Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded
comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you
improve your writing!

Hello, Zaenab! My name is Angela B. I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to
improve your writing today. Let's get started!

*Writing Strength:
Your draft contains a good insight on an alternative to abortion:

Now a days we have a form of adoption named open adoption, where the biological mother can be in
touch with the family that raises the child and even be a part of that childs life.

This lets your readers know that it is now possible to put a child up for adoption while still keeping in touch with
him/her as she grows up. Good job, Zaenab!

*zaenab 9704110 has requested that you respond to the Introduction/Conclusion:

To revise the introduction, consider focusing first on the thesis, or the last sentence in the introduction.
Your thesis statement, as it is right now, is difficult for readers to follow because its scattered across
different sentences. This is a problem because it disrupts the readers flow and understanding of your essay.
Ill be quoting an excerpt from your draft:

Abortion is the easiest and simplest way that a woman can solve a problem of an unwanted baby
but it is not the only way. Everyone has to take responsibility of their actions and perform the best
option even if it would make their life a little complicated for a while. For every complex problem
their is a logical solution and a simple but wrong way out. Its a matter of choice.

What is your stand on abortion? What are the details that will support your choice? The points that should
be found in a concise thesis statement are scattered across different sentences. It is better to create a
thesis statement that clearly outlines the contents of your essay so they are prepared for the subsequent
discussions. This also reminds them of the main point of you writing this paper. Take a look at this sample
thesis statement for a similar essay:

I strongly believe that William Shakespeare was not the writer of his plays because his plays contain too
much knowledge of foreign places and too much familiarity with court life.

This thesis statement signals to your readers that the body of the paper will discss why his plays, indeed,
contain too much knowledge of foreign places and court life. Your readers will also expect these topics to be
discussed in the same order they are presented. You may use this information to aid you in the creation of a
thesis statement. You may also refer to the lesson on Developing a Thesis in your Writers Handbook.

Content Development
Some of the points stated in your body paragraphs are underdeveloped. A well-developed paragraph leaves the
reader feeling that the information given is thorough and complete. In order for me to address this concern, I
will be citing an excerpt from your draft:

Although years later slowly women are realizing that this freedom has not given them freedom, equality
or empowerment but it has made them ignorant to understand that at the end the women are to be the
losers.

How did they realize this? What does it mean for them to be losers? These questions can guide you through
the revision process. Please check your draft for other topics that lack explanations and revise them
accordingly. You may also read about writing Powerful Body Paragraphs in your Smarthinking Writers
Handbook.

*zaenab 9704110 has requested that you respond to the Sentence Structure:
Your draft contains fragments, Zaenab. Fragments are not sentences, and using them will make your readers
wonder about what youre trying to say. Lets take a look at one of your sentences:

Not any human being but her own baby.

What about the baby are you trying to point out? The thought is incomplete. Sentences must contain complete
thoughts in order to become effective. In order to better illustrate the revision need, Id like you to take a look
at this sentence:

Her mother.

This is a fragment because its not clear about what happened to the mother. You might revise it like this:

She bought a gift for her mother.

You may use this example to aid you in the revision process. Please check your draft for similar errors. Also,
you may read more about Fragments in your Smarthinking Writers Handbook.

Summary of Next Steps:

Create a concise thesis statement.

Explain your points well.

Revise the fragments in your essay.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process.
Have a good day, Zaenab! Angela B.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below.
Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

1.

