Enter the Jabberwock - Campfire of the Vanities

Chick Dissection | Dark Dungeons

Author: J Crowley | 3/25/2002 @ 6:29 pm | Filed under:

Dissections
Jack Chick

What happens when teenagers gather (with some odd older woman called Ms.
Frost) to evilly roll dice and evilly battle imaginary ogres? In this, the first of the
Chick Dissections, Jack illustrates his ignorance of RPGs like Dungeons and
Dragons much better than he does his comics.

Spoooky.
The dialog, as anyone whos ever played an RPG can tell you, is obviously written
by someone whose only experience with the game was peeking longingly through
a window while quietly sobbing. As many of you can probably tell, Dark
Dungeons is Jack Chicks name for Dungeons and Dragons. For those of you
who dont know what that is, its whats called a role-playing game in which
people make up characters and pretend their way through assortments of
scenarios usually conceived and administered by the Dungeon Master, a person
who basically functions as a referee for the game. Characters are provided with a
storyline chain of different situations by the Dungeon Master usually involving
epic journeys and battles with monsters. The reason these religious types are up
in arms about Dungeons and Dragons (and Magic: The Gathering and Harry
Potter and Lord of the Rings and Wendy the Witch, and etc. etc. etc.) is because
of the fact that it deals with magic and witchery. See, apparently religious
fanatics have trouble drawing lines between fantasy and reality and believe that
everyone else suffers from the same affliction. They feel that just because people
are pretending that theyre using magic that theyll become evil and that theyre
joining a cult that will give them superpowers.

Anyway, back to the panel, usually the characters have names and you dont
have to address the DM, or Dungeon Master, as such for every action you take.
Im sure hes just setting up the characters, but as youll read on youll see that
he has about as much experience with Dungeons and Dragons as I do giving
myself abortions.
No! You cant do this to me! *Vvvvvvvvvvvv* Apparently whenever Marcy loses
at a game, she turns into her own little earthquake or a human vibrator.

Usually you roll a numerous-sided die to determine what happens for different
encounters and traps and situations and things. Also, there are spells the other
players can use to bring your character back to life.

People dont usually act like this girl does, either. Sure, when I was about maybe
ten years old or so Id get pissed off whenever Id fall into a pit while playing
Super Mario Bros., but I knew it was just a game. Whenever I lose at something
like a video game, Im really more upset about the effort and time that I put into
it that I can never get back only to fail and end up where I was when I started.

Just about everyone who plays D&D realizes that its just a game. Sure, it sucks
when you get killed but not any more than it does when you end up having to
fork over a thousand dollars for rent when you land on Boardwalk with a hotel.

Yes, youve pretended to be a wizard for so long that now you can actually be
one! Thats right, kids, all you have to do is pretend to be something for a while
and, like magic, it will become reality! Hrmmm maybe if I pretend to be a girl
for a few weeks, I can sneak into the locker rooms of college cheerleaders. Why
wasnt I aware of this back in high school?

Youre going to teach me to have the real power? Okay, does black magic really
work? Sure, there are neat supernatural things that happen sometimes, but
usually a perfectly reasonable explanation is available. For instance, some people
who claim to be psychic often just exhibit a proficiency in pattern recognition.
But are a bunch of teenage girls wearing robes drinking each others blood really
granted some kind of super power over other people? If so, why havent any of us
seen it?

Oh, cool. I never knew the occult was based on twenty-sided die and subtracting
hit points. Make a roll to see if you summon the Dread Cthulhu to devour the
families of those kids who beat you up last week at the football game!

Hah! Intense occult training. Where are the Cheetos! Wheres the Mountain
Dew? I cast Magic Missile at the darkness! Get back to me, Jack, when you know
what, exactly, in the fuck youre talking about. My own personal experience with
D&D is sitting in my living room with a couple of my friends joking around and
half-watching TV while killing the infestation of spiders that came after my mom
cleaned the basement. Boy, if thats not intense occult training, I sure dont
know what is. In fact, I think that made me at least OT-3 in Scientology.

Elfstar Does she have a real name? I mean, youd have to be one pretty fucked
up individual to use your D&D character name in real life. Chicks portrayal of
these D&D players is that of a group of extremely immature teenagers who have
some kind of debilitating array of psychotic disorders preventing them from telling
the difference between reality and fantasy.

Whuh? So theyre going to accept her just like that, no questions asked? Boy, it
sure is easy to join a cult these days. I play D&D. Okay, youre in!
Im getting a weird vibe about the fact that this group of kids plays D&D with this
weird older woman whom they refer to as Ms. Frost.

I wonder how many real people who play D&D have the game become real for
them. Probably the same people who are strapped to a bed in the psych ward of
their local hospital screaming You gave me the power to fly! at the ceiling. I
sure wish I could get some kind of real power from playing a game. Itd be
awesome to, say, grow to twice my size by eating mushrooms. Not to mention
the usefulness of a real-life application of the Konami code.

I knew you were ready by the way you played the game. Hah. Youre a pro at
rolling 20-sided dice, man. And your fabricated imaginary dragon slaying?
Incredible. And you barely lose any hit points! You are so ready to be a witch.
Youve got your wrist motion down perfectly.

Which spell did you cast, Debbie? The one that gives me a minor stroke that
makes half of my face and body cripple up. It looks like someones scratching
the top of her sinus cavity with a chopstick up her nostril.
Mind bondage spell. I got a bad grade in English, so I cast Fire 3 on my
principal. My little brother was giving me a lot of shit, so I pulled out a Scroll of
Lightning Bolt and made him totally regret it. Pfft.

What was the result? Oh, absolutely nothing because MAGIC DOESNT WORK IN
REAL LIFE! Does Chick really think it does? When I was a young, impressionable
kid, I used to try casting spells on people I didnt like. Never worked. I suppose
that was before I ever played D&D, so maybe I just didnt have the real power
yet.

What the hell is she, their live-in wiccan? This is Ms. Frost. She lives with us and
casts spells on all the boys who say my chest is flat.

I cant, Im fighting the zombie. By myself. With no DM. Im still trying to figure
this one out. You cant play D&D by yourself, it just doesnt work. Im just gonna
get out my character sheet and fight a random monster, I guess. Or perhaps
fighting the zombie is just a euphemism for masturbation.
Is is that Ana Gasteyer from SNL?

Ever since her character in the game got killed, its as though a part of her died.
Because we all know you cant make up another character sheet or have someone
else in the game revive you. Sheese, nobodys this pathetic, immature or
dependent on the game. I love how Chick makes his characters totally
unbelievable to cover for his lack of ability to hold up an argument with actual
logic.

Heres my Jack Chick impersonation: Look at me! Im Jack Chick! I cant make a
valid argument using logic or reason so I have to make the characters who are in
opposition to my side of the argument seem like weak-minded little assholes so
that people associate those characteristics with that side of the issue! I also twist
things around and give the characters unbelievably extreme negative traits so
that I can try to make a point using not real reality, but a stupid, twisted,
inaccurate account of reality because thats the only place any of my points will
ever really be true! Nyuuuugh!

No, but were all glad she did.

Hey, look! Shes still vibrating! I think she was the one with the real super
powers. Sure, Elfstar can cast mind bondage on her dad and get 200 bucks
worth of D&D stuff, but Marcie can become her own little earthquake.

I love the D&D paraphernalia laying about. She loved that dragon so much

Oh, well. No big loss, here. She was incredibly immature and weak and
dependent on a fantasy game. Also: stupid. Quick tip for any authors or artists or
what-have-you: If you want to make a characters death emotional and impacting
on the reader, you have to make the character a) believable and b) likeable.

This suicide note makes not even the slightest damned bit of sense. Fictional
characters cannot really die. D&D characters cannot really die. Did it ever occur
to her to make another D&D character? She could even use the name and
characteristics of Black Leaf if she wanted to.

How would she be facing life alone? She obviously had some kind of severe
mental disorder, so the cause of her suicide cant really be blamed on D&D.
Someone that emotionally unstable is at risk of attempting suicide because of
something as simple as someone eating one of their Twinkies, so I dont really
think that the fact that her character died is the main contributing factor in her
decision to end her own life.
Huh. Thats funny. Im finding it quite easy to rid my mind of her. And, no, if you
left the game, shed probably still have committed suicide because someone
wouldve changed the channel on her favorite TV show or something.

Hrmmmm spiritual growth through D&D. How does that work? I slayed an
imaginary ogre, therefore Im closer to the dark god!

