Unit 3 Personal Growth Version 2

UNIT III
BUILDING PERSONAL GROWTH

Unit Description:
Students will learn and reflect on their lives to develop awareness about self and
others. They will examine their identities, self-esteem, values, strengths and
weaknesses. Participants will also learn how to keep motivated and how to
enhance their communications skills. Additionally, participants will write their
personal mission, vision and goals. Finally, they will learn about group dynamics,
tolerance and prejudice. This program activity is designed to develop students'
understanding of the conflict cycle, words, gestures, and behavior that promotes
collaboration or diminish conflict. Peer mediation, effective communication, active
listening and non-verbal communication are among the skills that are practiced.
Goal:
Students will develop knowledge of self and others in order to prepare for
effective leadership through the exposure to a series of activities that
promote healthy self-esteem, identity and cultural awareness, and
development of thinking, communication, planning and organizing skills.
Resources needed:
Sheet of paper one for each participant

Pens/pencils
Post cards
Journals one per students
Handouts
Flit chart/blackboard
Computers with access to the Internet
Dictionary
Rope
Tape
Computers, projector and internet access for facilitator
Computers with internet access for the students
1
MODULE # 3.1: Self-Awareness and Self Knowledge
Objectives:
Students will recognize their personal strengths and enhance their self-
image.
Students will be provided an opportunity to compare their positive self-
concepts with others positive perception of them.
Students will be introduced to the concept of self-disclosure.
Students will reflect and write their thoughts in their journals.
Context
Before you can start to lead others, you must first know how to lead
yourself. This has been the key to becoming a leader since the days of
Socrates and Aristotle. "Know thyself" was the inscription over the Oracle
at Delphi, the Greek mecca of wisdom. It is by this principle that the great
leaders of the past, present, and future gain an effective followership and
achieve their goals. Leadership guru, Warren Bennis, states, "Know thyself means
separating who you are and who you want to be from what the world thinks you are and
wants you to be."
Handouts & Resources Needed:
Handout 1.1: In My Teens

Handout 1.2: Who Am I?
Handout 1.3: Identity Cube
Handout 1.4: Masks
Handout 1.5: The Johari Window
Handout 1.6: Changing a Failure Identity through Rational Self-Awareness
Handout 1.7: Ingredients for a Positive Self-Image
Sheet of paper - one for each participant

Pens/pencils
Journals
Color pencils/crayons
Tape
2
Activity # 3.1: Who are we? (55 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker: Students will view and discuss the video - 85

years in 40 seconds, available at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A91Fwf_sMhk&feature=re
lated Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader app scan
this code to visit this web based educational resource

After watching the video, explain to participants
that as human beings we go trough a series of
developmental stages during our life span. The
major periods of human development include: prenatal (conception-birth),
infancy and toddlerhood (birth-2 years), early childhood (2-6 years), middle
childhood (6-11 years), adolescence (11-18 years), early adulthood (18-40
years), middle adulthood (40-65 years) and late adulthood, 65 years-death
(Berg, 2007).1
Focus on adolescence to relate to the group. For more information visit:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/growing/adolescence.html
Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader app

scan this code to visit this web based educational resource
Ask participants to fill out the activity worksheet in Handout 1.1In my teens to
think about their developmental milestones.
Ask Students about what they learned in this session. If they dont feel
comfortable talking about it, ask them to write their responses or concerns in
their journals. Make sure to respond to the journal entries.
Who I am: The purpose of this activity is to remind participants about the
importance of knowing ourselves.
Game: Two truths and a lie. Divide the class into groups of four or five. Tell
the students that they are going to share some information about their
identity. Everyone in the group has to think of three things to share about
themselves - two must be true and one must be a lie. When a person has
1
Berg, Laura E. (2007). Development Through the Lifespan (Fourth Edition), pp. 361-427. Boston, MA: Pearson
3
Education, Inc
shared their three things, the rest of the group must decide which of the
three is a lie. The person then indicates which one was the "lie".
Provide Students Handout 1.2. Who Am I? And ask them to write three
words describing who they are (example, teacher, mother, and wife).
Engage in discussion based on the responses on status-oriented (student,
husband, father, daughter, son, catholic) and value-oriented (affectionate
person, caring, loving, free, generous) responses.
The facilitator will explain that neither of these two types is necessarily better
than the other and that up to 30 or 40 years ago, most people defined
themselves in terms of their jobs.
Ask for volunteers to share their responses.
Ask how many of them are status-oriented and how many are value-
oriented.
Debriefing
4
Activity #3.1.2: Building self-identity (55 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker: Students will view and comment the YouTube video. Asian-Canadian
Self-Identity available at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRLGPOP_T_M (3
min)
Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader app scan this
code to visit this web based educational resource.
After watching the video, divide students into groups of

four or five and ask them to discuss if they relate to the
teenagers in the video. Ask the students to find
similarities and differences.
Ask the students to share their answers to the larger
group.
Point out the importance of maintaining ones culture.
Explain to participants that building self identify is important to be able to face
challenges with dignity and respect for ourselves and others. This activity will
help build participants sense of identity in belonging to a particular cultural
group.
Display the following questions on the board. Pair students up and ask them to
discuss the questions:
a. Do you know anyone who is from a different culture?

b. In what ways are the two cultures similar and different?
c. Do your cultural differences make it difficult to be friends?
d. How can you share your cultural differences in a positive, nonjudgmental
way?
Ask the students to report their answers with the larger group.
Have Students participate in the Identity cube activity.
Ask participants to break up into groups of 5-7 students (only done if group
is more than 10 students)
Distribute Handout 1.3 Identity cube and pencil to each student.
Each student completes the identity cube individually. The cube should be
completed based on how the students see and define themselves, not how
others see them.
Small group discussion: Each member of the group should share their
cube. Each person should name one aspect of their culture in which they
take pride.
Debriefing
5
Activity # 3.1.3: Inside/ Outside Masks (55 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker: Personality Test.

Instructions:
Go to http://www.learnmyself.com/
To visit this web site with your smart phone use your QR
code reader
Scroll down the page and click on Start Quick (Circle in red)
Take the test
IMPORTANT: Announce to the students that when finish the test, they should not
have their options correspond to any of the options in the box. They also should
UNCHECK the email my results and Friend match options
Click Next and get the results
Pair students up and ask them to share the results.
Explain to the students that although this test is not professional and should not
be trusted, it is just an exercise to help us analyze what we know about our inner
self. Explain to the students the difference between our inner and outer self.
Distribute Handout 1.4 Masks and ask students to draw two masks: one
depicting what they look like on the outside and the other depicting what they
"look" like on the inside. The outside mask can include how they think others
perceive them.
Ask 3 - 4 people to share their masks.
Describe what the Johari Window is: It is a diagram showing four different
selves and how the awareness or otherwise of these aspects of our self by
others and ourselves leads to four categories (The public self, the private
self, the blind self and the undiscovered self). Refer to Handout 1.5.The
Johari Window.
Explain that increased self-disclosure generally leads to greater self- awareness.
Explain that the concept of self-disclosure refers to the sharing of information
about oneself with others either consciously or unconsciously. The facilitator may
also describe why members are initially reluctant to self-disclosure but gradually
begin to do so. With appropriate self-disclosure in groups, cohesion and group
morale generally increase. The facilitator should note that personal information
should not be disclosed during this exercise.
The Johari Window game:
Instructions
6
1. Exchange your email address with three students
2. Go to http://kevan.org/johari
3. Pick five or six words that best describe you.
4. Save your results by entering a unique name in the save box
5. Read your Johari box
6. The next step is to send the URL located underneath the Johari to
the three students you exchange your email with, so they can play
the Johari box picking words they associate with you.
7. Click on the link provided on the website to watch how your Johari
Window changes as your friends pick words that best describe you.
Get the HTML results to paste into your journal or email, bookmark
this URL.
7
Have a class discussion to explore the advantages and disadvantages of this
exercise. Were you surprised by anything that was said?
Debriefing
8
Activity # 3.1.4: Self-Concepts and Media Influence (55 min)
Facilitator reviews some examples of irrational self-analysis.

The facilitator explains that a negative self-concept stems from negative
and irrational self-talk and then challenges this self-talk with rational self-
challenges (Handout 1.6 Changing a Failure Identity through Rational Self-
Analysis).
The facilitator instructs students participants to write a rational self-analysis
in their journals, in which they examine their self-concepts.
Once students participants have written a self-analysis, ask for 1-2
volunteers to share with the class what they wrote.
Engage in a discussion on self-concepts and what was learned from the
exercise.
Explain to the students that mass media could have a negative influence in
building our body image and self-concept. As society enters new
technological transformations, varied forms of media outlets increase that
serve different purposes. Media plays a very important role in building self-
awareness and self-knowledge. Some people argue that media perpetrates
youth violence and influences risky behaviors such as body imagine, sex,
and drugs through the messages portrayed. However, media can also have
a positive influence on people.
Engage in discussion on how media influences how we view ourselves:
o Provide examples of media (magazines, TV, newspapers, internet).
o How can media have a positive influence (ex: attention to sports; alerts,
whether, etc)?
o What are the images that media portrays of Hispanic youth and the
community? How about body image?
Play this video to illustrate the effect on media on body image: The
Psychology of Beauty-Media affects body image
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnJQJFlyDGY (1.20 min)

Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader app scan this code to visit this
web based educational resource.
9
Divide the classroom into groups of four or five and have them sketch a one page
ad of positive words and images related to teens. The students can use the
internet to research videos and commercials for inspiration. If preferred by the
students, they could also use their computers to design the ad. The ad should
answer the following questions.
o What is it selling?
o How is it selling it?
o Why is it positive?
After completing the ad, the students present their ad to the class.
Debriefing
10
Activity # 3.1.5: Building self-esteem (30 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker: Display the text on the board and have students fill the blanks
out individually.
I am great at ________________,
I have beautiful ___________,
I am a fantastic _____________,
People like me because ______________,
I get complements _______________________,
Pair students up and have them share their answers.

Tell students that having positive self-esteem is important as leaders;
thus, examining the way we view ourselves is essential for changing self-
destructive ideas and thoughts.
Ask students to brainstorm on ways that may be helpful for youth to
maintain a positive self-image. Take notes on the flit chart or chalkboard
Provide and discuss, (Handout 1.7.Ingredients for Positive Self Image).
Engage in discussion by asking what stood out from this activity.
Looking at Myself. This activity serves to build participants self-esteem.
Supply students with blank sheets of paper and a piece of tape.
Ask students to put their names in the center of the sheet of paper and
tape it to the wall.
Ask students to go around and write positive things about each person on
the sheet of paper. For example, positive descriptions may include
completing homework and being honest and friendly. (Note: They must
write positive statements-no negativity allowed.)
After all students have finished writing a statement on all sheets of paper,
ask participants to read what others have written about themselves.
Ask students to discuss positive things they learned and didnt know about
themselves.
Debriefing
11
MODULE # 3.2: Decision-Making Skills
Objectives
Students will learn about the model for appropriate decision-making.
Students will enhance their decision-making skills by solving different
situations and learning what type of a decision-maker they are.
Context
In subsequent modules we will learn about interests, values and goals and
how they are important in shaping our lives. Knowing our values, dreams,
goals and interests help us to make responsible decisions.
Handout 2.1: STAR Vision Decision Making Model

Handout 2.2: Situation Role Play
Handout 2.3: What Kind of a Decision Maker Are You? Decision Making Styles.
Pens/pencils
12
Activity # 3.2.1: Decision-Making (55 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker: Video. Confusion Burning Movie

Trailer.
http://www.thechoicegame.com/video/conburn-
trailer2.html
Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader app scan

this code to visit this web based educational resource.
After watching the video. Ask the students

to think about their personal situation and
answer the following questions individually:
o What are the choices I can make today that will have a positive
impact on my future? Why?
o What are the choices I can make today that could have a negative
impact on my future?
Divide the class into groups of four or five and ask them to discuss their
answers.
Students will review Handout 2.1 STAR Vision Decision-Making Model for
making appropriate decisions.
Ask for two volunteers to role-play a situation. Provide volunteers with a
scenario for the role-play Handout 2.3: Situation Role Play. While the
volunteers are acting out the skit, instruct other participants to write on their
handout 2.1 what they would do for each STAR Vision step if they were in
that situation. Tell them that in the center of the STAR Vision on their
handout Tool, write the important value that helped them make that
decision.
The students will practice their decision- making skills using the videos on
http://www.thechoicegame.com/urban/choices-urbinf.html. Have students
watch Video 1 (TJ tries to get Regana to get drugs) and video 2 (TJ asks
Regana to taste the coke with something
extra).

