, feelings of nervousness, and
negative thinking. For example, many people with panic disorder spend time worrying about the
future, or stressing about the past. Fortunately, relaxation techniques can help counteract these
symptoms.
Relaxation techniques are practices you can learn on your own, or with the guidance of a
professional. These activities are aimed at assisting you in slowing down your thoughts, letting
go of stress, and opening up to deep relaxation. Such techniques can help counteract many of the
cognitive and physical symptoms of panic disorder and anxiety.
Common relaxation techniques include deep breathing, yoga, visualization, massage, and
progressive muscle relaxation (PMR). Mindfulness meditation is another common relaxation
skill that can assist with stress and anxiety reduction.
What is Mindfulness Meditation?
Mindfulness meditation is a relaxation technique that brings your awareness back to the present. During
mindfulness practice, the meditator allows thoughts to arise without trying to stop or judge them. For
example, unpleasant thoughts related to fear, judgment, blame, and worry may come up. Mindfulness is
the act of acknowledging these thoughts, and allowing them to pass.
Mindfulness meditation is based on the idea that most people push away or ignore their present
thoughts and feelings. Many believe that if they ignore negative thoughts, those thoughts will
simply go away. But mindfulness actually allows you to detach from negative thinking by facing
thoughts without reaction. By letting uncomfortable thoughts pass without reacting, you can
develop a new response to fear and anxiety. Over time, and with practice, mindfulness
meditation can help create inner harmony, clarity, and peace.
Getting Started with Mindfulness Meditation
When you first begin to practice mindfulness meditation, it may be helpful to do so in a quiet,
distraction-free area. The time of day you decide to meditate can be determined by your particular
needs. For instance, some people prefer to start the day off with meditation, reducing morning anxiety
and setting a clear and positive tone for the day. Others prefer to meditate at night, letting go of the
stress of the day, and preparing for a good nights rest.
Try to set aside at least 5 to 10 minutes to sit in meditation, gradually increasing duration as you
become more comfortable with your practice. Start off sitting or lying down in a comfortable
position. To help focus, begin your meditation with a breathing exercise, and with your eyes
closed. Then, simply notice your thoughts, allowing any ideas to come to your mind. Keep a
nonjudgmental attitude as you let yourself remain in the present with your inner voice. When
your meditation feels complete, take a few deep breaths and open your eyes.
Mindfulness meditation may sound simple enough, but even routine meditators find it difficult
from time to time. In fact, many people experience heightened anxiety when they first sit down
to meditate. Motivation and desire may also wane from day to day, so try to be patient with
yourself and your meditation practice.
If you stick with your meditation practice, you will learn to sit with uncomfortable thoughts.
Only through regular practice will mindfulness meditation become less challenging, help you to
lower anxiety, and bring you a sense of inner peace.
Panic Disorder and Sleep

6 Tips for a Better Nights Rest
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Often, people with anxiety disorders have a difficult time falling and staying asleep through the
night. People with panic disorder can be more prone to having anxious and fearful thoughts at
night. It is not uncommon for panic attacks to be more prevalent before bed, preventing you from
getting a good nights rest.
The following are six tips can help you reduce your nighttime anxiety and establish better sleep
hygiene.
Set Aside Enough Time for Sleep
This tip may seem logical enough, but surprisingly, many people do not put enough time aside to get a
proper nights sleep. The average adult requires approximately eight to nine hours of sleep a night.
Research has shown that getting the recommended amount of rest per night can help improve mood
and performance, making you feel more alert, happy and refreshed.
You can begin to get the right amount of sleep you need by trying to get to bed sooner than later.
In order to get an adequate amount of rest, set aside at least eight hours in bed. Many people will
wait to get to bed until it is too late to actually get the proper amount of sleep. Anxiety can be
heightened if you are constantly watching the clock and noticing that you will not be getting
enough rest. For example, a lot of people will get to bed late and think, "It is so late. Now I will
only get five hours of sleep. I am going to be such a mess tomorrow!" Such negative thinking
will only contribute to your worry.
Have a Bedtime Routine
A bedtime routine is a great way to relax and unwind before bed. By creating a routine, you are telling
your body and mind that you are preparing for sleep. This routine can consist of many activities, such as
taking a shower, brushing your teeth or praying. These activities are meant to be calming and low
energy, so that you are better able to transition to a restful sleep.
Relaxation techniques are also a great and effective way to let go of tension before bed. For
instance, visualizing can help you get your mind off your worries and focus on more calming
thoughts. Progressive muscle relaxation or engaging in a few yoga stretches can help the body
relax. Other self-care strategies, such as journaling or reading, can help you reflect and slow
down your thoughts.
Be Prepared for the Next Day
Part of what can keep us up at night is worry and nervousness regarding the following day. To help
eliminate some of the stress, it can be helpful to be more prepared for the next day. For example, you
may find it anxiety-reducing to have your clothes laid out for the next day, have a list of to-dos written
out or have your things for work packed up and ready to go. You can make these preparations a part of
your before-bed routine.
Keep Consistent Sleep Hours
To keep your body in a regular cycle of sleep, it is important to stay consistent with your sleep hours.
That means trying to go to bed at night and wake up in the morning around the same times every day.
Your body will become used to the sleep hours you set, helping you more easily fall and stay asleep
throughout the night.
Many people find it difficult to maintain routine sleep hours over the weekend. However, if you
are always having irregular sleep hours on the weekends, you are setting yourself up to have
sleep issues throughout the week. Shifting your wake and sleep times an hour or two shouldnt
completely throw your sleep schedule off for the rest of the week. However, if you are
committed to getting better and more consistent rest, you will need to keep your hours as stable
as possible.
Cut the Caffeine Early
If you are having a hard time falling asleep, it is important to stop drinking caffeine much earlier in the
day. Abruptly cutting caffeine out of your diet can actually cause some major withdrawal symptoms,
such as headaches and increased anxiety. Instead, try to gradually reduce the amount of caffeinated
beverages you drink per day.
Eventually, you may want to limit your caffeine intake to the morning only. Other common food
triggers for people diagnosed with panic disorder include alcohol and sugar. Try reducing your
consumption of these foods, along with caffeine, and notice if you feel less jittery or anxious at
night.
Your Bed is Only for Sleep and Sex
With all of our technology and entertainment, many of us find it difficult to keep our bed a place
designated only for sleep and sex. It can be tempting to turn our beds into home offices, by texting on
iPhones, answering emails on laptops or reading documents for work. The bed is also not a place for
constant entertainment, such as watching hours of television, reading magazines or talking on the
phone.
To get a good night's sleep, stick to the 15-minute rule. When you get into bed at night, only
allow yourself 15 minutes of wake time. If you do not fall asleep within that time, get out of your
bed and engage in a low-key activity, such as reading a book. Do not engage in any activity that
may be too over-stimulating, such as watching the news or doing physical exercise.
After about 20 minutes, get back into bed and try again. If 15 more
minutes go by and you do not fall asleep, get out of bed again and go back
to a quiet activity. This can be very challenging at first, but if practiced
over time, you will begin to make sleep a priority and get a better nights
rest. What You Should Know About the Diagnosis of Panic Disorder
Information on Diagnosing Panic Disorder
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Top 6 things you should know about the diagnosis of panic disorder.
1. How Is Panic Disorder Diagnosed?
Panic disorder is diagnosed by a qualified doctor or mental health specialist using criteria set in
the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR). To determine an
accurate diagnosis, your medical history will be considered along with your current self-reported
symptoms.
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2. What Is the DSM?
The DSM-IV-TR is a handbook created by the American Psychiatic Association that outlines the
criteria for all mental health disorders, including the diagnostic standards for panic disorder.
3. What Are the Different Types of Panic Disorder Diagnosis?
Panic disorder occurs with or without agoraphobia, or the fear of panic-induced situations in
which escape would be difficult or embarrassing.
4. Similar Conditions to Panic Disorder
It is not uncommon for those diagnosed with panic disorder to experience co-occurring anxiety-
related or mood disorders, such as depression or social anxiety. Some mental health disorders are
similar to panic disorder, but have separate and distinct diagnostic criteria. Learn about the
difference between panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder versus OCD
and the signs and symptoms of depression.
5. What Are the Symptoms of Panic Disorder?
In order to be diagnosed with panic disorder, one must experience recurring and spontaneous
panic attacks. Additionally, four or more of these symptoms must be present.
6. Whom Can I See for an Accurate Diagnosis?

After reading through the diagnosis criteria and symptoms list, you may suspect that you are
suffering from panic disorder. To ensure an accurate diagnosis, it is important that you seek out
the assistance of a qualified mental health specialist.
What Are the Symptoms of Panic Disorder?

Panic Attacks
From Sheryl Ankrom, former About.com Guide
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Recurring panic attacks are the hallmark features of panic disorder. The symptoms of panic
attacks are sudden and intense feelings of terror, fear or apprehension, without the presence of
actual danger. The symptoms of a panic attack usually happen suddenly, peak within 10 minutes
and then subside. However, some attacks may last longer or may occur in succession, making it
difficult to determine when one attack ends and another begins.
According to the DSM-IV-TR, a panic attack is characterized by four or more of the following
symptoms:
1. palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate

2. sweating
3. trembling or shaking
4. sensations of shortness of breath or smothering
5. feeling of choking
6. chest pain or discomfort
7. nausea or abdominal distress
8. feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint
9. feelings of unreality (derealization) or being detached from oneself (depersonalization)
10. fear of losing control or going crazy
11. fear of dying
12. numbness or tingling sensations (paresthesias)
13. chills or hot flushes
The presence of fewer than four of the above symptoms may be considered a limited-symptom
panic attack. In order for a diagnosis of panic disorder to be made, recurring, spontaneous panic
attacks must be present.
Fear, Worry and Avoidance
The symptoms of a panic attack are usually so intense they are often described by sufferers as the
worst experience of their lives. After having a panic attack, the individual may continue to
experience extreme anxiety for several hours. More often than not, the panic episode causes
continuous worry about having another attack. It is not unusual to be become so consumed with
worry and fear that behavioral changes occur with the hope of avoiding another attack. This may
lead to the development of agoraphobia, which complicates recovery and limits ones ability to
function in usual daily activities.
The Importance of Getting Treatment
The symptoms of agoraphobia can be frightening and potentially disabling. But, it is a treatable
disorder, and most people will find significant relief with therapeutic intervention. The sooner
treatment begins after the onset of panic disorder, the more quickly symptoms will lessen or
disappear. However, even those with long-term symptoms generally experience improvement
with treatment, and most can resume many of the activities they once enjoyed.
Because panic disorder can mimic or coexist with many other medical or
psychological disorders, it is important that other conditions be ruled
out. Talk to your doctor if you are experiencingCognitive-Behavioral
Therapy for the Treatment of Panic Disorder
CBT: Combining Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies
From Sheryl Ankrom, former About.com Guide

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The American Psychiatric Association recommends a form of psychotherapy called cognitive-

behavioral therapy (CBT) for the treatment of panic disorder. CBT combines the fundamental
concepts of behavioral therapy and cognitive therapy. To get a better understanding of CBT, lets
look at the basic concepts of these two approaches.
Behavioral Therapy
A behavioral therapy approach focuses on how your behaviors are contributing to and
maintaining your symptoms and difficulties. It is believed that maladaptive behaviors are learned
through a conditioning process and that bad, or unwanted, behaviors may be unlearned. For
example, lets say you have a fear of heights. Behaviorally, you may avoid tall buildings,
escalators, or any place or circumstance that brings you higher than your tolerable comfort level.
But this avoidance behavior doesnt help your situation; it does, unfortunately, serve to reinforce
your fear of heights.
Behavior Modification
To unlearn this behavior, a therapist may employ a behavioral modification technique.

Behavioral modification techniques used in the treatment of anxiety disorders may include
teaching the client more appropriate responses to situations, teaching self-monitoring skills,
teaching relaxation techniques and exposure techniques to extinguish the fears associated with
certain situations.
Systematic Desensitization: An Example of a Behavior Modification Technique
To illustrate how the behavior modification technique call systematic desensitization would be
used, lets say you have a fear of heights. Your goal is to go to the 100th floor observation deck
of a building. First, you would be taught some relaxation techniques to help you control the
anxiety you experience when faced with your fear of heights. After you have accomplished these
techniques, you will be given gradual exposure to your feared situations. The goal is to use the
relaxation techniques learned to counteract your previous fear response.
You first step in this systematic desensitization scenario is to approach the building. You dont
need to go in, just walk up to the outside door. Should you experience anxiety, you will call on
the relaxation techniques youve been taught. You will continue to expose yourself to this
situation until you are able to successfully counteract your anxiety response will your relaxation
response.
Next, it may be time to enter the building. Again, you desensitize your fear response by exposing
yourself to the fear and using the relaxation techniques you learned previously. Now, you're
ready to go up to the elevator, then board the elevator and ride up one floor, and on it goes until
you have achieved your goal of reaching the observation deck with minimal distress.
Cognitive Therapy
The term cognitive refers to our thought process and reflects what we think, believe and
perceive. There is no doubt that what you are thinking affects how you are feeling. If youre
thinking about a tragic news event, its unlikely that you will feel joyous and want to laugh out
loud. If your thoughts revolve around worry about what may or may not happen, it would
probably be hard to feel relaxed and content.
A cognitive therapy approach focuses on how your thoughts perceive and give meaning to your
world. Distorted and unrealistic thoughts result in misinterpretations that are believed to
contribute to and maintain your symptoms.
Lets say you are in a movie theater and have a panic attack. You sense you are in immediate
danger or experiencing a life-threatening event, and you abruptly leave the movie theater. Once
outside, you calm down a little. By the time you reach the safety of your home, you feel a sense
of relief.
A week later, your friend calls to invite you to an afternoon showing of a movie you really want
to see. You automatically think, No, I cant do it; if I go to the movie theater, Ill have another
panic attack and perhaps this time Ill die or go crazy. You graciously decline the offer by
making up a reasonable excuse.
So, how is this way of thinking contributing to your difficulties? First, you have erroneously
attributed the movie theater as the cause of your panic attack. You are making the assumption
that, If I stay out of the theater, I wont have another panic attack. Second, you have the
mistaken belief that your panic attack was a tragic life-threatening event to be avoided at all
costs. In reality, this line of thinking has not helped your situation. Unfortunately, it is laying the
ground work for reinforcement of an illogical fear.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy
Cognitive-behavioral therapy reflects the importance of both behavioral and thought processes in
understanding and controlling anxiety and panic attacks. The focus of treatment is on inadequate,
obstructive, and damaging behaviors and irrational thought processes that contribute to the
continuation of symptoms. For example, uncontrolled worrying (thoughts) about what may or
may not happen if you have a panic attack may lead to avoiding (behavior) certain situations.
CBT has been scientifically studied for the treatment of panic disorder. Research has suggested
that this form of treatment is effective in alleviating many of the symptoms of panic and
restoring ones ability to resume usual activities.
the symptoms of panic disorder.
Body Scan Grounding Exercise

Balancing your physical and spiritual aspects
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Body Scan Grounding Exercise
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Grounding exercises help tremendously with maintaining a balance of our physical and spiritual bodies.
As a healer, I have learned that being energetically grounded allows me to be better equipped in
facilitating healing for clients and also to create and maintain wellness in my own life.
In this article I give instruction for a scanning technique I have used for many years to help
balance the body/spirit connection. I do this exercise each night while laying in my bed before I
sleep.
Note: Doing my body scan exercise at bedtime will work well for anyone who doesn't fall asleep
easily, but for those who tend to fall asleep quickly upon hitting their head to the pillow, sitting
upright in a chair is a better alternative. The primary purpose of this exercise is to bring body
and spirit into balance.
Diagnostic in nature, this body scan will help you become more fully aware of both subtle and
not-so-subtle sensations of your physical body. This is an excellent tool for identifying all
physical stresses and upsets, especially those underlying imbalances you may not be aware of.
Pain can be so overwhelming in one part of the body that the rest of the body gets neglected. The
body scan is an exercise in assembling the larger hurts alongside the minutest details of stresses
which you may have overlooked within your body. It is helpful to bring our awareness to the less
obvious.
In addition to the apparent grounding benefits of this body scan exercise, another side benefit is
that sometimes the most painful hurts are miraculously lifted from the physical during the body
scan process.
For example: A throbbing headache may get temporary or permanent relief by diverting the
focus downwards toward the feet and away from the throbbing, although this will be dependent
on the severity of the hurt you are experiencing in your head.
Be prepared to be amazed at the discoveries that you will make about your body during this
process.
Grounding Exercise: Body Scan
Lay flat on your back on your bed, couch or floor. Position your arms and hands comfortably at your
sides. Place a pillow or rolled towel under your knees if your lower back requires support.
Begin your body scan by diverting your thoughts away from any mental chatter, switch gears by
first focusing on your feet. Do not rush! During the process you will slowly change your focus
from one part of your body to the next. Also, you don't need to touch yourself, the scan is mental.
Allow your mind to switch focus from wherever it is. Begin with your feet and move upwards.
Notice the soles of your feet, your toes, in-between your toes, the top of your feet, ankles, and
heel.
Do they feel hot? or cold? Do they hurt? Are they numb or swollen? Can you feel the blood
circulating through them? Are they feeling tired? Don't judge how they feel, simply notice how
they feel. Wiggle your toes. How does that feel?
Once you have a made a strong connection with your feet move your attention upwards past your
ankle... switching all your focus from your feet to the lower legs, then move onto your knee caps,
behind your knees, your thighs, and so on.
Keep reminding yourself not to rush.

Allow yourself to breathe evenly throughout the scanning process. If you come upon any areas of
discomfort (stressed muscles, soreness, etc.) or at a spot that feels like there may be stuck energy take
two or three deep cleansing breaths to ease the tension or break through energetic blockages.
Once you have moved your attention through your torso and up to your neck, drop your focus at
your fingertips. Move up your attention through the length of the fingers and into the hands (tops
of hands and palms). Continue your energy scan up your arms and at the shoulders, returning
your attention once again to your neck before finishing up with your focus on face, ears, and
scalp.
Are You Adequately Grounded?
How often have you been told that "grounding" is important? What does it mean to be ungrounded
anyway? Taking this quiz will offer you clues as to which characteristics you have, and whether the
actions or reactions that you take are helping you to stay grounded or are actually aiding your energetic
retreats from your physical self.
Reducing Stress with Prayer

4-Part Process of Prayer for Stress Reduction and Gaining Peace
From Susan Kramer
See More About:
power of prayer
stress management
meditation
inner peace
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Prayer: Communication back and forth with our source. Supplication, meditation, hand in hand,
energy uplifted by appreciation reduces stress and carries out a useful plan.
Supplication - Asking for guidance by using our own words or set prayers
Meditation - Being still in body, which is conducive to the settling of the turbulent waters of
issues in the mind; confusion falling away so that the voice of conscience can be heard
Appreciation - Caring, thankful, and loving thoughts, which in turn energize
Application - Putting the inner guidance of conscience into action
Directives from conscience are perceived through peaceful thoughts, feelings of contentment, and an
energized body. Directives from conscience are always for the best. Sometimes we layer our mind with
excuses for not acting on the directive of our conscience. These layers of mental defense fog our mind to
what is best for us, blocking out the best outcome.
Supplication
Supplication is asking for our prayer to be answered. The set prayers from religious traditions can set us
in the frame of mind that something outside our ordinary daily thinking and experience can intercede in
our lives. Depending on our personal belief system we call this higher wisdom by various names or
qualities.
We can ask for events to turn a certain way when we want a specific outcome, or we can ask for the
best (though perhaps unknown to us in the moment) outcome to happen in our lives or in others' lives
in general. Both ways we are intentionally putting forth our energy.
A prayer asking for the 'best' outcome:
Lord, clear my mind that your beam of light and love shining through me will reflect perfectly through
the crystal of my soul.
Spend the moments following prayer for meditation and reflection. Deep meditation and reflection, our
quiet time, leaves us stress free, thus making a space for answers to our question or request to come to
mind.
Meditation
Through meditation we come to experience our eternal Self. We know about our sensory organs; we
know about our emotions; we know about our thinking mind; but until we still our body, emotions, and
thinking mind, we do not have conscious contact with our soul, which is part of the main eternal core of
Self. The joyful effects experienced from the inner stillness of meditation eventually flow outwardly into
daily life. Joy invigorates us with plenty of lively energy for caring and sharing; in joy we feel happy and
fulfilled.
Going within, reflecting, brings forth a clarified reality, free of stress. When we perceive past and
ongoing events clearly, we see where we are heading. Living each moment with care and in our highest
consciousness of good allows happiness to flower.
We aid ourselves in fulfilling our human potential by maintaining and nurturing a stable secure base.
When we are out of balance so are the results of our actions. To produce results for the highest good we
need to consistently live from our highest consciousness. By living a balance of work, play and
meditation we stay centered.
Productive work, contemplation for guidance and inspiration, and play for enjoyment are a winning
combination allowing personal harmony and achievement in everyday living.
A Meditation Practice
Preparation: Sit on a carpet, folded blanket, or pillow on the floor with back and head erect, eyes closed,
legs folded in, hands clasped and resting in lap. Alternately, sit on a chair with spine erect, eyes closed,
hands clasped and resting in lap.
Breathe evenly in and out, with no breath retention, while mentally repeating an uplifting word such as
'peace' or a short phrase or prayer, all the while feeling love for at least one other person in order to
grow in loving consciousness.
In this bodily stillness the mind relaxes and becomes more peaceful allowing stress to wash away.
Appreciation
Appreciation uplifts both the giver and receiver. A smile is an appreciation. A gentle touch or hug
conveys loving appreciation. Encouraging words appreciate a person's potential. Sharing shows we care.
Appreciation goes forth through our thoughts, words, actions, and returns the same instant as uplifted
energy in our body-mind. Consciousness awakens. Consciousness of love awakens.
When we are showing appreciation we are feeling energized and happy, not uptight or stressed.
Application
It is through sharing the increased loving consciousness gained in the process of prayer in caring actions
that we are able to more fully enjoy our human experience.
Spending time in the process of prayer-supplication, meditation, appreciation-plus the gift of ourselves
through caring and sharing awakens gifts within ourselves of abiding peacefulness and lovingness.
When stress is drained through the process of prayer, personal peace is more easily gained.
Setting Boundaries and Saying No

It may seem hard at first, but with the help of these pages and a little practice, you can clear your life of
unnecessary commitments.
Say No to To People Making on Your Time

If you're too busy and too stressed, you could likely cut down on stress by learning to say no.
Although pushy people don't always make it easy, these simple tips on saying no give you easy
ways to say no to requests on your time without having to be pushy yourself, so you can say no
to more stress and yes to the things you really want in life. Relaxation is also important, and you
can find more time by learning to say no. Here's how!
The Benefits of Assertiveness

Assertiveness is a skill that not only helps with marriage and interpersonal relationships, but can
reduce stress and help you attain more balance at home, at work and in life. Learn more about
assertiveness, aggressiveness and passivity, and see how assertiveness training can improve your
life.
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How To Use Assertive Communication For Stress Management

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life and improve your relationships.
Tis The Season to Feel...Golly! Understanding and Managing The Seemingly...

Do you find that, rather than feeling jolly and care-free, the holiday season leaves you feeling
stressed and overwhelmed? Find out why this phenomenon has become all too common, and
learn how you can eliminate the stress and enjoy the holidays as they were meant to be enjoyed!
Stages Of Learning To Say No

Donna Birk helps us understand the three stages of learning to say no, for those who have a
difficult time disappointing people. See what stage applies to you right now, and what lies ahead
in your journey to maintaining a less scheduled lifestyle.
The Power Of Saying No

Dr. Linda Tillman walks us through the hows and whys of saying no more often in our lives,
and illustrates the difference between an ineffective no and an assertive no. This is a great
article for those who are in the practice of saying yes to please others, and burdening
themselves with stress as a result.
How to Cut Down on Obligations That Cause Stress

Obligationsthose things we have to do in lifedont have to be stressful, but if you find your
schedule filled only with obligations (especially obligations that you dont enjoy), you may find
yourself lacking motivation, feeling overwhelmed, or even battling burnout. If youre feeling
stressed, and your schedule is overly-filled with...
One of the most important skills we can learn that will help us manage and fulfill our priorities is
to say "No." Once we get there, it becomes easier and easier, but initially it can be extremely
awkward and unpopular with others. Knowing the stages well go through can help us realize
that whats happening is natural and that its not just that we cant seem to do it.
Stage 1: Identifying Opportunities
In this initial stage we have identified our need to learn to say "No" and have made it a goal.
What happens is that we start to identify opportunities that have already past where we could
have and should have said "No." We may easily be able to relate to this stage. Most of us at one
time or another have said to ourselves or someone else "I never should have agreed to do this."
Its that regretful feeling that we didnt take the chance when we had it. This is an important
stage in the process, though, since it instills within us the negative experiences that can result
from not having said "No." When enough of those build up, we move on to the next stage.
Stage 2: Backing Up
This next stage of learning and practicing saying "No" is the most difficult. What actually
happens is that we continue to say "Yes," but decide later that we really should have said "No."
We get up the courage to make it right, go back to the other person and tell them weve changed
our mind. We may feel uncertain, uncomfortable, embarrassed, unsure of ourselves, and not fully
believe that what were trying to do is the right thing. Responses from others who let us know
that weve let them down, were going back on your promise, or what will they do now certainly
contribute to the discomfort we feel within this stage. We also, however, begin feeling intense
moments of relief, self-confidence, and pride in ourselves. This is a stage where we seem to need
the most reassurance that were on the right track. Bear with it, because it will be well worth it!
When these positive experiences begin to have more impact than the discomfort, we move on to
the next stage.
Stage 3: Doing the Right Thing at the Right Time
Within this stage, we have arrived at a place where we are able to say no at the right time:
immediately. Again, this stage can be somewhat uncomfortable, but much of the discomfort,
fear, and lack of confidence from the last stage has minimized dramatically. Because we are
human beings who have feelings, we may never completely be rid of some sense of guilt or
discomfort, but it will continue to have less and less of an impact on us.
No matter what stage you are in or if youve just decided to start learning to say "No," use this
information to reassure yourself that youre not alone, youre not crazy, and youre not a bad
person because you say "No" to someone. None of us are any good to anyone else unless we do
what is right for us first.
From the New Year's Angel
Received December 27, 2004
Invocation...
Beloved Angels I call upon you. Blessed and sacred Angels, messengers of God and of goodness,
messengers of light and of love, bring to us the illumination, the wisdom, the light and the love that we
may prepare ourselves for this new year.
Angel Message
We are Angels of Release and we are also Angels of Embracing The New. We are the Angels who will
help you to let go of all thought, action, and word whose time it is to fall away.
We are the Angels who come to you in winter to help prepare you for the new year. We come to you in
this quieter time, a time of increased stillness, a time when you may more easily enter into the stillness of
your own soul. When you enter this still place in your own soul, you find a place like a deep well; a well
and wellspring of refreshment and replenishment. This well of your soul may be deeply drawn upon for it
runs to the depth of eternity. Your soul is eternal, it has no beginning and no end, and it connects you to
the eternal love and wisdom of heaven.
Your soul is in a constant state of expressing its true nature - which is divine love. Ever expanding, ever
evolving, your experience of your soul runs through cycles like the seasons and cycles like day and night.
These seasons of your soul are a natural cycle, a natural process, of your evolution into ever more
present love. We assure you that no matter what season you find yourself in, that you are moving ever
deeper into the loving embrace of Creator and creation.
You are at a natural place of pausing, now, before the new year begins. We encourage you to enter into
the inner stillness and to truly pause and contemplate, even if just for a few minutes, in each of these
days leading to the new year.
The new year comes in the wintertime for it signifies new birth. New birth in a time of more darkness, in
a place of more emptiness. It is from this clarity and from this stillness that your own consciousness is
reborn. Your consciousness ever evolves, is ever reborn in its journey into the full expression of your soul.
Your soul is constant, fixed and eternal, for it is made of the original love that created all of creation.
Your consciousness evolves to understand, experience and express this. We assure you that your
destination, a place of full realization of the eternal love of heaven and your place in it, is assured.
Release any fear or doubt that you will eventually attain this - it is your soul's birthplace and birthright.
We ask that you call upon us to help you to clarify what you may now release. Releasing the old is an
essential step to fully preparing yourself for the new year.
We ask you to review the past year with compassion, with kindness towards yourself and others, with
the certain knowledge that all that you have experienced has divine purpose and loving intent. Every
experience of this past year is to be embraced and engaged in a loving place of understanding. This
understanding is to be contained with compassion, with forgiveness, with kindness, and with true and
genuine appreciation. True and genuine appreciation comes when you engage your deeper realization of
the power and potency of each of these experiences to reveal the nature and condition of your own
consciousness. This is the key - the revelation of the condition of your own consciousness. All that you see
around you is the mirror reflection of your own inner consciousness.
Call upon us to help you understand and embrace the lesson of your soul that is contained in each of
these experiences. We promise you that we will help you, guide you and lead you to your own place of
genuine self-realization. Each of these experiences may be welcomed back into your awareness in the
spirit of a conversation, in the spirit of engaging from a place of love with an interest in seeing more
deeply, knowing more completely, and understanding more fully how these experiences may lead you to
realize the openings and blockages to expanding your consciousness.
Welcome back the most important, the most meaningful, the most painful, the most distressful, and of
course, the most loving and joyful experiences of the year. Detach yourself from the associated emotions,
calm your feelings, hold a place of loving witness consciousness as you review your experiences.
Prepare yourself further by embracing a deep sense of love and wonder. Allow yourself to watch and
review these experiences as you would theater, a film or a radio program. Simply witness and observe.
Allow your Angels to carry you through these experiences much in the same way that the ghosts of
Christmas past, present and future carry Ebenezer Scrooge in the tale "A Christmas Carol." Allow yourself
to truly see those around you - see their lives, their loves, their fears, their positives and negatives in a
context of their own evolution and self-realization.
>>>>ContinueAs you review and bless each experience, ask us to help you to receive all the highest
wisdom and realization that each experience contains.
Bless each thought, each observation, and each place of witnessing, for you are witnessing your own
evolution. Welcome the wisdom, welcome the truth, and realize that even your pain in these experiences
is a loving companion that focuses your attention on the most important matter at hand. Yet, your focus
is on the wisdom you can gain, not on the pain.
The Angel of Forgiveness will help you to forgive yourself and all others. Call upon this Angel for help with
every mistake that you have made and every mistake that has been made by another. Call upon this
Angel to help you to see and realize that even these mistakes were blessed and enfolded in Creator's love
for you. Each of these mistakes are growing and learning opportunities. Trust to the love in your own
soul -for this is the very same love that the souls of those around you are made of. This love unifies,
reveals and brings all experience into loving harmony.
The Angel of Forgiveness will bring the balm of new awareness to any wound, be it mental, physical,
emotional or even an apparent wound to your spirit. Your spirit can never truly be harmed. Rest assured
that your spirit (soul) is eternal and indestructible. What feels like a wound to your spirit is actually the
breaking away, sometimes a painful tearing away, of illusion, misunderstanding and misidentification
with what is desired from what is true.
Next, call upon the Angel of Compassion. The Angel of Compassion will help you find peace within
yourself and peace with those around you. The Angel of Compassion will also remind you that when you
anchor yourself in the eternal love that is within your soul, you also connect with the universal field of
love which connects all souls.
Then call upon The Angel of Peace who will help to settle your thoughts as you work your way through
this process. The Angel of Peace brings peace to your mind, to your thoughts, to your emotions and
feelings, and to your physical body and nervous system. The Angel of Peace helps you to break your
established habits of stimulus and response so that you are free to look freshly at your assumptions and
beliefs. The Angel of Peace resolves conflict and settles your mind, which helps you to connect to the well
of love that is your soul.
The Angel of Revelation may then work with you. When you are ready, call upon the Angel of Revelation.
For once you have brought yourself into forgiveness, compassion and peace, you are ready for deep
revelation. The Angel of Revelation will guide you through what has been a mystery to you so that you
may gather the wisdom that you are now ready to receive.
The Angel of Wisdom also will help you to fully understand and live the new wisdom that you are
realizing. The Angel of Wisdom helps prepare you for the new year. In some ways this is like a
graduation. You are leaving behind the old subjects, some of your old classmates, some of your old
teachers, and going on your next place of learning. Allow this natural process.
>>>>Continue Welcome the new. Welcome the new gifts that your soul will call to you. Make space,
create places so that this new may enter your life. Move out the old, give away the old. Make presents of
your old stuff - give it away. For every thing that you are complete with, every thing that no longer
speaks of newness to you, that no longer speaks of love to you, simply gift to another. Make space in
your heart for new love. Make space in your mind for new thought. Make space in your life for new
experience.
Your Guardian Angels will now help guide you into the new year. They will help guide you along the most
loving path that your own consciousness is able to see. They will show you -they will light this new way.
Call upon your Guardian Angels for peace, for comfort, but also for the excitement and the freshness of
new life.
Your Guardian Angels prepare you to grow again in this new year. Just as the nature Angels help new
buds to blossom in springtime, your guardian Angels help new buds of wisdom, awareness, compassion,
and love to blossom within you.
Your Guardian Angels are with you in every step you take. They are with you in every thought, every
word, every action. Pause for a moment - call upon them - allow them to help fresh thought to emerge.
You will find fresh expressions of love and of kindness rising naturally within you welcome them, create
with them and give them as gifts to others!
As you move into the new year, accept and welcome a shift in your own perceptions. This shift is brought
about by your own inner realizations that love does move all things with a divine order and a divine
purpose. It comes with a certainty that the love within your own soul will continue to express and will
continue to attract every person, place, and thing that is perfectly matched to your evolving
consciousness.
Realize that there is nothing more important than the state of your own consciousness. Steep it in love,
steep it in the purity of the love of creation, and allow it to be a pure vessel for the expression of the
loving consciousness that is both your soul and the very stuff of creation.
We are available to you to help and assist you. Call upon us with every step you take into the new year
and the birth of new loving consciousness within yourself. Call upon us - we are ever present and ever
with you.
All blessings, all encouragement, all wisdom and all compassion to you for a good and loving journey!
-The New Year's Angels
About this Contributor: Christopher Dilts has been offering sessions for individuals and groups to come
into greater partnership with their Guiding Angels for over nine years. For more information about
working with your Angels and free Angel Messages, visit the Ask an Angel website.www.AskAnAngel.org
It's long been known that the way you look at a potentially stressful situation can alter whether or not it
ends up being stressful. In other words, a significant part of your stress is created by how you look at
things! This is a common thread that I've written about in optimism, maintaining a sense of humor, and
even using the Law of Attraction.
New research out of Dartmouth College reinforces this principle in relation to job stress. In two
different experiments, researchers studied how people respond when they go against the grain at
work, and are thus more noticed and scrutinized. For many, being the focus of attention at work
can be a stressful experience, but this isn't universally true. What factors affect whether being a
standout is stressful or affirming?
Perhaps not surprisingly, the level of resources people had to do a good job had a major impact
on whether or not they were stressed when finding themselves the center of attention at work.
Researchers deduced that the key ingredient here is whether subjects felt threatened, or
challenged.
This is a key distinction, because it's perceived threat that triggers the stress response--not
necessarily actual danger. Once the fight-or-flight response is triggered, a cascade of changes
occur in the body, and if this happens often enough to constitute chronic stress, your health can
be affected in ways both minor and major.
In contrast, a challenge can create eustress--the type of stress that makes you feel vital and alive.
Challenges at work can stir creative juices and give you a reason to look forward to going to
work in the morning.
While you can't always control what type of experiences you encounter, you can make a
conscious decision to try to view situations as challenges instead of threats as much as possible.
Viewing something as a challenge automatically gets you looking for solutions, rather than
getting buried in feelings of stress.
How do you get into the "challenge, not threat" point of view? Here are a few resources to get
you started:
Reframing In Action
Have you ever noticed that two people can face the same situation and one person can describe the
situation as a harrowing ordeal while another sees it as a minor inconvenience? Or have you had one of
those days when it seems that everything is going wrong--until you hear someone else's troubles that
make yours pale in comparison, showing you that your stressors really aren't so bad? Have you faced a
challenge in your life that initially seemed like a negative event, but that eventually brought gifts and
gains that cause you to look back on the event as positive? These situations all involve a phenomenon
that psychologists refer to as 'reframing'.
What Is Reframing?
Reframing is a way of changing the way you look at something and, thus, changing your experience of it.
Reframing can turn a stressful event into either a major trauma or a challenge to be bravely overcome.
Reframing can depict a really bad day as a mildly low point in an overall wonderful life. Reframing can
see a negative event as a learning experience. Reframing is a way that we can alter our perceptions of
stressors and, thus, relieve significant amounts of stress and create a more positive life before actually
making any changes in our circumstances.
How Does Reframing Affect Stress?

Using reframing techniques can actually change your physical responses to stress because your body's
stress response is triggered by perceived stress, not actual events. If you perceive that you are
threatened--physically or psychologically--by a situation, your fight-or-flight response will kick in. Your
stress response can be triggered by events ranging from annoying to frightening, and can remain
triggered long after the triggering event has passed, especially if you're not practicing relaxation
techniques. Reframing techniques are a way of minimizing the stressors you perceive in your life, thus
easing the process of relaxation.
How Does Reframing Work?
Using reframing techniques can be simple and easy, especially with practice.
1. Learn About Thinking Patterns. The first step in reframing is to educate yourself about some of
these negative thinking patterns that may exacerbate your stress levels. See these common
cognitive distortions to see which ones, if any, may come into play in your life. Also, read about
negative explanatory styles to learn the particular way that pessimists view their life
experiences; since pessimists tend to experience more stress and less success than do optimists,
it's important to understand how they think, and work to adopt a positive explanatory style
instead. Educating yourself about thinking patterns and how they affect people is important for
laying the groundwork for understanding and change.
2. Notice Your Thoughts. The next step is to catch yourself when you're slipping into overly
negative and stress-inducing patterns of thinking. Being aware of them is an important part of
challenging and ultimately changing them. One thing you can do is just become more mindful of
your thoughts, as though you're an observer. When you catch negative thinking styles, just note
them at first. If you want, you can even keep a journal and start recording what's happening in
your life and your thoughts surrounding these events, and then examine these thoughts through
your new 'lens' to get more practice in catching these thoughts. Another helpful practice is
meditation, where you learn to quiet your mind and examine your thoughts. Once you become
more of an observer, it's easier to notice your thoughts rather than remaining caught up in
them.
3. Challenge Your Thoughts. As you notice your negative thoughts, an effective part of reframing
involves examining the truth and accuracy (or lack thereof) of these thoughts. Are the things
you're telling yourself even true? Also, what are some other ways to interpret the same set of
events? Which ways of seeing things serve you better? Instead of seeing things the way you
always have, challenge every negative thought, and see if you can adopt thoughts that fit your
situation but reflect a more positive outlook.
4. Replace Your Thoughts With More Positive Thoughts Have you even been to a hospital and
noticed that the nurses often ask people about their 'discomfort' rather than their 'pain'? That's
reframing in action. If the patient is in searing pain, the term 'discomfort' becomes annoying and
seems to reflect a disconnect in understanding, but if the pain is mild, reframing it as
'discomfort' can actually minimize the experience of pain for many patients. This is a useful
reframing trick that we can all put into practice. When you're looking at something negative, see
if you can change your self talk to use less strong, less negative emotions. When you're looking
at a potentially stressful situation, see if you can view it as a challenge vs. a threat. Look for the
'gift' in each situation, and see if you can see your stressors on the more positive edge of reality:
see them in a way that still fits the facts of your situation, but that is less negative and more
optimistic and positive.
That's the gist of reframing, and you can do it as often as you'd like. Most people are surprised
at what a big impact reframing can have on their experience of stress--changing the way you look at
your life can truly change your life!
Diagnostic Tests for Insomnia

Polysomnography, MSLT, and Actigraphy May Clarify Diagnosis
By Brandon Peters, M.D., About.com Guide
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Treatments of Insomnia
Aside from a carefully taken history and physical examination by a sleep specialist, there are
certain diagnostic tests that may be used to diagnose insomnia. Typically, these tests are not
necessary as most insomnia can be identified and treated without formal sleep testing. However,
in some cases, the following additional tests may be used:
1. Polysomnography
This test is largely regarded as the gold standard for the diagnosis of sleep disorders. It
may be used diagnose disorders ranging from sleep apnea to restless legs syndrome to
parasomnias, and may also be useful in ruling out other causes of insomnia. It generally
is only used if the insomnia does not respond to initial therapy and another cause of the
problem is suspected.
2. Multiple sleep latency test (MSLT)
Multiple sleep latency tests (MSLT) are also often called nap studies. With a set-up
similar to the polysomnogram, the MSLT is used to identify pathological sleepiness. It is
not routinely used to evaluate insomnia. Since it identifies excessive daytime sleepiness,
the test may be negative in individuals who have difficulty falling asleep, as occurs in
insomnia. If the insomnia is especially disruptive of sleep, or if other sleep disorders are
thought to be present, the MSLT may be useful.
3. Actigraphy
It may be helpful to track your sleep habits over weeks or even months, and the use of
actigraphy to measure your activity levels during the day and night may be helpful. This
is accomplished with a small, wristwatch-sized device that monitors movement and
records this pattern. This can be helpful in assessing sleep-wake cycles, circadian
rhythms, and problems associated with insomnia. In general, actigraphy is not routinely
used in the evaluation of insomnia. However, its use with a sleep log may help identify
circadian rhythm problems.
In the proper setting, these tests can be helpful in identifying potential causes of insomnia.
However, whether the tests are needed should be determined by a sleep specialist after careful
review of your history and a focused physical examination.
Help Me Sleep: Ways to Sleep Better Tonight

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It seems like sleep should come naturally. But when it doesn't, you might quickly find yourself
pleading, "Help me sleep!" It can be a frustrating, unnerving experience to have difficulty falling
or staying asleep. When you awaken without feeling refreshed, this problem quickly becomes a
drag on the rest of your life and health.
What are reasons why you can't sleep? Are there tried-and-true ways to sleep better tonight?
What should you do if you have tried everything and it just isn't working? Let's explore these
issues and discover the help you need to sleep.
What Is Wrong with My Sleep?

We have an expectation of perfect sleep; that we will crawl into bed, fall asleep within minutes,
sleep without interruption and awaken fully refreshed and ready to start our day. But is this a
reasonable standard?
Children are often hailed as a model of perfect sleep because (for the most part) they are able to
do just what we've described. As we mature, our bodies change and our sleep seems to likewise
deviate from the ideals of childhood.
Life, in a sense, gets complicated. There are new time pressures, our sleep is disrupted by others
(including bed partners and our own children) and other health problems (such as nocturia,
heartburn and even pain) compromise our sleep.
As a result, we may not enjoy the sleep we knew in our youth. Indeed, even the timing of our
sleep may shift. Those who are in the twilight of their lives often find themselves waking early,
unable to stay asleep as they once did.
Some of our expectations regarding our sleep might be slightly misguided. As an example, the
thought that we will fall asleep almost immediately upon retiring to our beds may be improper.
In fact, people who fall asleep in less than five minutes may be "pathologically sleepy." This
means that they are so sleepy that they fall asleep quicker than might be normal. In some cases,
this ability to fall asleep quickly - and enter rapid eye movement (REM) sleep quickly - can be
seen in excessive daytime sleepiness that might occur in sleep deprivation or narcolepsy.
Some sleep researchers believe that it might be normal to be awake some during the night. (The
fact that you sleep straight through the night without budging may again be a sign of inadequate
time spent sleeping.) This phenomenon is called "quiet wakefulness" and is often observed when
the sleep habits of non-Western cultures are studied. When people sleep in a group in close
quarters, there is more time spent awake during the night. This makes sleep a more fluid concept.
Time may be spent chatting, eating a snack or engaging others around you. In history,
fragmented sleep with periods of wakefulness in the middle of the night were common, reflected
in the midnight adventures seen in the plays of Shakespeare, for example.
When we find ourselves waking in the night, no matter the cause, we may conclude that
something is wrong. If there are no consequences in daytime function, however, this may not be
the case. (Waking to go to the bathroom is so common as we get older that you would be hard-
pressed to call it "abnormal.") The problem begins when our poor sleep compromises our lives.
If difficulty falling or staying asleep at night begins to have consequences, there is a motivation
to seek the cause.
Common Causes of Difficulty Sleeping
When we find ourselves lying awake, watching the minutes tick past in the red light of our alarm
clocks, the desperation to sleep quickly escalates. There are many reasons this could occur, and
getting to the bottom of it may require some reflection on your situation.
The most common reason why you can't sleep is also the most obvious: you are not tired. Your
desire to sleep will be greatly diminished if you are trying to sleep at the wrong time. Imagine
lying down three hours before your normal bedtime. The chance of you being able to fall right to
sleep is pretty slim. This has to do with the circadian rhythm of our bodies. This system helps to
coordinate our activities, including our desire for food and sleep, to the external environment.
Problems with the timing of sleep may occur in the circadian rhythm sleep disorders, as well as
in temporary conditions like jet lag. If you spend more time in bed than required by your sleep
needs, you will also be subject to long periods of wakefulness. Another reason you might be
diminishing your desire to sleep at night is because of naps you take during the day.
A very common cause of difficulty sleeping relates to stress and the intrusion of stimulating
substances and activities. You may have trouble falling asleep the night before a big test or
presentation. In periods of emotional stress, such as after the death of a loved one, you may also
have trouble sleeping. This is called acute insomnia. It usually passes when these stressors
resolve. Similarly, stimulants such as caffeine and even nicotine can disrupt your sleep.
You may be surprised to learn that exposure to light at night - such as from a television or
computer screen - might make it difficult for some people to fall asleep. Additionally, late-night
exercise might rev you up and provoke insomnia.
For those who have chronic insomnia, the bedroom space may become a trigger for insomnia
through conditioning. The sleep environment is meant to be comfortable and facilitate sleep. It
should be cool, quiet and free of distractions. Ideally you would not allow a television or pets in
your bedroom. Bed partners may be disruptive and some people choose to maintain separate
sleep spaces for this reason.
Another common cause of difficulty falling asleep is the activities that precede your bedtime. If
you eat or drink too late, you may suffer from heartburn or frequent nighttime trips to the
bathroom. There are general guidelines to improve sleep. Many of these are meant to reinforce
positive sleep habits. You should go to bed and get up the same time every day. Irregular sleep
schedules may set you up for sleep disruption. You should follow a bedtime routine, including
quiet, relaxing activities to help transition to sleep. If you fail to unwind prior to bed, you may
find yourself struggling to drift off to sleep.
Finally, there are medical conditions that might be keeping you from sleeping well at night.
These may be common problems such as heartburn or pain, but there are also multiple sleep
disorders that might cause difficulty sleeping. Some of these include:
Insomnia
Sleep apnea
Restless legs syndrome
Circadian rhythm sleep disorders
Whether or not you suffer from one of these conditions, you may be interested in learning about
some of the treatment options if you find yourself struggling to sleep at night.
Home Remedies When You Can't Sleep
The first task to sleep better at night is to improve your sleep hygiene, which refers to following
the guidelines for better sleep. These steps may initially seem straightforward, but because they
involve modifying your behaviors in relation to your sleep, they can be challenging. If you have
mastered these changes, you may be compelled to look at other options.
For those who have difficulty with insomnia, there are a handful of options to help you sleep.
One treatment option is sleep restriction. This involves limiting the amount of time that you
spend in bed, so that the time you are there you are more likely to spend asleep. It can also be
useful to make a behavioral change called stimulus control. Stimulus control helps break the
association between your bedroom and not being able to sleep.
There are other non-medication options that might be helpful. Some people find benefit with the
use of aromatherapy, although research studies may not support its use. Various relaxation
techniques, including the use of biofeedback, may also establish a connection between your mind
and body. This can be incorporated into your bedtime rituals and make it easier to relax and
transition into sleep.
Finally, you may find yourself turning to over-the-counter medications to help your sleep. One of
the most common is a naturally occurring hormone called melatonin. It is sold in many
pharmacies and herbal supplement stores. It can be highly effective if you have insomnia related
to a poorly timed circadian rhythm. As it has a low risk of major side effects (the most frequent
is sleepiness), it might be an option to consider. Other herbal supplements (such as valerian root)
do not have a lot of research supporting their efficacy.
If you still struggle to sleep, you may be compelled to look at other options.
Serious Help for Difficulty Sleeping
For those who still need help sleeping after exhausting changes in your sleep routine and at-
home remedies, it may be necessary to turn to a professional. You may want to start by
discussing the matter with your primary healthcare provider, but you may also choose a sleep
doctor.
There are diagnostic tests that can be helpful for assessing your sleep problems, with special tests
for insomnia. It may be helpful to keep a sleep log or use an actigraph to track your sleep
patterns. Further testing with an overnight sleep study called a polysomnogram can also be
helpful to identify sleep apnea or restless legs syndrome.
The other benefit of speaking with a healthcare professional is that you can discuss the use of
sleeping pills. There are two major classes of prescription medications that can help you sleep:
benzodiazepines and nonbenzodiazepines. In addition, you can ask for a referral to a
psychologist who might be able to teach you behavioral therapy techniques.
This is a very serious matter, as the consequences of poor sleep can undermine your health and
may even lead to your death. There are serious symptoms and physical effects of sleep
deprivation, including hallucinations. For all these reasons - and more - it is absolutely
worthwhile to get the help that you need in order to sleep well and wake refreshed.
What is Acute Insomnia?
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What is Acute Insomnia?
Insomnia is one of the most common sleep complaints. There are multiple types of insomnia
based on the duration and potential causes. Of the types lasting less than three months, a more
common one is acute insomnia. Others of this duration include circadian rhythm sleep disorders
such as jet lag and shift work, as well as high altitude insomnia.
Defining the Disorder

Acute insomnia lasts for less than three months and is related in time to an identifiable cause.
Insomnia is present when there is difficulty initiating or maintaining sleep or when the sleep that
is obtained is non-refreshing or of poor quality. These problems occur despite adequate
opportunity and circumstances for sleep and they must result in problems with daytime function.
What Else is it Called?
Adjustment insomnia
Short-term insomnia
Stress-related insomnia
Transient insomnia
What are the Symptoms?
There are any common symptoms of acute insomnia, including:
Difficulty falling asleep

Difficulty staying asleep
Fatigue or daytime sleepiness
Poor attention or concentration
Mood changes (including worry or reduced motivation or energy)
Social or vocational dysfunction (including increased errors or accidents)
Tension, headache, or stomach symptoms
What are the Causes?
There are many potential causes of acute insomnia, ranging from physical to psychological to
social to environmental. In most cases, the condition resolves when the affected person adapts or
no longer is subject to the cause. These potential causes include:
Changes in noise, lighting, temperature, or other conditions of the sleep space

Medications (especially those with stimulant properties)
Use of or withdrawal from caffeine, nicotine, or alcohol
Pain
Stress
Nocturia (nighttime urination)
How is it Diagnosed?
A diagnosis that can be made by a healthcare provider who performs a careful history and
physical examination. It is important that coexisting medical condition, psychiatric and
neurologic disorders, sleep disorders, and medication or drug causes be considered. In some
cases, additional testing may be indicated, though this is not often the case.
Sources:
International classification of sleep disorders: Diagnostic and coding manual. 2nd ed, American
Academy of Sleep Medicine, Westchester, Illinois 2005.
Insomnia. National Heart Lung and Blood Institute Diseases and Conditions Index.
Readers Respond:
Cant Sleep?
Causes, Cures, and Treatments for Insomnia

Share:
Do you struggle to get to sleep no matter how tired you are? Or do you wake up in the middle of
the night and lie awake for hours, anxiously watching the clock? Insomnia is a common problem
that takes a toll on your energy, mood, health, and ability to function during the day. Chronic
insomnia can even contribute to serious health problems. Simple changes to your lifestyle and
daily habits can put a stop to sleepless nights.
In This Article:
Understanding insomnia
Causes of insomnia
Changing habits that disrupt sleep
Neutralizing anxiety
Your bodys relaxation response
Supplements and Medication
Consider professional treatment?
Cant sleep? Understanding insomnia and its symptoms
Age-Related Sleep
If you're an older adult struggling to get a good night's sleep, read Insomnia in Older Adults
Insomnia is the inability to get the amount of sleep you need to wake up feeling rested and
refreshed. Because different people need different amounts of sleep, insomnia is defined by the
quality of your sleep and how you feel after sleepingnot the number of hours you sleep or how
quickly you doze off. Even if youre spending eight hours a night in bed, if you feel drowsy and
fatigued during the day, you may be experiencing insomnia.
Although insomnia is the most common sleep complaint, it is not a single sleep disorder. Its
more accurate to think of insomnia as a symptom of another problem, which differs from person
to person. It could be something as simple as drinking too much caffeine during the day or a
more complex issue like an underlying medical condition or feeling overloaded with
responsibilities.
The good news is that most cases of insomnia can be cured with changes you can make on your
ownwithout relying on sleep specialists or turning to prescription or over-the-counter sleeping
pills.
Symptoms of insomnia:
Difficulty falling asleep despite being tired Relying on sleeping pills or alcohol to fall
Waking up frequently during the night asleep
Trouble getting back to sleep when Waking up too early in the morning
awakened Daytime drowsiness, fatigue, or irritability
Exhausting sleep Difficulty concentrating during the day
Causes of insomnia: Figuring out why you cant sleep
In order to properly treat and cure your insomnia, you need to become a sleep detective.
Emotional issues such as stress, anxiety, and depression cause half of all insomnia cases. But
your daytime habits, sleep routine, and physical health may also play a role. Try to identify all
possible causes of your insomnia. Once you figure out the root cause, you can tailor treatment
accordingly.
Are you under a lot of stress?

