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OF RAPPORT
Mini-Ebook On NLP and Rapport
Pacing volume is also a useful tactic. Someone who speaks softly will
appreciate someone else who speaks softly. Likewise someone who speaks
loudly will often have more respect for you and will recognise a kindred spirit
if you match their volume. As a matter of fact , on occasion you might even
want to exceed the others volume to get them to speak more softly.
Some people find that they can control others by going out of control, they
exploit the predictable behaviour of those around them. The plan to go out of
control in such a way that other people will acquiesce and placate Children
may learn to scream and throw temper tantrums in order to control other
people. If you pace that behaviour by also throwing a tantrum (not at the
child, but with the child) a miraculous and amusing calm can set in. The
childs astonishment can then give way to humour and the act is broken.
Having the flexibility to use words, phrases and images familiar to other
people is important. If we listen carefully to the language other people use,
we will know what words, phrases, and images they feel at home with.
Speak more like others and youll see that theyll respond more positively
towards you. Theyll appreciate you more, youll dramatically increase your
effectiveness in getting their co-operation and support.
Here come a fine technique from the repertory of the art of persuasion:
Validate something other people know to be true, and then lead them to
consider and finally to accept other possibilities.
However well intentioned and correct our efforts to enlighten others might be,
they are doomed to be jeopardised from start if we begin by informing the
erratic that they are in error. The most likely result of such a course is
defensiveness. To an extent our reality is made up of our beliefs, therefore, to
tamper with peoples beliefs is to tamper with their reality. Tread lightly. Pace
the belief and then lead with your suggestion.
As Thomas Jefferson once said, In matters of principle, stand firm like a rock;
in matters of opinion flow like a river.
Remember ;Its much easier and much more effective to move from
agreement to agreement than from disagreement to agreement.
When youre with someone you are either pacing (doing something similar )
or leading (doing something different). There are no other possibilities.
If your primary objective is to simply get along with another person then
pacing some of their behaviour is sufficient. But if your objective is to
persuade, to bring them to a new awareness, then you must lead. Using this
model, the strategy is to pace first then lead. Meet the person where they
already are and then suggest some new options. This approach works more
frequently and more effectively than any other. Sometimes its not appropriate
to lead quickly, sometimes its wiser to back off and not to lead at all. Different
situations will dictate different approaches
As a rule, the pace then lead strategy is a very effective way to persuade.
Some experts say that you shouldnt; whilst others say you should pace and
then lead the behaviour to become more open.
Also, remember that gestures and postures do not have a universal meaning.
When pacing someone you also do significant things to and for yourself.
Pacing effectively will take the attention off yourself. You dont have to worry
about what to do with your hands or feet, how to sit, how fast to move, at
what rate to speak, what level of vocabulary to use and so on. You take the
cues from the other person and get in synch with him. When you act like
another person, you begin to feel many of that persons feelings. One
advantage of this is that you begin to know intuitively what to suggest and
when to make the suggestion.
3)As with any new skill, pacing is something that comes easily after you
practice it systematically. Its a good idea to practice one thing at a time --
mood, body language, rate of speech, and so on. After you become proficient
at pacing, you will be able do it without thinking about it. It will come naturally
and easily.