After watching each video the students

should write down what they would do for
each step in the STAR Vision model in order
to help them handle the situation.
Class discussion. Have the students share
their answers
13
Decision making game.
Instructions
1. Go to http://checkyourself.com/interact.aspx
Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader

app scan this code to visit this web based educational resource.
2. Select one game at a time and play. Keep track of your decisions in a
journal.
After playing the game, divide the classroom into groups of four and five and
ask them to share and contrast their experiences.
Provide students Handout 2.3 and review: What kind of a decision maker
are you? Decision Making Styles to learn about decision-making styles and
discuss each one of the styles.
Ask students to break into groups of 3-5.
Have students examine their own style of decision making and engage in a
discussion.
Debriefing
14
MODULE # 3.3: Communications Skills
Objectives
Students will understand the importance of two-way communication.
Students will learn how to express ones thoughts and feelings through the
use of I-Statements.
Students will learn that they can be in control of their lives by engaging in
assertive behavior.
Context
Strong communication skills are the most important quality of a leader. If

a leader cannot communicate with his/her followers, how can he/she be
an effective leader? Communication is the major means used to
accomplish a task. Fortunately, we all have been practicing the skill of
communication since the day we were born. We have learned how to talk,
how to listen, how to read, and how to write. Leaders have polished these skills through
constant practice. Furthermore, today we have a new way of communicating -
telecommunicating. This includes everything from phone calls, email, the Internet,
faxes, and video conferencing. Being familiar with this type of information technology is
essential for a leader of the 21st Century.
Handout 3.1: Active Listening

Handout 3.2: Diagram #1: One-Way Communication
Handout 3.2A: Diagram #2: Two-Way Communication
Handout 3.3A: Definition of I-Statements
Handout 3.3B: Choosing Your Words Carefully
Handout 3.4: Aggressive, Assertive or Passive?
Handout 3.5: Hopping Chairs
Handout 3.6: Anger Management
Pens/pencils
Dictionary
15
Activity # 3.3.1: Two-way communication (55 min)
Procedure:
Provide Webster's New World Dictionary, Second College Edition's

Definition of communication: The act of transmitting: giving or
exchanging of information, signals, or messages by talk, gestures, writing,
etc. Then, brainstorm with participants on the different forms of
communication (ex: writing). Take notes on the flit-chart.
The purpose of this activity is to show participants the importance of
understanding, respecting and accepting others as they are.
Discuss what active listening is and why it is important in the
communication process (Handout 3.1 Active Listening).
Explain to participants that in one-way communication, only one person
talks and does not allow the other person to ask questions or offer
opinions.
Ask for or select three volunteer assistants, one as demonstrator and
the other two as observers to take note on the behavior of the
demonstrator and the participants.
Distribute blank paper and pencils to participants and ask them to label
one sheet Diagram #1 and the other Diagram #2.
One-way communication: Give the demonstrator a copy of Diagram 1
(Handout 3.2 Diagram #1: One-Way Communication) and allow two
minutes of study. The demonstrator must stand in front of the participants
with his or her back to the partner. Explain that the demonstrator will give
directions for drawing a series of squares and that each should construct
the diagram as described. The person describing is the only person who
can speak. The drawer cannot ask any questions. When everyone has
finished, show the correct diagram and ask how many people got it right.
Find out what some of the problems were.
Two Way Communication: Repeat the same directions with that
exception that the person drawing will now serve as demonstrator.
Provide Diagram #2 (Handout 3.2A. Diagram #2: Two-Way
Communication).
This time the person drawing may ask questions. When everyone has
finished, show the correct diagram and ask how many people got it right.
Find out what some of the problems are the second time around and what
helped.
Be sure to discuss the importance of communication and being clear about
what we are trying to say.
Two way communication activity:
16
1. Ask students to go to visit the
following web site:
http://www.slideshare.net/agillies/3-
steps-to-effectively-communicating.
In this website they will play a two
way communication presentation
slide. Have the students play only
slides 9 to 20. Ask them to take
notes if necessary.
2. After viewing the slides, display this
video on the blackboard
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xI
vY33KWIKAhttp://www.youtube.com
/watch?v=xIvY33KWIKA) up to minute 3.12.

This video is a communication demo that teaches about two-way
communication. In the first part of the video we see a man who is not
listening to his subordinate and speaks only in a one-way direction.
After minute 3.12, a communication professional interferes to advise
him on how to communicate more effectively. During the first part of
this activity play only up to minute 3.12.
3. While watching the video ask the students to describe the flaws of
communication. Then ask the students to provide specific alternatives
to make the communication more effective. What could he do
differently? Have the students discuss their answers in groups of four
of five.
4. Ask each group to provide their answers.
5. Play the second part of the video and see if the students suggestions
match the professional suggestions in the video.
6. Discussion
7. Debriefing
17
Activity # 3.3.2: Choosing your words correctly (30 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker. Students will view and discuss the video. Master Peace International:
You Versus I Statements available at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9YgDxKqQwU (3.16 min)
Choosing your words correctly

before speaking is important in
order to avoid conflict. A good way
to start working on this is through
the use of I-statements.
Conduct a brief presentation of
the concepts of I-Statements.
Provide a definition of I-
statements (Handout 3.3A
Definitions of I Statements).
Ask the group for examples of You-Statements. Point out how much You-
Statements tend to hurt the listener and thus hinder any effective
communication.
Ask the group to rephrase the You-Statements into I-Statements.
Distribute Handout 3.3B Choosing your words carefully worksheet and ask
the students to complete it. The group then has a discussion on questions
on I-statements versus You-statements. Tell students that learning how to
use I-Statements is not an easy task; however, it is wise to engage in its
use.
Debriefing
18
Activity # 3.3.3: Assertiveness or Passiveness (30 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker: Students will view and discuss the video. Assertiveness - Tips for being
assertive & saying 'No' available at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZynhvBShqU&feature=related. (7.13)

This video is a drilling exercise to practice assertive

techniques to say no. While playing the video the students
are going to practice the tips learned in the video.
Instructions
Play the video up to minute 1.07. Pause it after the first request (Laura can you
make me a cup of tea please?) Tell the students that they are going to play Lora
and practice saying no to each request. Have students respond aloud. Play the
second request, pause and let the students respond. Repeat until the last
request on minute 1.32.
Play video up to minute 4.08. Pause and announce to students that they will be
practicing the run with Laura. Students will give an answer aloud after each
question. Play the video and pause after the first request. Let the students
answer. Play the video and listen to Lauras answer. Listen to the second
request. Pause. Let the students answer. Play the video and listen to Lauras
answer. Repeat until the last request on minute 5.40.
Play again and listen to the feedback.
Explain that assertiveness is a method of communication that lets others know
your ideas and feelings while respecting their feelings as well. For the purpose of
our discussion, behavior can be divided into three types: aggressive, assertive
and passive. Refer to Handout 3.4 Aggressive, Assertive or Passive for further
information on the concept of assertiveness.
Then the participants work through scenarios providing their normal response
related to either passiveness or assertiveness (Handout 3.5).
Students engage in discussion indicating what they have understood from the
activity; discuss every situation.
Game:Chair hopping. This exercise highlights the importance of different
communication styles (Use Handout 3.5 Hopping Chairs for instructions).
19
Activity # 3.3.4: Anger Management (30 min)
Icebreaker. Students will view and discuss the video. RLT Teens and Anger
Management. Available at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nL1BrvwgrVM
(7.15 min). Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader app scan this code to visit
this web based educational resource.
After watching the video divide the students into

groups of four or five ask them to list a few
situations or things that frustrate them or make
them angry and how do they cope with it.
Have the students discuss their answers.
Explain that Often lack of coping skills affect how
people react in difficult situations. For example,
being able to manage anger is important for avoiding conflicts. Anger
management entails thinking about your reaction before acting on the
emotions and feelings. Sometimes, when we are angry we tend to jump to
conclusions, react violently and use inappropriate language instead of
confronting the situation calmly.
Tell participants that during this activity they will be asked to participate in a
role-play on anger management.
Review scenarios on Handout 3.6. Anger Management, then ask for
volunteers to do a role-play indicating how they would handle the situations to
avoid a fight.
Discussion.
Debriefing.
20
MODULE # 3.4: Conflict Resolution
Objectives
Students will develop personal and group problem solving skills.

Students will learn about the conflict resolution process.
Students will learn different styles of handling conflict.
Students will recognize conflict as a reality of group work.
Students will identify and implement a series of techniques in dealing with
conflict inside and outside their clubs.
Students will discuss their family dynamics.
Students will understand the importance of parent-child relationships and will
enhance problem solving skills.
Context
Conflict is inevitable in groups. Conflict can occur when two parties are
working towards the same goal and generally want the same outcome, or
when both parties want a very different settlement. negative. Conflict is
necessary to avoid traps like groupthink. A leader should even encourage
conflict, but then a leader should also know how to resolve it. Throughout
situations of conflict among people, the leader usually assumes the role of a
mediator. This occurs because the leader has acquired conflict resolution skills.
Handout 4.1: My Problem

Handout 4.2: Conflicts
Handout 4.3: Strategies to Improve Conflict-Resolution Practices
Handout 4.4: Tug of War
Handout 4.5: Fighting Fair
Handout 4.6A: Steps for Mediation
Handout 4.6B: Mediate
Handout 4.7: Group Conflict Resolution Techniques
Pens/pencils
Sheet of paper- one for each participant
21
Activity # 3.4.1: Styles of Handling Conflict (30 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker: My problem: the purpose of this activity is to demonstrate that

even if we believe our problem is too difficult to solve, there may be some
way out. This is why asking for help to a person we trust before making
difficult decisions may be beneficial.
Explain that all club members have the potential to effectively communicate
and guide each other in solving a problem.
Handout the problem sheet (Handout 4.1 My problem).
Ask students to write and describe a problem making sure to stay
anonymous.
The facilitator collects and redistributes the sheets at random among other
participants in the group to help find solutions.
Tell students to write their solutions to the anonymous problems.
Collect sheets and review problems and solutions. Combine to be
anonymous.
Facilitator explains to students the definition of conflict and point out that how
we think and respond to conflicts is also important (Handout 4.2 Conflicts).
Have students read the section on Styles of Handling Conflict (Handout 4.2
Conflicts) and discuss the varied styles on how people handle conflict.
Have students think about how they would characterize their own style.
Once students have identified their style, discuss the strategies to improve
their conflict-resolution practices (Handout 4.3 Strategies to Improve Conflict
Practices) and discuss.
Debriefing
22
Activity # 3.4.2: Fighting conflict and resolving conflict (55 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker. Tug of War: Initiate this activity, if possible, by asking for one
volunteer. Using a rope, demonstrate to the class what a tug of war is.
Each individual pulls the rope from the end attempting to win. Explain to
participants that the purpose of this activity is to illustrate the way we view
and handle conflicts. Have participants read the situations in Handout 4.4
Tug of War and ask them how they would deal with them as an enemy
and as a friend.
Now that students have an understanding of tug of war, tell them that
there are rules for fighting fair.
Present the five rules for fighting fair in Handout 4.5 Fighting Fair.
Have students solve the conflict situations provided in the Handout 4.5.
Have students tell what both people in the conflict situations won when
the conflict was resolved fairly.
Mediation. Ask students how many of them have heard of mediation? It is
probably that most of them have an understanding of this concept. Tell
them that mediation is an alternative form to help empower others to
solve their conflicts. Often, we are used to telling others what to do, but
that is not always helpful. Tell them that mediation is used by schools,
organizations, and courts for solving problems and reaching agreements.
The mediator listens and asks questions that help the individuals solve
their disputes. Remind participants that they all have the ability to be
mediators.
Play this video about mediation to illustrate the meaning of mediation and
its benefits. Mediation Process and benefits. The video is available at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOepqoCsmfw. (2.59 min)
Facilitator review Handout 4.6A Steps