Are you depressed or feel emotionally flat or hopeless?
Do you struggle with chronic feelings of anxiety or worry?
Have you recently gone through a traumatic experience?
Are you taking any medications that might be affecting your sleep?
Do you have any health problems that may be interfering with sleep?
Is your sleep environment quiet and comfortable?
Are you spending enough time in sunlight during the day and in darkness at night?
Do you try to go to bed and get up around the same time every day?
Common mental and physical causes of insomnia:
Sometimes, insomnia only lasts a few days and goes away on its own, especially when the
insomnia is tied to an obvious temporary cause, such as stress over an upcoming presentation, a
painful breakup, or jet lag. Other times, insomnia is stubbornly persistent. Chronic insomnia is
usually tied to an underlying mental or physical issue.
Psychological problems that can cause insomnia: depression, anxiety, chronic stress, bipolar
disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder.
Medications that can cause insomnia: antidepressants; cold and flu medications that contain
alcohol; pain relievers that contain caffeine (Midol, Excedrin); diuretics, corticosteroids, thyroid
hormone, high blood pressure medications.
Medical problems that can cause insomnia: asthma, allergies, Parkinsons disease,
hyperthyroidism, acid reflux, kidney disease, cancer, chronic pain.
Sleep disorders that can cause insomnia: sleep apnea, narcolepsy, restless legs syndrome.
Anxiety and depression: Two of the most common causes of chronic insomnia
Most people suffering from an anxiety disorder or depression have trouble sleeping. Whats
more, the sleep deprivation can make the symptoms of anxiety or depression worse. If your
insomnia is caused by anxiety or depression, treating the underlying psychological issue is the
key to the cure.
Insomnia cures and treatments: Changing habits that disrupt sleep
While treating underlying physical and mental issues is a good first step, it may not be enough to
cure your insomnia. You also need to look at your daily habits. Some of the things youre doing
to cope with insomnia may actually be making the problem worse.
For example, if youre using sleeping pills or alcohol to fall asleep, this will disrupt your sleep
even more over the long-term. Or if you drink excessive amounts of coffee during the day, it will
be more difficult to fall asleep later. Oftentimes, changing the habits that are reinforcing
sleeplessness is enough to overcome insomnia altogether. It may take a few days for your body
to get used to the change, but once you do, you will sleep better.
Using a sleep diary to identify insomnia-inducing habits
Habits that make insomnia worse:
drinking a lot of caffeine

drinking or smoking before bed
taking naps during the day
an irregular sleep schedule
Some habits are so ingrained that you may overlook them as a possible contributor to your
insomnia. Maybe your daily Starbucks habit affects your sleep more than you realize. Or maybe
youve never made the connection between your late-night TV viewing or Internet surfing and
your sleep difficulties. Keeping a sleep diary is a helpful way to pinpoint habits and behaviors
contributing to your insomnia.
All you have to do is jot down daily details about your daytime habits, sleep routine, and
insomnia symptoms. For example, you can keep track of when you go to sleep and when you
wake up, where you fall asleep, what you eat and drink, and any stressful events that occur
during the day.
Adopting new habits to help you sleep
Make sure your bedroom is quiet, dark, and cool. Noise, light, and heat can interfere with
sleep. Try using a sound machine or earplugs to hide outside noise, an open window or fan to
keep the room cool, and blackout curtains or a sleep mask to block out light.
Stick to a regular sleep schedule. Support your biological clock by going to bed and getting up at
the same time every day, including weekends. Get up at your usual time in the morning even if
youre tired. This will help you get back in a regular sleep rhythm.
Avoid naps. Napping during the day can make it more difficult to sleep at night. If you feel like
you have to take a nap, limit it to 30 minutes before 3 p.m.
Avoid stimulating activity and stressful situations before bedtime. This includes vigorous
exercise; big discussions or arguments; and TV, computer, or video game use.
Limit caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine. Stop drinking caffeinated beverages at least eight hours
before bed. Avoid drinking alcohol in the evening; while alcohol can make you feel sleepy, it
interferes with the quality of your sleep. Quit smoking or avoid it at night, as nicotine is a
stimulant.
Preparing your brain for sleep
Your brain produces the hormone melatonin to help regulate your sleep-wake cycle. As
melatonin is controlled by light exposure, not enough natural light during the day can make your
brain feel sleepy, while too much artificial light at night can suppress production of melatonin
and make it harder to sleep. To help naturally regulate your sleep-wake cycle and prepare your
brain for sleep:
Increase light exposure during the day. Take breaks outside in sunlight, remove sunglasses
when its safe to do so, and open blinds and curtains during the day.
Limit artificial light at night. To boost melatonin production, use low-wattage bulbs, cover
windows and electrical displays in your bedroom, avoid bright light and turn off television and
computer screens at least one hour before bed. If you cant make your bedroom dark enough,
try using a sleep mask.
Coping with shift work

Working nights or irregular shifts can disrupt your sleep schedule, requiring you to sleep during
daylight hours. But you may be able to limit the adverse impact by practicing the healthy
bedtime habits above, and following these tips:
Adjust your sleep-wake cycle by exposing yourself to bright light when you wake up at night, use
bright lamps or daylight-simulation bulbs in your workplace, and then wear dark glasses on your
journey home to block out sunlight and encourage sleepiness.
Limit the number of night or irregular shifts you work in a row to prevent sleep deprivation
mounting up.
Avoid frequently rotating shifts so you can maintain the same sleep schedule.
Avoid a long commute that cuts into your sleep time. The more time you spend traveling home
in daylight, the more awake youll become and the harder youll find it is to get to sleep.
Make sleep a priority at the weekends or on your days off so you can pay off your sleep debt.
Eliminate noise and light from your bedroom during the day. Use blackout curtains or a sleep
mask, turn off the phone, and use ear plugs or a soothing sound machine to block out daytime
noise.
Insomnia cures and treatments: Neutralizing anxiety when you cant sleep
The more trouble you have with sleep, the more it starts to invade your thoughts. You may dread
going to sleep because you just know that youre going to toss and turn for hours or be up at 2
a.m. again. Or maybe youre worried because you have a big day tomorrow, and if you dont get
a solid eight hours, youre sure youll blow your presentation. But agonizing and expecting sleep
difficulties only makes insomnia worse; worrying about getting to sleep or how tired youre
going to be floods your body with adrenaline, and before you know it, youre wide-awake.
Learning to associate your bed with sleeping and sex, not sleeplessness
Self-help strategies for chronic worriers
Do you lie awake at night worrying about what ifs and worst-case scenarios? Constant
worrying can keep you up at night and make you tense and edgy during the day. But chronic
worrying is a mental habit you can learn how to break.
If sleep worries are getting in the way of your ability to unwind at night, the following strategies
may help. The goal is to train your body to associate the bed with sleep, sex, and nothing else
especially not frustration and anxiety.
Use the bedroom only for sleeping and sex. Dont work, read, watch TV, or use your computer
in bed or the bedroom. The goal is to associate the bedroom with sleep and sex, so that when
you get in bed your brain and body get a strong signal that its time to nod off or be romantic.
Get out of bed when you cant sleep. Dont try to force yourself to sleep. Tossing and turning
only amps up the anxiety. Get up, leave the bedroom, and do something relaxing, such as
reading, drinking a warm cup of caffeine-free tea, taking a bath, or listening to soothing music.
When youre sleepy, go back to bed.
Move bedroom clocks out of view. Anxiously watching the minutes tick by when you cant
sleepknowing that youre going to be exhausted when the alarm goes offis a surefire recipe
for insomnia. You can use an alarm, but make sure you cant see the time when youre in bed.
Its also helpful to challenge the negative attitudes about sleep and your insomnia problem that
youve developed over time. The key is to recognize self-defeating thoughts and replace them
with more realistic ones.
Challenging self-defeating thoughts that fuel insomnia
Self-defeating thought Sleep-promoting comeback
Unrealistic expectations: I should be able to Lots of people struggle with sleep from time to
sleep well every night like a normal person. I time. I will be able to sleep with practice.
shouldnt have a problem!
Exaggeration: Its the same every single night, Not every night is the same. Some nights I do
another night of sleepless misery. sleep better than others.
Catastrophizing: If I dont get some sleep, Ill I can get through the presentation even if Im
tank my presentation and jeopardize my job. tired. I can still rest and relax tonight, even if I
cant sleep.
Hopelessness: Im never going to be able to Insomnia can be cured. If I stop worrying so
sleep well. Its out of my control. much and focus on positive solutions, I can beat
it.
Fortune telling: Its going to take me at least an I dont know what will happen tonight. Maybe
hour to get to sleep tonight. I just know it. Ill get to sleep quickly if I use the strategies
Ive learned.
Remember, replacing self-defeating thoughts takes time and practice. You may find it helpful to
jot down your own list, taking note of the negative thoughts that pop up and how you can dispute
them. You may be surprised at how often these negative thoughts run through your head. Be
patient and ask for support if you need it.
Insomnia cures and treatments: Harnessing your bodys relaxation response
If you're easily wound and unable to let go of stress at the end of the day, you may benefit from
relaxation techniques that take advantage of the bodys natural relaxation response, a state of
restfulness that is the opposite of the stress response. Not only do relaxation techniques help you
quiet your mind and relieve tension in the body, but they also help you fall asleep faster and get
back to sleep more quickly if you awaken in the middle of the night. And all without the side
effects of sleep medication!
A variety of relaxation techniques help you achieve the relaxation response, including:
deep breathing
progressive muscle relaxation
meditation
visualization
yoga
tai chi
Relaxation techniques that can help you sleep
A relaxing bedtime routine. As a start to your relaxation practice, develop a calming bedtime
routine. Focus on quiet, soothing activities, such as reading, knitting, or listening to soft music.
Keep the lights low.
Abdominal breathing. Most of us dont breathe as deeply as we should. When we breathe
deeply and fully, involving not only the chest, but also the belly, lower back, and ribcage, it can
actually help our parasympathetic nervous system, which controls relaxation. Close your eyes
and try taking deep, slow breaths, making each breath even deeper than the last. Breathe in
through your nose and out through your mouth. You can try making each exhale a little longer
than each inhale.
Progressive muscle relaxation. Lie down or make yourself comfortable. Starting with your feet,
tense the muscles as tightly as you can. Hold for a count of 10, and then relax. Continue to do
this for every muscle group in your body, working your way up from your feet to the top of your
head.
A step-by-step guide to developing a daily relaxation practice
It takes regular practice to learn these techniques and harness their stress-relieving power. Stick
with it because the benefits can be huge. You can do them as part of your bedtime routine, when
you are lying down preparing for sleep, and if you wake up in the middle of the night.
Insomnia cures and treatments: Using supplements and medication wisely
When youre tossing and turning at night, it can be tempting to turn to sleep aids for relief. But
before you do, heres what you need to know.
Dietary supplements for insomnia
There are many dietary and herbal supplements marketed for their sleep-promoting effects.
Although they may be described as natural, be aware that sleep remedies can still have side
effects and interfere with other medications or vitamins youre taking. For more information, talk
to your doctor or pharmacist.
While scientific evidence is still being gathered for alternative sleep remedies, you might find
that some of them work wonderfully for you. The two supplements with the most evidence
supporting their effectiveness for insomnia are melatonin and valerian.
Melatonin is a naturally occurring hormone that your body produces at night. While melatonin
supplementsavailable as an over-the-counter supplementdon't work for everyone, they
may be an effective insomnia treatment for youespecially if youre an extreme night owl
with a natural tendency to go to bed and get up much later than others.
Valerian is an herb with mild sedative effects that may help you sleep better. However, the
quality of valerian supplements varies widely.
Prescription sleeping pills for insomnia
While prescription sleep medications can provide temporary relief, its important to understand
that sleeping pills are not a cure for insomnia. And if not used carefully, they actually make
insomnia worse in the long run. Its best to use medication only as a last resort, and then, only on
a very limited, as-needed basis. First, try changing your sleep habits, your daily routine, and your
attitudes about sleep. Evidence shows that lifestyle and behavioral changes make the largest and
most lasting difference when it comes to insomnia.
When to consider seeking professional insomnia treatment
If youve tried the insomnia cures and treatments listed above and are still having trouble getting
the sleep you need, a doctor or sleep disorder specialist may be able to help.
When to seek professional help for insomnia:
If your insomnia doesnt respond to self-help strategies

If your insomnia is causing major problems at home, work, or school
If youre experiencing scary symptoms like chest pain or shortness of breath
If your insomnia occurs almost every night and is getting worse
Relaxation Techniques for Stress Relief
Finding the Relaxation Exercises That Work for You

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For many of us, relaxation means zoning out in front of the TV at the end of a stressful day. But
this does little to reduce the damaging effects of stress. To effectively combat stress, we need to
activate the body's natural relaxation response. You can do this by practicing relaxation
techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, rhythmic exercise, and yoga. Fitting these
activities into your life can help reduce everyday stress and boost your energy and mood.
In This Article:
The relaxation response

Finding the right relaxation technique
Breathing meditation
Progressive muscle relaxation
Body scan meditation
Mindfulness meditation
Visualization meditation
Yoga and tai chi
Make relaxation techniques fit your life
The relaxation response: Bringing your nervous system back into balance
Stress is necessary for life. You need stress for creativity, learning, and your very survival. Stress
is only harmful when it becomes overwhelming and interrupts the healthy state of equilibrium
that your nervous system needs to remain in balance. Unfortunately, overwhelming stress has
become an increasingly common characteristic of contemporary life. When stressors throw your
nervous system out of balance, relaxation techniques can bring it back into a balanced state by
producing the relaxation response, a state of deep calmness that is the polar opposite of the stress
response.
When stress overwhelms your nervous system your body is flooded with chemicals that prepare
you for fight or flight. While the stress response can be lifesaving in emergency situations
where you need to act quickly, it wears your body down when constantly activated by the
stresses of everyday life. The relaxation response puts the brakes on this heightened state of
readiness and brings your body and mind back into a state of equilibrium.
Producing the relaxation response
Learn about obstacles to the relaxation response
Watch 3-min. video: Roadblocks to awareness
A variety of different relaxation techniques can help you bring your nervous system back into
balance by producing the relaxation response. The relaxation response is not lying on the couch
or sleeping but a mentally active process that leaves the body relaxed, calm, and focused.
Learning the basics of these relaxation techniques isnt difficult, but it does take practice. Most
stress experts recommend setting aside at least 10 to 20 minutes a day for your relaxation
practice. If youd like to get even more stress relief, aim for 30 minutes to an hour. If that sounds
like a daunting commitment, remember that many of these techniques can be incorporated into
your existing daily schedulepracticed at your desk over lunch or on the bus during your
morning commute.
Finding the relaxation technique thats best for you
There is no single relaxation technique that is best for everyone. When choosing a relaxation
technique, consider your specific needs, preferences, fitness level, and the way you tend to react
to stress. The right relaxation technique is the one that resonates with you, fits your lifestyle, and
is able to focus your mind and interrupt your everyday thoughts in order to elicit the relaxation
response. In many cases, you may find that alternating or combining different techniques will
keep you motivated and provide you with the best results.
How you react to stress may influence the relaxation technique that works best for you:
How do you react to stress?

Do you tend to become angry, agitated, or keyed up?
You may respond best to relaxation techniques that quiet you down, such as meditation, deep
breathing, or guided imagery
Do you tend to become depressed, withdrawn, or spaced out?
You may respond best to relaxation techniques that are stimulating and that energize your
nervous system, such as rhythmic exercise
Do you tend to freeze-speeding up internally, while slowing down externally?
Your challenge is to identify relaxation techniques that provide both safety and stimulation to
help you reboot your system. Techniques such as mindfulness walking or power yoga might
work well for you
Do you need alone time or social stimulation?
If you crave solitude, solo relaxation techniques such as meditation or progressive muscle
relaxation will give you the space to quiet your mind and recharge your batteries. If you crave
social interaction, a class setting will give you the stimulation and support youre looking for.
Practicing with others may also help you stay motivated.
Relaxation technique 1: Breathing meditation for stress relief
With its focus on full, cleansing breaths, deep breathing is a simple, yet powerful, relaxation
technique. Its easy to learn, can be practiced almost anywhere, and provides a quick way to get
your stress levels in check. Deep breathing is the cornerstone of many other relaxation practices,
too, and can be combined with other relaxing elements such as aromatherapy and music. All you
really need is a few minutes and a place to stretch out.
Practicing deep breathing meditation
The key to deep breathing is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as
possible in your lungs. When you take deep breaths from the abdomen, rather than shallow
breaths from your upper chest, you inhale more oxygen. The more oxygen you get, the less tense,
short of breath, and anxious you feel.
Sit comfortably with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your
stomach.
Breathe in through your nose. The hand on your stomach should rise. The hand on your chest
should move very little.
Exhale through your mouth, pushing out as much air as you can while contracting your
abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other
hand should move very little.
Continue to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to inhale enough so
that your lower abdomen rises and falls. Count slowly as you exhale.
If you find it difficult breathing from your abdomen while sitting up, try lying on the floor. Put a
small book on your stomach, and try to breathe so that the book rises as you inhale and falls as
you exhale.
Relaxation technique 2: Progressive muscle relaxation for stress relief
Progressive muscle relaxation involves a two-step process in which you systematically tense and
relax different muscle groups in the body.
With regular practice, progressive muscle relaxation gives you an intimate familiarity with what
tensionas well as complete relaxationfeels like in different parts of the body. This awareness
helps you spot and counteract the first signs of the muscular tension that accompanies stress. And
as your body relaxes, so will your mind. You can combine deep breathing with progressive
muscle relaxation for an additional level of stress relief.
Practicing progressive muscle relaxation
Before practicing Progressive Muscle Relaxation, consult with your doctor if you have a history
of muscle spasms, back problems, or other serious injuries that may be aggravated by tensing
muscles.
Most progressive muscle relaxation practitioners start at the feet and work their way up to the
face. For a sequence of muscle groups to follow, see the box below.
Loosen your clothing, take off your shoes, and get comfortable.
Take a few minutes to relax, breathing in and out in slow, deep breaths.
When youre relaxed and ready to start, shift your attention to your right foot. Take a moment
to focus on the way it feels.
Slowly tense the muscles in your right foot, squeezing as tightly as you can. Hold for a count of
10.
Relax your right foot. Focus on the tension flowing away and the way your foot feels as it
becomes limp and loose.
Stay in this relaxed state for a moment, breathing deeply and slowly.
When youre ready, shift your attention to your left foot. Follow the same sequence of muscle
tension and release.
Move slowly up through your body, contracting and relaxing the muscle groups as you go.
It may take some practice at first, but try not to tense muscles other than those intended.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation Sequence
The most popular sequence runs as follows:
1. Right foot* 6. Left thigh 11. Right arm and hand

2. Left foot 7. Hips and buttocks 12. Left arm and hand
3. Right calf 8. Stomach 13. Neck and shoulders
4. Left calf 9. Chest 14. Face
5. Right thigh 10. Back
* If you are left-handed you may want to begin with your left foot instead.
Relaxation technique 3: Body scan meditation for stress relief
A body scan is similar to progressive muscle relaxation except, instead of tensing and
relaxing muscles, you simply focus on the sensations in each part of your body.
Practicing body scan meditation
Lie on your back, legs uncrossed, arms relaxed at your sides, eyes open or closed. Focus on your
breathing , allowing your stomach to rise as you inhale and fall as you exhale. Breathe deeply for
about two minutes, until you start to feel comfortable and relaxed.
Turn your focus to the toes of your right foot. Notice any sensations you feel while continuing to
also focus on your breathing. Imagine each deep breath flowing to your toes. Remain focused on
this area for one to two minutes.
Move your focus to the sole of your right foot. Tune in to any sensations you feel in that part of
your body and imagine each breath flowing from the sole of your foot. After one or two
minutes, move your focus to your right ankle and repeat. Move to your calf, knee, thigh, hip,
and then repeat the sequence for your left leg. From there, move up the torso, through the
lower back and abdomen, the upper back and chest, and the shoulders. Pay close attention to
any area of the body that causes you pain or discomfort.
Move your focus to the fingers on your right hand and then move up to the wrist, forearm,
elbow, upper arm, and shoulder. Repeat for your left arm. Then move through the neck and
throat, and finally all the regions of your face, the back of the head, and the top of the head. Pay
close attention to your jaw, chin, lips, tongue, nose, cheeks, eyes, forehead, temples and scalp.
When you reach the very top of your head, let your breath reach out beyond your body and
imagine yourself hovering above yourself.
After completing the body scan, relax for a while in silence and stillness, noting how your body
feels. Then open your eyes slowly. Take a moment to stretch, if necessary.
For a guided body scan meditation, see the Resources section below.
Relaxation technique 4: Mindfulness for stress relief
Mindfulness is the ability to remain aware of how youre feeling right now, your moment-to-
moment experienceboth internal and external. Thinking about the pastblaming and judging
yourselfor worrying about the future can often lead to a degree of stress that is overwhelming.
But by staying calm and focused in the present moment, you can bring your nervous system back
into balance. Mindfulness can be applied to activities such as walking, exercising, eating, or
meditation.
Meditations that cultivate mindfulness have long been used to reduce overwhelming stress. Some
of these meditations bring you into the present by focusing your attention on a single repetitive
action, such as your breathing, a few repeated words, or flickering light from a candle. Other
forms of mindfulness meditation encourage you to follow and then release internal thoughts or
sensations.
Practicing mindfulness meditation
Key points in mindfulness mediation are:
A quiet environment. Choose a secluded place in your home, office, garden, place of worship,
or in the great outdoors where you can relax without distractions or interruptions.
A comfortable position. Get comfortable, but avoid lying down as this may lead to you falling
asleep. Sit up with your spine straight, either in a chair or on the floor. You can also try a cross-
legged or lotus position.
A point of focus. This point can be internal a feeling or imaginary scene or something
external - a flame or meaningful word or phrase that you repeat it throughout your session. You
may meditate with eyes open or closed. Also choose to focus on an object in your surroundings
to enhance your concentration, or alternately, you can close your eyes.
An observant, noncritical attitude. Dont worry about distracting thoughts that go through your
mind or about how well youre doing. If thoughts intrude during your relaxation session, dont
fight them. Instead, gently turn your attention back to your point of focus.
Relaxation technique 5: Visualization meditation for stress relief
Visualization, or guided imagery, is a variation on traditional meditation that requires you to

employ not only your visual sense, but also your sense of taste, touch, smell, and sound. When
used as a relaxation technique, visualization involves imagining a scene in which you feel at
peace, free to let go of all tension and anxiety.
Choose whatever setting is most calming to you, whether its a tropical beach, a favorite
childhood spot, or a quiet wooded glen. You can do this visualization exercise on your own in
silence, while listening to soothing music, or with a therapist (or an audio recording of a
therapist) guiding you through the imagery. To help you employ your sense of hearing you can
use a sound machine or download sounds that match your chosen settingthe sound of ocean
waves if youve chosen a beach, for example.
Practicing visualization
Find a quiet, relaxed place. Beginners sometimes fall asleep during a visualization meditation, so
you might try sitting up or standing.
Close your eyes and let your worries drift away. Imagine your restful place. Picture it as vividly
as you caneverything you can see, hear, smell, and feel. Visualization works best if you
incorporate as many sensory details as possible, using at least three of your senses. When
visualizing, choose imagery that appeals to you; dont select images because someone else
suggests them, or because you think they should be appealing. Let your own images come up and
work for you.
If you are thinking about a dock on a quiet lake, for example:
Walk slowly around the dock and notice the colors and textures around you.
Spend some time exploring each of your senses.
See the sun setting over the water.
Hear the birds singing.
Smell the pine trees.
Feel the cool water on your bare feet.
Taste the fresh, clean air.
Enjoy the feeling of deep relaxation that envelopes you as you slowly explore your restful place.
When you are ready, gently open your eyes and come back to the present.
Don't worry if you sometimes zone out or lose track of where you are during a guided imagery
session. This is normal. You may also experience feelings of stiffness or heaviness in your
limbs, minor, involuntary muscle-movements, or even cough or yawn. Again, these are normal
responses.
Relaxation technique 6: Yoga and tai chi for stress relief
Yoga involves a series of both moving and stationary poses, combined with deep breathing. As
well as reducing anxiety and stress, yoga can also improve flexibility, strength, balance, and
stamina. Practiced regularly, it can also strengthen the relaxation response in your daily life.
Since injuries can happen when yoga is practiced incorrectly, its best to learn by attending group
classes, hiring a private teacher, or at least following video instructions.
What type of yoga is best for stress?

Although almost all yoga classes end in a relaxation pose, classes that emphasize slow, steady
movement, deep breathing, and gentle stretching are best for stress relief.
Satyananda is a traditional form of yoga. It features gentle poses, deep relaxation, and
meditation, making it suitable for beginners as well as anyone primarily looking for stress
reduction.
Hatha yoga is also reasonably gentle way to relieve stress and is suitable for beginners.
Alternately, look for labels like gentle, for stress relief, or for beginners when selecting a yoga
class.
Power yoga, with its intense poses and focus on fitness, is better suited to those looking for
stimulation as well as relaxation.
If youre unsure whether a specific yoga class is appropriate for stress relief, call the studio or
ask the teacher.
Tai chi
If youve ever seen a group of people in the park slowly moving in synch, youve probably
witnessed tai chi. Tai chi is a self-paced, non-competitive series of slow, flowing body
movements. These movements emphasize concentration, relaxation, and the conscious
circulation of vital energy throughout the body. Though tai chi has its roots in martial arts, today
it is primarily practiced as a way of calming the mind, conditioning the body, and reducing
stress. As in meditation, tai chi practitioners focus on their breathing and keeping their attention
in the present moment.
Tai chi is a safe, low-impact option for people of all ages and levels of fitness, including older
adults and those recovering from injuries. Like yoga, once youve learned the basics of tai chi or
qi gong, you can practice alone or with others, tailoring your sessions as you see fit.
Making relaxation techniques a part of your life
The best way to start and maintain a relaxation practice is to incorporate it into your daily
routine. Between work, family, school, and other commitments, though, it can be tough for many
people to find the time. Fortunately, many of the techniques can be practiced while youre doing
other things.
Rhythmic exercise as a mindfulness relaxation technique
Rhythmic exercisesuch as running, walking, rowing, or cyclingis most effective at relieving

stress when performed with relaxation in mind. As with meditation, mindfulness requires being
fully engaged in the present moment, focusing your mind on how your body feels right now. As
you exercise, focus on the physicality of your bodys movement and how your breathing
complements that movement. If your mind wanders to other thoughts, gently return to focusing
on your breathing and movement.
If walking or running, for example, focus on each stepthe sensation of your feet touching the
ground, the rhythm of your breath while moving, and the feeling of the wind against your face.
Tips for fitting relaxation techniques into your life
If possible, schedule a set time to practice each day. Set aside one or two periods each day. You
may find that its easier to stick with your practice if you do it first thing in the morning, before
other tasks and responsibilities get in the way.
Practice relaxation techniques while youre doing other things. Meditate while commuting to
work on a bus or train, or waiting for a dentist appointment. Try deep breathing while youre
doing housework or mowing the lawn. Mindfulness walking can be done while exercising your
dog, walking to your car, or climbing the stairs at work instead of using the elevator. Once
youve learned techniques such as tai chi, you can practice them in your office or in the park at
lunchtime.
If you exercise, improve the relaxation benefits by adopting mindfulness. Instead of zoning out
or staring at a TV as you exercise, try focusing your attention on your body. If youre resistance
training, for example, focus on coordinating your breathing with your movements and pay
attention to how your body feels as you raise and lower the weights.
Avoid practicing when youre sleepy. These techniques can relax you so much that they can
make you very sleepy, especially if its close to bedtime. You will get the most benefit if you
practice when youre fully awake and alert. Do not practice after eating a heavy meal or while
using drugs, tobacco, or alcohol.
Expect ups and downs. Dont be discouraged if you skip a few days or even a few weeks. It
happens. Just get started again and slowly build up to your old momentum.
Literary Travel Books
By Esther Lombardi, About.com Guide
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If you're passionate about literature, you may wish to visit the sites where your favorite writers created
literary classics. Visit the haunts of J.R.R. Tolkien; walk the streets of Dublin, the site for James Joyce's
Ulysses; and discover the Paris that Ernest Hemingway, Henry James and others all wrote about. Explore
the world of literary travel. Your next vacation may be the most amazing one yet... Read more about it.
1. There and Back Again: In the Footsteps of J.R.R. Tolkien's England

Globe Pequot
by Mathew Lyons. Globe Pequot. It's compelling and original book. Mathew Lyons gives voice to the
fascination that we all have for the novels of J.R.R Tolkien. Follow in his footsteps through the English
landscapes and countryside. I love Tolkien, and I know you will love this journey through his life-steps
and infamous haunts--from charming Staffordshire villages to breath-taking Somerset caves.
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2. James Joyce's Dublin: A Topographical Guide to the Dublin of Ulysses
Thames & Hudson
by Ian Gunn, and Clive Hart. Thames & Hudson. Dublin has changed, but the spirit of Dublin--that arose
from the pages of James Joyce's Ulysses is still there, undeniable. You'll also find that despite
renovations over the years, many of Joyce's neighborhoods and establishments still exist. Published to
coincide with the centenary of Bloomsday on June 16, 2004, this unique study uses more than 100 maps
and photographs to examine the importance of Ulysses's basis in physical fact, showing how characters
move around the city and how the novel works in terms of time and place.
3. Americans in Paris: A Literary Anthology

by Adam Gopnik (Editor). Library of America. Through stories, letters, memoirs, poems and journalism,
Americans in Paris distills three centuries of vigorous, glittering, and powerfully emotional writing about
the place that Henry James called 'the most brilliant city in the world' and that Ernest Hemingway
characterized as "a moveable feast."
4. Traveling Literary America: A Complete Guide to Literary Landmarks
by B.J. Welborn. Jefferson Press. Readers and travelers are guided to more than 100 homes and historic
sites of America's greatest writers... Clear driving directions and visitor instructions are combined with
unique tidbits about each site and author, such as the story of Jack London's custom-made furniture and
the roll top desk and Dictaphone on display in his study. Literary enthusiasts are guided to the site of
Thoreau's bean field.
5. Italy: A Traveler's Literary Companion
by Lawrence Venuti (Editor). Whereabouts Press. From the publisher: "Some of Italy's best-known
writers, including Luigi Pirandello, Natalia Ginzburg, Alberto Moravia, and Antonio Tabucchi, join Italy's
rising literary stars to take the reader on a panoramic tour of both city and countryside, across the social
spectrum, surveying the country's rich cultural history. Explore Italy's popular tourist destinations and
out-of-the-way spots..."
6. The Bells in Their Silence: Travels Through Germany
by Michael Edward Gorra. Princeton University Press. Gorra uses Goethe's account of his Italian journey
as a model for testing the traveler's response to Germany today, and he subjects the shopping arcades
of contemporary German cities to the terms of Benjamin's Arcades project. He reads post-Wende Berlin
through the novels of Theodor Fontane, examines the role of figurative language, and enlists W. G.
Sebald as a guide to the place of fragments and digressions.
7. Travel Guide to Harlem Renaissance
by Stuart A. Kallen. Gale Group. A visitor's guide to the restaurants, theater, arts, dancing, and jazz music
of Harlem, New York, toward the end of the period known as the Harlem Renaissance, when African
American arts flourished.
8. London Theatre Walks: Dramatic Tours through Four Centuries of History
by Jim de Young, and John Miller. Applause Theatre Book Publishers. From the publisher: "Shakespeare,
Coward, Christie, Lloyd Webber and so many more... you'll encounter them all using this wonderful tour
guide on walks through theatrical history in present-day London. Applause is pleased to present a
substantially revised, new edition of one of our most popular titles, 'London Theatre Walks.'"
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9. In the Steps of Jane Austen: Walking Tours of Austen's England
by Anne-Marie Edwards. Jones Books. From the publisher: "The only comprehensive travel guide to
Austen's England. Well known to walkers in Great Britain through her books and programs on the BBC,
author Anne-Marie Edwards has written detailed and engaging descriptions of tours through Austen's
life and work. She lives in Southampton, England, with her husband Michael Edwards, who took the
photos for this book."
10. Around the World With Mark Twain
by Robert Cooper. Arcade. From the publisher: "A superb platform entertainer and an international
celebrity, Clemens saw the tour as a quick way to make the money he desperately needed to pay his
creditors and recoup his fortune, and so he began a journey that took him across North America to Fiji,
Australia, New Zealand, India, Sri Lanka, and South Africa. One hundred years later, American writer
Robert Cooper set out from Elmira in pursuit of Twain, following virtually every step."
Suggested Reading for Travel to Russia - Russian Literaure for Russia

Travel
Literature Is An Important Element to Russian Culture
By Kerry Kubilius, About.com Guide

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If you're planning travel to Russia and you haven't brushed up on your Russian literature, you'd better
make a shorter trip first - to your local library or bookstore. Knowledge about Russian literature will
make traveling through Russian cities more exciting - you'll see monuments, museums, and other
homages to Russian literary giants - and will give you a conversation ice breaker when speaking with the
locals.
Alexander Pushkin
iStockphoto/pomortzeff
Alexander Pushkin is Russia's Father of Literature. During the 19th century, he revolutionized the way
Russians writers would henceforth ply their craft. His famous novel in verse, Eugene Onegin is one of his
most important works. However, Pushkin also wrote short stories (The Bronze Horseman, The Queen of
Spades, The Captain's Daughter) and poems that pervade the Russian consciousness. Operas and movies
have been based upon Pushkin's works, his portraits hang in museums, monuments to Pushkin are
found in all major Russian cities, and Russians will reference him at every opportunity. If you don't know
anything about Russian literature, Pushkin is the author with whom to start.
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Fyodor Dostoevsky
iStockphoto/Bulent Ince
Dostoevsky, of Crime and Punishment fame, painted scenes and character that described what lay at the
underbelly of Russian society during the 19th century. Follow the main character of Crime and
Punishment, Raskolnikov, through St. Petersburg using literary clues, or pay a visit to his grave. St.
Petersburg has no shortage of Dostoevsky sites.
Lev Tolstoy
iStockphoto/Kirill Zdorov
Lev Tolstoy is famous for epic Victorian novels such as War and Peace and Anna Karenina (emphasis on
the second syllable - Kar-EN-i-na). If you don't want to slog through one of his tales of tragedy, no one
will blame you. While Tolstoy is one of Russian literature's heavyweights, simply reading about Tolstoy
will suffice. If you know that he was a nobleman playing peasant and that he died while seeking religious
solace, you'll be fine. The finer points of Tolstoy's life are dealt with in any biography about him, and
these details are really what's important about Tolstoy.
Russian Literature for Travel - Anton Chekov
iStockphoto/Victor Prikhodko
Anton Chekov, a playwright and short story writer, has a ton of fans. Humorous and human, Chekov's
characters are expertly crafted, his dialogue masterfully executed. The best way to experience Chekov's
works is in a theater. Attend a local performance of The Cherry Orchard or Uncle Vanya and you'll begin
to understand Chekov a little better.
Nikolai Gogol
iStockphoto/Alena Yakusheva
Nikolai Gogol was a Ukrainian author who wrote in Russian. The Russians have, therefore, adopted him
into their literary canon. Gogol is famous for his funny, if tragic, tales of civil servants and other
individuals who are unable to escape the fate the 19th century Russian class structure deals them. Gogol
also wrote about the Cossacks of Ukrain in Taras Bulba, which was made famous to Western audiences
through the 1962 film starring Yul Brynner.
In Moscow, it's possible to visit the Gogol Museum.
Mikhail Bulgakov
iStockphoto/Dmitriy Bryndin
Mikhail Bulgakov is famous for a novel called Master and Margarita, which was written as a satire to
criticize Soviet Russia. Bulgakov died in 1940 but he continues to have something of a cult following.
You'll find dining establishments or clubs named after the famous black-cat minion of Satan, named
Begemot, and a veritable shrine made of Bulgakov's apartment in Moscow. Bulgakov's novel is a fun,
enlightening read, especially for those who shy away from denser works (like those of Tolstoy).
Mikhail Lermontov
iStockphoto/Mikhail Pogosov
Mikail Lermontov is famous for the novel A Hero of Our Time, which plays upon the Russian literaty
theme of "the superflous man." The superfluous man is a Byronian character with no purpose - and he
knows it. Lermontov was also a poet, and succeeded Pushkin in the development of Russian literature.
While not as prolific as other authors (he died at the age of 26), Lermontov is, nonetheless, and
important literary figure and regarded highly by most Russians.
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With a few simple guidelines, you can have better sleep tonight. At some point in our lives, for
any number of reasons, nearly all of us will have difficulties sleeping and suffer from acute
insomnia. This can lead to significant distress, but have no fear! There are simple steps to take
that will help you sleep better tonight.
1. Aim to get up and go to bed at the same time every day, even on weekends.
We are creatures of habit, and our sleep is no exception. Once you determine your sleep
needs, you should do your best to meet those needs every day. By consistently going to
bed and getting up at the same time, we condition our body to follow a regular pattern of
sleep. This allows our bodys natural clock, called a circadian rhythm, to help initiate and
maintain our sleep.
2. Make sure your sleep environment is quiet, dark, cool, and comfortable.
Studies find that sleeping in a cool environment is most conducive to sleep. By

eliminating excess noise and light, we can minimize the disruptions that might wake us
up. In addition, the bedroom should be a place for relaxingnot a source of stress.
3. Bedrooms are for sleeping and sex, not for watching television, indulging your pets, or doing
work.
Somehow, we have managed to make the bedroom a multipurpose room. All electronics
must be removed! Televisions, gaming systems, computers, telephones, and various other
gadgets are stimulating and disruptive to sleep. Dont allow them in your bedroom and
dont use them in the brief period before going to bed. Even the small amount of light
from a computer screen in the evening hours can stimulate your brain into thinking it is
time to be awake. It's also important to remove your pets from the bedroom as they can
disrupt your sleep. Lastly, don't use the bedroom as a place to work, as these activities are
likewise stimulating and will disrupt your sleep.
4. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine 4-6 hours before bedtime.
Caffeine can be found in expected places like coffee, soda pop, or tea, but also in
unexpected foods like chocolate. As a stimulant, it will keep you awake, even if used
nearly six hours before bed. Likewise, nicotine will disrupt your sleep. And contrary to
common practice, an alcoholic nightcap can actually make your sleep worse. Though it
may cause you to become drowsy, alcohol fragments the stages of your sleep and makes
it more disrupted.
5. Skip the nap.
The period of time that you are awake adds to something called sleep drive. The longer
we stay awake, the more we want to go to sleep. By taking a nap, we can relieve this
desire to sleepbut we'll also have a harder time getting to sleep later. Adults should
have a consolidated period of sleep at night without additional naps. If there is excessive
daytime sleepiness and desire to nap, in spite of adequate sleep time, this might suggest a
sleep disorder warranting further evaluation.
6. Try to exercise every day, but avoid doing so 4 hours before bedtime.
Staying active and physically fit is an excellent way to ensure a good nights sleep.
However, exercising too close to bedtime may actually cause difficulties in getting to
sleep, as your body will still be revved up.
7. Develop sleep rituals, which include quiet activities such as reading, 15 minutes before
bedtime.
Just as we maintain for children, adults need daily sleep rituals prior to going to bed to
allow us to unwind and mentally prepare for going to sleep. These rituals should include
quiet activities such as reading, listening to relaxing music, or even taking a nice, hot
bath.
8. If you're having trouble getting to sleep, as occurs with insomnia, dont lie awake, struggling in
bedyour body may start to think it's a place for difficulties.
Individuals who have difficulty initiating sleep often toss and turn in bed, trying to force
sleep to come. If this happens night after night, you may begin to associate your bed with
the anxiety of not being able to sleep. If you're unable to get to sleep within 15 minutes of
going to bed, go to another quiet place and lie down until you feel ready to fall asleep,
then return to your bedroom to sleep.
9. There are many things that can ruin your sleep, and you should avoid eating or drinking in the
few hours right before going to bed, as these might lead to disruptions of your sleep.
Discomfort with heartburn or acid reflux, as well as needing to get up multiple times to
urinate, can be very disruptive to a good nights sleep. It's best to avoid these situations
by not eating or drinking in the few hours prior to bedtime.
10. Make sleep a priority: dont sacrifice sleep to do daytime activities.
The most important advice is to respect that your body needs to sleep. Too often, we
allow our sleep time to be infringed upon when our daytime obligations take longer than
anticipated. Additionally, opportunities to engage in pleasurable activitiesvisiting
friends, watching television, playing on the internet, eating out, and any number of
othersquickly cut into our sleep time if we allow them to. It's important to schedule
your sleep time and stick to that schedule, no matter what might come up during the day.
What to Take When You Can't Sleep

Treatments for Insomnia Include Pills, Behavioral Changes

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Trouble falling or staying asleep can be greatly distressing. When it occurs chronically, this is
called insomnia. If you find yourself having trouble getting to sleep, you may be seeking
solutions. What can you take when you cant sleep? Are there treatment options available at
home? When should you see a doctor? Learn about some of the treatments that might help you to
finally get to sleep.
A Word on Insomnia
Insomnia is the most common sleep disorder, affecting nearly everyone at some point in their
lives. It may be short-lived and related to an identifiable stressor, in which case it is referred to as
acute insomnia. (Trouble sleeping the night before a big test is an example.) However, these
difficulties might also become a chronic condition that can leave you greatly distressed. In either
scenario, you may be interested in learning about ways to finally get to sleep.
Home Remedies to Help You Sleep
Many people with insomnia hope for a quick fix. It would be ideal if you could do something, or
simply take something, to help you get to sleep. These desired options might range from sleeping
pills you can take, foods you can eat, or beverages you can drink.
Both now and in the past, people have consumed a small amount of alcohol to aid sleep. These
"nightcaps" (a reference to bygone headwear worn during sleep to minimize heat loss) are, for
some people, a bedtime routine. However, we now understand that alcohol is not an effective
sleep aid. Though as a depressant of the brain, it might make you feel sleepy, the sleep that
results is fragmented and disrupted. It is ultimately not refreshing and may lead to symptoms of
sleep deprivation. In addition, alcohol use may contribute to an increased risk of obstructive
sleep apnea. Therefore, the use of alcoholic beverages to help with sleep is not recommended.
You might raid the kitchen looking for other things to help you sleep. Perhaps a glass of warm
milk? What about a turkey sandwich, laden with the sleep-promoting chemical called
tryptophan? Even a glass of soothing tea may seem tempting.
You should be cautious if you choose to eat or drink something to help you sleep. Any products
that contain the stimulant caffeine should, as a rule, be avoided. As such, abstain from coffee,
tea, chocolate, and energy drinks. In addition, other selections may be undesirable. You may not
want to eat a large meal, spicy food, or tomato products as you might provoke nighttime
heartburn.
There are foods that can be comforting, and this may put you in a more favorable mindset to
sleep. In general, a bedtime snack is unlikely to ease you into a sound nights rest, however.
There are some foods that may be more effective. Certain foods, such as turkey, contain
trypotophan. When you eat it, your body converts it to a neurotransmitter called serotonin.
Higher levels of serotonin within your brain may, in turn, make you feel sleepy. There are also
foods that contain low doses of melatonin, a hormone that is important in the regulation of the
timing of sleep called the circadian rhythm. However, the melatonin contained within food is so
little that you would have to consume a large portion of the food to see any effect.
In summary, the sleep-promoting effects of food and beverages are modest and unlikely to
significantly improve your ability to sleep. Moreover, the use of alcohol or caffeine will have a
disruptive effect on your sleep. You might also set yourself up for nighttime heartburn if you eat
the wrong food too close to bedtime. As a result, you may need to turn to other options.
Turning to Sleeping Pills

Many people turn to sleeping pills to aid in the transition to sleep. If you cant sleep, you might
start by raiding your medicine cabinet or by visiting your local pharmacy shelf. Many products
seek to provide immediate relief of difficulty sleeping, but unfortunately few can deliver on their
promises.
Over-the-counter sleeping pills typically induce sleepiness as a side effect. As an example,

medications that contain a "PM" in the brand name often have diphenhydramine as an active
ingredient. Diphenydramine, or Benadryl, is used to treat allergies and may cause sleepiness.
These medications may be habit-forming, do not promote normal sleep, and are not
recommended as treatments for insomnia.
Another over-the-counter choice is the naturally occurring hormone called melatonin. This may
be helpful if your insomnia is due to a misalignment of your circadian rhythm. It is important to
follow the instructions on how to use melatonin. It should not be taken right at bedtime, for
instance, as the timing of its effect is delayed and it wouldnt start working for several hours.
If your insomnia persists despite trying over-the-counter medications, you may even seek out
prescription sleeping pills to take. There are two major classes of sleeping pills, those that are in
the family of medicines called benzodiazepines and those that are not. The list of prescription
pills includes:
Ambien
Estazolam
Halcion
Intermezzo
Lunesta
Restoril
Rozerem
Silenor
Sonata
Trazodone
As you can tell, there are a large variety of options. Each sleeping pill has slightly different side
effects and it might be useful in different scenarios. In order to clarify what medication might be
best for your situation, you should discuss these possibilities with your physician.
How to Avoid Sleeping Pills
For some people, using sleeping pills is not a favorable option. Some people take other
medications that might interact with them. If you are pregnant, you would not want to take
something that could potentially harm your baby. Others are concerned about the potential for
addiction to or reliance upon sleeping pills. Moreover, some people dont like the side effects of
sleeping pills.
No matter the reason that you decide not to take a sleeping pill, you
fortunately have other options to manage your insomnia. If you dont
want to take anything to help you sleep, you can work on changing your
sleep habits. Guidelines to improve sleep hygiene might make it easier to
sleep. As part of this, you should keep a regular bedtime and wake time
to help reinforce your natural circadian rhythm. You should avoid naps
during the day as these might diminish your bodys natural desire for
sleep (called the sleep drive). It is also important to minimize the time
you spend awake in bed, a technique called stimulus control. Sleep
Better Now
Explore some simple changes to sleep better now, whether you have a sleep disorder or you just want
to improve your sleep. Discover the basics of sleep and start by determining your sleep needs. Consider
ways that you can improve your sleep habits and thrive. For those with sleep disorders, learn new ways
to cope and gather strength through support groups. Finally, learn how poor sleep affects nearly every
aspect of your life and may negatively impact your health.
1. Basics of Sleep
2. Determine Your Sleep Needs
3. Promoting Healthy Sleep Habits
4. Living with Sleep Disorders
5. Sleep and Your Health
Basics of Sleep
Discover the basics of sleep and answer some curious questions. Reflect on just why it is that we
sleep. Learn about sleep stages, sleep architecture, clock genes and sleep inertia. Expand your
sleep-related vocabulary by learning some new words. Contemplate many bodily functions -
including wet dreams, morning wood, sneezes, and farts - and whether and why they occur in
sleep. Get some sleep-related movie recommendations. Discover what it is about Thanksgiving
dinner that makes you feel so sleepy. Remind yourself of when daylight saving time occurs.
Why Do We Sleep?
Sleep Stage Basics
Sleep Architecture
What Causes Morning Dreams?
Expand Your Sleep Vocabulary
What Are Clock Genes?
What Is Sleep Debt?
Sleep Inertia
What Is a Wet Dream?
What Causes Morning Wood?

Can You Fart While Asleep?
Can You Sneeze While Asleep?
Can You Sleep With Your Eyes Open?
Top 10 Sleep-related Movies
Quotes About Sleep
What Causes Thanksgiving Sleepiness?
When Is Daylight Saving Time?
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Determine Your Sleep Needs
How much sleep do you really need? Determine your sleep needs with a simple experiment.
Evaluate the sleep needs of your children, no matter their age. Consider the special sleep
requirements of teenagers and whether they should be allowed to sleep in. Also learn how being
in college can disrupt sleep. Finally, learn whether you might be sleeping too much and what this
might mean.
Determining Your Sleep Needs

How Much Sleep Do I Need?
How Children's Sleep Needs Change
Newborns
Babies
2-Year-Olds
Toddlers
Children
Kids
Teenagers
Should Teens Sleep In?
How Being in College Can Disrupt Sleep
Adults
How Much Sleep is Too Much?
What Is Polyphasic Sleep?
Promoting Healthy Sleep Habits
Certain changes may help you to sleep better. It is possible to improve our sleep through simple
interventions that foster a better sleep environment and promote healthy sleep. Start by
identifying what might be secretly ruining your sleep. Learn how to improve your sleep as well
as the sleep of your children. Consider whether you should use an alarm clock or allow pets,
television or cell phones in your bedroom. Finally, learn some tips to wake up more easily and
stay awake during the day.
Help Me Sleep Better

The 10 Worst Things to Ruin Your Sleep
Better Sleep Guidelines
10 Ways to Sleep Better
Improve Sleep Habits in Children
Teen Sleeping Tips
Bedtime Routines
Importance of Sleep Environment
Pets Sharing the Bed

TV and Your Bedroom
Sleep Texting: Is It Possible to Send Text Messages While Asleep?
Should You Use an Alarm Clock?
The 10 Best Ways to Wake Up
10 Tips for Staying Awake
How to Choose a Pillow
Living with Sleep Disorders
For people who have a sleep disorder, there can be certain hurdles in living with the condition.
Whether you are learning to cope with the treatment or overcoming the effects of your disorder,
you may find it worthwhile to reach out to others. There are many resources, support groups, and
foundations that might be helpful to you. It will be important to maintain your commitment to
your treatment as it will improve your overall health and well-being. Find out how you can
accomplish this and thrive in life with your sleep disorder.
Coping With a Sleep Disorder

Finding Support Among Others with Sleep Disorders
Ways to Conserve Energy
Top 10 CPAP Compliance Solutions
How to Clean CPAP
CPAP and Your Sex Life
CPAP Compliance Monitoring
Should You Tape Your Lips with CPAP?
What Is Aerophagia?
Five Steps to Fix Nighttime Relationship Conflicts
Augmentation in Restless Legs Syndrome
What Is the Narcolepsy Network?
What Is the Restless Legs Syndrome Foundation?
How to Cope with Parasomnias
How Long Does Fatigue Last in Mononucleosis?
Sleep and Your Health
Sleep problems may have important consequences on your overall health and well-being.
Something as common as sleep deprivation may lead to negative physical effects, hallucinations
and even death. Sleep apnea may worsen multiple medical conditions as well as increase your
risk of stroke and sudden death. There are also serious consequences when children have sleep
disorders, often leading to behavior and growth problems. Consider the myriad ways that sleep
may affect your health.
Moreover, there are alternatives to treat insomnia such as relaxation, biofeedback, and
aromatherapy. You might see a psychologist and learn ways to manage your stress and the
negative feelings that can be associated with insomnia. You can transition to sleep easier with the
use of guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, and other treatments as part of cognitive-
behavioral therapy. In addition, the use of familiar and comforting scents with aromatherapy
might help you ease into sleep.
When Should I See a Doctor?

Though you might seek to take something immediately to help you sleep when you have
insomnia, there may not be any immediate relief. If your insomnia persists, you may need further
help. If you can identify what is causing your insomnia, and you anticipate that it will resolve,
you may decide to endure it. As an example, if you are studying for a test and you have trouble
sleeping, this is likely to improve once the test passes.
Sometimes the problem of insomnia becomes a persistent or recurrent one. If the difficulty
falling or staying asleep becomes disruptive to your life, you may wish to do something about it.
If you find yourself feeling depressed or even suicidal because of your insomnia, then it is
imperative that you seek help. You may start by speaking with your primary care physician about
your concerns. If more sophisticated help is needed, you may be referred to a sleep specialist.
Do Your Expectations Ever Trip You Up?
By Phylameana lila Desy, About.com GuideOctober 4, 2013
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I don't know about you but I've tried to tone down my expectations, because The Universe has a way of
taking its own path and sometimes I'm left in a quandary. Say What? I wasn't expecting that!
I could tell you that I enter new situations without expectations, but that would be a half truth. I
TRY not to have expectations when I'm venturing into the unknown. But, sometimes an
expectation that I wasn't even consciously aware of will surface. When? When an expectation
gets dashed of course. When disappointment or a similar emotional charge comes to surface,
you'll recognize that an expectation set you up for that downward trend. Of course, we can also
experience our expectations being exceeded. SURPRISE, a bonus shows up in your paycheck.
You weren't expecting that I bet! But, you were EXPECTING a paycheck.
It is really hard to steer clear of having expectations. I'd venture to say it is impossible. I'll share
a little antidote from several years back, a time when I was focusing really hard not to set myself
up with a boatload of expectations. Life is hard enough, I was determined to go with the flow and
avoid crashing into brick walls.
Here's the story
I had been invited to attend a talk about The Goddess. The owner of a metaphysical bookstore in a
neighboring community was hosting monthly meetings with various guest speakers. I had co-hosted a
talk about Reiki with my former business partner the previous month. I had met many of the regular
store patrons while there. They would best be described as a pagan group... and a few Wiccan followers
for sure. Anyway, I invited a girlfriend to tag along with me to the the talk because she is very in-tune
with "goddess energy" and I thought the talk would interest her. She was excited to go. And I was excited
to spend the day with her.
We met up in morning and headed out onto the road. We had plans to have lunch before going to
the bookstore. During lunch she asked me what my expectations I had about the talk. I told her I
had no expectations because I didn't know that much about the history of goddesses. While
digging into my chicken salad I listen intently as she shared some of her knowledge about the
subject. I gathered it was an extensive topic because she said she was curious what the lecturer
would focus on.
We enjoyed our lunch and conversation. She was so curious to meet the woman who was giving
the talk and see if their views of "goddess" meshed or clashed. A few minutes before we left the
restaurant we both decided we would tuck any expectations might have and simply enjoy the
experience. We were feeling giddy and proud of ourselves for being so "chill."
Five minutes later we arrive at the bookstore only to discover that the Goddess Talk had been
postponed for a later date. Not to disappoint everyone, one of the guests who was a Native
American woman stepped up at the last minute and taught us what she knew about using the
medicine wheel as an introspective tool.
We laughed so much on the way home that day. We thought we had left our expectations back at
the restaurant, but obviously we had not. We had both gone in expecting to hear a lecture on the
topic of "Goddess."
Some of our expectations not being met are merely a minor inconvenience. Like when you
expect your daily newspaper edition to be sitting on the front step, and one morning it isn't there.
It is okay to have goals in your life, but try to avoid feeling badly when you don't quite meet your
high expectations. I'm not asking any one to lower they expectations, but to always, ALWAYS,
accept that you are doing the best that you can in the moment.
Any expectations you have about the people in your life are best left in check. People are
human... it is okay to expect loyalty, truthfulness, unconditional love, etc, from them. A friend's
personality and past behaviors will dictate what you "might" expect from him. If others fail you
in some way, it will be up to you to lovingly accept them with what you might view as shortfalls,
or to feel disappointment, anger, or something else. Ask yourself: Did they fail YOU? Or, did
they merely fail your expectations. There is a difference.
You might like:
Divine Feminine - The Goddess Within

Ancient Secret of the Goddesses
How to Live Your Life Without Regrets
A Healer's Point of View: Letting Go of Attachment to Outcome
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Outline
The Writing a Business Plan Series
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business plans
Thinking of writing a business plan? Here is a business plan outline, listing the sections in the
order in which they will appear in your completed plan with a brief explanation of each section
to help you get organized and guide you through the process.
The Executive Summary
While appearing first, this section is written last. It summarizes the key elements of the entire
business plan. (Executive Summary Example)
The Industry
An overview of the industry sector that your business will be a part of, including industry trends,
major players in the industry, and estimated industry sales. This section will also include a
summary of your business's place within the industry. (Business Plan Example: Industry Section)
Market Analysis
An examination of the primary target market for your product or service, including geographic
location, demographics, your target market's needs and how these needs are being met currently.
Competitive Analysis
An investigation of your direct and indirect competitors, with an assessment of their competitive
advantage and an analysis of how you will overcome any entry barriers to your chosen market.
Marketing Plan
A detailed explanation of your sales strategy, pricing plan, proposed advertising and promotion
activities, and product or service's benefits.
Management Plan
An outline of your business's legal structure and management resources, including your internal
management team, external management resources, and human resources needs.
Operating Plan
A description of your business's physical location, facilities and equipment, kinds of employees
needed, inventory requirements and suppliers, and any other applicable operating details, such as
a description of the manufacturing process.
Financial Plan
A description of your funding requirements, your detailed financial statements, and a financial
statement analysis.
Appendices And Exhibits
Any additional information that will help establish the credibility of your business idea, such as
marketing studies, photographs of your product, and/or contracts or other legal agreements
pertinent to your business.
Each article linked above is part of this Writing A Business Plan series and explains how to
research and write a particular section of the business plan in detail. The sidebar also lists more
resources you may find useful.
Back to > Steps to Starting a Business
More on Business Plans
Why You Need to Write a Business Plan

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Small Business: Canada Guide
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Exit strategies are something that every investor in a business looks for. But even if you are
running a one person sole proprietorship, you need an exit strategy. For you, as for any investor
in a business, the questions are the same when it's time to move on. How are you going to get
your money out of the business? And how much money are you going to get?
Having an exit strategy worked out in advance helps ensure that you like the answers to those
questions and gives you some control over your small business's future. Here are six exit
strategies for small businesses to choose from:
1) Liquidation
This is the close up shop and sell all the assets exit strategy. To make any money with such an
exit strategy, your business has to have valuable assets to sell, such as land or expensive
equipment. And profits from selling assets have to go to pay creditors first.
Still, it is an option. And for small businesses, especially those that are dependent on the
performance of a single individual, liquidation is sometimes the only option, as there's really
nothing else to sell. If you're in this position, you may want to spend some time retooling your
business so that it could be operated by someone else making it a business someone might
want to buy.
2) Keep your business in the family
The dream of many small business owners, keeping your business in the family ensures that your
legacy lives on. As an exit strategy, it can also give you the opportunity to groom your own
successor and even perhaps give you some continued say in the business.
On the downside, developing a family succession plan can be enormously difficult because of
the emotions and issues involved. (For more on these issues and tips for successfully passing
your business on to family, see Family Business Succession Planning.)
3) Sell your business to employees

Current employees and/or managers may be interested in buying your business. Arranging an
employee buyout can be a win-win situation as they get an established business they know a
great deal about already and you get enthusiastic buyers that want to see your business continue
to thrive.
One way of setting up this exit strategy is through an Employee Share Ownership Plan (ESOP), a
stock equity plan for employees that lets them acquire ownership in a company.
An employee buyout doesn't have to involve a stock equity plan though. It might be as simple as
having one of your current employees take over the business.
4) Sell the business in the open market
This is the most popular exit strategy for small businesses. At a certain point in time, often when
he or she is ready to retire, the small business owner puts the business up for sale for a certain
price - and hopefully walks away with the amount of money she wanted to get for it.
If this is your exit strategy, you should spend some time grooming your business for sale, making
it as attractive as possible to potential buyers. See 5 Tips for Selling a Business for more details.
5) Sell to another business.
Positioning your small business to be a desirable acquisition can be a very profitable exit
strategy. Businesses buy other businesses for all kinds of reasons, from using a new acquisition
as a quick path to expansion through buying out (and getting rid of) the competition.
The trick to success with this exit strategy is to target your potential acquirer(s) in advance and
position your company accordingly. And of course, convincing your acquirer that your small
business is worth what you want for it.
6) The IPO (Initial Public Offering)
While not suitable for all small businesses, the IPO can be a viable exit strategy. Taking your
company public can be extremely profitable. However, depending on how the IPO is structured,
you may or may not be able to withdraw any of your capital at the time as new shareholders may
want to see all the money raised by the IPO be used to expand the business.
If an IPO as an exit strategy interests you, Industry Canada's Exit Strategies and Exit Values tells
how to calculate the residual value of the company at the time of the offering.
The Best Exit Strategy
The best exit strategy is the one that best fits your small business and your personal goals.
Decide first what you want to walk away with. If it's just money, an exit strategy such as selling
on the open market or to another business may be the best pick. If your legacy and seeing the
small business you built continue are important to you, then an exit strategy such as family
succession or selling to employees might be best for you.
Whichever exit strategy you choose, you need to start working on it. Planning your exit strategy
in advance gives you the time to do it right and maximize your returns.
More on Exit Strategies
Family Business Succession Planning

5 Tips for Selling a Business
The Four Ds of a Business Exit Strategy
Exit Strategies Glossary
Business Valuation
Retirement Planning
Succession Planning
Business Planning
Closing Your Business in Canada
Selling a Business
Related Articles
Exit Strategy - What Is an Exit Strategy Exit Strategy Definition

Writing a Business Plan - Planning Your Exit Strategy
Exit Strategy - Business Exit Strategy
IPO - IPO Definition - Initial Public Offering - IPOs
Why Do Small Businesses Fail Why Small Businesses Fail
Susan Ward
Headlines
ForumBusiness Finance Makeover
Part 1: Shape Up Your Business Finances
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If our business is going to achieve what we want it to achieve, it has to be fit. Not necessarily
lean and mean, but strong and healthy enough to run efficiently and tackle new challenges. Our
business finances are the underpinnings of our business's strength; as they go, so goes the
business. Follow the steps in this business finance makeover, from separating your personal and
business finances through financial statement analysis, to make sure that your business finances
are in good shape.
1) Separate your personal and business finances.
As I say in 7 Ways to Make Record Management Easy, a business bank account is absolutely
necessary for good business record management. If you haven't done this already, you need to
get a separate business bank account and make sure you use it only for business purposes. The
cost of a business bank account is nothing compared to the time and trouble you might end up
spending trying to unsnarl your books or figure out a paper trail if you were ever audited.
2) Prepare a business budget.
I know, I know. Theyre old-fashioned. But the thing about budgets, personal or business, is that
they work. Work through Prepare a Working Financial Budget for Business Success (About.com
Business Finance) and then follow through by, as Rosemary Peavler puts it, looking at it every
day, consulting it, following it, and making adjustments.
3) Recognize that you need an accountant.
As you see in How to Find a Good Accountant, an accountant's main job is not doing the books,
but providing you with the business and tax advice you need to manage and grow your business.
So pick one and seek his/her guidance.
4) Analyze your financial statements.
For this financial statement analysis, the two financial statements you need are the Income
Statement and the Balance Sheet. If you don't already have these financial statements prepared,
follow the links above to find templates you can use to prepare them.
First, examine your Income Statement. It shows you plainly whether or not your business has
been profitable over the period of time the Income Statement covers. (If you haven't been
regularly generating an Income Statement, make a pledge to yourself that you will generate one
at least every six months. Established businesses normally produce an Income Statement each
fiscal quarter.)
Second, use your business's Balance Sheet and Income Statement to calculate the current ratio,
total debt ratio and profit margin as directed in Give Your Business a Health Checkup.
Calculating these three ratios will let you see how your business is doing right now and diagnose
potential problems.
5) Take appropriate action.
Three common problems that this quick ratio analysis can reveal are:
Carrying too much debt

Carrying too much inventory
Problems collecting accounts receivable
Continue onto the next page to learn how you can solve these problems and get your small
business into better shape.
Looking for more of the Small Business Makeover?
The Business Planning Makeover - create a Business Action Plan that will provide your small
business direction for the coming year or longer.
The Customer Service Makeover - Learn how to provide good customer service, the kind of
customer service that builds customer loyalty, gives positive word-of-mouth advertising, and
increases sales.
Information Technology Makeover - Learn how to secure and manage your business data,
manage customer contacts, set up a document management system and prepare an
Information Technology maintenance and crisis plan in this Information Technology Makeover.
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More Business Finance Resources
Cash Flow Analysis

Close the Cash Flow Gap
3 Methods of Sales Forecasting for Cash Flow Projections
Business Finance Glossary
Balance Sheet
Budget
Cash Flow Management
How to Get a Small Business Loan

10 Things You Need to Know About Small Business Funding
5 Ways Your Business Can Make More Money
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Operations - Financial Ratio Analysis - Financial Management and Forecastin...
Business Finance - business finance information about small business financ...
How Do You Do Financial Statement Analysis?
Sections of Business Plan
Susan Ward
Headlines
Forum
Small Business Start Up
Thinking of starting a small business but wondering what being an entrepreneur is like or whether you
have what it takes to run a business? Or are you planning to start a business but looking for business
ideas, how to write a business plan or how to find the start up money you need? Or are you at the start
up stage where you need to know how to register and license your new business? From being an
entrepreneur through details on the steps you need to follow when starting a business in Canada, here's
the start up information you need to successfully start a small business.
1. Are You Ready to Start a Business?

