Documente Academic
Documente Profesional
Documente Cultură
28 TECHNOLOGY
Nitendos new on-the-go
gaming console
30 SEX
All in favour of the quickie, say I
32 DESTINATION
23
Escape to Mexico
34 TASTE
Tongue in cheek
36 EXPOSURE
A night of whiskey tasting
87
with Jack Daniels
STATUS SYMBOL
Guccis beast
FASHION Motor
Down to Earth 46 DRIVE
Driving the historic La Carrera road race
49 GREAT DRIVE
BMWs small G 310 R bike has big heart
44 GQ&
Book ta
Richard Wealth Style
PROFILE 106 FITNESS
98
h entrepreneur Yossi Hasson Gym just got upgraded
PHOTOGRAPHS BY NIKOLA BORISSOV AND TERI ROBBERTS
Sandton +27 (0)11 783 2468 The Oriental Plaza +27 (0)11 836 4418 Cedar Square +27 (0)11 465 1613 Mall Of Africa +27 (0)10 007 3506
EDITOR CRAIG TYSON
ART DIRECTOR DEPUTY EDITOR MANAGING EDITOR
Gareth Grey 5RVZP`H[P2O\THSV *VSSLLU.VVZLU
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS
Cayleigh Bright (Books), Evert Lombaert (Film), +PL[LY3VZZRHYU(Motoring),
5HKPH5LVWO`[V\(Entertainment), (Sta6KLUKHHS( Games),
,]H4HYPH:O\THU(Editorial Executive JHB)
CONTRIBUTORS
Arnaldo Anaya-Lucca, Sarah Ball, Nils Bernstein, Bruce Cameron, Ryan Fernando,
Andrew Goble, Mark Anthony Green, Adam Hurly, Brendan Jack, Jesse Katz, Rowland
Manthorpe, Nicholas Marino, Jake Millar, Maureen OConnor, Jason Parham, Tony Parsons,
Stephen J Praetorius, Joshua Rivera, Grant Shub, Clay Skipper, Anish Trivedi, Jeff Vrabel,
Caity Weaver, Kim Zetter
PHOTOGRAPHERS AND ILLUSTRATORS
Leanne Botha, Nikola Borissov, Peter Hapak, Ryan Koopmans, Michael Lionstar, Francesco
Muzzi, Kevin Mark Pass, Justin Polkey, Teri Robberts, Ramona Rosales, Thomas Whiteside
ADVERTISING SALES DIRECTORS
2LYY`*VZ[H
3VYYHPUL)YHKSL`(JHB)
ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER 1HJX\P,YHZT\Z (JHB)
ADVERTISING SALES EXECUTIVE 5VR^HUKH4OSHTIV (CT)
ADVERTISING PROJECT MANAGER Stacey Calitz (CT)
ADVERTISING LIAISON Jaime Pillay (CT)
SALES REPRESENTATIVE ITALY (UNLSV*HYLKK\(Oberon Media)
ISSNs: 1562-4366
WATCH THE FILM AT JIMMYCHOO.COM
JOHANNESBURG | SANDTON CITY | +27 11 326 6658
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR | FEEDBACK | GQ ONLINE
I try to challenge
A GOOD the team as much as
I can, its my biggest
I
ts good to know there are interested only in
decent leaders out there enriching themselves.
doing positive things for the Fafs modern
country. I am sure he wont leadership style
take the credit for it, but South has given sports fans
African cricket captain Faf du hope at a dismal
Plessis has single-mindedly time, and his leading
turned the Proteas fortunes by example has
around. His leadership abilities made him SAs most
are in direct contrast to those consistent batsman
of the confederacy of dunces since Jacques Faf du Plessis, p58
who take this country from one Kallis. Thats some
SNAFU to the next. Du Plessis, achievement for a
who only became Test captain man who has to rely ituation Normal All Fucked Up. hats a SNAFU for those who
by default when SAs star
player AB de Villiers pulled
out, has a straightforward
on other qualities.
Pure class is one
of those attributes.
S dont know. Its a military term dating back to World War II,
as apt today as it was then. It applies to television, an industry
hanging in there thanks to live sports and the Trump horrorshow.
approach. My policy will It applies to his own hat too will change. Its not so good for entertainment, theres Apple
always be one of being honest. style as well. or Netlix or any other streaming device for that. TV could do us all
I value the team above myself. a favour and reboot to a blank screen and an app so we can stream
Im not as good as AB so Craig Tyson what we like whenever we want. he stars and the series is on p68.
I have to rely on other qualities Editor
CONTRIBUTORS
South Africa Shub is a sports Millar is GQ An artist
post-1994 was enthusiast, with Australias specialising in
an inspiring rugby his first features editor, photography,
and fertile love. He hung covering Koopmanss
environment in up his boots everything from work
which Polkey when the pop culture to explores our
found his feet as props began fashion, travel relationship
a photographer. resembling Os and long-form with the built
PHOTOGRAPHS BY JUSTIN POLKEY
2
88 845
alessandraambrosio
Friday with
@gqsouthafrica
MAY GQ.CO.ZA 11
inside online
ZAYN MALIKS HAIR EVOLUTION
From buzz cut to long locks (and everything in between), Malik is
the go-to-guy for the latest in mens hair. This is how he got there.
AUTU M N/ WI NTE R
2 017
T H E D E F I N I T I V E G U I D E T O M E N S FA S H I O N
Style
SOUTH AFRICA
Dash
common? I love that theyre
all mediums to communicate.
I love sharing my interpretation
of how I see or hear the world
does
with people. I was truly born
to entertain, whether its visual
or sonically.
Entertain he will, with a new
Dreamteam EP entitled Level
it all
The showman who
Up dropping soon, and a few
more fashion collaborations
planned to follow (keep an eye
on these pages).
Through it all, how does
Dash keep his head out of the
loves to entertain hype? My family has always
been my anchor. The industry
Words by Nkosiyati Khumalo Im in is very fickle and Ive
learnt to just focus on the craft
and bettering myself. I dont do
anything for money, likes or
approval; I just engage in
projects I truly believe in.
I was truly
born to
entertain,
whether its
visually or
sonically
UNITED KINGDOM
SO FAR
monitor all mobile traffic passing through its
routers. OUTCOME: Although the hack
successfully penetrated the network, the
telecom has never been clear about whether
the attackers intercepted customer traffic.
Cyberattacks have created
an invisible war zone
across the globe
Words by Kim Zetter
UNITED STATES
EVERY MONTH, IT SEEMS SEVERITY: 1
a mammoth cyberattack sponsored by
a nation state comes to light. In recent 2001-2017: Target: the world. Seriously, the
years, more than 20 countries have NSAs reach appears to be limitless, according
to documents leaked by Edward Snowden,
announced their intent to launch or beef
which describe a vast hacking operation aimed
up their ofensive cyber capabilities. at subverting the internets infrastructure.
he result is a burgeoning digital arms OUTCOME: Global paranoia and a subsequent
race that presents a major threat to the reduction in security for all.
security of our data.
Heres a look at the countries that have 2007: The US launched the Stuxnet worm
against Iran to sabotage that countrys nuclear
garnered the most headlines during the
programme. OUTCOME: Stuxnet succeeded in
past few years and a comparison of how briefly setting back the Iranian nuclear programme.
their cyber-ofensive capabilities stack up. The attack set a precedent for cyberwarfare:
Our assessment is, of course, based only countries now launch digital assaults to resolve
on known attacks. Attribution is tricky. political disputes.
Its diicult, forensically, to distinguish
nation-state attacks from those of
independent groups even more so when
China and Russia use state hackers and
also pay freelancers when they gain
W
access to useful systems. H
Weve ranked a selection of attacks and O
the players accused of launching them.
S
Amid the intrigue and mystery, one thing IRAN
is clear the online world is becoming an
increasingly dangerous place. 2012: Iran allegedly launched a virus called
Shamoon against oil conglomerate Saudi
Aramcos computers. US officials blame Iran for
the attack but have not produced evidence.
OUTCOME: Shamoon wiped 30 000 machines
and destroyed files, while preventing reboots.
2014: Israel allegedly hacked Russian security 2014-2016: Russia allegedly hacked the US
firm Kaspersky Lab to obtain intel on its State Department and the White House.
research about nation-state attacks. It also struck OUTCOME: The attackers had access to
venues in Europe where the UN Security Council unclassified emails for President Obama as well
met to negotiate Irans nuclear programme. as non-public details about his schedule.
OUTCOME: The attackers may well have obtained
intel about Kasperskys research. 2015: TV5Monde, a French-language
broadcaster, was hacked reportedly by
2012: Suspected of launching the Wiper attack Russia. A group calling itself the CyberCaliphate
against the Iranian oil ministry and the National took credit, but French officials have pointed the
Iranian Oil Company. OUTCOME: The malware finger at the Kremlin. OUTCOME: The hackers
wiped hard-drive data, then erased system files, blacked out broadcasting for several hours and
causing the machines to crash and preventing them posted messages expressing support for ISIS to
from rebooting. Iran insisted it had data backups. the TV channels social-media accounts.
?
O
H
W
G
K I N
H A C
CHINA NORTH KOREA
2009-2011: China allegedly hacked Google, 2014: Sony Pictures Entertainment was
RSA Security and others to get source code. attacked. The US attributed it to North
OUTCOME: The hackers who breached RSA Korea and applied additional sanctions against
obtained core data used in the companys the country and specific officials. OUTCOME: The
two-factor authentication scheme used by attackers nabbed gigabytes of internal data and
ILLUSTRATION BY FRANCESCO MUZZI
2014: China breached several databases 2013: Computers in South Korea were struck
belonging to the US Office of Personnel by a logic bomb that caused data deletion
Management. OUTCOME: The hackers stole as well as preventing rebooting. South Korea
sensitive data, including Social Security blamed North Korea for the attack but it has
numbers, relating to more than 21-million never produced solid evidence. OUTCOME: Two
people who had been interviewed for broadcast-media companies and at least three
government background checks. banks were affected.