for Mediation for further instructions.
Tell them that following these steps
leads to successful mediation.
Divide class into groups of 4.
Provide Handout 4.6B Mediate and ask
students to read carefully.
Ask students to role-play a scenario with
a participant as mediator (Handout
4.6B).
23
Engage in a discussion based on the questions on handout 11.3A:
o What did the participants learned from the activity?
o Can they see the benefits of mediation?
Debriefing
24
Activity # 3.4.3: Family and conflict (45 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker: Display the following questions on the board

o How does your family handle conflict?
o Do these methods work or not?
o How are you different in handling conflicts than your
parents/guardian?
o What would you change?
Pair students up to discuss these questions.
Ask the students to share their answers with the larger group.
Introduce the students to conflict in the family: "In every group conflict
may arise from time to time between two or more members. The
individuals or groups may have differing views and opinions on the same
topic or issue, and it may seem that there is no quick and easy solution to
the conflict. We will use a series of techniques to help our group deal
cooperatively and creatively with conflicts".
o Provide Handout 4.7 Group Conflict Resolution Techniques and
break participants into groups, asking them to go through each
technique.
Child-parent/guardian conflicts.
Initiate this activity by playing this video. In the video the students will
learn some basic steps to handle conflict properly.
Play the following video. In the Mix: Conflict Resolution. Thinking It
Through (Excerpt) available at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDoQIpe5TxA (4.09 min)
After watching the video ask participants with whom they live. Tell
participants that parents, guardians and children have responsibilities;
however, when the responsibilities are disregarded, it leads to conflicts.
25
For example, parents are responsible for providing food to their children;
children are responsible for doing their homework. How can we avoid
conflicts?
Ask students to brainstorm on the kind of conflicts parents, guardians and
youth have with each other. Ask them to think about themselves, friends
or relatives. Make sure to take notes on the flit chart or blackboard.
Once conflicts have been discussed, engage in discussion on how to
avoid those conflicts; ask participants to write down their responsibilities
as son or daughter and their parents or guardians responsibilities.
Ask for two volunteers to do a role-play to reinforce avoiding conflicts with
parents or guardians. Have one participant be the son or daughter and
the other the parent or guardian.
o The child is coming from school and the parent/guardian is cooking.
The parent/guardian told the child in the morning before leaving for
school to make sure to clean the room when he/she comes back. The
child returns from school and puts his/her book bag in the closet, and
proceeds to grab the TV remote control. The role-play should indicate
what the son/daughter should do differently to avoid conflicts with
parents/guardians.
Discuss what they learned from the activity.
Debriefing
26
Module # 3.5: Family Enrichment
Objectives
Students will understand the importance of self-disclosure in the family.

Students will be able to develop skills needed for their family relations.
Students will be introduced to the four family process skills.
Students will learn about three styles of family leadership.
Context
Family Enrichment is the relation between the parents/guardians and their

children; it involves family relations. Parents or guardians help their
children to develop the abilities they will need to enter adulthood.
Examining our familys styles of leadership is important for discovering
our own values and promoting family stability.
Handout 5.1: The Building Blocks of Family Life

Handout 5.2: The Three Styles of Family Leadership
Handout 5.3: Precious Memories
Pens/pencils
27
Activity # 3.5.1: The Meaning of Family (55 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker: Video. Students will watch and discuss the video: What is
family? Available at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBdkq02CZ58
(2.57 min)

scan this code to visit this web based educational resource.
After watching the video, ask students to write down their definition of
family. Afterwards, have students walk around the classroom looking for
students who share a similar idea or definition of family. The students
who share the same concept should stay together in one group. Once
the groups are formed the facilitator asks the groups to share their
definitions.
Pair the students up and ask them to write down a list of words associated
with a strong family. Have participants share their list with the class and
compile a list of these words or phrases on the chalkboard.
Have students read Handout 5.1 The Building Blocks of Family Life.
Describe how the list of words and phrases listed on the chalkboard
relates to each of the four skills.
Have students engage in open discussion regarding these questions:
Why are families important to you?
Why is each of the skills identified in the activity important to
families?
In what ways do you already possess some skills in these areas? In
what ways could you improve your present skills to prepare to build
a strong family?
Go back to Handout 5.1 The Building Blocks of Family Life and
Have the students find at least two examples of behavior that illustrate the
four process skills listed on the Handout.
28
Have participants watch the following video about the dynamics of a
specific family. Running Your Family Like a Business: Family Life (1949)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAvd5VqJ5og
(9.50 min)
While watching the video, the students should answer the following
questions:
o How do they manage work and family responsibilities?
o How do they solve personal and family problems?
o How do they interact with each other?
o Does anybody assume leadership roles? Who?
o How did this family look similar to yours?
After watching the video elicit answers from the students and open up a
group discussion.
Debriefing
29
Activity # 3.5.2: Three Styles of Family Leadership (30 min)
Procedure:
Break students into groups of 4 or 5.

Depending on the particular culture, families have their own leadership
styles.
Have students read, Handout 5.2 The Three Styles of Family Leadership
to identity an effective leadership to meet the needs of family members.
Divide the students into groups of four or five and have them create a
family scenario in which there is a particular leadership style. The
scenario should be a specific situation that reflects the leadership style of
the family. For example, the scenario could depict a family dinner in
which there is a member who is in control of everything. The students
should pick a leadership style and write a script. Afterwards, the students
will play act the situation in front of the class. After each presentation the
students will have to identify what kind of leadership was highlighted and
why?
Divide the class into three groups and assign one case study per group in
Handout 5.2. The Three Styles of Family Leadership students read the
case studies and answer questions provided in the handout.
Have students engage in open discussion to share their answers.
Debriefing
30
Activity # 3.5.3: Family Relationships (30 min)
Procedure:
Begin this activity by telling students that the idea of dysfunctional families
has been created by society and internalized by many families. For
example, single-parent households are not necessarily dysfunctional.
Tell them that as long as they have one person that loves them that is
what matters.
Ask students to write an autobiography in their journal, which should
include their parents involvement in their lives. Ask them how parent
involvement or lack of parent involvement has affected who they are. Is
this belief instilled by society? How can we change self-damaging
beliefs?
Break students into groups of 4 or 5.
Maintaining family relationships is helpful for our psychological health. For
example, if questions about family history arise, they can probably
provide some answers. There are other reasons why family relationships
are important. Ask students to think about other reasons. Take notes on
the flit chart or blackboard.
Provide Handout 5.3. Precious Memories
Have students record two memories of family traditions they experienced
in their family.
Open discussion: Have students discuss why that experience was
important to their family.
Debriefing
31
MODULE # 3.6: Substance Abuse Awareness and Prevention
Objectives
Students will learn how alcohol and other depressant drugs slow down the
thinking process.
Students will be able to measure the frequency in which youth use
alcohol/drugs.
Students will learn about the health effects of the Marijuana.
Context
This workshop is intended to demonstrate the connection between HIV

infection and the use of Alcohol, Heroin, Cocaine, Marijuana, Ecstasy,
OxyContin, and Inhalants. Students will also examine risky situations that
can lead to HIV infection, including being under the influence of alcohol
and drugs.
Handout 6.1: Alcohol Usage
Pens/pencils
32
Activity# 3.6.1: Introduction to Drugs (55 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker: Students will view and discuss the video. Anti-Drug PSA
Drugs Kill Dreams, available at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sd3L4l4OcJQ (0.36 secs)

scan this code to visit this web based educational resource.
After watching the video open up discussion asking the students why
drugs kill dreams?
Research: Divide the students into groups of three and announce to the
students that they are going to do research about drugs.
Instructions:
1. Go to link http://www.abovetheinfluence.com/facts/drugfacts
Using your mobile phone QR Code

Reader app scan this code to visit this web based educational
resource.
2. Assign a drug or two per group
3. Each group should study the facts and the risks of each drug.
4. Ask students to research online the relationship between the drug
assigned and HIV. Announce to the students that not all drugs
relate similarly to HIV and some do not relate at all. Each group
looks for a picture of the drug
33
5. Each group gives a brief presentation on the drug assigned and
displays a picture of the drug on the board.
Alcohol Usage Tell students that one of the most widely used drugs is
alcohol and have them complete Handout 6.1 Alcohol Usage
Once the six questions are completed, review each question with the
students and encourage them to stay alcohol and drug free.
Debriefing
34
Activity# 3.6.2 Recognizing and Preventing Drug Use
Procedure:
Icebreaker: Jigsaw puzzle. Ask students to go to

http://www.proprofs.com/games/jigsaw/say-no-to-drugs/ and do the
jigsaw puzzle

Pair students up and ask them to brainstorm on 10 reasons why
teenagers use drugs. After completing the list ask the students to
visit http://www.sunhawkrecovery.com/why-teens-use-drugs.html
and compare their list with the list on the website. Using your
mobile phone QR Code Reader app scan this code to visit this web
based educational resource.
Ask the students to report their findings to the larger group.
Using the list they created ask the students to propose alternatives
to prevent teenage drug use. The students should come up with at
least five alternatives (one per drug).
To learn more facts about drugs, students could take an interactive
multiple choice quest
http://teens.drugabuse.gov/sarasquest/sqgame.php
35
resource.
How to identify drug abuse? Explain to the students that they are
going to learn about how to identify drug abuse in a teenager. Pair
the students up and assign them a symptom. The students will visit
http://timetoact.drugfree.org/think-look-for-signs.html and click on
the symptom to learn about it.

resource.
Afterwards, divide the students in groups of three and ask them to
create a role-play situation in which a teenager is showing drug
abuse symptoms and the parents have to figure out how to help the
teenager.
Students present the role-play to the class.
Debriefing.
36
MODULE # 3.7: Values
Objectives
Students will identify a personal value and examine their own value system.
Students will build relations among group members through positive
interactions and to increase self-esteem by receiving thoughtful gifts from
others.
Context
Values are principles considered worthwhile by society. Youth need to

learn and recognize values so they can create a strong value system that
can contribute positively to society.
Handout 7.1: What Do I Enjoy Doing?

Handout 7.2: Values Survey
Handout 7.3: Definition of Values
Handout 7.4: Cultural Values Game
Pens/pencils
Tape
Journals one per student
37
Activity # 3.7.1: Identify values (55 min)
Procedure:
Begin, without introduction, by placing several coins or bills of different

value on a desk or table and ask a volunteer to come up to the table.
Ask the volunteer to choose a coin or bill. Ask the volunteer to display to
everyone else what they chose.
Now ask the volunteer how they chose that coin or bill. If necessary, help
the volunteer to say that they chose the one with the highest value.
Thank your volunteer. Ask them to return the coin or bill to the desk or
table and to be seated. Write the word value on newsprint or the board.
Explain that in this situation, value refers to the worth of each coin or bill.
Ask the group for other examples of what has value.
If the group only listed tangible things, ask for examples of intangibles that
cannot be seen or touched but that have value. (Answers might include
things like status, good grades, love, honesty, friendship, kindness, hard
work, and talent.) List responses on the newsprint or board and add, if
necessary, any important intangibles that you feel the participants may
have forgotten.
Ask for three volunteers. Then ask them to each choose one of the
intangible things on the list and explain why they consider it important.
Circle their choices. When the volunteers have finished, point out that it
may be easy to know which tangible things have the most value, but it is
difficult to define the value of intangible qualities.
Explain that value has several meanings. One is the monetary worth of an
object or item, namely, how much someone would actually pay for it or,
perhaps, how much it would cost to replace it. Another meaning is a more
personal measure of worth, such as how important certain things, beliefs,
principles or ideas are to an individual. Different people value intangible
things differently, meaning they have more or less value to each
individual. The ideals, beliefs, and principles that are of worth to you
shape your values. Our values help define who we are and help
determine our behavior. For example:
o A person who values family cares about their parents, siblings, and
home life.
o A person who values beauty may want to live surrounded by art
and nature.
o A person who values health may choose a healthy diet, exercise
regularly, and avoid using drugs.
38
o A person who values excitement may participate in action sports or
travel.
Provide Handout 7.1 What Do I Enjoy Doing? and ask students
participants to list 10 activities that they like to do.
Once they have completed the list, ask them to examine it and see if any
themes or patterns are apparent in their values or what they like to do.
Discuss and share answers with larger group.
Debriefing
39
Activity # 3.7.2 Exploring cultural values (55 min)
Procedure:
Display the image on the board. Divide the students into groups of four or
five and ask them to draw a picture of a value. The value does not need to
be any of the values represented in the picture below. The picture can
depict a specific value or the general concept of value.
Ask the students to share their picture

