9ThingsYouSimplyMustDotoSucceedinLove&Life

APsychologistprobesthemysteryofwhysomelivesreallyworkandothersdont
byDr.HenryCloud

djvuPeople

Bycarefullyobservingpeoplewhogavehimacertain"dejavu"feeling
whenhefirstmetthem,Dr.HenryCloudmadearemarkablediscovery.No,hehadn'tactually
metthesepeoplebefore,buthehadencounteredtheirparticularwaysofhandlinglife.Andthe
commondenominatorwiththeseindividualswhopracticedthese"ways"
wastheywereallsuccessful!

Theyall...
Hadhealthyrelationships
Reachedtheirgoals
Didnotrepeatthesamemistakes
Wereincontroloftheirlives
Feltasenseofpurpose

Dr.Cloudthendecidedtodosomethingthatwasnotthefocusofhis
clinicaltraining:investigatewhysuccessfulpeople'sliveswereworking,
ratherthantryingtouncoverwhatwasbrokeninapersonandtryingtofixit.
Helearnedthatpersonalgrowthisnotonlyaboutgettinghealthy,butalsoabouttheprinciples
successfulpeopleinvariablypractice.

Ifyoufollowthesenineprinciples,youcanachievegreatresultsinyourwork,yourrelationships,
andotherareasofyourlife.Bestofall,theseprinciplesarenotlimitedtothechosenfewwhoare
bornwithmoney,brains,orgreattalent.They'reavailabletoanyonewhowantstotransform
averagerelationshipsanduncertainhopesintovibrantandachievabledreams.

Everwonderwhysomepeoplekeepgettingwhattheywantoutoflife,andothersdon't?
What'sthedifferencebetweenthosewhoreachtheirgoalsoverandoverandthoselockedin
survivalmode?
Dr.HenryCloudconnectsthedots,helpingyoudiscover"ways"ofbehavingandrespondingto
situationsthatsuccessfulindividuals(hecalls"dejavupeople")haveincommon.

Principle#1:DigItUp
Whatliesdeepinsideiswherethereallifeis
Successfulpeoplespendtimelisteningtoit,lookingforit,diggingitupandoutingit.
Thisprincipleisbasedonuslookinginsideourselvesforourdreamsandaspirations.
Oncewefindthem,weneedtobegintotakeactioninordertorealizeourdreams.
Choiceofattentiontopayattentiontothisandignorethatistotheinnerlife,whatchoiceof
actionistotheouter.Inbothcasesamanisresponsibleforhischoiceandmustacceptthe
consequenceswhatevertheymaybe.W.H.Auden

Principle#2:PullTheTooth
djvuPeoplegetridofbadstuff.Period.Sometimesquickly,sometimesthroughaprocess,but
theygetridofit.Theygetitoutoftheirhair,offtheirplate,outoftheirsoulsandoutoftheir
lives.Peoplewhodemonstratethisprincipledonotallownegativethingstotakeupspaceand
timeintheirlives.Theyremovethenegativethingandfillitwithsomethingpositivethatwill
leadthemtosuccess.
Doyouhaveatooththatneedstobepulled?
Somethingnaggingandnudgingyoutotakeaction?

Principle#3:PlaytheMovie
[Successful]peoplerarelytakeanactionwithoutconsideringitsfutureimplications.
Manypeoplethinkaboutthefuturewhenmakinglargedecisions.
Thesuccessfulpersonthinksaboutthefuturenotonlywithlargedecisionsbutinsmallones
also.
Theythinkaboutfutureimplicationsonaconsistentbasis.
Whatsetssuccessfulpeopleapartisnotjustthattheylookatthefutureofeverydecision,but
theytakeactionstocontrolandimpactthefutureasmuchaspossibleinthedirectiontheydesire
togo.

Principle#4:DoSomething
[Successfulpeople]tendtocallonthemselvesasthefirstsourcetocorrectdifficultsituations.
Itdoesnotmatterwhethertheythinktheyaretoblameornot.
Evenifsomeoneelseisatfault,theywillaskthemselves,WhatcanIdotomakethingsbetter?
Whethertheanswerliesinconfrontingotherpeopleoraskingforhelp,thecommonthemefor
successfulpeopleistodosomethingthatisapositivestepinresolvingtheissue.
Theytakeactionandmakegoodthingshappen.

