Breaking the

chains of social
Imprisonment
Part 1

Jacob Mahlangu
 Introduction
When I first thought of this kind of book, I was lost,
and I was looking for the right way to fit into society; to
find a way to identify myself with those around me.
Most of my writing is based on personal experience,
which involves the account of the things I faced
throughout my life, and the account of those I
witnessed facing similar situations I faced. This book
is based on my opinions as an author, and theres no
scientific validity towards anything I say or
recommend. Most of the vocabulary and terminology
which I possess was gained by me, through the
course I took in university; which includes rigorous
readings of different kinds of texts. This book was
highly inspired by two political theories which always
picked my interest as a student. These theories are
Liberty and Community, or in simple terms,
individualism and collectivism. I have always been a
fan of liberalism; therefore this gives a hint as to
which perspective this book is based on if ever its
opinions were to be examined or questioned. At the
end of the day, it is the individual that matters or so I
believe. I have often noticed people feeling ashamed

2
of being who they are, because of the views imposed
to them by society. It has always amazed me how one
can limit himself and the abilities they have, which
could have given them a huge amount of success, but
sacrifice such; in exchange for maintaining
relationships. I do believe people need other people,
for unity and humanity purposes, but when one cares
too much about what others will say about the things
they do, this creates a sort of prison in their social
interactions which is characterized by never changing
circumstances and sticking to the status quo (What is
already in existence) just to be accepted by others.
Sticking to the old ways might be the best option, but
when the old ways are the results of an oppressive
past while the current ways show a great amount of
poverty and low standards of living in a society, I find
it hard to believe why one would want to stick to such,
when they have the chance to move to another better
life. What I recognized and have come across through
my internet searches and the conversations I had with
different experts and peers to find answers for such
questions, the one that came out on top was fear.
People feel safe when they are accepted by others,
and this is an emotional need and it can distort a

3
persons way of thinking. People dont want to think
outside the box in fear of being ridiculed, never taken
seriously, judging their own ideas as coming from a
person whos ill-informed and also having the fear of
being an outcast. What I realized is that, the greatest
war in life is the one between the person and the
society. The early stage of life in a persons growth is
one whereas the majority of its influence is that which
comes from society. As a person grows, he develops
independent thinking which causes the person to
question the way things are done in the society he
lives under. A person will have his own ideas on how
the society should be, or to a lesser extent, how his
own life should be. It would then depend on how
strong the persons will is, to stand for what they
believe in. If they are successful in such, they can
become an influence and their ways would be applied
in the social structure and order. But if they fail, they
resort to conformity and live an ordinary life which is
of no significance. This is not bad in any way, but
what I find bad is when a society dictates how one
should live their life to the point where it interferes
with their private sphere and changes their thoughts.
This not only deprives the person in having a say in

4
society but deprives the person in having a say on
issues that concern his own life and how it should be.
It creates a prison where a person forever locks their
free thought, filter out their intentions and do what
society requires them to do while they know they are
capable of greater things. This kind of life shows how
untrue it is that we are all free. Being free is not only
determined by physical forces but also our behavior
and thinking. It matters a great deal that our
uniqueness is never shunned upon. People need to
stop being sensitive to critics, and do what they deem
is right with their lives. This book includes a little bit of
psychology in its dimensions of explaining the factors
that cause us to become socially imprisoned. My main
purpose in this book is to create a guide or
motivational pathway to follow, to change the way we
think about ourselves, especially if it includes taking
ourselves lightly and praising our communities when
they hold us down and hinder our progress. It is for
those who blindly follow obedience without being
rewarded, and they shut down the parts of their lives
which could reward them for the ones that dont. Its
for those who want to build courage to stand alone. It
simply tries to change the way we look at ourselves,

5
and the place, community and society we are born
under and how to handle the two when their interests
conflict with each other. I hope you enjoy reading it,
as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Jacob Mahlangu

6
 Contents
1. What it means to be socially Imprisoned 10
Your early child hood molding 12
A sense of belonging 17
The connection and bond built
between the person and the
community 20
The distortion of the persons
abilities 21
The societys limited description of
the individual 23
Common identity versus the persons
uniqueness which results in rebellion
26
The individuals desire to be
respected and accepted by people
he holds dearly 28

2. The guilt feeling of disloyalty 31

Feeling disloyal to your family
and the way it raised you 38
Feeling disloyal to your friends
because you took a different turn
than the one they took 46
Feeling disloyal to your church
and its members 52

3. What triggers the cause for change 55

7
 A life of deprivation 59
Motivation 63
The persons will (Baring pain and
being patient) 71
Emotions such as anger and
anxiety 75
Recognizing a hidden ability 79
4. The consequences of trying to fit in 81
The group mentality 86
Our way or the highway 93
Lost Identity 98
5. How to manage being on your own 101
Getting rid of loneliness by having
a busy schedule 108
The process of intellectual growth
110
6. Concluding Remarks 114

8
9
 1
What it means to be socially
imprisoned.
They say we all dont choose where and when to be
born or how we are raised. We also dont get to
choose the types of families we are born under and
their social class and status, the way of life which we
are fed by those we are born by, and also how we are
treated or taken by the people that surround us. It
resides in your family name, how it is respected and
the integrity of your older next of kin, and also your
level of conformity in the community, which is you
being reserved and cleared from being a delinquent,
menace to society, naughty or being labeled a
hooligan. But what if being rebellious to the ways you
have learned from the people and institutions that
surround you was the only way to create a better life
for yourself? Or the life you perceive to be better than
the one you are currently living? What if your current
social classification is the one plagued by poverty and
deprivation? Do you inherit it the way it is or do you
try to change your situation? And what if you do
become successful in your transition from lower to
middle or upper class? Surely, it has its own
psychological changes in an individuals personality
make-up, such as moving to an urban settlement to
live with the people who are on the same level as you
are. With such a transition, it could be a problem if
one wants to stick to his old character and maintain
old relationships, since the perception towards them

10
by the old people in their lives would have changed.
This is what we call being socially imprisoned. It is
when an individual wants to keep people of no benefit
in his life in fear of losing themselves while in the
process of change. Most people desire power and
wealth, what this means is that when an individual
has moved from one social class to another, he will
revisit the areas he grew up in once in a while so as
to showcase how they have turned their life around.
They do so expecting to be complimented and
praised or admired for having succeeded in making a
major change in their lives. They seek to be
appreciated and this ends up on them not being able
to reach greater heights, since people will be claiming
entitlement on such a persons fortune, and the
person will be more than happy being a helping hand
and therefore buying relationships with money. People
are insecure about themselves, and no matter how
much positive feedback they receive, one negative
feedback could crush their confidence down to the
ground. Our relationships as people are based on
interactions which are clouded by differing levels and
factors. People who break away from their social
norms to be something great and different often fear
not being accepted by their communities for having
done things differently. Others will go to the extent of
doing things which are against their personal morals
just to gain societal approval. It could be worse to the
point of a person giving up their dream. This simply
shows that the level of importance a person awards to
his life should never be from an outside or external
source such as public opinion. It is hard for others not
to care about what people say about them because

11
they dont trust themselves and their own judgments;
therefore they want to know how their actions are
from others, without taking into consideration that
others might be saying things just to bring them down
since theyve found a way to be above those certain
others. The roots of such problems stem from
childhood and they never really vanish in our
adulthood. Most of their causes are ingrained in us
and we find it hard to break the chains of such social
Imprisonments due to factors such as:-
Your early child hood molding
When we are born, psychology tells us that we try to
find ways to make sense of the environment we find
ourselves in. We perform actions without
understanding their meaning, but how others react
towards what we have done creates meaning within
the deed itself. This is also noted by the classical
thinker called B.F skinner on his theory regarding
rewards and punishments. When we do certain
things, its either we are encouraged to do them again
or discouraged from doing them again. Therefore as
we grow up in a progressive trial and error basis, we
build a strong sense of whats expected of us from
others. What we often lack then is what we expect
from ourselves. This exists but it is silenced from our
interactions with others and it is what we call our own
judgments and independent conclusions. We all
aspire to be something great, and this is instilled in
our being as children when our parents ask us what
we want to become when we grow up. Each and
everyone have their own idea of success, but most
peoples ideas are limited in relation to their

12
relationships with their families, church members and
the community as a whole. In other words, one does
not aim for a level of success which might result in
them detaching from the people they are close to. If it
happens that they do gain such success, they will
always feel like theres a void in their lives and they
will always go back to their place of birth to try and
maintain old bonds.
You dont develop courage by being happy in your
relationships every day. You develop it by surviving
difficult times and challenging adversity - Epicurus
The problem with maintaining old bonds is that when
a person reaches another level of success, his
consciousness and way of thinking changes,
therefore his views about the world and his opinion
about certain issues will not reflect those of the
community he once lived under. This therefore
creates the atmosphere of tension, and being
perceived as being a Mr. or Ms know it all. People
who have been successful in transitioning between
social classes always have what is called cognitive
dissonance meaning they doubt the choices theyve
made in life, since those choices have changed their
community-based and predicted destiny, and have
transformed them into a whole new kind of person.
They refuse to accept how they have changed, and
they will try to prove how they havent changed or
how they are still the same person they were when
they use to live under that community. This is the little
child in them that doesnt want to grow up and face
reality. It also shows the impact of a persons early
childhood being recessive and persistent in the

13
persons adulthood life. The confusion built by such, is
what we call the feeling of thinking that you are losing
yourself. As we grow up we want to have our own
kids, we want to teach them what we were taught, we
want to give them the best nurturing as possible.
Therefore we want the way kids are raised to reflect
how we were raised. The obvious problem with this is
that we cannot take them to low-class schools that we
attended if we have enough money to take them to
private schools. This further includes having to accept
that their way of thinking will differ with those of the
community we were once a part of. Another issue is
the community within itself. Having moved from one
community of a lower class to the one from an upper
or middle-class, what we see is that our childrens
perception about our own past community will differ in
relation to how we perceived it. We then try to make
them a part of our old community in order for them to
acknowledge their roots in full. We try to instill the
loyalty we have for our old communities to them, and
what they inherit is another version of social
Imprisonment, simply because we dont want to let go
of our old ways and accept modernity to its fullest; by
creating a new kind of generation which inherits
wealth and grows it, and not the poverty-stricken
bloodline we were once a part of. Most of our past
socialization builds us as humans and how we act
towards others, and the activities we engage in when
we have our own families. In our early childhood, we
knew that during the week we had to go to school,
and during the weekend we would have a day
reserved for fun and a day reserved for church. We
were taught how to talk to people older than us, which

14
when we grew up helped us in communicating with
our organizational superiors. We then learned how to
filter our comments when talking to others so as not to
appear offensive. Such cannot be avoided. The fact
that we were raised well, and that it may have been
the major cause of us having been successful cannot
be denied. However, this is barely the reason why we
find ourselves socially imprisoned. We find ourselves
socially Imprisoned because of the decisions we are
about to make. We sense a lost connection with our
old communities, and we fear facing the world on our
own. The moment we make it in the search for
achievement and success outside our societal
context, our egoism becomes inflated and therefore
we forget our social standing in our old communities.
We want to act like we are still the same people while
we dont expect being treated the same. And when we
do get treated the same as we were, meaning with
less respect than we deem ourselves to be deserving
currently, due to how we perceive ourselves, we try to
reduce our insecurities; by using our successes to
further increase the amount of respect given to us in
the community we grew up under, and this turns into a
drug, the way we become self-satisfied through
buying our way to being respected instead of earning
it. Giving a damn about what people think becomes
our way of life when we have reached a certain level
of success. What we forget is that the reason we
gained the success was through standing out, not
caring what people think about what you are doing,
and not letting anyone stop you from your pursuit of
excellence and greatness. We become comfortable in
the positions we find ourselves in, which we reached

15
through past decisions, and while this engulfs our
lives, we further find ourselves between two social
classes, the one we were born under and the one we
have created. We limit our own growth since we fail to
see beyond. We change our way of thinking and find
comfort-ability in a mediocre lifestyle. This is what we
call allowing society to hold you down, because you
lack the will to spread your wings and shine on your
own.
The path of light is the quest for knowledge Lailah
Gifty Akita
It takes guts to do so, but it also took guts to be where
you currently find yourself. Overdosing in self-
satisfaction; by buying respect from the people of the
past, just to maintain your relationships with them, will
hinder your progress, your potential and the likelihood
of you facing the world and going against worldly
norms to reach even greater heights. You simply
cannot do so while you fear to continue going against
the norms youve been going against, which are
meager than the norms you have to pass through in
order to be a well respected public figure. What we as
humans have to understand is that; the world is the
way it is today because of the people that dared to
stand on their own. It is structured according to
ideologies created by rebellious thinkers. Theres
what we call blending in and also being influential.
Being influential requires someone to be unique. To
be unique means to be different and to be different
means non-acceptance. Non-acceptance requires
one to be strong enough to hold on to his own beliefs
to the extent that they bear the results that he expects

16
them to. Once they do so, other people will start
following such a person. This is far much better than
being trapped between being unique and blending in,
while being unique is already paying off but the
individual shows the signs of blending in because he
fears to lose a small amount of conforming friends of
the past.
I loathe my Childhood and all that remains of it
Jean-Paul Sartre
A sense of belonging
According to an unorthodox internet search on the
word called belonging, the one which I found suitable
to convey my message about the topic to be delved
upon herewith, was the definition I received from
Wikipedia which states that belonging is: Having an
emotional need to be part of a group or to be a
member of a group. While growing up, what we notice
is that we find ourselves being part of what we call
circles. This may include friends but not a one on
one type of friendship. It is a group friendship. It is
built on a certain foundation. Another famous thinker
called John Rawls (1921 2002) calls it associating
and getting along through differences based on a
common ground. This simply means that we
acknowledge that we are different from each other,
but there has to be one aspect which is the same or
relative which we possess, to him, this common
ground was freedom and autonomy. We could be
having the same interest in sport such as soccer,
reading, music and other aspects. This aspect,
attribute or hobby, will form the basis of our friendship
or relationship. We fear being alone. We need people

17
around us so that we can feel some sense of security
and acceptance. This could be good, but it could also
be bad. Being around or being surrounded by people
of differing or opposing views from your own, could be
influential in your decision making. We often see this
in being peer pressured at an early age. The sad truth
is; peer pressure exists in our adulthood life, no
matter how much we can try to hide it. It can be seen
in how our parents get themselves in huge debts, by
buying things which are beyond their budget simply to
keep up with the neighbors. A sense of belonging in
its psychological historical context was thought of and
brought out by a man called Dr Abraham Maslow, in
his hierarchy of needs. Remember that a need is what
we think ourselves unable to live without. We do
things we wouldnt normally do if we were to act on
our own, in order to be approved by those we want to
be a part of.
I have learned that if you must leave a place that you
have lived in and loved and where all your
yesteryears are buried deep, leave it the fastest way
you can. Never turn back and never believe that an
hour you remember is a better hour because it is
dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished
ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from
a distance. Beryl Markham
A sense of belonging within an individual could be
used by others to manipulate and exploit that
particular person. We get blackmailed to do wrong
things just to keep friendships we value highly. This
becomes another way to get socially imprisoned.
People are not comfortable enough being on their

18
own, even when being by themselves is the only way
to get ahead in life. Others will try to pursue their
goals while simultaneously keeping friendships intact.
They try doing so by having an influence in the group,
always bringing up suggestions and convincing the
group to act in a certain way towards them. The
problem with this is that since it starts in the early
stages of growing up, the clown or the Naughty kid
is the one which is admired by others in the stages of
immaturity. Therefore the rotten potato in the bag will
start being contagious on the others, while the smart
kid will be frowned upon. The issue is that; when one
wants to change themselves but dont want to lose
ties with others, its either they change themselves by
changing the group (which is highly unlikely because
the group will change the person more than the
person will change the group). We need to let go of
the friends that dont grow us. We need to firmly stand
our ground and also stand by what we believe in. So
many dreams are broken, simply because people
dont want to do what they think is best for
themselves, because of their ideas not being
supported by those they hold dearly. What we should
also realize is that, no matter which social class we
get ourselves in, if what we value most is friendship
then there will be other people who are on that social
class, which we can create new friendships with. You
should also create new friendships with their end in
mind too, with the assurance that you will make new
friends and feel a sense of belonging when you move
from the social class you have attained, to a higher
one.