Ask students to identify values in their culture that are different from the
dominant culture (ex: individualism, wealth building, and competition).
This activity can also be tied to current events such as in politics.
Provide Handout 7.2 Values Survey and ask students to arrange the
tasks/values in order of importance to them.
Ask for volunteers to share their top five values.
Discuss their personal and cultural values (Handout 7.3 Definition of
Values)
Explain that knowing our values is important for making important
decisions. Tell them, that in the Career Awareness Module, they will see
an example of how our values can influence career choice.
Cultural values game (See instructions in Handout 7.4).
40
Activity # 3.7.3: Gift from the Heart2 (55 min)
Procedure:
Explain to participants that giving and receiving gifts often brings a good
feeling. The giver expresses unconditional love. The receiver gets a
token of affection and love. This activity allows peers to understand
others and learn how others see them through the exchange of thoughtful
gifts.
Ask students to form groups of 3-4 and have each member of the group
choose an imaginary gift to give to each person in the group.
Each gift is drawn or described on a piece of paper to be given to the
recipient. The gifts should be thought out carefully so they represent the
individuals who receive the gifts. The gifts may be deep and thoughtful
such as courage to face lifes difficulties, for someone who has shared
many deep problems with the group. Or the gifts may simply be
something the receiver would enjoy, such as a season soccer pass to go
see your teams games any time you want, for someone who enjoys
soccer.
Once everyone has completed their gifts, let one person at a time give out
his/her gifts to the others. When giving the gifts, the giver should explain
what the gift is and why they chose to give that particular gift to the
individual.
Engage all students in a discussion based on these questions:
o How did you decide what gifts to give?
o What did you think about the gifts you got?
o Do you think there was a good match between the people and the
gifts they received?
Debriefing
2
Adapted from http://www.gamesforgroups.com/index.htm
41
MODULE # 3.8: Personal Mission, Vision and Goals
Objectives
Students will understand the importance of vision, mission, and goals.

Students will formulate personal vision, mission, and goals.
Students will build a better understanding of where they want to go and what
things they would like to accomplish.
Context
Leaders must have a solid vision in order to be effective. A leader must

know what makes their followers stick and then use that knowledge to
create a vision that will inspire. Furthermore, a leader has an obligation to
not only formulate a specific vision but also to make sure that the
followers have a clear understanding of that vision. Their vision should
transform their followers. Visions empower followers. If followers feel that there is true
potential in the vision, they will be eager to become part of it. If the vision seems
unrealistic, followers are bound to feel alienated and lose all motivation to contribute to
the vision.
Handout & Resources Needed:
Handout 8.1: Goals

Handout 8.2: Understanding Where You Are Right Now
Handout 8.3: The Areas that You Let Operate by Accident
Handout 8.4: Developing a Personal Vision Statement
Handout 8.5: Aspiras Mission Statement

Pens/pencils
42
Activity # 3.8.1: Writing a Personal Vision Statement (55 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker: Students will view and discuss the video. What if life is
actually. Available at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qx8w3rgvIsM&feature=pyv (6.51 min)

After watching the video ask the students what is the vision of the narrator
in the video.
Explain to students that Goals are the plan of action needed to reach a
vision. Goals establish the framework of your vision. When developing
your goals, you should remember to keep them realistic and attainable.
Point out the elements that lead toward the achievement of a goal and the
consequences that can be expected if such a goal is achieved.
The following questions can be used to generate discussion:
o Why are goals important?
o Does writing down a goal make it more likely that you will
accomplish it?
o How do goals differ from wishes and dreams?
o What can a person do if he or she is uncertain about goals?
o What are some pitfalls of goal accomplishment?
Tell students that according to research in the area, youth who do not set
goals or make plans for their future are at higher risk for dropping out of
school.3
Furthermore, goals should fulfill the mission statement. Refer to Handout
8.1 Goals.
Ask students to complete the handout 8.2 Understanding Where You Are
Right Now
Ask the students to share and explain their answers by calling on different
students for each question.
Ask a couple students the same question.
3
Brown, Duane (2007). Career Information, Counseling, and Career Development (Ninth Ed), pp. 113-114. San
43
Francisco: Pearson Education, Inc.
After this exercise is finished, distribute the Handout 8.3 The areas that
you let operate by accident and have the group complete the worksheet
by focusing only in one area that was mentioned in the previous exercise.
Have a couple of students share their answers.
Refer to Handout 8.4. Developing a Personal Vision Statement and tell
participants about what a vision is and how leaders can use it.
Ask students to think about their past to identify important events in their
lives in preparation for writing a vision statement (refer to Step 1.
Handout 8.4).
Ask students to determine what they want for their future (refer to Step 2.
Handout 8.4).
Ask students to write an article on how they have made a difference (refer
to Step 3. Handout 8.4).
Once steps one through three are completed, ask participants to begin
writing a short vision statement in their journal (Step 4. Handout 8.4).
After writing the vision statement ask the students to swap their vision
statement. Students will have a peer review session of their vision
statements.
Debriefing
44
Activity # 3.8.2: Writing a Mission Statement (55 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker Students will view and discuss the video: Personal Mission
Statement. Available at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6i0z7WV-o8I
(4.14 min)

After watching the video, promote discussion and ask the students why
organizations produce mission statements? What is the value in having a
personal mission statement? Does a persons mission statement change
throughout his or her life?
Review ASPIRAs mission as an example (Handout 8.5).
Ask students to construct their own mission statement.
Have students do a peer edit of the mission.
Students present their mission statements to the rest of the class.
Debriefing
45
MODULE # 3.9: Mentoring
Objectives
Students will learn about mentors and the process of mentoring.

Students will interact with mentors from the community.
Students will be involved in significant relationships with mentors, positive
role models, or other nurturing adults.
Context
Mentoring is defined as a supportive relationship between a youth or

young adult, or an individual who offers support, guidance and concrete
assistance as the younger partner goes through a difficult period, enters a
new area of experience, takes on important tasks, or corrects earlier
challenges (Flexman, Ascher & Harrington, 1988).
Handout 9.1: What Do Mentors Do?

Handout 9.2: How Can Mentors Make a Difference
Handout 9.3: The Mentoring Process
Pens/pencils
46
Activity # 3.9.1: Learning about mentoring (55 min)
Procedure:
Icebreaker: Students will view and discuss the video. Big Brothers Big
Sisters Hispanic Mentoring Program; available at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80gSys0btuo (5.32 min)

After watching the video, ask the students to mention other ways in which
mentoring could help Hispanic youth.
Explain to participants that there are two major reasons why Hispanic
youth need mentors. First, an overwhelming number of Hispanic youth in
the country do not have professional role models within their own family;
thus, mentors are important in ensuring success. Secondly, Hispanic
youth from families with limited resources and educational experiences
often lack the professional guidance, support and access to resources
that a mentor can provide.
Ask students to brainstorm on the varied ways mentors can make a
difference in the life of a young person. Provide examples if necessary
(Handout 9.2). Make sure to take notes on the flit chart or blackboard. For
more information visit www.aspira.org Mentoring Curriculum.
Discuss with students what mentors do (Handout 9.1).
Ask students if they have mentors? Who are they? Why do they consider
them mentors?
Explain the mentoring process, including one-on-one and group mentor
activities to students so that they have an understanding of how
mentoring programs work (Handout 9.3).
47
Activity # 3.9.2: Group mentoring group activity
Procedure:
Request leaders from the community to come and speak to students on

different topics (ex: self-esteem, gang violence, community resources,
etc.).
Debriefing
48
Handout 1.1
In My Teens
Thoughts about relationships:
Experiences Ive found most valuable or satisfying:
What I value now:
My family plans and goals:
Important decisions I must make:
How I spend my time:
New skills and interests:
My goals for the next ten years:
49
Handout 1.2
Who Am I?
Write three words describing who you are (example, student, son/daughter, Christian).
1.
2.
3.
50
Handout 1.3
Identity Cube
How I view myself
51
Handout 1.4
Masks
Draw two masks: One depicting what you look like on the outside and the other
depicting what you look like on the inside. The outside mark can include how you think
others perceive you.
52
Handout 1.5 The Johari Window
Our blind self may remain blind because others will not discuss this part of us for a
range of reasons. Perhaps they realize that we would be unable to accept what they
see. Perhaps they have tried to discuss this and we have been so blind that we
assume their views are invalid. They may also withhold this information as it gives
them power over us.
1. The Undiscovered Self

Finally, the fourth self is one which neither we nor other people see. This
undiscovered self may include both good and bad things that may remain forever
undiscovered or may one day be discovered, entering the private, blind or maybe
even public selves.
Between the Blind and Undiscovered Selves, are partly hidden selves that only some
people see. Psychologists and those who are more empathetic, for example, may well
see more than the average person.
Four personas
Associated with the Johari Window, we can define four different personas, based on
the largest 'self'.
1. The Open Persona
Someone with an open persona is both very self-aware (with a small blind self) and is
quite happy to expose their self to others (a small private self).
What you do
What you see in me
not see in me
The Private
What I see in me The Public Self
Self
The
What I do not see
The Blind Self Undiscovered
in me
Self
The Open person is usually the most 'together' and relaxed of the personas. They are
so comfortable with themselves they are not ashamed or troubled with the notion of
other people seeing themselves as they really are.
53
With a small Blind Self, they make fewer social errors and cause less embarrassment.
They are also in a more powerful position in negotiations, where they have fewer
weaknesses to be exploited.
Becoming an Open Persona usually takes people much time and effort, unless they
were blessed with a wonderful childhood and grew up well-adjusted from the beginning.
It can require courage to accept others honest views and also to share your deeper
self and explore the depths of the undiscovered self.
The weaker side of the Open Persona is where they understand and share
themselves, but do not understand others. They may thus dump embarrassing
information from their Private Selves onto others who are not ready to accept it.
2. The Naive Persona

The Naive Persona has a large Blind Self that others can see. They thus may make
significant social gaffes and not even realize what they have done or how others see
them. They hide little about themselves and are typically considered as harmless by
others, who either treat them in kind, and perhaps patronizing ways (that go
unnoticed) or take unkind advantage of their naivety.
What you do
What you see in me
not see in me
The Private
What I see in me The Public Self
Self
The
What I do not see
The Blind Self Undiscovered
in me
Self
The Naive Persona may also be somewhat of a bull in a china shop, for example using
aggression without realizing the damage that it does, and can thus be disliked or
feared. They may also wear their heart on their sleeves and lack the emotional
intelligence to see how others see them.
54
The Secret Persona
When a person has a large Private Self, they may appear distant and secretive to
others. They talk little about themselves and may spend a significant amount of time
ensconced in their own private world. In conversations they say little and, as a result,
may not pay a great deal of attention to others.
What
you
What you do not see in me
see in
me
The
What I see in me Public The Private Self
Self
The
What I do not see in
Blind The Undiscovered Self
me
Self
Having a smaller Blind Self (often because they give little away), the Secret Persona
may well be aware of their introverted tendencies, but are seldom troubled about this.
Where they are troubled, their introversion is often as a result of personal traumas that
have led them to retreat from the world.
55
3. The Mysterious Persona
Sometimes people are a mystery to themselves as well as to other people. They act in
strange ways and do not notice it. They may be very solitary, yet not introverted.
What
you
What you do not see in me
see in
me
The
What I see in me Public The Private Self
Self
The
What I do not see in
Blind The Undiscovered Self
me
Self
56
Handout 1.6 Changing a Failure Identity through Rational Self-Analysis
As the Mysterious Persona knows relatively little about themselves, they may be of
lower intelligence, not being able to relate either to themselves or to others. They may
also just prefer to live in the moment, taking each day as it comes and not seeking
self-awareness.
Some forms of esoteric self-developments seek to rid oneself of concerns about the
self in order to achieve a higher state of being. They may deliberately enter states of
non-thinking and revel in such intuitive paradoxes as knowing through not knowing.
_______________________
Adapted from:
http://changingminds.org/disciplines/communication/johari_window.htm#the
57
Handout 1.7: Changing a Failure Identity through Rational Self-Analysis
Facts and events

