1

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<font color="#00FF00"> The Simpsons 27x15 </font>
<font color="#00FFFF">Lisa the Veterinarian</font>
Original Air Date on March 6, 2016

2
00:00:27,335 --> 00:00:32,335
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

3
00:00:32,914 --> 00:00:35,982
Wow, an
indoor water park.

4
00:00:36,017 --> 00:00:38,117
Hopefully, this will put the
final nail in the coffin

5
00:00:38,152 --> 00:00:39,118
of lakes and rivers.

6
00:00:39,153 --> 00:00:40,386
Well, as a mother, I...

7
00:00:40,421 --> 00:00:42,288
We all know
you're a mother.

8
00:00:42,323 --> 00:00:45,324
As a mother,
I like that wherever I look,

9
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:46,959
I can see a lifeguard.

10
00:00:48,329 --> 00:00:50,329
I'm finding Nemo!

11
00:00:55,003 --> 00:00:57,269
I saw heaven!

12
00:01:01,209 --> 00:01:02,241
My head!

13
00:01:10,785 --> 00:01:12,652
Mom! Bart got
my hair wet,
14
00:01:12,687 --> 00:01:15,354
and I wasn't ready
to get it wet yet!

15
00:01:16,391 --> 00:01:18,491
Hmm.

16
00:01:18,526 --> 00:01:20,526
I'm afraid you're going
in the kiddie pool.

17
00:01:21,996 --> 00:01:25,564
Oh. I've had baths
that were more exciting. Baths!

18
00:01:27,001 --> 00:01:29,101
Oh, my God, a plastic ring.

19
00:01:29,137 --> 00:01:30,736
Out of my way,
you little twerps!

20
00:01:32,507 --> 00:01:34,173
I want that ring.

21
00:01:34,208 --> 00:01:35,908
Ow!

22
00:01:35,943 --> 00:01:38,144
Hmm.

23
00:01:38,179 --> 00:01:40,446
Hey, uh, do you have
any waterslides

24
00:01:40,481 --> 00:01:42,481
for the gentleman of
leisurely proportions?

25
00:01:42,517 --> 00:01:43,983
Right this way, sir.

26
00:01:44,018 --> 00:01:46,052
This park specializes
in extra-wide
27
00:01:46,087 --> 00:01:49,288
double-reinforced tubing
for the modern American fatso.

28
00:01:49,323 --> 00:01:50,856
Oh, well.

29
00:01:50,892 --> 00:01:53,893
Cola wars veteran
coming through!

30
00:01:53,928 --> 00:01:56,862
Woo-hoo! I'm exercising!

31
00:02:02,270 --> 00:02:04,003
Awesome.

32
00:02:04,038 --> 00:02:06,238
Milhouse, how long
you been waiting in line?

33
00:02:06,274 --> 00:02:08,674
You mean you didn't
use the app last week

34
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:11,010
to get your Slammin' Salmon
line number?

35
00:02:11,045 --> 00:02:12,912
What are you, Amish?

36
00:02:15,083 --> 00:02:17,616
All right,
time to thin out the herd.

37
00:02:21,522 --> 00:02:22,988
Attention, bathers,

38
00:02:23,024 --> 00:02:25,858
this is water park president
Cal A. Bunga.

39
00:02:25,893 --> 00:02:28,828
Do not panic,
but the pools are infested

40
00:02:28,863 --> 00:02:32,164
with those tiny fish
that swim up your wiener.

41
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,366
Get out of the way!

42
00:02:34,402 --> 00:02:36,202
Again, do not panic.

43
00:02:36,237 --> 00:02:39,538
If you think a wiener fish
has entered your dingus,

44
00:02:39,574 --> 00:02:43,375
the only cure is to roll around
naked in the snow.

45
00:02:50,852 --> 00:02:53,919
Uh, Lou, I need a
big favor from you.

46
00:02:53,955 --> 00:02:56,956
Oh, man. I... They don't train
you for this at the academy.

47
00:02:56,991 --> 00:02:58,324
Well, they should.

48
00:03:06,367 --> 00:03:08,467
Whee! Yes!

49
00:03:16,711 --> 00:03:19,145
Oh, dear God!
Bio breach!