2. Sadeghi-Mohamad 1

3. Zaenab Sadeghi-Mohamad

4. Professor Jeffrey Cahan

5. College Writing

6. 19 April 2017

Is Abortion The Solution

Can abortion be the answer when woman are faced with a dead end solution? To some the word
abortion is defined as an act of killing a being with a right to life or with a right to live. While others view
the definition of abortion as the act of terminating a fetus from the uterus before it is able to survive. What
is the moral status of abortion and is their no other solution that can be made other than killing a future
human being? Can the act of abortion be viewed as the murder of an innocent person? Abortion is the
easiest and simplest way that a woman can solve a problem of an unwanted baby but it is not the only
way. Everyone has to take responsibility of their actions and perform the best option even if it would
make their life a little complicated for a while. For every complex problem their is a logical solution and a
simple but wrong way out. [ What do you mean by their ? It seems like you have confused this
word for a similar-sounding word with an entirely different meaning. You may consult your
dictionary to know more about the appropriate term to be used in this sentence.] Its a matter of
choice.
We should be held accountable for our choices, and when a woman is at a point to start thinking of

abortion she should know that it was her choice to having unprotected intercourse that got her in the

situation in the first place. Although it is legal in many states, abortion is no doubt still a way that is fit for

people who are selfish and arrogant. The problem was originally caused by the women's pleasures and

desires and in this time of life everyone knows how to stay safe and be protected while performing

intercourse. So the decision that landed this female in this position was her own desire and attraction. If

she became pregnant out of it she owes it to that baby to at least give him/her a chance in life. Their are

alternative options that a mother can take when she is faced with an unplanned pregnancy. Being scared is

a common factor but abortion is not the solution. If a child entering the mothers life would not be fit for

her then she can still save the life of her innocent child by either putting the child in a foster care or

placing the child for adoption. By taking this course of action the mother will right her wrong and she will

also have saved the life of a human. Not any human being but her own baby.

The gift of life should be recognized as a higher value then the ability to just have an abortion. The

reason why a mother becomes selfish if she chooses abortion rather than adoption is because some

mothers would think of the burden or hardship of giving up a child to adoption. That would allow her to
suggest that abortion would give her peace of mind and that action is an act of selfishness. Before a

women feels that she cant give away her baby and that abortion is the only way, she should search

throughly and that would allow her to observe that adoption is not the same as it used to be. [What

exactly should she search for? Clarify this for your readers.]

Now a days we have a form of adoption named open adoption, where the biological mother can be

in touch with the family that raises the child and even be a part of that childs life. Women who choose

adoption don't get emotionally hurt and have a satisfying feeling that their baby is alive, healthy and

basically not dead. On the other hand, women who choose abortion get many heartaches and might need

psychiatric treatment and will live to always remember that they killed their baby. A mother should think

of her child and must accept the fact that through abortion she will be killing the baby. How will she

justify her action and decision to herself? An unjustifiable action cannot be justified.

Their are times when a mother can have an abortion and it wouldn't be considered a wrongful action

and that is when her life is in danger. Abortion should not be the answer unless carrying the child would

gravely endanger the life of the mother. If circumstances where the life of the mother is in jeopardy and

the consequences of failing to abort are great then the mothers choice here would be either to kill her child

or die herself. In this position the abortion would be a life and death situation and therefor be necessary to

save the life of the pregnant women. Although today, we have reached a timeline that it is possible for

almost any pregnant mother to have a healthy pregnancy and still live through it unless she has a chronic

disease. With how medicine has grown and advanced we are able to save lives and allow most women to

have their babies successfully. So no matter the circumstances abortion shouldn't be the first thing a

mother thinks of in a desperate time unless her life is accountable.

Women choose abortion for many reasons such as too young, inadequate finance, not ready for

responsibility, her life would change, problems with life partner, already have enough kids, unborn baby

has health issues, and the list can go on. Every woman can make a list of why she should have the

abortion but in reality she should be making a list of why she shouldn't have the abortion. 99% of
abortions are performed because of these solvable reasons. [Where is this information from? Consider

validating this claim with facts from reliable sources.] Since each abortion kills an innocent human

being then it is grossly misleading and morally abhorrent to legalize this action for women who choose

abortion for reasons that are not life threatening.

