1

00:00:01,631 --> 00:00:05,631

<b><font color="#00FF00"> The Simpsons 27x21 </font></b>
<font color="#00FFFF">Simprovised</font>
Original Air Date on May 15, 2016

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<i>Yeah, I</i> know <i>Ralphie's birthday</i>
<i>is coming up.</i>

3
00:00:09,036 --> 00:00:11,002
Of course
I'm gonna get him a present.

4
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I'm at the...
at the toy store right now.

5
00:00:14,207 --> 00:00:16,474
Let's see,
present for Ralph,

6
00:00:16,510 --> 00:00:18,043
present for Ralph...

7
00:00:18,078 --> 00:00:19,844
Ooh, what do we have here?

8
00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:22,814
Boy, Ralph would kill himself
with this in two seconds.

9
00:00:22,849 --> 00:00:24,783
And somehow it'd be <i>my</i> fault.

10
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Mm!

11
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This money has been sitting here
since 1998,

12
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not doing anybody any good.

13
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I want to get Ralphie
something nice.

14
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Yeah, a few thousand should do.
Hm-mm.

15
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Uh, you heard me
whistling there, right?

16
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That indicates innocence.

17
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Uh, proclaiming your innocence
indicates guilt.

18
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Uh, yeah?
Well, what does this mean?

19
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Skiddily bop and bah!

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Okay, so, at a Ralph party,
always get to the cake before...

21
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Too late.

22
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That's the best damn
treehouse I've ever seen!

23
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Fine. I'll rub my eyes
the other way.

24
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D'oh!

25
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Whee!

26
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Whee...!

27
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Whoa!

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The September issue!

29
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Whoo! Free wood!

30
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Oh...
my treehouse sucks.

31
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Haw-haw!

32
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You have class envy!

33
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Nelson, honey,

34
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I told you to stop
sayin' "haw-haw."

35
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Give me a dollar
and I'll stop.

36
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I don't got a dollar.

37
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Haw-haw!

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Do you want to practice
your speech on me?

39
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No need, honey.

40
00:02:11,058 --> 00:02:12,724
Same speech
I give every year.

41
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The opening joke about
Lenny's grandma always kills.

42
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You can't joke about her--

43
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they just put her
on life support.

44
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What?! No!
She's the linchpin!

45
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It's okay, it's okay.

46
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Everyone is terrified
of public speaking.

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But just in case, I'll
defrost a failure ham.

48
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You don't have faith in me!
I have savers.

49
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If I get heckled, I'll say,
"Get a half-life!"

50
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I'm sure that'll
be funny to them.

51
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Mm!

52
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Calm down, Homer.
53
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Just leave your body.

54
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Oh, no!

55
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What the hell is this?!

56
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Ooh, throwing away
your "No Girls" sign?

57
00:03:04,444 --> 00:03:07,512
Is it time for you to have
"the talk" with your dad?

58
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Because he's gonna have
to read a few things first.

59
00:03:10,650 --> 00:03:12,150
No. I'm tearing it down.

60
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Ralph has a cool treehouse,
and mine sucks.

61
00:03:14,721 --> 00:03:17,021
Well, Bart, your
father built it,

62
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and he did the
very best he could.

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I did <i>my</i> job.
Now it's your turn, tree.

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Get growing.

65
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I'll tell you what, why don't
I spruce it up for you. Huh?

66
00:03:29,336 --> 00:03:31,302
But you're
an inside grown-up.

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Moms can't build
treehouses.

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You realize that saying that is gonna
make this mom work her keister off

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to make you the best darn
treehouse you ever saw!

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Sounds good.

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Don't worry.

72
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You forget, most of that's hair.

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<i>So I said,</i>

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"Get a half-life!"

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Funny and handsome.

76
00:03:59,733 --> 00:04:01,232
And I hear he's loaded.

77
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Yes.

78
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Now, to end this perfect
day on the perfect note,
79
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Mr. Homer Simpson.

80
00:04:22,189 --> 00:04:23,922
You're gonna do great, Homer.
You're gonna kill.

81
00:04:23,957 --> 00:04:26,958
You're gonna-- oh, where did
all these people come from?!

82
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Aah!

83
00:04:29,863 --> 00:04:31,329
Uh, uh...

84
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Webster's Dictionary
defines... a speech

85
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as a... series of words that...

86
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elo... quently...

87
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I've never seen anyone
bomb like that.

88
00:04:43,777 --> 00:04:46,211
Yeah. I really feel
badly for the guy.

89
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Boo!
Boo!

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I'm a failure.

91
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Shall I release
the hounds, sir?
92
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Mm, the therapy hounds.

93
00:05:03,964 --> 00:05:06,231
Oh, oh, I feel a little better.

94
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Now release the real hounds.

