Transcript of the talk "The value of Silence.

" by Swmi
Paramrthananda Saraswati Ji. Grammatical and typos are mine &
shall not be attributed to Swmiji.
Into the talk,

It is important to have the grace of the Lord for a happy life, it requires our own effort to make our
life a beautiful one. Because, all our experiences are not only dependent on the external event,
our experiences depend upon the way that we perceive and respond to the situation.
We always have to appreciate the role of the external factors as well as the internal condition. If
we take the example of Rmyaa, Kausalya also faced separation from her son Rma, Sumitra
also faced the same situation of separation from her son Lakshmana, the event of separation
from the son was the same for both Kausalya and Sumitra, but their perception and response
was totally different. Kausalya was shattered and created a very big scene, whereas, Sumitra
was calm and quiet and she was not disturbed, she gave advice to Lakmaa also, and she
consoled Kausalya and after talking to Sumitra, Kausalya felt better.
From this event, it is very clear that the quality of life is not merely dependent on the setup and
the event, the quality of life is equally dependent on my mental maturity also.
In-fact, the difference between the materialistic approach to life and spiritual approach to life, the
difference is this much. When I consider the quality of my life is dependent on external factors
and events and focus only on the external condition, I'm a materialistic person, whereas, a
spiritual person is one who focuses on internal factors to determine the quality of life.
Materialistic person focuses on the external factors, a spiritual person focuses on internal factors.
In-fact, when I focus on external condition, I'm at disadvantageous position, because external
conditions are too numerous and my control over those conditions are very limited, whereas, it is
far easier to take care of my own internal perception. Therefore, all our scriptures emphasize
tackling our inner growth, refinement of our inner personality. For refining our inner personality,
the skill of perceiving the world and responding to the situation in a mature manner, for that,
internal growth our scriptures talk about several disciplines and exercises.
There are so many systems they talk about tackling the external conditions including global
warming, but when I'm getting heated up inside, the internal warming, how can we tackle ? The
scriptures do talk a lot about this. Among various disciplines, the scriptures talk about utilizing
one faculty that we all are endowed with, all of us human being are endowed with one faculty
universally uniformly, using that faculty intelligently we can have inner growth and inner
refinement drastically. You know what is that faculty ? We generally don't notice, and that faculty
is, the faculty of silence. The faculty of silence is universally available and it is very powerful
faculty we have, we know that we have the faculty of speech and we talk a lot about using the
faculty of speech, but we generally don't think of the other counterpart, the faculty of silence.
Our scriptures point out that we can use, the faculty of silence very effectively to develop inner
growth. All our sages have uniformly and effectively made use of this faculty, the very silence is
called in our astra by the name mouna. What is the meaning of the word mouna ? It is derived
from the word munihi. Instead of using any sanskrit word, the scriptures translate silence by the
word mouna which means munihi bhvaha mouna. A state which has been used by all the sages
uniformly not only for internal growth, but also for spiritual wisdom, they have used this faculty.
Therefore, Lord Ka also talks about this mouna in the Gta, in the 12th chapter one of the titles
given to a wise person is, "tulya nind stuti maun santua yena kenacit aniketa sthira mati
bhaktimn me priya nara". We will think what is greatness in mouna, but Ka gives the title
mouni for a sage or a wise person. Therefore, we can effectively use mouna or silence for our
internal growth, inner refinement, maturity, spiritual growth. By developing this maturity, the way
we perceive the world and respond to the situation will drastically change. By that change, we
can change the very quality of our life. If we have decided to use mouna or silence effectively for
our inner growth, we have to follow 3 different principles.
The first principle Ka mentions in the Bhagavad Gta is, "vivikta dea sevitvam arati jana
sasadi". We all enjoy the company of people and we all enjoy talking to people all the time
whether necessary or not which is called Jan asati ratihi. All the time reveling in
companionship, all the time talking to people directly, if nobody is there, of-course there is cell
phone, all the time we are interacting and communicating, it has almost become an addiction.
