Maria Delacruz

Revision Summary
The first draft of my paper included many grammatical errors. After doing the peer re-
view, I received a lot of feedback from my peers that helped to give me insight of what I needed
to fix. They saw many errors that I wasnt aware I had made. There were many sentences that
needed to be written again because they didnt make sense. In the first draft the different sections
were not labeled and I think it made the analysis sound weird since each section is about some-
thing different. By labeling them, the reader might now understand that each section has a dif-
ferent topic and contains different ideas. In the first draft I hadnt included the two direct quotes
and two paraphrases from two different authors included, so I included them in the second draft.
There were a lot of filler words used in the first draft; therefore, when I went back and fixed the
grammar errors I also tried to take out a lot of the filler words and replace them with words that
would instead help to support my claims. I found the hardest part in revising the first draft was
figuring out where to put the quotes and paraphrases. As I read I also tried my best to fix any
sentence errors that I encountered. It was also very hard for me to come up with a title as I didn't
know how to combine all three parts into a couple words. Being detailed in the different wasnt
as challenging as it normally is because there was a lot of information that I could use for each
part. Overall after revising my paper I feel as if it improved a lot, but after receiving feedback
from the professor and applying that feedback it will improve more in my third draft.
Maria Delacruz
Professor Doutherd
English 5M
10/18/17
Conventions Found Within Nursing
When writing, authors always refer to the situation at hand as inspiration for their piece.
Throughout this analysis the two texts that will be discussed were both written based on very dif-
ferent situations. The first text refers to my experience while volunteering at a hospital while the
second text explains in detail how nurses are taught to write throughout their education. Both
texts offer the different insight and explain in detail what prompted the authors to write about
those certain situations.
Part 1
At the end of my senior year one of the assignments was to write a descriptive paper to
inform my teacher and other students in my class about my experience during the time I volun-
teered at the hospital. In the Rhetorical Analysis and Nursing Writing Conventions section of the
CSUS Handbook it states that the,purpose in writing is the aim the author wants the audience to
understand. It allows the reader to gain new knowledge and enlightenment on the particular top-
ic. The purpose of the paper is to explain in detail what my daily activities included and what I
learned over the duration of my volunteer time at Sutter Roseville Medical Center. It also guides
future students by giving them insight of what active volunteering is really about in a very busy,
critical, and professional environment. Future regional occupational program candidates can use
this paper as a reference to what should be expected and what is required during the course of the
program throughout the year. It may help ease some of the worries they may have as they enter
this program about hands on learning experience in the hospital setting and as they learn to work
caring for very sick men and women. My first and biggest challenge working in the medical field
was having to learn and being compliant with the bylaws of HIPPA, which stands for Health In-
surance Portability and Accountability Act. This challenge stood out throughout my paper for the
reason that it restricted me from sharing detailed information about the patients I cared for. An-
other challenge that restricted my writing was the medical terminology used in the medical
world. When talking to hospital personnel, it is critical to use the proper terminology. This en-
sures proper care and proper documentation of the patients condition. While writing, not every-
one in the audience understands medical terminology; therefore, I had to explain terminology as
I used it to ensure the audience was aware of what I was referring to. The text was not only
meant for my teacher and classmates, but to future students and parents as well. The parents are
often worried that their children might see something gruesome, but I hoped they would under-
stand that experiencing new things only enhances their children learning experience and intrigues
them more. I wanted my teacher to understand what I gained from my experience and how much
knowledge I acquired throughout the course of the program. I wanted the students to see this pa-
per as advice as well as information that they would be able to use when deciding whether they
wanted to take the course or not. Not only did writing this paper teach me how much I knew
about the program, but it also gave me the chance to explain my experiences to others. I attempt-
ed to learn how to write in a way which would not only pertain to a classroom setting, but to a
professional setting as well.
Part 2
Writing as a nursing major holds many expectations that one must follow. The different
types of nursing degrees also have different standards to meet. Being an associate's degree nurse
requires the nurse to write clearly and concisely and consists mainly of charting patient informa-
tion. They have to make sure on every document that everything is correct to avoid problems
from arising later on due to mistakes. As a bachelor degree nurse, it is required that one partici-
pate in nursing research along with documenting patient information. The nurses that hold higher
level positions are required to participate in multiple writing activities that benefit the organiza-
tion they work. Charting or documentation is a vital task in which nurses participate in as they
use these records to decide how they should proceed with their patients care. There are also dif-
ferent types of charting that nurses have to perform. Not only does this task help patients, but all
the different types of charting serve to protect hospitals from legal issues. Everything that is done
for and to the patient has a record. This is why it is so important for nurses to be clear in their
writing. Being clear and thorough in their charting, evaluations, and even their research is the
most important thing that any nurse must do. Following the correct style of writing assures the
nurse of what they are trying say is being interpreted the correctly and the readers understand
exactly what is being said. Nurses generally do not write in a personal style, instead maintaining
a professional tone as they are taught to write using medical terminology. When writing papers
as a medical professional it is required to write in APA format instead of MLA. The main differ-
ences between these two format are found in how each is formatted. Other medical personnel
such as nurses and doctors will be reading the nurses work, so by maintaining their professional
tone, they will understand what is being said.

Part 3
At the beginning of this paper, the text that was mentioned was not written by a nurse. It
was instead written by a student who one day aspires to be a nurse. The first text was not good
enough to turn into a nursing professor for many reasons. Dr. Kelly states in the CSUS handbook
that it is important for students to write in a scholarly manner because they need to be able to ev-
idently express their ideas in a brief way. (par. 36) The paper was not written in a scholarly
manner but instead was very informal and was not formatted correctly. While it did uphold parts
of the styles that nurses use and it could pertain to a medical audience, the informality of the pa-
per withholds it from reaching its full potential. When writing formal papers within the medical
field, it is required they are written using APA format rather than MLA format. Maintaining a
professional tone while being articulate throughout one's writing will allow the author to grow
and learn to write as a nurse. In Wardles article, she uses Wengers example that, new workers
must find ways to engage in the work other community members do, including the writing they
do;(Wardle. 289) thus, emphasizing the importance of adapting to the APA format. Wardle also
states that how new employees understand the writing styles expected of them impacts how their
co workers respond to them. (Wardle 290) While giving patient reports to other medical profes-
sionals, less is not more. During reports it is crucial to the patient's care to be as complete and
factual as possible. Every little detail matters in providing patient care. Missing even one minor
detail can create a big impact on a patients care.