IELTS Writing Sample with Examiner`s

comments/feedback: Agree or Disagree

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic.

It is important to ensure that children with a wide range of abilities and from a variety of social
backgrounds mix with each other at school.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or
experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Student`s answer:

I most definitely agree with this statement, and I am convinced that if more people would share this
statement, many of today's problems could be avoided and, under the risk of sounding candid, " the
world would be a better place ".

If one is aware of the general, Western (well, global really) civilization tendency towards living within
closed groups, almost from "birth to death", one may find that addressing the subject at the earliest
moment possible is a reasonable possibility of starting to fight that tendency. Children are naturally
kept, in the first few years of their lives, in a very limited and controlled environment, and then
gradually start opening up to the world around them. So it is very important that, when they start doing
so, they also begin to understand what surrounds them - people, races, social backgrounds, family
structures, religious beliefs, etc. - as parts of the real world where they will live and be called to
change, improve or condition.

The alternative to this will be, as it is already today, that children will live more and more isolated from
reality in all its varied, and sometimes cruel, features. I believe these children, not having had a chance
to directly communicate and interact with other kinds of children, will fear and even resent such
differences. Ignorance and misunderstanding is (has been and will be) one important source of conflict,
and social conflict in the first instance.

I think I can say I was fortunate enough to have attended an elementary school which was
characterized, among other things, for just such a feature: even though it was a private school, where
parents who could afford it had to pay a substantial fee, it had a policy of taking in children with all
kinds of differences. I got accustomed to having colleagues and friends of lower social backgrounds
(economically speaking), who were state- financed to attend the school; with different learning abilities
(deaf, mentally-disadvantaged, etc.) and of different ethnic backgrounds (Asian and from Portuguese
African ex-colonies).

I am very certain that this part of my education helped me better understanding and accepting the world
around me; still nowadays I have all kinds of friends and like to know things about all kinds of people,
and I know not everyone around me does the same. (387 words)

*note: all the words in this writing sample is originally written in capital letters by the student.

Examiner`s feedback (with band 7)

Task Response
Although the topic could be more precisely introduced, this response opens with a clear statement of
the writer's opinion, and goes on to develop its position clearly and logically, right through to the end.
The conclusion would possibly be stronger if it referred back to the actual topic rather than being
wholly personal.

Coherence & Cohesion

Paragraphs are used to good effect and the writing flows well, helped by skillful use of referencing
pronouns to link sentences.

Lexical Resource
There is quite a wide range of vocabulary used, with a natural feel for style and collocation, although
there are also occasional errors in both word choice and spelling.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The grammar consists of a wide range of sentence types used flexibly and accurately; though
occasional mistakes occur in verb form and word order, these do not impede communication, and the
majority of sentences are errors free.
ELTS Writing Sample with Examiner`s
comments/feedback: A School Map
The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for the changes to school site in
2024.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons
when relevant."

Write at least 150 words.

Student`s answer:

The diagrams indicate the alterations being made to the school from 2004 to 2024 to accommodate for
the predicted increase in student numbers from 600 to 1000. In 2004, the school only has one car park
with a path leading from the main entrance to the sports field. The path seperates the two school
buildings which, together with the sports field, are located north. Trees are present north, north-east,
east and west of the school. In comparison the school planned for 2024 has two car parks and three
school buildings. The path in the 2024 plan links building three to building one and two, which are
planned to be joined together by building infrastructure. A road is envisioned to connect carpark two
with car park one. In addition, the sports field will be reduced in size and relocated south of its
previous location below car park two. The surrounding trees remain in similar positions only requiring
a few trees to be repositioned or replanted around new infrastructure.

These changes to the school buildings, road, path, car parks and sports field aim to house the extra 400
students planned to be attending the school in 2024. The only decrease in size of any point of the
school from 2004 to 2024 is the sports field in order to accommodate school building number three.

Examiner comments 7.5

Task Response
This is a very accurate description of the two diagrams, which covers every aspect of the information
shown. There is nothing inaccurate or irrelevant in this response with regard to content. It has a clear
introductory sentence, and a summing-up at the end.