95
00:05:11,171 --> 00:05:12,611
It's a pretty good
seminar this year.

96
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,576
Dad, what's wrong?
Did your speech go badly?

97
00:05:16,676 --> 00:05:18,076
How do you know
something's wrong?

98
00:05:18,111 --> 00:05:20,244
You're drinking
from a can of corn.

99
00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:21,879
Hmm? Eh.

100
00:05:24,818 --> 00:05:26,684
Aw, Dad, do you know
Barbra Streisand

101
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,920
once forgot
the words to a song

102
00:05:28,955 --> 00:05:32,323
and didn't perform in public
again for nearly three decades?

103
00:05:32,358 --> 00:05:35,226
Yeah, but she still had
James Brolin to cuddle.

104
00:05:35,261 --> 00:05:38,329
So, on a scale of
ten to ten, how'd you do?

105
00:05:38,364 --> 00:05:39,897
Um...

106
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Drip drop, you flop

107
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Drip drop, you flop

108
00:05:48,541 --> 00:05:50,508
Drip drop, you flop

109
00:05:50,543 --> 00:05:52,610
Drip drop, you flop
Fail, fail, fail

110
00:05:52,645 --> 00:05:54,312
Drip drop, you flop...
Fail, fail...

111
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What the hell
is your problem, idiot!

112
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I don't know!

113
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I don't know!

114
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I know what will cheer you up.

115
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We'll go to the comedy club
downtown.

116
00:06:10,330 --> 00:06:13,464
Downtown? With all
those desperate addicts?

117
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:16,367
Oh, the city cleaned them up
and made them comics.
118
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Cool!

119
00:06:17,637 --> 00:06:20,538
Homie, you're gonna chuckle
your blues away.

120
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This is the best
kind of comedy.

121
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No writers.
Amen to that, Marge.

122
00:06:24,744 --> 00:06:26,677
And I appreciate this,
but I really resent

123
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the two-drink minimum!

124
00:06:28,214 --> 00:06:30,214
You always drink more
than two drinks.

125
00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:32,183
But no one <i>makes</i> me.

126
00:06:32,218 --> 00:06:34,719
Three Long Island
iced teas, please.

127
00:06:35,822 --> 00:06:38,356
Okay, we're gonna perform
a little improv.

128
00:06:38,391 --> 00:06:39,957
First we need a location.

129
00:06:39,993 --> 00:06:42,326
Uh, 40.7 degrees
north latitude,

130
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74 degrees
west longitude.

131
00:06:44,697 --> 00:06:47,131
Ah, yes, New York City.
Now we need a relationship

132
00:06:47,167 --> 00:06:48,499
for me and Cathy here.

133
00:06:48,535 --> 00:06:49,867
Loveless marriage!

134
00:06:49,903 --> 00:06:51,969
Okay, I heard loveless marriage.

135
00:06:52,005 --> 00:06:53,404
These guys are pros.

136
00:06:53,439 --> 00:06:55,640
All they did was ask
for two premises.

137
00:06:55,675 --> 00:06:58,309
That's two more
than <i>you've</i> asked for.

138
00:06:58,344 --> 00:06:59,877
Oh, boy.

139
00:06:59,913 --> 00:07:02,079
All right, all we need now
is an object.

140
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Anyone.

141
00:07:04,551 --> 00:07:06,918
Fear of public speaking

142
00:07:06,953 --> 00:07:08,052
Sorry, didn't hear that.

143
00:07:08,087 --> 00:07:11,055
Oh... fear of public speaking.
144
00:07:11,090 --> 00:07:13,057
Maybe he has trouble
talking in the dark.

145
00:07:13,092 --> 00:07:15,059
Hey, Jerry,
bring up number seven.

146
00:07:16,196 --> 00:07:17,361
No! Jerry, no!

147
00:07:17,397 --> 00:07:19,096
Aah! No! Aah!

148
00:07:19,132 --> 00:07:20,565
Jerry, stop it! No!

149
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:21,833
Don't... Aah!

150
00:07:21,868 --> 00:07:24,535
Oh, no! Oh-ho-ho! Aah! Oh!

151
00:07:24,571 --> 00:07:27,572
Okay, okay, okay, um...
fear of public speaking.

152
00:07:27,607 --> 00:07:29,073
Well, that's
not really an object,

153
00:07:29,108 --> 00:07:30,541
but we'll make it work.

154
00:07:30,577 --> 00:07:32,343
New York City,
loveless marriage,

155
00:07:32,378 --> 00:07:34,078
fear of public speaking.

156
00:07:34,113 --> 00:07:37,682
They've pulled back the bow--
now let the arrow take flight.

157
00:07:37,717 --> 00:07:39,884
You know, I'm gonna
move over a seat.

