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Page 1
TXB Module 1:
Introduction
by Michael Fiore
www.textyourexback.com
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INTRODUCTION
Introduction
(a.k.a. why this guide exists and how
its going to help you)
OK, deep breath.
If youre reading this guide, youre probably hurting right now. Heck,
you probably feel like your heart got ripped out and stomped on, and
that the pain youre feeling will never go away.
The good news is that Im here to help, just like Ive helped hundreds of
people before you.
Here are some real-life testimonials from people just like youpeople who
were hurting, lonely, their egos bruised and battered. People who were
able to turn that experience around using the power of texting:
John S. from Maryland says: Big fan of the system!! Ive been using the
TXB system for about a week now. I have gotten positive responses on
both texts I have sent! :)
Miles C. from Delaware says: I got my ex to start talking to me again
after two years.
Shan W. from Oregon says: I bought the Text Your Ex Back system about
a month ago and have started implementing the system. I sent my first
Across the Bow text last week. I got a very good positive reaction from
my ex.
Shawna P. from Texas says: I just purchased your program Text Your Ex
Back about three days ago. I have listened to the entire program, and I
have to say you have put a lot of time and thought into the program. There
is a lot of extremely valuable advice and information in the book.
Andi J. from Philadelphia says: I have just become the proud owner of
the Text Your Ex Back program and cannot wait to start creating a new
and magical relationship with my ex.
And my personal favorite, Phil F. from Colorado: I love your program
! Its so much worth it!! My ex came to me yesterday and was almost
begging me to take him back!!! Just as you said it!! :D Thank you Michael
!!!
In this program Im going to lay out a step-by-step process that will show
you how to use simple text messages from your cell phone to rekindle
the romance with your ex, open him or her up to the idea of being with
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INTRODUCTION
you again, and get things o on the right foot as you start dating each
other.
Am I GUARANTEEING that youll be able to get your ex back using this
guide? Nope. Its totally possible that after reading through this ma-
terial and starting to put it into action youll decide you dont WANT to
be with your ex anymore, and that the sneaky tricks and relationship
hacks I teach you here will be better used with someone else in the
future.
But what I WILL guarantee is that after you go through this training
youll have a deeper understanding of why your relationship ended, how
the romantic and sexual mind of your ex actually works, and how you
can consciously create the relationship youve always dreamt of by tun-
ing the way you think about love, sex, and romance, all while tapping
out a few simple messages with your thumbs.
Sounds whacky, I know. But youre going to be blown away when you
see how well it works.
Who The Heck Am I And Why Should You
Listen To Me?
My name is Michael Fiore (you can call me Mike). My specialty is helping
average people just like you to use text messages and other modern
technology to improve their relationships. (I also teach stu that has
nothing to do with texting, but the push button nature of texting is so
cool that I cant stop talking about it.)
Who This Course Is For (And Who Its

Not For)
Just to spell this out . . .
This course is for you if you legitimately miss and appreciate your
ex, feel like youve got a real connection, and feel like the reasons
you broke up are things you can resolve, accept, or move past.
This course is not for you if ...well, lets just be blunt about this
. . . This course isnt for you if the only reason you want your ex
back is for your own vanity and ego.
As you go through this material youll figure out that some of what I
teach you is pretty manipulative. I use a lot of human psychology to
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INTRODUCTION
re-awaken your exs attraction and help him or her decide they want
to give you another shot. Its powerful stu, and I want you to use it for
good.
If you want to use it for evil, Id really prefer you delete this guide from
your hard drive and we not have anything to do with each other again.
If youre abusive (emotionally or physically), a serial cheater who cant
be honest (if you want to sleep with multiple people, own up to it), or,
well, an asshole ...Id rather you go the hell away and leave your ex in
peace.
If your ex was abusive, either emotionally or physically, thats also a
dierent story. In that case you should NOT be trying to get back to-
gether with them in any way, and you should find a qualified counselor
or therapist to help you put the pieces of your self esteem back together
properly. Im totally serious here.
Got it?
OK, lets move on . . .
Sit back and read through this WHOLE thing before you start to work
the program.
This will take some time. Im sorry to say it, but theres no magic bullet
here. Theres no one text that I can give you that will change your exs
mind in ten minutes and have you back in romantic la-la land.
But if you go through this program and do what it says, youll learn
a ton. You will come to terms with your own emotions around your
ex, and you will have a REALLY good shot at getting the romance and
connection you miss back in your life.
Id love to hear from you about your experiences with this material. If
you have a testimonial, a question, or suggestions for something else
youd like to see in the Text Your Ex Back program, shoot an email to
feedback@textyourexback.com.
Congratulations on making the decision to invest in this program and
in your relationship. I cant wait to hear about your results.
Yours,
http://www.textyourexback.com
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THE 30 DAY NO-CONTACT RULE
The 30 Day No-Contact

Rule
Yes, its written in stone.
Before you read another word, I need you to stop right there and answer
a simple question: has it been thirty days since you contacted your ex?
If not, STOP.
You must have gone thirty days with NO contact with your ex before
sending a single text.
No phone, no texting, no hanging out, no email, no little notes left on
his car overnight, no accidentally bumping into each other at a favorite
hangout.
This may scare the Jiminy-Cricket out of you. Good.
You might feel like you NEED to see your ex NOW, or that if you dont
strike while the iron is hot youre going to miss your chance to reignite
that spark.
And I totally understand that. Believe me, Ive been there. Ive felt
that horrible anxiety rushing through my body and that overwhelming
craving to see the woman I love, even though she doesnt seem to love
me anymore.
When does the clock start ticking?
The thirty days starts from when you got the program and started work-
ing it, not from when you last talked to your ex. If you talk to your
ex during the thirty days you have to start COMPLETELY over. Even
if thirty days goes by, you MAY NOT proceed unless youve done the
homework, gone on at least two dates with other people, gotten a sexy
new haircut, and done all the other things I tell you to do. Trust me.
Why 30 days?
Because youre a crazy person right now. You need to stop chasing your
ex (even in your imagination) and spend time working on YOU to project
the sexy confidence you need to get your ex back. Plus it will take you
at least that long to get through the first half of this program if youre
doing it right.
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Its imperative to the success of this program that you take your
time and do it right.
Remember, were not just trying to get you a hookup with your ex. 1 Were
trying to create a powerful, positive relationship that you both get a lot
out of for a long time to come.
This is a tough balance, but I have faith in you. More importantly (since I
dont actually know you), YOU have faith in you. Thats what weve been
working on this whole chapter.
Remember, 30 FULL DAYS of silence (more if you can handle it). Itll
hurt now, but its worth it in the long term.
Here are a few tips for playing it cool.
Dont dig into your exs life. Let him or her have some privacy
and space. This includes Google- or Facebook-stalking. It will just
work you up into a froth, so dont go there.
Distract yourself by working hard on getting yourself in great men-
tal and physical shape, whatever that means to you. Spend time
doing the Text Your Ex Back homework, dating other people (as
weird as it might feel), and biding your time until you can put your
plan into action.
Dont take non-contact so far that you become an aloof jerk. If you
have kids and have to interact, thats fine, but keep the interactions
as SIMPLE and POSITIVE as possible. If your ex needs to talk to
you about scheduling stu, or needs you to drop o your extra key
to his apartment, by all means, dont be a wankerhelp them out.
But dont go into anything resembling relationship mode. Dont
act needy. Chill. Bide your time. Be the tortoise, not the hare;
the grasshopper, not the ant. And if at all possible, wait two hours
after receiving a text before sending one back. Stay in control.
If the economy has left you broken up but still having to live to-
gether, do your best to act like a respectful roommate, while es-
tablishing a separate life from your ex. Follow the same rules as
above.
1Unless that is your goal, in which case hop back into bed with them at the first possible
opportunity. However, be prepared for guilt, weirdness, and NOT sustaining the relation-
ship past one or two quick flings. Also, use protectionbreakup sex has an annoying habit
of producing progeny.
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What if your ex contacts you first?
This is tricky, but its common. If you are feeling like you want your ex
back, they are more likely than not to be having similar feelings (which
is one reason that the Text Your Ex Back system works so well in the
first place, but more on Text Judo in a later chapter).
Thats all very nice, but if they text you first, I recommend that you blow
them o.
Seriouslydont respond. No matter how many times they text you.
Will this piss them o? Yes...but in a good way. Ill get into this a lot
more in the chapter on Text Judo, but stoking emotion in your exeven
seemingly negative emotioncan fuel the connection between you. If you
cave and respond to them, you just let all the confidence air out of the
love balloon, and you have to go back to square one. You need to take
the POWER in this relationship and show that you are in CONTROL.
That makes you irresistible.
Michael, I admit itIve been a Text
Terrorist.
I get this all the time: Michael, I just started your program, but I think
I messed up. I have been sending my ex a ton of messages since we
broke up and getting no response. Can I still use your system?
First of all, theres a reason youre not getting a response: YOURE DO-
ING IT WRONG. Thats OK. You didnt have this program before. Now
you do. So you need to clear the decks. How?
STOP. Now. Dont send any more texts. Dont call, write, or even try
to telepathically contact your ex for thirty days. People have short at-
tention spans. By the time you have gone through the first half of this
program, and learned how to use texts from the second half, your ex
will have had some time to recover from your onslaught and you will
return to the battlefield a smoother and more intentional player.
Michael, I just cant do it!
Another common situation. To which I say, COWBOY UP. Its going to
take a lot of hard work to get your ex back (what, you thought this was
a cakewalk?)
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OK, so we all have willpower issues. Fine. So lose all of their contact
info for a month. Have a friend you trust take their info for you and have
them solemnly promise not to give it back to you for one full month.
Actually, do this no matter what. You need a break. So take one.
After youve done all this its time for you to do the REAL work of text
your ex back (and no, youre not sending any texts yet. Deal with it.)
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DUMPER AND DUMPED
Dumper and Dumped

Lets Get One Thing Straight: Why Did You
Break Up?
Things seemed to be going so well. Jenny dug Phil. They had
great sex. They had a ton of fun together. Things seemed to
be progressing. Until the day he got that fateful phone call. I
feel like you dont respect me and I think I want to see other
people. Wow! That hit him in the gutPhil always bought her
flowers, took her out to the nicest restaurants, and was even
extra-nice to her mother. What did it mean?
Phil had some serious thinking to do.
In this module well talk about why you and your ex broke up and what
the conversation in your exs mind is about you. You will start finding
the fuel you need to put your plan into action, using simple text mes-
sages to seduce her or him back into your life, and ideally have them
think it was their own idea.
The key question for this module is this:
Why did you break up really?

To help you answer this question, Ive created a very simple form for you
to fill out. This is importantyou will use this material throughout the
book. Before you get started, here are two words to keep in mind:
Be HONEST.
If you lie to yourself about why you and your ex REALLY broke up, or
what you really want the Text Your Ex Back program to do for you, youre
going to be very disappointed when you pull the texting trigger.
Honesty can be painful. Facing the real reasons for your breakup can
be more painful than the breakup itself. Admitting you played a part in
the breakup? Ouch. This is tough stu. Face it nowor put this book
down before you hurt yourself. Got it? Good.
Well also cover some important CORE CONCEPTS and INNER GAME
stu that will make the whole Text Your Ex Back process go much,
much smoother.
Before you try to get your ex back, you need to spend a little time under-
standing why you broke up in the first place. This might seem obvious
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DUMPER AND DUMPED
you might even have spent hour after hour analyzing just what went
wrong. Or you might have no idea. You have to do a bit of emotional
detective work to unravel the mystery of what happened.
Now, either you got dumped, or you did the dumping. If you got dumped,
read Option 1 below. If you did the dumping, skip ahead to Option 2.
Do the worksheet that makes sense for your situation. Youll use this
material later, so rememberBE HONEST!
Option 1: You got dumped.
Getting dumped sucks. It doesnt matter how nice your ex was, or how
long you saw it comingits a blow to the ego.
All is not lost. A strategic program of texting may be able to bring your
ex back into your arms. But before you send a single text, you need to
figure out WHY your ex broke up with you. Otherwise, you might end
up just making things worse!
NOTE: This is not necessarily the same as why they SAY they broke up
with you. It might be, but it might not be. Getting to the core reason is
going to require painful analysis and honesty. Its worth it, trust me.
Top 7 Reasons Your Ex Might Have

Given for Dumping YouAnd What
They Really Mean
Its not you, its me.
Yes, people still use this lie ALL THE TIME. Its so vague that its meaningless
or is it?
What it really means: It can mean one of several things, each of which
I will address later in the system.
1. They were not feeling attracted to you anymore but didnt want to
hurt your feelings.
2. They were bored. Some people get bored easily. These people can
be in a monogamous relationship, but its more work for you.
3. They werent getting their sexual or emotional needs met but are
afraid to tell you in plain English. This can be addressed.
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4. They dont know themselves.
In any case, you have to put in a little extra legwork here. Look back
at your relationship and identify key issues that could have led to the
breakup. And look on the bright side: while this reason is usually a
lie, it generally means they cared enough not to stomp on your ego. You
can use that to your advantage later.
Our relationship isnt moving forward.
What it really means: Its stereotypical, but youll hear this one most
often from women. Theyre the ones with the biological clock ticking
in their heads. This one can also be good news. It means youre not
living up to your potentialbut you HAVE POTENTIAL! Your job is going
to be to convince your ex that youre ready to bring things to the next
level, whatever that might be, or to convince them that its not time to
go to that level yet.
I just cant relax or You dont appreciate
me.
What it really means: Dr. John Gottman (an AMAZING relationship
researcher at the University of Washington) says that contempt is the
#1 indicator of whether a relationship will last. Contempt means con-
stantly nagging and criticizing. If this is the case, youre going to have
to learn to accept your ex for who they are and rebuild their trust and
self-esteem. I recommend you read Dr. Gottmans work and take it to
heart. You can learn more at http://www.gottman.com.
We just dont communicate.

What it really means: Another common reason for a woman to break
up with a man. I hear from women all the time who say, I just dont
know whats going on in his head or He never TALKS to me. Later in
this manual youre going to learn some techniques to make speaking
your heart simpler and less frightening. If youre a woman, youll learn
to speak a language your man actually responds to.
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DUMPER AND DUMPED
I dont want to talk about it. (or silence)
What it really means: This is a tough one. Theyre stonewalling you
why? It might be that you did something specific that theyre so mad
about they cant get over it. You may have to eat crow and apologize
to get the conversation going. Or your ex may not have the emotional
maturity to confront the reasons they broke up with you. In any case,
this one requires some internal detective work.
I found someone else.
What it really means: The grass is always greener, huh? Finding out
the person you love is with someone else can feel like getting stabbed
in the gut (believe me, I know). Its also completely possible that once
they settle in with a new person, theyll realize what a good thing they
left behind. Your job here will be to put your best face forward, be as
unbothered by whats happened as possible, and slowly open the door
to reconciliation.
Cheating (sexual or emotional)
What it really means: I get a lot of emails about this one. If your
ex broke up with you because of cheating, its PROBABLY because you
cheated on him or her (though sometimes someone will cheat, realize
they cheated because they wanted out of their existing relationship, and
then pull the trigger). Cheating is complicated and deserves special
treatment.
But first, remember they might have lied.
Believe it or not, your ex may have lied about the actual reason for the
breakup. Why would they do this? Either...
They still like you, and they dont want to hurt your feelings, OR
They dont like confrontation and want to avoid stirring anything
up.
In some cases, they might not even KNOW the real reason. You might
have to work extra-hard to figure it out.
Should you even think about getting back together with someone whos
willing to lie about such a big deal? Unless theyre a chronic liar, its
probably not a bit deal. You shouldnt lie about the big stu, but brutal
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honesty on a day-to-day basis can really mess up a good relation-
ship. Your partner doesnt really need to know what goes through your
head when you eye the cute waiter or waitress.
Why do people cheat?
Guys usually cheat because they are horny. Testosterone drives him
towards women like a freight train, and he thinks that he cant help
himself. Im not saying guys SHOULD cheatpromises are promises.
Im just saying if they cheat it might very well have nothing to do with
you or the relationship at all. It has to do with his inability to control
his base urges.
If the cheating was an isolated incident in an otherwise good relation-
ship, its not an indicator that a relationship is doomed. If hes a serial
cheater, think carefully before proceedingyou probably arent going to
change him.
Some men do cheat for emotional reasons, but its the rarer case.
Girls usually cheat for emotional reasons. Shes craving something
shes not getting in her or her life. It probably DOES reflect her feel-
ings about you or the relationship. That sounds harsh, but its goodit
means you can do something about it. She might cheat for:
Closeness: You didnt meet her emotional needs.
Excitement: Shes bored.
Revenge: You cheated on her first, or slighted her in some way.
Some complicated reason you cant possibly comprehend: It
happens. Youll have to work on your listening skills and learn her
language. It can be done.
And, as with men, there are exceptionssome women cheat because
they want some action. Its just not as common.
As youre working through these issues, remember one thing: Monogamy
is unnatural. OK, OK, before I get hate mail, Im NOT condoning cheat-
ing and Im NOT suggesting everyone go out and have a big poly rela-
tionship. Im in a monogamous relationship myself and find it extremely
fun, sexy, and exciting. But the fact of the matter is that, despite what
you may have been told, humans are NOT evolved to be monogamous.
Most reputable science shows that humans are NOT evolved to be with
just one person for the rest of our lives. If anything, were built to pair
bond for a few years, have a few kids, raise them until theyre old enough
that they wont be eaten by wild tigers, and then move on.
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Im NOT saying that you should go out and cheat on your partner or
take part in weird orgies. But I am saying that as human beings we are
ALWAYS going to want and crave variety. This goes for women as well as
men. The fact that we can CHOOSE not to indulge in this desire is part
of what makes us human and not monkeys. I think of the monogamy
thing a little bit like I think of flying. Man was not meant to fly, but
through a lot of hard work we figured out how to do it anyway. Were
not meant to be monogamous either, but through a lot of work we can
not only do it but be really satisfied by it.
Youll have a much happier relationship with your husband/boyfriend/
wife/girlfriend/significant other/1966 Chevy if you let yourself admit
that just like you, your partner is human, makes mistakes and has
cravings and desires they cant control (okay, not the Chevy).
If you were dumped, download and print Worksheet 1. Answer the ques-
tions as honestly as you can. Heres an example:
WORKSHEET 1: YOU GOT DUMPED

(SAMPLE)
1. What reason did your ex give you for breaking things o?
She said things were moving too fast and that we needed to see
other people.
2. Whats the REAL reason you think the relationship ended? (Be
honest here. What was at the real core of the end of the relation-
ship? Ask yourself the question, dig deep, and the answer will
come.)
She thought of me as being a fun fling but not a serious relationship.
I think she thinks I will not be able to support the lifestyle she wants
if we get really serious and long-term.
3. Are you willing or able to address the real reason the rela-
tionship ended? (If you dont want kids and your ex does, or
vice-versa, thats a pretty big deal breaker.) What actions are you
willing to take in the relationship to address these problems? What
arent you willing to be flexible on? What are your deal breakers?
Yes, I realized that I need to take ownership of my career and have
since started going back to school. I think that when she sees that
I am trying to make something of myself she will see me as a more
serious guy.
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DUMPER AND DUMPED
I am not willing to be flexible on my choice of career, but am more
willing to show that I am serious about making it work for me.
4. What did you learn from doing this exercise? (How does it feel
to think about this stu? Are there things that are painful to think
about? How are you going to deal with those in reconnecting with
your ex?)
The best thing about this is that even if we dont get back together,
its a super positive change in my life. It was hard to realize that
she was kind of right about me and that I was creating my own bad
situation.
Option 2: You did the dumping.
So you messed up.
This actually happened to a friend of mine recently. He broke up with
his girlfriend of two years because of his own fear of commitment. He
dipped his toe briefly back into the world of being single, realized how
good hed had it, and then came to me begging for advice on how to get
his woman back.
Let me tell youhe had to work hard to get his ex back. But he did,
and so can you. But youre going to have to look in your heart and
understand the REAL reason you broke up with him or her. What you
said and what you meant might have as much in common as peanut
butter and nuclear weapons.
Thats OK. You have time. Take as long as you need and create a truly
honest map of what happened at the end of your relationship. This
will help you establish whats going through your exs mind when they
think of you.
Typical Reasons You May Have
Broken Up with Your Ex but Now Want
Them Back:
You thought you could do better.
. . . and now you realize youre wrong. It happens. After youve
been in a relationship for a while, you forget how much it
sucked being single. Its like being in a hot tub. When you
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first get in, its like, Ahhhhh, that feels NICE. After ten min-
utes or so, you get used to the warmth and bubbly goodness
and start thinking, This isnt as good as it was. You step
out, and WHAMa blast of frigid reality hits you in the swim-
suit area.
As long as you didnt make a big stink for years about how
stifled you felt, you can probably recover from this one. Your
mate might even be waiting with open armsbut expect to
bear an I told you so or two.
You thought they cheated on you. . .
...but they didnt. If you wrongly accused them, shame on
you. Youll need to re-build those bridges. Jealousy is a pow-
erful, most likely biological, force in human nature. Youre
really just trying to protect whats yoursso in a sense, jeal-
ousy is OK. But jealousy in this case caused you to make a
bad decision and not trust your ex. So youll need to let it go. I
recommend a version of what psychologists do to help people
who are afraid of snakes (because jealousy is fundamentally
a kind of fearfear that your ex will be taken away by some
stronger or more attractive monkey). Visualize your ex in a
situation that makes you jealous. Linger on the visualization
for a while. Do some deep breathing and repeat, I trust <exs
name>. <He/she> is an honorable and trustworthy person.
This kind of visualization can help you get over the jealousy.
You thought they cheated on you. . .
...and they really did. Its noble of you to want to forgive
them. But you need to make a distinction: is it a one-time
thing, or a pattern? If its a one-time thing, it might never
happen again. If its a pattern, youre going to have to accept
them as they are. If youre ready for that, it CAN workbut
honesty is key. See the previous section on cheating for more
advice.
You werent attracted to them anymore.
. . . oh, wait, yes you are. This is another situation where fa-
miliarity breeds contempt. Sometimes it just takes getting
out of the Hot Tub of Love to realize what a cold, ugly world it
is out there. One thing to watch out for: the pain of a breakup
can lead you to idealize your mate. Make sure youre not look-
ing through rose-colored glasses. Or beer goggles.
You had a big fight.
. . . but now that youve cooled o, things dont look so bad. If
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you havent spoken to each other since the fight, it might just
take a few strategic texts to get things moving again. Youll
have to swallow your pride. And big fights are usually about
SOMETHING. Find out what it is, and youll be on your way
to healing the rift.
Word of warning: if there was emotional or physical violence involved,
THINK VERY CAREFULLY about whether you should be with that per-
son again. Its one thing if you girlfriend poked you in the chest with
her finger; its another if she ran over you with her car. Seriously, take
stock of whether its safe to get in touch. It might besometimes couples
have one crazy out-of-control fight and never have another one as long
as they live. But if thats not your situation, get help, please.
I get emails from time to time from people (women, oddly enough) who
were truly abusive to their partner. If this is the case, put the program
away. I dont want you to get your ex back. I want you to leave them
alone. You should not be trying to get your ex back. You should be in
therapy. Only when you have healed whatever wounds cause you to act
out in a relationship should you try to get into a relationship again, and
in 99% of cases it should NOT be with the person you hurt.
Its All About You. . . Even if it Isnt
Remember, it cant be about them. It has to be about you. If you broke
up with your ex and you felt good about it, you wouldnt be reading this
book. But dont try to get back in the relationship thinking your ex is
going to change to suit you.
Youll have to turn the focus on yourself. If you broke up because you
didnt want to changeguess what, you might have to change. If you fear
commitment, you might have to get used to the idea.
If you broke up because of something you dont like about your ex
i.e., their cute, hyena-like laugh suddenly became an annoying hyena-
like laugh, youre going to have to change your attitude and learn to
appreciate them as they are. With a couple of weeks of loneliness under
your belt, that should be a whole lot easier.
If you were the dumper, download and print Worksheet 2. Answer the
questions as honestly as you can. Heres an example:
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DUMPER AND DUMPED
WORKSHEET 2: YOU DID THE

