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Emily Robertson

Scott Harris

UNIV 392

2 August 2017

I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now

I thought I was a leader three months ago. I thought I knew everything about leadership

and what it meant to be a leader. I thought I knew how to be vulnerable and flawlessly interact

with diverse people in diverse places - I was wrong. Becoming a leader doesnt happen

overnight, and it doesnt happen naturally. Rather, one develops into a leader through small

occurrences and a variety of situations overtime. In most of my leadership positions before

becoming a College Coach, I was working and being a role model to individuals that had similar

demographics as me - white, cisgender, mid-upper class, and educated. I never had to worry

about being relatable, or think twice about the things I said and how my words could trigger

someone, and I didnt have to think about diversity beyond someones work skill set.

I wont lie - I honestly didnt originally put much thought into my initial learning goals. I

applied for this job because it sounded fun and would be better than working in a fast food place

somewhere back home, but again, it turns out I was wrong. When writing my goals, I pointed

out the three biggest, obvious aspects of this job - developing professionally, exploring Chicago,

and connecting to youth from all walks of life. Never did I think these three things would

change myself and outlook on life completely. In particular, I valued my time with the SEaL and

First Star students because while I was trying to be a role model for them, they showed me how

to be a better person and more inclusive. All of these students were of color, low income, and the

First Star Scholars have all been involved with the foster care system at some point in their life.
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Before meeting them, I thought connecting to them wouldnt be any different than interacting

with other students I had before. Yet that idealized perception came to a screeching halt the first

day I met them. I began noticing that along with my other white colleagues, I had a harder time

developing relationships with all the students of color. Sometimes I felt like they didnt trust me

as much because at first they wouldnt open up to me, yet they would have deep, vulnerable

discussions with my fellow of color coworkers. I also felt that I wasnt gaining their respect at

the same rate; I would ask them to do something and they would refuse, but when someone of

color asked them of the same thing, they would happily oblige without a fuss.

Thus, I began to become a little frustrated and at a loss of what to do - I couldn't just

change my skin color or pretend to be a first generation college student in order to be more

relatable for my SEaL and First Star students. After discussing the intersection between

diversity and leadership with a coworker of color, I quickly realized that to be a better leader for

my marginalized students, I needed to be more inclusive and accommodating with my words and

actions. I made sure not to give in to any stereotypes regarding their race or culture, and I

always matched where they were at - emotionally and physically. In addition, I had to take into

account how the students were brought up differently than I was and how role models or the lack

thereof have fit into their lives.

The changes to my leadership style were often subtle, yet incredibly noticeable to those

students who were of color or marginalized. To start, instead of telling students to do something,

I asked them if they could help me and them by doing something. For example, instead of

saying, Throw away your trash, Id ask, Can you please throw away your trash so we can

move onto your next activity and do fun things with your friends? This small tweak in wording

and tone was far more friendly and caring, and it helped me immensely when interacting with
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my students because they often had people of authority in their lives only telling them what to

do, not always taking their best interests into account. By practicing shifts in speech like this, I

was able to show them that I wasnt just another authoritative, controlling white person in their

life always telling them what to do. But rather, I gave them control over the situations which

they dont always have the privilege to do in this society, and I did so by being their friend and

mentor.

The most important lesson I learned was that even the smallest changes in something as

simple as tone can change your relationships with people drastically, especially those who are of

color or those who are marginalized. I was developing stronger mentorships, the students started

coming to me more, and I began to feel closer to all my students because they began to open up

to me, as they showed me how to be the best I could be for them. My experiences as a College

Coach have stretched my capabilities, made me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable, and allowed

me to finally utilize my interpersonal skills with varying group dynamics. However, all of these

challenging opportunities were necessary for me to grow and continue to learn as a leader. I was

trying to be a leader for my students, but my students were leading me to become something

more.