19
 The connection and bond built between the
person and the community
When there is a strong bond between an individual
and the community, such as the person being admired
by the community, it becomes hard for such a person
to leave the community for greener pastures. They
say that when you love someone, its best to let them
go if they want to go. A community isnt a community
until it embraces its own imperfections. A person
could be famous and loved in a community; they can
be respected and valued. How they are treated by
their community could mean a lot to them, to the point
where they limit their potential in only serving that of
the community they grew up in. The feeling has to be
a two-way street though, meaning it has to be
reciprocal in order for the relationship between the
individual and the community to even be considered
for maintenance and sustenance. If it is so, it still
doesnt justify a person to accept being satisfied with
less, while they have the ability to acquire more. The
community should love a person to the extent of
letting go of that person, and if the person truly loved
the community as the community truly loved him, he
will reach greater heights and give back to the
community when he has acquired a greatest amount
of wealth to develop the community. This is far much
better than a person sacrificing his own goals to fulfill
that of the communitys. There neednt be any
sacrifices at all between the two parties; there is a
way where both can benefit, and it is better than other
alternatives, because of the progress that it contains
within it. A connection which is formed in a natural
way, without any artificial manner, can last the longest

20
of distances. Being far away doesnt have to be a
process whereby one loses his memory. Therefore
just because a person wants to better his life, and has
no opportunities or means to do it in the community
he lives in, then he might just have to leave such a
community, to further his goals and purpose in life.
This will not mean that he does not care for the
community that raised him, but that he cares enough
to repay the community by being the best he can be.
For, it is of no use if one has a skill which could lead
to him living a better life, but suppress that skill by
only serving the community he was born under,
without assuring himself that when he departs from
earth the skill would benefit the future generations.
The reason people succeed, and stand out with their
uniqueness is that they have something they can
contribute to the world, therefore, if you were meant to
contribute your skills to the world; it would be selfish
for your community to want to have all that for
themselves, while they only praise your deeds in a
non-materialistic manner, when others could elevate
your standard of living just by you offering the same to
them.
True love is usually the most inconvenient kind
Kiera Cass

The distortion of the persons abilities

This is a result of being socially imprisoned rather
than being the cause of social imprisonment. One
may then ask; what causes another to have distorted
abilities. When a person is ill-informed of the activities

21
one can engage in generally, and only focuses on the
specific activities applicable only in his community,
one then turns to be ignorant of his own abilities and
potential. For instance, one could have a knack for
public speaking, being the next Pablo Picasso due to
the skill they have with a paintbrush or the next chess
master due to their incredible thinking patterns, but
because there is no platform in his community or the
society he lives in, he becomes ignorant of his own
abilities. Such a person can only know the abilities
which are visible to him, and they are shown by the
community and also reflect the communitys type of
activities which are performed within, rather than
knowing their true abilities to their fullest extent. This
happens due to a lack of resources in that particular
society. It deprives the individual the opportunity to
fully utilize their purpose of existence, and has them
trapped like a little mouse in the maize. If the
individual is lucky enough to realize that there exist
other skills one can hone himself in, in life and these
skills just so happen not to be offered by the
community he lives under, then that individual should
not be discouraged from chasing his dream. If there is
a way for such a person to carry out the skill which
came to his attention, and the skill is beneficial to that
person, then the person would feel the full forces of
social imprisonment if he is unable to do what he
desires to do with his life. What this also shows is that
the information we have from the people who
surround us is limited within itself. Therefore being
updated about the latest events, topics, issues and
occurrences, one need not only depend on his
community, but should find ways of getting hold of

22
other sources which are not community bias and
selective. This will help a person realize that there is
life out there, opportunities to be taken hold off and a
better life to live than the one they are currently living,
instead of growing up in one place, never moving to
another, and dying in that same place, without having
done anything of significance for and to the world as a
whole; due to their lack of knowledge and their
unused skills which they had no idea they possessed.
Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If
I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain
thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming
incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the
belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the
capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the
beginning Mahatma Gandhi
The societys limited description of the individual
When an individual looks at himself in the eyes of the
community which has defined him and his social
stance, what one gets to realize is how limited and
summarized their descriptions as an individual are.
The society can never truly know the individual,
simply because what they know about the individual
will be based on the things which exist in the society.
Therefore the community or society seeks to create
the individual in its different institutions and they can
only describe the individual by what the individual
does which is in line with the communitys prescribed
doings. The moment the individual breaks the
boundaries set for him by society, what they do will
not be taken or added to their descriptions according
to how the individual seeks to describe his own

23
independent and original actions but it will fall under
the categories and societal classifications of
abnormality, as the individual being weird or mad.
Therefore what we see here is that, most
communities think themselves as having the
monopoly on the truth. Anything which does not apply
to their usual and ordinary lifestyle, and appears to be
surprising will be ticked off as the individual having
lost his mind. The individual having received negative
feedback for his attempts at showing how good he is
in something unknown to the society starts
suppressing that thing, and sticks to the limited
description he has received from the community.
What we often see, is that each and everyone that
dares to stand against what the society has made of
him, or what society has defined him to be, is never
taken seriously, is laughed at, and has to suffer as an
outcast. To endure the suffering may bear greater
results such as when your weirdness starts being
admired and makes you a very wealthy person. But
this is not always the case. The case is, most people
end up believing what the community tells them about
themselves and therefore; forever live in the shadows
created by their community. It is the cruelest thing
which its outcome is from the limitation we receive,
especially when we care about what people think
about us.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because
those who mind dont matter, and those who matter
dont mind Bernard M. Baruch
We are told what and how we are, and what we will
be; is predicted by others and it becomes a self-

24
fulfilling prophecy because we follow on their words.
There is a reason we possess a conscience, there is
a reason we dream, there is a reason we imagine and
have a desire; and aspire to live a better life, there is
a reason we have a voice inside our heads which
talks to us most of the time when everyone is quiet. To
choose to avoid all those factors, and listen to others
could be the gravest mistake we could make. As we
have what we have like our inner opinion of ourselves
instead of public opinions, others also have what they
have outside their usual comments on your life.
Relationships are based on comparisons and
competition most of the time instead of love. When
you do something extraordinary, what you would
consider as advice could be coming from a heart full
of jealousy and envy, and therefore; filled with
condescension which is used to make you and your
independent ideas and skills seem futile and never
capable of any type of fruition.
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to
make you something else is the greatest
accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
You cannot simply follow a comment made by a
person about a road which that particular person has
never walked, because the knowledge he possesses
about that particular road is the knowledge of hearsay
and no experience. If they tell you it cant be done,
never follow on their words without trying it yourself
and surely see for yourself that it cant be done.
Sometimes they cannot do it while it can be done and
you might be the right person to do it; and you dont
need to begin your journey with negativity, so rather

25
silence your outer critic and trust your inner self to
guide you in your journey. Because the former leads
to social imprisonment while the latter leads to
freedom.
Common identity versus the persons uniqueness
which results in rebellion
When a person grows up in a community, they share
a common identity with that particular community. It
may be tradition, history and also the same pursuits. A
society has a prescriptive way of life instead of a
descriptive one. This means that the community offers
a defined way of life rather than describing a persons
own defined way of life. If a person identifies himself
differently than the community identifies that particular
person then the person is bound to become rebellious
and seek to separate from that community. Breaking
away from the social norms and other characteristics
which identify you with a particular community is
being against a rigid way of living. In the modern
world, where people have conflicting views about
almost everything, when one adopts a societal view,
he will face a hard time adjusting or getting along with
different people from other societies.
Dont compare yourself with anyone in this worldif
you do so, you are insulting yourself Bill Gates
When an individual is transitioning from a uni-cultural
community to move to a multi-cultural one, what is
essential in this change is the persons tolerance to
other peoples differences; therefore the person
should be a supporter of diversity. In a nutshell, when
someone becomes rebellious towards a societal view

26
and adopts or follows his own view on an issue or
sector of life, he is following his own guts and what he
deems is right. The most common critic about
communities by theorists who advocate for
individualism, independence and liberty is that;
communities fail to see the separateness of
persons. They put everyone under the same societal
defined view, no matter how differing their
circumstances may be. When someone truly
understands their situation and find the best way to
deal with it, then their views should not seek approval
from others as long as they are doing it in no way of
affecting others negatively. What this means is that
there should be a way to break the barrier between a
persons perceived identity and the identity given to
him by his community. The barrier could be broken by
the community acknowledging that everyone is
different and leave it to the individuals choice on how
to live their lives while suggesting ways that could
help them without dictating those ways to them. The
reason people tend to have opposing views from
society is because of the different influences in their
lives such as the media, teachers in schools and the
types of books they read. Once a person recognizes
not only the alternatives around his community but
around a much bigger world in which his community is
just a part of, then that person will be much more
flexible in the views which they adopt. With the
community being responsible for the person coming
into contact with the sources that could change their
views to oppose that of the community, it doesnt
make sense for the community to consider the person
rebellious since what the person regurgitates is what

27
was given by the community for the person to
consume in the first place. And, the moment an
individual aspires to become different than the usual
known alternatives from the community, that person
should be given the benefit of the doubt instead of
being discouraged. Therefore a common identity
should be kept intact, the people must be aware of its
existence, but the people should be able to break
away and create the identity of their choice;
preference and desire, if they seek to do so, without
being criticized for being different. This is the best way
we can live with ourselves and others. It is the best
way to keep our old ways in the new world, and have
a progressive society instead of a society that is
stagnant and resists change; and scolds those who
aspire to bring change in the way things are or the
way things are being done. It is the most important
way to breaking the chains of feeling like one is
socially imprisoned; in a society that acts ignorant
towards the fact that we all have our different
individual thoughts, which may sometimes not be in
line with particular ways set out in that society and its
knowledge on how things should be.
Each of us is a unique strand in the intricate web of
life and here to make a contribution- Deepak Chopra
The individuals desire to be respected and
accepted by people he holds dearly
We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and- in spite
of True Romance magazines- we shall all someday
look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our
company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say
lonely-at least, not all the time- but essentially, and

28
finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so
important, and I dont see how you can respect
yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of
others for your happiness- Hunter S. Thompson
People desire to be respected. Its not only about
being respected but also who respects them. For
other people, the respect they get can come from the
whole world but it would still not be enough if the
people whom these people hold dearly, dont respect
them. What people should come to terms with is the
fact that theres nothing they can do which can
change how people think about them. A person can
be as noble, kind, prestigious, successful and
influential, but the only opinion about themselves
which they should consider as important is the one
they have about themselves. Not everyone who
smiles with you likes you. But the question one should
ask himself is why they want to be liked in the first
place. When a person wants to be liked, they can do
things which amuse those whom they seek the liking
from. But doing so hides the question of whether the
person is doing what he likes or is doing what he
hates but likes the results that come out of it which
involve being liked by others. Why would one enslave
Himself simply to garner positive reactions from
people who dont even share the same values that he
shares? We are slaves to publicity; we care too much
to be accepted by others to the extent where we
sacrifice accepting ourselves.
I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes
you except yourself- Rita Mae Brown

29
People are subjective beings; what may be right today
may be wrong tomorrow, and what may be wrong
today may be right tomorrow. Just because everyone
is doing it doesnt make it right. Imagine if you were to
hold on to your beliefs and get to realize you were
actually right and everyone was actually wrong, would
you still succumb to society the way you do at the
moment? What if you are more right than the rest of
the society but you are keeping those things to
yourself because you hold societal views as being
superior to your own? What then? Will you ever get to
make an impact? Or will you deprive your community
of greater things which come from you? Simply
because you believe your community is more right
than you, or you fear the rejection of your ideas
because of your communitys stubbornness? Will you
accept doing wrong things when you are fully aware
of the right ones but avoiding them just so you could
be on good terms with your community? The world is
too big a mystery for us all. Its the ones who stand
out who have their voices heard and have their
opinions weighing heavily. What one should decide is
whether to forever become a follower for the mere
acceptance by other followers, or to dare to challenge
the current leaders and their ideas with his own ideas
if they conflict with those already in existence.
I care for myself. The more solitary, the more
friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will
respect myself- Charlotte Bronte
With this overview, what one can conclude about what
being socially imprisoned means, is that being socially
imprisoned is:

30
When a person aspires to change his current or
old character for a much better or suitable one -
according to his own judgment, but is prevented
from doing so due to fear, conformity, holding on
to relationships, and other factors which are built
upon their existing characters. Being socially
imprisoned is when the society has a louder voice
in a persons life than the person does. Breaking
social imprisonment includes silencing those
voices and listening to your own.

2
The guilt feeling of disloyalty
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a
friend William Blake
The most basic definition of disloyalty which I found
suitable to base my point here is the one found on
Dictionary.com, which states that: Disloyalty is the
lack of loyalty; unfaithfulness. What is seen first here
is that disloyalty could be internal and external.
Internal disloyalty is the intra-conflict that a person
comes across when a person is not following up on
the promises he made to himself. It could also be
caused by a person doing things that he once vowed
to never do. The external part of disloyalty is when a
person does not follow up on a relationship
agreement. As I mentioned before, that a relationship
has to be based on something. There are many ways
to break relationships because of disloyalty but for the
relevancy of the topic, disloyalty will be contrasted
and contested with how external loyalty could have a

31
negative effect on the internal one. A person has his
own independent idea about who they are or what
they are. Society has their ideas about whom or what
a person is. Therefore a person has to live with two
ways of thoughts about his own existence. The one
made by him and the one coming from society. The
one made by him could either be silenced or it could
be voiced out. When this happens, society could
accept it or it could accuse the person of being
disloyal to the ways which apply to all. A person may
then decide to follow the societys idea of how a
person should be, but consider themselves less free
than they would have been had they lived their lives
according to their own ideas. People choose not to be
loyal to their own selves because of the less outside
effect it has on them. They however live depressed
lives because of it, and they lose their sense of self-
worth while they hold the society to be more worthy
than they are. With confidence and independence a
person can develop a thick-skin to avoid being
criticized for being loyal to their own selves, even if it
means being disloyal to the community. They might
end up generating negative reviews about their lives
from others but they will at least hold themselves in
high esteem and will increase their level of self-worth.
Inner peace comes when one finally does not care
what people think about him but about what he thinks
about himself.
For there to be betrayal, there would have to have
been trust first Suzanne Collins
For, it is of no use to blindly follow others while you
lose yourself in the process. But we sometimes care

32
too much about the effects of our deeds on others. It
is good to do so because it shows we havent lost our
sense of being human which involves being
empathetic. There are ways to reduce the perception
of disloyalty towards your independent actions from
the people who want you to live a certain way. This
chapter is specifically tailored to guide you on how to
reduce the Disloyalty label given to your actions by
those you care about, such as those from your family,
your church, and your friends and most importantly,
yourself. No one wants to disappoint the people who
look up to him. But sometimes when someone looks
up to you, they look up to a certain image they built on
their mind which has nothing to do with you, and they
expect you to live up to that image and when you
show your true image which contrast with their own,
they feel disappointed about you. The problem with
that is, they never actually knew you, they fantasized
about how you should be or how you were, and you
cannot be held liable for their own wishful thinking.
Being you is the best gift you can give to yourself.
When you are being you, it is easy to see enemies
who hide as friends in disguise. You will decrease the
level of patronization and condescension in your life
and your life will only be left with those who truly care
and want the best for you, than the ones who mislead
you and use the word friendship as bait to lure you to
the life of conformity and fear which results in
shattered dreams. Its mysterious why we all want to
look good in the eyes of others. We suppress our
desires because we dont want people saying things
about us. The problem with socialization and
interacting with others is that it not only changes the

33
way you look at the world but also the way you look at
yourself. One of the greatest spiritual teachers called
Krishnamurti once said that there is a difference
between loneliness and aloneness. Being alone does
not necessarily have to translate to loneliness. One
can still be happy alone more than one can be happy
with other people. The fact that our happiness is
dependent on others is an illusion which has so many
people trapped in relationships which dont benefit
them in anyway, except contributing to their self-
doubts, silenced inner thoughts, and acts that satisfy
those whom they want to be around to. How does one
proceed with doing things they deem right for
themselves when they fear doing such alone - while
theres no one to support their quests or anyone that
believes in them? If they do succeed in doing so, how
do they deal with the perceived disloyalty from
others? These types of tensions exist in our society
where a person finds himself not welcome in his own
community and even worse; his own household
because of the choices theyve made in life which
angered those who had different plans for them. A
person may find himself barred from communication
with the people he once had close ties with. This
makes a person feel rejected and also makes the
person question his own choices in life, and if the
person decides to follow the society again and reject
his own ways, then that particular person succumbs
to authority and is stripped off his independence, and
returns to conformity losing his individuality and
freedom.