158
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:42,620
We now take you to an apartment

159
00:07:42,655 --> 00:07:45,623
on 68th and
Columbus Avenue.

160
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Oh... eeh...

161
00:07:48,761 --> 00:07:51,429
aah... aah... ooh...

162
00:07:51,464 --> 00:07:53,364
What? What?
Cathy, what's wrong?

163
00:07:53,399 --> 00:07:54,799
I-I... I-I...

164
00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:57,735
I... ah-ah-ah... ah...

165
00:07:57,770 --> 00:07:59,937
Aw, for heaven's sakes, Cathy,
when we got married,

166
00:07:59,973 --> 00:08:01,739
you used to speak for hours.

167
00:08:01,774 --> 00:08:04,141
But since we moved
to New York City, nothing!

168
00:08:04,177 --> 00:08:06,611
Wow. It all magically fits.

169
00:08:06,646 --> 00:08:09,447
Come on, Cathy,
say something! Anything!

170
00:08:09,482 --> 00:08:11,616
Fuggedaboutit!

171
00:08:15,188 --> 00:08:17,455
And scene!

172
00:08:17,490 --> 00:08:20,057
<i>I</i> said "fear of
public speaking."

173
00:08:20,093 --> 00:08:23,227
Yes, you did. Very nice.
Return to your seat immediately.

174
00:08:23,263 --> 00:08:26,097
Wow. Wow. These guys
do everything I can't.

175
00:08:26,132 --> 00:08:27,765
Maybe they can teach me.

176
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,001
I don't know that
they're interested in that.

177
00:08:30,036 --> 00:08:32,169
$500 for the first
eight classes.

178
00:08:32,205 --> 00:08:33,938
That's kind of expensive.

179
00:08:33,973 --> 00:08:36,841
Couldn't people just form
their own groups for free?

180
00:08:36,876 --> 00:08:38,776
And scene.

181
00:08:40,146 --> 00:08:42,980
Uh, uh... excuse me,
is this the, uh,

182
00:08:43,016 --> 00:08:44,615
improv class?

183
00:08:44,651 --> 00:08:46,684
Yes, <i>and...</i> come in.

184
00:08:46,719 --> 00:08:47,685
Sit anywhere?

185
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,054
Yes, <i>and...</i> be quiet.

186
00:08:51,124 --> 00:08:52,957
<i>This is it.</i>

187
00:08:52,992 --> 00:08:56,494
<i>I feel my mind exploding</i>
<i>with premises.</i>

188
00:09:08,174 --> 00:09:09,674
<i>So many ideas,</i>

189
00:09:09,709 --> 00:09:12,343
<i>but how do I turn them</i>
<i>into comedy?</i>

190
00:09:12,378 --> 00:09:16,080
Oh, kiss me

191
00:09:16,115 --> 00:09:18,549
Beneath the milky twilight--

192
00:09:20,086 --> 00:09:22,186
Homer, could-could you
stay with us, please?

193
00:09:22,221 --> 00:09:23,454
I don't know how.

194
00:09:23,489 --> 00:09:25,456
The secret is
to lose yourself

195
00:09:25,491 --> 00:09:28,225
and become, say,
a suicidal auctioneer.

196
00:09:28,261 --> 00:09:31,462
I could not possibly imagine
what such a person would say.
197
00:09:31,497 --> 00:09:34,065
Well, just remember,
it's-it's not <i>you.</i>

198
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:36,334
<i>Don't you get it?</i>
<i>The secret to life</i>

199
00:09:36,369 --> 00:09:38,536
<i>has been right in front of you</i>
<i>all along:</i>

200
00:09:38,571 --> 00:09:40,972
<i>Don't be yourself!</i>

201
00:09:41,007 --> 00:09:42,974
Uh, uh, okay.

202
00:09:43,009 --> 00:09:44,976
What am I bid for this noose?

203
00:09:45,011 --> 00:09:46,177
Do hear $100?

204
00:09:46,212 --> 00:09:47,178
No?

205
00:09:47,213 --> 00:09:48,479
Going... going...

206
00:09:52,251 --> 00:09:55,353
That's great! Really took
my mind off my sick grandmother.

207
00:09:55,388 --> 00:09:56,754
Oh.

208
00:09:56,789 --> 00:09:59,056
Looks like the hospital
left a message.

209
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,159
- Gotta go.
- See ya!
210
00:10:02,195 --> 00:10:03,928
It made me laugh.

211
00:10:03,963 --> 00:10:05,730
So, then, you pay me?
No, never!

212
00:10:05,765 --> 00:10:08,432
And if you open your own school,
we'll break your legs!

213
00:10:08,468 --> 00:10:11,168
You want to give him the
one we can never crack?

214
00:10:11,204 --> 00:10:13,904
Queen of Norway buying a car.

215
00:10:15,441 --> 00:10:18,776
Oh, dear! I can't a-fjord it!