Ka says, may you drop that addiction and once in a while, get out of your need to talk, learn to
spend some time in solitude, in which you don't interact with anyone, you don't communicate with
the world.
In the 18th chapter also, "ekk yata-citttm nirr aparigrahah" following silence along with
solitude. By solitude, we don't mean going to a forest, forests are not available around, solitude
means any setup in which we need not talk much or we cannot talk much.
Any setup in which we need not or we cannot talk much, you go to a library and sit along with
many people, it comes under solitude, because you are not transacting, communicating or
interacting. You go for a long walk without another person, or without a cell phone, that long walk
without interacting with the world, that also becomes solitude and silence, that is very useful for
inner growth. Once in a while, solitude and silence is extremely useful.
When I follow silence and solitude, at least for few hours, once in a while, or once in a month or
so, what happens is, when I'm interacting with the world all the time, I'm using the body and the
mind as an instrument for contacting the world. My own body and mind becomes an instrument
of transaction. But whenever I'm in silence and solitude, I'm not interacting with the world. When
there is no world of transaction what happens is, my own body and mind becomes an object of
experience. Instead of being an instrument of transaction, my own body, mind becomes my
object of experience. In silence and solitude, I'm confronting my own body and mind. At all other
times, I'm confronting the world, in silence and solitude I'm confronting myself that means, my
own body, mind complex and often we find, we are not able to confront our own body and mind.
Many of us are skilled to confront the world, but we don't know how to confront our own body and
mind.
Confronting our body, mind requires tremendous maturity. If I don't have skill and maturity to face
my own body and mind, they will become a huge burden and they will become problem shooters
and make me feel lonely. Loneliness comes because of my immaturity to handle my own body
and mind. Loneliness creates fear, loneliness creates depression, loneliness creates frustration
etc.
The sense of loneliness, fear, depression etc comes only because I don't have the maturity to
handle my own body and mind. Therefore, before growing old we should learn to fight loneliness.
We should learn to fight depression, fear etc. Because as we grow old, our interaction with the
world becomes lesser and lesser, because we are incapable, and when the interaction comes
down, I have to face my own body, my own mind and the loneliness.
When the external world creates problem, I can escape from the world and people, but when I
cannot face my own body and mind, I cannot escape. If a member of the family is creating
problem, you can go to another place, but if I cannot face my own body and mind, where will I go
? You may go to Kailash, Manasarovar the body mind will come.
Therefore, silence and solitude is a wonderful rehearsal for healthy aging. Because, as we grow
old, youngsters don't want to talk to us, because they are busy and I have to fight loneliness.
Therefore, first benefit of silence and solitude, I get inner maturity to face my own body and mind.
Therefore, the first principle is follow silence along with solitude once in a while.
The second principle of using silence effectively is, whenever I'm with people I encourage the
other people to talk more, and I encourage myself to listen more. How do I use my silence power
? By taking the policy that I will listen more rather than talking more. Therefore, the second
principle is, encouraging other people to talk more, and encouraging myself to listen more. By
this principle, I get lot of benefits. What are the benefits ?
The second principle is, encouraging other people to talk more, and encouraging myself to listen
more. By this principle, I get lot of benefits. What are the benefits ? When I listen more and more,
I'm following silence. I'm not using the power of my speech, I'm using the power of silence.
Silence continues amidst people.
Secondly, when I listen to other people, sharing their happy experiences by mere silence and
listening I'm increasing their joy. Without any single pisa spending, I'm giving joy to other people,
I'm doubling their happiness, when I listen to other people's experiences. Giving happiness is
benefit number 2. When other people are sharing painful, unhappy experiences if I can listen to
them patiently, then that very listening will give a great benefit to the other person, it reduces the
mental pain and the burden of the other person, not only that, when I patiently listen, then I'm
giving empathy.