DUMPING (SAMPLE)
1. What reason did you TELL your ex when you broke up with
them? (If its actually the REAL reason, thats awesome. Hopefully
you didnt stonewall.)
I told him it was because the energy and fun had gone out of our
relationship.
2. Why did you break up with your ex? (The real reason. It might
take some soul searching.)
Pretty much that was the real reason, but I didnt really get into detail
with him. Maybe I should have but I dont like confrontation.
3. Is the reason you broke up with your ex something that you
think can be addressed? (Is it still a deal breaker, or is it some-
thing you can move past? If you cant forgive your ex for being who
they are, or change your own behavior or attitudes, youll never be
successful.)
I really think so. Ive realized during this exercise that I was proba-
bly expecting way too much of him. He has been working really hard
to provide for us, and now that my mind is in single mode Ive been
looking around at the guys I know and most of them are total slack-
ers. So it was hard to make time for the good times. I could have
been more understanding, and I could have taken responsibility for
creating some situations where we could rekindle that spark.
4. What did you learn from doing this exercise? (How does it feel
to think about this stu? Are there things that are painful to think
about? How are you going to deal with those in reconnecting with
your ex?)
It was hard to admit that I was partly responsible. I still dont like
thinking about it as Im a go-getter who loves to solve problems. I
just wanted him to fix it, but I realized that it takes two to tango.
Whats Next?
In the next module, well talk about your BIG GOAL so you can visualize
the outcome and create your plan of attack.
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WHATS YOUR BIG GOAL?
Whats Your BIG GOAL?

In the previous module, you examined your reasons for breaking up and
dug deep to get at the truth. With that in mind, you can progress to the
next stepvisualizing the overall outcome you want from Text Your Ex
Back. I call this the Big Goal.
I like to say, You cant hit the target until you paint it on the wall. So
get out your paint bucket.
Now that weve got a clear picture of why your relationship ended in the
first place, were going to paint a big fat bulls-eye on the wall and figure
out why you really want your ex back and what your goal is here.
And remember (say it with me): BE HONEST. Nobody has to see this
but you. If you fudge here, the whole program is pointless.
To get at your big goal, weve got three questions to answer. Theres a
worksheet that you can download, print, and fill out. Before you get
there, however, read my explanations of the questions below. Believe
me; theyll help you get through this faster.
Question 1: WHY do you want your ex

back?
Sometimes breaking up hurts so bad you would do almost anything to
stop the pain. It can feel like drowning, like severe depression, or even
as physical pain. You might find yourself crying, getting loaded, taking
up smoking again, buying advice books over the Internet. . . seriously, if
youre reading this, you have a pain you want to numb.
But your pain cant be the reason you want to get your ex back.
Sorry, you need a better reason than because it hurts so much right
now that I feel like Im going to drown. Your ex is not a Tylenol. He or
she is a person, and you have a past together, and getting back together
is not going to magically fix the pain. (This is one reason you have to
take thirty days o from your ex, to give the pain time to abate.)
The reason you want to get back together has to be more powerful than
the reason you broke up. If Im going to help you, and youre going to go
through all the work of getting your ex back, you need a damned good
reason.
Here are some answers I hear all the time:
I want my ex back because. . .
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...we understand each other better than anyone else on this
planet.
...despite some bad times, we work really, really well to-
gether.
...I want my children to grow up in a whole family, AND I
know we can be a positive, happy couple together.
. . . when I get around him/her I feel safer and more passionate
than any other time in my life.
. . . I want someone to take care of me.
. . . Im incredibly attracted to them.
. . . I dont want anyone else to have them.
. . . because of financial reasons.
Notice that some of these are boring and maybe even a little dark. But
theyre all HONEST and (in some way) LOGICAL, as well as emotional.
So dont beat yourself up if your reasons for wanting to get back together
seem a little less than fairy tale romantic. That doesnt matteras long
as youre HONESTeven if its not pretty or politically correct. You want
your ex back because you hate the feeling of rejection and YOU should
be the one to dump THEM? OK. Thats fine. Just be honest about it.
Question 2: WHAT do you actually

want? Whats your Big Goal?
OK, now that we know WHY you want your ex back, lets paint a picture
of what getting them back actually means. This is the big picture,
destroy the Death Star and live happily ever after view of romance.
Its totally possible (probable, actually) that your goal is going to change
as time moves forward, but lets figure out what youre aiming for now.
This part of the exercise relates to the POWER OF VISUALIZATION. Pro-
fessional athletes use it all the time. One study demonstrated that ath-
letes perform best when they spend 75% of their time on mental training
and 25% on physical training. That might not be true for everything,
but getting a clear picture of your goal before you start is essential to
success.
So heres your question: In a PERFECT world, what would your rela-
tionship with your ex look like?
Here are some example answers:
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In a perfect world. . .
. . . my ex and I would live together, would spend as much time
as humanly possible together, and would be respectful and
passionate towards each other.
...my ex and I would be dating. That means we see each
other a few times per week, but still have plenty of time apart to
live independent lives. Wed both still be seeing other people.
...my ex and I would be just like we were when we first got
married twenty years ago. Wed be able to erase all of the built
up BS around our relationship and really be a family for our two
kids. While wed sometimes have disagreements, wed never
resort to yelling or contempt.
...my ex and I would have sex one last time and it would be
awesome.
Again, no one is going to see this but you, so be as honest as you can.
Also, know that your perfect world doesnt have to be super realistic.
In fact, it may be better to be a bit IDEALISTIC at this stageas long
as your perfect world doesnt involve transforming your ex physically,
mentally, or spiritually.
Work extra-hard on your big goal. Make it REAL. Make it so you can
TASTE it. So you can feel your ex in your arms again. So you know
EXACTLY what this new relationship is going to look like.
How will your relationship be dierent?
What are some of the things youll do together?
How will other people see you?
What will the ultimate outcome of this relationship be? Another
great year together? Marriage? Kids? Growing old together in a
grass hut in the Bahamas?
Then take this visualization, print it up and put it somewhere where
you can see it every day (but nobody else can.)
If you get even CLOSE to your big goal, youll be doing really well.
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Question 3: HOW are you going to get

there? Whats the realistic Baby
Step that would start you down the
path of your Big Goal?
You know WHY you want your ex back.
You know what your Big Goal is.
Now you just need to know what that first tiny step will look like. For
instance, if your Big Goal is to get your ex to marry you and start a
family together, your first Baby Step would be getting her to sit down
to coee with you.
The baby step needs to be realistic and possible, and that depends on
how you ended things. Are you:
Not speaking at all??
Seeing each other socially in a friendly way?
Speaking and seeing each other only when you have to deal with
the kids?
Hanging out all the time but not being romantic?
Still madly in love but not willing to make it work?
Some combination of the above?
You need a Shift Point which would give you the chance to convert
your relationship from where it is now one step closer to your Big Goal.
Think smallthink real. This is just the way to get your foot in the door.
Write down your Shift Point to start things in the right direction.
The Shift Point is not like when the Fairy Godmother shows up in Cin-
derella and turns her Dodge Dart into a Corvette. Its a moment when
the trajectory of your relationship changes for the better. Visualizing
the shift point is a great way to make all the stu around your big goal
feel practical. That one small shift can lead to all the good things you
want to happen.
For instance, Ive worked with people who say things like:
I want. . .
...to have one conversation with my ex where neither one of
us gets angry.
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...have lunch with my ex so we can look each other eye to
eye.
...make love to my ex because I know shell feel that bond
again when we do.:
Download and print Worksheet 3: Why, What, How. Answer the ques-
tions as honestly as you can. Heres an example:
WORKSHEET 3: WHY, WHAT, HOW

(SAMPLE)
This is where you take everything and put it all together into the start
of a mental and emotional action plan. So its important to answer the
questions as honestly as possible.
WHY do you want your ex back?
At first I thought it was because I didnt want to be lonely, but then I real-
ized that we have a shared history together that is so special its like Im
only half a person without him. I feel like we are just throwing something
away that took 4 years to build and I think its worth building on.
WHAT do you actually want? Whats your Big Goal? Visualize it in
detail.
I see us together in our old age, reminiscing about the great times we
had, except those reminiscences are happening somewhere amazinglike
Venice, like we have been sharing great experiences our entire lives. And
we will keep doing it right up until the end.
HOW are you going to get there? Whats the realistic Baby Step that
would start you down the path of your Big Goal? Think small!
Being able to hold hands and share cotton candy at the county fair in
September.
Whats Next?
After you have filled out your What, Why, How worksheet, it will be
time to move on to our TXB Flight Check, where we will make sure
that you are truly ready for the process youre going to undertake. This
emotional and mental preparation will be the last step before you begin
learning the techniques of Text Judo that are the foundation of Text
Your Ex Back.
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THE TXB FLIGHT CHECK
The TXB Flight Check

Check Yourself Before You Text Your Ex
Shane sat on the seawall watching the waves crash against
the rocks. Hed been waiting for weeks. He was ready to send
his first text to his ex. He took a deep breath, fingers at the
ready, and began to type. . .
Hey Lorelle. . . long time no talk. Im just sitting here
thinking about how things used to be. We had it
so good, and Id love to have those times back. Ev-
erything seems lame compared to when we were to-
gether.
He was just about to hit SEND when he remembered what he
learned from the TXB Flight Check...his old relationship was
dead and it was never coming back. Making it the subject of
his texts was a big mistake. It would have made Lorelle think
he couldnt move on. It made him seem like kind of a loser,
actually.
Also, things really HADNT been that great. Of course, things
had REALLY sucked since they broke up, and Shane was eager
to get back together, but that couldnt hide the fact that their
problems had been real.
It was time to move on...not without Lorelle, but WITH her.
Time to create something new. Something fresh. Something
better. Something that would last.
Shane hit CANCEL instead of SEND. He thought future
instead of past. And he started a new text.
Hey Lorelle. Im just sitting here looking at the
ocean and smiling thinking about the time you tried
to teach me to surf. Ill have to try that again some-
day. =-)
He sent it o, hopeful that shed see his optimism and good
humor as positive signs. At the very least, hes sent something
that would brighten her day instead of reminding her of a less-
than-perfect yesterday.
It wasnt long before she responded:
Maybe sticking with something when it gets tough
can be a good thing? ;)
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The future was looking up.
Congrats!
Just by answering the questions Ive given you so far, youve taken mas-
sive steps towards getting your ex back and having a better relationship
than you ever thought possible. You have done a lot of the hard work
already, and even if you didnt take another step, I hope youre feeling
more confident and self-aware than you were before you started the
program.
The worksheets you did in the last modules are INCREDIBLY VALUABLE
to the rest of the program. Dont stick them in a draweruse them over
the next thirty days, as well as when you start working on the texting
part of the program. Whenever you get o focus or feel crazy emotional,
revisit these worksheets to re-center yourself.
But were not ready for takeo just yet. There are a few crucial things
you need to do first. These are the final steps you need to take before
you can begin to successfully Text Your Ex Back.
Lets have a metaphor, shall we?
Imagine youre about to fly your personal jet to somewhere amazing
(someday Ill come up with a Text Yourself a Personal Jet program,
but until then, just imagine).
You have your destination. You have your map. You have your flight
plan. Youre almostalmostready to take o into the wild blue yonder.
But youre not quite there yet. You need to do a final flight check before
you take o. Why?
Because its a tad challenging to refuel or inflate your tires once youre
in the air.
In exactly the same way, its pretty hard to keep a cool head during the
texting process if youre full of resentment, nostalgia, self-doubt, self-
loathing, and/or any of the other toxic crap that a) probably caused
your breakup in the first place, and b) will have you putting your foot in
your mouth before you can say oral pedicure, and c) just makes you
feel like youre living in a dumpster of existential doom. This chapter
will help you get out of the dumpster.
Pilots use a checklist to make sure everything is shipshape before they
leave the comfort and safety of Mother Earth. Using this chapter, you
can do the same for your personal lovercraft. (Did I just say lovercraft?
I did.) Missing any of these items could cause you to encounter unex-
pected turbulence on the way to your Big Goal. (You remember your
Big Goal, right? If not, write it on your forehead backwards right now
so you see it every time you look in the mirror. Or maybe use a Post-It
note.)
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This is serious
The concepts you will encounter in this part of the program must be
DEEPLY EMBEDDED IN YOUR MIND before you start texting. If I could
surgically implant them on a computer chip in your brain, I would, but
my neurosurgery license is in my other pants. So its up to you. Youll
have to do more than readyoull have to DO the things I say. You cant
go back on them once you are determined to Text Your Ex Back. Hear
that? No backsies. Backsies equals crash and burn.
This is hard stu. Most of it flies in the face of what youve been told
by pop psychologists, romance experts, relationship advice specialists,
and greeting card companies. Myself, Im too practical to be any of those
things. I dont want to pu up your egoI want you to Text Your Ex Back.
Doing these things is required to reach that goal. You can do it.
Important (and good!) side eects
Exercise helps you lose weight, but even if it doesnt, it makes you feel
better about almost everything. The TXB Flight Check is like exercise for
your emotions; its REQUIRED if you want to Text Your Ex Back, but its
full of things you should do anyway. Even on the o chance that youre
one of the rare ones who blows the chance to have a new relationship,
the Flight Check exercises will make you MUCH more attractive when
you start looking for a new relationship. And theyll make you feel better
about almost everything. So, lets get to it (and get these preliminaries
over with, already!).
Flight Check 1: Drown Your Old

Relationship In a Bucket
Have a seat. Put a stick between your teeth. This is going to hurt.
Ready?
Your old relationship is DEAD.
Dead as Michael Jackson. Dead as George Washington. Dead as a dead
duck on a dead horse in the dead of winter. It is a DEAD PARROT.
Do I make myself clear?
The moment you or your ex broke it o (and maybe even BEFORE that),
your relationship was hung from the gallows, drawn and quartered, and
fed chunk by chunk to a starving, rabid shark.
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Thats not cruel. Its just true. And you need to get it through your head.
Otherwise, youre going to be tailed by a gruesome undead specter of the
pasta shambling, rotting Zombie Relationshipthat will kill any chance
you have to Text Your Ex Back.
Your old (DEAD!) relationship probably ended for a good reason. Trying
to get it back is a big mistake, and it misses the biggest opportunity
you have going for you. If you go into this program trying to get your
old relationship back, youre going to fail. You and your ex are dierent
people now than you were the last time you were together. Whether that
was two days, two months, or two decades ago, things are not going to
be what they were.1
Did you notice that little word opportunity in that last paragraph?
You may have been thinking of Texting Your Ex Back as a solution or a
possibility. But if youre like most forlorn lovers, you probably havent
thought of it as an opportunity.
Well, start now. Because thats what it is.
Instead of trying to recreate your OLD relationship (which proba-
bly ended for a reason), youre going to create a NEW and BETTER
relationship.
The fact that your old relationship is dead is a GOOD thing. This is your
chance to start fresh. To wipe the slate clean. To create the positive,
sexy, fun relationship that you both deserve.
If youre like a lot of folks you probably feel RELIEF at this idea. Can you
imagine having that one special man or woman in your world WITHOUT
the fighting, the uncertainties and the BS? Can you imagine trusting
each other more than you ever have beforeand earning each others
trust because you want this thing to last? Can you imagine a more
intimate, fun, and satisfying sex life? I hope so, because imagining
those things is the first step toward having them.
Now, Im not saying that youre magically going to stop nagging about
money or farting in bed or whatever it was that caused the rift. Youll
have to make the tough choices and do the hard work to make the new
relationship soar. However, if you are focused on getting back what you
had in the past, you are never going to be able to move forward. Why?
If you focus on what you had before, you will miss what is hap-
pening NOW. Texting Your Ex Back requires you to be sensitive
to what is happening in the moment and open to new possibili-
ties. If you are constantly comparing the present to some idealized
1The human body replaces itself almost completely every 15 years or so, and some
tissues even faster than that. So what Im saying is literally true in some sense. Youre
not the same person you were yesterday!
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past, the one-way train to Groovyville will pass you by, leaving you
to make out with your musty memories.
You see your past relationship about as clearly as a drunken frat
boy in Daytona Beach sees the last lonely MILF at the bar. In
other words, through rose-colored beer goggles with blinders and
a smear of Vaseline for that special romantic foggy blur. Killing
your old relationship in your mind and your heart will allow you to
look at it objectively, understand what went wrong, and build
a better future for yourself and your ex.
Its a proven psychological fact that people want to associate with
those who project the qualities of success and forward momentum
not failure and longing for yesterday. The inescapable truth is that
nostalgia is SAD. Living in the past is SAD. Its like grown women
who collect dolls, or dusty old trunks full of letters from dead peo-
ple. If youre looking backward, you are not projecting an aura of
success, intrigue, and excitement. You have a big rainy cloud over
your head that says SAD SACK. And nobody (least of all someone
who knows that you fart in bed) wants to date a SAD SACK. As
soon as you give up looking toward the past, youll be at least
50% more attractive.2
Mourn your old relationship. Have a wake. Toss back some firewater.
Do a jig. Cry it out. And then rip o the rearview mirror and get ready
to birth something new and awesome.
Flight Check 2: Forgiveness Fully

Engaged
God, it feels good to be angry, especially to be angry at another per-
son. Its much more satisfying to be angry at a person than a toaster,
because the toaster has no idea youre angry. You can really HURT an-
other person with your anger. That feels good, too. Holding on to the
hurt makes you feel powerful, like you have a measure of control over
something fundamentally uncontrollable. They wronged you, and if you
let that idea go, youre powerless. As long as you hold on to the hurt,
youre in the right.
Paradoxically, self-loathing ALSO feels good. Why? Because it is a sub-
stitute for action. As long as you keep beating yourself up over your
past mistakes,
2As measured in our top-secret TXB Attractiveness Labs on the Metric Somgobulatrix
Dating Hot-o-Meter.
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That may sound familiar, or it may not. You may be consciously aware
that you have not forgiven your ex, or you may have buried it like an in-
fected splinter. Either way, letting it fester is going to harm your chance
to Text Your Ex Back. (If you have already genuinely forgiven them, ku-
dos to youskip ahead. Just make sure its for real and that youre not
holding on to any lingering resentment.)
One of the bonuses that came with this program is an interview with
Frederic Luskin on the topic of forgiveness. Take some time to listen to
that now. Frederic is a seriously smart guy and he knows more than
almost any other researcher about this topicif you find that forgiveness
is hard for you, check out more of his stu at learningtoforgive.com.
Whether you are angry at your ex for something they did that caused
you to break up with them or angry that they broke up with you, or
angry at yourself for what you did or for dumping your true love like a
hot-headed fool, youve got two things to do.
Thing One: Forgive Your Ex