I kinda agree with Ms. Frost, here, on this one. I think its more important to go
about your business and tend to your own survival and life than to constantly
babysit some incredibly fragile girl wholl attempt suicide at the drop of a hat. If
shes gonna be like that, then why bother trying to stop her?

Wait wait wait wait because her character was weak? It wasnt her characters
weakness that caused her suicide, it was her own weakness as a person. And I
agree that shed have taken her own life eventually. Someone wouldve forgotten
to feed her goldfish and her head wouldve been right in that gas oven.
It wasnt you who harmed Marcie. She was a fucking idiot who couldnt handle a
simple game. Shed have reacted the same if youd have bumped her back in
Sorry. Dont blame yourself, kid. Blame Marcies rampant psychotic illness.

What have I gotten myself into? I dont like my live-in wiccan anymore.

Okay, Im getting confused. If Debbie is Elfstar, is she like the Hulk or something?
Does she somehow mutate into Elfstar? Debbie is believed to be lame and she
must let the world think that she is lame until she can find a way to control the
retarded spirit that dwells within her.

Honestly, who confuses their identity with a character from a game? Oh, look!
Im Mario! Hey-a every-a-body-a! Its-a me-a!

Shed rather be Debbie, but Id rather do Elfstar.

Oh, here comes the good, wholesome, righteous Christian savior to wait did
she just call him an SOB or is that some kind of sound effect inexplicably placed
inside a speech bubble? Hey, Debbie. Whats wrong? Can I help? I thought I
had all the answers but now my life is falling apart. You son of a bitch. I dont
know about you, but I usually dont say sob whenever I actually sob.

Jesus is the only answer. To what? Role-playing games? Were gonna play D&D,
wanna join us? Naah, I think Ill just sit over here and pretend to be Jesus for a
couple of hours instead. Thanks anyway, though, guys!

Ive been praying and fasting for you. And we all know how great that works.
She didnt even know he was doing it until he told her, so it couldnt have had
that dramatic of an effect on her life.

Why would you do that for me? Yeah, why would you do that for her? You seem
like a very inconsequential character. This is your first appearance in the tract, so
you two couldnt have been that close. Theres this girl at school and I think
shes joining a cult, so Im not gonna eat for a week.

Also, I dont know if he realizes this or not, but Chick is almost implying that this
witchery that Debbie is involved er no wait. Elfstar is invol or is it Debbie
now? Whoever the fuck this girl is Debbie/Elfstar is involved in is more
powerful than prayer and fasting. Can Debbie get her dad to fork over 200 bucks
for stuff she wants through prayer? I think not! Debbies magic had significant
tangible effects. This kids prayer and fasting obviously did absolutely nothing for
anyone.

It sort of raises an interesting question: What if black magic was, in fact, real to
the point where one could actually cast D&D spells in real life and someone
decided to use it to cure the sick? Now: are they evil for using magic or good for
using it in a good way? And dont go giving me that fundie bullshit about how
there can be no good wizards because there can be. If you believe D&D is real,
then you have to believe that all of it is real, so there can be both good and bad
wizards. Would I be evil if I used magic to cure the sick? I mean, it obviously
has a quicker, greater effect than prayer and fasting, so why not?
What can I do? Well, you can come with me to a meeting this afternoon and
join a different cult!

Is his spine exploding or did he just walk through some kind of inter-dimensional
portal?

The speaker came out of witchcraft and he knows what youre up against. But
Jack Chick sure the hell doesnt have any clue about any of it. Id really like for
someone to logically and thats a key word, there: logically explain to me the
link between playing D&D and joining some kind of witches coven. This entire
thing hasnt made any sense to me at all yet.

Mmmmmm, dungeon of bondage. Where can I get me one of those?

But Jesus came that you might have life and that more abundantly. That more
abundantly what? And we only might have life? Maybe we have to make a roll for
it. Roll the 1d6 to see if you have life. Maybe dice have the real power after
all.

<PeterGriffin&gt EHEHEHEHEHEHEHE came EHEHEHEHEHEHE

</PeterGriffin&gt
Bahahaha occult paraphernalia rock music dungeons and dragons
charms er wait. Charms? You mean we have to give up our Blo-Pops, too?
Damn you, God!

Burn them! Thats right, dont sell them! Instead, why dont you just throw
away the hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise youve purchased over the
past several years of your life? And now he actually attacks Dungeons and
Dragons instead of just calling it Dark Dungeons. Id really like to see the link
between the occult and rock music, though. Its the beat! I cant believe
theyre getting away with drumming like that! Cover your ears, kids! The rhythm
is gonna get you!

Is this guy supposed to be one of the Jackson brothers?

Her life is a mess. See? Do you see what dice-rolling can do to someone?

The woman on the left is checking out her ass, the guy on the rights looking at
her rack.
*WARNING: Having one of the Jackson brothers order spirits out of your body
will not actually get rid of a spiritual infestation.

Apparently the lower spine is one of the main exit routes for spirits of the
occult. I really get a kick out of how all of these spectres and ghouls are
magically leaving her body. I was possessed by D&D!

Okay, this panel contradicts itself. If someone is in charge of everything you do,
then thats not liberty like the passages from the Bible at the bottom of the
page describe. Im free! But someone else makes all of my decisions for me and
tells me what to do.

Hrm. Okay, Ive looked at D&D manuals before I have friends whove read
almost every single one of them but I dont remember any given point in time
where my friends or I looked to them as a guide to life. Youd have to be one
pretty sad individual to let a D&D manual be in charge of everything. Unless, of
course, there was some kind of ogre infestation or something. Then itd be really
useful. Oh, shit! What do I do if theres a group of ogres banging down my door?
How many hit points do they have? How does this enchanted knife with +3
against ogres work? Other than that, though, I cant really see any kind of logical
or useful real-life application of anything contained within a D&D manual.
Hah. Filth of satan. Goddamn you, character sheet! You stole my innocence
and love of god with your listing of my hit points, charisma, intelligence, strength
and inventory! And you! Twenty-sided die! May you rot in hell for all eternity for
your luring me into temptation by figuring out how much damage I do in pretend
battle to imaginary monsters! Give me a fucking break.

I bet Debbies daddy is standing next to the fire in tears over the two hundred
dollars of his that was just tossed into it. Maybe thatll teach him to start wearing
his skull cap of clear thought with +5 against mind bondage spells a little more
often.

So as you can see, Jack Chick has absolutely no idea what hes talking about.
Intense occult training! That makes me laugh harder the more I think about it.

I cant believe someone could be so stupid, really. It hurts my head. How the hell
is rolling dice to play a game of pretend and determine whether or not you slay
the imaginary ogre related in any way to the occult and black magic ritual?
*Sigh*

Someone asked me Proving [Jack Chick] wrong? Dont you mean youre
countering his opinion? Everyone has a right to their own opinion. But Jack Chick
has no opinions. Hes not saying I think D&D is evil, hes saying D&D will turn
your children against Jesus and make them believe in the occult. This is
obviously demonstrably untrue, given the ample evidence in the world around us.
So, no, Im not countering his opinion, I am indeed proving him wrong.
Theres an important difference, and all opinions are not equal. Douglas Adams,
in an interview, phrased this opinion inequality argument much better than I
can. Google for it.

Until next time, kids.

 All images Copyright 2002 Chick Publications, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Jabberwock

Comments (72)

72 Responses to Chick Dissection | Dark Dungeons

1. Dave Boswell Says:

February 6th, 2006 at 12:36 pm

Jack Chick is a total RELIGOUS BRAINWASHING JACKASS! He believes no one

should be allowed to have any fun whatsoever! Especially if youre a christian.
D&D is evil, rock/metal(especially christian) is evil, going to parties and dancing
its soooooooooo sinful and wrong. What LOAD OF RELIGOUS BULLSHIT this guy
is full of!
2. Terrible Tommy Murray Says:
February 7th, 2006 at 1:51 am

DARK DUNGEONS? Review by Terrible Tommy? Murray

If youve hit the Chick Museums link, youve probably read the MST3K satire of
this classic Chick-let, slamming that tool of Satanic Wiccan Catholicism, Dungeons
and Dragons and, by implication, ALL role-playing games. The folks who do
MST3K are very familiar with D & D, as most Protestants are not, including our
wonderful friends at the Chick Museum, who, other then knott speling wurth
sheyit, do exemplary work. Just let the drug-crazed Wiccan whos played D & D
since the Sucky 70s clue yall into a few overlooked things in Dark Dungeons?
and other Chickery. (Chickcraft? Chickcca?)
First of all, lets consider the witness of JTC himself:
First, Black Leaf dies and Marcie freaks:

Then Debbie comes to visit, only to find that Marcie has committed suicide; we
dont get to see Marcies full-gainer-by-angel into the Lake O Fire, but you can
bet its there. This is a CHICK Tract, remember.