34
I used to advertise my loyalty and I dont believe
there is a single person I loved that I didnt eventually
betray Albert Camus
One may then ask; which form of loyalty is important
between the one you give yourself and the one you
build with your society? The easiest answer of course
is that the loyalty one gives to society should reflect
the loyalty one gives to himself. This would create a
lesser conflict between the two. But the problem with
this is that when a person approaches society, instead
of outlaying his views and getting along building
relationships with that view he has, he is met by
opposing views than the one that he already has. Of
course a person may have worse views than the ones
society has and may seek to change his views to
reflect that of the community, but it being their own
judgment to make is the most critical fact one cannot
avoid. If a person still believes his views to be right
after being exposed to differing ones, he should be
accepted as he is without being punished by social
banishment and having his sense of belonging and
his need for acceptance crushed because of not
seeing things the way society sees things.
Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out,
but to see who cares enough to break them down -
Socrates
We are all people, and when we are not interacting
with each other - and are on our own; we are
individuals. Therefore it is the individual that matters.
A person should always seek to be true to his own
self rather than building a false front and image and
portray it to a society which demands his obedience

35
and threatens to label him as going astray if he shows
the signs of being different, and wanting to be
accepted with his difference and uniqueness. As
humans; we need to practice rationality in the choices
we make. We need to weigh the costs together with
the benefits before we choose to do something. The
thing about people who come from a lower social
class is that they have faced the costs more than the
benefits to the point of mistaking the costs as the
benefits. Most of them find comfort in suffering. They
have simply lost the sensitivity which strikes one to
react quickly or respond quickly to pain because pain
is their way of life. When one attempts to escape from
pain others will discourage his attempts and conclude
those attempts as them being more likely to result in
futility. They find it absurd how one would look at the
world as how it can be rather than as how it is. Their
destinies are predetermined by their current situations
and the present moment. They live with boundaries
and never try something which has never been tested
before. They feel safe living among those who are
ignorant as they are. When one becomes
enlightened; he is accused of not wanting to be part of
ignorance, and therefore being disloyal to stagnation
and he is soon cast aside. This particular individual
realizes how distorted and blurred the picture of life is
to his struggling community and he has found a way
to clear it. But instead of doing so, he fears being
labeled as treacherous and instead of bringing a clear
image to the society, he joins society in its ignorance
and makes himself feel better about such a
nonsensical move by claiming he is at least still close
to the ones he loves. For you to love someone you

36
first have to love yourself. The fact that you would put
your own interest aside to serve those of the society
while they destroy your well-being and your future -
shows that you do not love yourself, therefore you
seek love from those you interact with, no matter what
the circumstances this has on your own life. The
dynamics of interactions are so astonishingly
astounding and surprising sometimes. They are stupid
and senseless beyond belief. The most basic point
one should notice is how they are born alone and die
alone. Even if they are born as twins, their
personalities will differ, therefore no one can have an
identical personality as another person. What works
for someone might not work for the other. Not
because it was doomed to fail but because when it is
executed by the other, it has to be altered to fit their
own situations, therefore a view, a rule and a plan
should be flexible enough to take that into account. If
it doesnt and one is scolded for using different means
to get the same ends then one would always become
rigid in his approach in life. This meaning that he will
strictly use societal norms, values, beliefs, traditions,
cultures and way of life which is set out by society.
This sort of person is doomed for failure. This
persons only accomplishment and achievement in life
will be his ability to follow and abide by rules. This
person will be as good as a sheep which is herded by
society. Their way of thinking will be narrow, and they
will act like robots, never showing uniqueness but
reflecting that which they have been taught by society.
They leave no room for their own creativity,
spontaneity, originality, thinking outside the box and
contributing their abilities, skills and talents to their

37
own society and the world as a whole because they
dont believe in themselves but only about what
people think and say about them and the way they
live their lives.
Anyone who hasnt experienced the ecstasy of
betrayal knows nothing about ecstasy at all. Jean
Genet
Feeling disloyal to your family and the way it
raised you
Faithless is he that says farewell when the road
darkens. J.R.R. Tolkien
Every person reaches a certain stage in life where
they want to become independent. When this
happens, a person could create their own values
while they take them along with those values they
have been taught by their families. When you are
young, your family teaches you certain aspects of life
by explaining their drastic consequences. This is
because kids are more likely to respond to effect, and
while young their emotions are oversensitive and they
also work with over imaginative brains. For instance,
how many of us were told that if you dont go to
church you will burn in hell? How many of us were
convinced to go to church because of fearing what
might happen if we didnt? Would you say it was our
calculated and rational choice to do so? Was it our
preference? Were we given each and every type of
religious alternative to choose from or was the religion
that our families were following shoved down our
throats? The truth is; the institution of the family does
not fully prepare a person for the world. This can be

38
seen when one gets taught as a kid by other kids -
what their parents will never dare to talk about with
them - such as where babies come from, sexual
education and profanity. Our families give out what we
are suppose to do and if you do what you are told you
are rewarded with smiles, kindness, praises and
compliments or materialistic things. When you do not
do what is required of you, you are punished. But
most families who raise kids with independent
thinking dominating their personalities often make
threats and shout at the child for challenging their
authority when they are suppose to give reasons as to
why they want the child to do the things they tell the
child to do when the child asks. Are we manipulated
into doing things by our families? Yes we are, but
what we should also know is that our families have
our best interest at heart; it is the only right way they
know how to raise and build a person. Their
knowledge is limited and they sometimes
acknowledge that which is why they send us to
school.
I belong to the people I love, and they belong to me-
they, and the love and loyalty I give them, form my
identity far more than any word or group ever could-
Veronica Roth
My analysis of the family and how one may feel
disloyal to it when one follows their own advice and
not the advice given by his family, is not simply based
on whether their teachings are considered to have
been wrong, or that what you teach yourself is right,
but whether the guilt of following your own path and
not the path given to you by your family is reason

39
enough for you to feel guilty of being disloyal to your
family. As one grows, one gets to notice how many
options they can choose from and these options could
impact their lives, rather than the options they were
indoctrinated with as children by their families. Others
may still take the options recommended to them by
their families with passion. But this book is not about
those who feel comfortable with conformity and
obedience. This book is for those who want to do
things which arent similar to the way they were raised
or the ways they were taught as children. It seeks to
erase their insecurities such as the feeling of being
disloyal to their childhood teachers, and the
community they live under. They cannot pursue their
dreams because their dreams would require them to
leave their old ways. Doing so would break the bond,
connection and relationships they have. They fear
change; they want to engage in activities and a
lifestyle which sustains their sense of belonging,
respect and acceptance. Therefore they crush the
dreams, abilities, goals and potential they set for
themselves in order to keep what they already have
but as a result they die unsatisfied with what they
have achieved in life. They feel they have been
socially imprisoned. They are trapped in the
community they find themselves under, and cannot
differentiate between individual pursuits and collective
ones. They care about what people say about their
lives to the point where what people say about how
their lives should be is literally how they live their
lives. These sorts of people are in fear. They fear
being alone. They realize the outcomes that would
result from their independence but they fear to get

40
there alone and they have no one to get there with.
They would rather forget about getting there rather
than take all the negative criticism that comes with
such. We love and care for our families. We want to
be in a position where our families take us seriously
as people. We seek to be respected by them and
once we have our own way to achieve things without
the guideline given to us by them we fear they might
be disappointed in us.
I dont like to give up on people when they need
someone not to give up on them Carrol Bryant
We feel insecure and separated from those that
raised us in such circumstances, and the guilt feeling
of disloyalty is another factor which leaves us feeling
socially imprisoned. Of course other options given to
us by our families will forever be useful to us
throughout our adulthood and our lives. These include
the advice our families give us about marriage,
substance abuse, and how to associate with others
(Etiquettes and manners). But others such as the
career choice suggested to a person by their family
can become a problem. The reason for a family to
choose a certain career path for their child to follow is
mostly because they envy that kind of career path for
their child and not whether that child is suitable or is
capable physically, emotionally and mentally fit to get
involved in that kind of career. They believe that kind
of career brings respect and honor for the whole
family and it is likely that one of the family members
once tried to pursue such a career but failed. So they
try to live their dreams through us. A person has their
own idea of what they want to become, especially a

41
person who is aware of his strengths and
weaknesses. However, after making a career choice
that is not in line with what his family planned for him
the feeling of disloyalty comes along. One may ask
then, how does one get rid of this guilt feeling of
disloyalty? Well this might be a progressive process
which is therapeutic for both the individual and the
family. A person should insure that his opinion and
input in his family is valued. One should not always
follow what the family wants but should convince the
family and shape his familys way of thinking. This can
be done by showing evidence towards what other
options and ways of life could lead to. It need not
have to be an argument or conflict. One should not
explicitly point out how they are not of the same view
with their families but should show their appreciation
on the views given to them by their families. We
should realize that those views are the core, and ours
are unknown. We should treat them with sensitivity,
such as introducing them as add-ons. Our families will
realize that we respect their views but we are different
from them and have our own views, and we actually
know what we are doing. All we need, to gain our
familys blessing is the benefit of the doubt. We
should take care of the way we approach such
matters. The media is filled with bad news all the time
and the cruelties that happen around the world. Once
you leave your family, your family is bound to think
that the world will affect you somehow. When you
come back to your family possessing different views
and ways of life, they might believe the world had a
negative effect on you, corrupted you and caused you
to go astray from the ways you were taught. They

42
may believe you were influenced by your friends or
the things you see in your life on a daily basis which
are of no good according to the media your family is
exposed to everyday. A Common ground is needed,
you need to show them you havent forgotten their
ways, but you shouldnt hide the fact that you have
changed also. The change might not be from the
world, but the change might be from within. As you
following your own ways rather than anybody elses,
including your familys. This will prove to your family,
that not only have you remained loyal to them and
their ways, you have also been able to be loyal to
yourself despite what the world tried to feed you.
A person who deserves my loyalty receives it
Joyce Maynard
What we as humans find hard to decipher is the fact
that moving from one social class to the other does
not mean that you are egotistical in your approach.
What it means is that you simply interlink your own
special way of living with that of the communitys. The
moment the community finds something wrong with
the way you do things, it does not necessarily mean
your way is selfish, it could simply mean that the
society expects too much from you. One can depart
from his family in search for a better life, and such
freedom is very essential towards the persons
growth. The person does not have to forget his home,
but he also does not have to be a stuck up in his
home. He has to find the means to live on his own.
This is to ensure that the next generation is born on
much better outcomes than the ones you were born
under. This will cause a shift in the bloodline from

43
those who inherited poverty to those who get to inherit
wealth. In order for such a transition to become
successful, one need not worry about the ties and
bonds he has with his family and their likelihood of
breaking if he is away. One should continue with his
quests and disregard the negative criticism he
receives. This might appear as being disloyal to his
family at that particular moment. But when the
individual starts to prosper, the disloyalty perspective
will shift and become a respectful and independent
perspective which views you as a person of integrity,
dignity, courage, bravery and the bringer of good
things to your family by taking the risk of severely
cutting ties for a shorter while to go get what you
deem is rightfully yours from the world. The world
history shows that the current people who own the
worlds resources are the ones who took the initiative
to leave the location they were born in and settled
where there was prosperity. When they left the places
they visited to come back to the locations where they
were given birth to, they came back with a large
amount of wealth which lasted them throughout their
generation. They didnt become comfortable in the
situations of lacking. They didnt consider living under
the situations they found themselves in simply
because they feared losing connection with the
communities they were under. They did what they did
using their own ways and at the end of the day they
benefitted the same societies that they left in the first
place. Just because you are born under a certain
place doesnt mean your life is only limited in
influencing and functioning only in that place. The
world is too big for a person to only focus attention on

44
a single area just because they fear facing the world
alone. If what you fear is that your family will think of
your differently the moment you come back, or you
think that your family will take you as being disloyal to
their ways, then you as a person that has seen the
outside world should show and educate your family
about the wide range of ways which exists. You
should show how effective these ways are than the
ways your family currently possesses and teaches. A
wise man once said that it is all in the mind. The way
you are conditioned to think about your life and your
future, the amount of influence others have in your life
and the amount of influence you think you have in
your own life will reflect in your type of thinking and
reactions in interactions with others. This is why they
always say success requires only a change of a
persons mindset. Think big, think broader, think
globally, think about yourself, think about your
importance and what you can contribute to the world,
and think about whats best for you. If you think small,
narrowly, community-based, about what other people
think about you, about the importance of other
peoples opinion about your own life, and whats best
for everyone instead of yourself then not only will you
seize to utilize your purpose of existence but you will
end up a depressed old man/lady who regrets the
chances and opportunities they wished they have
seized while they were younger.
Loyalty to an unjust cause is a perversion of honor.
Brian Herbert & Kevin J. Anderson

45
Feeling disloyal to your friends because you took
a different turn than the one they took
When you are alone is when you can count your
friends. Stephen Richards
When we have friends which we grew up with, we go
through life with plans that involve sticking together.
The sticking together part is used so that we can be
assured that the friendship will never end. We try our
best to keep contact with the friends we are far apart
from. We create opportunities to meet and unite with
them so that we can be sure of ourselves and them
that we are still on the same path. They have the old
memories of us and us of them, and we use it to hide
our fears of losing ourselves. We use our friends to
constantly remind ourselves of how we were and how
we have changed. It does not make sense why one
would want to keep track of how he is changing
throughout the years except if its for the purposes of
remnants. This creates a barrier in a persons
personal growth and transition if one seeks to move
from one social class to the other. You may agree with
your friends about attaining a better life, but the ways
of getting there might differ between you and your
friends. It all boils down to the decision one has to
make whether to take his own idea and path which
involves departing from friends, or try a path he
knows less just because that particular path has his
friends in it. There is no friendship that is ever really
equal, there always has to be another persons
personality and traits being dominant in the friendship
than anothers. If you find that your ways are never
brought into the surface or followed by your friends

46
while you always follow theirs then best believe you
are the one who doesnt have a voice in that
friendship. It does not matter that much if one has a
voice in his /her friendships or not, what matters is the
strength of the friendship and how long it lasts when
people involved in a friendship go about their own
different ways of living lives while they still want to
keep the friendship intact. Friendships can soon turn
into rivalries. Take for instance a case where you
choose a path for yourself which is not the same as
the one which your friends choose. You all believe
you are right about your choices and you wont dare
try convincing each other because that would bring
about arguments and jeopardize the relationship you
have with each other. If your way ends up leading you
to a prosperous life while theirs ends up leading them
to a life full of pain and misery worse than the one
they had before they began their journey, they might
blame their failures on themselves, and they might
blame their failures on you too.
Not all who demand your attention desire your
happiness, many merely seeking a conveyance to
their own. Tom Althouse
The dynamics of interactions are filled with complexity
and confusion. Why would one blame you for their
own failures? Because you have the successes, and
you were around their lives while you were still on the
same level as they were at that time and you didnt try
convincing them to try out your ways. This is
contradictory within itself because if you had tried
convincing them at that particular time they would
have thought they knew better than you did. They

