RUNNING HEADER: PREDECESSOR ASSESMENT DRAFT 1

Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also
embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing
Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

Hello, Nathan! My name is Angela B. I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center
Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!

*Writing Strength:
You use good headings for the body paragraphs in your draft. Let me show you a sample heading you
used:

The Automobile

Using headings makes it easier for your readers to follow the draft by clearly identifying what part of
the paper you are discussing. Well done, Nathan!

Organization
One of the topic sentences of your body paragraphs is a quote from Melosi. Here is the excerpt:

The first patented gasoline powered automobile for practical use was introduced by German
engineer Karl Benz in 1886 (Melosi).

How does Melosis quote support your thesis? Information from outside sources are usually used as
supporting details for the topics in each body paragraph. Using the information above in the topic
sentence breaks the flow of idea from the thesis statement to your body paragraphs.

The first sentences of body paragraphs are generally considered the topic sentences. They give the
topic of discussion of each paragraph, connecting them at the same time to the main idea in the thesis
statement. This helps transition the idea from the thesis statement to the body paragraphs of an
essay. It would be beneficial for you if you revised this according to these questions:

How will you write the topic sentence that contains the sentence above?
What is the topic of discussion for this paragraph?
How will you connect it back to the main idea of your essay?

Make sure that your new topic sentence continues the flow of the discussion from the previous
paragraph to the next paragraph. You can learn more about Clear Topic Sentences in the
Smarthinking Writers Handbook.

*Nathan 6881089 has requested that you respond to the Content Development:
Im concerned about some of your ideas because they lack explanations. This issue may leave
unanswered questions in your readers heads about why certain vehicles were deemed inefficient and
troublesome. Check this out:

It was found that the inefficient and troublesome nature of these vehicles made gas power
more appealing.

You mentioned that these vehicles fell out of favor due to their inefficiency and unreliability, but you
did not tell them why exactly they were deemed that way. To help you develop this idea further,
consider answering the following questions: What about these vehicles were deemed inefficient and
troublesome? What did they discover about them? These questions can guide you through the revision
process. Please check your draft for other topics that lack explanations and revise them accordingly.
You may also read about Powerful Body Paragraphs in your Smarthinking Writers Handbook.
PREDECESSOR ASSESMENT DRAFT 2

*Nathan 6881089 has requested that you respond to the Grammar & Mechanics:
Some of your common nouns are incorrectly capitalized. This is a problem because your readers will
be confused, and they are not sure whether youre pertaining to a specific thing. Ill be quoting a
sentence from your draft:

The Horse Drawn Carriage offered a way to move goods.

If a noun doesnt denote a specific person, place, or thing, its a common noun. Common nouns are
not supposed to be capitalized unless the sentence begins with them. Proper nouns, on the other
hand, refer to specific persons, places, or things. For example:

CORRECT: He wanted to drive around town in his new car.

INCORRECT: He wanted to drive around town in his new Car.

Going back to your example, it should be noted that types of vehicles are usually considered as
common nouns (e.g. carts, carriages, trucks). You may use the example above to aid you in the
revision process. Also, you can read more about Nouns in your Writers Handbook.

Summary of Next Steps:

Avoid using quotes from outside sources as your topic sentences.

Develop your ideas well.
Do not capitalize common nouns.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision
process. Have a good day, Nathan! Angela B.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's
Handbook.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below.
Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.
PREDECESSOR ASSESMENT DRAFT 3

LAS 432

Team A Week 3 Assignment

Nathan Strawhand, Edward Kruzinski, Vernell Watson, and Nicholas Gutierrez

Dr. Richard Mills

18 May 2017

DeVry University
PREDECESSOR ASSESMENT DRAFT 4

Introduction

This week, we are submitting a draft of the Historical Timeline and Predecessor

Assessment to autonomous vehicles. This portion of the Course Project includes a historical

timeline that diagrams three predecessors to the emergent technology of autonomous cars.

Autonomous Vehicles, also referred to as Self-Driven Cars, are any variety of car or truck that

can operate without or with very little human intervention. They utilize several types of

technologies to function, including GPS navigation, collision avoidance sensors, and artificial

intelligence. Self-Driven vehicles seem to be the way of the future but this emerging technology

would not be possible without the Horse Drawn Carriage, the Automobile, and the Integrated

Circuit, our 3 predecessors to Autonomous Vehicles. [ This is a run-on sentence which lacks

a comma to separate your thoughts. To fix this, you can create a compound sentence by

joining two independent clauses with a comma and a coordinating conjunction. (e.g. Going

to the gym is not a cure for obesity, but religiously doing so does wonders for your health.)]

Historical Timeline: Predecessors of the Self-Driven Vehicle

The Horse Drawn Carriage

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The four-wheeled suspended horse driven carriage is deemed as the primary predecessor

of the present-day automobile. Ancient history uncovers horse-powered carts and chariots being

used by the Hittites initially in the 17th Century B.C. as well as the 15th Century B.C. in Egypt.