Business casual
What to wear to one of those informal meetings
Words by Jason Alexander Basson
1 2 3
4 5 6
7 8 9
Business isnt always the stif collar kind of stuf. Occasionally you will be required to make deals in a casual setting where its important
to show of a sense of formal decorum with a relaxed, personal touch. A shirt and blazer combo without the tie is acceptable. Wear it with
a pair of jeans or chinos, and add personality with bags and accessories. You want to look important, relaxed and respectable.
1 TAG Heuer Carrera at Picot & Moss watch POR 2 Trenery blazer R2 999 3 Gucci cufflinks R6 500 4 Trenery pants R1 599 5 Gucci bag R39 200
6 Gucci tie R2 700 7 Trenery shirt R599 8 Gucci belt R5 100 9 Trenery shoes R2 299
THE MONEY scary jungle that is the world of luxury fashion. Its
easy to understand why this beast has quickly become
one of Alessandro Micheles signatures. It represents
Guccis bestiary tiger-print wallet strength, rarity, mystery, provocation, exoticism and,
of course, feline sensuality.
is a fashion accessory like no other he bi-fold wallet is made in Italy, using Guccis
signature GG low environmental impact canvas with
Words Jason Alexander Basson
black leather trim. It has six card slots and features a tiger
Photograph by Teri Robberts
brushstroke motif set against the GG graph for three-
dimensional efect. R4700
How to stay
fresh after a
red-eye flight
An overnight success story
T
IN-FLIGHT TRAVEL TIP
you look like shit. After a few hours of mediocre mid-air As much as wed like to take credit for ensuring
dozing (if youre lucky), its damn near impossible to walk you look your best when you hit the ground,
of the plane looking presentable. And thats the problem. the use of any grooming goods no matter
You often need to look presentable right away, whether youre how jam-packed with the finest ingredients
meeting with a client, your in-laws, or, you know, a teeming wont do their job unless you do yours:
drink enough water to combat the low-humidy
hoard of paparazzi. So when you land, make a beeline for the levels and moisture loss in the cabin while
mens room, and freshen up with these four techniques. Consider youre up in the air.
this a shot of espresso for your face.
LIVEN UP LIMP HAIR with MINIMISE SHINE with HAVE A SMOOTH SHAVE GET BRIGHT-EYED with
a dry shampoo/styler hybrid oil-clearing face wipes with a multipurpose oil a de-puffing treatment
Somehow, during that upright Hair isnt the only thing that gets If your 5am shadow is showing, Lost baggage is a good thing,
slumber, your hair gets greasy greasy on the go. Substitute your you may need to shave at the at least when it comes to those
and limp. Its a mystery yet to usual cleanser with Cetaphils airport, or, if youre badass, on bags under the eyes. Kiehls
be solved, but until then, this face wipes: they unclog pores by the plane. As shaving agents, oils Eye Alert uses caffeine extracts
dusty stuff restores volume and washing away oil, dirt and grime, are grossly underrated. A few and a vitamin-rich formula to
style-ability by absorbing the without over-drying the skin. drops will condition the skin for minimise puffy under-eyes and
excess oil and giving your hair Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleansing a razor-sharp and smooth shave. neutralise dark circles. Pro tip:
a matte base. And no rinsing. Cloths R139 And itll maintain your scruff. keep it on hand for hangovers,
Davines This Is A Texturizing Elemis Smooth Result Shave should you need to mask last
Dust 8g R325 and Beard Oil 30ml R525 nights poor decisions.
Kiehls Eye Alert 15ml R245
WORDS BY ADAM HURLY
11 SIGNS
THAT YO
SHOULD
NOT TAK
THAT JOB Look out for these signs
when choosing a new job:
Your potential new boss
greets you with a hug,
Be sure that youre not leaving one then gently caresses your
terrible workplace for another You arrive for your thighs and buttocks, and sighs
interview and the board of into your neck.
Words by Brendan Jack executives are all being
handcuffed by government It smells like everyone in
agents. Your short term the office has stepped in
Y
ou abandoned hopefully better pay. But you prospects are cloudy; wait dog shit.
all your New Years dont want to be stuck in a job until the offending cronies
resolutions before that wont deliver for you, have left the building Team building exercises
February that happens to the otherwise whats the point? permanently before trying this involve nudity. Staff call it
best of us. But what about that You might as well stay where particular company again. an opportunity for growth
resolution to start a new job? you are and suck up your then wink and mime an erect
To ditch working for your current terrible work The boss casually penis hand gesture.
creepy, micro-managing boss? environment, or otherwise take suggests that, at some
To stop having to see your a mini-retirement to your point, you might have to stuff The financial director
boring co-workers again, like couch like many millennial a condom filled with diamonds asks if you can loan him
ever? To never have to smell self-help gurus like to suggest. into your back passage cash for a boerie roll across
people chomping on tuna Starting a call centre in your on a business trip (and the road, then starts crying
sandwiches right next to your living room might also be receive a bonus for doing so). and runs into the traffic.
cubicle, or deal with the a good idea. hey never stop
awkwardness of unisex toilets? calling, so you must be doing A jittery, overworked Someone arrives
Hey, but its already May, you well, right? But lets not lose employee pulls a at the office with
say. Correct. I cant resign, focus from the point being flick-knife on you in the toilet semi-automatic rifles, firing
I have so many important made here. cubicle. Worse if its a unisex at middle management. (This
meetings and emails to attend When meeting with toilet. (Awkward AND might be the new marketing
to. Incorrect. Prospective New Work life-threatening.) guy hired from the US.)
It might be mid-year year to Opportunities (PNWO), treat
you, but its the beginning of them like youre a private As in China, they have Michael de Broglio
the year somewhere else in the investigator or Avi, that tough suicide nets outside the Attorneys and the Carte
world. So why not stick to just but sensitive hitman from Ray building windows. (Expect to Blanche team are hiding out
one resolution: Operation Get Donovan. Scope out the work be working long hours at this in the reception area waiting
the Fuck Out of Your Current environment for potential place, with no leave on offer to interview the boss for an
Place of Work (GTFOYCPOW). telltale signs that it might not for the first five to seven expos theyre running.
ILLUSTRATION BY KEENAN JEPPE
A new job is almost always be right for you. hey can be years, at least.)
exciting due to new challenges, subtle, so dont underestimate here are more signs indicating
better opportunities and due diligence. There are there more that you shouldnt take that job
than four boardrooms at that place, but these are
(aka prison cells) in the some of the most relevant,
Starting a call centre in your living building. Theres no science according to research. Good
behind this, but a place that luck. And remember, theres
room might be a good idea. The calls loves having meetings should always next year if you dont
never stop, so you must be doing well be a massive red flag. want to rush things.
SHRINK
there? Why not bring a big suitcase with a
few suits and casual clothing options and
travel in a comfortable tracksuit?
1. For travel suits 2. Lay the suit flat 3. Fold in half 4. One half of the 5. As you invert the 6. Starting at the
HOW TO... stick to dark down with the along the front should now shoulder, allow the collar, roll the fabric
Fold your suit colours, wool or back facing length of the be facing upwards. lining side of the along the length
for travelling wool and synthetic upwards. back seam. Open to reveal the lapel to flip around of the lapel line.
blends. lining and armhole and cover the other Rolling makes for
If you dont have inside jacket. side of the jacket. fewer creases.
a suit carrier bag or
you need to travel
lighter than usual,
here is a method of
folding and rolling
a suit that will help
you economise on
space while keeping
your suit looking Tip: Roll other garments inside the blazer to further prevent your
suit from creasing and to save on packing space.
dry-cleaner fresh.
WHAT IS IT?
SWITCH
IT UP
A game console that works just as
well plugged into your TV as on
the go is the kind of crazy idea Love your gadgets?
Find more tech
we like. But will gamers love it? news and reviews at
GQ.co.za
Words by Joshua Rivera
intendo, it seems, is committed to trying to Nintendo Switch, but that big to make fun Mario games, but
The ironic
truth is,
A SLOW CLAP good
quickies
FOR THE QUICKIE take time.
Not in the
If youre a good one-minute man, youre capable
of high-quality sex, at any time moment,
Words by Maureen OConnor
of course,
but in the
reak me of, show where neither party knows new. I begrudge no one those preparing
me what you got, how to get the other one of, errors, nor the opportunity to
cause I dont want so you just keep plugging openly communicate and for it...
no one-minute away, hoping for a miracle, learn from each other. But
man, Missy Elliott once sang. cluelessly bopping your when Im fucking, Im not
But Missy had it wrong. Just bodies together in a useless there to teach a sex seminar After all, anyone can
as a talented rapper can slay game of erotic Whac-A-Mole. Im there to get of. memorise enough moves
in a 30-second guest verse, Now, its true that mind- he ironic truth is, good to last all night but only
good sex is about taking blowing orgasms generally quickies take time. Not in a few can pull of the one
advantage of the time you take more than one minute. the moment, of course, but that makes you weak at the
ILLUSTRATION BY GARETH GREY
have especially when you Hookups where everything in preparation for it: getting knees in three seconds lat.
dont have any time at all. clicks immediately, and on to know a partners body, So if a guy breaks me of,
Bad sex, on the other hand, the irst try, are rare. (But getting to know your own shows me what hes got and
is acutely aware of time how when it does happen, good body, accruing sexual orgasms start rolling in under
much time has passed, how God! Consider breakfast in experience, gaining enough a minute? Im not going to
much is left, and can you bed? Efortless chemistry is conidence. So once you know complain. I could use the
please hurry up, Id like to hard to ind; dont mess this what youre doing, you can extra time to get to know him.
beat rush hour? Bad sex is up.) Missteps are normal, pull the trigger on that inal Or take up a hobby. Or, I dont
interminable sex, the kind especially when a partner is moment whenever you want. know, do him again?