First of all, dying in D & D is a part of existence: We have Debbies characteras

the MST gang notes, a cleric named Wizard? (Tommy: ???!!?)and one of
the many cool magical things clerics are especially good at is called
Resurrection.? Thats raising the dead; you know, like Jesus? (Any imitation of
Christs powers without ritually kissing Christs anus is much screamed over by
Jack in his tirades against Role-Playing Games, Resurrection spells included.)
If Debbie was such a good player, why didnt she simply access the clerical
miracle of Resurrection, or use her priestly connections to have it done? Also, if
Mrs. Frost is worth diddly as a DM, the party should have at least ONE Potion of
Healing, Ring of Holding with a Lesser Wish or other artifact won in past games
that would have served to resurrect Black Leaf. Furthermore, Mrs. Frost could
simply have engineered the coincidental? appearance of clerical non-players
characters with powers or artifacts (enough to Raise The Dead, at least.)
And if worse comes to worst, Marcie could have easily done what me and a billion
RPG aficionados have always done in such situations: Either roll up a new
character who stumbles? across the party; or, conversely, Black Leaf?
becomes Blue Leaf,? Black Leafs long-lost identical cousin who stumbles
across the party just in time to mourn her cousin, gather up all her stuff and join
the quest. A few seconds to write in the new name on the old character sheet and
Marcie doesnt need to swing.
Furthermore, if a demented Heathen (capitol-H, arseface!) like Terrible Tommy is
DMing the game, you can bet that it wouldnt be more than three hours, game
time, (i.e., five minutes, real time) before the party would encounter the stinking,
maggot-crawling undead remains of Marcies character, now called Dead Leaf,?
either a zombie, ghoul, vampire or demon-possessed barrow wight. (Marcie would
probably have flung herself in front of a truck over that one!)
A much more typical reaction to death in D & D can be found in the hilarious
comic spoof of RPG-fanaticism, Dork Tower? by John Kovalic. In this excellent
comic, the players regularly torture the poor DM by hurling themselves into
hopeless, pre-doomed assaults on much bigger, badder foes, joyfully stumbling
into death traps like eagerly grabbing The Gem of Obvious Self-destruction?
and beginning their sojourn into the DMs hard thought-out adaptation of The
Lord of the Rings by killing Gandalf and Frodo in the first seven minutes.
In one episode, Matt, the DM, regretfully tells Igor, a player, that his character
has died. Igor reacts to this news bygoing home and despondently hanging
himself? HELL, no: Igor goes into an ecstatic dance, singing a take-off on The
Monster Mash:?
His brain was mashed
It was a MONSTER MASH
His life was snatched
Oh, it was really scratched!
His spine was smashed
Hes in a graveyard, natch!
Ha ha ha haaah! Yesss! See ya, LOOOOOSER!?
Whereupon Igor happily begins rolling up another character while Matt
comments: The Grim Reaper kinda loses his sting when he claims a low-stat
character youve been stuck with, doesnt he??
THIS attitude is a much more realistic reaction to death in D & D, not the ongoing
Protestant paranoiac fantasy of Chickworld (Hey! Great idea for a new D & D
module: Chickworld,? where Witches and Methodists are hung from trees and
girls that dont bleed on their wedding night get beat to death with rocks.
Guillotines on ice-cream trucks, demons on Rock CDs and a worldwide, almost
inhuman, Catholic control conspiracy that really IS out to get you! Vampires
popping up at Macdonalds, werewolves at Baskin-Robbins and every Catholic
Church will have its own continuous thunderstorm, full of demonic shadows. HEY!
Hands off: I thought of it FIRST!)
Anyway, Marcies reaction is extremely unrealistic and reflects Mr. Chicks willful
ignorance of the game and the people who play it.
Terrible Tommys terrible Gripe No. 2: Marcie plays D & D so well, she becomes a
full-fledged Priestess of Diana and member of the Craft of Wicca under her D & D
characters name. Let me make just one comment: WHAT???!!
You are a whiz at checkers, Jethro, so now you are a Presbyterian, a vice-
president in the Rotarians and an Eagle Scout with a PhD in English Literature?
makes just as much sense. To be any kind of Wiccan Priestess takes (like the
Jedi) the most serious purpose and YEARS, nay, DECADES and LIFETIMES of
study and real work (planting corn, milking cows, slaughtering goats and plucking
chickens, not to mention raising a family in the Craft in darkest Christian America,
no easy task.) I didnt see Debbie do anything but hang around playing D & D.
Tell one of MY Wiccan Mambos that you are now a Third Degree High Priestess
because of your diligent RPG playing. Go ahead, tell them. See how many times
they murder you in seven minutes. Call me so I can watch.
Another Chick/D & D interaction that you guys missed is how many times various
Monsters in a JTC tract are portrayed, line for line, with some creature straight
from the TSR manual. How does Jack get away with this? And notice: Jack
doesnt follow the AD & D rulebooks AT ALL! If anything, JTC goes out of his way
to prove? that Dungeons and Dragons is a Satanic Catholic plot and only St.
Chick knows the truth.
In Satans Master? for example, Jack rips off one of the lesser demon princes
to be his Satan: Apparently, this character (whose name was some ridiculous
agglomeration of letters like Balferzaz?) really scared the poop out of Chick, as
opposed to the classic AD & D Lord of Evil, Asmodeus, who looks like some
debonair gentleman, some Hagbard Celine clone, and apparently didnt produce
the same levels of reactionary terror in Mr. Chicks bowels that Balferzaz had. So
the lesser prince gets promoted to Top Dog.
Also, note the cover: Balferzaz or whatever is sweating and looking fearful, JTC
sweat drops and all. Jack is the kind of person who never won a schoolyard fight,
but grows up to draw superheroes in response, starring the schoolyard bullies as
villains who always get conquered, but never give up. This tract cover is a classic
example: Asmodeus and Beelzebub in the Monster Manual apparently didnt
bother Jack a bit, but this sub-sub-demon noble gave him a turn or two. His
revenge is this tract.
[Hey, maybe I can write a song bad enough to make Jack hate ME enough to do a
tract on ME! Sereh ot ym teews nataS?? Or Killing Hamsters for the Devil
While Sodomizing Light Bulb Sockets?? Ive got it! Gonna rock, rock, rock---
rock for the rock---embrace me, Love of Death!? I dunno: That song keeps
running through my head.]
Another D & D rip-off is in the same tract: One of the Witches whispers behind
the High Priestesses back. A demon sitting on HPs shoulder relays the dirt to her:
Only problem is, the demon? is actually a creature straight from Monster
Manual II (MMII, in geekspeak) called a stone gargoyle.? While certainly evil, it
is considered a non-spiritual, physical entity, which Chick metamorphoses into a
made-to-order demon; once again, pulling off a straight-out plagiarism.
Lets not even MENTION the dozen or so times that JTC sticks the phrase Prime
Material Plane? into his anti-occult raps (There, see; we didnt mention it.) This,
along with the myth ripped-off from Hislops Two Babylons? about Nimrod and
Semiramis, marks the mental trail of St. Jack the Tripper quite clearly. If you
hear about either concept, you can tell exactly where they came from. [We
occult-drenched Voodruid Witches use a lot of words, but Prime Material Plane?
is not one of them.]
Meanwhile, Chick Publishing screams like the imaginary Catholic goon attacking
the Bible Book store if anyone DARES to touch one of his gilded post-scripts to
the Gospels, such as Psycho Dave and others. Hypocrisy, thy name is Christian.
Another rip-off in Satans Master?, non-D & D this time, is the demon Ri-
chan,? one of Dr. ex-Mrs. Satan? Becky Browns obvious names. Forming
increasingly wild stories is the stock-in-trade of Chick, Brown and John Todd, who
is still in prison for molesting his step-daughter (UGH!) and now claiming to be a
Wiccan? minister. Meanwhile, faithful Jack, as infallible as a Pope, has declared
that John has only back-slidden? and all the Rev. Lance Todds? blithering
nonsense is still true.
As for Todd, just let Terrible Tommy,? Rock-n-Roll Witch, clue you in: We dont
want him! Stay away from us Wiccans if you ever get out, short eyes. We dont
sacrifice humans, John (Lance?), usually, but well gladly make an exception for
you.
The same ex-cathedra pronouncement of Factual, because I prayed about it?
rests on Dr. Browns delusions; and, even though her block-busting? books
flopped like yesterdays spaghetti for Chick, he still digs into Dr. Browns manure
heap of non-facts like the old fellow who found the Original Mud Mine.
One such tidbit is the name Ri-chan? which gets attached to another ripped-off
D & D monster, an actual Demon this time. The name is pure Rebecca Brown
exorcism gibberish. I kept expecting to hear about the demons Ging-gong?
Uu-uu? and Fooble-ook,? a flying alligator, a hippo with tentacles and a
mouse with a gorilla head, respectively. Such gobs of morphemes attached to
dream chimeras composed of scrambled body parts are typical of Browns ever-
increasing dictionary of cast-out demons. Mix them with Carters excellent art
(well, it IS!), the MMII and Mr. Chicks fevered-but-fertile imagination and WATCH
OUT!
Then consider The Hunter.? Since every drug of any sort is just a substitute for
Jesus, the rampant hysteria of the Hunter? gets so wildand I would still vote
that JTC honestly, truthfully believes every single malodorous morsel thereof
that you start having to wonder if Jack has some form of mental condition
(obvious, but way too simple); or if, conversely, M.I.B.? is for real and some
over-evolved Chaotic Neutral? (Evil?) orange cephalopodan slug is sitting in a
little control booth in Jack Thomas Chicks head, doing awful things to the human
monkeys, at least as far as their sciences are concerned (Thank you, Creationism,
thanks a Monkeys Coitus!) Or, conversely, his REAL masters, The Union of Girl
Scouts, Jesuits-who-hate-Jesus-and-worship-Satan, Yeti people and Insurance
Salesman? program him by microwave from afar.
Either that, or simple human stupidity, explain why, in the rapturously-insane
Hunter,? our man Jack takes a Lawful Good critter from MMII in the form of a
demi-divine being named a Solar? (I think it was called), except this is a JACK
CHICK Solar: Hes got leathery bat wings (which, like horns, to us Pagans,
signifies divinity, but to Jacks helically contiguous mind [insult intended], these
black Hell-o-wings are scary) and the mace Solars carry to protect and defend,
Jack turned into an instrument of punishment for those not getting their quota in
souls.
Here, again, are the minds? of Jack Chick, John Todd, Mike Warnke (if you
want to be honest), Becky Brown and Worm-meat-for-frontal-lobes Schnoeblin:
Every Tot and Jittle in this Saliva-fest of Salvation (How GREAT a salivation?) is
PURE UNALLOYED GOSPEL to the various sub-sub-splinter sects of Protestant
Christianity that mostly purchase, believe and use Jacks incredibly sordid visions.
Thats why this mans mind can go so far off track and people like the wilder
Protestants lap it up as truth while people like us lap it up as art. Jack Chick is,
ultimately, his own best customer.
3. Brcue Grubb Says:
March 4th, 2006 at 9:27 am