Their primary use was mainly for mobility efforts in battle, transporting materials, as well as

utilization for limited travel. However, it wasnt until the Renaissance, in late 15th Century C.E.,

that the carriage or coach would emerge in Europe offering more widespread use (Straus, 2013).

The primitive models were created in Hungary and were designed purposely with the traveler in

mind. The horse drawn carriage was larger, which offered accommodations for more occupancy

along with the driver. They were made with the ability for head cover and had suspension

mechanisms installed for longer and more comfortable travel.

One might even think that the horse driven carriage has more in common with

semi-autonomous vehicles than its closer replacement, the automobile, in that the horse has a

mind of its own. Although minimal input is still required from the driver to steer, accelerate or

slow down the horse, oftentimes a horse would bolt uncontrollably on its own due to an

unexpected scare or environmental hazard. Ironically, it is this very behavior that forces many

critics to question the safety of the driverless car on our roads.

The Automobile

The first patented gasoline powered automobile for practical use was introduced by

German engineer Karl Benz in 1886 (Melosi). Karl Benz may not have been able to reach such a

feat without the already developed internal combustion engine. But before this there were

already self-propelled electrical and steam powered vehicles that were able to carry passengers

and cargo. In the U.S specifically, the amount of steam and electric powered vehicles surpassed
PREDECESSOR ASSESMENT DRAFT 6

the number of gasoline powered ones. It was found that the inefficient and troublesome nature of

these vehicles made gas power more appealing.

Thus, the automobile would drastically change the landscape of America. City borders

were rapidly expanded making way for new roads to be created and/or expanded for this

newfound glory. Drivers had a sense of freedom of course, and people were more willing to

drive further to work. Social and cultural changes soon followed inevitably. [What are some

examples of these social and cultural changes? Illustrate examples to prove your point.

Make sure that you can relate this point to the thesis.] A car culture had come to existence

that is very prevalent in our daily lives to this day here in the U.S and around the world.

The Integrated Circuit

Todays computer technology has made it easier to accomplish just about anything in any

industry, and the automotive industry is no exception. Computers stem back to 1958 when Jack

Kilby developed the first microprocessor at a lab located at Texas Instruments (Markoff, 2005).

He converted the processing power from old vacuum equipped computers that sometimes-filled

entire rooms, such as the Univac developed by Presper Eckert in 1951, into small units called

microprocessors. It had an extremely considerable influence on the computer industry and helped

to sling shot todays digital revolution into a point of no return. Digital computers have made

vehicles versatile in ways that no one would have ever imagined. Some ideas were derived from

the military that utilized computer guidance systems with nuclear missiles. These missiles were

one of the first autonomous vehicles to be controlled by computers. By 1971 autonomous space

probes were landing on the moon.

We have advanced a great deal with autonomous vehicles. You can now buy a self-

driving car. Currently, its only designed for closed in areas, such as resorts and similar type
PREDECESSOR ASSESMENT DRAFT 7

settings. The maximum speed limit is 12 miles an hour and the average cost to buy one of these

vehicles is roughly $250,000 dollars (Weber, 2014). [Where can people buy this kind of car?

Establish this for your readers to understand your point on how it is now readily

available.] It appears most inventions such as autonomous vehicles initially have a specialized

need before they are released to the public. History has proven this to be true. There have been

autonomous vehicles in coal mines, amusement parks and even in space when man landed on the

moon.

Conclusion

When each of the three predecessors emerged as the way of the future for their time many

saw them in the same light as Self-Driven cars. Each were designed with the idea of making life

better and easier for humanity. The Horse Drawn Carriage offered a way to move goods. The

Integrated Circuits provided means to reduce size and materials used in making the first

computers. But it was the automobile that saw the risk challenge the rewards of travel.

Hundreds of automobile accidents, if not more, are happening somewhere throughout the United

States daily, most without media attention. Perhaps it is the eagerness and the intrepid

declarations of change, or the fact that consumers are ready to jump into the deep end and freely

give up control, illustrating the need for such media coverage. However, only with watchful

considerations will we understand if autonomous vehicles will benefit our society like these

predecessors have, not further complicate it.

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References

Melosi, M. (n.d.). Automobile and the Environment in American History: Energy Use and the

Internal Combustion Engine. Retrieved July 26, 2016, from

http://www.autolife.umd.umich.edu/Environment/E_Overview/E_Overview3.htm

Straus, et alt. (2013). A history of the horse drawn carriage - a collection of historical articles

on varieties of coach and their evolution. Norfolk, UK: Whitley Press. ISBM

9781447414209

Weber, M. (2014, May 8). Where to? a history of autonomous vehicles. Retrieved July 31, 2016,

from http://www.computerhistory.org/atchm/where-to-a-history-of-autonomous-vehicles/