Exemplar Short Story

You are now going to read and annotate a short story using the criteria above. For each part
of the story, tick the boxes on the criteria that you think apply to the story.

Writing Task:

Your English class has decided to compile an anthology of creative

writing entitled Country Journey

You are required to submit a piece of imaginative writing which explores the impact of
rediscovering a place, suitable for publication in this anthology.

Use the image as a basis for your imaginative piece.

ONE
On New Years Day I asked my father if he would take me to
his hometown and show me around. He agreed. In fact, he
seemed rather excited that I was interested in a bit of
family history. After all, the last time I had been dragged
out there was some dozen or so years ago for the purpose
of attending my fathers school reunion. I was 17 and
Tallimba may as well have been the end of the earth.
Tallimba, NSW. Population 149. Actually, make that 147.
We just heard that Wombat and his wife are leaving town.
Since the New Years Day trip, Ive been asking myself why I wanted to go there in the first
place. After all, it was a
depressing and a gruelling trip through barren bush land and virtually abandoned paddocks,
only to arrive at a humpy that was my fathers home.

I felt a little cheated. Where was the neat little home of my fathers stories? You know, the
one that Granddad and Uncle Ted built with their bare hands? Where was the kitchen
where Old Nan would beat cream for hours by hand to make butter? Where was the shed
where Granddad would slaughter the sheep and string them up? That house was gone and
in its place stood a blue tin lean-to with an over-grown cactus in the front yard. Doors
boarded up, waist high weeds and rusted bits of machinery strewn about.
We drove on. It got worse.

CHECKLIST:

Establish a distinctive voice

Use effective descriptions
Appeal to a specific audience
Use a variety of language features and techniques
Control of language
Mechanics of language: punctuation, sentence structure and paragraphing
Keep it realistic
Write with originality and insight
Evidence of a conceptual understanding of journey
TWO

That building used to be the bakery where Granddad worked.

Really? That mint-green, tumble-down place?
That in there used to be the hospital. A faded sign leaning against what remained of the
fence read Bush Nurse.
The only saving grace was our visit to the local school where my father proudly showed me
the past students wall and the brick with his name on it.

The final stop was the cemetery where my great-grandfather is buried. Just him, on his own.
I stood there for a few minutes reflecting on how sad it is to be buried away from other
family members. Dad muttered something about money. I nodded as though I understood
exactly what it was like to grow up in abject poverty.
We got back in the car, proceeded down a dirt road only because my father hadnt travelled
it for 60 years and got a flat tire. I told him that thats what you get for being nostalgic.
So, there we were in 45 degree heat, literally in the middle of nowhere with no mobile
phone reception, changing a tire and praying that the brown snakes were having a day off.

***
All through my adolescence and into my adulthood I have downplayed where I come from.
When asked that particular question, it has always been easier (and preferable) to say
Sydney and change the subject.
My attempts to disassociate myself with my rural heritage and upbringing stem from a fear
of being thought of as a red-neck or country-bumpkin; a fear that others may perceive of
me as ignorant, narrow-minded, unsophisticated, uncultured or backwards. But it also
stems from something else. A pervasive attitude in the wake of multiculturalism that there
is something really rather shameful in being Anglo-Aussie. The response by some
has been to aggressively assert a simplified and overtly masculine version of Australian
identity that is characterized by BBQs, the beach and beer drinking (all done, dare I say it,
whilst wearing a Bintang singlet). For others, like myself, the response has been to condemn
this very form of Australian identity, whilst waving the banner of multicultural Australia.

CHECKLIST:
Development of a distinctive voice
Use effective descriptions
Appeal to a specific audience
Use a variety of language features and techniques
Control of language
Mechanics of language: punctuation, sentences tructure and paragraphing
Keep it realistic
Write with originality and insight
Evidence of a conceptual understanding of journey \
 The Stimulus & Writing Task
Now that you better understand the expectations of a creative piece, it is time to look more
closely at deconstructing the stimulus, so that you are able to successfully integrate it into
your response.

A high-range response to any creative writing task must make clear

and effective use of the stimulus material even if you are using a
narrative that you have written previously!

This means that the examiner can easily see that the premise/concept of your story is a
direct result of deconstructing the stimulus.

The stimulus is there to help you create a thesis for your story. In
other words, it is there to help you decide on which elements of
journey you are going to write about and what message you are
going to convey to the reader about the process of journey.

Activity #1: Deconstructing Stimulus and The Writing Task

The Stimulus:

What is the photograph about in relation to journey?

What literal/concrete elements of the stimulus could be used
symbolically/metaphorically?
What could be the message of your story?

Emotional, physical, spiritual journey

Transformation

The mailbox could symbolise the receipt

of an important message (or the arrival
home of your main character. It could
represent the familiar that your character is
returning to or moving away from.
The open gate could symbolise entry,
transition or change. It could also represent
departure leaving the familiar in the hope
of discovering something new.
The road could symbolise the journey of
self-growth
That the journey of something new can be challenging for the individual, but ultimately
lifechanging.
The Writing Task:
On Your Own

The real voyage of journey consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having
new eyes.
Marcel Proust

Drawing on the ideas in this quotation, compose an imaginative piece of writing that
explores how a journey can lead to changed perceptions of ourselves and others.
This tells you the text type you need to write in. In this case, a narrative is a good choice,
although other texts types are also an option.

Always be conscious of all the information present in the question. The stimulus being a
photograph may be useful for a plot-line or central symbol. For instance, your main
character could stumble upon this photograph at an in their home at an art exhibition etc.

