The Art of Conversation

or Improve Your Conversation Skills

By Z. Hereford

The art of conversation, like any art, is a skill of elegance, nuance and creative execution.

I happen to believe that there is an art to everything we do and why not? Without flair and panache
most things become drudgery. Why settle for drudgery when you can have art?

When it comes to the art of conversation we've all met people who seem to have the knack for it.
They can talk to anybody about anything and they seem to do it with complete ease. And while it's
true that there are those who are born with the gift of gab, luckily for the rest of us, conversation
skills can be developed and mastered.

In my article Good Communication Skills - Key to Any Success, I talk about the importance of being
a good communicator and I give tips on how to convey ideas and information successfully. Many of
the same tips hold true for developing good conversational skills. Have a look at the article for added
tips which I won't be repeating here.

Conversation is a form of communication; however, it is usually more spontaneous and less formal.
We enter conversations for purposes of pleasant engagement in order to meet new people, to find
out information and to enjoy social interactions. As far as types of conversation, they vary anywhere
from intellectual conversations and information exchanges to friendly debate and witty banter.

While there is more to having good conversation skills than being a comedian, dramatic actor, or a
great story teller, it is not necessary to become more gregarious, animated, or outgoing. Instead, you
can develop the ability to listen attentively, ask fitting questions, and pay attention to the answers -
all qualities essential to the art of conversation. With diligent practice and several good pointers,
anyone can improve their conversation skills.

Tips on How to Improve Your Conversation Skills

Show interest and be curious. People who are genuinely interested in others are
usually interesting themselves. Why? Because they are more open to learning about and
understanding new things. Showing interest also encourages the other person to be relaxed and
share information more freely. Display attentiveness by keeping good eye contact and listening
actively.

If you happen to be shy and need time to warm up before you share your own views, you can ask
open-ended questions or encourage the other person to elaborate on their insights. This kick-starts
the conversation and before you know it you are engaged in a good conversational flow.

Ensure there is a balance of give and take. A conversation can get boring quickly if one person is
doing all the talking while the other is trying to get a word in edgewise. When that happens whoever
is not talking begins to tune out and there is no conversation!

There can be many reasons for a lack of give and take. Sometimes nervousness can get in the way
and you ramble on without realizing it. Or, nervousness can make you freeze and you don't know
what to say next. If you find yourself freezing up, take a deep breath and do your best to focus;
smile, and then reflect on what you want to say. If the other person is the rambler and you've tried
several times to interject but haven't been able to, then excuse yourself politely and move on.
If later on you realize that you were the rambler (heaven forbid), then at least you will have made the
most important step towards improvement which is - awareness.

Determine whether your tendency to dominate a conversation is due to nervousness or self-

involvement.

Either way, review the conversation in your head. Look for spots where you could have paused and
allowed the other person to talk. For future conversations a good rule of thumb is after you make a
point, pause for either agreement or an alternative point of view. Observe body language for cues
whether to stop or continue. For example, is the person glossy-eyed and therefore bored? Are they
moving towards you to speak and you just keep on talking? Are they looking elsewhere (for an
escape) while you are carrying on? In a good conversation each person needs to express
themselves or it is no longer a conversation but a monologue.

Be interesting and have something to say. While you don't have to be a comedian, entertainer, or
brilliant raconteur, you do need to be interestingotherwise what would you say? If you are not well
informed, tend not to read much, or have very few interests, you will have very little to talk about
except yourself. Unfortunately, no one wants to hear about your latest troubles, conquests, or daily
routine. Yet so many dull conversationalists believe that's what people want to hear from them. Who
hasn't been stuck with someone at a social event who blathers on about their family history, latest
job interview, or the like?

To avoid being that person, become knowledgeable about world events, people in the news, or
what's going on locally. Take time to keep up with the latest music, new technological discoveries, or
recent best sellers. No one can know everything, so if you can enlighten someone during the course
of a conversation, you'll be a hit! By the same token, you can learn something new as well.

Of course, not all conversations are knowledge sharing gatherings or discussions of global import.
Many, especially at social functions, consist of light-hearted and cheerful banter. In such cases, be
aware of the tone and mood of the conversation and go with the flow. If you are not particularly good
at one-liners, or much of a jokester, you can always listen, smile and enjoy the humor. Never act like
you feel out of place or ill at ease.

Be relaxed, be yourself. If you are on edge, or trying to be someone you're not, it will show and
therefore doom a conversation to failure before it starts. Admittedly, if you are not relaxed it's hard to
appear as if you are. Slow down and take a deep breath. If you don't do your best to relax, you will
end up saying something silly, unintelligible, or unrelated to the conversation. Also smile warmly; it
will make you appear pleasant and therefore, more approachable. Worth noting: if you are trying to
hard to be something you're not, you will come across as a fake or a wannabe.