50
00:03:27,955 --> 00:03:29,889
That poor raccoon!

51
00:03:29,924 --> 00:03:31,824
Isn't anyone gonna do anything?

52
00:03:31,859 --> 00:03:35,694
He committed nature's greatest
crime: coming inside.

53
00:03:40,401 --> 00:03:42,668
No heartbeat.

54
00:03:42,703 --> 00:03:45,738
Finally, a chance to use
my online CPR training.

55
00:03:45,773 --> 00:03:47,406
One, two, three, four five.

56
00:03:48,442 --> 00:03:49,942
One, two, three, four, five.

57
00:03:50,978 --> 00:03:52,611
Lisa has a boyfriend!

58
00:03:52,647 --> 00:03:54,346
Lisa has a boyfriend!

59
00:03:54,382 --> 00:03:56,315
Oh, a boyfriend?

60
00:03:56,350 --> 00:03:59,084
And raccoons
are such good providers.

61
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:00,686
Come on, come on.

62
00:04:00,721 --> 00:04:02,755
You have so much more trash
to eat.

63
00:04:02,790 --> 00:04:06,091
Steal one more breath,
noble bandit.

64
00:04:07,962 --> 00:04:09,795
It worked. I saved you.

65
00:04:10,832 --> 00:04:12,431
My first rescue.

66
00:04:12,466 --> 00:04:14,834
And my first real kiss.

67
00:04:14,869 --> 00:04:18,370
She'd have chosen me if I was
wearing a real bathing suit.

68
00:04:20,975 --> 00:04:24,109
For once, a life saved
at a Springfield water park,

69
00:04:24,145 --> 00:04:25,945
where a quick-thinking
second grader

70
00:04:25,980 --> 00:04:30,015
<i>performed emergency CPR</i>
<i>on a drowning nuisance animal,</i>

71
00:04:30,051 --> 00:04:33,886
<i>while dozens of unheroic</i>
<i>onlookers just stood around.</i>

72
00:04:33,921 --> 00:04:35,454
Where was Channel Six news?

73
00:04:35,489 --> 00:04:38,224
Filming gas pumps
and their ever-changing prices.

74
00:04:38,259 --> 00:04:41,493
Which accomplishes what?
I don't know.

75
00:04:43,164 --> 00:04:44,964
There's eight minutes left.

76
00:04:44,999 --> 00:04:46,799
Uh, did we do gas prices?

77
00:04:46,834 --> 00:04:48,667
Yes!

78
00:04:50,071 --> 00:04:51,704
We saw you
on the picture radio.
79
00:04:51,739 --> 00:04:53,706
They chyroned
your name.

80
00:04:53,741 --> 00:04:56,175
They described you
as "Local Girl."

81
00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:57,443
Hubba, hubba.

82
00:04:57,478 --> 00:04:59,745
They sure got that
right.

83
00:04:59,780 --> 00:05:02,414
Lisa, it looks like you're the
perfect student to look after

84
00:05:02,450 --> 00:05:04,416
Nibbles the hamster here
during spring break.

85
00:05:04,452 --> 00:05:05,751
I'd take him with me,

86
00:05:05,786 --> 00:05:07,853
but I'm doing Jell-O shots
with former students.

87
00:05:07,889 --> 00:05:11,357
This spring break, I'm gonna
go wild with responsibility!

88
00:05:11,392 --> 00:05:14,760
My dad's spending spring break
in a cage, too.

89
00:05:14,795 --> 00:05:18,197
And for saving that raccoon,
I got the opposite of teasing.

90
00:05:18,232 --> 00:05:20,566
I bet the Germans
have a word for it, like, uh,

91
00:05:20,601 --> 00:05:23,102
<i>gerstronkenplatzen</i>
or something.

92
00:05:23,137 --> 00:05:26,405
I wish the Germans had a word
for this terrible traffic.

93
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:29,375
And so ends the moment
being about me.

94
00:05:29,410 --> 00:05:31,110
What's going on, Chief?

95
00:05:31,145 --> 00:05:32,745
Oh, nasty car crash.

96
00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:34,213
Can't let traffic through

97
00:05:34,248 --> 00:05:36,782
until the cleanup crew
mops up this mess.

