Why don’t gays keep quiet? Wee achieve one ideal of univer sity education when we learn from tach other Tt year [earned a great deal from mang collegues and students Bot expecially learned from Susan, Bi, Ron, and Dar~—all students and members and leaders ofthe Rugers University Lesbian'Gay Alliance (RULGA. Like mos learning this was ot without some discomfort: But these students from RULGA helped tues smelting porn abow the complnint, suggetons, cams, and process coming from organized ls ean and gay people THe “Random Walk wil describe what I learned. Rutgers has had a long-standing pol icy of barring cscriinaton on the tosis of sexual orenation’ and we fave, acording to RULGA's brochure the “second oldest acive lesbian snd gay student group in the United Sites" Before geting to know the RULGA suudens had what I thought was a era” view of homovenuaity —tb- eral in he sente of generous, tolerant, Shen to new idea and hua die. nee: certainly had no wish to see government control the esentaly pris (htc areas of another persons ie Asan administrator, had done what ould tobe sure thatthe salt in my departments were prepared to do thet ork with seni 0" ference” and different needs, Reports tf aac on people who were thought tobe, or who actully atthe phase goes. "admited o being” homosexual Tieurbed me deeply. So did the fac that one of the few bigots that many colleges openly perm themelvs ist persolen and unremiaing homopbo- ir This homophobia range from Sule insinuations to blatant accu Thad given no credence to the argu- rent tha tok about homosexuality i ovpromere” homosexsaliy. [had disagreed withthe notion that to love tomeone of the same sexs unnat falrand therefore tobe condemned. "Thove were estentlly ny belief, save one that Lil describe in. a mo- tment Thos 1 aid no hi Thad Win. David Burma “Why did they have to tell me they were lesbian or gay, as if in prelude to anything else?” joined in any way in the hostile cho ‘rus—the incantation, one might say— directed against chis human difference. But I was mistaken. In spite of the above, I still some- times found myself annoyed by those gay and lesbian members of our com= ‘munity who made so much ado about their "sexual orientation.” Why did they have to tell me they were lesbian oF gay, as if in prelude to anything else? Afterall, I valued privacy: don’t we all keep our sex lives private? 1 don't tell everyone about my sexuality, so why do some gays and lesbians ‘make such a big deal about theirs? I wondered—and I was not alone in wondering—why we had to have all these gay dances, gay pride weeks, “wear blue jeans if you are gay” days. 1 remarked to myself about the "stri- dency” of this form of politics. I guess L would have preferred silence. Thave learned a lot this past year: Elia transfer student to Rutgers— helped me learn when he asked how wwe could reconcile the University’s mission of searching for the truth and its complementary ethic of intellectual honesty with a position that essentially asks some people to engage ina life- time of deception about some of the ‘most basic of human feelings. Did the University want to change its mission as it applied to Eli? ‘And Susan—a political science ma- Hd jor—helped me see how, if she had chosen to “pass” as a heterosexual, she could never openly express sponta- neous sentiment or openly hug the person she loved. What some of us find so appealing about college stu- dents is their spontaneity and exuber- ance, their openness and honesty: ‘wouldn't we like to think that this is Susan's University, 00? ‘Then Dan—who is studying art and design—painstakingly and patiently explained to me that, no, a student he knows would not report to our Uni- versity police that someone dalized his car by serawling ‘Why? Because, first, he didn't entire ‘rust the police to take him seriously and second, he was afraid that the in- surance/police report might reach his parents, who could then learn some- {hing they didn't know about their son. Without being “out,” this student felt afraid to avail himself of the help of ‘our police department. A crime went unreported, ‘And Ron—a graduate student in po- litical theory—helped me see that to stay silent is never to ask about your- self, never to have an opportunity to share in learning about the history and ulture of those like yourself, as other students do in the process of becoming ‘educated. Ron's arguments force us to ask ourselves whae we mean by equal ‘opportunity and equal treatment. ‘These students helped me see why it was necessary for some students to be ‘open—even emphatically vocal—about who they are. ‘Two other examples brought the point home poignantly. I agreed to 58 Boreas Macaind ing a yi out write a lewer of recommendation for 8 27 student who, in