Dark Dungeons is one fo the few Chick tracts that somebody actaully got a letter
back from Chick regarding and a letter I totally tore to shreads on Usenet

It is the same drivel that Pulling and her BADD group used to push.
4. Steve Says:
March 5th, 2006 at 5:14 am

As I mentioned before as a christian minister (a gay one) I find these hilarious. As

for Jack chick, hes attacking the darkness.
 5. Bruce Grubb Says:
March 5th, 2006 at 8:05 pm

Attacking the Darkness? AFAICT Chick is PART of the Darkness that gires
Christianity the black eye it has around he world. Lies, deceptions, and fear are
not the tools of Christ.
6. cj Says:
March 7th, 2006 at 7:06 pm

Jack Chick is full of shit! The man has no right to talk about a subject he doesnt
even know about. He thinks he knows about god, DnD or Wiccanism, but
everything I know of him tells me otherwise. God loves everyone, no matter who
they are or what they do, DnD is a game, like chess, and I am deeply sorry Chick
is incapable of recognizing that, he might as well compare a human to a Fish,
Because thats how much they have in common, NOTHING. And Wiccas, also
Witches, warship the earth, which has nothing to do with Satan, in fact wiccanism
is older than Christianity, so if you rationally think about this which I know
Chick has some problems with, Wiccas cant be devil worshipers, its a completely
different system. Also, I would like to thank the author of this review, you did a
great job.
7. Panda Rose Says:
March 30th, 2006 at 11:59 pm

Actually, you can get another good look at overacting to a characters death in
the comic series Knights of the Dinner Table. Bob (the gamer) loses his favorite
character Knuckles the Dwarf, then whines, fusses, and complains so much about
it that all the other players are ready to hang him themselves.
I am a Christian but your comments are dead-bang on about these people; they
are all pretty hopeless. A Jack Chick D & D might be worth the playing! For what
its worth every time I joined a gaming group it promptly fell apart; dont know
what to make of that.
8. Blotto Says:
June 30th, 2006 at 11:47 pm

As a practicing D&D player and occultist let me just say I am appalled, horrified
and utterly disgusted with this Dark Dungoons. He has all the facts wrong, it
makes me want to puke. EVERYONE who plays D&D knows that you dont get to
cast the spell that makes your dad buy you $200 worth of D&D books until 16th
Level (AKA 4th Degree Satanic Catholic Pagan D&D Initiation).

I think it would be awsome to make a Jack T. Chick Roleplaying Game. Roll

under 10 to avoid getting cast into the Lake of Fire!. Roll saving throw vs. Evil
to convert the Homo! In this game you dont get to cast spells, Jesus gets to cast
you into the dungeon eternal torture and damnnation.

Yes Jack, D&D is as real as your comics are.

How come when people kill themselves over school or football or RELIGION no
one ever tries to ban those?
9. darth salmon Says:
July 24th, 2006 at 9:15 am

This was actually the first Chick Tract I encountered (not very surprising, since
Ive been roleplaying for years). First time I read it, I mistook it for satire. A few
months later I came across one of the parodies of it. Curious, I decided Id find
the original. Boy was my face red.

Anyway, lets take a quick look at the first two panels.

1 The females outnumber the males
2 The playing area is neat and orderly
3 With 7 players (including GM) there are only 10 cans of drink visible (less
than 2 each)
4 Only 3 of the players have anything that might possibly be a character sheet
5 The GM arbitrarily slaughters PCs, and people seem surprised
6 When a PC dies, other players stop acknowledging the player??????
7 A player gets upset about her characters death. In a cc of D&D, where
resurrection is rare, and for the really poor, reincarnation can be bought for two
gold and a polished lump of granite.
8 Players refer to each other as Dungeon Master, Wizard and the thief,
Black Leaf
9 Nobody rolls for anything. Not for spell effects, not for trap detection, not for
dodging the trap, not for damage. Nothing.

Logically, I can only assume that Mr. Chick has never played or watched a single
session of any RPG in action, or read a single rulebook. The vague description he
has apparently heard was (Id guess) at least third or fourth hand.

Given his complete lack of knowledge in this field, the entire remainder of this
tract is rendered pointless, so Ill stop here.

PS Its not one of the Jacksons, Its Billy Dee Williams (Lando Calrissian)
10. sykodoughboy Says:
September 13th, 2006 at 5:50 pm