47
would have never have taken your advice or what you
have to say because people believe by seeing the
results. Why then would one blame another for the
things he faces in his life because of the choices he
made in the past? It makes no sense whatsoever.
The word friend is a label anyone can try on. You
decide who is best suited to wear it. Choose wisely.
The most dangerous among us come dressed as
angels and we learn too late they are the devil in
disguise Carlos Wallace
This is what I mean by society not taking you
seriously when you begin but take you seriously if you
are strong enough to withstand the negativity that
comes with trying. Friendships could result in three
types of destinies, the one where you and your friends
are successful, the one where your friends are
successful and you arent - the one where you are
successful and your friends arent, and lastly, the one
where you and your friends are all failures. The one in
which you and your friends are successful is very
rare, and it comes about when you and your friends
accept being different compared to each other, going
about achieving things the way you deem fit and
taking negative feedback you give to each other in a
positive way. This shows individuality together with
collectivity, you are connected to your friends and they
are connected to you; but your connections are based
on how different you and they are. In its most
hypothetical sense you and your friends encourage
each other in being different so that you can bring out
the best in each other. The one where your friends are
successful and you arent; could be caused by various

48
reasons. You could have met them while they were
successful in which case you could have wanted to be
friends with them so that you can get inspired. Or you
could have met them while you were all poor and they
became rich while you didnt. This is the one I would
like to focus on. Theres a reason why your successful
friends could be trying to maintain the friendship that
you have with them. It could either be because they
care for you or worse; they are friends with you
because they recognize that you are a force to be
reckoned with so they tone down your attempts at
being successful by misleading you while they know
the way. The one where you are successful and your
friends arent, could leave you feeling socially
imprisoned due to the fact that they might accuse you
of disloyalty, which is the heading of this text and
which will be delved upon after the dimensions of
success between you and your friends have been
fully analyzed. The one where you and are friends are
failures could be caused by all of you succumbing
towards a recommended way of success which
formed the basis of your relationship. This way of
successes which worked for none of you could still be
praised by all of you while you blame yourselves
instead of it for your misfortunes. What it also shows
is that none of you dared to be different from each
other and therefore you all get to behold the same
fate.
Three things in life you will never have to chase: True
friends, true love and your destiny Alex Haditaghi
So, how can one become comfortable with being
different, achieving and doing things the way he sees

49
fit which isnt in line with the way his friends do things
and to top it all off, him being accused of disloyalty by
his friends? There are many ways one can try to
reduce these sorts of attacks from coming at his
direction. When your friends accuse you of keeping
the secrets to success to yourself; it is usually when
they feel justified and entitled to your riches because
of what went wrong with them and what went right
with you while you were all hanging around together.
They may feel like you kept things from them, you
never wanted them to become as successful as you
are and you have been disloyal to the friendship and
dont value it at all. This is of course not true. When
you get to reflect at the past events what you will
realize is that, the same friends lashing out
accusations were the ones that called you crazy when
you were trying your best to attain what you wanted in
life. Have you taken them seriously at that point, you
would have found yourself on the position they
currently find themselves in. This means you have
won. You took your individuality to the top of your
priority list rather than opinions and negative feedback
from those you care about such as your friends. They
know they would have never listened to anything you
said if the circumstances were the same as the ones
where you guys were still on the same level. They will
try to avoid that obvious fact and go ahead blaming
their failures on you and your supposed greed. For
you to get where you currently are, you didnt listen to
their negative comments and you should sure as hell
not start now. If they seek help from you now, it still
means you have won because this means your
opinion matters to them now. They will try your way

50
rather than the way they tried to force on you with the
threat of you losing their friendship if ever you were to
go astray. This then is exactly the way you can avoid
being labeled as disloyal by your friends. You can
show them that you couldnt prove your ideas to them
at the time you came up with them, they would have
never took you seriously at that time, but you are still
willing to share your ideas with them if they are willing
to follow them. By this time, with results showing from
your side of the fence; and you offering to help them
succeed also, then it would be foolish of them to try
rejecting you and stick to their old ways. Your own
individuality will bring the right connection which is
based on success and prosperity among the people
you love, only if they are willing to listen to you and
not shove their views down your throat which forces
you to leave your dreams if you want to get along with
them. The purpose of existence is to become
immortal by living through peoples minds for eternity,
and this requires you to contribute something of value
to society. It is not about how good you follow rules
but how well you can set your own and how many
people you can get to follow you. You were brought
on earth to become influential. To eradicate the
disloyal label which exists in your friends minds by
helping them; simply means you have reached one
step further to becoming an influential figure. They
say if you want to change the world - you first need to
change yourself, after you change yourself you will
able to change your family, this will further proceed to
changing your friends until the changing spreads to
the entire globe. For you to listen to society when it
tells you what your heart isnt, is you failing to change

51
yourself, because at that moment you are a product of
what the society wants you to be, not the product of
your own thoughts, desires, happiness, ideas and
how you imagine yourself to be. There are more than
seven billion people on earth and we fear to lose
people who are less than fifty in our own lives
because of the memories we share with them. We
should realize that memories are intangible and only
exist in our heads. The person you see in front of you
may not be the same person you hold in your
memory, people change every day, some for the worst
and some for the best, just like you aspire to change,
so this is a natural process of being human and no
one should disturb it.
We all want good friends kind, respected, nice. The
kind of people you to introduce to your parents, other
friends, pastor. But never underestimate the value of
immoral friends the ones that create the most
precious memories you will never tell anyone else
Jury Nel
Feeling disloyal to your church and its members
I always think loyaltys such a tiresome virtue
Agatha Christie
Most churches in poor communities require
permanent membership from a person. This then
means that no matter where the person goes, what
they do with their lives, they should always attend that
particular church which is located in the area which
they might have already departed from. Their
attendance is required and they have built a bond with
the members of that church. We can then easily see

52
how this will conflict with a person who wants to go far
in life. The first problem is that of attendance, in a
sense that the person will have to travel all the time to
a place where his old church is located just to prove
his loyalty to a certain congregation. There is a saying
which states that God is everywhere therefore with
so many churches around the world, God surely does
not only exist in the church in which you were raised
up in. Your religious faith should not be
place/area/territory/location specific but be God
specific, what this means is that if you are Christian
and there are Christian churches in places other than
the place of your origin then why not attend those
churches which are nearby if they preach the same
evangel? It makes no sense for one to try to maintain
his relationship with his old church while he lives in a
new place. When one feels disloyal to the church that
raised them, they mistake the guilt with the guilt of
having wronged God which isnt the case. The person
may have unintentionally wronged people from that
church which he no longer goes to by stopping going
to it, but the person is wrong to think that this offends
God.
Loyalty cannot be blueprinted. It cannot be produced
on an assembly line. In fact, it cannot be
manufactured at all, for its origin is the human heart
the center of self-respect and human dignity. It is a
force which leaps into being only when conditions are
exactly right for it and it is a force very sensitive to
betrayal Maurice Franks
If God exists in each and every temple then each and
every church which offers the preaching service has

53
the same God in it. As much as this justifies a
persons actions in leaving his church of origin, it still
doesnt change the way the person feels guilty about
having done such. The church plays a big part in our
spiritual awakening and if something goes wrong with
our perception of the church, it could turn risky such
as us renouncing our faith. So would an individual be
accused of being disloyal to his church simply
because he doesnt live in the place where his church
is based and therefore cannot attend that church and
attends another one close to him instead? There are
many ways to go about in solving and resolving this
conflict between an individual and the church. One
could still be in attendance without being available.
This will include sharing biblical verses over the
phone or through emails with the leaders of the
church and also offer donations where he can.
Changing churches is the better option because it
teaches one to let go of that which does not serve him
anymore, but because humans have the tendency of
caring too much even about trivial things and
pettiness then they can still revive the bonds they
once had with their churches by other means while
avoiding the feeling of guilt that is created when they
can no longer go to the church which they share a
long history with.
As I mentioned earlier before that the feeling of
disloyalty could either be external or internal and
also how one can affect the other. An individual
can also feel disloyal towards himself without it
having to do anything with his community or
society. As I said before, people change every day
and therefore a person can make one decision

54
today and change his life tomorrow by another
decision. We find it hard to stick to the values we
create by ourselves. We have our current
thoughts, our old thoughts and the thoughts and
plans we will have in future if we are lucky to live
long enough to witness the future that is. A
person can also feel disloyal to his old thoughts
and plans. To avoid this sort of disloyalty will
require the individual to look at how far they have
come in life and to embrace the changes in their
way of thinking by admiring and appreciating the
results the changes have brought along with
them.
It was a lesson most people learned much earlier;
that even friendship could have an undisclosed shelf
life. That loyalty and affection, so consuming and
powerful, could dissipate like fog Jennifer Haigh

3
What triggers the cause for
change?
When we are no longer able to change a situation,
we are challenged to change ourselves Viktor E
Frankl
What causes a person to change? What makes one
get sick and tired of how things are and gets him to
start looking for a way which will lead to how things
should be? We are told psychologically that people

55
change after a traumatic experience. But even if they
change due to such, if one has a traumatic past and is
living a good life in the present, he is still followed by
the ghosts of the past and we call that the PTSD or
the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You can run from
a situation but you cannot run from yourself. Your
memories may not create the person that you are
today but they are part of that person. If your past
involves you being close to people in a poor
neighborhood, while your present involves you being
alone or with people you dont share any type of
history with while you are in a much better financial
position, you could still feel lonely and feel like you
have lost yourself. The effects of a rough life will last
through your life time. This then explains another
dimension of being socially imprisoned. A place could
trigger a person to change. After the person has
changed and has left such a place, he will not forget
the people, events and other memories he has had in
that place and will be trapped between a new life
which he cannot fully enjoy because of longing for his
own past back which he thinks seems to resemble the
Real him than the current life he is living.
Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is
true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering
yourself is true power. Lao Tzu
How else could a person change? Does it have to be
an outward process? What about inwardly? Could a
person change himself? And what could trigger that
kind of change? There is a famous saying that no one
can change a person because people change when
they decide to change. A person could inspire another

56
to change, but it will be up to the person being
inspired whether they do change. A person is not an
object which one can mold simply by treating it the
way he desires to treat and then it turns out the way
he wants. A person is a subject, and he has feelings,
thoughts, his own level of interpreting things and his
own intentions. A person could choose to follow his
own advice and not anybody elses. Or a person could
choose to follow someone elses advice. They are
emotional beings; therefore if your advice shows
prosperity and leads to happiness while they are in
sadness and misery, they are more likely to give your
advice a shot. They are not likely to follow their own
advice if they live in an oppressive society. They can
think of good ideas but they wouldnt follow on them,
because no one would back them up and while they
live in pain, to follow their own advice and not that
advice that gives them pain would cost them isolation
from those whom they love dearly but give them bad
advice. This book is about giving advice, but the
advice given by this book isnt instructional, it is
psychologically meant to help people get rid of their
fears and follow their own advice. My intention is to
create within people, a strong will which will allow
them to stop being conformists, pursue independence
and to never suppress themselves, their desires and
dreams just to maintain a connection with others or to
keep relationships. Therefore become rest assured
that there is no formula for success except the one
you create yourself and this book is not about giving
people a formula for success. Most rich people in
todays world are those that took their own way to get
there. There are given steps or guidelines on how to

57
attain wealth. This book is for those that were brave to
continue searching for the right path when the odds
were stacked against them, it is for those who doubt
themselves and dont value their own judgments, and
it is for those who realize that they have extraordinary
abilities but cant do what they wish to do because of
the society they live under. A trigger which could
cause a person to change could be that persons
change of heart. There is a saying that goes Enough
is enough, and theres a limit within us all which when
reached, we no longer accept nonsensical ways of
living and we start living our own way. The most
important part of a cause for change in order for this
sort of trigger to happen is recognizing if the way of
living which we find ourselves in - really is
nonsensical before we can seek to change it. This
part is the most important one because a wise man
once said You can be oppressed and not know it.
The situation must feel unsuitable and not tailored for
your needs, you must recognize how little you can
practice your own freedom and autonomy in a place
and how authoritative the place you live under is, then
this will do things to your emotions which you wont
like and it will further challenge you to challenge
yourself, your strength towards changing yourself or
remaining the same.
Be the change that you want to see in the world.-
Mahatma Gandhi
Once you have changed, you should continue the
process of change and reach greater heights and
become the best you can be because the process
never stops and has no limit. The moment you think

58
you have reached your limit is the moment you have
stopped the process by yourself. You could have
stopped the process because of a various reasons,
but the most known reason for such is self-doubt, you
may ask yourself Who am I to be receiving such
blessings in life? but the question should be changed
to Who am I to have been born deprived? Who am I
not to prosper? Who am I not to live the life I want?
Who am I to let people decide my fate, future and
destiny? Who am I not to be blessed?! this then
shows how much you value yourself and your life. We
are all deserving. We are all equal. No person is more
equal than the other. If we find our position in life to be
having the feeling of being less equal, then nothing is
stopping us from changing that except ourselves. You
cannot sacrifice a better life for yourself for What
people will say. What is that? What even is that?
Believing in yourself more than you believe what other
people say about you (especially when what they say
is negative information meant to bring your down) is
the best way to go about living life.
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one
thinks of changing himself Leo Tolstoy
A life of deprivation
You need to spend time crawling alone through
shadows to truly appreciate what is it is to stand in the
sun Shaun Hick
As I mentioned before that some people find comfort-
ability in suffering. However, others do not. There are
those individuals that exist in society who go against
any form of struggling they have to endure. They may

59
be deprived of a life of fortune and privilege, but as
they grow up they have a constantly occurring instinct
and knack for change which triggers them to act in
ways which will bring them to prosperity. These
people acknowledge their situations but they refuse to
accept their destiny to follow and reveal itself as the
situation they currently face. In todays street
language, one may call these people hustlers. They
realize that they are the only ones who can change
their lives, they try doing so without any fear of being
criticized for trying too hard. A person born with
wealth and a person born deprived are not the same.
They do not enjoy their lives the same way. The
person born in a rich family is more likely to have
been living in a society which is also rich and
therefore his society is more advanced and diverse
since wealth has no race. What this means is that
people who are born rich are more likely to be living in
communities which promote differences and
uniqueness, therefore they dont have to suffer
between holding on to their individuality and having to
be facing the views imposed by their societies. This is
not the same with a person who was born poor and
acquires wealth at a certain stage in life. The reason
such a person finds himself in a place like that in the
first place (A poor community) is because differences
are hardly promoted there. They have a single way of
living, although noticing that their way of living leads
to pain and suffering, no one dares to be different
because of valuing the connection between him and
the community more than valuing their own selves. A
person whos deprived but who is gifted enough to
notice a better life exists out there could be triggered

60
to act against the rules set out to him by the
community he lives under and follow their own path to
success. Triggers can arrive in different ways. A
person whos lucky enough to own a television set in
a poor community will watch different kinds of
lifestyles shown on the television networks and they
will learn about new and different cultures which differ
from their own but are much more suitable than their
own. This will then probe the person in wanting to live
a certain way, after realizing that his way is not
accepted by a society that practices universal type of
rigid values that emphasize oneness and singleness
or what philosophers call Monism, he will want to
leave such a society and move to a better one. This
transition will require the person to start gaining
wealth and this may be hard regarding the fact that
the person is deprived. The person may develop
entrepreneurial skills and find ways to make money;
they will act in a way which is deemed as abnormal
by their current society. If these types of people are
strong enough not to mind being labeled and
ridiculed, they could succeed in finding what they
seek. However if they turn out to be weak and
suppress the urge to pursue what they have
recognized, then the trigger will turn out to only fire
blank shots since it will not be acted upon.
Life is at its best when everything has fallen out of
place, and you decide that youre going to fight to get
them right, not when everything is going your way and
everyone is praising you Thisuri Wanniarachchi
Societies that are deprived are possessed by people
who always try to bring each other down. They dont

61
see any worth in anyone and when someone sees
worth in himself then he will be discouraged from
doing anything because of the name-callings others
will drop about such a person such as him thinking
that he is better than the rest of them.
A life of deprivation has two types of strong people.
The first strong person is the one who is strong
enough to live in such a society till death does him
apart from that community. The second strong person
is the one who is weak enough to handle the kind of
life that a deprived community offers, but who is
strong enough to bring about change. These people
often clash in their ideologies about how a society
should be. The ones who always win are the ones
who support whats already in existence, therefore
poverty remains persistent in that particular society.
The ones who are able to make something of their
own selves always have a space in their hearts of
feeling incomplete. They have defied their social
norms to attain what they wanted and therefore they
feel like they dont belong where they were born
anymore. Once a person feels like he doesnt belong
where he was born, this affects his psyche. A person
has needs, such as the need to be with the ones he
grew up with in order for him to still feel like their
selves. It takes more than courage for one to be by
their own selves all the time. Independence is not
understood to its fullest extent, and when one gets to
notice the broadness of the meaning behind being
independent he starts fearing being alone and
retreats to his old ways and therefore cuts his growth
level short, before he reaches his full potential.