You need to forgive your ex for whatever they may have said or done
that led to your breaking up.
Holding a grudge feels powerful because it feels like youre in the right.
Thats the nature of a grudge. However, that feeling is dead wrong.
Plain and simple, FORGIVENESS IS POWER. As long as you hold a
grudge against your ex, youre giving them power over your life and your
emotions. Im not saying you should forget the words that were flung
like so many Molotov cocktails at your heart, or the way he or she hurt
you. There are valuable lessons there. But you need to accept it, forgive
it, and be ready to move on. People hurt the people they care about the
most.
Until I was in my mid-20s and got into a serious relationship, I always
thought of myself as an easy-going guy. I never raised my voice or got hot
about much of anything. Then I got into my first truly serious, lasting
relationship and BOY did I learn a thing or two about myself and my
temper. Because we were in love, we were closer to each other than we
had ever been. We not only cared deeply about each other, we knew
just how to hurt each other when we didnt get what we needed. I wish I
knew then what I know now about forgiveness. The power of swallowing
your pride and getting on with the future is absolutely astonishing.
If this sounds hard, well, it isa little. Heres a neat trick. Its one
of those simple psychological things, just like the way that even going
through the motions of smilingjust moving your facial muscles into
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a smile, no matter how falsecan actually make you happy. (Try itit
really works!) Forgiving your ex works in just the same way. Repeat
this phrase to yourself:
I forgive <Exs name> for <the thing that youre mad about>. Im ready
to move on.
Obviously, fill in the brackets with whatever is appropriate to your situa-
tion. Keep repeating the phrase until your ego gets its foot o your heart
and its hands o your brain. Write it over and over like Bart Simpson at
the chalkboard if you need to. But get it deeply embedded in your mind
(dont make me come over there with my scalpel and my bone saw).
Final note: you must let go of any need you might have for them to
apologize or make up what happened, even if it seems unjust. Whether
they SHOULD or not is immaterial. Right here, right now, you need
to FORGIVE your ex for being human, for making mistakes, and for
hurting you. Only then can you move on.
(Heres proof that the TXB Flight Check is good for you: forgiving others
can help you live longer. No joke! Check it out: http://bit.ly/xRGEfL.)
Thing Two: Forgive Yourself
You need to forgive yourself. Honestly, this is even more important
than forgiving your ex. Whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, if
you want to get back together youre probably beating yourself up, drag-
ging yourself over the coals for messing up your relationship. . . playing
the woulda shoulda coulda game in your head...trying to figure out
where you went wrong or why you werent good enough.
ENOUGH.
Its time to stop. Just like your ex is a human being, full of frailties
and desires they have no control over, so are you. If you cheated, you
cheated. Sure, its not the greatest thing in the world, and sure, its
not something you can keep doing if you want to stay together, but it
doesnt mean youre a monster. It means you made a mistake. And
who doesnt make mistakes?
If you said some things you regret, its because you have emotions and
you care. Everyone does it. You may choose to apologize in the future,
but first you need to get cool with yourself.
Why? Because there is NOTHING more unattractive in a person than
self-loathing and rock-bottom self-esteem (its even more unattractive
than living in the past). If you dont LIKE yourself and think POSITIVE
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thoughts about yourself, youre never going to be able to work the system
and have your ex eagerly coming back to you for more than pity sex.3
Forgiveness Exercise 2
1. Look at yourself in the mirror.
2. Smile. (Even if it hurts. Even if it feels fake.)
3. Say I forgive myself.
Do it again until it feels real. (Even if it takes a hundred times.)
And then play the I Like Myself Game.
Forgiveness 201: Advanced Forgiveness, or
the I Like Myself Game
Id just turned thirty. I was making plenty of money. I went
to all the good parties and made connections that were help-
ing me be more and more successful. I was dating regularly.
Everything seemed to be going great.
On the outside, that is. Inside, I was positively miserable. No
matter what I accomplished, no matter how many parties or
shows I went to, no matter how much luck I had dating, what
I saw in the mirror seemed low and dirty and evil and cruel.
All this self-defeating muck had built up in my head over the
years and was clogging my brain, preventing me from taking
full advantage or even seeing the abundance of goodness right
in front of my nose.
My romantic life was a mess. Even though I scored plenty of
phone numbers and plenty of dates, I couldnt go the distance
to a real relationship. Looking back on those days now, I know
that I hated myself so much that I just couldnt let a woman love
me without wondering what the heck was going on in her head.
And so I sabotaged every good thing, snued every kindling
fire, and turned my back on all the blessings of my life.
Once I hit the murky rock bottom of low self-esteem, I knew
things had to change. And it all started with a simple game. . .
3Caveat: If pity sex is what you want, ignore this advice. Dye your hair black. Pierce
your eyebrow. Write poetry. Listen to The Smiths. Lie in the street moaning. Your ex
might, just might, be charitable enough to sleep with you one more time like some horny
Mother Teresa. But DONT expect it to last.
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The I Like Myself Game is something I created several years ago. I
know it works, because I tried it on myselfmore than once. In fact, I
still get it out whenever Im starting to drag in the doldrums of self-pity
and regret.
I guarantee the first time you play the I Like Myself Game its going
to scare the living bejeezus out of you. In fact, a lot of people who TRY
to play the I Like Myself Game the first time end up chickening out.
They confuse liking yourself with being arrogant and go hide under
the couch until the specter of positivity passes.
But youre not going to do that, because you have a Big Goal.
Heres all you have to do:
Take out a blank piece of paper or fire up a blank document in your
word processor of choice. (I like Pages on the Mac, but anything will
do.4
At the very top of the paper write I like <YOUR NAME>, I really do ...
(If you feel a little shot of panic doing this, thats OK. Take another deep
breath. Remember, you have been trained all your life that its wrong
to praise yourself. Its deeply embedded in the Puritan culture of the
United States. This is NOT boasting. This is building.)
In the third person (Mike is. . . ), write out what you truly LIKE about
yourself. Third person is important: imagine you are looking at yourself
from outside yourself. It gets you out of the twisty, turny, cul-de-sac-y
echo chamber of your own mind and lets you look at yourself objectively.
Here are the rules:
Dont edit yourself. Keep going. Youre not trying to win a Pulitzer.
Youre just going for straight-up honesty.
Dont apologize. Theres nothing wrong with what youre doingits
healthy and positive.
Dont use wiggle words or neutralizers like Id like Mikes smile,
but his teeth are kind of crooked or I like Mikes brain, but I wish
he was smarter.
Focus on the positives. If you start going down dark alleys of criti-
cism, turn right around and go back into the light. Balance is not
the point here.
Dont qualify anything.
Dont worry about being immodest (modesty is noxious; Im not a
fan).
4It will even work if you have aGASPWindows PC! The horror!)
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Be honest: what do you REALLY like about yourself.
Once you run out of stu you like about yourself, think about what
you think other people like about you. Why do your friends hang
around?
Dont worry about being cheesy, stupid, sentimental...whatever.
Who cares? The cheesier it is, the closer you are to the truth. Press
on.
Here are some thought starters to prime your pump:
What do you like about your personality?
I like Bobs sense of humor. He can make a whole room laugh with
a word.
I like how Betty is always there to listen to her friends when they
are going through hard times.
Physical traits
I like Marys butt. Its taken years of work, and shes got an ass that
draws stares when she walks down the street.
I like Waynes ears. They are highly symmetrical and placed just so
on his head.
Accomplishments
Jerry kept moving even when things got tough and graduated at the
top of his class.
Kris started her own business and made it work no matter what
other people said.
Abilities
Ben plays a mean game of three-on-three.
Lucy has an uncanny ability to win bar trivia contests.
FILL THE WHOLE PAGE. Keep going no matter how hard it gets.
The first time I did this exercise I had a panic attack, but now I can do
it in my sleep. I keep adding to the list as I get older, and it gives me
a formidable arsenal against those creepy crawly feelings of self-doubt
that creep under the door at night.
Important Note: Were going to do a variation of this exercise and use it
later in our texts. So its SUPER IMPORTANT that you do it. (Not that
you do it rightthere is no right and wrong, as long as you fill the page
and as long as everything is positive.)
Just as an example, heres a quick I Like Myself Game for me. . .
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I like Mike, I really do.
I like his energy. It crackles o him like lightning, and when
he focuses he can change the world through his sheer force of
will.
I like how Mike cares about people. I like that Mike goes out of
his way to help the people in his life and thinks loyalty is the
most important thing in the world.
I like Mikes smile. Hes got dimples and a naughty glimmer in
his eye that makes you wonder whats going on in his head.
The first time you play this game, youre going to feel like an
egotistical git. Thats because our culture programs us to have
low self-esteem and low opinions of ourselves.
Play it anyway. Write it out longhand if you can (though typing is OK,
too. My handwriting is doctor-level bad, so I type everything). You dont
have to share this with anyone, but you can if you want. (Once you Text
Your Ex Back, you can play it together. Its a great game for a couple,
followed by a What I Like About You variation.)
Simply by focusing on the POSITIVES about yourself, youre going to RE-
PROGRAM your mind. Confident people and people who like them-
selves have better relationships.
I really cant harp on this one enough. So much of seduction, whether
its with someone new or with someone youve been with in the past, is
MENTAL. If you truly BELIEVE that you are someone your ex SHOULD
be with, is BETTER OFF with, and will be HAPPY with, itll make your
job so much easier.
Flight Check 3: Plan Alternate Routes

(i.e., DATE!)
You are not allowed to send your ex a single text until you have been
on at least TWO (count em) datesand the more, the merrier. Im not
talking wild orgies hereIm talking DATES. Movies, dinner, walks in
the park, whatever. You know what a date isso go out and get one (and
then get another).
To paraphrase Blue ster Cult, dont fear the rebound. Yes, sometimes
broken-hearted people get involved in a relationship they shouldnt just
because they want to be close to someone.
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Well, first of all, youre not going to make that mistake. Youve just spent
some quality time mourning your dead relationship, forgiving yourself
and your ex, and building up your great wall of self-esteem. So theres
nothing wrong with getting yourself out there and meeting new people.
Second of all, so what? Lots of people meet their true love immediately
after dumping their not-so-true-love. Lots of people have lots of fun
casually dating after the grueling work of a long-term relationship. I
venture that more people are harmed because they are afraid of the
rebound and avoid dating than are actually harmed by the rebound
itself.
So, more to the point, I know, I knowdating sucks. Everybody says so.
The meat market is a cold and horrible place, full of frightening people
and bad music.
But it can also be a lot of fun. And as painful as it sounds, one of the
best ways to get your ex to notice you again is for you to go out, date,
and actually HAVE FUN.
Im not saying you should hop into bed with a lot of people or get into a
serious thing with somebody else (you shouldnt, at least not if getting
your ex back is your goal). Dating doesnt have to involve orgies, mar-
riage, or joint tax returns (and almost never all three). And you are still
emotionally vulnerable, so dont be reckless.
But I am saying that its VERY important for you to go out, date, and
realize that you are an attractive and interesting person.
By dating, youll. . .
Raise your own self esteem.
Hone your game for when its time to go after your ex again (be-
cause youre going to start at the beginning and DATE your ex
again, not pick up where you left o).
Learn to appreciate the good things you and your ex had.
Learn new tricks and ideas you can use in your relationship.
Become a better-rounded and more interesting person.
The Power of Social Proof
Social proof goes like this: human beings tend to emulate what other
human beings are doing.
If a bunch of people are looking up and you walk by, youll probably look
up.
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If you see enough testimonials in a diet ad from people saying they lost
400 pounds eating nothing but HoHos, youll be more likely to try the
diet.
Theyve proven this, by the way. Social scientist Solomon Asch did a
series of experiments in the 1950s that showed how powerful the power
of group behavior is. He would do things like fill an elevator with people
facing the back wall and see what happened when someone got on.
Almost invariably, the individual would turn to face the back wall. It
sounds like a goofy college prank, but its actually powerful evidence for
the power of social proof.
Just like everyone else in the elevator, your ex would face backward,
too. So if enough other people find you attractive, interesting, and sexy,
then your ex is more likely to do so, as well.
(This is why Im generally a proponent of positive flirting and positive
jealousy even when youre in a relationship. Another woman finding
your man attractive reflects positively on you, and vice versa. Taking it
too far is rarely a good idea, but lightly prodding the big green monster
is often extremely healthy.)
Break the cycle of codependence
Codependence was a big buzzword back in the 80s, and frankly, a lot
of it was a crock. I mean, the best, strongest marriages are definitely a
form of codependence. The partners are inseparable, and old people lit-
erally die when their partners die, sometimes within hours, sometimes
when they were seemingly healthy. We cant possibly understand the
biological and psychological mysteries of true love. However, there IS
an unhealthy form of codependence. You are probably suering from
it right now, and dating someone else will smash it like Thors hammer
hitting a marble. This type of codependence is the conscious or uncon-
scious idea that you are worthless without your exthat your life has
no meaning or that you will not be able to go on unless you get them
back. Thats not really true for anybody, and before you can get your
ex back, you have to realize that, however much you WANT them, you
dont actually NEED them. Weird, I knowbut its 100
But Mike, I dont WANT to date other peopleI just want my ex back!
I get it. Believe me, I do. It seems totally weird to most people that
you should go date someone when youre working so hard on getting
someone else back. But it truly is important. You are broken up with
your ex, so even if it feels like youre cheating, its not. In fact, dating is
one of the steps that is most likely to give you the emotional clarity and
resilience you need to get your ex back. It also serves a whole bunch of
other purposes:
It gets you out of your funk.
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It gives you perspective on your ex. (You need it. You really do.)
It raises your self-esteem.
It makes your ex jealous. Jealousy in this case can be a powerful
attractor. You dont have to shove it in their face, but its not a bad
thing if they find out.
It forces you to get the hell out of the house and stop playing with
your Legos. (I cant believe you spelled their name in Legos.)
Mike, what if I date and meet somebody else I really like?
Good deal. Youre getting your mojo back. However, rebounds can be
emotionally dangerous, so be careful. Dont get sucked into the feeling
of being in a relationship for its own sake. In fact, I recommend that
anybody you meet during this stage be o-limits in a long-term sense.
There is such a thing as casual dating (you might have forgotten it if you
were in a long-term relationship). And hey, if you really like somebody,
date them for a while (I said DATE, not go steady with or become a
baby daddy), and maybe forget about getting your ex back for a while.
It will probably do you some good. If you still want your ex back after
that, youll know its the right thing.
Flight Check 4: Wash and Wax (or,

Love Yourself First)
Im not a real big image guy. I like checking out hotties on the beach
as much as the next ape, but when it comes to relationships, I really
do prefer personality, brains, and looks, in that order. I need a partner
who has something to oer when the lights are on.
However, that doesnt change the fact that appearances and actions
matter. When people are depressed, it shows. Others can see it and
smell it, like a Border Patrol dog smells weed on a VW bus crossing
the Mexican border. We have been trained by evolution to avoid others
if they are sick, partly because theyre going to attract predators and
carrion birds, and partly because we dont want to catch whatever they
have.
So if, despite all the work weve done, you give o Eau de Sadsack, you
aint gonna win this game. You not only need to think of yourself as a
worthwhile person, a great catch, and someone your ex will be lucky
to be with, you need to look and act like that person.
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This is another example of making yourself happy by going through the
motions of smiling. Start with the simple things.
Lay o the comfort food. You cant drown your sorrows in Ben
and Jerrys or Double-Stued-Meat-Crust-Anchovy-Pizza-Crustos
if you want to Text Your Ex Back. Hit the salad bar. Youll feel
better immediately.
Take up a new hobby. Preferably something social and challeng-
ing. Take a sailing class, learn bridgekeep your mind toned and
stay in touch with the outside world. Doing something new is
proven to increase happiness, alertness, and even stave of Alzheimers
Disease.
Get some exercise. Join a gym, or actually use your gym mem-
bership if you have one. 5 Or just take a brisk thirty-minute walk
every day. Research shows that its enough to totally change your
outlook and improve your health.
Spruce yourself up. Get a haircut, a manicure, get your brows
waxed, shave your toes, buy a new tie, whatever you have to do to
make yourself look good, do it. When you look in the mirror, you
should be able to say, Whos that fine-looking hottie?
Only by loving yourself can you present yourself as someone your ex
should love, as well.
You MUST do the following before sending a single text:
Take up one new hobby or take one new class.
Get a good workout for at least three days a week for at least two
weeks.
Make at least one good, home-cooked, healthy meal for yourself.
Splurge on a killer haircut, a new item of clothing, or anything else
that makes you feel like a million bucks.
Flight Check 5: Cool Your Jets

Fools rush in
Where angels fear to tread
And so I come to you my love
My heart above my head
5Or try a punch card. Economists have proven that people who sign up for contracts
use the gym less and cancel their memberships earlier than people who use the gym on
a per-use basis. And you thought dating was weird.
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Isnt that a nice song? Honestly, theres not much in life you cant learn
from Elvis6
However, in this case, it is DEAD WRONG.
REPEAT: DO NOT DO AS ELVIS PRESCRIBES.
Treat this advice like Elvis should have treated peanut butter, banana,
and bacon sandwiches and
DONT be a fool.
DONT rush in.
Put your HEAD above your heartat least for now.
The thrill of being swept away by romance might have worked the first
time around, but Texting Your Ex Back is an entirely dierent situation
than falling in love for the first time.
If you and your ex just broke up a few days (or hours) ago, and youre
desperately trying to reignite the pilot light of your relationship, Ive got
some bad news for you. If you want REAL results with your ex, youre
going to have to wait.
Plain and simple, if you just broke up, theres too much stu around
your relationship for you to be able to enjoy each other yet. You need
to be cleansed by the healing hands of Father Time (dont worry, I did a
background checkhes OK).
Thats why I absolutely REQUIRE that you take at least one month o
from each other before starting to use the Text Your Ex Back system.
And by o, I mean you completely cut contact for a minimum of thirty
days.
If this is the first time youve heard this, you need to go back to the first
module that includes the 30 Days Rule. (Didnt you learn anything in
7th grade gym class? Cheaters never win!)
Whats next?
Make sure you have your filled-out worksheets handy, because youll
need them for the next module where you will discover Text Judo, the
foundation of the Text Your Ex Back system.
6Technically,Johnny Mercer lyrics, also sung by Ray Eberle, Frank Sinatra, Rick Nel-
son, Doris Day, and Bow Wow Wow, but come on. . . ELVIS! lyrics.
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TXB Module 5: Text Judo

by Michael Fiore
www.textyourexback.com
Page 41
INTRODUCING TEXT JUDO
Introducing Text Judo

The Cornerstone Of The Text Your Ex Back
System
Piers and his soon-to-be ex-wife Hallie had always fought. Usu-
ally about little stulate fees on bills, Pierss habit of looking
at the ladies (just looking, whats the harm in that?), the fact
that Hallie was always late for EVERYTHING. You knowall
the little disappointments of day-to-day life. But it was never
enough to counterbalance the joys of being together, of being
true soul mates.
That had all changed. Their fights had gotten more intense,
more heated. Small things erupted into big fights. Piers came
to believe that Hallie hated him. She had said as much in their
last few conversations. After that, it was all lawyers and chilly
negotiations to split things up.
But all along, something had been nagging at Piers. Through
all that fighting, he thought there was something he had missed.
And then he had read the Text Your Ex Back program, and he
finally realized it: when Hallie said she hated him, that didnt
mean the end of their love. It was her way of crying out, of say-
ing she couldnt communicate with him and that she was try-
ing to break through somehow. The intensity of their conflict
the screaming, the stewing, the bitter insultswas enflamed by
their desire to break through and connect with each other.
As Piers thought through the sad last few months, he realized
the times that he could have listened, could have tried harder,
could have at least not made things worse. He was so afraid
of Hallies intense feelings toward him that he had shut down.
And he realized now that, as long as Hallie had not given up,
there was still a chance to go back to her and heal.
What he needed was a bit of Text Judo. To use the intensity
of her feelings and channel them to reopen the lines of com-
munication. The papers would be filed in a couple of weeks.
Luckily, they hadnt spoken in about that long. Just enough
time had passed that he was ready to start the Text Your Ext
Back program. And Text Judo was the essence of it all...
Youve done the prep work. Now welcome to the big leagues. Were about
to get down to business. In this module, you will learn about Text Judo,
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the proven cornerstone of Text Your Ex Back and all my other texting
programs.
What is Text Judo?