Johannesburg | Pretoria
Tel: +27 11 669 5600
D E S TI N ATI O N
Escape
to Mexico
Ignore that stupid wall,
go for the awesome LAS POZAS
outdoor landscapes Surreal jungle garden
WINELANDS
DINING
Constantias newest restaurant is attracting
local foodies with serious chops
Words by Paul Sephton
C
ape Towns Constantia winelands Group Head Chef Amber-May
can feel like a game of potluck if Deetlefs curates an Italian-hearted
youre a stranger to the area. menu, laying the white marble tables
Pocketing all sizes of estates and some of with pre-dinner canaps like cured
the best restaurants in the country, a and marinated seafood or fried green
commitment to navigating the Capes olives. Wed fault you for missing the
leafy back roads is what led us to Blanko, White Anchovies on the starters menu,
the Alphen Boutique Hotels newly while your mains will call on your
opened ine dining restaurant. decision making skills with Crumbed
Populated by locals day in and day out, Veal, Lamb Shank and Balsamic Fillet
the modern eatery ofsets an all-white Tagliata crowning the ield of choice.
interior with exposed ceiling beams and Set in extensive grounds in which
thick-planked wooden loors, revealing its worth walking of your meal,
the Cape Dutch buildings heritage. youll likely ind yourself thinking that
hanks to owner Paul Kovenskys a room in the hotel might have been
fondness for art, youll ind Kentridges the best decision youve made yet.
and Goldblatts on the walls. 021-795-6300, alphen.co.za
OFFBEAT
BARRELS
This left-field whisky from Japan
proves that being different is worth i
Perhaps the most revered among whisky aicionad
Bubbles
Steenberg 1682
are those from Japan, the most well-known of whi
Brut R160 is Nikka from the Barrel. hough Japan had been
distilling grains since the 12th century, no one
anticipated that the outcome would be so great wh
Nikkas founder, Masataka Taketsuru, travelled to
Glasgow in 1918 to study chemistry and apprentice
scotch makers. With this blend coming from Nikk
two single malt distilleries Yoichi and Miyagikyo
and a single grain whisky, the bourbon and sher
cask blend is deeply reined and complex, with wa
after wave of fruits, spices and honeysuckle.
Red varietal
Eagles Nest
Nikka From the Barrel R650
Shiraz R255
Desert wine
Klein Constantia Vin
de Constance R895
1
2
Craft &
cocktails
We invited eight lucky winners to spend
a night with us and Jack Daniels
4. Brett Rogers
7 6 5 and Shruthi Nair
Jack Daniels
Nkosiyati Khumalo
R299
INTERNATIONAL RATE R874 (POSTAGE INCLUDED)
The closing date for this offer is 31 May 2017. See Directory page for terms and conditions
THE EDIT
M OV I E S
MEET ANA
FROM
HAVANA
The Cuban sidekick in the
Blade Runner sequel
Words by Clay Skipper
T
wo years ago, Ana
de Armas could
barely speak
English. Which is
a hurdle when youre trying
to become a movie star in
the US. The 28-year-old
Cuban remembers her first
meetings with LA agents:
I was just nodding like,
I dont know what youre
saying. Now I speak
English, she says.
Of course, since shes
mastered the language,
shes hardly been in the US.
First, she saw Robert De
Niro and Usher share a
Panamanian dance floor
during filming of boxing flick
Hands of Stone; then she hit
Jordan with Jonah Hill and
Miles Teller for the bro-y
gunrunner comedy War
Dogs. Recently shes been
in Budapest with hunks
present and past (Ryan
Gosling and Harrison Ford)
for the Blade Runner sequel.
If youre noticing a theme,
yes, her films have largely
PHOTOGRAPH BY THOMAS WHITESIDE
PAIN
KILLER
Fast-rising fashionista
Cat Marnell tells the
story of her addiction
and downfall
Words by Cayleigh Bright
GAMING
TALES FROM
A HAUNTED
AFRICAN FARM
An abandoned Free State farmhouse
is the setting for this eerie adventure
Words by Alz Odendaal
ith colonialism
W romanticised by everything
from decor, party themes,
Halloween costumes to
fashion and Taylor Swifts music videos,
Richard Masons latest novel is a much-
needed tome that tackles the topic both
insightfully and entertainingly. Who Killed
Piet Barol? follows the title character as he
searches for riches in 1913 South Africa,
and sees his initially appalled attitude
to the treatment of the countrys black
population take a sharp turn in line with
his own fall from prosperity.
G WHIZZ! THE
the strict and non-adjustable central shock,
standards of the the Continental ABS, LCD
Berlin facility. instrument and 17-inch Michelin
hough 80 per Pilot street tyres are imported.
BABY BEEMER
For the first time in 50 years BMW has a bike under 500cc,
cent of the parts
(frame, brakes,
fairing and seat)
are made by TVS
At the heart of the bike is a
brand new liquid-cooled one-
cylinder with four-valves and
a power output of 25kW. he
and the new G 310 R takes boring out of small two-wheelers or sourced in engine is itted backwards into
India, the G 310 the frame, with the inlet at the
Words by Dieter Losskarn R conforms to front and the exhaust at the back
BMWs brand to create a more eicient air low
Y
oull ind the Snake just all. With a seat height of 758mm even identity in terms into the powerplant. he motor is
past the biker meeting taller riders will have no problem. of performance, closer to the front wheel for better
point of Rock Store. Its Surprisingly, this is the irst BMW quality and weight distribution and front-
a popular, yet treacherous motorcycle not made in Germany. styling. he other oriented driving behaviour.
stretch of road in the Santa Monica It was designed and developed in components like At 160kg it is an agile and
Mountains outside LA, irst Munich, but is being produced more the Kayaba comfortable everyday bike that
popularised by Steve McQueen cost eiciently in Bangalore, India upside down fork will attract novice customers
blasting through on his Triumph. in co-operation with the sub- without aggravating seasoned
I am driving BMWs newest bike, continents third-biggest bike BMW enthusiasts. he carmaker
the G 310 R. Its been a while since manufacturer, TVS. It took almost The predicts sales of 200000
BMW built a one-cylinder motorcycle three years to transfer the Bavarian 310cc motorcycles annually by 2020.
under 500cc the last one was the BMW spirit to India; like getting has no And there is more good news.
250cc R 27 in 1966. At irst glance a lavoursome fusion of crispy pork An enduro version, the G 310 GS,
the G 310 R resembles a F 800 R. he knuckle and
problem is already available (and may even
snub-nosed S 1000 RR look-a-like tandoori right. keeping outsell its sibling).
front end gives it thrilling presence he G 310 R is up with Back along the curvy canyons
and street cred for a mere 310cc, assembled in bigger outside LA, the premium lea
though it doesnt feel downsized at adherence to bikes awakens above 5000rpm with
a crisp sound. Rev it high, shift
gears often and the G 310 R has
no problem keeping up with
bigger bikes. To answer your
pressing question: does a BMW
from India work? Yes, it deinitely
does. Trust me, I am Bavarian.
he G 310 R is a real BMW, and it
will be a best-seller.
SWEDISH
LIMO
NAILS IT VOLVO
S90 D4
POWER
V
olvos revival and reinvention procedure plus the breathtaking Concept Coupe (pictured top left) which
under Chinese rule was kick- ive-star ratings for reintroduces the P1800 (1961-1973) in a contemporary guise.
started in 2014 with the fabulous both cars. he Cmon hor, hammer this one out.
XC90. Based on the super cooled SUV, the results surpassed
new S90 business limo continues the the best overall The S90s iconic
carmakers success. score of any model Thors hammer
My irst impression is that its a really tested in 2016 and LED headlights
beautiful car. he S90 is understated with now make Euro
distinct Scandinavian lines. he headlight NCAPs top three
design referencing hors hammer is best performing
unique, and the 23 metal rips in the cars all Volvos.
concave grille are reminiscent of the iconic My conclusion
P1800. he S90 blows a fresh Northern then? he Swedes
wind into the executive sedan segment are safe and sexy.
Find more new
dominated by the Mercedes-Benz E-Class To prove it I drove
cars to drool
and BMW 5 Series. the S90 diesel and over at
For decades Volvo lived by the motto petrol up and GQ.co.za
better safe than sexy. While the S90 is down the winding
indeed attractive, drivers need not worry Franschhoek pass.
that safety has been afected as the car is In the diesel there
packed with driver assist programmes. is a slight hesitation
With the S90 sedan and V90 wagon, Volvo while overtaking
became the irst carmaker to score a full six uphill, but
A REAL my ride
Find your perfect
four-wheel match
CUTIE
Audi completes its SUV portfolio
Y ou can buy anything online. So why
not brand new cars at great prices?