Principle#5:ActLikeanAnt
Theyachievedtheirgoalsbytakingtinystepsovertime.
Cloudsharesthathelearnedthisprinciplebywatchingants.
AshewatchedantsherealizedthatTheyachievedtheirgoalsbytakingtinystepsovertime.
Successfulpeopletakeonestepatatime.
Theyareconsistentlymovingforwardandnotlookingbackwards.
Thisprinciplealsonecessitatestheconceptofperseverance.

Principle#6:HateWell
Basically,wearedefinedinpartbywhatweloveandwhatwehate.
Whenpeopletelluswhattheyloveandwhattheyhatewelearnalotaboutthatpersonandwho
theyare.Successfulpeoplemoveawayfromthosethingstheyhatewhichhelpsustounderstand
whotheyareandhowtheywillbehave.
Characterisinpartformedbywhatwehate,becausewemovetobedifferentfromwhatever
thatis.

Principle#7:DontPlayFair
Heresallyouhavetodotoruineveryrelationshipinyourlife:PlayFair.
Ifyouplayfair,youwillruinallofthem.Somemaygoprettyquickly,othersmaytakelonger.
Butintheend,youwillsucceed.Playfairandallyourrelationshipswillberuined.
Thisprinciplediscussesthecharacteristicofnottreatingothersastheytreatyou.
Thatmaybefair,butitisnotproductiveinbuildinghealthyandlongrelationships.
Thisprinciplecanbesummedupbysaying,Givebackbetterthanyouaregiven.

Principle#8:BeHumble
Clouddescribeshumilityas,tojustbewhoheorshereallyis,ahumanbeinglikeeveryone
else,avoidingtheneedtobemorethanthat.
Humblepeopletendtobegiversofthemselves.
Theyalsoacceptfailuresintheirlifeandlearnfromthem.
EzraTaftBensonsays,Prideisconcernedwithwhoisright.Humilityisconcernedwithwhatis
right.

Principle#9:UpsettheRightPeople
Successfulpeopleareverylovingandfeeldeeplythepainordistressthattheirdecisionscause
others...
Yetsuccessfulpeopledonotmakedecisionsbasedonthefearofotherpeoplesreactions.
Theyarewillingtomaketoughdecisionsbasedonprincipleandnottohowotherswillreactto
thedecision.
Whatyoushoulddo,andwhatsomeonesresponseisgoingtobe,aretwodifferentissues.

12StrategiesforImplementingthe9PrinciplesinourLives
Whatyoucanactuallydo

1. Donotgoitalone.Findpeopletohelpyoubecomesuccessfulbyencouraging,supporting,
andholdingyouaccountable.
2. ReceiveWisdom.Seekwisdomfromthosewhohavealreadybeenwhereyouwanttogo.
Read,research,takeaclass,hangoutwithotherswhodothingswell.
3. ReceivefeedbackandCorrection.Ifyouhaditalltogether,youwouldalreadybethere.So
getcomfortablewiththefactthattherearethingsaboutyourselfandyourwaysthatneed
correction
4. FindModels.Surroundyourselfwithsuccessfulpeopleandwatchandlearnhowtheyare
doingit.
5. ReviewYourPatterns.Dontallowpastpatternsoffailingtorepeatthemselves.
6. DealWithImpediments.Gethelp.Byresolvingfearsandhurts,youwillfindmorefreedom
toexecutetheninethings.
7. AddStructure.Addthestructurefromtheoutside.Makeadecisiontojoinastructured
programandjoinitorfollowit.
8. Practice,Practice,PracticeandFail.Thisisaprocess.Dontexpecttohaveitallnow.Learn
fromfailuresandpersevere.
9. ChangeYourBeliefs.Banishfalsebeliefsaboutyourcapacitybylisteningtohowyoutalkto
yourself.Thenchangeeachnegativeintoapositiveandtalkbacktothosedebilitatingold
beliefsasyouhearthemcomeupinyourhead
10. QuarantineYourWeaknesses.Learnyourtriggersandmakesureyouareprotectedfrom
them.Otherwisetheywillleadyouintothesamefailureyouknewbefore.
11. Putyourvisionandgoalsonpaper.Writeoutwhereyouwanttogettoandhowyouare
goingtodoit.
12. Pray,Pray,Pray.Practiceparallelconsciousnessaskingforhelpandguidanceeverystepof
theway.