98
00:05:36,817 --> 00:05:38,284
Which is a problem,

99
00:05:38,319 --> 00:05:41,453
because they're
stuck in traffic behind you.

100
00:05:41,489 --> 00:05:42,922
Okay, who did that?!

101
00:05:42,957 --> 00:05:44,456
We need to get home.

102
00:05:44,492 --> 00:05:46,692
I left my father-in-law
on the sofa.

103
00:05:46,727 --> 00:05:48,427
He's got to be turned.

104
00:05:48,462 --> 00:05:49,795
Yeah, well,
that ain't gonna happen.

105
00:05:49,830 --> 00:05:52,131
Not unless<i> you</i> clean up
this accident scene.

106
00:05:52,166 --> 00:05:53,732
Actually, seriously,
could you do that?

107
00:05:53,768 --> 00:05:55,434
Hmm, I don't know.

108
00:05:55,469 --> 00:05:57,202
I'm one of those people
who doesn't like

109
00:05:57,238 --> 00:06:00,105
being traumatized
by horrifying sights.

110
00:06:00,141 --> 00:06:02,408
Marge, do you know why
I became a cop?

111
00:06:02,443 --> 00:06:03,976
If you do, could you tell me?

112
00:06:04,011 --> 00:06:05,778
'Cause it's-it's
really dangerous.

113
00:06:05,813 --> 00:06:08,614
B-But these crime scene
cleanups, they're totally safe.

114
00:06:08,649 --> 00:06:11,283
All the bad people are dead
or, uh, at large.

115
00:06:11,319 --> 00:06:12,651
So give it a shot.

116
00:06:12,687 --> 00:06:15,955
Please. Please, Mom.
117
00:06:15,990 --> 00:06:17,323
Huh?

118
00:06:17,358 --> 00:06:19,425
Oh, all right.

119
00:06:28,102 --> 00:06:30,502
There you go.
Spick and span.

120
00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:35,174
Wow, you even made the
homeless guy look nice.

121
00:06:35,209 --> 00:06:37,476
Yeah, still crazy though.

122
00:06:37,511 --> 00:06:39,011
You know, Marge,
uh, you ever want

123
00:06:39,046 --> 00:06:41,146
some fast extra
cash, we are always

124
00:06:41,182 --> 00:06:43,615
looking for crime
scene cleaner-uppers.

125
00:06:43,651 --> 00:06:46,352
You know what they say:
crime always pays.

126
00:06:47,555 --> 00:06:49,421
Plus, you can keep
any money you find,

127
00:06:49,457 --> 00:06:52,358
and any jewelry that
isn't monogrammed.

128
00:06:58,499 --> 00:07:00,366
Hello, little girl.

129
00:07:00,401 --> 00:07:03,435
Oh, does your hamster
have Tyzzer's disease?

130
00:07:03,471 --> 00:07:04,937
That would've
been interesting,

131
00:07:04,972 --> 00:07:07,873
but I swabbed him for Tyzzer's
and it came up negative.

132
00:07:07,908 --> 00:07:11,010
My. You certainly
know a lot about animals.

133
00:07:11,045 --> 00:07:12,778
That's just it, I do.

134
00:07:12,813 --> 00:07:14,613
I saved a raccoon's
life the other day.

135
00:07:14,648 --> 00:07:16,348
It was the best
feeling I've ever had.

136
00:07:16,384 --> 00:07:18,450
Is there any way I could
work in your office?

137
00:07:18,486 --> 00:07:20,953
I mean, as an
intern or anything?

138
00:07:20,988 --> 00:07:24,890
Oh, do you know how many people
walk in here every day

139
00:07:24,925 --> 00:07:26,725
looking for just such a thing?

140
00:07:26,761 --> 00:07:28,127
A lot, I bet.

141
00:07:28,162 --> 00:07:29,862
No, it's never happened.

142
00:07:29,897 --> 00:07:32,798
Grab a clean smock
and follow me.

143
00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:34,867
Oh, okay!

144
00:07:35,936 --> 00:07:37,469
I can't find a clean smock.

145
00:07:37,505 --> 00:07:41,306
Then your first job is
to clean the smocks.