Great question.
It wont help you if youre getting mugged. It wont help you win any
shiny gold trophies.
But it can help you Text Your Ex Back.
Text Judo is the art of using your exs existing emotionspositive or
negativeto get the positive result you want.
In physical Judo, the martial artist uses an opponents strength against
him, redirecting the violence and momentum of a punch, kick, or lunge
so that the attacker ends up in a bruised and battered pile on the floor.
The Judo master expends very little of her own energy. Instead, she
relies on the energy of her opponent.
A really good Judo practitioner at work is a sight to behold. A 5-foot-
tall woman can throw a 6-foot 5-inch linebacker around like a rag doll
if the woman knows BALANCE while the linebacker knows nothing but
POWER.
Now, the tricky part is this: strong negative emotion is like a linebackers
punch. Right now, its headed for your soft bits. You need to take that
emotion and redirect it so its headed somewhere productive. In Judo,
this would be to leaving your opponent groaning on the floor. In Text
Your Ex Back, its getting back together.
Remember, your ex feeling ANY emotion towards you (even hate) is, in
many ways, a GOOD thing. This is one of the reasons I make you wait
thirty days to contact your exand why you must ignore them if they
contact you first. Why? Because contact makes everything seem just
OK again. It takes the pressure o. It crates apathy. And apathy will
kill any chance you have of getting back together with your ex, but
any positive or negative powerful emotion can be transformed and
guided using simple techniques Im going to teach you.
If your ex is angry at you, you can use that anger to ignite the spark of
love thats probably still buried deep down inside.
If your ex is hurt by you, you can use that hurt to uncover the desire
for acceptance and love that left him or her open to being hurt by you
in the first place.
And on and on and on.
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Principles of Text Judo
As the founder of Judo, Jigoro Kano, put it: . . . resisting a more power-
ful opponent will result in your defeat, whilst adjusting to and evading
your opponents attack will cause him to lose his balance, his power
will be reduced, and you will defeat him. This can apply whatever the
relative values of power, thus making it possible for weaker opponents
to beat significantly stronger ones.
Your ex is not your opponent, but the idea still works.
Maximum eciency, minimum eort
Mutual welfare and benefit
Imagine the hot emotion your ex is feeling around youeven if it is
negativeas the force of a punch. The stronger the emotion is, the
stronger its momentum and the more intense your connection still is.
These bear a little bit more analysis.
Maximum eciency, minimum eort
Youre already halfway there. Texting is the most ecient and powerful
way to redirect hot emotion. First, its intimate. Second, its impossible
to raise your voice over text, so its a lot harder to escalate if things turn
sour. In a lot of thingssurfing, singing, sexthe harder you try, the
more likely you are to fail. This is especially true in Text Your Ex Back.
If you are getting all hot-headed and worked up before you send a text,
youre going to say the wrong thing, and youre going to lose control.
Luckily, texting, unlike speaking directly to your ex, lets you stay in the
drivers seat and think carefully about what youre going to say.
This brings me to my second point. A lot of people are proud of their
fast fingers on the keyboard or touch screen. But with Text Your Ex
Back, its all about quality, not quantity. The biggest advantage of tex-
ting is that it lets you consider everything you say before you say it. One
well-placed, well-timed, well-written text can do your budding relation-
ship more good than a barrage of begging, a cacophony of cajoling, or
a parade of promises. Texting lets you say the ONE PERFECT THING,
because you can take all the time in the world to work on it, and youre
not influenced by the emotion of having your ex actually in the room
with you. NEVER hit send without rereading your text at least
three times.
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Mutual welfare and benefit
In Judo, this means that students work to help each other learn Judo,
and to make the world a better place and stu. Youre not able to work
that closely with your ex, but this principle still applies. Text Judo is
not about tricking or manipulating your ex. Its not like you are going
to hypnotize them into doing your bidding. Youre going to tap into a well
of mutual emotionhowever skewed that emotion is at the momentand
redirect it for your mutual good. Im going to help you do this with a
little Text Judo homework in the next module, but for nowremember,
this is not about controlling your ex. Its about acknowledging what has
happened and finding a way to harness the energy and momentum that
remains from your relationship.
How Text Judo works in practice
The key to Text Judo is to ACKNOWLEDGE and BE HONEST about
the elephant in the room, whether its harsh words you exchanged, an
incident of cheating, or just hard feelings.
Judoand therefore Text Judoworks by taking what the other person
gives you and working with it. If you are just throwing your own stu
back in their face, youre wasting energy. And if you are afraid to tap into
what made your relationship great for fear of igniting bad memories, you
have nothing to work with. If you come back into your exs life pretending
that nothing ever went wrong in your relationship, itll blow up in your
face.
The texting types in the Text Your Ex Back system are designed to help
you discover those points of connection and then use them to bring you
and your ex closer together. The phases look roughly like this:
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Phase
Text Type
CONTACT your ex via text
in the simplest, most non-
confrontational way possible
Across the Bow Texts
TEST for areas of emotional res-
onance
Intimacy Booster Texts
VALIDATE your exs emotions
(positive or negative)
CREATE incredible intimacy.
Give them what theyve always
wantedwhen a man opens up
like this, it melts a womans
heart like Velveeta in a mi-
crowave.
Emotional Honesty Texts
TRANSLATE
those
emotions
into the feelings of warmness,
closeness, and attraction that
were trying to create.
Green Eyed Monster Texts
Attraction Texts
CONNECT in real life
Seal the Deal texts
Now, everyone is dierent, so youre going to have to be flexible and not
try to follow the sequence in lockstep. But the system is a reasonable
guide to how things go 80-90% of the time.
Sound complicated? Its notyoull get the hang of it as we go along.
Heres a key point: Text Judo means you should make every eort
to be the one who ends the conversation at least three out of four
times. That puts you in control, and since youre the one doing the
hard work, we want you in control.
But eective Text Judo does require grist for the mill. So get ready
to prime your grist pumpyou need stories, emotions, and pieces of
your relationship that youll use in your communication with your ex.
These will allow you to probe for areas of likely connection, focus your
ex on positive thoughts about you and the relationship, create a mutual
texting fantasy world where anything is possible, and then, finally, bring
the relationship back to an in-person basishopefully by making them
come to you and driving them irresistibly back into your lovin arms.
Visualize Your Moves: Text Judo Homework
In this module, Im going to guide you through gathering all the infor-
mation you will need to put Text Judo into practice to Text Your Ex Back.
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Well talk about what made your relationship great, your best memories,
and how you think your ex is feeling about the relationship right now.
When youre done with this module, theres a worksheet for you to use.
Fill it out before moving on to the next module. I promise this is the last
worksheetfor real. But this stu will be the inspiration for all the texts
youre going to send, so keep it around and expand it as inspiration
strikes. The more detailed and specific you can be, the better.
The point is not to get all Shakespeare and craft a bunch of great prose,
but to capture as best you can those evocative moments and feelings
that will make a powerful connection with your ex and channel their
feelingsincluding negative onesinto a more positive, healing, connected
place. Like all the assignments in the Text Your Ex Back program, this
is important, building organically on the hard work you have done so
far, and creating a foundation for what is still to come. Take the time,
do the work, and youll be really happy with the results, or my name
isnt Michael Fiore.
If you have not done the work in the previous chapters well enough,
or if you have not taken a thirty-day break since breaking up, this
will be really hard, as it will bring up a lot of the stu that you
miss about your relationship.
In fact, your reaction to this module is a good gauge of whether youre
ready to move ahead. If writing these things brings a little smile to your
face and causes you to daydream a little bit, thats totally great.
If you start bawling uncontrollably, youre not ready. Take a few more
days, work on the I Like Myself game a bit more, have a margarita with
a lovely senoritabut dont start texting. Youre still too vulnerable. You
will need to be objective, collected, calm, and IN CONTROL when you
set out to Text Your Ex Back. You can have strong feelings, sure.
Ready to start filing your bag of Text Judo tricks? Lets go.
Question 1: What do you SHARE with your
Ex? What made you work as a couple?
What was it about your relationship that you really loved and adored?
What was it that made you guys really WORK as a couple? Even when
things started getting bad, there were probably things that drew you
together. They are likely to still be real and active connection points
between you. Use them.
To get the old creative juices flowing, here are a few possible categories
that I hear all the time. You can beg, borrow or steal...just remember,
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the idea here is to generate POSITIVE associations. If she just never
understood your man-love for Steve Perry, dont bring it upunless its
to promise to never listen to Wheel In The Sky in the house ever again
(probably a good policy to begin with).
Also, this is not about YOU, nor is it about YOUR EX. It is about what
brought you together as a COUPLE. When I say you below, remember
thatits you two, not hey you.
Whatever it is, get it all on paper in a big list. Be as exhaustive as you
can be. Really think out the stu that drew you together before, and
that you think could draw you together again.
Music: Soothes the savage beast, and has brought more than one cou-
ple together all by itself.
What bands did you LOVE?
Was there a particular kind of music that drew you closer?
Did you meet at a showor a jukebox?
Did you share a musical taste that most people dont? (I know
a couple who are both obsessed with 70s prog rock, and they
pretty much have to stay together forever because nobody else
could stand it.)
What kind of music do you both HATE? Music arouses strong
emotionsif you both loathe Bela Flecks banjo noodling or think
Korn is corny, this can be something you share with your ex.
Politics: Youre never supposed to bring it up at a dinner party, but you
can definitely bring up shared political passions with your ex.
Are you passionate about social change?
Do you both wish to turn back the clock to simpler days, or do you
want to plunge headlong into the future?
Do you both hate the same ideas? (Just as in music, mutual ha-
treds in politics can bring people closer.)
Do you have similar ideas on how your country should be run? Do
you vote donkey or elephant or Cthulhu?
Do you have ideological or activist causes in common? Does the
idea of increasing taxes make your collective blood boil, or would
you both chain yourselves to a tree to save an endangered newt?
Passions: What gets the both of you humming like 12-cylinder Ferrari
Testarossa? Mutual passions can be the spark that gets your relation-
ship engine started.
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Do you have a cause you both care deeply about? It could be any-
thing from animal rights to water safety.
Do you both live and die for your careers?
Are you passionate about experiences, like the outdoors, travel, or
just partying?
Religion: This is a little bit of touchy one. If religion became an issue in
your relationship, it may be best to stay away from it until youre back
together. If its something you shared until the end, faith can be the
magnetic force that draws you nearer.
Are you a devout Christians? Occasional Mormons? Lapsed athe-
ists? Write down the commonalities of your faith.
Was your relationship centered around shared faith?
Did you share religious observances? Did you go to the same
church, temple, or mosque? Were you in a study group or other
gathering together?
Sex: Great sexual experiences are good text judo fodder because they
are not only powerful, they are not only intimate, they are positively
tactilethe right text can put your ex right back in the moment. If sex
was not that important to you, dont sweat it.
Did you share kinks or fetishes that nobody else understands?
Was sex an important part of your relationship?
Were there sexual moments that you returned to again and again
when the moment was getting hot?
Kids: This can be a big common interest. Duh. Of course, it can also
be a minefield, especially if lawyers are involved. If you use this one, try
to avoid talking about kid-related logistics when texting. Just use the
magical world of text messages for positive reminiscences. 1
What about your kids brings you together?
What positive experiences did you have with your kids?
Was the birth of your children particularly memorable? How did
it change you as people?
Hobbies: The very name makes them seem trivial, but for couples, they
can be deep wells of connection.
1And if you badmouth your ex in front of your kids, youre a bad person. Seriously.
Dont do that. No matter how good it feels in the moment, it will mess your kids up for
life.
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What hobbies did you share? Dancing? Theater? Movies? TV
shows? Video games? Walking the beach with a metal detector?
Question 2: What are the BEST
EXPERIENCES you and your ex ever had
together?
Now that we know what drew you together in the first place 2, now its
time to list the BEST EXPERIENCES your ex and you ever had together.
These should be the stories youd tell your grandkids, the stories
that will crawl right into your exs unconscious...the stories that
will make them smile, laugh, or reminisce, whether they want to or not.
TIP: These experiences can be positive in the traditional sense (sipping
margaritas on a beach in Mexico and getting a once-in-a-lifetime view of
a humpback whale breachingyou know, Hallmark card stu), but they
dont have to be. Why? Because sometimes trauma brings us together,
as any war vet or survivor of a natural disaster knows. This incredible
bonding eect on human beingsthe experience of being in a foxhole
togethercan create lifelong friends (and friendship is the foundation of
a lasting romantic relationship).
These are the kinds of experiences I want you to list. Brainstorm freely
for now. You can edit down to the really good stu later.
Your Couple Origin story: This is the story of how you got together
in the first place. Its probably SUPER EMOTIONAL for both of you, be-
cause you were both feeling such intense attraction when it happened.
Being able to bring that back up in your exs mind is very powerful. This
doesnt have to be the first time you met. Try to think of the moment
when you knew you were meant to be together, whether that was the
first time you locked eyes or the first time you went to Old Country Buf-
fet as a couple. If its a story you shared often, it might be easy for you
to recall every detail. If not, here are some questions to get you started:
How did you meet? Through friends? At a bar? When they smashed
into your bumper at a trac light? (Stranger things have hap-
pened, believe me.)
What led up to that realization that it was meant to be?
Where were you when you had that realization? What were you
doing? What season was it? What happened next?
2Besides pheromones ...man, those things are powerful; I get within ten feet of my
girlfriend and my brain turns o and I start slobbering like a cave man.
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Was the attraction physical, mental, spiritual, or some mad com-
bination of all of it?
Adventures you shared: These are usually one o memories, like
that hike through the Grand Canyon, the honeymoon in Hawaii, or the
crazy weekend in Vegas. Just make sure the adventure was something
you both look back on fondly, and not something your ex is going to
get annoyed by. For example, if the car broke down at the side of the
road and you spent hours yelling and screaming about it, you should
probably leave that out. Feel free to cherry pick and create a narrative
thats all about how you were at your best. Of course, adventures can
also include danger, intrigue, discomfort, and boredom. If it brought
you closer together, include it.
What was the most exciting thing you ever did as a couple?
What made it exciting?
How did you get through it together?
How did it make your relationship stronger?
Me and You Against the World experiences: Ahh, the bonding
power of tragedy and war. Many a lifelong relationship was forged in fire.
These are experiences where it felt like you and your ex were a unit
and were really there for each other against a common enemy. What are
common enemies in relationships? Good question. How about:
In-laws and relatives (trickybe careful not to insult your exs fam-
ily. Only go there if the enmity was entirely shared)
Legal adversaries
Swaggering suitors
Larcenous landlords
Nosy (or nasty) neighbors
Snooty waiters
Bad bosses
Crazy friends or acquaintances
Cruddy co-workers
Bad shit: This is where you take a negative and make it a positive.
Traumatic, life-altering events are bonding experiences, times when you
and your ex really went through a tough experience together. Anything
where it was HARD but satisfying and had a positive outcome:
The death of a family member
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A natural disaster (We were huddled in the dark for six hours
together, waiting for the hurricane to abate)
A car wreck
A painful legal battle (other than your own divorce)
A failed project
Getting fired or prolonged unemployment
A trip to Burning Man or some other hostile environment
Boot camp
Romantic experiences: Beyond your origin story, romantic memories
include anything where it was really just the two of you enjoying each
other without any outside interference. It could be ten minutes, an
hour, a day, or more. This could also be the moment you discovered
you were in love or other emotionally heavy moments.
I bet guys out there are like, Chicks dig romantic stu; this is perfect.
But women might underestimate the power of romantic memories to
entice their partners. In fact, science shows that men are actually more
romantic than women. Dr. Terri Orbach has done years of studies
showing that men fall in love more easily, expect more romantic gestures
like hand-holding, and even tend to believe that "love conquers all" more
than women do. So ladiesdont skimp on the romance just because
your guy seems like a Cro-Magnon.
The night you proposed or were proposed to
Your wedding (or better yet, your honeymoon)
A romantic vacation at a spa
A time one of you surprised the other with a day o or a trip
Family experiences: These are the moments where you felt proud of
your family or were really happy that your partner was there.
The birth of a child
Your grandparents anniversary
A family holiday
Meeting a relative of your exs that you really bonded with
A family reunion
The time you thought your kids were in trouble but everything
turned out OK
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Positive sexual experiences: Ahh, sex. Obsession and taboo. Bio-
logical necessity and spiritual sublimity. Sex isnt everything, but its
definitely SOMETHING. No matter how long you were together (or how
bland things may ultimately have gotten in the bedroom), Im willing to
bet you have some particular sexual experiences with your ex that you
revisit in your fantasies again and again. And Im willing to bet your ex
does, as well. And you probably share a number of those moments. If
this vans a-rockin and all that. These should be moments when...
You felt particularly close to your ex emotionally
Felt out of control physically
Tried new things in the bedroom (with positive or at least memo-
rably goofy results)
Had the most amazing orgasm of your life
Otherwise ended up in a sweaty, happy pile together.
Did something risky or wild like having sex in public (the thrill of
almost getting caught sticks in the unconscious for a long time)
Everyday life: Your Text Judo experiences dont have to be monumen-
tal. A lot of the special quality of being couple just comes from spending
time together, doing the same stu day after day.
I clearly remember the time my girlfriend and I decided to NOT go do
something and just hung out on the couch. It wasnt a big moment,
but it was the start of lots of little moments of closeness. As a couple
you undoubtedly had some boring stu that you took comfort in doing
together, which really isnt boring at allits the stu of life. These every-
day rituals are what strong relationships are made of. For me and my
girlfriend, its sitting around in our sweatpants, eating ice cream and
watching Glee episodes on Hulu. (Yes, were geeks.) When I think of
those moments, I want nothing more than to spend that time with her.
You and your ex probably have some, too.
Cleaning the house
Watching TV
Making dinner
Going to the gym
Driving to work or driving kids places
Hanging out at the park
Walking the dog
REMEMBER: No matter what the experiences are, they need to be
things that BOTH you and your ex enjoyed. Dont use stu that was
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a point of huge contention between you. Stay positive. Also, just be-
cause YOU liked something doesnt mean your EX liked it. Make sure
its something you both liked.
Right now, list as many of these positive experiences as you can. USE
AS MUCH DETAIL AS POSSIBLE. Details are everything when it comes
to reviving past positive emotions. (Even details that are made up can
do the job, oddly enough.)
While youre writing, also list out what the DOMINANT EMOTION around
that experience with your ex is. What feelings come up for you when
you think of that experience?
Question 3: How is your ex currently
FEELING about your relationship?
Whether its been a few weeks (THIRTY DAYS MINIMUM AND DONT
YOU FORGET IT) or a few years since the break up, your ex probably
still has some hot emotions around you and your relationship. And
those emotions are going to IMMEDIATELY come up when he or she
gets that first text from you.
Depending on how negative those emotions are, you might have to alter
your game plan to soothe the savage beast and slowly work your way
back into their good graces. This is the most powerful use of Text Judo
to redirect powerful negative emotions toward the positive.
But first, you have to understand and anticipate what those feelings are
likely to be. Write down the emotions your ex is currently feeling about
you. How your breakup went should give you an idea. Did you split up
in an angry fight? Or was it more of a slow death? What does that tell
you about whats going on in your exs mind and heart?
Anger: Why? What is that anger masking? What desires bubble
below it?
Sadness: What are they sad about? Is it something that could
change? Did you do something to make them sad, or are they just
sad you broke up?
Self-righteous: Do they deserve to feel that way, or is it a defense
mechanism?
Dread: Do they look forward to speaking with you again, or do
they hope to avoid it? What are they afraid of?
Regret: Do they wish they had done things dierently? Are they
looking for a chance to rectify the past? (Obviously, this one can
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really work in your favor.)
Whimsy: Do they feel footloose and fancy free now that they are
single? Are they really stoked to be on their own or are they just
settling because thats the best theyve got at the moment?
Undoubtedly your ex has a whole stew of emotions around you, not all
of them logical. Your goal here is to be as honest as possible about how
he or she is feeling about you. This isnt the time to lie to yourself. Lay
it all on the table. Emotions are complicated and in no way logical. Its
totally possible that your ex is holding two (or three, or twelve) seemingly
conflicting emotions towards you all at the same time (and you might
be, too).
The best example I ever had of conflicting emotions was when my
grandfather, Rocco, died when I was thirteen. All my life my mom told
me about what a horrible guy my grandfather was. He was an abusive
alcoholic who treated my grandmother horribly, spent all his money on
booze (instead of on helping his daughters), and squandered his intel-
ligence and gifts. But then at Roccos funeral, I watched my mom and
her sister bawl their eyes out.
At the time I was confused as hell. My mom hated her dad, so why was
she crying? But when I got a little older I understood that love and hate
are not opposites. In fact, to truly hate someone or to truly be angry
at someone, you have to care about them a lot. The negative emotion
can only go as deep as the care.
What if you were blindsided by the breakup?
What if you dont know why your ex is reacting the way they are? Maybe
you were completely blindsided by the break up. You thought things
were fine until the hammer fell, and now you just dont have any insight
into your exs mind.
I hear from folks all the time who thought their relationship was per-
fect (or at least pretty darn OK) when their partner broke the news that
things were over.
If thats the situation you find yourself in, you can do one or both of the
following admittedly dicult things:
Try to ask people who know you both you and your ex. Try not to
pick a gossip; if you can avoid having the fact that youre interested
be passed back through the grapevine, youll be in better stead. So
dont go asking your exs buddy from college with whom he plays
racquetball every Wednesday.
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Sit back and think about how your ex MIGHT be thinking about
you. Use a little creativity. Its actually a great exercise thats going
to serve you well later anyway.
Thats it. Download Worksheet 4 now to do your own emotional brain-
storming, and then congratulate yourself. Were done prepping and
loading the cannon. Its time to aim and fire.
Whats next?
In upcoming modules, you will discover the key text types you will be
using to actually text your ex back, starting with Across the Bow texts.
Ill also give you specific instructions on how to time and sequence your
texts.
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TEXT YOUR EX BACK IN 30 DAYS
Text Your Ex Back in 30

Days
Your personal Text Judo plan of attack
Congratulations! Youve done a ton of work and now its time to grad-
uate to the texting portion of our program. To recap, heres what weve
done so far:
You have stayed out of contact with your ex for at least 30 days.
You know why you broke upthe real reason.
You know what you wantyour BIG GOAL.
You went on at least two dates with someone who is not your ex.
You took good care of yourself by eating healthy, exercising, taking
up a new hobby, and making yourself look good.
You have armed yourself with all kinds of amazing Text Judo fodder
about great or meaningful experiences you shared.
This is where I give you some advice about what types of texts to use,
how many, and how often during the Text Your Ex Back program. Before
I do that, I want to make something clear: you should not follow this
advice like an ant following the butt smell of the ant in front of it. That
ant butt could lead you right o a cli. You need to use your head and
adjust this plan for whats actually happening. Maybe your ex wants to
take things REAAALLLLY SLOOOOOOWWW (Ive seen it take a year or
more for a successful couple to actually get back together). Or maybe
they are rushing headlong into getting back together. You need to pace
things.
General note on timing

I would definitely say that too fast is much worse than too slow. If things
are dragging, you can always try one of the next-level-up texts (Intimacy
Booster after Best of the Relationship) and see if your ex responds well.
Then, stay at that level for a week or so. You can pretty easily gauge
when your ex is ready to go to the next step.
If things are going too fastif your ex suggests a meeting right away, say,
or if they are just texting the hell out of youits your job to put the
brakes on. You can do this by responding a little bit less, or by asking
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them to take it slow. Texting keeps you in control and lets you modulate
the speed of your getting back together so you can build something more
sustainable.
A Typical Text Your Ex Back Sequence

Here is one way that things often play out. Notice youre not sending
multiple texts a day in this plan.
If you guys get kind of chatty, thats cooljust dont let it get out of
hand, and try to be the one who ends the conversation three out
of four times.
For the most part, move up to the next level of text if your ex re-
sponds positively to the previous level. For example, if they like
the Best of the Relationship text, you can try an Intimacy Booster.
Sometimes, a certain kind of text just doesnt resonate with some-
one. Thats OKtry something dierent. The only texts I recom-
mend against trying until youre fairly sure your ex is on board
with growing intimacy are Emotional Honesty and Attraction texts.
Dont go bringing up the time you got down and dirty in a broom
closet if your ex isnt responding to your memory of going to Dis-
neyland together.
Heres an example, based on a real-life case. Remember, LESS IS MORE.
Week 1
Shandra starts by sending an Across the Bow text. She gets a response,
but its noncommittal (her ex doesnt know that Nothing texts are a no-
no, because he hasnt done the program). Shandra is smartand she
has studied Text Judo. She knows that Cory is not the most articulate
guy in the world, and the fact that he wrote back at all probably means
hes interested. So she waits a few days. His interest is piqued; he sends
another text or two pretty obviously trying to fish for her feelings. She
lets him dangle five days, when she sends a Best of the Relationship
text. They chat back and forth about the reminiscencescore! Cory is
definitely not shutting her down. Shandra is careful to end the conver-
sation by saying she has to get to her hair appointment.
Week 2
Its now Week Two. Shandra sends an Across the Bow text to open a
line of conversation. This creates a five-line conversation, but she ends
it quickly because she wants to set the hook deeper. The next day,
she sends an Intimacy Boosterreminding Cory that Mothers Day is
coming up, something that Shandra took care of every year they were
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together. Cory had forgotten, and hes grateful that Shandra reminded
him because he really cares for his mom and grandma. Shandra and
Cory are now texting every couple of days. Shandra keeps her cool.
Sometimes she doesnt even respond, which kinda drives him crazybut
in a good way.
Week 3
Shandra decides to turn up the heat. She sends an Emotional Honesty
text revealing to Cory how every night when she goes to sleep, she looks
at the poster he gave her and she thinks about what wonderful time
they shared together. Cory is obviously stunnedhis response is only a
couple of words. Its make-or-break time. A couple days later, she sends
an Attraction text. Cory is clearly helpless to resist her now.
Week 4
Shandra takes the pressure o a little. Its clear to anybody with half
a brain (and Cory has at least three-quarters) whats going on, and its
only a matter of time before he asks to meet up. She sends a couple of
casual texts. After two days, she gets what she wants:
I was thinking. . . weve been texting back and forth and Im wondering
if we could maybe actually get together to talk or something? Not a big
deal or anythingI just think it would be fun to see you face-to-face.
Bingo.
Heres a chart to break things down:
Starting out
Across the Bow
1 per week until you get
a response
Week 1
Across the Bow
Best of the Relationship
2-3 per week
Week 2
Across the Bow
3-4 near the end of the
week
Week 3
Intimacy Booster
Emotional Honesty
1-2 near the end of the
week
Week 4
Emotional Honesty
Attraction
1-2
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ACROSS THE BOW TEXTS
Across the Bow Texts