2. Starting a Business Advice
3. Business Ideas
4. Buying a Business
5. Business Plans
6. How to Start a Business in Canada

7. Finding Business Start Up Money
8. Starting a Home-Based Business
9. Starting an Online Business
10. Starting an Import / Export Business
Are You Ready to Start a Business?

What's it like to run your own business instead of working for someone else? What personality
traits do successful entrepreneurs share? How can you successfully make the transition from
being an employee to being self-employed? Here's the place to find out if starting a small
business is right for you.
The Advantages of Owning Your Own Business

What Are the Most Important Characteristics of an Entrepreneur?
More on Being an Entrepreneur
Before You Start Your Own Business
Are You Ready to Start a Business Quiz
Don't Let Fear of Failure Stop You Starting a Business
Why Are You Putting Off Starting Your Own Business?

6 Traits You Need to Move From Employee to Self-Employed
Financial Strategies for Transitioning from Salaried to Solo
Top 7 Myths About Starting a Small Business
Statistics on Being a Canadian Small Business Owner
Statistics on Canadian Women in Business
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Starting a Business Advice
What kind of business should you start? What resources do you need to have in place before you
start your own business? What are common start up mistakes and how can you avoid them?
Increase the chances of having a successful start up and a thriving small business with these
articles offering advice about starting a small business.
Reader Stories: How I Got Into Starting a Small Business

Before You Start a Small Business
What One Piece of Advice Would You Give Anyone Starting a Business?
The Two Main Problems of Starting a Small Business
The Two Paths to Starting a Business
What Type of Business Should You Start?
Don't Do What You Love When Starting Your Own Business
5 Resources You Need to Succeed
10 Business Start Up Mistakes to Avoid

The Most Common Business Start Up Mistakes
Top 10 Tips for Starting a Business That Will Succeed
Before You Start a Home-Based Business
How to Start a Home-Based Business That Will Succeed
Start Your Own Business of a Specific Type
Got a Job? Start a New Business!
Business Ideas
Business ideas are the starting point for any new business. But how do you separate the wheat
from the chaff and find the business idea that you can turn into a thriving small business?
Browse these collections of business ideas and see what sparks your interest and fits your
circumstances. Or learn to invent business ideas of your own.
The Best Business Opportunities of 2012

Top Home Business Opportunities
Top 5 Small Business Trends of the Decade
7 Sources of Business Ideas
Finding Business Ideas
7 Inexpensive Business Ideas
Best Green Business Ideas
12 Unique Business Ideas
Best Business Ideas for Tough Times
The Best Business Opportunities of 2011
10 Baby Boomer Trends & How to Profit From Them

Home-Based Business Ideas Gallery
18 Pet Business Ideas
6 Fall Small Business Ideas for Making Quick Bucks
10 Best Small Business Ideas for Students
Small Scale Business Ideas
Senior Care Franchise Business Opportunities
Gift Basket Business Idea
Halloween - A Sweet Business Opportunity
Buying a Business
Buying a business can be more advantageous than creating a business from scratch. It can give
you an existing customer base and/or the equipment, personnel and even management advice that
you need to make starting and running your business easier - especially if you buy into a turnkey
operation. See if buying a business is the right choice for you and learn about the purchase
procedure with these articles.
How to Buy a Business
Buying a Business Tips
3 Business Valuation Methods
Should You Buy a Franchise?

Why You Should Interview Franchisees First
Buying a Franchise Tips
Business Plans
Writing a business plan should be one of the first things you do once you decide to start a
business. This information on how to create a business plan, including how to organize and write
a business plan, and sample business plan templates that you can use, will make preparing your
business plan easier.
Why You Need to Write a Business Plan

What Is a Business Plan?
What Type of Business Plan Do You Need?
How to Write a Business Plan
The Quick-Start Business Plan
The Investor Ready Business Plan
3 Methods of Sales Forecasting for Cash Projections
The Un-Business Plan

Executive Summary Example
Business Plan Example of the Industry Overview
More Example Business Plans
Top Business Plan Software
Before you Buy Business Plan Software
How to Start a Business in Canada
Sole proprietorship, partnership or incorporation? What's the business registration process? How
can you pick the right name for your new business? And does your business need to register for
GST/HST or PST? This section deals with the legalities of starting a business, from choosing a
legal structure through the different business registrations that your new business will need.
Steps to Starting a Business in Canada

Starting a Business FAQs
Choosing a Business Name
Choosing a Form of Business Ownership
10 Questions Partnership Agreements Need to Answer
Do You Need to Register Your Business?
Business Registration by Province & Territory
The Business Number
Should You Incorporate Your Small Business?
7 Reasons to Incorporate Your Business
How to Incorporate Your Business in Canada

Types of Corporations in Canada & Corporate Tax
More on Business Incorporation
GST Registration
Common Questions About the GST HST
Provincial Sales Tax (PST) Registration
The Hiring Process: How to Hire Employees in Canada
Guide to Canadian Payroll Deductions
What Nonresidents Need to Know About Starting a Business in Canada
How Non-Canadians Can Open Businesses in Canada
Finding Business Start Up Money
No matter what kind of business you start, it's going to cost money to get it started and keep it
operating until it starts making money. This section is all about finding the business start up
money you need to get your new business up and running - from Canadian small business loans
and grants through how to attract angel investors.
10 Things You Need to Know About Small Business Funding

Finding Start Up Small Business Financing
8 Sources of Business Start Up Money
Start Up Money: Business Plan Contests
Financial Strategies for Going from Salaried to Solo
7 Canada Government Grants Your Small Business May Qualify For
More on Small Business Grants in Canada
How to Get a Small Business Loan

Canadian Small Business Loan Sources
The Canada Small Business Financing Program
The Self-Employment Program: One of the Best Small Business Grants in Canada
Small Business Loans Just for Women
Where to Get a Small Business Loan When the Banks Turn You Down
Attracting Angel Investors
Starting a Home-Based Business
From a legal and structural point of view, starting a home-based business is just like starting any
other small business. But from an operational point of view, starting a home-based business is
different. Figuring out whether a home-based business is the right choice for you, working at
home and home-based business tax issues are just some of the topics specific to starting a home-
based business dealt with here.
Before You Start a Home-Based Business

How to Start a Home-Based Business
Top 10 Home-Based Business Ideas
Home-Based Business Ideas Gallery
The Basics of Setting Up a Home Office
Avoiding Work at Home Scams

Office Design
Working at Home
Home-Based Business Taxes
Insurance Your Home-Based Business Needs
Starting an Online Business
What's the procedure for registering a domain name? How do you get your web pages high
rankings in search engines? How do you build an ecommerce site? What taxes do you have to
collect if you're selling online? Here's where to find answers to your starting an online business
questions.
7 Online Business Models

How to Register a Domain Name
How to Find The Best Web Hosting Service
How to Build a Website That Works
Internet Merchant Accounts & How to Get Them
8 Rules for a Successful Ecommerce Website
Canadian Ecommerce Solutions
Online Payment Options for Your Online Business
Search Engine Optimization Step-by-Step

Charging Provincial Sales Tax on Online Sales
Getting Started Selling on eBay
7 Ways to Make Money from a Blog
Business Blog FAQs
The 5 Best Ways to Get Free Website Promotion
Marketing Online Strategies Any Business Can Use
Reader Responses: What's Your Advice for Starting an Online Business?
Starting an Import / Export Business
Learn how to set up an import or export business in Canada, the rules for importing or exporting
goods, about the import / export documents you need and even how to prepare an international
marketing plan with these import / export resources.
Starting an Import Business in Canada

More Importing Canada Information
10 Steps to Successful Exporting
Export Labeling Tips

Create a Great International Marketing Plan
More Exporting Canada Information
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Before you Buy Business Plan Software
Business Plan Software Features to Look For
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business plan.
When you want a business plan, business plan software can be a real boon. Besides showing you
how to organize your business plan, good business plan software provides you with the resources
and tools to actually write the business plan, from the executive summary through the detailed
financials, and format and print it to produce a finished business plan that will impress any
lender or investor. But how do you know if a particular business plan software is good or just
another boring template that won't suit your needs? Here are the features you should look for.
1) Flexibility
How customizable is the business plan software? A generic business plan template can be just
that. You need business plan software that has the scope to allow you to show the uniqueness of
your business proposition.
If large amounts of text are provided, how much are you able to edit them?
Can you move sections of the business plan around or even cut sections completely if they don't
apply to your business?
Can graphs, charts and spreadsheets be moved around easily and positioned in different places
or is the business plan software an "as is" proposition?
Are there different printing options? (For instance, are you able to export the business plan into
Word or put it online as well as print it from within the program?)
2) Financial and planning tools
What types of business financial documents are you able to create with the business plan
software? And how easily? The financial plan section of every business plan needs to include
three basic financial documents, the income statement, the cash flow projection, and the balance
sheet. You may want to include others, though, such as sales forecasts or working capital
requirements. I favor business plan software programs that allow you to prepare a variety of
financial documents automatically.
You should also look to see if the business plan software youre considering includes
business plan evaluation tools. After all, one of the main reasons to write a business plan is to
determine how feasible a particular business idea may be.
3) Help features
Does the business plan software include contextual help or other integrated help features?
What help is available if you have questions about either how to use the business plan software
or about your personal business plan? Is there website technical support? Phone assistance with
an 800 number? Is the assistance available free?
ou will definitely have questions as you work through your business plan. If the only help offered with
the business plan software youre considering buying is to fill out a form on a website and send some
email, I advise giving it a miss.
4) Resources bundle
What resources does the business plan software come with? Are these resources you would
actually use or that are important to the development of your business plan? It may sound
exciting that a business software program includes an ebook on future industry trends and/or a
free business logo, but would you use either or both of these resources?
A business plan guide, a variety of business plan samples, and industry data on the other hand,
are resources you will want to have when youre writing a business plan.
5) Compatibility
It may be important to you that a business plan software program is compatible with other
software. For instance, you may want to be able to import financial data from a small business
accounting program such as Quickbooks or a spreadsheet program such as Microsoft Excel or to
be able to export your completed business plan into Microsoft Word for editing and printing. Not
all business plan software does any or all of these.
6) Interface
Business plan software comes with two different types of interface basically, interactive or
template based. Interactive business plan software has an interview-based format while with
template-based business plan software a user works through the model provided filling in blanks.
As the software user, you need to decide which interface you prefer.
How To Live Your Life Without Regrets
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Everyone has made poor choices or done something in their past that could possibly be labeled as
"regrettable." But, think about it. The fact that you are now able to look back and realize that a mistake
or mis-step occurred means you have learned a valuable lesson. Some of my choices may have landed
me in unpleasant circumstances, but experiencing these things certainly built my current character. I
wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for those character-building situations. Mistakes are stepping
stones to an evolving life. No need for you to sink into regret or despair -- keep your chin up.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: now and forever
Here's How:
1. Acknowledge a mistake has been made - It is easy to play the blame game, pointing fingers at
someone else or circumstances as to why you have stumbled or why your life is difficult. Taking
personal ownership that your past actions resulted in bringing about your current reality is the
first step to moving past regrets and moving toward a brighter future.
2. Make amends - If your past actions or words have harmed another person an apology may be in
order. Or not, apologies can be tricky. Judge for yourself if an apology will help matters or only
drudge up old wounds better left alone. But, definitely forgive yourself! Nobody is perfect. We
all make mistakes. Continually berating yourself for past actions is self-defeating. Would you kick
a dog while it was laying down? Of course not. Please don't do this to yourself. Righting a wrong
is not always feasible. If you feel badly about a past action you've taken that cannot be righted,
forgive yourself, and let it go.
3. Do-overs - Sometimes feelings of regret arise not from our past actions, but from our non-
actions. Have you ever regretted not taking a vacation, staying stuck in a dead-end job, not
attending college... or whatever? It may be too late to reverse those decisions, but you still have
options. Some colleges offer free classes for seniors. You might not have the time, money, or
physical endurance to travel, but you can rent movies or attend travelog showings about the
regions you wish to learn more about. New opportunities are available around every corner if
you just open your heart and follow your dreams.
4. Be grateful - The most valuable lessons learned in life often come from the mistakes we make. It
may take a walk down a dark alley to see clearly. Embrace your follies, feel gratitude for getting
past the worst episodes and eventually finding your way along a less-cluttered path.
5. Be careful not to repeat the same mistake - A skinned-knee teaches a small child not to run so
fast. Slow-down. If you are repeatedly faced with similar difficulties over and over again, this is a
sure bet that you have not learned the lessons these situations are trying to teach. Opportunity
will surface only after you take responsibility for faulty actions taken and change your current
and future behaviors accordingly.
6. Be watchful of future knee-jerk reactions - This is probably the toughest step, not reacting
negatively to situations or the people who tend to push your buttons. We don't always have
control over the things life tosses in front of us, but we do control our reactions. Stay calm.
Introduce stress-management into your daily life. Meditation helps clear and focus the mind.
Therapeutic play will help balance work-related stresses.
7. Looking deeper inside - Re-evaluate the direction your life is taking. Have you accepted that
your past mistakes are just that --- in the past? Focus on today. Become aware of your future
goals and desires. Setting clear intentions will help clear the path so that your life progresses
with a freer heart and increased happiness. The best is yet to come! Believe it.
Tips:
1. Remember, nobody is perfect. Including yourself!

2. Forgiveness is golden.
3. Live for today. Yesterday was then.
Letting Go of Regret
Healing Through Liberation from Regret and Denial
From Margaret McGoverne
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Like probably every fellow human being alive today, I have done things in my life that I have later
regretted. Certain actions will fail to meet our own or others' standards of behaviour, and when faced
with such acts, most of us will opt for one of two reactions:
1. Regretting our actions, and wishing them undone or,

2. Denying that they were wrong, or denying that it was our fault by blaming someone else, or
denying that there was any lapse in the first place!
Even if we accept to the world and to ourselves that we were wrong, it is very difficult not to regret or to
indulge in a spot of denial. As a species we are very adept at justifying ourselves.
I tend to engage in regret, and in the past, this has brought me to my knees, in tears, praying for things
to be undone. But they cannot be undone. Should I go into denial - or blame someone else?
Having read the teachings of Buddha, one of the first things I learnt of was the first Noble Truth, or path
to enlightenment: that the nature of life is suffering.
By this, Buddha meant that all human beings wish to experience a lasting happiness, but that no one can
live a life without experiencing problems and setbacks that reduce our happiness. Happiness based on
improving our external situation is therefore doomed to failure, because we will all suffer setbacks at
some point. True happiness must be sought from within, not by seeking more wealth, a bigger car, a
nose job, or a new partner.
If we can develop and maintain a calm and happy mind, regardless of our material situation, then we
cannot be disappointed by setbacks, and so we will break the cycle of suffering. And that is where regret
and denial come in.
Regret and Suffering
When we regret our past actions, or when we deny responsibility for them, or the outcome of them, we
are suffering. When we blame someone else for our woes, like a boomerang the hurt flies back to us.
While we are regretting and blaming and denying what has been done, we are trapped in the eternal
circle of suffering, or samara, the Buddhist cycle of life and death pervaded by suffering.
I cannot take credit for the solution - but thinking it through, the only real answer to the question "How
do we heal ourselves and move on from regret, blame and denial?" is the answer provided by Buddha -
to think beyond yourself and your own suffering.
I am no different from you, and you are no different from the person down the street. We all experience
suffering in one way or another, and we all share certain suffering, beggar or king, we are all born, we all
grow old or sicken or suffer an accident, and die. We all lose loved ones. We are all trapped in samsara,
in suffering.
But there is an answer, and a way to liberate ourselves, and others, from the pain of suffering. Let go of
regret. Let go of blame, and denial. Realise that everyone feels pain, and take some time to lessen, by
however small a portion, the suffering of another. You may think your action will go unrewarded, or
even unnoticed, but if we practise this enough, it will make a difference.
Think about it. You've had an argument with your best friend, and you're hurt and upset. He said some
nasty things, and it hurts. You deny that you started it, but you may also regret harsh words spoken in
anger. You are both suffering. You can both engage in regret, blame and denial, or you can extend
forgiveness, bearing in mind that your friend is also suffering. So you say sorry first, and let go of the
anger, the pain, and the regret. Your friend will hopefully recognise your compassion, and may be
inspired to commit a similar selfless act to someone else in turn.
By letting go of your pain, you liberate yourself and others from suffering. Maybe not the first time.
Maybe your altruism will go unrewarded, but stick with it - only you can make you happy, and the first
step is to accept this awesome responsibility towards yourself.
Growing Your Compassion
By striving to live life in a spirit of responsibility towards yourself and others, your compassion will grow,
and your regret and denial will become apparent for the waste of time and energy they are.
Just as no one else can be happy for you, no one else can be responsible for taking away your
unhappiness, your regret, your suffering, your samsara.
About this Contributor: Margaret McGoverne is the founder of The Holistic Shop, a new experience in
online shopping for gifts and products that promote a holistic approach to health, relaxation and
spirituality.
More About Regrets and Forgiveness
An Evolving Life With No Regrets

Forgiveness
Letting Go - Releasing Your Past
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Healing Work
Past Life Healing
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Ten Ugliest Character Flaws
1. Arrogant, Argumentative
2. Dishonest
3. Short-tempered, Combative
4. Need to Always be Right (Conceited)
5. Perfectionist, Nit-Picking
6. Being the Victim, Always Blaming the Other Guy
7. Selfish, Miserly
8. Stubborn, Rigid (Inflexible), Narrow-mindedness
9. Vain, Prideful (Haughty)
10. Humorless, Inability to Laugh at Yourself
Struggling With Character Flaws

A couple of my personal character flaws have been rearing their ugly heads these past couple of days. I
sure thought I had those buggers hidden and out of view. But no, I guess not.
The flaws I'm struggling with are: (1) A need to be in total control and (2) not being able to take criticism
kindly, even when those criticisms are intended to be of the "constructive" sort.
These two negative feelings have been oozing like a bloody scab that was picked open and now refuses
to heal properly. I realize that this "bloody scab" analogy is not an attractive visual, but it best describes
how I'm feeling this moment. Certainly, I'm not keen to have what I view as my human deficiencies
bleed out into the open, but here I AM willing to write about them in a public forum. Why? Because I
feel that admitting I have these problems may be a good first step toward bringing about changes and
perhaps help distance myself from negative patterns. But also, because I'm willing to admit that I do
struggle with character flaws, sharing them may ultimately help others to take a closer look at their own
inadequacies.
When will I finally learn that the more I hold on to the idea that I must be in control of a particular
situation in my life, the more the situation will grow out of control? I often try to remind myself to "let
go" or "ease up" while, at the same time, my fists are clenching in defiance against my very desire to
change perspectives. I decide to take a few deep breaths, followed by deliberate and steady exhalations,
in an attempt to release these pent-up controlling energies that aren't serving me in a positive and
productive way. Doing this does help considerably, but, the basic flaw of wanting to hold firmly onto the
reins and control everything continues to grip me in varying degrees. Although I am doing better lately, I
feel that I still need to work on surrendering over my desire to be in total control because control issues
seem to be the cause of unnecessary stress and aggravation in my life.
Also, please don't tell me that my way of doing things could be improved on. I KNOW that MY way is the
very BEST way already, thank you very much! Okay, you might be right, but why don't you just keep that
information to yourself? I don't want to hear anything from you but your praise and adoration. Did I ask
you for your opinion? Well, of course I did! But I didn't mean for you to be so brutally honest and hurtful
to me in your response. I need to take a step back, you say? Oh, REALLY? Okay, now that I've had a few
hours to calm down, I realize that you might be right, but it really galls me to the bone to have to admit
it. I really hate this feeling of not being perfect. I am simply uncomfortable ever having to admit that I,
infallible ME, might actually be WRONG about something!
The point I'm trying to make here is that I realize that I AM human, that I DO bleed, and that I'm NOT
perfect. When I'm in a calmer state of mind, I willingly accept that I can empower myself by striving to
make improvements to my overall character. And isn't that just what life is truly all about? Learn to be
yourself, accept yourself, AND, if at all possible, progressively make changes towards improving
yourself? Each of us can be compared to an artist's unfinished canvas, a work in progress, a potential
masterpiece in the making. Yet no masterpiece, or person, is ever quite finished. There seems to always
be another stroke of paint for the artist to add, if he really thinks about it long enough. Thus, it is up to
each individual to spend some time each day adding or reversing paint strokes onto his or her personal
canvas in order to improve on the total picture. Simply put, it's up to each of us how we view ourselves,
and, largely, how others see us too.
Understanding the Law of Attraction
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Law of Attraction?a-personal-message-for-you.comFree eBook Teaches You How to Manifest

with The Law of Attraction
You likely know someone who is a great at manifesting. You may even have felt somewhat
jealous of that person because it appears they have everything, seemingly getting these things
with little effort as if they were born under a lucky star. Well, it may be that they very well were
born with the knowledge of manifesting already intact. I say this because I believe once we learn
something in another life (Yes, I believe in past lives, parallel existences) it is not lost, and that
we can choose to bring those talents with us as we move into a new life experience.
Attracting Abundance is Knowledge
As any other skill people have, manifesting is no different from playing the piano or flipping pancakes in
the air. How good you are at it depends on how efficient you have become at performing it. And,
although some of us are better at certain skills that doesn't mean the rest of us, with practice, can't
improve or even surpass the talent expressed by another. Those people who are efficient in attracting
have trained their minds to focus on their desires. They have learned it so well that they often times
don't even realize how they do it. Abundance comes to them naturally. They wouldn't blink an eye if
someone suggested they don't deserve something, it isn't part of their reality.
Grasping a better understanding of how the "Law of Attraction" works is the first step in bringing
abundance into your life.
Law of Attraction
We create our own reality. We attract those things in our life (money, relationships, employment) that
we focus on. I wish I could tell you that it is as simple as stating an affirmation, but no affirmation is
going to work if your thoughts or feelings are negating the positive.
When we focus on "having less" then we create that experience for ourselves. When we focus on "I hate
my job" then we will never notice the aspects of our employment that might be satisfying. Basically, just
wanting something isn't going to bring that to us when we continue to obsess on the not having of that
something. All we will experience is "not having" and will be ultimately blocking our true desires.
Better to focus on a particular object or scenario rather than on winnings or cash.
Another mistake that we make is that we tend to think of abundance in terms of how much money we
have in our bank accounts. I personally think focusing on winning the lottery is a fruitless event.
Focusing on winning the lottery is kind of like focusing on "not having." I say this because of some
discussions I've had with those who have held this desire, They have shared what they would do with
the winnings if they won. Yet, some of the things they say they would do with the money they could
actually already be doing with their current incomes on a smaller scale, but they don't. Why not?
Because they cling to what they perceive as their "meager savings" with the attitude that they don't
have enough out of fear. Here is an example of this:
A man's mother owns a car that is need of repair. The son says "If I won the lottery I would buy my
mother a new car." But actually, the son has the means to take her car to the mechanics and pay out
$400 needed in repairs to assure that his mom has a dependable car to drive back and forth to the
market. When asked why he doesn't then just go ahead and have her current car repaired, he answers,
"Well gee, I only have $800 in the bank, and doing that would knock out half my savings. What happens
if my car needs repairs next week or my daughter gets sick and needs to see a doctor?"
So you see, the person's true focus is on "not enough" rather than being focused on winning the lottery.
When we are focused on "not enough" it won't ever matter how much money we have, it will never be
enough. Suggesting that he pay for his mother's car repairs brought his fears out into the open. It would
be nice if the fellow could trust that by helping his mother and paying for the repairs he would not put
himself at financial risk. But for the time being, while he feels he must hold onto that fear reality, I
would suggest this man focus on visualizing his mother driving safely to and from the market in comfort
and without experiencing any mechanical breakdowns. This would be a positive image/thought to get
that picture to become a reality. Another suggestion would be to introduce the Law of Attraction to his
mother so she can start attracting a new car for herself among other things she might desire.
1998 Phylameana lila Dsy
Sign up for Law of Attraction eCourse
How Good Are You at Attracting Positives Into Your Life?
The Law of Attraction works regardless if you are working at it or not. The problem is that we can
unknowingly be attracting things that we don't want. In order to attract the things you do want is to
focus on the positives and to "feel good." Taking the Law of Attraction Quiz should give you a fair
indication of whether your thoughts and feelings are working for you or against you.
take the quiz now
POLL: How Would You Rate Your Manifesting Power?

1) Excellent
2) Very Good
3) Pretty Good
4) Okay I Guess
5) Poor
6) No Matter - Abundance Isn't That Important to Me
(Click a link to vote in the poll or view current poll results here)
NAL CLEARING: An East/West Guide to Releasing

eelings and Awakening Unconditional Happiness
book that brings it all together. If you have been searching for a way to integrate your Eastern-based spiritual practice (Yoga,
A Course in Miracles, Energy Healing, Meditation, Metaphysics, Theosophy, Ascended Masters, Religious Science, etc.) with
chologically sound approach to feelings work, this is what you have been searching for!
NAL CLEARING is the means for you to go DEEP into self-understanding and self-actuated emotional release work that will fit
iousness advancement path.
From John-
Ruskan's
tional
aring I wrote this book because it was what I was searching for but couldn't find anywhere.
....... What emotion do you struggle with? And what is the feeling behind that emotion?
For example, you may experience the emotion of anxiety, anger, frustration, heartbreak, sadness,
creative blocking or depression at certain times, but do you know that there's a specific feeling hidden
behind that emotion such as fear, loss of self-determination, sexual frustration, lack of nurturing, lack
book of significance, inadequacy, loneliness, to name a few?
monials Until you see the feeling behind the emotion and take steps to release
both, you will continue to be plagued by circumstances that the negativity
f contents you are holding within attracts to you.
views Many people have emailed me, telling me that this is the book they have
desperately needed. They sincerely appreciate what is being presented
here and are strongly impacted because they have experienced being
without guidance as they go deeper into the psychological dynamics of
inner consciousness work. They have just enough experience and
knowledge to understand and value the subtlety of the Emotional
Clearing Process.
This book is written for those people, and even dedicated to "spiritual seekers everywhere."
Em
Clea
If you have not been on the path, there is no reason why you cannot begin your journey inward and
be us
upward here. If you feel drawn to this work, to the right-brain emphasis on feelings and the logic of the
or
philosophy, you will succeed with it. You will develop inner skills by practicing the process.
All
Emotional Clearing was first published in 1993, and was the book that launched the current "Emotional"
genre, as well as coining the now widely-used phrase Emotional Clearing, preceding the score of other
Pai
books and energetic techniques that have been influenced by it but have not surpassed its timeless content.
Med
How EMOTIONAL CLEARING will empower you:
Learn a super-effective 5-step non-religious spiritual self-therapy inner process that engages and balances
all 5 levels of your cosmic being to release negative emotions and feelings and promote the true serenity
Bud
of transcendental consciousness.
AC
Learn how irrational fear is the number one feeling behind money worry, all types of anxiety and
Mi
insecurity and how to release it. Learn how suppressed, unreleased fear can self-perpetuate and actually
attract conditions of scarcity and lack.
E
Psyc
Learn what it means to suppress a feeling, and how suppressed negative feelings attract negative
experiences to you until they are cleared!
E
Learn about projection - how most of your perceptions and experiences - especially the difficult ones - are
a reflection of your suppressed feelings. Ne
Spir
Learn about emotional duality, and how trying to apply positive thinking to eliminate negative feelings
can result in more of the negative! 12
Learn how the wisdom of the body can be a major aid in emotional release. Hypn
Learn a simple but effective exercise to shield yourself from psychic negativity around you. Psych
Learn how to contact and experience the 3 major healing energies of the universe, within and without: Bod
Yin, Yang, and Transcendental, to put your inner healing on the fast track!
R
Deepen your awareness and vocabulary of your feelings by learning about the emotional aspects of all ten
chakras - the energy centers of your body. Learn how to experience these centers as part of your Brea
releasing.
"John Ruskan has accomplished a great work. He has written a book that
integrates the wisdom of ancient spiritual practices with our modern
psychological understanding, and he has done it skillfully. He has described, in
practical detail, the healing process that can lead to mental, emotional, and
physical health. Step by step, he has clarified a method of self-work that can truly
open the way to well-being, Wisdom, and the recovery of love for oneself and the
world."
Robert K. Hall, M.D., Psychiatrist
co-founder, Lomi School of Psychotherapy
www.eldharma.com
Learn why it's critical to own your emotional experience - and exactly what that does and does not mean.
Learn about the 25 ways you can self-reject and suppress your feelings and stop them from clearing.
Learn why blame is the number one way you suppress negative feelings instead of naturally releasing
them.
Learn how to easily come into the moment - the place where healing spontaneously occurs.
Learn a simple esoteric technique that activates the witness - the most powerful healing mechanism you
can use.
Learn why loving yourself is the one of the most powerful ways to self-heal and how to do it, and why it's
not simply trying to generate loving thoughts about yourself.
Learn how to handle relationships so that discord is used to advance personal growth instead of spiraling
downward into blame and mistrust.
Learn a radical, holistic way to understand depression, and how meditation, breathwork, and processing of
the negative suppressed feelings behind the depression will enable you to break through without
medication.
Learn why expression is not the antidote to suppression, and why highly emotionally expressive people do
not release feelings through habitual crying or drama.
"John Ruskan's Emotional Clearing is a fresh, original work that makes an
important contribution to contemporary consciousness research. His
integration of Eastern meditative practice with the Western concern for
emotional healing is a union that can yield great benefit to aspirants of both
East and West. Ruskan's work offers valuable insights to persons seeking
tools for self-therapy as well as to professional therapists."
Martha Crampton, Ph.D., Psychotherapist
Director, New York Open Center's Integrative Therapy Program
Spiritual Self-Therapy
Emotional Clearing focuses on the vital but often misunderstood issue of emotional healing and growth on
the path to higher consciousness. It presents a revolutionary synthesis of Eastern and Western
psychological principles, resulting in a profound system of non-religious spiritual self-therapy that can
touch and transform all levels of your being.
This ground-breaking work fills a void in the current New Age/ alternative-healing/ self-help book field.
While a great number of books address alternative healing and pathways to spiritual fulfillment, there are
almost no books that show in depth how to work with feelings as we advance on our journey. This area has
been left to the Western psychological writers and psychotherapists who, sadly, often are unable to
genuinely link the approaches they advocate to the holistic or spiritual path. Such an approach is especially
needed as we engage in any work on ourselves, whether psychological, spiritual, or even physical, because
one of the first aspects of our journey is that feelings and emotions are released from their suppressed
condition. If we don't know how to handle these feelings, we become stuck and growth will not occur.
I hope you have been able to sense that this book is full of original insights into spiritual healing that you
won't find elsewhere that go way beyond typical New Age doctrine. For example, let's explore in more
detail the idea of loving yourself, which is commonly talked about in New Age circles. Usually, it's
assumed that this is a self-evident concept; you just start trying to "love yourself" as you would any other
thing or person. But here's what I say about it in Emotional Clearing:
When the expressions "loving yourself" or "self-love" are first heard, there may be confusion about what is
meant. This is because we think in terms of the love we are familiar with, dependent love. If we try to love
ourselves, we may take an approach similar to that used in dependent love, using ourselves as the object of
our love. We may try to escape into ourselves, as we escaped into others. We may become self-absorbed
and self-indulgent, putting our own needs first. The motive is still to escape. We reject unhappiness and, in
so doing, reject ourselves.
Self-love has nothing to do with using yourself as the object of your love. Self-love means that your love
comes from within, is generated from within, not from "loving" any object because it may please you
tremendously, whether that object is someone else or yourself. Self-love is a condition of awareness, a way
of perceiving, an attitude, which results in an integrated perception of the world.
The art of loving yourself begins with self-acceptance. They are essentially the same. You begin loving
yourself when you stop rejecting yourself, especially on the feeling level. When you practice self-
acceptance of your feelings as they are now, you will experience real changes in consciousness. You no
longer try to juggle people or possessions in the external world in order to find fulfillment. You find
fulfillment from within, simply by accepting, without acting out, your feelings as they are right now.
Do not underestimate the importance of self-acceptance. It can end the emotional pain that you feel or lead
to the spiritual experience you want. Starting with the mundane, you will reach the highest of inner
realization. In welcoming all your feelings, you become whole; life becomes holistic. You experience
oneness. You no longer compulsively search for oneness in the external world, whether with another
person or with an achievement. You accept and love yourself.
I appreciate what John Ruskan has undertaken in Emotional Clearing and

wholeheartedly support him and it. There is no doubt that the tools and insights
presented in this book are vital to anyone on a journey of self-actualization.
Richard Moss, M.D., Transformational Psychologist
Author of The I That Is Me and The Mandala of Being
www.richardmoss.com
Or, let's look at another commonly recommended quality, FORGIVENESS:
Forgiveness is the realization

that blame is a mistake
Forgiveness is, of course, a very desirable quality, but often we misunderstand what it means. Forgiveness
means finally seeing that the other person was not really responsible for what we thought came from them.
Sometimes we try to force ourselves to forgive, thinking we are being spiritual or loving, or simply in the
attempt to avoid pain. We continue to believe that the other is responsible for what has happened to us, but
now we have pardoned them for their behavior.
Such "forgiveness" is intellectual, pseudo, and self-deceptive. It puts us more out of touch with our inner
experience. It can even inflate the ego, because we think we are generous enough to forgive. True
forgiveness means understanding that the original blame was wrong; it is not the granting of a pardon for
what we mistakenly believe someone has done to us.
Blame is particularly relevant in parent/child dynamics, which traditional therapy focuses on heavily. We
are encouraged to forgive our parents, often without understanding that we should own our past. This kind
of therapy may work in the long run, but the question is, would another, more realistic approach work
more effectively? We choose our parents and early environment to serve as a catalyst for our character.
The events of childhood merely activate contents latent in the child's subconscious, a viewpoint being
discussed and supported by transpersonal psychologists today.
Often we don't want to let go of blame because of nothing more than pride. Unconsciously we understand
the truth that we are responsible for our experience. The conscious ego, however, wants to blame because
it is defending itself. It does not want to feel that it could be stupid enough to cause harm to itself. The
nature of the ego, and of highly egocentric people in particular, is always to be right, and blame is usually
how self-righteousness is maintained.
"Ruskan's Emotional Clearing is full of useful insights into emotional healing, and
he deserves a wide audience among both psychotherapists and yogis alike."
Yoga Journal
Emotional Clearing is a book that can turn your life around. I sincerely hope you will take a few minutes
to look at some of the 100 reader testimonials I have posted here. I guarantee they will open your heart
with their obvious authenticity, earnestness, and praise, and you will learn a lot about working on yourself
by reading them. They are among my most prized possessions. These people all started working on
themselves with only the book as their guide. If they can do it, so can you!
EMOTIONAL CLEARING READER TESTIMONIALS
Now is the time to resolve that you will take steps to end the tyranny of negative emotions and ignite your
spiritual practice at the same time! This is what your spiritual practice has been missing!
If you have ever been in therapy, or have thought about it, or wish to find the common ground between
spiritual practice and therapy, this is the book that will explain it!
Begin to work on yourself NOW, and reverse the ever-increasing build-up of negative emotions as they
are left unattended.
There is nothing I have left out of this book that you will need to buy later to get the full story - all the
secrets to the Emotional Clearing system are here.
Emotional Clearing is a cutting-edge East/West system, originally conceived as a

means to work on yourself. The book contains the full system including a
comprehensive philosophical background, the steps of the Emotional Clearing process,
detailed instructions in how to safely and effectively engage and release feelings,
breathwork, practical suggestions for setting up your personal practice, and case
studies.
ORDER NOW
Emotional Clearing has been on the continuous best-seller list of New Leaf Distributing, the world's
largest New Age book distributor for over three years! It has been on the best-seller table at East/West
Books, New York City's largest New Age bookstore for seven years! It has placed number one for several
months on the bestseller list at Watkins Books, London - the UK's largest New Age bookstore.
Emotional Clearing has been published in North America by Broadway Books/Random House; and
translated into Spanish, Japanese, Chinese, Croatian, Portuguese (Brazil), Polish, German, and is published
in the UK/Australia by Rider.
2010 John Ruskan
How to Activate the Shift from Being Financially Stuck
by Evelyn on October 7, 2013
If you see yourself as prosperous, you will be. If you see yourself as continually hard up, that is
exactly what you will be.- Robert Collier
Poverty consciousness grows on you

over time. You wear its cloak without
truly realizing how melancholic it has
been making you feel. Ever so often,
you try to shrug off your struggle,
with the justification that it is your
fate or destiny to be poor. Without
ever stopping to take a deep
reflection, you can continue to merely
get by, scrambling to make ends meet.
The vast majority of people are

saddled with poverty consciousness
by default. Mostly, we do not grow up
in wealthy family backgrounds or
have environments that help us develop mindsets of prosperity. Additionally, we are brought up
on beliefs that are handed down over the generations about having to struggle hard for the
money. Fed on a diet of limited thinking, we are programmed with poverty consciousness.
We may not be aware about some of these beliefs we hold because they exist in our
subconscious. However, we can look at our external situations in order to know what our inner
beliefs are. The extent of how bad our financial situation is reflects how deep the programming
is. We find ourselves repeating the same money patterns over and over again.
And we wonder why we continue to rack up debts, overspend, gamble, and/or attract partners
who are financially irresponsible. Of less severity but still chronic enough, we find that we
keep failing to clinch deals, failing to attract paying clients or failing to break our barriers to
financial success. In short, we are financially stuck.
Herein lies one important reason why if this is true for you, shifting from poverty to prosperity
consciousness can change your fortunes. A shift expands your energy into new possibilities. You
are able to break free of the limiting patterns that have kept you stuck. Your thoughts translate
into action. Thus, you no longer react as if you are on autopilot. You no longer engage in
compulsive or repetitive behavior that causes you to sink deeper and deeper into depression.
Here are 4 steps to activating the shift:
(1) Acknowledge the part that you have played. You are able to see how your choices have led
you to the current situation that you are in. You also realize that failure to make the
acknowledgement will continue to cause you to be stuck.
(2) Be willing to face up to your situation. At this point, you may realize that what is at stake in
the image that you have been projecting in front of others. Your self-esteem is at a low.
However, you are willing to do it what it takes to help you get over the hump. This step involves
doses and doses of courage. It is not easy. You may experience plenty of shame initially.
However, once you connect with the pain of being stuck, the choice becomes clear for you.
(3) Release your negative emotions. It is hard to move into positive action if you are saddled
with negative emotions. Shame can hold you back from doing what is necessary. Worry can
blind you from making a clear decision. And any feelings of misery can drown you into inaction.
Thus, find safe ways to release your emotions. I highly recommend that you look into journaling,
energy healing and/or inner child work.
(4) Get support during the transition period. It is hard to make the transition alone. This is not the
time to be the lone hero or heroine. There is no embarrassment to asking for assistance if needed.
Get appropriate support. Be clear in what you need. Support does not come in the form of a
friend who is willing to listen to your excuses. Obviously, get help from those who are able to
help you move positively forward. Professional life coaches are great at this!
Of course, it seems counter to good sense that you may now have to spend in order to get support
from a trained professional. However, think of it as an investment. Ultimately, you are investing
in your well-being. And you are worthy of it
Once you start experiencing the effects of transformation, I dont see why you will ever want to
revert to old patterns again. Hence, any change is likely to be permanent. A number of my clients
reported to experiencing a sense of freedom after clearing old limiting patterns almost
immediately.
Shift with Greater Ease
Change of habits can be discomforting. I know. I refused to change for a long time. No one likes
change. However, it is in change that brings different results than what we are currently getting.
You will inevitably face resistance. It just seems so risky to make a change. After all, there is a
certain numbness to the pain of the old. You may mistake the numbness for comfort. But dont
be deluded that the gnawing pain will ever go away if you dont do anything different. Perhaps
your subconscious may find it more appealing to think in terms of making a shift rather than
change. Hence, you shift in gradual steps.
To undo old programing involves work. There are no quick fixes. The process is not likely to be
an overnight thing. You need to develop new thinking patterns and new habits, for a real shift to
take place. Increasingly, you will realize that you wont have regrets making the decision to do
so!
Love and abundance always,
What Are the Symptoms of Restless Legs?

Unpleasant Sensations May Worsen at Night, Disrupt Sleep
By Brandon Peters, M.D.
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Health Symptoms
Diagnosis by Symptoms
Sleep Disorder Symptoms
Restless Legs at Night
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sleep disorders
plms
rls symptoms
restless legs
There are characteristic symptoms of restless legs syndrome (RLS) that help identify and
diagnose the condition. What are the symptoms of restless legs? When do the feelings of restless
legs commonly occur? How can restless legs affect your sleep?
To answer these questions, lets review an excerpt from UpToDate -- a trusted electronic medical
reference used by health care providers and patients alike. Then, read on for additional
information about what all of this means for you.
"People who have RLS get an uncomfortable feeling in their legs when they are at rest. They describe
this feeling as crawling, creeping, pulling, or itching. And they say the feeling is deep in the legs -- not on
the skin -- usually below the knees. These symptoms usually get worse as the day moves on, and they
are worst at night. But people can make the feeling go away temporarily if they kick or move their legs.
Some people with RLS find that their legs move on their own while they are asleep.
"In short, the symptoms:
Happen when you are at rest

Go away if you move your legs on purpose
Are worst at night
Sometimes include the legs moving on their own during sleep
"Together, the symptoms of RLS can make it hard to get a good nights sleep. People with the
condition often feel tired during the day."
The feelings described above are commonly reported by those who are affected by restless legs
syndrome. No matter the words that are used, the underlying sentiment is the same: an
unpleasant, disagreeable sensation that occurs in the legs. It is often felt deep in the muscles, not
superficially in the skin.
One of the important elements to RLS symptoms is that they seem to have a circadian rhythm. In
other words, they occur at a certain time of the day (often in the evening hours or early in the
night). They may be brought on by lying down to rest on the couch or they may be worsened
when you first get into bed.
Another key element is the role that movement has in both relieving the symptoms as well as
triggering other problems (such as disrupted sleep). The unpleasant restlessness is relieved by
moving the legs, walking around, stretching, or even rubbing the legs. Movements will often
occur, sometimes almost subconsciously, in an attempt to relieve the unpleasant symptoms.
These can become part of a condition called periodic limb movements of sleep (PLMS) that may
disrupt your ability to get a good nights rest.
Fortunately, there are many effective treatments for the management of restless legs syndrome. If
you find yourself experiencing these symptoms, you should speak with your doctor about the
diagnosis as well as your treatment options.
Want to learn more? See UpToDate for additional in-depth medical information.
It's an easy trap to fall into. You have a bad night of sleep and before you know it, this stretches
into a run of bad nights. You try to observe good sleep hygiene, making a few changes to make
things better, but your insomnia persists. You mention it to your doctor and you receive a
prescription for a sleeping pill. Then the real trouble begins.
Sleeping pills are one of the most widely prescribed medications in the world. In a recent report
by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, it was estimated that between 2005 and 2010
about 4 percent of U.S. adults aged 20 and older used sleeping pills in the previous month.
According to IMS Health, which tracks prescription drug data, about 59 million sleeping pills
were prescribed in the U.S. in 2012. The number of sleep aid prescriptions issued to young adults
aged 18 to 24 has tripled in the period from 1998 to 2006. In a quest for sleep, the use of
medications shows no sign of abating. Why is this so and can it be avoided?
Insomnia is the most commonly encountered sleep problem in the primary care setting. These
front-line medical providers face extreme pressure to increase efficiency, seeing more patients
and spending less time with each of them. Though everyone can develop insomnia given the
proper circumstances, when it becomes a chronic issue it can be difficult to unravel the
contributing factors. Basic sleep guidelines may not be helpful in that they may not address the
specific causes that are perpetuating the condition. Sorting out these issues takes time.
Unfortunately, the primary care provider is often compelled to choose the quicker treatment
option: simply write a prescription for a sleeping pill.
Sleeping pills have modest effects on improving total sleep time and sleep efficiency. Many of
the newer medications, in the non-benzodiazepine class, also affect memory. Subjective sleep
quality improves because people who use the medication do not remember waking up.
Therefore, sleep seems more continuous, less disrupted, and, in a word, better. These drugs -
including Ambien, Lunesta, Sonata, and others - are not without their side effects. Long-term
consequences of sleeping pill use is not well understood, and there is some concern that these
drugs may increase the risk of harm in certain populations. For example, in a study published in
the British Medical Journal in 2012, it was found that people who took sleeping pills were nearly
five times as likely to die over 2 1/2 years as those who did not. There is more research needed,
but it should at least give us pause as we consider using these medications.
Many people who use medications to aid sleep often find that the medication eventually stops
working. Higher doses may be required to obtain the same effect. When these doses start to
become ineffective, another option may be sought. This tolerance to the medication can lead to
dangerously high doses or the use of alcohol or other medications in combination that may affect
breathing and even lead to death. When these medicines are stopped, there may be a risk of
withdrawal or rebound insomnia. This can be especially problematic with benzodiazepine
medications. The discontinuation of the sleep aid causes insomnia to return, and this often
prompts the resumption of the use of the medicine. This is good for drug companies who may
wish to keep their customers, but it is bad for people who wish to get off the medications. What
can be done?
Fortunately, there is a clear alternative for those who wish to treat insomnia without the reliance
on sleeping pills. Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBTI) has been proven to be an
effective treatment. It is typically administered by a psychologist, psychiatrist, or sleep specialist
who has received training in it. Over the course of 4 to 6 sessions, typically over several months,
the causes of your insomnia will be identified and defused. There is a lot of education about
sleep, including on the causes of insomnia as well as how good sleep occurs. Techniques
including sleep restriction (or consolidation), stimulus control, and relaxation techniques may be
employed. Once the quality of your sleep has been improved through initial consolidation, the
total amount of sleep is extended to meet your needs. This goal-directed therapy teaches you a
skill-set that you can use if insomnia should recur later in your life. There are no side effects and
it can be as effective as sleeping medications to cure insomnia.
If you are interested in learning more about CBTI, or wish to find a therapist who can help you,
there are several resources available. You may start by speaking with your local sleep specialist
about options available in your area. In addition, you can review a list of trained behavioral sleep
medicine specialists to find someone close to you. There are also resources available for online
programs in CBTI, as well. Though these online programs may not be right for everyone,
Harvard and Sleepio both offer popular options. There are also a number of excellent books
available that incorporate these techniques. These resources may require significant self-
motivation, and sometimes it is more helpful to meet with a specialist who can provide guidance
and support.
Take this bit of advice from a sleep expert: You don't need to use sleeping pills to treat your
insomnia. You don't take a medication to feel hungry, and you don't need to take a pill to feel
sleepy. By exploring other options, especially the use of CBTI, you will discover that you can
naturally get the rest that you need.
References:
1. Aitken M. "Declining medicine use and costs: for better or worse?" IMS Health Report. October
2012.
2. Chong Y et al. "Prescription sleep aid use among adults: United States, 2005-2010." National
Center for Health Statistics data brief. August 2013;127.
3. Kripke DF et al. "Hypnotics' association with mortality or cancer: a matched cohort study." BMJ
Open. 2012;2(1):e000850.
4. Russo A et al. "Prescription sleep aid use in young adults." Thomson Reuters Research Brief.
2008.
How to Relieve Stress
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S.
How to relieve stress? Try a combination approach.
See More About
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If you're looking for less stress and more peace in your life, you're not alone; many, many people are
feeling overwhelmed and wondering how to relieve stress. The key to a successful stress management
plan is to have several techniques that can help you manage stress on many levels. The following tips
can show you how to relieve stress in several different ways; explore one type of stress relief, put it
into practice in your life, and move on to another, or use a combination of approaches beginning
today. Whatever you chose, you can't go wrong here. Let's get started!
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: Ongoing
Here's How:
1. Relax Your Body
When you experience a stressor, or a perceived threat to your wellbeing, your body is
designed to spring into action with the stress response, which involves several physiological
changes in your body that can prepare you to either fight or run. The problem is that many
people experience stressors all day, and their bodies never quite get back to a non-stressed
state, a situation known as chronic stress. Learn to relax to your pre-stress state, and save
yourself. How to relive stress? Try techniques like breathing exercises and other quick stress
relievers, and feel better fast!
2. Change Your Thinking
One tip on how to relieve stress involves stopping your stress response before it's triggered.
This can be done because the stress response is triggered when you face real or perceived
threat--it's the perception of threat that stresses you, not the actual situation you face. If you
can change how you think about what you face, you can often avoid the experience of stress
altogether. Cultivating an optimistic explanatory style, using reframing techniques, minimizing
cognitive distortions, and viewing your stressors as a challenge can all help you accomplish
this.
3. Cut Out Stressors Where You Can
Another way to stop stress before it affects you is to eliminate situations in your life that feel
stressful to you. That means cutting out toxic relationships, if you find yourself routinely
drained by difficult people. You may also want to focus on culling clutter if you find yourself
losing things a lot or feeling stressed in your home. Creating a time management plan if
you're too busy, learning to mange job stress if you're flirting with burnout, or addressing
other lifestyle stressors can all bring a big payoff in relieving stress.
4. Adopt Stress-Relieving Habits
Certain habits can help you relieve stress if you make them a regular part of your life.
Meditation, for example, can help you feel less stressed while you're practicing it, but regular
meditation can help you become less reactive to stress that you encounter when you're not
meditating. The same is true with exercise. Adopting a regular habit to help relieve stress can
bring benefits in the short term as well as the long term. (Read more of the research on
meditation and exercise here.)
5. Get Ongoing Support
It can be challenging to relieve stress, and it can get much easier to make necessary changes
if you enlist support. This can mean letting your friends know what you're doing so they can
cheer you on (and keep you honest), joining classes (yoga,meditation, and exercise classes
are all great choices), hiring a life coach (many of us specialize in stress management), or
even seeing a therapist or talking to your doctor if you need another level of support. To find
some ongoing resources right now, subscribe to the free stress management newsletter.
Tips:
1. Find a mix of strategies that work well for you, and put them to use.
2. If you try something new that doesn't work for you, try to find another stress reliever of the
same kind--another lifestyle shift, for example, or another change in your thinking--that can
work better for you.
Top 8 Tips for Busy People

It seems in recent years being busy has become the rule rather than the exception. If you feel busy
and stressed, and don't have a lot of time to work stress relief into your schedule, you may end up
feeling tired and lethargic or overwhelmed and plagued by chronic stress. Clearly, stress relief is
important even for busy people. The following are ways to get more energy, relieve stress, and find
extra time in your day--a must for busy people everywhere!
1. Find Some Quick Stress Relievers

If you feel overwhelmed by stress during the day, a busy schedule may prevent you from being able
to do what relaxes you the most, whatever that may be. However, there are some quick ways to feel
better without taking hours you don't have to do so. Stress relief strategies such as breathing
exercises can help you to turn off your body's stress reaction so you put a halt to chronic stress and
can get back to your busy life.
2. Limit Your Caffeine Intake

If you're one to grab a cup of coffee or can of cola when you need a little extra energy, you may be
making yourself MORE tired in the long run! This is partially because caffeine can exacerbate your
stress response and keep you from experiencing restful sleep at night, creating a cycle of chronic
sleep deprivation. Learn more about the effects of caffeine and the advantages of limiting your intake,
and find ways to get more energy with less caffeine.
3. Get More Sleep In Your Life

When your schedule's busy, often sleep is the first thing to be cut back, either intentionally or by
default. This is unfortunate because it can leave you feeling lethargic and lead to errors that take
more time out of your day to correct. Learn why it's important to safeguard your sleep, and how to
actually get the sleep you need.
4. Build Quick Exercise Into Your Schedule

If you're feeling lethargic, a little exercise will actually leave you more energized, not less. While busy
people have a hard time fitting exercise into the schedule, there are some tricks that can help you get
the exercise you need without spending hours at the gym, such as breaking up exercise into smaller
chunks and spacing them out during your day, when you may naturally have time available. Read
more to get additional ideas on how to fit exercise into a busy schedule.
5. Develop a "Can Do" Attitude

Much of your experience of stress hinges on your attitude and what you tell yourself about your
situation. For example, learning how view stress as a 'challenge' rather than a threat can leave you
feeling more energized. Read more on developing an attitude that repels stress during busy times.
6. Build Fast Stress Relief Into Your Lifestyle

If you don't have time for a new stress management regimen, these stress relievers provide maximum
impact for minimal time expenditure. Things like taking your vitamins and playing music in the
background, for example, fit nicely into even the busiest lifestyle, but provide surprisingly significant
stress relief benefits.
7. Learn To Say No
People have different reasons for being busy, but many people find themselves busy no matter what
their circumstances because they have trouble saying no to other people's demands on their time. If
this describes you, I have a simple, three-step plan for getting better at saying yes to a freer schedule
and saying no to other people's demands on your time.
8. Subscribe To A FREE Stress Management Newsletter

Busy people don't always have time to research ways to relieve stress and live a healthier life. Signing
up for my free weekly newsletter ensures that valuable stress management information comes to your
inbox on a regular basis so you don't have to go out of your way to find it when you need it, and you
have the tools to work healthy habits into your lifestyle little by little, when it works for you. An ounce
of prevention beats a pound of cure!
Readers Respond: What's a Good Day For You? How Do

You Create One?
Responses: 7
Share Your Tips!
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From the article: Have A Good Day - And Every Day Can Be One!
We all have our good days and our bad days, and probably want more of the good. And while some
elements of a good day seem universal, we also each have our own unique idea of what constitutes a
good day for us. We also have the power to create a better day out of almost any circumstances we
find, so it's a good idea to have some "good day" strategies up your sleeve. What constitutes a good
day for you? Do you have any tricks for creating one? Share your strategies here. Share Your Tips!
Good Day
I start the day by listeaning to old-school songs, which spurred me on for the day and assisted
me in creating good day for others.
Guest A Y O
Good Day and Only Today!