This tells you that your story needs to focus on the impact of a journey. In what ways has
your main characters journey affected them?

Use this stimulus as the basis for a piece of imaginative writing exploring the impact
of a journey on the individual.
Writing Activities
In this section you are going to focus on some skills
needed to show aspects of journey and
discovering in your story.
For all of the activities in this section, you will be
using this writing activity:
Use this photograph as the basis for a piece of
imaginative writing exploring the impact of a journey
on the individual.

Activity #1: Colours and Connotations

Using colours both explicitly and implicitly is a great way to evoke a mood or atmosphere
that reveals how your character feels about the journey they have made. This is because
different colours have different connotations or associations, depending on the context in
which they are used.
For example:
Red love, passion, fury.
White peace, innocence, purity, light, goodness.
Blue tranquillity, trust, loyalty, sincerity.
Green growth, fertility, envy, ambition, greed, sickness.
Yellow cheerfulness, energy, light-heartedness.
Black power, formality, elegance, mystery, death.

How it Works:
Using the image of the letterbox and the colour grey you will practice composing a
paragraph, which evokes a sense of entrapment.
Your opening sentence must have the word grey, but continue in such a way as to
suggest the colour.
You can only use the colour grey once in your paragraph.
Example:
An almost impenetrable, grey fog hung like ghostly cotton candy as David trudged to the
mailbox that morning. The track was leaden mud underfoot, courtesy of last nights sodding
rain, and the low squelching sound of steps made in rubber wellies provided an apt
soundtrack for Davids life.
Or so he thought.
Raising a hand to the weather-beaten gate, he steadied himself and slowly lifted the top of
the tin mailbox. This action reminded him that he had been intending for some time to
paint the box red, but as with many bright ideas and cheerful DIY projects, David had never
gotten around to the actual doing. He exhaled in that world-weary way that old men do,
contemplated the ash-coloured sky and the now bare apple tree before lifting the modest
pile of letters from the box.
Again

Now, you are going to repeat the same activity, however this time you need to evoke an
atmosphere of wonder or delight at the newly discovered.
Your opening sentence must contain the word yellow, but continue in such a way as to
suggest the colour.
You can only use the colour yellow once in your paragraph.
You must write your paragraph from the same character point of view as your last
paragraph.

Example:

In an instant, David felt the warm yellow of the sun break through the clouds. As he helped
Lucy water the last of the daffodils they had planted, just enough so as to make them dance
(he had promised her that) he realised that nothing, not the leaden mud or the weather-
beaten gate or the unpainted tin mailbox could spoil the sheer joy of this moment. It was
then that the morning fog began to solemnly rise before him to reveal a radiant world in
which he found his heart dancing with the daffodils.
What do you say we paint that mailbox red, eh? David said, turning to Lucy, a glowing
smile spread across his face.

Activity #2: Everything But The Eyes

Whilst vision is the dominant sense in prose writing, to offer the reader a full sensory
experience, it is important to draw on the other senses as well.

Sight visual imagery

Sound aural imagery
Smell olfactory imagery
Taste gustatory imagery
Touch tactile imagery
Kinesthetic movement or tension
Organic internal sensation, such as fear, fatigue, hunger, thirst etc.

How it Works:

Using the setting depicted in the photograph, you will practice composing a paragraph,
using the sensory details of sound, smell, taste and touch.
Make sure you think about what feelings associated with journey and discovering you are
trying to communicate and choose appropriate images that will help you to achieve the
desired effect.
Activity #3: Building a Character
The final activity in this section is all about building a believable character and conveying
character traits.
The stimulus we have been working with offers us a setting, but no characters. This means
that you will need to place a main protagonist within this setting and tell the story from
their point of view. If you have chosen a different approach to using the stimulus e.g. if
you are using it as a symbolic photograph/image within your story, you will still need to
come up with a believable main protagonist from whose point of view you will tell the story.
How it Works:

Follow each of the steps below to flesh out your protagonist.

Step 1: Define the Scene
Your character must exist somewhere specific. Include precise details e.g. street name,
house number etc. Where your character lives where they work, go to school or places they
frequent will produce particular associations, so think carefully.

Step 2: Add Specific Characteristics

Add character traits and features.
What makes your character unique or distinctive?
How are you going to relate their age, occupation or hobby to their physical appearance?
What do you want the reader to feel about your character? Love, pity, compassion etc.
What common associations can you use or even subvert? For example, age is associated
with wisdom, youth with energy, beauty, vitality.
What characteristics best contribute to portraying a characters feelings about the process
of journey ?

Step 3: Give them a Backstory

Everyone has a history and your main character should be no exception!
What are their fears, motivations, secrets?
What quirks do they have? Again these produce particular associations e.g. repetitively
straightening objects in a room indicates a fastidious nature and a need for order.
Think about a defining moment or experience which may have contributed to your
character developing certain behaviours.
How can you use this backstory meaningfully as a way of moving your character toward a
journey that will ultimately prove transformative for them?

Step 4: Write a Plot Outline

Write a brief plot outline for your story below. Remember that your story only needs to be
600-800 words long, so it is more of a sketch story or impressionistic piece. This means
that you need to keep the plot both simple and minimal to maintain the focus of your piece
on the concept of journey in particular, the focus should be on your main characters
movement toward change as a consequence of a significant journey.

Be sure to also consider:

The structure you are going to use:
o Linear narrative
o Diptych (2 parts)
o Triptych (3 parts)
How this structure can help you to introduce a significant realisation for your main
character that enables them to emerge as a changed person.