Kristi had been for a walk. A loooooong walk. She had made
her favorite herbal teathree times. Looked at Facebook for half
an hour. Make that an hour. Make that two hours. She had
even sat down and done a substantial bit of work on her taxes,
which werent due for two months. Procrastinating much? Yep,
Kristi was nervousjustifiably sofor it was day 31 since she
had moved out of Clays place. She hadnt had any contact
with him at allif you dont count the three voicemail messages
he had left.
They hadnt been earth-shatteringone was to remind her of a
vet appointment for her cat that Clay had seen on their once-
shared calendar. Another was to let her know that he was
forwarding her some mail. And the third one had told her that
one of her favorite bands was coming to town. He had always
been a thoughtful and considerate guy, but was there more to
it? Was he doing his duty? Reaching out for friendship? Or
something more? She had listened to those more than once
and been AWFULLY tempted to call him back, but she took the
thirty days seriously.
Good thing, tooshe felt a lot less hurt now and had realized
that, if she backed o her need to change him, they could prob-
ably make a great life together. She knew she really loved him,
even if he wasnt the worlds most ambitious guy. Five very
awkward dates with guys she met on the Internet had shown
her that.
She had prepared her shot across the bow with Text Judo
homework. She had a whole arsenal of conversation starters.
It was timenow or never, she could feel it. She sat down with
her trusty iPhone and thought about which text to start with.
She had quite a list (prepared during all that downtime on the
bus ride to work and back), but what she wanted to do was
choose one that would help her understand where his mind
was at. And, of course, she understood the danger of noth-
ing texts, so she wasnt just going to say hows it going or
something dumb like that.
She looked down the page of her favorite text ideas.
Im just burning with curiosity. . . hows the new job
going?
Well, his work situation was part of why they broke up, so this
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also wasnt a great starter.
Jenny invited me to the new Resident Evil movie
and I remember how I jumped and dumped my drink
on you when we saw the first one...you were so
funny and nice about it. We never did see the rest
of it!
Perfect. It communicated that she was open to dialogue, was
having positive thoughts about him, AND that she has a social
life and wasnt sitting around moping. Her thumbs got to work.
She wouldnt worry too much about a reply, of course, but it
was a great first start.
Introduction to Across the Bow texts

Feel that little tingle of excitement running from the base of your brain
all the way down your arm to your thumb? Thats a shiver of anticipa-
tion. Sit and enjoy that for a moment. Were about to start working
some magic.
Now, if youve done the things as prescribed, its been at least a month
since you and your ex have had any really meaningful interaction. Youve
been taking care of yourself, going out with friends, and most decidedly
NOT spending all your time staring at the ceiling and feeling sorry for
yourself. Youre getting ready to Text Your Ex Back, not because youre
needy and sad, but because you and your ex really did have some
kind of special chemistry and rapport thats worth fighting for and
thats going to add a lot of positivity to your lives.
Which means its time to take your weapon of choice (that would be
your cell phoneand your brain, of course) and send that first across
the bow text thats going to make your plans pay o, make your mission
a reality, and get your ex back into your life. This is where a lot of the
prep work weve done so far comes into play, especially the emotional
state and how your ex feels about you preparation we did.
What are Across the Bow texts for?
This is your first contact with your ex in a while, and its going to set the
tone for the conversation to come. (Thats not to say that you cant re-
cover if you mi the first few texts, but its way better to get them right.)
The first few texts are dierent than the rest. . . they have a specific pur-
pose, and you need to keep it clear in your mind.
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So listen up: the goal of the first text is simply to G.E.A.R. up for the
conversation to come. (Aww! Its my first acronym of the program
aint it cute?) G.E.A.R stands for GENTLY ESTABLISH AFFIRMATIVE
RAPPORT.
Gently
Keep it light and dont do anything that requires your ex to do emotional
or intellectual work. Make it ultra-easy for them to want to respond
positively.
Establish
This is the foundation for future work, not the work itself. Dont start
by asking your ex to meet, talk, or even think about your previous rela-
tionship. This is a baby step, and if you try to take a bigger one, youll
fall on your face.
Armative
You must, must, must keep your Across the Bow texts positive. Text
Judo is about redirecting potential negative energy, not eliminating it or
destroying it. If you have heavy work to do, thats totally finebut dont
start there. Dont try to pick at old scabs, get an apology from your ex,
or apologize for something you did. This is about directing the energy
your ex has pointed at you in a positive direction. If your ex wants to go
negative, end the conversation and wait another week or even another
30 days.
Rapport
The idea is to inspire conversation, not just lob texts like a medieval
siege army trying to take a castle by force.
Although they would be more likely to lob plague-infested corpses or
flaming bales of straw. Nobody ever took a castle with text messages.)
Your texts should ideally give your ex a way to respond.
Put it all together, and you get the BIG IDEA behind Across the Bow
texts: to create a subtle framework where your ex comes to the con-
clusion seemingly on his or her own that you should continue the
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dialogue, first over text, then in person, and then in bed. (Whoops! Did
I say that?)
What are Across the Bow texts NOT

for?
Just to be SUPER CLEAR, our goal with this first text (or our first
DOZEN texts, for that matter) is NOT NOT NOT:
. . . NOT to get together for a drink or to talk things out. You
may think youre readyyoure not. And if you suggest this
right o the bat and your ex says no, well, you just set yourself
back another thirty days.
. . . NOT a booty call. If you do things right, your ex may want
to go there pretty damn fast. Dont start with sex, though.
Same danger as aboveyou could give totally the wrong im-
pression and tip over the whole apple cart. Texting your ex
back is really about the long-term, so be patientyoull get
there.
...NOT to fix your relationship with one magic message.
Man, if I could do that Id be charging a million dollars a pop.
Aint gonna happen. Nothing worth doing is easy.
Ironclad rules of Across the Bow

texting
1. Be positive. Do NOT bring up the negatives that caused your re-
lationship to end. Talk about something fun, not too heavy, not
controversial, and avoid anything that could upset your ex.
2. Be cool. You absolutely cannot come across as desperately trying
to reignite the flames of your relationship (even if thats exactly
what youre actually doing).
3. Be confident. Dont be needyblech. Nobody wants that. Speak
with confidence. Dont say anything about needing or wanting
them back. If you do this right, you can do the entire Text Your
Ex Back process without ever saying, I think we should get back
togetherit will just happen. Anyway, definitely dont say anything
like that at this juncture.
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4. Expect nothing. If you dont get a response at first, dont worry
about it. Simply let it go, take a deep breath, and resolve to come
back and try again later. If the fish arent biting one day, it doesnt
mean they wont bite again in the future. DO NOT send a barrage
of texts. You dont want to look like a stalker. Once a week is more
than enough at first.
5. Validate, validate, validate. Whatever your ex is feeling, accept
it like a judo master accepts his opponents punch. Dont try to
block it and definitely dont hit back. Simply redirect with positive
energy, or let the punch fly by you. Validate your exs emotions.
This means you cant gaslight your exs emotions and say they
arent real. (Thats just mean.) This goes for yourself, too. What-
ever youre feeling is the right thing to feel. Dont beat yourself
up, and dont let your feelings short-circuit your brain. The power
of texting is the ability to control the content and timing of the
conversation. Use that power to your advantage.
Never say Yo: The extreme danger

of nothing texts
This is universal. Whether you are trying to send a message to a hottie
you just met at a bar, trying to get your significant other into the sack,
or doing Text Your Ex Back, avoid the dreaded Nothing Text.
Whats a nothing text?
Its a text that doesnt actually SAY anything and doesnt leave any
hooks for positive interaction.
Here are a few examples of nothing texts:
Whats up?
Hey, how you doing?
Hi.
Yo.
Basically, if a text sounds like it was written by a nineteen year-old
frat boy, it probably counts as a Nothing Text and should be avoided
like an open manhole (even if you ARE a nineteen year-old frat boy).
Nothing texts let the conversation spin wild like a Tilt-a-Whirl with a
slack-jawed, twelve-toed carny at the controls (as if there was any other
kind of carny). Thats the opposite of Text Judo. Its just a mess. It puts
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your ex in the drivers seat and puts you on the defensive. And most
importantly, it demonstrates that you have no defined goal.
No matter what you send, you should always know what your GOAL
of an interaction with your ex is BEFORE you send it.
What SPECIFIC thing are you trying to accomplish when you hit
Send?
What response do you want from your ex?
Are you just trying to get ANY response?
Are you looking for a smile or a laugh?
Are you trying to open the door to a particular conversation? (I
recommend you save that for once youve got good rapport going
back and forth.)
If you dont have a solid answer, take a deep breath, put your cell phone
back in your pocket, and wait for another day. You wont always get the
response you want, but its important that you have it in mind. A
Nothing text wont do any of those things eectively.
Across the Bow texts revealed

I said across her bow, not up it! - Dark Helmet, Spaceballs
An Across the Bow text is a shot in the dark. Its that first text you send
when you havent talked to or seen your ex in a while, and is designed to
let them know that youre thinking about them, that you dont have any
negative feelings towards them, and that youre not horribly, horribly
messed up over the breakup (even if you are).
The key to a good Across the Bow text is that it gives the impression
that you just happened to be inspired to contact your ex. This is a bit of
subterfuge, of courseyouve actually been preparing for this for weeks.
Why is this important? Because you cant start this communication
with anything that says, Lets get back together. Thats too threatening
and huge coming out of the blue. This first text says nothing of the
sortits just establishing the connection; its more like hooking up your
satellite dish than actually watching TV.
REMEMBER: do NOT be needy in Across the Bow texts. Needy people
are unattractive. Your ex needs to sense that you are in a happy, con-
fident, positive, jovial mood and know exactly why you are feeling that
way. If youre not feeling that way, you might need to wait a bit longer
before starting to text.
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Across the Bow Text Formula #1: The
Random Memory
I (stumbled onto this thing you like/reminds me of you)
and it (positive thought or reaction on my part).
This is using one of your common interests or experiences in a positive
way.
If Bill and Jenny were both really into football, and their favorite team
won a big game, Bill could send something like:
Bill: Just watched the end of the Seahawks game and couldnt
help thinking how excited you must be. Hope youre doing
great!
(Yeah, I know. The Seahawks suck. But a man can dream, right?)
Or for a couple thats big into reading:
Lisa: I just stumbled onto this old copy of Brave New World
and it made me think of you for the first time in a while. Put
a smile on my face =-).
Or the outdoors:
Joey: Im headed out to Mount Rainier this weekendreminds
me of that crazy winter camping trip we did.
Or dining out:
Faisal: New sushi joint just opened on 34th street near where
you work. Thought youd like to know since you love ikura so
much!
Or just hanging out:
Quinn: I thought youd like to know I finally got rid of my
beloved college couch. I ended up picking the one you always
likedyou always did have good taste.
Notice how its all pretty innocuous? Notice how I even resorted to using
a smiley emoticon? (I usually hate emoticons, but sometimes you have
to go there.)
The key to these texts is that your ex cant see where youre headed.
They cant even assume where youre trying to go with a message like
this. While your ex COULD use this text as a door to start a conversation
if they want to, it doesnt DEMAND a response or feel pushy in any way.
In other words, it gives your ex an out. They have a chance to engage in
conversation if they want to, but doesnt force them into a confrontation
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or to make any kind of specific decision about whether they want you
in their life or not.
Youre letting them know that you are still thinking about them, but
notice that you are NOT saying, Hey, a new sushi joint opened up, lets
go there together. NO. WRONG. Remember, this is just an overture
Gently Establish Armative Rapport. Do not try to set up a date yet.
Its a little like that old saw about cooking a frog. If you raise the tem-
perature by one measly degree at a time, the frog will never know its
getting cooked.1
And if you do it right, your ex will never know that
youre turning up the temperature on your relationship. Pretty soon its
gonna be a bubbling hot tub of loving good times, but GO SLOW.
Across the Bow Formula #2: The Random
Compliment
(Nice thing to say about your ex) (indicator that youre
OK with the breakup.)
For instance:
Harry to his ex-wife: Just caught myself thinking about
you. Im really glad you were in my life. Hope youre doing
great. =-)
Sally to her ex-boyfriend: Youre a really wonderful per-
son.
Haman to his ex-girlfriend: You are so passionate about
making the world a better place, and it made me a better
person. Thanks.
Notice how in all of these cases the sender is being kind of aloof? Theyre
not saying, Youre great and I want you back. Oh, no, no. Theyre
saying, I had a thought about you and it was strong enough to make
me want to share it. No more, no less.
The door is opened just a cracknot blown o its hinges. In most situ-
ations, if you come on strong with your ex right away, its going to blow
up in your face. Instead, make your ex feel SAFE and IN CONTROL.
Give them the power. (Text Judo, baby. This is what its all about.)
This text is really just a variant on Formula One. Again, its designed
to let your ex know youre thinking of them (but not stalking them), to
give them a small compliment and open the door to the possibility of
1This doesnt actually work. If youre going to cook a frog, do it fast.
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conversation, and to give an out so that your ex doesnt feel horrible
amounts of pressure.
ASSIGNMENT: Right now, brainstorm two or three dierent Across the
Bow texts that you can send to your ex. Be creative. Use your list of
things that you and your ex had in common as fuel for the fire.
Responses, non-responses, and what
to do
Now this is where things get really interesting, and where you need to
remember a couple of things: that the idea of Text Your Ex Back is to
stay in control of the situation as much as possible, and that things are
not always what they seem. So lets get down to brass tacks.
Once you send an Across the Bow text, a few dierent things might
happen.
1. You get an overwhelmingly POSITIVE response.
Most likely youll only get this kind of response from your ex if you were
the one to break up with them, or if theyve independently come around
to realizing they made a mistake but havent had the guts to call you.
These are both fairly common situations, but dont take the common
approach, which is to go whole hog. Dont rush in. Thats like being the
little pig who built his house out of sticks. Sure, it got built fast, but the
first strong breeze blew it over and next thing you knowyoure bacon.
So what SHOULD you do? Like Ive said before, play it cool. Match their
positive attitude, tone the enthusiasm down by about half, and make
sure YOU are the one to end the conversation.
So ...
You: I know its been a while, but I started thinking about
you today and it put a smile on my face. Youre a really won-
derful person. Hope youre doing really well. =-)
Your Ex: Hey, thanks! Its great to hear from you! How have
you been?
You: Pretty darn good, actually. =-) Im heading into a movie
more later. =-)
And then you end the conversation for at least a day.
Why are you ending the conversation when they give you that level of
enthusiasm?
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Well, its pretty simple. By ending the conversation and keeping control,
youre actually making them want and miss you MORE. The longer you
keep them in this longing state the more powerful it will be when you
do decide to get together and the more grateful your ex will be when
you give them the attention and aection they crave.
Next step: Move on to more advanced text types, but wait three days.
You can still use Across the Bow-style texts for the next couple of weeks.
I recommend mixing them up with the more advanced text types and
sending a total of one text every two days for the first week.
2. You get a NEUTRAL response.
A neutral response would be something like:
Thx
OK
Cool
Thank you
Your temptation in this case is going to be to POUNCE like a tiger on this
little morsel of meat and immediately try to get them to engage in some
long, explosive texting conversation culminating in eternal togetherness
and an erotic fireworks show.
DO NOT DO IT. GET OFF THE DAMN BRIDGE.
Instead, your proper response is to answer their neutral response with
something equally neutral, friendly, and innocuous, and then for YOU
to be the one to end the conversation and move on.
For example:
You: I know its been a while, but I started thinking about
you today and it put a smile on my face. Youre a really won-
derful person. Hope youre doing really well. =-)
Your Ex: Oh, thanks. Hope youre good as well.
You: Yep, all good. Going into a movie, but its good to hear
your voice. Later.
Pretty simple, huh? The key here is for YOU to be the one who ends
the conversation. If you keep chatting with your ex until they decide to
end it, youve given up power and lost your chance to build mystery or
attraction. Whoever has the last word is the one who has the power
in these situations.
Next step: wait three days and then send another Across the Bow text.
3. You get an overwhelmingly NEGATIVE response from your ex.
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This sucks. Its not necessarily the kiss of death, but it sucks. This
is when you send your initial text, and your ex not only doesnt give
you a positive response, doesnt give you a neutral response, or just
politely ignore you, but comes at you swinging, potentially bringing up
the negatives around the end of your relationship. And its gonna hurt.
Youve done a lot of work around healing and a lot of planning about how
to draw your ex back to you. Remember, your ex has not necessarily
had the benefit of days or weeks of processing his or her emotions like
you did with the first section of the Text Your Ex Back program. They
might still be repressing them because they are too painful to deal with,
and getting a message from you brought that pain back full force.
Take a deep breath. Take your finger o the keyboard. Dont respond
yet.
Now think: remember what we said back in the Text Judo section?
Strong negative feelings are not the end of the relationship. Believe it
or not, they can even be a GOOD sign. That doesnt mean a negative
response means its time to go for the brass ring. Far from it. Its just
not a reason to give up hope.
Still, these kinds of messages can be minefields and you need to step
carefully. There are three possible scenarios here, listed in order of
likelihood:
Scenario one: You need to give things more time.
Example:
Your Ex: Thanks for the message but I cant talk to you right
now. It just hurts too much.
In that case you want to respond with something simple like:
You: I totally understand. Hope youre doing good in the rest
of life.
I know its tempting to want to plow through that kind of resistance,
but youll do more harm than good. In this case, wait a couple of weeks
or more before texting again. If your ex tries to rope you into a BIG
conversation after this first text YOU should be the one to resist (no
matter how hard it is.)
Scenario two: Your ex is releasing a burst of negative energy that will
quickly be followed by a willingness to talk. They may have been walking
around thinking about how pissed they are at you, which is really a
proxy for how much they miss you. Wait a few days and see if they text
you again with a dierent tone.
Example:
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Your Ex: What the hell? You dumped me and now you sud-
denly want to talk to me again? Youre the same jerk you were
before.
If you get something like this, use a sprinkling of Text Judo.
You: I get why you are angry and I totally respect that. No
harm intended. Hope youre well.
Scenario three: Your ex truly never wants to talk to you again. In that
case, its time to move on. Id say if, after three tries in as many months,
youre still getting hardcore rejection, seriously consider casting your net
elsewhere.
Examples:
Your Ex: DO NOT TEXT ME ANYMORE.
OR:
Your Ex: Im seeing someone else and really dont want you
in my life right now.
OR:
Your Ex: Its OVER, OK?
In any case, your response should be confident and in control. Dont
grovel. Dont beg. It wont help. A good response is, Sorry. Hope youre
doing well.
Next step: Give it a while. And by a while, I mean weeks at the min-
imum, and possibly quite a bit longer than that. I know its painful,
but you need to give them time to let the anger subside. And if you try
several times and nothing works, its time to cut bait. 2
Scenario four: You get no response at all.
This is another occurrence that might make you break out in a cold
sweat and think all is lost. No need to be so dramatic, so put down the
red-sequined Steinway, Elton John.
Honestly, this is NOT necessarily a bad thing. After not hearing from
you for some time, your ex might just be shocked to find you buzzing
his or her pocket and might be overwhelmed by all the emotions that
come rushing up with your name.
2Dont become a stalkerplease. Its easier than you think to go overboard when you
are experiencing heartbreak and would do anything to rectify your past mistakes, but
seriously, if someone says no multiple times, you have to respect them. Luckily, total
rejection is pretty rare. Youre more likely to realize that your ex isnt really the one for
you during this process than you are to be totally shut out.
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If you dont get a response right away, just take a deep breath, let it go
for a few days, and then try again with another variation or another of
the texts I give you in this manual.
Next step: Wait a few days, then try another Across the Bow text. DO
NOT BE A TEXT TERRORIST. Do not send a barrage of texts. Its creepy
and it wont work.
Whats next?
In the next module, you will learn about Best of the Relationship texts,
which are a way to start getting closer to your ex once the conversa-
tion gets started. Ill teach you specific techniques for how to construct
the language in these powerful textstechniques that will have your ex
beginning to turn into putty in your hands.
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BEST OF RELATIONSHIP TEXTS
Best of Relationship Texts
Prepping the soil
Bill and Jenny had certainly had some incredibly good times.
They always thought of themselves as Pirates of Fun, bringing
hijinks into the lives of everyday mortals. When they were to-
gether, they felt invincible, like two stars dancing around each
other in a gravitational tango and giving o spectacular nebu-
las of multicolored star stu. Thats how good it was.
But now the good times had been over for a couple of months.
And Jenny was tired of it. She wanted that fun and excitement
back in her life, the joy that only Bill could bring not just her but
the people around her. Without that, it was like a gray cloud
hung over her head everywhere she went and made each day
just a little bit less interesting, a little bit less engaging, a little
bit less lively.
And to get the relationship started again, she had done a lot
of hard work leading up to the first texts she sent. Things had
gone really well; Bill was obviously ready to talk and theyd
already had a couple of pleasant but noncommittal text chats.
Bills pride was wounded as badly as hers, so she didnt have
to worry too much about moving too fast. They were stalking
around each other like a couple of wary cats who are sizing
up whether to give the other one a good swipe with a paw or
snuggle up like a couple of fluy kittens. She was pulling for
kittens.
And to get there, she had to move a step beyond the small talk.
The Best of the Relationship text was a perfect choice, but she
had to think a little. Just bringing up one of their crazy stunts
wouldnt be enough. They were familiar territory. She had to
bring a new twist. So she did.
I just saw a dog who looked like that stray we found.
Remember how it had a broken leg and you let it
sleep in your bed? You made me promise I wouldnt
tell anyone. I still havent. You were pretty awesome
that day.
Now that had to melt his reserve.
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Introduction to Best of the