To start a conversation, go up to someone and introduce yourself. It is both polite and necessary to
start things off smoothly. If the occasion calls for it, you can offer a handshake and then smile and
make eye contact. Being friendly puts the other person at ease and opens the door for them to
introduce themselves. If, for whatever reason, your attempt is not well-received and you notice the
other person is cool or standoffish, bow out gracefully and move on. Do not take it as a rejection;
merely consider that the person has their reasons for not reciprocating. Perhaps they are not feeling
well, have had a bad day, or are not in the mood for conversation.

To improve, practice and then practice some more. The art of conversation, like any skill, takes
practice. Do not expect to be adept after your first few attempts. It will take practice as well as
exposure to many different social situations. A good way to get practice before you venture out to an
event is with family members and people you are comfortable with. They can give you helpful and
supportive feedback, which in turn, gives you something to work on. You can never have too much
practice!

Quick-Tips for The Art of Conversation

 Do not dominate a conversation or make it all about you. A monologue is not conversation.
Show interest and curiosity in others.
Strive for a balance of give and take.
Be an active listener by maintaining good eye contact and asking pertinent questions.
Train yourself to relax by using visualization, meditation, or other relaxation methods. Being
relaxed is vital for good conversation.
Do not interrupt and cut in with your own ideas before the other person is finished speaking.
Maintain an open mind; everyone has a right to express themselves even if you don't agree
with what they are saying.
Although this is clich, try to avoid topics such as sex, religion and politics. You would be
surprised at how many people get trapped by them and end up in verbal battle, not
conversation.
Be prepared by staying on top of the latest news, developments and world events.
Be approachable by staying relaxed, smiling and maintaining a friendly attitude.

Possessing the art of conversation improves personal, social and work relationships. It gives you the
opportunity to meet interesting new people and introduces you to various new topics and subject
matter. With practice and application anyone can improve their conversation skills.

6 Tips to Rule the Art of Conversation

How to talk to anybody, anywhere, anytime
Larry Alton

The art of conversation is a necessary skill for almost everything in life. Conversations introduce you to
people, important people who could be your mentors, employers, employees, partners or friends.
Without conversations as the foundation for those relationships, youll have a hard time building a social
circle, starting a business or advancing your career.

Related: 8 Ways to Master the Art of Communication

Once a conversation gets going, you should have little problem maintaining that momentumbut for most
of us, getting it started is the hardest part. Master these "talking points" to get (and keep)
a conversation going:

1. Lead with a compliment.

Compliments are the best possible way to begin a conversation. Not only do they provide a perfect
opening line and a possible door for discussion, they also make the person feel good about themselves.
Starting the conversation off on a positive note is crucial to keep the conversation going.

Just remember, the more specific your compliment is, the betterfor example, commenting that a person
is well-dressed is nowhere near as satisfying or flattering as saying something like, Your shoes are cute.
Its concise, sincere and specificand now youve opened the conversational door because your partner
has something to talk about.

2. Embrace small talk.

Small talk is taboo to some people, and while its not the most fulfilling type of conversation, it is both
functional and necessary. Small talk is what leads the way to deeper conversation, much in the way that a
car must gradually accelerate to a certain speed rather than hitting 60 miles an hour instantaneously.
Small talk topics are easy to pullyou can talk about the event youre attending, comment on a food or
drink item, point something out about the venue, or if youre desperate, you can talk about the weather.
These are all shared experiences that anyone can relate to, so they can work for any individual.

3. Ask lots of questions.

If you want to move from small talk to real conversation, you have to look for any opportunity that leads
you to change the subject. Dont try to abruptly change gears and talk about something deep or
substantial; instead, patiently wait for the opportunity to present itself.

Questions are conversational lubricant. Pay attention as much as you can to the conversation and use
them to move it forward. You should be scouting the entire conversation for tell me more opportunities.
Keep potential questions in the back of your mind. Try to be as specific and inquisitive as possible.

4. Be nice.
This should be obvious, but dont neglect it. Your level of friendliness can make or break the
receptiveness of the other party involved. Walk into the conversation with a big smile and open body
language, and keep yourself open, receptive and smiling politely for as much of the conversation as you
can.

Try not to cross your arms, appear distracted or let your eyes wander. Maintain eye contact when you can
and go out of your way to show that youre genuinely interested in what they have to say.

