12 SIMPLE SECRETS OF

HAPPINESS
Finding Joy in Everyday Relationships

Author: Glenn Van Ekeren

Publisher: Prentice Hall Press
Date of Publication: 2000
ISBN: 0735201390
No. of Pages: 195 pages

Wisdom in a Nutshell
If you are looking for a guide to human relationships, this is the simple and
wonderful way to discover how we can enhance our joy in other people. If you
are looking for a way to manipulate others into doing your bidding, this is not
the book for you. The 12 Simple Secrets are outlined with clarity, they are:
! Generosity
! Hope
! Kindness
! Friendship
! Empathy
! Love
! Forgiveness
! Acceptance
! Understanding
! Encouragement
! Communication
! Gratitude
If you are seeking more out of life and your relationships, this is the book for
you. Become the person everyone loves to be around. Loaded with useful
advice to help you in nurturing friendships, marriages, family, and work
relationships, in easily digestible chapters, 12 Simple Secrets of Happiness is
a life manual stemming from the universal rules of unconditional love and
respect. Learn to accept people for who they are, identify what people need to
feel good about themselves, make your relationships blossom, get along with
difficult people, effectively deal with conflict, develop a sincere interest in
others, build on people's positive qualities, encourage, and forgive.

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 12 SECRETS OF HAPPINESS by Glenn Van Ekeren
Generosity
The joy of a giving spirit
What kind of person can selflessly give up his or her
own success so someone else can reach his goal?
In this modern dog-eat-dog world, few people step
off the track and allow someone else to receive the
glory. Sacrifice something so someone else can be
happy.
Practice random acts of kindness. "Kindness is the
oil that takes the friction out of life." You can never be
too kind.
Don't waste time on gossip. If you have nothing
good to say about another person, then keep your
mouth shut! People tend to indulge in gossip
because they want to look better than the person
being spoken of. Learn to speak of others graciously
as you would want to be spoken of.
Hope
How do you make people feel?
People tend to avoid those who make them feel
inadequate.
Be somebody that people simply love to be around.
How? By encouraging and supporting their dreams,
appreciating their efforts, celebrating their
achievements as if they were your own. When we
encourage our friends and family to be the best they
can be, we nurture them inside and build hope.
Giving hope to people will make you a social
magnet.
Don't think that merely donating some time or
money to your charity of choice is the answer. You
need to give to people who have absolutely no way
to repay you, without ever expecting anything in
return. They don't even have to know that you are
their benefactor. Give unselfishly and you will see
that what you sow today is exactly what you will reap
at the end of your days. People will love you
because they know you gave of yourself unselfishly.
Send a letter of encouragement to someone today!
Thank the person for something she or he has done
recently. Thank that person for being uniquely
herself. Tell her something positive about herself
Copyright 2004 BestSummaries
and brighten up her day. Make a sincere compliment
and offer your support in her current project or
congratulate her on a job well done.
Every year you have 365 chances to make a
profound difference in somebody else's life. It may
be so easy to find fault in others, but how often do we
pick up that pen or write that email that makes
somebody's day? When was the last time you told
your kids how proud you are of them?
Kindness
Fault Finding is a Bad Habit!
Hard to swallow but true, "Our worst fault is our
preoccupation with the faults of others" - as Kahlil
Gibran wrote. Before you begin finding fault, why not
start with yourself? What is there to improve in your
character? How about your general appearance?
Criticize yourself as harshly as you would criticize
others. We put down others to make ourselves look
better in comparison, but when you actually
compare yourself to that person you despise, you