A D&D Hall of Shame

This provides us with a spiritual explanation of why the following tragic litany of
evil keeps growing around players of Dungeons and Dragons. The psychological
explanation buttresses this as well, for we now understand the D&D can readily
be a form of mind-control which also uses real occult techniques to foster
possession by evil spirits.
The Freeway Killer, Vernon Butts, who committed suicide in his cell in 1987
while being held as a suspect in a string of murders was an avid D&D player.4
D&D player (14 years old) commits suicide by hanging, 1979, name withheld by
parents request.
D&D player (17 years old) Michael Dempsey, Lynnwood, WA. suicide by gunshot
wound to the head, 5/19/81. Witnesses saw him trying to summon up D&D
demons just minutes before his death.
D&D player (? years old) Steve Loyacano, Castle Rock, CO., suicide by carbon
monoxide poisoning, 10/14/82. Police report satanic writings and a suicide note
liked the death to D&D.
D&D player (21 years old) Timothy Grice, Lafayette, CO., suicide by shotgun
blast, 1/17/83. Detective reports noted, D&D became a reality. He thought he
was not constrained to this life, but could leave [it] and return because of the
game.
D&D player (18 years old) Harold T. Collins, Marion, OH., suicide by hanging,
4/29/83. Collins was noted to be possessed by D&D as if he were living the
game.
D&D player (16 years old) Daniel Erwin, Lafayette, CO., murder by brothers
shotgun blast to head, 11/2/84 (right after Halloween). Death was apparently the
result of a death pact as part of the game.
D&D player (12 years old) Steve Erwin (see above) suicide by gunshot, 11/2/84.
Detective report: No doubt D&D cost them their lives.5
D&D player (no age given) Joseph Malin, Salt Lake City, UT., pled guilty to first
degree murder 3/2/88 and was sentenced to life in prison. He killed a 13 years
old girl while acting out the fantasy-role game. The girl had been raped, her
throat cut, and she had been stabbed twice in the chest. Police said his violent
urges were fed by extreme involvement in the fantasy role-playing game
Dungeons and Dragons.6
D&D player (14 years old) Sean Sellers was convicted of killing his parents and a
convenience store clerk in Greeley, Oklahoma (1/11/87). He is the youngest
inmate of death row in the country as of this writing (22 now). His involvement in
hard-core Satanism began with D&D, according to his own testimony. Praise the
Lord, he is now a Born Again Christian!7
D&D player (14 years old) Tom Sullivan, Jr. got into Satanism and ended up
stabbing his mother to death, arranging a ritual circle (from D&D) in the middle of
the living room floor and lit a fire in its midst. Fortunately, his dad and little
brother were awakened by a smoke detector; but by then, Tom, Jr. had slashed
his wrists and throat with his Boy Scout knife and died in the snow in a neighbors
yard.(1/19/88, Amarillo, TX.)

this is holyer than thou Jacks scare tactic to keep peolpe from having a good
time with friends comment you veiws on this
11. Moczo Says:
November 30th, 2006 at 6:08 pm
Holy crap! Dungeons and Dragons gives you REAL super-powers?! Why did
nobody ever tell me this before?! I need to go get some 20-sided dice soon, the
power of mind bondage shall be MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
12. ThinkYourself Says:
December 2nd, 2006 at 11:24 am

The D&D Hall of shame speaks of several people who apparently practiced
satanic rituals and killed others or themselves. Its a set-up for the reader to
conclude D&D was the reason for their evil behavior.

Take one example, Sean Sellers, who was executed in 1999. If you research his
story, youll find out he was physically abused, etc. by his parents as a very
young child. D&D may have been a source of his satanic ideas, but it could
equally have been The Wizard of Oz or Shakespeare. D&D contains romantic
fantasy, with both good and evil, just like pretty much any form of entertainment
in Western society.
13. Jon Says:
December 3rd, 2006 at 11:20 pm

does anyone have a link to that interview opinion inequality?

14. Marc Says:
December 11th, 2006 at 10:31 pm

Dear author of this page,

I think your comments are awesome and funny. However, please dont take this
as an example of real Christianity. I think God hates Jack Chick. Real Christianity
is far more complicated, nuanced, and sensible (read Thomas Aquinas) than the
situations or characters he sets up. I am Catholic, and we believe that God could
have created evolution. Incidentally, as you probably know, Jack Chick hates
Catholics and he thinks we will all burn in hell. I think its ridiculous to ignore
science and say that the whole world was created in seven days. But I also
believe that there are fundamental problems and questions about humanity and
morality in general that can only be solved by some sort of religious faith. All Im
saying is that Jack Chick is an idiot, and I dont want him associated with my
religion.

marc
15. Spoonman Says:
December 27th, 2006 at 11:29 am

sykodoughboy, your post is perfect to prove the point of the rest of the
comments. Since millions (yes, MILLIONS) of people around the world play role-
playing games, the short list provided by the hall of shame merely proves that
its a microscopically small subset of those players who develop suicidal or
homicidal tendencies. If it were possible to determine the actual number, I have
no doubt wed find that the percentage of RPG players who become dangerous is
exactly the same as the percentage of people in general who become dangerous.
I would be interested in finding out what percentage of those who are associated
with a christ-based religion are dangerous. What would they say if the
percentage were the same as those who play RPGs? Personally, I think wed find
the percentage from their ranks to be much higher.
16. Roman Says:
December 29th, 2006 at 10:00 am

Its almost imposible to fight versus satan with ugly, insane and weak mutations
of the Christianity like your crazy american sects or even protestant or catholic,
because they lost real Holy Spirit and turn Christianity in poor circus.
I suggest all readers to learn more about eastern, orthodoxal christianity
converting there may prevent your children of becoming gay or islamic fanatic,
like it usualy offens with western christian people, which religion is in big crisis
now.
If you think youre christian you MUST at least know major differences between
orthodoxal christianity and your current church.
If not then youll look like specialist in world car industry who never heard nothing
about japan and german car.

Have some time learn it there for example:

http://www.pravoslavie.ru/english/
17. Douglas Byrd Says:
December 30th, 2006 at 9:17 pm

That comic seems far to the extreem XD i play D&D, and i played without even a
healer on the team!

I agree, that girl was about as unstable as anything if shed go suicide from a
charicter death, by weak charicter I think she could have easily meant personal
charicter.

The person who made that comic strip was kind of stupid, Im glad to see that
someone picked it apart, imagination should never be confused with real life.
18. sykodoughboy Says:
January 5th, 2007 at 4:26 pm

Spoonman, yeah its like listing the people that killed themselfs that also ate at
McDonaldsconspiracy? I think so. But, how cool would it be if there was a McDs
cult? i would so join. HUMA-BIGAMACA-APEARA! Damn, not lvl 8 yet.
19. sykodoughboy Says:
January 5th, 2007 at 4:38 pm

to Douglas Byrd,
yeah, wait wasnt that stupid lead girl a fuckin cleric? THATS A HEALER IN
D&D!!! Not some-fucktard that dables in the occult, all Im saying is that if she
was going to start becoming her character in real life she would be a healer just
like Jesus.

P.S. on a side note i saw the funniest shirt the other day, i said in bold print
Jesus saves and in smaller print below the picture it says and only takes half
damage a little D&D and Jesus humor for ya.
20. Purring Turtle Says:
January 6th, 2007 at 8:23 am

Um Wow. I think I may have to go hide in my shell now. I am a Christian, and

this sort of stuff makes me want to cry. I am also an avid fan of Harry Potter,
Fantasy, Sci-fi in general, and other Non-Christian materials. Christianity does
speak to issues of the occult, but not like this. Um Please dont lump us all in
with that guy. I suppose he means well, but I cant see what good he could be
doing for anyone..
21. Xanthir, FCD Says:
January 11th, 2007 at 10:43 pm

Purring Turtle: No, Jack Chick doesnt mean well. The man is batshit loco insane,
and wants to impose a horrific dominionist form of Christianity on us, where we
will all be subject to the arbitrary edicts of people who believe that witchcraft is
real and invisible spirits really *do* make people commit evil acts. When you
*want* people who are literally hallucinating in charge of everyone else, what
does that say about you?

Marc (and others who think like him): Yes, Jack Chick practices a very peculiar
and horrific brand of Christianity. But dont think anyone else is free of evil! Your
professed faith, Catholicism, is no less full of the same ideas; they just havent
been acted on in recent times. Catholicism *does* admit the existence of
witchcraft, as does nearly every religion. One needs magical enemies to justify
turning to a magical savior, no? Does the Inquisition ring any bells? Salem Witch
Trials?

These may be classified as temporary bouts of insanity, true, but it is mass

insanity prompted by nonsensical ideas given by their holy book. There is no
guarantee that similar incidents would not still have happened without the
influence of Christianity people are stupid enough by themselves. However,
such acts of insanity are usually only possible when in the grip of an ideology that
blatantly contradicts reality (and thus requires mental obedience to prevent
people from reasoning themselves out of the group). Communism, anyone? A
philosophy that has no ties to gods, true, but requires an equal mental devotion
to an ideal with little connection to reality.

Once youve denied your ability to reason, you open yourself up to anyones
idiotic, foolish, and possibly deadly opinions, as long as they are phrased so that
they are in line with the original, overriding belief. After all, against what can you
judge them? What mental faculty will you use to weigh the pros and cons? Only
faith is available at that point, a literal and complete rejection of reason.
22. Bronze Dog Says:
January 15th, 2007 at 9:21 pm

Like a lot of the comments, and yeah, I avoid associating Chick with Christianity
in general: Hes the sort of guy whos easy to imagine as a schizophrenic nut in a
weapon-filled basement he likes to imagine as a bunker.

Note: I dont remember where I heard it from, but there seems to be a negative
correlation between D&D and suicide: Its a very social game. If something goes
wrong in your (real, of course) life, youve got a dozen people offering shoulders
to cry on. I doubt Chick is even aware of the concept of sympathy and
togetherness.

