Documente Academic
Documente Profesional
Documente Cultură
Wired
for
Sex
2014 by Rodale Inc. All rights reserved.
Hit Play for Sex
Your erotic life is full of
big moments, sometimes
perfection and sometimes
well, embarrassing. Heres
how to keep the heat in your
love life turned to High.
This material is for the personal use of Rodale customers only. For any other purpose, no part may be reproduced or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any other
information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher.
We are committed to offering responsible, practical advice for the intelligent mansupported by professionals and
legitimate scientific research. We believe that an active and healthy sex life, based on mutual consent and respect
between partners, is an important component of physical and mental well being. Still, we respect that sex is a private
matter and that each person has a different opinion of what sexual practices or levels of discourse are appropriate. Our
goalfor sex and all other topicsis to provide information that empowers mens lives.
Mention of specific companies, organizations, or authorities does not necessarily imply endorsement by the publisher,
nor does it imply endorsement of the information by those companies, organizations, or authorities.
Internet addresses and telephone numbers were accurate at the time this was posted.
1 m e n s h e a lt h . c o m 001725/PushPull/202672501/7-18-14/AR
Wired for Sex
Step 1
build the excitement
Youre single and have been flirting heavily
with a new woman. You need a releasewe
understand. Solo satisfaction can help with
that, and it can also teach controlwhich will
be helpful when your first encounter with
her arrives. When men masturbate, they
should be aware of their level of arousal. Level
8 is the moment of inevitability, so they should
take themselves up to a 6 or 7 and then bring
themselves down to a 2 or 3. This will help
them manage and control their orgasms when
theyre with a woman, Brandon says.
Also, while masturbating in the days leading
up to your debut, think about your soon-to-be
partner instead of using porn. Keep the fanta-
sies realistic, Brandon says. Think about why
she excites you. Imagine undressing her. Prime
yourself to enjoy her, not some porn actress.
But a better way to ratchet up the anticipa-
tion is to bring her in on the game. Before the
date, find out what turns her on, suggests Sari
Cooper, L.C.S.W., a certified sex therapist. If
youre on the phone late one night, ask her to
describe a movie scene she found sexy. This
builds intimacy, Cooper says. It will make
her feel closer to you and reveal what she
likes. In flirty texts the week before the date,
ask her to describe sensations that make her
feel sexy. Which fragrances, music, or food?
Youll build her anticipation while also show-
Beginners Lust
ing her you want to meet her desires.
Step 2
Banish distraction
No fumbling fingers, no awkward misfiresjust great sex
Youve been dreaming all day about that big
that will leave her wanting more. date, but at the last minute your boss springs a
By J e n n i f e r M i l l e r giant project on you. Being distracted could
cause big trouble later tonight. The bodys
Wed been out on three datesafter the third one, we ended up in my apartment for response to stress can put the brakes on your
drinks. We tumbled onto the couch together and rolled around having a great time. But I had some sex drive, says Eric Marlowe Garrison, M.Sc.,
bad news for him: I really like you, I said, so I dont want to rush things. No sex tonight. arelationship expert at the College of William
2 m e n s h e a lt h . c o m
Wired for Sex
and Mary. You could end up lying in bed with be the result of a self-fulfilling prophecy soft skin. When theyre genuine, these actions
your stunning date as you mentally compose rather than the alcohol itself: Researchers can also build trust. Compliments are like
the e-mails you need to send. (Yes, this can from the University at Buffalo have found that saying, Whatever flaws you think you have,
happen even when youre in bed for the first when people are given a drink and told its Im either aware of them and dont care or Im
time with a new lover.) Your trick: Tune in to alcohol, they loosen up as if they actually had so engaged with you right now that I dont
your breathing. Studies show that men who booze. notice them, Garrison says.
meditate on a regular basis have a better time Limit your drinks to one per hour, says
in the bedroom, says Brandon. Simply focus- Garrison. You can relax just as easily without
ing on each breath going into your nose and the booze, so try to think positively and keep Step 5
belly will help keep you in the moment, she your body loose. Still having trouble turning
says. She also tells men to keep their eyes down that third beer? Make sure youre hav-
let her lead
open. Look at your partner and have her look ing a glass of water between every drink and Generally you want to take it easy your first
at you. Closing your eyes makes it easier for that youve eaten enough food, Brandon says. time out of the gate with a new gal. But what if
you to withdraw into negative thinking. And remember that women are more respon- shes quite comfortableand suddenly taking
If shes the one whos distracted, then you sive and trusting of men who are genuine. In charge? You may start to worry: What if you
want to help her snap out of it and focus on other words, she wants to know the real you, bore her? Or cant please her? Or fall short of
whats going on between you. One way to do not the boozy, buzzy you. her expectations? That can lead to an even
that is by asking her what she might have in worse mistakeovercompensation. As a cul-
mind in terms of the evenings sexual progres- ture, we put pressure on men to perform sexu-
sion. This will get her thinking about what Step 4 ally and to last a long time, Brandon says.