146
00:07:42,343 --> 00:07:43,742
I'm ready, Dr. Budgie.

147
00:07:43,778 --> 00:07:46,712
Oh, it's a shame to ruin
such a clean smock,

148
00:07:46,747 --> 00:07:48,213
but, uh, let's go.

149
00:07:48,249 --> 00:07:50,282
Hmm.

150
00:07:55,189 --> 00:07:56,922
This is heaven.

151
00:07:56,957 --> 00:07:58,557
You got to help me, Doc.

152
00:07:58,592 --> 00:08:01,727
My pet ferret
has lost its terrible stink!

153
00:08:01,762 --> 00:08:03,228
Well, that won't do.

154
00:08:03,264 --> 00:08:05,064
Let me have a go
at jump-starting

155
00:08:05,099 --> 00:08:06,665
the old stink gland.
156
00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:09,234
Lisa, my dear,
can you restrain the ferret?

157
00:08:09,270 --> 00:08:11,303
It would be my honor.

158
00:08:14,141 --> 00:08:15,307
Clear!

159
00:08:17,178 --> 00:08:19,111
We have stink lines!

160
00:08:19,146 --> 00:08:20,979
Well done, Lisa.

161
00:08:21,015 --> 00:08:22,047
Heaven!

162
00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:24,049
Ew.

163
00:08:27,953 --> 00:08:31,488
All right,
Veggie Kibble for Daisy here.

164
00:08:31,523 --> 00:08:33,957
Chairman Meow
is having surgery tomorrow,

165
00:08:33,992 --> 00:08:35,592
so only liquid for you.

166
00:08:35,627 --> 00:08:37,894
And no more food for you,
Mr. Snake,

167
00:08:37,929 --> 00:08:40,096
until you finish
shedding your skin.

168
00:08:41,767 --> 00:08:43,433
Oh. You have.

169
00:08:43,468 --> 00:08:47,137
Dr. Budgie, I'm really enjoying
cleaning out these cages.

170
00:08:47,172 --> 00:08:50,640
No, really, I am, but are there
any jobs that are more exciting?

171
00:08:50,675 --> 00:08:52,208
Absolutely.

172
00:08:52,244 --> 00:08:54,010
You can hobble
these crickets.

173
00:08:54,045 --> 00:08:57,614
We have a hungry chameleon
who's slowing down with age,

174
00:08:57,649 --> 00:09:00,283
but he still loves
the thrill of the hunt.

175
00:09:00,318 --> 00:09:02,318
Mm.
Anything more life or deathy?

176
00:09:02,354 --> 00:09:04,354
I could take
the animals' temperature.

177
00:09:04,389 --> 00:09:06,923
I know what that means,
and I am up for it.

178
00:09:06,958 --> 00:09:08,992
Oh, Lisa, slow down.

179
00:09:09,027 --> 00:09:11,661
Do you know how many awkward
courses I had to take

180
00:09:11,696 --> 00:09:14,130
before they let me put
my arm inside a horse?

181
00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:15,498
I understand.

182
00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:17,801
I just feel like
I could be doing more.

183
00:09:17,836 --> 00:09:20,370
Oh, you remind me
of a certain young man

184
00:09:20,405 --> 00:09:23,339
growing up in
Stratfordshire-on-Corningwell.

185
00:09:23,375 --> 00:09:25,041
He, too, was impatient.

186
00:09:25,076 --> 00:09:27,076
Always thinking
he could do more.

187
00:09:27,112 --> 00:09:28,311
Was that you?

188
00:09:28,346 --> 00:09:31,147
No. If that was me,
I would have said "me."

189
00:09:31,183 --> 00:09:34,851
This eager beaver
had to leave veterinary school

190
00:09:34,886 --> 00:09:37,921
and become-- ugh--
a people doctor.

191
00:09:37,956 --> 00:09:39,255
Ooh.

192
00:09:39,291 --> 00:09:41,658
And with the 27th pick
of the 14th round

193
00:09:41,693 --> 00:09:45,061
of the NHL draft,
the Phoenix Coyotes select...
194
00:09:45,096 --> 00:09:47,397
Lubochuck, Lubochuck,
Lubochuck, Lubochuck.