Juanita is a junior in high school and is planning to study social work at the University of
Puerto Rico. Shed like to have a career in social work, but is concerned is wasting her
time because she wont make it in social work. Also, shes over-weight, and hasnt
dated since She and Julio broke up.
A. Juanitas Negative Self-talk B. Juanitas Positive Self-Talk
(1). Im worried that I wont get into (1) My instructors tell me I am doing pretty well in
college and, if I do, that I wont be my classes. On the video-tape where I was a
good at counseling clients. counselor, Dr. Gonzalez said practically every
student had concerns about their first interview. I
guess it would be better to take things in stride,
rather than awfulizing by expecting the worst.
(2). I have several personal (2) My personal problems sensitize me to what

problems that Im not handling well. others are thinking and feeling. Ill just put them
If I cant handle my own problems, aside when I counsel others. Ive done fairly well
how can I help others? when counseling friends, even when Ive had bad
problems. If some-thing arises in placement
where my personal problems come up, Ill ask my
supervisor what to do.
(3). Others will do better than I in (3) Some students are doing better, others arent.
social work courses. Thus, I wont Im getting Bs and Cs, which is average. My
be any good at it and should drop course instructors have praised me on many
out of school until I figure out what I things. I really like social work, so even if I bomb
should do. field placement, Ill know I gave it my all. If I give
up now, Ill be kicking myself for quitting before
knowing if I can really do this.
(4). I fear I wont know what to say (4) In the past I feared I wouldnt pass several
when I get my first client in the classes: math, biology, pre-calculus, and Spanish.
field. Once I started those courses I did OK. When it
comes down to it, I know students as scared as I
who passed classes. If they made it, I can!
58
(5). Im really worried Im going to (5) Im certainly not a failure. Ive got a lot of
get tongue-tied while leading a things going for me. Im already a junior. Im
group in field placement. Im more getting at least average grades. I have a lot of
scared about working with groups neat, close friends. Im in good health. Ive passed
than about working with individuals. a lot of tough courses. My instructors tell me Im
goo at interviewing. In the past Ive been my own
worst enemy. Im glad Ive had this talk with
myself. Im going to stop putting myself down -
staring now!
(6). Im overweight and no one likes (6) There I go again, putting myself down. Im
me because of it. scared, but others have survived. Think positively.
Ive spoken in class, given presentations without
becoming tongued-tied. I even led a group
session. Though my knees shook, my instructor
said I did OK, and Id be better and more relaxed
with practice.
(7). I know Ill never find anyone as (7) True, Im overweight but I intend to diet and
great as Julio again. No one has exercise. Its simply not true nobody likes me. I
even asked me out. have a lot of close friends, and my family likes
me. Maybe if I become more assertive more
people will notice me and like me.
(8). No guy wants to date a fat girl. (8) With tons of singles to date, there must be a
I know no one will date me. few Id enjoy. Ive got to be honest with myself.
The reasons I havent had dates are because Ive
been wallowing in self-pity, and havent gone
places to meet someone. From tonight on, Im
going to start looking. Enough self-pity!
(9). Whats the use of going to (9) Again, my thinking is screwy. I see a lot of
college? Even if I graduate, Ill overweight people who are dating. I can too!
never get a job in social work. Im Many guys have told me Im a good listener and
wasting my time. talker. Ill lose some weight, and think positively.
In fact, I think Ill ask him if hed like to come over
to talk and eat lunch. He may be as shy as I am.
59
(10). Given everything, Im a failure (10) Its not true Im wasting my time. Ive learned
and doomed to a lonely, boring, and grown as a person, and met some great
low-paid life. people. Thats more than justified the money
spent. Plus, I stand a good chance of getting a
social work job. Ive seen other students hired
who have no more on the ball than I do. Even if
the job market is tight when I graduate these
courses have increased my interpersonal skills
which should help me get a job in a field where I
can apply what I learned.
60
Handout 1.7
Ingredients for a Positive Self-Image
Having a positive self-image is one of the most important traits of a leader. A leader has
to be confident and self-assured. Believing in yourself impacts your relationship with
others. In fact, a positive self-image opens up communication with everyone around
you.
1. Identification with Real Role Models

-If asked who our role models are, many would probably say, Michael Jordan or
President Clinton. But these are all people who we admire from afar. In order to really
identify with a role model, look a little closer to home. Your parents, teachers, and older
friends can provide the inspiration for you.
2. Responsibility for Family Processes

-Always think of yourself as a member of a group, be it your family or your school. You
should realize that your actions not only affect you, but everyone around you as well.
Therefore, you have a responsibility to put your best effort into everything you do.
This social responsibility gives you a sense of belonging. At this point you will realize
that you are needed by those around you.
3. Faith in Personal Resources to Solve Problems

-In order to overcome obstacles, you must recognize your own resources and learn how
to use them effectively. You must be able to independently solve problems using your
own intelligence, your own ingenuity, and your own hands.
4. Development of Interpersonal Skills

-Leaders must learn how to look at their personality tendencies critically and honestly
and grow from their discoveries. Self-examination leads to self-growth.
5. Development of Interpersonal Skills

-Interpersonal skills are your ability to speak, listen, share feelings and opinions, and
participate effectively in a group. If you are an aspiring leader, strong communication
skills are a must.
6. Situational Skills
-Situational skills provide you with the ability to analyze a situation and decide what the
most appropriate behavior to respond with would be. Remember that a leader should be
flexible and ready to adapt to the situation around him/her at all times.
7. Judgmental Skills
-Judgmental skills give you the ability to recognize a situation, analyze what needs to be
done, and apply good judgment to the decision you make.
61
Handout 2.1
62
Handout 2.2
Situation Role Play4
Narrator Begins:
A group of friends are over at Sarita's house for a party, and her parents have just left to
see a movie. Everyone but Juan and Carla has been going out for two months. As they
decide to go get something to eat and rent a video, Juan and Carla are left in the house
alone, and Carla suggests that they go make out in Sarita's bedroom. Juan is unsure,
and as they think about it they both realize that they dont have protection.
Carla: Theyll be coming back soon. Come to Sarita's room with me while we still have
time.
Juan: I want to, but I don't know if we should.
Carla: Why not?
Juan: I dont have any protection with me.
Carla: I knew we were getting more serious so I just started taking the pill, and it's not
like we have AIDS or anything.
Juan: Carla, I don't know . . .
Narrator: CUT to STAR Vision!!! Juan and Carla have to make a decision. What does
the STAR say they need to do?
Give students appropriate time to answer.
Facilitator: The first thing to do is STOP. STOP means get out of the situation for a
moment if you can, and give yourself some time to make your decision. Step back from
the pressure you may be feeling from other people, and take a second to remember
yourself and what's important to you.
Juan: I need to get a drink of water. I'm going to go to the kitchen for a minute, okay?
Carla: Okay.
Juan: (Juan leaves to get a drink of water in the kitchen.)
Narrator: CUT to STAR Vision!!! What does the STAR Vision say to do next? Give
students appropriate time to answer.
Facilitator: Use this time to THINK about what you want to do. These are some things
you can ask yourself:
What is happening? Do I like what is happening?
What do I want to happen? What are my options?
What will happen if I do X? What will happen if I do Y?
Think through the possible consequences of your actions.
Handout 2.1A: Situation Role Play
4
Adapted and used with permission from Healthy Oakland Teen Project.
63
What are consequences?
Consequences are the results of your actions. They can be good or bad, sometimes
they're both, and sometimes they're neither. After you've thought it out, then make your
decision.
Narrator: Juan and Carla think about the situation, their options and the consequences.
*Narrator comes in again when they have each made their own decision.
Juan: I really want to make out with Carla, but we don't have any condoms and it
seems like she is ready to take that next step. If we go to Sarita's room, we may end up
having sex. She's on the pill, so she won't get pregnant. It could be that everything
would be fine, but either one of us could have HIV, or some other STD like herpes or
syphilis. We may not even KNOW it and the other could get infected too. Maybe the
other kids or Sarita's parents will come back and catch us.
If we don't go to Sarita's room, Carla might think I don't like her. She might tell her
friends I wouldn't do it with her, and the guys at school would be looking at me like there
was something wrong with me. She might never talk to me again or it might be cool with
her, and we can just wait. Ive also been thinking about waiting to have sex until I was
really in love with someone, so I would marry them if we ever got pregnant. Im not sure
if Im at that point. I've always thought that feeling good and being true to myself is more
important than what other people say or think about me. I'll tell Carla that I want to wait
because I want us both to feel good, not only now, but also after tonight.
Narrator: Cut to STAR Vision!!! Now that Juan has made a decision, what comes next?
Facilitator: The next step is to ACT. This includes telling the other person what you've
decided. Talking about your decisions can take more courage than just doing what
you've made up your mind to do. It also means that the other person will understand
why you're doing this. It shows that you care about how the other person feels and
communication shows that you respect each other.
Narrator: Juan and Carla come back together and talk about what they've decided.
They talk until they each understand what the other person is saying.
Juan: I've thought about it, and I've decided I don't want to go upstairs with you tonight.
Carla: How come?
64
Handout 2.2 Situation Role Play
Juan: I don't want you to think I don't like you, because it's not that at all. I just dont
think we are ready for sex. I care about my health, and yours, too. I want us both to feel
good, not just for now, but after we've made our decisions. Besides, we can still hang
out and have fun until the other kids get back. We don't need to have sex for that. 22 4
Carla: It's funny that you decided that, because I was just thinking that maybe this isn't
the best time for me either.
Juan: I'm glad you understand.
Narrator: Cut to STAR Vision!!! What is the last step?
Facilitator: The final step is to REVIEW your decision when it's over.
These are some things Juan can ask himself...
How do I feel about what happened?

How does Carla feel about what happened?
What could I do differently next time?
What else could I have done to give myself some time?
Did I think of all my options?
How well did I communicate my decision to Carla?
Did I stand by my decision?
How could I avoid getting into this dilemma next time?
Narrator: Look over the consequences of your decision. Are they consequences you
can live with? This is the best way to tell if you made a good decision. Another important
part of your review is checking in with the other person afterwards. The next time Juan
sees Carla, he will ask her how she feels about what happened. Juan should also think
about his vision in this process. How does this decision affect his vision or plans for the
future?
65
Handout 2.3: What Kind of a Decision Maker are You? Decision-Making Styles5
Not all individuals approach decision making in the same manner. There are Inner
Reliant decision makers who take responsibility for their decisions and Outer Reliant
decision makers who try and transfer the responsibility to others for their decisions. The
following list identifies a number of different decision-making styles. Assess whether
that style is inner reliant or outer reliant.
Impulsive Decider One who takes the first alternative that is presented: Decide now;
think later. Dont look before leaping.
Fatalistic Decider One who leaves the resolution of the decision up to the
environment or fate: Whatever will be will be.
Compliant Decider One who goes along with someone elses plan rather than making
an independent decision, especially when that plan doesnt agree
with ones own beliefs: If its okay with you, its okay with me.
Anything you say.
Delaying Decider One who delays thought and action on a problem: Ill think about it
later.
Agonizing Decider One who spends much time and thought gathering data and
analyzing alternatives only to get lost amidst the data gathered: I
cant make up my mind. I dont know what to do.
Intuitive Decider One who decides based on what is felt, but cannot be verbalized:
It feels right.
Paralytic Decider One who accepts the responsibility for decisions, but is unable to
do much toward approaching it: I know I should, but I just cant get
with it. Cant face up to it.
Escapist Decider One who avoids a decision or makes up an answer to deflect
inquiry. For example, if asked by a relative about a college major,
this type (although still undecided, but considering teaching), would
respond, Im thinking about pre-med. This allows the escapist to
give a socially acceptable answer without taking responsibility
Play it-Safe One who almost always picks the alternative with the perceived
lowest level of risk: I like anthropology, but I can get a job in
accounting.
Planner One whose strategy is based on a rational approach with some
balance between the cognitive and emotional: Im the captain of
my fate; Im the master of my soul.
5
Adapted from Rutgers University Career Services
66
Handout 3.1
ACTIVE LISTENING
Despite what you might think, listening is not hearing. When you hear something your
ears receive a sound like traffic, dogs barking, or babies crying. However, listening
requires your ears AND your brain, hearing AND interpreting the message you are
receiving. Anyone can hear, but leaders listen.
In order to be an active listener, you must not only pay attention to what another person
says, but also identify how to respond properly. Active listeners concentrate, clarify, and
check the meaning, content, context, and intent of what others say. You have to try to
understand what the other person is saying, feeling, or thinking, then put that
understanding into words, feeding it back to them for verification.
Open communication between leader and follower is essential in the leadership

process. It is the responsibility of the leader to be an active listener and to be able to
respond to the needs of the follower.
There are four major components of active listening:
1. Attending (The Use Of Body Language)

Sit or stand a comfortable distance from the speaker.
Face the person directly and lean forward.