In psychology language, it is called empathy towards other's feeling. That empathy itself heals
the wound of other person, it is a great psychotherapy that we can do. Many people share their
painful experiences not because they want solution from us, they are not interested in solution
because already many people might have given unwanted solution, because everybody will give
solution without asking.
Therefore, everybody would have given solution, comments and confused them, the other
person doesn't want any comments or solution or suggestion. The other person wants only
someone who can understand the problem, empathy is different from solution. Most of us give
solutions, opinions, comments when the other people really want only empathy. When other
people want empathy, giving solution is an inappropriate response, it will put the other person off.
When the person asks for water, in my over enthusiasm, I give lot of adais and dosais, it will only
increase the thirst. Many people share their problems only seeking sympathy, we jump and give
solutions. Patiently listening is a psychotherapy we can give, this is the second benefit of the
efficient employment of silence. If at all, I have to use the word, we have to use, "I understand",
"Ok, it is true. Certainly it is a problem." Other than those encouraging words, no comments, no
solutions would work. Also, it will help the other person.
The third benefit is, when I patiently listen to other people, whether it is happy or unhappy
experiences, by listening to others, I learn a lot about life. Even without myself going through
experiences, instead of I going through experiences, just by hearing other people's experiences,
I learn a lot about life. It will help gain inner maturity. I need not go through their experience, but
indirectly I will learn lessons.
Shakarcharya in Bhaja Govindham talks a lot about ghastha's experiences. How does
Shakara know ? He was never a ghastha, if many sanys is able to talk wonderfully about
ghastha's experiences, do you know how ? Very simple. They have cheaply, without going
through the grain, they have learnt a lot by simple patient listening. The other people has also
benefited because it is a therapy for ghastha and maturity for sanys, win-win situation, therapy
for ghastha, maturity or learn for a sanys, he will never regret for taking sanysa. Otherwise,
there may be in some corner, perhaps, I'm missing it.
When you hear such stories, a sanys will never miss it. The fourth benefit is, listening to a
person patiently without interrupting other person's speech is a great vocal discipline, extremely
difficult to practice. Listening to other person without interrupting is the toughest exercise in self
restrain. Our tendency will be, whenever a person talks about his experience, we want to parallel
talk about our own experience. Every sentence the other person talks, this person is not able to
resist. Either I share my experiences, if a person gives a particular view regarding something, for
e.g, whether Telengana should come or not and if I have a different view from the other person,
I'm not able to resist. I have to immediately negate that view, we are highly insecure and restless
when the other person holds a view other than mine.
The intolerance and the pressure is so much, that immediately I counter point. If I can listen to an
alternative view without an inner pressure to negate or counter, it is a tremendous self control. It
is called tma parigrahaha. In the 13th chapter of the Gta Ka says, silent and patient listening
is tremendous self control. Either I tend to talk about my personal experiences or I try to negate
the other person's view or I tend to advice. If he is talking about some problem, immediately we
want to give some solution. Never, never give your solution or remedy unless other person
expressly and explicitly asks for "Napa kasyacit bRuyat nachan gYayena pricHataHa
dyanaNapiHi medhavi jadavalloka aChare."
Unless a person asks for solution, never give. Because when the other people share their
problem, they may be sharing for empathy, they may not be interested in solution from us, why
confuse them more ? The best example is Lord Ka, in the entire 1st chapter of the Gta Arjuna
talked about his intense sasra problem, Ka had the solution, but Ka never opened his
mouth. He patiently listened. Ka had the tragedy of learning and preaching from Arjuna, Ka
was patient and resistant.
In the 2nd chapter of the Gta, "krpaya-dohopahata-svabhva pichchhmi tv dharma-
sammha-chet yach-chhreya synnihchita brhi tanme hihyaste ha hdhi m
tv prapannam", Arjuna said, I'm not a preacher, I'm your disciple, please give the remedy. And
thereafter only "aocyn anvaoca" tvam. Therefore, just because a person says, I have got a
health problem, you need not give your homeopathy or allopathy, everybody wants to give some
remedy or solution, never never never do that. When a person is talking about his sickness what
he wants is empathy and not allopathy, not homeopathy. Never give any other pathy's when a
person seeks empathy, "vAcyam raddh sAmetasya prIcha tascha vieataha raddh
henasthu proktam araya ruthitho pamam". Even if you give the advice, it will be like shouting in
wilderness, the other person will not be listening because he has not come for our advice.