195
00:09:47,432 --> 00:09:48,998
...Cdric Blanger.

196
00:09:49,034 --> 00:09:50,300
But Lubochuck.

197
00:09:50,335 --> 00:09:52,869
Homie, I think
we need a new ceiling fan.

198
00:09:52,904 --> 00:09:54,771
The old one
doesn't seem safe.

199
00:09:56,441 --> 00:09:59,475
It's fine. And it saves us
money on haircuts.

200
00:10:00,779 --> 00:10:02,312
Not bad, but I miss

201
00:10:02,347 --> 00:10:04,447
the social aspects
of the barbershop.

202
00:10:05,917 --> 00:10:08,318
The St. Louis Blues
are now on the clock.

203
00:10:08,353 --> 00:10:10,753
Lubochuck, Lubochuck,
Lubochuck, Lubochuck.

204
00:10:10,789 --> 00:10:12,055
Hmm.

205
00:10:12,757 --> 00:10:14,123
Springfield PD.

206
00:10:14,159 --> 00:10:16,192
PD... police department!
207
00:10:16,228 --> 00:10:17,894
Ha! I just got that.

208
00:10:17,929 --> 00:10:20,029
Chief, Chief,
this is Marge Simpson.

209
00:10:20,065 --> 00:10:23,566
I think I'd like to do some of
those crime scene cleanups.

210
00:10:23,602 --> 00:10:24,567
Oh, great, great.

211
00:10:24,603 --> 00:10:26,336
Hey, I got a job for you
right here.

212
00:10:26,371 --> 00:10:27,770
Uh, murder-suicide.

213
00:10:27,806 --> 00:10:29,806
Or possibly a suicide-murder.

214
00:10:29,841 --> 00:10:32,408
Just bring a mop
and your imagination.

215
00:10:32,444 --> 00:10:34,744
Hey, it can't be worse
than what I've seen.

216
00:10:34,779 --> 00:10:37,814
Homer, I told you not to eat
chili out of the colander!

217
00:10:37,849 --> 00:10:40,250
Uh, it's pronounced
"calendar."

218
00:10:41,286 --> 00:10:42,919
What's the matter, little guy?

219
00:10:42,954 --> 00:10:44,587
You haven't touched
your berries.
220
00:10:44,623 --> 00:10:47,090
Do you need aphids for flavor?

221
00:10:47,125 --> 00:10:49,259
Mmm. Aphids.

222
00:10:49,294 --> 00:10:52,262
Lisa, could you
come here for a moment?

223
00:10:52,297 --> 00:10:55,131
At last.

224
00:10:55,166 --> 00:10:58,134
I'm trying to give this
Saint Bernard a shot,

225
00:10:58,169 --> 00:11:00,136
but my hands are
a little shaky.

226
00:11:00,171 --> 00:11:02,739
I had an extra gallon
of tea for lunch.

227
00:11:02,774 --> 00:11:04,140
Oh, my.

228
00:11:04,175 --> 00:11:05,842
If I hold him,
do you think

229
00:11:05,877 --> 00:11:08,578
you could attend to the
matter of the needle?

230
00:11:08,613 --> 00:11:09,812
Of course!

231
00:11:09,848 --> 00:11:11,314
Mm.

232
00:11:11,349 --> 00:11:13,283
Careful, careful.
233
00:11:13,318 --> 00:11:15,652
A single millimeter
either way

234
00:11:15,687 --> 00:11:17,520
would not make much
of a difference.

235
00:11:19,357 --> 00:11:20,823
<i>Huh. Why am I not feeling</i>

236
00:11:20,859 --> 00:11:22,926
<i>the same rush I did</i>
<i>with the raccoon?</i>

237
00:11:24,663 --> 00:11:27,297
<i>There it is!</i>

238
00:11:30,468 --> 00:11:32,669
Be careful, Mrs. S.

239
00:11:32,704 --> 00:11:36,406
I've never seen an angel-dust-
for-guns swap go so wrong.

240
00:11:36,441 --> 00:11:38,508
Hey, a mess is a mess.

241
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:43,279
Huh?

242
00:11:48,887 --> 00:11:51,521
Let me start with this
filthy crime scene tape.