In the morning, before I get out of the bed, I ask myself, "If this is the only day, today, what
do you want today, happiness or unhappiness?" Of course, this makes me to choose the
positive things.
Guest Vijaya Mahajan
A Good Day
A good day for me involves feeling well in mind and body and being able to be happy myself
so I can help others who may not be having a good day. I also give thanks if I have helped
someone else. How my family feels that day and that everyone is okay is a great day. I have
to be honest: a good night's sleep is usually the start of my good day!
Guest Faith
To Be
For me a good day starts with listening to those early bird songs. It's then the sounds of the
city and the trains that pass nearby. These things along with creating colorful meals, walking,
maybe going out for a meal with friends at a local restaurant and watching my neighborhood
kids growing up. A good day is one that allows me to just be and see those small things in life
to learn from them. Everything else is just gravy.
Guest Wayne Wood
Love Laugh
When I am with woman I am in love and laugh with her, it makes all my days great. My
advice: find love, laugh.
milenanik3
Good Day
When you realize what you can do and want to do don't always coincide and you do what you
can do without feeling guilty.
Guest by doing some
Friends and Fun

Aside from getting really great news, good days for me usually revolve around good
experiences with people. Seeing the people I love (and doing fun things with them) is what
makes an otherwise okay day a great one for me.
Guest E. A.
Everything You Need to Know About Tiredness Caused by Anxiety

post written by Alex Taylor
Tiredness is probably the most common physical symptom that anxiety can cause, and it can also be one
of the most devastating.
When youre exhausted all the time it completely changes the way you live. You stop doing the things
you love. Life becomes an endless series of tasks you dont have the energy to carry out.
Tiredness was a problem for me throughout my time with anxiety. It would vary in its severity but it was
always there. Sometimes it would be mild and would mean I had to sleep a lot and avoid anything too
strenuous. Sometimes it would be severe and would mean I couldnt get out of bed for days at a time.
A couple of times my doctor ran tests on me to see if there was a medical reason for my tiredness, but
everything always came back normal. It was probably anxiety, she said.
I refused to believe that anxiety could cause such severe and chronic tiredness so I Googled it.
Big mistake.
Google told me I had every terrible disease I could imagine, and that just made my anxiety worse.
The result?
Another anxiety-fueled vicious cycle: my anxiety made me tired, my tiredness made me anxious, and the
cycle continued until it had turned me into a mental and physical wreck.
To break the cycle I had to find a way to stop the tiredness that had started all the problems in the first
place.
So I learned all I could about it.
I read books about anxiety and tiredness and looked for the links between the two, I talked to dozens of
other people whod had anxiety-related tiredness and beaten it, and I did experiments on myself to see
which actions and behaviours worked at reducing and eliminating my tiredness.
In this post Im going to share with you everything I learned. Youll get to see everything I did to
overcome my anxiety-related tiredness. Hopefully you can use these same ideas to overcome your own
problems with anxiety and tiredness.
The best place to start is by looking at why anxiety causes tiredness in the first place.
Why Does Anxiety Cause Tiredness?
Anxiety causes tiredness in 4 ways:
sleep disturbance when youre highly anxious your sleep will always suffer. Your worries may
prevent you from falling asleep at night and those same worries will linger in your subconscious
mind throughout the night and may wake you earlier than you wanted. Trouble falling and staying
asleep result in less sleep than you need. When this happens for extended periods of time youll
quickly begin to suffer with extreme fatigue
adrenaline crashes when youre anxious your body incorrectly assumes youre in danger and
releases adrenaline into your system, which acts as a stimulant to help you fight or flee that danger.
This is an adrenaline rush. When an adrenaline rush ends theres a crash, as there is with all
stimulants. This can cause sudden and severe tiredness. If your anxiety is severe and constant then
your body will be in a permanent cycle of adrenaline rush/adrenaline crash, leading to feelings of
total exhaustion
adrenal fatigue when you experience physical, emotional, or psychological stress your adrenal
glands release adrenaline into your system to help you cope. For short periods of stress this is fine.
But when youre anxious all the time your adrenal glands are constantly releasing adrenaline and
eventually they become exhausted. This is adrenal fatigue. The result is your adrenal glands shut
down and can no longer release adrenaline in big enough quantities to get you through the day.
Physical, emotional, and psychological stress of any kind will therefore immediately exhaust you
mental fatigue when you live with anxiety youre constantly experiencing worries, stress, and
negative thoughts. In order to cope with these psychological problems you will either repress them
or be in denial that you have them. Both repression and denial take a huge amount of mental energy,
and mental energy eventually runs out just like physical energy runs out. Thats when mental
fatigue kicks in, and it will leave you feeling groggy, slow, and miserable. Mental fatigue is also
incredibly potent, and if left to fester for any length of time it can spread like a virus, leading to
physical exhaustion and other unpleasant physical symptoms
Everyones anxiety is a little different, but when it comes to the causes of tiredness were all the same.
The above 4 root causes of anxiety-related tiredness will be the same for us all.
Next up, lets look at what anxiety-related tiredness feels like.
What Does Tiredness Caused by Anxiety Feel LIke?
Something that really helped my anxiety-related tiredness was learning more about how it feels. I did this
by asking thousands of my subscribers if their anxiety made them tired, and if so, how it felt.
When the answers came in I compared how everyone else felt to how I was feeling myself.
I quickly realised that we were all feeling the same things, which reassured me that my tiredness was
caused by anxiety and not by something more worrying. It was also a relief to know there were other
people experiencing the same tiredness that was ruining my life. It helped to know I wasnt going through
it alone.
Since it helped me so much to know how anxiety-related tiredness can feel for others, I want to share with
you everything I learned from all my subscribers.
Hopefully this will give you the same relief and reassurance that it gave me.
If your anxiety is making you feel extreme tiredness and fatigue, heres what you might experience:
constant general tiredness a permanent feeling of tiredness, often felt from the moment you
wake up until the moment you go back to bed. You may feel sleepy, weak, groggy, and detached.
This relentless type of tiredness is usually not helped by naps or extended sleeping time
drowsiness a feeling of longing for sleep, or the sensation that you may fall asleep at any
moment. This can be constant and stay with you throughout the day, or it can be sporadic and come
in episodes of just a few minutes. Drowsiness is often helped in the short-term with a nap but it will
often return later in the day
brain fog this is a type of mental fatigue and it will make you feel groggy, disoriented, forgetful,
and confused. You may also notice difficulty in recalling names or words, performing simple math,
and concentrating for extended periods of time. These feelings can be mild or severe and can last
anywhere from a few minutes to several months
muscle weakness your tiredness may also come in the form of muscle weakness, which can strike
anywhere in your body but will usually be in your arms and legs. This weakness will make simple
tasks like lifting and walking difficult, and it can also leave your arms and legs feeling very heavy
and hard to maneuver. The feelings of weakness vary greatly and can be mild or severe and can last
for a few minutes or several hours
sudden energy crashes instead of the more common general tiredness which is constant and
moderate, you may experience occasional energy crashes that are sudden and severe. These crashes
often happen when youre feeling fine and within seconds can leave you totally exhausted and
incapacitated. A crash like this can strike at any time but theyre most common in the afternoon. In
most cases the crash is short-lived and normal energy levels return within an hour
If the 5 symptoms of anxiety-related tiredness above sound familiar then lets take a look at how you can
stop your anxiety making you feel exhausted all the time.
How to Stop Tiredness Caused by Anxiety

To stop your anxiety-related tiredness you have to fix the 4 root causes that I talked about earlier in this
post:
sleep disturbance
adrenaline crashes
adrenal fatigue
mental fatigue
Fix these 4 root causes and youll most likely get rid of your tiredness too.
Lets take a look at what you can do to fix each of these 4 root causes. Two of them, adrenaline crashes
and adrenal fatigue, have the same solutions, so Ill group those 2 together:
How to Fix Sleep Disturbances

There are 4 methods that work well in reducing or eliminating anxiety-related sleep disturbances:
clockwork sleep go to bed at the same time each night and get up at the same time each morning,
and dont take naps during the day. Doing this over a long period of time will train your body to get
all its sleep in one long block of undisturbed time and your sleep will become far more restful
exhaust yourself the kind of tiredness your anxiety makes you feel isnt a healthy, natural
tiredness, and thats why you often cant sleep well even when you feel exhausted. But healthy
exhaustion is good and it will have a big impact on the quality of your sleep. To exhaust yourself in
a healthy way do something physically exhausting or strenuous each day. Brisk walks are good, and
so is light jogging. Anything physical that makes you tired will help you get more quality sleep
no late stimulants exposing yourself to any stimulant before bed will make it hard for you to fall
asleep and it will ruin the sleep you do get when you manage to drop off. In the last couple of hours
before bedtime avoid as many stimulants as possible. Stimulants to be aware of are heavy foods,
drinks that contain caffeine or chocolate, television, loud music, and stress-filled communication in
person or via phone, text, or the internet
magnesium before bed a magnesium deficiency can cause hundreds of problems in the human
body, but 3 of the more common ones are anxiety, tiredness, and insomnia. Many people with
anxiety (myself included) find that taking a magnesium supplement can help with these problems.
The magnesium supplement can be especially helpful for promoting deep, restful sleep if its taken
close to bedtime due to its powerful relaxation properties. In my own case, I take three 225 mg
magnesium tablets a day, and I make sure that the final one is about an hour before bedtime.
Magnesium is very well tolerated by most people, but obviously check with your doctor if youre
on any medication or you have any medical problems
How to Fix Adrenaline Crashes and Adrenal Fatigue

Adrenaline crashes and adrenal fatigue are caused by constant, severe anxiety. Such intense levels of
anxiety that stay with you all the time result in significantly increased adrenaline levels, and that will
always lead to extreme tiredness.
To fix these problems you need to find ways to interrupt your constant anxiety. Interrupt your anxiety
often enough and your adrenaline levels will fall, hopefully resolving your tiredness at the same time.
There are 2 good methods Ive found to interrupt anxiety:

anxiety timeouts a 5 or 10 minute break from your anxiety a handful of times a day can be
enough to get your adrenaline levels back down to normal. I call these 5 or 10 minute breaks
anxiety timeouts. Anything that gets your mind off your worries and lasts for at least 5 minutes is
an anxiety timeout, and you should try to squeeze as many of them into your day as possible. Good
anxiety timeouts include hot baths and showers, short meditations, singing along to a song you love,
brisk walks, playing a video game, talking to someone in person or on the phone, and daydreaming
about something wonderful from your past or in your future. These anxiety timeouts may seem like
small weapons to fight anxiety, but do lots of them often and theyll make a difference
respect your ultradian rhythm this is the rhythm that controls your mood and mental energy.
The rhythm lasts 90 minutes, starting when you have high energy and alertness and ending when
you have low energy and alertness. Work on any one thing for longer than 90 minutes and your
ultradian rhythm will kick in and give you signals to take a break, such as fidgetiness, restlessness,
drowsiness, hunger, and anxiety. The longer you go without mentally disengaging the more severe
the symptoms will get. Modern life has made most of us ignore our ultradian rhythms, and the daily
activities in our lives all bleed into one big mess of stress and anxiety. We never disengage. We
never take a mental breath. We dont respect the 90 minute ultradian rhythm. The solution is
simple. Take a 30 minute break every 90 minutes, whatever it is youre doing. Working at your job,
doing chores around your home, playing with your kids, reading. Dont do any of them for longer
than 90 minutes without taking a break where you disengage and do something light and totally
unrelated. This simple practice will allow your mind, your mood, and your mental energy to renew
every 90 minutes, and the psychological relief this gives you will be massive
How to Fix Mental Fatigue

The stress, worries, and negative thinking that are a part of your anxiety are unpleasant and unsettling,
and over a long period of time theyre impossible to tolerate.
In order to cope your mind will either repress these psychological problems or be in denial that they exist.
This is incredibly hard work on your mind, and eventually your mind will tire. When that happens youll
feel mental fatigue kick in.
If mental fatigue is caused by the denial and repression of these psychological problems, the solution is to
fully acknowledge them.
If you consciously and consistently acknowledge your stress, worries, and negative thoughts your mind
will quickly catch on that denial and repression no longer work, and the battle thats been going on in
your mind will be over.
There are 2 good methods to acknowledge your stress, worries, and negative thoughts:
keep an anxiety journal the most obvious and effective way to acknowledge your stress, worries,
and negative thoughts is to keep a journal where those are the only things you focus on. At the end
of each day write a few paragraphs where you describe the anxiety-related problems you
encountered. This simple act will guarantee that your mind has no denial and repression to deal
with, meaning none of your precious mental energy will be wasted. Dont be fussy about what you
write. No one else will ever read this journal, and nor will you. This isnt a journal that youll go
back to years later out of curiosity. This is a journal purely for you to acknowledge your unhealthy
thoughts
take some baby steps anxiety is a problem that you want gone, and to get it gone you have to
take action. Whenever you dont take action youre avoiding the problem that you want to go away,
and avoidance leads to denial and repression. The best way to avoid avoidance is to take action of
any kind, even baby steps. The moment you take a baby step action to stop your anxiety your mind
is made totally aware of your problem and that problem can no longer be denied or repressed. And
the action you take can be genuinely tiny. Read a book that contains advice on anxiety. Read a post
on this blog. Meditate. Go for a walk. Anything that will help your anxiety will work, as long as
you take the action consciously and stay focused on why youre taking the action in the first place
The Takeaway
Of all the symptoms that my anxiety caused in the past, tiredness was probably the most devastating.
It didnt hurt like headaches and muscle aches, and it didnt scare me like palpitations and breathlessness.
But it affected the quality of my life more than any of these other symptoms ever did.
When youre totally exhausted for months at a time, when you dont even have the energy to get out of
bed or leave your house, your life is miserable.
And thats why Ive written this very long post. I wanted to share with you everything Ive learned about
anxiety-related tiredness.
Like most of the physical symptoms that anxiety can cause, the best way to overcome them is to logically
tackle all of the root causes.
When it comes to tiredness those root causes are sleep disturbances, adrenaline crashes, adrenal fatigue,
and mental fatigue.
In this post Ive shared with you every method I know to tackle each of these root causes. If you make use
of as many of these methods as possible, and you stick with them for several weeks, Im confident that
youll finally put an end to the tiredness

Its a truly horrible thing to live in fear and I wouldnt wish it on anyone. But when you have anxiety
living in fear is a way of life.
When my anxiety was at its worst my fear never left me, not even for a minute. It would be there in the
morning when I woke up and it would still be there when I went back to bed at night.
It was never ending and it was unbearably awful.
If youre anxiety is anything like mine was then you know all this firsthand.
You might be thinking that your constant fear is just the way youll always be, that your anxiety makes it
impossible for you to feel any different. But Im going to show you that there are simple things you can
do to stop living in fear.
Thats what this post is all about.
There are several key ideas Ive learned about fear over the past few years, and theyve helped me to
almost entirely eliminate anxiety-based fear from my life.
After Ive shared these ideas with you Im hoping that they turn out to be as helpful for you as they have
been for me.
Before I share these ideas with you, a quick warning: these ideas are weird, and when you first hear them
your instinct will be to dismiss them. But stick with me until the end of this post.
Listen to what I have to say with an open mind, and by the end of this post I think you will look at fear in
a completely different way than you ever have before.
The impact these ideas can have on your anxiety and on your life in general are huge.
[Read more...]
Everything You Need to Know About Tiredness Caused by Anxiety

Tiredness is probably the most common physical symptom that anxiety can cause, and it can also be one
of the most devastating.
When youre exhausted all the time it completely changes the way you live. You stop doing the things
you love. Life becomes an endless series of tasks you dont have the energy to carry out.
Tiredness was a problem for me throughout my time with anxiety. It would vary in its severity but it was
always there. Sometimes it would be mild and would mean I had to sleep a lot and avoid anything too
strenuous. Sometimes it would be severe and would mean I couldnt get out of bed for days at a time.
A couple of times my doctor ran tests on me to see if there was a medical reason for my tiredness, but
everything always came back normal. It was probably anxiety, she said.
I refused to believe that anxiety could cause such severe and chronic tiredness so I Googled it.
Big mistake.
Google told me I had every terrible disease I could imagine, and that just made my anxiety worse.
The result?
Another anxiety-fueled vicious cycle: my anxiety made me tired, my tiredness made me anxious, and the
cycle continued until it had turned me into a mental and physical wreck.
To break the cycle I had to find a way to stop the tiredness that had started all the problems in the first
place.
So I learned all I could about it.
I read books about anxiety and tiredness and looked for the links between the two, I talked to dozens of
other people whod had anxiety-related tiredness and beaten it, and I did experiments on myself to see
which actions and behaviours worked at reducing and eliminating my tiredness.
In this post Im going to share with you everything I learned. Youll get to see everything I did to
overcome my anxiety-related tiredness. Hopefully you can use these same ideas to overcome your own
problems with anxiety and tiredness.
The best place to start is by looking at why anxiety causes tiredness in the first place.
[Read more...]
Anxiety Symptoms: A Complete Guide

When youre anxious for prolonged periods of time it can have a devastating impact on you physically.
Your adrenaline levels skyrocket, you get no restful sleep, and your immune system shuts down.
All of this can lead to you experiencing an almost endless series of unpleasant symptoms.
Anxiety can cause just about any symptom you can imagine. Some of them are annoying and some of
them are terrifying.
During my time with anxiety I experienced dozens of symptoms. Some of them lasted for months at a
time and convinced me I had a horrible disease.
The only thing that ever helped me to deal with my anxiety symptoms was learning more about them.
Finding out why my anxiety caused a particular symptom would reassure me that I didnt have a serious
medical problem, and it would also help me find ways to ease the symptom or even to stop it altogether.
Since learning more about my anxiety symptoms helped me so much, I wanted to create a resource that
would help other people who are going through the same thing.
Thats what this post is.
Below, youll find links to posts Ive written on each symptom your anxiety might cause you. Each post
will explain why your anxiety causes a particular symptom and what you can do to make it stop.
I add new symptoms to the list below all the time, so please check back often or bookmark this page.
If you have a symptom that I havent covered then please contact me here and let me know and Ill see
what I can do.
headaches - pain, throbbing, or tenderness anywhere in your head

palpitations - fast, erratic, or strong sensations of your own heartbeat anywhere around your body
dizziness - feelings of dizziness, unsteadiness, or disorientation
sweating - uncontrollable and undesirable sweating in any area of your body
nausea - feelings that you might throw up or that your stomach is delicate or unsettled
throat problems - soreness, dryness, burning, and tenderness in and around your throat
numbness and tingling - numbness, tingling, and even burning sensations anywhere in your body,
especially your hands, feet, and face
tiredness feelings of sleepiness, grogginess, mental fog, exhaustion, and muscle weakness
How to Stop Numbness and Tingling Caused by Anxiety

If you ever get numb or tingly feelings in your body, and if youre also an anxious person, the two are
almost certainly connected.
Numbness and tingling are very common physical symptoms of anxiety. They might not sound like
severe symptoms to someone whos never experienced them, but they can be uncomfortable at best and
terrifying at worst.
For about a year of my life I suffered with constant numbness and tingling. Usually it was in my hands
and feet, but occasionally Id feel it in my face too. A couple of times I even felt it in my stomach.
The numbness and tingling could strike at any time, but I most often experienced them after I woke up,
after a period of prolonged anxiety, and after panic attacks.
These symptoms went on so long it became unbearable. I went to my doctor a couple of times and she
said it was anxiety.
I didnt trust her so I Googled it. Big mistake.
Google told me that my numbness and tingling could be caused by an almost endless list of horrible
neurological diseases.
That made my anxiety worse, and that made my numbness and tingling worse.
And yet another anxiety-induced vicious circle began.
In the end, the only thing that helped me was to learn more about the numbness and tingling and their
connections to my anxiety.
Id like to share with you what I learned, and hopefully thatll help you overcome your own problems
with numbness and tingling.
[Read more...]
5 Simple Ways to Naturally Boost Your Serotonin

Twice in my life my anxiety got so bad that I took antidepressants.
They didnt help.
They made things worse by adding horrible side effects to my anxiety. And along with the side effects
came a whole new anxiety about being hooked on pills.
Both times I was on antidepressants I spent most of my time thinking about how to get off them.
Thats what got me looking into natural ways to increase serotonin.
Antidepressants work by helping your brain recycle your serotonin, which effectively increases the
amount of serotonin in your system. The more serotonin you have in your system the less anxiety youll
feel.
I knew when I stopped taking the pills my serotonin levels would crash while my body adjusted, which
would mean increased anxiety.
It seemed like a good idea to do whatever I could to naturally increase my serotonin levels. That would
make the withdrawal of the antidepressants easier to handle.
To help me do that I read every book and scientific study I could find on the subject of serotonin.
What follows in this post is the best stuff I learned. More specifically, what follows are the 5 best ways to
naturally increase your serotonin.
Use the ideas that follow. See what they do for you. Each idea has the potential to dramatically increase
your serotonin levels, and the more serotonin you have the less anxiety you should feel.
[Read more...]
How to Love
Letting Love InLoving Like a ProSurviving the HardshipsAvoiding PitfallsCreating Healthy Perceptions
Love is expressed as an action and experienced as a feeling. Yet, love has an
essence that resists defining in any single way it encompasses compassion,
determination, tolerance, endurance, support, faith, and much more. If you're in
the dark about how to love, this article should give you some food for thought,
and perhaps teach you a little bit about how to love yourself, love the world, and
love other people just a little bit more.
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Part 1 of 5: Letting Love In

1.
1
Accept your past. If youve been hurt in the past, you really need to begin to cope with that
feeling before you can love someone else. You may feel that things you did in the past will make
you unlovable, or that you have too many problems to be lovable. Maybe you feel that because
your past relationships failed, all others are doomed to fail as well. But this is not the case and
you should never feel for a moment that what has happened to you before will keep you from
being happy now. Accept the things that happened to you, forgive, and move on.
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2.
2
Get rid of the list. You know the list: that compendium of requirements that a potential partner
or friend must meet, kept in your head or even written down. Yeah, get rid of that. Recognize
that by keeping such a list, youre creating the person you want to be with, rather than meeting
the person youre meant to be with. Real people dont fit in boxes. You can certainly keep in
mind qualities that you want a person to have, but dont require someone to meet all of them
and make sure youve got your priorities in order.[1]
3.
3
Reconsider your priorities. If youre putting a nice butt before a stable personality, youre going
to have a really tough time in relationships. Same goes for things like valuing friends who get
you into the best clubs over friends wholl hold your hair back while you puke. Take those items
from your list (discussed above) and separate them out into wants vs needs. Then take a hard
look at why you prioritize the things you do.
4.
4
Open yourself to new possibilities. Once youve given some hard thought to what really matters
to you in your relationships, take another look at the people around you and the people that
you meet every day. Maybe people youd previously dismissed will suddenly seem okay. Youll
find...potential. And thats all you need to start with. Potential may not feel like love at first
sight, but it can grow into the most beautiful and stable love youve experienced.
5.
5
Love yourself. Before loving anyone else, you have to love yourself. This is important on so
many levels. It will show you how to experience love, it will send a message to people you love
that you are worth loving in return, and it will make you a better lover because you will not be
hindered by self-doubt and confidence issues.
If you have problems loving yourself, then change yourself. Build your self confidence by
doing something wonderful and being a better person. Conquer all of your bad habits
that make you self-conscious. Just dont expect to make yourself into the perfect
person, because perfect people do not exist.
6
Have something to offer others. When you go to start a relationship, be it romantic or platonic,
youll want to be sure that you bring something to that relationship. Having nothing to offer will
give you and probably the other person the sense that you are a leech. Work on giving as much
as you take, in all your relationships, and youll be set for success.
7
Be vulnerable. Unfortunately, loving someone means that they can hurt you. This is normal and
okay (and almost inevitable). But if you want to have real love, you need to allow yourself to
open with that person. Dont keep secrets from them, dont pretend to be someone you arent,
but instead give them the opportunity to know the real you.
8
Give it time. Dont force love and dont try to speed it up. This will only create false feelings
which drain you emotionally and leave you feeling empty and unsatisfied. You cant rush love.
But believe that it will come because it most certainly will. You just have to find the right person.
Part 2 of 5: Loving Like a Pro

1.
1
Respect everyone. Respect everyone in your life. Respect your friends, your family, and your
lovers. Respecting someone is an incredibly important part of loving them. You have to respect
someone you love and if you dont respect them then you dont really love them. Respect
mostly comes down to realizing that everyone is a worthwhile person, with valid opinions and
experiences. Realize that the other person has their own wishes and desires, and rights to
privacy and dignity. If you cant think these things about another person, then you cant love
them.
2.
2
Take people for who they are. Everyone is different. This doesnt make anyone better or worse
than anyone else. If you want to love someone, you need to take them for everything that they
are, good and bad. Realize that none of those traits may be permanent and that if you want
them to change, you have to help them want that change for themselves. Give them the tools
they need to make the change. They arent yours to mold into your personal statue of
perfection.
3.
3
Focus on the positives. When you love someone, you should always keep focus on their positive
traits. Find the things that you love about them and then give them the tools they need to
amplify those traits. Focusing on nitpicky things you dislike about them will only make both of
you unhappy in the end.
If theyre a good singer, for example, help them to record a song and get it out to
people. If you love how tidy they are, try to help them out by taking some of the
pressure off and let them know how much you appreciate it when they do clean.
4
Embrace the negatives. There are inevitably things that annoy or frustrate us about the people
we have relationships with. You need to learn to love someone not despite these traits but, as
much as possible, because of them. Try to loosen up and find the humor in the things they do.
This will stress you out less and make your relationships much stronger and stable.
She may be loud and tend to say just about everything on her mind, but try to look at
those traits in a new light. Maybe she can be your Leslie Knope.
5
Communicate clearly and often. If you want real love to build and grow, you need to keep
constant communication. This doesnt just mean talking about the weather every day; you need
to talk about real things that are affecting your lives and your actions. Most importantly, you
need to talk about the problems you encounter with each other. Dont just be the person
starting the conversations and handing out criticism, though. You need to create an
environment where the other person feels comfortable coming to you with their problems too.
6
Forgive when youre wronged, forgive when you wrong. You need to release negative feelings
when they crop up in the relationship. Dont hold on to grudges or embarrassment, as this will
only make your life worse. Instead, learn to forgive and move on when the other person hurts
you and forgive yourself when youve made mistakes. All you need to do is take the lessons from
those experiences and make the relationship better.
7
Constantly make yourself and those you love better people. A good, loving relationship is one
where you constantly challenge each other to be better people. Help the other person to
achieve their dreams and goals because you believe they deserve it. Improve yourself and work
for your dreams so that you can be the person you feel they deserve. We should be better
people because of the relationships that we have, and this is the way to do it.
8
Be a good friend. Whether youre trying to create and grow love in a platonic or romantic
relationship, you need to be a good friend to the person you love. Love is about more than
kissing and hugging: its about being there when someone needs you and helping them
unselfishly. Work to be as good a friend to them as you can be, and let them do the same.
Part 3 of 5: Surviving the Hardships

1. 1
Talk through your problems. You will inevitably encounter problems in your relationship.
Maybe there was a breach of trust or someone was hurt by something that got said. Whatever
the reason for the hurt feelings, whether intentional or not, you need to talk between the two
of you and get everything sorted out. Come to understand each other and patch the holes in the
relationship before they become too big.[2]
Make sure that everybody gets a turn to talk, dont interrupt, and respect the other
person. Just because their opinion is different doesnt make it wrong.
Eliminate jealousy. This is one of the unhealthiest things to have in a relationship, as it can
break down trust and respect, and create barriers. For some people, this can be the most
challenging part of relationships. Jealousy is a tough thing to break, but you can do it. The most
important thing to understand is that jealousy issues almost always come from within, from the
jealous persons own issues, so those need to be worked through first. This is a place where
those communication skills come in handy.
This is, of course, assuming one person in the relationship is running around blatantly
cheating on the other. In which case, they dont really love the person theyre hurting,
now do they?
3
Try to see issues from all sides. We hate to be wrong. Everyone does. But the thing about
everyone thinking theyre right is that someone HAS to be wrong. If we disagree on an issue,
were bound to be wrong on at least part of the issue. Youll have much stronger relationships if
you learn to talk things out with the other person, see their point of view, and find somewhere
in the middle where you can meet and agree.
4
Count your blessings. When things get tough, money runs out or someone loses a job, etc., the
way to get through these tough times is to focus on the things in your life that are good. Dont
worry about all the things you dont have, because you will always not have a lot of things.
Thats out of your control. But you can enjoy and find love in the things that you do have right
now, while you have them. Appreciate this moment.
Learn your lessons. Yes, bad things will happen in your relationships. Youll say the wrong thing,
or theyll hurt your feelings. It happens. The important part, when anything goes wrong (even if
its just problems in your life), is to learn your lessons and just keep moving forward. Try to
make the most of any negative situation, turning it into something positive by gaining and
growing from the experience. [3]
6
Be partners in life. The whole point of going through life with people you love is so that you can
tackle lifes challenges together. Work together to find solutions, solve problems, and comfort
each other when times get tough. We cant solve everything on our own, we cant know
everything there is to know...but a whole bunch of people getting together out of love can solve
just about any problem.
7
Learn when to stop being involved. Sometimes people you love will make bad choices. Things
will get tough and they will do things you wont like. This can be very challenging. Do you still
want to love them? This is a good time to understand that you can still love someone and
separate yourself from what theyre doing. You dont have to agree with them: you just have to
love them even if they make their own life worse. Go hands-off and see if it improves your
relationship with each other.[4]
This is a tricky balance, however. Sometimes people can be abusive or make our lives
worse. Their negativity can drag us down. If this is the case, you may need to cut them
out of your life, no matter how much you love them. You just have to realize that when
they are like that, theres nothing you can do to make them better and your love no
longer benefits them. At that point, you shouldnt waste your feelings on someone who
you cant help.
Part 4 of 5: Avoiding Pitfalls

1.
1
Find their true beauty. Maybe your girlfriend looks like Jennifer Lawrence, but this shouldnt be
the reason you want to be with her. She may be pretty now but she probably wont be 50 years
from now. You wont be either. When you love someone, you need to find their inner beauty,
the thing that makes them unique and wonderful to you. This will make your love and
relationship stronger. Relying or basing your love on their great skin or gorgeous hair is probably
just going to end in disappointment for everyone.
2. 2
Never, ever manipulate someone. Popular culture often tells us, subtly, that we should
manipulate our significant other. Youll find magazine upon magazine about how to get your
girlfriend to do this or how to make your husband more that. But the thing is that expecting
someone to change, and emotionally or mentally manipulating them into doing it, is one of the
worst things you can do for your relationship. By manipulating them, you are creating distrust
and resentment, a terrible thing to do to someone you love.
3.
3
Dont expect perfection. Dont expect perfection in the person you love or in yourself. This sets
incredibly unrealistic expectations. Neither of you will be able to live up to these standards and
you both will end up hurt and disappointed. Even if you feel that you only expect perfection for
yourself, this will give you the mindset that people can be perfect and you will subconsciously
expect the same from the person youre with.
4.
4
Be selfish sometimes. If you constantly give in your relationships and dont focus on your own
needs every now and again, you will find that you become burnt out. In order to make yourself a
better lover, be selfish on occasion and make sure youre getting what you need to be happy
too.
5.
5
Never stop putting in effort. The person you love is always worth the effort, so never stop
putting in the effort. Its easy when two people have been together for awhile and youve
become very trusting to just get very comfortable with each other. Maybe you dont go out on
dates anymore or maybe you dont dress up nice for each other sometimes. But you should at
least do these things occasionally, or eventually someone will feel like theyre no longer worth
the effort.
6.
6
Dont bring outside problems into your relationships. Life gets stressful sometimes. We have
problems and they make us upset, hurt, or angry. There are many, many people who take out
these negative emotions on the people they love, often because they feel like they have no
other outlet. But you should never do this. Find good ways to deal with your stress, like
exercising or doing art. This will keep you from unreasonable outbursts directed at the person
you love.
7.
7
Dont let things stagnate. Much like not putting in effort, you shouldnt get to a point where
your relationships are routine. Getting the same gift (or type of gift) for every holiday and
birthday, going to the same place for dinners out, doing the same thing for your anniversary,
etc.your love deserves better and so do you! Keep things interesting by always trying new
things and pursuing new experiences together.
You can be wild and crazy and try things like rock climbing or you can be more subdued
and try learning a new skill together, like playing the piano.
Focus on the important things. One major pitfall of relationships is that we tend to get super
focused on little things that drive us crazy, rather than seeing the bigger picture, which is often
wonderful. Keep your focus on the things that actually matter, and constantly analyze why those
things matter to you. Youll have a much happier relationship if you do.
Part 5 of 5: Creating Healthy Perceptions

1.
1
Remember that everyone is equal. It is important to understand, for developing relationships,
that no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone else. We are all equal, with
equally worthwhile problems, ideas, and beliefs. If anyone ever tries to convince you differently,
no matter where they pray and no matter how much you admire them, they arent worthy of
your love.
2. 2
Understand that there is more than one person for you. Modern movies and stories have us
believing that we have to find the One, that one person who completes us and is perfect for us.
But the truth of the matter is that there is no One. No one is perfect. In all relationships there
will be sacrifice and annoyance and problems. So really, as long as you arent expecting anyone
to be perfect, there are lots of The Ones out there for you!
3.
3
Break out of pre-defined roles. Our culture does a pretty good job of convincing us that women
and women have to act a certain way or do certain things in a relationship. However, this
doesnt really work out that way in practice. Some men are just naturally good housekeepers
and some women are just naturally good at fixing things. Everyone has different strengths and
weaknesses and those dont conform to gender stereotypes. If you want to have healthy
relationships, dont feel constrained to those boxes: just do what you do best and work together
to build a happy life!
4.
4
Know when to cut and run. Of course, all of this advice doesnt apply all of the time. Sometimes
you will end up loving someone you really, really shouldnt. This is when its important to know
when to leave them. If someone hurts you physically, or abuses you emotionally, even if they
say they dont mean to or you force them to be that way, you need to leave. Someone who truly
loves you would rather die than cause you that kind of pain. And you deserve better.
5.
5
Rescue yourself. We grow up with these fairy tales that tell us that someday someone will come
along and by loving them our lives will be so much better. All of our problems will just magically
go away. Of course, thats not really how life works. A life partner will help you cope with the
problems in your life and will work with you to solve them, but no one is going to make those
problems just go away. You have to rescue yourself. Be your own knight-in-shining-armor.
Expecting someone else to do that for you will only result in putting way too much pressure on
them and disappointing yourself in the long run. [5]
6. 6
Make your happily ever after. Like the myth of the knight in shining armor, you also need to
understand that there are no automatic happy endings. You may find blissful love, but youll
always come up against challenges together, as you and your lives change. If you want to have
your happy ending, you have to work to make it happy every day by supporting each other,
working together, and doing the things in life that make you happy.
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Tips
It does not make you a bad person to desire someone else's love, even if
they do not love you. However, to truly love someone, you must let
them be free. It is selfish to blame them for your feelings.
People become beautiful to you because you love them. In a society
obsessed with appearance, it can often seem the other way around but
the reality is that love makes a person beautiful and the imperfect
perfect.
Remember there is no failure in love, because once you show somebody
that you love them, then you have already succeeded in love, even if
they don't care.
There are many types of relationships that involve love, but love itself is
a common thread to all those relationships. For example: a mother-son
relationship is different from the relationship with a best friend, and
both these relationships are different from a romantic relationship. But
in each of these relationships, each person loves the other (wants the
best for the other). Love is the base of the pyramid. On top of the base,
we can add other items such as other common interests (in the case of
friends) or sex (in the case of romantic relationships). Therefore,
relationships can grow and evolve but the love itself is solid and
constant. It does not change.
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Warnings
Loving isn't always easy.

Never seek to force love. You can try but you'll find fear, neediness and
insecurity, not love. Love will come if you're willing to share love, to give
of it freely and to expect nothing in return.
The idea of romantic love is often fueled by fantasies and much of the
romantic love shown in movies and romance novels is unrealistic and
causes real mortals to feel inadequate. Be aware that creatively written
or filmed romantic love is a thing of art in its ownmere mortals are
recommended to see that romantic love has warts. The more
expansively you view romantic love, the more accepting you are that
romantic love isn't always ideal and the more certain you are about who
you are and what matters to you in life, the more likely you'll be to find
happiness in romance. Leave those rose colored glasses slightly lifted at
all times!
Sources and Citations
1. http://www.psychologies.co.uk/love/can-you-learn-to-love-
anyone.html
2. http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/relationships/eight-
valuable-love-lessons-you-need-to-know/#.Ul65fZlDv2l
3. http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/06/13/15-relationship-truths-
for-tough-times/
4. http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Love-Unconditionally-Martha-
Becks-Advice/1
5. http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/common-love-
myths-and-how-they-affect-your-dating-life/#.Ul65gJlDv2l
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_habits_of_highly_emp
athic_people1
5 Simple Ways to Naturally Boost Your Serotonin

Twice in my life my anxiety got so bad that I took antidepressants.
They didnt help.
They made things worse by adding horrible side effects to my anxiety. And along with the side effects
came a whole new anxiety about being hooked on pills.
Both times I was on antidepressants I spent most of my time thinking about how to get off them.
Thats what got me looking into natural ways to increase serotonin.

Antidepressants work by helping your brain recycle your serotonin, which effectively increases the
amount of serotonin in your system. The more serotonin you have in your system the less anxiety youll
feel.
I knew when I stopped taking the pills my serotonin levels would crash while my body adjusted, which
would mean increased anxiety.
It seemed like a good idea to do whatever I could to naturally increase my serotonin levels. That would
make the withdrawal of the antidepressants easier to handle.
To help me do that I read every book and scientific study I could find on the subject of serotonin.
What follows in this post is the best stuff I learned. More specifically, what follows are the 5 best ways to
naturally increase your serotonin.
Use the ideas that follow. See what they do for you. Each idea has the potential to dramatically increase
your serotonin levels, and the more serotonin you have the less anxiety you should feel.
1. Get More Bright Light
Do you spend a lot of time outside in bright daylight? I dont. Most people dont.
Most people work inside. Dimly lit offices, factories, stores.
When most people arent at work theyre inside, in their own houses or in somebody elses.
When not at work or at home most people are driving. Theres not much bright daylight inside a car. And
where are most people driving? Somewhere else where theyll be inside.
This is the way most people live these days. Almost always inside.
There was a study done at McGill University in Montreal to see how much exposure to bright daylight an
average person gets. The average person got 20 minutes a day.
When you get so little bright daylight it screws up your internal clock, and that leads to your body not
making enough serotonin.
The solution is to reset your internal clock and to make sure it never gets screwed up again. Do this and
youll start to make more serotonin.
Your internal clock is controlled by the light/dark cycle of a day.
When youre in bright light your body makes serotonin, which controls things like your mood, your
appetite, your emotions.
When youre in darkness or dim light your body converts serotonin to melatonin, which makes you sleepy
ready for bed.
At the moment your light/dark cycle is probably out of balance you get too much dark and not enough
light.
You need to restore balance to your light/dark cycle by exposing yourself to more bright light. Once the
balance is restored your internal clock will reset and youll make more serotonin.
There are 2 ways to get more bright light. Natural daylight and light boxes:
natural daylight the simplest way to get more bright light is to spend more time outside. Even on
a cloudy day the light outside is 20 times brighter than indoor lighting. On a sunny day the light
outside is 500 times brighter than indoor lighting. Natural daylight is so bright that you dont need
much of it to make a difference. An hour a day of extra daylight is usually enough to reset your
internal clock
light boxes another way to get more bright light is to use a light box. These are artificial indoor
lights that are extremely bright and mimic the wavelengths of natural daylight. The light given out
by these light boxes is the same brightness as a sunny day. Using a light box for a couple of hours a
day should be enough to reset your internal clock
I try to get out for at least an hour a day in the daytime. I have 2 dogs to walk so thats a good excuse.
But I also use a light box. I know how damaging it can be to the body and mind if you dont get enough
bright light. So now I go out of my way to get plenty.
I have a light box beside me on the desk where I work, and I try to have it on for at least an hour during
the day.
Do your best to get some extra bright light, either by going outside more often or by using a light box.
2. Trick Yourself Happy
The weirdest thing Ive learned about serotonin is that you make more of it while youre happy and less
of it while youre sad.
Which is kind of frustrating.
When youre happy and you have no need for extra serotonin, you make more of it. When youre
unhappy and you need all the serotonin you can get, you make less of it.
How does knowing this help?
If youre unhappy and you need extra serotonin you cant force yourself to feel happy.
Happiness isnt a choice.
So what can you do? How do you use happiness to increase your serotonin when happiness cant be
forced?
I found the answer to that question in a study that was done at The University of Montreal.
In the study dozens of volunteers were asked to recall memories from their pasts. First they had to recall
happy memories. Then they had to recall sad memories.
Throughout the experiment the volunteers had their serotonin levels monitored.
When the experiment was over the data was was analysed. The data showed that there was a direct link
between the volunteers serotonin levels and the memories theyd been told to think of.
Recalling happy memories had caused the volunteers serotonin levels to rise. Recalling sad memories
had caused the volunteers serotonin levels to fall.
The doctors conducting the experiment discovered that the part of your brain thats active when youre
happy is the same part of your brain thats active when you think of happy memories from your past.
When this part of your brain is active serotonin production increases.
So thinking of happy times from your past creates just as much serotonin as being genuinely happy in the
moment.
Thinking of happy times isnt as easy at it sounds not when your mood is low or youre highly anxious.
But Ive got a few suggestions to make it easier:
look at old photos when youre feeling sad or anxious it can be hard to think of happy times from
your past. Its almost like sadness and anxiety block good memories from being recalled. One of the
best ways to overcome this problem is to look at old photos. If youre staring at photos of a happy
time its impossible for you to deny that it happened
read your old diary if youve ever kept a diary go through it and look for entries about happy
events. If you can read your own words about happy times its impossible for you to deny that they
happened
reminisce with someone talk to someone youve known for a long time and there are sure to be
happy times youve spent together. If your current mood prevents you from recalling those happy
times then ask your friend or family member to recall some for you and then talk about them
Before I stumbled upon the study done at The University of Montreal I had no idea that recalling happy
memories could be so beneficial.
Now that I know it can increase serotonin levels its something I try to do as often as I can.
You should do it too.

3. Trigger Simple Exercise
When you exercise 2 beneficial changes happen inside your brain.
First, the hippocampus and cortex areas of your brain speed up the firing rate of serotonin neurons,
leading directly to more serotonin.
Second, when you experience the fatigue that happens during and after exercise, your brain makes use of
more of the tryptophan youve eaten.
Tryptophan is what your body uses to make serotonin, so having more tryptophan available in your brain
also leads directly to increased serotonin.
The more you exercise the more serotonin youll make and the less anxiety youll feel.
So the challenge is to find ways to get more exercise. Thats hard enough at the best of times, but when
youre anxious or depressed exercise is the last thing on your mind.
To help you to get some extra exercise to raise your serotonin levels, even when your mood is totally
negative, Ill share some of the ideas that have helped me in the past.
First, a couple of things you should avoid:
dont join a gym the first thing many people do when they decide to get more exercise is join a
gym. Dont do it. Joining a gym, or even thinking about joining a gym, will intimidate and
overwhelm you with negative thoughts about cost, suffering, embarrassment, and hassle
dont buy fitness equipment another thing lots of people do when they decide to start exercising
is to buy lots of fitness equipment. Dont do it. Every second youre not using fitness equipment
thats lying around your home youll feel guilty. The negativity of your guilt will cancel out any of
the positivity from your exercise, making all your effort count for nothing
Now onto the things you should be doing:
make exercise a triggered habit almost all habits, good and bad, have triggers. Watching TV
might trigger eating. Finishing your dinner might trigger alcohol or a cigarette. Worrying might
trigger nail biting. Most of these triggers happen without you noticing. But if you can become aware
of your triggers you can create healthier ones. So when you watch TV, make the commercial breaks
a trigger to stand up and do 10 squats. When you get undressed to take a bath or shower, make it a
trigger to get down and do 10 sit ups. Put something heavy by your alarm clock, and when the
alarm wakes you in the morning, make it a trigger to do 10 bicep curls. Find creative ways to trigger
simple exercises throughout the day
focus on the benefit its hard to stick to exercise, even when its simple things like squats, sit ups,
and walking. You need to find some motivation that will help you stick to it. You should find all the
motivation you need in the knowledge that exercise increases your serotonin. When you exercise,
constantly remind yourself that what youre doing is a natural antidepressant. Tell yourself that the
more exercise you do the better youll feel
keep a mood journal positive results are inspiring, and if exercise makes your anxiety less severe
youll find its easy to keep it up. But how can you be sure the exercise is helping you? The easiest
way is to keep a mood journal. Get a notebook and start keeping track of how you feel. Nothing
over the top just a few words a day. Also keep track of what exercise youve done and when.
Then look for patterns in your journal. Is your anxiety better on days when you exercise? If so, use
that knowledge to inspire you to even more exercise. Create your own anti-anxiety feedback loop,
where exercise reduces anxiety and your reduced anxiety inspires more exercise
More exercise, more serotonin, less anxiety. Sounds good to me.
4. Get Massaged
When was the last time you got a massage, either from someone you know or from a massage therapist?
For most people its been a long time. If you suffer with anxiety its probably been even longer.
When youre run down with anxiety you probably wont accept an offer of a massage from a friend,
family member, or partner. You probably wont feel like visiting a massage therapist either.
Thats a shame, because massage is one of the best ways to quickly and significantly increase serotonin.
The University of Miami did an experiment. They took a group of people and measured their serotonin
levels. Then they sent the group away to get on with their lives like normal.
With one difference: they had each person in the group go for a massage 2 times a week. Thats the only
change this group of people made to the way they lived.
A few weeks later the group of people came back in and had their serotonin levels measured again.
Serotonin levels had increased by an average of 28% across the whole group.
Thats more than a quarter more serotonin, just by having a few massages. Thats pretty amazing.
Its not just The University of Miami thats done a study on the effects of massage on serotonin levels.
There have been dozens of studies.
They all showed the same thing: that massage quickly and significantly increases serotonin.
The weird thing is that none of the professors and psychologists whove carried out these studies has a
clue why massage has such a positive effect on serotonin.
Some of the experts speculated that it might be a form of the placebo effect, or that it was the intimacy of
the massage that might be responsible for the increased serotonin.
But then they did the same experiment on 3 month old babies, who were far too young to be aware of
anything as complex as intimacy or the placebo effect.
The babies experienced the same jump in serotonin that the adults experienced in the other studies. All
because of a 15 minute massage twice a week.
For whatever reason, massage works at increasing serotonin.

Thats the good news. The bad news, like I said earlier, is that when you have anxiety you generally
wont feel like receiving massages from people you know or from massage therapists.
So whats the answer?
Ive got a few suggestions for you. See if you can make use of some of them to get the serotonin-boosting
benefits of massage.
Here are your options:
friends, family members, partners just now I said that most people who are highly anxious
wont be interested in a massage from someone they know. Maybe most people doesnt include
you. If you feel comfortable with the idea of someone you know giving you a massage, and that
someone is willing to help you out, go for it. If youre up for it but the people you know arent,
show them this post and let them know how beneficial it will be for you
massage therapists again, earlier in this post I said that most people wont feel comfortable going
to a massage therapist. If youre not most people, fantastic. You can go and get a professional
massage anytime you want. If you can afford it, go for it. A couple of massages a month could be
enough to significantly reduce your anxiety
self massage massaging yourself is a bit like tickling yourself. It just doesnt feel right. Its never
the same as when someone else does it for you. But based on all the studies Ive checkout out, the
serotonin boost doesnt come from the physical pleasure of being massaged. Nobodys sure why the
serotonin boost comes. Youre just as likely to get the serotonin boost from self massage as you are
from being massaged by someone else. And when youve got tight muscles in your neck or
shoulders, even massaging yourself can feel good. Make it a habit when youre in the bath or
shower to spend a few minutes massaging yourself
Shiatsu machines Shiatsu massage machines work pretty well at simulating the way a real
massage feels. Use one regularly and youll hopefully get the same serotonin-boosting effect that
real massage can produce. You can get machines that are small and just work on your neck, or you
can get machines that are big and do the entire upper body. Just make sure you avoid the massage
machines that vibrate. Those dont simulate genuine massages so they wont have the same
serotonin-boosting effect
I dont think Ill ever be the kind of person who feels comfortable going to a massage therapist. Its very
rare for me to get a massage from someone I know too.
But since Ive learned about the serotonin-boosting effects of massage Ive wanted to take advantage of it.
A few years back I bought a little Shiatsu machine as a way to treat my anxiety-induced headaches. So
recently Ive dusted it off and Im trying to use it a couple of times a week.
Its hard to know if its boosting my serotonin, but the studies Ive mentioned to you are so compelling
that Im going to keep using the Shiatsu machine. The potential benefits are worth 30 minutes of my time
each week.
You should try to incorporate massage into your life too, using any of the ideas Ive shared with you.
With the potential to increase your serotonin by more than a quarter it has to be worth a shot.
5. Sleep Right
Sleep and anxiety are joined at the hip.
A lack of quality sleep causes tiredness, mood swings, a weakened immune system, all problems that lead
to more anxiety.
Anxiety causes uncontrollable worry and fear, which is felt more severely in the quiet isolation of night,
and so insomnia follows.
Sleeping problems can cause anxiety and anxiety can cause sleeping problems.
But theres something else that links sleep and anxiety and the problems that one can cause the other, and
it doesnt get talked about as much as it should.
Serotonin.
Its worth taking a minute to learn how serotonin is made and how its influenced by sleep. Heres how
the serotonin production cycle works:
you eat foods that contain tryptophan

the tryptophan goes to your brain where its converted into serotonin
the conversion of tryptophan into serotonin continues throughout the day
as daylight fades your serotonin production slows down
after dark your serotonin begins to convert into melatonin, the neurotransmitter that helps you sleep
as you fall asleep your serotonin decreases and your melatonin increases
during deep sleep serotonin production stops completely and melatonin levels reach their peak
when you wake up and the light hits your eyes you immediately start to make serotonin again
You eat tryptophan, tryptophan becomes serotonin, serotonin becomes melatonin, you eat tryptophan
again, and so on.
The serotonin production cycle continues endlessly.
When the serotonin production cycle is running smoothly youll produce optimal amounts of serotonin
during the day, helping with your energy levels and your mood.
And youll produce optimal amounts of melatonin during the night, helping you get lots of quality, restful
sleep.
If anything disrupts this cycle then both serotonin and melatonin levels will drop, causing you mood and
anxiety problems during the day and sleeping problems at night.
Sleep is the most important part of this cycle. Its the foundation upon which everything else is built. If it
goes wrong then everything else tumbles down around it.
To help you get the kind of sleep you need to keep your serotonin production cycle functioning as it
should, Id like to share some simple strategies with you:
stick to a schedule the foundation for good sleep is a consistent schedule. Do your best to go to
sleep and wake up at the same times every day. This will help you maintain a healthy sleep/wake
cycle. It will also help you to fall asleep more quickly, which will save you from anxious thoughts
as you lie awake
sleep when its dark your body wants to sleep when its dark outside, not when its bright.
Getting the majority of your sleep during the hours of darkness will help to maintain normal
serotonin and melatonin production. If you work nights or you have a weird schedule for a reason
you cant overcome then this is a tip you wont be able to follow. But if your schedule allows it, get
your sleep when its dark
wear an eye mask if you dont already wear an eye mask while you sleep you should start now. It
will guarantee that you sleep in complete darkness, and that will help your body produce the
optimal amount of melatonin while you sleep. If you have an irregular schedule and youre forced
to sleep in the day then an eye mask is a must so that youre still sleeping in the dark
use a light box if you can afford to buy a light box, get one. Its a great tool to help you maintain
a healthy sleep/wake cycle. If you need to get up early while its still dark, sit by a light box for 30
minutes as soon as you get up to trigger your body to make serotonin. If you take a nap during the
day, sit by a light box the moment you wake up to quickly return yourself to the wake part of
your sleep/wake cycle. If youre not able to expose yourself to natural daylight as often as you
should, sit by a light box for 30 minutes a few times a day to keep your bodys internal clock
regulates this will optimize your serotonin production throughout the day
nap the right way if youre tired during the day and your schedule allows it then take a nap. But
do it the right way. Time your nap so that its in the middle of your waking period. Try to nap for
around 80 to 90 minutes, since that will be approximately the length of one sleep cycle and youll
wake up feeling refreshed instead of groggy. As soon as you wake up, sit by a light box for 20 or 30
minutes to immediately get your body back to the wake part of your sleep cycle
I follow all of these strategies myself and they work well for me. Im the worlds worst sleeper, and
without the foundation these strategies give me Id suffer with chronic insomnia (like I used to).
If your sleep isnt what youd like it to be, give these strategies a shot and see what kind of difference
they make for you.
The Takeaway
If youre highly anxious then you probably dont have as much serotonin as you need. If you increase
your serotonin your anxiety will become less severe.
One way to get more serotonin is to take an antidepressant, but they dont always work and even when
they do they cause horrible side effects and it can be hard to get off them.
Its a much better idea to increase your serotonin naturally, and there are lots of proven ways to do that.
Ive outlined what I think are the 5 best ways in this post:
expose yourself to as much bright light as possible, either natural daylight or with the help of a light
box
recall happy times from your past can be done alone or with the help of someone close to you
exercise more using simple triggers to make it happen
get a massage once in a while from someone close to you, from a massage therapist, or do it
yourself
get better quality sleep by being consistent and by nurturing your delicate sleep/wake cycle
Increase your serotonin, decrease your anxiety. A simple equation.
And How to Find Love, Peace and Happiness
The most important thing in life is the personal philosophy. The personal
philosophy of life should include the principles of love, peace and happiness.
When we live according to these three principles, we grow into a life in the light
(in God, enlightenment, happiness).
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Steps
1.
1
Stop one minute all thoughts and come to rest. Relax.
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2.
2
Send light to the world. Visualize the earth, move a hand and think: "I send light to ... May all
people be happy. May the world be happy." Send in particular light to the suffering people. Use
the television as a window to the world and wrap all suffering people with light.
3.
3
Put the hands together in your lap. Visualize yourself as a Goddess, Buddha or Christian. Move
your toes a little and think the mantra: "I am a Goddess (Buddha, Christian). I go the way of
love. I live in peace, love and happiness."
4.
4
Visualize the cosmos around you, a universe full of stars. Make large circles with your arms and
think: "I take things the way they are. I let go of my false desires. I live in the unity of the
cosmos. I flow positive with my live." What do you want to accept or release today? "I accept
.... I let go ..."
5.
5
Rub the palms in front of the heart chakra. Connect yourself with the enlightened masters
(God) and think: "Om all enlightened masters (Om God, Jesus). Please help me on my way."
6.
6
Put the hands in your lap. The back is straight and your stomach is relaxed. Bring your mind
completely to rest. Think the mantra "Om" in your head, chest, abdomen, legs, feet. Think in
the earth and in the entire cosmos: "Om Shanti, Om Peace ... "
7.
7
Stop a minute every thought. When thoughts come, always push them away. Then relax
completely. Slacken your body. Sit relaxed there. Peace and harmony are within you.
8.
8
Find a positive word. There is always a word that makes you positive. If you dont find one, read
here. My positive word is .. (Forward with optimism).
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Video
Meditation for love, peace and happiness.

Relax in five minutes with the mantra "Om
Shanti. Om Peace."
Tips
Recognize the many opportunities that the internet offers. Help charity
organisations. There are many organizations in the world who work for a
better future. May the world be happy. May all world rescuers work
together.
Become a world savior. A world savior works within his possibilities for a
happy world. A happy world is a world of love, peace and prosperity for
all. Humanity is one family. In a good family, all family members
contribute to the success of the entire family. May we understand this,
accept our social responsibility and act powerful.
It is best to be happy in oneself and to live for a happy world. The
ultimate fulfillment in life brings the dual path of love to God (to our
spiritual goal, enlightenment, happiness, living in God) and love to all
fellow beings (do good, living as a "world savior"). This is the essence of
Christianity, Buddhism, Yoga and the philosophy of happiness (Epicurus).
Find your personal path. Look closely at your skills, your life situation and
the world around you. Then you know what you can do.
For many people, the daily drag of an oracle card (such as angel oracle, I
Ching) is helpful to get a positive view of life. For this we need each day
just a minute. The long-term gain is immeasurable. We can also create
our own small oracle. We write positive life principles on slips of paper or
index cards. We mix them, draw a card every day and practice the
appropriate principle. When we practice consequent our oracle, it
strengthens us in our life.
Think about your daily happiness practice. The easiest way to get
happiness is the daily practice of reading in a spiritual book (such as
Wikiversity:Spirituality with more advices). We need not to read much.
One side is enough. This will keep us on the path to lasting happiness.
There are many good books in bookstores and online. We can read again
and again new and exciting books. When we try out several books, we
will find our favorite literature to get a soul full of love and peace.
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Warnings
There is a danger along the path of unconditional, all-encompassing love.

We can overwhelm ourselves and work too hard and have no energy left
for happiness. A world savior must practice rooted in inner peace. A
world savior must take care of him or herself, as it is impossible to take
care of others unless the self is cared for. Furthermore, a path of
exhaustion only leads to burn-out, not to enlightenment. Jesus said,
love God and love your neighbor. Meaning, practice spiritually
balanced for the development of the self and for the happiness of all
people.
you now know 5 ways to make it happen.
How to Overcome Fear, Sadness, Anger and Grief
In every life, there is pain, loss, illness, loneliness, and death. We have no claim
to a long life and still may be spared by fate. What is your pain today? Here is a
simple method for overcoming negative emotions.
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Steps
1.
1
Describe your situation and your problem briefly. Find a pad of paper or a journal book and
answer the following questions:
How is your situation exactly?

What is the problem?
Where is the center of the problem?
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2
Consider your emotions. What are the feelings in you? Fear, anger, addiction, desire, or grief?
Which feeling is the strongest? Where is the feeling sitting in your body?
3
Consider your thoughts. What thoughts are connected with your feelings? Why are you sad,
anxious, angry or yearning for something else?
Count down all your stressful thoughts: My thoughts are...

4
Think about the triggers. What triggers your problem? Is it one thing or a variety of things?
5
Think about different solutions. What is the way out of your problem? What brings you to love,
excitement, fulfillment, fortunately, satisfaction? Think about your problem until you find a
solution.
Collect all the information you need to find solutions. This might include reading about
how other people have dealt with similar problems, or it can be as simple as collecting
together your past successful approaches to facing a problem.
6
Follow your positive thoughts. Fulfill your positive life plan. Avoid meaningless brooding. Don't
leave your dreams for others to fulfill.
What is your positive duty now? "My positive sentence is..."