Oh, and might as well plug my parody while Im here.

23. Brendan Says:
January 31st, 2007 at 7:03 pm

I have a vague feeling Mr. Chick is confused about the difference between Paper-
based RP and LARPing. It seems hes using Paper-based trappings in a LARP
(Live-Action-Role-Play) setting. I could see some comments, I think youd better
let Elfstar take care of things This is Elfstar and such kind of statements
making perfect sense in a LARP setting. Obviously, LARP is not for people who
arent firmly grounded in reality. Clearly Ms. Frost is not one of these people.
I agree with Douglas Byrd, its entirely possible that the weak character remark
could make sense in a personal character sense, which would be true. If a
character death pushed her over the edge, she was clearly hanging on tenuously
at best.That suicide note raises the possibility that Marcie was suffering
schizophrenic delusions, and felt that her character was a real part of her life. If
this is the case, Im truly sorry for her loss. Except for the part where this is
fiction. And shes a lame character, who I cant feel sympathetic towards, despite
being the Human Vibrator.
Finally, Why is Debbie called Wizard in the first panel, and later called a cleric?
Does this discrepancy bother anyone else? Not only is Chick a moron, hes an
inconsistent moron.
24. Robert Says:
February 23rd, 2007 at 5:59 pm

Ive played a LOT of D&D in my day, and was the DM for a campaign that lasted
eight years (!). Whats more, and possibly worse, was that I started that
campaign when I was already in my 30s, and most of the players were also adults
(typically college-educated and employed).
But wait, it gets better we were all gay men. Grown gay men, meeting once a
month to play D&D. If there was ever a breeding ground for demonic infestation,
we were it.
Number of suicides zero. Number of inexplicable personality changes zero.
Number of screaming matches because Wizard A snagged the magic staff that
Wizard B had been coveting one. (and no, in this context, magic staff is not a
euphemism).

We actually listened to the Dead Alewivess recording before one game it was
very well received.

I was also approached, while waiting for the train into the city for a game, by a
neatly dressed, middle aged man in full God-bothering mode, who tried to hector
me about reading devilish books. I managed to be civil to him, but gosh, was he
agressive.

In conclusion, thanks for the skilled dissection.

25. Golan2072 Says:
February 26th, 2007 at 1:28 pm

Jack Chick disgusts me in him I see the combination of stupidity, ignorance,

bind zealotry, bigotry and book-burning madness. This fascist gives religion a bad
name.
26. ScarletSword Says:
February 26th, 2007 at 7:11 pm

Yeah, Marcie had to have some real mental problems because D&D CANNOT
cause a person to kill him/herself.
27. Jomaru Says:
February 27th, 2007 at 2:35 pm

Golan2072 wrote:
Jack Chick disgusts me in him I see the combination of stupidity, ignorance,
bind zealotry, bigotry and book-burning madness. This fascist gives religion a bad
name.

And there in lies the flaw. Religion already has a bad name, that name is Jesus.
28. wmdkitty Says:
April 2nd, 2007 at 11:20 pm

Witchcraft is real, it just doesnt work like its shown in D&D/Harry

Potter/Charmed/what-have-you. Its not wave a wand, and something happens.
Its putting additional energy into your efforts using a ritual setting. The ritual
trappings are all props anyway, to get one into the proper mindset. Ask any
witch, theyll confirm it.
 29. Metal Bed Says:
April 28th, 2007 at 1:50 pm

Metal Bed

The concrete walls are gouged with holes.

Admin Edit: Keeping this piece of spam, because whaaaaah?

30. Meat Beetles Says:
May 8th, 2007 at 3:54 pm

Hey, thanks for visiting the Meat Beetles site and thnaks for putting us on to this
one. We love it! Do you happen to have a dissection of the tract (cant remember
the title) in which the story takes place in the end-times? There is a great picture
in itJack Chicks masterpieceof a motorcycle with a sidecar specially designed
to hold a guillotine. Priceless stuff. And keep coming back to the Meat Beetles. We
will be posting more of our deconstructionist sonic mayhem in the days and
weeks ahead. Currently in the works: A tribute to Ann (The Man?) Coulter.

http://meatbeetles.blogspot.com
31. Jabberwock Says:
May 8th, 2007 at 4:42 pm

Haha, awesome. I havent, but Ill keep an eye out for it.

Glad you like the site.

Thanks for coming, and Ill definitely visit your place again.
32. rocko Says:
June 17th, 2007 at 6:36 pm

one thing didnt make sense to me check out that part where the minister casts
the spirits out of debbie in the name of jesus. dont make sense. cause if a
catholic priest does the same thing (referred to as an exorcism), or if he
confesses you, that bad according to chick (or any fundie, for that matter), since
supposedly men dont have that kind of powers of god, even if they invoke jesus,
but since its an evangelist, i guess its ok. just check out all the trippy evange-
informercials that come out on tv right after regular programming ends. not only
does it look disturbing, but id rather watch girls gone wild informercials.talk about
double morality. also, check out how the pastor seems to fight temptation,
thinking, should i fondle her breasts, who knows, judging by their perkiness they
might be full of demons hawhawhaw
33. MysticalChicken Says:
July 8th, 2007 at 4:58 pm

PS Its not one of the Jacksons, Its Billy Dee Williams (Lando Calrissian)
Youre both wrong. Its Tom Skerritt.
34. Daniel Says:
July 11th, 2007 at 8:19 pm

Fundamentalist christians have no understanding of D&D.Chick says he

researched this before he wrote the tract.MMore like research from christian
materials(in other words all biased lies.THe Dungeon scare is over.Most rational
people know that its just a game.Yet he is still using the same lies from the
80s.Chick should recieve a Darwin award.No reasonable woman would want to
sleep with him,not that hed agree.
Oh,Chick and his fundamentalist pricks have gotta stop dealing with fake
problems.THat also includes any problems they cant prove,like god and the
devil.If something actually compels you to buy his crap,he wont spend it on some
starving kids-hell use it make more crap to sell and convert peole who have no
real problems
There is another fundamentalist jack.Jack Thompson.He believes violent
videogames causes murders and school shootings.Yet when confronted with proof
htat a murderer was motivated by god-he simply says The bible doesnt tell
people to kill,but Islam does. Total idiot!!!Does thou shalt not suffer a witch to
live mean anything.What about killing false prophets,which basicly every biblical
prophet was(Zechariah 13:3}.Killing all of Babylon (Jeremiah 50:21-22).Dont
foreget the famous Abraham kill your son-your only son-yes issac whom you
love so much and burn him.Thompson is a true fuckard.To him these shootings
are like Forget the shooter was bullied (most likely by christians),forget it was so
easy for him to get the guns,forget its possible to train with guns by using the
guns themselves,what happened was he was playing a real fun game where its
possible to train with guns.
Come on he,he never notes in his endless tirades that its possible to train without
video games.He never notes that bullying got a shooter to that mentality.Its like
the stupid girl in the tract-they will go mad with the game or not.Instead of
fighting the most important causes of a shooting, he fights the way to train.His
first murder trial involved a shooter who was called a faggot by his peers.His
family had guns stockpiled lying around in easy places. Dont forget the newest
shooter Cho-Seung Hui.Dont criticise me for making the point with this guy,Im
just 12.He had a hard time making friends,he was made fun of by the rich kids
in his church group(yes his church group),he was able to get guns just by
showing his citizenship,drivers license,waiting between purchases and eBay.Dont
foget his dorm search yielded no videogames.He last played a game in high
school.
So aparently Jack is a fuckwad who would rather ban games than teach children
tolerance of others,working on legislations limiting how many guns a person can
own, and falsely deny the Bible tells people to kill.
Well,essentialy I proved nothing except that Jack Thompson is a
fuckwad,bigotrous to Ilam,doesnt know that that killing in Christianity and
IIIslam is essentialy the same,except more killing should be done for
christianity,doesnt know that the Musloms that kill are just fundamentalist
radicals that actually have the balls to enact true fundamentalism-unlike both
Jacks Christian Fundamentalism,video games play a very small role in
incitement to murder compared to being be bullied and that it is easy to own
guns, oh and jacks a moron.
On to Jack CHICK, he is as much as a fuckwad as Jack tHompson
35. rocko Says:
July 18th, 2007 at 3:58 pm

one thing i did notice about the tract. look at the guy that claims hes been
fasting for debbie and look at the next block. doe he look like somebody thats
been fasting? i sure dont. gandhi, now HE fasted and always looked frail. that guy
looks like he lives next to a red lobster. and then look at him. he looks like a jock,
and since d&d enthisiasts are often considered nerds and geeks, is this implying
that jocks are good kids cause the dont play with demons? HAWHAWHAW
36. ChickCriticChick Says:
July 28th, 2007 at 11:45 pm

Marcie should have used a resurrection spell. I played in college and when my
character got killed off because of a stupid fellow-player (set the forest on
fire.while we were in it) I simply had the cleric do a resurrection spell. I dont
think we even had the money but our DM fudged it. Itsagame.