62
This reason behind the cause for change, which is
having a life of deprivation that a person cannot
handle, is like a person with a sensitive nervous
system. This nervous system transmits information
quickly to the brain, and has a cause for a change in
action. It is like a person putting his hand on a hot
stove, and once the hand starts burning, the
information of the pain is sent to his brain, and the
person reacts quickly by removing their hand as fast
as possible from the hot stove. With this analogy
given, so that one can understand what being
sensitive to pain would be like, one should then
imagine how people would react if their outer and
social lives were as sensitive as their nervous system.
Im pretty sure if that were the case, then each and
every community would encourage their people to
change their actions and react quickly to their
situations rather than forcing them not to remove their
hands from a hot stove. If this is how our lives are like
then why does society not recognize the absurdity of
forcing someone to a life of pain? Theres only one
explanation to this. The society might be ignorant
about its own misfortune and therefore has found
comfort in pain and misery!
And hard times are good in their own way, too.
Because the only way you can achieve true
happiness is if you experience true sadness as well.
Its all about light and shade. Balance. Gabrielle
Williams
Motivation
Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with
gold at both ends. Aberjhani

63
According to Wikipedia.com, motivation is; what
represents the reason behind a persons behavior,
actions, desires and needs. There are four types of
representations which I will associate with a persons
behavior, desires, actions and needs in this section.
The first one is pain. The second one is joy and
rewards. The third one is favorable conditions. The
last one is other external or outer sources. The first
one, which is pain, could cause a person to move (be
motivated) to search for something to ease the
uncomfortable position he find himself in. As I have
noted before with the analogous model of the nervous
system, which stated that one should tell between
pain and joy to the point where they can react very
quickly in stopping pain from their lives because of its
undesirability. What could trigger change in a person if
we were to use motivation as the source for change?
The first likelihood I have decided to delve upon is the
one in which the pain experienced by a person could
be the main source of the person getting motivated to
do things differently than others. We have those who
find joy in pain of course (Those we call Masochists),
but those are people with psychological problems and
not people who are in their right state of mind. This
book is not tailored for those. When we apply the
definition of motivation to pain we can easily see how
motivation could prevail from pain. For example, the
definition of motivation includes a persons needs, and
what do people usually need? People need tender
loving care, peace, happiness and belonging. What
does pain bring? Pain brings sadness, havoc and
conflicts, separation and devastation. Clearly pain will
not fit into what a person needs; therefore if a person

64
finds himself in a situation where they experience
pain, this will trigger a cause for change. They will
change because their needs are tampered with by
pain and in order for them to regain their needs which
are tarnished by pain, they will then receive
motivation to face pain and change it to happiness.
Lets further apply pain to the definition of motivation,
this time using a persons desire. What does a person
desire? A person desires a good life, abundance,
good luck, fortune and wealth. What does pain bring?
Pain brings a life of destitution, bad luck, poverty,
hunger and deprivation and abuse. With such clearly
contrasting points about a persons desires and what
pain offers, it makes sense why a person would want
to change their position if they are experiencing pain
because it is against almost every essence of being
human. To further extend my application of pain to
motivation, lets apply it to the aspect of a persons
actions. As I said before, a person can perform an
action, but their actions will only continue if they are of
any benefit. This means that a person whose actions
bring happiness will continue performing such actions,
but a person whose actions bring pain will change
their actions. So then one may ask why society
doesnt change its actions when dealing with a
member of it. If a person deems his actions to bring
joy and not harming anyone in the process then why
would society not accept the persons actions? A
persons business is his business alone and nobody
elses, especially if those actions only affect that
certain person and no one else. If a person does
something and it feels good to him, then he will want
to do those actions again. What happens then if

65
society wants a person to act in a certain way while
the person wants to act in another? Wouldnt the
person be much happy following his own way than to
receive pain from the ways of society? The pain will
not necessarily be because the ways of the society
are wrong, but simply because they dont work for
everyone, which is why the individual has his own
ways in the first place. A persons actions could be the
result of their consequences. As I mentioned earlier
that a person does not understand his own
surroundings and only gains meaning by how people
react towards him, but as one grows they generate
their own meaning about their own actions which is
what is called self-reflection and conscience. It is
good for a society to recommend and suggest a set of
actions which could be suitable for a person, but the
question whereas if one should take those
suggestions should be totally up to that person. A
person is not against society but part of society. No
one person can live alone unless he is a beast or a
God as the bible says it. But we cannot avoid the fact
that there are choices, decisions and spheres in our
lives which dont require societal input but only ours.
Society cannot know what people think, so it is absurd
for a society to tell people what to think. This given
way violets their sense of being independent and their
sense of being human. One great scientist once said
that humans are no different from animals and that
the only thing which distinguishes humans from
animals is a humans ability to think, deliberate on an
issue, choosing how to live their lives, being
conscious of their environment, and their intelligence.
So we all possess intellectual capacity within us. Why

66
then would we allow others to make us do what is
desired by their intellectual capacity while we have
our own? We control some animals because we are
much more intelligent than they are therefore this
gives us power to manipulate their behavior. So if a
person controls another person or believes his
judgment surpasses that of another, is he indirectly
degrading that persons status to that which is similar
to an animal?
The only time you fail is when you fall down and stay
down Stephen Richards
Lets look at the second factor which plays a major
role for a person to get motivated and have his
thoughts focused on a triggered cause for change.
The second factor is that of joy and rewards.
Something spontaneous can happen. It could be
basic and repeated but a person could discover it
randomly. A person could look down while walking
and discover a bank note lying on the ground. For this
random deed, the person is rewarded. What I mean
by this is that any attempt is more likely to be
repeated if the first time it is tried it brings joy and
rewards. The next time the person will walk on the
road he will want the same occurrence to happen
again, so he has a new type of behavior, the one of
paying attention to their surroundings. So the first
attempt could sometimes be the greatest thing that
happens to a persons life and it could trigger their
cause for change. When we apply joy in the definition
of motivation, what one can already detect is that joy
not only works as a representation for a change in a
persons behavior, actions, desires and needs but

67
also part of those actions, desires and needs. For
example, A person desires joy, even if they dont have
joy, they will long to have it, it is an intrinsic value
embedded in us, the polar opposite between good
and bad with joy being good. So a person may be
motivated to seek joy, with the urge of having joy
rather than actually having joy being the motivation.
They will change their actions to accomplish and
achieve what they desire, which is joy. Therefore - joy
is interrelated with all the characteristics which form
part of the definition of motivation. After a person has
joy, joy will then become the source of motivation for a
person to attain more of it or keep the joy he already
has. However, if society were to be compared to a
single human in its characteristics, what one would
notice is that society would be described as selfish,
authoritative, and narcissistic, with a plate on the side
of a superiority complex, coercive behavior, sadism,
seeks to subjugate and dominate the members who
live in it. And in this, society gets its joy. If society is
not listened to, it seeks to cast aside the person who
isnt listening to it. As I mentioned before that a
persons views might differ with that of the society. A
persons own views could bring joy to the person, and
the views brought by society may conflict with that
persons morals and leave the person dissatisfied with
his life but because the person lives in a society and
fears being cast aside, he might have to let go of his
own views and adopt the views of the society for the
sake of maintaining a healthy relationship between
himself and the society he finds himself under.
Never surrender your hopes and dreams to the
fateful limitations others have placed on their own

68
lives. The vision of your true destiny does not reside
within the blinkered outlook of the naysayers and the
doom prophets. Judge not by their words, but accept
advice based on the evidence of actual results. Do
not be surprised should you find a complete absence
of anything mystical or miraculous in the manifested
reality of those who are so eager to advise you.
Friends and family who suffer the lack of abundance,
joy, love, fulfillment and prosperity in their own lives
really have no business imposing their self-limiting
beliefs on your reality experience - Anthon St.
Maarten
The third factor which influences a sense of
motivation in a person is the one which I named as
favorable conditions. When a person has suffered
throughout their lives and something comes along,
even if not directly to them but to a person they know,
this could build a positive atmosphere and a favorable
condition for them to start practicing their independent
thinking. If one lives in a society where he feels
trapped and one person from that society sets an
example by breaking the chains of social
imprisonment by becoming successful in his own way,
then the observer could get motivated, inspired and
they would also believe in themselves. A person who
lives a life where his actions are dictated by the
people in his life would never believe in their own way
- until someone shares the same way with them while
that particular person has used that way to become
successful. This creates a favorable condition for the
one plagued with doubts about disconnecting bonds
in order to reach greater heights in life. How this
happens is very simplistic in itself. The individual is

69
surrounded by the atmosphere of negativity; this then
means the person is looking for as little positivity as
possible even if it comes as a crumb, which he can
grasp his hands on. If he does find that meager
positive atmosphere, he will know that not everything
is the way it is after all, there is another way things
could be done and how things could work. This would
create a favorable condition or platform for one to get
motivated to do what they have always wanted to do.
This sort of motivation comes as a person using a
model, mentor, or that one individual who became
successful despite how discouraged they were by
their society. The person seeking success will use
such a person as an inspiration and let that kind of a
person have an influence in their own lives. This
applies to the definition of motivation in a sense that
the person will be using actions which are detached
from the expectations of society and they would deem
their condition as favorable because someone else
once did that and became successful. They would
react to the desires that they have silenced and stop
listening to critics because Someone else once did
that and became successful. They would
accommodate every need they have and not sacrifice
their own needs to please others because Someone
else once did that and became successful. Favorable
conditions could also overlap to the final factor I used
to convey my message about motivation as being a
trigger for a cause for change, which are the external
or outside sources. External sources could include
public figures, success stories, heroes and Nobel
Prize winners which a person can read and hear
about if the person is lucky enough to come

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acquainted with newspaper articles, magazines,
journals, social networks, the internet, television and
radio. These external sources could create a
favorable condition for the individual by strengthening
the persons perception, beliefs, and goals which they
set for themselves and how they should never let
anyone have the final say in their lives because they
are the only people that can change their own lives.
You are your master, only you have the master keys
to open your inner locks Amit Ray
The persons will (baring pain and being patient)
If you cant run, you crawl. If you cant crawlyou
find someone to carry you. Joss Whedon
Not everyone is strong enough to resist influence. But
at the same time not everyone is strong enough to
endure hardships. So what happens when a person is
influenced by others while that influence brings pain in
their lives, and the person has no will to endure pain
or succumb to it and turn it into normality like society
has? There are three things a person could do or
might do to trigger a cause for change in their
behavior depending on their will in baring pain and
having patience. Ill describe the first one as; a person
abiding by the rules set out by society for him and not
being able to withstand the results that come out of
such, and therefore a persons will being weak to
accept authority. The second one I will describe is a
person who lives in a society which has a strong
objective moral code in which case a persons will to
live according to his own morals, is weak against the
outside influence. The third one is when a persons

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will is strong enough to resist societal influence to the
point where the individual is able to break the barrier
of imposed views and live according to his own views.
To only resist does not necessarily mean the person
is battling with the views of society. To only resist
means to live in isolation and not abide by what is
given. But to resist and offer your own path in the
process means to socialize while being an influence
to others without letting them become an influence to
you. This latter one is quite hard to accomplish and is
the one I seek to delve upon in this section. But for
one to understand what I mean by a persons will, it is
essential for me to go about in an all rounded manner
so that the reader will be able to tell the strength of
their own will when it is challenged by the society in
which they live under.
If you have a dream, dont just sit there. Gather
courage to believe that you can succeed and leave no
stone unturned to make it a reality - Roopleen
In fully analyzing the first type of personal will, which
states that a person could be strong enough to go
along with what is given to him by society but he may
not be strong enough to handle the results which
come about from doing so. Therefore if societys
formula leads to poverty and the individual trusts the
judgment of his society, he is more likely to reach the
same fate (that of poverty) which is caused by the
formula given to him by his society. What triggers the
cause for change in this instance? As I said, the
persons will- may be strong enough in following rules,
but it may not be strong in withstanding poverty and
destitution. A person will then change his tendency of

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following rules and start making his own rules to try
and find a way out of poverty. The major cause for
change in the persons behavior when analyzing this
factor is that, the person may have the will to go
through particular means, but their will might soon
diminish, replenish and be tarnished soon as they
have to face the ends, which are unbearable. The
second cause for change in a persons behavior when
regarding his will is; when a person has a strong will
to follow his own route but his will is soon erased by
the societys will. A wise man once said The needs of
the many outweigh the needs of the few (Captain
Kirk in the Wrath of Khan 1982). Therefore with no
one to support a person and with society having a
combined will which will obviously appear stronger
than the persons, the persons will, will soon be done
for. But even the bible tells the story of David
defeating the mighty giant called Goliath. So when
applying the biblical analogy in this scenario what we
see is that it does not matter how strong the societys
willing to keep and promote its own views. As long as
the person can try to stay focused on his will which is
to promote his own views, then his own views will
take him somewhere, for- the moment he decides to
go against the popular will, he seizes to become a
commoner and becomes unique. And one should not
forget; that uniqueness is attractive. Therefore a
persons will, might not be strong to topple that of
society. But what triggers the cause for change here is
when a person realizes how futile it is to fight against
the society and starts practicing his own views in his
own privacy without trying to convince anyone. This
not only will work to bring wealth for the person, it will

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also reduce their stress level and they will gain a
peace of mind.
Dont let mental blocks control you. Set yourself free.
Confront your fear and turn the mental blocks into
building blocks. - Roopleen
The last one, which is the one I would like to focus on
most, due to its relevancy and importance towards
changing a persons way of thinking, and changing a
persons way of thinking being the main purpose for
the creation of this book; is the one where the
individual is strong enough to live according to his
own views and becoming successful in resisting
societal views, and not only that, but also being able
to influence the society with your own views. A
persons will could be to resist the will of the society in
changing him or having an influence in his life, but the
society may prove to be too strong and demanding on
a person to the point where the person cannot
continue living his life with his own views without
doing something about society and its disturbances in
his life. Therefore the person may have to deal with
society if society is persistent when avoided or
resisted to the point where the persons will to
persevere annoyance reaches its peak. This then,
which shows the prevalence of the undying attempts
of society to influence an individual, could become the
main cause for change in a persons behavior when
his will to avoid society cannot go on no more. It does
not mean society has won and he has lost, because it
by no means mean that he has given up any of his
views. What it means is that, he has tried keeping his
ideas to himself in silence, but society was too loud in