Attempt to draw your eyes and thoughts to the positive.
Create a diary of gratitude. Every day, write down three things that went well, or three
things you are grateful for (even little things!) - after a week, you will start to see that
every day has something to appreciate.
Spend 10 minutes each day writing about the best possible outcome for your life. What
would your life be like if all your hopes and plans went as well as they possibly could?
Keep working on this picture, filling in more and more details as you get clear on them.
7
Find your personal path. The sense of life is to live a good life. It is even better to be happy than
to be unhappy. Look closely at your skills, your life situation and the world around you. Then you
know what you have to do. There is a way for everyone to be happy and to live permanently in
all-embracing love.In every life there is pain, loss, illness, loneliness and death. We have no
claim to a long life and still may be spared by fate. What is your pain today? Here is a simple
method for overcoming negative emotions.
8
Turn your anger against things you can do something about without being destructive. If
you're fat, turn your anger against your belly. If you are fearful, turn your anger against your
fears. If others are nasty, turn your anger against the ignorance that is the basis of their
nastiness. If you are addicted, turn your anger against the substance that provides temporary fix
but long term misery. If society is oppressive, turn your anger against the prevailing folly.
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Video
Do Computer Yoga and relax
Tips
Inner happiness is developing a consistent path of truth, wisdom and

love.
Look, think on, and go into the silence. This means the silence that is
deep within you, where you will find the "I AM", and this is responsible
for your meaning of life. If you have lost the connection to the inner
stillness, you lose your sense of life and chase after meaningless things
just to fill this gap.
The current state of research is that happiness is about 50 percent
genetically predisposed, 10 percent is determined by external
circumstances, and up to 40 percent consists of one's own thoughts.
People who live healthily, meditate and work on their thoughts (positive
thinking), can raise their general level of happiness by 40 percent.
Enlightenment is the process by which you raise your personal happiness
level by 100-1000 percent. But that is a long way off for the most people.
However, seeking enlightenment is very worthwhile.
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Warnings
Remember that Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life. Never

postpone your joy. There's no better time than the present to enjoy. No
one and nothing can make you feel bad, without your permission.
To wish someone bad luck may liberate your soul and feel good for a
while. Yet, in the long term it creates misery in you. Black magic is the
ego's way. Enlightenment (inner happiness, inner healing) is the way of
solving the ego's wants. This includes a wise use of aggression. Think
about your way to inner happiness.
How to Be Just Friends with a Member of the Opposite Sex
Decide What Your True Feelings Are Define Your Relationship Include Your Significant Other Control the
Situation
With men and women intermingling in various circles of life that were gender-
specific in the past (home , the workplace , sports , school ), people of the
opposite sex are discovering new common ground and more reasons to be
friends . But with the media constantly showing male/female friendships
evolving into romantic relationships, many are convinced that a long-term,
truly platonic friendship between individuals of the opposite sex just isn't
possible. Romantic interest, physical attraction and sometimes, the jealousy of
significant others can threaten to sabotage a cross-gender friendship . However,
those risks can be circumvented by setting boundaries from the start. It's tricky,
but it can be done.
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Method 1 of 4: Decide What Your True Feelings Are

1.
1
Determine how you feel about the person, and how they feel about you. Be honest with
yourself .
Do you find yourself fantasizing about what a relationship would be like with them?
If you weren't in a relationship , if they were single , or if something else wasn't in the
way, would you probably be romantically interested?
Do they seem to be romantically inclined towards you? Remember that actions speak
louder than words. Trust your gut feeling.
Do you really believe that this person is better suited to you as a friend than as a
romantic partner? Why? Your answer to this question is what makes all the difference,
and what will keep the relationship platonic when or if boundaries ever become blurred.
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Method 2 of 4: Define Your Relationship
1.
1
Define your relationship as a friendship from the start. In any relationship, cross-gender
friendships included, communication is key. Presumptions can lead to broken friendships,
misunderstandings, and other problems down the line. Egos aside, address why you both want
to be just friends. There's a period in most opposite sex friendships when you question whether
or not you should be more. Address it early on. Both of you must want a strictly platonic
friendship and understand that's all it will ever be. No matter what anyone says, it is possible to
be just friends as long as you have that understanding (and a commitment to the friendship as
just that) from the start.
Method 3 of 4: Include Your Significant Other

1.
1
Talk to your significant other. Ask your friend to talk to theirs. Any insecurities or trust issues
within a relationship will be magnified by a cross-gender friendship, especially if the friend is
obviously attractive. The opposite-sex friend can often become a scapegoat for relationship
problems, and a repeated source of contention. Honesty is the best policy.
Acknowledge any borderline feelings from the start, and provide a reason for friendship
that outweighs those feelings.
Remind your significant other that you're committed to the relationship, and why.
2
Involve the significant other(s). You should make an honest attempt to befriend their significant
other and include yours. Coordinate get-togethers that you all can enjoy as a group. Include
your significant other in outings with your friend. Jealousy is much less likely to be an issue if
your significant other can get to know your friend . It's going to take time, especially if they don't
believe in platonic friendships. Likewise, even if you don't like their significant other, understand
there might be a little doubt and jealousy over the friendship. Find out what they like to do and
suggest an outing for just the two of you. By becoming a friend to the couple, the doubts and
jealousy usually vanish in time.
Method 4 of 4: Control the Situation
1.
1
Minimize sexual tension. Don't be "touchy feely" with your friend, even if you consider yourself
to be a naturally affectionate person, and especially if either of you are in a romantic
relationship with someone else. Sure, it's possible to make physical contact without inciting
sexual attraction, but hormones can play tricks on us. Don't give those hormones a chance to
confuse your status as friends. Limit hugs and physical contact to the same amount you share
with a sibling or a co-worker , depending on what you feel is appropriate, and what you think
your significant other (or theirs) would feel comfortable with. If you find the need to hug and
touch them more, then maybe you're not just friends .
2. 2
Prevent borderline situations. Don't give people a reason to think you're more than just
friends . Having a night out together is fine, but don't bring your friend into social scenarios
where everyone else has a date . That is called dating , not friendship . You wouldn't ask your
same sex friend to accompany you to your sister's wedding , so don't ask your opposite sex
friend! If you are going somewhere that might appear romantic (e.g. a movie or a fancy
restaurant ) but you do not want it to appear that way, invite another friend of the same sex.
Even then, people may insinuate that you are more than friends; be prepared for those
suggestions, and think of how you can deny them gracefully.
3. 3
Reduce contact or end the friendship if the boundaries can't be clarified or upheld. If your
friend is attracted to you as more than a friend and can't seem to put that attraction aside, it's
probably best to take the friendship down a notch. Keep contact casual, conversations short ,
and get-togethers brief. If the friend continues to press for a romantic relationship when you've
made it clear that you don't want one, if they constantly trash talk your significant other
(without good reason), or if they let their own significant other demean you, then perhaps the
friendship isn't worth keeping, and this person should just be more of a friendly acquaintance.
4. 4
Be careful with your decisions.
Simply choosing to meet for lunch over the alternate meeting for dinner, can portray a
significant difference to your friend.
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Tips
In any friendship, the dynamics change over time. An acquaintance you

don't really care for all that much today might be your best friend a year
from now. It's possible you and your friend will develop deeper feelings
after a long, platonic friendship. But like any friendship, resolving
whether to act on feelings requires honesty from both sides. It doesn't
mean you were never platonic friends. It just means the friendship has
changed like all do. React to the new feelings in a way that preserves the
friendship and makes both of you happy.
Every friendship is different. It's possible to completely ignore all of this
advice and still succeed with a cross-gender friendship, but it's not likely
because of widespread preconceived notions, natural impulses, and the
fact that no relationship is perfect. Consider these preventative
measures and adapt them to your own situation as you see fit.
Don't hide your friendship from your partner, but don't fuel any jealousy
either by excessive one-on-one time with your friend or talking about
your friend endlessly.
These instructions really apply to any friendship where romantic interest
and physical attraction is a possibility, including a same-sex friendship
where one or both are gay, lesbian or bisexual .
Don't flirt . Teasing is normal and acceptable to the extent that you'd do
it with your same-sex friends (unless it involves touching and/or sexual
innuendos).
When you're all together, pay more attention to your partner than to
your friend. Encourage your friend to pay more attention to theirs.
Invite your significant other (and your friend's significant other) to be a
part of the relationship. This doesn't mean that you always have to do
things as couples, but the reminder of your and your friend's
commitments can help keep you from taking the relationship in
directions that you might regret; it also helps keep feelings of jealousy on
the parts of your respective partners at bay.
If it seems awkward to bring this topic up with your friend, casually send
them a link to this article . They should get the hint.
Ad
Warnings
Never turn to your friend for physical intimacy. It doesn't matter if you'll
still be friends in the morning. It's just not worth the risk. It'll not only
threaten your friendship, but it'll also threaten the credibility of your
friendship to a future romantic partner.
Don't meddle in your friend's relationships. If their significant other finds
out you gave some "helpful" advice that they view as causing more
problems, chances are, they will not want the friendship to continue.
Your friend will have to choose and, either way, will lose someone they
care about. Don't put your friend in that position. Give advice, but unless
your friend is in danger or being abused, never put down your friend's
significant other to your friend.
If your significant other will simply not accept your friendship, even after
you've taken all the steps above over a reasonable period of time, you
may be in a manipulative or controlling relationship . On the other hand,
your partner might have a valid complaint. Counseling could reveal
problems existing in your relationship and provide the tools you need to
improve it.
Accept limitations: If one of you is married or if you are of different
religions and cannot marry, face the truth and mourn over it. If you see
each other frequently and you have trouble with your feelings, tell a
good friend and your spouse but not your crush. Keep solid boundaries
about touch, travel, words of affection, gifts, etc. You need to have
someone hold your feet firmly in reality. Many people feel that it is
better to keep your feelings to yourself and be thankful for the
friendship you share. Putting feelings into words can shut down the
relationship and you may lose your friend forever.
If you are coworkers and one or both of you is married, do not continue
your relationship outside of the office. Don't communicate over the
weekend. If you are Facebook friends, be careful about commenting on
each other's posts. Don't do anything that will worry your spouse. Make
sure your spouse and other people know if you have meals or travel
together. Be accountable. Protect your marriage. Platonic relationships
are wonderful if both people maintain good boundaries.
However, if you have a healthy relationship with your significant other,
and he or she has serious misgivings about your opposite-sex pal, listen
and pay attention. Your significant other may sense an attraction coming
from the friend that you can't see because you are too close to the
situation.
Having good self-control actually allows this platonic friendship to go to a
new level of tenderness, trust, and commitment. It also gives
reassurance to the other person's spouse that you are committed to
their relationship. If you are the one who is single, use this platonic
friendship as a model of what true loves looks like. This is a gift that you
give to your future spouse.
Avoid pet names. while they may seem innocent or natural, realize they
portray a different meaning to others including a romantic partner. If you
can't, maybe underlying feelings aren't being dealt with.
Emotional maturity and emotional health are not your everyday school subjects, but they are vital for
personal well-being and the health of our communities, not to mention world peace! Of the four elements,
our emotions relate to water. Like the sea, they build and peak like waves and the tides. Our negative
emotions are not easy to deal with once they have built up. Positive emotions are essential in being who
we really are, wonderful spiritual beings full of vitality, passion and enthusiasm.
If you don't always feel that way, you're definitely not alone. It's partly because much of society has
been conditioned to think that we are merely advanced animals who have evolved to the top of the food
chain. No wonder the world is plagued with wars and violence. The solution is not to suppress or deny our
negative thoughts and emotions, but to heal and transform them, for they are dis-eased. And if left long
enough, they will manifest as disease in our physical body. (For more on this, see the page Balancing
Our 4 Bodies.) Rather, we work on transforming them back into the wonderful whole being who we really
are, as discussed on the Spiritual Balance page. For more on emotional balance, see the sections below.
Hopefully they will help you to use your emotions more intelligently. Emotional intelligence is a vital
subject for us all. You can also search this page by pressing Ctrl+F on your keyboard to open the Find
feature (command+F for Mac).
The Nature of Emotional Waves.

A calming exercise.
Meditation on Self-worth and Comfort: "From Your True Mother".
Life's a Gradual Uphill Dance.
The balance between expressing our feelings and not condemning people.
The balance between being assertive and staying harmonious.
References for emotional work and personal psychology.
The Nature of Emotional Waves.
As mentioned above, our emotions build and peak like the waves. It is usually our belief systems or
thoughts that spark off an emotion. For example, someone at work does something that we asked them
not to do. Our first reaction is usually to get upset, thinking that they are deliberately ignoring us or
challenging our authority. But until we know all the facts, that it just a mental assumption. If we resolve the
situation quickly, our emotions will not get out of hand. But when we harbour sustained criticism or
resentment against people over a long time, then the amount of energy built up in this tide of emotion
often becomes too much for us to turn back mentally. This is when we lose control and do things despite
our better judgement, feeling we cannot stop ourselves. This tide of emotion can be from anything,
including anger, resentment, sexual attraction or desire for comfort foods!
The key is to resolve the issue early before the tide builds. And resolve does not mean ignore or
suppress. This often needs training and self-development. The educational systems of many cultures,
including in North America, have concentrated on academic development with little instruction on
emotional maturity. Women are better at it than men. Books like Men Are from Mars, Women Are from
Venus by John Gray help illustrate how emotionally illiterate many men are. And many do not care, either.
Unfortunately emotional has come to have a mainly negative connotation i.e. over-reacting. But our
emotions (and emotional body) are a great source of creative energy that enriches life immeasurably,
especially when we are in balance. There are many resouces for emotional training and self-
development, including The Institute of HeartMath (see Links page). If you do find yourself getting
emotionally upset, a few tips to help get back into balance can be found in "A calming exercise" below. A
related section is "Centering in our hearts" on the Intellectual Balance page.
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A calming exercise.
If you find yourself getting emotionally upset with someone else, here are a few tips to help you get
back into balance:
Take a short time out, even five minutes. Breathe deeply. Centre in your heart (i.e. draw all your
mental and emotional energy from your extremities into your heart area.) Get back to the basics of who
you are. You are a valuable, precious soul who is kind at heart, even though youre not perfect. Neither is
the other person involved. And they too have valuable qualities, though probably not very visible now. But
first concentrate on your own. Try to establish an inner dialogue, either with God, your Real Self or inner
child etc.
Feel yourself rising above the situation and observing it from above. Consider some of the following:
You are not responsible for their feelings, nor are they for yours. There are always two sides to a
situation, and you probably both have incomplete information. These things are sent to try us. Be open to
learn from this situation. If you want inner peace, then it is more important to remain harmonious than to
strive to win at any cost. If the other person proves to be wrong, they will probably feel worse about it and
learn more from the situation if you come across as compassionate and understanding than if you are
aggressive and put them on the defensive. If the other person proves later to be right, learn to put your
pride in your pocket and to be able to laugh at yourself. If you feel like it, call to God or your Real Self to
help both of you resolve this situation in a win/win way that all may benefit.
Now get ready to go back and resolve the issue. If you believe in the angels, you can call to
Archangel Michael, the archangel of protection, to protect you and the divine plan to manifest for this
situation. You can also pray that only the Real Self of you and the other person prevail throughout this
situation. Approach them with respect towards their Real Self (God in them), but not being prepared to
tolerate any abuse from their lower self. Now go and give it your best shot, and trust God to take care of
the rest.
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Meditation on Self-worth and Comfort: "From Your True Mother."
Our emotions are often upset by what others say. It is our wounded ego that moves us from
remaining centred in our heart and remembering our true Self-worth. This is our own responsibility, and
that is the way we want it, so no one else can decide how we should feel or what we should think. There
are several aspects to our psyche. The part that usually feels hurt is the soul (also called the inner child).
It is the role of our mature androgynous spirit or higher Self (also called the loving inner father and loving
inner mother) to comfort and teach our soul. For more of an understanding on the amazing beings that we
really are, see the Spiritual Balance page.
This meditation will help you tune into your true Self, when you may be feeling upset or down. It is
best read when you are alone, centred in your soul or inner child, as if heard from your loving inner
mother:
"Relax, dear one. Breathe deeply, and feel the comforting beat of your faithful heart. Let the burdens
and cares of the world slip away for a moment. Think of some of the things you have done well and felt
good about. Think how you lift others up with your loving smile. You are adorable, and no matter what
faults and shortcomings you may have or think you have, I still love you dearly.
"As a team we will make sure that you arrive where you really want to be in this life, so there is
nothing for you to be afraid of. I will make sure that you will not fail in the end. No matter how many times
you trip and fall in whatever you do, it does not matter. I love you anyway. You have so many lovely
qualities and ways of doing things. I know that often other people do not recognize them, but I do. Always
remember that you are truly a precious gem in this world.
"Keep on working to expand all of your good qualities. They are a blessing to you and to so many
others. Do not rely on others to realize this or to tell you so, for they are often burdened and busy. No
matter if no one else knows or cares how precious you are, just know that you are, and you're such a
pleasure to be with.
"I know you are trying hard to improve yourself. Because you desire to be your best, I expect your
best. But if you fall short sometimes, do not worry. Everyone falls short at times. Just use it as an
opportunity to learn how to do it better next time. You may regret some mistakes, but there is never any
need to feel guilty. Just taken responsibility for them, and determine to improve.
"There are things which you will need to learn which you do not always see, so I will gently point
them out for you. Then I will let you decide how much you feel you can work on them. If ever you feel you
cannot do something or feel scared or upset, don't be afraid to tell me, no matter how small or silly you
think they are. If they were not worth worrying about, then you would not have felt anything about them.
Share them. I will understand. I will never reject you or leave you. I will always be here with you, no matter
what.
"Some of the things I say or do might not seem that easy for you to accept at the time, but know that
it is not always that easy for me either. I do it because I dearly love you and care about you, and I will
endure anything and everything that will be the best for you. Sometimes my chastening love is harder for
me to give than for you to receive, but it is well worth it.
"I am not without my own needs. My main reason for being is to help you and the rest of the world
through you. I therefore need you to come to me and share as much as you can with me. I am not only
your mother but also your friend. When you exclude me from your life I become ineffective and without
purpose. Besides, I also learn a lot from you and all your unique and novel ways of doing things. I look
forward to the great joy that you bring to me as you include me in each of your activities.
"Whatever you decide to do in life, I will stand behind you and support you. Even if I do not see it as
the best decision, you have made it for a reason. You have a right to make your own decisions, and by
them you gain experience in this life. I will ensure that no situation or temptation comes to you that is
more than you can cope with. I will also not stifle you nor prevent you from experiencing all of life with its
accompanying pains and sorrows, for these too you need in order to survive and grow. Do not always try
to avoid them when they come your way, for I would not like to see you become a scared and passive
bystander to this great opportunity of Life.
"I know more than anyone else how hurt you have felt in the past. You can safely let go of all of it
now, bit by bit, as you feel comfortable, for I am with you. I love you fully and so very, very much, just as
you are. And I shall always love you. For I am your true and inner mother. You are my inner child. Take
my hand, and let us smile the smile of Helios, the sun, for you are wonderful, and the future is bright."
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Life's a Gradual Uphill Dance.
Life is not a competition or a fight for the survival of the fittest. It is not a struggle, a bitch or a beach.
Life is a dance.
It is like a wonderful dance school where we are constantly faced with opportunities, sometimes
seen as problems or challenges, which are our ever-changing dance partners. It is these challenges with
which we dance, which may involve a person, an illness or some knotty problem. And these opportunities
are not always "bad", but good opportunities to unfold our talents in an area where we excel.
The music for the dance we make ourselves. It is the song that fills our heart at any one time. When
that song is made with love, enthusiasm and sincerity, we learn how to move our feet in harmony with the
challenge. We learn the lesson and move on to the next partner. This next challenge or step is slightly
more difficult, on a higher level, and so our dance is on a gradual uphill, unto new heights of achievement
and self-fulfillment.
Uphill may not seem like an inviting idea, and some might say that if we just "let go and let God,"
then all will be well. It's very tempting to believe this, but it all depends on what self-imposed limitations
we need to overcome in order to become the wonderful spiritual being that we really are. In practice we
will most likely find that at times this process needs much effort and persistence and maybe even the
inner groaning of the soul in this labour of love.
If the music in our heart be not of love but of jealousy, revenge or condemnation, we keep struggling
with that challenge, pushing or pulling, stepping on each others toes until we learn harmony. This often
requires sacrifice of our stubborn ambitions or addictions. Less obvious addictions like criticism (of
ourselves or others), pride or resentment are far worse than the obvious ones like smoking. You may try
to avoid the challenge by changing jobs or friends, but that same dance partner (challenge) will stay in
front of you regardless, until you change your attitude and thus your song and your step.
Overcoming habits like condemnation of ourselves and others needs a healthy sense of self-worth,
knowing who and what we and others really are. (More on this, go to the Spiritual Balance page.) When
we do, we'll have more self-confidence and humility for the next time when someone puts us down or
does something selfish or unkind to us. Instead of reacting with an angry forward step into our partner,
we'll make a compassionate side-step (or quick-step) to help them express what it is that's really
burdening them. We'll often find that we are not their real problem. They may be frustrated from fighting
instead of dancing with their own challenge, and we just happen to be the target of their expressed
frustration at this time.
There is also the possibility that their frustration is due to our own error or step out of sync with the
music. Then we must learn the humility to self-adjust and improve our dance, without condemning
ourselves or feeling guilty. We all make mistakes and step on our partner's toes at times.
Dancing does not mean that we always side-step issues. If it's appropriate for us to take a firm
stand and be assertive, then we take the necessary forward step. But we pause before we change
direction, to keep in step with the music (and to remain at peace and centred in our heart). We can then
have compassion for the person involved by using tact and not being aggressive by standing on their toe.
And thus we advance up the gradual hill, waltzing into the sunset of our dance school as students worthy
of graduating in this life.
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The balance between expressing our feelings and not condemning people.
When we feel unhappy or upset with someone, we often feel reluctant to express our feelings to
them for various reasons, even though we would feel better if we did. Maybe we dont want conflict or to
hurt their feelings. Or they might have the power to retaliate and make it work to our detriment. It always
seems like a win/lose dynamic. Thats because we tend to express our feelings in a condemnatory way,
telling them what they have done wrong. However, we do not always know for sure all the details on both
sides. So it usually works better not to make any judgements until we have more information. This is done
by solely expressing how you feel without assigning blame. The intent should be to open up conversation
and learn more information from their side of the story. So instead of saying things like You hurt my
feelings! or You insulted me!, we can say When you did (such-and-such), I felt hurt. or "When you
said (such-and-such), I felt insulted. But that's just me. I would like to hear your side of this."
In fact, its impossible for anyone to make you feel hurt or insulted. If the exact same thing was done
to Jesus or Buddha or Mother Teresa, their response would be totally different, maybe in the following
manner: They might first think: "Lord, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Then they would
probably ask the person to elaborate on what they were feeling, to get more to the root of their dis-ease. It
would probably be because that person feels threatened, insecure or jealous. These self-defeating
feelings are not part of their Real Self, and is an indication of unresolved psychological issues like the outer
consciousness cutting off communication with, and the feelings of, their soul or inner child. This process
of asking them for more information is called active listening. A good book on the subject is called P.E.T.:
Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon (David McKay, N.Y., 1970 and 2000)
Now lets say that it is us and not Jesus experiencing someone's condemnation. It would then be
possible that we did something wrong or unkind to initiate the condemnation. If so, and we are aware of it,
then it is a test of humility to admit it. But that does not mean that we are obligated to tolerate someone
elses verbal abuse if that is what their condemnation was. But lets say their condemnation is unjustified.
We can use active listening to help the situation. For example: "John, that (behaviour) is not like you.
What's up?"; In that way we are not condemning them, and we are also not suppressing our feelings or
avoiding conflict. Men are usually more likely to suppress their feelings. Suppressing negative ones (dis-
ease) eventually cycles down to manifest in physical disease. (See Balancing Your 4 "Bodies" page for
more on this.) Suppressing positive emotions just deprives all those involved of a much richer and more
rewarding life, and the health benefits that accompany joy and humour.
Some of the suggestions on this page are easier said than done, and usually require some personal
psychology work. For more on this, see Personal Psychology on the Links page and the References at
the bottom of this page.
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The balance between being assertive and staying harmonious.
There's a general and erroneous myth that to maintain into peace and harmony, you cannot
challenge error and "make waves". This is only true if you are maintaining harmony by suppressing "in-
harmonies" like frustration or condemnation. (In that case, as soon as you open your mouth, those
feelings often become "unsuppressed".) On the other hand, if you have a healthy sense of self-worth,
courage and humility, you can speak up with compassion for the other person, knowing that you are
giving them the opportunity to come up higher, providing they are at fault. There is often fault on both
sides and things are not always as they seem. So our first intent should be to learn more before we make
a judgement, and assume people are innocent until proven guilty. This is best done by expressing our
concern and stating that it might be us who is mistaken. This is where humility comes in, but this method
can work wonders.
For instance, if we believe we have been treated unfairly at work, we can say to the person who
made the decision: "I thought I was next in line for getting tickets to see Down and Out in Beverly Hills,
but I see that John has received some first, which does not appear fair to me. But it is not like you to be
unfair, so I must be missing something." This way we have not insulted a possibly innocent person, and
their response will definitely help us understand the situation better. Because the other person was not
accused by us, they will less likely be on the defensive, and it will be easier for them to take corrective
action if it is needed.
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References for emotional work and personal psychology:
All books by Marilyn C. Barrick, Ph.D, including Sacred Psychology of Change,

Sacred Psychology of Love and Emotions: Transforming Anger, Fear and Pain:
Creating Heart-Centeredness in a Turbulent World.
Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child by Margaret Paul and
Erika Chopich.
Inner Bonding by Margaret Paul. She is a psychotherapist and also the coauthor of
many great books, including: From Conflict to Caring, Do I Have to Give Up Me
to Be Loved by You?
The Inner Child Workbook: What to do with your past when it just won't go away by Cathryn L. Taylor.
Why We Do What We Do: Four Principles That Can Make or Break You
by Hanstke, Grey and Grey.
Books by Daniel Goleman, including Emotional Intelligence.
Necessary Losses: - The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible

Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow by Judith Viorst.
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by J. M.Gottman, Ph.D. with Joan DeClaire.
Embracing Your Inner Critic: Turning Self-Criticism into a Creative Asset by Hal and Sidra Stone.
This page is dedicated to your spiritual wholeness, and includes subjects like spirituality, self-worth,
trusting in divine destiny versus forging your own, comparative religion, karma, reincarnation, prayers,
spiritual protection, creation versus evolution and the subject of evil.
A note on terminology: [I asked God if I could refer to Him as "He", and She replied: "Sure, whatever." : )] God or the Creator is
referred to in many different ways, and as being masculine, feminine or androgynous in gender. Gender-neutral terminology can be awkward
and at times even confusing. Also, Spirit is usually referred to as masculine and the soul, whether in a male or female body, is the feminine
counterpart. Therefore, for simplicity and brevity, the masculine gender will be used when referring to God on this site. This is not intended to
exclude females or the feminine aspect of Divinity. There is also more on terminology under Real Self below.
The spiritual path or activity you engage in is something only you should decide, regardless of
what faith you were born or baptized into. Some people who have become disillusioned with orthodox
religion find that going fishing or walking in nature is the best way to have a spiritual experience.
An aside: Talking about fishing, little Johnny was sitting in the back of the Sunday school class, not
paying much attention. When the teacher asked him what was his favourite Bible story, he replied: The
one where Jesus loafs and fishes. : )
If someone who prefers fishing or just walking in nature is true and caring to themselves and
others, then they are better off than any religious person who is not. God or Spirit is omnipresent
(everywhere). And as Jesus said: ..for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you. (Luke 17:21 KJV).
Eastern teachings concur that our inner nature is of God. The biggest problem is that we think we are
humans trying to have a spiritual experience. Weve got it wrong. Were spiritual beings trying to have a
human experience. This makes a major difference in what we expect from ourselves and from life. This is
all about attitude. As stated earlier about being true and caring, our attitude towards life makes much
more difference on our spiritual path than how often we go to church or how much we pray or meditate.
For more on attitude, see the Attitude page.
The material on this page is not to try to convince you to accept or follow anything. We all have
different pasts and different needs. As Buddha said: "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who
said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your common sense."
Fortunately we do not have to rely only on our outer academic knowledge to determine what is true for us,
as the truth lies within us. The Spirit within us (or our Real Self) knows exactly what we need. Our job is to
tune into that truth, and then take practical steps to apply it. This is no small task, and we need a balance
between outer study and inner contemplation. This task is actually a path that is a wonderful and sacred
adventure. We dont need to know the whole plan in our outer consciousness, only the next step. This
page is intended to help you follow your own path in balance by helping you to look at all sides of the
subject.
May you walk that path and enjoy this greatest adventure of all that leads to you realizing
your full potential and becoming all that you really are! Life is what you make it, in this totally
amazing universe!
You can also press Ctrl+F on your keyboard (command+F for Mac) to find words on the present
page. Bon voyage!
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This Amazing Universe! - The author's take on spirituality.

Our Real Self.
The balance between trusting in divine destiny and forging your own.
The balance between seeking spiritual powers and getting them when youre ready
Creation versus evolution.
The balance between self-worth and humility.
The balance between growing via spiritual experiences and getting on with spiritual growth regardless.
Spiritual Balance Page 2

The Subject of Evil.
Justice (law/karma) versus Grace.
Reincarnation versus One Lifetime.
More to come! If you have a subject you would like covered, let us know. Some subjects planned
are:
The balance between following a religion or teacher and following your own path.
The balance between prayer (inner communion) , meditation and invocation (spoken
prayer/mantra).
The balance between non-discrimination and discernment
The balance between striving and just being.
This Amazing Universe!

We are living in the most amazing universe! The design of our cosmos, from the physical to
the spiritual, is so ingenious it is mind-boggling and yet simple in a way. It is based totally on love, justice,
reliability and balance. And God, our Divine Parents (who we might call Alpha and Omega), wanted to
share this wonderful creation with others. So they made us in their image and likeness, which is not what
we see in the mirror first thing in the morning (thank heavens!). Our bodies are like clothes we wear. We
are really great immortal beings, sparks of the big Fire, so we cannot die! (For more on this, see the
section "Our Real Self" below.) Not only that, but in a sublime act of love, God gave us free will, so that
we could do anything we wanted. Isnt that totally awesome!
This was a great risk, because they knew there was the possibility that we would misuse it. It
depends what we decide to put our attention on. We are co-creators with them, and this universe is
improving and self-transcending itself continually. Cosmic Law acts faithfully and reliably in accordance
with our freewill thoughts and feelings. What we put our attention on, grows, because that is where our
creative energy goes. If we put it on error (that which leads to crime, self-limitation, disease etc.), the Law
follows and we create error. God knew that some might eventually get mixed up in their errors and forget
who they really are, and get angry and frustrated, and even try to take heaven by force. But They
created this cosmos with safeguards against that. When anyone chooses error, they lower their energy
vibration level. Thus they automatically descend away from the area of the high vibration of God. That is
"totally cool!" as they say nowadays.
Whats more, theres no cheating in the universe! Seriously! This is how ultimate justice and fairness
works. Everything that happens is recorded in heavens memory bank. Its like a non-crashable, non-
deleteable, non-freeze-up computer. (And you thought that was an impossibility, didnt you?) They are
known as the akashic records. That is why the law as you sow, so shall you reap (a.k.a. karma) works
infallibly. The neat thing is, whatever people have ever done that was dishonest has been recorded. It will
return to them as an opportunity to make it right, and experience what its like to be on the receiving end,
either in the physical or once they have passed on. Is this mean? Not at all. It is the ingenious tough love
of our wise Parents. It ensures total justice and helps us learn and grow back towards our true Divine
nature. Besides, everything good we have ever done is credited to us, even if no one saw it. Neat, huh?
If Gods Laws are infallible, how does grace work? It is by the law of free will. Other people can
decide to help us, as you yourself can decide to help others. Jesus is the supreme example of this,
helping an entire civilization. He was just giving us a small glimpse of what we are capable of when we
remember and start being who we really are. He didnt say he was the exception to the rule. Thats what
some clerics wrote later. What he said was: He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also;
and greater works than these shall ye do,....
The bottom line is this: Due to mankinds general ignorance of who and what we really are, we have
been conditioned into operating at a small fraction of our true potential! So-called miracles are just the tip
of the iceberg. One day we will all realise that our wildest dreams of how perfect life can be, merely
scratched the surface of what is waiting for us. So spread the good news of this amazing universe as you
feel comfortable doing. But if you really care, you will do it regardless of comfort. For our comfort zone is
largely responsible for keeping us in the limited state we have got used to. When we move forward with
passion and courage, knowing who we really are, the only comfort we will need is the Holy Spirit, the
Comforter which Jesus spoke of in John 14:16 and 14:26, which shall abide with us forever. Try practice
being it now, with joy and victory, for NOW is all that there really is!
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Our Real Self.
The term Real Self is used on this site to keep it simple. The subject of who we really are is not that
simple, and is up to you to decide what you feel comfortable with. But it is highly unlikely we are a lump of
clay that has learnt to think, reason, feel deep compassion and love and be an integral part of this miracle
called Life. All the major spiritual teachings of the world point to the fact that we are a spark of the big Fire
(Divinity), created in the image and likeness of God. This likeness is not what we see in the mirror first
thing in the morning (thank heavens!). It refers to our spiritual self that is called by many names, and has
different levels of manifestation. The highest level is known by names like our Higher Self, Spirit, God
Self, I AM THAT I AM, I AM Presence, Atman, Dharmakaya and Keter.
The mediator between it and our soul in a physical body is known by names like our Real Self, Christ
Self, Christ Consciousness, "hidden man of the heart", Higher Mental Body, Universal Intelligence,
Sambhogakaya and Tiferet. It is the source of our intuition and voice of conscience, one with the Holy
Spirit, and is the Comforter which Jesus spoke of when he said: "And I will pray the Father, and he shall
give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; Even the Spirit of truth; ... for he
dwelleth with you, and shall be in you." (John 14:16). And in verse 14:26 "But the Comforter, ... he shall
teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you." Our
Real Self allows those tests and opportunities to come our way every day that we need for our growth,
but never more than we are ready for or are able to handle. (I Cor. 10:13 for Christians.) So there is
nothing to really fear in this life. Our Real Self is actually our primary guardian angel. There can be many
angels assigned to us, but our Christ Self has unlimited power and is foremost in guiding and protecting
us, depending on our free will co-operation. As mentioned above, our destiny on earth is to unite with and
fully outpicture our Real Self here below, which is wise and powerful love in physical action. So that's the
challenge! Do you have what it takes? Of course you do, because that is who you really are! The rest of
our "stuff" is just a temporary overlay. So good luck! And you might as well enjoy the adventure. We're
rooting for you (and for ourselves)! There are some useful spiritual techniques for sealing your aura and
accessing the power of your Real Self, including through powerful "decree" prayers, on The Summit
Lighthouse website (www.tsl.org). For instance, search for "tube of light".
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The balance between trusting in divine destiny and forging your own.
Being on earth needs teamwork. We have great latent spiritual resources to draw upon, whether you
call it God, Universal Intelligence or whatever. There is a divine plan for each of us, but it is not
predestination. Think of it like your plan for your child to go to school. You know the overall plan for them,
how many years to graduation, what subjects will be compulsory and which will be optional. They dont
know all of that, nor do they need to. Thinking about the next year is enough for them. They trust you and
the school system to lead them through.
However, free will still rules supreme, so if they decide to steal someones lunch, youre not going to
buy their story if they say, Well it happened, so it was meant to be. If they make a big mistake and
deviate widely from your original plan for them like failing a whole year, is all lost? No. You adjust the plan
and tell them the consequences and what is the best thing to do from here on. Its up to them to take your
guidance into consideration, including in choosing what courses to take or how to balance their academic
and sports activities.
So it is in life. God has a plan for each of us, which we do not know in its entirety. We trust Him to
take care of the future and guide us along the way. But we still have to make our own decisions and do
our own planning. God gave us the loving gift of free will, and He expects us to use it wisely. The more
choices we make, even though some will be wrong, the more we learn. God does not want us to sit
around like puppets waiting to be told what to do. He expects us to be proactive, to use our ingenuity and
help make things happen to make the world a better place. He helps those who help themselves. The
more spiritually mature we become, the better well be able to get a good balance between trusting in
divine destiny and doing our part to help it manifest.
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The balance between seeking spiritual powers and getting them when youre ready.
Being able to see peoples auras (clairvoyance) or read peoples minds is usually equated with
spiritual attainment and eagerly sought after. These are just two of many spiritual powers or gifts that are
possible to attain, and that many people have. However, they are sometimes more of a curse than a
blessing, especially if they were eagerly sought after. Why so? Eagerness for spiritual powers is usually a
telltale sign of human pride and ambition, justified by the subtle ego that says it is purely to help others. It
is actually more often to get praise and recognition for having powers and spiritual attainment. When your
motive is not pure and pride is involved, you are much better off, and of more value to God, without these
powers.
Secondly, if you desire gifts before you receive them spontaneously, you may not be ready for them.
If your desire is first to serve God, there is nothing wrong with pursuing the gifts of the Holy Spirit, which is
part of Gods kingdom or consciousness. As Jesus said: But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his
righteousness, and all things shall be added unto you.(Mat 6:33) God will grant them to you when you
have proven yourself worthy and responsible. And he will test you! With knowledge comes responsibility.
This includes the knowledge you will gain from reading peoples auras or thoughts.
This brings us to the third point. Spiritual gifts can sometimes be more of a curse than a blessing
because you may not only see or hear nice things, but all the garbage on the lower astral plane as well,
including discarnate entities and foul spirits. Plus, you cant just turn these powers off when you get tired
and burdened from them. (For more on entities, see The Subject of Evil on page 2.)
So, if you desire spiritual gifts, seek the Holy Spirit and its gifts. And a good one to start with is the gift
of discernment of spirits. Discernment is like spiritual gold. (See also The balance between non-
discrimination and discernment - not completed yet.)
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Creation vs evolution.
This might surprise you, but it is not either/or but both/and. The either/or mindset has been one of the
biggest causes of division in society, needlessly pitting brother against brother. But have you ever thought
that we may be living in an amazing universe that is ingeniously created to improve on itself and evolve?
There are keys that have been given to us through the ages. Remember that the Bible is written partly in
allegorical form, so when God created Adam and Eve in his image, it is not necessarily the human form
that was referred to but the Higher or Spiritual Self. When they left the Garden of Eden they incarnated
into physical bodies (their "clothes").
The entire process is described in the teachings of the Ascended Masters through the Theosophical
Society (see Links page) and summarized in the book Space, Time and Self by E. Norman Pearson (The
Theosophical Publishing House, 1957). Some important keys are also found in the book Climb the
Highest Mountain by Mark and Elizabeth Prophet, especially in the chapters A Heap of Confusion and
God in Nature. (Summit University Press). And a small piece of the puzzle that scientifically explains why
scientists have not been able to find the missing link in evolution between ape and man is covered in the
book The 12th Planet by Zecharia Sitchin (Avon Books, N.Y. 1978).
On a lighter note: Scientists have made tremendous contributions to mankind and have improved our
lives in countless ways. However, not in all ways, and Mother Nature still confounds them in many areas.
On the subject of creation:
Science vs. God. A group of scientists got together and decided that mankind had come a long way and
no longer needed God. They picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they no longer needed Him. The
scientist walked up to God and said: "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We are able to
clone people and do other miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost." God listened
patiently to the man and after the scientist had finished talking, God replied, "Very well, if you think you no
longer need me how about this? Let's have a man making contest." The scientist replied, "OK, great!" But
God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam." The scientist
confidently responded, "Sure, no problem." He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God
lovingly looked at him, grinned, and said, "No! You get your own dirt!"
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The balance between self-worth and humility.
The word humility often brings up the image of self-denial like I am nothing or I am a miserable
sinner. But to understand it and self worth, we first need to decide who I and self is. There are several
references on this site to our Real Self, that spark of divinity in us which was created in the image and
likeness of God. It is also known as the I AM Presence, or the Atman in the East. In any case, there is
our permanent Real Self and our temporary unreal self composed of our bad (or self-limiting, unhealthy)
habits and worldly consciousness, based on pride, vanity etc.
The key to true self-worth is to acknowledge that it is our Real Self that has all the worth and the
unreal self that is unreliable, erroneous and not worth keeping. So we trust in our Real Self and God, who
are one, to help us make the best decisions to transcend our lower self, get self-mastery and the Christ
Consciousness and fulfill our divine plan on earth.
Only your Real Self is permanent.
This is best accomplished by acknowledging two things. Firstly, that our lower self can still cause us
to make mistakes, and secondly that our excessive appetites for carnal pleasure or recognition etc. still
get the better of us now and then, but they are only temporary and have no ultimate power over our Real
Self. So there is no cause to worry who will win the battle between Good and Evil within you. You are
made of Good, and the apparent evil is temporary and on its way out, unless your overall long-term desire
is more for evil (illusion and unreality). (For more on evil, see The Subject of Evil on page 2.) Such a
person would never be interested in reading a web site like this, so in case you think deep down
somewhere that you are really evil, forget it! One of the biggest hindrances to souls on the spiritual path is
their lack of self-worth.
Many of us have allowed our carnal mind (erroneous beliefs) to convince us that we are bad or that
we are unworthy of being accepted by God or others. This is aided by believing the jealous criticisms of
others. Note that true self-worth comes from ourselves acknowledging the worth of our Real Self and
soul, not from what others say about us. If our self-worth is dependent on other peoples opinions, we will
always be a needy victim of outer circumstances, like the precious young boy who committed suicide as
described on the page How This Site Started.
Be able to laugh!
The best solution to being a victim of our carnal mind is to be able to laugh at ourselves and kick the
unreal self in the butt! It thrives on us being over-serious and judgmental. (See also The balance between
joy and serious on the General Balance page.) Being judgmental of ourselves is part of false humility. Our
proud ego is the one that is clever and wise enough to decide and proclaim in front of others: I am no
good. I am a humble sinner. God will just have to accept me as I am. On the other hand, true humility
comes from trusting and allowing our Real self, as God, to work through us, not needing any recognition
from others for the works we do, and giving Him the credit. And when we make mistakes, we take it as
just being part of life in a physical, impermanent body, and as a lesson and opportunity to help us to do
better in the future.
A light heart will always help to keep self-condemnation and false humility at bay. For example, if you
drop something on the floor, instead of getting angry at yourself and proclaiming that youre totally
useless, just say to whatever dropped: Hey, mister, are you trying to get away from me? Youre gonna
have to think of something better than that next time. Come here! If it happened to be a bowl of beetroot
that fell and messed up your new white carpet, its a bit more challenging. But instead of trying to
downplay how serious it is, try going the other way to the extreme, like: Oh no, Lord, this is the end of
me! This house is now a write-off. All of my lifes work and savings have just gone down the drain. What is
left in the world for me? Then smile and count your blessings while you start the clean-up job. This
comes a lot easier when our heart is right with God, which involves our attitude to life. (See the Attitude
page for more.) We will never have true self-worth if we try to perfect the imperfectable human self. And
we will never have true humility if we try to be humble through the human self and its intellect.
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The balance between growing via spiritual experiences and getting on with spiritual growth
regardless.
It is important to try out spiritual teachings and see if they work for us or feel comfortable. Once we
have become familiar with a certain teaching or teacher, we can start testing and having faith in what they
present. But we should always pass it by our own Real Self or conscience and never blindly accept
anything. Some people can hear or sense the voice of God (their Real Self) or conscience immediately,
whether something is right for them.
Hearing the voice of God or conscience.
Hearing (or otherwise sensing) this is a great gift, although quite rare. We actually all have this ability
within us, but our karma and density have tuned us out of that high frequency, just like a radio that's a bit
off the station. The fact that we are not yet enlightened beings operating at that high frequency probably
means one of three things:
We are not fully attuned to it, or
We are attuned to it but dont always obey it, or
It is not the voice of our Real Self but an impostor we are hearing.
Unfortunately the last possibility is more common than many would like to believe (1). That is why the
most valuable gift to pursue is the gift of the Holy Spirit of discernment of spirits, which will help to clearly
hear or sense the voice of God.
The Holy Spirit and other spirits.
In order to receive the Holy Spirit, our motives must be pure. If your desire to receive it or other
spiritual gifts is too strong, for instance before you are ready for it, you are likely to attract spirits that are
anything but Holy, and they will tell you everything you want to hear.
A smile-break: A nurse walks into a psychiatric ward and sees one patient doing something totally
against the rules in his cubicle and asks emphatically: Who said you could do that? The patient replies:
God said I could. A loud voice is heard from the next cubicle, with utter contempt: I DID NOT! : )
There is much teaching in the world about how to purify our motives, thoughts, feelings and auras,
and how to rid foul spirits and receive the Holy Spirit. The more mystical paths of the worlds religions
have described different stages of purification and purgation. More modern teachings have also been
released from the Ascended Masters for today, including invoking the sacred fire and the violet flame (2).
Hearing the voice of God is just one of many possible spiritual experiences, but the most important. Note
that people might have other gifts or experiences, like reading auras, but that does not guarantee that
they hear the genuine voice of God. Thus the importance of purification and motive (3).
Other spiritual experiences.
All this being said, many people do have genuine spiritual experiences, and these are precious gifts
from God along our spiritual path. They may be answers to our prayers or just surprises to encourage,
comfort or inspire us. They are sacred and usually meant for us personally, and therefore best kept to
ourselves. It is good to keep a record of them in a journal or diary. Having the continual desire to tell
others can attract lower spirits. These genuine spiritual experiences are an essential part of our growth
and can confirm that we are heading in the right direction or that what we have read or heard is true for
us.
No spiritual experiences?
But what if you do not seem to get any spiritual experiences? Or the clearest message you seem to
have got during meditation before bed is that you would be better off sleeping right now? What if an angel
or Master has never appeared to you, or you have never heard the voice of God? Does that mean that
the spiritual path is not for you? Definitely not! It probably means one of two things:
Firstly, your experiences have come in a form that you havent recognised. We all have different
experiences for different reasons, and some are less obvious than others, like feeling a burning sensation
in your heart (one that is very different to heartburn!). It may just be a sense of deep comfort and inner
peace. If youre not sure, take the time to recall in detail, in a meditative way, all your experiences in the
past when you were either greatly inspired or challenged. Youre sure to come up with at least one! From
now on, each time you make a mistake or a poor decision, look back in retrospect to when you were
trying to decide which way to go on the issue, and try to remember anything that pointed to what would
have been the better choice. It might be as subtle as a vague thought in the back of your mind. Youll start
seeing a pattern that will lead you to the way your Real Self communicates with you, and how your
spiritual experiences manifest.
Secondly, it may be your test in this life to have faith in God despite no obvious spiritual
experiences. If this is true for you, it means you have the previous experience and inner strength to pass
this test, for God never sends as a test that we are unable to pass. You may actually be going through the
dark night of the soul or the dark night of the spirit, which are spiritual dry periods described by many
of the saints like St. John of the Cross (4).
In either case, you cannot put your spiritual growth or sense of joy on the shelf until you get the
experiences your outer mind wants. This would indicate a deep unconscious anger towards God. Rather
take it as a difficult test that comes only to those who are ready, and keep on keeping on. Ironically,
sometimes we make more spiritual progress in apparent dry periods when we feel we arent going
anywhere. Maybe its because, below the surface, our soul is striving the hardest.
References:
1. For more on the subject, listen to the lecture On Dealing with Death, Discarnates and Malevolent
Spirits with commentary on the movie Ghost by Elizabeth Clare Prophet (available via the Ascended
Master Network on the links page), and the book Remarkable Healings - A psychiatrist Discovers
Unsuspected Roots of Mental and Physical Illness by Shakuntala Modi, M.D. (Hampton Roads
Publishing, Charlottesville, VA. 1997)
2. The Violet Flame is a powerful tool for clearing blocks in all 4 of our bodies. It has been referred to by
many, including Edgar Cayce, Dannion Brinkley, Elizabeth Clare Prophet and Godfre Ray King. It is a
high-frequency spiritual fire, an action of the Holy Spirit which you can invoke into your aura to transmute
(change and purify) all discord and impurities in your physical body, mind and soul. It therefore helps to
transmute negative karma and the cause of disease. This may sound too good to be true, especially as
its free! But it is worth trying out. For a start, see this website with information of the violet flame: Spiritual
Transformation Network. There is also a good little pocket book called Violet Flame to Heal Body, Mind and
Soul by Elizabeth Clare Prophet (Summit University Press, 1997).
3. Saint Germain, in the book Saint Germain on Alchemy - For the Adept in the Aquarian Age recorded by
Mark and by Elizabeth Clare Prophet (Summit University Press, Livingston, MT. 1985) has some great
teaching on purity of motive for change.
4. See The Living Flame of Love and The Dark Night in the Collected Works of St. John of the Cross (ICS
Publications, Washington D.C. 1991)
The human intellect is often thought of as man's main advantage or asset

over the rest of the life forms on earth. But sometimes it can be our biggest
hindrance. Of the 4 elements, our mental body relates to the air element
(even though being called an "air-head" is not a complement). The thoughts
that pass through our minds are not necessarily an integral part of our true Main Site
identity. Just as your thoughts go out into the world like ripples on the water,
so others may unknowingly pick up on them. (I hope they were good ones!) General Balance 1
Some people can consciously read the thoughts of others. General Balance 2
Physical Exercise
Some of your horrible thoughts that you wonder how you could ever Wholesome Diet
think them, might not even be your own, but someone else's you picked up Macrobiotics Emotional
on. Our thoughts are part of our mental "body", a kind of forcefield or Balance Intellectual
garment that we wear as part of our aura. It is one of our 4 "bodies" which Balance Spiritual Balance
are instruments for the expression of our Real Self. (There are prayers you Balancing Our 4 Bodies
can give to help seal your aura on The Summit Lighthouse website
Balancing the Trinity
(www.tsl.org). Search for "tube of light". See also Balancing Our 4 "Bodies"
Attitude Links Contact
page on this website.)
About
Wisdom comes when we train our mind to detach itself from our
unwanted thoughts, just observe them, and then work on changing My Other Sites
them to embody more of our Real Self, whose potential is totally
amazing! But there are also other kinds of intelligence we have, that of Inspirational Poems
the heart and soul. For more on this, see "The balance between Inspiring Photos Survival
intellectual knowledge and soul knowing" below.
Guide Sacred Geometry
Abortion Debate
Here are some subjects on intellectual balance that might interest
you. You can also search this page by pressing Ctrl+F on your keyboard to
open the Find feature (command+F for Mac).
What is our true potential?

Learning styles and "Accelerated Learning".
Visualizing Victory.
Holistic Education
The balance between keeping our attention on our goals and analysing
our weaknesses. w holesomebalan
The balance between intellectual knowledge and soul knowing.
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What is our true potential?
Add us to your favourite
Is our intellectual potential limited by our brains? The best answer to that bookmarking service:
is: Our only real limits are those which we impose, or unwittingly allow to be
imposed, upon ourselves. Our entire culture and educational system
conditions us with certain expectations regarding our abilities and potential.
If these are way below our true potential, then we have basically been
brainwashed into under-achievement. This may sound rather cynical to you,
but we need to look at all sides of the subject with open minds if we are to
achieve a wholesome balance. Besides, isn't it fun to explore greater inner
potential? True genius is often found more in children, as they are still open
to all possibilities. So the next section will be a lot more enjoyable if you
approach it in that frame of mind. : )
You've probably heard that the average person only uses about 10% of
their brain power. Actually, modern research tells us the figure is closer to
4%. Did mother nature give us an extravagant excess knowing that we'd
probably kill many of those cells through riotous living? Not at all! And this is
the "good news" if ever there was. But to make this more understandable,
let's first look at some facts. The number of neurons in our brains, around
13 billion on average, were already developed when we were tiny embryos
about 20 weeks after conception, and they do not renew themselves later
like other body organs. Amazing, huh?
Use it or lose it!
About ten weeks before birth, each neuron starts to send out some fibres
to make ACTUAL and POTENTIAL connections. Our mental ability
depends more on the quality and number of connections than on the
number of neurons themselves. And the most important point is that only
some of the connections are ACTUAL (i.e. made automatically). The more
you use your brain, the more the POTENTIAL connections become
ACTUAL ones! The brain expands through use, so "use it or lose it!". It's
potential is mind-boggling. Dr. Frederick Tilney, a leading brain specialist
has said: "We will by conscious command evolve cerebral centers which
will permit us to use powers that we now are not even capable of
imagining." The decrease in mental ability in the elderly is mainly due to a
decrease in the amount of oxygen to the brain through an ailing circulatory
system. This can be compounded by excess stress and unresolved issues
deeply embedded and entrenched in the unconscious. Sometimes
considered as dissociative disorders, which become mal-adaptive &
eventually permanent.
Geniuses are the ones who are normal.
This all tells us that we are operating at a fraction of our full mental
potential. So the small percentage of true geniuses this world has seen are
not freaks of nature but just using more of their potential. They are the ones
who are normal. As Colin Rose wrote in his book ACCELERATED LEARNING
(Dell Trade Paperback, N.Y., 1985): "Thus it is probably correct to say that
almost every normal child is born a potential genius." He relates many
examples under the section Genius is More Made Than Born about children
that become "geniuses" by intensive educational programs from a young
age. He also makes a very important point: "... no child should be forced
like an intellectual hot-house plant. Clearly, it is vital that the child should
become a socially well-integrated adult, enjoy her childhood, and never be
pressured. The point to make here, however, is that there is no question
that a loving, relaxed, and rich environment during the vital formative years
definitely does create a higher degree of mental capability. And that is of
undeniable benefit." (More on this under Holistic Education below.)
It is not only a matter of how MUCH we use it but HOW we use it. Our
brain is designed with two halves. The left brain is more for linear,
academic, analytical thinking and the right brain more for lateral thinking
e.g. imagination, creativity and intuition. When these are well balanced and
exercised like a muscle that is built up in a gym, "amazing" feats can be
accomplished, like reading at 25,000 words per minute for instance! (More
on this to be included later!)
The "good news".
So, concerning the "good news" mentioned above, it wasn't just wishful
thinking when Paul the Apostle said: "Let that mind be in you that was also
in Christ Jesus." Some spiritual teachers teach that the human brain is a
"chalice" for the mind of God within us, and that we can attain the Cosmic
or Christ Consciousness whereby we can access wisdom and intelligence
way beyond that which is normally accessible to us. This is in a different
league even to psychics who can read people's auras and thoughts. There
is much written about the Christ Consciousness. It is also referred to as the
higher mind or higher mental body, or part of our Holy Christ Self. This
subject is well covered in the book Climb the Highest Mountain by Mark and
Elizabeth Prophet (Summit University Press).
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Learning styles and "Accelerated Learning".