may just discover something scary: The truth about
yourself. Perhaps you need to take a good long look
in the mirror before you open your mouth to criticize
again.
"You can make more friends in two months
by becoming really interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get other people interested in you."
-Dale Carnegie
If you really want to help others, start with a spirit of
affirmation. Here are some pointers:
! Uphold people's self-esteem. Be gentle and
kind. If you must give negative feedback,
start first with offering positive affirmation.
! Focus on abilities rather than
vulnerabilities. Find something that person
is good at and praise him for it.
! Check your motives. If you take the slightest
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 12 SECRETS OF HAPPINESS by Glenn Van Ekeren
pleasure in criticizing someone -hold your
tongue. If it is painful for you, proceed with
caution.
! Keep your attitude in check. Just because
you had a terrible day at work or the boss
yelled at you doesn't mean you should yell
at your subordinates too.
! Offer to help.
! Tell yourself to meet one new person each
week.
! Step out of your comfort zone and introduce
yourself to someone new. You'll be
surprised how easy it is to strike up a
conversation when you show you are
genuinely interested in meeting this new
person. Some people make it a point to
travel to a new place each year. Expand
your circle of influence and see how much
you grow as a person.
! Be the first to say hello and the last to stop
hugging.
! Always say "please" and "thank you
! "A warm smile is the universal language of
kindness.
! Allow people to go in front of you in the
grocery line, or let others change lanes in
heavy traffic.
! Open the door for others.
"Never lose sight of the fact that the most
important yardstick of your success will be
how you treat other people- your family,
friends, and co-workers, even strangers you
meet along the way." -Barbara Bush
Friendship
Your best friend is the one who brings out the best in you.
Success and fulfillment in life are in direct proportion
to the investment we make in people. If somebody
spent one whole day with you, would he feel filled up
or sucked dry?
! Show your gratitude
! Encourage and give positive reinforcement
Copyright 2004
! Have faith in people
! Express your love
! Light up any room you enter
! And what about marriage?
These relationships require a healthy amount of
independence from both partners. Spouses must
seek to complement each other. The danger lies in
one partner becoming too dependent on the other. As
much as you need to make a date to spend quality
private time as a couple once a week, you also need
to book quality time for yourself.
Empathy
Reach out and touch someone, corny as it sounds. It actually works!
You can tell a great person by the number of people
who come to mourn at his funeral. How many days
would go by before anyone noticed you were
missing? When you reach out and invest time and
energy in helping others, being kind to others and
simply welcoming others, you will see a profound
difference in the quality of your relationships, and you
will have gathered around you people who truly love
you because of how well you treated them.
On getting even. When someone deals you a harsh
blow, dumps trash in your backyard, or shows you
cruelty, repay him with a noble gesture. Give him
something he needs or speak well of him. That
person will feel embarrassed by how he has
behaved, while you walk away looking like a class act.
Collaborate. It takes two people to make a marriage
work. It takes a team effort to win a championship. It
takes a staff to bring in bigger profits. Life is about
collaboration. In anything you do, you will have to deal
with people. Human beings have evolved as social
animals. We were designed to help each other out to
survive.
"The purpose of life is not to win. It is to
grow and to share. You will get more satisfaction
out of life from the pleasure you have brought
into other people's lives than you will from the
times you outdid and defeated them."
-Rabbi Harold Kushner
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 12 SECRETS OF HAPPINESS by Glenn Van Ekeren