Relationship texts
Once youve sent a few messages across the bow, its time to move on to
what I call Best of the Relationship texts.
Remember when I told you to write out all those pleasant memories
and favorite experiences with your ex? Its time to put those into action.
Theyre one of the most powerful tools for re-engaging your ex in positive
communication and stoking the embers into a nice little flame.
NOTE: You may be asking, Is this where I finally try to get my ex back?
The answer is definitely NO.
Its pretty darn unlikely that the time is ripe for real-world reconnection.
After all, you just started contact. Instead, youre trying to plant positive
thoughts and emotions in your exs mind so they start thinking about
you in a positive way.
And EMOTIONAL LANGUAGE makes those good times feel as real as
possible.
Putting feelings into words: The
power of emotional language
Human beings have a multi-layered brain. Theres the cerebral cortex,
which does a lot of the self-control, reasoning, planning, and abstract
thought. Those are exactly the things you DONT want your ex to be
using at this point. Then theres the cerebellum, which is responsible
for motor control. Not our target here, either.
What we want to stimulate is the amygdala, a little bundle of cells on
either side of the brainquite primitive, actuallythat recognizes and
responds to emotion. We want to bypass the rational brainthe part
that is calculating, clinical, and filled with doubt, and get the positive
emotions pumping. Not only does this get past the rational mind, it
also stimulates memory and social connectedness, both of which are
functions that the amygdala is involved in. True story!
In your Best of the Relationship texts, youre going to bring up past ex-
periences using as much POSITIVE emotional language and DETAIL as
possible. The Text Judo here is that were taking the powerful emotions
your ex already feels around you and pushing them towards positive
thoughts instead of the negative thoughts they may have now.
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Im about to show you a simple formula for sending a Best of the Rela-
tionship text, but first, you may be asking. . .
When should I send a Best of the
Relationship text?
Why dont we just start with these texts? Theres actually a good reason.
Across the Bow texts generally dont focus on the relationship itself.
You dont want to do that until youve Gently Established Armative
Rapport. Until you know that you can have a civil dialogue with your
ex, you dont want to go bringing up the past. So wait until you have
gotten at least one positive response to an Across the Bow text to send
a Best of the Relationship text, and wait a day or two to send it.
Best of the Relationship texts

revealed
Enough science. Lets get down to brass amygdalae. How do you get
your exs positive emotions pumping? Emotional language is the key.
For instance, which is more powerful?
We beat the other team.
or
Remember that amazing game when we beat the other
team into dust?
The second statement works not just because it has a bunch of ad-
jectives, but because it uses three specific techniques that are proven
to stimulate the emotion brain. Were going to use them all to create
irresistible texts.
Technique One: Power Words
Some words have powerful emotions associated with them no matter
what context they are used in. Words like:
Hate
Love
Wonderful
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Amazing
Incredible
Awesome
Thrilling
Breathtaking
Fantastic
Write down three power words right now.
Technique Two: Memory Stimulation
A funny thing about the human mind is that we really cant hear (or
read) the word remember without our brains immediately going into
retrieval mode. Do you remember the first time I asked you if you re-
membered to remember something?
OK, Ill stop messing with you.
But its important to realize that when you ask your ex to remember
something, their subconscious is going to access those old memories
whether they want to or not. This is very powerfulits almost like you
can hit the play button right inside their brain and bring back positive
emotions. (Hopefully their conscious mind wont notice.)
That means its critical that you only focus on things you actually WANT
them to remember. Dont pick anything even remotely controversial, and
strenuously avoid the land mines of your relationship.
Now heres the cool part:
Did you know that memories dont actually exist? Its true. Every time
you try to remember something, your brain goes into data retrieval
mode and basically creates a movie of what happened in your head.
And every time you remember something its a new movie.
By narrating an experience to your ex, using a lot of detail and focusing
on the positives, you can basically direct the movie in their head.
There are really three types of experiences that you want your ex to
access at this point:
Fun experiences where you connected because you were really en-
joying each others company
Bonding experiences that were tough, but that brought you closer
together. (AVOID tough experiences that have anything to do with
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your breakup. For instance, if you always argued about driving,
dont bring up a grueling road trip.)
Sex. Ill talk more about how to use sensual language over text
later, but this stu can be VERY powerful, especially if you and
your ex had particularly good sexual chemistry. And it doesnt
necessarily have to be about doing italthough thats certainly a
possibility. Any memory thats arousinga kiss, an embrace, even
a hugcan be a powerful emotional stimulator. Thats also why you
dont really want to lead with sex, either.
Lets look at some examples:
Example 1: Fun
Ken: Do you remember that time we climbed Mount Baker
together? I was just thinking of the smile on your face when
we got to the top of the mountain and how sweaty we both
were. That was a really fun day. =-)
Nice and innocuous here.
Example 2: More fun
Melanie: Ha. Remember that time we were in Madrid and
ended up wearing those stupid bear suits? I just found a
picture! You looked pretty good as a panda.
Example 3: Bonding experience
Paul: Yikes. A friend of mine just broke her collarbone ski-
ing. Remember when I was learning to snowboard and broke
my ankle? You must have had a big adrenalin rush because
you pulled me out of the snow by yourself like Wonder Woman
or something. I just remember the pain going away when I
felt you holding me in your arms. You took such good care of
me.
Notice the level of detail in this one. In everything you write to your ex
you want to use detailed language to make the experience more real.
Example 4: Sex
NOTE: The sex stu is typically NOT something you should lead with.
Well get into it more in the future.
Charlie: Im at Jack and Janes wedding ...Reminds me of
the time we snuck away to the woods at your cousins wedding
. . . I can so vividly see the naughty smile on your face as you
pushed me up against the tree...that was some kiss...how
you nibbled your lip and smiled at me...how you used your
legs to draw me closer to you until our lips met. . .
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Seriously, I could write a novel here. The key with using this kind of text
early on is to keep it light and fun. Later Ill teach you how to actually
seduce your ex with texts, but for now youre just playing.
So, to sum up, choose a powerful positive memory about an experience
that is fun, bonding, or sexy.
Next, were going to add the secret sauce that the inner brain cant resist.
Technique Three: Word pictures
Metaphors, similes, images, oh my. Take a time machine back to high
school English class, because these are some of the most powerful tools
for stimulating emotion. Why? Because they draw a non-rational com-
parison between two things that is felt rather than understood. Here
are some examples:
Our first date was like a spark on a dry newspaper.
Your kiss was as powerful as a Mike Tyson uppercut.
Going to Italy with you was like winning the Olympics.
See how powerful each statement is? You can use this trick to your
advantage to bypass the rational brain.
Putting it all together
You can use one or two of these techniques to create a Best of the Re-
lationship text, but its really powerful if you combine all three. Heres
the formula:
Remember (power word) (bonding experience)? It was (word
picture).
Here are some examples:
1. Fun: Remember that amazing 5-course meal we had at Le Gour-
mand? That panna cotta was like eating clouds.
2. Bonding: Remember when we got stuck overnight in that thun-
derstorm waiting for the ferry on Orcas Island? We thought it was
going to be the longest night of our lives but we slept like babies in
each others arms.
3. Sex. (Careful! Dont go there too soon.) Remember when you
reached out for my hand during the Nickelback concert? Good
thing your lap was covered by a blanket. ;)
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See how each statement is so powerful, so evocative, you almost feel like
it happened to you? Now imagine a text that has that same power, only
its about a positive memory in your exs mind. Theyll be hard pressed
to resist positive feelings about you and the relationship.
Sneaky Trick: The Small Ask
One GREAT way to lead up to a Remember series of text is by asking
your ex to remind you of a small piece of data from a shared experience.
The smaller and more innocuous the data point is, the more likely you
are to get a response. Youre just asking for a tiny favor as a way to open
the door.
For instance:
Sarah: Hey, really quick can you remind me of the name of
that restaurant we went to on your 30th birthday?
This technique is sneaky indeed, but its extremely powerfulif your ex
wont respond to something like this, he or she is either a wanker or has
the Text Your Ex Back program, too, and is playing hard to get.
Obviously, you only want to ask your ex to remind you of an event that
was a GOOD one. Again, just by asking the question youre having him
or her access the part of the brain where that entire memory is stored.
So if you were flirting with the waitress the whole night and it was the
worst birthday ever. . . well, thats not what you want to bring up.
The cool thing about the Can you remind me setup is that it draws
your ex in and gets them actively engaged in the memory.
From there you can go into more detail:
Peter: It was Gilligans.
Sarah: Oh, yeah! Great burgers. I was thinking of going
there again. I was just remembering your birthday and how
much fun we had.
Peter: Ha. Yeah, that was a good time.
Sarah: My favorite part of the night was when we all sang
Dont Stop Believing at the top of our lungs before you blew
out the candles.
Peter: Better than the original for sure.
Sarah: And then gave me the best hug of my life.
Peter: I thought you hugged me ;)
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No matter what, your goal is to ENGAGE YOUR EX IN THE POSITIVE
MEMORY and direct the movie for them so they accept the best and
most connected version of the story as fact.
Responses to Best of the Relationship texts
and what to do
Lets look at some potential responses and what you should do in each
case.
1. No response.
Okay, this would mean that you got a response from your ex to an Across
the Bow text or ten, but your reference to your past relationship didnt
get you any farther. There are basically two possibilities here:
Your ex is busy. Yeah, it happens. Wait a few days before you jump
to conclusions.
If you hear nothing for a few days to a week, your ex subtly, possi-
bly unconsciously, senses that you are moving things forward (its
possibleyou do know each other pretty darn well). They are either
excited but scared, or just scared. Next step: Take things down a
notch. Wait at least a few days and go back to an innocuous Across
the Bow text until you can diagnose the problem further.
2. Positive response.
Sandra: I cant believe that Strawberry Blonde song came on
the radioremember when we put it on repeat and made out
in your stepmoms guest bedroom like a couple of jackals?
Dave: How could I forget? Ive bought that CD about ten
times and I always think of it when I hear that song.
If this happens, congratulations! Youre moving forward. However, its
important not to let things get rolling too fast. Theres a possibility your
Text Judo will work too well, and your ex will get ahead of themselves.
The trick? Stick to the memory at hand and avoid letting it spin into a
date before youre ready. Watch:
Sandra: Sometimes I play the song just to think about it.
Dave: I would love to feel like that again.
Sandra: We were drinking those awful wine coolers. What
were they called?
Dave: Boones Strawberry Hill.
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Sandra: Oh jeez. . . the headache the next day.
Dave: Yeah. . . I had my SAT.
Sandra: You aced it, smarty.
Dave: Even with a throbbing head and sore lips.
Sandra: Nice talking with yougotta get to a meeting.
Dave: You too. Bye.
This is the perfect type of conversation to be having at this pointits
undeniably flirty, but its not moving things along too fast. When Dave
seemed like he was going to a seriously emotional territory (I would
love to feel like that again), Sandra was super smart and kept the con-
versation on a specific memorywithout shutting Dave down, she kept
them on track to building a strong foundation rather than building a
house of straw. Or sand. Or marshmallow flu. That stu is just nasty.
So remember: stay in control. Build it slow and strong. (And be the one
to end the conversation, just like Dave. Got it? Be like Dave.)
Next step: Move on to the next level within a day or two.
3. Negative response.
You hit a wall. Bummer.
Jasper: Remember that time we sat in my car listening to
all the sounds of the night and it was like a frog symphony?
Charmaine: No, and I dont want to, either.
By this point, you probably know what Im going to say next: dont
panic. And DONT respond with negativity. Your response should be
something simple and straightforward like this:
Jason: Hey, no worries, sorry to bring it up. Have a good day.
You have left all possibilities open and avoided taking the bait, if there
is any. There might not be.
Which brings us to our next question: what the hecks going on?
There are, as always, several possibilities, and if you take things slow
and relax youll figure it out.
You picked a bad memory. You can never know what someone else
feels about something, not to mention the fact that you havent
talked in a while. You may have picked something that seemed like
peaches and cream to you and to your ex is rusty guitar strings
and vinegar eyewash. Generally, this aint that bad, unless you
inadvertently brought up something truly painful. A few days to a
week and things should be back to normal.
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Bringing up a memory at all made your ex uncomfortable. Okay,
this is interesting. Your ex is reluctant to go there. You might have
jumped the gun. They might be steaming about something and are
waiting to really give it to you. Dont let them. Back o. Be polite
and friendly. Above all, be positive.
Your ex is having a bad day. Again, it happens. Let him or her cool
o. Dont go there.
Next step: Wait. Observe. Go back to the starting line and send one
Across the Bow text after waiting at least one week.
Honestly, you dont need to over-think it. Once you get to this point, the
most likely scenario is that your ex comes back to you with memories
or details of their own, letting you engage in the conversation on your
own terms, always making sure to steer the conversation towards the
positive. Your goal is to have them focused on fun, pleasurable,
warm, and fuzzy memories and positive feelings about you.
Got it?
Good.
Because we are about to take a pretty big step. All of the techniques
from this point forward are designed to get your ex and you moving ever-
closer. Theres really no turning back nowif you want to be friends, get
o here. Because this train is going all the way.
Whats next?
In the next module, you will learn about a top-secret, very sneaky text
type that is very powerful indeed. But because Im mean, Im not going
to tell you what it is. Betcha cant wait!
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BONUS TEXT TECHNIQUE: THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER
Bonus Text Technique:

The Green-Eyed Monster
How to use jealously in a positive way
Ian had always thought jealousy was a bad thing, and he had
worked hard to eradicate it from his own heart. He had never
wanted to be seen as a possessive jerk, and since Kris was a
bit of a flirt, he didnt want to cramp her style. It was always
harmless stuit certainly wasnt the cause of their breakup.
They had broken up over a disagreement on long-term plans:
kids, mostly, but after six months without her, he realized he
could make it work. Now the problem was getting her back
after such a long time. They were texting back and forth, but
it was noncommittal. Now he had a wild hair to use the Green
Eyed Monsterjealousyto his advantage.
After thinking hard about their relationship, he realized that
while he had really gotten over his initial jealousy, she had
displayed jealousy toward him the few (very few) times she
had any competition during the six years of their relationship.
There was the time at the movies when a chatty girl from work
happened to sit down next to him and Kris had stewed a little.
Then there was the time that a gay classmate was hitting on
him at Sarahs 30th birthday party. Kris had actually dragged
the resolutely not gay Ian away. Each time she had passed it
o with her sly good humor, but now he saw there might be a
lever there. And he was about to press it.
Ian: How was your weekend? I did something crazy
I actually went on a sunset cruise with Anna (re-
member Anna? The blonde?). Not really my style
but the sunset was amazing.
In seconds, the reply came back:
Kris: Who is this Anna? Anna the waitress? I
didnt know you guys were still friends.
Gotcha, thought Ian.
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Introduction to Green-Eyed Monster

texting
Ahh, jealousy. The green-eyed monster. The vicious beast in the heart
of every man and woman.
Or is it?
Is jealousy anything but bad? Could it be useful? Could it even be. . . good?
I think so.
Ive been doing a lot of studying on WHY people get jealous (both in a
relationship and in other parts of their lives, like jobs). Now, as far as
the origins of jealousy, its pretty obvious. Once youve picked a mate
(and whether youre actually mating or not, when youre going steady
with someone, thats what youre doing, biologically speaking) you want
to protect whats yours. Otherwise, someone else is going to come along
and pollute your gene pool and youll end up raising their spawn like a
chickadee raising a cuckoo.
What does all this mean for Texting Your Ex Back? Basically, it all comes
back to social proof, which I talked up earlier in the program. Need a
reminder?
People tend to believe what other people believe and do what other peo-
ple do. Remember when your mom asked you if Jimmy jumped o a
bridge, would you do it, too? Well, the answer is most likely, YUP!
Now you can use this to your advantage. It goes like this: if your ex
knows that attractive and valuable people see you as attractive and
valuable, your stock will go up radically. If your ex knows youre be-
ing hit on by hot people, he or she will most likely feel a horrible pang
of jealousy and doubt the whole breakup thing.
Add the fact that we all tend to take our significant others for granted,
and that its all too easy to let ourselves go in a relationship (get fat,
drink too much, forget to exercise), and weve got a great opportunity
here.
Theres part of your ex that gets o on having you go gaga over them.
Taking that away and SUBTLY showing that youve moved on is very
powerful as an attraction technique. BUT you cant be stupid obvious
about it. Dont rub it in their face; just let it be known that youve moved
on.
TIP: This works a lot better if its not a lie. You should ACTUALLY be
dating other people, even if its the most mellow kind of dating.
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Rules of Green-Eyed Monster Texting
Rule 1: Make sure the time is right. Use Green-Eyed Monster (GEM)
texts AFTER youve been going back and forth with your ex for a bit,
and they seem receptive to the idea of talking to you.
Rule 2: Youve got to be at least a LITTLE subtle with this stu.
By subtle I mean you dont text your ex something like I was totally on
this hot date with three supermodels or anything like that. 1
Rule 3: Dont be dumb. If jealousy was a serious issue in your rela-
tionship, skip it. Now is not the time.
Green-Eyed Monster Texts Revealed
The formula for GEM texts is a bit harder to quantify, so let me just
give you some good examples instead.
You want to give the GEM a little bit of chain...not throw it out there
like King Kong to wreak serious havoc. This basically involves carefully
and judiciously letting your ex in on the positive aspects of your post-
breakup life, while subtly turning the screws in their heart. (Notice how
youre combining jealousy with connection and the reminder that you
know them well in a really interesting way. This is advanced Text Judo,
and its JUST THAT EASY2).
Is this mean?
Maybe a teeny tiny bit.
Eective?
Definitely. (As long as you dont go too overboard. And I know you wont,
because youve got your BIG GOAL in mind.)
Example 1:
Song: I just saw (romantic movie) with a friend. You should
see it. I think youd really enjoy it.
Oh, man. Can you feel the power? Thats the kind of thing that will
have any red-blooded man or woman start a-simmerin and a-stewin.
And yet so subtle! Notice that youre not saying I was just on a hot date
or anything as cruel as that. You want your ex to be able to FIGURE
OUT that you were out on a hot date without you actually having to
come out and say whether you were or not. Just the idea is enough. In
1You were? Did you get their numbers?
2Thank you, Ron Popeil
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fact, if youve played your cards right up to this point, it wont matter
even if they know its not a hot date. They should be suciently engaged
that their old protective instincts are activated.
Example 2:
Lori: Hey, did I see you at (fun place) last night? If it was. . . you
look really good. =-)
In this text were establishing that YOU were out at the (bar, club, what-
ever) last night, having a good time with friends (and not sitting around
drunk on cinnamon schnapps watching Real Housewives of Orange
Countyouch!).
Plus youre establishing that youre out and looking at and flirting with
other people, and youll get them trying to figure out who the heck it
was that you were looking at that WASNT them.
Depending on your relationship with your ex, its totally possible youll
get a silent or even a slightly negative reaction to this kind of text. Thats
totally fine. What were trying to do here is establish you as an attractive
person who actually has a life. (This is why I told you to get o your butt
and start dating, as hard as that may seem.)
With GEM texts, were using another proven element of human psychol-
ogy to get your ex thinking positive thoughts about you. Since this is
such a powerful emotion, use it responsibly.
Got it? Good.
Whats next?
Next up are Emotional Honesty textswhich means youre really getting
somewhere. And it also means this is about to get seriously real. (Hows
that thirty-day no-contact coming? Are you getting the distance you
need? Dont screw it upif you do, you will have to start all over.)
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INTIMACY BOOSTER TEXTS
Intimacy Booster Texts

Planting the seeds
Maria and Julio werent exactly a match made in heaven. He
was deeply religious; she was. . . well. . . not so much. He seemed
to spend most of his free time working on his 1985 Corvette; she
didnt understand the attraction and much preferred the bus to
driving anywhere. But still, they had gotten together, and they
had been pretty darn happyhappier, Maria had come to real-
ize, than she was capable of achieving on her own. They had
been broken up for about two months. She wanted Julio back.
After a series of Across the Bow and Best of the Relationship
texts that had at least piqued Julios interest, she needed some-
thing to remind him of the essential role they played in each
others lives. Traveling the western part of her state, she saw
a poster that would be perfect fodder for an Intimacy Booster.
She types:
Hey there, I was in Pittsford last weekend visiting
my friend Julie and I saw a poster for a classic car
show in Palmyra. . . are you going to enter? The dead-
line is Thursday.
It took a day, but when Julio responded, she could practically
feel the smile in his text.
Thanks, Maria! I had no idea. I am going to enter
tomorrow. Wish me luck.
Good luck! she texts back. . . and she means it.
Introduction to Intimacy Booster

Texts
An Intimacy Booster text is, in a lot of ways, similar to the kind of texts
we used in our last section. It uses the power of memory recall to bring
up strong, positive, almost irresistible emotions in your ex.
But this time, instead of reminding your ex of a specific event (sexy or
otherwise), were reminding your ex of how close you guys once were
and planting the seed that you could be that close again. We can do
that because you have done this step by step, establishing contact as
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gently as possible, instilling the beginnings of positive feelings in your
ex, and handling any negativity with Text Judo. Youre strong, youre
playing your cards right, and youre ready for the next step.
Your goal is to remind your ex of that intimacy and connection in a pos-
itive way. You want your ex to almost YEARN for the close support
you provided for them. In a subtle way, you want them to subcon-
sciously come to realize that they not only dont want to live without
you, but cant live without you. The way to do this is NOT to say, You
cant live without me or vice versa, but to actually make yourself useful
to your ex in a way that nobody else could.
The best thing about it?
You can do it all over text.
Rules of Intimacy Booster texting

Theres really one rule here. And it is this:
Intimacy Booster texts must come from the heart, from a place of
positivity and true goodwill on your part. Anything else is playing with
fire. Trying to use Intimacy Booster textsespecially the first formulato
manipulate your ex can blow up in your face. Dont promise what you
cant deliver, OK?
Theres one more thing, although its pretty obviousto use these types
of texts requires that you know something about your exs life. Maybe
youre in the same class, work environment, or small town and you know
quite a bit. Maybe you just have your exs familys birthdays stored in
your calendar. Either way, theres probably SOMETHING you can use
as the basis of an Intimacy Booster text to show that you are be the
thoughtful, caring person you really are (and that your ex wont be able
to resist).
Intimacy Booster Texts revealed