216
00:10:18,811 --> 00:10:20,978
A star is born.

217
00:10:24,584 --> 00:10:26,250
Excuse me.

218
00:10:26,285 --> 00:10:28,285
I'm from the city.
Are you aware that you live

219
00:10:28,321 --> 00:10:30,521
in a historical treehouse
preservation district?

220
00:10:38,898 --> 00:10:40,598
May I see your permits?

221
00:10:40,633 --> 00:10:42,299
I don't have permits.

222
00:10:43,069 --> 00:10:44,035
Don't worry.

223
00:10:44,070 --> 00:10:45,036
D-Don't worry.

224
00:10:45,071 --> 00:10:46,037
I'll take care of it.

225
00:10:51,144 --> 00:10:52,977
I've got to hand it
to you, Dad.

226
00:10:53,012 --> 00:10:54,912
You went from
fear of public speaking

227
00:10:54,947 --> 00:10:57,648
to starting
your own improv troupe.

228
00:10:57,683 --> 00:10:59,250
Improv is exciting,

229
00:10:59,285 --> 00:11:01,052
but totally safe.

230
00:11:01,087 --> 00:11:02,920
Like driving a helicopter
on the ground.

231
00:11:02,955 --> 00:11:04,288
Um, that's not safe.

232
00:11:04,323 --> 00:11:05,556
Don't deny the premise.

233
00:11:05,591 --> 00:11:06,957
That's anti-improv.

234
00:11:06,993 --> 00:11:09,727
Note for new character,
"Auntie Improv."

235
00:11:09,762 --> 00:11:12,396
May I hear a suggestion?

236
00:11:12,432 --> 00:11:14,632
People, don't freak out,
237
00:11:14,667 --> 00:11:17,635
but the improv critic from the
<i>Springfield Shopper</i>

238
00:11:17,670 --> 00:11:19,170
is in the audience.

239
00:11:19,205 --> 00:11:21,338
Steve Thurlson?

240
00:11:21,374 --> 00:11:23,674
No, Thurlson is
their improv reporter.

241
00:11:23,709 --> 00:11:25,309
Grant Hood is
their improv critic.

242
00:11:25,344 --> 00:11:27,144
Then who's Jennifer Whitehead?

243
00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:28,946
Oh, she writes
improv think pieces.

244
00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:30,514
You know, trends,
big picture stuff.

245
00:11:30,550 --> 00:11:31,916
Who does the top ten list

246
00:11:31,951 --> 00:11:33,918
at end-of-year
"Best of Improv" issue?

247
00:11:33,953 --> 00:11:35,219
They each write their own.

248
00:11:35,254 --> 00:11:36,620
Oh, yeah.

249
00:11:36,656 --> 00:11:38,289
I forgot about that.
That's true.
250
00:11:38,324 --> 00:11:40,157
Huh!

251
00:11:43,396 --> 00:11:44,929
Hi, everybody.

252
00:11:44,964 --> 00:11:46,831
We are "Premises, Premises."

253
00:11:46,866 --> 00:11:51,035
Yes, it says on Google that
there are 5,012 improv groups

254
00:11:51,070 --> 00:11:53,104
with that name.

255
00:11:53,139 --> 00:11:54,505
Take it, Homer.

256
00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:57,975
Uh, okay, I need a location.

257
00:11:58,010 --> 00:12:00,711
Uh, Jackson Square
in New Orleans.

258
00:12:00,746 --> 00:12:03,547
And a type of person
that might be there.

259
00:12:03,583 --> 00:12:05,483
Someone with confidence.

260
00:12:05,518 --> 00:12:07,118
Mm, I...

261
00:12:07,153 --> 00:12:09,053
I ga-ron-tee it!

262
00:12:13,426 --> 00:12:14,892
So, Tuesday is the
treehouse warming.

263
00:12:14,927 --> 00:12:16,861
Nelson's gonna
show us his mom's bra.

264
00:12:18,164 --> 00:12:20,197
That's the thing
that boobs touch.

265
00:12:20,233 --> 00:12:23,634
Whoa, automatic blinds.

266
00:12:23,669 --> 00:12:25,069
Yeah, I think my
mom put those in.

267
00:12:25,104 --> 00:12:26,070
No need to thank her.

268
00:12:26,105 --> 00:12:27,271
She's just doing her job.

269
00:12:33,746 --> 00:12:35,980
The Keebler Elves are real!

270
00:12:36,682 --> 00:12:38,482
Pass the gravy, Bart.

271
00:12:38,518 --> 00:12:39,717
Yo.

272
00:12:39,752 --> 00:12:40,985
Thank you.

273
00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:42,720
Geez, who ordered the crab?

274
00:12:42,755 --> 00:12:43,988
There's crab?