Nod approval or agreement.
2. Paraphrasing

are trying to say.
Example: So let me see, you mean
3. Reflecting Feeling

Example: That must make you feel sad.
4. Reflecting Meaning
Restate the feeling/ emotion with reason.
Example: You must feel sad because
67
Handout 3.2
One-Way Communication
Instructions for Demonstrator: Study the shapes below. Facing away from the rest of
the group, direct members in how they are to draw the figures below (Remember: you
are the only person who can speak!). Begin with the smallest square and describe the
objects that follow clockwise, taking note of the particular relationship of each object to
the preceding one. No questions will be allowed from the rest of the group.
When finished, show the diagram to the rest of the class. Looking at the drawings, what
were some of the problems?
68
Handout 3.2A
Two-Way Communication
Instructions: Study the shapes below. Facing the group, the leader should now direct
participants in how they are to draw the figures. Begin with the smallest circle and
describe the objects that follow counter clockwise, taking note of the particular
relationship of each object to the preceding one. Answer all questions from participants
and repeat if necessary.
When finished, show the diagram to the rest of the class. Looking at the drawings, did
they improve from the last time?
o o
oo o 69
Handout 3.3A: Definition of I-Statements
In communication there are I-statements and you-statements. The use of you-

statements can be detrimental to ourselves and others. For example, another group
member may irritate or criticize you. In response, you may remain silent and irritated, or
send a you-statement.
Types of You-Statements: Examples of You-Statements:
Ordering Dont do that.
Threatening You stop that, or else!
Preaching You should know better.
Blaming This is all your fault.
Judging Your so dumb cause youre younger.
Criticizing You dont know how its done.
Ridiculing Youre acting like a baby, get over it!
Name-Calling Youre an idiot!
You-statements are counterproductive because people generally do not like to be

ordered or criticized. You-messages frequently result in unproductive arguments.
In comparison, I-statements, are non-blaming statements that simply communicate how

one person is affecting another. I-statements do not criticize. As well, it is possible to
send an I-statement without using the word I. The essence of I-statements involves
sending non-blaming messages about how the sender feels another group member is
affecting them. How would your partner react to hearing you say, "I'm insecure," versus,
"You're making me insecure?"
You-Statements I-Statements
Dont do that. Id feel better if we focused on our work.
You stop that, or else! Im frustrated.
You should know better. I thought it was done differently.
This is all your fault. I think mistakes were made, lets fix them.
Your so dumb cause youre younger. Ive got experience that might help.
You dont know how its done. Ive got an idea how to do it!
Youre acting like a baby, get over it! I feel like we should move on.
Youre an idiot! Im unhappy the way things are going.
70
I-statements communicate much more honestly and successfully how one persons
behavior affects another. I-statements tend to be more effective because they
discourage defensiveness and encourage the other group member assume
responsibility for his/her behavior. I-statements tell the group member that you trust
him/her to respect your needs and to handle the situation constructively. I-statements
are much less likely to produce an argument. They tend to facilitate honesty, openness
and more cordial relationships within the group.
71
Handout 3.3B: Choosing Your Words Carefully
Directions: Change the negative blaming statements below to positive non blaming
statements without changing what is being said.
YOU-STATEMENT I-STATEMENT
You dont love me anymore.

______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
Youre always late. ______________________________

______________________________
______________________________
Shut up! ______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
Nobody cares about me. ______________________________

______________________________
______________________________
Youd better not do that. ______________________________

______________________________
______________________________
You know what you are? ______________________________

Youre a punk. ______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
Its not really important but ______________________________
I wanted to talk to you. ______________________________
______________________________
I wouldnt go out with you even if ______________________________
you were the last person on earth. ______________________________
72
Handout 3.4
Aggressive, Assertive or Passive?

AGGRESSIVE: A person behaving aggressively states his feelings without considering
he/she may be violating the rights and feelings of others. Example: No, I cant help
you nowwhat are you, nuts?! Cant you see Im busy?
ASSERTIVE: An assertive reply would be honest and direct, but not disrespectful to
your neighbor. Example: No, I cant help you now, but if youd like me to help you in
the future, please just give me a little notice.
PASSIVE: When you respond passively, you avoid immediate conflict, but you may be
upset because you havent expressed your feelings. A passive response to the situation
would be to work, even though you didnt want to, or to decline, by making up some
excuse. Example: Ok, I guess I can help you out.
Identify each response as: aggressive, assertive or passive.
Situation 1: You have tons of homework and Mom asks you to do the dishes.
Response:
______ Why dont you do the dishes? Cant you see I have tons of homework?
______ All right, Mom.
______ I have a ton of homework tonight, and Id rather not have to do the
dishes so I can get my work finished.
SITUATION 2: Friends at a party ask you to try drugs, but you dont want to.
Response:
_______ Well, just this once wont hurt.
_______ Youre all crazy! What do you want to do that for?
_______ No thanks, I really dont want to try drugs.
SITUATION 3: Your teacher insults you for speaking Spanish in class.

Response:
_______ That is my individual right.
_______ But that is my home language and I like speaking it.
_______ Dont say anything.
SITUATION 4: Your friend wants to copy your homework, but you believe copying is
wrong.
Response
_______ I worked hard on this and I want the full credit for the assignment. I
dont want to take the chance of getting caught.
_______ Well, okay. Be sure to change some of the words.
_______ Thats cheating.
73
Handout 3.5
Hopping chairs6
Purpose
This exercise shows the importance of different communication styles. In particular, it

shows the effect of assertive requests in obtaining a desirable outcome.
Delegates will try to persuade other people to sit in the chair next to them.
Delegates sit around in a circle and are separated from each other by one
empty chair.
The delegates aim is to fill the empty chair on their right as soon as the
exercise starts. They can use any method of communication such as eye
contact, shouting, pleading and hand gestures to persuade others in sitting on
their right. As soon as a chair on someones right becomes available that
person should try to get someone to sit on it.
Timing
Explaining the Test: 5 minutes.
Activity: 5 minutes
Group Feedback: 15 minutes.
Discussion
Ask delegates which method of communication they found most useful in this task.
Was it aggressive persuasion or an assertive approach that paid off more? Does an
assertive request always work or sometimes it is better to be more aggressive in
getting what we want?
6
Source: Skills Converged
http://www.skillsconverged.com/FreeTrainingMaterials/tabid/258/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/590/Assertiven
ess-Exercise-Chair-Hopping.aspx
74
Handout 3.6
Anger Management
Situation 1: A friend tells you that your girlfriend/boyfriend is cheating on you. How
would you handle this situation?
How would you react?

Would you confront your girlfriend/boyfriend immediately?
Would you speak with your girlfriend/ boyfriend when you feel you wont get into
a fight?
Would you confront the other person with whom your girlfriend/boyfriend is
presumably cheating with?
Would you stop talking to your girlfriend/boyfriend with further explanations?
Would you get into a fight with your friend for talking about your
girlfriend/boyfriend?
Situation 2: You find that your best friend is talking behind your back. What do you
do?
Would you confront your friend immediately?

How would you talk to your friend to avoid getting in a fight?
Would you stop talking to your friend and disregard the friendship?
Situation 3: How would you handle put downs or bad teasing from peers?
Would you answer back in the same way?

Would you stay quiet?
Would you tell them to stop talking like that?
Would you fight with the people bothering you?
75
Handout 4.1
MY
PROBLEM
76
Handout 4.2
Conflicts
Conflict: A Personal Definition
Conventional definitions of conflict are important to understand, but how we think about
and respond to conflict on a personal level is just as important. After all, our style
influences how we interpret and manage conflicts not only in our personal lives, but in
our work lives as wellwhen we sit at the table for staff meetings, supervise staff, and
develop agreements with other agencies.
How people handle conflict depends on their upbringing, experiences, values, culture,
and temperament. Some members of your team may shy away from conflict and give in
rather than explore differences of opinion. Others may feel it is impolite to disagree or
argue with another person in public. Others may thrive in jumping into the hot seat.7
Styles of Handling Conflict8
As you read this section on different ways of handling conflict, think about how you
would characterize your own style, as well as the style of one or two particular people
you work with.
Competing characterizes an individual who pursues her own concerns,

sometimes at another persons expense. This is a power-oriented mode in which
the individual may use her power skills, and ability to argue to win, outrank, etc.
A person with a competing style does not often shy away from conflict. Rather,
she uses the situations to stand up for her rights, defend a position that she
believes is correct, or simply win.
Accommodating is the opposite of competing. An accommodating person often

neglects her own concerns to satisfy the concerns of others. Accommodating
may take the form of complying with another persons request (even when
preferring not to) or yielding to another persons point of view.
Avoiding characterizes a person who does not address conflict; she will take
whatever steps she can to pretend the conflict does not exist. Avoiding may take
the form of diplomatically sidestepping or postponing an issue, or simply
withdrawing from a threatening situation.
Collaborating characterizes a person who makes every attempt to work with

others to find some solution that fully satisfies the concerns of all persons. She
carefully examines the issue to identify the underlying concerns of all involved,
and to find an alternative that meets everyones concerns.
7
Adapted from Partners in Decision Making, 1993, p. 20
8
Adapted from Personal Conflict Styles Toolbox Activity 6b. 1994
77
Compromising characterizes an individual who falls between competing and
accommodating. A person who is compromising wants to find an expedient,
mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies the parties involved.
Compromising might involve splitting the difference, making an exchange or
concession, or seeking a quick middle-ground position.
Conflict-Resolution Styles9
BUID RELATIONSHIP
ACCOMMODATE COLLABORATE
Your way Our way
COMPROMISE
AVOID COMPETE
No way My way
WEAKEN RELATIONSHIP
9
Adapted from Bellard, J. Getting Unstock: A Consumers Guide to Collaborating Conflict Resolution, 1996.
Washington, DC: Corporation for National Service and the National Association for Community Mediation, p.2
78
Handout 4.3
Strategies to Improve Conflict-Resolution Practices
Once you have identified your style, consider the following strategies to improve your
conflict-resolution practices.
If you are competing:
Let go your position for a moment. Think about what the other person needs and
wants.
Work with others to identify underlying concerns and issues.
Consider all the options, and how all the parties stand to benefit from each one.
If you are accommodating or avoiding:
Focus on your own concerns. What are your needs and goals?
Give yourself time to gather data that support your caseyour goals and
reasons they matter.
Take a deep breath; calmly state your concerns and why they are important.
If you sense that a confrontation is brewing, dont just give up. Objectively
present your point of view while providing data to support it.
If you are compromising:
Slow down. Dont always choose the fastest solution. Take your time to find
alternatives that really work for everyone.
If you are collaborating:
Make your thinking explicit when youre at the table. Help your colleagues
understand how you work with others to find solutions that benefit everyone.
79
Handout 4.4
Tug of war
In a tug of war, or rope pulling, there is a winner and a loser. It is a contest to determine
who is physically stronger. Wouldnt life be simple if we dealt with all conflicts like tug of
war? But the strongest person in a conflict is not always right and the bully in a fight
does not always win fairly.
When we are angry, we often perceive the other person as an enemy or opponent in a
contest. Like a tug of war, we think of either winning or losing. It is difficult to remember
that we both have the problem not me against you but both of us tied up together
with a common problem to be worked out.
Remember.when there is a conflict to be solved; you are both responsible for finding
a solution.
PUTTING IT TOGETHER
Read the following situations. Tell how you would deal with them.
Situation As An Enemy I Would As a Friend I Would
Someone calls you a name
Someone pushes you
Someone takes your pencil
Someone steps in front of
you in line
Someone steps on your
foot
Do you treat enemies differently from friends? Why?
80
Handout 4.5
Fighting Fair
In a tug of war or boxing match, it is you against the other person. However, a real
conflict situation should not be like a tug of war, but you and me together against a
common problem.
It is difficult to fight fair when we are fighting mad, we feel threatened and often our
angry emotions block our good judgments. Fortunately, there are rules we can learn to
fight fair in a real conflict situation. By learning these rules we can become capable
conflict solvers and more caring people.
RULES FOR FIGHTING FAIR
1. Identify the problem.