Thats what a couple of guys thought, so
they developed Carter, an app that
with the chic entry-level Q2 matches you with your perfect car.
crossover. The Q3 is not amused If you dont like it, swipe left. If you do,
swipe right to shortlist your choice. Once
Words by Dieter Losskarn youve found your ride, you can request
quotes from the dealerships on the
I
pull up next to an Audi Q3. As the light a fun car with endless individualisation platform. Order your car in the evening
turns green, the agile Q2 has no problem packages, from connectivity to driver assist and have it delivered the next day. All car
leaving its bigger brother behind. If looks programmes. Audi hopes to attract new specs are on hand, too.
could kill, I would be stone-cold dead the entrants to the brand with this sporty, Seeing is believing, so I try it out. My
driver is obviously annoyed to be one- compact and youthful car. first priority for a potential match is hard
upped by the very same manufacturer that Based on the A3, the Q2 has the same core 4x4, second is speed freak and
produced his SUV. wheelbase but shorter overhangs, and the third fashionista. Next
Audis new Q2 crossover is a really sitting position is 8cm higher. he MQB I add my price range:
attractive car with a self-conident exterior platform used can handle even more power optimistic R800 000
design that doesnt resemble any of its than is currently available, which tells me R2m. Fuel type: petro
brethren. Instead it boasts new edges and that an even cooler Q2 is on its way. Gearbox: auto. I am
lines; the updated Audi look. And it has matched with Audis
popular written all over it. RS6 for R1 554 500.
he entry-level SUV is positioned just I swipe right.
under the BMW X1 and Mercedes-Benz Audis new Q2 crossover
GLA, though I would say its closest is a really attractive car heycarter.com
competitor is the Mini Countryman. It is with a self-confident Free for Android
the fourth Q, after the Q7, Q5 and Q3, and is exterior design and iOS
S by engraving artisan
Mauro Pagliari, the
Pagliari Group has produced
some of the most unique pieces
of art South Africa has come to
know including GQs
Best-Dressed Men of the
Year Award.
As it enters its 61st year this
May, the Pagliari Group, a
division of Rand Refinery, has
cemented its position as
segment leader. A honour roll of
high-profile achievements
include commissions for the
Kenyan government;
commemorative medals for
Rand Merchant Bank, and both
the Veritas wine and
Michaelangelo Wine awards.
Recipients of awards created by
Pagliari include former US vice
president Al Gore and former
President Nelson Mandela, who
both earned the Planet and
Humanity Medal from the
International Geographical
Union for their outstanding
contributions to
environmental issues.
With such a broad range of
clientele, whats Pagliaris
approach to innovation and
creativity? Group General
Manager Howard Steenkamp
(pictured) says: Self
-actualisation and
understanding the clients
needs fashions limitless
THE GOLD
creativity and innovation.
Be it silver or gold, the
Pagliari Group is the expert in
making metals all the more
STARTUP STARS
space which allows them to see diferent
opportunities. For a long time, Facebook
has had the ability to accept payments,
There are plenty of rich opportunities for and theyre testing it now, but when they
have all your information theres no better
tech startups with balls, says Yossi Hasson company, potentially, to provide you with
Words by Paul Sephton credit facilities and know whether youll
be good for it.
Y
ossi Hasson co-founded internet GQ: If we gave you $1bn right now, GQ: Credit is an issue in Africa,
tech company SYNAQ when what would you do with it? particularly getting a credit rating.
he was just 22. After scaling to Yossi Hasson: Id give a chunk of it to my Are any startups addressing this?
1-million users and selling to Dimension family and set them on a good course. YH: We invested in the Nigerian company
Data, he co-founded WehinkCode_, hen, Im involved with an organisation Social Lender, which allows people
a tuition-free tech talent incubator that called WehinkCode_ so I would put a big without a credit history to use their social
has its sights set on building Africas next amount into the foundation. I would reputation to build a credit proile. So your
100000 developers. Currently MD of global also use it to build relationships with Facebook proile is used to build a credit
accelerator Techstars Africa, he screens billionaires around the world to pour proile, and people on Facebook can be
hundreds of startups annually, and invests more money into the continent. here is social guarantors. It gives you a fortune of
in and mentors those that are accepted a strong opportunity to bridge capital that information and a powerful tool to get an
into the programme. He shares his opinion is available overseas and use it to leverage idea of a persons credit worthiness outside
on entrepreneurship on the continent. opportunities in Africas infrastructure and the typical methodologies. >>
HOW
TO STAY
SOLVENT
Over the years weve learnt that investm
professionals are good at one thing:
making money for themselves.
Which is why you need to master
these 5 basics, as compiled by GQ
Invest a portion or all of your balance in Some companies are now trading far below
Africa is not great either, by comparison. their IPO prices, leaving those who bought
one or more index funds. An index fund
shares with a hefty loss, and a realisation
buys all the stocks in the proportion in that tech IPOs can swing both ways.
which they make up an index. hey can be HOW MANY GIGABYTES 30 BUYS
general, such as the Satrix, or speciic, such YOU IN SELECTED EU COUNTRIES
as property. hese will be good company in (WITH RSA EQUIVALENT) Stock prices gains and losses
of selected tech companies since the IPOs*
your old age.
TRICKS
THE
SAVINGS
INDUSTRY
PLAYS
ON YOU
Look out for these rackets
when investing your money
Words by Bruce Cameron
M
ost life assurance investment your job and cannot you pay the tax on the interest at your a double pay out if you
(endowment) policies are sold aford to continue tax rate with the exemptions applying. die in an accident
with a condition that if you saving you will be Capital gains tax is only paid when you rather than by natural
do not keep paying for a contracted penalised. Its like cash in your savings and the exclusion causes. If the natural
number of years you will be penalised. being kicked in also applies. his is a far better deal. cause of death beneit
he penalty is deducted from the the ribs when However, the entire savings industry, is good enough you
amount you have saved until recently youre down. except banks, gets away with the dont need the double
this could be 100 per cent of what you he amount of percentage racket. It costs no more indemnity it simply
had saved. Now, by regulation, there is a savings policy is if you save R500 a month or R10 000 costs more.
a tiered structure that reduces the a percentage of how a month but you pay a lot more the here are yet more
percentage of the penalty every year. much you save more you save. nasty tricks out there.
When you are sold the policy there is multiplied by how his percentage trick is also used in For example, your
much obfuscation about this and other many years you are other ways. Very few people are aware so-called independent
things. For example, you will be told by contracted to save; that most insurance companies do not adviser may avoid
the company agent (operating under and at least half the automatically reduce values every year, telling you that
the guise of your adviser) that when you commission is paid particularly of motor vehicles. hey a certain inancial
receive the beneits (your investment upfront with the continue to levy premiums at the services company
plus any returns) when the policy balance paid over same or even increasing levels. Come may have a sizeable
matures it will be tax free in your hands. a fairly short period. to a claim, and unless you have investment in his or
he problem is that the beneits are You would be far insured your possessions for her company that
only tax free in your hands because the better of investing replacement value, you will receive obliges your adviser
life company has paid a heck of a lot of in a unit trust, the market value the price at which to sell a targeted value
tax on your behalf more than most even though the you could expect to sell the item. of that companys
people will pay on a unit trust commission is also here is no incentive for the products to clients.
investment, for example. based on a percentage company or its commission-earning One of the easiest ways
he life company pays tax on any of your savings. he agents to reduce the values and for the adviser
interest earned on your savings at diference, however, therefore your premiums because to meet the target is
a rate of 30 per cent every year and is that the commission the greater the value, the greater the to switch you over to
on any capital gains realised each year. is only paid as-and- rands you pay. the new company. Its
Very few income earning people pay when you save. You he same thing applies in risk life imperative that you
ILLUSTRATION BY LEANNE BOTHA
an average rate of tax greater than 30 can stop saving assurance. he greater the premium, do your own research
per cent. Your annual tax exemption anytime you wish the greater the commission earned. to ensure youre not
on interest does not apply, nor does the without paying any So you may be sold a policy which has being duped.
capital gains exclusion. But this is not penalty, and you can
pointed out to you. negotiate the amount
Neither are you warned that even if you pay. The entire savings industry, except banks,
your investment performs badly, you A principle called gets away with the percentage racket you
will not be able to cancel the contract conduit tax applies to
without a penalty, or that if you lose unit trusts: every year pay a lot more the more you save
WHOS CHANGING
Silicon Valley bro-ocracy.
His brash manner causes
him diiculties. He admits that
D
ave McClure doesnt streak, backing Twilio, Lyft, someone was clever and hard McClure is trying to win
like venture capitalists. SendGrid, Credit Karma and working, but even the perfect himself respectability.
Most VCs dont work TaskRabbit all multimillion candidate failed often. He took the step of releasing
that hard, he says. hey think dollar companies with strong He sees himself as a rebel detailed data on 500 Startups
theyre great stock-pickers. prospects for exits. But he left against Silicon Valley performance, to prove that
heyre all full of shit. heres in 2010 feeling his success was consensus. Everybody in limited partnerships should
only one he respects: himself. largely down to luck. the industry thinks Im the give us money.
McClure believes he has I turned down Uber at crazy person, he complains, For a man who says his
cracked the code of early-stage a $10m valuation because shooting my guns of. But you biggest threat is other people
venture capital. Rather than I thought Travis [Kalanick] and get the sense that he couldnt realising Im right, McClure
focusing on a few high-value Garrett [Camp] were lazy and stop, even if he wanted to. spends a lot of time and energy
companies, the traditional rich already, he says. Selecting At a time when rival advertising his approach to
measure of VC success, he is unicorns was impossible, he accelerator Y Combinator investment. He tweets and
pursuing a hitherto untried decided: one could sense struggles to explain its links blogs. He appears on podcasts
strategy: investment in bulk. and speaks at conferences.