275
00:12:44,023 --> 00:12:45,322
There's no crab.

276
00:12:45,358 --> 00:12:47,892
There's no "thank you's",
no appreciation.

277
00:12:47,927 --> 00:12:49,193
Nothing.

278
00:12:51,364 --> 00:12:53,597
Uh, who was that directed at?

279
00:12:53,633 --> 00:12:54,698
Bart!

280
00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:56,734
Whew!
Pass the gravy, please.

281
00:12:59,238 --> 00:13:01,839
Dad! Dad!

282
00:13:01,874 --> 00:13:05,276
The Springfield Fringe Festival
just invited us to perform.

283
00:13:05,311 --> 00:13:07,411
Huh? What's a "Fringe Festival"?

284
00:13:07,446 --> 00:13:10,014
My guess would be it's a
three-day series of performances

285
00:13:10,049 --> 00:13:11,916
by alternative
comedy and music acts,

286
00:13:11,951 --> 00:13:13,517
including, but not limited to,

287
00:13:13,553 --> 00:13:16,220
improv, stand-up, light circus
work and ironic burlesque.

288
00:13:16,255 --> 00:13:19,456
We're gonna be on the
main stage on closing night!

289
00:13:19,492 --> 00:13:20,858
This is going in my log.

290
00:13:20,893 --> 00:13:21,859
Yay!
291
00:13:21,894 --> 00:13:24,195
More crab for me.

292
00:13:24,230 --> 00:13:25,930
There's no crab!

293
00:13:25,965 --> 00:13:27,097
Mm!

294
00:13:29,735 --> 00:13:31,702
Mmm!

295
00:13:35,541 --> 00:13:37,408
Aw, Marge,
don't take it to heart.

296
00:13:37,443 --> 00:13:39,643
Kids are ungrateful,
that's their job.

297
00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:42,479
You can cheer up watching me
at the Fringe Festival.

298
00:13:42,515 --> 00:13:43,948
Good for you.

299
00:13:43,983 --> 00:13:46,951
The main stage, closing night,
all eyes on you.

300
00:13:46,986 --> 00:13:48,552
Wh-Wh-Wh-What...
what are you saying?

301
00:13:48,588 --> 00:13:51,455
<i>Oh, she's making me</i>
<i>nervous again.</i>

302
00:13:51,490 --> 00:13:53,090
<i>But now I'm a trained</i>
<i>comedy amateur.</i>

303
00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:54,658
<i>No one can get in my head.</i>
304
00:13:54,694 --> 00:13:56,560
<i>Marge Simpson,</i>

305
00:13:56,596 --> 00:13:59,997
<i>you don't want to accidentally</i>
<i>undermine him like last time.</i>

306
00:14:00,032 --> 00:14:02,633
<i>Oh, thank God he doesn't know</i>
<i>what I'm thinking.</i>

307
00:14:02,668 --> 00:14:04,635
<i>I know exactly</i>
<i>what she's thinking.</i>

308
00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:07,471
<i>That if I mess this up,</i>
<i>I'll be worse off than ever.</i>

309
00:14:07,506 --> 00:14:08,472
<i>He does know.</i>

310
00:14:08,507 --> 00:14:09,673
<i>She knows I know!</i>

311
00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:14,585
- Homer?
- Aw, what?

312
00:14:14,685 --> 00:14:16,518
I slept on it, and
I'm madder than ever.

313
00:14:16,554 --> 00:14:17,786
Go get Bart.

314
00:14:17,822 --> 00:14:19,021
Oh my God, Marge,

315
00:14:19,056 --> 00:14:20,956
you woke up with
morning-would-be-mad.

316
00:14:20,991 --> 00:14:23,392
Okay, I'll put this
in your new language.

317
00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:25,361
Location: Bart's room.

318
00:14:25,396 --> 00:14:27,496
Action: bring him here.

319
00:14:27,531 --> 00:14:28,831
Can I get
a character, please?

320
00:14:28,866 --> 00:14:30,132
Fine. Um...

321
00:14:30,167 --> 00:14:32,568
A near-sighted Frankenstein.

322
00:14:32,603 --> 00:14:33,836
Okay.

323
00:14:37,408 --> 00:14:40,142
Bride! Bride!

324
00:14:40,177 --> 00:14:42,745
I do not look like
the Bride of Frankenstein.

325
00:14:42,780 --> 00:14:44,546
Don't deny premise.

326
00:14:50,354 --> 00:14:52,988
Mom, can I come in?

327
00:14:53,023 --> 00:14:54,812
You like your eggs
a little runny don't you?

328
00:14:54,836 --> 00:14:55,592
What?

329
00:14:55,593 --> 00:14:57,993
And your toast set at four,
with a little bit of butter?

330
00:14:58,028 --> 00:14:59,228
Yeah!