243
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,827
Yarr, is the
doctor in, miss?

244
00:11:57,862 --> 00:12:01,064
Little Goldie here is
listing hard to starboard.

245
00:12:01,099 --> 00:12:04,600
I fear he may have tangled
with the wrong plastic diver.
246
00:12:04,636 --> 00:12:06,769
Hmm. Could be fin rot.

247
00:12:06,805 --> 00:12:09,505
Oh, no, not the
big F. Arr!

248
00:12:09,541 --> 00:12:12,675
Do what you must.
I'll say my good-byes.

249
00:12:12,711 --> 00:12:16,980
You were more wife to me
than any woman I ever knew.

250
00:12:17,015 --> 00:12:19,148
Captain, the diagnosis
of fin rot

251
00:12:19,184 --> 00:12:21,217
is not the death sentence
it used to be.

252
00:12:21,252 --> 00:12:24,420
A couple drops of medicine
in the water, and he'll be fine.

253
00:12:25,457 --> 00:12:26,622
Hmm.

254
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:29,425
Yarr, that's amazing!

255
00:12:31,129 --> 00:12:34,063
Eh, I've just got one
more little problem.

256
00:12:34,099 --> 00:12:38,067
He, uh...
he ate me car keys. Yarr.

257
00:12:40,105 --> 00:12:43,339
Hurry, Doc! His lungs
are full of seltzer!

258
00:12:52,450 --> 00:12:54,984
Homie?
Notice anything?

259
00:13:01,459 --> 00:13:04,160
Um, are you having an affair?

260
00:13:04,195 --> 00:13:05,862
What? No.

261
00:13:05,897 --> 00:13:08,398
I bought
a new ceiling fan. Huh?

262
00:13:08,433 --> 00:13:11,334
Ooh, I thought the air
felt a little more lively.

263
00:13:11,369 --> 00:13:13,002
But where did you
get the money?

264
00:13:13,038 --> 00:13:17,306
Actually, I made a little extra
by cleaning up crime scenes.

265
00:13:17,342 --> 00:13:19,242
What? Poor Marge.

266
00:13:19,277 --> 00:13:21,911
I heard
that can really mess you...

267
00:13:21,946 --> 00:13:24,781
Oh, baby,
that cool air is sweet!

268
00:13:24,816 --> 00:13:26,082
...up.

269
00:13:26,117 --> 00:13:29,018
Are you sure you're not
living a waking nightmare?

270
00:13:29,054 --> 00:13:30,520
No. Not one little bit.
271
00:13:30,555 --> 00:13:33,089
And I get the police discount
on cleaning supplies.

272
00:13:33,124 --> 00:13:36,259
I can finally clean
Grampa's dentures.

273
00:13:36,294 --> 00:13:40,263
Yeah, I got popcorn in there
from<i> Kramer vs. Kramer.</i>

274
00:13:40,298 --> 00:13:42,031
I was rooting
for Kramer,

275
00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:45,334
but was dismayed when
Kramer finally won.

276
00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:48,004
That's a twist I
didn't see Kramer.

277
00:13:51,076 --> 00:13:53,743
Happy birthday, Martin.
Where's the gift table?

278
00:13:53,778 --> 00:13:57,080
Right over there, my friend.

279
00:14:00,151 --> 00:14:02,685
Haw-haw!

280
00:14:06,191 --> 00:14:08,925
Some zoo.
Where are the rental strollers?

281
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,493
Actually, it's
not so bad.

282
00:14:10,528 --> 00:14:12,328
The animals are healthy.

283
00:14:12,363 --> 00:14:15,431
A couple of paddock scrapes,
but nothing overly concerning.

284
00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:17,667
Oh, knock it off.
You're not a vet.

285
00:14:17,702 --> 00:14:19,502
You're a glorified
cage scrubber.

286
00:14:19,537 --> 00:14:21,504
Dr. Budgie
depends upon me!

287
00:14:21,539 --> 00:14:24,440
I have felt the cold breath
of kennel cough in my face.

288
00:14:24,476 --> 00:14:27,443
I have seen tabbies that
were more tick than cat.

289
00:14:27,479 --> 00:14:30,446
I know why the
caged dog scoots.