showing me bis fesume, included alter of reference that said what a splendid young man he was, how excellent his work record had been, and then volunteered the sentiment thatthe letter writer would be proud to have this young man marry one of his daughters some day! ‘Another student told me that his mother had asked him to leave home because she was afraid that his father sould iterally kill him if his suspicion ‘oftheir son's homosexuality were con- firmed. Teame to see that my notion of sX- salty aba private materi extentially 3 conceit. To be sue, the specie de- tals of ty sexual life are private but the broad outlines of heterosexuality are not. Heterosexualty screams at ts in this culture: in the way we talk, the jokes we tell, the expectations we have, the assumptions we make. Heterosex tal love imagery drives lage parts of fur culture, from product advertse- ments and sucess symbols ¢o what we learn in schoo. Anything els is exotic and any atention it ges s given only to ts most exo deta But this heterosexuality isso “nor- sal” that it becomes invisible to those who stay within fs traces, Heterosex tal activiy a such may be only a small pare of such alife—in fact, one can be Reterosexual withow ever actually em: gaging in a sexal act By contrat, homosenualty conjures up, for some atleast, specific sextal sions—not ofa range of attractions, af Fections, desires, or expressions of love, Absent From tht vew of homo- sexuality i any appreciation for the common, daly experiences of work and worship, community and at home, and ail the other dimensions of living that homosexuals and heterosex- tals share. The narrow but vivid, sometimes lurid, and usualy unin- formed construction of homosexuality in the minds of heterosexuals explains why some would prefer that gaya te- tain inthe close, ora least be quiet about i eis ait sy: if we dont talk about we ca all be “normal Especially where young people are Ne “Asserting one’s gayness is akin to talking out loud when you are in a dark place... you hear a voice that helps you feel a little less afraid.” concerned, not talking about homosex- uualty seems to be a strong tendency, because many of us would prefer not to think about our children as being sexually active at all. Homosexuality implies a sexual fait accompli. Being silent or openly asserting a difference are choices we all make about a range of issues all the time. What I learned from the RULGA stu- denis is that, for some, breaking si- lence and asserting one’s gayness is akin to talking out loud when you are in a dark place. There are good reasons to do so: you hear a voice that reassures you and helps you feel alit- tle less afraid. It might also help some- one else to find you. Now in a hostile situation, talking aloud in a dark place means you could be discovered; breaking the silence is a risk. Iisa risk some never take, be- ‘cause the consequences can be grave indeed, especially in a society where basic rights to employment, housing, and health care are not secured to all regardless of “sexval orientation.” ‘On the campus this semester, we see stickers on lampposts and students ‘wearing buttons bearing a pink tian- ale and the statement “Silence = Death.” The pink triangle is a symbol homosextials were forced to wear in Hitler's death camps. Today, breaking silence is an affirmation of self, a form of resistancean emblem of libera- tion—it is talking aloud in the dark. Breaking silence is a choice I have ‘come to respect. Some might say its ‘easy for me to have an opinion on just hhow explicit others ought to be—I have so litle to lose. That cannot be discounted, to be sure. But I—and all ‘of us—do have a lot to lose by being ‘complicit, even in small and subtle ways, with any cultural force that threatens our fellow humans. That these students who are no longer silent are brave is the thing I admire most. They are being brave by being honest. Their bravery exposes them to risk, but it can be a source of strength to themselves and their friends and families. We cannot expect everyone to take the risks involved in breaking silence—some believe they can't afford to place themselves in 2 hostile environment, others have adapted in their own way. But there is ‘much to be learned from the pioneers who have taken this courageous step. We all can benefit from trying to listen. Wm. David Burns (RC70, GSNB77) The author is assistant vice president for student life policy and services at Rulgers Universi. A new organization, known as FRutgors GALA, has been formed for gay and lesbian alumi, staf, and faculty. is part of NEIGALA, a5! national ganization, and canbe” * ‘contacted confidentially by writing to P.O. Box 851, Howell, NJ O7731= (0551, oF by phone, 201/364-2505, NovewiniDictvaex 1988 55