Love is right, at least until the air is calm. Wait until you can
both discuss the matter rationally. When you think
There will always be problems in a marriage. The
about arguing back, is it really worth it to disrupt the
way you handle these problems will show the test of
wonderful Friday evening you reserved for her? Give
your commitment. Nourishing a relationship takes
in. Take up the subject when she is no longer agitated.
work; there will always be problems and IT IS
A gentleman always allows the woman to win the
WORTH THE EFFORT to work through these
argument.
problems.
! Say, "I love you" often. And if you can't let it go, think again, is it really worth it
! Kiss and hug often.
to make such a fuss and cause disharmony? Will it
! Compliment your spouse sincerely.
! Always treat each other with respect. matter tomorrow?
! Go on weekly dates and vacations, without ! How to create a relationship masterpiece:
the children.
! Give more than you get
! Husbands, do that extra household chore. ! Allow people to have their space
! Maintain confidentiality
With other human beings respect and courtesy
! Give supportive and positive advice
! Be loyal
apply, as well as: ! Listen!
! Be persistent in showing your love. ! Treat others with dignity
! Don't expect a return. ! Say "please" and "thank you"
! Be agreeable
! Accept other people's opinions
! Forgive wrongs committed
Forgiveness
Keeping bridges in good repair
! If you cannot forgive, you cannot move on. "Some people ask the secret of our long
! It takes a bigger. stronger type of person to
forgive.
marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant
! Be the first to ask forgiveness. two times a week. A little candlelight dinner,
! Don't dwell on the hurt.
! Pray. soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays.
! Write a letter and show a desire to resolve I go Fridays." -Henny Youngman
the conflict
! Focus on the future
! Replace selfishness with unconditional love
! Make time to keep relationships in good
order
! Be willing to say "I'm sorry" without
conditions
! To mutilate a child's spirit is a grave sin.
Understanding
Speak their language
Let go.
! Forgiving an enemy puts you above No amount of intelligence, talent or education will
everyone else. Revenge puts you at par replace the gift of being able to understand the other
with the enemy. Being the first to strike person.
makes you less admirable.
People will do things for their own reasons, not for
yours.

Acceptance When you listen, practice staying silent until the other
My wife is always right person finishes speaking.

Sometimes you need to say perhaps the other party See things from the other person's point of view. The

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 12 SECRETS OF HAPPINESS by Glenn Van Ekeren

child is different from the adult. A woman sees things ! Keep an open mind.
differently and feels things differently from a man. An ! Be silent.
Asian has a different experience from a European. ! Take notes.
Consider how others might be feeling in order to ! Prepare your reply only after the person has
reach a clearer understanding. finished.
! Nod, smile, agree and lean forward.
! Ask questions to clarify.
! Don't allow how something is said to distract
you from the essence of the message.
Encouragement ! Paraphrase to see if you have an accurate
Create high expectations for people and let them picture of the message.
know you believe in them more than they believe in
themselves. Rent the movie Stand and Deliver, it's a Conflict Resolution 101
true story about how calculus teacher Jaime ! Strive for mutual benefit
Escalante motivates the high school kids to prove ! Seek understanding
their value.
! Focus on the facts
! Avoid insults
The next time you hear criticism hurled at you:
! Find a point of agreement
! Consider the source. It is the person who ! Generate solutions
! Determine a win-win plan of action
can't dance who complains about the
uneven floor. A frustrated person likes to
pick on others.
! Smile. Disarm your critic.
! Expect it but don't accept it. The best way to Gratitude
Show it!
silence your critics and not waste energy is
to agree with them and get on with life. Here are some phrases to get you started:
! Don't take it personally. ! I appreciate the way you
! Ponder the benefits. Maybe that critic hit a ! I'm impressed with
button that needs to be addressed. ! You are terrific because
! Thanks for
! One of the things I love about you is
! I admire your
! Great job with
Communication ! I really enjoy working with you because
For men only! ! Our team wouldn't be successful without
A doctor marked a distinct difference in the listening your
skills of men and women. Women are wired to listen
! Thank you for your
! You made my day when
and can hook into another person's emotions and ! I am proud of you and how you handled
needs. Men are not wired that way. They can't read ! You did an outstanding job of
subtle signals. Messages have to be spelled out for ! I like your
them. ! You deserve a pat on the back for
! Develop a willingness to listen ! You have gift for
! Be open-minded ! I believe you can do it
! Be attentive, think about what she is saying, ! I enjoy being around you because
not what you want to say when she's done.
! Maintain comfortable eye contact. Don't
stare. Value your friends
! Don't guess what she'll say next. ! Your friends will support you through failures
! Refrain from interrupting. and celebrate your successes
! Be patient. ! Your friends will love you no matter what an
! Listen for the unspoken message. idiot you made of yourself when you drank

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 12 SECRETS OF HAPPINESS by Glenn Van Ekeren

too much
! Choose your friends well because you will
become like them
! A true friend knows everything about you
but loves you just the same.

Copyright 2004 6 of 6

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