290
00:14:30,482 --> 00:14:33,182
So when your lizard
loses its tail,

291
00:14:33,218 --> 00:14:36,819
you're gonna need me to tell
you it's gonna grow back.

292
00:14:37,856 --> 00:14:39,755
Want some peanuts,
Mr. Elephant?

293
00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,757
Uh, it's a goat,
not an elephant,

294
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,326
and those are shrimp,
not peanuts.

295
00:14:43,361 --> 00:14:45,328
And that goat is
allergic to shrimp!

296
00:14:45,363 --> 00:14:48,131
Your breath smells like
"don't drink that."

297
00:14:49,667 --> 00:14:51,467
Milhouse, give me your EpiPen!

298
00:14:51,503 --> 00:14:53,336
You're not
a professional.

299
00:14:53,371 --> 00:14:55,771
I am a self-selected
unpaid veterinary intern.

300
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:58,407
Now let me
practice my craft!

301
00:15:05,917 --> 00:15:07,583
Hey, he's as
good as new.

302
00:15:07,619 --> 00:15:09,185
Look at him play
with the kids!

303
00:15:11,422 --> 00:15:13,289
See, Bart?
Life or death.

304
00:15:13,324 --> 00:15:14,891
I make the choice.

305
00:15:14,926 --> 00:15:17,360
Okay, time to
cut the cake.

306
00:15:21,778 --> 00:15:23,217
That's my patient.

307
00:15:26,024 --> 00:15:27,758
Guess what, sweetie.
308
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:30,293
I'm wearing
my snuggle socks.

309
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:33,296
They're compression socks
from your heart surgery.

310
00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:34,965
All the same...

311
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:40,270
I'm not in the mood.

312
00:15:40,305 --> 00:15:42,506
What?!
You've never said that before!

313
00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:44,508
I've thought it
three times.

314
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:47,511
Each time was after a
burrito-eating contest.

315
00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:49,179
But I won!

316
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,347
What's wrong?

317
00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:53,583
It's just that seeing
you, lying down,

318
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:57,154
reminds me of this bloated
corpse I had to clean up today.

319
00:15:57,189 --> 00:16:00,657
Hey, I look damn good for
someone who eats the crap I do.

320
00:16:00,692 --> 00:16:02,859
Maybe we should
just go to sleep.

321
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:05,362
I wasn't done
with my drink.

322
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:08,331
Would you like
my itty-bitty booze light?

323
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,736
I've never seen him like this.
He's so listless.

324
00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:15,071
Who's lost the urge
to kill?

325
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:17,140
Who's lost
the urge to kill?

326
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:19,876
I'll tell you what's
wrong with him: you.

327
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,578
What? Me?!

328
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:23,413
This dog is badly
behind on his shots.

329
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:26,249
He's displaying the symptoms
of early onset parvo.

330
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:28,185
I'm confiscating
your dog.

331
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:30,387
And, you, get out!

332
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:31,855
Smithers, I've
been shamed.

333
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:33,924
Prepare a thimble of ice cream.

334
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:36,092
Some people don't
deserve to own pets.

335
00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:38,261
And you get to decide who?

336
00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:40,564
Don't fold your
arms at me.

337
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,265
Lis, look at yourself.

338
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:45,268
You've become so arrogant,
you've forgotten who you are.

339
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,904
And even worse,
you've forgotten Nibbles!

340
00:16:50,409 --> 00:16:51,842
Nibbles!

341
00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:53,910
My pet! My responsibility!

342
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,445
My homework!

343
00:16:56,915 --> 00:16:58,548
Matted hair, dry tongue...

344
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,383
Is this true, Lisa?

345
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:04,020
Did you let this happen
to a creature in your care?
346
00:17:04,056 --> 00:17:05,789
I'm so sorry.

347
00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:08,358
I'm so, so sorry.

348
00:17:08,393 --> 00:17:11,595
Pet hamsters need to be
played with regularly,

349
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,430
or they feel abandoned.

350
00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:16,066
And that can lead to
stress polyps on the heart.

351
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:19,002
The heart is the
seat of love, Lisa.

352
00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:21,805
If you'd gone to veterinary
school, you'd know that.