74
its approach, in offering him views which were against
his own, and his views were unknown by society, due
to him keeping them to himself. But now that he can
take the voices of society no more, his trigger for a
cause for change has made him openly rebellious to
societal norms and has had him willing to battle and
openly impose his own views to society at large. It is
very rare that he would be the only one with differing
views. There would be others like him, who were
members within that society and who were scared to
speak out. This means he would have helped those
who have long wanted to break away but were unable
to because of fear, therefore he would be a hero of
some sort, to those whom he would have freed by
breaking the silence and opening the flood gates of
differing views and dissatisfactions which were kept
out of the public.
If freedom is short of weapons, we must compensate
with willpower Adolf Hitler
Emotions such as anger and anxiety
The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
Joe Klaas
Within a society, one could love themselves and what
they do. When a person has an inflated perception of
his personality or what one may call egoism, he can
appear to love himself more than anyone or anything
else. This is not good within itself because that kind of
a person would not recognize his own mistakes. He
will shift the blame to someone else for his own
irresponsible behavior. We all need a bit of egoism in
ourselves as long as it does not harm others or

75
anyone and it doesnt need to change how we treat
and interact with others in the general sense. We
need a little bit of egoism so that we can take offense
when we are being criticized for the way we do things.
This would then help us defend and protect our own
beliefs, thoughts and ideas about the way we want to
live our lives. The most noticed trigger which causes a
person to change is anger. One may feel like he is
disrespected because of others having a negative
attitude and reaction towards his behavior. If the
behavior is perceived as good by that individual he
would then seek to spite those against him since he
values himself more than others. This anger then
would cause the person to repeat actions which seem
right to him but wrong to others. In modern language
we call this having a grudge and doing things out of
pettiness. The only bad thing about this of course is
how immature and irrational it is. But if one were to
make decisions which prove his maturity and growth
then protect those decisions in immature ways then
maybe it is not the person who is immature but those
who challenge his ways that are immature. And
maybe him being immature is just an act, put to annoy
those who are immature so that he can have his own
mature way to work for him without any interference
from others. Anger destroys but sometimes it builds.
One may then ask how anger builds. If one shows
anxiety from being a follower and is never given a
chance to become a leader then one might have to
show frustration, irritation and anger to show how they
dont approve not being taken seriously. Sometimes
being too nice makes one dull and turns him into a

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playground in which the society runs and walks on all
the time.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis
Diller
There never was a leader that took over the world
with a smile on their face. If there appeared a smile
on a leaders face, it was that of patronizing and
condescending kind, used to get something done and
with intentions behind. Not that of allowing their minds
to be changed by the masses. For if they had allowed
the masses to tell them how they should be, they
would seize to possess the uniqueness which
distinguishes them from the rest, and they would
become part of the masses, just like a person who
might be reading this and who knows they can make
a huge impact to the world but are limiting themselves
to serve their communities because of the fear of
losing close ties, connections and bonds with others
and therefore instead of standing out and being
different from others, they tend to value the opinions
of others and also become just like the others. The
others are a very sad thing to fall as a part of. There
are honorary people called to an event which
everybody knows but no one knows the others. There
never was a fighter that won a war offering roses to
his counterparts in a battlefield. He would either get
killed or taken as hostage and be turned into an ally to
the enemy and an enemy to his own people. This is
what usually happens in real life. People are flip-
floppers and they are so gullible to the point where
they follow any way that any society chooses for
them, sometimes the society doesnt even choose for

77
them, they choose to follow society in any way that
the society chooses to go. Its like a child who has not
learned the difference between himself and the
environment, only this time its an adult who hasnt
learned to distinguish between I am and We are. If
society is aggressive to you, you just might have to be
aggressive back. They say that a bully will only bother
you if you allow the bully to bother you. However, if a
bully pushes you and you push back, you might just
find out how weak and light the bully is. To top it all of
you might find out that the bully was just putting on a
front because he is actually scared of you. So if you
are to question and challenge whats being forced
down your throat, you just might shatter the blinds
which hide the ludicrous nature of the ideas of society
and expose their absurdity with your own ideas which
might turn out to be greater than that of society, and
who knows? Maybe society might listen to what you
have to say. All you need is guts. Guts dont come
around from nothing; they come around from standing
up for your own self, and being tired of being pushed
around. The moment you are tired of being controlled
and pushed around you develop a thick-skin which
cannot be penetrated by the sharp knife which shines
on the tip called critics. It is like having an emotional
outburst which is anger, and using it to be respected
and taken seriously. When a person says I have had
enough! it is rarely because they were treated with
tender loving care but because they have been ill-
treated and they simply cannot allow to be treated like
that anymore, so what they do is use their emotion of
anger and anxiety to bring about change in their lives

78
and this trigger of emotions will be the reason of the
cause for change in a persons behavior.
Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But
anger is like fire. It burns it all clean. Maya Angelou
Recognizing a hidden ability
Find your own limitations, yes, but dont limit yourself
with false modesty. Anne McCaffrey
You know, sometimes we dont know what we are
capable of, until someone shows us or makes us
realize, just how good we are at something we do. An
ability we have could be so trivial to us that we dont
consider it of any benefit until someone stresses its
value to us. It is not exactly hidden but it is only useful
to our lives once we give it an opportunity to suffice
and mold it to something great. For us not to take an
ability seriously could be because we could be doing
something without realizing that it has anything to do
with ability, meaning that we could be one of the
chosen few who can do it while others cant. When
one recognizes an ability they didnt think they had,
they can use that ability to elevate themselves in life
with it. To recognize your hidden ability or the ability
you never gave attention to would then trigger a
cause for change. There are certain abilities which are
praised in a society. These abilities distort a persons
search in finding out what other abilities exist out
there. What one should familiarize their own selves
with is the quote which says Just because it can be
done doesnt mean everyone can do it. If you are
able to do something you havent seen done by
someone else in your community, you could just be in

79
luck to use that deed to change your life. What one
should then aspire to do with this hidden ability is to
perfect it. If the society he lives in doesnt know the
ability neither has any interest in knowing it, it doesnt
mean the whole world thinks like the society he
currently finds himself in does. This again stresses the
point of leaving your community to explore the world
as a whole. There will be people who are attracted to
your kind of ability and if you cant find them
domestically, you will find them in the wilderness if
you have the guts to face it. So how exactly does
recognizing a hidden ability trigger a cause for
change? It is not about how good or demanded the
ability is by others but about whether the person
loves, nurtures and has passion for the ability.
Because one could be able to do something that
others cant but this does not translate to the person
liking the fact that he can and others cant or liking the
fact that he has the ability at all. So one should
ensure that they love what they do if they expect to be
doing it for the rest of their lives. The best part about
this of course is the fact that one has a choice. In a
poor community, people do things they dont like
doing just so they could get what they need. In this
type of case they dont have a choice because its
either they do that or they die from hunger. A person
who just recognized that they have a hidden talent or
ability could choose to use it to better their lives, or
they could choose the option where they have no
choice but to do what everyone can do in order to get
what everyone needs instead of what everyone
dreams of getting, or specifically, what he dreams of
getting.

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In a nutshell, there are many ways which could
cause a person to change. It could either be
something emotional, physical or mental but it
always affects their social sphere. It could act as
the breaker of the chain which has a person
strapped in a deteriorating society, or it could act
as the person welcoming social imprisonment
with open arms. What we should also realize is
that the social sphere could also affect a persons
emotional, physical and mental awareness.
However, this is not the cause for change
triggered by a person but it is a cause for change
on a person triggered by society in which case
the individual will feel less in control of their own
lives. They will lack the most basic and essential
feelings one needs in order for them to feel like
humans and they will act like sheep therefore
become degraded back to their uncivilized,
primitive and animalistic past selves (or so the
theory goes).
A year from now you will wish you had started today.
Karen Lamb

4
The consequences of trying
to fit in
If you build the guts to do something, anything, then
you better save enough to face the consequences.
Criss Jami

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What could make a person want to fit in? As I
mentioned before that people want to feel secure,
they want to feel safe, and they want to feel
comfortable. So when a person feels that he might
reach a point where he has to face the world alone,
this might make the person feel terrified and the
person might not choose this route even if it bears
greater results and prosperity in his life. What a
person would then do, is seek for a way where he will
feel less exposed, and this way would include him
joining a group and having his presence unnoticed.
What they dont count on though is that they might not
be noticed by the group they get themselves in. What
I mean is, one could fear being noticed by the world
but being noticed is still what a person desires,
therefore even if they do hide their presence from the
world they might want their aura and presence to be
acknowledged by the group they hide in. They would
soon be disappointed and their desire would be
crushed if they dont get taken seriously by the group
they seek to join. A group is a combined effort, it has
its own demands and a person cannot live his way of
life the way he desires because most of the things he
will be doing, hell be doing them with others who will
have their own preferences and choices which will
influence the person. Sometimes those preferences
from others would appear unreasonable and illogical
to the person, sometimes the group could be aware of
this, but just because they always want to contest the
persons ideas to bring him down to their level then
they might not care. They do not care to become like
the person, what they care about is the person

82
becoming like them, even if it is clear that being like
that person could be of benefit to them rather than
them turning the person to be like them. These
consequences of trying to fit could sometimes be hard
for a person to bear, but the person could be
emotionally trapped in a group because of being
psychologically abused.
We are free to choose our paths, but we cant choose
the consequences that come with them. Sean
Covey
What we call mental slavery is real and we should be
made aware of it so that we do not become its
victims. Being a victim of mental slavery is like
thinking that everyone matters except yourself; it is
like living for everyone else and serving everyones
needs except your own. You lose your sense of worth
to the point where what you only care about is if
someone gives gratitude or a negative attitude
towards what you do for them and not for yourself.
You become less like a human and more like a
computer which only works for others, does things for
others and is dependent on others for it to function. It
cannot turn itself on, do the things that its features
allow, unless someone chooses which feature to
utilize in it and it is forever silent unless someone
commands it to speak, and even then, it is up to the
person whether the computer should continue
speaking and the person also determines when the
computer should stop speaking, even if this means
interrupting the computer while it is still doing so. This
is because a computer is an object; therefore it is
used. The moment a person wants to be part of a

83
group while this requires him to do something for
others or being told by others what to do, the moment
he says yes while he doesnt want to do such simply
because he doesnt want to jeopardize his chances of
belonging to a group then he seizes being a subject.
He and the computer arent that much different. He is
an object and others will perceive him as someone
that can be used whenever they need something
done. But as people; we have feelings and we are
aware of tensions and how we are taken by others.
This means if we notice that we are treated like
objects to serve the purposes of others then this
would crush our spirit and break our confidence. So
why would one want to put their own selves in a
position where they would have to give up their self-
respect? It is because they do not understand their
own importance, and the value of their own lives.
They dont believe anything they think about
themselves but only believe what people think about
them. A wise man (from the church of Euthanasia)
once asked this question; would you kill yourself to
save the world? this of course supports giving up your
own goals to serve that of society, but one should fully
analyze this question. The question is philosophically
wise and well put to showcase humanity and morality
at their core. But the countering question would be
Does the world want to be saved?, or Is the world in
a position where it seeks to be saved?, or even
Should I be the one to die when there are so many
others who live in the same world that needs to be
saved? When we get to question the question of the
wise man what we get to see is that there are so
many ways it can be interpreted, we should of course

84
value humanity; that is because we are part of
humanity, no- we are humanity! Would you call it
humanity then for a society to make a person feel less
human? Would you be willing to die for a greater
good? What is a greater good? Who experiences this
greater good? One political philosopher once
mentioned that people die senseless deaths, because
what they are fighting for are words and ideologies.
Another philosopher (Immanuel Kant 1724-1804)
once said that in order for us to be self-realized we
should hold other peoples interests above our own.
This is good; it shows that a person cares for others
and not only for himself, it shows compassion and
empathy. However, one should take note though, that
what is meant by this is that if ever we were in a
position to help others, we should never let our self-
interest and greed makes us deprive others of our
prosperity. In order for one to be self-realized they
need to be in a better financial and spiritual position.
One cannot become enlightened, self-actualized and
realized when they dont know when the next plate in
their table will come from. If you have nothing to
share with society and society has nothing to share
with you, if you are looking for a way to have
something, once you have it, you can share it with
society, then this would show self-realization. But
then is it reasonable then to say that your own
interests should be shunned upon? Arent things
reciprocal? Shouldnt others then hold your interests
above their own just as you hold theirs above your
own? Why then would one someone force you to take
yourself lightly and respect him while he does not take
himself lightly but takes you lightly and respects

85
himself and expects you to respect him too? What is
that? It makes no sense at all. If that isnt egoism to
its fullest then I dont know what it is. No one person
can change the world (do everything) but each and
everyone can do something; this line of thinking was
brought about by a man called Max Lucado. Do what
you can to contribute. Do what you find yourself
capable to do. Independence should never be feared
because it is the only source of complete freedom.
For a person to go through life feeling like they are
no-one simply because theyve put their lives in other
peoples hands as if there is someone who knows
where we are all headed, is no different than not
being alive. Yes, the consequences of trying to fit in is
that your personality comes out of you and your body
and thoughts turn into nothing but a societal mirror
which reflects how you were conditioned and
brainwashed by society.
We all make choices, but in the end our choices
make us. Ken Levine
The group mentality
All persons out to endeavor to follow what is right,
and not what is established. - Aristotle
They say two heads are better than one. But since no
one person thinks the same thoughts as another, a
way has to be found where they can pursue both of
their thoughts simultaneously if they are to come to an
agreement. One person does not have to dominate or
set his thoughts in a higher priority than another
despite that persons grand stature and caliber. We
are all supposed to be equal not to be over another. In

86
order for a group to come to an agreement, there
must be a consensus and compromise which comes
into place. If a person does not want to compromise
his ideas to adopt that of the group, he has to leave
the group. With people needing a sense of belonging
in order to feel secure in life then this would not be the
best option to take. So what would someone who
wants his ideas to be taken into consideration do, if
they are not listened to in whatever group they seek
to be a part of? This moves us to the second aspect
of an agreement which is consensus. This in simple
terms means numbers. There are people who are
influential than others so if the group were to vote on
an idea no matter how great, they would vote against
an idea brought by a-nobody. This is not because the
idea is less clever than the other ones but because
even if it were more sensible than the others, the
members in the group might want to stay loyal to that
one person whom they value most, so it will all boil
down to the value of the relationship and not the value
of the idea. With this, one can already see how it
would cost him, if he were to have his ideas crushed
without being given attention to simply because their
personal selves were of no influence to the group. If
one wants to be part of a group and is desperate,
then the consequences of trying to fit into that
particular group would result in him losing his unique
identity to that of a common one where others have a
huge influence in whats to happen to him than he
does. The group mentality could affect a person in
many ways. The ways Ive established here in how a
group mentality could affect a person are the ways I
deem most relevant and which are major factors for

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one to take into account so they could avoid losing
their thoughts while thinking for and like a group. The
first way is the one where a person follows whatever
idea is brought up by the group. The second way is a
person having to suffer the consequences brought by
the actions performed by a group he is in. The third
one is when the group turns against the person or
betrays the person.
A million zeros joined together do not, unfortunately,
add up to one. Ultimately everything depends on the
quality of the individual, but our fatally shortsighted
age thinks only in terms of large numbers and mass
organizations, though one would think that the world
had seen more than enough of what a well-disciplined
mob can do in the hands of a single madman.
Unfortunately, this realization does not seem to have
penetrated very far - and our blindness is extremely
dangerous. C.G Jung
The first way is the one where a person is obligated to
follow the ways of the group. When a person lives on
conditions laid out by another he will feel less free.
While on the outer surface he may appear happy and
satisfied, on the inside his rage is building up and he
might develop a grudge. We can be silenced from the
outside but not from the inside. While your ideas may
be stopped from spreading in the outer world by your
group, on the inside your inner voice cannot be
silenced. What happens then; is that you will appear
to agree with your group on matters but on the inside
you will be disagreeing and contesting their ideas.
They say people have filters in their heads. These
filters help us to clear our statements from being

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offensive. But when a person has angered you, that
can burst out and your pure thoughts would be
revealed. Therefore while one may be able to hold off
their dissatisfaction by critiquing their group inwardly
and sometimes do it secretively outwardly by being
sarcastic and using words as Just kidding, there is a
tension build up inside and once it ticks it will explode
and expose your true thoughts about the group. This
then would of course get you into trouble with your
group, and it will lead to what you always feared in
your life, which is being alone. Once alone you might
find that living a life where you exercise your own
authority is pretty awesome and you might even thank
them for ever letting you go. But this is such an
emotionally draining experience to face. The best way
one would gain a peace of mind would be to give his
own self a benefit of the doubt in living alone and if he
finds it hard he may then join a group, and not the
other way around. The problem with people is that
they fear what they dont know. They dont know how
it would be like to live alone, they have only heard
from other people how sad and miserable that would
be, but they have never had first-hand experience in
it. Rather than trying it out, they would join groups and
accept ill-treatment than face what they dont know.
They would then justify it in a quote which says
Rather the devil you know than the one you dont
said Jack Heath, but what they leave out is that there
are opposites in life so how they should rephrase it is;
rather the God you dont know than the devil you
know. Rather face your fears. Fears are what people
call being skeptical. You doubt because you dont
know. You cannot name that which you cannot see.