Since launching Silicon Dave McClure he bad news for McClure
Valley seed fund and is that his message might be
accelerator 500 Startups with getting through. Y Combinator,
Christine Tsai in 2010, McClure his biggest competitor, has
has invested in more than 1 600 started investing in much
companies, making lots of greater numbers.
little bets at a rate that now But McClure isnt worried.
exceeds 500 a year. Were the For him, the real competition
most active investor in the isnt among accelerators, but
world. VCs have traditionally between accelerators and
seen themselves as skilled traditional business. Where
craftspeople guiding carefully many people see a bubble, he
selected startups towards sees a world in which startups
a successful exit. McClure are becoming the dominant
describes 150-person 500 form of business. Cost of
Startups as a factory. computing is cheap, the
So what is his strategy? accessible audience online is
Its stupidly simple. I bet on very large its less intensive
a lot of stuf thats low priced to build online businesses that
and most of its going to go back can access the world.
down to zero. But some of its But in the midst of all this
going to go up. According to innovation the venture
venture capital database CB system has remained largely
PHOTOGRAPH BY RAMONA ROSALES
rancois du Plessis is
one of a handful of
Proteas cricketers
who play in all three
formats of the game,
the diference is he captains the
Test and T20 teams. He has earned
plaudits for his leadership style and
won the hearts of many for staying
true to his principles. Its a role he
appears to relish . A few days after
this interview he scored a career-
best 185 runs. He talks here about
how controversy galvanised the
Proteas into a winning unit, the
Versace Collection
absence of his close friend AB de sweater R5 750,
Villiers from the Test arena, and his shirt R4 695
individual sense of style. >>
I see
myself
heading
towards
the 2019
World Cup
playing all
formats of
the game
and then
calling
time
on my
career
Inns N.O. Runs Best Ave
His 185 vs Sri Lanka was the second highest score for
South Africa in ODIs and 11th best in the world. He is South
Africas most consistent batsman across all three formats.
Spaghetti Mafia
three piece suit
R7 730. Ben
Sherman shirt
R2 399
GQ: How
TOUGHEST
disruptive is OPPONENT
Kolpak and what Saeed Ajmal
are your views
TWITTER
on professionals FOLLOWERS
taking up better
contracts? 1.06M
FDP: Every single player in Dolce & Gabbana I N S TAG R A M
our country will have a diferent jacket R17 000, FOLLOWERS
top R6 000, pants
motivation for leaving and one
can never sit on the outside and
challenge them for making those
R12 000, shoes
R9 786. Panerai
499k
watch Fafs own
decisions. Its their future and has
nothing to do with me or Cricket
South Africa (CSA). For Kyle Abbott
it was a case of job security. It was
about securing his future in the
best way that he could. Rilee
Rossouws defection underlines
that players are also leaving earlier GQ: Tell us about your sense of style and the
in their careers owing to the threat adrenalin fixes you have found away from the field.
of missing the boat if the Kolpak
window closes due to Brexit. CSA FDP: When it comes to casual wear Im actually a massive hipster and enjoy wearing funky,
needs to be proactive, by paying street-style clothing. I love fashion and shopping. If you put me in a mall I can easily shop for two
more and ofering longer or three hours! When it comes to smart functions, I really like the look of a quality, tailored suit.
contracts. Stability is the key to I hardly ever get the opportunity to wear suits, so hopefully post-cricket its something I will be
success and you want to build able to do. By relocating to Cape Town over two years ago, my eyes have opened to a new world.
a team that is going to take the he Mother City convinces you to try outdoor activities. I ride a vintage BMW R65 Cafe Racer
country forward. motorbike, and suring is a new hobby which teammate Dale Steyn introduced me to.
LIGHT UP
Lighting can totally alter
how a space feels. Firstly,
a slightly warm light will
be a lot more inviting than
WORDS BY PAUL SEPTHON, ANDREW GOBLE AND SARAH BALL. PHOTOGRAPHS BY KARL ROGERS.
LAYER
Get bedside lighting in
a brass finish to add
a masculine luxe finish.
Large scatter cushions
are an opportunity to add
colour and texture. Other
styling layers can be
added such as beautiful
books, a darker toned
wall behind the bed,
a simple geometric rug
and even a beautiful black
and white drawing or print
above the bed.
TAKE NOTE 1 Dont buy pieces of furniture or lighting 3 Try to avoid investing in quality pieces
immediately, as you see and like them. until youre in a home you feel youll be in
Craig Raeside, Decide on a style (starting a Pinterest for a while. The space itself influences the
proprietor at Crma board will soon steer you in a direction) pieces you end up buying to a large extent.
Design, shares five and stick to it.
pieces of golden 4 Keep the space neutral and introduce
advice he wished 2 Less is more. Rather than filling your up to two accent colours only.
space with average pieces, take your time
hed known when and save up to buy investment, quality 5 Be careful when mixing timbers rather
he was younger pieces that will stand the test of time. contrast them than try to match.
THE RETROFIT
FIVE APARTMENT ESSENTIALS
FUNDAMENTALS YOUR RENTAL
Superbalist.coms apartment buyer
Chevaune Morrison takes us through Dont be afraid of Senior designer
a modern mans must-haves. If you have glossy paint Brian Sawyer of
an empty apartment, start with these On ceilings, it brings in
Sawyer Berson
more natural light and
serves as a cheat to give helps you upgrade
the appearance of a without losing
1. Quality 5. Art higher ceiling. And on any your lease
combos Art is a great
conversation
surface, the reflections
of sunlight, city lights, Switch your focus from
Choose bedding in water, your neighbours
starter, so go lights to dimmers
crisp, fresh cotton dog create a kind of art.
for something Designers hate overhead
and timeless colour
unexpected or lighting, but if youre
combinations.
a work that says stuck with it, installing
Neutrals are easy 3. Compact something about Pull furniture away dimmers can make a
to accessorise with
just a few accents.
speaker who you are. A case from the wall huge difference. The
in point is this Just a few inches. same goes for floor
Dont be afraid of The Stanmore
quirky travel series The room will lamps. If theres no
the lived in look speaker from
by US artists Lyn feel larger. Trust us. dimmer on the switch,
either: toss some Marshall is a real
Nannce-Sasser and you can just add one to
cushions around show stopper.
Stephen Sasser. the cord, Sawyer says.
the room and This is a must have
R99 per print
drape a blanket for any guys Ignore the
over the bottom bookshelf; it shouts dimensions of
of the bed. Its an sophistication. your windows
effortless and Stanmore bluetooth Window size doesnt
dreamy effect. speaker R5 999 need to determine how
100% cotton big the window
reversible duvet appears. So never put
set R599 4. Rugs a window treatment
Rugs pull inside the window. If
everything together theres space above the
2. Lamps and make a space window, hang a curtain
Get plastered, but
There is no better use paint
feel warm and cosy. rod or Roman shades as
way to set the The paint job your place
Go for a natural close to the ceiling as
mood and make got the week before
material, like cotton possible (and allow the
any space feel you moved neednt be
or wool. sides to go beyond the
comfortable permanent. To add
Sixth Floor striped width of the window) to
and relaxing. some texture, use paints
100% woven cotton create the illusion of
Bendi floor and glazes to create a
rug R999 a larger window and
lamp R1 299 decorative effect, like
higher ceiling.
using a stipple roller
with heavy body paint
to imitate a plaster wall.
Fewer things
on the wall The key to shelves
One thing. Maybe two. is to disappear them
Think of your house as Shelves and the stuff
a museum. If youre going you put on them are an
to the trouble of hanging underrated design
something up, it should element. The simpler the
be showcased. The spot better, says Sawyer. You
on your wall is almost want to place the focus
more important than on the objects the
what you place on it. Feel shelves are supporting:
free to swap things in and art in the form of a print,
out as an easy way to books, or your Jordans
reboot your interior. collection.
W
hen TV by now pioneering comedies comedy; John
I think like Good Times and The Cosby Ridleys potent
back Show seemed like relics of a more serial drama
DONALD GLOVE R to growing up conventional time and over the course American Crime;
Homecoming king of Atlanta in 1990s Los of 11 years, UPNs show creators and Amazons
Angeles, its staff writers rendered black Americans Transparent
the cultural in full, vibrant strokes. These were not tackles trans
Words by Mark Anthony Green touchstones tales of the exceptional but of the identity and
Photograph by Peter Hapak I land on first. mundane. On sitcoms like Moesha and ageism with
Of those, none The Hughleys , the rigours of teenhood compassion
Sometimes you have to give remains quite and family life were made plain in and quirkiness;
people what they dont know so vivid as the episodes dealing with financial security Netflix boasts
they want, says Donald Glover. launch of United and substance abuse. Malcolm & Eddie Orange Is the New
Before he was the creator Paramount introduced the peaks and valleys of Black and Narcos .
of FXs Atlanta, he was kind of Network. UPN black entrepreneurship. With The All of them, in
a professional friendly face couldnt match Parkers and Girlfriends , the image varying ways, tap
(see The Martian and the budget of of the Black Woman morphed and into the rich and
Community). But with Atlanta, broadcast rivals, expanded before viewers eyes she complex palette
we saw something different. but it was the only was loving, she was witty, she was of daily life.
People want the myth of one of the big vulnerable, she was free. These shows Yet for all the
Atlanta, but we didnt want to US broadcasters were disruptive by virtue of their very inclusion the
give them just that, Glover says. that devoted a perspective: blackness was the default, streaming
So instead of a half hour of hefty slate of not the subject matter. These were revolution has
voluptuous women, Ferraris and programming people I knew. cultivated across
rappers eating lobster platters to investigating And UPN wasnt totally alone. Major gender, race,
which is how every hip-hop black lives. Even US networks featured an array of shows sexual orientation
song depicts the city Atlanta is more important, devoted to working-class angst (Roc), and religion
about how everyone else in somehow it found brotherhood (New York Undercover), roadblocks persist,
Atlanta lives. The weirdos and an unprecedented and social integration ( The Fresh both in front of the
the conspiracy theorists. The breadth in its Prince of Bel-Air). Still, UPN seemed like camera and behind
ones still chasing their ATL focus. an outlier among a patch of networks it. According to
dream. And its sneaky-brilliant It was a post- more concerned with safer and whiter a 2016 report
Louie if comedian Louis CK boom era for black narratives. And in spite of show ratings, from the Writers
were young, black and which were never anything to brag Guild of America,
not depressed.
Like when Glover created
I am about, the message was palpable:
these stories our stories mattered.