I might add that I was suicidally depressed that year. Suicidally. (though not the
next year, when I still played D&D, it had more to do with my mom being about
to die) And I didnt react like Marcie. I shrugged it off until the next game
besides yelling at the wizard to stop fireballing trees.

:-p
37. fdragonSays:
August 2nd, 2007 at 7:01 pm

I cant belive this tract. This insults not only D&D players, but all players of RPGS,
tabletop and otherwise. OOOO, I play Elder Scrolls! That must mean Im going to
polymorph into a Khajiit thief and start stealing things and turning into a
werewolf!

Give me a break!
38. Elfstar Says:
August 20th, 2007 at 1:30 am

I recall an earlier version of this tract where the panel of the Alex Trebek
wannabe talking about gathering up all the occult items came with an * that also
suggested that the works of JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis should also be gathered up
for the burning (see that little white space at the bottom of the panel that now
reads 1 John 4:4 and John 8:36? Notice that there seems to have been a lot
more space than was needed for such a short line of text. Thats where the
original crapola was placed).
39. Carrie Ganne Says:
September 9th, 2007 at 2:31 pm

Isnt burning all the DnD material instead of selling it or donating it more
paganism like or ritualistic? Now we know the truth of Jack chick. he isnt a
Christian, but a demon possesed Pagan
40. Jillian Says:
September 18th, 2007 at 5:55 pm

THIS WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.

=)
People of the faith can be so blind sometimes, its funny.

DnD forever!!
41. Sammaiel Says:
December 19th, 2007 at 11:38 am

Funny.It was an example what christian fides could do on peoples mind.But I

think it was only the work of an exibitionist.Nice graphics,however.
42. Maria Says:
January 12th, 2008 at 9:13 pm

Being a Christian, I found some of the comments insulting, but for the most part I
agree. Dungeons and Dragons will not make you kill yourself. As you pointed out,
mental instability will. The most funny part of this, in my opinion, is the anti-rock
music idea. There actually is Christian rock, if Chick didnt know. And I still dont
understand how that has anything to do with Dungeons and Dragons.

I think I once found another comic by this guy. The comic had been left on a chair
at Pizza Hut and said that all gay people are going to Hell. It gave me a good
laugh before I threw it away.
43. Gray Says:
February 18th, 2008 at 9:33 pm

I am a christian and I think people that think D&D and video game are evil are a
bit over the top.

I play Magic. And people think that is evil.

A friend that plays D&D would think getting into a coven would interfere with his
D&D time

I mean really. D&D isnt a cult its a game, and people sometimes take any game
to far. Like WOW, some people get too into it. It takes a certain type of person to
get that messed up in the head. Which even without a game some people would
turn into serial killers.

If D&D makes you a spell casting witch, then GTA makes you run over
pedestrians. Which I havent yet, and I played lots of GTA.
44. Niles Says:
February 19th, 2008 at 5:24 pm

That last page of the tract is proof of how biblethumpers solve their problems
with society: they think the only solution to a problem (in this case D&D) is to
destroy it.
45. Kristen Says:
March 1st, 2008 at 5:53 pm

This is too funny! Well Im playing D&D tonight so Ill have to see if I can cast
spells afterwards. WOOO!
46. Richard M. Says:
March 17th, 2008 at 6:03 pm

It is because of people like Jack Chick and most closed minded people, not
necessarily Christians, that give Christianity, or any other religion for that matter
a bad name. I have known plenty of Christians that play various RPGs and listen
to rock music and still are secure in their faith.

I myself have been playing D&D for over 20 years, and not once did I think that i
could cast a spell from the game, or make me want to kill myself when a
character died.

If anything these games help people with math, social interaction, the importance
of being a team player, and it also helps develop their imagination.

Me personally I would rather have my kids sitting around a table playing a game,
than saygoing out and doing drugs, drinking beer. I dont know maybe it is me.
47. Thigh slimming exercises. Says:
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:33 pm

Dress slimming.

Slimming world. Slimming hairstyles. Okinawan slimming tea.

48. Almight Jimbob Says:
April 26th, 2008 at 6:08 pm

When I first read a Chick tract, I laughed. I mean, who could really be that
thoroughly ignorant? But then I realised that it wasnt funnt.I actually found it
profoundly scary, that any person could hold those beliefs. I do not think he, or
any fundamentalist, should be laughed at (Although it is a hell of a lot of fun to
do so), I think they should be pitied. This is because they will never see, or
experience, the world as it is, in all its splendour, or actually have any knowledge
of worth at all.
Also, almost the entire set of so called Christian fundamentalist beliefs have
ABSOLUTELY BUGGER ALL TO DO WITH CHRISTIANITY!!!! They are about as
much in keeping as Loving thy neighbour as the Inquisition. So, lets get belief
smashing!! (Note- this is a spur of the moment sort of thing, ispired by the
virulent hatred that I feel against extremism of all kinds, so is likely to ramble a
bit. I am not anti religion I am an agnostic I just hate people taking ideals
this far:Nazism, Communism, fanatacismthe list goes on) Note: I am English
(Actually Quarter Scottish, an Eigth Irish, and five eigths english, but you know
what I mean), so spellings will be the (proper) English ones.
The Old Testament, very much a Smity (Smitie?anyhoo, some adverb
originating from smite) book, is relied upon heavily, allowing these people to talk
about death, destruction, hell(well, not exactly more on that later) etc. to their
hearts content, while ignoring the far more passive, and in theory, relevant, texts
of the New Testament. The whole point of the New Testament is to succeed, and
replace, the Old Testament. Afterall, the Old Testament is simply a history of a
people, containing justifications for certain acts that were, quite frankly,
unjustifiable.
In fact, Chick, and all fundamentalists, completely roll over all of Jesus Love thy
neighbour teachings, in effect making them follow a code of laws and teachings
established to govern over a fractured nomadic society, and not a settled,
farming, metropolitan society, as we live in today (No offence to Jews at all
seriously, every religion in the world can be traced back to this sort of beginning.
For example, Christianity started as a way for a subjugated people to live good
lives, and then became a method of control once Rome became involved
AAANYWAY.), and as such, are not Christians, for is not Jesus God, and is not
the word of God law to these people??
They also pick and choose laws in he bible to suit their twisted beleifs. Take, once
more, Love thy neighbour as you love yourself (Sorry, but I am in the middle
of revising for an RE GCSE, and am sick to death of quotes from the bible. In fact
this is quite good practice). This quotation implies an absolute unswerving
unconditional love, or at least a healthy respect, for all. However, not for the
Fundies. The take it as Love thy neighbour, but not if he is a scientist, gay,
believes in evolution, the big bang, science, other life in the universe, plays D+D,
is a Jew, a Muslim, a Catholic, a Hindu, a Sikh, a Buddhist, or anyother religion,
reads Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or anyother fantasy book, or is not a
complete paranoid, sociopathic, vitriolic, credulous, rank tuft of rectal pubic hair
like yourself. And even then, they ignore Jesus he says that you must love
your enemies (Yet again, I cant be bothered to quote), yet these people reserve
a special kind of hatred for these people. And yet, when , in the Old Testament,
God says that being gay is wrong,(A rule invented so that the tribe would not
collapse internally through a lack of children) they take it as absolutely
immoveable.
Finally, because it is getting late, they make hell seem like a central part of the
Christian Faith. It is not it was invented during the middle ages or dark ages
after Christian Missionaries say the burning refuse outside of Jerusalem, and the
Church saw it as another method of control. Even then, they bypass the New
Testament. No, wait, the make Jesus seem IRRELEVANT!!!!!!!!
Jesus came down to Earth in order that man should be cuured of his sins, and let
into heaven. He did not come to say Haha! Fools! Repent or ye will burn!!!. He
came to give a second chance,an idea inherent in the earlier sections of the New
Testament. Going to hell for playing a board game is not a second chance. Not by
a long shot, Mr Chick. The idea is that you will go to heaven if you are genuinely
sorry for your sins, not if you turn to God as late as possible. Much of the waffle
surrounding hell and judgement day originates from, once again, after Jesus
time, and is all to do with control. What better way to rob people blind with
indulgences and collections that telling them they will go to hell if they dont
pay, or to make them pay to have their sins forgiven.