2. Focus on the problem.
3. Attack the problem, not the person.
4. Listen with an open mind.
5. Treat the other persons feelings with respect.
6. Take responsibility for your actions.
Putting it together:
Solve the following conflicts, first unfairly and then fairly.
SITUATION UNFAIRLY FAIRLY____
Two kids want the same book.
______________________________________________________________________
Someone calls your friends a bad name.
You wan to go to the movies; your mom wants you to do chores.
81
Handout 4.6A
Steps for Mediation
I. Introduction
Introduce yourselves as mediators.

Ask those in the conflict if they would like your help in solving the problem.
Find a quiet area to hold the mediation.
Ask for agreement to the following:
____try to solve the problem
____ no name calling
____ let the other person finish talking
____ confidentiality
II. Listening
Ask the first person What happened? (Paraphrase)

Ask the first person how she feels or he feels. (Reflect the feelings)
Ask the second person What happened? (Paraphrase)
Ask the second person how she or he feels. (Reflect the feelings)
III. Looking for Solutions
Ask the first person what she or he could have done differently.
(Paraphrase).
Ask the second person what she or he could have done differently.
(Paraphrase).
Ask the first person what she or he can do here and now to help solve
the problem. (Paraphrase).
Ask the second person what she or he can do here and now to help
solve the problem. (Paraphrase).
Use creative questioning to bring disputants closer to a solution.
IV. Finding Solutions
Help both disputants find a solution they feel good about.

Repeat the solution and all of its parts to both disputants and ask if each
agrees.
Congratulate both people on a successful mediation.
82
Handout 4.6B
Mediate
Pat and Lou are good friends. Pat broke up with his/her/girl/boyfriend and told Lou the
story including all the events that led to the breakup. Later Pat found out the story had
gotten around and blamed Lou for the gossip telling him/her never to get close to
him/her again.
Divide the class into groups of four. Two will play the disputants, one, the mediator, and
the fourth, an observer. Have the disputants role-play the conflict and the mediator offer
help using Steps for Mediation.
After the first role-play, have the observer help process by asking the group questions
such as: What went well? What could have gone differently? The students can then
change roles so each plays either a disputant or a mediator.
Afterwards, ask students: How did they feel when the mediator offered assistance? Did
it feel helpful? Like an intrusion? How did you feel when you offered mediation? Can
you imagine yourself offering to mediate a dispute in your family? Among friends? Have
you ever done that? If so, this is a Conscious Act of Peace.
Finally ask students for one word describing how they are feeling.
83
Handout 4.7
Group Conflict Resolution Techniques
1. Define the problem. The individuals or groups should identify the conflict in terms
of their own needs. How does the problem affect each person/group? How do they
view the problem? How does this view on the problem differ between one another?
In defining the problem, the individuals or groups should refrain from making
personal attacks or making statements of blame. They should use I-messages, in
the following format: "When... (situation or behavior that is causing the problem), I
(speaker's feeling), because (consequences of the situation or behavior to the
speaker)". For example, "When club members get to the meeting late, I feel
irritated because it gives me less time to discuss club business."
2. Restate the problem. Restate the problem incorporating the needs of both
individuals/groups. Both individuals/groups must agree with the definition of their
needs. Continue this process until agreement is reached.
3. Develop alternatives. Have all participants in the discussion offer their ideas and
suggestions as to the best way to solve the problem. No discussion, acceptance,
rejection, or evaluation of solutions should happen at this point.
4. Evaluate alternatives. Have all members of the group discuss the pros and cons of
each alternative. Eliminate those alternatives that are unacceptable for any reason
to any participant. Participants should continue to be honest in expressing their
feelings and needs throughout this process.
5. Decide on the best solution. Have participants agree on a solution acceptable to

everyone. Make a mutual commitment to try it.
6. Implement the solution. Discuss the implications of the solution. How will it affect
everybody? How will it help solve the problem? Set up a time in the future to
evaluate how the solution is working.
7. Evaluate the solution. Find out how each person feels the solution is working.
Should the solution be adjusted? Does everybody still agree with the statement of
the problem? If anyone feels that the solution is not working, or that new
problems have arisen; then repeat the process from the beginning.
84
Handout 5.1: The Building Blocks of Family Life
1 Managing School and Family Responsibilities

Description: Management means planning and organizing resources to take
action. Managing the responsibilities of family life and school life can increase
satisfaction in both.
Examples: Setting a goal and making a plan; making a schedule of family
activities; spending time together as a family while setting aside time for
homework; participating in school activities as a family and purchasing and
preparing healthy food.
2 Solving Personal and Family Problems

Description: Everyone faces problems. Quality of life depends on the decisions
individuals and families make over the years. Skill in collaborative problem
solving contributes to the strength of families.
Examples: Recognizing and facing problems with a positive attitude; seeking
adequate and reliable information when solving problems; evaluating choices
based on goals and values important to the family; and reflecting on decisions
and evaluating actions.
3 Relating to Others
Description: The quality of family life depends on the interaction between family
members. Caring, respectful relationships in families help family members reach
their fullest potential.
Example: Expressing feelings, needs, and ideas constructively; listening
actively; recognizing and respecting individual differences; and resolving conflict.
Assuming Leadership Roles

4
Description: Leadership involves helping family members work together to
reach a common goal.
Examples: Establishing family visions and goals; cooperating; and planning
actions that achieve these goals.
Discussion:
Why are families important to you?
Why is each of the skills identified in the activity important to families?
In what ways do you already possess some skills in these areas?
In what ways could you improve your present skills to prepare to build a strong
family?
85
Handout 5.2
The Three Styles of Family Leadership
Leadership is important in families. With effective leadership, a family can satisfy the
needs of all family members, achieve family goals, and build the abilities and self-
esteem. There are several styles of leadership, each with different goals and outcomes:
Director Style: Uses authority and power to control, direct, supervise, and
oversee family members.
o Goal: To have family members depend on the family leader.
Shared Democratic Style: Involves other family members in decision-making,
fosters cooperation and negotiates differences.
o Goal: Empowered, interdependent members.
Delegate Style: Influences members by explaining and delegating what is to be
done.
o Goal: Independent family members.
Case Study 1: Director Style Reflective Dialogue Questions

The Martinez family are extended What is happening here?
now that Grandpa Javier Mrs. How do you think Grandpa feels? Why?
Martinezs father) has moved in with How do you think Mrs. Martinez feels?
them. Grandpa has become very Why?
controlling with the household. He How might other family members feel?
directs family members in what to do Why?
and how to do it. Mrs. Martinez is What action would you recommend?
worried about talking with her father What would be the consequences of that
because she doesnt want to hurt her. action?
How do Grandpas actions illustrate the
Director style of leadership?
What are the consequences of this style?
86
Case Study 3: Delegate Style
Case Study 2: Shared Democratic Jose and Karina Gamboa have been
Style married
Mr. Cravero is a single father raising almost 20 years. They have three
his daughters Mara and Laura. The childrenMatias, Hernan, and Julieta.
Cravero family has always been close Karina has worked part-time
and makes many decisions together. throughout her marriage to Jose, but
They hold family meetings and allow she recently began working fulltime to
everyone to contribute to the help pay for Julietas college expenses.
discussion of problems. Mr. Cravero While working more, she has delegated
noticed Laura has been angry and many household tasks to Hernan,
withdrawn and is worried about her and including making dinner and taking
wants to help. care of Matias. Hernan is getting
Reflective Dialogue Questions annoyed with his extra duties, and feels
What is happening here? like hes doing all the work by himself.
What action would you recommend? He also knows his mother his
What would be the consequences of sacrificing quite a bit.
that action? Reflective Dialogue Questions
How do Mr. Craveros actions illustrate What is happening here?
the Shared Democratic style of What are some of the goals in this
leadership? family?
What are the consequences of this How is Hernan feeling?
style? How is Karina feeling?
How can you tell? How might Julieta feel?
How can Mr. Cravero help his family? What type of leadership style does
Karina show?
What might be the consequences of
this style?
87
Handout 5.3
Precious Memories
In the spaces below, describe memories of two family traditions. Attach pictures or
memories to help record the experience. Interview other family members who were
present and record their impressions of that tradition. Explain why these traditions are
important to your family.
NAME OF TRADITION:_____________________________________________
Your Impression Impression of other Family Members
Name of Tradition:_____________________________________________
Your Impression Impression of other Family Members
88
Handout 6.1: Open Discussion: Alcohol Usage
Name:________________________________
1. What is alcohol?
2. What does alcohol do to the human body?
3. What are some reasons people may want to drink alcohol?
4. Why wouldnt you want to drink alcohol?
5. If someone you know came up to you and asked you to drink some beer, what
would your response be?
6. What are some other activities or hobbies you can tell your friend to do instead of
drinking alcohol?
89
Handout 7.1: WHAT DO I ENJOY DOING?
List 10 things you like to do, such as riding, entertaining, reaching, playing tennis,
writing and so forth. Use the spaces provided under the word Activities.
Activities 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
1. ____________________ ____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
2. ____________________ ____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
3. ____________________ ____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
4. ____________________ ____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
5. ____________________ ____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
6. ____________________ ____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
7. ____________________ ____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
8. ____________________ ____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
9. ____________________ ____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
10. ____________________ ____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
To the right of each activity:
In column 1, write a P if the activity is usually done, an A if it is usually done

alone.
In Column 2, write a $ if the activity costs more than $5.
In column 3, write an O if the activity is usually done outdoors, an I if indoors.
In column 4, if you are a female write an M if your mother would probably have
the activity on her list. If you are a male write an F if your father
would probably have the activity on his list
In column 5, write an H if it is very important that your husband or future husband
include this activity on his list. Write a W if it is very important that
your wife or future wife include this activity on his list.
In column 6, write an O if you would do this activity often, an ST if you do it
sometimes, and an R id it is done rarely.
In column 7, write a 2 if you would have listed the activity two years ago.
In column 8, write an A if the activity requires you to be active physically. Write a
P if the activity is physically positive.
In column 9, rank the 5 activities you like best, in the order of importance from 1
to 5 (1=most important; 5=least important).
Now examine the table to see if any themes or patterns are apparent in what you
like to do. Is there a pattern in the underlying values too?
90
Handout 7.2: Values Survey
Below is a list of 18 values arranged in alphabetical order. Your task is to arrange them
in order of their importance to YOU and as guiding principles in your life.
_______ A COMFORTABLE LIFE (a prosperous life)