Some people might argue saying that the first 3 months the unborn is just a glob of tissue and can be

terminated without considering the action as killing. To those people, I would like to inform them that the

glob of tissue that they are referring to has a heartbeat and everything that has a heartbeat is considered a

living creature. The heartbeat of a fetus starts at about 3 weeks, that is well before a women can find out

that she is pregnant. In the first 12 weeks babies brain give off waves, the baby can respond to touch, baby

will have hiccups and has lungs and breathes amniotic fluids, and the baby will look like a complete baby

but in a smaller size and bones haven't developed yet. Having an abortion not only kills this small baby

but the doctor will be tearing the baby to pieces. Piece by piece the babies will be torn apart and then

placed as remains. Is this not a crime! Abortion is the name for not only the death of one baby but for the

deaths of tens of millions, and thousands more every day. Justice cannot be constructed on such a bloody

beginning.

Abortion became legalized to empower women and free them from bearing a child, performing

housework, raising that child, and enable them to have an equal amount of rights in the workforce as men

do. Although years later slowly women are realizing that this freedom has not given them freedom,

equality or empowerment but it has made them ignorant to understand that at the end the women are to be

the losers.

We must realize that abortion also puts its poison on the men as well. Although men tend to show

themselves as brave and strong but knowing that their responsibility is to provide and protect really breaks

down a man and violates his nature. Although legally they have no legal rights or say into either forcing

the women to perform an abortion or to bear the child. Men who pressure a women to accept abortion will

later feel that they have violated their fundamental nature which is to protect and defend their baby. This
action will gradually cause them to later look back to the actions that he took and feel regret and know

that he can never undo what he has done.

Unwanted pregnancy can be avoided in different methods so why would a women get herself into

this stressful situation? Nowadays their are many methods of protection for both women and men. For

women their are implants, IUD, oral pills, a hormonal injection or even a diaphragm and for men their are

condoms or a vasectomy. These methods give women the privilege to have intercourse and at the same

time perform it a responsible and educated manner. It is important for all women to knowledgable about

the issues and problems that can rise from making a silly mistake.

Abortion clinics should have a mandatory class for women to understand what they will be doing?

Women should be informed about abortions risks and what the consequences of their actions are? They

should be given the opportunity to see that they have an alternative choice. Some women would go under

the knife without much research but fear would allow the women to just act before they think. Clinics

should at least give them a chance to get knowledge about what an abortion really is? The pregnant

female owes it to herself to understand the consequences of her actions and recognizing the most

devastating loss of all, which is she will kill her own child. Another factor that can aid the female in this

time is reading the stories of others who had gone through with abortion and realize that abortion will

most likely create depression, nightmares, suicidal thought, sorrow, and she will also lose her peace of

mind. A women who seeks to get an abortion is mostly trying to escape a desperate situation and abortion

is a sign that shows these women are desperate and in need of help to make the right choice.

Making the right choice is not as simple as one can state, and to allow a pregnant women to realize

the wrong from the right she would need moral support and a listening ear. For this is the time when a

women mostly needs someone to listen and hear her worries and her anxieties and generally provide her

with comfort and advice that she will not regret at a later time. An abortion procedure takes 5-10 minutes

to perform but the recovery can take years and mostly a women would never really fully recover and get

back to her old self again. This shows that the side effect of an abortion is highly stressful and would
weight on the biological parents of the baby for years to come.

We should always be pro life because life is a gift that only God can give and once taken away can

never be returned or undone. If you lose anything in life you can get it back in a different form or in a

different style, the only thing that can never be replaced is life itself. Each life is equally valuable whether

it be an unborn baby, a toddler, a child, a teenager, an adult or an elderly. If yesterday abortion was illegal

but today we have made it legal for the first trimester tomorrow it will be legalized for the second

trimester and then the day after killing the fetus at the third trimester would also be normal. Where would

this lead us as human beings? Taking the first step of legalizing this action took years but after that it

would be very easy for us to take the life of others away. That is a decision and action that should only be

done by God himself. He who brings life takes life. The value of life should be considered that humanity

would run to the ends of the world to save a single life.