Now I cant be arsed to finish this, but, as you can hopefully see, the whle set of
fundamentalist beliefs is wrong and corrupted, as any reasonable person can see.
Hell, Im 15, imagine what a 50 year old professor or doctor of Philosophy and
theology could do!!!

Until the next rant,

Almighty Jimbob
49. song texts Says:
May 7th, 2008 at 4:48 am

song texts

Well, not at all! Its just amazing place.

50. DimitriX Says:
May 14th, 2008 at 5:44 pm

The sad part is that Im old enough to remember when this came out. I was
playing DnD when I was 10 years old (surprising when you consider that the
books were written for college students). I and my family were also a practicing
Catholics. After my stupid parents read this Chick comic that my stupid
grandparents gave them, I spent a lot of time trying to explain the game and why
I liked it. In fact, I think it took years before my parents would come around and
I dont think my grandparents ever did.

So, I have to say the Chick comics do a lot of real damage. Its hateful
propaganda that has little to no basis in fact and its designed to make a certain
segment of society feel superior to everyone and everything that they dont
understand.

PS: Im sure TSR was very happy when church groups bought hundreds of dollars
of books just to burn. Probably kept them out of bankruptcy for years.
 51. MishaSays:
June 13th, 2008 at 8:19 am

Awesome review. =D
I am a Wiccan, and active rpg player. And yet I pity Jack Chick.
Poor things mind is too full of idiocy and false data that he cant even research
topics, use common sense, or for that matter even think like a human being.

I am totally playing D&D tomorrow maybe I will get the real power to knock
some sense into this pathetic example of man kind!

Hehe, but the horrible art did make me giggle quite a bit. <3
52. Chinchilla Says:
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:02 am

Good work, I love what you are doing; John Chick really needs a brain in his
head. I think I will play Pokemon Diamond.
53. Shadoboy Says:
July 24th, 2008 at 3:07 am

Next week on Jack Chicks comics:

Little Timmy always took a dump when his evil digestive system told him to, but
Lil Susy shows him only Jesus can get rid of the crap inside you.
54. anonymous Says:
August 25th, 2008 at 7:30 am

yep, all people listen to satanic rock music like Creed, those who dont listen to
Underoath, others listen to Flyleaf, others listen to Stryper, what about black
metal, satan music like Horde?
55. kushite Says:
October 10th, 2008 at 8:44 am

I sympathize with jack. I really do. When you believe in magic and spirits and
such, and a there is a game with a heavy dose of such content, id go nuts too.
But then again, i think the real problem is the jack mentality, which is probably
the mental disease poor little debbie suffers from. These people just arent
exposed enough to the world to know whats real and whats not. Theyve lived
theyre life in a shell, either self made or outwardly imposed. Such people just
cannot handle the difficulties of life without going to extreme measures.
56. Fenris Says:
October 15th, 2008 at 10:58 pm

A fascinating chain of events. Consider

Debbie starts playing DnD. Mike follows up by praying and not eating.
Marcie commits suicide, triggering Debbie to seek out Mike.

If Marcie had not died, Debbie would continue playing DnD.

THEREFOREMike murdered innocent Marcie.

Wait does Jack actually use this killer as a good example?

57. Anonymous Says:
October 16th, 2008 at 10:01 pm

I and my family were also a practicing Catholics. After my stupid parents read
this Chick comic that my stupid grandparents gave them, I spent a lot of time
trying to explain the game and why I liked it. In fact, I think it took years before
my parents would come around and I dont think my grandparents ever did.

Well I notice you say theyre Catholics. Easy way to convince a Catholic not to
take Jack Chick seriously: Point out what things Jack Chick claims about
Catholicism, namely:
1) All Catholics are going to hell.
2) The Vatican has a big computer that has the name of every Protestant church
member in the world, which theyll use at some future point to track them down
and persecute them.
3) The pope is the Antichrist.
58. med Says:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:49 pm

He just seems like a crazy puritan to me.

59. Annie Moose Says:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:09 pm

Oh wow see, people like that freak give the rest of Christians a bad name. Im a
Christian, Ill even admit Im a devout, fundamentalist Christian, but Ive got a
brain, too. And I can see quite easily that rolling chunks of plastic and scribbling
things down on pieces of paper will *not* force you head over heels into the
occult where, of course, you will learn to cast magical spells and go to Hell, yadda
yadda yadda. And you know what? Some people even have FIGURINES, and
they- wait for it- LIVE NORMAL LIVES!

Sorry, but people like this make me furious. Why do people consider Christians
(fundamentalist ones, especially) close-minded and foolish? Because of idiots like
Chick who only want to scream their views without considering the obvious. I
dont play D&D, but I have absolutely nothing against it. Sure, we can argue over
whether or not a Christian should play a game with deities, blah blah blah. But
the fundamental game is not evil and will not drag you down to Hell. Good grief!
60. Chris Says:
November 14th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
WOW, I just spent 30 minutes laughing at every panel and comment on this
whole page. Im also a Christian who plays D&D and enjoys it very much. The
meeting I go to consist of:

1. Me and my closest friends sitting around a table in my basment.

2. We constantly laugh and make fun of the game as well as each other.
3. We eat pizzas from Wal-Mart.
4. We drink sweat tea.
5. We have fun.
7. We leave.

Never once has any occult anything happened.

My character is a Dwarven cleric who, through manipulation and plotting, has
actually become the main villain of the party Im in they just dont know it yet
and is planning on starting a world war to use the confusion to become hextors
avatar. According to this nut job who hates D&D because he never had any
friends to play with, Im long over due to blow my friends away with a shoot gun
and go die in the snow.
61. Jonny Says:
January 1st, 2009 at 11:34 pm

This is biggest load of bullshit I have ever seen. Thats just great you dont like it
and think its the devils work. So Is cars food love and every thing in the damn
world. most of all the internet from alot of culters. So if your going to start off on
the devils work maybe you should go with them all. I dont know what kind of
games you seen of D&D but my fucking god I play every friday night with my
buddies in the military we die offten but what the fuck we just get another sheet
and make another. Not go off and hang our selves like people did way back in the
80s. Its the 21st century, people have gotten over it so get off your soap box
and quit giveing relidgion and someone elses from of entertainment a bad name.
and waste your damn time on somthing else like helping the needy reather then
doom say things becuse it has the words magic and myhtical things. whats next
tell us all that free thinking is the path to sin oh wait you all already do. Take you
god damned book and shove it up your ass. Now find something that really needs
your attention like maybe ending doom saying upon others choice in religion and
beliefs and look past the things that are evil to you. oh wait thats blood
impossible because you doomed every thing that is not what your book tells you
to do or you miss evaluate things that are different or confusing to you. so if you
dont mind shut your damn mouth and grow up move on then maybe think for a
damned second about the world today rather then 19-20 years ago.
62. PS Says:
February 17th, 2009 at 8:31 pm

Jack Chick is obviously the Anti-Christ. He is atempting to turn the world agianst
chistianity. With any luck, it will have a similar effect to attacking the darkness.
 63. Ghost|BOFH Says:
February 21st, 2009 at 12:27 pm

Okay, that does it. First of all, Im a pagan. Second of all, I used to play D&D.
And Shadowrun. And Champions Hero System. And GURPS. And Gammaworld
(remember that great one?), and a crap ton of other RPGs. Am I evil? Well, its
possible I suppose. I cant really judge myself, lest I become arrogant and self-
righteous, which is in and of itself, evil.

But I can say that I have a higher than average IQ (169) and I did find RPGs to
be mentally stimulating and challenging to a point eventually I had to become a
GM just so I could work and interact with even more plots, ideas, storylines, etc
to keep my mind sharp and active.

But this? This settles it. Im going to start playing D&D on Sundays, just to piss
off the extremist Christians. Ill even say its my church time to really get their
goat.

Anyone who doesnt like it? Well, I AM a paganso that means I know all those
evil spells they best back the hell off.

Cheers,
Ghost|BOFH
64. Jon Says:
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:46 am

Heh, Im a Christian that used to love D&D, and I found this humerous and dumb.

Ill first start by saying, yes, there are occultic characteristics to D&D and similar
games, for that I caution people, know yourself, dont play something that is
going to cause you to sin.

Beyond that, D&D is a fun game, it is only as involving as you let it be. Most
people are fully capa