Andrea Carnesi Carnesi 1

INRW 0422
Professor Sanchez
May 03,2017
Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also
embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing
Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

Hello, Andrea Marie! My name is Angela B. I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center
Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!

*Writing Strength:
Your draft contains a lot of personal conviction. This is commendable because it is a good way to
appeal to your readers, and it makes your essay interesting. It is an effective way to share the things
youve learned. Its very insightful, as well. Good job, Andrea Marie!

Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction is meant to present a brief summary of your main topic. This summary ensures that
your readers are prepared for the contents of your paper. However, your introduction does not provide
enough background information for your readers. This may cause them to get lost while reading
through your work. Take a look at this excerpt from your introduction:

This semester my Integrated Reading and Writing, INRW was my only focus this fall

An introduction should include enough background material to set the tone for the discussion and
guide readers to think about the essays purpose. Think about this: some of your readers might
not even be aware of why you wanted to focus on INRW alone. Therefore, you must briefly
introduce them to this since this seems to be the focus of your essay.

Why did you choose to focus on INRW alone this fall? Tell your readers more about this. Revise your
introduction accordingly. Also, you may refer to the lesson on Effective Introductions in your Writers
Handbook.

*Andrea Marie 7620712 has requested that you respond to the Content Development:
Your draft contains points that are underdeveloped, Andrea Marie. A well-developed paragraph leaves
the reader feeling that the information given is thorough and complete. One good way to develop
ideas is through making a point, providing an example, and explaining how that point relates to your
thesis.

P: Make a point: My pregnancy wasnt the easiest, especially the times I had to miss
classes.

I: Illustrate the point: What kind of problems did it give you whenever you had to go
to class?

E: Explain how this point relates to the thesis.

*Andrea Marie 7620712 has requested that you respond to the Grammar & Mechanics:
Some of your sentences are missing commas. Using commas to separate words and ideas is important
because it allows your readers to have a smooth reading experience. Failure to use commas when
needed can cause confusion. Take a look at this excerpt from your draft:

In the middle of the semester I slacked off quite a bit.

Words, phrases, and clauses placed before the main clause of a sentence are known as introductory
elements. Most often, these introductory elements tell when, where, why, or how the action occurred.
Andrea Carnesi Carnesi 2
INRW 0422
Professor Sanchez
May 03,2017
A comma shows readers that the introductory element has ended and the main sentence follows. So
you may understand the revision need better, I have created a parallel example below:

Before leaving the office, I have to make sure that all the papers are neatly filed.

Please check your draft for similar errors. You may read more about Commas in your Smarthinking
Writers Handbook.

Summary of Next Steps:

Add more background information to your introduction.

Develop your ideas well.
Separate introductory elements from the main sentence by using commas.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision
process. Have a good day, Andrea Marie! Angela B.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's
Handbook.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below.
Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

Final Exam: Reflective Essay

This semester my Integrated Reading and Writing, INRW was my only focus this fall. I

had the most understanding professor, Mr. Sanchez, I have ever had throughout my college

experience. In this essay, I will explain what I have learned in my INRW class by discussing the

most important skills I learned this semester. [What are the specific lessons that will be

discussed in the paper? Remember to outline the specific topics of the paper in order to

complete your thesis and better guide your readers!]

The first lesson I have learned is, If you dont worry about yourself in college, nobody

else is going to do your work for you. My mom told me this plenty of times during this

semester. I ignored her about the saying not being true, boy I was wrong. In the middle of the

semester I slacked off quite a bit. My professor would remind me about my assignments and I
Andrea Carnesi Carnesi 3
INRW 0422
Professor Sanchez
May 03,2017
would acknowledge that they needed to be done, but ended up slacking off. [ This sentence

contains a noun that has an unnecessary apostrophe. Remember, apostrophes are used for

possessive nouns and contractions. Consider removing the apostrophe.] Then, just recently I

started setting my focus on my school work and essay papers that needed to be turned in. I have

tried my best end of the semester and Im hoping it isnt too late to do better now.

The second lesson I have learned is, I had to prioritize my work schedule, classroom

assignments, and the struggle of being pregnant. During my semester, I put in about thirty to

forty hours at my job. I would come home very tired from my night-shift and not even want to do

any of my school work. In order, to motivate me to do my class work, I knew I had to finish my

work. I would stay up late nights writing papers or writing several journals at a time, explaining

what I had done during the week, or what I enjoyed most about it. Unfortunately, I had missed

quite a bit of class time; due to the fact of having several complaints about pain. My pregnancy

wasnt the easiest, especially the times I had to miss classes. I would return to class sometimes

lost, and feel I had missed quite a bit of what I was learning. Luckily, my professor was willing

enough to point me in the right direction when it came to turning in assignments.

The third lesson I have learned is, How to write properly and how to express my opinion

in different writing assignments. My professor has shown me that sometimes its okay to write

your own opinion, but I needed to think about how the reader may be affected by what you write.

I tend to write a lot in essays, especially if I have the chance to place my opinion, but I dont

take in consideration about the audience that will be reading the material. Now that this class is

beginning to end, I have a better understanding on how to write my opinion without being bias or

not placing enough information into my reading.

Andrea Carnesi Carnesi 4
INRW 0422
Professor Sanchez
May 03,2017
During this semester, I have learned very important lessons that can help me with other

classes that I will be attending, at a later date. When I did attend class, which was twice a week I

showed great value in my assignments as well in what there was to be learned. [ What is this

new information doing in the conclusion? New information should not be introduced in the

conclusion, Andrea Marie. Make sure you write a conclusion that reiterates the thesis,

sums up the major points of your essay, and ends on a strong note.] My professor Mr.

Sanchez showed me that I am capable if I take my time and put my mind to the assignment.