"Although intelligence is useful, it needs to be returned to the spirit. This is
called the great harmony." Huai-Nan-Tzu
Accelerated learning makes optimum use of the co-operation between

the left and right sides of our brain. The accelerated learning movement
includes various techniques, like Neuro-Linguistic Programming and "right-
brain education", and includes skills like speed reading and photo reading.
It also takes into account that different people learn differently. The three
main learning styles are visual, auditory and kinesthetic (movement and
action). Some people have identified eight different learning modes. (See
more on this in the Holistic Education section below). Yet our educational
systems and IQ evaluation tests concentrate mainly on just two of them,
and on the left or analytical half of the brain. How many children have we
rejected or discouraged throughout the decades just because we did not
identify the unique intelligence and potential that they had? It's just as well
that they didn't throw Einstein out of school when he failed mathematics. He
had the true gift of using both sides of his brain, being an accomplished
violinist, artist and mystic. Home schooling obviously has a big advantage in
this area of holistic education, as long as the parent is aware of these
factors.
Being "in alpha".
Our brain operates on different frequencies, measured in cycles per

second (CPS), depending on our activity. These are grouped into four
ranges:
Delta (0.5 - 3 CPS): Mainly deep dreamless sleep.
Theta (4 - 7 CPS): Deep meditation or reverie.
Alpha (8 - 12 CPS): Relaxation, imagination, intuition and creative

meditation.
Beta (13 - 25 CPS): Rational, logical and analytical thought.
Colin Rose wrote the following in his book Accelerated Learning about
being "in alpha": It is a state of relaxed alertness that facilitates inspiration,
fast assimilation of facts, and heightened memory. Alpha lets you reach
your subconscious, and since your self-image is primarily in your
subconscious, it is the only effective way to reach it." There are various
ways to help be "in alpha", but a meditation mode with baroque music
(around 60 beats per minute) is a good start. However, it can be as easy as
just joyfully relaxing, playing or "being in the moment". This is what is
encouraged in "right-brain education", which is an aspect of accelerated
learning, as the right half of our brain is more for lateral thinking e.g.
imagination, creativity and intuition. (For a short course in accelerated
learning techniques for speed reading, go to 16-Minutes Speed Reading Audio
Program.)
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Visualizing Victory.
To achieve your goals, meditation and mind work can help

tremendously. As mentioned on the page Balancing Your 4 Bodies, our
energy cycles from the mental to the emotional. Much of it is at a
subconscious level. But we can get our subconscious working for us by
concentrating our thoughts on the desired results i.e. visualizing success.
The most effective way to utilize the amazing potential of our brain is to be
in Alpha. (See above for more on this). There are various ways, but a
meditation mode with baroque music (around 60 beats per minute) is a
good start. Do not put any of your attention on the negative. Spend 5 to 10
minutes twice a day of vivid imagination on how youre going to be once
youve achieved this victory or success. Say for instance it is to lose weight.
Engage all of your senses in as much detail as possible. Imagine what it
feels like fitting into those clothes that are the size you are aiming for; what
it sounds like to hear that special person in your life complementing you on
your weight; how you look in your bathroom mirror when at your ideal
weight; the smell of the sea breeze while youre lying on the beach in the
sun in your bathing suite that looks great on you with your slim figure etc.
And lastly, imagine how good you feel about yourself for enduring and
turning your attention away from all those tasty temptations that came your
way during the process.
In the periods between your meditation, your subconscious will work
for you in bring about your goal. This technique is the basis of a lot of
methods and books on the subject of success and achieving your goals.
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Holistic Education
Giving our children the best shot at life means providing the best all-
round education. Home schooling obviously has a big advantage in this
area, as long as the parent is aware of these factors. Straight left-brain
academic will not do, neither will waiting until they go to school, which is
already past most of their major formative years. We need to help them
develop in all of the eight intelligences or learning styles which we all have,
as described by Howard Gardner, a Harvard psychologist. (Originally he
only described seven, but later discovered the eighth, Existential
Intelligence - a person who naturally questions and ponders the deeper
meaning of existence from a relatively early age.) This includes right-brain
education used in accelerated learning, as mentioned above, plus the
education of the heart and the soul. It includes learning by music and
movement. And it includes teaching them from an early age. Much research
has been done and many positive results obtained from people teaching
children from an early age and/or in a holistic way. The following are some
examples. More details can be obtained on each one by clicking on their
link on the Links page under Education.
The Montessori method teaches children to develop their seven

intelligences. Maria Montessori brought a message and a method that
transformed early childhood education. Because the message is based on
principles, not theories, it continues to be right for the children of today and
tomorrow. Holder of doctorate degrees in psychology and philosophy and
professor of anthropology, Dr. Montessori keenly observed little children,
sensed their needs, and helped to fulfill them through a carefully prepared
environment.
Kindermusik is an early childhood music and movement program based

on the beliefs that: Every child is musical. Every parent is the child's most
important teacher. The home is the most important learning environment.
And based on research, music nurtures a child's cognitive, emotional,
social, language and physical development. Their web page says: "From
birth through seven years of age, your child can grow with Kindermusik
without pressure to perform, only encouragement to explore, express and
discover. You'll see a developmental evolution in language skills, emerging
literacy, listening, problem solving, social skills, self-esteem and musicality!"
Early Childhood Education.
As mentioned in the section above called What is our true potential?,

no child should be forced like an intellectual hot-house plant. But this does
not mean that we should deny young children the education they need and
desire. How do you know they desire it? Because you offer it to them in
small doses, and observe them closely. This has been researched and
demonstrated extensively even with infants. When done in the right way,
they get excited and joyful. When you go too fast or too slow, their attention
starts wandering. The Institute for the Achievement of Human Potential
covers this subject well. It introduces parents to the field of child
development (physical, intellectual and social) in a joyous and sensible
way, and is based on the teachings of Glenn Doman.
One of the principles that Maria Montessori discovered reveals the mind
of the child up to the age of seven to be extremely absorbent in nature.
Everything in the child's environment and experience is assimilated into the
personality and character of the child. Read her book The Absorbent Mind for
details. It explains how language and self-discipline develop in the child. It
also shows how to create a stimulating environment at home or school to
release the childs imagination and promote independence and self-
reliance.
We need to remember that the childs brain had all of its cells
(neurons) for this entire life developed as an embryos about 20 weeks after
conception. In the months following birth, synapses (the connections
between the neurons) increase 20-fold, to more than 1,000 trillion. The
child's environment and stimulation greatly affects this process. Plus, there
is a soul behind that little body who is eager to learn and get ready for its
mission on earth. New scientific research is confirming what parents have
always known--infants begin learning from the moment they are born. Some
would even say that learning begins months before they are born. A good
book on the subject is Nurturing Your Babys Soul A Spiritual Guide for
Expectant Parents by Elizabeth Clare Prophet (Summit University Press,
www.tsl.org). It offers incredible insights into the inner life of the unborn
child and presents practical spiritual techniques and meditations to help
develop your babys unique gifts.
Character Education.
Character education is vital to every soul. It is meant mainly for

children, and it covers things like taking responsibility, tolerance, respecting
and valuing others, self worth, honesty and integrity. These are obviously
things that parents should teach their children. But not all do, and those that
would do not always know the best way. A major cause of youth crime, and
subsequently adult crime, is that many children are not lovingly taught and
nurtured by their parents, either because their parents are absent or
themselves dysfunctional and even abusive. Many strong-souled children
survive and do well. But our world would be a much better place to live in if
people received the character education they deserved as children.
There are many resources available for character education. A good
start is TeachingValues.com. It provides an answer for reaching today's
children with successful accelerated learning methods using storytelling to
give children an understanding of values. The Character Education
Partnership is also a good resource (see Links page). It is a non-partisan
coalition of organizations and individuals dedicated to developing moral
character and civic virtue in our youth as one means of creating a more
compassionate and responsible society.
Heart and Soul Education.
Education needs to cover more than our intellect, as we are holistic

beings with seven different intelligences, as covered above. Some of the
resources already mentioned take this into consideration. This subject is
also covered in the section below called The balance between intellectual
knowledge and soul knowing. But gearing it specifically for children, a great
resource is the 4-tape album called The Freedom of the Child, which is
available from the bookstore section of www.tsl.org. Oatmeal Angels also
has some good products (under Education on the Links page).
Top
The balance between keeping our attention on our goals and

analysing our weaknesses.
Our weaknesses can be a major hindrance to obtaining our goals, but

analysing ourselves to pieces can make matters worse. The priority for
obtaining balance is to know exactly what you want to do and be in this life.
If you aren't sure, it's a wonderful exercise to engage in. It is an opportunity
to let your soul soar and to set your imagination free. There are many books
which can help you with this process, like The Path : Creating Your Mission
Statement for Work and for Life by Laurie Beth Jones (Hyperion, 1996).
Once you know where you're going, your best chance of getting there
is to "keep it in your sites". What you put your attention on, grows. It's like
watering a specific plant. It grows well, and the other plants, as bad habits
and things you don't want, wither away. There are some effective
meditation techniques to make the practice of keeping your attention on
your goals more defective and powerful. Authors like Napolean Hill, Jose
Silva and Marilyn Furguson (author of Superlearning) help us to harmonize
mind and emotions to manifest our goals. To aid this whole process, it helps
to be able to see ourselves objectively and to know our main weaknesses
that are holding us back. One method, astrology, is largely misunderstood
by some and misused by others. By the gift of free will, we have been given
power over our destinies as co-creators with God. One quick way to
relinquish this gift is to believe in predestination, including believing in the
daily astrology reports in your local newspaper or magazine. This is also a
good way to shirk responsibility for your future. After all, if our destiny is
already determined by our stars, then we don't have to take responsibility
for our actions. Great, eh?
Astrology cannot predict the future, as mankind's frail human

consciousness is unpredictable, as is his free will. The true value of spiritual
astrology is mainly the interpretation of our natal chart. It can help us to
objectively see our strengths and weaknesses (challenges). Our
weaknesses are not set in stone. On the contrary, they are areas that we
need to strengthen in this life, which can be incorporated into our goals.
And our strengths are there to capitalise on as wind in our sails to facilitate
the whole process. This brings great meaning to life and it is at the core of
Jesus' parable about the servants and the talents. The servant who did the
best was the one who used his talents to get more.
Our reason for being is to become more of our Real Self, which
requires personal growth. (For more on Real Self, see Spiritual Balance
page). There are other ways to assist us in personal growth, including
personal psychology. There are several resources for this on the Links
page. But the key to all self-analysis is not to go overboard with it; otherwise
it's like taking apart a flower until there's nothing left. Plus, you can get
overly preoccupied with your problems instead of just going out and doing it
right. Most of our attention should still concentrate on our goals and the end
result, which we desire. This is part of the art of "holding the immaculate
concept".
Top
The balance between intellectual knowledge and soul knowing.
There is a mode of knowing that is above intelligence. Let the intelligent

soul transcend intelligence. This, my friend, is the divine working of the
soul." Proclus, 5th century philosopher.
Soul learning is related to the balance between the left and right sides
of the brain as discussed above, but goes beyond the intelligence to soul
knowing and intuition. Intuition is defined as: "the direct knowing or learning
of something without the conscious use of reasoning; immediate
understanding." This is a source of inner guidance, often as a gut feeling or
hunch. It comes from our soul when it is in harmony with our Real Self,
which is one with the Christ Consciousness and knows everything. In
spiritual psychology, this occurs when we act from the level of our loving
inner parents and loved inner child (or children). We reinforce our bad
habits when we choose to act from the level of our unloving inner family
members. (See Personal Psychology on the Links page for more details.) It
is essential to develop a good balance between this soul knowing and
intellectual knowledge, as not everything we learn intellectually is accurate
or appropriate for us at the time. As Buddha said: "Believe nothing, no
matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it
agrees with your own reason and your common sense."
There are lots of contradictions in the religions and science books of

the world, and no one who has written a book is perfect. Also, much that
has been written is translated or retold from other sources, and many words
in one language have no direct or single equivalent in another. Take the
Bible for instance. There are four gospels written by four different authors,
all telling the same story, but they are very different. Some Bible scholars
have pointed out contradictions between them that are irreconcilable. And
that is using only one of the many different translations of the original
scripts. Does that mean we reject the whole book? Not at all. We just use
soul knowing to transcend the letter of the law and reached the spirit of it.
Even the Bible itself says: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life. (II
Corinthians 3:6)
Centering in our hearts.
God knew that everything would not be black and white, and he had a
solution to the problem. He said he would put his laws in our inward parts,
and write them in our hearts (Jer. 31:33). In order to know what is written in
our hearts, we need to remain centered in our heart and tune into it. There
are many techniques and meditations for this. HeartMath and the Ascended
Master Network (on the Links page) are a good start. (They also cover
emotional intelligence and the education of the heart, which ties in directly
with this subject.) It is basically tuning into our Real Self, who knows
everything and communicates to us via the Holy Spirit. Jesus described this
process in John 14:26 when he said: "But the Comforter, who is the Holy
Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things,
and bring all things to your remembrance, whatever I have said unto you."
The Spirit of God is known by several names besides the Holy Spirit
and is active within all of us in different ways. It can be increased suddenly
just by a change in our attitude towards life and God. (See also the Attitude
page.) Centering and tuning-in to that Spirit is a gift and an art that is
usually associated with meditation and spiritual practice. But this state can
be maintained throughout most of our daily activities. Many are doing it in
part without being conscious of it. If you find it difficult, read up on some
practical ideas in Taking Your Soul to Work by Tanis Helliwell, the Chicken
Soup for the Soul series by Hansen and Canfield, and Alchemy of the Heart by
E. C. Prophet and P.R. Spadaro (Summit University Press).
Learning with our souls.
Even if we have mastered tuning-in fully to our Real Self, we will still
need to read intellectually. This can be aided greatly by invoking and using
the Holy Spirit that we already have access to, to help us get exactly what
we need out of the material at that time. You can read the same material
over later and get much more out of it each time. This is particularly
relevant to spiritual teachings. Reading with the aid of the Holy Spirit will
open your heart and mind to the spirit of the message and help you
transcend the dogma. It's the dogma that has set so many Christian
factions against each other, and whole religions against each other. You'll
find that people who stick dogmatically to the letter tend to be more
fanatical, rigid, fear-based and insecure. This usually makes them very
zealous in convincing others to join and follow them. It is easy to feel
insecure when you are not tapping-in to the Spirit of your Real Self.
How do we hear the voice of our Real Self? This is different for
everyone. Some people hear it as a voice, others as a thought that comes
to them. To many, it is just the background knowing of our conscience. In
any case, we need to experiment with it. If you're serious about knowing it,
and you ask, you will receive. It is more difficult for some, like very left-brain
intellectual people, and those who hear voices or get messages very easily.
We need to discern that they are really of God and not some other spirit's
voice. "Try the spirits whether they are of God." as the Bible advises us (1
John 4:1). This can be a difficult process, but we can start with something
as simple as: "In the name of the Christ, I demand you show forth your
Light!" (If it is God's voice, he will never feel insulted that you challenged it.
It actually pleases him to see that we desire no substitutes.) For a much
more powerful and detailed prayer on trying the spirits, see the one by the
Ascended Master El Morya on page 118 of the book The Chela and the Path
by Elizabeth Clare Prophet (Summit University Press).
If you don't seem to have any experience about knowing God's voice,
see "The balance between growing via spiritual experiences and getting on
with spiritual growth regardless" on the Spiritual Balance page.
Increasing our soul faculties
If we can educate our intellect, can we also educate our soul faculties?
Sure we can! (This goes hand-in-hand with the education of the heart.) And
there are some fun ways to do it. The best approach is a balance between
working on it spiritually and physically. Spiritually, we can purify and
strengthen our soul through various practices, like invoking the violet flame
to transmute the misqualified energies of our soul. Elizabeth Clare Prophet
and Patricia Spadaro link the soul to the seat-of-the-soul chakra (energy
centre) in their pocket-book Your Seven Energy Centers - A Holistic Approach
to Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Vitality (Summit University Press).
There are many good exercises in this book for the healing and
strengthening of the soul. There are also fragments of our soul that can be
lost. The ritual of soul retrieval is a great blessing. Details can be found on
the Ascended Master Network on the Links page. There are also many
other references on this site that relate to spirituality and intuition.
On the physical, there are great exercises and games for all ages to
help your intuition from Oatmeal Angels, the product section of The Soul
Learning Company. There are also some physical exercises on the
Physical Exercise page to help with right-brain function.
Too much information?
A last point on intellectual knowledge: The nice thing about balancing it

with soul knowing is that we are guided as to how much information we
really need. It's pretty easy in this "information age" to get information
overload. Plus, with knowledge comes responsibility. By cosmic law,
whatever you become aware of, that you feel is wrong or unacceptable, you
have the responsibility to challenge. Silence is consent. So if you like
studying and finding out about things which you don't really need to know at
the moment, be prepared to get active in writing letters and challenging
issues! This is a great way to balance karma, but it can be very stressful
and draining. On a personal relationship level, you can find more on this
subject at "The balance between correcting others and not trying to change
them" on the General Balance page.
Building a Healthy Relationship from the Start
512-471-3515
Student Services Building - 5th Floor
The Beginning Stages
While the early months of a relationship can feel effortless and exciting,
successful long-term relationships involve ongoing effort and compromise by
both partners. Building healthy patterns early in your relationship can establish
a solid foundation for the long run. When you are just starting a relationship, it
is important to:
Build. Build a foundation of appreciation and respect. Focus on all

the considerate things your partner says and does. Happy couples
make a point of noticing even small opportunities to say "thank you"
to their partner, rather than focusing on mistakes their partner has
made. Computer Use Warning -
Explore. Explore each other's interests so that you have a long list of read about it...
things to enjoy together. Try new things together to expand mutual
interests.
Establish. Establish a pattern of apologizing if you make a mistake or
hurt your partner's feelings. Saying "I'm sorry" may be hard in the
moment, but it goes a long way towards healing a rift in a
relationship. Your partner will trust you more if he or she knows that VAV Home
you will take responsibility for your words and actions.
Dating and Relationship
Violence
As the Months Go By: Important Things to Recognize as
Your Relationship Grows Sexual Violence
Relationships Change. Changes in life outside your relationship will impact Stalking
what you want and need from the relationship. Since change is inevitable,
welcoming it as an opportunity to enhance the relationship is more fruitful than Consent
trying to keep it from happening.
Risk Reduction Self-
Check in Periodically. Occasionally set aside time to check in with each other Protection
on changing expectations and goals. If a couple ignores difficult topics for too
long, their relationship is likely to drift into rocky waters without their noticing. Dating Bill of Rights
Resources
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available on Healthy
Relationships: VAV Prevention,
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Powering Your Relationship
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What to Do When Conflict Arises

Theatre for Dialogue
Disagreements in a relationship are not only normal but, if constructively Get Involved
resolved, actually strengthen the relationship. It is inevitable that there will be
times of sadness, tension, or outright anger between you and your partner. The
Contact VAV
source of these problems may lie in unrealistic/unreasonable demands,
unexplored expectations, or unresolved issues/behaviors in one partner or in
Become a Peer
the relationship. Resolving conflicts requires honesty, a willingness to consider
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your partner's perspective even if you don't fully understand it, and lots of
communication.
Get Sexy, Get Consent
Healthy communication is critical, especially when there are important decisions

regarding sex, career, marriage, and family to be made. The following are some
guidelines for successful communication and conflict resolution.
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- read about it...
Understand Each Others' Family Patterns. Find out how conflicts were managed (or not managed) in
your partner's family, and talk about how conflict was approached (or avoided) in your own family. It is not
unusual for couples to discover that their families had different ways of expressing anger and resolving
differences. If your family wasn't good at communicating or resolving conflict constructively, give yourself
permission to try out some new ways of handling conflict.
Timing Counts. Contrary to previous notions, the best time to resolve a conflict may not be immediately. It
is not unusual for one or both partners to need some time to cool off. This "time-out' period can help you
avoid saying or doing hurtful things in the heat of the moment, and can help partners more clearly identify
what changes are most important. Remember - if you are angry with your partner but don't know what you
want yet, it will be nearly impossible for your partner to figure it out!
Establish an Atmosphere of Emotional Support. Emotional support involves accepting your partner's
differences and not insisting that he or she meet your needs only in the precise way that you want them met.
Find out how your partner shows his or her love for you, and don't set absolute criteria that require your
partner to always behave differently before you're satisfied.
Agree to Disagree and Move On. Most couples will encounter some issues upon which they will never
completely agree. Rather than continuing a cycle of repeated fights, agree to disagree and negotiate a
compromise or find a way to work around the issue.
Distinguish between things you want versus things you need from your partner. For example, for
safety reasons, you might need your partner to remember to pick you up on time after dark. But calling you
several times a day may really only be a "want."
Clarify Your Messages. A clear message involves a respectful but direct expression of your wants and
needs. Take some time to identify what you really want before talking to your partner. Work on being able to
describe your request in clear, observable terms. For example, you might say, "I would like you to hold my
hand more often" rather than the vague, "I wish you were more affectionate."
Discuss One Thing at a Time. It can be tempting to list your concerns or grievances, but doing so will
likely prolong an argument. Do your best to keep the focus on resolving one concern at a time.
Really Listen. Being a good listener requires the following: (a) don't interrupt, (b) focus on what your
partner is saying rather than on formulating your own response, and (c) check out what you heard your
partner say. You might start this process with: "I think you are saying..." Or "what I understood you to say
was..." This step alone can prevent misunderstandings that might otherwise develop into a fight.
Restrain Yourself. Research has found that couples who "edit" themselves and do not say all the angry
things they may be thinking are typically the happiest.
Adopt a "Win-Win" Position. A "win-win" stance means that your goal is for the relationship, rather than
for either partner, to "win" in a conflict situation. Ask yourself: "Is what I am about to say (or do) going to
increase or decrease the odds that we'll work this problem out?"
Healthy and Problematic Expectations in Relationships

Each of us enters into romantic relationships with ideas about what we want based on family relationships, what
we've seen in the media, and our own past relationship experiences. Holding on to unrealistic expectations can cause
a relationship to be unsatisfying and to eventually fail. The following will help you to distinguish between healthy and
problematic relationship expectations:
Respect Changes. What you want from a relationship in the early months of dating may be quite different
from what you want after you have been together for some time. Anticipate that both you and your partner
will change over time. Feelings of love and passion change with time, as well. Respecting and valuing these
changes is healthy. Love literally changes brain chemistry for the first months of a relationship. For both
physiological and emotional reasons, an established relationship will have a more complex and often richer
type of passion than a new relationship.
Accept Differences. It is difficult, but healthy, to accept that there are some things about our partners that
will not change over time, no matter how much we want them to. Unfortunately, there is often an
expectation that our partner will change only in the ways we want. We may also hold the unrealistic
expectation that our partner will never change from the way he or she is now.
Express Wants and Needs. While it is easy to assume that your partner knows your wants and needs, this
is often not the case and can be the source of much stress in relationships. A healthier approach is to directly
express our needs and wishes to our partner.
Respect Your Partner's Rights. In healthy relationships, there is respect for each partner's right to have
her/his own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions. It is unrealistic to expect or demand that that he or she
have the same priorities, goals, and interests as you.
Be Prepared to "Fight Fair." Couples who view conflict as a threat to the relationship, and something to be
avoided at all costs, often find that accumulated and unaddressed conflicts are the real threat. Healthy
couples fight, but they "fight fair" - accepting responsibility for their part in a problem, admitting when they
are wrong, and seeking compromise. Additional information about fair fighting can be found here.
Fighting Fair
Maintain the Relationship. Most of us know that keeping a vehicle moving in the desired direction requires
not only regular refueling, but also ongoing maintenance and active corrections to the steering to
compensate for changes in the road. A similar situation applies to continuing relationships. While we may
work hard to get the relationship started, expecting to cruise without effort or active maintenance typically
leads the relationship to stall or crash! Though gifts and getaways are important, it is often the small,
nonmaterial things that partners routinely do for each other that keep the relationship satisfying.
Outside Pressures on the Relationship

Differences in Background. Even partners coming from very similar cultural, religious, or economic backgrounds
can benefit from discussing their expectations of how a good boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse behaves. What seems
obvious or normal to you may surprise your partner, and vice versa. If you are from different backgrounds, be aware
that you may need to spend more time and energy to build your relationship. Take the time to learn about your
partner's culture or religion, being careful to check out what parts of such information actually fit for your partner.
Time Together and Apart. How much time you spend together and apart is a common relationship concern. If you
interpret your partner's time apart from you as, "he or she doesn't care for me as much as I care for him or her," you
may be headed for trouble by jumping to conclusions. Check out with your partner what time alone means to him or
her, and share your feelings about what you need from the relationship in terms of time together. Demanding what
you want, regardless of your partner's needs, usually ends up driving your partner away, so work on reaching a
compromise.
Your Partner's Family. For many students, families remain an important source of emotional, if not financial,
support during their years at the university. Some people find dealing with their partner's family difficult or
frustrating. It can help to take a step back and think about parental good intentions. Families may offer well-
intentioned advice about your relationship or your partner. It's important that the two of you discuss and agree on
how you want to respond to differing family values and support one another in the face of what can be very intense
"suggestions" from family.
Friends. There are some people who seem to believe that "I have to give up all my friends unless my partner likes
them as much as I do." Giving up friends is not healthy for you or the relationship, except in circumstances where
your friends pressure you to participate in activities that are damaging to yourself and the relationship. At the same
time, keep in mind that your partner may not enjoy your friends as much as you do. Negotiate which friends you and
your partner spend time with together. You might ask: "Which of my friends do you enjoy seeing and which ones
would you rather I see alone or at other times when I'm not with you?"
Eight Basic Steps to Maintaining a Good Relationship

1. Be aware of what you and your partner want for yourselves and what you want from the relationship.
2. Let one another know what your needs are.
3. Realize that your partner will not be able to meet all your needs. Some of these needs will have to be met
outside of the relationship.
4. Be willing to negotiate and compromise on the things you want from one another.
5. Do not demand that a partner change to meet all your expectations. Work to accept the differences between
your ideal mate and the real person you are dating.
6. Try to see things from the other's point of view. This doesn't mean that you must agree with one another all
the time, but rather that both of you can understand and respect each other's differences, points of view,
and separate needs.
7. Where critical differences do exist in your expectations, needs, or opinions, try to work honestly and
sincerely to negotiate. Seek professional help early rather than waiting until the situation becomes critical.
8. Do your best to treat your partner in a way that says, "I love you and trust you, and I want to work this out."
Relationship Issues and Counseling

If you are feeling distressed about a relationship, you may wish to consider individual or couples counseling.
Counseling can help you identify problematic patterns in your current relationship and teach you more effective ways
of relating. If you are grappling with a relationship problem and would like some help, we encourage you to contact
the UT Counseling & Mental Health Center at 512-471-3515, or call UT Telephone Counseling at 512-471-CALL
(2255) (UT Students Only) for help or information about local counseling services.
Resources at UT
Classes and Groups
Counseling and Mental Health Center: 512-471-3515

(24 hours/day, 7 days/week): 512-471-CALL (2255) (UT Students Only)
Telephone Counseling
Services for Students with Disabilities: 512-471-6259

University Health Services: 512-471-4955
Useful Websites
The University of Chicago Student Counseling & Resource Service Virtual Pamphlet Collection, an excellent source of
online information for college students on a wide range of topics.
The University of Chicago Student Counseling & Resource Service
The Unabridged Counseling Virtual Pamphlet collection, containing a larger selection of online pamphlets.
The Unabridged Counseling Virtual Pamphlet collection
Dr. John Grohol's Psych Central Mental Health Page, another source of online information on mental health topics.
Dr. John Grohol's Psych Central Mental Health Page
Reading List
Many of the books listed below can be found at UT Libraries and/or the Health Promotion Resource Center, located in
SSB 1.106. The HPRC provides a lending library of self-help books, audiotapes, videocassettes, and brochures on a
variety of topics.
HPRC Lending Library
The Communication Skills Book by Fanning, Patrick, Matthew McKay & Martha Davis New Harbinger, (1995)
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Gottman, John M. & Nan Silver Three Rivers Press, (2000)
About this Content

"Healthy Romantic Relationships During College" is based on an audiotape script originally developed by The
University of Texas at Austin. The audiotape text was modified by the staff of the University of Florida Counseling
Center. With their permission and support, it has been revised and edited into its present form by the staff at The
University of Texas at Austin Counseling and Mental Health Center, with Suzanne Fremont, Ph.D., as primary author.
Some portions of this document were modified with permission from brochures published by the Counseling Services
at Pace University, the Counseling Services at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, and the Counseling Center for
Human Development at the University of South Florida. We thank these institutions for their assistance.
The 5 Heartaches Everyone Needs to

Have (Only Once)
Columnist Leigh Newman looks at a few crucial lows that ensure we'll reach the higher,
more glory-filled peaks.
By Leigh Newman
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63
Comments
Photo: Courtesy of Leigh Newman
1. The Time They Didn't Love You (and You Stuck Around to Make Sure)
It's one of life's little horrible hangnails that gets infected and gives just about all of us gangrene of
the soul. And yet it's inevitable: Not everybody is going to love us. It won't just be the lacrosse player
we swooned over in eighth grade who didn't know we were alive, or the soul mate in our 40s whom
we dated and thought we'd marry until he explainedugh, kindlythat he was interested in
"something easier." There'll also be all those less-obvious others: the boss who doesn't return our
adoration, or the cool, funny mother in the mommy-and-me music class who never asked us to
coffee even though we already asked her three times.
There's no sense to a lopsided affection, and I'm certainly not going to say that the pain created is
worthwhile in some cosmic way. It just sucks, but it also just is. The far bigger and more damaging
heartache occurs afterward, when you hang around the non-adorers on Facebook, outside their
houses, at the cafs they frequentto find out if they really, truly don't love you or if they'll change
their mind, which, unfortunately, they almost never do. They, in fact, will waltz on to new adventures,
made uncomfortable by your expectant gazes. But this is an agony you must experience, because
while you can't keep your heart from getting broken, you can stop breaking your own heartover
and over into little black bitsonce you realize the difference between what you can control and
what you can't, and that it's far, far more fun to lavish all that attention on your own self-worth.
2. The Time You Cast Yourself as the Rock
Most of life is really just a school play: a bunch of creative, hopeful, almost mature people standing
alone, waiting to be told who to be and what to do by a commanding voice in the distant dark of the
theater. At least once, most of us will skip the horrors of that audition and cast ourselves as the rock
in the background. This decision may be made due to fear ("I'd rather be safe and not-stared-at back
here in my cardboard rock costume by the papier-mch palm tree) or it may be made due to doubt
("I'm not a good enough singer to do a solo"), but either way, it lands you in the same place
crouched in a ball, wearing all gray and watching as somebody else dances and sings under the
glory of the stage lights. Worse, the real pain is the understanding that it wasn't the talent of the
other kids or the favoritism of the director that put you back there. It was you: You didn't raise your
hand and try out.
Why, God, why is this moment necessary? I'd love to say that it's because we'll remember it when
we're later faced with the job-of-a-lifetime interview or the ridiculously handsome (single!) stranger or
the coveted nomination for class parentand thus put ourselves out there this time, boldly and
unafraid. That may be true, but it's not the reason why this horrible moment is so wonderfully crucial.
When we're crouching there, frozen and unseen, we start naming all the qualities that should have
made us a star, and this is the list we must keep with us for the rest of our lives, a list that only
comes to us in that moment of self-imposed invisibility. Because paradoxically enough, when we do
become the leading lady or man (and we will, eventually, in one kind of situation or another), and
after we've been feted and applauded, what usually comes to mind is the list of reasons we should
have been stuck back in the background. At that moment, you will have the previous list. Recite it
loudly, believe it fullyand take a bow.
Breakable Rule #1: Use "I" statements, not "you" statements, when
talking about a complaint.
Sticking to emotion-focused "I" statements rather than accusatory "you" statements ("I feel upset"
rather than "You make me so mad") has helped couples communicate more clearly and calmly for
decades now. But there's a third option that may be even better, a 2009 study found: "we"
statements, like "We need to find time" or "We should give it a shot." When longtime couples were
discussing a sticking point in their relationship, those who used more "we" words (we, us, ours, and
so on) acted more positively toward each other, showed fewer physical signs of stress, and were
happier in their marriages overall. "You can use your language as an indicator of the current state of
your relationship, like a gas gauge on your car," says Robert Levenson, a social psychologist at the
University of California, Berkeley, who co-authored the study: Lots of "we" words and you're likely
doing well enough to make it a long way; almost none and you may be running on fumes
Breakable Rule #2: Never go to bed angry.
Half a dozen psychologists and therapists said they'd toss out this rule. Some problems simply can't
be fixed in the 120 minutes between tucking in the kids and turning in yourselves. Sleeping on an
argument can help both parties come at it refreshed later onwhich isn't to say that you should lie in
bed mentally gathering ammunition for your next attack. Psychotherapist Linda Young suggests
concentrating on one of the best days you and your partner have spent together while you're falling
asleep. If you're too angry for that, focus on any pleasant thought (as long as it's not about that old
boyfriend from college).
Breakable Rule #3: Support your partner as much as humanly
possible.
You want to be there for your partner when something goes wrong, whether it's a setback on a
project at work or a disagreement with a friend. But offering too much support can be even more
damaging to a relationship than giving too little, a 2009 study found. Married couples were less
happy in their relationships when one spouse offered support beyond what the other wanted, like
giving unsolicited advice ("You should talk to your boss") or frequently bringing up an issue they'd
rather ignore ("Still pretty upset about what Jim said, huh?"). Unless your partner really doesn't want
to talk about it, there's one kind of support that's by far the most likely to be welcome, says Erika
Lawrence, a University of Iowa psychologist who co-authored the study. It's what psychologists call
"esteem support": telling your partner you have faith that they'll figure out how to tackle the
problemfull
Rule--04
There's this idea that it's your feelings, so you can say whatever you want," says Alexandra
Solomon, a clinical psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University. People who hope
to end up closer to their partners by sharing those innermost thoughtsno matter what they are
can find their relationships in trouble; its not called "brutal honesty" for nothing. You wouldn't tell
your best friend, your mother, your coworker or even an acquaintance your feelings without taking
theirs into consideration; don't do it to your partner, either.
Breakable Rule #5: Follow Ryan O'Neal's lead.
As he famously said more than four decades ago, "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
But like sleeping without smudging your make-up or rushing to catch someone as they get on a
plane, this advice only works in the movies. "Love means being willing to say you're sorry, a lot,"
Solomon says, "even if you don't really mean it, even if you didn't intend to hurt the other person's
feelings, and even if you think the other person's feelings are kind of ridiculous."
They Never Let the Third Date End

As time wears on, starry-eyed early conversations about dreams of traveling the world often give
way to talks about maintaining the real house you live in together, shoveling the snow off its
driveway or paying off its endless mortgage. But keeping up those revealing conversations is key to
staying out of the unhappiness gulch, says Terri Orbuch, a psychologist and author of 5 Simple
Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great. Orbuch has followed 373 Midwestern couples
since 1986 in a large research study. Of those people who are very happy in their marriages, 98
percent say they intimately know and understand their partner. Half say they often share intimate
details of their livestheir dreams, stresses, values and goalswith their partners (it's less than
one-fifth for not-especially-joyous couples). She recommends that couples talk to each other for at
least 10 minutes a day, but not about work, family or the relationship. (Her suggestions: "If you won
the lottery, where would you go and why?" "Which parent were you closer to growing up?" or "If you
could start over with any career, what would it be?") "Our partners change over time, and there are
new things going on with them," Orbuch says. "That third date was novel and interesting and
surprising, and it was wonderful. Have that third date again."
They Spend Some Mental Time in the Nosebleed Seats
Most couples try to see their partner's point of view when they disagree. But the trick to marital bliss
might not be looking at an argument from the other side, a forthcoming study suggests, but from
outside it altogether. Northwestern University social psychologist Eli Finkel and his colleagues asked
married couples to spend just seven minutes writing about a recent fight with their spouse from the
point of view of a neutral observer, three times over the course of a year. (We're envisioning a
neutral observer in the cheap seats describing, say, a high-school play.) When the year was up,
those couples had more satisfying, trusting and passionate relationships than couples who didn't do
the writing exercisenot a bad return for the time it takes to watch a sitcom. To try it yourself, find
the writing prompts on page 6 of Finkel's paper here, he says. "Then get out a piece of paper and a
penand get started!"
They Think Small
Grand gestures? Terrific. But the small stuff really makes the heart do a little dance of joy: the cup of
coffee waiting in the kitchen when you roll out of bed, the hamper of laundry your partner has
washed and folded even though it's really your turn, the out-of-left-field compliment. The most
blissful couples tend to be the most generous with one another in tiny ways, a 2011 study by the
University of Virginia's National Marriage Project found. Of more than 1,400 pairs, those who freely
did unasked tasks and showed unprompted affection were nearly three times as likely to be very
happy as those who didn't. "These are acts that are above and beyond what's normally expected. ...
The husband or wife notices there's a need and jumps in to fill it, or is trying to signal to their spouse
that they love them by doing something that their spouse will enjoy," says W. Bradford Wilcox, the
project's director.
They Find a Village
"We've heard the phrase, 'It takes a village to raise a child,'" Wilcox says. "Well, it takes a village to
foster a good marriage, too." Wilcox and his colleagues have found that couples who enmesh
themselves in communities that bolster their relationship, whether by having a network of supportive
family and friends or being part of a religious community, are more satisfied even than loving
couples who go it alone. Couples should be wary of friends or family members who, as great as they
may be in other ways, don't support their marriage, Wilcox says. These are the people who highlight
your spouse's missteps (like the friend who simply can't get past some thoughtless remark he made
to you years ago or less-than-pleasing habit he has, even if you've moved on). He also warns
against friends who tend to tear down their own partners. These folks don't have a lot of respect for
your marriage, their marriage or marriage in generaland time spent with them may be best spent
doing things rather than talking about things.
They Recycle Laughter
The happiest couples keep each other laughingand the best part is, they don't even have to come
up with new material year after year; a mere nod to the classics will do the trick. Couples who
reminisced about a time they laughed together showed an increase in relationship satisfaction
compared to couples who thought back to another good time in their relationship (or to a time they
laughed apart), a 2007 study showed. Interestingly, the moments couples recalled together often
weren't the ha-ha funny stuff (comedy bits, their best jokes). Many couples described events that
seem, from the outside, downright unpleasant, like the pair who recalled a time they cracked up
while racing through the airport, desperate to catch their flight before it left the gate, carry-on bags
flopping around them. When confronted with a tense situation, harebrained escapade or vacation
gone very wrong, sometimes you'll share a hysterical moment, says Doris Bazzini, a psychologist at
Appalachian State University, who led the study. "When you find something funny with someone
else, it's like you're sharing a worldview in that moment," Bazzini says. Reminiscing about the funny
times, then, may remind you of that two-of-you-against-the-world feeling that laughing at a terrible
and somehow terribly funnysituation can stir up.
How to use Tawakkul in Relieving our Anxieties and Worries
206 comments
Tawakkul refers to putting your trust in Allah to believe that He alone can ward off the harms
of this world, provide you blessings and sustenance, and to ease your challenges. Tawakkul is
also about accepting the results that He decides regardless of how they may turn out to be.
To understand the concept of Tawakkul, consider how tense and worried you get at times about
the challenges of this worldly life. Whether its you worrying about losing your job or
sustenance, or general life problems that you may come to face, Tawakkul is your belief and the
attitude that you have about putting your trust in Allah to take care of all your affairs.
Allah (swt ), says:
And whoever places his trust in Allah, Sufficient is He for him, for Allah will surely
accomplish His Purpose: For verily, Allah has appointed for all things a due proportion.
(Quran 65:3)
The Quran makes it clear that Tawakkul is not an option but rather a requirement. Allah (may He
be Exalted) says:
and put your trust in Allh if you are believers indeed. (Surah Al-Maidah, 5: 23)
He also says in the Quran:

.And in Allah let believers put their Trust [Surah Ibrahim 14:11]
Dont give up on Your Efforts
Tawakkul shouldnt be mistaken with giving up your efforts thinking that somehow your
challenges will get resolved. Rather striving and working with the attitude that Allah will take
care of your affairs and will help you in getting through your trials is part of you having the
Tawakkul on Allah.
Some scholars have stated that Tawakkul in reality does not deny actually working and
striving for provision, for Allah Almighty has decreed that we should work and it is from His
ways that he gives people when they strive. In fact, Allah Almighty ordered us to both depend
upon Him and to work, to take the necessary steps needed to achieve our goals, and so the act
of striving for our sustenance is an act of physical worship while trusting and depending upon
Allah is faith in Him. (Permanent Committee for Research and Verdicts (Fatawa Islamiyah, Vol. 7, Pages
172-174)
Allah says:
So seek provision from Allah and worship Him (alone). [Al-Ankaboot 29: 17]
Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan stated about this verse, Look for sustenance and do not sit around
in the masaajid claiming that you are putting your trust in Allah. Do not sit in your homes and
claim that your daily sustenance will come to you. This is wrong and a true believer doesnt
say such things. (Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan Haqeeqat-ut-Tawakkul (pg. 15-25))
This obviously applies to not just seeking provisions but in striving to resolve other matters of
our lives just as long we remember and believe that His will is a prerequisite for our matters to
get resolved and to accept what He ultimately decrees.
The scholars have also stated that, other than our efforts that we put in, a Muslim should also
combine Tawakkul with other means, whether they are acts of Ìbadah (worship) like Duà
(supplication), Salah (Prayer), Sadaqah (voluntary charity) or maintaining the ties of kinship,
or other material means which Allah has predestined. (source : alifta.net Fatwa no. 2798)
Allah (swt ), also says in the Quran:
[There were] those to whom people said: The people are gathering against you, so fear
them. But it only increased their faith; they said: For us Allah is Sufficient and He is the
best Disposer of affairs (Quran 3:173)
Benefits of Tawakkul
One of the major benefits of Tawakkul is that it can relieve us from unnecessary anxiety, worry,
and resulting depression from the challenges that we may be facing. By believing that all our
affairs are in Allahs hands and we can do only what is in our control, we leave the results to
Allah and accept His decree whatever it may be. Ibn Rajab Al-Hanbali said, the fruit of
tawakkul is the acceptance of Allahs decree. Whoever leaves his affairs to Allah and then is
accepting of what he is given has truly relied on Allah. Al-Hassan and others among the salaf
defined tawakkul as ridhaa (acceptance). (Jami Al-Uloom wa Al-Hikam : A Commentary on 50 Major
Hadith)
Lets strive to understand the concept of Tawakkul and to make it part of our belief systems. We
will notice that things will not only get resolved easier with His help, but Tawakkul will also
relieve us from the day to day anxieties and worries associated with the challenges of this life.
How to Forgive and Forget
Changing Your PerspectivePutting It into ActionForgetting the Pain
Someone has really hurt you and you find yourself feeling so sad, angry, or
bitter that you can barely concentrate. Any time you see that person or even
just any time you close your eyes all you can do is replay what happened and
wallow in all of your sad feelings. If you want to move on with your life and
learn to move past the pain, then you have to make a choice to forgive and
forget. Easier said than done, huh? Read on to find out how to do it and see for
yourself.
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Steps
Part 1 of 3: Changing Your Perspective

1.
1
Let go of resentment. If you want to ever really forgive the person who
wronged you, then you have to kick all of those bitter and resentful
feelings to the curb. Let go of the part of you that hates the other person
or wishes him or her harm or failure; if you hang on to these negative
feelings, then they will plague your own life and make it hard for you to
find happiness, so the sooner you see that letting go of your resentment
is the right thing to do, the better.
o Sure, the person really hurt you, but if you waste energy in
resenting the person, then youll only be letting that person cause
you even more harm. Take the higher ground and let go of those
nasty feelings.
o Its better if you admit that youre feeling resentment first instead
of being in denial about it. Talk about your feelings to a friend.
Write them down. Do what you have to do to get them out there
so you can get rid of them faster.
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2.
2
Consider the scheme of things. In the moment, you may feel that the
person absolutely ruined your life or made you feel absolutely miserable.
Okay, so maybe one of your friends forgot to invite you to her party;
maybe your significant other said something hurtful to you in the heat of
the moment. Could they have done something a lot worse? Will
whatever they did really cause you pain in another few weeks or in
another few months? Chances are that sure, youve been hurt, but that
its not the end of the world.
o It may feel like the end of the world, just then. But if you give
yourself time to cool off, youll see that its not so.
o Take a step back and look at your life. Filled with mostly good
things, right? Was the thing the person did to you really bad
enough to put all of that in jeopardy?
3.
3
See if theres a lesson that can be learned. Think of yourself as a student

instead of a victim. Its convenient, and even safe, to think of yourself as
a victim when someone has wronged you, but instead, try to put a
positive spin on the situation and see if theres something that you can
really learn from the experience. Maybe youll learn not to be so
trusting. Maybe youll learn not to get into a situation where your gut
tells you get away. Even if youre feeling hurt or upset, the situation can
shape your future interactions, and may help you not get hurt as you
move forward.
o At the time, its easy to think that the experience has only been a
bad one. But if you truly process what happened, it can lead to
something positive in the future.
o If you accept that theres a lesson to be learned, then youll be less
likely to resent the person for hurting you.
4.
4
Put yourself in the persons shoes. Try to see the situation from that
persons perspective. Maybe your boyfriend didnt tell you that he took a
weekend trip with his friends because he knows youre prone to
jealousy. Maybe your best friend didnt tell you about her new
relationship because shes afraid youll judge her. Or maybe the person
who hurt you really didnt mean to do it and is feeling really, really
horrible about everything that happened.
o Remember that there are two sides to every story. You may feel
like the complete victim, but you might have hurt the person, too.
o It may feel silly to feel sorry for someone who messed up. But
think of the times when youve hurt people and really, really
regretted your actions. Theres a chance that the person is feeling
even worse than you are.
5.
5
Think of all of the good things the person did for you. You may be really
hurt by whatever your mother, sister, significant other, or friend did to
you, but try to think about all of the great things that person did for you
too. You may want to get dramatic and think that the entire relationship
was a huge mistake and that every interaction with the person who hurt
you has caused you nothing but pain, but that is rarely the case. Try
warming up to the person by thinking of all the times that person really
was a good friend, support system, or shoulder to cry on.
o Make a list of all of the great things the person did for you and all
of the memories you shared. Refer to it when youre feeling angry
or resentful if you need to.
o Hey, if youve thought long and hard about all of the good things
the person has done for you and you really cant come up with
anything, then maybe you really are better off without the person
in your life. But this will rarely happen. If the person didnt do that
much for you to begin with, then you wouldnt be so angry after he
or she hurt you, would you?
6.
6
See if youve ever wronged the person. Look at the flipside. Remember
that time two years ago when you accidentally told your best friend you
thought she was a follower? Or that time that you completely forgot
your sisters birthday and went drinking with your friends instead?
Chances are that youve caused some pain in the past, and the person
managed to get over it. Relationships are long and complicated, and its
likely that pain has been caused by both sides.
o Remind yourself of how you felt after you hurt the person and
how much you wanted to be forgiven.
7.
7
Know that forgiving actually relieves stress. Studies have shown that
being unforgiving and dwelling on the injustices that were done to you
can actually raise your blood pressure, increase your heart rate, make
your muscles more tense, and lead you to be much more stressed out
than if you worked on forgiving the person instead. Cultivating feelings
of forgiveness has been shown to make people feel calmer and more
emotionally stable. So, if you want to be selfish about it, then know that
forgiving the person will actually make you feel better physically and
mentally. And who doesnt want that?[1]
o The longer you hold on to your angry feelings, the worse your body
and mind will feel. And why do that to yourself?
o Remember that forgiveness really is a choice. You can decide to
start forgiving, and to stop harboring all of those feelings of ill-will
in your body, as soon as you want. Yes, forgiveness is a process,
but theres no need to hold it off.
Part 2 of 3: Putting It into Action

1.
1
Give yourself time to cool off. Even if you make the decision to start
forgiving today, it doesnt mean that you have to call up the person who
hurt you and talk about it right away. If youre still so angry, hurt, sad, or
disappointed that you can barely see straight, or that you just dont quite
feel like yourself, then its perfectly okay to take some time to think
about it. The person may be rushing to talk to you and to make things
right, but calmly explain that you do want to talk about it, and that you
need a bit more time to process everything.
o Giving yourself a bit of time to heal and reflect can help you figure
out what to say to the person when you do talk and can keep you
from getting too angry and saying something that youll regret.
2.
2
Accept the persons apology. Talk to the person and make sure that he
or she is truly sorry and that his or her feelings are truly genuine. Make
eye contact with the person and see that he or she is being really sincere
and feels true remorse for what happened. If the person is saying sorry
just to say it, then youll know. Once you see that the person really cares,
then be honest and say that you do accept the apology if you mean it.
Let the person talk and evaluate the words, and if you think its time to
accept the apology, then say so.
o Remember that theres a difference between accepting the
persons apology and forgiving him or her fully on the spot. You
can accept an apology and then give yourself more time to get
over it.
o If youre trying to accept the apology but just cant do it, be
honest. Tell the person that you want to be able to accept and
forgive, but that you just cant do it yet.
3.
3
Let the person know how you feel. Talk about how the person has hurt
you. Share all of your pain, your feelings, and your doubts. Make the
person see how much his or her actions have really affected you and
how much youve thought it all over. Theres no need to talk just to make
the person feel even worse, but if you want to get something off your
chest, then nows the time. If you just accept the apology and dont talk
about what happened, then youre much more likely to be angry and
bitter for longer.
o You dont have to be mean about it. Just say something like, Ive
really been feeling terrible because or Im having a hard time
dealing with the fact that
4.
4
Take a break from the person if you need to. You can talk to the person,
share your feelings, and accept the apology, but that doesnt mean you
have to go back to being BFF right away. If you need to take a week, a
month, or even more time than that off, away from the person, then be
honest about it. Say something like, I really do want to rebuild our
relationship, but Im going to need to take some time to come to terms
with what happened on my own first. Its okay to go at your own pace.
o If a month has passed and you still cant bring yourself to see the
person, thats fine. If another month has passed and then
another and you still cant do it, then you may have to consider
whether or not its even possible to repair your relationship with
the person.
5.
5
Show compassion. You may not be feeling very compassionate toward a

person after he or she has harmed you. But if you want to rebuild your
relationship more quickly and make both of you feel better, then you
have to show compassion for how the person is feeling. Think about how
terrible the person feels for hurting you and recognize that nobodys
perfect; the person is likely suffering a lot without your love and
kindness, and thats surely taking a toll on him or her. Even if you were
wronged, you should take the high road and recognize that the person is
upset, too.
o If anything, you can feel sorry for the person. He or she must not
be in a very good place if he or she had hurt you so badly.
Part 3 of 3: Forgetting the Pain
1.
1
Rebuild your trust. Take things slow with the person and work on
repairing your relationship. You may not trust the person right away and
you may have some doubts about whether or not you can continue to be
friends or to date each other, and thats perfectly normal. Take things
slow and hang out in low-pressure situations while giving each other
space to be alone, too. Dont open up completely to the person and have
less intense conversations until you feel comfortable sharing.
o This may not feel as great as your relationship used to be, but if
you want to go back to how things were before you were hurt,
then youll have to take baby steps to get there.
2.
2
Accept it if you cant forget the pain. So youve tried everything. Youve
given yourselves time apart. Youve shared your feelings with the person
who hurt you. Youve shown compassion and have considered the
situation from that persons perspective. Youve tried hanging out in low-
pressure situations. But no matter what you do, you cant stop thinking
about how hurt you are, being angry with the person, and doubting that
youll ever be able to fully trust him again. Though this is unpleasant, its
perfectly natural, and if you cant get over it, then its better to admit
that than to be in denial about how you feel.
o Sometimes the pain is so deep that you wont be able to brush it

aside and act like nothing happened. Now you have to decide
even though you cant forget the pain, will you be able to find a
way to deal with it that allows you to still spend time with the
person who hurt you?
o Accept it if you cant keep being with the person. Maybe the
wound was so deep that being with the person feels like picking
the scab all over again. If you really just cant get over it, then
theres no point in forcing something that just isnt there anymore.
3.
3
Focus your energy somewhere else. Make sure to have other things on
your mind while youre working on rebuilding your relationship. Spend
more time running and training for that 10K next month. Work on
finishing that short story youve been working on forever so you can
submit it to a local contest. Enjoy your relationships with people who
havent hurt you. Find something else that makes you really happy and
that you can look forward to, and youll spend less time feeling the pain.
o One day, you may look as see that hey, the pain is no longer there
anymore. You might have thought that would never happen, right?
o Staying busy will keep you moving forward and having positive
things to look forward to. If you give yourself too much time to
wallow, youll only feel worse and will be less likely to forget what
happened.
4.
4
Take time to reflect. Though staying busy and active will help you heal
faster, you shouldnt be so busy that you dont have a second to breathe
or think about what happened to you. Make sure you have time for me
time, that you can write in a journal about your feelings, or that you can
just take some time to turn off your computer, television, and phone and
focus on just inhabiting your own mind and body. Being quiet with
yourself can help you figure out how you really feel about the situation;
the faster you know exactly what you think, the faster you can move
forward.
o Plan a weekly or bi-weekly date with yourself when you have

nothing to do but spend time with yourself. This will help you calm
down, think, and get rid of those angry feelings.
5.
5
Know that only positive revenge is worth it. You may be so hurt that
you want to get the person who hurt you back to make him or her feel
the same pain that you felt. However, this will only make you feel more
stressed out, angry, and bitter, and it wont solve anything. If you really
feel the need to seek vengeance, then know that the best revenge you
can get is just to live a great, accomplished life, to be happy, and to not
let what happened get to you in the end. This may not sound as sweet as
slapping the person in the face or hurting him or her the same way they
hurt you, but in the end, youll feel much better for being your best self
instead of stooping down to that persons level. [2]
o Just live your life and enjoy being yourself and doing the things you
love to do. If you spend all your time trying to make the person
who hurt you feel terrible, then youll never be able to go on.
6.
6
Move forward instead of looking back. Focus on the future and all that
it holds for you whether the person who hurt you is in it or not. If all
you do is wallow in the past and think about all of the ways that you
were wronged and that life hasnt been fair for you, then youll never be
able to forgive and forget. Instead, have gratitude for all of the people
who do make your life great and all of the opportunities you have and
think about all of the wonderful things that lie ahead.
o Focus on the goals you want to meet in the future that will make
your life even better. Make a plan for achieving them instead of
thinking about all of the things that went wrong for you.
o Continue to work on yourself. Improve those things you want to
work on and see how much better you feel as you become a more
caring, compassionate, and well-rounded person.
o You have made a choice to forgive and forget, and you should be
proud of yourself for doing that, even if it takes longer than you
hoped to get there.
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Warnings
Burdens keep us from lifting off and dancing through life: extreme
possibility of feeling lighter, happier and more content if you release
your grudges.
You may need to get new friends, hobbies and passions to fill the time
and energy voids created in letting go of negative energy!
5 Reasons Why
You Should
Forgive &
Forget
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Comments
BY GITTE LINDGAARD
MAY 16, 2012 4:40 PM EDT
Weve all heard it a thousand

times,You need to forgive and
forget. But is this truly how we feel?
When someone really hurts you, do
you still want to forgive that person?
Forgiving seems almost unnatural,
right? Here are a few reasons why you
should forgive someone even if part of
you doesn't want to.
1. Forgiveness doesnt mean what

happened was OK, and it doesnt
mean that person should still be
welcome in your life. Forgiveness
just means that you've made peace
with the pain, and you are ready to let
it go.
2. Forgiveness is not something we

do for others - it's something we do
for ourselves. Not forgiving someone
is the equivalent of staying trapped in
a jail cell of bitterness, serving time
for someone else's crime. As I wrote
earlier, you make the choice to either
dwell on the pain cause by others or
you want to forgive and move on.
3. Gandhi once said The weak can

never forgive. Forgiveness is the
attribute of the strong." It takes a
strong person to face pain head-on,
forgive, and release it.
4. Forgiveness isnt always about

others - it's also about forgiving
yourself. Guilt never makes anyone
feel better. So always remember to
forgive yourself and move on.
5. To forgive someone is the highest,

most beautiful form of love. You
might just find that you get a sense of
peace and happiness in return :)
If none of the above appeals to you,

then you might want to take the advice
of Oscar Wilde:
Always forgive your enemies.

Nothing annoys them so much.
Ways to Forgive and Forget

By Karen Salmansohn
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Photo: Thinkstock/Soul
Letting go of anger and bitterness can work wonders for both your attitude and your
health, not to mention your relationships. Karen Salmansohn offers you eight ways to start
forgiving and forgetting.
A wise woman and her young disciple were walking down the street. Suddenly, out of
nowhere, an angry man in a carriage drove haphazardly by the two, insensitively pushing the
woman out of his way. She landed in a ditch filled with muddy water. The woman yelled after
the man in the carriage, "May you have everything you want!" The disciple, surprised by the
wise woman's response, said: "I'm confused. Why did you say that to a man with such
horrible behavior?" The woman replied, "Because a happy man wouldn't have thoughtlessly
pushed a woman into a ditch."
Do you agree with this woman's response? In my book The Bounce Back Book, I offer
empowering strategies for embracing forgiveness and liberating yourself from anger and
bitternesseven in the most challenging situations.
Here are eight strategies to free you from your resentments starting today!
Say a Prayer
Whenever angry feelings about a person who's harmed you enter your mind, tell yourself:
"We are all good, loving souls who occasionally get lost." Pray for this person to find their
way back to a happier placein the same way the woman in this story prayed for her
offender.
Focus on Gratitude
Resist seeking happiness from the outside in. Instead, focus on gratitude exercises to bring
happiness from the inside out. If you allow your self-image to be at the mercy of
unpredictable events and unreliable people, your happiness will be forever on a chaotic roller
coaster ride! Happiness must always be an inside joy! When you are tempted to focus on all
the ways the world has done you wrong, instead count your blessings by making a list of the
five aspects of your life that you appreciate. It is good practice to purposefully end your day
this way to keep focused.
Look for the Lesson

Many Buddhists consider huge difficulties to be a sign you're an old soulthe bigger your
misfortunes, the closer you are to enlightenment. Whether you believe this or not, it's
certainly cheery to reframe all your life's bad events as tests of your character. If you feel
particularly tested right now, ask yourself what the heck you're being tested for! Patience?
Compassion? Resilience? Forgiveness? Open-mindedness? What strengths must you
develop further? Now consciously go out there and develop them!
HOW TO SLEEP WELL

CAN'T SLEEP?
Nothing is more frustrating than not being able to sleep. Tossing and turning.
Your mind is racing, going over everything that happened today. Night noises keep you
awake. What can you do? There ARE things you can do! Read on and learn some new
tricks to sleep well. These tips are also known as "Sleep Hygiene."
Sleep only when sleepy
This reduces the time you are awake in bed.
If you can't fall asleep within 20 minutes, get up and do something boring until you feel sleepy
Sit quietly in the dark or read the warranty on your refrigerator. Don't expose yourself to bright light
while you are up. The light gives cues to your brain that it is time to wake up.
Don't take naps
This will ensure you are tired at bedtime. If you just can't make it through the day without a nap,
sleep less than one hour, before 3 pm.
Get up and go to bed the same time every day
Even on weekends! When your sleep cycle has a regular rhythm, you will feel better.
Refrain from exercise at least 4 hours before bedtime
Regular exercise is recommended to help you sleep well, but the timing of the workout is important.
Exercising in the morning or early afternoon will not interfere with sleep.
Develop sleep rituals
It is important to give your body cues that it is time to slow down and sleep. Listen to relaxing music,
read something soothing for 15 minutes, have a cup of caffeine free tea, do relaxation exercises.
Only use your bed for sleeping
Refrain from using your bed to watch TV, pay bills, do work or reading. So when you go to bed your
body knows it is time to sleep. Sex is the only exception.
Stay away from caffeine, nicotine and alcohol at least 4-6 hours before bed
Caffeine and nicotine are stimulants that interfere with your ability to fall asleep. Coffee, tea, cola,
cocoa, chocolate and some prescription and non-prescription drugs contain caffeine. Cigarettes and
some drugs contain nicotine. Alcohol may seem to help you sleep in the beginning as it slows brain
activity, but you will end end up having fragmented sleep.
Have a light snack before bed
If your stomach is too empty, that can interfere with sleep. However, if you eat a heavy meal before
bedtime, that can interfere as well. Dairy products and turkey contain tryptophan, which acts as a
natural sleep inducer. Tryptophan is probably why a warm glass of milk is sometimes recommended.
Take a hot bath 90 minutes before bedtime
A hot bath will raise your body temperature, but it is the drop in body temperature that
may leave you feeling sleepy. Read about the study done on body temperature below.
Trouble Sleeping? Chill Out! - A press release from the journal Sleep about the significance
in body temperature before sleep
Make sure your bed and bedroom are quiet and comfortable
A hot room can be uncomfortable. A cooler room along with enough blankets to stay warm is
recommended. If light in the early morning bothers you, get a blackout shade or wear a slumber
mask. If noise bothers you, wear earplugs or get a "white noise" machine.
Use sunlight to set your biological clock
As soon as you get up in the morning, go outside and turn your face to the sun for 15 minutes.
ARTICLES
Sleep Problems Are Costly - CNN
Sleep Tips from CNN Plus Online
Sleep Clinics Help the Weary Find Relief - CNN
Healthy Sleep - Pacific Coast Feather Co.
Tips for Restful Sleep - Group Health Co-Op
Cant Sleep?
Causes, Cures, and Treatments for Insomnia
Do you struggle to get to sleep no matter how tired you are? Or do you wake up in the middle of
the night and lie awake for hours, anxiously watching the clock? Insomnia is a common problem
that takes a toll on your energy, mood, health, and ability to function during the day. Chronic
insomnia can even contribute to serious health problems. Simple changes to your lifestyle and
daily habits can put a stop to sleepless nights.
In This Article:
Understanding insomnia
Causes of insomnia
Changing habits that disrupt sleep
Neutralizing anxiety
Your bodys relaxation response
Supplements and Medication
Consider professional treatment?
Cant sleep? Understanding insomnia and its symptoms
Age-Related Sleep
If you're an older adult struggling to get a good night's sleep, read How to Sleep Well as You
Age
Insomnia is the inability to get the amount of sleep you need to wake up feeling rested and
refreshed. Because different people need different amounts of sleep, insomnia is defined by the
quality of your sleep and how you feel after sleepingnot the number of hours you sleep or how
quickly you doze off. Even if youre spending eight hours a night in bed, if you feel drowsy and
fatigued during the day, you may be experiencing insomnia.
Although insomnia is the most common sleep complaint, it is not a single sleep disorder. Its
more accurate to think of insomnia as a symptom of another problem, which differs from person
to person. It could be something as simple as drinking too much caffeine during the day or a
more complex issue like an underlying medical condition or feeling overloaded with
responsibilities.
The good news is that most cases of insomnia can be cured with changes you can make on your
ownwithout relying on sleep specialists or turning to prescription or over-the-counter sleeping
pills.
Difficulty falling asleep despite being tired Relying on sleeping pills or alcohol to fall
Waking up frequently during the night asleep
Trouble getting back to sleep when Waking up too early in the morning
awakened Daytime drowsiness, fatigue, or irritability
Exhausting sleep Difficulty concentrating during the day
Difficulty falling asleep despite being tired

Waking up frequently during the night
Trouble getting back to sleep when awakened
Exhausting sleep
Relying on sleeping pills or alcohol to fall asleep
Waking up too early in the morning
Daytime drowsiness, fatigue, or irritability
Difficulty concentrating during the day
Causes of insomnia: Figuring out why you cant sleep
In order to properly treat and cure your insomnia, you need to become a sleep detective.
Emotional issues such as stress, anxiety, and depression cause half of all insomnia cases. But
your daytime habits, sleep routine, and physical health may also play a role. Try to identify all
possible causes of your insomnia. Once you figure out the root cause, you can tailor treatment
accordingly.
Are you under a lot of stress?