_______ RELIGION (freedom of religion)
_______ TRUE FRIENDSHIP (long lasting close companionship)
_______ EQUALITY (brotherhood, equal opportunity for all)
_______ AN EXCITING LIFE (a stimulating life)
_______ FAMILY (taking care of loved ones)
_______ FREEDOM (independence, free choice)
_______ HAPPINESS (contentedness)
_______ INNER HARMONY (freedom from inner conflict)
_______ MATURE LOVE (sexual and spiritual intimacy)
_______ NATIONAL SECURITY (protection from attack)
_______ PLEASURE (an enjoyable, leisurely life)
_______ SALVATION (deliverance from sin, eternal life)
_______ RESPECT (self and others, including elders)
_______ A SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT (making a lasting contribution)
_______ SOCIAL RECOGNITION (respect, admiration)
_______ WISDOM (a mature understanding of life)
_______ A WORLD AT PEACE (freedom from wars and conflict)
_______ A WORLD OF BEUTY (beauty of nature and arts)
_______ COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT (community service)
_______ EDUCATION (a well rounded education)
_______ HEALTH (lead healthy lives)
91
Handout 7.3
Definition of values10
Personal values: Values are a set of personal principles, standards, concepts,

beliefs, and ideas that can be used to make everyday decisions.
Personal values develop from circumstances surrounding us, and can change over
time. For example, people who apply their values appropriately regardless of arguments
or negative comments from others are said to have integrity. Values are applied
appropriately when they are applied in the right area. For example, it would be
appropriate to apply religious values in times of happiness as well as in times of
despair.
Understanding and recognizing our personal values and interests is important to assist
us in making healthy and responsible decisions for our future.
Personal values are implicitly related to choice; they guide decisions by allowing for an
individual's choices to be compared to the associated values of each choice. Personal
values are not universal; one's family, nation, generation and historical environment
help determine one's personal values. This is not to say that the value concepts
themselves are not universal, but that each individual possess a unique view of them
(i.e. a personal knowledge of the appropriate values for their own genes, feelings and
experience).
Cultural values
Cultural values: Groups, societies, or cultures have values that are largely shared by
their members. The values identify those objects, conditions or characteristics that
members of the society consider important; that is, valuable. In the United States, for
example, values might include religion, extended family, children, education,
community, friendship, and collectivism.
The values of a society can often be identified by noting which people receive honor or
respect. Values are related to the norms of a culture, but they are more general and
abstract than norms. Norms are rules for behavior in specific situations, while values
identify what should be judged as good or bad. Flying the national flag on a holiday is a
norm, but it reflects the value of patriotism. They reflect the values of respect and
support of friends and family.
Members take part in a culture even if each member's personal values do not entirely
agree with some of the normative values sanctioned in the culture. This reflects an
individual's ability to synthesize and extract aspects valuable to them from the multiple
subcultures they belong to.
10
92
Adapted from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Value_(personal_and_cultural)
Handout 7.411
Cultural Values Game
Procedure:
1.Ask participants to imagine themselves in the following scenario:

Our group has been invited to represent Earth at a gathering of adolescents
from around the universe. We will only be gone for about two weeks of Earth
time. Because of intergalactic time, we will feel like we were there for a day.
A space shuttle is coming in one hour to pick us up and transport us to the
next galaxy where we will join other groups of adolescents.
Without much time to prepare, we need to identify objects and information

that will represent the different peoples of Earth. (Dont worry: we can create
anything we might need by using the replicator on the shuttle.) Each of us
needs six objects that will help us to display your culture and what it values
most. Our goal is to accurately portray the diverse values of people on Earth.
2.Go over the instructions for this activity. Say that space-age technology will
safely transport any item, no matter how large or small. Some items you may
want to take include:
An item that portrays your cultures beliefs about nature;

A symbol of your religious or spiritual beliefs;
Something that shows how your culture treats different groups
of people, such as children, women, the elderly, and/or people
with disabilities;
A representation of the work of a great artist or musician from
your culture;
A saying, myth, song, or story that has been passed down for
generations and has great meaning in your culture;
An item that symbolizes a struggle for your people throughout
history; and/or
Photographs or representations about a particular place that
has special importance to your culture.
On your index card, write down the six items you would take.
Be prepared to share with the group.
11
Source: Advocates for youth: http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/for-professionals/lesson-plans-
professionals/1173?task=view
93
Distribute index cards and form small groups of four or five to
brainstorm things for this imaginary journey.
Allow about 10 minutes for participants to work in groups. Then
ask for volunteers to share one or two of the items they have
chosen to take on the journey, and to explain their choices.
3. Conclude the activity using the discussion points below.
Discussion Points:
1. What would it be like to explain to people from another galaxy just what sets your
people apart from other people on Earth? What has been important to your
people throughout their history?
2. What is important to people of your cultural heritage?
3. What would you want to hear from the extraterrestrials represented at this
conference?
4. Why might it be valuable for people from Earth to visit with those from other solar
systems and galaxies? What could we hope to learn from them? What might they
learn from us?
94
Handout 8.1
Developing a Personal Vision Statement
95
Handout 8.2
UNDERSTANDING WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW
1. List two areas of your life in which you feel you have control and
confidence.
2. What are two areas of your life that you let operate by accident? For
example, you want to get good grades, but fail to do your homework.
What are the chances of consistently getting good grades?
96
Handout 8.3
THE AREAS THAT YOU LET OPERATE BY ACCIDENT
1. Why are they hard to control?
2. What are the positive consequences of not having control over them?
3. What are the negative consequences of not having control over them?
4. What could be a positive outcome if you have control over them?
5. What can you do to have control over them?
97
Handout 8.4
98
Handout 8.4
99
Handout 8.4
100
Handout 8.5. Aspiras Mission Statement
101
Handout 9.1
What Do Mentors Do?
According to Flaxman, Ascher, and Harrington (1988), a mentor is a coach, sponsor,

guide, advocate and role model. In these roles, the mentor may aid the mentee in
making life decisions or assist in troubleshooting personal, social, or institutional
barriers. The mentor often introduces the youth to new opportunities and relationships
that provide extended support for the mentee. In addition, the mentor provides guidance
by guarding the mentee from damaging experiences, and intervening in situations that
the mentee may have difficulty handling.
Mentors can also provide advice and wisdom to the mentee in a continual relationship
that can last a lifetime. As coaches, mentors may enhance the mentees knowledge and
understanding of the opportunities made available to them through the community in
and how to handle specific situations, problems, or settings. As advisors, mentors can
offer suggestions for problem solving, decision-making and reaching short- and long-
term goals.
A mentor often provides counseling and explains how personal concerns can hinder
education, self-esteem and postpone a promising future. Due to the trust and emotional
attachment that often develops between mentor and mentee, anxieties, fears and
conflicts can be openly discussed and ultimately overcome with the mentors guidance.
Another important function of mentors is to support and to inspire mentees to realize the
infinite possibilities life holds, and to know their own potential in fulfilling such
aspirations (Flaxman, Ascher, and Harrington, 1988).
102
Handout 9.2
How can a mentor make a difference?

Hispanic youth do not always see the full range of opportunities before them. A
mentor can help a young person see that a dream can become a reality.
Some Hispanic youth believe that a college education is for students in

mainstream society, who traditionally have received a college education. A
mentor can reshape this mindset by positively demonstrating that a higher
education is a viable option for the future.
Hispanic youth often need guidance in the processes of applying to college and
financial aid. A mentor can assist a young person through this process.
Hispanic youth sometimes experience pressure to become involved in negative

behavior that can impact their future. A mentor can set youth on the right track
before they make the wrong choices.
Hispanic youth often need academic support, such as tutoring and counseling. A
mentor can provide this assistance.
Hispanic youth often have working parents that have limited time to nurture their
childrens aspirations. A mentor can provide needed attention.
Hispanic families do not always have the technological resources, such as

computers, to support their youths education. A mentor can provide access to
resources and technology.
Some Hispanic youth are pressured to financially contribute to the family and as
a result leave high school or college before graduating. A mentor can intervene
with parents to assist them to recognize that investing in a college education will
provide long-term financial rewards.
103
Handout 9.3
The Mentoring Process
Designing a mentoring program is an extensive process that can involve one-to-one

mentoring, group mentoring or a combination of both. Programs are created in a way
that allows youth and mentors to learn about a wide variety of experiences and
strategies.
A mentoring program may run into some challenges if there is too much structure,
resulting in mentees not getting a chance to receive a quality mentoring experience,
whereas too little structure may leave participants at a loss for words. A good mentoring
program reflects the needs of the entire audience-mentors, parents, youth and schools,
as well as the community at large. Other challenges that need to be addressed in the
development of a mentoring program include: transportation of mentees, resources,
scheduling and access to workplace facilities.
One-to-One Mentoring
One-to-one mentoring involves the matching of mentor-student pairs. This arrangement

can be highly effective; however, one-to-one mentoring requires a substantial
commitment of time and effort on the part of both mentors and students. This form of
mentoring can occur in a number of ways:
Shadowing provides youth with the opportunity to follow a mentor through a
typical workday, research experience, or conference.
Internships provide hands-on work experience with a mentor allowing realistic

assessment of their interest in a career.
Electronic communications through telephone or e-mail provide students with

private and individualized interaction with a mentor.
Group Mentoring Activities
Mentoring in small groups has a number of advantages. First, it takes pressure off the
mentor in arranging meetings, as this responsibility is shared by others. Secondly, at
group mentoring events, youth feel free to ask questions that they might not normally
ask in a one-to-one mentoring relationship. Examples of group mentoring activities
include:
Student Counseling Sessions geared toward assisting students with course
selection, the college application process and graduation options.
Informal Luncheon Sessions are always an effective way to bring a group

together. Lunches or dinners encourage both mentors and mentees to relax and
interact in a more casual setting.
104
Handout 9.3
Monthly Meetings offer youth the opportunity to address questions about various
field and career opportunities. Meetings can also focus on creating a network of
friends and professional contacts.
Panels are one of the most ideal formats in presenting multiple perspectives on
various themes through short presentations designed for the target audience, as
well as for introducing a variety of role models at one event.
Workshops involve everyones participation, and allow for constructive mentoring

and feedback on specific topic areas.
Conferences can bring youth together for mentoring and exposure to new ideas
and role models. Such events can showcase Hispanic health professionals who
are at the forefront of significant issues and enhance their visibility in substance
abuse and mental health.
105

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UNIT III

BUILDING PERSONAL GROWTH

Sheet of paper one for each participant

Handouts & Resources Needed:

Handout 1.1: In My Teens

Sheet of paper - one for each participant

Icebreaker: Students will view and discuss the video - 85

Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader app

After watching the video, divide students into groups of

a. Do you know anyone who is from a different culture?

Icebreaker: Personality Test.

4. Save your results by entering a unique name in the save box

5. Read your Johari box

Facilitator reviews some examples of irrational self-analysis.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnJQJFlyDGY (1.20 min)

I have beautiful ___________,

People like me because ______________,

I get complements _______________________,

Pair students up and have them share their answers.

Handouts & Resources Needed:

Handout 2.1: STAR Vision Decision Making Model

Icebreaker: Video. Confusion Burning Movie

Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader app scan

After watching the video. Ask the students

Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader app scan this

After watching each video the students

Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader

Strong communication skills are the most important quality of a leader. If

Handouts & Resources Needed:

Handout 3.1: Active Listening

Provide Webster's New World Dictionary, Second College Edition's

Two way communication activity:

Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader

Choosing your words correctly

Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader app scan this

This video is a drilling exercise to practice assertive

After watching the video divide the students into

Students will develop personal and group problem solving skills.

Handouts & Resources Needed:

Handout 4.1: My Problem

Icebreaker: My problem: the purpose of this activity is to demonstrate that

Facilitator review Handout 4.6A Steps

Icebreaker: Display the following questions on the board

Students will understand the importance of self-disclosure in the family.

Family Enrichment is the relation between the parents/guardians and their

Handouts & Resources Needed:

Handout 5.1: The Building Blocks of Family Life

Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader app

Break students into groups of 4 or 5.

This workshop is intended to demonstrate the connection between HIV

Handouts & Resources Needed:

Handout 6.1: Alcohol Usage

Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader app

Using your mobile phone QR Code

Icebreaker: Jigsaw puzzle. Ask students to go to

Using your mobile phone QR Code Reader

Using your mobile phone QR Code

Values are principles considered worthwhile by society. Youth need to

Handouts & Resources Needed:

Handout 7.1: What Do I Enjoy Doing?

Begin, without introduction, by placing several coins or bills of different

Ask the students to share their picture

Students will understand the importance of vision, mission, and goals.

Leaders must have a solid vision in order to be effective. A leader must