331
00:14:59,263 --> 00:15:01,830
Hash browns might
be a little burnt.

332
00:15:01,866 --> 00:15:04,833
I like 'em however
you make 'em, sweetie.

333
00:15:04,869 --> 00:15:06,335
I just wanted to say

334
00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:07,903
I'm sorry.

335
00:15:07,938 --> 00:15:10,305
We all forget just how many
wonderful things you do.

336
00:15:10,341 --> 00:15:11,273
Oh...

337
00:15:12,710 --> 00:15:15,444
Y-You're making me cry.

338
00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:16,745
And best of all,

339
00:15:16,781 --> 00:15:19,448
you're as hot
as the day I met you.

340
00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:22,251
Thank you!

341
00:15:22,286 --> 00:15:26,088
That apology speech you wrote
worked like a charm, Pop.

342
00:15:26,123 --> 00:15:28,090
Your mother can't resist
an apology

343
00:15:28,125 --> 00:15:30,125
that comes
straight from the heart...

344
00:15:30,161 --> 00:15:31,360
of this box.

345
00:15:34,465 --> 00:15:36,098
Oh, dear God,

346
00:15:36,133 --> 00:15:39,067
this is not a
Renaissance Faire, is it?

347
00:15:39,103 --> 00:15:40,302
Uh, that's in two weeks,

348
00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:42,638
Henry the Weight Problem. Ha!

349
00:15:42,673 --> 00:15:46,208
Gee, I don't know if I belong
here with all this talent.

350
00:15:46,243 --> 00:15:47,643
Hey, Reverend.

351
00:15:47,678 --> 00:15:49,545
Why didn't the dinosaurs
make it on Noah's Ark?

352
00:15:49,580 --> 00:15:51,113
Ooh, I give up.

353
00:15:51,148 --> 00:15:53,048
Because they didn't exist.

354
00:16:00,124 --> 00:16:03,325
Dad, this festival
encourages experimentation.

355
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,593
Even failure.

356
00:16:04,628 --> 00:16:06,562
Oh, what if I don't fail?
357
00:16:06,597 --> 00:16:08,397
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.

358
00:16:08,432 --> 00:16:10,132
I am getting a helium balloon.

359
00:16:10,167 --> 00:16:11,600
That makes anyone funny.

360
00:16:11,635 --> 00:16:13,635
Be right back!

361
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,340
Homer, are you okay?

362
00:16:18,375 --> 00:16:21,777
You look exactly like
Barbara Streisand did in 1967.

363
00:16:21,812 --> 00:16:23,946
I can't think of anything funny.

364
00:16:23,981 --> 00:16:26,014
Homer, Homer, relax,
you're a riot.

365
00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:29,518
Remember how funny you was when
you was the confident Cajun?

366
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:31,787
Look, just let me
feed you the prompt.

367
00:16:31,822 --> 00:16:34,156
Wait, you mean cheat at improv?

368
00:16:34,191 --> 00:16:35,791
What would Del Close say?

369
00:16:35,826 --> 00:16:38,827
He would say, "Do like Moe
says, and shut the hell up."

370
00:16:38,863 --> 00:16:40,529
Who's Del Close?

371
00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:44,099
Only the author of the best book
I intend to read someday.

372
00:16:44,134 --> 00:16:46,535
Homer, the cemeteries
are filled with people

373
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:48,370
who <i>didn't</i> cheat at improv.

374
00:16:48,405 --> 00:16:50,205
Hmm...

375
00:16:56,413 --> 00:16:59,047
Okay, let's go over what you're
gonna call out one more time.

376
00:16:59,083 --> 00:17:00,949
Uh, ethnicity: Cajun.

377
00:17:00,985 --> 00:17:02,684
Location: back alley.

378
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:03,952
Good, good.

379
00:17:03,988 --> 00:17:05,320
The back alley Cajun bit.

380
00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:06,788
Dad!

381
00:17:06,824 --> 00:17:09,791
Are you cheating by
planting suggestions?

382
00:17:09,827 --> 00:17:10,526
Maybe.

383
00:17:12,196 --> 00:17:14,630
Have you learned nothing
from owning an unread copy
384
00:17:14,665 --> 00:17:16,064
of <i>Truth in Comedy?</i>

385
00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:18,000
It's either that
or quit the show.

386
00:17:18,035 --> 00:17:19,968
You can't let
your troupe down.

387
00:17:20,004 --> 00:17:22,804
They need your space work,
your strong choices,

388
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,673
and scene-building skills.

389
00:17:24,708 --> 00:17:26,341
Hey, lay off your dad, huh?

390
00:17:26,377 --> 00:17:28,577
Everything that's
supposedly spontaneous

391
00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:30,078
has already been planned, okay?