turns her on instead of her own work projects
that may be stacking up or the groceries she
make her comfortable Of course, youre overthinking. Dont forget
to just enjoy the ride. And you can do that by
needs to buy. You can also do things to help Youve started undressing each other, but sud- playing off her excitement. Women who like
intensify her physical sensationslike run- denly she tenses up. You ask whats wrong, but to take control often like to have control
ning an ice cube along her body. Focusing on she can hardly look you in the eye. Youre con- taken, says Brandon. Try being aggressive
the five senses is a fabulous way to get out of fused, and rightly so: Moments ago she was with her. Grab her hands and hold them above
your head and into the experience, Brandon giving you vixen eyes. But this isnt about you; her head. Or, if shes making you a little too
says. its about her. Shes nervous. Your goal is to excited, you can flip her over and take charge
help her body and heart open, so you want to that way. These strategies have the double
create a safe environment, Brandon says. bonus of diverting her attention away from
Step 3 Your plan: Start exploring each other your erection so you can prolong the experi-
practice mind control through touch long before youre anywhere
near a bed. Hold her hand; touch her shoul-
ence with her while also showing her that
youre a good sexual match.
Its the night of the big date and youre a little ders and the small of her back. You want to
nervous. (So is she, by the way.) So of course build up your levels of trust and oxytocinthe
when you meet up for drinks, you immedi- bonding hormoneand touch helps you do Step 6
ately order a scotch. And then another, and that, says Garrison. Boosting both will help
another. Sure, too much alcohol can interfere bring her closer to you. But dont just touch
TALK ABOUT IT
with your ability to have an erection and her bodyshow verbal appreciation. Offer There, you did it. Everyones happyyou think,
orgasm, but those drinks are helping you relax sincere compliments, especially about things anyway. After your bedroom romp, she might
and flirt. Well, not so fast. That relaxation may that arent overtly sexualher cute nose, her feel compelled to ask if you loved the
experience as much as she did. We live in an
achievement-driven society, and people tend
to focus on whether their partner reached
orgasm or enjoyed their kissing technique,
What post-tryst txt does she want?
We asked 1,566 women what text message theyd most want to receive
says Garrison. But its not just curiosity thats
making her want to snuggle and talk. After
orgasms, theres a release of oxytocin, says
the day after their first sexual encounter with you.
Stanley Althof, Ph.D., executive director of
NICE TRY BINGO! the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of
0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
South Florida. This makes people feel closer
I LIKE WATCHING U SLEEP and more trusting, and want to touch, hold
each other, or cuddle.
Ready for rnd 2?
That rush may also put you in a sleepy mood,
Youre a good kisser but Garrison urges you to fight through your
desire to snooze. Address the need for pillow
Was it good 4 u? talk by directing a conversation. Ask a heart-
felt question, like How do you feel right now?
Last night was amazing
says Garrison. If youre too tired for a long con-
Cant wait 2 c u again! versation, then check in briefly with each
other. You can reminisce when youre both
Can still smell uhot! more alert for a real talk, perhaps over brunch
Hey. Hows it going?
the next morning or some other time when you
can both connectand tee up roundtwo while
Youre beautiful youre at it. j
3 m e n s h e a lt h . c o m
Wired for Sex
4 m e n s h e a lt h . c o m
Wired for Sex
Best Sides
can cross at any time, making it
harder for partners to see each other
as they truly are. So use our tips to
check your perceptions against real-
ity at every stage of your relation-
Perceptions rule relationships, so make sure you both ship. You may find that shes far
have your eyes wide open. more interesting, complex, and sexy
than you imagined.
By A N N A DAV I ES
5 m e n s h e a lt h . c o m
Wired for Sex
6 m e n s h e a lt h . c o m
Wired for Sex
6 Bedroom BlundersSolved!
Admit it, Romeo: Youre not always as suavein the buff as you are clothed.
Heres how to handle your gaffes head-on.
By M A D ELINE H A LLER
Sometimes Things go wrong between the sheets. But you can bounce
back: We asked more than 1,000 women what runs through their minds
after some common screwups. As it turns out, theyre quite forgiving.
With the right recovery plan,youll be back to business in no time.
CRISIS METER
You blurt out, Another girl keeps You call her the
I love you! calling you. wrong name.
OUTSMART YOUR PENIS You finish too fast You cant keep it up You cant orgasm
Dont freak out if you cant perform. In our survey, women ranked If youre about to lose it, Turn your focus from Again, stop thinking
equipment failure as a medium-low worry. Ian Kerner, a sex counselor stop thinking about your problem to her about your penis. Go
and coauthor of The Big, Fun, Sexy Sex Book, explains how to stay in the your penis, pull out, and body, and then try down on her, and when
game. (For persistent problems, see a doctorthe cause may be physical.) play with her breasts or something different. youre ready to give it
clitoris. If its too late, Switch from intercourse another go, amp things
just return the favor. to oral, for example. up with a new position.
7 m e n s h e a lt h . c o m