5. Let the other person do the talking.

This is another major point. If you go into a conversation and immediately begin dominating it with your
own anecdotes, comments and explanations, the other person may immediately become disinterested.
Instead, try to keep the focus on them as much as possible.

Utilizing frequent questions is a good strategy to this end. If you find that the conversation is dwindling, or
if the person simply doesnt respond well to questions, feel free to jump in yourself. Tell an amusing story
or a personal anecdoteit may be exactly what the conversation needs to keep going.

6. Keep it light.
Try to keep the conversation as light and approachable as possible. If you immediately start complaining
about your job or talking about whats wrong with your life, people will want to avoid you. If you tell a joke
or an amusing story, theyll be far more likely to stay.

People tend to gravitate toward others with a positive attitude, so keep your conversational material
positive. If you struggle with this, try memorizing a handful of good jokes or good stories to use when you
meet new people.

These tips are written from a practical perspective, so they can be used in almost any environment, from
a professional networking event to a bar or restaurant. The key is to get over your preconceived notions
and hesitations and to embrace the reality of small talk. With a little practice and more confidence, you
should have no problem starting a conversation with anybody, anywhere.
Good communication skills are key to success in life, work and relationships. Without effective
communication, a message can turn into error, misunderstanding, frustration, or even disaster by
being misinterpreted or poorly delivered.

Communication is the process by which we exchange information between individuals or groups of

people. It is a process where we try as clearly and accurately as we can, to convey our thoughts,
intentions and objectives.

Communication is successful only when both the sender and the receiver understand the same
information.
In today's highly informational and technological environment it has become increasingly important
to have good communication skills.

While many individuals still continue to struggle, the inability to communicate effectively will hold
them back not only in their careers, but in social and personal relationships.

The steps for acquiring good communication skills:

1. Know what you want to say and why. Understand clearly the purpose and intent of your
message. Know to whom you are communicating and why. Consider any barriers you may
encounter such as cultural differences or situational circumstances (gender, age, or economic
biases). Ask yourself what outcome you want to achieve and the impression you want to leave.
2. How will you say it? We're all aware by now, that it's not always what you say, but how you
say it that counts. Begin by making eye contact. You inspire trust and confidence when you
look a person in the eyes when you speak. Second, be aware of your body language since it
can say as much, or more, than your words. By standing with arms easily at your side you tell
others that you are approachable and open to hearing what they have to say. If instead, your
arms are crossed and shoulders hunched, it suggests disinterest or unwillingness to
communicate. Good posture and an approachable stance help make even difficult
communication flow more smoothly. Make sure you speak in a cooperative, non-adversarial
tone. Be nonjudgmental.
3. Listen. Communication is a two way street. After you've said what you have to say, stop,
listen, and look for feedback and clues of comprehension. While the person is responding
avoid any impulses to cut them off or listen only for the end of the sentence so that you can
blurt out more ideas or thoughts that come to your mind. Respectfully give them your full
attention. When they are finished, to ensure that your message has been clearly and correctly
understood, ask open questions and encourage discussion. Fine-tune your message if
necessary.
4. Reach understanding, agreement or consensus. Once you have had the opportunity to
discuss your message and the feedback to it, re-visit the purpose of the interchange. Have you
reached common ground, solved a problem, or clarified your position? If the purpose was to
teach or instruct, have you accomplished your goal? To communicate well is to understand and
beunderstood. Make sure that your message has been received as intended and that any
questions or concerns have been alleviated. You can even agree to disagree. There are no
guarantees that your communication efforts will be meet with total compliance and agreement.
As long as you understand each other, are cordial and respectful, you can still have a
successful exchange.

More Tips for Developing Good Communication Skills

To obtain a better command of the English language (or any other language), expand your
vocabulary by reading and writing more. Look up words you're not familiar with. The better you
are able to express yourself, the better your ability to communicate.
Practice your listening skills. Be considerate of other speakers by waiting until they are done
before stating your views. Process what has being said before responding.
 Learn to understand and appreciate opposing points of view by being open-minded and
making an effort to see things from another's perspective. It will in turn, gain you more
cooperation and understanding.
Avoid trying to communicate when in an emotional state. You lose objectivity and may say
something inappropriate or regrettable. Take time to think your position through before
speaking.
Join an organization such as Toastmasters that encourages you to develop a variety of
communication skills as well as allowing you the opportunity to meet new and interesting
people.

When you take the time to acquire and hone good communication skills you open yourself up to
better relationships, more career opportunities, and increased self-confidence. Moreover, you reach
higher levels of mutual understanding and cooperation while successfully attaining your goals.

All new skills take time to refine, however, with effort and practice you can develop good, even
exceptional, communication skills.