It is a tremendous exercise in self-restrain if we decide to listen, you can experience this problem
in all get-together where several people are there, and you will find nobody will be allowed to talk.
Before one person talks and completes the sentence another person talks, like our parliament.
Even though, everybody interrupts, and in spite of the interruption everybody simultaneously talk
and nobody is there to listen. From today onward if you watch and observe, in all get-together
you will find, everybody will be simultaneously talking and especially if couples are there, it will be
very interesting. I have noticed one more thing, suppose if there are couples and when the
husband wants to talk about something, he will never be allowed to talk, parallelly the wife will be
editing, commenting, adding doing this thing, I don't know whether to look this direction or that
direction. Similarly, husband also, he will not allow, at home is fine, but at-least in front of Swmiji
why can't you allow the person to talk ? Every sentence is parallelly double talked. Therefore it
will be a very good exercise that I will not talk when the other person is talking, because his mind
is not available for listening.
Therefore, silent listening has got the benefits 1) I observe silence, 2) I give happiness to others
when I listen, 3) I'm empathizing which is a beautiful therapy, 4) I learn by listening to other
people. It is a wonderful exercise in self-restrain, mouth-restrain is the toughest thing in life, both
eating mouth and talking mouth. So, this is the second principle. What is the first principle ?
Observing silence in solitude. The second principle is, amidst people, I encourage other people
to talk more and I will encourage myself to listen more.
Then the third principle is, I will carefully avoid certain speech traps. There are certain types of
traps in speech which we all tend to fall into if we are not alert, effective employment of silence
for inner growth involves avoidance of speech trap. What are some of the traps ?
The first trap is, the monologue trap. We all have got a lot of pressure inside, and we want to
release the pressure, several methods of releasing the pressure are there, and one of the
methods we want to employ is by talking and talking. We want to release the pressure, and once
that pressure comes, since we want to talk to someone or the other, we always desperately look
for some person, like a predator animal looking for its prey, many of us especially when we grow
old, we are looking for some victim or the other to start our story from 1947. Because, the mind is
full of experiences, loaded experiences gathered in decades and decades, therefore, we want to
talk and it is ok if we want to unload, but we have to unload and talk to someone who is
interested and willing to hear our story.
But our problem is we don't want to make sure whether the other person is willing or not, like the
animal pouncing, anybody we spot in distance, we pound, jump and we start talking on, and on
without wondering whether the other has the mood, time etc, we don't bother. After 2 minutes, if
the person is restless, already the body language is showing restlessness, facial expressions
showing restlessness, because of my preoccupation I'm not sensitive enough to note the other
person's discomfort, it may be he is urgently going to the bathroom, we don't bother about that,
this is a very big trap any of us can get into, therefore, any speech we have it should never
extend more than 3-5 minutes, after that, I have to give a break to see whether the other person
is ready for the second installment. Who has the time to listen to all our stories ? We have no
right to unload on anyone and everyone, it is a very big trap, it's a very big obstacle in spiritual
growth, by this monologue trap we are violating 2 important virtues the scriptures talk about.
One value is ahis, when we keep on talking to a person without making sure whether he is
comfortable or uncomfortable, whether directly or on phone, If I'm a mature person, after calling
up a person over the phone, the first thing I should ask is, "Is this the right time for you to talk? "
but most of them don't care and call the person and start the story.