Are you depressed or feel emotionally flat or hopeless?
Do you struggle with chronic feelings of anxiety or worry?
Have you recently gone through a traumatic experience?
Are you taking any medications that might be affecting your sleep?
Do you have any health problems that may be interfering with sleep?
Is your sleep environment quiet and comfortable?
Are you spending enough time in sunlight during the day and in darkness at night?
Do you try to go to bed and get up around the same time every day?
Common mental and physical causes of insomnia:
Sometimes, insomnia only lasts a few days and goes away on its own, especially when the
insomnia is tied to an obvious temporary cause, such as stress over an upcoming presentation, a
painful breakup, or jet lag. Other times, insomnia is stubbornly persistent. Chronic insomnia is
usually tied to an underlying mental or physical issue.
Psychological problems that can cause insomnia: depression, anxiety, chronic stress, bipolar
disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder.
Medications that can cause insomnia: antidepressants; cold and flu medications that contain
alcohol; pain relievers that contain caffeine (Midol, Excedrin); diuretics, corticosteroids, thyroid
hormone, high blood pressure medications.
Medical problems that can cause insomnia: asthma, allergies, Parkinsons disease,
hyperthyroidism, acid reflux, kidney disease, cancer, chronic pain.
Sleep disorders that can cause insomnia: sleep apnea, narcolepsy, restless legs syndrome.
Anxiety and depression: Two of the most common causes of chronic insomnia
Most people suffering from an anxiety disorder or depression have trouble sleeping. Whats
more, the sleep deprivation can make the symptoms of anxiety or depression worse. Treating the
underlying psychological issue is the key to curing insomnia.
Insomnia cures and treatments: Changing habits that disrupt sleep
Some of the things youre doing to cope with insomnia may actually be making the problem
worse. For example, if youre using sleeping pills or alcohol to fall asleep, this will disrupt your
sleep even more over the long-term. Or if you drink excessive amounts of coffee during the day,
it will be more difficult to fall asleep later. Often, changing the habits that are reinforcing
sleeplessness is enough to overcome insomnia altogether. It may take a few days for your body
to get used to the change, but once you do, you will sleep better.
Using a sleep diary to identify insomnia-inducing habits
Some habits are so ingrained that you may overlook them as a possible contributor to your
insomnia. Maybe your daily Starbucks habit affects your sleep more than you realize. Or maybe
youve never made the connection between your late-night TV viewing or Internet surfing and
your sleep difficulties. Keeping a sleep diary is a helpful way to pinpoint habits and behaviors
contributing to your insomnia.
All you have to do is jot down daily details about your daytime habits, sleep routine, and
insomnia symptoms. For example, you can keep track of when you go to sleep and when you
wake up, where you fall asleep, what you eat and drink, and any stressful events that occur
during the day.
Adopting new habits to help you sleep
Make sure your bedroom is quiet, dark, and cool. Noise, light, and heat can interfere with
sleep. Try using a sound machine or earplugs to hide outside noise, an open window or fan to
keep the room cool, and blackout curtains or a sleep mask to block out light.
Stick to a regular sleep schedule. Support your biological clock by going to bed and getting up at
the same time every day, including weekends, even if youre tired. This will help you get back in
a regular sleep rhythm.
Avoid naps. Napping during the day can make it more difficult to sleep at night. If you feel like
you have to take a nap, limit it to 30 minutes before 3 p.m.
Avoid stimulating activity and stressful situations before bedtime. This includes vigorous
exercise; big discussions or arguments; and TV, computer, or video game use. Instead, focus on
quiet, soothing activities, such as reading, knitting, or listening to soft music, while keeping lights
low.
Dont read from a backlit device (such as an iPad). If you use an eReader, opt for one that is not
backlit, i.e. one that requires an additional light source.
Limit caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine. Stop drinking caffeinated beverages at least eight hours
before bed. Avoid drinking alcohol in the evening; while alcohol can make you feel sleepy, it
interferes with the quality of your sleep. Quit smoking or avoid it at night, as nicotine is a
stimulant.
Preparing your brain for sleep
Your brain produces the hormone melatonin to help regulate your sleep-wake cycle. As
melatonin is controlled by light exposure, not enough natural light during the day can make your
brain feel sleepy, while too much artificial light at night can suppress production of melatonin
and make it harder to sleep. To help naturally regulate your sleep-wake cycle and prepare your
brain for sleep:
Increase light exposure during the day. Take breaks outside in sunlight, remove sunglasses
when its safe to do so, and open blinds and curtains during the day.
Limit artificial light at night. To boost melatonin production, use low-wattage bulbs, cover
windows and electrical displays in your bedroom, avoid bright light and turn off television,
smartphone, and computer screens at least one hour before bed. If you cant make your
bedroom dark enough, try using a sleep mask.
Coping with shift work
Working nights or irregular shifts can disrupt your sleep schedule. You may be able to limit the
adverse impact by practicing the healthy bedtime habits above, and following these tips:
Adjust your sleep-wake cycle by exposing yourself to bright light when you wake up at night, use
bright lamps or daylight-simulation bulbs in your workplace, and then wear dark glasses on your
journey home to block out sunlight and encourage sleepiness.
Limit the number of night or irregular shifts you work in a row to prevent sleep deprivation
mounting up.
Avoid frequently rotating shifts so you can maintain the same sleep schedule.
Avoid a long commute that cuts into your sleep time. The more time you spend traveling home
in daylight, the more awake youll become and the harder youll find it is to get to sleep.
Eliminate noise and light from your bedroom during the day. Use blackout curtains or a sleep
mask, turn off the phone, and use ear plugs or a soothing sound machine to block out daytime
noise.
Insomnia cures and treatments: Neutralizing anxiety when you cant sleep
The more trouble you have with sleep, the more it starts to invade your thoughts. You may dread
going to sleep because you just know that youre going to toss and turn for hours or be up at 2
a.m. again. Or maybe youre worried because you have a big day tomorrow, and if you dont get
a solid eight hours, youre sure youll blow your presentation. But agonizing and expecting sleep
difficulties only makes insomnia worse; worrying floods your body with adrenaline, and before
you know it, youre wide-awake.
Learning to associate your bed with sleeping, not sleeplessness
Self-help strategies for chronic worriers
Do you lie awake at night worrying about what ifs and worst-case scenarios? Chronic
worrying is a mental habit you can learn how to break.
If sleep worries are getting in the way of your ability to unwind at night, the following strategies
may help. The goal is to train your body to associate the bed with sleep, sex, and nothing else
especially not frustration and anxiety.
Use the bedroom only for sleeping and sex. Dont work, watch TV, or use your computer or
smartphone. The goal is to associate the bedroom with sleep and sex, so that when you get in
bed your brain and body get a strong signal that its time to nod off or be romantic.
Get out of bed when you cant sleep. Dont try to force yourself to sleep. Tossing and turning
only amps up the anxiety. Get up, leave the bedroom, and do something relaxing, such as
reading, drinking a warm cup of caffeine-free tea, taking a bath, or listening to soothing music.
When youre sleepy, go back to bed.
Move bedroom clocks out of view. Anxiously watching the minutes tick by when you cant
sleepknowing that youre going to be exhausted when the alarm goes offis a surefire recipe
for insomnia. You can use an alarm, but make sure you cant see the time when youre in bed.
Self-defeating thought Sleep-promoting comeback
Unrealistic expectations: I should be able to Lots of people struggle with sleep from time to
sleep well every night like a normal person. time. I will be able to sleep with practice.
Exaggeration: Its the same every single night, Not every night is the same. Some nights I do
another night of sleepless misery. sleep better than others.
Catastrophizing: If I dont get some sleep, Ill I can get through the presentation even if Im
tank my presentation and jeopardize my job. tired. I can still rest and relax tonight, even if I
cant sleep.
Hopelessness: Im never going to be able to Insomnia can be cured. If I stop worrying so
sleep well. Its out of my control. much and focus on positive solutions, I can beat
it.
Fortune telling: Its going to take me at least an I dont know what will happen tonight. Maybe
hour to get to sleep tonight. I just know it. Ill get to sleep quickly if I use the strategies
Ive learned.
Unrealistic expectations - I should be able to sleep well every night like a normal person. I
shouldnt have a problem!
Sleep-promoting comeback: Lots of people struggle with sleep from time to time. I will be able
to sleep with practice.
Exaggeration - Its the same every single night, another night of sleepless misery.
Sleep-promoting comeback: Not every night is the same. Some nights I do sleep better than
others.
Catastrophizing - If I dont get some sleep, Ill tank my presentation and jeopardize my job.
Sleep-promoting comeback: I can get through the presentation even if Im tired. I can still rest
and relax tonight, even if I cant sleep.
Hopelessness - Im never going to be able to sleep well. Its out of my control.
Sleep-promoting comeback: Insomnia can be cured. If I stop worrying so much and focus on
positive solutions, I can beat it.
Fortune telling - Its going to take me at least an hour to get to sleep tonight. I just know it.
Sleep-promoting comeback: I dont know what will happen tonight. Maybe Ill get to sleep
quickly if I use the strategies Ive learned.
Remember, replacing self-defeating thoughts takes time and practice. You may find it helpful to
jot down your own list, taking note of the negative thoughts that pop up and how you can dispute
them.
Insomnia cures and treatments: Harnessing your bodys relaxation response
Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, and tai chi can help quiet your
mind and relieve tension. They can also help you fall asleep faster and get back to sleep more
quickly if you awaken in the middle of the night. And all without the side effects of sleep
medication!
Relaxation techniques that can help you sleep
It takes regular practice to master relaxation techniques but the benefits can be huge. You can do
them as part of your bedtime routine, when you are lying down preparing for sleep, and if you
wake up in the middle of the night.
Abdominal breathing. Most of us dont breathe as deeply as we should. When we breathe

deeply and fully, involving not only the chest, but also the belly, lower back, and ribcage, it can
help relaxation. Close your eyes and take deep, slow breaths, making each breath even deeper
than the last. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
Progressive muscle relaxation. Lie down or make yourself comfortable. Starting with your feet,
tense the muscles as tightly as you can. Hold for a count of 10, and then relax. Continue to do
this for every muscle group in your body, working your way up from your feet to the top of your
head.
A step-by-step guide to developing a daily relaxation practice
It takes regular practice to learn these techniques and harness their stress-relieving power. Stick
with it because the benefits can be huge. You can do them as part of your bedtime routine, when
you are lying down preparing for sleep, and if you wake up in the middle of the night.
Insomnia cures and treatments: Using supplements and medication wisely
When youre tossing and turning at night, it can be tempting to turn to sleep aids for relief.
However, no sleeping pill will cure the underlying cause of your insomnia, and some can even
make the problem worse in the long run. Before taking any sleep aid or medication, talk to your
doctor or pharmacist.
Dietary supplements for insomnia

There are many dietary and herbal supplements marketed for their sleep-promoting effects. Some
remedies, such as lemon balm or chamomile tea, are generally harmless, while others can have
side effects and interfere with other medications.
They don't work for everyone, but two of the most popular supplements are:
Melatonin a naturally occurring hormone that your body produces at night. Evidence suggests
that melatonin supplements may be effective for short-term use, especially in preventing or
reducing jet-lag. However, there are potential side-effects, including next-day drowsiness.
Valerian an herb with mild sedative effects that may help you sleep better. However, the
quality of valerian supplements varies widely.
Over the counter (OTC) sleep aids
The main ingredient in over-the-counter (OTC) sleeping pills is an antihistamine, generally taken
for allergies, hay fever and common cold symptoms. OTC sleep aids are meant to be used for
short-term insomnia only. Sleep experts generally advise against their use because of side
effects, questions about their effectiveness, and lack of information about their safety over the
long term.
Prescription sleeping pills for insomnia
While prescription sleep medications can provide temporary relief, its best to use medication
only as a last resort, and then, only on a very limited, as-needed basis. First, try changing your
sleep habits, your daily routine, and your attitudes about sleep. Evidence shows that lifestyle and
behavioral changes make the largest and most lasting difference when it comes to insomnia.
For more on using supplements and medications
Read Sleeping Pills & Natural Sleep Aids
When to consider seeking professional insomnia treatment
If youve tried the insomnia cures and treatments listed above and are still having trouble getting
the sleep you need, a doctor or sleep disorder specialist may be able to help. Seek professional
help for insomnia if:
Your insomnia doesnt respond to self-help strategies

Your insomnia is causing major problems at home, work, or school
Youre experiencing scary symptoms like chest pain or shortness of breath
Your insomnia occurs almost every night and is getting worse
Bring a sleep diary with you. Your doctor may be able to diagnose an illness or sleep disorder
that's causing your insomnia, or refer you to a sleep specialist or cognitive behavioral therapist.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for insomnia

CBT is aimed at breaking the cycle of insomnia. Poor sleep tends to lead to stress and anxious
thoughts about not being able to sleep. This in turn leads to stress and tension, which leads to
poor sleeping habits, such as the use of sleeping pills or alcohol to sleep or taking daytime naps
to make up for lost sleep. This leads to worsening insomnia and so on.
The Vicious Cycle of Insomnia
As well as improving sleep habits, CBT is aimed at changing thoughts and feelings about sleep
that may be causing stress and contributing to your insomnia.
While CBT can be a much safer and more effective insomnia treatment than sleeping pills, it's
not an instant remedy but one that requires time and persistence. Your sleep may even get worse
at first if your therapist recommends sleep restriction therapy, whereby you initially shorten your
sleep time. The idea is that by limiting the time you spend in bed to the number of hours you
actually sleep, say from 1 a.m. to 6 a.m., you'll spend less time awake and more time asleep. As
your sleep efficiency increases you'll gradually start going to bed earlier and getting up later until
you reach your optimum sleep schedule.
Online CBT for insomnia
For those who can't access or are unable to afford traditional cognitive behavioral therapy for
insomnia, some online programs may offer a cheaper but viable alternative. Initial studies
suggest that some online CBT programs can significantly improve sleep length and quality.
However, no online program can take the place of professional medical evaluation and treatment.
It's important to first speak to your doctor for a diagnosis and to rule out any underlying medical
condition or other sleep disorder that may be causing your insomnia. See Resources &
References below to find an online CBT program for insomnia.
Can cognitive behavioural therapy really
change our brains?
CBT is used to treat many

depression and anxiety disorders
Continue reading the main story
Related Stories
When does your mental health become a problem?

What is depression?
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a type of talking therapy that's used to treat a wide
range of mental health problems, from depression and eating disorders to phobias and
obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It recommends looking at ourselves in a different way
that might prove useful for all of us in everyday life. But what happens to our brains when we
have CBT?
What is cognitive behavioural therapy?
CBT is based on the idea that problems aren't caused by situations themselves, but by how we
interpret them in our thoughts. These can then affect our feelings and actions.
The way we think about a situation can affect how we feel and how we act
For example, if someone you know walks by without saying hello, what's your reaction?
You might think that they ignored you because they don't like you, which might make you feel
rejected. So you might be tempted to avoid them the next time you meet. This could breed more
bad feeling between you both and more "rejections", until eventually you believe that you must
be unlikeable. If this happened with enough people, you could start to withdraw socially.
But how well did you interpret the situation in the first place?
Common errors in thinking style
Emotional reasoning - e.g. I feel guilty so I must be guilty

Jumping to conclusions - e.g. if I go into work when I'm feeling low, I'll only feel worse
All-or-nothing thinking - e.g. if I've not done it perfectly, then it's absolutely useless
Mental filtering - e.g. noticing my failures more than my successes
Over generalising - e.g. nothing ever goes well in my life
Labelling - e.g. I'm a loser
CBT aims to break negative vicious cycles by identifying unhelpful ways of reacting that creep
into our thinking.
"Emotional reasoning is a very common error in people's thinking," explains Dr Jennifer Wild,
Consultant Clinical Psychologist from Kings College London. "That's when you think something
must be true because of how you feel."
CBT tries to replace these negative thinking styles with more useful or realistic ones.
This can be a challenge for people with mental health disorders, as their thinking styles can be
well-established.
How do we break negative thinking styles?
Some psychological theories suggest that we learn these negative thinking patterns through a
process called negative reinforcement.
Graded exposure can help people confront their

phobias
For example, if you have a fear of spiders, by avoiding them you learn that your anxiety levels
can be reduced. So you're rewarded in the short term with less anxiety but this reinforces the
fear.
To unlearn these patterns, people with phobias and anxiety disorders often use a CBT
technique called graded exposure. By gradually confronting what frightens them and observing
that nothing bad actually happens, it's possible to slowly retrain their brains to not fear it.
How does cognitive behavioural therapy work on the brain?
Primitive survival instincts like fear are processed in a part of the brain called the limbic system.
This includes the amygdala, a region that processes emotion, and the hippocampus, a region
involved in reliving traumatic memories.
Start Quote
It seems that CBT really can change your brain and rewire it.
End Quote Dr Paul Blenkiron, Consultant Psychiatrist
Brain scan studies have shown that overactivity in these two regions returns to normal after a
course of CBT in people with phobias.
What's more, studies have found that CBT can also change the prefrontal cortex, the part of the
brain responsible for higher-level thinking.
So it seems that CBT might be able to make real, physical changes to both our "emotional
brain" (instincts) and our "logical brain" (thoughts).
Intriguingly, similar patterns of brain changes have been seen with CBT and with drug
treatments, suggesting that psychotherapies and medications might work on the brain in parallel
ways.
How effective is cognitive behavioural therapy?
Of all the talking therapies, CBT has the most clinical evidence to show that it works.
Studies have shown that it is at least as effective as medication for many types of depression
and anxiety disorders.
But unlike many drugs, there are few side effects with CBT. After a relatively short course,
people have often described long-lasting benefits.
"In the trials we've run with post-traumatic stress disorder [PTSD] and social anxiety disorder,
we've seen that even when people stop the therapy, they continue improving because they
have new tools in place and they've made behavioural and thinking style changes," Dr Wild
explains.
Find out more
Watch David, 25, and Wayne, 24, use CBT to help with their mental health in Inside My
Mind on BBC Three, 7 August 2013 at 8pm, and afterwards on iPlayer
Find out more about mental health in the It's a Mad World season on BBC Three
CBT may not be for everyone, however.
Since the focus is on tackling the here and now, people with more complicated roots to their
mental problems which could stem from their childhood, for example, may need another type of
longer-term therapy to explore this.
CBT also relies on commitment from the individual, including "homework" between therapy
sessions. It can also involve confronting fears and anxieties, and this isn't always easy to do.
Ultimately, as with many types of treatment, some people will benefit from CBT more than
others and psychologists and neuroscientists are beginning to unravel the reasons behind this.
When does your mental health become a

problem?
People often feel sad

during difficult life events
Related Stories
What is depression?
Can CBT really change our brains?
One in four people are expected to experience a mental health problem, yet stigma and
discrimination are still very common. Myths such as assuming mental illness is somehow down
to a 'personal weakness' still exist.
How do we define mental health?
A person who is considered 'mentally healthy' is someone who can cope with the normal
stresses of life and carry out the usual activities they need to in order to look after themselves;
can realise their potential; and make a contribution to their community. However, your mental
health or sense of 'wellbeing' doesn't always stay the same and can change in response to
circumstances and stages of life.
Everyone will go through periods when they feel emotions such as stress and grief, but
symptoms of mental illnesses last longer than normal and are often not a reaction to daily
events. When these symptoms become severe enough to interfere with a person's ability to
function, they may be considered to have a significant psychological or mental illness.
Someone with clinical depression, for example, will feel persistent and intense sadness, making
them withdrawn and unmotivated. These symptoms usually develop over several weeks or
months, although occasionally can come on much more rapidly.
Mental health problems are defined and classified to help experts refer people for the right care
and treatment. The symptoms are grouped in two broad categories - neurotic and psychotic.
Neurotic conditions are extreme forms of 'normal' emotional experiences such as depression,
anxiety or obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Around one person in 10 experiences these
mood disorders at any one time. Psychotic symptoms affect around one in 100 and these
interfere with a person's perception of reality, impairing their thoughts and judgments.
Conditions include schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
Mental illness is common but fortunately most people recover or learn to live with the problem,
especially if diagnosed early.
What causes mental illness?
How common are mental illnesses in the UK?
Anxiety will affect 10% of the population

Bipolar disorder will affect one in 100
One in every 150 15-year-old girls will get anorexia, and one in every 1000 15-year-old
boys
20% of people will become depressed at some point in their lives
OCD will affect 2%
Personality disorder will affect one in 10, though for some it won't be severe
Schizophrenia will affect one in 100
Source: Royal College of Psychiatrists

The exact cause of most mental illnesses is not known but a combination of physical,
psychological and environmental factors are thought to play a role.
Many mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder can run in families, which suggests a genetic
link. Experts believe many mental illnesses are linked to abnormalities in several genes that
predispose people to problems, but don't on their own directly cause them. So a person can
inherit a susceptibility to a condition but may not go on to develop it.
Psychological risk factors that make a person more vulnerable include suffering, neglect, loss of
a parent, or experiencing abuse.
Difficult life events can then trigger a mental illness in a person who is susceptible. These
stressors include illness, divorce, death of a loved one, losing a job, substance abuse, social
expectations and a dysfunctional family life.
When is someone thought to be mentally ill?
A mental illness can not be 'tested' by checking blood or body fluids. Instead it is diagnosed,
usually by an experienced psychiatrist or clinical psychologist, after studying a patient's
symptoms and monitoring them over a period of time.
How ICD-10 classifies bipolar affective disorder:
'A disorder characterized by two or more episodes in which the patient's mood and activity
levels are significantly disturbed, this disturbance consisting on some occasions of an elevation
of mood and increased energy and activity (hypomania or mania) and on others of a lowering of
mood and decreased energy and activity (depression). '
Many different mental illnesses can have overlapping symptoms, so it can be difficult to tell the
conditions apart.
To diagnose a mental health condition, psychiatrists in the UK may refer to the World Health
Organisation's International Classification of Diseases (ICD) system. This lists known mental
health problems and their symptoms under various sub-categories. It is updated around every
15 years.
Some experts argue that the current system relies too strongly on medical approaches for
mental health problems. They say it implies the roots of emotional distress are simply in brain
abnormalities and underplay the social and psychological causes of distress.
They argue that this leads to a reliance on anti-depressants and anti-psychotic drugs despite
known significant side-effects and poor evidence of their effectiveness.
For symptoms and more information, visit NHS Choices

What is depression?
People with depression

feel persistently sad for weeks or months
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When does your mental health become a problem?

Can CBT really change our brains?
The low mood of depression is deeper, longer and more unpleasant than the short periods of
unhappiness we all have from time to time. It can cause a loss of interest or pleasure in
activities, and may interfere with everyday life.
What causes depression?
We are still not sure what causes depression but a combination of factors are thought to play a
role. Major life events such as bereavement, redundancy or marital breakdown are all common
triggers for depression.
Unhelpful thinking patterns such as imagining the worst - also known as over-generalising or
'catastrophising' ("I fail at everything") - can also contribute to a downward spiral into
depression.
Some medical conditions, such as an underactive thyroid (hypothyroidism), can also cause
depression. Depression is also a rare side-effect of certain drugs such as beta blockers, which
are used to lower blood pressure, and some anti-epileptic drugs.
You can also develop the condition for no single obvious reason. It can come on gradually and
you can end up exhausting yourself by trying to struggle on and keep busy rather than seeking
help.
The role that brain chemicals play in depression is still poorly understood. However, most
experts agree that it is not simply caused by an imbalance in the brain.
Who can get depression?
The short answer is: anyone can develop depression.
However, research suggests there may be a genetic factor involved that makes some more
prone to the condition when going through a challenging period. People with a family history of
depression are also more likely to experience it themselves. And certain genetic variations on
chromosome 3 could play a role in severe and recurring depression - a disorder that affects up
to 4% of the population.
The role of anti-depressants
Anti-depressants affect the way that chemicals in the brain work. But the exact role of these
chemicals in depression is not fully understood, and anti-depressants do not work for everyone.
It is known that depression changes the balance of various neurotransmitters in the brain.
These are the chemical messengers that communicate between brain cells called neurones.
Neurotransmitters send information across tiny spaces called synapses, which are received by
a receptor embedded in the next neurone in the chain. The receptors may be oversensitive or
insensitive to a specific neurotransmitter, causing their response to its release to be excessive
or inadequate.
WHO IS AFFECTED?
About two in three adults have depression at some time in their life
One in four women and 1 in 10 men will require treatment for it at some point
The average length of an episode of depression is six to eight months
4% of children suffer from anxiety or depression
Source: Patient.co.uk
Anti-depressants gradually increase the levels of 'mood-enhancing' neurotransmitters like

serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine in the brain. This may be why most people need to
take the pills for a few weeks before they start to work.
However, according to the Royal College of Psychiatrists some of the benefit is due to the
placebo effect. They found that 50 to 65% of people living with depression get better if given an
anti-depressant compared to 25 to 30% of those given a 'dummy' pill.
First developed in the 1950s, there are now four main classes of anti-depressants and they
affect these brain chemicals in slightly different ways.
The most commonly prescribed are SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, which
raise the serotonin level in the brain. Serotonin and noradrenaline re-uptake inhibitors (SNRIs)
are newer and also affect levels of norepinephrine.
Tricyclic antidepressants and monoamine-oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs) are older and less
commonly used as they tend to cause more side-effects.
While anti-depressants can ease the immediate symptoms they do not tackle any root cause,
and so are often used in combination with other therapies.
Other major types of depression

TYPE OF DEPRESSION CAUSES RISKS
Post-natal depression Can be a combination of factors including Affects one in seven women after
stress of life-changing event, difficult childbirth. A family history of depression
A type of depression some women delivery, lack of support at home and illness or postnatal depression increases the risk
experience in the first few months following birth. Hormone changes may play as does having a mood disorder in the
after they have had a baby. a part. past.
Bipolar disorder
One in 100 people are bipolar in the UK.
Widely believed to be the result of chemical
Moods swing from one extreme to The disorder seems to run in families but
imbalances in the brain. Stressful life events
another. Manic and depressive no single gene is thought to be
can trigger episodes.
periods can last for weeks and may responsible.
interfere with every day life.
Seasonal Affective Disorder
A lack of sunlight causes us to produce more One in 50 people affected by SAD in the
A type of depression that has a of the hormone melatonin and less of the UK. One in seven people with a first
seasonal pattern. Episodes tend to neurotransmitter Serotonin. These factors degree relative with SAD will have the
occur during the shorter days of are thought to play some part in triggering condition. It is more common in
winter when the Sun's rays are SAD. countries further from the equator.
weaker.
For information on symptoms and treatment, visit NHS Choices
How to Have a Healthy Relationship
Things You Must Do IndependentlyThings That You Must Do Together
Sometimes relationships can seem like a lot of work until you sit back and
realize just how much you've been given. A thriving, healthy relationship
requires some give and take, and is absolutely within your reach if you and your
partner are willing to do a bit of work. If you and your partner are right for each
other, all the work will definitely be worth it in the long run.
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Part 1 of 2: Things You Must Do Independently
1. 1
Take responsibility for your own happiness. Save yourself several hours of arguing by
remembering this one rule: it's not up to anyone else to make you happy.
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2.
2
Make good on your words. Follow through on your promises. When you say you're going to do
something, do it. Don't say that you'll cook dinner, or get a birthday present, and then blow it
off or simply forget about it. What this does is systematically destroy trust. And relationships
need trust in order to thrive.
3
Admit your mistakes. If you know you've done something to hurt your partner, intentionally or
not, own up to it. Humble yourself and apologize sincerely, without making excuses or
justifications like "I'm sorry you made me angry."
Commit to changing your behavior. If you notice yourself apologizing for the same
mistake over and over, step it up a level. Tell your partner that you recognize this
mistake keeps happening, and you want to train yourself to stop. Request help and ask
for him or her to gently point it out to you when you're making this mistake again.
4
Be realistic. Every relationship has disagreements and days when staying isn't the easiest choice.
But what makes a relationship healthy is choosing to resolve those problems and push through
the hard days, instead of just letting issues and resentment fester.
Review your expectations. Do you see your partner as a person, with both winning
qualities and flaws, or as someone you expect to be perfect? If your expectations are so
astronomical that no one could live up to them 100% of the time, you're setting up your
relationship for failure.
Accept that conflict happens. If you expect to be in a long-term relationship, you're
bound to have the occasional disagreement. Remember that one argument isn't the end
of everything, and there's no person on earth that you'd agree with all the time.
Always ask yourself whether you're better off in the relationship than out of it. If you
don't think you're better off in the relationship, then you probably should have a serious
discussion with your partner. In a loving relationship, this question almost always gets a
simple "Yes."
5
Listen to your partner. Sometimes, all your partner wants is for you to lend an ear and be
sympathetic about one of their problems. Other times, your partner wants you to actively give
them advice. Know which one your partner is looking for, and try to give them what they want.
Being a good listener is all about paying attention to what they're saying and not blowing it off.
Listening to your partner will enhance your relationship in many ways. It will help you
resolve differences without arguing; let you explore each other's personality more
deeply; and even help you pick out an awesome Christmas present. There are no
downsides to listening.
6
Show your affection in whatever way you can. There's a difference between knowing that
you're loved and feeling that you're loved. Sometimes, we bank on the fact that our partners
should know that we love them even when we don't show it. Don't rely on this too much. The
best relationships use affection to show love.
Do something for your partner that you know s/he will truly appreciate. Whether it
means getting up early to mow the lawn, taking the kids to karate, or baking that nutella
shortcake, it's often the little favors that say the most.
Don't be afraid to show physical affection every once in a while. Loving relationships
feed off of the little kisses, hugs, and back-rubs that are mainstays of affection.
Do the unexpected. It's one thing to kiss your partner after you come home from work;
it's another thing to kiss your wife while you're skydiving, falling 10,000 feet from a
plane. It's the thought that counts, so put a little effort into it for huge returns.
Be loyal. Make sure he/she knows that you will always be there for him/her. Put him/her first in
your life as much as you possibly can. Not that you have to only see him/her ever, or never talk
to anyone else, but he/she should know that he/she can always count on you if he/she needs
something. Also, expect the same loyalty from him/her. You deserve to feel prized in the
relationship just as much as him/her.
Do not ever hide anything from him/her. Especially your feelings about him/her and your
relationship - whether good or bad! This way you will be able to overcome all the difficulties and
challenges together. If something bad happened in your past that still affects you in the present,
he/she needs to know about it. Note: you should be able to discuss your sexual history. It is an
obligation before you decide to be sexually involved with your partner. But you should make
them feel safe and not judgmental and you should expect the same from your partner.
9
Give him/her some space. Everyone needs their own privacy and some freedom, so don't
constantly watch everything he/she does. Everyone hates to be watched, stifled and controlled.
Do not ever spy on him/her (reading his/her phone, stalking him/her on social networks,
following him/her around). If he/she is cheating on you, you will find out. These things
cannot be kept secret for very long. But if you spy on him/her and he/she is innocent,
you will lose his trust and respect forever.
10
Express your feelings towards him/her. Always remind him/her of how much they mean to you,
and what they represent to you. Women are not the only ones who need expressions of love
and care, men need that too.
If you have a problem, you need to let him/her know - preferably in a clear and calm
manner without any yelling. If he says Àre you OK?` and you answer yes, do not expect
him to understand that you really meant no. Be honest and open.
Let him/her know it is safe to open up to you about what he is feeling. Reward his/her
trust in you by sympathizing with him/her and, but you don`t need to say much, just
listen.
Don't be afraid to lose him/her or spend every minute fearing the huge pain that that
might cause you. Enjoy each wonderful moment as it happens, and realize that there
will never be another one just like it.
Never be pathetic and needy just to make him/her pay attention to you and give you
sympathy.
A solid relationship should be based on mutual respect; if you are constantly trying to
pull him/her down with you, this means you don`t respect him /her enough to want
him/her to be happy. If you are depressed, see a doctor - don`t pull some guy/girl into
your problems.
11
Encourage him/her. So that he/she can be more successful at work or study. That will make
him/her realise how much you care about his/her future and wish that he/she'd become one of
the best. It will also make his/her feeling towards you grow even stronger, and he/she will
believe that you're ready to support him/her on anything he/she does.
Part 2 of 2: Things That You Must Do Together
1
Revive date-night. Going on dates, even if you've been in a relationship for years, is still
important. In fact, it's especially important for couples who have been together long enough to
grow comfortable. Try to go on a date at least once every month. Some couples make it a
priority to go on one date every week.
If you're having trouble imagining date ideas, try recreating a date you had with your
partner early on in your courtship. Do exactly the same thing(s), or put a spin on the
date by reinventing it in a significant way.
Do something new and exciting. Doing something that gets your blood flowing and your
heart rate up enhances feelings of togetherness between partners. If you're feeling
brave, go on dates that makes you feel like a kid all over again: going to a comedy club,
taking a cooking class, or test-driving a new car, to name only a few.
2
Practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of the past and focusing on the
present. It's about taking control of your current situation, as you must offer it to your partner
as much as you demand it from them.
Remember who forgiveness really benefits. Forgiving your partner absolves him or her,
but it also frees you from carrying around anger and resentment. Don't view it as an
entirely altruistic act it's something you're doing for both of you.
3
Laugh together. Laugh at one another with the security of love. Laughter helps the world go
'round, and it may with your relationship, too. Laughter helps your body burn calories, increase
blood flow, strengthen the immune system, and lowers blood sugar levels.[1] Laughter can be
comforting, infectious, or an aphrodisiac, and many things in between. Don't forget to laugh.
4
Support each other. Being supportive means making your partner's happiness and well-being a
priority, in ways big and small. Keep in mind that part of why you're together in the first place is
that you're each other's biggest fans, so make sure you act like it. Try demonstrating your
support in these ways:
Be a good listener. If your partner needs you to lend an ear, do it willingly. You don't
always need to come up with a solution, just support.
Offer encouragement. If your partner is trying to make a positive change, start a new
hobby, or undertake a difficult challenge, be his or her biggest cheerleader.
Provide a safe place. Allow your partner to be vulnerable in front of you without fear of
judgment.
5
Devote time to each other. Make spending time with your partner a priority, even if it's a little
inconvenient at first. Relationships need shared experiences to grow, and you're demonstrating
that nurturing yours is important to you.
Take up a hobby. Learning something new together can help you grow closer, as well as
discovering a leisure activity you both enjoy. Try sports like tennis or basketball, learning
a new language, cooking, crafting, or whatever else you've been wanting to try.
Find small ways to serve each other. Doing small acts of service for your partner shows
that you're aware of what he or she needs, and you're willing to help out. It doesn't
have to be an extravagant gesture: make dinner, take care of a small errand, or offer a
foot rub at the end of the day. Don't make it a big deal, and don't automatically expect
payback.
6
Develop better communication. Most people aren't born great communicators it's
something nearly everyone has to work at. The way you talk to your partner might seem small,
but you do it several times a day and it does have an effect. Consider these fixes:
Don't use directive language. Try to keep phrases like "you should" or "you can't" out of
your relationship. You and your partner are equals, and neither one of you should have
the authority to direct the other.
Relay your expectations. If you expect your partner to do something, say it. Don't expect
that he or she should read your mind, and don't rely on hints. Being clear about what
you want gives your partner a fair shot at succeeding. (And keep the above point in
mind: instead of "You should take the garbage out every day," say "I'd really like it if you
took the garbage out every day.")
Say "please" and "thank you." You should be able to let loose around your partner, so
there's no need to worry about having impeccable manners all the time. The exception
to this is asking nicely and expressing gratitude when your partner does something
don't just assume he or she knows how you meant it.
Fight fair. Don't just let all these good communication skills go out the window during an
argument. Try to get your point across in a loving, respectful way that doesn't seek to
hurt your partner. If he or she insists on yelling or throwing insults, quietly request a
calmer attitude.
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Tips
Take care of yourself. Treating yourself with respect and love is as

important as respecting and loving your partner.
Allow your partner to WANT to love you. Don't pressure them into
buying this and that, kissing you at this time etc Your partner has to want
to do these things. It makes things more real and less of you feeling like
you're forcing them to love you.
Don't assume the worst or doubt him/her. It's all about trust.
Never be anything other than yourself around them. If you don't show
them all of you, they can't love all of you.
No matter what, never take your anger out on your partner. Even if
he/she is the reason of this mood. It will only make things worse if you
let them feel horrible!
Don't be clingy.
Comfort each other when needed.
Never cheat, if you are in a long term relationship with someone you
love, it is never worth it and these things will always resurface.
Trust is very important; if you don't trust somebody there's no point of
being with them.
Ask questions, clarify, and don't assume. Do not talk if your mind is not
clear or is full of anger. When you feel hurt, do not say "it's your fault /
you never loved me" or "let's break up" or "when do you want to break
up?". You might well regret it one day. Tell him or her you feel hurt, and
ask for clarification first, if you don't work together and just blame, it can
only do harm. Never just withdraw this always causes more harm than
good.
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Warnings
If your partner is scaring you, trying to control you, or deliberately

hurting you (physically or emotionally), seek help immediately. Abusive
behavior is not your fault. In a healthy relationship, partners need to
work together to make each other happy; you should never have to work
just to keep your partner from making you miserable.
How to Maintain a Healthy Open Relationship
Maintaining a healthy relationship.

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Steps
1
Be open with your partner and try to make him/her as your soul mate. Always show you love
your partner and you are always loyal towards him/her.
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2.
2
Be true to your partner. Tell him/her what you like and what you don't like about them. Be a
positive side of your relationship.
3
Always try to be with your partner at every pace of his/her life. Do not leave him/her in
difficulty. Show what love means to you for him/her.
4
Try to fulfill the expectations of your partner and maintain healthy relationship.
5
Small things matter a lot just like romantic talks, kiss on forehead or just kiss, many times
work to form a strong bond.
How to Develop Positive Work Relationships
Work relationships are important for building a career and finding satisfaction
in your job. To learn how to develop positive work relationships, you must be
willing to listen to co-workers, communicate openly, and respect yourself and
your co-workers. Building positive work relationships also involves
compromising and getting to know co-workers as individuals.
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Steps
1
Employ active listening techniques.
To develop positive work relationships, it is important to listen closely to what your

colleagues are saying. Active listening techniques involve repeating back to the person
who is talking what you heard him or her say. This assures that you and your co-worker
are on the same page.
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2
Allow for open communication.
Co-workers should be able to freely express their thoughts on work-related issues in a

professional manner. In team meetings or one-on-one sessions, co-workers should be
encouraged to voice their opinions about a project and express their ideas. Open
communication is important for team building and increasing morale. If you are a
supervisor or director, it is your responsibility to establish an office culture in which
employees feel comfortable expressing themselves.
3
Be respectful of yourself and others.
When building positive relationships, it is important to act in a respectful manner. Be

respectful to your co-workers by listening to their positions and responding in a
professional manner. Respect yourself by staying in control of your emotions and using
your best judgment when working towards conflict resolution with co-workers. For
example: If you are having a disagreement with a co-worker, take a few deep breaths
before responding or agree to discuss the issue at a later time so that you can walk away
from the situation and come up with an appropriate, professional response.
4
Be willing to compromise.
The work environment requires that co-workers work together as a team. Compromise
involves each party getting something that he or she wants so that everyone wins.
5
Get to know your co-workers on a personal level.
Cultivating relationships with your co-workers can improve work relations and improve
your support system at work. Participate in organization-wide volunteer programs,
share personal interests during lunch, and find opportunities to spend time with co-
workers outside of the office.
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Tips
Set boundaries, such as how much of your personal life you reveal at
work. Be respectful of your co-worker's boundaries.
Be polite and courteous to co-workers. Express your gratitude when a
co-worker assists you with a project or task.
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Warnings
Don't ignore on-going conflicts. Doing so will hurt your morale and
interfere with your ability to do your job well. If you cannot resolve the
conflict with your co-worker, discuss the problem with you direct
supervisor or arrange to meet with a human resources representative.
How to Be More Effective at Work
Feeling ineffective at work? Here are some suggestions to spruce up your work
style and to get you back into a zone of working effectively.
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Steps
1. 1
Avoid distractions.
Clean up a cluttered desk.

Reorganize your files.
Shut the door if people keep interrupting you as you work.
Set aside a time for answering emails and phone calls and only perform these tasks at
the set time.
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2
Stop procrastination. Do what you can do now rather than wait until later.
3
Seek further training. If you feel that you're not effective at doing something because you don't
know enough about it, ask your supervisor or boss if you can attend training to improve your
knowledge and ability to use it.
4
Eat well. Do not skip breakfast or lunch and cut down on the sugary snacks. Eat healthy foods
most of the time, to increase your effectiveness through being wide awake, and focused.
5
Get adequate sleep every night. If you're not refreshed every day, you'll lack effectiveness at
work.
Why did People turn away from God?
The situation now in the world is different because there are now a very large
number of people who do not believe in a Creator or in life after death - for example
two surveys in the Czech Republic in 2000 found in one only 13% believe in life after
death and in the other only 17% believe in God. A major reason for this in the last
century was the so-called theory of evolution by Darwin (other reasons include the
impact of totalitarian communism rule on peoples faith.) The theory of evolution says
that man evolved from the ape, rather than being created by a Creator. Although this
theory has no academic or scientific substance, it gained favor with so many people
because it appealed to the doubts they had about the God that they were told to believe
in. This is not surprising. If you give an educated person a description of a Creator
that is illogical and unreasonable and then ask that person to believe in Him as his
God, he would refuse. This unfortunately is the situation right now, especially in the
west. The Christian Doctrines advocate the trinity, that God manifests Himself in
three distinct and equal persons, and that God came down to earth in the form of a
man (that is Jesus) and that He was crucified and died as a vicarious sacrifice for the
so-called sin of man. So the Christians believe that Jesus was God in human form,
God-incarnate. But how can the Creator die?
Some of the most important doctrines of Christianity - the doctrines of the Trinity,
the Divinity of Jesus, the Divine-Sonship of Jesus, the Original Sin and the
Atonement are neither rational nor in conformity with the teachings of Jesus. These
dogmas took shape long after Jesus, as a result of old pagan influence. For example
we find in Hinduism, the Triad (the trinity): there is Brahma, the creator god,
Vishnu, the preserver god, and Shiva, the god of destruction. Modern Hindus take
Krishna the son of Divachi, the virgin, as Vishnu incarnate. Krishna is the savior who
as a sacrifice for their sin, had to suffer. He was crucified, died and then was raised
from death. In Buddhism we find the Buddhist gods: Guatama (the holy spirit), Maya
(the virgin mother) and Buddha, the son (who was conceived when Maya was filled
by the holy spirit) and who is the savior who died and was raised from death. It may
be interesting to mention that the 25th of December is not the birthday of Jesus. It is
the birthday of Krishna in Hinduism, and of Nimrod, the divine son (a Babylonian
god), and of Mithra, the god of light (one of the gods of the Greeks and the Romans)!
The religion revealed to the prophets of various nations was the same, but in the
course of time it had been misinterpreted and become mixed up with superstitions and
degenerated into magical practices and meaningless rituals. The concept of God, the
very core of religion, had become debased by (a) the anthropomorphic tendency of
making God into a being with a human shape, needs and human deficiencies, (b) the
association of other persons with the one and only God in His Godhead (as in
Hinduism and Christianity), (c) by the deification of the angels (e.g., the Devas in
Hinduism, the Yazatas in Zoroastrianism and, perhaps also, the Holy Spirit in
Christianity), (d) by making the Prophets into Avatars or incarnations of God (e.g.,
Jesus Christ in Christianity, the Buddha in Mahayana Buddhism, and Krishna and
Rama in Hinduism), and (e) by the personification of the attributes of God into
separate Divine Persons (e.g., the Christian Trinity of the Father, the Son and Holy
Ghost, the Hindu Timurtri of Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva, and the Amesha Spentas of
Zoroastrianism).
Due to major religions distorting the oneness and essence of God, pupils in the
West are now being taught in schools to accept, as fact, Darwins theory of evo1ution.
As a result, more and more students of school and university age are now Atheists.
They even ridicule those who believe in God saying: they are either stupid or lack
confidence and so need something to give them security!
I was recently attending a lecture in a Western country given by a Muslim to a

group of retired men and women - more than 65 years of age. The lecturer in the
beginning asked the group: which of you believe in God? They all raised their hands
except two men. Then the lecturer asked: which of you do not believe in God? The
remaining two elderly men then raised their hands. However, one of them paused and
immediately interrupted the lecturer. He said: Tell me what do you mean by God so
that I can answer you! After the session, I said to the lecturer: this man is intelligent
because at first he said he did not believe in God, most probably because of the
Christian concept of God, but then he was willing to have an open mind and rethink
his position based on the concept of God that could be presented by the Muslim.
Why are we created?

Those who believe in the Creator can answer the questions: where from? And
where to? They know that they have come into existence by being created by the
Creator and they also know that there is an eternal life after death. But what about the
answer to the third question, that is: why have we been created? If we had been
created by the Creator, shouldnt we expect that He would tell us the purpose of our
creation? Shouldnt He tell us on what basis He is going to judge us on the Day of
Judgment?
What is the Islamic view?
Muslims say they know the answers because they have the Quran. But people of
other religions also have their own scriptures, so what is so special about the Quran?
The Quran is basically a book of divine guidance in areas that cannot be covered by
the human senses or intellect, such as faith, acts of worship, a moral code and a code
that governs the transactions between people. These are the four basic foundations of
religion, an area in which man always needs divine guidance. Muslims contend that
the Quran is the last revealed scripture by Allah (Allah is the proper name of God and
is not used to denote any other being. Therefore, I shall use the name Allah in
preference to the word God). The Quran is the recorded words of Allah Himself
dictated verbatim to the Prophet Muhammad in installments, verse by verse or a
group of verses, through the angel Gabriel over a period of 23 years between 610 and
633 AD. It is divided into 114 units, each called a surah. Muhammad received
revelation of the Quranic surahs as and when Allah chose to bestow on him new
revelation. At times several surahs, particularly the longer ones, were being revealed
to him concurrently. Muhammad used to have a group of scribes entrusted with
committing immediately whatever was revealed to him to writing. Those scribes used
parchment, pottery, date palm leaves, flat stones, tree bark, wood, dried animal skins
and even the shoulder blades of sheep or camels to write on; and the revealed verses
were memorized by heart as the mere recitation of the Quran is in itself an act of
worship, and as Muslims used these verses in their judgments and in their daily five
prayers. In this manner, the verses of the Quran were preserved in the hearts of
Muslims, as well as written down, during the lifetime of the Prophet. Muhammad
was instructed by angel Gabriel where to place every new passage in the surahs. The
surahs were named by divine decree, and Muhammad recited the whole of the
Quran in front of Gabriel more than once in the last year of his life. Similarly, the
arrangement of the surahs in a specific order was given by the Prophet
Muhammad who indicated it mostly by reading the surahs, particularly in prayer,
in a specific order. No revealed book has ever enjoyed the authenticity of the Quran or
had the cherishing, reverence, surveillance and care of its followers as the Quran. The
whole Quran has been memorized by a large number of Muslims in the lifetime of
Muhammad .
After Muhammads departure, the first Caliph, Abu Bakr, asked one of the
original scribes, Zaid ibn Thabit, to be in charge of collecting the original writings of
the Quranic revelations and writing down the whole Quran. Zaid produced a whole
copy of the Quran written on pages of leather. It was arranged in the order we have
today. This was done in the first two years after the Prophets death, since Abu Bakr
ruled for less than two years. This copy was then entrusted with the second Caliph,
Omar, and finally with the third Caliph, Othman. During the reign of Othman, the
Arabs came to know the paper industry from China and Othman called on Zaid to
head a committee of four Quranic scholars who would take on the task of making
seven copies. Those seven copies (written 14 years after Muhammads death)
were distributed to the various centers of the Muslim state to be the reference copy in
each center. At least three of those original copies of the Quran are still intact, one in
Tashkent, one in Istanbul, and one in Cairo. They do not differ in one letter from the
millions of copies of the Quran that are in the hands of people today. This
authentication of the last revelation is in itself miraculous. The Quran is the oldest
book within the hands of humanity that has been kept intact in exactly the same
language of revelation word for word and letter for letter. That is why the Quran is
unique, because it is the word of the Creator in its purest divinity.
Muslims believe in the authentic original revelations given to Prophets Moses,

David and Jesus, but none of these original revelations is found intact, and none is
found in the original language of revelation, and here the Quran stands unique in its
divine purity. Again the Quran is different from any human writings because it is
neither prose nor poetry. It came to the Arabs when they were at their peak in
eloquence and challenged them to produce one single chapter of it, or similar to it, or
to produce ten similar chapters or even a book like it. This challenge still exists today
and no challenger is forthcoming. The early scholars of the Quran thought that its
miraculous nature was due mainly to its style and beautiful expression. The beauty of
expression is really unique and cannot be paralleled by human writings. That is why
the early commentators of the Quran concentrated on its eloquence and style. Yet
being the word of the Creator, any area that has been covered in the Quran must be
unique. If you look at jurisprudence the Quran is unique, in the area of worship, the
Quran instructs people how to worship Allah. The concepts of Divinity, prophet hood,
and morality are all unique in the Quran. If we look at the narration of history of
previous nations, one after the other, and how they received the divine message, their
reaction towards it and what their reward or punishment was, at a time when there was
no form of regular documentation whatsoever. The Quran talks about these successive
nations without a single mistake, and modern archaeological discoveries are a
testimony to this.
Is the Quran credible?

Besides religious guidance, the Quran contains hundreds of verses that speak of the
universe, its components and phenomena such as the Earth, the sun, the moon, the
stars, mountains, wind, running water, plants, embryological animals, and the
successive stages of development of the human being. More than 1,000 verses relating
to cosmic facts or cosmic phenomena can be counted in the Quran. During the early
days of the Quran, scientific knowledge of the universe was limited and it was not
easy to elaborate on the verses relating to the universe or its phenomena except within
the limitations of the time. However, we now know about the laws of the universe
much more than before and that is why reviewing the 1,000 or more verses relating to
the cosmos, man and his surroundings can be one of the most obvious miraculous
aspects of the Quran. This is because of the precedence of the Quran, which was
revealed more than 14 Centuries ago, with many of the scientific facts, at a time when
people had no knowledge whatsoever of such facts. The Quran has addressed so many
of these facts in a language that is more precise, accurate and concise than scientists
have ever been able to do. Nothing in the Quran contradicts any established scientific
facts. These cannot be all covered in a short article and hence I have chosen only five
verses that can testify to the miraculous nature of the Quran from a scientific point of
view:
1) The creation of the universe is explained by astrophysicists in a widely accepted

phenomenon, popularly known as the Big Bang. It is supported by observational
and experimental data gathered by astronomers and astrophysicists for decades.
According to the Big Bang, the whole universe was initially one big mass (Primary
Nebula). Then there was a Big Bang (Secondary Separation), which resulted in the
formation of Galaxies. These then divided to form stars, planets, the sun, the moon,
etc. The origin of the universe was unique and the probability of it occurring by
chance is zero. The Quran contains the following verse, regarding the origin of the
universe:
Have those who disbelieved not considered that the heavens and the
earth were (once) a joined entity, then We separated them and made
from water every living thing? Then will they not believe? (Quran,
21:30)
The striking congruence between the Quranic verse and the Big Bang is
inescapable! How could a book, which first appeared in the deserts of Arabia 1400
years ago, contain this profound scientific truth?
2) In 1925 an American astronomer by the name of Edwin Hubble provided

observational evidence that all galaxies are receding from one another, which implies
that the universe is expanding. The expansion of the universe is now an established
scientific fact. This is what the Quran says regarding the formation of the universe:
And the heaven We constructed with strength, and indeed, We are

[its] expander. (Quran, 51:47)
Stephen Hawking, in his book A Brief History of Time, says: The discovery that the
universe is expanding is one of the great intellectual revolutions of the 20th century.
The Quran mentioned the expansion of the universe before man even learnt to build a
telescope!
3) Scientists say that before the galaxies in the universe were formed, celestial matter
was initially in the form of gaseous matter. In short, huge gaseous matter or clouds
were present before the formation of the galaxies. To describe initial celestial matter,
the word smoke is more appropriate than gas. The following Quranic verse refers to
this state of the universe by the word dukhan which means smoke:
Then He turned to the heaven when it was smoke... (Quran, 41:11)
Again, this fact is a corollary to the Big Bang and was not known to mankind
during the time of the Prophet Muhammad . What then, could have been the source
of this knowledge?
4) It was thought that the sense of feeling and pain was only dependent on the brain.
Recent discoveries prove that there are pain receptors present in the skin without
which a person would not be able to feel pain. When a doctor examines a patient
suffering from burn injuries, he verifies the degree of burns by a pinprick. If the
patient feels pain, the doctor is happy, because it indicates that the burns are
superficial and the pain receptors are intact. On the other hand if the patient does not
feel any pain, it indicates that it is a deep burn and the pain receptors have been
destroyed. The Quran gives an indication of the existence of pain receptors in the
following verse:
Indeed, those who disbelieve in Our verses (i.e. signs, proofs) - We

will drive them into a Fire. Every time their skins are roasted through
We will replace them with other skins so they may taste the
punishment. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted in Might and Wise. But
those who believe and do righteous deeds - We will admit them to
gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they abide forever.
(Quran, 4:56-57)
Prof. Tagatat Tejasen, Chairman of the Dept. of Anatomy at Chiang Mai University in
Thailand, had spent a great amount of time on research of pain receptors. Initially he
could not believe that the Quran mentioned this scientific fact 1400 years ago. He
later verified the translation of this particular Quranic verse. Prof. Tejasen was so
impressed by the scientific accuracy of the Quranic verse, that at a medical
Conference in 1985 he proclaimed in public the Shahadah (Islamic Declaration of
Faith), i.e. he embraced Islam.
5) The source of iron (Fe); we read in the Quran:
Indeed, We have sent down iron in which there is great (military)

might and benefits for the people. (Quran, 57:25)
It has recently been proven that all iron, not only in our planet but also in the entire
solar system, was obtained from outer space. This is because the temperature of the
sun cannot generate iron. The sun has a surface temperature of 6000 degrees Celsius
and a central temperature of about 20 million degrees Celsius. There exists much
hotter stars, which are known as novae, or super novae where temperatures can reach
100s of billions of degrees Celsius and it is in these stars that iron is formed. When the
percentage of iron reaches a certain proportion of the mass of the star it explodes and
these exploded-particles travel in space until they are captured by the gravitational
fields of other heavenly bodies. This is how our solar system all obtained its iron and
it is an established fact today that all the iron in our solar system was not generated or
created within the system but has come to it from outer space.
One wonders why the Quran comments on matters like these, things that were not
known to anyone at the time of revelation or even for centuries afterwards, unless
Allah knows in His eternal knowledge that the time will come when man will then
immediately realize that the Quran is the word of Allah and that Muhammad is
His last messenger. Allah says in the Quran:
We shall show them Our signs in the horizons and within

themselves until it becomes clear to them that it is the truth. (Quran,
41:53)
Prof. Tejasen accepted Islam on the strength of just one scientific sign mentioned
in the Quran. Some people may require ten signs while some may require hundred
signs to be convinced about the Divine origin of the Quran. Some would be unwilling
to accept the Truth even after being shown a thousand signs. The Quran condemns
such a closed mentality: Deaf, dumb and blind- so they will not return [to the
right path]. (Quran, 2:18). Also: The example of those who disbelieve is like
that of the one who shouts at what hears nothing but calls and cries [i.e. cattle or
sheep] - deaf, dumb and blind, so they do not understand. (Quran, 2:171). And:
Then do they not reflect upon the Quran, or are there locks upon [their]
hearts? (Quran, 47:24).
What is the Purpose of Life?
So what does the Creator, Allah, tell us about our purpose in life? Allah states in
the Quran that He created man to be His Khalefah, His trustee on earth (Quran 2:30).
Mankinds basic trust, our responsibility, is to believe in and worship Allah:
And I did not create the Jinn and mankind except to worship
Me (Quran, 51:56-58)
Very simple! The purpose for mans creation is to worship the Creator. The essence
of Allahs message through all of the prophets also was: O mankind, worship
Allah, you have no deity other than Him. (Quran, 7:59,65,73,85; Also
11:50,61,84; and 23:23,32). Allah further states that He made this life in order to test
man so that every person may be recompensed after death for what he has earned:
[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is
best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving. (Quran,
67:2)
But in order to worship Him, we have to know Him well otherwise we may form a
distorted concept of Him and then go astray. In the Quran Allah tells mankind what
He is and what He is not. For example, in response to a question about Allah that was
posed to the Prophet Muhammad , Allah instructs Muhammad to give the
following reply:
Say (O Muhammad): He is Allah [Who is] One, Allah, the Eternal

Refuge. He neither begets nor is born, nor is there to Him any
equivalent. (Quran, 112)
It is clear from this that Muhammad is not the author of the Quran otherwise he
would not have shown that someone is dictating to him what to say.
Also, Allah has to tell us how He wants to be worshipped, which He does in the
Quran. He also tells us in the Quran that all Prophets came with the same identical
message to their people - that is to believe in Allah and to worship Him. He also tells
us in the Quran that all the people of other religions have deviated from the original
teachings of their prophets. This is due to two reasons. The first is that earlier
scriptures were not preserved simply because of the absence or scarcity of writing
paper and so the teachings were transmitted orally and with time became distorted.
The second reason is because the clergy of various religions introduced doctrines that
were never there (e.g., the Christian trinity creed was introduced only after the council
of Nicea in 325 AD and the Council of Constantinople in 386 AD). Because of the
changes that crept into earlier religions, Allah tells us that He sent the Prophet
Muhammad as the last and final prophet and guidance to mankind with a scripture
that He promised would be preserved forever. Allah provides a test to prove that the
Quran is from Him. Allah says:
Then do they not reflect upon the Quran? (i.e. its meanings and its
objective) If it had been from [any] other than Allah, they would have
found within it much contradiction. (Quran, 4:82)
The Quran is available for scrutiny and investigation by any person to try to find
even one error or contradiction in it. In fact this test must be applied to any other
scripture that claims it is the word of God.
Is there any blind faith in Islam?

Islam is not a religion of blind faith but is a religion that strongly calls on man to
use his logic, reasoning and intellect. Allah in the Quran stresses the importance for
people to think, to reason and to use their mind and intellect. The word mind or
reasoning is mentioned 49 times in the Quran (in Arabic Taqiloon 24 times,
Yaqiloon 22 times, and Aqal, Naqil and Yaqil one time each). Also Allah refers to
people of understanding 16 times in the Quran (in Arabic Ulu Al-AlBab or Uli Al-
Albab). Allah also refers to those of intelligence two times in Chapter 20 by the
Arabic term Uli Al-Nuha. Allah also refers in many chapters in the Quran to the mind
by the Arabic word Al-Fuad. Also in many verses in the Quran, Allah uses the term
heart (in Arabic Al-Qalb) in place of the word Al-Fuad (mind) to mean the same
thing. In one place in Chapter 89 verses 53 & 54, Allah refers to the mind by the
Arabic word Al-Hijr. The Quran also, in tens of verses, strongly calls and emphasizes
the need to contemplate and to give thought (in Arabic Fikr or Tafakkor). Also in
tens of verses, the Quran draws attention to the importance for man to remember
and to recall (in Arabic Tazakkor). The significance of the two being: to give
thought is to increase or acquire new knowledge, whereas to remember is to recall
and remind oneself of relevant knowledge and events that may have been forgotten,
but which are important for ones faith.
Allah praises people who use their mind:

Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the
alternation of the night and the day are signs for those of
understanding - Who remember Allah while standing or sitting or
[lying] on their sides and give thought to the creation of the heavens
and the earth, [saying], Our Lord, You did not create this aimlessly;
exalted are You [above such a thing]; then protect us from the
punishment of the Fire. (Quran, 3:190-191)
About the Quran, Allah Says:
[This is] a blessed Book which We have revealed to you, [O

Muhammad], that they (i.e. people) might reflect upon its verses and
that those of understanding would be reminded. (Quran, 38:29)
In the Quran, the words that can be formed from the term know or knowledge
(root 'elm in Arabic) is to be found 865 times. In one verse Allah says: Are those
who know equal to those who do not know? Only they will remember [who are]
people of understanding. (Quran, 39:9). Also: And so those who were given
knowledge may know that It (i.e. the Quran) is the truth from your Lord and
[therefore] believe in it, and their hearts humbly submit to it. And indeed is Allah
the Guide of those who have believed to a straight path. (Quran, 22:54).
On the other hand, the Quran strongly rejects certain mentalities that are driven by
myths, illusions, absurdities, ignorance, blind imitation of others, assumption
(conjecture), prejudice, whims and desires. In fact, Allah in the Quran confirms that
most people on earth have gone astray because they follow assumption, conjecture
and ignorance. Allah says:
And if you obey most of those upon the earth, they will mislead you
from the way of Allah. They follow not except assumption, and they
are not but falsifying (out of ignorance, conjecture and assumption).
(Quran, 6:116)
Is there Life after Death?