392
00:17:30,114 --> 00:17:33,181
Reality shows, uh,
lip-sync singing, even...

393
00:17:33,217 --> 00:17:34,516
awards shows.

394
00:17:34,552 --> 00:17:35,918
No!

395
00:17:35,953 --> 00:17:38,387
Yes, that's why the losers
don't show up.

396
00:17:38,422 --> 00:17:40,389
B-b-b-but they have
scheduling conflicts.
397
00:17:40,424 --> 00:17:41,690
Yeah, right.

398
00:17:41,725 --> 00:17:44,593
Dave Franco has a
scheduling conflict.

399
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:46,061
No, no, I've heard enough.

400
00:17:46,096 --> 00:17:49,464
I refuse to use
performance enhancing "sugs."

401
00:17:51,435 --> 00:17:52,701
It's Homer Simpson.

402
00:17:52,736 --> 00:17:54,169
Homer Simpson's here.

403
00:17:56,073 --> 00:17:58,240
Okay, everyone,
I'm Homer Simpson

404
00:17:58,275 --> 00:18:00,108
and I need an occupation.

405
00:18:00,144 --> 00:18:01,577
Cadaver salesman?

406
00:18:01,612 --> 00:18:03,378
Drive-thru cashier.

407
00:18:03,414 --> 00:18:05,180
Uh, frog gigger.

408
00:18:05,215 --> 00:18:06,415
Finger kisser! Mwah!

409
00:18:06,450 --> 00:18:07,616
Nurse.

410
00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:09,284
You'll have to be more specific.
411
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,286
I need a nurse!

412
00:18:11,322 --> 00:18:12,854
Back alley Cajun!

413
00:18:12,890 --> 00:18:13,855
Mm-hmm!

414
00:18:13,891 --> 00:18:15,190
Ah...

415
00:18:15,225 --> 00:18:17,593
A father I can look up to.

416
00:18:17,628 --> 00:18:20,629
Oh. Um, uh...

417
00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:23,365
I hear... drive-thru cashier!

418
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,200
You wha... ?

419
00:18:25,235 --> 00:18:27,502
Hello, welcome to
"Down and Out Burger"

420
00:18:27,538 --> 00:18:28,670
Would you like fries with that?

421
00:18:28,706 --> 00:18:30,038
A thousand?

422
00:18:30,074 --> 00:18:32,374
Sure thing, Mr. Brando.

423
00:18:32,409 --> 00:18:34,810
By the way, this is 1992.

424
00:18:38,147 --> 00:18:41,816
>>> AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO DO
SOMETHING A LITTLE SPECIAL.
425
00:18:41,950 --> 00:18:45,153
>> OUR FATHER IS GOING TO IMPROV
LIVE ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS FROM

426
00:18:45,287 --> 00:18:49,891
THE TV AUDIENCE.
IT ONLY TOOK US 27 YEARS TO DO

427
00:18:50,025 --> 00:18:53,961
WHAT THEY COULD DO IN 1954.
>> HOMER, TIME TO BOMB.

428
00:18:54,096 --> 00:18:57,732
>> HELLO!
I'VE GATHERED YOU HERE BECAUSE I

429
00:18:57,866 --> 00:19:04,672
HAVE AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.
THIS IS THE LAST EPISODE OF "THE

430
00:19:04,806 --> 00:19:07,508
SIMPSONS."
IT'S BEEN A GREAT RUN.

431
00:19:07,643 --> 00:19:12,313
JUST KIDDING.
"THE SIMPSONS" WILL NEVER END.

432
00:19:12,447 --> 00:19:15,816
ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE LAST
NIGHT, DRAKE WAS TERRIBLE.

433
00:19:15,951 --> 00:19:19,987
NOW TO TAKE YOUR CALLS.
LET'S GO TO HANNAH.

434
00:19:20,122 --> 00:19:25,326
HANNAH, YOU'RE TALKING TO HOMER.
>> HI THERE, HOMER.

435
00:19:25,460 --> 00:19:30,164
MY QUESTION FOR YOU IS WHO DO
YOU LIKE MORE -- LENNY OR

436
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:33,467
CARL -- AND WHY?
>> LET'S SEE.
437
00:19:33,602 --> 00:19:38,372
I LIKE LENNY BECAUSE HE'S THE
BLACK GUY AND -- WAIT A MINUTE,

438
00:19:38,507 --> 00:19:39,941
NO.
CARL'S THE -- WAIT.

439
00:19:40,075 --> 00:19:43,144
LET ME GET BACK TO YOU WHEN I
FIGURE OUT WHO'S WHO.

440
00:19:43,278 --> 00:19:47,915
LET'S GO TO THE NEXT QUESTION.
AMANDA?