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Open your eyes, be alone and if it turns to be bad
(Which is highly unlikely) you can always go to the
other alternative. The most important thing to consider
in this is that whatever you do; dont avoid something
that could be of great benefit to you without giving it a
try.
From one dog all the dogs bark.- Marty Rubin
The second one which stipulates that one might suffer
the consequences brought about by the actions of the
group in which he is a part of- is very simplistic in its
nature of understanding and deciphering but cruel
and harsh in its realistic sense. How many people
have found themselves in sticky situations, where
they had to perjure themselves in order to prevent
their friends from being arrested, having to become
alibis and accomplices simply because they have bad
people in their lives? What about those who got peer
pressured by friends into committing a crime and are
now regretting having listened to their friends when
they said Dont worry, you wont get into any trouble,
or no one will even notice it, stop being a pussy and
just do it. One could keep a dangerous company or
group just because they fear being alone. As
ridiculous as this is, it may seem unrealistic to some
but then it does happen and its what other people
face on a daily basis. People seek to be given the
feel-good words, the You are the man, the Bravo,
the Wow and the rest. Others want to be known as
being bad-asses without knowing the fullest extent of
their wish until it is too late and they now have to bear
the consequences that come along with all that. When
one does not follow his own way, the least he could

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do after finding out that the groups way isnt
beneficial; is further widening their search in finding
out if they wont get into any trouble in their pursuance
of what the group wants. How nice is it to be in trouble
for what someone suggested you should do?
Sometimes it might not even be bad luck that you find
yourself in such a situation where you might be in
trouble; sometimes your group which you respect and
devote your time accomplishing its wishes could
realize how far you might go in life. With this
realization and with their knowledge that you would do
whatever they want you to do, they might intentionally
lead you and themselves astray. They know they
might also get into trouble but it doesnt matter to
them because you have more to lose than they do
and all they want which could be of satisfaction to
them is to see your downfall, or in modern language,
to See you, getting off your high horse. In order for
them to want to see you getting off your high horse
would of course require them to possess the
knowledge that you are on your high horse. Perhaps
you once tried being influential to them, perhaps you
once tried to give them ideas which they could use as
a group and they didnt take this well, perhaps they
took it as you thinking you are clever and better than
them, perhaps it is not a coincidence that they always
want things done their way and always seem to be
bringing you down, perhaps the reason is not that
they are against you but they envy you and they
realize their own misfortune and they want you all to
be on the same levelperhaps.
The temper of the multitude is fickle Niccolo
Machiavelli

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The last dimension and perspective or factor I would
like to get into, to conclude the consequences of the
group mentality is the one where; the group hides its
true intentions from you, gives you a false forefront
and betray you. There is a famous quote which says
An injury to one is an injury to all this shows group
unity and collectiveness. However, whoever practices
that quote should be of good faith, honesty, integrity
and love. You should ensure that if you are with a
group- you trust that group. You shouldnt blindly trust
it of course, but trust it by scaling it on your
expectations. First of all it is hard to trust a group
which does not value your opinion. How can you trust
a groups opinion if the group doesnt trust your
opinion? Of course we have those people who dont
believe in themselves and who listen to whatever is
said by others and these types of people will end up
not trusting their own opinions simply because others
also dont, instead of not trusting others because of
them not trusting him. If one trusts a group which
doesnt trust him, he may be skeptical of the groups
intentions regarding him, but he will not act on his
suspicions simply because his mental psyche is so
messed up that he doesnt trust his own suspicions
and intuitions. This type of a person could be lured to
a trap which they will find hard to get out of, and the
layers of the trap would be the people he trusts. One
then should be careful in trusting another persons
judgment and not their own. It is risky and it can lead
to consequences that could be avoided. It all depends
on whether if the person values himself of course. As
much as you might find yourself in trouble on an
action you performed with a group, you might learn a

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hard lesson; that they didnt care about you at all, and
the way you will see this is by how they wont be
available to help you get out the trouble in which they
were also responsible off. You then realize how you
didnt care about yourself and cared for people who
only cared about themselves. You were working in an
ironic mindset but you couldnt see it due to the
enslavement of your mentality by the group you
wanted to become a part of.
People clustered in twos or threes or fours, I have
come to believe, both constitute creatures in and of
themselves and, together as tandems or triunes or
packs, form another sort of myriad-minded creature
whose actions are far from predictable Brian
Evenson
Our way or the highway
The most excellent and divine counsel, the best and
most profitable advertisement of all others, but the
least practiced, is to study and learn how to know
ourselves. This is the foundation of wisdom and the
highway to whatever is good.- Pierre Charron
What if then, a person insists on having his ideas
come to the front? What If he refuses to subjugate
himself and limit his influence in his group and want to
be heard? It takes time to build a strong relationship
or bond with other people and while coming with a
solution could require immediate attention, then one
could not be able to first build a strong relationship
with team members before the weighing of ideas
takes place. If a person insists to direct the group and
steer it in his line of thinking while he hasnt built any

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strong bond with it, then the group might make it clear
to that particular person how the role he plays in the
group is insignificant. What they would then do is
accuse the person of trying to get his way and fulfill
his own selfish interest. They would then leave the
person with no option but to go along with whatever
they come up with by telling him how less important
he is and how the group would not suffer any pain if
he were to leave. This then is when the person faces
what one philosopher and political thinker called John
Stuart Mill (1806 1873) used to call the tyranny of
the majority. Since the person would find this
unsuitable, he would then have to face two evils. The
fact that if he leaves the group he might have to be
alone (which he fears, and which is better than being
oppressed just to feel like you belong somewhere
where you dont), and also the fact that if he does not
leave the group, he might not lose the connection he
has with others (which he considers being safe
because he is scared to face himself or to be away
from others if they will comment negative stuff on his
life in his absence and therefore since he cares about
what people have to say about how he lives his life,
this would give him anxiety and stress) but he might
lose himself. So if is their way or the highway, what
exactly is their way? If you choose your way and this
makes your way a highway, could it not be possible
that their way is the low-way. Sometimes the words
we use have a deeper meaning behind them and we
cannot recognize it even when it is staring us right at
our face because we expect the worst from what we
are exposed to. Lets further analyze this Highway
and break it to its core so as to establish how

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choosing the highway and not their way could really
just be a blessing in disguise. The highway you may
choose may be good for you, because at the end of
the day you are the one who created it. So what is
really the problem in choosing this option? The only
problem or what you might perceive as a problem is
the fact that you might have to do your way on your
own, with no one by your side. But would you rather
force yourself to do things you do not favor just
because you have people surrounding you? Does that
ease the discomfort that comes along with being a
follower? Should it make one take his decision to not
take his own decision as being a rational decision to
make? One can tell the complication in putting sense
towards a senseless situation causes confusion. What
this then should tell a person is that for a person to
give themselves up to make others happy is way too
senseless to even be put into words.
The best path through life is the highway.- Henri
Frederic Amiel
What happens to your way when you decide to follow
other ways forced on you by the people who make
you beg to belong to their group? There are three
things that could happen. It is either your ways could
be forgotten, or adopted by someone else who might
become successful using them and you would see
your life flash before your eyes as you see your lifes
ambition being held by someone else, or your ways
could haunt your conscience for the rest of your life in
which case you would be considered a danger to
yourself.

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If your ways are forgotten, what one should know is
that their ways are actually their personality; their
ways are part of their essence of being human.
Without their ways people seize to be different and
special, they become ordinary, mediocre, normal, the
same, boring and insignificant. So to forget your ways
is not different from forgetting who you are. To forget
who you are might lead to forgetting being human and
to forget that would make one useless, undervalued
and taken lightly by others. But theres one thing that
sticks with a person, and those are a persons
emotions. No matter what the person does on the
outside, they still have to answer to the person wholl
be questioning their behavior from the inside. Once
that inner person recognizes no purpose for the outer
person it can lead the outer person to commit suicide.
This is one of the reasons why the death toll is by
hundreds in suicidal attempts that take place in cities.
People fail where they are and instead of embracing
failure as a lesson, they blame themselves for never
being able to fit in. They are scared of what people
will say. They dont want to see the disappointment in
the faces of those they love. Instead of witnessing
such, they would rather kill themselves and save
themselves the embarrassment. This shows they
were not living for themselves, if whenever they make
a personal mistake it has to be judged on a public
scale. It shows they were living for other people, and
if thats the case, why then would they carry the
burden that comes with making a mistake on their
own, if the ways they do things is not only their own
but with other people having a say in it? Why doesnt
society take the responsibility in a persons failure?

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Why dont they want to recognize how flawed some of
their methods are that we see people addicted to
alcohol, dropping out of an educational system, being
pregnant at a young age and dying from sexually
transmitted diseases and ill health? Why should the
individual be the only one responsible for making
wrong decisions about their lives when such drastic
options exist in their society to begin with? Not only
does such exist but it is promoted by society. The
members of a community engage in bad habits and
train the person to become a part of them, and a
person will have no choice but to do so if thats the
only way they can feel a sense of belonging. Of
course a society might engage in good habits too
such as exercising, keeping healthy, eating fruits and
nutritious foods, practicing good manners, valuing
education, teaching love and respect, leaving
someone to live a life that he chooses. But as long as
society doesnt do the last bit I mentioned which is
leaving someone to live a life that he chooses then
that society seizes to be good even if it had the right
formula for a person in how they should live their
lives. It is not about doing things that could make a
person happy; it is about letting someone do things
that they consider would make them happy. One
could never know what would work with another. If it
works for you it doesnt necessarily mean it could
work for another. One philosopher (Adam Swift 1961)
once mentioned that people are comfortable living life
in their own imperfect way. If one were to be forced to
live a perfect way while his imperfections dont allow
him- he is more likely to be happy living life in his own
imperfect way simply because he knows himself and

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how he operates, from inside out, while the perfect
recommended ways will never know the person inside
out, it will only know his outer surface, therefore in
other words, the persons inner being could be perfect
while his outer is judged to be imperfect, but he
functions well because his inner controls his outer,
therefore he can live happily in his own imperfect way.
If the perfect way was to be introduced to the persons
outer being by society then it would clash with the
persons inner perfection. The societys perfection and
the persons inner perfection would fight to seize
control of the persons outer imperfect being. This sort
of situation which a person might find his own self in
is what is called being socially imprisoned. It is when
a person wants different things for himself than what
society wants for him, with the person being confused
who to listen to between the two and therefore live a
life of stagnation, stuck between destitution and
prosperity.
You always have to remember no matter what
youre told that God loves all the flowers, even the
wild ones that grow on the side of the highway
Cyndi Lauper
Lost identity
Never forget what you are, for surely the world will
not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your
weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be
used to hurt you. George R.R. Martin
There are many ways a person could lose his identity.
A single person can have a dozen and multiple talents
and attributes or skills. But for one to be part of a

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group he has to be only known for one of the
attributes he possesses while discarding and getting
rid of the other attributes he has. This is to open a
space for others, to give them a chance to have their
own share of the bargain of talents. A person can do
everything better than the others but he may be
forced to give up all except one of the things he can
do best, while the others will do the others regardless
of whether they are good at them or not. This then
makes a person lose most of his specialty in having
some of the things that could make him great,
whereas they get dismissed and destroyed by those
he doesnt want to leave because he fears to be on
his own. For if he were to use all of his attributes to
the best of his know-how then the others would seize
to use their own and that particular group would
accuse him of being a selfish prick. When one is part
of a social group, it is never a good idea for him to try
and be known by the group as being The Jack of all
trades, Perfect, or the The total package. So then
one would have to face the consequences of losing
most of what made him feel special, unique and
different from others. Most people in a group use an
attribute because they dont have anything else to
showcase except it. They are only talented in one
dimension. A person is then required to gain an
identity that the group has. This means he is to be the
same as them, by having a single attribute and act
like he doesnt have anything else to showcase. This
then makes him as dull as the group he has joined.
I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free
human being with an independent will. Charlotte
Bronte

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One person could do what a multitude of people
cannot do. This can only happen if the person
doesnt take what he is given by others but takes
what his heart gives him. The person should
engage in self-mastery; he must know his pros
and cons and how to better manage himself as an
individual. He should find comfort-ability in being
alone so that he does not have to change himself
in order to be with others. This then would lead to
a person living a life that he desires. His sense of
self would inflate into giving him a greater
purpose in life. He must practice the saying which
goes Only God can judge me so that he can
learn to work to serve him and him only. He must
develop a thicker skin and know that people will
pretend to like him, its better those who show him
to his face than the ones who hide it because
those ones might backstab him which would be of
much damage than had they publicly shown him
that they do not approve of him. When you love
yourself, what others say about you wont matter.
What you say about yourself would be the only
thing that matters to you. You will be more prone
to discipline yourself, to judge yourself, to better
yourself and to think of yourself as being worth it
and important. If being selfish and egotistic
means only this, then one should gladly practice
self-centeredness and embrace it with open arms
because in this case it would make them happy.
Theres nothing wrong with being who you are, as
long as others dont get hurt in the process.