Therefore, it is the violation of the virtue ahis. His doesn't mean you have to take a knife
and stab another person, talking to a person on and on without making sure whether the other
person has time and mood, it is a his, we should be intensely aware of. I'm violating the
ahis rule through monologue trap, and when I'm talking to another person when he doesn't
have the time and mood to listen, I'm misappropriating his time, time is the most precious
commodity in life and when I'm taking another person time without his permission, right under his
nose, it is like day light robbery when we start and go-on talking, I'm violating the rule of asteyam,
non-stealing is another virtue, when I'm talking to a person on and on, I'm stealing in-fact robbing
the precious time of the other person.
In-fact, I remember, sometimes what happen, some people who are outside Chennai, they would
like to come and meet me and spend some time, when they come to Chennai they would like to
have an appointment and talk to me for some time and since they don't know my place very
clearly, they would like to take the help of some local person who the Swmiji and the place also.
Therefore they fix the appointment through that local person and they bring him as an escort. So
the local person comes as an escort bringing the other person to talk to me, and that escort
wants to introduce and he starts the introduction but doesn't know how to stop, he goes on and
on, the other person who has come, he is at a loss, he doesn't know what to do, he is helpless,
I'm also helpless, at-least in my case I'm used to this. But my concern is, the poor person who
has come from outside, he has come to talk, shouldn't this person understand that I'm an escort
and I'm the local person, Swmiji is anyway available and unemployed, therefore, this time let
me keep quiet. The escort doesn't understand, it is a crime because, he is taking up the precious
time of the other person, who has come all the way to talk. Therefore, monologue trap is a very
powerful trap we have to avoid as we are growing old.
The second trap is gossip trap. Whenever there is a gathering of people where there is no clear
constructive agenda to do, or a constructive topic for discussion, all such gatherings are ideal
gatherings for gossips in the name of partying, socializing, friendship promoting etc.
Whenever people gather, there is no constructive work to do, and there is no topic for discussion,
it comes ideal breeding ground for gossip, just as stagnant water is a breeding ground for
mosquitoes, all such gatherings are breeding ground for gossip, all useless loose talk about other
people, other family affairs etc, it is always juicy and tasty, we can easily get trapped. A person
who values inner growth must try to avoid all such gatherings which are dusaga, where there
is no constructive topic of discussion or activity and even if we go for such gathering, we should
learn to come away as early as possible if gossip mongering is going on. Have some healthy
excuses without lying, some healthy excuses to get out, gossip trip is the second trap.
Then, the third trap is argument trap, argument is a big trap which is the cause of spiritual
downfall, all those people who want inner growth must avoid all forms of argument, in Nrada
Bakthi Stra, Nrada says, vdo nvalambya any casual discussion can become an argument,
the moment I sense that it is getting heated up astra says learn to observe silence mauninaha
kalaho nsti, for a mauni quarrels and kalahams are not there, and all arguments will strain
relationships, if you want to keep a relationship stable avoid all arguments. In argument, there is
only more heat rather than like, that's why they say heated argument, both of them want to win
by hook or crook, nobody wants to think and argue, in fact, when the other person is arguing I'm
not listening I'm thinking of my rebuttal, and the other person is not also listening, in argument
nobody listens, argument trap is the third thing.
And the fourth thing is, all emotional speech. When I'm emotionally disturbed and turbulent with
anger, with frustration etc, during emotional turbulence, my reasoning mind is not available, I
may blurt out words which can create damage. Therefore, I have to use silence effectively
whenever I'm tempted to fall into one of the four traps, what are they ? Monologue trap, gossip
trap, argument trap and emotional speech trap (This may be, either I'm emotional or when the
other person is emotional also, not worth talking to.) If we avoid these four traps and effectively
practice silence, in-fact most of the time we are silent and the quantity of speech will come down
and if at-all we speak, the limited speech will have quality. We can focus on quality only when we
reduce the quantity. Thus, to improve the quality of speech, Ka has talked in the 17th Chapter
of the Gta, we have seen that in the Gta class, today's talk is reduction of the quantity of speech
by effectively using silence for our inner growth. With these words, I would like to be silent.