Coherence & Cohesion

The middle section of the response is logically arranged by year, though this first paragraph is rather
long and could usefully have been split into three. Cohesive devices are few, but flexible, and help the
reader when they are used.

Lexical Resource
The range of vocabulary used is quite wide and precise, and includes several low-frequency items used
appropriately. Errors in word choice and spelling occur rarely.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

A wide range of grammatical structures and all punctuation are accurately used throughout, but this
criterion is not a 9 as the choice of tense could be more precise and consistent.

Source: Official IELTS Practice Materials 2

Another example of a decent answer:

The two pictures compare the layout of a school as it was in the year 2004 with a proposed site design
for the year 2024.

It is clear that the main change for 2024 involves the addition of a new school building. The school will
then be able to accommodate a considerably larger number of students.

In 2004, there were 600 pupils attending the school, and the two school buildings were separated by a
path running from the main entrance to the sports field. By 2024, it is expected that there will be 1000
pupils, and a third building will have been constructed. Furthermore, the plan is to join the two original
buildings together, creating a shorter path that links the buildings only.

As the third building and a second car park will be built on the site of the original sports field, a new,
smaller sports field will need to be laid. A new road will also be built from the main entrance to the
second car park. Finally, no changes will be made to the main entrance and original car park.
IELTS Writing Sample with Examiner`s comments:
Opinion essay
The question for an IELTS writing task 2: an opinion essay
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic.

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of
money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than
children brought up by wealthy parents.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Student`s answer
It is believed by many people that the capacity of tackling with problems in the
adulthood has a negative relationship with the socio-economic situation of the
family. In their view, the better the family condition is, the lower the childs
ability is when he or she enters the adulthood. However, I have a different point
of view. In my opinion, childrens capacity to deal with harsh situations has a
high coincidence with the parenting style and individuals own efforts, rather
than the amount of money the family owns.

The parenting style has a great impact on the childs capacity building. Although
the children who are brought up in poverty-stricken family may encounter more
problems and difficulties, it does not directly lead to the development of ones
ability. When the children are at their ages, it is very vital and necessary for them
to develop the positive attitude towards harsh realities as well as strategies to
deal with problems under the proper guidance of parents. And this process can
take place in either rich or poor family.

The development of ones ability also lies in his or her own efforts. When the
children encounter various problems, it is important for them to acquire
appropriate knowledge and techniques to analyze the problems and come up
with better solutions through his or her own efforts. It is not very related with
the family background, but with the individuals attitude, i.e. whether he or she
would like the learn and improve the capacity or not.

Undoubtedly, whether children are raised up by poor or wealthy parents, they

must encounter different types of problems on the way to the adulthood. Under
the proper guidance of parents and through their owns efforts, they will build
capacities to tackle with problems and difficulties step by step.

Examiners` comments:
Task Response
The writer shows that he/she understands the question. A clear position is
presented throughout the response.

Coherence & Cohesion

Ideas are logically organised and there is a clear progression throughout the
writing. The writer commences with a full introduction and brief position, going
on to justify this position in two self-contained paragraphs with clear central
topics before finishing with a clear conclusion.

Substitution and referencing could be more sophisticated throughout.

would like the learn and improve
on the way to the adulthood

Lexical Resource
Despite occasional errors in word choice, such as when the children are at their
ages and high coincidence, there is a sufficient range of vocabulary for
precision and flexibility, for instance:
negative relationship with the socio-economic situation of the family.
parenting style and individuals own efforts
positive attitude towards harsh realities
childs capacity building.
poverty-stricken family

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are a variety of complex structures. A few grammatical errors persist but
these do not hinder understanding.
it is very vital and necessary for them to develop the positive attitude towards
harsh realities as well as strategies to deal with problems under the proper
guidance of parents.
When the children encounter various problems, it is important for them to
acquire appropriate knowledge and techniques to analyze the problems