West, minorities
account for 13 per
a black Justin Bieber as in, making The landscape of TV has changed cent of TV writers
a black actor playing Justin since those sitcoms were first aired 20 and remained
Bieber. In a show grounded in TV look years ago, in large measure thanks to the underrepresented
reality, Glover giggles, its introduction of online streaming hubs nearly three to
pretty cool to make Justin
like the like Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime. one. Even worse:
Bieber black, right? world The sweep of shows is as robust as
its been in decades. Theres The
among scripted
television creators
looks Carmichael Show, a quarrelsome family on broadcast >>
stories should
be told
In 2015, Shonda Rhimes creative
architect behind ABCs scheduling block
of Greys Anatomy, Scandal and How to
Get Away With Murder gave a speech
at the Human Rights Campaign gala in
which she voiced her contempt for the
way in which we describe shows that
offer more radiant interpretations of
the human experience.
I really hate the word diversity, she
said. I have a different word: normalising.
Im normalising TV. I am making TV look
like the world looks.
When I think of Rhimes speech, I think
back to UPN and the crop of shows that,
to a young black kid growing up, felt
like the world my world. And I have to
wonder how this era of TV will look to us
in another two decades. Will it seem as
inclusive in hindsight as we professed at
the time? Or will it prove to have been
just a momentary gain?
#statement?
#state_of_the_art?
Audi Q2
#untaggable
Some things are impossible to tag.
Is it a #citycar? A #countrycar? Or a #coup?
Its all of that, and more. Audi Q2 is #untaggable.
Please visit your nearest Audi Dealership for more.
rise
above
19. Nobody knows the full
Bruce
Springsteen story of a marriage. Not even
the husband and wife.
26.
parents as if they are close
21. Once you
friends who are soon to are past 30,
move to a distant land from get regular
where it will be impossible medicals. An
ever to return. Never take here will be one night in your life when you
unexpectedly good
them for granted, no matter turn up for a black tie event in a lounge suit.
calcium score on And there will be another time you are
how busy life gets. your arteries will instructed to wear a lounge suit but you arrive
You cant imagine your mean as much as an in black tie. We all mess it up sometimes.
mother and father dying. unexpected blow When it happens, you just have to butch it out.
And then they do. job did when you
were 17.
happiness in his
Believe in yourself.
looks like. You knock every last years was not
Do not let
fame, money or
learn the hard way negative thoughts
that it is just not ball out of his friendship
with Frank into your mind.
worth it usually the park. Sinatra, but
the massive
There will be
when she is bowel enough people in
movements your life who will
standing in your he had every be only to eager
driveway at 4am morning.
to underestimate
spray-painting I you, to put you
hate you on your down. Never do it
neighbours car. 44. Routine is good. Routine sets you free. to yourself.
Routine gives structure to the unholy
messiness of existence. But never develop
a routine that you cant walk away from
with ive minutes notice.
50. Enjoy every
sandwich.
41. Never trust a politician,
a prostitute or someone
45. Be decent
who wants you to change and kind to all the
your mobile phone, energy
plan or true love for people who cant do
absolutely no charge. here
is always a charge. anything for you.
MAY 2017 GQ.CO.ZA 79
The
worlds
kitsch
capital
W E L C O M E T O A S TA N A T H E
WORLDS SECOND COLDEST
C A P I TA L A N D I T S M O S T
B E DA Z Z L E D BY FA R
K
azakhstan rarely
makes news headlines
internationally. Not
since Borat, anyway.
But back in 1997, the
countrys long-serving
president, Nursultan
Nazarbayev, decided he didnt like where the
countrys capital was sitting, so he moved it
1000km to the north.
Until then, Kazakhstans base was
Almaty, a city of 1.7-million inhabitants in
the countrys south that remains its most
populous metropolis. But that was too close
to China for Nazarbayevs liking.
His new capital, named Astana Kazakh
for capital would be moved further north,
towards the Russian border about 1 000km
away. Over the next two decades, the former
Soviet state poured billions of dollars into
building the most surreal artiicial city the
world has ever seen.
Amsterdam-based photographer Ryan
Koopmans irst visited Astana in 2011.
I sort of just discovered it online, he says.
I was looking for cities that have been
built from scratch like a planned city
and Astana was just one of the most
extreme versions. I went there to take
pictures of the buildings, and realised,
over time, how much material there was
for a long-term project.
In 1999, Astanas population was 281000,
a number that had doubled to at least 600000
by 2007. Latest igures indicate theres now
more than 800000 residents, making it
Kazakhstans second-biggest city.
he population has gone up as quickly
as it can, says Koopmans. But considering
the sense of scale, it doesnt feel like a lot
of people. heres no urban density, so
its underpopulated, considering the
magnitude of infrastructure large
thoroughfares and boulevards without
much traic.
Getting around usually means trains
(which transport Kazakhs between the
countrys major centres and which can be
old and unreliable), cars and so-called >>
mosques, shopping buildings were designed by acclaimed global gas resources that Its almost like theyre reappropriating
centres, a glass arts architects, including Brit Norman Foster and have fuelled their own culture, says Koopmans. A lot of
centre known as the late Japanese luminary Kisho Kurokawa, Astanas dramatic these symbols are from the nomadic Genghis
Dog Bowl, a circus who was also responsible for the citys master rise from the Khan era and theyre trying to revive them to
building that looks plan. But its central landmark a colossal Eurasian Steppe. rebuild an identity that was wiped out during
more like a lying pillar known as Bayterek Tower was Kazakhstan the Soviet rule.
saucer, a velodrome President Nazarbayevs own handiwork. exported $35bn Nazarbayev is seen as the father of the
shaped like a cycling Stretching 105m towards the heavens, it worth of oil last year country. People may chuckle at the fact he
helmet, a pair of resembles a giant poplar tree, with an alone hence the has such ultimate rulership, but since his
conical golden observation deck that overlooks the main taste for lashy reign Kazakhstan has turned around from
towers known as square, 97m above ground level a tribute architecture. a dusty place where the Russians used to do
the Beer Cans, and to the year Astana was adopted as the Nazarbayev has nuclear tests. Hes really tapped into the
man-made rivers countrys capital. also used that energy and natural resources of the country,
and lakes. It has a big golden egg on top, adds money to reairm which have actually made it quite wealthy.
Also in development Koopmans, and inside is a huge gold imprint the traditional Still, beyond the conines of the capital,
is Abu Dhabi Plaza, of the Presidents hand, but its way bigger Kazakh identity, things look rather diferent. he majority
a cluster of than a regular persons hand would ever be. dotting the capital of the population would be fairly poor or
skyscrapers It shows his godlike status. with symbols of the existing in this post-Soviet environment,
containing oice, Nazarbayevs been leader of Kazakhstan nations past. where theyre still living in homogenous >>
residential, hotel since the nation
and commercial gained
spaces. he projects independence
due for completion from the Soviet
in 2018, at a cost of Union in 1991,
more than $1.4bn. and remains the
heyre building countrys irst
a bunch of new stuf and only
right now and president. He
theyre doing a lot of was returned to
renovations. When oice for a ifth
I irst went in 2011, term in 2015,
a lot of the major after winning
buildings had just almost 98 per
been inished and cent of the vote.
were so new that he leader
maintenance wasnt has this cult-like
an issue. Over the status where he
years, Ive noticed can do whatever
some of the sheen he wants. Astana
has deteriorated means capital
a little. in Kazakh, and
Koopmans says the idea is that
the city is more when he dies it
fascinating than will be renamed
fun. I wouldnt say Nazarbayev or
I go there to enjoy it. something like
Its interesting for that. But
curious adventure- corruption is big
traveller types, there highways are
are things you could constantly being
ind to do. But by no dug up because
means is there a a contract goes
A golden beer can in a city built to order in the middle of nowhere
bunch of attractions. to a friend of
heyre trying to so-and-so.
change that, but And while many people may consider it to
the extent of the be a relatively minor state, tucked away
entertainment
would be the
somewhere between Central Asia and
Eastern Europe, the truth is its anything
Its kitsch and over
mall and walking
around looking
but insigniicant.
Spanning almost 2.8-million square
the top, with gold
at the garden
landscape and weird
kilometres (an area roughly equivalent in
size to Western Europe), its the worlds
sculptures. Everything
ornaments and
whatnot.
biggest landlocked country and the ninth
largest in the world. It also happens to be
is sort of bedazzled
Many of the sitting on enormous reserves of oil and
The Khazakhstan Central Concert Hall stands out like a pricey futuristic trophy
concrete 1936, it became part of the Soviet Union created, Astana was heard its absolutely miserable.
communist-era and despite its subsequent independence, named the worlds Astana also has bold ambitions
buildings. In Russia remains its closest ally a large second-coldest nominated as one of the potential host
Almaty, theres part of the reason why Nazarbayev chose capital city after cities in Kazakhstans bid for the 2022
some modern to move the capital closer. Ulaanbaatar in Winter Olympic Games. Its stadiums have
development and Culturally speaking, theres a huge Mongolia held international cycling and speed
thats where a lot identity and relationship with Russia, knocking Ottowa skating races as well as basketball and
of wealthy people says Koopmans. Half the population is in Canada down football games. his year, the city will host
live, but Astana is ethnic Russian in the north, and the to third spot. the 2017 World Fair, an international
the big CBD. language they prefer is Russian. Ive largely been in convention on sustainable energy options
Kazakhstan Politically, theyre still on good terms the spring and ignoring the fact that the whole place was
shares borders because Nazarbayev has been in power summer, says paid for by oil.
with Russia, since the fall of the Union. Its deinitely Koopmans, so the As for its future, Koopmans remains
China, Kyrgyzstan, their closest partner. main thing I want unsure. Its so dependent on the global
Uzbekistan and Summer temperatures in Astana can to do is go back and markets for resources. Plus, Nazarbayev
Turkmenistan, and hit 35C, though winters are cruel and the shoot during the hasnt declared a natural successor and
a large part of the months between December and March dead of winter hes quite old. But if all things are good,
Caspian Sea. In can get as cold as -35C. When it was irst even though Ive I imagine it will just continue to grow.