If you were married or you dated your ex for any significant amount of
time, he or she probably became the most intimate person in your life,
and you probably became theirs. (If you guys were still strangers, you
were doing it wrong.) You came to not only trust each other, but to rely
on each other. And thats really what true intimacy isyou know each
others lives inside and out.
And now youre about to use that knowledge (for good!).
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The best time to use this particular kind of text is when you know your
ex is going through something hard. When theyve just failed a big test,
lost a job, lost someone close in their life, or otherwise had some kind
of tragedy or unfortunate event. This is basically a way for you to show
support for your ex from a distance and without physically being there
(you dont want to physically be therenot yet).
You can also use Intimacy Texts as a way to save your exs bacon if
theyre going to forget an important family event.
Intimacy Booster Text Formula 1:
Extra-strength
Hey, I know <STRESSFUL EVENT> is tough for you. If you need
me, Im here.
The key is to bring up the stressful event gently and then show that
you are supportive with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Thats important.
Obviously, youre doing this with the hope of winning your ex back, but
your support and love have to be genuine.
Example 1:
Daryl: Hey, Jen told me about your grandfather. I know he
was important to you. I hope youre OK and I hope youre
around people who love you.
Example 2:
Vanessa: Was thinking you must be stressed getting ready
for the bar exam. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking
of you and I know youll do great.
Example 3:
Carl: I heard about your skiing mishap. You daredevil you!
Im SO glad youre OK and hope youre healing up fast.
Example 4:
Chip: I just realized that you always have performance re-
views this time of year and Im praying you get a big fat raise.
You deserve it.
KEY POINT: you are oering support, but you are NOT oering to jump
back in their life and fix things for them. You are getting closer, but
youre not that close yet. Dont use a stressful event as an excuse to get
ahead of yourself. First, your ex is more likely to see you as a friend if
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you do that, and thats not what you want. Second, youll end up in a
situation where your relationship is not the focus.
Intimacy Booster Text Formula 2: For
everyday use (but not really every day, cause
that would be annoying)
Hey, dont forget (IMPORTANT EVENT)
Formula 2 works because it reminds your ex that you are firmly on his
or her team. Thats really all that matters. If your ex really did forget the
birthday or bat mitzvah or Alice Cooper concert, theyll be grateful for
the reminder and youll score MASS BONUS POINTS and maybe even
extra lives. (Dont you wish you could win extra lives in real life?)
Example 1:
Janine: Hey, dont forget your moms birthday is coming up.
Wouldnt want you to get in trouble ;)
Example 2:
Shelby: Just got an email reminder that its time to file quar-
terly B&O tax. I know you hate paying fines, so I thought Id
remind you.
Example 3:
Geraldine: Hey, I just found out that Mamma Mia! is closing
next weekI know you wanted to see it so I thought Id let you
know.
Birthdays, holidays, deadlines, last chances, big salesanything thats
time-limited and important to your ex can work for one of these things.
Ive actually had this method used ON ME by an ex-girlfriend. She
totally pulled my bacon out of a hot, hot fire, and I found myself feeling
not only grateful, but missing her in a very real way afterwards. Thats
what inspired this type of text, so you KNOW it works.
Responses to Intimacy Booster texts
If youve gotten this far, you know more or less what to do with most
types of responses. If your ex writes back and wants to chat, go ahead.
LISTEN. Keep things positive. Use the other techniques I teach you.
YOU must be the one to end the conversation.
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If your ex doesnt respond, dont take it personally. If your ex goes neg-
ative for some reason, stay in control, stay positive, and back o.
HOWEVER, there is one response with this type of text that you have
to watch out for, and that is this:
Im so glad you contacted meI really need your help.
This is especially significant if you used the Extra Strength Intimacy
Booster formula. Now, I already said I dont recommend soliciting any
kind of response with that type of text. You shouldnt go saying, Im
here for you or call me any time. Choose a topic that wont automat-
ically pull you back into their life like an astronaut who accidentally
bumped the airlock button getting sucked into space.
But no matter what, it can happen that your ex sees your kindness as
an oer of real help. So what do you do?
In most cases, you just have to suck it up and help. If you say, Im
sorry your cat died, and your ex says, I need a shoulder to cry on,
youre not going to get very far texting him back into your arms if you
respond, Dont look at me, bub. That said, here are a couple of tactics
you can try to keep things on the text and narrow:
See if you can provide support without going beyond text. They
might just want to chat, in which case you can make yourself look
really good without getting o track. If theyre in a vulnerable state,
believe it or not, even if they are willing it might not be the very best
time to seal the deal. They may look at it as a temporary thing
that they needed only while the bad event was going on. If you can
stay on text, thats probably a good thing.
Oer to help in ways that require minimum interaction. If her
brother is having surgery in another city, oer to house-sit. If her
car got repossessed, oer to lend her your second car for a couple
of weeks. Keeping a little bit of distance might help you in the long
run.
However, if he or she really needs your help and is willing to ask for it,
and youre committed to a long-term good thing with this person, well,
put this program down and go do your best. Staying aloof will do more
damage than good in that case. Sometimes life chooses the path for us
and we have to walk it the best we can, pardner.
Whats next?
In the next section, were going to get busyliterally. Well talk about
Attraction Texts and how to use sex in subtle ways to catch your exs
interest and get them hot and bothered enough to call you.
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ATTRACTION TEXTS
Attraction Texts
Reaping the harvest
This was awesome. Just awesome. After thinking that she
and Carl were never going to speak again, Stephanies Text
Your Ex Back campaign was going like gangbusters. She and
Carl had been texting pretty much daily for about a week. They
were getting pretty darn friendly, talking about their days. Now
she just had to get him to suggest a meeting. It was time to
break out the big guns: Attraction Texts. When the perfect op-
portunity arose, she was ready.
Stephanie: So...
Carl: Whassup?
Stephanie: I was just thinking. . .
Carl: What u thinkin about?
Stephanie: That time backstage at the open mic.
Carl: U mean at that Irish place u wuz waitressing
at?
Stephanie: Yeah. . . after you did your songs. . . they
got me so fired up about you I led you back to that
little secret room I knew about. . .
Carl: oh yeah
Stephanie: you put your arms around me and we
kissed, you were all sweaty from the stage lights
Carl: we couldnt get close enough
Stephanie: we tried, though...your hands grip-
ping around my waist. . . your body pushing against
mine. . . me grabbing your hair
Carl: what else do you remember?
Stephanie: your smell. . . dang. . . boss is calling. . . gotta
run.
Needless to say, Carl saw this might be going somewhere big.
It wasnt long before he suggested they meet up for a date.
Stephanie kept it to coee, but it was one sexy coee. The
smoldering looks they sent each other could have generated
enough steam to keep Starbucks in espresso for a week.
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ATTRACTION TEXTS
Introduction to Attraction Texts

I feel a little weird dipping into this stu after getting so emotionally raw
in the last module.
But theres a reason this module is here and not somewhere else. A lot
of people in our society trivialize sexthey make it out to be a whole lot
less important than it really is because they are embarrassed to talk
about it. (The same embarrassment can also lead people to make sex
out to be a lot MORE important than it is, like its the reason behind
everything. Thats just as silly.)
But the fact of the matter is that sex is a huge part of most successful
relationships. Heck, sex might even be why you and your ex broke up in
the first place (lack of sex, bad sex, weird sexual compatibility, cheating
. . . you get the idea).
And its a FANTASTIC way to get into your exs emotional brain and bring
them closer to you. Why?
Becauseits a simple fact of life that people do NOT think rationally
when theyre (ahem) excited.
This is why great fighters try to piss their opponents o. Trash talk a
guy enough and hell get so mad hell get sloppy. Hell forget to defend
himself and leave an opening wide enough to drive a truck (or a big ol
FIST) through.
Now, obviously your ex isnt your opponent (at least I hope not. That
would be a weird relationship), but if you really, truly want them back,
theres no more eective way than pushing right by the rational mind
and sending messages that appeal to the deep and powerful LIZARD
BRAIN.
I know this sounds weird, but texting is basically The Force (from Star
Wars) when it comes to accessing your partners deepest sexual mind
(or ANYONES deepest sexual mind, actually).
Like I said back at the beginning of this manual, theres something
VERY intimate about texting. Its the closest thing to telepathy that
you can get, and people will often respond to texts in a positive way they
NEVER would if you said the same thing to them face to face.
If you want to get to the REALLY dirty stu, I recommend you check out
one of my other products: Text Your Wife Into Bed. You can see the
video I put together at www.textyourwifeintobed.com. (Oh, and dont let
the title put you o. That product has been VERY successfully used by
single guys, divorcees, and a LOT of women to add an incredible amount
of OOMPH into their relationships. My favorite is the twenty year-old
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ATTRACTION TEXTS
woman from England who wrote me to say she has blokes wrapped
around her finger thanks to your stu.)
Im not going to go SUPER dirty here, but lets dive into how you can
use sensuality and sexuality in your texts to get your ex turned on and
CRAVING you at the push of a button.
Because men and women really do tend to think of sex dierently, Im
going to break this down a little bit for each gender. Make sure to read
both sections, thoughwho knows, you might pick up some useful tips.
Rules for Attraction Texting with men

Ahh, the sexual mind of a man. Its so...straightforward. (I should
know.)
If youre a woman, you probably already know that its pretty easy to
get a guy interested in sex. Actually, the hard part is getting them to
stop. This is probably why there arent a lot of books written on the
subject of seducing a man (though maybe there should be). All you have
to do is show the mildest interest...show a little thigh (metaphorically
speaking). . . put on a seductive smile. . . and hell go there no problem.
Now, here comes the challenging part: your goal isnt just to get your ex
turned on, its to get him
...turned on...
...thinking of you...
...and willing to run through fire to get to be with you again.
Rule 1: TEASE.
Your goal is to TEASE. You need to make your ex WANT you on a deep
and primal level. You want to remind him that YOU know, more than
anyone else, how to make him feel good. Men like to feel powerful, in
control, and dominant.
Rule 2: Try not to actually have sex quite yet.
Do not go all the way with your ex yet, even virtually. Men LIKE to
chase. It gives us an energy that almost nothing else in the world can
replace. If you give in to your ex too early youll screw the pooch when
it comes to getting what you really want.
Rule 3: Stay in control.
If you tease your ex properly, hell almost undoubtedly ask to see you.
Its totally OK to see him in this case, but YOU have to set the parameters
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ATTRACTION TEXTS
of the meeting. If your ex asks to be alone with you (Hey, want me to
come over so we can talk?), tell him I dont think that would be a good
idea, or We should really talk first. This is about re-establishing the
relationshipsex can wait.
Rule 4: Use pictures, but be smart about it.
Pictures? Sure. Men are VISUAL creatures, and for them a picture re-
ally does say a thousand words. They can work wonders. HOWEVER
never send a picture you dont want the whole world to see. There are
entire Web sites devoted to compromising pictures of exes (or so Ive
heard). Keep your clothes ononce a pic goes out in the world it never
comes back. But definitely consider sending some good teasing pic-
tures to your ex to get him worked up. (Dont make that kissy duck face,
thoughman, is that unattractive.)
Rule 5: Catch him o his guard.
Its best to use these techniques when hes at work, out with friends, or
otherwise indisposed. The fact that he cant give you his full attention
creates a great amount of tension.
Rules for Attraction Texting with

Women
If youre a man trying to seduce your ex-girlfriend or wife. . . congratulations,
youre going to thank me years from now for what Im about to teach you.
(I accept PayPal, money order, or fine single-malt Scotch.)
Theres NOTHING as eective, in my experience, at getting a woman re-
ally turned on as text messaging. Unlike us guys, women are hard-wired
to respond to stories and language. (Need proof? Go read a romance
novel. ) And if you know what youre doing its VERY easy to give a
woman the kind of attention she craves over text message (even if you
werent that good at it in person).
Rule 1: Its all in the mind.
A womans mind is her biggest erogenous zone. I shouldnt really have
to harp on this as much as I do, but the fact is if you can turn on a
womans mind, her body will invariably follow. . . and LANGUAGE is the
best possible way to turn most women on.
Rule 2: Start slow.
You want to start slow and THEN bring out the big guns. If you try to
go all sensual right o the bat, it gives her too much of a chance to
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ATTRACTION TEXTS
back out. Take it one small step at a time.
Rule 3: Catch her o her guard.
Its best to use these techniques when shes at work, out with friends
when she cant really give the attraction texts 100% attention and even
needs to hide what shes looking at a little.
Rule 4: Put her in the action.
I call this dominant but not creepy. That means that you narrate the
situation and the action, but focus A LOT on her pleasure.
Rule 5: Keep it virtual.
Do NOT suggest an actual hook up. You want her to suggest the meet-
ing, and you dont want to break the tension that is pulling you together.
Having sex now could do that. You need to strengthen the relationship
first.
Rule 6: Dont have sex yet.
If she does ask to come over, suggest a public meeting place first.
Heres where the mind of a woman gets complicated. If you show her
that you are just doing this for sex, thats not goodEVEN IF SHE WANTS
TO HAVE SEX. You need to demonstrate that you have respect for her
and the relationship youre trying to build.
OK, now that weve set the rules, heres the formula for how you use
text messages to turn your ex on.
Attraction texting revealed

This is a practically foolproof method for getting your exs heart racing
that I developed for my Text Your Wife Into Bed program, with slight
variations for the ex situation. It has two parts. You start with a
Curiosity Text, and follow up upon their response with the Sexy Story
Text.
The Curiosity Text
A Curiosity text is simply a bait designed to get attention and to get
your ex engaged in the conversation.
For example:
I was just thinking . . .
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ATTRACTION TEXTS
So . . . =-)
Any kind of flirty open will work in this case. Ideally, you want an open-
ing that can really only be answered one way, with what? or Thinking
of what?
The Sexy Story Text
Choose one of your most memorable sexual experiences. Use detailed
and sensual language to have your ex relive the experience. Let me
give you two quick examples (Im going to be pretty PG here.)
Jeremy and Sarah were together for three years before ending things six
months ago. Theyve chatted back and forth over text for the last week
or two, and Jeremy feels like Sarah is giving him signals of attraction.
Jeremy: I was just thinking...
Sarah: About what?
Jeremy: The tree house in my parents back yard. . . =-)
Sarah: Oh. . . that was fun.
Jeremy: How we climbed up there on Thanksgiving. I re-
member how you smelled...how your body felt against me.
How you pushed your ass against me and turned your head. . . that
kiss was my favorite kiss of all our time together. It felt. . . electric.
Sarah: It was nice. Im at work.
Jeremy: I keep imagining that smile on your face as I put my
hands on your hips and fumbled with your belt. You moaned
as my hands ran up your stomach.
(You get the idea, right? I mean, I COULD go into a lot more detail here,
but this is a relatively PG product and I dont have room to explain ALL
of the technique involved. If you want to get truly down and dirty
go check out www.textyourwifeintobed.com. Itll do wonders for any
relationship you get into.
G-Rated Attraction texts
Okay, so maybe youre a little shy. Maybe you just dont talk openly
about sex with anybody, for religious or personal reasons. Or maybe
you just prefer a little more subtlety. Well, then this formula is for you.
Its basically a hot-and-heavy compliment text.
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ATTRACTION TEXTS
I remember (sexy characteristic of your ex) and it still turns me
on.
Heres a real-life example. Van is in the middle of reminiscing about a
vacation in Hawaii he took with his wife Brittany.
Van: And the cabana boy kept checking you out in your
bikini.
Brittany: He did?
Van: He did. And I did too. Youre a very beautiful woman.
Brittany: =-)
The idea here is to slip in something that will make your exs heart beat
a little faster in the context of everyday conversation. Its surprising how
a little thing like that can have big, powerful resultsnot just in getting
your ex into an actual bed, but in bringing them closer to you.
Responses to Attraction Texts
1. Positive response
If you get a positive response from your ex, thats great. Lead them on
a little bit, tell as much of the story as you think you can get away with,
and make sure to be the one who ends the conversation with something
like:
Got an important calltalk later
My boss just walked in, gotta go
2. Neutral response
If your ex doesnt seem that into it, if they say something like. . .
Nice try =-)
Or
Jumping the gun a little?
. . . dont try to force them. The point isnt to get your rocks o; its to get
them to want to meet up. Dont push itattraction texts can get creepy
pretty quickly if youre not careful. To recover, you can say something
like:
I just cant help thinking about it sometimes
Or
Good memories is all =-)
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ATTRACTION TEXTS
3. Negative response
OK, well, you do get points for trying. You start in all sensual and stu,
and your ex says:
Im not ready to go there
Or
What the hell are you talking about?
That might be embarrassing (and it happens a lot less often than you
might think), but you can easily recover:
what can I say? Youre irresistible
Or
OkIll keep it all to myself ;)
DONT apologize. You didnt do anything wrong, but once you apologize,
it seems like you did. That can turn a harmless interaction into a strike
against you. Be cool, be confident, be calm. Youre in control here.
4. Request for a hookup
I talked a little about this before, but Ill say it againyou probably dont
want your first in-person meeting to end with sex. If you havent
started dating yet, having sex too early in the recovery period can make
things feel finished.
You want to establish an emotional and spiritual connection before you
establish a physical one. If your ex goes for the booty call, say:
That sounds nicelets take it slow? Want to go for (coee,
beer, roller skating, whateversomething public and fun)
Whats next?
Youre doing great! Now you know all the Text Your Ex Back text types.
Once your thirty days of no contact are up, you have what you need to
get started. In the next module, Ill go into how to approach the process
of moving from texting to actually meeting up, dating, and maybe even
getting back together!
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EMOTIONAL HONESTY TEXTS
Emotional Honesty Texts
Watering the tree
Jim and Melinda broke up two months ago after a big fight over
money. Actually, a bunch of big fights. Actually, years of big
fights. And not really fights eithermore like fight, because
it was always the same. Melinda had grown up poor and al-
ways had to count every penny. Jim had grown up not-so-poor
and never really lacked for anything. These childhood experi-
ences played out in a way that was eventually devastating to
their relationship. They made just enough that it was easy to
fritter it away, but Jim hated being told what to do so much
that he thought a budget was like a yoke around his neck, a
denial of his responsibility as a man. Yeah. He was kinda
messed up.
After the final (or so they thought) split, Jim had an epiphany
of sorts. He realized after just a couple of months that Melinda
was not the source of his anger. He started going to therapy on
the advice of his sister (and Jim was the kind of guy who, five
years earlier, would have laughed in your face if you had told
him to see a head-shrinker). He genuinely felt he had worked
through a lot of it. And he felt like he was really ready to make
amends with Melinda and start a more positive life together.
His overtures were well-received. He talked about the good
changes he had made in his life, and she talked about some of
the same stu. He had made the good decision to keep things
pretty light, and it worked. Theyd been chatting over text, and
Jim was ready to take it to the next level. In the middle of
remembering a vacation they had in Hawaii, hes decided to
use an Emotional Honesty text.
Melinda: Remember that amazing lobby? They
had penguins right next to where we were eating
breakfast.
Jim: That was pretty special. The funny thing is. . .
Melinda: What?
Jim: When I think of Hawaii, I really just think
of you. The dress you wore. The sun on your face,
lighting up your eyes. The walks we took every night
on the beach. When I think of paradise, I think of
you.
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Melinda: OK, who is this, and what did you do with
Jim?
Jim: Its me. And no matter what else happens, I
treasure those moments.
Introduction to Emotional Honesty

texts
Cuz sometimes you have to lay it all on the table.
OK, so far weve talked about how to open the door to a conversation
with your ex by using Across the Bow texts...learned how to use the
power word remember to direct your exs mind to the good times in
your relationship (and plant the seed of more good times happening in
the future)...used Intimacy Booster texts to remind your ex that you
know them better than anyone and are in their corner...and even re-
sorted to Green-Eyed Monster texts to awaken the possessive beast in
your exs bosom. (Ahh, bosom.)
All of this stu works REALLY well. . .
. . . but playtime is over.
Time to fish or cut bait. Sink or swim. Bowl a strike or eat nachos and
cry. Sometimes you just have to cut the past the bullshit and tell your
ex how you really feel. And that time is now.
No excuses, no blaming, no fighting, no crap. You just take out your
cell phone (and with your thumb shaking and lip quivering, sure) tell
your ex THE TRUTH.
If you do it right, a lot of the other text formulas Ive given you in this
manual will eventually lead to the chance to really establish emotional
connection and communication in this way.
And since youre texting, you dont have to worry about getting cold
feet, tripping over your words, breaking down crying, or rolling over
into anger or embarrassment. Why?
Because texting is PRIVATE, safe, and simple.
Man, I love it.
The key to using Emotional Honesty texts is that you have to keep things
positive. This is not about airing dirty laundry or patching up that last
fight. This is about redirecting your exs emotions into positive territory.
No beating yourself up in these texts, either. You can apologize for actual
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bad behavior (and should OWN that behavior) but do not rake yourself
over the coals or come across as self-loathing. This is where the I
Like Myself Game comes into play. If you can own a mistake without
wallowing in it, that shows confidence, maturity, and all the good stu
that makes someone want to be with you.
WARNING: Never lead with Emotional Honesty texts. Its like putting
peanut butter on the outside of your sandwichthings get messy fast.
You have to start with more innocuous, communication-opening texts.
Rules of Emotional Honesty texting