441
00:19:48,050 --> 00:19:51,319
>> I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
GIVE ME ANY TIPS OR TRIPS FOR

442
00:19:51,453 --> 00:19:55,623
MAKING IT LOOK LIKE I'M HARD AT
WORK BUT I'M RELAXING OR TAKING

443
00:19:55,757 --> 00:19:58,559
A NAP?
>> ALWAYS WEAR GLASSES WITH EYES

444
00:19:58,694 --> 00:20:01,896
GLUED ONTO THEM.
NEXT QUESTION.

445
00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:04,865
GEORGE, I THINK.
HELLO, GEORGE.

446
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,002
>> HELLO, HOMER.
>> WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION?

447
00:20:08,136 --> 00:20:12,106
>> SO MY QUESTION IS
PIZZA-RELATED.

448
00:20:12,241 --> 00:20:14,508
>> PIZZA?
>> DO YOU PREFER CHICAGO DEEP

449
00:20:14,643 --> 00:20:16,978
DISH OR NEW YORK-STYLE?
>> LET'S SEE.

450
00:20:17,112 --> 00:20:22,883
I PREFER CHICAGO DEEP DISH
BECAUSE I LIKE ITALIAN BETTER

451
00:20:23,018 --> 00:20:27,021
THAN CHINESE.
AND NOW LET'S GO TO A PLANTED

452
00:20:27,155 --> 00:20:32,660
CALL WITH A PLANTED QUESTION.
LET'S GO TO -- HELLO?

453
00:20:32,794 --> 00:20:36,030
>> HOMER, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> I'M DOING ALL RIGHT.

454
00:20:36,164 --> 00:20:39,133
IS THAT YOUR QUESTION?
>> I WAS WONDERING WHAT KIND OF

455
00:20:39,268 --> 00:20:42,637
CAR DO YOU DRIVE?
>> OH, I DRIVE A HYBRID WHICH IS

456
00:20:42,771 --> 00:20:45,206
A COMBINATION OF OLD AND
TERRIBLE.

457
00:20:45,340 --> 00:20:48,142
NEXT CALLER.
CHRIS.

458
00:20:48,277 --> 00:20:51,112
YES, CHRIS.
WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION?

459
00:20:51,246 --> 00:20:55,683
OR COMMENT.
>> MY QUESTION IS WHAT'S YOUR

460
00:20:55,817 --> 00:20:58,986
FAVORITE JOB?
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE JOB?

461
00:20:59,121 --> 00:21:02,590
>> MY FAVORITE JOB WOULD HAVE
BEEN BEING AN ASTRONAUT BECAUSE

462
00:21:02,724 --> 00:21:05,793
EVERYTHING WAS DONE FOR ME.
AND ALSO I COULD GET AWAY FROM

463
00:21:05,927 --> 00:21:08,260
THE BOY.
WELL, THAT'S IT.

464
00:21:08,261 --> 00:21:10,255
THAT'S IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

465
00:21:10,256 --> 00:21:12,164
WE HAVE COME TO MY CLOSING
REMARKS.

466
00:21:12,165 --> 00:21:14,063
IT ONLY LASTED THREE MINUTES,

467
00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:16,449
LIKE EATING CHEESEBURGERS AND
MAKING LOVE.

468
00:21:16,848 --> 00:21:18,319
IF YOUR CALL HASN'T BEEN TAKEN

469
00:21:18,419 --> 00:21:20,482
YET, PLEASE CONTINUE TO HOLD.

470
00:21:20,729 --> 00:21:22,028
THE CAST OF EMPIRE WILL BE

471
00:21:22,097 --> 00:21:24,346
ANSWERING QUESTIONS WEDNESDAY
NIGHT.

472
00:21:24,601 --> 00:21:26,067
SOMEONE WILL LET THEM KNOW.

473
00:21:27,255 --> 00:21:29,072
FLASHING BY ARE THE CREDITS OF THE

474
00:21:29,073 --> 00:21:31,522
PEOPLE WHO WORKED LONG AND HARD
ON THIS.

475
00:21:31,830 --> 00:21:33,701
I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THEY ARE.

476
00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:35,585
NOW THE SHOW IS OVER.

477
00:21:35,685 --> 00:21:38,091
THE SPOTLIGHT DIMS, THE LAUGHTER
FADES.

478
00:21:38,142 --> 00:21:39,608
SOMEONE CALL UBER.

479
00:21:39,816 --> 00:21:41,182
IF BART WOULD JUST RETURN MY

480
00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:43,665
PANTS SO I CAN MOVE FROM BEHIND
THIS DESK.

481
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,554
DOO, DOO, DOO.

482
00:21:46,622 --> 00:21:48,289
WAITING ON THE PANTS.

483
00:21:48,357 --> 00:21:49,990
OH, BART, NOT CULOTTES.

484
00:21:50,715 --> 00:21:52,026
NO.