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When under stress: Leader can seem aloof, When under stress: Leader acts and com-
rude, uncommunicative, detached, and insen- municates in unusual or eccentric ways; often
sitive to the needs and feelings of others. lacks sound judgment and is indifferent to
moves back and forth between optimis- Examine (in quiet reflection) specifically
tic and pessimistic mindsets, between where you pride yourself on being better
encouraging a project and then acting than other leaders (past or present) in any
agitated that its not progressing quickly way. You have now identified the one single
enough; attribute that you usually run the greatest
generates enthusiasm through his mes- risk of overusing.
sages and actions one day and intimi-
dation the next, such that people start 2. Have a system for gathering truthful
holding back news about missed commit- feedback.
ments or unexpected events;
explodes over minor missteps or for rea- Most human beings have defensive egos
sons he cant fully articulate, causing peo- that do a phenomenal job of protecting us
ple to avoid certain topics, cutting off his from the truth, as do the people around us
information flow, and returning phone who shield us from the painful reality that
calls with well-rehearsed answers; and we are not perfect. We receive feedback from
has colleagues whispering about how peers in the form of sugar-coated pellets that
they are never quite sure who precisely contain a speck of truth, but do little to help
is going to show up in his office from us become truly self-aware.
one day to the next, so they consult with
the secretary for a weather report before Create a real-time feedback process. For
entering the office. example, at the conclusion of one of the
Work with your colleagues to assess where Knowing when you are more likely to act
your strengths get in the way. Ask your clos- up or act out allows you to be aware of your
est advisors to help you by answering a few triggers. Being aware of those triggers allows
questions: you to monitor what kinds of circumstances
can lead to your becoming most vulnerable.
When you sense that Im under stress,
what do you see me do that you think is 4. Learn to take a step back.
counterproductive?
When you get together with other part- When under stress, taking a moment for
ners and someone complains about me, reflection can cool you down before you
what do they complain about? over-react. You must force yourself to con-
How do I force you to work around me sciously step away from your stress-induced
rather than with me? interpersonal reaction to people or events.
What do I do that makes you crazy?
Do you have any suggestions on how The most successful leaders often explore
I might better align my intent with my how their strengths might be perceived by
impact? reflecting upon and asking of others, What
What alternative leadership styles should/ should I stop doing? Peter Drucker once said,
could I explore to achieve what I want to We spend a lot of time teaching leaders what
achieve? to do. We dont spend enough time teaching
leaders what to stop. Half of the leaders I have
3. Identify the circumstances that cause you met dont need to learn what to do as much as
to over-react. they need to learn what to stop.
Whether its boredom or too much work, Here is an exercise worth considering. Get
failure of an initiative for which you are out your notepad and, instead of the usual
accountable, or having to confront an under- to-do list, note a few items for your not-to-
performing partner, you need to determine do list. For example, when some colleague
what kinds of environments, events, prob- offers a less than brilliant idea in a meeting,
lems, and decisions ratchet up your per- dont criticize it. Say nothing. When some-
sonal stress levels. Are there certain types of one offers you a helpful suggestion, dont
situations or people that bring out your Dark remind them that you already knew that. Say
Side? Thank You! When partners challenge one of
your decisions, dont argue with them or make
For example, George, a charismatic and excuses. Say, I will certainly consider it!
very confident managing partner, had earned
the hallway-whispered nickname Chief 5. Find your personal sanctuary.
Black Cloud, largely due to his instinctive
tendency to frequently reject some new idea Leaders can often benefit from finding a
that was presented, before even hearing it sanctuary. That is not necessarily a physical