Rule 1: Read and re-read
ALWAYS read and re-read your text before you send it. This should go
without saying, but when you get to the point that youre sending your
real feelings over the airwaves, youre basically sending the nuclear
bomb of texting. Make sure you read and re-read what youre sending,
and that you mean it. Reactionary texting is BAD.
Rule 2: No negativity
Contempt kills relationships, plain and simple. Ill give some examples
in a second, but its incredibly important that you dont use blaming
language or anything your ex could see as bait for a fight in your texts.
Rule 3: Write what you need to write
Take your time and write as much as you need to. Folks have a tendency
to think texts need to be short. Not true. Texting can be particularly
good if you want to break things up for dramatic emphasis, too.
Rule 4: Make sure every word earns its place
At the same time, you dont want to write a novel. Anything more than
a screen or two is going to be a LOT for your ex to sort through. Make
sure you think about what you want to say before you say it, edit it down
to the core point, and be as honest and open as possible.
Rule 5: NO EXPECTATIONS
Dont have any big expectations about where things are going to go once
you send this kind of text. You always want your ex to be the one to
make the move to ask for a meeting or a phone call. Why? Because
by asking you to meet or to accelerate the conversation, theyre taking
action and will mentally find ways to buy in to the process of having
you back in their life.
Rule 6: Be patient
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After you hit send, take a DEEP breath. Youre going to be tempted to
stare at your phone for hours waiting for a response. You might not get
one right away (or possibly at all), but your message HAS been received.
Make sure you have something to distract you after you hit the big shiny
button.
Heres an example. After a good sequence of Across the Bow and Best
of the Relationship texts, Cassie is ready to send an Emotional Honesty
text. She looks back over her worksheets and selects what she thinks is
a good topic: the way that Ron supported her when she was in nursing
school. She sets out and types the following:
I was at a training the other day and I just remembered how
supportive you were when I was getting my LPN degree. You
were always there for me.
Following Rule #1, she re-read the text. She realized that it was probably
too short and she needed more detail. So she started over:
I was at a training today for my job, thinking about how
much I love what I do, and I realized that I could never have
done it without your support and kindness. When things
were really tough, I know I was a total bitch sometimes and
Im really, really, really sorry for that behavior. I wont do it
again.
Whoa there! Cassie went down a blind alley there, but she pulled herself
together after a quick I Like Myself revisit and re-wrote:
I was at a training today for my job, thinking about how
much I love what I do, and I realized that I could never have
done it without your support and kindness. It wasnt always
easy, but you believed in me and it was your belief that helped
me through it. Thank you.
She re-read three more times for safety, and then hit Send. Now she
just had to follow Rule 6so she went and got a green tea latte and sat
down with her favorite book.
Emotional Honesty texts revealed

More than any other, these are the texts that are going to help you go
from exes that text to exes who are not going to be exes much longer.
In a sense, this is what youve been waiting for, and what youve worked
hard to achieve, so congratulations.
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Now stop patting yourself on the back and remember: dont get cocky.
Youre not out of the Big Lonely Woods just yet. You have to use Emo-
tional Honesty texts very carefully and using a very specific formula.
And that formula is NOT Please please please take me back please
please please. That will get you a big, fat goose egg on the Text Your Ex
Back Quiz of Life.
You can use Emotional Honesty as a Hail Mary if other techniques
havent worked. Just lay it all out there in a positive way. This is not
something you want to do without having tried everything else, includ-
ing all the other innocuous types of texts spread out over at least a
month. Its really a last-ditch kind of thing, so dont do it unless youve
exhausted your options.
OK, enough said. How do you actually DO this?
Your Emotional Honesty texts can really be broken down to a few dier-
ent categories:
1. Compliment texts
2. Appreciation texts
3. How I Feel texts
4. What I Miss texts
(I know, I know. The guys reading this are groaning already. Get over it.
If you want her back, youve got to be willing to speak your heart. You
know youve got one. So use it, OK?)
This technique is particularly eective for GUYS texting GIRLS, by the
way. Since men are (usually) not as good at being emotionally open as
women are, and since women LOVE IT when a guy actually cracks the
armor and opens up, this one technique alone could be the thing that
gets her to ask to see you.
Compliment Texts
Compliment texts are just what they sound like: simple compliments
that you send, more or less randomly, over text.
Theyre simple, loaded with little emotional weight, and are more or
less the equivalent of flirting at a bar with somebody you just met.
Compliment texts can be physical and basic, with less detail than some
of the Emotional Honesty texts that we will talk about next.
I like to slip in compliments in a matter of fact way during the course
of some other conversation youre having over text.
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For example:
Stephanie: Ive always really loved your hands.
Or
Carl: One thing that has always made me stop is your eyes.
Theyre stunning.
Simple, huh?
Notice the confidence there?
No wiggle room. No weasel words. No BS.
A good compliment is just an aside comment. Dont try to give it a huge
amount of weight or import (like you do with appreciation texts), but
just slip it in as a way to raise your exs self-esteem and let them know
that you care.
Appreciation Texts
Its all about gratitude. Studies show that people who express gratitude
for the good things in their lives on a daily basis actually live longer.
Well, youre going to put the power of gratitude to the test right now.
An Appreciation text is where you flat-out tell your ex what you appreci-
ate about them, without any ifs, ands, or buts. Its your chance to
be really honest about what you like about your ex and why you enjoyed
having them in your life in the first place. (You should use these when
youre IN a relationship, as well, which you hopefully soon will be!)
The formula for a good Appreciation text is pretty simple.
What Ive always liked about you is (what you like about them)
Or
I really appreciate (what you appreciate)
Or
I always had a hard time saying this before, but I really like
(what you like)
Or
One thing Ive always appreciated about you is. . .
And I usually like to end this kind of text with something like:
Im really thankful that youre in my life.
Or
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Im really glad youre in my life.
I like this kind of phrasing because its need neutral. It basically says
Yeah, we had our problems, but I wouldnt change anything, and lets
your ex know that theyre still in your life even after everything youve
been through.
(Yes guys, I know its cheesy. But it works! If you did this kind of thing
when you and your ex were still together, you may not have broken up.)
Laura dumped Ken a few months ago and, using the other techniques
in this manual, Ken has gotten Laura to start chatting with him again
over text. Theyve been friendly, talking about their lives. Ken feels like
its finally time to go for the gold and let Laura know how he feels.
Ken: Ive always really appreciated how caring you are and
how loyal you are to your friends. I was just remembering
how you were really there for Jenny when she and Jim got
their divorce. Youre a really special person, Laura, and Im
glad youve been in my life.
See how theres no wiggling in this? Theres no Youre really caring,
BUT ... kind of stu?
And how hes not fishing for her to give him any kind of appreciation
back?
The key with a good Appreciation text is to be as specific as possi-
ble, to use detail, and to speak with confident language.
Lets try a female example. Kathy cheated on her ex-husband, Jim, in
a moment of weakness, but really wants him back. They have a couple
of kids together.
Kathy: One thing Ive always really liked about you is what
a great Dad you are. Im so thankful that youre the father of
my children. Youre really a wonderful guy.
Do you get the idea?
I know it sounds simple, but its amazing how folks almost NEVER tell
each other what they LIKE about each other. For most people, getting
this kind of text will brighten their whole day.
What do you appreciate about your ex? What simple statement can
you say to your ex to give them that little thrill of being appreci-
ated?
Write it down. Take a deep breath. Send it.
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How I Feel texts
How I Feel texts are not childs play. Theyre where you really lay it
on the line and let your ex know exactly whats going on in your heart.
WARNING: Theyre REALLY easy to mess up.
How do folks mess them up? Mostly by:
Trying to make their exes feel pity
Trying to make their exes feel guilty
Focusing on negative emotions.
For instance, pick which one of these actually gives you a shot at getting
your ex back:
John: I can barely breathe without you. I feel like an ele-
phant is standing on my chest right now and Im going to die
if I dont see you. Why arent you here? Dont you understand
that I LOVE you? COME BACK.
OR
Mary: No matter what, theres always going to be a part of
me thats in love with you. When I think about you I cant
help but smile. I feel this great energy just flow through me
and it makes me happy that youre out there in the world.
Did you say Mary?
DING DING DING.
(If you said John, then I suggest you go back and start re-reading this
whole manual from the beginning.)
A good How I Feel text should be centered, confident, and not at all
needy. It should also be positive and not (obviously) manipulative. In a
lot of ways its similar to a good Appreciation text, but instead of telling
your ex what you like about them, youre laying out on the line how
you actually feel about them.
Here are a few starter formulas for you for How I Feel texts:
No matter what (detail about how you feel.)
or
Its funny, but (how you feel)
or
Ill always (how you feel)
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or
Its hard for me to say this but (how you feel)
or
I never said this enough before but (how you feel)
Frank: Its hard for me to say this, but youre always going to
be so important to me. Im always going to love you and miss
you and be glad you were in my life. I cant help but think
about you and when I do, it just adds so much greatness to
my day.
or
Sarah: Its funny, but sometimes I crave you. The smell of
you. Having you nearby. How calm and safe I always felt
around you.
The key, as always, is to be CONFIDENT and SIMPLE in your emotion.
Speak in a clear and even voice without a lot of crying, shouting, or
anything else that can get in the way of what youre actually saying.
What I Miss texts
Now we move on to What I Miss texts.
What I Miss texts are just what they sound like: texts where you let
your ex know (with simple, intimate language) what you miss about your
relationship.
The formulas for What I miss texts are:
What I miss about us is (what you miss)
or
(What youre doing) and I wish you were here.
Jason: What I really miss is the smell of your hair when you
cuddled up under my arm. It was intoxicating.
or
Melanie: Im at the beach right now and I keep thinking
about how I used to enjoy watching you surf. Wish you were
here.
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or
Brad: I miss sitting around with you on Sunday mornings
and playing board games. There was nothing like waking up
to the smell of the coee and knowing youd be in the kitchen
waiting for me.
The key is to bring up sensory-rich experiences and experiences that
your ex would miss, as well. Stu thats 100% positive for both of you.
Responses to Emotional Honesty texts
Honestly, when you get to this level of communication, your ex could
respond in a million dierent ways. Ive seen women call up their ex-
boyfriends crying, halfway between ecstasy and rage at their man for
not being able to say this before.
And Ive seen phones lay cold and dead for days as a womans ex just
didnt know how to respond.
Lets go through a couple possible scenarios
Option 1: Your ex responds in kind
If your ex responds with a compliment, an appreciation, or an emotion
of their own, thats awesome. Absorb it. Say thank you. LISTEN to
what they have to say and continue the conversation in positive terms.
DO NOT bring up negative or needy stu. Simply enjoy saying nice
things about each other. If your ex suggests getting together, go for it,
but I recommend you put on some brakes and suggest coee. Slow and
steady wins THIS race.
Option 2: Your ex says thank you
This is still on the positive end of things. In this case, you should just
say No problem. You deserve it, and move on. Dont lay it on thick.
Dont try to compliment them into submission. Thats so obvious its
not even funny. Remember, were building something lasting here, and
that takes time. Think quality, not quantity.
Option 3: Nothing
If you get no response ...well, you know the answer there. Go run a
few miles, go on a date, hang out with friends, play HALO. But LET IT
GO. It can be incredibly tough to do this after you lay your heart on the
line, but its your only option.
Option 4: Negative Response
Heres something that could happen:
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John: Ive always really appreciated the way you take care of
people in your life. Youre the most caring and loving person
I know. Im so lucky to be around you.
Kelly: WHAT THE HELL!!! WHY COULDNT YOU SAY THIS
KIND OF THING BEFORE?
Everyone say it with me: this is NOT a bad response. It means Kelly still
has feelings for John. The key at this point is for John NOT to defend
himself. He needs to acknowledge Kellys feeling and to say something
like:
John: I dont know. I guess being apart has made me realize.
Too bad we cant turn back time, huh?
No matter what kind of response you get, take a deep breath. Being
more openly emotional and honest with yourself like this is going to
take some time, but its is going to reap huge rewards either in this
relationship or in relationships in the future.
Whats next?
Assuming that your ex responds positively to Emotional Honesty texts,
you should be well on your way. And there are just a couple more tech-
niques to help you get closer and closer, until youre actually touching.
(Cooties!) Getting there is what the next module is all about. So lets
get busyand maybe even a little dirty with Attraction Texts.
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FROM VIRTUAL TO PHYSICAL
From Virtual to Physical

The First Date
What next?
Using everything Ive taught you so far, you should be able to get your
exs attention, establish a basic emotional and physical connection, and
show that youre emotionally mature and interested.
If you do this, and if your ex has any interest in rekindling your relation-
ship (even subconsciously) you should be able to get your ex to suggest
that you meet up. This section is about thathow to handle it if your
ex suggests a meeting, and what to do if they dont.
Im not going to go into a huge amount of detail here on what to do
on your actual date with your ex. I cant possibly hope to do that
subject justice in a short space of time. My friend TW Jacksons system
The Magic of Making Up does a great job of that, and you can find it at
www.textyourexback.com/magic. But I do want to give you some quick
tips to guide you on your way.
1. Try to get your ex to make the first move. Youve heard me say this
at least 542 times, but why not hit it one more time? Your goal is
to get your ex to be the one who suggests that you get together. Its
always more powerful and more eective if he or she comes to the
conclusion on their own that they want to see you.
2. Keep it simple and casual. No big fancy dinners or anything like
that. Try coee, a couple of beers (DONT get drunk and confess
your eternal love or try to get in your exs pants), lunch downtown, a
short hike or bike ride. . . something you both enjoy where you can
talk and have fun. Dont try to be romantic. Just get together. Talk.
Be open and honest, and remember what I said before: Your old
relationship is dead. Your goal now is to create a NEW relationship
from scratch (hopefully an even BETTER one than you had before).
3. Youre dating, not going steady. If at the end of the night your ex
suggests getting together again, GREAT. You can play this however
you want (hard to get or easy to please), but again, make it simple.
Youre starting to DATE your ex here, and you need to treat him
or her almost like someone you just met. Dont see them more
than once a week to start, make set plans, and make every date
an event.
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4. After your first date with your ex, go back to the cell phone. Ahh,
bet you thought the texting thing was done after you actually
get together in person? Nope. Check out the following section for
how to make texting work for you as you move forward in your new
relationship.
Post-First-Date Texts
After your first date, you need to keep with the program. Continue to
text as a way to share intimate thoughts and feelings, to be emotionally
honest, and to turn your ex on.
In fact, text RIGHT AFTER a date to really secure the positive aspects
of the evening in your exs mind.
There are basically three ways to do this:
The Nice Time text
The Sensory Expander text
The Favorite Part text
Nice Time Texts
This is the text you send within an hour or so after saying goodnight to
your ex. Its really basic and is just designed to let them know you had
a good time and are open to more. For example:
I had a really nice time tonight. =-)
Yes, I know thats not rocket science, but its best to spell these things
out.
Sensory Expander Texts
This is a more detailed and sensory-rich version of the Nice Time text,
where you go into more detail with EXACTLY what you liked about the
evening. A great way to use this is if your date ended with a kiss (or
with more than a kiss).
For example:
Stephen: Mm. I can still taste you on my lips. Youre deli-
cious. =-)
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or
Mary: I can still smell you. I think the smell of you got into
my clothes. I like it.
or
Carol: Thanks for a lovely night. Sorry if I seemed a little
out of it. Your biceps kept distracting me. Its all I could do
not to pounce on you.
Favorite Part Texts
This is really just a variation on some of the more emotional texts Ive
given you so far. In this case, send a text giving your side of your favorite
part of the evening.
For example:
Mark: My favorite part of the night was when you smiled at
me over the top of your glass of wine. I forgot how much I love
your smile. Youre really beautiful.
The key here is DETAIL. Details are whats going to make this stick in
your exs mind.
Michael, what if everything is going great over text, but they just wont
ask me out?
First of all, are you sure youre not jumping the gun? I have seen the
texting portion of this program go on for months before the other party
actually makes the ask. If its only been a few weeks, dont worry about
it. Stoke the fire, but dont pour gasoline on it. The more relaxed and
confident you are, the better.
Now, if things have been going along nicely for a couple of months, and
your ex is not getting the hint, heres a sneaky trick you can use. Ready?
The Tag Along Text
If things are going well over text, but your ex doesnt seem to be willing
to make the first move (and Im talking after a period of a month or
more), use a tag along method of getting to them in person.
Send a text saying Hey, Im in your neighborhood with friends, come
down. That gives your ex a chance to say yes or no without it being a
big deal. If they do come, keep it light, have a good time, and try to end
the night with a good hug.
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FINAL THOUGHTS
Final Thoughts
Whew! What a ride!
Here we are at the end of the Text Your Ex Back program. As you prob-
ably figured out by now, this program is about a lot more than texting.
Its about getting closer to the person you love, accepting them for who
they are, inviting them to accept you for who you are, and laying the
groundwork and foundation for a stronger and better relationship.
Depending on how you worked the program and what your relationship
with your ex was like before you started, you have one of three possible
outcomes.
Youre dating your ex again. Congratulations! Have fun and KEEP
DATING. You have plenty of time. Dont rush things. Keep it interesting,
and dont fall into a rut. You probably learned from your first breakup
that sustainable relationships take a lot more work than you thought.
But what greater challenge is there in life than staying with the person
you love? For tips on how to keep that spark going for the foreseeable
future, check out www.texttheromanceback.com.
Youre friendly with your ex, but not dating. Honestly, theres noth-
ing wrong with this at all. If you still have your ex in your life and you
both see each other as positive parts of your lives, thats a good thing.
And as long as the lines of communication are open, that gives you the
chance to have more in the future.
You didnt get what you wanted. Honestly? Its rare, but it happens.
Ive seen all of the techniques and ideas in this guide work again and
again, but every relationship is dierent. Its possible that you and your
ex simply werent meant for each other or that too much damage was
done in your relationship for repair to be possible. If thats the case,
take a deep breath and realize that the pain youre feeling will pass.
Most importantly, almost everything youve learned in this guide is
going to help you create the relationship you want and deserve in
the future. In fact, I recommend that you mine this guide for stu
you can use while youre dating. Youll be astounded by the results you
get at the push of a button.
Thank you so much for going on this journey with me and I wish you the
best with all your relationships, romantic and otherwise. Id love to hear
from you. If you have questions, comments, success stories, or anything
else youd like to share, just send an email to feedback@textyourexback.com.
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TEXTING STEADY
Texting Steady
Using text messages to stoke your new
relationship
This module is a bit dierent. It assumes that you are successful in
getting back together with your ex, or at least dating them. That may not
happenbut I recommend that you read this module anyway, because
it will provide value for future relationships with just about anyone.
Again, Im not going to get into huge detail on how to date your ex, but I
am going to empower you with some tips to use texting as a way to help
your new relationship blossom.
Keep using Emotional Honesty and

Attraction texts
Keep using the emotional and sexual texts Ive given you (as well as
those youll find in Text Your Wife Into Bed). These things are GOLD as
far as keeping rapport going between you and your ex and keeping the
romance going. Theres nothing like a good Appreciation text or some
dirty narration in the middle of the day to keep that spark going.
Theres a real lack of appreciation in most relationships these days.
People take each other for granted, which is apathy, which is death
to relationships. Taking a moment to focus on what you LIKE about
your girlfriend or boyfriend (or husband or wife) will create a powerfully
positive context for your relationship. Plus, once you establish it as
normal to be giving compliments and appreciation to your ex, youll
start receiving similar messages back from them.
Keep texting pure

Make sure you keep text messages as an intimate channel with your
ex. No slipping up and talking about boring stu. By keeping texting
sacred youll be able to maintain your intimacy with your ex no matter
what stresses or obstacles come up in your day.
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TEXTING STEADY
Be romantic
Be unapologetically romantic over text. This is particularly important
for guys (though ladies, Ill tell you right now that men do indeed swoon
when you go for the heartstrings). After every date with your ex, make
sure to send at least one text vividly talking about what you enjoyed
with your ex and how youre looking forward to next time.
Get closer
Use texting to get to know your partner better. As you start dating
your ex again, I recommend you use texting as a way to get to know
your ex better. Check out Michael Webbs excellent 500 Questions
for Couples for a series of questions you can ask. You can find it at
www.textyourexback.com/500questions.
Use Text Judo

Create the reality you want. Youre an expert at Text Judo now, and
you have seen how it can help you shift perceptions. Sometimes things
wont go exactly as you want. Luckily, perception is a lot more powerful
than reality. As you get better at this texting thing, youll be able to
narrate back the highlight reel of an evening with your ex and guide
their focus on to only the positive parts.
One of the coolest things about this is that you can basically create a
self-fulfilling prophecy. By observing and then narrating back your
exs reactions during the evening, you can essentially trick them into
thinking theyre incredibly into you (even if theyre only a little into you).
For example:
After a particularly good date, you might send a text that says:
You: I missed you too. =-)
Notice that using this kind of text pre-supposed that your ex missed you.
In most cases, your ex will unconsciously assume that youre picking
up on cues they were giving o that said he or she missed you. Weirdly
enough, this will actually make them miss you more than they already
did.
You: That was a good hug. I like how your body pulled me
in.
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TEXTING STEADY
Same basic concept. Youre telling your ex that their body was giving
you unconscious signals and welcoming you back. In many cases this
can create a really nice self-fulfilling prophecy.
Whats next?
Wow! You did it! You are now a Text Your Ex Back textpert, ready to
take the skills you have learned to the real world. Our next module just
gives you a little push in the right direction and a few final tips before
you start to text.
4

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Who This Course Is For (And Who Its

The 30 Day No-Contact

Dumper and Dumped

Why did you break up really?

Top 7 Reasons Your Ex Might Have

We just dont communicate.

WORKSHEET 1: YOU GOT DUMPED

WORKSHEET 2: YOU DID THE

Whats Your BIG GOAL?

Question 1: WHY do you want your ex

Question 2: WHAT do you actually

Question 3: HOW are you going to get

WORKSHEET 3: WHY, WHAT, HOW

The TXB Flight Check

Flight Check 1: Drown Your Old

Flight Check 2: Forgiveness Fully

Thing One: Forgive Your Ex

Flight Check 3: Plan Alternate Routes

Flight Check 4: Wash and Wax (or,

Flight Check 5: Cool Your Jets

TXB Module 5: Text Judo

Introducing Text Judo

What is Text Judo?

Text Your Ex Back in 30

General note on timing

A Typical Text Your Ex Back Sequence

Across the Bow Texts

Introduction to Across the Bow texts

What are Across the Bow texts NOT

Ironclad rules of Across the Bow

Never say Yo: The extreme danger

Across the Bow texts revealed

Introduction to Best of the

Best of the Relationship texts

Bonus Text Technique:

Introduction to Green-Eyed Monster

Intimacy Booster Texts

Introduction to Intimacy Booster

Rules of Intimacy Booster texting

Intimacy Booster Texts revealed

Introduction to Attraction Texts

Rules for Attraction Texting with men

Rules for Attraction Texting with

Attraction texting revealed

Introduction to Emotional Honesty

Rules of Emotional Honesty texting

Emotional Honesty texts revealed

From Virtual to Physical

Keep using Emotional Honesty and

Keep texting pure

Use Text Judo

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