353
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,773
I've got no choice
but to operate.

354
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,709
And I need your help.

355
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:29,479
You still want me to help you
after I was so arrogant?

356
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:33,149
Lisa, arrogance is
what made the British Empire.

357
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:34,417
Then lost it.

358
00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:36,620
Then pretended it didn't happen.
359
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:41,091
Well, we've done
all we can.

360
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:44,060
The next 24 hours
will be crucial.

361
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,929
Oh, he's gone.

362
00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:47,831
No, no, no.

363
00:17:47,866 --> 00:17:50,133
He can't be dead!

364
00:17:50,168 --> 00:17:52,035
He can't!

365
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:56,673
I thought we could save every
animal if we just cared enough.

366
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:57,908
<i>Okay, Marge,</i>

367
00:17:57,943 --> 00:17:59,976
sweetie, look at this one.

368
00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:03,346
See, Marge? The baby laughs
every time the toaster pops.

369
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:05,348
It is pretty hysterical.

370
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:06,917
That's nice.

371
00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:10,053
Nice? Something in you
is dead, Marge,

372
00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:12,756
and that's one crime scene
you can't clean up.

373
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:14,491
And all for a fan.

374
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:16,660
A stupid ceiling fan that...

375
00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:18,662
Oh, man, that's refreshing.

376
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,630
I want my Marge back.

377
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,967
Hello? What is it, boy?

378
00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:26,336
Uh-huh. I see.

379
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:27,470
Fine, Marge.

380
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:30,874
You sit here, watch your
boob tube, have a beer.

381
00:18:30,909 --> 00:18:33,176
That's not how Homer Simpson
does things.

382
00:18:33,211 --> 00:18:34,878
I have to go help Lisa!

383
00:18:36,381 --> 00:18:37,681
Lisa?

384
00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:40,784
Wait! Wait, I'm
coming with you.

385
00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:47,123
No answer.

386
00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:49,859
I guess we got to
do this ourselves.

387
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:53,496
Oh, geez.

388
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:56,166
All right, get some
paper towels, boys.

389
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:01,271
Lisa.

390
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:05,208
Oh, Mom, he trusted me
as only a hamster can!

391
00:19:06,712 --> 00:19:08,778
If there's one thing
I'll always clean up,

392
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,814
it's my baby's tears.

393
00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:12,949
Oh, I should've been
here for you.

394
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,451
You would've never let
anything happen to him.

395
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:15,952
I was too busy
being dead inside...

396
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,821
Wherever he went,
I hope they have hamster balls.

397
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,422
...doing I don't
know what!

398
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:21,424
But I'm here now,
and I'll never leave.

399
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:24,561
Well, I'll be.

400
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:27,697
Lisa's learning about death
helped Marge feel again.

401
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:30,533
Yes, a perfect
dovetail.

402
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:32,268
Thank you for curing
Walter Pigeon here.

403
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,904
I can't afford to pay
you, but I can give you

404
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:36,940
front row seats
to my magic show.

405
00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:38,308
The theme is boxing.

406
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:39,442
Sounds marvelous.

407
00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:41,111
Oh, yeah, no.
Come on, it is.

408
00:19:42,959 --> 00:19:44,425
I want to thank everyone

409
00:19:44,426 --> 00:19:46,553
for coming to
Nibbles's funeral today.

410
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:47,986
This is President

411
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:49,220
Cal A. Bunga.

412
00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:50,689
On this sad occasion,

413
00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:53,892
the school flag
will be flying at half-ass.

414
00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:55,527
Bart!

415
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,796
I know that this is
an especially hard time

416
00:19:57,831 --> 00:19:59,798
for the other classroom pets,

417
00:19:59,833 --> 00:20:03,068
including Mrs. Nibbles,
Shelly the turtle,

418
00:20:03,103 --> 00:20:07,172
Sally Mander, Hamilton Fish
and Willie's chicken.

419
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,340
Willie, where is
your chicken?

420
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,108
It was either him or me!

421
00:20:10,143 --> 00:20:11,242
I see.

422
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:13,845
Please stand for
Nibbles's final journey.

423
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:37,898
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

424
00:21:25,046 --> 00:21:26,546
Shh!