All the prophets of God called their people to worship God and to believe in life
after death. They laid so much emphasis on the belief in life after death that even a
slight doubt in it meant denying God and made all other beliefs meaningless. The very
fact that all the prophets of God have dealt with this metaphysical question of life
after death so confidently and so uniformly - the gap between their ages in some
cases, being thousands of years - goes to prove that the source of their knowledge of
life after death as proclaimed by them all, was the same, i.e. divine revelation. We
also know that these prophets of God were greatly opposed by their people, mainly on
the issue of life after death, as their people thought it impossible. But in spite of
opposition, the Prophets won many sincere followers.
The question arises: what made those followers forsake the established beliefs,
traditions and customs of their forefathers, notwithstanding the risk of being totally
alienated from their own community? The simple answer is: they made use of their
faculties of mind and heart and realized the truth.
Did they realize the truth through perceptual consciousness? They couldnt, as
perceptual experience of life after death is impossible. God has given Man besides
perceptual consciousness, rational, aesthetic and moral consciousness too. It is this
consciousness that guides man regarding realities that cannot be verified through
sensory data. That is why all the prophets of God while calling people to believe in
God and life after death, appeal to the aesthetic, moral and rational consciousness of
man.
The Quran very clearly says that the disbelievers have no sound basis for their
denial of life after death. It is based on pure conjecture:
And they say, There is not but our worldly life; we die and live (i.e.
some people die and others live, replacing them) and nothing destroys
us except time. And they have of that no knowledge; they are only
assuming. And when Our verses are recited to them as clear evidences,
their argument is only that they say, Bring [back] our forefathers, if
you should be truthful. Say, Allah causes you to live, then causes you
to die; then He will assemble you for the Day of Resurrection, about
which there is no doubt. But most of the people do not know.
(Quran, 45:24-26)
The explanation that the Quran gives about the necessity of life after death is what
the moral consciousness of man demands. Actually, if there is no life after death, the
very belief in God becomes meaningless or even if one believes in God, it would be
an unjust and indifferent God, having once created man and now not being concerned
with his fate. Surely, God is just. He will punish the tyrants, whose crimes are beyond
count - having tortured and killed hundreds or thousands of innocent people, created
great corruption in society, enslaved numerous persons to serve their whims, etc.
Because man has a very short life span in this world and because numerous
individuals are affected by ones actions, adequate punishments and rewards are not
possible in this life. Could the good and the righteous be equated with the wicked and
evil? Moral, aesthetic and rational faculties of man reject this logic and endorse the
possibility of the life after death. Allah confirms this truth in the Quran: Then did
you think that We created you uselessly and that to Us you would not be
returned? (Quran, 23:115). Also: And We did not create the heaven and the
earth and that between them aimlessly. That is the assumption of those who
disbelieve, so woe to those who disbelieve from the Fire. Or should We treat
those who believe and do righteous deeds like corrupters in the land? Or should
We treat those who fear Allah like the wicked? (Quran, 38:27-28). Also: Or
do those who commit evils think We will make them like those who have believed
and done righteous deeds - [the evildoers being] equal in their life and their
death? Evil is that which they judge [i.e. assume]. And Allah created the heavens
and earth in truth and so that every soul may be recompensed for what it has
earned, and they will not be wronged. (Quran, 45:21-22). Also: And We did
not create the heavens and the earth and that between them in play. We did not
create them except in truth, but most of them do not know. Indeed, the Day of
Judgment is the appointed time for them all. (Quran, 44:38-40). The Quran
emphatically states that the Day of Judgment must come and that Allah will decide the
fate of each soul according to his or her record of deeds:
But those who disbelieve say, The Hour (i.e. the Day of Judgment)
will not come to us. Say, Yes, by my Lord, it will surely come to you.
[Allah is] the Knower of the unseen. Not absent from Him is an
atoms weight within the heavens or within the earth or [what is]
smaller than that or greater, except that it is in a clear register - That
He may reward those who believe and do righteous deeds. Those will
have forgiveness and noble provision. But those who strive against
Our verses [seeking] to cause failure (i.e. to undermine their
credibility) - for them will be a painful punishment of foul nature.
(Quran, 34:3-5)
The Day of Resurrection will be the Day when Gods attributes of Justice and
Mercy will be in full manifestation. God will shower His mercy on those who suffered
for His sake in the worldly life, believing that an eternal bliss was awaiting them. But
those who abused the bounties of God, caring nothing for the life to come, will be in
the most miserable state. Drawing a comparison between them, the Quran says:
Then is he whom We have promised a good promise which he will
meet [i.e. obtain] like he for whom We provided enjoyment of worldly
life [but] then he is, on the Day of Resurrection, among those
presented [for punishment in Hell]? (Quran, 28:61)
The belief in life after death not only guarantees success in the Hereafter but also
makes this world full of peace and happiness by making individuals most responsible
and dutiful in their activities:
Every soul will taste death. And We test you with evil and with good
as trial; and to Us you will be returned. (Quran, 21:35)
Why should one read the Quran?

No person can afford to be ignorant of the Quran, for it is the constitution revealed
by Allah to regulate and govern human life. It speaks with the perfect knowledge of
the Creator about His creation. It exposes the truth and invites man to the way of truth.
It contains important information about human destiny and that of the individual. It
educates and raises men to the highest moral, intellectual and social level when they
strive to comprehend it and apply its teachings to life.
Moreover, it is the actual words of Allah - not created, but revealed by Him
through the angel Gabriel to a human messenger, Muhammad , for the benefit of
humanity. It is an eternal miracle given to the final prophet, Muhammad , as proof
of his prophet hood and a challenge to all succeeding generations. It is of unique and
inimitable quality. Revealed fourteen centuries ago, it remains today completely intact
and unaltered in its original Arabic form.
What does one discover when he understands the meanings of the Quran? The
answers to this question can be classified in four main categories:
1) That he can know his Creator as He has described Himself
2) That he can know the purpose of life on this earth and what is expected of
every person during this life
3) That he becomes aware of the consequences of his attitudes and his behavior
4) How he should relate to all things - to Allah by worship and obedience, to
his fellow man by justice to all, and to the universe in general by putting
those things under his control to good use.
This divine message was revealed to confirm and renew the relationship between
man and his Creator and to reinstate the sincere and correct worship of the one true
God, Allah, who says:
Then let them respond to Me and believe in Me that they may be

[rightly] guided. (Quran, 2:186)
Why Islam?
Islam is not a new religion; it is not a different religion. It is in essence the same
religion that Allah (or God) sent to all mankind through all His prophets at different
times in history - the religion that had unfortunately been changed through human
adulterations, theology and philosophy. That is why the Prophet Muhammad came
as the last and final prophet and messenger of Allah. He needed to come to remove all
the riddles and confusion in the lives of people. He corrected matters of diversion in
belief that were introduced by confusing human philosophy and theology. He restored
the pure monotheistic belief of our Creator and brought the most perfect and most
noble understanding of Allah (or God).
The purpose of life is to know Allah, to believe in Him and to worship Him
according to how He wants to be worshipped, this includes that we live our lives
according to His commands. In the Quran, Allah tells us that since the messages of all
prophets before the Prophet Muhammad have been distorted, none of these
objectives could be achieved correctly except through His last and final message, and
therefore He will judge people on the Day of Judgment based on whether they
believed and followed Islam. Allah says:
Indeed, the religion in the sight of Allah is Islam. (Quran, 3:19)
In the same chapter Allah declares:
And whoever desires other than Islam as religion - never will it be

accepted from him, and he, in the Hereafter, will be among the losers
(in the Hellfire). (Quran, 3:85)
Muslims believe that the present life is a trial in preparation for the next realm of
existence. Muslims know that man was not created merely for this worldly life; rather
this world was created for man.
So, if a fool lives to eat and a wise man eats to live, then a believer lives to worship
Allah.
Stress Management
How to Reduce, Prevent, and Cope with Stress
It may seem that theres nothing you can do about stress. The bills wont stop coming, there will
never be more hours in the day, and your career and family responsibilities will always be
demanding. But you have more control than you might think. In fact, the simple realization that
youre in control of your life is the foundation of stress management. Managing stress is all
about taking charge: of your thoughts, emotions, schedule, and the way you deal with problems.
In This Article:
Identify sources of stress

Look at how you cope with stress
Avoid unnecessary stress
Alter the situation
Adapt to the stressor
Accept the things you cant change
Make time for fun and relaxation
Adopt a healthy lifestyle
Identify the sources of stress in your life
Stress management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This isnt as easy as
it sounds. Your true sources of stress arent always obvious, and its all too easy to overlook your
own stress-inducing thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Sure, you may know that youre
constantly worried about work deadlines. But maybe its your procrastination, rather than the
actual job demands, that leads to deadline stress.
To identify your true sources of stress, look closely at your habits, attitude, and excuses:
Do you explain away stress as temporary (I just have a million things going on right now) even
though you cant remember the last time you took a breather?
Do you define stress as an integral part of your work or home life (Things are always crazy
around here) or as a part of your personality (I have a lot of nervous energy, thats all).
Do you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely normal and
unexceptional?
Until you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining it, your stress
level will remain outside your control.
Start a Stress Journal
A stress journal can help you identify the regular stressors in your life and the way you deal with
them. Each time you feel stressed, keep track of it in your journal. As you keep a daily log, you
will begin to see patterns and common themes. Write down:
What caused your stress (make a guess if youre unsure)

How you felt, both physically and emotionally
How you acted in response
What you did to make yourself feel better
Look at how you currently cope with stress
Think about the ways you currently manage and cope with stress in your life. Your stress journal
can help you identify them. Are your coping strategies healthy or unhealthy, helpful or
unproductive? Unfortunately, many people cope with stress in ways that compound the problem.
Unhealthy ways of coping with stress
These coping strategies may temporarily reduce stress, but they cause more damage in the long
run:
Smoking Using pills or drugs to relax

Drinking too much Sleeping too much
Overeating or undereating Procrastinating
Zoning out for hours in front of the TV or Filling up every minute of the day to avoid
computer facing problems
Withdrawing from friends, family, and Taking out your stress on others (lashing
activities out, angry outbursts, physical violence)
Learning healthier ways to manage stress
If your methods of coping with stress arent contributing to your greater emotional and physical
health, its time to find healthier ones. There are many healthy ways to manage and cope with
stress, but they all require change. You can either change the situation or change your reaction.
When deciding which option to choose, its helpful to think of the four As: avoid, alter, adapt, or
accept.
Since everyone has a unique response to stress, there is no one size fits all solution to
managing it. No single method works for everyone or in every situation, so experiment with
different techniques and strategies. Focus on what makes you feel calm and in control.
Dealing with Stressful Situations: The Four As
Change the situation: Change your reaction:
Avoid the stressor Adapt to the stressor

Alter the stressor Accept the stressor
Stress management strategy #1: Avoid unnecessary stress
Not all stress can be avoided, and its not healthy to avoid a situation that needs to be addressed.
You may be surprised, however, by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate.
Learn how to say no Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or
professional life, taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress.
Avoid people who stress you out If someone consistently causes stress in your life and you
cant turn the relationship around, limit the amount of time you spend with that person or end
the relationship entirely.
Take control of your environment If the evening news makes you anxious, turn the TV off. If
traffics got you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. If going to the market is an
unpleasant chore, do your grocery shopping online.
Avoid hot-button topics If you get upset over religion or politics, cross them off your
conversation list. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop
bringing it up or excuse yourself when its the topic of discussion.
Pare down your to-do list Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If youve got
too much on your plate, distinguish between the shoulds and the musts. Drop tasks that
arent truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.
Stress management strategy #2: Alter the situation
If you cant avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Figure out what you can do to change things
so the problem doesnt present itself in the future. Often, this involves changing the way you
communicate and operate in your daily life.
Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is bothering you,
communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you dont voice your feelings,
resentment will build and the situation will likely remain the same.
Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the
same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, youll have a good chance of finding a
happy middle ground.
Be more assertive. Dont take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head on, doing
your best to anticipate and prevent them. If youve got an exam to study for and your chatty
roommate just got home, say up front that you only have five minutes to talk.
Manage your time better. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When youre
stretched too thin and running behind, its hard to stay calm and focused. But if you plan ahead
and make sure you dont overextend yourself, you can alter the amount of stress youre under.
Stress management strategy #3: Adapt to the stressor
If you cant change the stressor, change yourself. You can adapt to stressful situations and regain
your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude.
Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather
than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your
favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone time.
Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important
it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over?
If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.
Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself
up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and
learn to be okay with good enough.
Focus on the positive. When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the
things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. This simple
strategy can help you keep things in perspective.
Adjusting Your Attitude
How you think can have a profound effect on your emotional and physical well-being. Each time
you think a negative thought about yourself, your body reacts as if it were in the throes of a
tension-filled situation. If you see good things about yourself, you are more likely to feel good;
the reverse is also true. Eliminate words such as "always," "never," "should," and "must." These
are telltale marks of self-defeating thoughts.
Stress management strategy #4: Accept the things you cant change
Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You cant prevent or change stressors such as the death
of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way to cope with
stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, its easier
than railing against a situation you cant change.
Dont try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control particularly
the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can
control such as the way you choose to react to problems.
Look for the upside. As the saying goes, What doesnt kill us makes us stronger. When facing
major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor
choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.
Share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend face to face or make an appointment with a
therapist. The simple act of expressing what youre going through can be very cathartic, even if
theres nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation. Opening up is not a sign of weakness
and it wont make you a burden to others. In fact, most friends will be flattered that you trust
them enough to confide in them, and it will only strengthen your bond.
Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make
mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and
moving on.
Stress management strategy #5: Make time for fun and relaxation
Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by
nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, youll be in a better place
to handle lifes stressors.
Healthy ways to relax and recharge
Go for a walk. Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea.

Spend time in nature. Play with a pet.
Call a good friend. Work in your garden.
Sweat out tension with a good workout. Get a massage.
Write in your journal. Curl up with a good book.
Take a long bath. Listen to music.
Light scented candles. Watch a comedy.
Dont get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own
needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.
Set aside relaxation time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Dont allow other
obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge
your batteries.
Connect with others. Spend time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support
system will buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether
it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing
helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.
Stress management strategy #6: Adopt a healthy lifestyle
You can increase your resistance to stress by strengthening your physical health.
Exercise regularly. Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of
stress. Make time for at least 30 minutes of exercise, three times per week. Nothing beats
aerobic exercise for releasing pent-up stress and tension.
Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful
of what you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and your mind
clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.
Reduce caffeine and sugar. The temporary "highs" caffeine and sugar provide often end in with
a crash in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks, chocolate, and sugar
snacks in your diet, youll feel more relaxed and youll sleep better.
Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy
escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Dont avoid or mask the issue at hand; deal
with problems head on and with a clear mind.
Get enough sleep. Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will
increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.
Ten Tips for Managing Conflict, Tension and Anger
By Clare Albright, Psy.D.
To be a safe and predictable person for those around you at work and at home, it is essential that you
are able to maintain your composure when you feel like your 'buttons' are being pushed. This strength
will help you to achieve your goals in business as well as your goals for your personal relationships.
1. Share negative emotions only in person or on the phone. E-mails, answering machine
messages, and notes are too impersonal for the delicate nature of negative words. What feels like a
bomb on paper may feel like a feather when delivered in person.
2. Pepper your responses with the phrase, "I understand". This phrase will support your goals
when the tension is high and you need to find common ground to form compromises or agreements
with the other party.
3. Take notice when you feel threatened by what someone is saying to you. Resist the
temptation to defend yourself or to "shut down" the other person's communication. It will take this
kind of discipline to become an open, trusting communicator.
4. Practice making requests of others when you are angry. It is often much more useful to
make a request than to share your anger. For example, if the babysitter is driving you crazy by
leaving dirty dishes in the sink, it is better to make a request of them than to let your anger leak out
in other ways such as by becoming more distant.
5. Try repeating the exact words that someone is saying to you when they are in a lot of
emotional pain or when you disagree with them completely. This mirroring technique can keep
both the speaker and the listener 'centered' in a difficult conversation, especially when the attitude of
the person doing the mirroring is to gain understanding of a different point of view.
6. Take responsibility for your feelings to avoid blaming others. Notice when 'blameshifting'
begins to leak into your speech. "I feel angry when you are twenty minutes late and you don't call me"
is much better than, "You make me so mad by being late."
7. Learn to listen to the two sides of the conflict that you are in as if you were the mediator
or the counselor. If you can listen and respond in this way you will bring peace and solutions to the
conflict more quickly. For example, in response to an employee's raise request, you might say, "On
the one hand I understand that you really need the raise, and on the other hand I represent the
company, whose funds are very scarce at this time. Is there a way that I can work on your
compensation package that does not involve cash?" Here, the mediator's point of view can look for the
creative compromise that takes into account the limits and the needs of both parties.
8. Take a playful attitude towards developing the skill of emotional self-control in high
conflict situations. You could view maintaining self-control in a tense, angry converstion as an
athletic feat. You could also view developing this skill as similar to working out at the gym with
weights - the more that you use your self-control muscle the bigger it will grow and the easier it will
be to remain calm when tension is great.
9. Wait a few days to cool down emotionally when a situation makes you feel wild with
intense feelings, such as rage. As time passes, you will be able to be more objective about the
issues and to sort out the truth about the situation more clearly.
10. Make a decision to speak with decorum whenever you are angry or frustrated. If you
give yourself permission to blow up, people will not feel safe around you. They will feel that you are
not predictable and will carry 'shields' when they are near you. The fear and walls of others will not
support your goals for success in relationships or at work.
Dr. Albright is a Clinical Psychologist and Professional Coach.
Last updated 1/5/06
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It has always been easier to define mental illnesses than to define mental health. In the United States the
American Psychiatric Association has traditionally been the organization to define mental disorders
(beginning as early as 1917 when it was known as The Association of Medical Superintendents of
American Institutions of the Insane). More recently many have recognized that mental health is more
than the absence of mental illness. Even though many of us don't suffer from a diagnosable mental
disorder, it is clear that some of us are mentally healthier than others. Here are a few ideas that have
been put forward as characteristics of mental health:
The ability to enjoy life - The ability to enjoy life is essential to good mental health. James Taylor
wrote that "The secret of life is enjoying the passing of time. Any fool can do it. There ain't nothing to
it." The practice of mindfulness meditation is one way to cultivate the ability to enjoy the present. We,
of course, need to plan for the future at times; and we also need to learn from the past. Too often we
make ourselves miserable in the present by worrying about the future. Our life metaphors are an
important factors that allow us to enjoy life
Resilience - The ability to bounce back from adversity has been referred to as "resilience." It has been
long known that some people handle stress better than others. Why are some Vietnam
combat veterans handicapped for life, while others become United States senators? Why do
some adults raised in alcoholic families do well, while others have repeated problems in
life? The characteristic of "resilience" is shared by those who cope well with stress.
Balance - Balance in life seems to result in greater mental health. We all need to balance time spent
socially with time spent alone, for example. Those who spend all of their time alone may get
labeled as "loners," and they may lose many of their social skills. Extreme social isolation
may even result in a split with reality. Those who ignore the need for some solitary times
also risk such a split. Balancing these two needs seems to be the key - although we all
balance these differently. Other areas where balance seems to be important include the
balance between work and play, the balance between sleep and wakefulness, the balance
between rest and exercise, and even the balance between time spent indoors and time
spent outdoors.
Flexibility - We all know people who hold very rigid opinions. No amount of discussion can change
their views. Such people often set themselves up for added stress by the rigid expectations that they
hold. Working on making our expectations more flexible can improve our mental health. Emotional
flexibility may be just as important as cognitive flexibility. Mental healthy people experience a range of
emotions and allow themselves to express these feelings. Some people shut off certain feelings,
finding them to be unacceptable. This emotional rigidity may result in other mental health problems.
Self-actualization - What have we made of the gifts that we have been given? We all know people
who have surpassed their potential and others who seem to have squandered their gifts. We first need
to recognize our gifts, of course, and the process of recognition is part of the path toward self-
actualization. Mentally healthy persons are in the process of actualizing their potential. In order to do
this we must first feel secure.
These are just a few of the concepts that are important in attempting to define mental health. The
ability to form healthy relationships with others is also important. Adult and adolescent mental health
also includes the concepts of self-esteem and healthy sexuality. How we deal with loss and death is
also an important element of mental health. Please consider sharing your own ideas about mental
health in the Forum.
Why do some people develop PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) after a trauma and others remain
symptom free? We're not sure, but researchers are looking more deeply into this question.
The ability to bounce back from adversity has been referred to as "resilience." It is a key ingredient
in good mental health. We have long known that some people handle stress better than others. Why are
some Viet Nam combat veterans handicapped for life, while others become United States senators?
Why do some adults raised in alcoholic families do well, while others have repeated problems in life?
The characteristic of "resilience" is shared by those who cope well with stress.
Much of the research on resilience had looked at how adults react to the death of a spouse. Studies
have found that many bereaved individuals exhibit few or no mental health symptoms and continue to
function normally or almost normally. In most studies a minority of people do develop symptoms.
Resilience after the World Trade Center Attack
A more recent study looked at 2,752 New York City area residents who were living in the area at the
time of the September 11, 2001 World Trade Center attack. Some members of the sample were
actually in the World Trade Center at the time of the attack, while others were exposed to the trauma
in less extreme ways. Two thirds of the sample had either no symptoms of PTSD or only a single
symptom. Resilience was lowest in Staten Island residents (48%) and unmarried couples (39%).
Resilience was less common among more highly exposed individuals, but the frequency of resilience
never fell below one third.
This study adds to our understanding of resilience, but we have yet to identify all of the factors that
increase resilience. The authors of the World Trade Center study suggest that there are many different
ways to become resilient. Future research may help us bounce back more strongly in the face of
future trauma.
How to become More Resilient
We do know that social support helps. Maintain good relationships with family and friends, and turn to
them in a time of crisis. You may feel stronger "going it alone," but you will bounce back more quickly
if you have help from supportive people who care about you.
Life has its ups and downs. We all face different stressors, and we all react to them. Why do some
people cope better than others? One reason may have to do with balance.
Some people live in world of extremes. There can be biochemical reasons for this. People with bipolar
disorder alternate between periods of depression and periods of mania or hypomania. There is a large
hereditary component to this disorder, and medications are needed to restore a proper biochemical
balance. This balance can be quite delicate, however, and life events sometimes easily upset it.
We are not born with balance. Babies can't balance well enough to sit up, let alone walk. Their
emotions vacillate wildly. A baby can be crying loudly one minute, laughing the next, and fast asleep a
few minutes later. How do we ever get these emotional swings under control?
Warm, consistent parenting seems to be essential in helping helping us gain emotional balance. A
mother rocking a crying baby helps the child regain control over his or her own emotions. A steady
parent helps a young child rein in these emotional extremes by giving them a counterpoint to their
feelings. The fact that the parent reacts in a steady and consistent manner allows the child to develop
a consistent and balanced personality.
What if parenting is not warm and consistent? Some children live with a parent who is warm and
loving some times, cold and distant other times, and cruel and hurtful at other times. It is almost
impossible to develop a balanced personality in such a family. Some adults from such families live in
worlds full of extremes. Life seems to either be going wonderfully or horribly. Such imbalance can also
apply to relationships. Best friends can become bitter enemies over relatively small incidents.
Some theorists, such as Frank Putnam, M.D., have suggested that borderline personality disorder and
dissociative disorders can be related to growing up in such a family. If a baby develops a personality
by bouncing their emotions off a consistent caregiver, a wildly inconsistent caregiver may interfere
with the development of a stable personality. An extremely inconsistent caregiver - one who is warm
one minute and abusive the next - may even influence the development of multiple personalities.
We seem to need balance in many areas of our lives:

We need many different hormones and neurotransmitters to be in a state of biological and chemical balance. Imbalances can
cause many metabolic disorders, as well as biologically-based mental disorders.
Our immune system needs to be balanced to fight off invaders, and to refrain from attacking the body's own tissues.
We seem to need a balance between excitement and calm. Too much excitement and we seek relaxation. Too much quiet and
we seek excitement.
Solitude and companionship also need to be balanced. Too much time alone and we seek the company of others. Too many
interactions with people and we seek the quiet of our homes, or a quiet vacation getaway.
We need to balance work and play. This may especially be true of those in helping professions. If you spend a lot of time
helping others, be sure that you also do things to nurture yourself.
If your life seems stressed-out, take a look at balance. Are you too extreme in any of these areas? Do
you sometimes vacillate between extremes with difficulty finding any middle ground? It is possible to
restore a balance to your life. Start by recognizing where your life may be out-of-balance. Seek to
counter these tendencies gently, to avoid swinging to the other extreme. If the lack of balance is
extreme, consider getting assistance from a health professional or a self-help group.
The title of this article is a quote from Alfred E. Neuman of Mad Magazine fame. With his toothless grin
it was easy to get the impression that worry was a good thing - if you didn't worry you might end up
like Alfred. When I was first married my wife, Susan, would get angry at me when I refused to worry
about things. She was worried, why wasn't I? I had learned that worry does not accomplish
anything.
One of my early supervisors, Jay Chambers, used the term "negative fantasy" as a synonym for
worry. When we are worrying about something we are essentially fantasizing about bad things that
might happen. What's the point? It sometimes helps to plan for the future, but it almost never helps
to worry about it. Worrying actually ruins the present by bringing in an anticipated negative event
from the future.
Psychologists have coined the phrase "anticipatory anxiety" to describe a specific type of worry and
negative fantasy that often accompanies anxiety disorders. When a person has an anxiety attack or a
panic attack it can be disruptive and even immobilizing. The fact that an attack has occurred can
weigh heavily on one's mind. This can lead to a fear of similar attacks. If this fear gets strong
enough it itself creates anxiety, and this itself is sometimes enough to trigger another attack.
What's the solution? Stop worrying. This is easier said than done, of course. There are several
different 'thought-stopping" techniques that can help. A popular one involves wearing a rubber band
around your wrist and snapping it whenever you catch yourself worrying. Yell "stop" to yourself, and
shift mental gears to think about something else. It helps to have the "something else" in mind
beforehand - a relaxing image or a compelling problem that your mind will latch onto.
Another very effective technique involves setting aside time to worry every day. This sounds counter
productive, but it actually helps you gain control over your thinking. Complete instructions for this
technique are found in How to Worry Less. If these simple techniques are not enough, consider
counseling or therapy. Extreme worry is a form of obsessive thinking, and can be a part of a disorder
such as obsessive compulsive disorder.
How to worry less
Worrying can be thought of as "negative fantasy" - thinking about bad
things that might happen. You can easily learn to get your thinking more
under your own control.
Difficulty Level: Average Time Required: 7 days
Here's How:
1. Make a list of things that you worry about.

2. Set aside 15-30 minutes every day as a "worry time" and spend that time
intentionally worrying.
3. If you catch yourself worrying at other times - Yell "STOP" to yourself and
make a list of things you were worrying about.
4. At your "worry time" that day, spend some time worrying about items on the
list.
5. Modify the amount of time you spend worrying as you begin to get your
thinking more under your own control.
6. At the end of your worry time for the day spend a few minutes planning
more realistically for the future.
Tips:
1. Worrying and planning both involve thinking about the future - but planning is
productive.
2. Setting aside time to worry is especially helpful if worry keeps you awake at
night.
3. Sometimes getting more information about a subject will alleviate worry.
4. Worry is a form of obsessive thinking. Consider therapy if it interferes
in your life.
Borderline Personality Disorder Diagnosis
How Is BPD Diagnosed?
By Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD
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If you think you or a loved one may have borderline personality disorder (BPD), it can be very
helpful to educate yourself about borderline personality disorder diagnosis. Being armed with
some information can help you to take the next important step: making an appointment for an
assessment with a mental health professional.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)
The DSM, which is published by the American Psychiatric Association, is the official source of
diagnostic information for psychiatric disorders, including BPD and related conditions. For each
disorder, the DSM provides a list of symptoms and specifies how many symptoms are needed
(and how severe the symptoms must be) to warrant a particular diagnosis.
The current DSM criteria for a BPD diagnosis are summarized below.
The Criteria for a Borderline Personality Disorder Diagnosis
BPD is a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and emotion,

as well as marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts,
as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imaginedabandonment
A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes

between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting")
Identity disturbance: Markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex,
substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior
Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness,

irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
Chronic feelings of emptiness
Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper,
constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
How Were the Criteria for BPD Established?
A team of psychologists and psychiatrists who are considered experts in BPD developed the
DSM symptom criteria. Many of the work group members are considered preeminent BPD
researchers, and most also work directly with BPD patients.
The symptom criteria were established based on the best research available. However, it is
important to keep in mind that the symptom criteria are always being fine-tuned as new research
comes out. Currently, the DSM is in its fourth edition, and has undergone a text revision (this is
why you will sometimes see it referred to as the DSM-IV-TR). In the next edition of the DSM
(DSM-V), the symptom criteria for BPD may be altered to keep up to date with new research.
The Assessment Process

There are a number of psychological disorders and even medical problems that can cause
symptoms very similar to those associated with BPD. For this reason, it is very important to see a
licensed clinician (for example, a therapist or doctor) who can listen to your concerns, conduct a
thorough assessment, and make an accurate diagnosis.
A complete assessment for BPD may include several components. Your therapist or doctor may
ask you to participate in an interview, during which they will ask you questions about your
symptoms, physical health, and past and present life situation. He or she may also ask you to fill
out a written questionnaire about BPD symptoms. Finally, if you are willing, your clinician may
ask to talk to family or loved ones to get complete information on the ways that your symptoms
are affecting you.
At the end of the assessment process, your clinician will compile all of the information and make
a diagnosis. Then, they will speak with you at length about the diagnosis and treatment options.
What Should I Do if I Think I Have BPD?
If you think you may have BPD, the first step is to find a mental health professional to work
with. While they can be hard to find, there are clinicians who are specially trained to treat BPD.
How to Find a BPD Therapist

Find a Psychiatrist in Your Area
Find a Psychologist
If you have health insurance, you may want to talk to the insurance company about clinicians
who take your insurance and who have expertise in BPD (you should also ask how many
sessions would be covered and how much the co-pay would be). If you do not have insurance,
you may qualify for public assistance programs or services through your state or region's
department of mental health or social services. You can also ask your primary care physician for
a referral, or look into whether medical centers or universities in your area offer psychiatric or
psychological services.
In addition to working with a clinician, it may help to educate yourself about the variety of
effective treatments available, including medication, psychotherapy, and self-help treatments.
Finally, it is important to know that you are not alone, and that with help, people with BPD lead
normal and fulfilling lives.
Question: What is a Personality Disorder?
What is a personality disorder and what are the criteria for diagnosing a
personality disorder?
Answer:
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (4th edition) (DSM-IV)
a personality disorder is an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that meets the
following criteria:
deviates from the expectations of the individuals culture (e.g., is not what would be normally
expected from a person in their particular culture)
is pervasive and inflexible (e.g., affects all aspects of a persons life and is not easily modified
depending on the situation)
has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood
is stable over time
leads to impairment or distress
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is one of 10 personality disorders that are recognized in
the DSM-IV. Other personality disorders include: paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal, antisocial,
histrionic, narcissistic, avoidant, dependent, and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.
In addition, the DSM-IV designates the category of Personality Disorder Not Otherwise
Specified, or PD-NOS, for individuals who meet the general criteria for a personality disorder
and have symptoms of one or more personality disorders but not enough to meet criteria for any
specific personality disorder. A person may also be diagnosed with PD-NOS if they meet the
general criteria for a personality disorder but have symptoms of a personality disorder that are
not formally recognized in the DSM-IV at this time.
Source:
Antisocial Personality Disorder

By Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD
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Definition: According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (4th
edition)(DSM-IV), antisocial personality disorder is a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and
violation of, the rights of others that begins in early childhood or early adolescence and continues
into adulthood.
People with antisocial personality disorder have been described as lacking empathy (or the
ability to put yourself in someone elses shoes to understand their feelings), and they may
often be deceitful or break the law. Antisocial personality disorder is also associated
withimpulsive behavior, aggression (such as repeated physical assaults), disregard for their own
or others safety, irresponsible behavior (such as difficulties sustaining a job), and lack of
remorse (such as not feeling bad when they have hurt someone else).
Symptoms of antisocial personality disorder frequently occur alongside symptoms of borderline
personality disorder (BPD).
Source:
American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-
IV-TR Fourth Edition. American Psychiatric Association: 2000.
Also Known As: psychopathy, sociopathy
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders
OCD and OCPD
By Leonard Holmes
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Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is usually grouped with anxiety disorders.
In recent years it has been increasingly treated with antidepressant medications.
OCD consists of two components - obsessive thinking and compulsive actions. It's
possible to get the diagnosis without having both components.
In simple terms, obsessive thinking is "thinking too much" about things.
A compulsion is an action you do in order to stop the obsessive thinking.
The textbook example is someone who compulsively washes their hands. This
person may obsess about germs or dirt. In order to stop these thoughts, they wash
their hands. When the thoughts return, they wash their hands again. These
compulsive actions can become ritualized. For example, some people with OCD
may believe that they must turn the light switch off exactly seven times in order to
be certain that is really off.
OCD is presently treated with antidepressant medications and cognitive-behavioral

psychotherapy. Some research suggests that outcomes are better if both of these
techniques are employed. The disorder was not always understood in this way.
Consider this excerpt from the 1970 edition of Hinsie & Campbell's Psychiatric
Dictionary:
"Psychoanalytically, obsessive-compulsive neurosis is interpreted as a defense

against aggressive and/or sexual impulses, particularly in relation to the Oedipus
complex. The initial defense is to the anal-sadistic level, but the impulses at this
level are also intolerable and must be warded-off - by reaction formation, isolation,
and undoing."
OCD used to be thought of as involving intra-psychic conflict, but the
modern DSM-IV sees the condition as having complex biological and
psychological origins, and defines it in the following way:
"Either obsessions or compulsions:
Obsessions as defined by:
Recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced, at

some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause
marked anxiety or distress.
The thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-
life problems.
The person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, impulses, or images, or
to neutralize them with some other thought or action.
The person recognizes that the obsessional thoughts, impulses, or images are a
product of his or her own mind (not imposed from without, as in thought
insertion).
Compulsions as defined by:

Repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts
(e.g., praying, counting, repeating words silently) that the person feels driven to
perform in response to an obsession, or according to rules that must be applied
rigidly.
The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing distress or
preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental
acts either are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to
neutralize or prevent or are clearly excessive.
At some point during the course of the disorder, the person has recognized that the
obsessions or compulsions are excessive or unreasonable. Note: This does not
apply to children.
The obsessions or compulsions cause marked distress, are time consuming (take
more than 1 hour a day), or significantly interfere with the person's normal routine,
occupational (or academic) functioning, or usual social activities or relationships.
If another Axis I disorder is present, the content of the obsessions or compulsions

is not restricted to it (e.g., preoccupation with food in the presence of an eating
disorder; hair pulling in the presence of trichotillomania; concern with appearance
in the presence of body dysmorphic disorder; preoccupation with drugs in the
presence of a substance use disorder; preoccupation with having a serious illness in
the presence of hypochondriasis; preoccupation with sexual urges or fantasies in
the presence of a paraphilia; or guilty ruminations in the presence of major
depressive disorder).
The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a
drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition."
So far this sounds reasonably straightforward. However, it gets more complex. For
starters, some compulsive behaviors have their own diagnosis. Trichotillomania is
the name for compulsive hair-pulling. To make things even more interesting, there
is another disorder with a name that is confusingly similar to OCD. Obsessive-
compulsive personality disorder could be thought of as a milder, but more
longstanding version of OCD -- but that's not quite right.
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)

By Leonard Holmes
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(Continued from Page 1)
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) looks entirely different from
OCD at first glance. The DSM-IV describes it this way:
"A pervasive pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental
and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency,
beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by
four (or more) of the following:
Is preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules to the
extent that the major point of the activity is lost
Shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., is unable to
complete a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met)
Is excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure
activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity)
Is overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality,
ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification)
Is unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no
sentimental value
Is reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly
his or her way of doing things
Adopts a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as
something to be hoarded for future catastrophes
Shows rigidity and stubbornness"
Like all personality disorders, OCPD can be thought of as an extreme exaggeration

of a certain personality style. Many of us likely know someone who is somewhat
like this. It's only a personality disorder when it is so extreme that it gets in the way
of daily life.
If you look hard, you can see why OCD and OCPD have similar names. Both
involve the tendency to obsess and to act compulsively. OCD is an illness that can
develop at different points in life. Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder must
have begun by early adulthood. It refers to a deeply embedded personality style,
rather than to a set of acute symptoms that get in the way.
Having some obsessive-compulsive personality traits can pay off. Students and
employees who are "excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion
of leisure activities and friendships" can be very productive. This productivity is
rewarded by good grades, pay raises, and advancement at work. Other aspects of
life can suffer, however, if things are not in balance.
Treatment for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders
Psychotherapy and medications are used to treat OCD and trichotillomania.

Psychotherapy can also be helpful to treat obsessive-compulsive personality
disorder (with medications sometimes used as well).
If the above symptoms sound like your life, and if they are getting in the way,
consider consulting a mental health professional in your area.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

John Gottman's NY Times Best-Selling Book
By Jenev Caddell
Created March 10, 2014
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Dr. John Gottman is a famous psychologist and relationship expert, known for his 40 plus years
of extensive research on relationships, what makes them work and what makes relationships fail.
One of his most popular books is called The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, and
while it's worth reading in full, here's a glimpse into what those seven principles are.
1. Enhance your love maps
Gottman stresses the importance of really knowing your partner. When you enhance your love
maps, you learn about your partner even more. He offers a detailed questionnaire in his book to
find out how much you really know about your partner, for example, can you name your
partner's best friend, or discuss some of your partner's current stresses? When you deepen your
knowledge of your partner's inner world, and continue to throughout your lives together, you
understand each other more and become closer. This is what enhancing your love maps is all
about.
2. Nurture your fondness and admiration
Being in touch with how valuable you and your partner are to each other is key for a lasting
relationship. Far too often partners take each other for granted and feel taken for granted. If you
focus on what you appreciate and admire about your partner, your relationship will be so much
better off. In his book, Gottman offers couples a "seven week course in fondness and admiration"
to help people get in the habit of appreciating each other a bit more.
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
Gottman discusses the importance of couples remaining emotionally engaged with each other,
similar to what Dr. Sue Johnson describes as one of the three most important qualities in a
healthy relationship. He notes that when couple stay connected and engaged with each other,
even if only through small conversations, they are bound to be happier and healthier in their
relationships. He calls this "turning toward," and offers exercises in his book on how couples can
do this more.
4. Let your partner influence you
In Gottman's research spanning many years, he found that the most stable and happiest marriages
of heterosexual couples were the ones in which the husbands treated their wives with respect and
shared the decision making. In fact, he indicated that studies demonstrate that men who do not
share the power with their wives are four times as likely to end or be unhappy than men who do
share the power. Letting your partner influence you also gives them the message that they are
important and valuable to you, which is critical for any partner to feel.
5. Solve your solvable problems
Gottman distinguishes between two types of conflicts in relationships: Perpetual problems, that
couples are basically stuck with, and comprise about 69% of a couple's problems; and solvable
problems, for which couples can actually come to a resolution. He offers a five step process to
solve your solvable problems.
Step 1: Soften your start up - begin the discussion gently and calmly
Step 2: Learn to make and receive repair attempts - offer and accept apologies, smiles, and
similar acts attempting reconnection
Step 3: Soothe yourself and each other - stay calm, take a time-out if needed, breathe
Step 4: Compromise
Step 5: Be tolerant of each other's faults
In his book he goes into much greater depth about each of these steps and how to effectively
solve your solvable problems.
6. Overcome gridlock
Gottman writes about how easy it is for partners to get stuck in "gridlock" over differences they
have, espeically in terms of their dreams and aspirations. When couples are stuck in gridlock,
dreams become buried, and partners become unfulfilled. Gottman encourages partners to be
"dream detectives" for each other, and to bring these issues to the surface for discussion, even if
it introduces some stress to the relationship. He notes that couples who are happy recognize the
importance of their partner's dreams, and strong relationships are built from continued
discussions of potentially unresolvable conflicts.
7. Create shared meaning
Creating a life of shared meaning is something that evolves over the time of a relationship.
Gottman notes that the most fulfilling marriages are built on shared meaning and deep
friendship. Honor each other's values and purpose and share goals and meaning along the way.
Healthy relationships are so important and have tremendous positive effects on our health and
lives. Any couple should do themselves a favor and try to implement these seven principles in
order to take good care of their relationship.
Is your marriage headed for divorce?

6 predictors of divorce
By Jenev Caddell
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The divorce rate is not encouraging, and many people are suffering from relationship distress.
Perhaps you are wondering if your marriage is headed for divorce. Based on years of research
from psychologist Dr. John Gottman, there are certain predictors of divorce to look out for in
your marriage. In fact, Gottman found that he can predict whether couples are bound for divorce
with between 88 and 94 percent accuracy within three minutes of hearing them argue. What
would he think of your marriage? Here are some of his predictors of divorce:
1.) A harsh start-up
Gottman has found that 96 percent of the time, the way a conversation begins between partners is
how it tends to end. Therefore, it makes sense to start conversations calmly, or with a "softened"
start-up, as opposed to being angry, hostile or accusative with your partner right off the bat. If
you start the conversation with a harsh tone, it will likely end that way, and your conflict will
probably remain unresolved.
2.) The presence of The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse
These four types of negative interactions that couples face are so dangerous that Gottman has
named them The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse:
Criticism is the first of these four horsemen. Gottman reminds couples to complain about a
problem, as opposed to making a personal attack. If criticism goes unchecked, it can lead to the
second horseman, contempt.
Contempt is dangerous as it typically communicates a sense of disgust. Contempt can be seen in
eye rolling, sarcasm, cynicism and mockery, and Gottman actually notes that contempt is the
most damaging of these negative interactions.
Defensiveness is the third horseman and naturally develops in an environment of criticism and
contempt. Defensiveness may feel protective to some extent, but in reality, it places the blame
on the other and the problematic cycle of interaction continues to escalate.
Stonewalling is the final horseman. When the first three are present, one partner typically then
tunes the other out. This is clearly unhealthy for a relationship. Relationship expert Dr. Sue
Johnson also discusses common negative patterns as part of her Emotionally Focused Therapy
for couples.
3.) Flooding
Another predictor of divorce is called "flooding." Flooding is basically when a partner is left
feeling so overwhelmed, or "shell-shocked," as Gottman writes, that they are left frozen or
paralyzed. Flooding can often lead to the kind of disengagement that stonewalling provides, and
ultimately it is dangerous for one's relationship.
4.) Heightened and maintained physiological arousal

You know those fights that make your blood boil? This may be because you are having
an intense physiological response to your partner. Your heart may be racing, you may be
sweating bullets, and you are basically in "fight or flight" mode. When this heightened
physiological state is maintained, it becomes another predictor of divorce. When
people become physiologically activated in this way, their brains become foggy, thinking
becomes rigid and it is close to impossible to come to a resolution about anything. Clearly when
this state is maintained over time, it is very difficult for partners to get on the same page and see
eye to eye about anything.
5.) Failed repair attempts
Gottman notes that one of the qualities about happily married partners is that they are able to
reconnect after a fight, in other words, repair. When one partner tries to reconnect, whether from
an apology, a smile, flowers, or any other action, it is called a repair attempt. Failed repair
attempts occur when they are met with dismissal or rejection by the other partner. When repair
attempts consistently fail in relationships, this becomes yet another predictor of divorce.
6.) Negative memories
Memories are not always accurate, and current situations can often warp people's accounts of
what actually happened. Couples in a very negative place may have difficulty remembering
anything positive about their relationships, even from the early days when all may have been
well. If the only tales of the past that a couple can come up with are bad memories, this is clearly
not a good sign.
All relationships may have any number of these predictors spring up from time to time, but when
they are present more often than not, they may be headed for divorce. If this is the case for
you, it makes sense to get relationship help fa
5 Mental Skills of Winners
By Jenev Caddell
Created February 01, 2014
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90% of baseball is mental. The other half is physical. - Yogi Berra
Whether on the baseball diamond, the stage or on the trading floor, there are certain
psychological traits or skills that define winners. In this article, we will discuss five of them,
namely: maintaining a positive attitude; setting high, but achievable goals; keeping a high level
of motivation; managing emotion and concentration effectively; and being persistent, especially
in the face of defeat.
1. Maintaining a positive attitude
Maintaining a positive attitude is key to successful performance, and this includes believing in
yourself. Henry Ford stated, "whether you think you can or can't, you're right." Your belief
system has everything to do with what kinds of results that you will achieve. Self-efficacy, which
is essentially your belief in yourself to accomplish something, has been said by psychologist
Albert Bandura to be a key factor in organizing how we approach tasks. Those with a stronger
sense of self-efficacy are more committed to their goals and are less likely to give up. Do
whatever it takes to develop confidence in yourself and stay positive no matter what if you want
to be a winner. This can include using affirmations, working with a coach or therapist, and
reflecting on your successes, among other things.
2. Setting high, but achievable goals
A positive attitude and a strong sense of self-efficacy will lead you to believe that you can
accomplish goals that may seem a bit out of reach. Setting high goals helps confident people
stretch out of their comfort zones and do greater things. It's key, however, to set goals that are
actually achievable, because pie-in-the-sky goals often go unmet. A series of smaller gradual
successes is always preferable to large failures. Setting smart goals is key to reaching them, and
enlisting other supportive people to help you stay accountable will also help.
3. Keeping a high level of motivation
Motivation is the driving factor that will help you reach your goals, and leads to determination.
There are two types of motivation, intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation refers
to the desire to reach a goal for one's own sake, regardless of reward. Extrinsic motivation refers
to striving for a goal because of some kind of an external reward. High levels of intrinsic and
extrinsic motivation are key for winning. There are many techniques to help you keep motivated,
which include rewarding yourself along the way, knowing your "why," striving for your goals
with a buddy or a coach, keeping a vision board or picture of your ideal outcome in sight, and
tracking your progress along the way.
4. Managing emotion and concentration effectively
Winners have laser sharp focus and do not let their emotions get the best of them. Self-awareness
is key here, as when we are aware of our emotions, they do not wreak havoc on us. A key mental
skill is the ability to remain calm under pressure. There are many techniques to help with this,
including the ancient practice of mindfulness meditation.
5. Being persistent
Napoleon Hill in his famous book Think and Grow
Rich writes extensively on the importance of persistence, especially in the face of defeat. He
discusses the story of the Darbys who went mining for gold, and stopped three feet short of the
gold, thinking they had failed. "Failure" is an inevitable step toward success. In the words of
Rocky Balboa, "It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you get hit and keep moving
forward...That's how winning is done." Winners do not give up, and the skill of persistence is one
of the most important ones. Cultivate your persistence by reframing "failures" as temporary
defeats, and keep at your goals as long as they are still relevant. When all hope feels lost, victory
may just be around the corner.
Think and Grow Rich Quotes

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Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

47,497 ratings, 4.09 average rating, 1,504 reviews
buy a copy
Think and Grow Rich Quotes (showing 1-30 of 50)
The starting point of all achievement is DESIRE. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desire brings weak
results, just as a small fire makes a small amount of heat.
Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich
tags: inspirational
1801 likes
like
You are the master of your destiny. You can influence, direct and control your own environment. You
can make your life what you want it to be.
tags: inspiration
274 likes
like
When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail
once more toward your coveted goal.
tags: career, defeat, goal, goals, inspirational, life, money, motivation, self-help
221 likes
like
Before success comes in any mans life, he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat, and, perhaps,
some failure. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing to do is to quit. That is
exactly what the majority of men do. More than five hundred of the most successful men this country
has ever known told the author their greatest success came just one step beyond the point at which
defeat had overtaken them.
tags: defeat, success
122 likes
like
Set your mind on a definite goal and observe how quickly the world stands aside to let you pass.
98 likes
like
The way of success is the way of continuous pursuit of knowledge.

tags: knowledge, pursuit, success, way
52 likes
like
Every adversity, every failure, every heartbreak, carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.
41 likes
like
More gold had been mined from the mind of men than the earth it self
40 likes
like
To win the big stakes in this changed world, you must catch the spirit of the great pioneers of the past,
whose dreams have given to civilization all that it has of value, the spirit that serves as the life-blood of
our own country your opportunity and mine, to develop and market our talents.
tags: leadership, pioneers, positive-thinking, positivity
40 likes
like
A quitter never wins-and-a winner never quits.

tags: inspirational, life, success, winner, winning
33 likes
like
We refuse to believe that which we don't understand.

tags: knowledge, truth
32 likes
like
Those who succeed in an outstanding way seldom do so before the age of 40. More often, they do not
strike their real pace until they are well beyond the age of 50.
tags: achievement, age
24 likes
like
Neglecting to broaden their view has kept some people doing one thing all their lives.
23 likes
like
Put your foot upon the neck of the fear of criticism by reaching a decision not to worry about what
other people think, do, or say.
tags: leadership-characteristics, wisdom
23 likes
like
One who has loved truly, can never lose entirely. Love is whimsical and temperamental. Its nature is
ephemeral, and transitory. It comes when it pleases,and goes away without warning. Accept and enjoy it
while it remains, but spend no time worrying about its departure. Worry will never bring it back.
tags: inspirational, life, love, positive, positivity
18 likes
like
Helen Keller became deaf, dumb, and blind shortly after birth. Despite her greatest misfortune, she has
written her name indelibly in the pages of the history of the great. Her entire life has served as evidence
that no one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as reality.
tags: achievement, adversity, determination, inspirational
18 likes
like
IF - and this is the greatest of them all - I had the courage to see myself as I reallyam, I would find out
what is wrong with me, and correct it, then I might have a chance to profit by my mistakes and learn
something from the experience of others,for I know that there is something WRONG with me, or I would
now be where I WOULD HAVE BEEN IF I had spent more time analyzing my weaknesses, and less time
building alibis to cover them.
tags: inspirational, mistakes, self-help, self-improvement, success, weakness
18 likes
like
Opinions are the cheapest commodities on earth. Everyone has a flock of opinions ready to be wished
upon anyone who will accept them. If you are influenced by "opinions" when you reach DECISIONS, you
will not succeed in any undertaking.
tags: business, decisions, influence, life, money, opinions, success
17 likes
like
I will eliminate hatred, envy, jealousy, selfishness, and cynicism, by developing love for all humanity,
because I know that a negative attitude toward others can never bring me success. I will cause others to
believe in me, because I will believe in them, and in myself.
tags: love, self-improvement, success
17 likes
like
TELL THE WORLD WHAT YOU INTEND TO DO, BUT FIRST SHOW IT.This is the equivalent of saying
"deeds, and not words, are what count most.
tags: action, dreams, inspirational, life, plans, success, words
16 likes
like
Youve got to be sure of yourself before

You can ever win a prize.
tags: certainty, confidence, inspirational, self-esteem, success, winning
15 likes
like
If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.

10 likes
like
If you are ready for the secret, you already possess one half of it,therefore, you will readily recognize
the other half the moment it reaches your mind.
tags: inspirational, life, mind, secret, thinking
10 likes
like
Perhaps we shall learn, as we pass through this age, that the 'other self" is more powerful than the
physical self we see when we look into a mirror.
tags: love-yourself, self-development
10 likes
like
If you give up before your goal has been reached, you are a "quitter." A QUITTER NEVER WINS AND A
WINNER NEVER QUITS. Lift this sentence out, write it on a piece of paper in letters an inch high, and
place it where you will see it every night before you go to sleep, and every morning before you go to
work
tags: improvement, self-improvement
9 likes
like
Remember that it is not the lawyer who knows the most law, but the one who best prepares his case,
who wins.
7 likes
like
Awake,arise,and assert yourself,you dreamers of the world. Your star is now in ascendancy.
tags: seeds-for-success, seeds-of-greatness, seeds-of-the-mind
7 likes
like
The only limitation is that which one sets up in one's own mind.
tags: inspirational, life, limitation, mind, success
6 likes
like
There is a difference between WISHING for a thing and being READY to receive it. No one is ready for a
thing, until he believes he can acquire it. The state of mind must be BELIEF, not mere hope or wish.
Open-mindedness is essential for belief.
tags: motivational-quotes
6 likes
like
Remember,too,that all who succeed in life get off to a bad start,and pass through many heartbreaking
struggles before they "arrive". The turning point in the lives of those who succeed usually comes at
some moment of crisis,through which they are introduced to their "other selves".
tags: other-selves, rebirth, struggle, turning-point
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4 Ways to Improve Your Luck
By Jenev Caddell
Created March 13, 2014
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You have the friend who wins every raffle contest she signs up for, lands every job she applies
for, and finds money on the street. You also have the friend who has broken nearly every bone in
her body, has had had her identity stolen more than once, and who gets mugged in the street.
Perhaps you identify with one of these women. Why do some people have good luck and others
have bad luck?
Thanks to the research of Richard Wiseman, who holds Britains only Professorship in the Public
Understanding of Psychology, at the University of Hertfordshire, we have a greater
understanding of what makes people lucky. Professor Wiseman has found that luck is more
about people's thoughts and behaviors than about chance or being Irish. He offers four principles
that lucky people follow, and that you can start to follow as well to improve your luck.
Principle 1: Create and notice chance opportunities
In Wiseman's study of unlucky and lucky people, he set up an experiment in which his subjects
were asked to count the number of pictures in a newspaper. On the second page, there was a
statement which told people to stop reading and the number of pictures in the newspaper. The
lucky people noticed it, but the unlucky people continued counting. Lucky people notice
opportunities more often than unlucky people. Lucky people create chance opportunities in their
lives as well, for example, they do not always stick to the same routine, but rather do new things
on purpose, speak to new people, and they are more open to different possibilities.
According to personality testing, lucky people are less anxious and tense than unlucky people.
Anxiety constricts one's ability to be open, so anxiety gets in the way of creating and noticing
chance opportunities. In order to truly make the most of principle one, it's important to get a
handle on your anxiety.
Principle 2: Listen to your intuition
Wiseman found that lucky people make decisions listening to their hunches and gut feelings, in
other words, their intuition. He also notes that lucky people take efforts to develop their intuition,
through activities such as meditation. Improving your intuition is another way you can increase
your luck.
Principle 3: Have positive expectations and create self-fulfilling prophecies
Lucky people have faith that the future will be bright. These positive expectations help people
persist and and live up to such expectations no matter what. Believing that life will be great also
sets them up to be more positive, happy and friendly people in general, and as a result, they
create more desirable realities than their unlucky counterparts. Lucky people seem to embody
many common mental skills of winners.
Principle 4: Turn bad luck into good luck
Wiseman wondered how lucky people and unlucky people might react differently in the face of
misfortune. To test this, he asked his participants how they would react to being at a bank during
an armed robbery and getting shot in the arm. Unlucky people noted how unlucky this was, but
lucky people felt fortunate that they did not get shot somewhere worse. One lucky person even
noted that this could be an opportunity to sell your story to the papers in order to make money.
Wiseman was curious if people could change their luck by applying these principles, so he set up
an experimental "luck school" to see what would happen to people who consciously practiced
these principles for a month. He found that the overwhelming majority of them improved their
luck dramatically in just a month. Unlucky people became lucky and lucky people became even
luckier.
You can read more about Wiseman's research on luck in his book, The Luck Factor: The
Scientific Study of the Lucky Mind. Practice these principles for a month to see what happens to
your luck, and be ready for fortune when it comes knocking.
5 Mental Skills of Winners
By Jenev Caddell
Created February 01, 2014
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90% of baseball is mental. The other half is physical. - Yogi Berra
Whether on the baseball diamond, the stage or on the trading floor, there are certain
psychological traits or skills that define winners. In this article, we will discuss five of them,
namely: maintaining a positive attitude; setting high, but achievable goals; keeping a high level
of motivation; managing emotion and concentration effectively; and being persistent, especially
in the face of defeat.
1. Maintaining a positive attitude
Maintaining a positive attitude is key to successful performance, and this includes believing in
yourself. Henry Ford stated, "whether you think you can or can't, you're right." Your belief
system has everything to do with what kinds of results that you will achieve. Self-efficacy, which
is essentially your belief in yourself to accomplish something, has been said by psychologist
Albert Bandura to be a key factor in organizing how we approach tasks. Those with a stronger
sense of self-efficacy are more committed to their goals and are less likely to give up. Do
whatever it takes to develop confidence in yourself and stay positive no matter what if you want
to be a winner. This can include using affirmations, working with a coach or therapist, and
reflecting on your successes, among other things.
2. Setting high, but achievable goals
A positive attitude and a strong sense of self-efficacy will lead you to believe that you can
accomplish goals that may seem a bit out of reach. Setting high goals helps confident people
stretch out of their comfort zones and do greater things. It's key, however, to set goals that are
actually achievable, because pie-in-the-sky goals often go unmet. A series of smaller gradual
successes is always preferable to large failures. Setting smart goals is key to reaching them, and
enlisting other supportive people to help you stay accountable will also help.
3. Keeping a high level of motivation
Motivation is the driving factor that will help you reach your goals, and leads to determination.
There are two types of motivation, intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation refers
to the desire to reach a goal for one's own sake, regardless of reward. Extrinsic motivation refers
to striving for a goal because of some kind of an external reward. High levels of intrinsic and
extrinsic motivation are key for winning. There are many techniques to help you keep motivated,
which include rewarding yourself along the way, knowing your "why," striving for your goals
with a buddy or a coach, keeping a vision board or picture of your ideal outcome in sight, and
tracking your progress along the way.
4. Managing emotion and concentration effectively
Winners have laser sharp focus and do not let their emotions get the best of them. Self-awareness
is key here, as when we are aware of our emotions, they do not wreak havoc on us. A key mental
skill is the ability to remain calm under pressure. There are many techniques to help with this,
including the ancient practice of mindfulness meditation.
5. Being persistent
Napoleon Hill in his famous book Think and Grow Rich writes extensively on the importance
of persistence, especially in the face of defeat. He discusses the story of the Darbys who went
mining for gold, and stopped three feet short of the gold, thinking they had failed. "Failure" is an
inevitable step toward success. In the words of Rocky Balboa, "It ain't about how hard you hit,
it's about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward...That's how winning is done." Winners
do not give up, and the skill of persistence is one of the most important ones. Cultivate your
persistence by reframing "failures" as temporary defeats, and keep at your goals as long as they
are still relevant. When all hope feels lost, victory may just be around the corner.

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