102
R26 195, cardigan R6 895.
Versace Collection shirt
R5 150, pants R5 100.
Thom Browne at Extreme
Eyewear glasses R12 000.
Clarks shoes R2 499
Gerald Butler
on masculinity
Khaki
Page
106
Classics
Feeling the call of the wild?
Give your adventure gear an
upgrade, courtesy of these
Inside Virgin Actives
safari-inspired heritage looks newest Classic
Collection gym
Creative direction by Jason Alexander Basson
Photographs by Nikola Borissov
Ruald Rheeder
blazer R4 499, shirt
R1 899. Polo pants
R999. The Kooples
scarf R1 899. Jeep
at Footwear Trading
shoes R1 499
Steampunk
shades
When braving the
elements ensure
your lenses are
polarised and/or tinted
in the correct colour
for your environment.
Also consider a form
of peripheral defence,
like a leather or metal
mesh eye guard
as seen on these
steampunk shield
sunglasses, famously
worn by reggae
musician Peter Tosh.
Resist at Spree
trench coat R699.
Replay shirt R2 450.
Topman pants
R1 499, tie R259.
Zara shoes R1 299
The safari
shirt
One of your best
go-tos is the
traditional khaki
look. Its a practical
colour for insulating
and radiating heat,
and doesnt show
off dirt too easily.
A sturdy safari shirt
or shirt jacket will
offer you warmth
and protection.
Focus on functional
and formal details.
These will give you
rugged appeal
without loosing that
old school elegance.
The white
shirt
From a practical
standpoint you may
not be inclined to
wear white shirts
outdoors, but
combined with
rugged attire it is an
elegant and effective
way of conveying
style. Pay attention
to textile. Given the
context, youll want
something thicker,
sturdier and more
functional than
a simple work shirt.
Wooden buttons are
a unique detail that
elevate the look.
Pack your
knitwear
Texture goes a long way
in roughing up your
look for the outdoors.
Chunky knitwear plays See whos
wearing what
a key role here as it
and killing it at
adds a textural layer GQ.co.za
without making your
look too soft plus it
keeps you warm.
SUITS SELL
PICKING UP
THE CHECK
Certain print motifs are
considered heritage styles,
like this windowpane check
in charcoal grey. They evoke
a sense of old-world charm
and elegance, which goes
a long way towards helping
you feign that luxury feel
without having to sell any
organs. Pair with a white or
grey shirt featuring a micro
motif at a contrasting angle,
a black tie and black shoes
people will wonder where
youve parked your Bentley.
ROLLING
IN DOSH
Some are wary of rollneck
sweaters, even more so when
theyre worn with suits.
However, the look alludes
to money, sage, sophistication
and a knowledge of culture.
And any man bold enough to
wear a rollneck with a suit has
clearly graduated beyond the
playground of suits and shirts.
A W E A LT H O F
COLOUR AND
TEXTURE
th & Label
H&M blazer
eater POR
R799
Simo
Cart
blaze
R10
(full
Clot
Lab
shirt
POR Zara shirt R529
Simon Carter
nith El Primero
handkerchief R750,
Chronomaster Power
cufflinks R965
Reserve at Picot & Moss
watch POR
Converse
sneakers R1 749
A W E A LT H O F C O L O U R
AND TEXTURE
Gerald Butler exclusive /// Blackheads be gone /// A guide to body hair
The meaning
of masculinity
Gerard Butler is
the quintessential
image of rugged GQ: Your Hugo Boss ad campaign
masculinity. Here threads a narrative of modern
the Hugo Boss masculinity. How did you want
to convey that message?
ambassador GERARD BUTLER: hats what struck
shares his views me immediately when I was irst given
on manliness, that description, like wow, these
guys are really trying to make a
mantras and deinition that can help a modern
his obsession man understand himself and in some
with jackets ways be meaningful something that Boss Bottled Tonic
by Hugo Boss
makes you think about your life and
100ml R1 265
perhaps who you are. I am all about
understanding masculinity having
Words by played a lot of these heroic characters,
Paul Sephton
sometimes modern, sometimes classic.
I am fascinated by that blend of what
a man is supposed to be and the best
way to live your life.
blackheads Eucerin
DermoPURIFYER
Exfoliate every so often
While dirt and oil are often seen as
the biggest culprits, in actuality its
F
rom shaving properly to quality of her obviously lawless Or it could mean going heavy-duty
remembering to moisturise, skin, applies what appears to be Dermaceutic and investing in an exfoliating
combatting oil to managing a piece of tape to her nose. hen, Activ Retinol 0.5 face brush, like this one from
acne as a grown-ass adult, youve what were told is 10 minutes later, Anti-Age Serum Dermalogica (R295). Either way,
got a lot on your plate when it comes she removes the tape, scrunching 30ml R1 000 scrub well for best results.
to taking care of your face. But her little brow upon seeing all the
even with all that efort, chances muck now stuck to it. Its all very As always, moisturise
are that at one point or another, convincing. Unfortunately, its Weve said it before, and well say
a blackhead or two is going to pop also kind of bullshit. it again: only good things will
up somewhere between your ears. he fact of the matter is, ever come of moisturising. hat
Lifes just unfair that way. while skin strips may work in the sentiment holds true just as much
Now, though they may be less short term to get rid of ofending LOral Men
here as it does anywhere else. Aside
conspicuous than their pulsing blackheads, they do nothing to treat Expert Pure & from keeping the skins oil content
acne cousins, blackheads can the root of the problem the oil, dirt Matte Deep in check, applying lotion on the
be just as unsettling. And if left and dead skin cells buried deep in Exfoliating Wash regular also keeps cells healthier for
untreated, they can and will get your pores. On top of that, theyre 150ml R90 longer, so theyre less likely to ind
exponentially worse. hats why its not at all gentle on skin, especially themselves buried in your pores.
important to do everything in your if its already vulnerable due to
power to fend them of at irst sight. dryness, breakouts or sunburn. So Leave it to the pros
Here, a few of our best tips on how instead, we suggest trying a pore Want clear skin on your face, but
to clean out clogged pores and extractor, like this double ended dont want to put in all that work?
regain clear, pothole-free skin. Blackhead Remover from he Well, youre not the only one, which
Body Shop (R85). he same tool Dermalogica
is why facials are a thing. So suck up
Step away from the strips a dermatologist would use, itll help exfoliating face your pride and go get one. Trust us,
Weve all seen the commercials: to force out all the gunk thats really brush R295 your face will thank you. Plus, you
a pretty girl, lamenting the poor ground in there, so your blackhead might even enjoy it.
3
BUY A BODY HAIR
but dont guess it on the irst
few attempts play it safe.
to do with it
How to not get carried away
trimmers; they tend to be wider
at the head since the task at
hand is less cosmetic. Just dont
get them mixed up. Check out
settled on that desired length
you may notice a few patches.
Its hard to get a uniform trim
across the contours of the
the Philips Bodygroom Series chest. his is where you may
Words by Adam Hurly 3000 (R669). his showerproof just have to go in without
device can trim a guard to trim away the hairs
longer hairs that escaped the trimmer. As
with its a backup, you can always bring
adjustable in some nose-hair trimmers
guards or for this step. Dont rush it
shave the slightest slip of the wrist
everything could lead to a totally bare
right to the patch. his gets trickier with
skin (with a shorter hair, but theres
minimal risk of one good way to cheat: use
razor burn and a ine-toothed comb as your
ingrown hairs). guard, and comb against the
grain to get the hairs to stand
START WITH A up. As you trim, you should
4 HIGHER GUARD have more control over the
SETTING end result. We recommend
Just like the barber says when Tweezerman Facial Hair
you get a haircut: you can Scissors and Comb (R300).
always cut it shorter if the irst
pass is too long. And, while
this might add minutes to your
chest-trimming routine, it
saves days (or even weeks) of
L
ets get one thing a disinfecting post-shave
established: body hair is wash. he best way to uphold
great. Nobody least of a low-maintenance body-
H E R E S H O W T O TA K E C A R E
OF THOSE SPECIAL REGIONS
all us should demand that grooming routine is to stick
you keep it trimmed, waxed with an electronic trimmer, FOR THE PITS
or shaved at all times. But and just accept that youll Take of a centimetre or two of armpit hair to buy
charming as your hirsute always have a baseline of yourself a couple months of time. hen, rest your arm
situation may be it still needs stubble. (Do you really want at your side, and trim away any hair that sticks out
periodic taming, for both to be hairless anyway?) If you between the arm and chest.
aesthetic and hygienic dont involve a razor, you
reasons. Here are the baseline wont break out since theres FOR THE PACKAGE
parameters to follow, even far less risk of bacterial Be careful down there. Put a short guard on your
if you have no plans to go infection. Hopefully youve clippers, hold your member in your less dominant
shirtless any time soon. got a signiicant other who hand and try not to touch down on the skin. Dont
can get those back patches. shave your shaft or balls all the way down to the skin,
AVOID RAZORS cause no one wants to encounter stubble down there.