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Most people are other people. Their thoughts are
someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their
passions a quotation Oscar Wilde

5
How to manage being on your
own
Follow your inner moonlight; dont hide the
madness. - Allen Ginsberg
The words reliance and dependence have been the
disease which has attacked most people without any
hope of finding a cure. We have what we call
referrals, for anything we need, we build an illusion
that we cant do certain things, or cant do more than
one or two things at once, in other words we find it
hard to Multi-task. We limit our own potential
because of having people around willing to do for us
what we can do for ourselves. This creates an
addictive personality with a major characteristic or
symptom of dependence on others. Once you depend
on others for the most basic things, you might feel like
you are losing your mind when they are not around.
You might feel like you cant get the simplest of things
done and therefore even those you were able to do
you would not be able to do them anymore because
of your energy and will shutting down. This type of
illusion is what makes us maintain unhealthy
relationships. How many times have people been
stuck in unhealthy relationships simply because they

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couldnt be able to live with someone? others of
course recognize and break this illusion as time goes,
by actually trying to live without those they consider to
be their oxygen tank. One would be confused as to
what to do the first time they try being alone, they
would be hit by boredom, anxiety and the feeling of
separation. But this can be avoided, because the truth
is people feel like that because they want to feel like
that. They have put certain emotions for particular
situations even when that emotion is misplaced. So in
this topic, what I seek to explain and delve upon is the
issue of how people can get rid of abandonment
issues, and also how they can get to learn how to
detach from others without blaming themselves and
how they could actually live a good life without having
to rely on others for their happiness. Being on your
own could benefit you in many ways than you could
have imagined. You do not have to take my word for it
of course, but if you enjoy reading these words Ive
put on this paper then that can be my testimony to
you as to what being alone can do for a person. You
do not have to shut people out of your life of course.
What you only need to do is to distinguish between
your public sphere of life and your private sphere of
life. You should ensure that the one does not interfere
with the other. What you do with others should be
totally based on the group, but you should ensure that
you are respected and taken seriously, and that what
is required of you by others does not conflict with your
private sphere of life. If it does, you should know how
unhealthy it is and if you do succumb to it and regret
it, you can still bring your old self back. Your old self of
course is your private sphere of life which has been

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suppressed, leading to broken dreams. The reason
you doubt that things will ever get back to normal, that
you would have the confidence you once had, that
you would value yourself as much as you did in the
past before you let too many people in your life who
ended up controlling your emotions and thoughts, is
because you fear being alone. You feel like your life is
in the hands of those you subordinate to. But a
person can never feel free unless they felt like they
were in charge of their own lives. To be in charge of
your own life means you should be the only person
who determines whats to become of you. To do that
would mean to silence the outer critics. You cannot
silence them while you are with them. You can silence
them only when you are away from them. To be away
from them means you will have to be on your own. To
be on your own could either be perceived as good or
bad, but that perception will only be built by you. You
are used to having people around. You are used to
being busy with what is given to you by people. Once
you are alone you feel inactive. But this is the right
time for you to actually become productive, to
increase your skills, to teach yourself new things, to
get things done and to enjoy doing so. But people
want specifics, they dont want to create something
out of what they have been told unless it is exactly
what they have been told and not what they make out
of it. For such to happen it would destroy the
foundation already built- that of not following other
peoples way and making your own. That is the only
way to recommend a way, because it is cleared of any
propaganda and mind control tricks by its deeper
concept which aims to make the individual pave his

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way by bringing to light, the fact that they have the
ability to do so. It is not to merely subjugate the
person under any forms of ruling like the society
seeks to do, but to shape the persons way of thinking
into that of a self-reliant, independent and responsible
citizen with the potential to change the world before
the world changes him.
If you end up with a boring life because you listened
to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or
some guy on television telling you how to do your shit,
then you deserve it. Frank Zappa
How then can one manage by being on his own?
Without interference from others or what the political
scientist Isaiah Berlin (1909-1997) calls negative
freedom? Being let to do things you desire without
anyone giving you any source of direction, being able
to follow your own path, direction and way you pave
yourself. Having not to be judged for your rationality,
your way of thinking, the decisions you make, your
goals and aspirations, your personal future plans, how
you go about achieving what you desire. Being able to
do what your mind and heart tell you to do without
letting others come between you and your dreams.
This of course seems very cringe worthy to have, but
it comes with its own consequences. We dont live
alone, we live with people, and although they might
not physically deter us from our dreams, they can
change our attitudes about ourselves psychologically,
especially when we give them too much credit in our
lives. How we value their input could come between
us and what we desire. We could try to change our
way of thinking to match theirs while theirs bears no

104
suitable result and while ours couldve done much
better than theirs is doing. As I mentioned before how
I will never understand why people do this to
themselves. What I can however understand, explain
and come to solutions to, is the fact that at the end of
the day no matter how you feel about not being able
to do what you want to do because of the negative
people in your life, the situation you find yourself in is
called being socially imprisoned, it is very real and is
the major cause for too many followers and very few
leaders, it the reason why others cannot progress in
life, it is the reason why people dont feel a sense of
purpose in their existence, it is the major cause of
suicides, people who dont believe in themselves,
broken dreams, silenced voices and fitting in without
standing out. It is a situation similar to that of facing
hell on earth. It can be avoided, it can be prevented
and with the correct mindset; it can be cured or
stopped from further creating much damage. The 21st
century has what we call the social cancer. It is that of
envy, jealousy, gossip, criticism, hate, judgments,
negative opinions, doubts and fear. This social cancer
is the reason why there havent been any new and
useful inventions in these modern times. The only
inventions built are those made by the technology
which spreads destruction. It contributes to the
problems we have instead of solving them. Most of it
is social, and it is created to increase the spread of
the social cancer to the global level. There arent
many influences on the global level, so this
technology could destroy us all if it were to take that
kind of charge. What we need is a generation of go-
getters, people who will pass through different phases

105
of life and different stages of success without listening
to anything that will discourage them from their
adventure, until they can become like the ancient
thinkers and create an impact so great to the world
that it will last over the upcoming centuries. This is
how immortality is obtained. When one dies he
neednt die along with his dreams. His dreams could
still continue impacting people for eternity, he
wouldve set a mark and the mark would seize to be
erased from the face of the earth even if his body
decomposes on the ground. In order for one to obtain
such they need not fear living alone. People like
Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, Buddha, Pablo Picasso,
and Leonardo Da Vinci spent most of their time alone
before coming up with the greatest theory, greatest
invention, and a master piece of art, spiritual
awareness and transcendence. They realized the
source of potential that people were capable of was
inside their own selves and there was no way they
could achieve what they desired if they had to listen to
every Tom, Dick and Harry who had an opinion about
their lives. The status quo or what is already in
existence brings stability, it is a safety net for those
who dont have a desire to make a greater impact to
the world, but for those who want their lives to count,
who want to leave a mark, they might just have to go
out of their own way to do so, this of course would
come with many consequences which are based on
their social sphere of life which will be plagued by
fake people, controlling people, people who waste
their time, people who dont believe in them, people
who try and bring them down, and these

106
consequences will have to cause one to live alone
and face their own selves.
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to
be made a victim. Accept no ones definition of your
life, but define yourself. Harvey Fierstein
It is not only for the sake of the individual to do such
things in order to come up with something great but it
is also for the benefit of the society which doesnt see
beyond the present time. They could be depriving
themselves of the greatest gift in the world by putting
someone down or forcing someone to live a rigid life
with guidelines and rules set out by them. They of
course may not realize this consequence, but when
one shows himself as the one who can achieve, and
does so, then society will realize how foolish it was for
trying to prevent such a great thing which is of great
help to it too. No one is perfect, what the society does
is not something intended to crush any dreams. It is
the way it is because of the way it was and how it has
changed throughout the years. We havent yet found
the right formula for interacting and living with others.
We will always come into conflicts and disagreements
which is why we have to compromise if we are to
engage in a collective decision making. However, for
a society to prosper, it should treat everyones opinion
equally and not criticize that which it doesnt know. It
should give the individual the kind of freedom required
for one to self-actualize and turn into something great
and beyond that which was expected of him or set out
for him.

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Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a
second rate version of someone else. Judy
Garland
Getting rid of loneliness by having a busy
schedule
You picked a lemon, throw it away lemonade is
overrated. Freaks should remain at the circus, not in
your apartment. You already have one asshole. You
dont need another. Make a space in your life for the
glorious things you deserve. Have faith. - Greg
Behrendt
A bored individual, whos hit by loneliness, is a person
who hasnt learned to have fun alone. A state of
relaxation, calmness and silence helps one gain
clarity and insight about his essence of being. People
who havent learned to be on their own often have
had a busy lifestyle which was filled by people. They
have reached their limit in having too many minds to
live up to; otherwise they wouldnt be reading this
book. For a person who has had a busy lifestyle to
relax would not be a solution to limiting societal
influence in his life. It is like an addiction. It is also like
a bad habit. And for a person to get rid of bad habits
they have to replace them with good ones. For such a
person, having a busy schedule which would only
include only his involvement in it would be useful. To
have a busy schedule could also make one flexible
and develop creativity and an entrepreneurial mind
which would benefit him in future. Once a person is
not obligated by someone to fulfill a particular task but
makes it his own mission to complete a task he sets
for himself, he is more likely to come up with new

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ways of tackling such a task. And the best part about
this is that; he would enjoy it more than he would
have enjoyed a task handed to him by others. So
what do I mean by a person having a busy schedule?
Before a person wakes up, he should have a very
clear idea on whats ahead for the day.
I did things I did not understand for reasons I could
not begin to explain just to be in motion, to be trying to
do something, change something in a world I wanted
desperately to be make over but could not imagine for
myself Dorothy Allison
To have no idea on what might happen throughout the
day could only be good for those who love to
experience things as they unfold. But for those who
have been part of a group for almost the rest of their
lives, who have had people setting plans for them,
who have had a rigid way of living, will find it hard to
expect anything to happen if they dont know what it is
or what might happen. But for those who are already
used to being on their own, relaxation and calmness
almost arrives naturally to them. However this book -
like Jesus in the bible; hasnt come for those who are
healthy but has come for those who are sick. Those
who are sick are those of course who get depressed
when they are alone and by their own selves, it is like
they are their own worst enemy. Those ones could still
keep busy like they use to. The only difference is that
instead of doing the same task with others, they could
do different tasks alone. Instead of a time limit or
deadline set by others, they would have the flexibility
of setting their own deadlines. Instead of doing what
is expected by others they could do what is expected

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by them. Instead of being serious all the time and
following rules they might not like, they might be
having fun and follow whatever rules they give to
themselves. Even if they fail in following the rules they
give to themselves, they could never really detach
and punish themselves like a group can with them.
I wanted to figure out why I was so busy, but I
couldnt find the time to do it.- Todd Stocker
When a person wakes up, a person who has been
busy his whole life fulfilling other peoples wishes,
they could devote their alone time to focus on what
they have been putting off when they were kept busy
by others. They can start being busy perfecting
themselves, polishing their abilities, views, skills and
also trying out what they have been wishing to try out
but couldnt because of the negative comments made
by others about such a particular thing. So when one
has a busy schedule, they dont have to feel a sense
of duty and struggle to get out of bed to start the day
by thinking of the effort they are going to exert
throughout. You never get tired of doing what you
love.
Being busy is better than being bored. Bored left a
long time ago. Busy is always around for me.
Tabitha Robin
The process of intellectual growth
Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.
Stephen Hawking
To be alone is an opportunity for one to focus on
growing their intellectual capacity. They can enjoy

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their days reading books, fiction or non-fiction. The
one is to grow their vocabulary while the other one is
for growing their thinking horizon and shaping their
way of thinking just like this book is intended to do.
Being alone then can be a process where one does
not face the same people and do the same things day
in and day out, again and again. There is no ritualistic
repetitive way of doing things. The brain can get
acquainted with new activities, new material and also
new forms of behavior. To do this then would make
the individual capable of adapting to changing
circumstances really quickly. With the adaptation
mentality, one can be confident enough to travel
around the world without any fear of losing those
close to him. He may of course become indebted to
others, but he wouldnt take it as if his life is being
owned by those he considers himself to be indebted
to.
When a person is on the path of growing his thinking
horizon, he gets to know before-hand what to expect
when he is in a place he has never been to before,
like different cultures, beliefs and traditions that exist
within different societies. This would then make the
person conscious of his surroundings and will boost
his confidence so he could keep moving forward. It
would break the barrier of difference since the
individual would know how to deal with diversity and
how not to offend those who arent the same as the
ones from the society he is from. What this means
then is that, when a person is so close to his
community, he gets to have an inflated sense of worth
and he can never trust anyone different from the
people of whom he is a part of a community of. As I

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mentioned earlier about having habits, when one is
part of a community, his level of flexibility is reduced
to that of what is permitted by the group he is under
and it only stretches to the point where the
boundaries and limitations or restrictions of what can
be done is set out by the society.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to
spend time with his fools. Ernest Hemingway
We can never have the same thoughts, but we can
have the right forces which may allow us to get along
with our different thoughts. As long as we can
acknowledge the fact that no one person thinks like
the other then we can have a common ground to
accept and respect each others differences. By
whose measurement is it that a multitude of
individuals are supposed to live by a single unified
moral code? Whos to determine whats right or
wrong? If what is right to one person can be wrong to
another then by which holistic measurement does the
society has to have in order to make all its individuals
subject to a single type of values, beliefs, norms,
traditions and lifestyles? Is it the elders preferences
that influence the codes? Are the codes considered of
authority due to the influence the person who comes
up with them has on the society? Is it about the
position or role that one person has in the community
which makes his ideas good enough to be followed by
everyone? If so, then how does one attain such a
status? Surely they have to stand out? Could they
have inherited the power? If so then it would be hard
for one to gain that kind of status. But if they did
something extraordinary and of significance which

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ended up in them and their names being worthy of
honor then it can be done by everyone whos brave
enough to be different. To be disobedient sometimes
is not about not following the rules, but using the rules
to your advantage, or using them the way they were
not intended to be used. This means that the rules
could be made flexible and be tailored for different
people so that they can accommodate those who
arent in the position to take them as they are. If
society values knowledge, then instead of the person
using the knowledge strictly given by his society he
can use the knowledge he acquires by himself. He
can prepare himself to be comfortable to meet people
who live beyond his community. In order for this to
happen, he needs to reduce the level of influence his
community has on him. This would mean then that he
will have to spend time alone. We are all meant to
face our fears. For if we were successful in
conquering them then nothing would stop us from
conquering the world.
Being on your own may be the hardest thing to
do; it can only be hard if you let it. It doesnt have
to be. You were born alone after all. It is within
your nature to do it. It is not an obligation for you
to follow what people tell you if it is not what you
want to do. You were born with a brain to think for
yourself. No one should have any kind of control
in your life unless they are willing to be held fully
responsible for any damage that may be the result
of such. It is highly unlikely that they would be
willing to do so. This means you might be all
alone at the end of the day so take charge of your
own life.

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 6
Concluding Remarks
The problems people face on a daily basis which
hinders them from success - the reason we have
people trying so hard to change their situations, to
change their social classes, to move from poverty to
wealth but fail at the end, is sometimes not caused by
factors outside their poor communities but factors that
exist within that community. Communities find it hard
to move together and succeed. They do have
relationships and bonds, but this only moves them to
the extent where people are on the same level. As
soon as someone tries to reach another level, he will
find himself prevented from doing so. It could be
because he holds the people he grew up with in a
higher value. This then would mean he might not want
to leave the place of his origin even when he knows
he was meant to serve and change the world. The
community itself might prevent him. How many of us
have been told that we have changed? Simply
because we have decided to move and take our own
direction in life than the one we were given? Why did
we even consider not taking the direction given to us?
Could it be because we havent seen any sign of
progress from those who give us the formula to
success? Could we then be seeking our way because
we believe we can do it? People sometimes hold
others in the highest of priority than they hold
themselves. They wouldnt want to lose those people.
So societies are plagued by the disease of never
wanting to transition or progress because people in

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those societies or communities fear change and they
also fear losing people they are close to. Observers
could also be a problem. When people witness
another moving to a higher level than the ones they
find themselves in; instead of asking for advice on
how the person does it, they would rather make
negative comments about the person, try to tarnish
his name, keep him close so he can be down on their
level and therefore no change made. Poverty and
wealth have nothing to do with inheritance. For even
that could be lost if not handled with care. The
problem we face as a community is the mindset we
have about ourselves and the people around us. Our
relationships are based on grudges, competition and
comparisons. We never want to see another person
doing better than us. If that happens we try our best to
be condescending and bring the person down. We
dont care if we couldve benefitted from that persons
growth; we believe none of us were destined for
prosperity and the wealth of abundance. We believe
we are doomed to a life of deprivation and that our
fate will always be that of a poor community stuck up
who will live and die there. Our minds are simply too
narrow and they fail to think broadly. We are ignorant
to the world beyond our own. Those who see the
world beyond the one we find ourselves are quickly
suppressed. It could be in a way of negative
feedback. They care about what the people in their
community think about them. They would rather
shape their thinking to suit that of the society so they
can fit in and be accepted. This is what being socially
imprisoned is. Even to those who have succeeded
breaking boundaries and gaining wealth, they are still

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weak to criticism and they find themselves forever
stuck between two personalities; their old poor one
versus their current rich one. They hold on to their
past selves because they dont want to lose
themselves. They say money will brainwash you.
They talk all negative about money as if they dont
need it. The reason they do so is because they dont
have it and they scold the one who does until he
decides to become like them and loses his wealth to
live in a community of misfortune. We need self-
reliance. We need to stand our ground. We need to
think independently and dare to separate ourselves
from a common identity to a unique one. A guide
towards attaining that has been found and I will share
it with you through a series of my writings. This is just
the beginning, together we can learn how to love each
other while accepting our uniqueness and differences,
we can prosper on our own, through having guts to
use the rules we make ourselves, we can truly
practice being free by daring to live on our own and
utilize our potential.
The time has come to reshape our thinking
patterns, to break the status quo, the social norm
and rigid ancient beliefs which benefit us no
more. Lets get started with the journey of
breaking the chains of social imprisonment!

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