1 Razors invite an entire DONT USE A
skincare regimen that wed all 2 BEARD TRIMMER FOR THE FEET
rather skip: constant blade he point here is to save You dont need to trim your feet hair, but if you insist,
replenishment, a warm shower time, without compromising snip things down with those nose-hair scissors.
to prep the skin, messy hygiene. heres a diference
shave cream application and between a beard trimmer and
I
m doing my usual is gym, right? We endure weight dropping, grunting, sweat
routine, and waterfalls and narcissism hives for the greater good of a healthy
theres this guy on body with which to forklift those 2am pizza slices into our mouths.
a stationary bike Now, while the pizza slices wont change, the gyms and health
next to me. I swear clubs are. Resilient to all nature of exercise fads, the health club
to God his body has stands the test of time, and is now getting a serious upgrade.
some kind of sluice Leading the pack is Virgin Actives Classic Collection, most
or slipway; sweat recently unveiled at Cape Towns Silo District (read: shit hot
has never left trend spot).
someone with So whats diferent about a Classic Collection Club? Well
such enthusiasm like its everything. he curation behind the Silo District health and
trying to escape his body wellness space rivals the neighbouring Zeitz Museum of
with Shawshank Redemption Contemporary Art Africa (due to open in September).
levels of commitment. Such
The exercise:
The important part to remember is
that there are three muscles that
make up the shoulder complex. The
full ROM (Range of Motion) shoulder
Rain shower
raise is the one exercise that targets
the entire shoulder complex. Start off
It features the latest of as you would a front barbell shoulder
everything in cardio and raise, and extend the bar all the way
strength equipment, overhead, keeping your arms straight
Wattbikes decorate the Strength training equipment all the way through your reps.
intelligent spinning studios,
and suspension yoga is just one Glutes
of the classes on ofer. Its not Just as much as guys love a great
so much whats in the play pen bum, we love them, too. A guy with
as much as waiting for you out a great bum just moves differently
of it that separates this club. with more sway in his shoulders.
Spa pools, steam rooms and
saunas, rain power showers, The exercise:
a Kohu Caf & Wine Bar, The greatest glute, and overall lower
FoxBox Groom Den and body exercise, is the squat. An
shoeshining services cover important thing to remember is the
your upkeep, and if you wanted high chest position, dropping the
to bootstrap a startup, youd glutes back and as low as possible,
also be covered. iMac work Changing room and making sure the knees dont
stations, uncapped WiFi, extend beyond your toes.
wireless printing and lockers
Shoeshining bar
with built-in charging points Hamstrings
make taking business meetings It may be that athletic thing I was
and getting the job done easier talking about earlier, but Ive got
than your yoga class. a real thing for great hammies.
The exercise:
Virgin Active Collection, Silo Deadlifts are best. It not only works
4, South Arm Road, V&A
on the hamstring, but the entire
Waterfront, virginactive.co.za
posterior chain. >>
3
post-workout
snacks
We often forget that nutrition
is actually the most important
part of our training. After
your workout have a snack
containing proteins,
carbohydrates and fats.
You want to replenish the
lost nutrient stores as soon
as possible.
Whey protein
pudding
1 scoop whey protein,
3 tablespoons full fat
Bulgarian yoghurt,
Handful of raspberries
D O I N G TH E S E with raspberries.
TH I N G S N OW
DROPPING WEIGHTS
I always find it fascinating why some guys feel it necessary to press 40kg
a side during a shoulder press, and then drop the weights at the top of the rep.
I know its heavy, but if you could pick it up, Im sure you could put it down.
WHAT IS A Chia pudding
WATTBIKE? NOT REPLACING WEIGHTS
2 tablespoons
chia seeds,
More often than not, this happens at the leg press. The machine is stacked
Designed in partnership with Almond milk
with 120kg a side, the person does six reps (very impressive) and then leaves
Olympic cyclists, the Wattbike is
an indoor bike which replicates it for the next person to replace.
Soak the chia in the almond
the smooth feel of the road and
milk overnight. Add banana,
measures your performance,
specifically your power output, SELF-TALK DURING WORKOUTS chopped almonds and honey.
in watts 100 times a second I love that people can motivate themselves to push through a workout, but Ive
for instant feedback on your seen men stare at themselves and scream at a mirror just before starting a set.
pedaling technique, muscle Its distracting and makes it very awkward for the rest of us.
activation and heart rate.
HOW TO
EAT RIGHT
The quickest way to optimal health
is to eat balanced, nutrient-dense,
whole foods. And to keep exercising.
Heres what should be on your plate
Sugar, obviously. We
trust you know enough
by now to want to avoid
diabetes, heart disease
and an ever expanding
waistline. Look out for
added sugar in snacks.
Eat a piece of fruit
instead.
Sweetened beverages,
especially soft drinks.
Even those with a health
halo around them, such
as veggie juices and
smoothies can be
problematic. The calories
add up quickly, and they
may cause spikes to
COLLAGEN FERMENTED NUTRIGENOMIC SOUPS blood sugar levels. And
Great for muscles, FOODS MEALS Switch from detoxing they cant take the place
bones, skin and A healthy gut (were This is a precise technique to with store-bought fruit of chomping down on
tendons, it is the glue talking about the figure out what foods will keep juices (many of which a healthy meal.
that holds your body good bacteria that you feeling light. Nutrigenomics have added sugar) to
WORDS BY RYAN FERNANDO AND STAFF. ILLUSTRATION BY KEENAN JEPPE
together. Your diet reside in your gut (gene testing for nutrition) home-cooked soups. Processed foods
should have plenty of here) means a identifies food groups that work Soups have nutrients are often full of added
collagen-rich foods, healthy you. Eat best for you depending on what from veggies and tons sugars, flavourants and
including fish (salmon probiotic-rich foods your body processes most easily. of fibre, so youll be chemicals which cant be
and tuna), dark such as sauerkraut, There are four genes that fuller for longer and good for you no matter
green and orange kimchi, kefir and govern the absorption, digestion take in fewer calories. how convenient.
vegetables, as well kombucha daily. and processing of food in the
Red meat, while not
as strawberries human body, says nutritionist GOOD HABITS
bad for you in limited
and raspberries. TURMERIC Ryan Fernando. If someone TO KEEP UP
amounts, has been
This wonder spice cant absorb gluten properly, Swap processed
classified by the WHO as
NATURAL contains curcumin, for example, the result can be sugar for natural a probable carcinogen.
SUPPLEMENTS a super-healthy a cascade effect of gluten sweeteners like honey. High intake is linked to
Shift from chemical compound that has intolerance, which could lead to Favour coconut oil for chronic diseases like
protein supplements anti-inflammatory an auto-immune disorder, bad healthy fats. Include diabetes, cardiovascular
(such as whey) to and pain reducing skin, acne, dandruff, irritable a shot of apple cider disease and cancer. Red
more natural ones: properties. Its best bowel syndrome, thyroid issues. vinegar to boost meat and dairy are the
organic brown rice consumed with Its simple: eating according to weight loss and lower most environmentally-
protein powder, black pepper to aid your genetic composition will give blood sugar levels. Up disastrous foods around.
vegan pea protein, its absorption into you optimum results, as your your number of daily Enjoy a few meat-free
soya supplements. the body. brain will function better, too. steps to 15 000. days in your week.
Bacon Maple
FAKE OR 5 Sundae
his insane
frozen combination
C
C
HORRIBLY
of bacon, vanilla ice Sh
cream and rich maple A
topping has, at press of
time, killed 137 people cr
REAL?
Half the foods on this list are
in the US. Ha! Just
kidding, Dennys
regulars and lawyers!
Most of them are still in
ca
a
camel milk, which is known
to pack a wide variety of natural
the hospital having their antioxidants found only in humps.
terrifyingly real. Take our quiz to intestines removed.
find out which ones are fake and
which you can actually eat
The Tobacco
9 Flatbread Pizza
WEIRD FAKE FOOD MASH-UP Available only at an artisanal-
OR ACTUAL MENU ITEM? wood-ired-pizza house in Texas, the
Tobacco Flatbread mixes roasted red
peppers, sun-dried tomatoes, fresh
Beef Guac-hos basil and a light sprinkling of tobacco,
1 Nachos are designed to be shared, which is good, giving it a raw yet earthy lavour.
as this party platter, topped with three avocados and
countless scoops of ground beef, can comfortably nourish
the entire Springbok forward pack. Double
6 Down
Quesadilla Burger sandwich
2
S
o a New A US restaurant chain took Bread is stupid. I know
York bar a cheeseburger and wrapped it, and you know it and me ham
created a quesadilla around it. Or took a Colonel Sanders knows shoe
a gourmet quesadilla, pried it open with tongs it. Nows he taken the y we made
pizza topped with and shoved a bacon cheeseburger in boring old sandwich, one up,
Cheetos; its a fancy there. Its unclear. removed its idiotic eriously,
blend of cavatappi bread and installed long can
pasta, Bchamel two fat chicken lanks
sauce, a signature instead. Comes combo
cheese blend, and The Skittles with fries and a soft
the number-one 3 and Twix drink, in case youre
reason your video- Bar Shake worried about making
game controllers no A Dunkin Donuts it through the rest of
longer work. It looks, concoction that the afternoon on just
well, delicious lets takes your kids 42 000 calories.
not be elitists about two favourite
it. But its hardly the convenience-store
WORDS BY JEFF VRABEL, ILLUSTRATIONS BY LEANNE BOTHA
only curious kitchen treats and
mash-up weve seen. submerges them in Hot n Juicy 350g Triple
And it has to be said, 21 grams of saturated 7 A popular US fast food chain took
a lot of the results fat. Its the shake you its usual burger. hen they installed
make that Cheetos can eat with a fork! another burger atop it. hen they went
pizza look like out back and noticed a delivery truck
an organic-kale containing 5000 extra patties, and
quesadilla by thought, Well, we either have to use these
comparison. See Bacon Dog or theyll go to waste and all those dogs
if you can tell the 4 Its a hot dog, sliced in two will have died in vain. Hence, the nearly
real food-lavoured and snuggled up with some 2kg of burger meat in a 35cm-tall sandwich
objects here from the bacon. Have you ever stared at that you have to eat with a ladder.
very, very fake. something so wonderful that you
literally began smacking yourself on A N S W E R : N U M B E R S 2 , 4 , 5 , 6 , A N D 7 A R E , S A D LY, R E A L .
the forehead for not thinking of it irst?